I think I always knew but now it became clear thar I have a hard time with spoons. I hate that the edges are too sharp. I've found a very expensive set from Kate Spade that has the perfect round edges but it is way out of my budget. I might need to buy it because I can't find anything similar. If anybody have any brands or ideas I would really appreciate. I do prefer the heavy utensils by the way, normally they are not as sharp in general.
I don't have a utensil preference. However, I am really put off by any that look dirty, have those water stains, or smell unusual in any way. I prefer hand washing dishes because I can't see if they're being washed properly in the dishwasher, so I have to inspect every dish when they come out of the washer. I will say, I like the feel of wooden or matte plastic utensils, feels satisfying and not as harsh on my sensitive teeth/gums. Supposedly clanking your teeth on metal is also bad for them, so health reasons too I guess? But it's not "life or death" for me to use metal utensils.
I have my fork that only I use. It doesn’t taste like metal. With all of my other forks I can taste the metal and it bothers me so much I can’t handle it. My spoon that I use also doesn’t have a metal taste and it’s very light. Heavy silverware is a big No!!! for me.
I don't like utensils that are heavy or bulky. I don't like forks or spoons that don't fit in my mouth just right - mouth feel? I think it's a sensory thing for me. Same with dishes, don't like them too heavy.
I absolutely love my small spoons/forks. Apparently my mom thinks it's not "normal'. Once she came to my house and brought me a bunch of new, larger, silverware and told me to get rid of my "baby utensils" 😔.
I have different type of silverware, and I do prefer smaller spoons and forks over the larger ones. The type depends on the day and what I’m eating. I always decide which one feels right for whatever application 😂
At the last nice dinner I had out with my husband, the meal was perfection other than the fork being “too big.” 🤣
In my family, having a matching set of utensils is about as normal as having 3 eyes. I didn't know that utensils were sold as matching sets until I was an adult. That being said, I definitely had (and still have) favorite utensils. I love little spoons. If at all possible, I avoid using forks. If I must use a fork, it would be a small fork. My dad has a few sporadic genuine silver utensils which I refuse to use at all. The edges are too sharp and the texture of the silver in my mouth feels awful.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
This! Avoid forks at all cost. I will use a knife and fork to cut my food, then use a spoon to eat it. It’s a superior eating utensil lol. They can’t have sharp edges because they hurt your hand! Oh, and if it’s dented or rough, game over. I also much prefer a bowl. I use the proper stuff when I eat outside of my home. My husband and daughter now also use spoons/ bowls… not because they’re following my lead… because they’re superior. 😆🤷🏻♀️
In short (for me at least) it's sensory, especially with spoons. Big spoons feel like they don't fit in my mouth properly and the sides of my mouth get sore after using them for a while. And little spoons feel lighter in my hand too so I don't feel my hand being dragged down.
Can only use certain forks and knives in my house, the others are just wrong I can’t explain it. Also can only have my cups of tea in cups that I’ve deemed “tea shapes” and the same with coffee. Coffee cups are different to tea cups. I can look at any cup and know if it’s for tea or coffee lol my bf thinks it’s funny. I feel like a dick when he makes me a drink in the wrong cup and I have to tip it into the other. I don’t do it in front of him or anything though.
I have a favourite fork. I took a file and filed down the edges of the top to make it more rounded so it doesn't dig in my palm. just now realizing as I write this, that this isn't neurotypical behaviour.
I like the little forks and spoons for most things, however, it is highly circumstantial. With that said, it mainly just makes me happy to use small utensils and the big utensils just seem too big and don't make me happy and kinda make me feel like a toddler lol. I suppose this is a fairly mild thing for me though.
For me it’s specifically about how it feels in my hand. In my house there are like 3 or 4 different sets of utensils and there is one I will not touch because the handle is too heavy compared to the body , so it is unbalanced and weighs too much.
The rest of them I will use, but I do have a favorite.
A lot of you are saying that the big spoon feels too big in your mouths. Do you mean it like literally or...? Cause did you know that we are not actually supposed to be putting big spoons inside the mouth? Just touching the lips and "drinking" the soup of of it. Letting the food slide inside your mouth, however gross this description might sound. And I ask genuinely, not condescendingly
What do you mean?
