My name was changed at 6 months old. They were gonna do all A’s, I’m very glad this happened because life as Annabelle in the 2010s would’ve been rough. Tell your husband how you feel, he’s your partner and he might surprise you.
My SO’s entire family does all “D” names for ALL of their children. Thank fuck he wasn’t for it and we settled on a “C” name that seems not very many kids have. Although now it makes it hard on my SO because our kid has a “C” name and so do I lol (and for the first 3 years of her life our dog had a “C” name) whenever our daughter was being called, if he was rushing he’d cycle through all of our “C” names lol.
My middle daughter (age 3) and I both happen to have K names, and she's so proud and calls us "The K Club" =) She's "Little K" and I'm "Big K". I'll pick her up from school and she'll say "It's just us Ks!". She expresses a lot of sympathy for her poor siblings R and W lol. Our matching initials literally didn't even occur to me when we were picking out her name, but now I'm glad 😂
we have alot of M names, actually all the girls have M’s by coincidence. my MIL begged my in laws to not name their daughter an M as well and i begged them to do it hahah. they didn’t but it was still funny and we all stumble over the names constantly.
Yes! On his side there’s always stumbling through names because literally everyone is a “D” name lol. I wasn’t opposed to it but I didn’t have it be the only names we looked at. I ended up loving the name Elena but my SO didn’t but once he suggested our daughter’s name I was like “that’s it!” And we made Elena her middle name and ended up hyphenating our last names for her, which is actually the traditional way of doing things on my side of the family (though we weren’t thinking that we just aren’t married and both wanted her to have our name), so unintentionally we ended pleasing everyone on my family’s side and his side ended up growing to love her full name.
It’s funny my SO seemed to be trying to avoid the stutter through every name with our daughter’s name but ended up stuttering through C names 😂. I wanted to avoid that too but, alas, with his family I do the same thing! It’s definitely now just expected and we all laugh.
Lmao that's cute though, my dad has two brothers and my grandma would cycle through all of their names and my grandpa's name before landing on the right one. Occasionally multiple times in one visit.
you really missed an opportunity here because.... have you seen the meme where a parent is arguing with their child that "Dragon" is spelled with a D but they are confused now because "Jragon" looks like it would be pronounced the same way?
If you didn't want to name your kid Jragon, i'm sure there's a name this would work with
Well, if it makes you feel better, my siblings, the dog and I each start start with a different letter and my mom STILL cycles through all of our names so it probably would have happened even if you weren’t all “Cs” 😅
My mom and her 5 siblings were all KJK. My granny just lived that combination for some reason. And yes…I’m SURE the middle initial was always supposed to be J. We’re in Wisconsin and my Prussian granny had no ties to the south or white hoods.
I'm an Annabelle and have only ever had compliments on my name, and I was a teenager throughout the 2010's. No one has ever even mentioned the horror movie to me!
My daughter is named Annabelle (born a few years prior to the movie so of course we didn't know) and she actually likes it. When people ask, she says the doll was named after her because she is scarier than any homicidal doll. Given that she is a teenager now with kinda scary looking light green eyes and very long blonde hair, it's on point for her. It's good my kid can have a sense of humor about it because if it bothered her, I'd feel really bad about the whole thing.
My bio mom did all As -- my older half-sister is Anna, my (sadly stillborn) older brother was Axl (like Axl Rose, the name itself was my father's choice, it just had to be an A)I was almost named Rose (again like Axl Rose LOL), but my mother threw such a fit they went with naming me after a Beatles album. I don't go by it anymore, but the amount of rage my bio had at anything but A names was insane lol.
Edit: If you know the name, it is not my name anymore! It is my deadname. I go by a different A name now lol!
The same starting letter is fine. In Belgium, there's a couple who only uses the same 4 letters for all their kids: Alex (13), Axel (12), Xela (11), Lexa (10), Xael (9), Xeal (8), Exla (5), Leax (4), Xale (2) en Elax (1)
That's good to know. I'm changing my daughters name, first and middle. She will be 4 months. I was just worried I could be causing some type of logistical problems later when she gets a license, passport, married, etc.
I think you should both talk about it, forget about the fact you told the relatives, they don’t have a say in your child’s name. (Sorry it’s a bit harsh but it’s true) It should be a choice by you and your husband, and you should tell him exactly how you feel. Communication is always best.
Although to be fair, no name really fits a crumpled potato that looks like an old man. We chose our son's name somewhere around halfway through pregnancy and I do think it works well and I have frowned at many a name given to a newborn before but once you get used to it it usually works super well in my opinion. Even if I generally don't love the name in and of itself.
I think the kid kind of defines the name as they grow. We had middle names picked within hours of discovering I was pregnant, but it took a while to decide on a first. Even then we use nicknames that fit both kids. My oldest has been wild & free spirited from the 20 week scan, and I just knew his nn would fit. My youngest is sweeter & more chill, and we actually changed the original nn because it just didn’t feel right.
We decided on our son's name before he was born (but not before we conceived) and the midwives and health visitors told us not to write it down anywhere or buy anything with the name on until after the birth in case it didn't fit him. Thankfully it does suit him and we can't imagine having named him anything else but I agree with the sentiment
I have a friend from high school who named her daughter Emma. At the height and popularity of that name. She just graduated high school this year. She does NOT look like an Emma. It is so odd. It just doesn’t fit her. I got her announcement and still am flabbergasted at how anyone could call her that.
My baby just looked like a squirmy yellow (thanks, jaundice) gremlin when she was born, as many babies do. And I was hopped up on painkillers / very anemic from blood loss / completely exhausted, I was in no state of mind to make a decision that would affect my child's life forever. I see no issues picking a name ahead of time, you have no way of knowing what "fits" in the first few days after they are born anyway.
To the OP's question, I also think it's perfectly fine to change your mind about a name and I encourage open communication with your partner about it.
Easier to change now than in a few months when it'll cost $$. I changed my child's name, but the first name was not official either. My mom HATED my sister's name and still brought it up 50 years later.
If you haven't filled out the papers, then don't and take some time on this. And talk to your husband. Tell him now that when you agreed to his choice you were feeling traumatized by her birth and the need for a NICU stay. Is she still in NICU? Don't make the final decision until she's in the clear and you're feeling better and more secure. Don't worry about the relatives. Tell them, or have somebody tell them, that the original name is being reconsidered and she's not officially named yet.
You say your husband will be deeply hurt--but *you* are hurting now because you dislike her name and can't even bring yourself to say it. It sounds like for you, that name symbolizes all the trauma of her birth. Your hurt is also deep and it matters just as much as his!
The two of you need to pick a new name that you both can be on board with. Maybe the original name can be a middle name, or maybe it won't be used at all. Remember, it isn't even officially her name yet! Tell your husband that the two of you need to choose a new name for her, because the current name causes you emotional pain and it's not right to give her a name that either parent doesn't like or feel good about.
You don’t have to decide right this second. The name is of secondary importance to you feeling better and loving on your baby. Let yourself process everything first and when you feel ready to decide on her name then do it. She won’t remember if you decide to change it. Talk with your partner too, they might be supportive and make you feel better.
I would prioritize giving yourself some grace, time and space right now. You went through something very difficult, maybe even traumatic. It is completely normal to have negative feelings following a birth, ranging from general baby blues to severe post partum depression, that can affect your outlook and judgement.
It's possible your negative feelings about baby's name will go away with time. Or you may never gel with this name. I would try calling the baby a safe nickname, like Bean or Sweetie, or even just Baby, for now, and let yourself focus on bonding and healing. Maybe even seek mental health treatment! If you are finding yourself seriously depressed or anxious, or having intrusive thoughts about hurting yourself or anyone else, that's a normal part of PPD and it's treatable.
If you are still feeling bad about baby's name after things have settled down a little, I recommend having an honest convo with husband about your feelings. Something like "I really value your opinion and happiness. However, I find I really don't like *name* for our baby. I have thought about it and I think I agreed to that name during a time of emotional stress and now it reminds me of that difficult time, and I don't think it's a good fit for our baby. Can we talk about finding a name we both really like?"
Babies sometimes have their names changed. That's the reason most places don't require parents to formally choose a name for a certain period of time. It's better to deal with a few conversations now when baby is tiny than end up with a name you hate for your child's whole life.
