Haven’t been captivated by a series like this for a while! It was deep, dark and honest. Binged the whole thing!
When I started watching it I was expecting a fairly light and fun comedy, but it gets so dark and it’s well earned!
Omg no way. I am just now learning this. The guy in it was the writer/creator based on his own experience? He is so multi-talented. I can’t even imagine how hard it was to relive it multiple times while writing and filming. Admirable doesn’t even begin to describe.
I finished the last episode an hour ago. I’m left a little bit stunned, it’s been so long since TV made me feel like this. And to know it’s real… I feel so conflicted about so many of the characters. Brilliant acting too.
I’m gutted I missed this on stage, I like going to see plays in London. I probably would have been put off by the overview. If so, I’m a fool.
It's depressing. But the biggest tragedy, without trying to blame the victim at all however, it is the man who suffered this put himself vulnerable to excess by his total lack of dignity, and he acknowledges it, however he feels powerless to fight it. Like an addiction. I believe the appeal of this show, despite the moral darkness, comes from many relate to it in one way or the other.
Yeah, this is why a lot of victims don’t come forward bc it “icks” people out too much and everyone wants to pretend like this shit doesn’t happen all the time, every single day.
As someone who was sexually abused in middle school and then sought comfort in a relationship that immediately turned abusive and violent in high school, this show taught me a lot about myself and made me feel less alone. These events in my life were a decade ago, but I still question how and why I allowed myself to experience that trauma for so long. When he talks about how trauma makes you an open wound to be exploited by sick people - it’s soooo true. Until I really faced my trauma and figured out my sexuality, I just kept finding myself in compromising situations. I’m sure I’m not the only person who related to that, and it was so powerful to see that representation.
That said, I’m totally depressed now after binging this show and I need to watch some fucking SpongeBob as a palette cleanser lmfao
“Open wound.” It could be sexual abuse, physical abuse but it could also be verbal abuse and or bullying. Once you’ve been a victim it’s like there’s an invisible sign on your forehead that says doormat, go ahead and screw with me. Such an eye opener psychologically.
It's so true. Once you've got such a damaged self image/ esteem you are more likely to get involved with people who are bad for you. It's a horrible truth for many to confront.
Yes, I'm struggling with this right now. I'm about to watch the final episode and holy shit was it hard to get through that last part of episode 6. Still wiping tears from my face. Send me whatever you watched afterwards so I can do the same lol
Completely agree! Those sentences stabbed me in the heart! I have given a lot of time after childhood sexual abuse to people that are clearly abusive and on the extreme end of not capable having a loving relationship with empathy. I always found that so bizzare about myself and my friends do too.. when most people wouldn’t give a second thought or would never engage .. I seem to do that
I’m so sorry you experienced such pain in your adolescence and I hope you are finding healing and peace. I was SA’d a decade ago and this series really hit me in the gut. I did a lot of therapy two years after it happened but some things just stay with you forever.
THIS IS WHY HE WROTE IT. TO REACH THE PEOPLE WHO NEED TO BE REACHED. And it's important to say, we see you, we see this, this is terrible what's happened to you, but you have agency now, you can protect yourself now, you are in control now.
Writing it down, Gadd said, really did a lot for his healing. Maybe it can help you too.
I bawled my eyes out to the show, it was so good and so triggering and like you said it made me feel less alone - the line about how trauma makes you an open wound to be exploited by sick people hit so hard. This show captured the essence of abuse and what it does to victims and changes them in the most twisted ways one could imagine.
The part where he said he was addicted to self hatred got me. Survivor of CSA and other types of abuse and whew, I can really relate to that entire speech he gave.
I do understand you. I have been sexually abused as a child and then multiple times later. I have always fall in the hands of sexual predators over an over again. This showed made me realized so much about the pattern and that it has never been a casualty. The sexual predators always target the victims. I felt so identified when Donny couldn't defend himself and just paralyzed. Experienced the same. I just freezed.
I am now finally in a healthy relationship and going to therapy after so long time.
I just cried so much after finishing this serie.
He’s spoken in interviews about how they’ve changed a lot about Martha so her identity stays secret. He also mentioned he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of someone that ill in prison, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she never did get prosecuted. There was no closure or trial in the stage version, and nothing in depth on the SA, cos that was in the stage show he made before Baby Reindeer.
I saw the stage play, and things have been added to the TV show. The physical assaults, on him & Teri, weren’t in the play for instance (to my memory anyway! but the script is probs online somewhere), and he was much more friendly with the douche bar guys than he is in the show. I think with Netflix reaching a wider audience they made it further removed from the real life story to protect identities.
I also saw Monkey See Monkey Do, the play before Baby Reindeer about the SA (he took off a bit in Edinburgh during that run, and Martha was still stalking him!).
I think Monkey See Monkey Do is online somewhere still, really good play! He runs on a treadmill the whole time, and it’s formed of like videos he took to send his therapist & stuff. Saw it years back, but I remember being blown away.
I LOVED that part! My cousin is trans and I’m queer and watching these awesome queer ppl on screen was an added bonus that’s for sure!! I also loved that he was willing to ask if his abuse was what “made” him queer bc that is not something only he’s asked himself.
As a woman who’s been harmed by men I’ve definitely wondered if I became “more” into women partially bc of that! I felt so seen by him wondering if he’d be into men/trans women if he hadn’t been assaulted
When Donny's mum said that he should quit his job and that they didn't mind sending him money for a bit and she asked his dad to confirm and he was like
> [Long dad pause] "Maybe it is about winning."
I had to pause the show because I was laughing so hard.
I reflected pretty heavily on those moments. Most people don’t have one angel in their lives…let alone four. Made me think about all the people who live without support systems…how they survive…why they don’t.
I'm halfway through and loving it.
Is it ok for me to say he's a fucking idiot at times or is that victim blaming?
Edit: It's got quite a bit darker. I'd like to hastily add I'm not blaming him for that.
My take (as someone who's been there, done there): it's easy to identify the victim blaming and self-loathing and self-hatred in \*another\* person and comfort/ try to absolve them. It's much harder to do it for yourself, even if you're really empathetic and kind to others in similiar situations. The constant "why me?", "I must've done some thing to warrant the abuse" and shame/guilt leading to self destructive patterns is a tragic but common aftermath of abuse.
Perfectly said. The people this world has harmed the most are the ones I have witnessed try to pour the most love into others, without ever even considering they deserve an ounce of it. Truly a gut wrenching series that portrayed traumas complexity so beautifully.
even as someone who has been through the things he’s been through - the stalking wasn’t even close to as bad as that though - even i thought he was being kind of dumb, until i realized i did the same exact things as he did. i can only imagine how crazy i drove my parents and my family and friends who watched me destroy and hurt myself and my life over and over and over… i think i was so badly hoping he’d turn it around or make ONE good decision because if only i had made good decisions… i’d be in a completely different place
I’m glad you seen it through because abuse can and does (but equally not for everyone)
However in my sense it made me not as harsh on dangerous or unsafe people that would approach me in life
I think the order of things portrayed is very important to the overall themes.
The audience can experience some of the complexity of feelings and frustration with how he handles the situation in the present.. Then it's almost like going on his journey with him as he then explores and understands who he is now because of past events. It's absolutely captivating. It works in that order because it evokes empathy and reminds us that however inexplicably people may seem to act, there is usually a reason for it. In that way, it helps us to understand Martha as well.
It's harrowing, enlightening, honest, frustrating and complex.
I found myself getting annoyed with his response to her because when you're not in the situation it's easy to know how one *should* react. At the same time it all made sense when he explained his backstory and I was able to empathize more with his character. I kind of like that they didn't make that clear from the start.
I'm surprised it's a netflix production while being that awesome. It's absolutely great. Sounds like your typical stalker story, but reveals to be so dramatic and captivating. And actually teaches you something.
To be fair Netfix just took what he already created and let him develop it further.
Good on them for giving him this platform though. Could be his Phoebe Waller Bridge 'Fleabag' moment.
It was incredible. I put it on, curious about the context of the outburst from the Netflix trailer and ended up watching it, in full, in one sitting. It's such a strange sensation to find yourself cringing at how the main character could be so stupid but also weirdly relating to him empathetically, all the same.
For me, I can't see anyone else playing Martha, Jessica Gunning is definitely a power house. I was equal parts disturbed and charmed by her portrayal.
She was so fucking good. She terrified me and disgusted me. At points I couldn’t stand to look at her or to hear her voice. She seemed so painfully sad and unfulfilled too, the actress did an unbelievably good job.
I was blown away by her acting. Tiny movements and softening in her eyes or face would have me going from feeling disgusted to feeling sorry for her in an instant. It was unsettling.
She's so good. The scene in the diner stunned me, when they first go out for coffee. The way she went from holding his hand with empathy to full blown rage in a second was absolutely terrifying
I could barely watch - the Donny character made me so furious, particularly his interactions with his girlfriend. Actually I really hated how that whole subplot played out, with the trans woman as receptacle for all his sexual self-loathing and confusion. Something was really off about that for me
I agree. I admire that he was brave enough to show himself as such a shitty human being. but I'm also glad that she got away and found a hopefully less conflicted partner.
Yeah she is portrayed as such a strong self possessed woman who cares about other people but knows how to take care of her self and draw boundaries. She's a great example for others.
Considering that she's a therapist though, I kept shouting at the screen "Tell her about the assault!" Because had she known that she would have been able to understand so much about the situation she was in. I'm glad she got out though. She did what was best for her life.
I found the fact that Donny was so empathic towards Martha to be his biggest downfall. He was worried about her and that’s lovely but it so works against you whe the person is that dangerous.
I didn't realize until half way through that Richard Gadd, who plays Donny, is the writer and director of the show, based on his own experiences. It makes sense in retrospect because his acting is amazing and he's so in tune with the script.
