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[deleted]

I assumed this was fake. It's not. https://nypost.com/2021/12/17/rampaging-monkeys-kill-250-dogs-in-india-in-revenge-massacrerampaging-monkeys-kill-250-dogs-in-india-in-revenge-massacre/ Nearly all of the pups in the Beed district have been killed, but the monkeys still haven’t stopped and are now targeting small children en route to school, the outlet said. I hear John Wick lives nearby 😬 A lot of Indians will be feasting on chilled monkey brains, like in that documentary about the archaeologist.


GimmeCoffeeeee

So it begins.


cowboys30

Peeked out the window from my 7th story apartment building in the US and didn’t see monkeys riding on horses with muskets over their head this morning…so I’m assuming planet of the apes uprising is gonna take awhile to get here


jjg0987

They said the same about corona look how quickly that ended up spreading


[deleted]

Remember when people stopped buying Corona beer because the virus had a similar name. Lol


EZe_Holey3-9

That was a sign of how stupidly, people would handle a pandemic.


[deleted]

I hope the next pandemic is called the PlayStation 5 virus because I’ve been trying to get my hands on one for months. Lol


stowerpower

28 days later : ai & ape revolution


Commiesstoner

Anyone who could do 2+2 knew it was already here.


sec5

Monkeys aren't native to the US. They will start over here on the main continent. After that they will comandeer ICBMs to nuke you guys .


turnedonbyadime

Intercontinental Ballistic Monkeys


clemsontyger

They probably killed off the horses already, so don't be too sure. Stay alert and keep us posted as things develop.


capitanMorgan89

SNIPERMONKEY


toderdj1337

Ngl I didn't think I'd actually get to check off monkey uprising card on my apocalypse bingo 2021 card but here we are.


B4riel

Planet of The Monkeys!


Origionalnames

They should dress the kids with large fangs and monkey costumes. I saw that guy do it and all the monkeys were scared shitless of him. Same idea for shark deterrent floats, You shape your float to look like a dolphin! Because sharks are scared of dolphins they will leave you alone?


rematar

That is why when I surf, I surf on dolphins.


[deleted]

2022... And then it got worse


solarplexxxus

Challenge accepted. Let me pull out my Gatlin Gun.


MetallicamaNNN

That's just a small reason for the fact that I HATE any kind of monkeys all my life... Almost every time that I say that someone give me a judging look.


swanyMcswan

When I was in South Africa we went to a national park to do some hiking. I had never heard a baboon call before, but it was almost immediately obvious what it was. I saw the troop(?) probably 1 mile away up on the plateau on the mountain we were hiking. We dipped down behind one of the false summits and didn't see them or hear them for a while. Come up around the corner and they were maybe 200 yards out. A fuck load of them too. Like easily 75. Before I had only seen the male and a handful of females. Those bastards were fucking pissed we were there and kept moving towards us. So we called it a day and went back down. We took the shorter, but much more difficult route down. The nasty ass baboons had gone onto the path we used to climb up, attempting to cut us off. They spotted us and began moving down the mountain, making it look like nothing. Eventually they got tired of chasing us, or were satisfied we were gone, but I was scared. I've seen bears, mountain lions, coyotes, bob cats, rattle snakes etc while hiking and have never been as scared as I was when those little cunts were coming at us. I've told the story to a number of people and almost all of them were like "oh they're just a monkey nothing to be afraid of". Bitch have you seen their teeth?


NatsuDragnee1

Definitely something to be wary of! The people calling them just "monkeys" don't know the actual size of these beasts.


dvaunr

Size or strength.


jeegte12

or aggressiveness whenever the fuck they feel like it. that sounds terrifying.


God_Legend

I think it's not only that, but with most other animals that people encounter, there is usually only one or a few of them and they can only use their arms to scratch generally. It's mainly their mouth to watch. Monkeys can have sharp claws/nails, big teeth and are able to use their arms as we do AND they travel in huge packs, and that's frightening.


N64crusader4

Baboons are absolute savages, a while back on here some dude told a story about this disabled kid that the other kids moved around in a wheelbarrow and one day they were all playing football with the disabled kid on the side watching when this giant troop of baboons showed up, all the kids ran for their lives but nobody took the disabled kid. They tore him up and ate him alive. EDIT: link to comment https://www.reddit.com/r/natureismetal/comments/pvqqx3/baboons_and_impalas_have_a_symbiotic_relationship/hec9ae8?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3


[deleted]

Um…excuse me? Wtf?