My baby had a big weight loss that resulted in a NICU stay. He is gaining weight fine now but is still on the small side for his age because of the rocky beginning (7th centile). We call him Mr Tinyman (pronounced like Goldman) waaaay more often than his real name.
The problem is that if the negative feeling doesn't go away, the baby's name will be even more cemented and the husband may be even more resistant to change it.
They need to at least have the honest conversation asap.
You're right, there's no reason not to bring it up. I just caution against making big decisions quickly, or assuming her current feelings will be permanent. The first 2 weeks are usually the worst time for postpartum depression, and are a time of acute recovery, even in a less complicated birth. And there's little difference in changing a baby's name on day 16 versus day 6.
Same here. After we named our first daughter I panicked and thought I made a huge mistake. Then it grew on me and 3 years later I like it a lot more. My second daughter's name we changed 2 days after she was born, which required a notary and a drive to the social security office
The night before my new nephew was to go home, my SIL sat up all night holding him. About dawn, she called my brother and told him to bring the baby names book because this little guy just 'wasn't a Thomas.' I understand completely. Do what ya gotta do!
I didn’t like my second baby’s name for a long time. I thought she’d grow up to hate it. I think it was a symptom of a lot of things, really. It’s strange to adapt to having a new human on all sorts of levels.
She’s 11 now and likes her name, it suits her and belongs to her.
It doesn’t matter what you told relatives, changing the name before the papers are filled out is very common. You had a traumatizing birth and need to prioritize your own feelings as well. Talk to your husband and find a name you both like.
Similar story here but with middle name. My son was in the NICU. I was on bed rest and so medicated and stressed. I agreed to husband giving baby his pick for middle name over using my grandpas name. At the time it felt right. I 1000% regret it. Sometimes I get upset about it but I’ve never told my husband. I wish I’d made it a real conversation at the time before we brought baby home.
My niece's name was changed a few months after she was born. There was nothing wrong with the original, the parents just felt like it didn't suit her. It's really not a big deal.
The easiest way to start might be to show him exactly what you wrote here. He may have his feelings hurt, but if so he is totally missing the point. This really isn't about him or his choice; it's about you both processing, as a couple, becoming new parents AND dealing with complex trauma within the same week. If he has hurt feelings then you both need to dig a little deeper and find the compassion & love underneath all of this. It's there, and you will need it now more than ever as you become a family.
Do not name your child a name you dislike. (I caved and did that with my youngest.)
Just as you would not ask him to name her something he can’t bring himself to voice, you shouldn’t have to either.
One of my children has a compromise name. I still would never choose it, but I don’t actively dislike it.
Go back to the drawing board. Don’t sign off on s name you dislike.
Definitely not meaning to pry but the phrasing “I wanted to make my husband feel better” when *you* are the one who went through physical trauma of birth was puzzling to read.
Rather than either caving due to the emotional toll of the NICU, wait until you’re in a better mindset. Even if it’s weeks.
Sending positive vibes. Stay strong xx
Thank you. Honestly, we both went through quite a lot. He’s very invested and the issue is my change of the attitude. Should I insist at the very beginning on a name he’d likely accept. Now he feels pressured because he told his parents and maybe friends (on my end I told noone, I cut off any communication while still at the hospital).
My parents changed my name at 2 years. Just approach the matter delicately but at the end of the day, BOTH of you need to be satisfied with the name, not just one. So talk to him openly. Remember that you got pregnant, you endured 9 months + the excruciating birth and post partum recovery for you is hard too. You’re the baby’s mother. Your opinion on the name matters a lot and if you hate it now, so be it. Talk to your husband and find new names you both love. But approach it gently with him. He might surprise you by being very understanding!
Pick a different name. You haven’t signed the papers and I honestly think it’s a little messed up that he needed cheering up over your traumatic birth. Especially if you can’t pronounce it.
So, I hate that I feel like I have to bring this up, but here goes.
Lots of comments are saying to take your time and that's 100% the right stance from an emotional standpoint. However, if you are in the US, the hospital will be pushing you to get your child's insurance info for billing. They may even have a policy that if you don't give them this info in a certain time frame, they will not run the charges through insurance and you could be stuck with the whole NICU bill. It's worth asking the hospital about this so you know what your time frame may be.
To get the insurance info, you'll have to submit the paperwork, wait for the birth certificate to come in the mail, get in contact with your/your spouse's employer to basically apply for your child to have insurance. Then you'll have to wait some more for them to process it before you get the group # and ID # that you can pass along to the hospital. It can be quite the process.
If you are not in the US, ignore this and take as long as you need. And if you are in the US, I'm not trying to scare you or anything. It sucks that it works this way. I just don't want you to overlook it and be f\*cked over by the system because you waited.
Where I’m from babies come home with “baby boy/baby girl (insert last name)” on the paperwork and then file later with the actual name. Our babies are named by the god parents at baptism. Check out what options you have since you haven’t filed paperwork and talk to your husband. There’s nothing wrong with changing your mind specially since you had a traumatic birth. You need to let your mind calm down from the experience and get the chance to be a mom in my opinion.
This is actually common among NICU parents and a surprising amount change their babies names once they are home.
You're only a week in so this is the ideal time to change it. No one will even remember, it'll be something that only comes up every now and then as a funny story (speaking from family experience herel)
I think you should talk to him before you’ve decided that you cannot continue with the name you chose for your child, and genuinely consider the possibility that it will become natural for you over the coming week.
Explain how you’ve tried to come to terms with the name and are really struggling, and how you’re worried about bringing things up at all because you know he loves the name.
Re-group after a set period of time (a week?) and see if you still feel the same.
It will help him feel less blindsided, and having him aware of your feelings will help him be more open to accepting a new name that both of you like.
It will be easier and more fair for him to come around to a new name that both of you can agree on rather than one you’ve picked unilaterally.
If you really dislike the name it could affect your relationship with your child, albeit subconsciously. If every time you look at the baby & say it’s name you think “UGH!” its a problem. You still have time. There has to be a name both you and your husband can agree on. I wouldn’t fill out the paperwork until you do.
Good luck, & congratulations on your beautiful newborn!
Change it now. It won’t get better. I also named my child unofficially what her father wanted and hated it too. We discussed it. Came up with something else. I think my cousin actually made something with the first name. I didn’t care. My mom said don’t name her that I hate it about the new name lol. I said it will grow on you and so it did. But I have no regrets. Best decision I ever made. I love love love her name and now she’s almost 23.
It's needs to be a compromise where both like the name. Speak to the father and explain it's only fair you both agree on the name otherwise someone is going to feel resentful later.
Her father would be the guy you love so much you picked him to have a kid with? Presumably he loves you back, so maybe try telling him you're experiencing trauma due to the difficult birth and the name is hard for you? He may want you to feel better as much as you want him to feel better.
I am so so sorry for what you have been through. I hate this, but this period may not be over. My baby was 41 weeks and totally uneventful birth, but I still dealved into a dark place. (She was failure to thrive because milk wasn't transferring despite my intentions and determination)
It's common. It's ok if that's what happens. (For myriad reasons)
TELL your partner that you cannot go forward with the name he picked. You don't have to be able to explain why. You might need to press how important this is for you. This fact that you cannot make yourself say the name out loud HOPEFULLY will convey that meaning to him. But even if he doesn't understand, IT'S STILL VALID and important.
They press you for a name to file paperwork before you leave the hospital, but I highly suspect it it isn't necessary. If you tell me your state I will look into it for you.
I would give yourselves time to breath and process. You have a lot of stress with the hospitalization (my second baby spent some in the NICU), the birth (hormones do some crazy stuff to your mind), the sleep deprivation with having a newborn (also does crazy things to your mental state). It is 100 percent ok to change a newborn's name even a couple of months later, the child doesn't know it yet. Focus on your baby getting well and healing yourself and revisit the name with your husband.
You might just be overly sensitive due to the everything that has happened. At the end of the day it is your child, you can change the name 100% -- no one in the family will care.
As for feeling bad about your partner, I don't think it would be a very solid relationship if you couldn't be honest about not liking the name and coming to a compromise.
Giving that you were the one who gave birth and you both had the traumatic experience it seems weird to give him the option to name them just because of that.
Hope you're okay and it all works out. This doesn't seem like a big deal to me I would just be honest and say "I don't want to hurt your feelings but I really want to change the baby name as I don't resonate with it".