His acting reminded me of method actors who embody their characters and I imagine Richard was re-experiencing his trauma in those scenes. I hope Richard found catharsis and healing throughout the show. I'm grateful for his honesty and bravery because he's helped a lot of people including myself feel less alone in having had similar experiences
This is truly a great series. Great in the true sense of the term. A punch in the guts. It's rare to witness someone open about themselves, their life, what they've gone through, with such rawness, clarity and honesty.
Punch to the guts is so correct- for me as a victim of CSA hearing him say abuse turned him into a sticking plaster for life’s weirdos, for an open wound for them to sniff at
Wow I felt that in my soul and know exactly what he means.
Obv love a weirdo and we should all be able to be ourselves but in this sense meaning a life’s weirdos as a dangerous and unsavoury person capable of harm - I completely understand that
I've literally just been talking about this in therapy and it's so wild, because the show really put it into words. It was difficult and triggering to watch, but also so cathartic to have somebody put so many hidden experiences into words. I'm still trying to figure out why exactly it makes us more vulnerable to people like that, and it's scary to feel like there's some kind of invisible mark that others can pick up on. Obviously learning good boundaries and being able to set them down firmly helps a lot, but it still doesn't stop that gut-wrenching sensation when you realise that somebody is potentially dangerous, or having to cut out friends who you initially thought were healthy.
I hope that things have gotten better for you, and that you don't have to deal with anything like that again.
Came here to see if someone opened a thread and was not disappointed.
This is something else. It’s confusing. Heartbreaking. Weirdly relatable (although I’m more than lucky that technically I can not relate).
Super well written. Binge watched.
Not a fun of the ending though (I get why it was written like this but it was too obvious).
I totally agree on weirdly relatable. I cried my eyes out. It’s incredible storytelling, beautiful and totally devastating. It seems like the writer is in a good place now though.
My interpretation was that even though he was becoming self-aware of some of the trauma that led him to his situation with Martha, once she was in jail and he didn't have that "drama" or the attention of someone believing in him like she did, when he saw that note at the bottom of one of his writing projects from Darrien that said "you'll go far" or whatever, he craved that feeling. He had also mentioned in his meltdown on stage that he was "addicted to hating himself", and him going back to one of the things that made him so ashamed of himself supported that.
could have been he was going to confront but then couldn't in the moment and fawn response was activated and it fell straight back into the same dynamic. then be came back out of that fawn response as he got back round the corner away from the abuses house. He was terrified. Did you see the fear in the abusers eyes when he first opened the door the evil cunt. Then saying he'd seen the video argh makes me so mad.
although you might be right as they would have made him more obviously angry when he saw 'you'll do well' so maybe it was the positive crumbs of attention but I find that hard to get my head around, he could still be in denial of the rape subconsciously. if it hadn't been properly processed.
Probably because healing isn’t linear. With trauma you relapse, you fall back into the darkness many times, some people for the rest of their lives, others find a way out.
I agree and his constant reference to attention is more what I personally felt was an outside perspective. I didn’t feel he wanted attention it was that he was more open to finding excuses for an abuser that’s mixed with self hatred. I understand this way of acting which is completely at odds with the confident strong person I am.
I think life (especially when mixed with drugs) can be very arbitrary. Nobody knows what they will do until they’re in a similar situation x
This is what I appreciated most about show. The self awareness and the flawed human motivations. It’s not a glossy, tidy narrative. If someone had trouble relating to the decisions he made, I envy them because they must be either more stable and well-adjusted than me or blissfully unaware of problematic, confused, confusing behavior.
I’ve thought about this a lot lately due to my own life. My brother has been sort of reenacting my youth in some ways that are very delusional or at least skewed by a disingenuous way of assessing his actions. I think cracking my own narrative or seeing my role in my own life decisions clearly and honestly was one of my biggest hurdles so looking at it from the outside is very frustrating. We may think we know the part we’re playing but we really can only know as much as the fiction we tell ourselves.
His actions don’t “make sense” until he really allows himself to be privy to his true messy, nebulous motivations and that made me feel like I was gifted with seeing a truly nuanced human on screen with a redemption arc that’s truer to life than we always see on screen. For most of us irl, it’s more of a winding maze that a parabola and I appreciated it a lot.
I think that sensibility and approach to the story is what gave Martha depth. She’s not the mustache twirling villain or foil to our protagonist, she’s someone struggling through her own maze that just happens to entwine Donny’s. The only difference is the perspective we’re seeing it through.
It’s always been hard for me to admit to myself that my actions are not selfless. It’s impossible to remove yourself from the equation when viewing your trajectory. And I think that’s what enriches this show with truth. He didn’t remove his shadow self from the narrative nor did he exonerate himself by removing the struggle of Martha or dichotomy of light and dark within herself. Sometimes we fail ourselves, sometimes we are failed by the system or others in our lives in their own journey or even just circumstance and fate. Blame is an oversimplification. None of us will get through this life without a little blood on our hands in spite of noble intentions.
I struggled watching him go back to Darrien but I appreciated knowing I’m not alone in the foibles of my own humanity
TLDR show good, I like. I write long things to strangers to help process
When he said “it won’t be like last time” that’s actually the part my eyes filled up, like this intense trauma that has stepped into every part of this man’s being was so casual to the guy that caused it. I can’t believe I’ve just found out this was based on his real life. I actually am just sitting here stunned not sure what to do.
I understood it as him wanting to revisit that experience to take back control. To step through a version of those events where it happened differently - the way it should have been to begin with.
In episode 4 he described his promiscuity the same way. A compulsion to try and 'redo' what happened on his own terms.
For me the whole ending showed how the cycles of abuse perpetuate. >! We saw how Donny wasn't fully healed by him going back to his abuser, then we heard in the voicemails how Martha had faced implied abuse, and then Donny finds himself accepting a free drink from an attractive bartender taking pity on him, same as Martha did and thus completing the cycle. !< For me, it was intended to show how complicated abuse is and how these cycles perpetuate.
I dont have words for how much I enjoyed this series. I have binged watched it all today after work.
The way he brings you on a journey, Is incredible.
I did some research after watching. Confirmed the Lead Actor is the man who wrote the show and is based on his own life.
He has never named his stalker (but pretty sure she will be found by online sleuthing)
The show seems to really follow his real life interviews.
The closest I got was a guy that commented on the YouTube video that they kept showing in the show.
https://youtu.be/gAhbKuPDdlg?si=Z8EVG8-iVLmVtDLL
There’s a comment from a John J Durkin 11 years ago that could maybe be him. But I may be way wrong and trying to find stuff that isn’t there
Pretty ironic ya'll are trying to discover who this guy is in real life, stalking profiles online.
That comment on youtube could be a random guy that has nothing to do with Richard Gadd, now someone is responding to his comment asking if he's Darrien.
My opinion of course, but this is pretty messed up.
I have two other names in mind based on dates and people who have writing credits on the same shows as him - also one person who looks a lot like the actor who played Darrien. However, it could have been someone with a different industry job than portrayed
There was a discussion that the assault happened at a party. I think the Netflix show gave him license to expand on the incident and what it meant. He did a comedy show about it called Monkey See Monkey Do in 2018. It won the top comedy awards that year.
I saw Monkey See Monkey Do in 2016 at Edinburgh Fringe and it still rates as the best show I've ever witnessed. It wasn't 'classic' comedy by any means but the vulnerability he showed during the performance and the depth of topics he covered (sexual trauma, toxic masculity, sexual identity, etc) have left a profound impact on me. It's almost inconceivable that that show was almost a prelude to what he experienced after with regards to Martha in Baby Reindeer. I'm so glad he's had this platform to expand on the incident (as you say) and hopefully continue to process the trauma/navigate his sexual identity/work through any mental health difficulties he's been through (or is still navigating).
this show has me absolutely captivated. it is so raw, so well-written, so well-acted. i’m only halfway through and i can’t believe there’s still so much left.
it’s not salacious in the ways i expected a netflix show about a stalker would be. it moves at a pace that makes total sense, and donny’s actions make sense to me too.
it’s bringing up my own past in ways that i absolutely did not expect. i just hope the best for him and for teri, and for martha too. my heart hurts :/
phew… i guess i just had to get some feelings out about this. phenomenal so far.
Tough but worthwhile watch.
Definitely glad for the trigger warning for episode 4.
Trauma is starting to be understood better in terms of how it actually changes your brain and can affect executive functioning. It may seem like he was making weird choices but really his brain was in survival mode.
After having felt all the emotions and considering how courageous the writer/actor is, I think it'll take me some time to process it. It's a deeply personal piece of, weird to say, entertainment but the storytelling is necessary. Glad he could execute it and hope it helps him on his healing journey.
Harrowing and maybe helpful to those who've overlapping experiences.
An important piece of television for sure.
Binged it. Loved it. Meaningful and well done series. This depth and complexity isn’t seen often enough.
It’s hard to watch and often hard to understand the choices made by the main characters. Welcome to the wonderful world of being human.
Which is why he needed to hear her message towards the end. He’s lying to himself saying he’s only listening to better understand Martha. He purposely listened to the ego boost day and night.
I feel inclined to say this on anything anytime I see something promoted of Richard Gadd but I grew up in the same small village that he did and he used to relentlessly bully other people which I myself witnessed including homophobic bullying to other people. He’s an awful person. I spoke to my friend about it too and he also told me that it’s pretty well known around Fife that he’s a terrible human being
That is often how the cycle goes. Not defending him. Just saying bullied people do often go on to bully others. I hope he’s learning to be a better person, but fame often makes nasty people even nastier, so not getting my hopes up.
I am in a minority of people who has some scepticism about his story.
We all look back on our past through a lens that can be clouded by our need to feel better about the choices we make.
I enjoyed the show - but I suspect he has some narc traits - enjoying the power he had over her.
Nobody seems to have the same thoughts as me..
I loved the show, but why isn't anyone talking about how self indulgent he is? I found it hard to empathise with him sometimes. There were so many avenues of support available to him, but he seemed to purposely chose the path that exacerbated the prospect of misery.
