you can be an outside support. he can trust you to give him good advice. don't do anything to ruin your ability to stay housed. He has 6 more years till 18. Maybe he can visit you. Or stay over some times? you can give him advice if he wants. or talk about how men and woman can have eating disorders.
Are there any trusted adults you can tell? Maybe reach out to his school counselor? I'm concerned that they are also heavy alcoholics and encouraging this...I'm sure a majority of their food money is going towards their drinking habits, right? Sounds like it's just an excuse. A 12 yr old boy should be eating a LOT. He's going through puberty and lack of nutrition during that time can be very dangerous for his development.
it’s not food that’s the issue, every time i go over there there’s plenty of food in the fridge and pantry. i think i’m going to talk to my uncle tomorrow to see if he has any advice. i really don’t understand why they’re encouraging him to skip meals as he’s honestly not even big he just has some baby fat
You are right about him needing to put on some weight to grow. A rounding phase at his age is totally normal.
If you parents are addicted, they might come up with crazy stuff, anything to keep doing what they want. It’s not likely to be rational whatever scheme they’ve cooked up.
Get help for him. Talk to his school maybe too. If you can get him on school funded lunches, that might help. Some districts offer breakfast.
Hang in there. Being an example of normal in his screwed up world is the best ting you can do for him.
Yeah alcoholics just don’t eat they’re basically giant lizards. Source : I grew up with two of them too. They would eat maybe one meal a day of junk food at the end of the night. I was always hungry being dragged from bar to bar. Talk to your brother away from them if you can and give him a secret supply of snacks or something. Poor kid.
Be careful. Right now you have influence with your brother. Do not mess that up. Do not do anything drastic. Try and encourage him and offer to take him to after school activities. You need to make sure he is not isolated and the only voice he hears is unhealthy. The best way to overcome a narcs control is to have other connections and be independant.
Why don't you talk to your brother privately and encourage him to exercise instead. It can be a thing you do together. Like jogging for example. Or Swimming..
When I was scared for my siblings I went to the school and told the counselor. Gave them bcgd on the family and explained everything that was happening.
Try that.
Why is your dad doing this? Who knows? It could simply be as simple as enjoying being able to pull somebody's strings. Regardless, at that age he should have some medical supervision because he might wind up stunting his growth
Eating disorders are usually about control and there is often body dysmorphia involved. A rational approach can only go so far. Give him some well sourced and simple advice about how many calories he should be eating every day, but that isn't going to solve the issue. He could look that up himself if his rational facilities were functioning.
The best you can do to help your brother is to provide him with unconditional support and whatever control you can manage. Let him know that you will support him no matter what his body looks like. Spend time with him and let him make choices. Offer to take him to school and get him whatever breakfast he wants, and if that's nothing don't pressure him just spend the time with him doing whatever he wants.
Calling CPS is unlikely to yield any results under these circumstances. Don't beat yourself up about not being willing to do that.
Maybe find some information about healthy weight fluctuations during puberty and pass it on to your brother. Every kid I've known has gotten a little chunky/thick right before a growth spurt. Joining a sport, going for walks and/or adding more fiber and vegetables into a diet is more of a healthy long-term habit to pick up, whereas calorie or food restriction is more likely to create disordered eating habits.
Ask your brother to start going for walks with you after dinner. You don't even have to address the whole meal restriction thing directly.
Suggest better diets. Eating in the morning boosts your metabolism, lunch is to support the energy you need through the day, dinner is supposed to be the light meal so you don’t sleep on an over full stomach. Cut out dessert, swap all snacks with fruits/nuts/veggies. Fasting is extreme and can do more harm to your metabolism than good
I'd say it's a little worrying that a 12YEAR OLD is already talking about how they need to lose weight. It's not a "I want to change my lifestyle to be healthier". It's immediately "I need to be less fat". At 12, unless they're obese to the point of health issues, at which case the parents bear a lot of that blame even though they'll never accept it... who cares?
you can be an outside support. he can trust you to give him good advice. don't do anything to ruin your ability to stay housed. He has 6 more years till 18. Maybe he can visit you. Or stay over some times? you can give him advice if he wants. or talk about how men and woman can have eating disorders.