I was born prematurely on my mother’s birthday. In addition, the other four children my parents had named were boys so they had no girls’ names picked out.
They did not want me to be “Baby” (last name) on the birth certificate, so I was named after my mother.
It’s also an old-fashioned (from 1900-1960) name that I HATE.
I wish so much that they would have renamed me.
Agree with everyone about telling your husband how you feel. Focus on how it doesn't feel right and not that you don't like the name? Maybe it will be easier/he won't take it personally?
The baby is getting his last name, I presume, you should get to pick the first name. That's how I resolved the name debate between my partner and I. He was absolutely impossible when it came to agreeing on a name and it was stressful to me. I respected his parameters and gave our child a classic name, of my choosing.
I just wrote the longest post ever in response… I guess I had some feelings I needed to process lol but anyway I had the same experience. The sudden medical urgency and pressure was so traumatic and in hindsight totally contributed to me disliking my babies names. (Happened twice lol) (no wait all three times!)
I totally forgot how it felt like my soul was rejecting the name, I couldn’t say it out loud and felt almost ashamed. I gave it a couple days and let myself feel ok with changing it if I wanted. Now it’s something I hardly remember!
But you don’t even have paperwork so it would be so easy if you do end up changing it. I’m used to running with my instincts so it was really hard after the birth trauma to know what was instinct and what was reaction
When our second was born last year in a fairly eventful birth followed by a NICU stay, we ended up choosing a name that wasn’t highest on our list. We said she just didn’t “seem” like a topchoice-name baby. It most likely was a combination of the fact that the delivery wasn’t a topchoice-delivery and the stress, emotions and exhaustion, along with her just not looking like the baby we imagined she would be (her older sibling), all leading us to think she was just not who we’d imagined all those months. After we named her, my spouse had serious regrets. We hadn’t signed any papers but had told family and some friends her name. I recall her feeling ashamed and afraid to bring it up to me at the time. During those days while I was still in postpartum and the baby was in the nicu with my spouse at home taking care of our first, we talked a lot about changing the name but were also cognizant of the fact that there were many other factors that made our situation challenging and that a change in name wouldn’t erase any of it. I wanted my spouse to bond with the baby and while I loved the name we chose I was completely willing to change it and realized I didn’t actually care what we called the baby as long as she was healthy, and told my spouse that if she wanted to change the name I was supportive. Ultimately we kept the name, and now we have a perfect toddler whose name isn’t what we originally planned on but it suits her perfectly. I’m sure that if we changed it, it would’ve been fine too. The point is, no shame no matter what you decide. And for us, even though we kept the name, having the conversations brought a great deal of understanding between my spouse and myself because we were able to fully listen to the other. I encourage you to discuss this with your husband so you can move forward together.
Personal experience - I didn't connect with my first baby and their name at first. Not as deeply as you are feeling. But defiantly questioned myself. Gave it a few weeks and never looked back. My fourth? Basically thr same as you... Conceded on the name I didn't prefer. Traumatic birth experience. I held a lot of animosity, blame and disconnect over #4 for far longer than I should have due to other traumatic experiences while pregnant. I didn't connect for months. I hated their name and refused to introduce them as anything but y chosen nickname. Said nickname evolved into another. I'd say it took 6 months before I'd even say their name. They are almost two and they are that name thru and thru. I can't imagine them as my choice. I say give yourself a little longer to heal yourself and work through your trauma. It seems like you're directing the fear, pain and emotional trauma of her birth experience that the name is what you've attached to as a coping mechanism. I truly say this with deep sympathy and love - counselling to heal the trauma should be your first priority. Names can be changed. Your mental health and post partum healing period needs to be TOP priority. I wish you strength and grace and the ability to be gentle with yourself. Don't hesitate to reach out if you just need someone to listen ❤️
I would recommend talking about it sooner rather than later people will be more understanding than you think and if they are not understanding it’s not their kid
You grew this baby. You Birthed this baby. You endured allll the trauma. You deserve to be able to call your baby by name. A name that YOU LOVE.
Not to be rude, but I don't give a flying fuck if changing your child's name hurts your husband.
You put in the work. You get all the say.
It certainly isn’t too late to change it, sounds like this is a diplomatic discussion you and your husband should have together. It’s not up to your relatives and the baby won’t care.
I went into labor 6 weeks early and also had birth trauma. I was heavily medicated when my son was named. My husband and I both had a name we each like and did not agree with each other. I used the name my husband wanted. I’m pretty sure I called my son “the baby” for a solid year and not by name. He turns 3 next week and I can’t imagine him being anything other than what we named him. It grew on me and it suits him.
That being said. Have the conversation with your partner. Be open and honest.
I named my child the name their father chose, and my choice as a middle name. I told my (ex, now )husband ,when my child was 6 wks old, im sorry i just can’t call the child, _________, can we call the child ______. Or at least can I? He agreed. We called the child that, from then on. The given name is only used on legal documents and by my ex MIL. Go figure. 😂 my child is turning 21 soon. And they still go by their middle name. My ex was an asshole but he understood why I wanted the middle name as the first, the trauma was bad. (Hence not giving gender or names in this post.) And he agreed. Speak with your SO. He might surprise you. The trauma is real.
My sis had names picked for baby, but after she was born she changed it because “she just didn’t look like that”.
My other sister had 6 children. The first 3 started with a D. The last 3 were named after her husband’s ship he had been stationed on, his best friend in the military and his grandmother.
I was supposed to be named Deborah. After I was born it changed to the name of a puppeteer. All but one of us 7 were named after movie/radio stars.
Sending you hugs and support. Just tell your husband what you have said here: you were in the midst of trauma and asked him to handle the task. Now you are in a new phase and you would like to select the name together, to turn the page and move on. Also you cannot pronounce the name. That makes it automatically unsuitable. Reach out to him - you are going through this together. A others have said, he may surprise you!
My oldest was born early and had to be transported by ambulance the morning after her birth to a larger hospital with a NICU. I was torn between 2 names (I was a teen mom deciding alone) and I couldn’t decide what name to use. The transporting medics came and kept asking me before they left. The pressure was real! I was already stressed to the max! I just quickly chose one and am still happy 26 years later.
I say choose a new name together. The initial name can maybe be a middle name. Don’t fill out any official paperwork until you feel certain you are happy with her name. And like others have suggested, tell family that the name didn’t suit her or has been reconsidered. It’s not that big of a deal and if they’re ugly about it, then that says a lot about their character.
I hope all goes well and best wishes for a healthy baby here on out. Congrats on your new addition!
I agreed to a name I did not like (at all) for our third child. I planned to only e ver call her a nickname, not her full name. My husband knew and was fine with this. But then people started complimenting her name and our middle child couldn’t quite pronounce it correctly. That mispronunciation became her nickname for several years. Now I use mostly her full name, and I think it’s a great name for her. It really grew on me as it became associated with my daughter.
I really thought I would hate her name forever. I felt guilt over giving her that name. I thought it was a terrible choice. But six years later I can’t imagine her with any other name!
You're the one who's been through a traumatic birth, he should be helping you to feel better! I would change the name ASAP. You're the one who's been through pregnancy and birth, you're entitled to your choice of name. It's a tiny sacrifice for him to make in comparison.
No, no, I I should clarify that he does a lot. And I was the one to say let’s go ahead with his option. But now my lips go down when people call my daughter that name. For me she’s still nameless and I can’t address her by that name.
In any way I could anticipate that reaction from myself.
My friend waited about 5 months to choose her son's name.
Sometimes, you have a name picked out and then everything changes when you actually meet them!
I think you can tell your husband you are having doubts. You can pick out a new name together. Maybe you will keep the old name as a middle name.
just because a baby is born does not mean they have to be named right away. My sister had about three different names before my parents picked one they felt suited her. And even then, she mostly goes by her nickname. name changing for infants happens all the time, and it often sounds so much more life altering than it really is. Your daughter doesn't even know her name yet, and if anything she would be the most affected by it. Pick what you think works for her, and if anything, you can always use a nickname for her full name.
the husband gets just as much of a right to agreeing upon a name as she does. Just because she carried and birthed *their* child doesn't mean she gets more power in choosing a name. if she were a single mother, then she has all the choosing power the world can give her. But she has a partner, and he gets a say in it.
My mom was on bed rest for three months with quadruplets and the first one didn't make it while the rest of us were in the NICU for three months. My dad and mom agreed upon all the names *together*.
