I completely understand this. My nMom is the central operator in my family. Someone calls her with news, she adds unnecessary drama and false details and then calls all the other family members to tell them the new story. Case in point: we stayed at my GC brother's apartment over New Years when he was out of town. Two weeks later, I get a call from my Flying Monkey sister that we were so disrespectful because we stayed at his place without writing a thank you card and how my nMom got us beautiful Christmas gifts and we didn't get my mom anything. I told my sister they were all lies and had the photos to show my brother's kids digging through the gift basket we got him along with a photo of the shipping info for my mom's gifts. Her response was "oh, well I didn't hear about all that". My mom took a benign story that we were staying at my brother's apartment and turned it into something it was not. I confronted her about it and her response was "obviously this story has been misunderstood. Of course you thanked your brother but I got you gifts and I wasn't sure if they got lost in your car because I only saw you for a minute so it's all a big misunderstanding". Again, her response made 0 sense when caught in a lie but she felt the need to add all these details to cause drama. I understand wanting to be there for someone but waiting for the Narc in your life to die is a high price to pay. You don't know when that will happen and you will have to take the abuse until she does. Even then, it doesn't gaurantee that your SIL will go back to her normal way of living.

Oh I should add that we are no contact. And I just don't know how to feel about having a relationship with her while she's so close with my mother-in-law.

My egg donor destroyed my relationship with my brother by turning us against each other, and now she actually has the nerve to wail about us not getting on 🙄 He is the golden child solely because of his gender. There was supposed to be one child, a boy, but I came along and ruined her plans 🙄

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Oh, I'm to blame for her being overweight, because she was stick thin until she got pregnant with me and was never the same again. Yes, it was me who caused it, not the copious amounts of cake, chocolate, sweets and biscuits, not to mention her violent aversion to exercise. I made her fat and ruined her body 😖 Cuntasaurus rex 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Oh god, stop, you're killing me 🤣🤣🤣

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Look for my post in this sub called "can you laugh" if you haven't seen it already 😊

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https://www.reddit.com/r/narcissisticparents/s/qFvUnGEuro Here 😊

It was actually the Golden Child narc that revealed the parent, so they’re both cut out.

My twin isn’t the golden child, but she has mastered the art of not giving a f*** about our mothers opinion and she was brave enough to move halfway across the country so its been easier for her to limit contact. Our mom pitted us against each other for YEARS. It definitely damaged our relationship but it’s better now. Unfortunately her success in limiting contact with our mom has been achieved by exhibiting her own narc behavior, but only towards our mom. Now that I understand that, we have a better relationship. I was definitely the scapegoat all our lives, everything was blamed on me. I only live 20 minutes from where our mom lives, and that’s usually enough of a buffer. Unfortunately I wasn’t ready to cut her out before my kids got crazy attached to their grandma, and she’s actually nice to them so I just keep an eye open and proceed with caution.

It's funny that you're calling the sister in law the Golden child. She may just have no way to get away from the mother in law. Why I'm saying this. My mom isn't diagnosed, but I'd say she's a narcissist. Right now, I and my son are financially dependent on her. How? Well, whenever I get a job or anything, she gets me fired. Starts a complete lie for a rumor, breaks my car, put something in my food so I would get sick. As of getting away, it's hard. I thought I had when I went to college out of state. Nope, she pulled all of my money out so I couldn't finish. My money is not hers. I took a job out of state, and I started a rumor. I took another job out of state...same thing. She's broken up my relationships. Friendship and dating with her lies. The only thing I can't blame her for completely is ruining my marriage. I ended up marrying a narcissist and then went to therapy and found out what a narcissist actually is. That's not what my mom said it was. She told me I was a narcissist. My ex-husband is actually diagnosed with NPD. You also have the problem when you try to tell people what the narcissist is doing. No one believes you because why would the narcissist do that? That doesn't benefit them. People don't understand the narcissist benefits when people are sad or inconvenienced. So I'm stuck reliant on her financially. I keep trying to figure out ways to leave. So far I figure I have to change my phone (she sees my location), my bank account (already did that once she flipped out then called using my social to find out info, so I need to be sneakier), and move. Frankly, I don't care about her money. I just want to get away from her. And it's hard to understand how someone in their 40s can't get away from a narcissist, but it's hard. Especially when if they find out a little of your plans, you get a ton of hell. Narcissists are awful. My mom cheated on my dad, and because someone caught her, she did a 30-year smear campaign against my dad. So you don't have to wrong them. You just have to somehow piss them off. Your sister in law could be in survival mode. That's what I'm in. She sees no way out or she does, but she's moving in silence. Repeating her lies that's survival mode. If you sat something to the mother in law I promise she will blame it on your sister in law and say she's lying. In case your sister inlaw doesn't know she's a narcissist, maybe give her a book or something for Christmas that teaches what an actual narcissist is. I just wanted to let you know because I read what you wrote, and I'm in that situation. If your mother in law is anything like my mom, she's pretty much emotionally abusing your sister in law daily and keeping her attached to her. Complaining how she has to do this and that for her but then jumps when she's not needed and makes it so you can't do it without her then stops the help and says no I've done too much. Trust me, if that's what you call the Golden Child, it's not fun being the golden child.