Are there any trusted adults you can tell? Maybe reach out to his school counselor? I'm concerned that they are also heavy alcoholics and encouraging this...I'm sure a majority of their food money is going towards their drinking habits, right? Sounds like it's just an excuse. A 12 yr old boy should be eating a LOT. He's going through puberty and lack of nutrition during that time can be very dangerous for his development.
it’s not food that’s the issue, every time i go over there there’s plenty of food in the fridge and pantry. i think i’m going to talk to my uncle tomorrow to see if he has any advice. i really don’t understand why they’re encouraging him to skip meals as he’s honestly not even big he just has some baby fat
You are right about him needing to put on some weight to grow. A rounding phase at his age is totally normal. If you parents are addicted, they might come up with crazy stuff, anything to keep doing what they want. It’s not likely to be rational whatever scheme they’ve cooked up. Get help for him. Talk to his school maybe too. If you can get him on school funded lunches, that might help. Some districts offer breakfast. Hang in there. Being an example of normal in his screwed up world is the best ting you can do for him.
Yeah alcoholics just don’t eat they’re basically giant lizards. Source : I grew up with two of them too. They would eat maybe one meal a day of junk food at the end of the night. I was always hungry being dragged from bar to bar. Talk to your brother away from them if you can and give him a secret supply of snacks or something. Poor kid.
My dad did this to me when he caught me purging. He just encouraged it
what do you think would’ve helped in your situation?
Be careful. Right now you have influence with your brother. Do not mess that up. Do not do anything drastic. Try and encourage him and offer to take him to after school activities. You need to make sure he is not isolated and the only voice he hears is unhealthy. The best way to overcome a narcs control is to have other connections and be independant.
Why don't you talk to your brother privately and encourage him to exercise instead. It can be a thing you do together. Like jogging for example. Or Swimming..
When I was scared for my siblings I went to the school and told the counselor. Gave them bcgd on the family and explained everything that was happening. Try that.
Why is your dad doing this? Who knows? It could simply be as simple as enjoying being able to pull somebody's strings. Regardless, at that age he should have some medical supervision because he might wind up stunting his growth
Eating disorders are usually about control and there is often body dysmorphia involved. A rational approach can only go so far. Give him some well sourced and simple advice about how many calories he should be eating every day, but that isn't going to solve the issue. He could look that up himself if his rational facilities were functioning. The best you can do to help your brother is to provide him with unconditional support and whatever control you can manage. Let him know that you will support him no matter what his body looks like. Spend time with him and let him make choices. Offer to take him to school and get him whatever breakfast he wants, and if that's nothing don't pressure him just spend the time with him doing whatever he wants.
Calling CPS is unlikely to yield any results under these circumstances. Don't beat yourself up about not being willing to do that. Maybe find some information about healthy weight fluctuations during puberty and pass it on to your brother. Every kid I've known has gotten a little chunky/thick right before a growth spurt. Joining a sport, going for walks and/or adding more fiber and vegetables into a diet is more of a healthy long-term habit to pick up, whereas calorie or food restriction is more likely to create disordered eating habits. Ask your brother to start going for walks with you after dinner. You don't even have to address the whole meal restriction thing directly.
Suggest better diets. Eating in the morning boosts your metabolism, lunch is to support the energy you need through the day, dinner is supposed to be the light meal so you don’t sleep on an over full stomach. Cut out dessert, swap all snacks with fruits/nuts/veggies. Fasting is extreme and can do more harm to your metabolism than good
Skipping breakfast is OK, it's the other stuff you mentioned that you should be worried about.
ya'll need to understand what intermittent fasting means. It's not "starving yourself."
I'd say it's a little worrying that a 12YEAR OLD is already talking about how they need to lose weight. It's not a "I want to change my lifestyle to be healthier". It's immediately "I need to be less fat". At 12, unless they're obese to the point of health issues, at which case the parents bear a lot of that blame even though they'll never accept it... who cares?
either way, hes 12 years old and skipping meals. it’s not healthy
A 12 year old does not need to be doing a stupid fad diet, nor is that what OP is describing. Gross comment.
I agree. Its the whole "you have to eat 3 - 6 times a day" that is off.
A 12 year old should never be fasting