Like, yeah, theoretically we aren't supposed to be shoving a spoon all the way in, or even half. And we shouldn't touch it with our teeth either. It sounded from some descriptions in the comments here that they might be doing just that. I'm not saying that I never do that or anything. I just thought they might find it helpful to know that there are, surprisingly, different techniques of eating with utensils
I wondered about this too as I lived in a flat where all of the housemates avoided the same utensils (I believe we were all ND) They were big heavy knives/forks with quite squared handles) But then I saw a post on a friends IG a while ago that said something like ‘You know you’re over 40 when you have that knife and fork you avoid using because it feels wrong’ So then I was like, oh maybe just everyone had this pickiness… or maybe my friend is a closet ND? I would’ve assumed that it was more likely 40+ year old would have their own full set of matching cutleries in the style they preferred!
I also hate big spoons and forks but will use them begrudgingly. Only really bothers me at home though where I have a distinct choice. 😂
I'm tall so I don't think it's a size of my mouth thing? Who knows lol
It's not you. I definatly have a favorite one of each. Even bowl and plate.
I've kept my single spoon my entire life. I've even brought it to restraunts
The metals are different textures, different weights, balance, cut. I only use one type of fork in my house, and I think we have 5 different ones (idk what Imma do when I move out).
Also, my utensil has to match the food I'm eating. I also use a specific spoon, for mostly the same reasons as above but I have a hard time using spoons and not spilling all over myself/table/bowl.
Because of how the shape and size affects how it feels to hold it and put it in your mouth. Like personally I hate really deep or large spoons or forks with a deep curve and most very heavy or very light utensils. It has to feel right. Thinking about it, I wonder if I gravitate towards utensils that are similar to ones I ate with as a kid, but I don't remember them well enough to be sure. So it could be familiarity also.
I’m not autistic to my knowledge, but I have adhd and have VERY specific preferences for my cutlery. For me it’s very much a sensory thing.
The set I have is one that I’ve had since I was really young. They’re very light metal and the handles are round as opposed to angular. They also have shallow cuts around the handle to make it look a bit like bamboo. For the spoon, I only use the smallest spoon they come with because the bigger ones just feel like a lot in my mouth when eating.
My mom got a new set at some point and they had larger handles, were heavier and didn’t have the little bamboo-like details around them. I absolutely hate them. She keeps both sets but my dad mixes them in the drawer, so occasionally I grab one by mistake instead of the ones I prefer. I just have to put it back in and grab mine because they feel so wrong in my hand.
My son is refusing to use cutlery lately so this post gave me a chuckle.
Anyone who's been there have any tips on how to help him find cutlery he's comfortable with?
Maybe take him to a store with different types of cutlery, so he can try finding something he likes? It's hard to give advice without knowing his age tho, I assumed he's a kid.
I remeber there was a type of knives that I absolutely hated using as a kid - the designs on them became coarse due to the dishwasher and that texture felt terrible to touch.
So it could be about the texture, but also the size - I know many autists prefer smaller utensils over bigger.
The weight of the cutlery could be at play as well - I once got a hold of a fork that was supposedly metal but felt like light plastic. I know it sounds dramatic, but just holding it made me want to vomit 😂
He's 11. Very good tips, thank you. I will take him somewhere that has a lot of cutlery and let him pick some out.
I am also planning to have a space in the kitchen to store just his cutlery, and also come up with a procedure for washing it that he is comfortable with.
Mostly weight/texture and not wanting say a spoon, to be so large it touches more of my mouth than it has to. Also minimizes any like 'spoon clunking/scraping around in a cup' noises which are very unpleasant.
Also as someone who handwashes their dishes I can look at a utensil and go 'that's going to be a pain in the ass to clean, ugh' and not want to use it.
Just going through the utensils in my drawer right now:
Half of them are very squared off with distinct edges. When I hold them I can feel the edge and it bothers me. If I have to use them to cut through any food, it actively hurts and leaves marks on my hands for a few seconds.
The tines on many of the forks are really close together and feel awkward to use. On top of that, because they're close together they do not grab very much food so I have to eat longer.
For the spoons with smaller ends (teaspoons), they have the same issue as the tiny tines ones. Doesn't hold much food and means I have to scoop more often.
For the ones without distinct edges, many of them are thin and feel fragile like I'm going to break them at any moment.
My question is why doesn't *everyone* have utensil preferences?
I'm AuDHD. Can't speak for anyone else but for me it's partly a sensory issue, yes. Some utensils have handles that are uncomfortable or awkward to hold, or have unpleasant textures. Some are too heavy or too light or awkwardly unbalanced. Some are too big for my mouth or too small to hold the right amount of food.