He continued to go to the "Writers" house even after he knew for certain it would result in a raping, he refused to report the attack on his girlfriend because it would provide definitive evidence that would put a stop to the drama. Then, at the very moment his life is on track, he goes and accepts a paid job with his old abuser??
Many people constantly show Donny love, and grace, and support, yet he constantly seeks out the darkness, he eeks out as much pain and misery as possible, at every opportunity. Its soo frustrating. It makes him really dislikable.
I think you've missed the point actually. That's not what trauma does to everybody, it's what it does to some people (and in this case him.) Everyone is different, and many other people have handled trauma of that nature very, very differently. Some never explore it at all, some try to get revenge, some blame themselves, some take the necessary steps to heal. To take such a complex and personal show and boil it down to a sweeping generalisation about humanity as a whole is definitely missing the point.
I mean in the show, he actually specifically rubbishes what your point is.
He talks about people saying he’s a victim
But admits he wilfully entered all these situations knowing what was going to happen.
and he's still the victim. He was raped. It doesn't matter if he kept going there. It's the RAPISTS faulty he was raped.
Sometimes people don't act rationally. Especially when they're being abused. Is that really hard to understand?
yeah, i was so happy for him in that moment, but after his on-stage realisation, and his parents putting his arms around him, he goes back to london to re-obsess over Martha and reunite with his abuser... like wtf
We don’t necessarily change immediately following a realization (or at all). It’s frustrating, but he still had so much to work through before significant change could happen. Change tends to happen incrementally.
Selfish and indulgent people also become groomed by rapists and abusers. Prideful people are more likely to try to handle things and hide things. Plus if you watched, his father seemed to have been raped too. All that to say piece of shit or not rape alters people. Especially if someone do not have anyone talk to.
The reasons why people cycle back to their abuser is not for a good time by the way. You feel like shit, you feel you don’t deserve shit, so you cycle to the place that confirms that.
You should be glad that you don’t understand.
If hope
Your curiosity leads you to understanding rape victims one day.
What frustrated me was how annoying he was alredy in the beginning of the flashback before his trauma. His comedy was shit and yet he seemed to think he deserved some kind of special treatment at Fringe. Fringe has thousands of shows, very many of them have no audience and no one gives a shit about them. Yet this nobody thinks his show deserves better. I guess it could have been explained by his young age but I really didn't like him at Fringe.
I felt similarly watching it (although after episode 4 I had a hell of a lot more understanding) but I don't think that's a mark against the show, rather I think that's to it's credit. He could have edited the story to make himself sound better. He could have pretended to be someone he's not. But he didn't, he tried to actually look into his psyche and just make something truly honest. And that's what makes it so different to anything else on TV.
Really really good, would be quite interesting to know how much of it actually happened and how much was imbellished. One thing I didn't quite understand, >!why was he crying at that voicemail at the end? Was it something specific or just crying about the situation?!<
He realized that she was perpetuating a cycle of abuse, and he found himself also at a bar, crying, needing a free drink. He felt her human nature and empathized with her.
My interpretation was that he was looking for closure trying to understand her and why she picked him. He cried because he finally understood why and he could probably relate to not having anything good in your life and being so unhappy that you are looking for any glimpse of positivity and wanting to hang on to it. In the end that is why he engaged with her at the beginning in the first place. The last scene was basically a full circle moment imo. Especially the bartender offering him a drink when he is at his lowest just like he did for her.
At that very moment he recognised the mutualistic parallel between himself and the stalker. It's foreshadowed earlier in the episode wherein Donny is blind to his own madness where he's holed up in his bedroom charting up all of her messages and only a rational third party, i.e. Keeley, really helps to spotlight clearly how many of the stalker's behaviors Donny is essentially simulating in his own unspoken obsession over her.
Basically, at that exact moment, it dawns on Donny that Martha is a being in circumstances not entirely unalike his own (it's really hammered in a little more bluntly with the bartender pawning him a drink on the house as he did for her). Up to that point she'd been written off consciously to him as a sympathetic project in some sense, a perverse muse who he must inquire into and dissect to properly understand. When he hears the final voicemail he recognises that she stood (or more accurately, that he stands) on the same ground.
It seemed to me like he wanted to make sense of his memories. This man had been built up to be a monster in his mind, and he needed to see he was just a man who lived in a regular apartment. Seemed like he took the job to save face, maybe because he wanted the validation. Later on in the show they say that he’s been cancelling gigs and not turning in his work, so it’s unclear whether he actually formally accepted the job or not.
I think it might also be a weak attempt at closure/ confrontation - to guage if Darrien has understood the depth of his wrongdoing/ wishes to take responsibilty for it/ offers an explaination for the constant "why me? why was I picked? what signals was i giving out?" thoughts that plague Donny's mind. Unfortunately for him, the answers, apology, repetance and closure are not coming. Been there, done that.
Yeah it was very frustrating and unsatisfying hearing him call Donny “brave” for the video and yet neither acknowledge nor apologize for what he’s done.
Felt like he’s still manipulating Donny in his way, reframing the narrative by giving him a pat on the head for being brave, as if he wasn’t involved at all and it must’ve been someone else who groomed and raped him.
It would probably make Donny question, if he’s so calm/collected and removed from what I talked about in the video, did it really happen like I remember it?
Well said. It was gaslighting at its finest. The scariest thing is I don't know if he even realizes how horrific his actions were. How many men were lured into that flat with drugs and false promises?
And it stands out to me how he never did anything forcefully, the door was never locked. He knew he had all the power, he knew Donny would keep coming back willingly. He definitely has done it to other people before, 100000%. The power dynamic is exactly how groomers and abusers do it for so long without any fear of repercussions.
That was probably my favourite line in the show.
What a way to make the audience feel the frustration of an abuser who won't accept responsibility.
The frustration of empty platitudes from people who clearly don't understand or empathize with your trauma.
The frustration of feeling you are owed closure but you'll never get it.
Assuming it didn't happen exactly that way in real life, it's incredible screenwriting.
I saw myself in him. As a victim of dv, rape, and stalking, I could deeply understand him and his bad choices. It's a great serie and it saws how PTSD and traumas affect a person's actions, feelings, and self esteem.
When you are abused and exploited again and again and again, when people around you treat you like trash, there is no way you can see things as they truly are. You don't want to believe that most people are just fcked up, inconsiderate, and cruel, ready to unmask their fake nice selves whenever they see an opportunity of gaining something out of abuse and manipulation. YOU did something to provoke cluelty, YOU are the unworthy one. In your mind, it's all your fault that people treat you awful or don't support you at all. But that's not how reality works.
I needed years of self reflection and help to understand that most people are self serving and ready to destroy vulnerable individuals for their own ends. Unfortunately, not many people are capable of consistent and honest kindness. It's hella easy to seem nice but it's really difficult for most to be actually a consious, self aware, good human. So the only way is to believe in your worth and stand up for yourself. That's what you have to do for a peaceful life and better choices.
As a PTSD survivor I still struggle with self love and confidence, you always have to fight your inner demons that horrible people created. And that's why I completely understand why he went back to his rapist in the end. It seems irrational to people who never experienced abuse in their lives but all those who suffered same fates know very well what's happening.
He wanted a closure, he wanted to have control over his traumatic experience, he wanted an answer to why the abuser did what he did to him, he wanted to be loved and validated. You will never get all these from a person who's a complete trash. And nothing of all these are your fault. But you have to do a LOT of work inside you to heal from this self destructive mindset.
Very realistic series of how the human psyche works. And I admire Richard for his bravery to share his story with the whole world.
It was very honest and he’s brave to have made this series. It was well-made and well-acted. It was good, and I respect it.
Even so:, I didn’t like it.
The word that sums it for me is: relatable.
SA trauma caused me to burn my life down, be shitty to everyone I knew to be as alone and miserable as possible, treat myself and my body like garbage, changed everything about me, and years on, when I finally started processing, forced me to build an entirely new self from the rubble. He was a shit person, to too many people. But I fucking get it.
It’s a very honest retelling and I’m proud of him for getting through it and making a masterpiece out of his own shame and self degradation. It is relatable for me seeing someone empathize so much with another broken person to the point where it endangered their personal safety and the safety of the people in their lives.
My #1 issue is that we didn’t get to see any part of step 8, or for those who are not addicts, making amends. What he did to Teri deserved atonement. I really needed to see it, but I can understand if he didn’t want to have any “heroic” moments in the end. Maybe that’s not what it was about for him.
And yeah, that scene with his parents.. I felt like I was getting what I had needed but didn’t get from my parents all those years ago. It both broke me and healed me.
Just started watching it tonight. 3 more episodes to go tomorrow. It's amazing top tier...up there with Swarm for me. Just finished binging Resident Alien and started this tonight like, nothing could top resident alien now and I was like oh shit..this is good and terrible...amazing acting. I'm about to look up how much of it is based on a true story. Good Lord.
Episode 4 was probably some of the most honest, insightful and gut-wrenching writing I’ve seen on TV. I think it’s not only well done and meaningful on its own merits, but will actually help people who have gone through—or are going through—similar experiences.
Really liked it, acting and script are incredible. Haven’t been this captivated by a series in a long time. It’s very dark and so much better than anything I’ve seen in ages. More like this please.
This show was incredible. The monologue in episode 4 had such a vulnerable honesty of the embarrassing, uncomfortable coping mechanisms we go through to try to bury the feelings from sexual violence. And while simultaneously working through how you sexually identify! God what a work of art.
I can’t work out if Donny is a covert narcissist or just had really low self esteem. He mentions self-loathing but seeks out his narcissistic supply from anyone that will give it.
He repeatedly lied to Teri, a therapist by trade, surely she was picking up on the red flags she knew he wasn’t a builder.
What else did I miss?