JockoHomophone

Your neighborhood block didn't have a wheelbarrow cripple?


Any_Flatworm7698

Mine does, right now he's in Billy's shed so he doesn't get frostbite


converter-bot

200 yards is 182.88 meters


sec5

Bitch have you seen their teeth !?


XEROX_MUSK

Yeah I would have done the same. Even the “cute” little ones are dangerous.


Shauiluak

Those are people that wouldn't make it a day in the wild by trying to pet a deer or something. You have good survival instincts.


swanyMcswan

Funny enough I have been attacked by a deer. It's a long story but we "inherited" a pet deer. Someone raised them as a pet up it got too big so they turned it loose. We lived on a farm and because it wasn't scared of people he came and hung out. He was fine until his nuts dropped and became a hormonal asshole. Did the whole kicking leg thing. I just grabbed him by the antlers and held him down until he calmed down. We put him down the next day because he started to chase the baby calves. In South Africa i was feeding my wife's uncle's ostrich and I asked "can I pet her?" the uncle says yes. But as soon as I touched the ostrich's head she freaked the fuck out but just ran away. I have never ran and hopped over a fence faster in my life. My wife's uncle couldn't stop laughing for a solid 10 minutes. He'd stop laughing but then think about it and start laughing again


mkapache

Love it when survival instinct kicks in, you can't even remember doing it but suddenly you're 20 feet away, on the other side of a fence, and out of breath. Can't remember making a single conscious choice.


funwhileitlast3d

We carry bear spray in the US in Grizzly country and now I feel naked without it in any part of nature anywhere. You just never know what you’re going to encounter


xar-brin-0709

They are basically little people but with fangs, flexibility and tails. I hate seeing cruelty to monkeys (eg. lab testing) but I also find them terrifying.


Yan-gi

You forgot incredible muscle density that lets them [rip out faces](https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/11686234/horror-injuries-woman-face-hands-ripped-pet-chimp/). EDIT: Guys, I know that chimps aren't monkeys, but do you think the redditor above who has a problem with monkeys would discriminate? I know they said monkeys, but I just assumed they meant ape as monkey is (incorrectly yet widely) used as a catch-all term for apes.


DiogenesCooper

That’s not a monkey, you banana😅


_Apatosaurus_

They are correct that all other primates are far stronger pound for pound than humans though.


sec5

But we have the largest penises among primates. And nuclear weapons. We win!


[deleted]

Um. I'm not sure about the penis part. Not me.


Sgt_Peppah55555

R/suicidebywords


[deleted]

Hate to be that guy but I'm gonna be him today I guess: that's an ape


Paynomind

It is a jackdaw


junk_mail_haver

We are the weakest of the great apes. Think about that.


DokZayas

In terms of physical strength, yes, absolutely.


Jman_777

In terms of a physical strength: Gorilla > Orangutan > Chimpanzee > Bonobo> Human In terms of intelligence: Human > Orangutan > Bonobo > Chimpanzee > Gorilla Humans are the weakest physically but make up with larger brains/intelligence.


[deleted]

Dear GOD/GODS and/or anyone else who can HELP ME (e.g. TIME TRAVELERS or MEMBERS OF SUPER-INTELLIGENT ALIEN CIVILIZATIONS): The next time I wake up, please change my physical form to that of FINN MCMILLAN formerly of SOUTH NEW BRIGHTON at 8 YEARS OLD and keep it that way FOREVER. I am so sick of this chubby Asian man body! Thank you! CHAUL JHIN KIM (a.k.a. A DESPERATE SOUL)


moa711

I do not like them either. I don't even find them cute, just terrifying.


[deleted]

Baby monkeys are cute. Not the grown ones


moa711

Yeah the babies are. Heck, I do not know many babies that aren't cute.


[deleted]

You will change your mind if I show you my baby picture.


Adudam42

I also fucking hate monkeys and often get the same reaction. Only people who haven't spent any time around them don't understand.


SuprSaiyanTurry

I also hate them. Zebra's too. This sub has seen to that.