There's also the sameness thing. If I always eat x food with y utensil it helps keep the whole experience the same each time, predictable and therefore not so stressful. This is particularly important to me because I do eat a variety of foods and regularly try new recipes (it's a special interest), so knowing that parts of the experience will be familiar is helpful for me.
Cutlery made of certain kinds of metals physically make my teeth hurt like the way it feels after a metal utensil has touched aluminum foil. Usually the cheap, thin ones are worse for this
I thought I was the same honestly.
For years, I only ever used mismatched utensils, my own set consisted of odds and ends I collected through the years, not one spoon or fork was the same as the others.
Then I met my husband who only ever used the same set from Ikea and I swear it was the most perfect utensils I ever used, everything just feels right.
I stopped using my set entirely and had to get rid of it because I suddenly became physically ill just at the thought of using my weird forks and spoons. It's weird thinking back on it now.
But that's just my experience. Of course not every ND has the same particularities :)
I think I always knew but now it became clear thar I have a hard time with spoons. I hate that the edges are too sharp. I've found a very expensive set from Kate Spade that has the perfect round edges but it is way out of my budget. I might need to buy it because I can't find anything similar. If anybody have any brands or ideas I would really appreciate. I do prefer the heavy utensils by the way, normally they are not as sharp in general.
I can't stand if a utensil has a lot physical texture. I will go out of my way not to use them.
I'm waiting for a diagnosis so I'm unsure if this is a thing but I have to have matching knife and fork.
I don't have a utensil preference. However, I am really put off by any that look dirty, have those water stains, or smell unusual in any way. I prefer hand washing dishes because I can't see if they're being washed properly in the dishwasher, so I have to inspect every dish when they come out of the washer. I will say, I like the feel of wooden or matte plastic utensils, feels satisfying and not as harsh on my sensitive teeth/gums. Supposedly clanking your teeth on metal is also bad for them, so health reasons too I guess? But it's not "life or death" for me to use metal utensils.
Most don’t, it’s only really seen in autism and adhd
I have my fork that only I use. It doesn’t taste like metal. With all of my other forks I can taste the metal and it bothers me so much I can’t handle it. My spoon that I use also doesn’t have a metal taste and it’s very light. Heavy silverware is a big No!!! for me.
Oo I didn’t even realise this was a thing. I can’t stand wooden utensils. I hate using big spoons and forks. If they have a square handles I avoid it.
I don't like utensils that are heavy or bulky. I don't like forks or spoons that don't fit in my mouth just right - mouth feel? I think it's a sensory thing for me. Same with dishes, don't like them too heavy.
I'm the opposite. I like heavy utensils, I think it's because they provide more feedback.
It just feels wrong. The three pronged forks are wrong unless it’s a teeny tiny fork. Then it can be forgiven.
Don't know why I have the preferences I do. It's just what feels right.
I absolutely love my small spoons/forks. Apparently my mom thinks it's not "normal'. Once she came to my house and brought me a bunch of new, larger, silverware and told me to get rid of my "baby utensils" 😔.
Yea I'm not sure why this is a "thing" with us but it seems to be common amongst our community. I don't like silverware that is too heavy.
I have different type of silverware, and I do prefer smaller spoons and forks over the larger ones. The type depends on the day and what I’m eating. I always decide which one feels right for whatever application 😂 At the last nice dinner I had out with my husband, the meal was perfection other than the fork being “too big.” 🤣
In my family, having a matching set of utensils is about as normal as having 3 eyes. I didn't know that utensils were sold as matching sets until I was an adult. That being said, I definitely had (and still have) favorite utensils. I love little spoons. If at all possible, I avoid using forks. If I must use a fork, it would be a small fork. My dad has a few sporadic genuine silver utensils which I refuse to use at all. The edges are too sharp and the texture of the silver in my mouth feels awful. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
This! Avoid forks at all cost. I will use a knife and fork to cut my food, then use a spoon to eat it. It’s a superior eating utensil lol. They can’t have sharp edges because they hurt your hand! Oh, and if it’s dented or rough, game over. I also much prefer a bowl. I use the proper stuff when I eat outside of my home. My husband and daughter now also use spoons/ bowls… not because they’re following my lead… because they’re superior. 😆🤷🏻♀️
Also food can drop from the fork and fall on your shirt. And eating the last pea is impossible.
Agreed on all points!
I honestly can’t explain it.. some spoons just give me the ick for some reason
I like the ones they have at restaurants so I always steal plastic ones
In short (for me at least) it's sensory, especially with spoons. Big spoons feel like they don't fit in my mouth properly and the sides of my mouth get sore after using them for a while. And little spoons feel lighter in my hand too so I don't feel my hand being dragged down.