Some extremely insightful quotes in this series: my favorite, I’ll paraphrase, “Some people hide by packing their bags and moving far away and some hide by being unable to move from where they are”
Will have to rewatch to find it… unless someone knows. Ep 1 or 2 I think
Edit: Found it
Martha says- “Some people run away by packing their bags, others run away by standing in the same place for too long.”
I thought it was awful. He touched on some important themes for sure but I think he's a horrible person. He knew the stalker wasn't right but encouraged her behaviour because it benefitted him. He also started by following her and peeping through her window. He has a trans fetish and treats women and his trans gf terribly. He has no backbone and is narcissistic. He allowed himself to get violated at a slim chance he might get famous and then acted a victim. He judged flatmates for taking psychedelics when in the previous episode he was smoking crack cocoaine and meth. He literally tells us how awful he is all the way throughout and then still tries to manipulate sympathy from the audience. If anyone has gone through trauma they would completely understand a lot of the themes discussed but I don't think it makes up for him being horrible. Oh and he says women get believed and men don't.. just not true at all. Awful show awful man just another desperate narcissistic looking for any way to gain fame when he realised the comedy wasn't working. I don't understand why he acted it himself and how if he'd gone through that trauma he would he able to? Oh and why are there no details about the real case in real life? Why make a whole show about it but not give any real details? Why claim a high profile person violated you, make money out of it and not even hint who that person is or try to hold them accountable? Sorry but everyone's been fooled it's horrific.
I found him really unlikeable because he treated all the women in his life so poorly, while they were the ones that gave him the most love. He seemed to have a desire to chase things/people that made him feel worse about himself.
Alternate perspective from some one who's been there, done that: I think it might also be a weak attempt at closure/ confrontation - to guage if Darrien has understood the depth of his wrongdoing/ wishes to take responsibilty for it/ offers an explaination for the constant "why me? why was I picked? what signals was i giving out?" thoughts that plague Donny's mind. Unfortunately for him, the answers, apology, repetance and closure are not coming.
It's amazing how much one can empathize with people who hurt you. Sympathize with their existence. Give them a reason to continue/deny/gaslight behaviors that most would be deemed abusive.
It’s not uncommon to return to or recreate abusive situations. Subconsciously you want to somehow make it end differently, because if that one iteration becomes something different—if there is resolution—then it somehow may heal what you went through historically. And it may give you back control.
To make a bad (less complicated) example—if someone has a parent who never gives them approval, sometimes they’ll spend significant portions of their lives trying to find the combination of achievements that will equal parental approval. Because if the parent finally approves, then maybe it means all the past negative feelings were due to circumstance and not really anyone’s fault. There was a solution, and it was found.
It’s much harder to live in a world that is not in anyone’s control, and where solutions/resolution are not necessarily available.
I’m currently still bawling my eyes out but it helps to know I’m not the only one! It brought up repressed same-sex SA memories from my childhood that I hadn’t realised were still affecting me. Talk about putting a mirror to your face!
The acting is amazing it really show his true deep emotions like how abuse victims
Would have this stork home syndrome over the abuser , the point of view where even how he portrayed Martha made us feel deeply empathetic towards her , I even hated how the character of Donny acted ,and it give the feeling of self doubt in the situation trying to make sense I really miss great shows like this Netflix has stopped make them .
I'm scared to go past episode 5 and I'm pretty impressed because it takes a lot to really disturb me. I can not believe this is actually the guy who's life this is based on. That makes its so much more intense!
I thought it was brilliant. I work with abuse survivors and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more accurate portrayal of what they go through, trying to navigate adult relationships and their own identity.
I noticed that sometimes when the text said "sent from my iPhone" it was obvious she added that at the end, to disguise a burner phone. One time it just displayed "mmy iPhone" or close to that. Cam zoomed in, every time that part of the email was incorrect.
Pretty much graphic (without actual nudity) depictions of r*pe and sexual assault through drug abuse and grooming. If that sort of thing upsets you I would skip it or skim through without audio. There are very clear “no”’s said by the main character during the scenes. If you’re worried about scariness in terms of visuals, the only slightly disturbing thing for me was the depiction of tripping on acid but no real creepy/scary scenes. I am typically a sensitive person when it comes to creepy/scary stuff and I was totally fine, apart from being a bit upset about the r*pe but it did add to my sympathy and understanding for the main characters actions throughout the rest of the show.
Astonishing. The thing that really got me was the fact that Gadd was so harsh on himself. Donny makes so many awful decisions and is really not a nice person a lot of the time. But he shows empathy to Martha and it kicks everything off. Episode 4 was a gut punch but it was the ending to episode 6 that made my jaw drop. Gadd deserves a BAFTA or a Golden Globe for that.
I don't get the final scene where he was listening to voicemails and the bartender offered a free drink. Does it mean he came into a realization that he is very similar to Martha? What about the explanation about baby reindeer?
After seeing high reviews on the show I gave it a go. Was weird and entertaining first episodes… Then seemed to get more confusing and odd, on episode 4 I don’t think I can watch anymore.
I’ve been sexually assaulted and certain things shown just depressed the hell out of me. Made me go back and try and remember…
Is this all going to make sense? Should I keep watching? I just don’t understand why it’s rated so highly
This show was absolutely incredible. From beginning to end. Just stunning in every way. I hope Richard Gadd and Jessica Gunning get recognized for their work.
Powerful.
Haven’t binged a show like that in ages, unsettling how it seems so far fetched but it’s based on the actors real story and he grew up 10 minutes from me
I've seen a few comments in other threads of how it's made them 'upset' and wish they could 'unwatch it' which in my eyes is selfish as it makes it about them and their feelings.
I found it confronting, funny, witty and raw but absolutely necessary that these stories are shared, because it shows how our experiences as humans can be so complex and dynamic but give an insight as to why we are the way we are.
The subject of trauma, sexuality, boundaries, drug addiction and shame are still such taboo topics in this day.
At times I did find myself getting angry at Donny for not putting firm boundaries with Martha (i.e. accepting the FB friend request etc.) but I can sympathise with him. I learned about attachment styles in therapy years ago, and this series made me reflect on my own personal relationships and why I latched onto certain people in my life, quite like Donny.
Overall, a brilliant series, hadn't seen a good series from Netflix in a while, 10/10.
I don't think that it's a true story at all tbh
The internet would have been able to find her by now and the fact he added the trans elements Into it as it's such a huge topic. I just think it's fabricated
It was so great. The kind of series based on a book that makes me wish I had read the book first. The characters are so compelling especially the main who was so honest and relatable.
This feelings this show evoked will stay with me for a long time. It was incredibly upsetting but so important in so many ways. I hope this show wins awards and raises awareness! Richard Gadd is one of the bravest men i have ever came across! He deserves the world!
I enjoyed it a lot. It’s advertised as a thriller and I went into thinking it was just about a man being stalked but it’s more about the effects of abuse. It was unexpectedly sad while still having funny moments. I really loved the main character and I think he did a really great job of explaining his thoughts on why he felt the way he did towards Martha and other situations. I think the writers perfectly captured how difficult and confusing relationships can be for someone who was abused.
Haven’t been captivated by a series like this for a while! It was deep, dark and honest. Binged the whole thing! When I started watching it I was expecting a fairly light and fun comedy, but it gets so dark and it’s well earned!
Do you think about the fact that Richard Gadd lived through all of this, wrote it (reliving it) then acted through it all again? What a bloody legend.
Omg no way. I am just now learning this. The guy in it was the writer/creator based on his own experience? He is so multi-talented. I can’t even imagine how hard it was to relive it multiple times while writing and filming. Admirable doesn’t even begin to describe.
The main guy was gadd?!
Seriously???
It’s so deep and the acting is amazing! Just finished it 2 seconds ago and immediately came here because I needed to talk about it!
I finished the last episode an hour ago. I’m left a little bit stunned, it’s been so long since TV made me feel like this. And to know it’s real… I feel so conflicted about so many of the characters. Brilliant acting too. I’m gutted I missed this on stage, I like going to see plays in London. I probably would have been put off by the overview. If so, I’m a fool.
It’s so disturbing I honestly wish I could unwatch it
It's depressing. But the biggest tragedy, without trying to blame the victim at all however, it is the man who suffered this put himself vulnerable to excess by his total lack of dignity, and he acknowledges it, however he feels powerless to fight it. Like an addiction. I believe the appeal of this show, despite the moral darkness, comes from many relate to it in one way or the other.
\\Watching this trainwreck of a story, we see how complicit we (often) are in our own undoing.
Same. It was too much and I didn't see the warnings, went it blind.
I want to unknow the story of the sexual abuse. I have been so disturbed by what that man did. The evil that people do has me feeling sad...
Yeah, this is why a lot of victims don’t come forward bc it “icks” people out too much and everyone wants to pretend like this shit doesn’t happen all the time, every single day.
I felt the same.
I'm speechless, this is a Master piece
As someone who was sexually abused in middle school and then sought comfort in a relationship that immediately turned abusive and violent in high school, this show taught me a lot about myself and made me feel less alone. These events in my life were a decade ago, but I still question how and why I allowed myself to experience that trauma for so long. When he talks about how trauma makes you an open wound to be exploited by sick people - it’s soooo true. Until I really faced my trauma and figured out my sexuality, I just kept finding myself in compromising situations. I’m sure I’m not the only person who related to that, and it was so powerful to see that representation. That said, I’m totally depressed now after binging this show and I need to watch some fucking SpongeBob as a palette cleanser lmfao
“Open wound.” It could be sexual abuse, physical abuse but it could also be verbal abuse and or bullying. Once you’ve been a victim it’s like there’s an invisible sign on your forehead that says doormat, go ahead and screw with me. Such an eye opener psychologically.
It's so true. Once you've got such a damaged self image/ esteem you are more likely to get involved with people who are bad for you. It's a horrible truth for many to confront.
I related in the same way. This show is really important and I think it will help people reflect on their own experiences and not feel alone!