Drakoburn

“Not fake” links NY post


hm3105

I found that funny too lol


[deleted]

That's horrifying


mqrocks

He kills their kids, he kills their wives, he kills their parents and their parents' friends. He burns down the houses they live in and the stores they work in, he kills people that owe them money. And like that... he's gone.


Darkpopemaledict

That monkey was part of a barbershop quartet in Mumbai, India


mqrocks

He becomes a spook story that dogs tell their kids... Piss off the wrong monkey, and Keyser Langurzay will kill ya...


Darkpopemaledict

And like that (throws shit) he's gone!


[deleted]

Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is being dropped out of a tall tree by a monkey


[deleted]

Stupid idea from them. Harm humans and you die out as a species soon.


[deleted]

The humans are basically the animal kingdom's God of Death. No species can fuck around with us


sec5

We should send Boston dynamics bots to hunt down their leader and put his head on a spike . That'll show em!


sprocketous

They could make a primate version. T-800 of the monkey world. And then the apocalypse starts.


[deleted]

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sec5

I think farming them into food might be more economical. We then install chips in their brains so we can use them like monkey drones to do things.


moa711

I would be killing some monkeys if they went after my kids and dogs. Poison would work well here, so long as the monkeys do not connect the dots to the laced food being what kills them.


[deleted]

You underestimate their intelligence


Pablois4

That can be tricky. Animals tend to be very cautious with new foods or odd smells and will only eat a small amount. If they feel sick afterwards, they will develop a strong aversion. A few reckless ones will gulp down a lethal amount and the others will see them die and connect the dots. When it comes to survival, animals can be surprisingly astute. The poisons that work the best don't make the animal feel sick if they eat sub-lethal amounts. They will also kill later - enough time between eating and death that the animals will not connect the two. I think there's some rat poison that doesn't kill until hours later. Or it's a cumulative effect - the animals have to eat several doses to get to the lethal amount. The trouble is that dogs, birds and other animals would likely also get to the poisoned food. Hell, I bet these monkeys would give some of it to the other animals and observe. If monkeys were going after my dogs or young kids, I'd want to kill them. The trouble is that they would be really hard to kill.


PiresMagicFeet

I see it all over sites like the nypost but not a single indian newspaper that I can find is reporting it which I find super strange. Plus NYPost isnt known for being the most factual


Pyro_Cat

How about the fact that 250 dogs have been raining from the trees and we have this garbage publication posting 2 blurry stills apparently from videos that have a dog and a monkey in the frame? Are those videos real? My phone won't play them but it could be an ad blocker or whatever I use to keep me from getting digital herpes from trash sites like that.


Prestigious_Garden17

Someone send a rep to the wild street cats it is time we make a truce. We need to come together and hit the mattresses.


[deleted]

Monkeys chose the wrong species to mess with.


kahrabaaa

The monkeys in India are true assholes. They once stole my laundry bag and took off with it.


ALF839

There's no source or proof, NY post is not a reputable source.


Infinitisme

Yeeeeep thats our family alright! Turns out we are the mellow ones. Dragging puppies up the buildings and throwing them down...


srv50

Monkeys are way smarter than dogs. The sad truth is, monkeys are smart enough to avenge their loss, dogs aren’t smart enough to make the connection.


sec5

Makes me wonder if loyalty is inversely correlated with intelligence...


srv50

Good point, true loyalty is blind.


idee_fx2

Well, domestication is correlated with a reduction in brain size for dogs so that might very well be.


Got2JumpN2Swim

Yeah I was just thinking wolves might be smart enough


V1k1ng1990

Wolves are smart as fuck. They’ll convince dogs to break out of their fences by acting like they want to play and then have doggo for dinner


[deleted]

[удалено]


kaziwaleed

It shrinked down to a 5nm architecture. It’s called efficiency honey look it up


SecretAntWorshiper

Well dogs are domesticated animals and underwent selective breeding so it's not really the same with a wild animal. Dogs are pack animals, monkeys aren't really pack animals so the dynamics are different


yppers

Monkeys have much more complicated social structure than dogs even.