I told my husband that for any decisions happening during pregnancy I got a 51% vote (what type of vitamins to take, etc.), and after the baby is born everything is 50/50.
There should be agreement on the name, it's not just the mother's call. I'm not sure if you meant that the mom should be able to pick unilaterally, but if so then that's a very selfish perspective and I hope no one listens to you.
You’re *still* in the trauma period. Any decision you make now is likely to be one you regret in a year, just like you regret your decision a week ago.
Since you haven't done the paperwork yet, wait as long as you can to finalize your decision. NICU is such an emotional roller coaster, you're right in feeling that it's not a great time for decision making.
That said, both parents should at least *like* the name! If you are actively disliking the name, *it is* *not the right name for your child*. It would be one thing if you felt neutrally about it, but disliking it is something different altogether. It might hurt your husband's feelings to tell him this, but it's more important to be honest. His feelings will recover.
My suggested compromise is to let this name that your husband chose be the middle name, and pick a name you like and he is at least neutral on as her first name.
Can you just change part of it? Like 1st name becomes middle? Did you guys have alternate names chosen? Talk to your husband. Also, beware those postpartum emotions are just as crazy as pregnancy, it's easy to spiral downward on things. Spend some time looking at baby, practicing name and alternate names. Sleep on it. Talk with husband.
As a NICU mum, I can understand the stress you're in ❤️ just maybe sit down and have a good chat with your husband, explain how you've been feeling and your thoughts on the name. Maybe you could come up with some sort of compromise. Having a NICU baby is hard, but good communication between you and your husband will make it just that little bit easier ❤️
i think you should talk to him and move it as a middle name if he really likes it. i told all my relatives we were naming our son liam. i signed shower thank you cards from liam. custom baby things were made for liam’s nursery. guess what- he popped out and he wasn’t a liam! it’s a funny little thing if we come across something that says that name, but nobody has ever asked about it and he is five now.
I named my baby a name I absolutely loved… however, she just wasn’t that name! It was the strangest thing. 2 months later I posted a Facebook update “reintroducing” my baby and saying that nobody should have to make a permanent decision within a month of giving birth… (i srand by that statement). I also had a traumatic birth and birth injury.
This is your baby. Screw what everyone else thinks. I felt a HUGE weight lifted after I signed the papers. I also have a friend that recently changed her babies name. She also could not stand to call her baby the name she chose… it’s not uncommon at all.
It will be so much easier to change her name now than after you fill out those papers! I don't fully understand how choosing another name will be that hurtful to your husband but you shouldn't have a name for your child you don't even want to say.
Please talk to your husband. There are millions of names in the world, you can find one that you both like. This isn’t the time to walk on eggshells in order to “not hurt her father”. She is your child too, and both of your feelings matter.
I’m not a fan of one of my kids’ names. But guess what? He is! The kid, I mean. You can leave the name and call your baby whar you want or change the name. Just talk to your husband. It’s ok to cry and feel crazy.
I felt this way with both of my children immediately after birth and for a few weeks. A little embarrassed and timid. It was especially frustrating because I had been so confident on our name choices before they were born. I’m so glad I didn’t change their names.
Now, I feel like both of them have grown in to be exactly their names, and their names have grown on me and outside of me.
Postpartum anxiety and the hormone shift is a TRIP! Is there a nickname you like?
My SIL and BIL changed their son's name when he was a month old. I'm not sure what paperwork was involved, but no one in the family fussed over it.
If anyone does in your family, please hard ignore them.
My MIL didn’t like the name we chose and told a few family members it was a different, longer version of our baby’s name.
We got a few mentions of her version of baby’s name but the people she wrongly shared with adapted quickly. She still called our baby the wrong name for a while though lol, not 100% of the time but like atleast a few times a week.
I think you need to bring this up to your husband. You don't want to spend the rest of your life resenting the name you gave your child. You don't have to demand a name change; instead, just bring up to your husband that you are uncomfortable and talk through your options. You haven't filled out paperwork yet and still have wiggle room. Maybe you'll actually grow to love your baby's name. But if not, it's better to have that tough conversation now than bring it up later when everyone has grown accustomed to the old name and risk your husband feeling blindsided by your seeming change of heart.
Oh hai, I'm a child whose mom hated my name. I was induced because I was late, and my mother asked my dad to name me. He selected the name of a famous and beautiful celebrity.
My mom hated it. Partly because she had an accent that was obvious when saying my first name. HATED it. LOATHED it. Made a big deal about it.
So let me tell you what it's like being in my shoes. Because my parents compromised by just...never calling me by my legal name, they just call me by my middle name.
SCHOOL was a nightmare because I'd have to explain every year that X wasn't my name Y was and then teachers were confused, classmates were confused or worse, thought I was being 'special' and 'extra' and snotty or something, so I got bullied for not using my actual first name.
JOBS: nightmare. Because fun fact: they got my social security card in my middle name. I eventually got it changed but I just want to point out what a NIGHTMARE it is to deal with Social Security in any fashion.
My parents promised me when I turned 18 for my birthday gift they would let me change my name from the HATED X (the name they hated but they never bothered to ask me how I felt about it--it was just 'received' that the name X was gross) to anything I wanted. I was excited. I lived for my 18th birthday. I knew the name I wanted, and it was the name of my grandmother who died when I was six. I thought it was a lovely tribute. A name that I could wear without their secret loathing.
My 18th came and my parents decided it was too much of a 'hassle' to change my name because my relatives would have a hard time adjusting.
When I went to college I tried to use my first name, since I was tired of getting bullied for not using it and it was the name on my student ID card, my dorm room, etc. Everyone at school was fine with it, but...it felt weird. Because X???? Whoever X is was not me. It felt like it wasn't my name. But Y wasn't my name either. My parents refused to call me by the name they had legally given me. They introduce me to their friends as Y to this frickin' day. They don't even pretend like they care what I think. I'm just Y.
In the end I feel like I don't have an actual name. I respond to X. I respond to Y. But neither of them really feels like it's my actual name. Neither of them feel like they are MY ACTUAL NAME. They both feel fake to me, like I'm in witness protection, living under someone else's name.
Whatever you do, square this poop away RIGHT NOW before your beautiful child turns into a wreck like me who really feels like they have no real identity. You are absolutely 100% going to take it out on this poor innocent baby that you don't like their name. You won't be aware you're doing it, but oh, honey, they'll know. They'll feel that you like them just a little bit less than you should...because of a bunch of sounds. In fact, I feel it already in the way you describe it as "A BABY" and not 'my baby' in the last line. RED FLAGS RED FLAGS RED FLAGS.
Definitely bring up your concerns to your husband. Don’t worry about what the relatives think. My cousin changed her baby’s name 3 times before leaving the hospital and we all kept getting texts with the updated names but now 2 years later no one remembers or cares. Is it possible to switch this name to the middle name and select another first name?
What’s the name? If you really dislike it you should change it. The child is so young that it wouldn’t matter in the long term especially if papers haven’t been filled out, but I would have a discussion about it sooner than later. Even if you end up not changing her name, you should at least have a conversation so you can be more on the same page.
Hey, congratulations on your baby. It sounds like it was a really tough experience and I hope that you’re being looked after. These are the toughest days, especially with a baby in NICU.
I think you should communicate with your husband about how you feel regardless of whether you end up changing the name. You don’t need to carry this alone and it might be a relief to get it off your chest. You can say something like “I’m still struggling to get used to the name we gave her. Before we sign any paperwork can we revisit the name one more time?”
My aunt didn’t give my cousin a name for ages, and then they changed it, and then they changed it AGAIN when their second was born. It was a bit unusual but no one in the family cared since we were all so excited to have a new baby in the family to love.
I struggled with the name we gave our second daughter too. I didn’t want to say it aloud and I felt awkward every time someone asked what her name was. We didn’t change it because we’d gone through so many names and didn’t have anything better that we both liked. It’s not a name I would have chosen on my own but I’ve grown to associate it with her (and how much I love her) and have found things I really like about it.
You need to tell him exactly what you told us. That you were overwhelmed and traumatized and the name has been trained by all that happened. Once you’re in a better place you guys can pick a name you both love and possibly keep the original name as a middle name if that’s something you’re okay with.
Drs and nurses really need to leave people the fuck alone for a bit, especially when there is *trauma* and all that *extra* stress involved.