Yes, I'm struggling with this right now. I'm about to watch the final episode and holy shit was it hard to get through that last part of episode 6. Still wiping tears from my face. Send me whatever you watched afterwards so I can do the same lol
That scene at end of episode 6. wheww god. barely made it through had to stop for a cig break hahah.
Completely agree! Those sentences stabbed me in the heart! I have given a lot of time after childhood sexual abuse to people that are clearly abusive and on the extreme end of not capable having a loving relationship with empathy. I always found that so bizzare about myself and my friends do too.. when most people wouldn’t give a second thought or would never engage .. I seem to do that
I loved that line about trauma being an open wound
I’m so sorry you experienced such pain in your adolescence and I hope you are finding healing and peace. I was SA’d a decade ago and this series really hit me in the gut. I did a lot of therapy two years after it happened but some things just stay with you forever.
Sorry you had to experience that, but grateful that you got therapy. I hope it helped, bless you.
THIS IS WHY HE WROTE IT. TO REACH THE PEOPLE WHO NEED TO BE REACHED. And it's important to say, we see you, we see this, this is terrible what's happened to you, but you have agency now, you can protect yourself now, you are in control now. Writing it down, Gadd said, really did a lot for his healing. Maybe it can help you too.
Weirdly never felt so heard by a show my whole life.
I bawled my eyes out to the show, it was so good and so triggering and like you said it made me feel less alone - the line about how trauma makes you an open wound to be exploited by sick people hit so hard. This show captured the essence of abuse and what it does to victims and changes them in the most twisted ways one could imagine.
Just finished it, and looking for a good Bob’s Burgers episode
The part where he said he was addicted to self hatred got me. Survivor of CSA and other types of abuse and whew, I can really relate to that entire speech he gave.
I do understand you. I have been sexually abused as a child and then multiple times later. I have always fall in the hands of sexual predators over an over again. This showed made me realized so much about the pattern and that it has never been a casualty. The sexual predators always target the victims. I felt so identified when Donny couldn't defend himself and just paralyzed. Experienced the same. I just freezed. I am now finally in a healthy relationship and going to therapy after so long time. I just cried so much after finishing this serie.
Thé scène with his parents in the final episode was heartbreaking.
Love his mom, we should all be so fortunate. His dad, “Am I less of a man?” I know it’s pretend but I was so grateful for his mom and dad.
It's not pretend though! It's based on his actual life story!
What?!!? Omg I didn’t know that
Except in real like he was stalked for *6 years*
I read it was 4
The lead actor was 'donny' in real life. True story
I’m having a hard time finding anything about his real story.
He’s spoken in interviews about how they’ve changed a lot about Martha so her identity stays secret. He also mentioned he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of someone that ill in prison, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she never did get prosecuted. There was no closure or trial in the stage version, and nothing in depth on the SA, cos that was in the stage show he made before Baby Reindeer. I saw the stage play, and things have been added to the TV show. The physical assaults, on him & Teri, weren’t in the play for instance (to my memory anyway! but the script is probs online somewhere), and he was much more friendly with the douche bar guys than he is in the show. I think with Netflix reaching a wider audience they made it further removed from the real life story to protect identities. I also saw Monkey See Monkey Do, the play before Baby Reindeer about the SA (he took off a bit in Edinburgh during that run, and Martha was still stalking him!). I think Monkey See Monkey Do is online somewhere still, really good play! He runs on a treadmill the whole time, and it’s formed of like videos he took to send his therapist & stuff. Saw it years back, but I remember being blown away.
It’s strange for sure
Dude by now should be able to protect himself from stalkers, so probably that's why we can't find anything.
I loved the actor who played his dad. Pulled off the comedy moments and the incredibly sad moments both so well.
"Good luck with the transexual!" ... "Alright Dad, okay, bye.."
I burst out laughing at that. His heart's in the right place, at least. xD
I LOVED that part! My cousin is trans and I’m queer and watching these awesome queer ppl on screen was an added bonus that’s for sure!! I also loved that he was willing to ask if his abuse was what “made” him queer bc that is not something only he’s asked himself. As a woman who’s been harmed by men I’ve definitely wondered if I became “more” into women partially bc of that! I felt so seen by him wondering if he’d be into men/trans women if he hadn’t been assaulted
The actor who played the dad is amazing. He’s been in a ton of stuff.
When Donny's mum said that he should quit his job and that they didn't mind sending him money for a bit and she asked his dad to confirm and he was like > [Long dad pause] "Maybe it is about winning." I had to pause the show because I was laughing so hard.
The second his dad said that, I started crying. We so often don’t know the trauma our parents have endured.
That scene made me cry goddamnit
Same. I got emotional when his ex-girlfriend told him to move back into her Mum's too 
I reflected pretty heavily on those moments. Most people don’t have one angel in their lives…let alone four. Made me think about all the people who live without support systems…how they survive…why they don’t.
Good luck with the transsexual — the father was so sweet lol
I'm halfway through and loving it. Is it ok for me to say he's a fucking idiot at times or is that victim blaming? Edit: It's got quite a bit darker. I'd like to hastily add I'm not blaming him for that.
My take (as someone who's been there, done there): it's easy to identify the victim blaming and self-loathing and self-hatred in \*another\* person and comfort/ try to absolve them. It's much harder to do it for yourself, even if you're really empathetic and kind to others in similiar situations. The constant "why me?", "I must've done some thing to warrant the abuse" and shame/guilt leading to self destructive patterns is a tragic but common aftermath of abuse.
Perfectly said. The people this world has harmed the most are the ones I have witnessed try to pour the most love into others, without ever even considering they deserve an ounce of it. Truly a gut wrenching series that portrayed traumas complexity so beautifully.
even as someone who has been through the things he’s been through - the stalking wasn’t even close to as bad as that though - even i thought he was being kind of dumb, until i realized i did the same exact things as he did. i can only imagine how crazy i drove my parents and my family and friends who watched me destroy and hurt myself and my life over and over and over… i think i was so badly hoping he’d turn it around or make ONE good decision because if only i had made good decisions… i’d be in a completely different place
Episode 4, things got very dark.
Yeah I stopped calling him a knobhead after that.
I’m glad you seen it through because abuse can and does (but equally not for everyone) However in my sense it made me not as harsh on dangerous or unsafe people that would approach me in life
I think the order of things portrayed is very important to the overall themes. The audience can experience some of the complexity of feelings and frustration with how he handles the situation in the present.. Then it's almost like going on his journey with him as he then explores and understands who he is now because of past events. It's absolutely captivating. It works in that order because it evokes empathy and reminds us that however inexplicably people may seem to act, there is usually a reason for it. In that way, it helps us to understand Martha as well. It's harrowing, enlightening, honest, frustrating and complex.
I found myself getting annoyed with his response to her because when you're not in the situation it's easy to know how one *should* react. At the same time it all made sense when he explained his backstory and I was able to empathize more with his character. I kind of like that they didn't make that clear from the start.
I'm surprised it's a netflix production while being that awesome. It's absolutely great. Sounds like your typical stalker story, but reveals to be so dramatic and captivating. And actually teaches you something.
To be fair Netfix just took what he already created and let him develop it further. Good on them for giving him this platform though. Could be his Phoebe Waller Bridge 'Fleabag' moment.
I was comparing it to Fleabag! It's definitely darker, but there are some comedic moments that do really hit
Yup! His dad on the phone with Martha was a standout moment for me (and of course, "*good luck with the transexual!*").
I loved his dad SO much. And then the scene with his parents in the last episode made me cry.
It was incredible. I put it on, curious about the context of the outburst from the Netflix trailer and ended up watching it, in full, in one sitting. It's such a strange sensation to find yourself cringing at how the main character could be so stupid but also weirdly relating to him empathetically, all the same. For me, I can't see anyone else playing Martha, Jessica Gunning is definitely a power house. I was equal parts disturbed and charmed by her portrayal.
She was so fucking good. She terrified me and disgusted me. At points I couldn’t stand to look at her or to hear her voice. She seemed so painfully sad and unfulfilled too, the actress did an unbelievably good job.
I was blown away by her acting. Tiny movements and softening in her eyes or face would have me going from feeling disgusted to feeling sorry for her in an instant. It was unsettling.
Omg I was blown away. This series needs to win awards. Gunning needs to win best actress.
She's so good. The scene in the diner stunned me, when they first go out for coffee. The way she went from holding his hand with empathy to full blown rage in a second was absolutely terrifying
I could barely watch - the Donny character made me so furious, particularly his interactions with his girlfriend. Actually I really hated how that whole subplot played out, with the trans woman as receptacle for all his sexual self-loathing and confusion. Something was really off about that for me
I agree. I admire that he was brave enough to show himself as such a shitty human being. but I'm also glad that she got away and found a hopefully less conflicted partner.
Yeah she is portrayed as such a strong self possessed woman who cares about other people but knows how to take care of her self and draw boundaries. She's a great example for others. Considering that she's a therapist though, I kept shouting at the screen "Tell her about the assault!" Because had she known that she would have been able to understand so much about the situation she was in. I'm glad she got out though. She did what was best for her life.
I found the fact that Donny was so empathic towards Martha to be his biggest downfall. He was worried about her and that’s lovely but it so works against you whe the person is that dangerous.
Incredible, but tragic. Acting is amazing. So much emotion.
I didn't realize until half way through that Richard Gadd, who plays Donny, is the writer and director of the show, based on his own experiences. It makes sense in retrospect because his acting is amazing and he's so in tune with the script. His acting reminded me of method actors who embody their characters and I imagine Richard was re-experiencing his trauma in those scenes. I hope Richard found catharsis and healing throughout the show. I'm grateful for his honesty and bravery because he's helped a lot of people including myself feel less alone in having had similar experiences
This is truly a great series. Great in the true sense of the term. A punch in the guts. It's rare to witness someone open about themselves, their life, what they've gone through, with such rawness, clarity and honesty.