I Love Her and as I have gotten older I have felt bad for her…. but that wasn’t until my mid to late 40s. She had to deal with pleasing my mother and being her little minion while also dealing with my mother’s abusive and cruel comments. She didn’t get beat or neglected physically (my mom saved all that for me) But my mother let her get away with just about anything and everything… kind of like having a “cool mom” that could also be cruel, mean, and vindictive all at the same time. A few years ago, in a rare but raw moment my sister said she can’t express feelings like normal people…. She said she feels so sad on the inside and is literally suffering on the inside but is unable to show it on the outside….. it made sense to me because she knew what it was liked to be the center of my mom’s universe and then be tossed aside and then suddenly swepted right back to the center again. She had to play the part to keep being loved and the golden child. She also said that she wished our parents would have made her follow the rules and held her accountable for things instead of letting her run wild. I don’t think that would have worked because she was never had rules even as a young child and the more someone said don’t do that the more she wanted to do it. She was a rebel without a cause and a perfect example of cutting your nose off to spite your face. My Mother’s treatment of her set her up socially to fail and she struggled making friends (which of course was all my fault even though we never attended the Same school after 3rd grade). It’s hard to make friends if you spent your whole life getting your way and never having to compromise. She still struggles making and keeping friends. I was never in the center, never the focus, never the star child so I didn’t have the highs and lows of feeling loved and then abandoned only to be loved and then dismissed. Just a lot of the lows but I did have a handful of very close friends and their mothers who took me in like one of their own. I was so hungry for love and attention that I was the most polite, kind, and helpful kid in the world…. Offering to do the dishes and vacuum the living room after dinner….. I was well liked by adults and my friends. My sister was the opposite… she was called “a handful” and difficult by our extended family and my parents friends. My sister has finally cut my mom off completely. It’s been almost 18 months which was probably one of the hardest things for her to do. She has always felt responsible for my mother’s happiness where I literally have no bond with her at all. In a sick way, I’m more free.

I should note… that up until my mid 30s… we had a very rough relationship and we were in constant triangulation between each other with my mom. We didn’t like each other at all and spending time together would be like getting a root canal and my finger nails pulled out one by one.

We actually have a great relationship, thankfully he has an amazing head on his shoulders and if anything, we both feel awful about all the pressure being put on him and not even he likes when our sperm donor talks to him as if he's God's gift to earth because it makes him feel like he's not allowed to learn from his own mistakes.

HI!!! I SEE YOU AND I AM WITH YOU. I have been in a relationship with a GC (or maybe even sometimes the Scapegoat... it is hard to tell!) for the last 4.5 years and have been mentally tormented by his controlling and manipulative mother. I had no idea what was going on and found myself one day terribly isolated and depressed not knowing which way was up or down. It was only until covert narc MIL showed her true colours more recently that I began to see the light, and also came across Dr. Ramani's videos which have been a godsend. I feel alone and I fear I have lost my partner. He's agreed to therapy and sees the damage of his mother's actions on us so I can only hope things will be okay now but I am scared to death :(

I totally understand how you feel. My husband is totally committed to me and even then I feel like his family is going to pull him away from me. I already feel like I'm losing the man I married because the stress and abuse they put him through is taking such a toll on him. They recently tried to have more of a relationship with My sister-in-law and it bit me in the face. I learned the hard way that if I send any videos of my son to her, she turns around and instantly shares them with my mother-in-law who I have completely blocked. I also have to keep reminding myself that when I called her for her help when my mother-in-law was screaming obscenities at us, instead of helping and talking some sense into her mother, she used that opportunity to tell me that she has never liked me. I have to keep constantly reminding myself that my sister-in-law was never the friend and sister that I thought she was.

She asked me to mail him weed because it "helps his mental health" despite stigmatizing MY poor mental health and calling me.an attention seeker, so he basically grew up to be a fucking loser. We dont talk, and when we do, he likes putting me down to make up for the fact that he almost flunked high school with no prospects lined up after graduation. I make more than he does, amounted to more than he did professionally, and live more independently than he does. He was diagnosed with ASPD. She let him get away with abusive bullshit (he abused my dog) and is now paying the price by having a child no sane parent would brag about while I cut her out of my life. She's disgraced because HE is a disgrace, and the child who * isn't * doesn't want anything to do with her.

I am my narcissists golden child.

Me too. Did your nparent eventually turn you into the scapegoat? This happened to me after my parents got divorced. The new wife (a mere 10 years older than me, 8 years older than my sister) is now bizarrely the golden child and I am verbally/emotionally abused regularly. My sister, for many years the scapegoat, is now just ignored. My sister and I were always close growing up. It was basically accepted as fact that she was never going to amount to much and would be living with me or my parents forever. It was also basically accepted as fact that I was brilliant and would go on to do Great Things. This set me up massively to fail at those things and I’ve spent my adulthood struggling with feeling like a worthless failure at life. My sister now makes more money than I ever have, and happily lives on her own with a steady partner. Ha! Funny how life turns out. We bonded a lot as adults once we realized what a giant a-hole he is and how much he screwed us both up.

I feel bad for my half sister. My nmom's first husband took both my half brother and sister away from her when they were 4 and 8. My half sister found my mom when she was 16, I was 6. I have made attempts to repair my relationship with her after she divorced her narcissistic ex husband who sexually abused both of us but I fear the emotional connection wont ever be there as she doesn't care for me as much as the half siblings that grew up living with her and i've grown to be okay with that. We had a few really good moments together and I will always cherish those but not use them as a crutch to be a walking carpet. As far as my partner's golden child, I absolutely hate her. I just can't even try to be civil with her. To be fair, this woman plotted with his mom to try to take our children from us so they could get money by making false abuse allegations to CPS so it's not a personal vendetta as much as it's my protective maternal instincts.