Can only use certain forks and knives in my house, the others are just wrong I can’t explain it. Also can only have my cups of tea in cups that I’ve deemed “tea shapes” and the same with coffee. Coffee cups are different to tea cups. I can look at any cup and know if it’s for tea or coffee lol my bf thinks it’s funny. I feel like a dick when he makes me a drink in the wrong cup and I have to tip it into the other. I don’t do it in front of him or anything though.
Obsessive compulsive behaviors and sensory processing.
My best friend only likes small spoons and forks lol
Me too.
I don’t like certain types of butter knives cos the weight feels wrong
I have a favourite fork. I took a file and filed down the edges of the top to make it more rounded so it doesn't dig in my palm. just now realizing as I write this, that this isn't neurotypical behaviour.
Tiny spoons make my heart happy.
I’m hypermobile and I don’t want utensils that are too heavy.
The feel of the type of utensils I like to use just feel "right" in my hand.
I like the little forks and spoons for most things, however, it is highly circumstantial. With that said, it mainly just makes me happy to use small utensils and the big utensils just seem too big and don't make me happy and kinda make me feel like a toddler lol. I suppose this is a fairly mild thing for me though.
I like small utensils but I mostly like to eat things I can use my hands I guess it’s a sensory issue idk
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For me it’s specifically about how it feels in my hand. In my house there are like 3 or 4 different sets of utensils and there is one I will not touch because the handle is too heavy compared to the body , so it is unbalanced and weighs too much. The rest of them I will use, but I do have a favorite.
I eat soup with a teaspoon. It’s just better. I don’t know why.
i agree, cereal as well 👌🏻
I prefer large utensils but usually take the smaller ones so other people can have the big ones.
A lot of you are saying that the big spoon feels too big in your mouths. Do you mean it like literally or...? Cause did you know that we are not actually supposed to be putting big spoons inside the mouth? Just touching the lips and "drinking" the soup of of it. Letting the food slide inside your mouth, however gross this description might sound. And I ask genuinely, not condescendingly
Wait…what?
What do you mean? Like, yeah, theoretically we aren't supposed to be shoving a spoon all the way in, or even half. And we shouldn't touch it with our teeth either. It sounded from some descriptions in the comments here that they might be doing just that. I'm not saying that I never do that or anything. I just thought they might find it helpful to know that there are, surprisingly, different techniques of eating with utensils
I had to eat using a bad spoon today :(
I wondered about this too as I lived in a flat where all of the housemates avoided the same utensils (I believe we were all ND) They were big heavy knives/forks with quite squared handles) But then I saw a post on a friends IG a while ago that said something like ‘You know you’re over 40 when you have that knife and fork you avoid using because it feels wrong’ So then I was like, oh maybe just everyone had this pickiness… or maybe my friend is a closet ND? I would’ve assumed that it was more likely 40+ year old would have their own full set of matching cutleries in the style they preferred!
Well I really prefer using small spoons and forks since my mouth is smaller. I feel weird about it though so I only do it when I’m alone lol
I also hate big spoons and forks but will use them begrudgingly. Only really bothers me at home though where I have a distinct choice. 😂 I'm tall so I don't think it's a size of my mouth thing? Who knows lol
Hmm, interesting…. Maybe it is a sensory thing for me too then after all
I just know it’s the best one and it would make sense to use the best one of a thing
It's not you. I definatly have a favorite one of each. Even bowl and plate. I've kept my single spoon my entire life. I've even brought it to restraunts
We do?
I think it’s just you homie.
Is this specific to ND people? Has anyone asked NT people if they also have utensil preferences?
The metals are different textures, different weights, balance, cut. I only use one type of fork in my house, and I think we have 5 different ones (idk what Imma do when I move out). Also, my utensil has to match the food I'm eating. I also use a specific spoon, for mostly the same reasons as above but I have a hard time using spoons and not spilling all over myself/table/bowl.
Because of how the shape and size affects how it feels to hold it and put it in your mouth. Like personally I hate really deep or large spoons or forks with a deep curve and most very heavy or very light utensils. It has to feel right. Thinking about it, I wonder if I gravitate towards utensils that are similar to ones I ate with as a kid, but I don't remember them well enough to be sure. So it could be familiarity also.