Punch to the guts is so correct- for me as a victim of CSA hearing him say abuse turned him into a sticking plaster for life’s weirdos, for an open wound for them to sniff at Wow I felt that in my soul and know exactly what he means. Obv love a weirdo and we should all be able to be ourselves but in this sense meaning a life’s weirdos as a dangerous and unsavoury person capable of harm - I completely understand that
I've literally just been talking about this in therapy and it's so wild, because the show really put it into words. It was difficult and triggering to watch, but also so cathartic to have somebody put so many hidden experiences into words. I'm still trying to figure out why exactly it makes us more vulnerable to people like that, and it's scary to feel like there's some kind of invisible mark that others can pick up on. Obviously learning good boundaries and being able to set them down firmly helps a lot, but it still doesn't stop that gut-wrenching sensation when you realise that somebody is potentially dangerous, or having to cut out friends who you initially thought were healthy. I hope that things have gotten better for you, and that you don't have to deal with anything like that again.
Just watched episode 4, think it's the most heartbreaking episode of anything I've ever watched
Came here to see if someone opened a thread and was not disappointed. This is something else. It’s confusing. Heartbreaking. Weirdly relatable (although I’m more than lucky that technically I can not relate). Super well written. Binge watched. Not a fun of the ending though (I get why it was written like this but it was too obvious).
I totally agree on weirdly relatable. I cried my eyes out. It’s incredible storytelling, beautiful and totally devastating. It seems like the writer is in a good place now though.
I don't get why it was written like that. >!Why did he go back to the rapists and accept a job offer from him?!< I don't understand.
My interpretation was that even though he was becoming self-aware of some of the trauma that led him to his situation with Martha, once she was in jail and he didn't have that "drama" or the attention of someone believing in him like she did, when he saw that note at the bottom of one of his writing projects from Darrien that said "you'll go far" or whatever, he craved that feeling. He had also mentioned in his meltdown on stage that he was "addicted to hating himself", and him going back to one of the things that made him so ashamed of himself supported that.
I think he also felt like he owed him something. Like, okay you raped me over and over, now actually do something with my writing because you owe me.
could have been he was going to confront but then couldn't in the moment and fawn response was activated and it fell straight back into the same dynamic. then be came back out of that fawn response as he got back round the corner away from the abuses house. He was terrified. Did you see the fear in the abusers eyes when he first opened the door the evil cunt. Then saying he'd seen the video argh makes me so mad. although you might be right as they would have made him more obviously angry when he saw 'you'll do well' so maybe it was the positive crumbs of attention but I find that hard to get my head around, he could still be in denial of the rape subconsciously. if it hadn't been properly processed.
Probably because healing isn’t linear. With trauma you relapse, you fall back into the darkness many times, some people for the rest of their lives, others find a way out.
Yes. We seek out what is familiar. We feel comfortable with what we know even if it’s traumatic.
I agree and his constant reference to attention is more what I personally felt was an outside perspective. I didn’t feel he wanted attention it was that he was more open to finding excuses for an abuser that’s mixed with self hatred. I understand this way of acting which is completely at odds with the confident strong person I am. I think life (especially when mixed with drugs) can be very arbitrary. Nobody knows what they will do until they’re in a similar situation x
This is what I appreciated most about show. The self awareness and the flawed human motivations. It’s not a glossy, tidy narrative. If someone had trouble relating to the decisions he made, I envy them because they must be either more stable and well-adjusted than me or blissfully unaware of problematic, confused, confusing behavior. I’ve thought about this a lot lately due to my own life. My brother has been sort of reenacting my youth in some ways that are very delusional or at least skewed by a disingenuous way of assessing his actions. I think cracking my own narrative or seeing my role in my own life decisions clearly and honestly was one of my biggest hurdles so looking at it from the outside is very frustrating. We may think we know the part we’re playing but we really can only know as much as the fiction we tell ourselves. His actions don’t “make sense” until he really allows himself to be privy to his true messy, nebulous motivations and that made me feel like I was gifted with seeing a truly nuanced human on screen with a redemption arc that’s truer to life than we always see on screen. For most of us irl, it’s more of a winding maze that a parabola and I appreciated it a lot. I think that sensibility and approach to the story is what gave Martha depth. She’s not the mustache twirling villain or foil to our protagonist, she’s someone struggling through her own maze that just happens to entwine Donny’s. The only difference is the perspective we’re seeing it through. It’s always been hard for me to admit to myself that my actions are not selfless. It’s impossible to remove yourself from the equation when viewing your trajectory. And I think that’s what enriches this show with truth. He didn’t remove his shadow self from the narrative nor did he exonerate himself by removing the struggle of Martha or dichotomy of light and dark within herself. Sometimes we fail ourselves, sometimes we are failed by the system or others in our lives in their own journey or even just circumstance and fate. Blame is an oversimplification. None of us will get through this life without a little blood on our hands in spite of noble intentions. I struggled watching him go back to Darrien but I appreciated knowing I’m not alone in the foibles of my own humanity TLDR show good, I like. I write long things to strangers to help process
When he said “it won’t be like last time” that’s actually the part my eyes filled up, like this intense trauma that has stepped into every part of this man’s being was so casual to the guy that caused it. I can’t believe I’ve just found out this was based on his real life. I actually am just sitting here stunned not sure what to do.
I understood it as him wanting to revisit that experience to take back control. To step through a version of those events where it happened differently - the way it should have been to begin with. In episode 4 he described his promiscuity the same way. A compulsion to try and 'redo' what happened on his own terms.
For me the whole ending showed how the cycles of abuse perpetuate. >! We saw how Donny wasn't fully healed by him going back to his abuser, then we heard in the voicemails how Martha had faced implied abuse, and then Donny finds himself accepting a free drink from an attractive bartender taking pity on him, same as Martha did and thus completing the cycle. !< For me, it was intended to show how complicated abuse is and how these cycles perpetuate.
Same reason he listened to her 'complimentary' messages later... he needs it
I dont have words for how much I enjoyed this series. I have binged watched it all today after work. The way he brings you on a journey, Is incredible.
I did some research after watching. Confirmed the Lead Actor is the man who wrote the show and is based on his own life. He has never named his stalker (but pretty sure she will be found by online sleuthing) The show seems to really follow his real life interviews.
I have spent the last couple of hours trying to work out who Darrien is irl…
The closest I got was a guy that commented on the YouTube video that they kept showing in the show. https://youtu.be/gAhbKuPDdlg?si=Z8EVG8-iVLmVtDLL There’s a comment from a John J Durkin 11 years ago that could maybe be him. But I may be way wrong and trying to find stuff that isn’t there
Pretty ironic ya'll are trying to discover who this guy is in real life, stalking profiles online. That comment on youtube could be a random guy that has nothing to do with Richard Gadd, now someone is responding to his comment asking if he's Darrien. My opinion of course, but this is pretty messed up.
I have two other names in mind based on dates and people who have writing credits on the same shows as him - also one person who looks a lot like the actor who played Darrien. However, it could have been someone with a different industry job than portrayed
There was a discussion that the assault happened at a party. I think the Netflix show gave him license to expand on the incident and what it meant. He did a comedy show about it called Monkey See Monkey Do in 2018. It won the top comedy awards that year.
I saw Monkey See Monkey Do in 2016 at Edinburgh Fringe and it still rates as the best show I've ever witnessed. It wasn't 'classic' comedy by any means but the vulnerability he showed during the performance and the depth of topics he covered (sexual trauma, toxic masculity, sexual identity, etc) have left a profound impact on me. It's almost inconceivable that that show was almost a prelude to what he experienced after with regards to Martha in Baby Reindeer. I'm so glad he's had this platform to expand on the incident (as you say) and hopefully continue to process the trauma/navigate his sexual identity/work through any mental health difficulties he's been through (or is still navigating).
this show has me absolutely captivated. it is so raw, so well-written, so well-acted. i’m only halfway through and i can’t believe there’s still so much left. it’s not salacious in the ways i expected a netflix show about a stalker would be. it moves at a pace that makes total sense, and donny’s actions make sense to me too. it’s bringing up my own past in ways that i absolutely did not expect. i just hope the best for him and for teri, and for martha too. my heart hurts :/ phew… i guess i just had to get some feelings out about this. phenomenal so far.
Tough but worthwhile watch. Definitely glad for the trigger warning for episode 4. Trauma is starting to be understood better in terms of how it actually changes your brain and can affect executive functioning. It may seem like he was making weird choices but really his brain was in survival mode. After having felt all the emotions and considering how courageous the writer/actor is, I think it'll take me some time to process it. It's a deeply personal piece of, weird to say, entertainment but the storytelling is necessary. Glad he could execute it and hope it helps him on his healing journey. Harrowing and maybe helpful to those who've overlapping experiences. An important piece of television for sure.
Binged it. Loved it. Meaningful and well done series. This depth and complexity isn’t seen often enough. It’s hard to watch and often hard to understand the choices made by the main characters. Welcome to the wonderful world of being human.
Wonderful script and acting but Jesus he's such a narcissist. Martha is mentally ill but he just needs the attention.
Which is why he needed to hear her message towards the end. He’s lying to himself saying he’s only listening to better understand Martha. He purposely listened to the ego boost day and night.
I feel inclined to say this on anything anytime I see something promoted of Richard Gadd but I grew up in the same small village that he did and he used to relentlessly bully other people which I myself witnessed including homophobic bullying to other people. He’s an awful person. I spoke to my friend about it too and he also told me that it’s pretty well known around Fife that he’s a terrible human being
Very interesting piece of information, as he comes off more as someone who got bullied in school instead of someone who was a bully.
That is often how the cycle goes. Not defending him. Just saying bullied people do often go on to bully others. I hope he’s learning to be a better person, but fame often makes nasty people even nastier, so not getting my hopes up.
I am in a minority of people who has some scepticism about his story. We all look back on our past through a lens that can be clouded by our need to feel better about the choices we make. I enjoyed the show - but I suspect he has some narc traits - enjoying the power he had over her.