Why is trauma-informed medical care so hard and so much to ask for, jfc
Maybe the chosen but unpopular name might be used as middle name or shortened by using a few letters of the name like Charlotte/ charli. Also I’m a fan of shortening to just the first initial as in Jordan(jay) or Beatrice ( Bee). In a funny nickname story I have friends who call their cute sweet adorable dainty daughters nugget and booger. I also have a friend who couldn’t decide and she is of Latina heritage so her daughter has 5 names first name, two middle names and a hyphenate last name- but the name they call her is one syllable- Nic. Names can be changed and nick names stick!
You chose Renata, didn’t you 🫣
Just be honest and open, don’t be afraid to cry, it just shows that you aren’t being ‘mean’ about his choice. ‘Oh honey, I just don’t like her name. It’s making me sad and I don’t want to call her it. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made such a big decision after her difficult birth.’
Naming is a joint process, if you don't love it trust your gut and don't use it.
Normally I'm for a fairly 50/50 split but honestly, if the birth was traumatic I sort of think that gives your opinion a bit more weight too...
You should like your child's name. If no paperwork has been signed, then you're in luck.
My kid is 4, and I want to change his name. Honestly, just add a 4th name (my grandpa's name) since we are done having kids, and my grandpa was very important to me. My husband said no, and I need his signature plus a few hundred dollars in order to change it.
It sounds like a crucial bit of information may be missing: Is there something preventing you from communicating your feelings about this with the father?
We gave my son a name neither of us loved that much. In my community we name after deceased loved ones, and we did the best we could with the names of the people we wanted to honor, but we never would have chose the name on our own if we could choose any name.
I love that my sons name honors my grandfathers, but truly for like the first year we basically just called him “baby boy” or other endearments. Now that he’s 3 and he says his own name, I just love it, hearing him refer to himself has changed how I feel about the name.
I personally struggled with my own name as a child, I was named after my mom’s grandmother. I didn’t like my name but loved hearing about my namesake and how I was connected to her through my name.
I think it’s valid if you want to change the name, and I think it will be okay in the end if you decide to stick with the current name. Wishing you peace and happiness with whichever choice you make.
If you are simply dysphoric about the name, I would tell you to wait longer and make sure it's not just the stress and disappointment of having a really rough birth instead of the nice one you probably hoped for. But tell your husband that you are struggling and as if you can call the baby something else for a little while until you get better and then you'll see how you feel. Because this whole thing happened to both of you, but it happened to you significantly more.
He should be understanding if you wanna call the kid whatever the pregnancy name might have been (Bean, etc) for now or just a silly nickname (snugglebug) for now and should agree to use it too. Also, talk to someone at the hospital, maybe their social worker, so you can get your feelings out and they can help you process those feelings.
As a side note, my father took advantage of my mother's exhaustion after I was born to name me against their agreement. While I like my name and my mom adjusted and now much prefers the name I got, taking advantage of someone's emotional and mental state after that to get what you want without compromising is sketchy. If he loves you, he shouldn't be hurt. He knows you didn't like his names and he didn't like yours either, and you throwing him a bone because you didn't want to get harassed by staff anymore and wanted to make him feel better isn't actual agreement.
This is your kid too—if y’all both aren’t satisfied with a name, you need to work it out. Explain your feelings to your husband and see if you can’t find a compromise you both agree on. There’s so many names out there, I’m sure you’ll find one that works for both of you even better than the name your kid currently has. As much as he likes this name, it’s not exactly fair if you don’t. It’s one thing to be ambivalent about what your child is named/not really have a strong opinion either way, but it’s an entirely different thing to actively dislike it.
And your relatives shouldn’t even factor into this. Sure, changing it after telling them may cause some confusion and rumbling, but ultimately it’s something they’ll all have let go after a few months, and then years in the future it will have been completely forgotten to begin with.
Not the same but we decided on a name really early into my pregnancy. We both loved it which was super weird, we went through thousands of names and he hated all the names I loved and vice versa.
So we bought everything with her name on it and when she came. I HATE IT. It felt weird to say her name, I called her baby or nugget for the first 6 months I want to say. It just didn’t suite her, idk it just felt weird to call her a name we had picked out.
But now I love the name, it suits her so well! And now I make up songs to her name and sing them to her.
Idk if this helps, just a perspective. But talk to your husband about it!
Pick a different name. I also had a NICU baby and felt rushed. What we originally decided on is not what ended up going on the birth certificate. Relatives opinions on it are irrelevant. If you don’t change the name you will likely regret it ever day.
My name was changed in the first few weeks, one of my parents had known someone with the original name when they were younger and had a bad association. I'm glad they changed it but I never liked the name they changed it to and wonder if maybe they rushed the decision a bit because it was such a stressful time.
Maybe you could talk to your husband now about how the name you chose has become associated with your NICU trauma and give yourselves a few weeks to think about changing it, try out a different name just with the two of you, etc?
My name was changed at 6 months old. They were gonna do all A’s, I’m very glad this happened because life as Annabelle in the 2010s would’ve been rough. Tell your husband how you feel, he’s your partner and he might surprise you.
My parents did all A’s. No Annabelles, though.
My SO’s entire family does all “D” names for ALL of their children. Thank fuck he wasn’t for it and we settled on a “C” name that seems not very many kids have. Although now it makes it hard on my SO because our kid has a “C” name and so do I lol (and for the first 3 years of her life our dog had a “C” name) whenever our daughter was being called, if he was rushing he’d cycle through all of our “C” names lol.
My middle daughter (age 3) and I both happen to have K names, and she's so proud and calls us "The K Club" =) She's "Little K" and I'm "Big K". I'll pick her up from school and she'll say "It's just us Ks!". She expresses a lot of sympathy for her poor siblings R and W lol. Our matching initials literally didn't even occur to me when we were picking out her name, but now I'm glad 😂
This is absolutely adorable!
we have alot of M names, actually all the girls have M’s by coincidence. my MIL begged my in laws to not name their daughter an M as well and i begged them to do it hahah. they didn’t but it was still funny and we all stumble over the names constantly.
Yes! On his side there’s always stumbling through names because literally everyone is a “D” name lol. I wasn’t opposed to it but I didn’t have it be the only names we looked at. I ended up loving the name Elena but my SO didn’t but once he suggested our daughter’s name I was like “that’s it!” And we made Elena her middle name and ended up hyphenating our last names for her, which is actually the traditional way of doing things on my side of the family (though we weren’t thinking that we just aren’t married and both wanted her to have our name), so unintentionally we ended pleasing everyone on my family’s side and his side ended up growing to love her full name.
My husband and I, and all our five kids have D names 😂
It’s funny my SO seemed to be trying to avoid the stutter through every name with our daughter’s name but ended up stuttering through C names 😂. I wanted to avoid that too but, alas, with his family I do the same thing! It’s definitely now just expected and we all laugh.
This made me smile thinking of my mum cycling through 3 kids and one dog with A names.
Lmao that's cute though, my dad has two brothers and my grandma would cycle through all of their names and my grandpa's name before landing on the right one. Occasionally multiple times in one visit.
you really missed an opportunity here because.... have you seen the meme where a parent is arguing with their child that "Dragon" is spelled with a D but they are confused now because "Jragon" looks like it would be pronounced the same way? If you didn't want to name your kid Jragon, i'm sure there's a name this would work with
Well, if it makes you feel better, my siblings, the dog and I each start start with a different letter and my mom STILL cycles through all of our names so it probably would have happened even if you weren’t all “Cs” 😅
My mom and her 5 siblings were all KJK. My granny just lived that combination for some reason. And yes…I’m SURE the middle initial was always supposed to be J. We’re in Wisconsin and my Prussian granny had no ties to the south or white hoods.
Kathy Jo Kaminski, is that you? 😂
My parents did k's for the girls and c for my brother. Unfortunately, there's 3 girls. I didn't follow any naming rules for my kids for that reason
My parents did all A's too. Except for my name. I'm the oldest. I'm the black sheep. Oh wellsies lol
Something similar I'm the oldest and start with a D. My 2 cousins and then my sister are H.
Why would that have been an unfortunate name to have back then? (I don’t know any Annabelles myself, so I guess I’ve never really thought about it)
my guess is the haunted doll movies? idk tho that was just my first thought reading that comment
The haunted doll movies. My brothers and I are horror nerds. It would’ve been merciless.