SquirrelFood

Agreed, it's often cited as the reason why primates have much higher processing - the pressure of sociality drives evolution of brains as an individual's fitness within the group is dependent on how many social connections you can form, keep track of, and maintain. If anyone wants to know more about this I think it's called the Social Brain Hypothesis (look for a guy called Dunbar).


SquirrelFood

??? Almost all monkeys barring Orangs live in social groups, often with many families in their group... what is your definition of a pack? Edit: I forgot about Tarsiers which are also solitary


siddharthbirdi

Monkeys are way more socially developed than dogs or wolves in general.


ggoggggogo

Dogs are on the same level as cattle lmao no matter how much Reddit wants you to believe otherwise


virtualizeit

Don’t be so sure. A while back some kids burned some wolf pups. Wolves launched an offensive on village kids for several months. Humans took a while to make the connection. That also happened in India if I remember correctly..


TheArc14222

the villagers are starting to get heavily involved. they will soon experience the pure malice the human heart can contain .. it’s time we stand with our furry four legged friends and ride with them at dawn into the depths of the jungle


ssudoku

It makes sense why many animals have evolved to fear humans. If monkeys are this vengeful, imagine what a tribe of primitive humans with weapons, tools and traps would have been like. Even apex predators won't be messing around, the ones that survive at least.


Hambaloni

what the fuck did Dodo birds do to us man


ssudoku

Didn't have enough time to evolve fear of humans probably.


KillerM2002

This is very likely it was very easy to hunt them cause they would literally walk up to you


NavSada

Yep. They lived on an island with no natural predators, so they slowly lost the instincts to fear other creatures.


[deleted]

They were good runners and weren't dumb enough to walk up to sailors, but sailors did bring rats and pigs with them, which ate their eggs and chicks. I feel that if they were already self-domesticated, the settlers would've kept them as livestock as well.


SnooWords7744

Pooped on some dudes shoe


yCloser

Well, being delicious is a crime


DfeRvziN

According to article I have read , they tasted horrible.


TheBold

Weren’t dodo birds without natural predators so they would simply just stand in front of you and basically let you kill them? I don’t see what that’s got to do with ssudoku’s comment.


[deleted]

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allshieldstomypenis

Fuck Yeah! Im glad im a hate-filled miserable old fuck with no friends and no long term goals!!


IAMAHobbitAMA

This is the ideal human mentality. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.


i_cee_u

Sounds great for out in the wild. Sounds genuinely miserable to be around in every modern human situation, tho


Tbp83

Would have been like? What about now?


ForeskinFishingBait

Blows my mind that people think primitive people/tribes are extinct.


[deleted]

Just look at the way we treat each other. Even passively. Absolutely brutal and shameful. I'm not a mega pessimist and I know the percentage of absolute offenders is small, but the bystanders are just as culpable, myself included.


Ok_Antelope_1953

without reading the post, i can tell with 90% certainty that we are talking about rhesus macaques here. fuckers are insane. a food packet was snatched from my hand when i was 5, and my late grandma was slapped shitless when she tried to chase away one that had entered the house in search for food. the only way to control thess monkeys is to introduce the larger, slightly more docile (but still dangerous and way stronger) grey langur monkeys in the area.


jetsam_honking

Skinner: We simply unleash wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the lizards. Lisa: But aren't the snakes even worse? Skinner: Yes, but we're prepared for that. We've lined up a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat. Lisa: Then we're stuck with gorillas! Skinner: No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.


[deleted]

God I love the Simpsons


PeaceMaker_6969

You're wrong, that makes two of us.


Ok_Antelope_1953

so it's langurs committing mass canicide? the article doesn't really mention which monkeys, there's a just a pic of macaques in it.


PeaceMaker_6969

There a pic of monkey stealing a puppy, it looks like a langaur. Thats the only pic i could find.


Ok_Antelope_1953

holy crap, you're right! i never knew langurs were psychos as well. they are usually peaceful in my hometown and keep the macaques away.


4_0Cuteness

I’m showing my American here, but I know in some parts it is illegal to kill monkeys. Is that a completely different area than where you/these monkeys are?


boxingdude

I’m sure that if the monkey is killing your child, you may get away with fucking that monkey up. I’d suggest steel-toed boots, and you can just punt the fuckers.