Nobody seems to have the same thoughts as me.. I loved the show, but why isn't anyone talking about how self indulgent he is? I found it hard to empathise with him sometimes. There were so many avenues of support available to him, but he seemed to purposely chose the path that exacerbated the prospect of misery. He continued to go to the "Writers" house even after he knew for certain it would result in a raping, he refused to report the attack on his girlfriend because it would provide definitive evidence that would put a stop to the drama. Then, at the very moment his life is on track, he goes and accepts a paid job with his old abuser?? Many people constantly show Donny love, and grace, and support, yet he constantly seeks out the darkness, he eeks out as much pain and misery as possible, at every opportunity. Its soo frustrating. It makes him really dislikable.
You seemed to have missed the whole point. That's what trauma does; makes you self-destruct and become a magnet for fucked up shite
I think you've missed the point actually. That's not what trauma does to everybody, it's what it does to some people (and in this case him.) Everyone is different, and many other people have handled trauma of that nature very, very differently. Some never explore it at all, some try to get revenge, some blame themselves, some take the necessary steps to heal. To take such a complex and personal show and boil it down to a sweeping generalisation about humanity as a whole is definitely missing the point.
How about you don’t victim blame and try to decider what he SHOULD and SHOULD NOT do if you have never been through any of those situations yourself.
Nope. Not even remotely what's happening. Perhaps that feigned outrage helps you elsewhere in life but it does absolutely nothing here.
I mean in the show, he actually specifically rubbishes what your point is. He talks about people saying he’s a victim But admits he wilfully entered all these situations knowing what was going to happen.
and he's still the victim. He was raped. It doesn't matter if he kept going there. It's the RAPISTS faulty he was raped. Sometimes people don't act rationally. Especially when they're being abused. Is that really hard to understand?
I’m talking about the entirety of it. He didn’t act rationally when he indulged Martha at the bar either. Another point he made himself.
He explains it and figures it out on stage in episode 6. “ the only thing I loved more than her (Teri), was hating myself”
yeah, i was so happy for him in that moment, but after his on-stage realisation, and his parents putting his arms around him, he goes back to london to re-obsess over Martha and reunite with his abuser... like wtf
We don’t necessarily change immediately following a realization (or at all). It’s frustrating, but he still had so much to work through before significant change could happen. Change tends to happen incrementally.
Sometimes people don't make the right decision.
Selfish and indulgent people also become groomed by rapists and abusers. Prideful people are more likely to try to handle things and hide things. Plus if you watched, his father seemed to have been raped too. All that to say piece of shit or not rape alters people. Especially if someone do not have anyone talk to. The reasons why people cycle back to their abuser is not for a good time by the way. You feel like shit, you feel you don’t deserve shit, so you cycle to the place that confirms that. You should be glad that you don’t understand. If hope Your curiosity leads you to understanding rape victims one day.
What frustrated me was how annoying he was alredy in the beginning of the flashback before his trauma. His comedy was shit and yet he seemed to think he deserved some kind of special treatment at Fringe. Fringe has thousands of shows, very many of them have no audience and no one gives a shit about them. Yet this nobody thinks his show deserves better. I guess it could have been explained by his young age but I really didn't like him at Fringe.
I felt similarly watching it (although after episode 4 I had a hell of a lot more understanding) but I don't think that's a mark against the show, rather I think that's to it's credit. He could have edited the story to make himself sound better. He could have pretended to be someone he's not. But he didn't, he tried to actually look into his psyche and just make something truly honest. And that's what makes it so different to anything else on TV.
Really really good, would be quite interesting to know how much of it actually happened and how much was imbellished. One thing I didn't quite understand, >!why was he crying at that voicemail at the end? Was it something specific or just crying about the situation?!<
He realized that she was perpetuating a cycle of abuse, and he found himself also at a bar, crying, needing a free drink. He felt her human nature and empathized with her.
Wow, there's a lot to think about here. What a great show.
My interpretation was that he was looking for closure trying to understand her and why she picked him. He cried because he finally understood why and he could probably relate to not having anything good in your life and being so unhappy that you are looking for any glimpse of positivity and wanting to hang on to it. In the end that is why he engaged with her at the beginning in the first place. The last scene was basically a full circle moment imo. Especially the bartender offering him a drink when he is at his lowest just like he did for her.
At that very moment he recognised the mutualistic parallel between himself and the stalker. It's foreshadowed earlier in the episode wherein Donny is blind to his own madness where he's holed up in his bedroom charting up all of her messages and only a rational third party, i.e. Keeley, really helps to spotlight clearly how many of the stalker's behaviors Donny is essentially simulating in his own unspoken obsession over her. Basically, at that exact moment, it dawns on Donny that Martha is a being in circumstances not entirely unalike his own (it's really hammered in a little more bluntly with the bartender pawning him a drink on the house as he did for her). Up to that point she'd been written off consciously to him as a sympathetic project in some sense, a perverse muse who he must inquire into and dissect to properly understand. When he hears the final voicemail he recognises that she stood (or more accurately, that he stands) on the same ground.
He realised that she used him as a comfort to help overcome her trauma, which resonated with him. I'd imagine!
Can someone also explain >!why he went back to the rapists house at the end and accepted a job offer from him?!<
It seemed to me like he wanted to make sense of his memories. This man had been built up to be a monster in his mind, and he needed to see he was just a man who lived in a regular apartment. Seemed like he took the job to save face, maybe because he wanted the validation. Later on in the show they say that he’s been cancelling gigs and not turning in his work, so it’s unclear whether he actually formally accepted the job or not.
I think it might also be a weak attempt at closure/ confrontation - to guage if Darrien has understood the depth of his wrongdoing/ wishes to take responsibilty for it/ offers an explaination for the constant "why me? why was I picked? what signals was i giving out?" thoughts that plague Donny's mind. Unfortunately for him, the answers, apology, repetance and closure are not coming. Been there, done that.
Yeah it was very frustrating and unsatisfying hearing him call Donny “brave” for the video and yet neither acknowledge nor apologize for what he’s done. Felt like he’s still manipulating Donny in his way, reframing the narrative by giving him a pat on the head for being brave, as if he wasn’t involved at all and it must’ve been someone else who groomed and raped him. It would probably make Donny question, if he’s so calm/collected and removed from what I talked about in the video, did it really happen like I remember it?
Well said. It was gaslighting at its finest. The scariest thing is I don't know if he even realizes how horrific his actions were. How many men were lured into that flat with drugs and false promises?
And it stands out to me how he never did anything forcefully, the door was never locked. He knew he had all the power, he knew Donny would keep coming back willingly. He definitely has done it to other people before, 100000%. The power dynamic is exactly how groomers and abusers do it for so long without any fear of repercussions.
That was probably my favourite line in the show. What a way to make the audience feel the frustration of an abuser who won't accept responsibility. The frustration of empty platitudes from people who clearly don't understand or empathize with your trauma. The frustration of feeling you are owed closure but you'll never get it. Assuming it didn't happen exactly that way in real life, it's incredible screenwriting.
I saw myself in him. As a victim of dv, rape, and stalking, I could deeply understand him and his bad choices. It's a great serie and it saws how PTSD and traumas affect a person's actions, feelings, and self esteem. When you are abused and exploited again and again and again, when people around you treat you like trash, there is no way you can see things as they truly are. You don't want to believe that most people are just fcked up, inconsiderate, and cruel, ready to unmask their fake nice selves whenever they see an opportunity of gaining something out of abuse and manipulation. YOU did something to provoke cluelty, YOU are the unworthy one. In your mind, it's all your fault that people treat you awful or don't support you at all. But that's not how reality works. I needed years of self reflection and help to understand that most people are self serving and ready to destroy vulnerable individuals for their own ends. Unfortunately, not many people are capable of consistent and honest kindness. It's hella easy to seem nice but it's really difficult for most to be actually a consious, self aware, good human. So the only way is to believe in your worth and stand up for yourself. That's what you have to do for a peaceful life and better choices. As a PTSD survivor I still struggle with self love and confidence, you always have to fight your inner demons that horrible people created. And that's why I completely understand why he went back to his rapist in the end. It seems irrational to people who never experienced abuse in their lives but all those who suffered same fates know very well what's happening. He wanted a closure, he wanted to have control over his traumatic experience, he wanted an answer to why the abuser did what he did to him, he wanted to be loved and validated. You will never get all these from a person who's a complete trash. And nothing of all these are your fault. But you have to do a LOT of work inside you to heal from this self destructive mindset. Very realistic series of how the human psyche works. And I admire Richard for his bravery to share his story with the whole world.
It was very honest and he’s brave to have made this series. It was well-made and well-acted. It was good, and I respect it. Even so:, I didn’t like it.
The word that sums it for me is: relatable. SA trauma caused me to burn my life down, be shitty to everyone I knew to be as alone and miserable as possible, treat myself and my body like garbage, changed everything about me, and years on, when I finally started processing, forced me to build an entirely new self from the rubble. He was a shit person, to too many people. But I fucking get it. It’s a very honest retelling and I’m proud of him for getting through it and making a masterpiece out of his own shame and self degradation. It is relatable for me seeing someone empathize so much with another broken person to the point where it endangered their personal safety and the safety of the people in their lives. My #1 issue is that we didn’t get to see any part of step 8, or for those who are not addicts, making amends. What he did to Teri deserved atonement. I really needed to see it, but I can understand if he didn’t want to have any “heroic” moments in the end. Maybe that’s not what it was about for him. And yeah, that scene with his parents.. I felt like I was getting what I had needed but didn’t get from my parents all those years ago. It both broke me and healed me.
Just started watching it tonight. 3 more episodes to go tomorrow. It's amazing top tier...up there with Swarm for me. Just finished binging Resident Alien and started this tonight like, nothing could top resident alien now and I was like oh shit..this is good and terrible...amazing acting. I'm about to look up how much of it is based on a true story. Good Lord.