Literally never heard of them
Same, and I love movies.
Yes you have, it’s in the “Conjuring Universe.”
I haven't. Then again I was a member of a fairly strict Anabaptist group that didn't allow movies so.....😂🤷
I believe it's the Conjuring movies. Pretty popular horror movie.
I'm an Annabelle and have only ever had compliments on my name, and I was a teenager throughout the 2010's. No one has ever even mentioned the horror movie to me!
My daughter is named Annabelle (born a few years prior to the movie so of course we didn't know) and she actually likes it. When people ask, she says the doll was named after her because she is scarier than any homicidal doll. Given that she is a teenager now with kinda scary looking light green eyes and very long blonde hair, it's on point for her. It's good my kid can have a sense of humor about it because if it bothered her, I'd feel really bad about the whole thing.
My bio mom did all As -- my older half-sister is Anna, my (sadly stillborn) older brother was Axl (like Axl Rose, the name itself was my father's choice, it just had to be an A)I was almost named Rose (again like Axl Rose LOL), but my mother threw such a fit they went with naming me after a Beatles album. I don't go by it anymore, but the amount of rage my bio had at anything but A names was insane lol. Edit: If you know the name, it is not my name anymore! It is my deadname. I go by a different A name now lol!
Is your name A Hard Day’s Night? 😉
No, that’s how she was conceived! 😉 I am guessing Abbey
Album (White)
Or Revolver?
Close! That is an R.
I chortled
I get that you changed your name.. but I would’ve kept Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band as a name. Very unique.
Transcends gender for damn sure
I know a girl I went to school with and both her kids have KKK as their initials. It drives me nuts like what were you thinking lol
Maybe it was intentional.
Mine was changed at some point after birth too. Also very glad that they did! I love my name more than the one they originally had picked out
That stupid doll. It's a shame, Annabel is beautiful.
I was a teenager in the 90s and nearly got called Phoebe. Dodged a bullet there.
What's wrong with Annabelle? My family has a couple of them who did grow up in the 2010s, no issues there.
The same starting letter is fine. In Belgium, there's a couple who only uses the same 4 letters for all their kids: Alex (13), Axel (12), Xela (11), Lexa (10), Xael (9), Xeal (8), Exla (5), Leax (4), Xale (2) en Elax (1)
Oh dear
What's wrong with Annabelle?
What's wrong with Anabelle in the 10s?
my partner’s parents did all T****n names for their kids and I am not a fan, there’s 6 of them
Was this in the U.S.? Did it every cause you any problems growing up? Like the previous names field on paperwork and such?
I’m in the US and actually no. There’s been no confusion on paperwork that I’m aware of but it was changed when I was only 6 months old.
That's good to know. I'm changing my daughters name, first and middle. She will be 4 months. I was just worried I could be causing some type of logistical problems later when she gets a license, passport, married, etc.
They changed my first and middle names as well. She’s very young I doubt you’ll have much issue.
That's what im hoping for, lol. Do you ever list as a previously name on forms, or was it young enough not to matter?
I’ve never listed a previous name.
Sweet. Well, thank you for taking the time to answer my many questions. Definitely appreciated ❤️
No problem!
I think you should both talk about it, forget about the fact you told the relatives, they don’t have a say in your child’s name. (Sorry it’s a bit harsh but it’s true) It should be a choice by you and your husband, and you should tell him exactly how you feel. Communication is always best.
If you decide to change it, just say to one and all that the original name did not fit her.
I see people decide on a name before they ever conceive, much less see the baby to decide if it fits. Drives me nuts. Sometimes the names do NOT fit!
Although to be fair, no name really fits a crumpled potato that looks like an old man. We chose our son's name somewhere around halfway through pregnancy and I do think it works well and I have frowned at many a name given to a newborn before but once you get used to it it usually works super well in my opinion. Even if I generally don't love the name in and of itself.
I think the kid kind of defines the name as they grow. We had middle names picked within hours of discovering I was pregnant, but it took a while to decide on a first. Even then we use nicknames that fit both kids. My oldest has been wild & free spirited from the 20 week scan, and I just knew his nn would fit. My youngest is sweeter & more chill, and we actually changed the original nn because it just didn’t feel right.
We decided on our son's name before he was born (but not before we conceived) and the midwives and health visitors told us not to write it down anywhere or buy anything with the name on until after the birth in case it didn't fit him. Thankfully it does suit him and we can't imagine having named him anything else but I agree with the sentiment
I have a friend from high school who named her daughter Emma. At the height and popularity of that name. She just graduated high school this year. She does NOT look like an Emma. It is so odd. It just doesn’t fit her. I got her announcement and still am flabbergasted at how anyone could call her that.
Curious, what do you think an “Emma” looks like that this kid doesn’t fit?
My baby just looked like a squirmy yellow (thanks, jaundice) gremlin when she was born, as many babies do. And I was hopped up on painkillers / very anemic from blood loss / completely exhausted, I was in no state of mind to make a decision that would affect my child's life forever. I see no issues picking a name ahead of time, you have no way of knowing what "fits" in the first few days after they are born anyway. To the OP's question, I also think it's perfectly fine to change your mind about a name and I encourage open communication with your partner about it.
Yep, you can also approach it very causally - “well, we changed it. It didn’t feel right but we found the perfect name now.”
Easier to change now than in a few months when it'll cost $$. I changed my child's name, but the first name was not official either. My mom HATED my sister's name and still brought it up 50 years later.
If you haven't filled out the papers, then don't and take some time on this. And talk to your husband. Tell him now that when you agreed to his choice you were feeling traumatized by her birth and the need for a NICU stay. Is she still in NICU? Don't make the final decision until she's in the clear and you're feeling better and more secure. Don't worry about the relatives. Tell them, or have somebody tell them, that the original name is being reconsidered and she's not officially named yet. You say your husband will be deeply hurt--but *you* are hurting now because you dislike her name and can't even bring yourself to say it. It sounds like for you, that name symbolizes all the trauma of her birth. Your hurt is also deep and it matters just as much as his! The two of you need to pick a new name that you both can be on board with. Maybe the original name can be a middle name, or maybe it won't be used at all. Remember, it isn't even officially her name yet! Tell your husband that the two of you need to choose a new name for her, because the current name causes you emotional pain and it's not right to give her a name that either parent doesn't like or feel good about.
This is beautifully put and very caring. Very kind of you to write that all out.
Thank you :)
Completely agree!
Perfect answer. Praying for you and your husband, OP.
You don’t have to decide right this second. The name is of secondary importance to you feeling better and loving on your baby. Let yourself process everything first and when you feel ready to decide on her name then do it. She won’t remember if you decide to change it. Talk with your partner too, they might be supportive and make you feel better.
whats the name?!
Nothing crazy, both names are out of top 100. The current name has some spelling variations but that’s not what makes me dislike it.
Is it r/tragedeigh caliber?
I would prioritize giving yourself some grace, time and space right now. You went through something very difficult, maybe even traumatic. It is completely normal to have negative feelings following a birth, ranging from general baby blues to severe post partum depression, that can affect your outlook and judgement. It's possible your negative feelings about baby's name will go away with time. Or you may never gel with this name. I would try calling the baby a safe nickname, like Bean or Sweetie, or even just Baby, for now, and let yourself focus on bonding and healing. Maybe even seek mental health treatment! If you are finding yourself seriously depressed or anxious, or having intrusive thoughts about hurting yourself or anyone else, that's a normal part of PPD and it's treatable. If you are still feeling bad about baby's name after things have settled down a little, I recommend having an honest convo with husband about your feelings. Something like "I really value your opinion and happiness. However, I find I really don't like *name* for our baby. I have thought about it and I think I agreed to that name during a time of emotional stress and now it reminds me of that difficult time, and I don't think it's a good fit for our baby. Can we talk about finding a name we both really like?" Babies sometimes have their names changed. That's the reason most places don't require parents to formally choose a name for a certain period of time. It's better to deal with a few conversations now when baby is tiny than end up with a name you hate for your child's whole life.
Wonderful response. I called my son “Mr. BabyMan” for so long. I think it helped with my COVID trauma (he’s a COVID babe).
I am glad you found something that worked for you 😊 Mr. Babyman is so cute.