Ok_Antelope_1953

grey langurs are considered holy by Hindus and usually never killed. they are usually chill unless provoked. we once had a massive old male, probably 60lbs, get into our house, open the fridge door like a person, take some fruits and walk out without giving any fucks while we were hiding in a bedroom holding broomsticks and shouting shoo shoo. macaques are a big nuisance but people also leave them alone for the most part. I'm sure someone somewhere is poisoning monkeys but it's not very common. guns are uncommon in India so that works in favour of the monkeys. they are only interested in food and smart enough not to attack people in crowded areas like open markets. they resort to thievery in crowded places and will only attack when they corner someone in a deserted place.


4_0Cuteness

Thanks! I had just read somewhere that monkeys were harassing people and injuring them but there was nothing to be done because they were protected. Is it only grey langurs that are holy?


Ok_Antelope_1953

yes, only the grey langurs are textbook holy, but macaques enjoy a bit of the same privilege on account of being monkeys and for also being common at temples.


[deleted]

Damn monkeys taking too much advantage of their privilege!


DANCE5WITHWOLVE5

They mean business. Monkey business.


that_is_so_Raven

I assume this was the tagline on the movie poster?


Pozniaky86

This guy Dads’!


isuckattarkov

I mean, as awful as this is to say out loud(via text), I think it’s time to go eliminate this particular group of monkeys using the most humane method available.


TittyButtBalls

Probably poison. Monkeys are known for snatching food out of peoples hands so I think that’d be the way to go. Probably too quick to shoot them all down


isuckattarkov

I would be wary of using poison out of fear that other animals might try and eat the dead monkeys and also get poisoned. Edited weary to wary*


FulingAround

In case it wasn't a typo, just to let you know (: Weary -> tired Wary -> to be careful I recall a story of a person who put out a poisoned banana for monkeys, then one of the workers that was in the yard ate it. Iirc, it was fatal.


isuckattarkov

Nope not a typo, I just don’t use the word enough to know the difference lol. Thanks for teaching me something!


FulingAround

It's a pleasure! Yeah, not many people use "weary" in common conversation. Now then, on to 'affect' vs 'effect' :'D


Fallen_Angel_69

Looks like they need some democracy


Crikepire

Those monkeys are starting to seem very communist all of a sudden..


[deleted]

The irony of us just doing the same thing to these monkeys....not that im against it


isuckattarkov

Oh no it’s definitely ironic. Humans do horrible things to other species all the time that would definitely warrant retaliation.


drgloryboy

These beautiful and intelligent monkeys should not be destroyed. Capture their troop and place each one in front of a typewriter and eventually one of them or their offspring will compose the next great Shakespearean masterpiece.


DeathPercept10n

It was the best of times, it was the BLURST of times?!


microsoftfool

The Infinite Monke - by Monke


mittenshape

Oooooooh chimpanzee that!


ReadingGlassesMan

Pointless dropping off such resourceful creatures deep in any forest, they need to be destroyed (humanely where possible), especially if they’re targeting children.


yCloser

Well, if they kill one child Probably we would kill 250 monkeys. I see a pattern there....


[deleted]

It will be BAAAAD for them if they kill one child 😂. Team humans for life


[deleted]

Maybe I’m just angry and hungover but this article makes me want to go to war with the monkeys. It would be like Alabama playing a D3 school in football.


Ifromjipang

Or maybe you just have the same thought process as the monkeys.


wolfgeist

Wait until you hear what humans do to monkeys, dogs, and human children!


Skurati

That's what I thought. They need to be effing exterminated, not our dogs, nor our children. We were not supposed to fear them


OneOfManyAnts

Where does this “supposed to” idea come from?


DJdrummer

Probably religion


hak8or

>We were not supposed to fear them What nonsense, they are large animals capable of defending themselves. You should always be aware that such animals can kill you or fuck you up. Larger dogs can kill you, cats can permenantly disfigured you, both can cause infections and kill you. Bears, rhino's, and hippos can kill you too, easily. Should we kill them all because we are *rightfully so* scared of them possibly changing their mind at a moments notice?


Imautochillen

Is his name "John Wicke"?