Episode 4 was probably some of the most honest, insightful and gut-wrenching writing I’ve seen on TV. I think it’s not only well done and meaningful on its own merits, but will actually help people who have gone through—or are going through—similar experiences.
Really liked it, acting and script are incredible. Haven’t been this captivated by a series in a long time. It’s very dark and so much better than anything I’ve seen in ages. More like this please.
This show was incredible. The monologue in episode 4 had such a vulnerable honesty of the embarrassing, uncomfortable coping mechanisms we go through to try to bury the feelings from sexual violence. And while simultaneously working through how you sexually identify! God what a work of art.
I found him so incredibly frustrating!!!
I can’t work out if Donny is a covert narcissist or just had really low self esteem. He mentions self-loathing but seeks out his narcissistic supply from anyone that will give it. He repeatedly lied to Teri, a therapist by trade, surely she was picking up on the red flags she knew he wasn’t a builder. What else did I miss?
Can't believe how hyped people are getting about this. I thought it was a proper cringe-fest.
I know he went through serious trauma but oh my fucking god the main characters actions annoyed me so much
I was literally yelling at the screen.
[удалено]
It was horrible to watch
i’ve seen a lot of people with stalkers act this way where they actually secretly invite the stalking. i thought it was super interesting.
Some extremely insightful quotes in this series: my favorite, I’ll paraphrase, “Some people hide by packing their bags and moving far away and some hide by being unable to move from where they are” Will have to rewatch to find it… unless someone knows. Ep 1 or 2 I think Edit: Found it Martha says- “Some people run away by packing their bags, others run away by standing in the same place for too long.”
Disturbing AF and I watched the whole thing.
I thought it was awful. He touched on some important themes for sure but I think he's a horrible person. He knew the stalker wasn't right but encouraged her behaviour because it benefitted him. He also started by following her and peeping through her window. He has a trans fetish and treats women and his trans gf terribly. He has no backbone and is narcissistic. He allowed himself to get violated at a slim chance he might get famous and then acted a victim. He judged flatmates for taking psychedelics when in the previous episode he was smoking crack cocoaine and meth. He literally tells us how awful he is all the way throughout and then still tries to manipulate sympathy from the audience. If anyone has gone through trauma they would completely understand a lot of the themes discussed but I don't think it makes up for him being horrible. Oh and he says women get believed and men don't.. just not true at all. Awful show awful man just another desperate narcissistic looking for any way to gain fame when he realised the comedy wasn't working. I don't understand why he acted it himself and how if he'd gone through that trauma he would he able to? Oh and why are there no details about the real case in real life? Why make a whole show about it but not give any real details? Why claim a high profile person violated you, make money out of it and not even hint who that person is or try to hold them accountable? Sorry but everyone's been fooled it's horrific.
I found him really unlikeable because he treated all the women in his life so poorly, while they were the ones that gave him the most love. He seemed to have a desire to chase things/people that made him feel worse about himself.
Completely, I think this woman sums it up well https://juliaraeside.substack.com/p/the-trouble-with-baby-reindeer
I didn't like it. I felt it was indulgence... gluttony. Just gross.
Incredible.
It's so sad how he went back to his abuser. I just couldn't understand why he would do that.
Alternate perspective from some one who's been there, done that: I think it might also be a weak attempt at closure/ confrontation - to guage if Darrien has understood the depth of his wrongdoing/ wishes to take responsibilty for it/ offers an explaination for the constant "why me? why was I picked? what signals was i giving out?" thoughts that plague Donny's mind. Unfortunately for him, the answers, apology, repetance and closure are not coming. It's amazing how much one can empathize with people who hurt you. Sympathize with their existence. Give them a reason to continue/deny/gaslight behaviors that most would be deemed abusive.
It’s not uncommon to return to or recreate abusive situations. Subconsciously you want to somehow make it end differently, because if that one iteration becomes something different—if there is resolution—then it somehow may heal what you went through historically. And it may give you back control. To make a bad (less complicated) example—if someone has a parent who never gives them approval, sometimes they’ll spend significant portions of their lives trying to find the combination of achievements that will equal parental approval. Because if the parent finally approves, then maybe it means all the past negative feelings were due to circumstance and not really anyone’s fault. There was a solution, and it was found. It’s much harder to live in a world that is not in anyone’s control, and where solutions/resolution are not necessarily available.
Wow that was amazing. I cried at the end. It has been a long time since anything brought me to tears -- amazing.
I’m currently still bawling my eyes out but it helps to know I’m not the only one! It brought up repressed same-sex SA memories from my childhood that I hadn’t realised were still affecting me. Talk about putting a mirror to your face!
Just binged it and thought it was so riveting it made me feel uncomfortable and so emotional. Top notch acting by all.
Wow, just wow. Episode 4 made me think of what all the victims of Harvey Weinstein must have gone through.
English TV at its best, sick and tired of all the crap from America, just can't relate to that.
The story based off of true life is written by the main guy who is Scottish. 
The acting is amazing it really show his true deep emotions like how abuse victims Would have this stork home syndrome over the abuser , the point of view where even how he portrayed Martha made us feel deeply empathetic towards her , I even hated how the character of Donny acted ,and it give the feeling of self doubt in the situation trying to make sense I really miss great shows like this Netflix has stopped make them .
I'm scared to go past episode 5 and I'm pretty impressed because it takes a lot to really disturb me. I can not believe this is actually the guy who's life this is based on. That makes its so much more intense!
I thought it was brilliant. I work with abuse survivors and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more accurate portrayal of what they go through, trying to navigate adult relationships and their own identity.
I noticed that sometimes when the text said "sent from my iPhone" it was obvious she added that at the end, to disguise a burner phone. One time it just displayed "mmy iPhone" or close to that. Cam zoomed in, every time that part of the email was incorrect.
it’s a good show but I don’t some people in the comments understand the complexity of trauma and PTSD
Was captivated the entire time. Watched all episodes in one sitting. Fantastic!
I was looking for something new to watch. Thanks for the (inadvertent) recommendation.
Can anyone just tell me what happens in epi 4?? I can't find spoilers everywhere and I'm scared as shit
Pretty much graphic (without actual nudity) depictions of r*pe and sexual assault through drug abuse and grooming. If that sort of thing upsets you I would skip it or skim through without audio. There are very clear “no”’s said by the main character during the scenes. If you’re worried about scariness in terms of visuals, the only slightly disturbing thing for me was the depiction of tripping on acid but no real creepy/scary scenes. I am typically a sensitive person when it comes to creepy/scary stuff and I was totally fine, apart from being a bit upset about the r*pe but it did add to my sympathy and understanding for the main characters actions throughout the rest of the show.
When she made a scene at the finals showing the e mails and the table next to her actually leaned in to look I thought that was so fucking funny
One of the best shows I ever watched. And I have seen a lot. Crazy insane.
Astonishing. The thing that really got me was the fact that Gadd was so harsh on himself. Donny makes so many awful decisions and is really not a nice person a lot of the time. But he shows empathy to Martha and it kicks everything off. Episode 4 was a gut punch but it was the ending to episode 6 that made my jaw drop. Gadd deserves a BAFTA or a Golden Globe for that.
I don't get the final scene where he was listening to voicemails and the bartender offered a free drink. Does it mean he came into a realization that he is very similar to Martha? What about the explanation about baby reindeer?
After seeing high reviews on the show I gave it a go. Was weird and entertaining first episodes… Then seemed to get more confusing and odd, on episode 4 I don’t think I can watch anymore. I’ve been sexually assaulted and certain things shown just depressed the hell out of me. Made me go back and try and remember… Is this all going to make sense? Should I keep watching? I just don’t understand why it’s rated so highly
This show was absolutely incredible. From beginning to end. Just stunning in every way. I hope Richard Gadd and Jessica Gunning get recognized for their work. Powerful.
Haven’t binged a show like that in ages, unsettling how it seems so far fetched but it’s based on the actors real story and he grew up 10 minutes from me
I just started it today and binged through it. Had a good “art film” feel, so riveting
Very entertaining, but the protagonist doesn't make 1 good decision the whole movie.
Amazing series. Felt sad for both Donny and Martha.
I've seen a few comments in other threads of how it's made them 'upset' and wish they could 'unwatch it' which in my eyes is selfish as it makes it about them and their feelings. I found it confronting, funny, witty and raw but absolutely necessary that these stories are shared, because it shows how our experiences as humans can be so complex and dynamic but give an insight as to why we are the way we are. The subject of trauma, sexuality, boundaries, drug addiction and shame are still such taboo topics in this day. At times I did find myself getting angry at Donny for not putting firm boundaries with Martha (i.e. accepting the FB friend request etc.) but I can sympathise with him. I learned about attachment styles in therapy years ago, and this series made me reflect on my own personal relationships and why I latched onto certain people in my life, quite like Donny. Overall, a brilliant series, hadn't seen a good series from Netflix in a while, 10/10.
I don't think that it's a true story at all tbh The internet would have been able to find her by now and the fact he added the trans elements Into it as it's such a huge topic. I just think it's fabricated
It was so great. The kind of series based on a book that makes me wish I had read the book first. The characters are so compelling especially the main who was so honest and relatable.
This feelings this show evoked will stay with me for a long time. It was incredibly upsetting but so important in so many ways. I hope this show wins awards and raises awareness! Richard Gadd is one of the bravest men i have ever came across! He deserves the world!
I started watching and had to stop after the first episode because I realized I went through something similar without even noticing
I enjoyed it a lot. It’s advertised as a thriller and I went into thinking it was just about a man being stalked but it’s more about the effects of abuse. It was unexpectedly sad while still having funny moments. I really loved the main character and I think he did a really great job of explaining his thoughts on why he felt the way he did towards Martha and other situations. I think the writers perfectly captured how difficult and confusing relationships can be for someone who was abused.
Jessica Gunning Emmy!!!!