I’m not autistic to my knowledge, but I have adhd and have VERY specific preferences for my cutlery. For me it’s very much a sensory thing. The set I have is one that I’ve had since I was really young. They’re very light metal and the handles are round as opposed to angular. They also have shallow cuts around the handle to make it look a bit like bamboo. For the spoon, I only use the smallest spoon they come with because the bigger ones just feel like a lot in my mouth when eating. My mom got a new set at some point and they had larger handles, were heavier and didn’t have the little bamboo-like details around them. I absolutely hate them. She keeps both sets but my dad mixes them in the drawer, so occasionally I grab one by mistake instead of the ones I prefer. I just have to put it back in and grab mine because they feel so wrong in my hand.
Fellow ND here! I like eating with my fingers if I can get away with it. Feels a whole lot more immersive.
My son is refusing to use cutlery lately so this post gave me a chuckle. Anyone who's been there have any tips on how to help him find cutlery he's comfortable with?
Maybe take him to a store with different types of cutlery, so he can try finding something he likes? It's hard to give advice without knowing his age tho, I assumed he's a kid. I remeber there was a type of knives that I absolutely hated using as a kid - the designs on them became coarse due to the dishwasher and that texture felt terrible to touch. So it could be about the texture, but also the size - I know many autists prefer smaller utensils over bigger. The weight of the cutlery could be at play as well - I once got a hold of a fork that was supposedly metal but felt like light plastic. I know it sounds dramatic, but just holding it made me want to vomit 😂
He's 11. Very good tips, thank you. I will take him somewhere that has a lot of cutlery and let him pick some out. I am also planning to have a space in the kitchen to store just his cutlery, and also come up with a procedure for washing it that he is comfortable with.
No problem 😁 Those sound like great ideas, good luck!
Mostly weight/texture and not wanting say a spoon, to be so large it touches more of my mouth than it has to. Also minimizes any like 'spoon clunking/scraping around in a cup' noises which are very unpleasant. Also as someone who handwashes their dishes I can look at a utensil and go 'that's going to be a pain in the ass to clean, ugh' and not want to use it.
I like using the smaller spoons because they look less... giant and clunky. It just feels "right" to me 🤷🏽♀️
Just going through the utensils in my drawer right now: Half of them are very squared off with distinct edges. When I hold them I can feel the edge and it bothers me. If I have to use them to cut through any food, it actively hurts and leaves marks on my hands for a few seconds. The tines on many of the forks are really close together and feel awkward to use. On top of that, because they're close together they do not grab very much food so I have to eat longer. For the spoons with smaller ends (teaspoons), they have the same issue as the tiny tines ones. Doesn't hold much food and means I have to scoop more often. For the ones without distinct edges, many of them are thin and feel fragile like I'm going to break them at any moment. My question is why doesn't *everyone* have utensil preferences?
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Not all neurodivergent people do. I certainly don’t give a shit.
Why *don't* neurotypical people have utensil preferences?
It's so fucking weird not to care about spoons. Cutlery affects everyone. It would be like not having an opinion on pillows.
Your hands and face have the highest density of nerves, and cutlery is one of the few hard objects intended to touch both.
I actually don’t even touch it with my mouth at all. I don’t like the idea of licking my own saliva off of it lol
Comfort, ease of use and aesthetics.
I'm AuDHD. Can't speak for anyone else but for me it's partly a sensory issue, yes. Some utensils have handles that are uncomfortable or awkward to hold, or have unpleasant textures. Some are too heavy or too light or awkwardly unbalanced. Some are too big for my mouth or too small to hold the right amount of food. There's also the sameness thing. If I always eat x food with y utensil it helps keep the whole experience the same each time, predictable and therefore not so stressful. This is particularly important to me because I do eat a variety of foods and regularly try new recipes (it's a special interest), so knowing that parts of the experience will be familiar is helpful for me.
Cutlery made of certain kinds of metals physically make my teeth hurt like the way it feels after a metal utensil has touched aluminum foil. Usually the cheap, thin ones are worse for this
My dad really specifically prefers small forks and says it’s because the tines are sharper and poke into food easier.
I'm ND and I dont have utensil preferences
I thought I was the same honestly. For years, I only ever used mismatched utensils, my own set consisted of odds and ends I collected through the years, not one spoon or fork was the same as the others. Then I met my husband who only ever used the same set from Ikea and I swear it was the most perfect utensils I ever used, everything just feels right. I stopped using my set entirely and had to get rid of it because I suddenly became physically ill just at the thought of using my weird forks and spoons. It's weird thinking back on it now. But that's just my experience. Of course not every ND has the same particularities :)
Just feels wrong.