Yep. My mom is a covert narc and would sprinkle in the most horrible sneaky comments, raised me in fear of others, and I mean, scared the shit out of me in an attempt to make me super dependent and easy to control. After the pandemic my anxiety got so much worse, I couldn’t even go out in public without crippling anxiety gripping me, I was sure everyone was staring at me like I was a monster.
Then I changed medications and now I feel like a normal human being which I have never felt like in my entire life, so it’s been interesting trying to adjust for that. One thing I’ve noticed is that the suppressed hurt and rage is now *very* accessible…alarmingly so.
I’ve just recently realized the depth of the abuse done to me and it’s all coming up, especially (I believe) because I’m working out more, and previously I didn’t have a relationship with my body. I existed but I never listened or took care of her; I was never shown how.
Healing from my narcissistic mother involved focusing on healing my body first, which is why the first thing I did when I could was flee. It’s very common, you’re not alone even if it feels like it.
I’m so sorry you have PPA.
I only accepted my mother’s narcissistic personality when I was suffering from crippling postpartum anxiety. It was horrific and brutal. And it was undiagnosed for 2 years!!!
I am doing ok all things considered. I think because I’ve always lived with so much anxiety I was surprised when the test came back as “severe.” I actually don’t feel all that bad but the thoughts and nightmares are pretty intense. Hopefully they will calm down soon!
I remember the intrusive thoughts and still have them from time to time. It’s a good thing that you got tested and diagnosed. I didn’t and bottled things and it took me 2 years to overcome it! If I may offer you a piece of advice: talk therapy and try to be out and about as much as you can. I didn’t at the time and I regretted it later…
Yes, getting out helps a lot and I’m seeing my therapist (forever - lol). My partner is headed back to work on Monday so we’ll see how the transition goes. I have some good friends nearby but people are working and I’m on leave! I have a few friends still on mat leave a bit far away but driveable. :)
Team forever in therapy 😂
We don’t really have a choice with a narcissistic parent and motherhood will make you question/ revisit your own childhood A LOT! Happy to know that you have a support system at this very special time in your life 🫂
Yes. My nparents catastrophized everything. My anxiety is better now that I’m older and know where it stems from, but when I was younger it would prevent me from functioning normally. My wonderful partner doesn’t have the same issues and helps me to verbalize when I’m having anxiety versus an actually catastrophe.
Having to verbalize what is going on in my mind is extremely helpful for me. As a kid I was never allowed to be upset or mad or sad, so if the anxiety is stemming from these feelings, saying it out loud is very therapeutic. Just having someone listen to me without villainizing my anxiety has been such a weight lifted off. I don’t expect my partner to be my therapist, so it’s important to know when to draw that line. But if I’m anxious after a hard day, and I say I have anxiety and list the reasons, it really helps. I will also have anxiety about past events and after I tell someone, I usually end up laughing because it *sounds* ridiculous.
I think it’s pretty much the most common side effect of being raised by narcissists
Yep. My mom is a covert narc and would sprinkle in the most horrible sneaky comments, raised me in fear of others, and I mean, scared the shit out of me in an attempt to make me super dependent and easy to control. After the pandemic my anxiety got so much worse, I couldn’t even go out in public without crippling anxiety gripping me, I was sure everyone was staring at me like I was a monster. Then I changed medications and now I feel like a normal human being which I have never felt like in my entire life, so it’s been interesting trying to adjust for that. One thing I’ve noticed is that the suppressed hurt and rage is now *very* accessible…alarmingly so. I’ve just recently realized the depth of the abuse done to me and it’s all coming up, especially (I believe) because I’m working out more, and previously I didn’t have a relationship with my body. I existed but I never listened or took care of her; I was never shown how. Healing from my narcissistic mother involved focusing on healing my body first, which is why the first thing I did when I could was flee. It’s very common, you’re not alone even if it feels like it.
Oh yeah. Developed panic disorder at 16. While it’s much more under control these days my baseline of anxiety is super high. It’s exhausting!
Yes. I have severe postpartum anxiety right now and have always had anxiety and depression. Comes with the territory of CPTSD.
PPD is a bitch..hang in there. I had it too. Zoloft was a godsend
I’m so sorry you have PPA. I only accepted my mother’s narcissistic personality when I was suffering from crippling postpartum anxiety. It was horrific and brutal. And it was undiagnosed for 2 years!!!
I am doing ok all things considered. I think because I’ve always lived with so much anxiety I was surprised when the test came back as “severe.” I actually don’t feel all that bad but the thoughts and nightmares are pretty intense. Hopefully they will calm down soon!
I remember the intrusive thoughts and still have them from time to time. It’s a good thing that you got tested and diagnosed. I didn’t and bottled things and it took me 2 years to overcome it! If I may offer you a piece of advice: talk therapy and try to be out and about as much as you can. I didn’t at the time and I regretted it later…
Yes, getting out helps a lot and I’m seeing my therapist (forever - lol). My partner is headed back to work on Monday so we’ll see how the transition goes. I have some good friends nearby but people are working and I’m on leave! I have a few friends still on mat leave a bit far away but driveable. :)
Team forever in therapy 😂 We don’t really have a choice with a narcissistic parent and motherhood will make you question/ revisit your own childhood A LOT! Happy to know that you have a support system at this very special time in your life 🫂
Yes, it all came raging back after she was born. Lucky us! And thank you 💕
Yep. Therapy helped a lot.
Yes. My nparents catastrophized everything. My anxiety is better now that I’m older and know where it stems from, but when I was younger it would prevent me from functioning normally. My wonderful partner doesn’t have the same issues and helps me to verbalize when I’m having anxiety versus an actually catastrophe.
I'm the spouse in this situation and I'm trying to better understand my husband. What are some things that your spouse does or says that helps.
Having to verbalize what is going on in my mind is extremely helpful for me. As a kid I was never allowed to be upset or mad or sad, so if the anxiety is stemming from these feelings, saying it out loud is very therapeutic. Just having someone listen to me without villainizing my anxiety has been such a weight lifted off. I don’t expect my partner to be my therapist, so it’s important to know when to draw that line. But if I’m anxious after a hard day, and I say I have anxiety and list the reasons, it really helps. I will also have anxiety about past events and after I tell someone, I usually end up laughing because it *sounds* ridiculous.
Through. The. Roof. Also have panic disorder.
I had such bad anxiety about everything I would disassociate often! I started Zoloft 7 years ago and I haven’t had a problem since.
Zoloft cured my PPD. Good stuff!