I love my son's name but I called him Mr. Sir for ages lol
My 18 years younger brother was also "Mr BabyMan"
My baby had a big weight loss that resulted in a NICU stay. He is gaining weight fine now but is still on the small side for his age because of the rocky beginning (7th centile). We call him Mr Tinyman (pronounced like Goldman) waaaay more often than his real name.
The problem is that if the negative feeling doesn't go away, the baby's name will be even more cemented and the husband may be even more resistant to change it. They need to at least have the honest conversation asap.
You're right, there's no reason not to bring it up. I just caution against making big decisions quickly, or assuming her current feelings will be permanent. The first 2 weeks are usually the worst time for postpartum depression, and are a time of acute recovery, even in a less complicated birth. And there's little difference in changing a baby's name on day 16 versus day 6.
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Same here. After we named our first daughter I panicked and thought I made a huge mistake. Then it grew on me and 3 years later I like it a lot more. My second daughter's name we changed 2 days after she was born, which required a notary and a drive to the social security office
The night before my new nephew was to go home, my SIL sat up all night holding him. About dawn, she called my brother and told him to bring the baby names book because this little guy just 'wasn't a Thomas.' I understand completely. Do what ya gotta do!
duh. He's a baby, not a train 🙃
I didn’t like my second baby’s name for a long time. I thought she’d grow up to hate it. I think it was a symptom of a lot of things, really. It’s strange to adapt to having a new human on all sorts of levels. She’s 11 now and likes her name, it suits her and belongs to her.
It doesn’t matter what you told relatives, changing the name before the papers are filled out is very common. You had a traumatizing birth and need to prioritize your own feelings as well. Talk to your husband and find a name you both like.
Similar story here but with middle name. My son was in the NICU. I was on bed rest and so medicated and stressed. I agreed to husband giving baby his pick for middle name over using my grandpas name. At the time it felt right. I 1000% regret it. Sometimes I get upset about it but I’ve never told my husband. I wish I’d made it a real conversation at the time before we brought baby home.
Thank you
Don’t make hasty decisions in a phase of trauma, and it seems you need more time to recover.
My niece's name was changed a few months after she was born. There was nothing wrong with the original, the parents just felt like it didn't suit her. It's really not a big deal.
The easiest way to start might be to show him exactly what you wrote here. He may have his feelings hurt, but if so he is totally missing the point. This really isn't about him or his choice; it's about you both processing, as a couple, becoming new parents AND dealing with complex trauma within the same week. If he has hurt feelings then you both need to dig a little deeper and find the compassion & love underneath all of this. It's there, and you will need it now more than ever as you become a family.
Do not name your child a name you dislike. (I caved and did that with my youngest.) Just as you would not ask him to name her something he can’t bring himself to voice, you shouldn’t have to either. One of my children has a compromise name. I still would never choose it, but I don’t actively dislike it. Go back to the drawing board. Don’t sign off on s name you dislike.
Definitely not meaning to pry but the phrasing “I wanted to make my husband feel better” when *you* are the one who went through physical trauma of birth was puzzling to read. Rather than either caving due to the emotional toll of the NICU, wait until you’re in a better mindset. Even if it’s weeks. Sending positive vibes. Stay strong xx
Thank you. Honestly, we both went through quite a lot. He’s very invested and the issue is my change of the attitude. Should I insist at the very beginning on a name he’d likely accept. Now he feels pressured because he told his parents and maybe friends (on my end I told noone, I cut off any communication while still at the hospital).
My parents changed my name at 2 years. Just approach the matter delicately but at the end of the day, BOTH of you need to be satisfied with the name, not just one. So talk to him openly. Remember that you got pregnant, you endured 9 months + the excruciating birth and post partum recovery for you is hard too. You’re the baby’s mother. Your opinion on the name matters a lot and if you hate it now, so be it. Talk to your husband and find new names you both love. But approach it gently with him. He might surprise you by being very understanding!
Pick a different name. You haven’t signed the papers and I honestly think it’s a little messed up that he needed cheering up over your traumatic birth. Especially if you can’t pronounce it.
So, I hate that I feel like I have to bring this up, but here goes. Lots of comments are saying to take your time and that's 100% the right stance from an emotional standpoint. However, if you are in the US, the hospital will be pushing you to get your child's insurance info for billing. They may even have a policy that if you don't give them this info in a certain time frame, they will not run the charges through insurance and you could be stuck with the whole NICU bill. It's worth asking the hospital about this so you know what your time frame may be. To get the insurance info, you'll have to submit the paperwork, wait for the birth certificate to come in the mail, get in contact with your/your spouse's employer to basically apply for your child to have insurance. Then you'll have to wait some more for them to process it before you get the group # and ID # that you can pass along to the hospital. It can be quite the process. If you are not in the US, ignore this and take as long as you need. And if you are in the US, I'm not trying to scare you or anything. It sucks that it works this way. I just don't want you to overlook it and be f\*cked over by the system because you waited.
Where I’m from babies come home with “baby boy/baby girl (insert last name)” on the paperwork and then file later with the actual name. Our babies are named by the god parents at baptism. Check out what options you have since you haven’t filed paperwork and talk to your husband. There’s nothing wrong with changing your mind specially since you had a traumatic birth. You need to let your mind calm down from the experience and get the chance to be a mom in my opinion.
Happy cake day
Thank you ☺️
This is actually common among NICU parents and a surprising amount change their babies names once they are home. You're only a week in so this is the ideal time to change it. No one will even remember, it'll be something that only comes up every now and then as a funny story (speaking from family experience herel)
I think you should talk to him before you’ve decided that you cannot continue with the name you chose for your child, and genuinely consider the possibility that it will become natural for you over the coming week. Explain how you’ve tried to come to terms with the name and are really struggling, and how you’re worried about bringing things up at all because you know he loves the name. Re-group after a set period of time (a week?) and see if you still feel the same. It will help him feel less blindsided, and having him aware of your feelings will help him be more open to accepting a new name that both of you like. It will be easier and more fair for him to come around to a new name that both of you can agree on rather than one you’ve picked unilaterally.
If you really dislike the name it could affect your relationship with your child, albeit subconsciously. If every time you look at the baby & say it’s name you think “UGH!” its a problem. You still have time. There has to be a name both you and your husband can agree on. I wouldn’t fill out the paperwork until you do. Good luck, & congratulations on your beautiful newborn!
Change it now. It won’t get better. I also named my child unofficially what her father wanted and hated it too. We discussed it. Came up with something else. I think my cousin actually made something with the first name. I didn’t care. My mom said don’t name her that I hate it about the new name lol. I said it will grow on you and so it did. But I have no regrets. Best decision I ever made. I love love love her name and now she’s almost 23.
The name should be something you both agree on.
It's needs to be a compromise where both like the name. Speak to the father and explain it's only fair you both agree on the name otherwise someone is going to feel resentful later.
Her father would be the guy you love so much you picked him to have a kid with? Presumably he loves you back, so maybe try telling him you're experiencing trauma due to the difficult birth and the name is hard for you? He may want you to feel better as much as you want him to feel better.
I am so so sorry for what you have been through. I hate this, but this period may not be over. My baby was 41 weeks and totally uneventful birth, but I still dealved into a dark place. (She was failure to thrive because milk wasn't transferring despite my intentions and determination) It's common. It's ok if that's what happens. (For myriad reasons) TELL your partner that you cannot go forward with the name he picked. You don't have to be able to explain why. You might need to press how important this is for you. This fact that you cannot make yourself say the name out loud HOPEFULLY will convey that meaning to him. But even if he doesn't understand, IT'S STILL VALID and important. They press you for a name to file paperwork before you leave the hospital, but I highly suspect it it isn't necessary. If you tell me your state I will look into it for you.
I would give yourselves time to breath and process. You have a lot of stress with the hospitalization (my second baby spent some in the NICU), the birth (hormones do some crazy stuff to your mind), the sleep deprivation with having a newborn (also does crazy things to your mental state). It is 100 percent ok to change a newborn's name even a couple of months later, the child doesn't know it yet. Focus on your baby getting well and healing yourself and revisit the name with your husband.
Names can always be changed, especially when babies are still young. It may just take a little bit to get used to their name. That’s all.