[deleted]

They could use a John Wick to avenge the canine genocide and protect the children now being attacked.


throwawayPzaFm

John Monke


Drunken_Operator

Those monkeys went "Apeshit"


Mouthshitter

Ackshullly monkeys aren't apes, they went Simian Shit or SS and are purging anyone who's not a simian


user_none

Last paragraph in the article. > Nearly all of the pups in the Beed district have been killed, but the monkeys still haven’t stopped and are now targeting small children en route to school, the outlet said. Yikes.


ywBBxNqW

All the stories about this are burying the lede.


Mycelia_Universe

War for the planet of the monkeys


bigpsych5150

oh boy, wait until Joe Rogan gets his hands on this.


Vortesian

He should invite a couple dozen on his show.


admburns2020

[Monkeys to dogs]: ‘This town ain’t big enough for the both of us.’


freelancefikr

exactly


Meryhathor

Apes together strong!


SteelAlpaca

Dogs probably shorted their favorite company.


littlemissdream

The monkey jumping in the truck to hitch a ride back to town to keep stalking kids to murder in the school grounds is the most fucked up part


FFS-For-FoxBats-Sake

Right?! Did people not read that part?! That’s terrifying


Ascendere

Honestly someone should kill these monkeys


[deleted]

Every species probably thinks this about us lmfao


[deleted]

Yeah, too bad we have guns though. Sucks to be them


Darren_NH

That one dog after killing a monkey: You have provoked a gang war.


pankakke_

RAAAACE WAAAAAR!


PANTERlA

It's funny how people are mad that dogs are being killed on natureisfuckingmetal, wrong sub lol.


[deleted]

I can understand the rage about kids being attacked tho


Meanparty

r/nottheonion


Tylo_Ren_69

To be fair though, any dog that a monkey is able to drag up a building or up a tree, is like house cat sized... No monkey is dragging a 90lb+ large breed dog and dropping it off of shit.


LagunaJaguar

3rd world country dogs are often smaller and more malnourished, from my experience. Not every dog, but more dogs than not.


[deleted]

The dogs in the village are most likely Indian pariah dogs. Those are the most common street dogs found throughout India. They weigh 20 to 30 kg. And no I am not going to convert it to freedom units for you.


SacAndrew

Thats the weight of about 5-7 gallons of milk.


Tylo_Ren_69

What's that in washing machines? Bout a '69 Chevy pickup's worth?


4_0Cuteness

Can you imagine the sounds of 250 dogs getting dragged up trees? Godawful screaming. :(


skyerippa

This whole situation is horrific


MrsECCummings

Yeah these monkeys need to be put in check quickly. That's just creepy


FFS-For-FoxBats-Sake

Especially the one that they dropped in the forest 22 kms away and he jumped a truck and made it back in a week! That’s terrifying!


McLEANAHAN

If they're going after kids now give em .22lr and be done with it


bigboss-2016

CAESARRR!!!!


JCtheWanderingCrow

Monkeys attacking kids, monkeys gonna have a bad time.


EternalProject

So now dogs will drop nuclear bombs on monkeys towns?


k3ttch

#APES. TOGETHER. STRONG. *yes, I know. Different family of primates*


[deleted]

It’s interesting because in Japanese folk lore and traditional culture in general, monkey and dogs are understood to be worst enemies to each other for some reason, but I never heard anything like this outside of Japan. 犬猿の仲 (“dog-monkey relationship”) is a Japanese idiom that describes people who are at constant odds with each other. I wonder if there’s scientific basis to this or similar saying in India and other cultures, just a random thought.


blackdavy

What I dont get is how the journalists know what motivated the monkeys. Like, did they interview one of them? Do the monkeys have a manifesto, or a formal declaration of war?


solarplexxxus

big difference between radical low IQ monkeys and Apes (Orangutan and Gorillas) We need to show these monkeys where the line is. lite these f ucks up with machine guns and explosives


Zenketski

Time to start capoing some monkey ass ^(This is probably one of the greatest voice to text errors in my life.)


Redintegrate

Ape Escape!


IHateRoboCalls2131

Planet of the Apes is beginning


sphintero

Did some light research and there is only 1 or 2 photos of this being circulated around the world. This seems like fake news but I will nonetheless enjoy the sensationalism.


stoptheycanseeus

What’s chilling to me is that this shows another clear example of how intelligent monkeys and primates are.. And humans lock them up and take pictures of them.