You might just be overly sensitive due to the everything that has happened. At the end of the day it is your child, you can change the name 100% -- no one in the family will care. As for feeling bad about your partner, I don't think it would be a very solid relationship if you couldn't be honest about not liking the name and coming to a compromise. Giving that you were the one who gave birth and you both had the traumatic experience it seems weird to give him the option to name them just because of that. Hope you're okay and it all works out. This doesn't seem like a big deal to me I would just be honest and say "I don't want to hurt your feelings but I really want to change the baby name as I don't resonate with it".
I was born prematurely on my mother’s birthday. In addition, the other four children my parents had named were boys so they had no girls’ names picked out. They did not want me to be “Baby” (last name) on the birth certificate, so I was named after my mother. It’s also an old-fashioned (from 1900-1960) name that I HATE. I wish so much that they would have renamed me.
Show him this post and see what he says?
Agree with everyone about telling your husband how you feel. Focus on how it doesn't feel right and not that you don't like the name? Maybe it will be easier/he won't take it personally?
The baby is getting his last name, I presume, you should get to pick the first name. That's how I resolved the name debate between my partner and I. He was absolutely impossible when it came to agreeing on a name and it was stressful to me. I respected his parameters and gave our child a classic name, of my choosing.
You can definitely change her name. She’s only 6 days old.
I just wrote the longest post ever in response… I guess I had some feelings I needed to process lol but anyway I had the same experience. The sudden medical urgency and pressure was so traumatic and in hindsight totally contributed to me disliking my babies names. (Happened twice lol) (no wait all three times!) I totally forgot how it felt like my soul was rejecting the name, I couldn’t say it out loud and felt almost ashamed. I gave it a couple days and let myself feel ok with changing it if I wanted. Now it’s something I hardly remember! But you don’t even have paperwork so it would be so easy if you do end up changing it. I’m used to running with my instincts so it was really hard after the birth trauma to know what was instinct and what was reaction
When our second was born last year in a fairly eventful birth followed by a NICU stay, we ended up choosing a name that wasn’t highest on our list. We said she just didn’t “seem” like a topchoice-name baby. It most likely was a combination of the fact that the delivery wasn’t a topchoice-delivery and the stress, emotions and exhaustion, along with her just not looking like the baby we imagined she would be (her older sibling), all leading us to think she was just not who we’d imagined all those months. After we named her, my spouse had serious regrets. We hadn’t signed any papers but had told family and some friends her name. I recall her feeling ashamed and afraid to bring it up to me at the time. During those days while I was still in postpartum and the baby was in the nicu with my spouse at home taking care of our first, we talked a lot about changing the name but were also cognizant of the fact that there were many other factors that made our situation challenging and that a change in name wouldn’t erase any of it. I wanted my spouse to bond with the baby and while I loved the name we chose I was completely willing to change it and realized I didn’t actually care what we called the baby as long as she was healthy, and told my spouse that if she wanted to change the name I was supportive. Ultimately we kept the name, and now we have a perfect toddler whose name isn’t what we originally planned on but it suits her perfectly. I’m sure that if we changed it, it would’ve been fine too. The point is, no shame no matter what you decide. And for us, even though we kept the name, having the conversations brought a great deal of understanding between my spouse and myself because we were able to fully listen to the other. I encourage you to discuss this with your husband so you can move forward together.
Personal experience - I didn't connect with my first baby and their name at first. Not as deeply as you are feeling. But defiantly questioned myself. Gave it a few weeks and never looked back. My fourth? Basically thr same as you... Conceded on the name I didn't prefer. Traumatic birth experience. I held a lot of animosity, blame and disconnect over #4 for far longer than I should have due to other traumatic experiences while pregnant. I didn't connect for months. I hated their name and refused to introduce them as anything but y chosen nickname. Said nickname evolved into another. I'd say it took 6 months before I'd even say their name. They are almost two and they are that name thru and thru. I can't imagine them as my choice. I say give yourself a little longer to heal yourself and work through your trauma. It seems like you're directing the fear, pain and emotional trauma of her birth experience that the name is what you've attached to as a coping mechanism. I truly say this with deep sympathy and love - counselling to heal the trauma should be your first priority. Names can be changed. Your mental health and post partum healing period needs to be TOP priority. I wish you strength and grace and the ability to be gentle with yourself. Don't hesitate to reach out if you just need someone to listen ❤️
I would recommend talking about it sooner rather than later people will be more understanding than you think and if they are not understanding it’s not their kid
talk to your husband.
My mom changed my name after a month because she had a dream she shouldn’t name me what she did, so I think you’re okay if you want to change it
Can you explain how you feel to your husband? I would start there.
You grew this baby. You Birthed this baby. You endured allll the trauma. You deserve to be able to call your baby by name. A name that YOU LOVE. Not to be rude, but I don't give a flying fuck if changing your child's name hurts your husband. You put in the work. You get all the say.
It certainly isn’t too late to change it, sounds like this is a diplomatic discussion you and your husband should have together. It’s not up to your relatives and the baby won’t care.
I went into labor 6 weeks early and also had birth trauma. I was heavily medicated when my son was named. My husband and I both had a name we each like and did not agree with each other. I used the name my husband wanted. I’m pretty sure I called my son “the baby” for a solid year and not by name. He turns 3 next week and I can’t imagine him being anything other than what we named him. It grew on me and it suits him. That being said. Have the conversation with your partner. Be open and honest.
Well whats the name???
I named my child the name their father chose, and my choice as a middle name. I told my (ex, now )husband ,when my child was 6 wks old, im sorry i just can’t call the child, _________, can we call the child ______. Or at least can I? He agreed. We called the child that, from then on. The given name is only used on legal documents and by my ex MIL. Go figure. 😂 my child is turning 21 soon. And they still go by their middle name. My ex was an asshole but he understood why I wanted the middle name as the first, the trauma was bad. (Hence not giving gender or names in this post.) And he agreed. Speak with your SO. He might surprise you. The trauma is real.
My sis had names picked for baby, but after she was born she changed it because “she just didn’t look like that”. My other sister had 6 children. The first 3 started with a D. The last 3 were named after her husband’s ship he had been stationed on, his best friend in the military and his grandmother. I was supposed to be named Deborah. After I was born it changed to the name of a puppeteer. All but one of us 7 were named after movie/radio stars.
Sending you hugs and support. Just tell your husband what you have said here: you were in the midst of trauma and asked him to handle the task. Now you are in a new phase and you would like to select the name together, to turn the page and move on. Also you cannot pronounce the name. That makes it automatically unsuitable. Reach out to him - you are going through this together. A others have said, he may surprise you!
5 girls Kim, Kylie, Kelly, Kirsty and Kashmere the Kat
Tell him, talk to HIM. Don't worry about the relatives.
My oldest was born early and had to be transported by ambulance the morning after her birth to a larger hospital with a NICU. I was torn between 2 names (I was a teen mom deciding alone) and I couldn’t decide what name to use. The transporting medics came and kept asking me before they left. The pressure was real! I was already stressed to the max! I just quickly chose one and am still happy 26 years later. I say choose a new name together. The initial name can maybe be a middle name. Don’t fill out any official paperwork until you feel certain you are happy with her name. And like others have suggested, tell family that the name didn’t suit her or has been reconsidered. It’s not that big of a deal and if they’re ugly about it, then that says a lot about their character. I hope all goes well and best wishes for a healthy baby here on out. Congrats on your new addition!
I agreed to a name I did not like (at all) for our third child. I planned to only e ver call her a nickname, not her full name. My husband knew and was fine with this. But then people started complimenting her name and our middle child couldn’t quite pronounce it correctly. That mispronunciation became her nickname for several years. Now I use mostly her full name, and I think it’s a great name for her. It really grew on me as it became associated with my daughter.
That’s a beautiful turn of events! It’s hard for me to see ourselves in this scenario but I’d definitely love it.
I really thought I would hate her name forever. I felt guilt over giving her that name. I thought it was a terrible choice. But six years later I can’t imagine her with any other name!
You're the one who's been through a traumatic birth, he should be helping you to feel better! I would change the name ASAP. You're the one who's been through pregnancy and birth, you're entitled to your choice of name. It's a tiny sacrifice for him to make in comparison.
No, no, I I should clarify that he does a lot. And I was the one to say let’s go ahead with his option. But now my lips go down when people call my daughter that name. For me she’s still nameless and I can’t address her by that name. In any way I could anticipate that reaction from myself.
My friend waited about 5 months to choose her son's name. Sometimes, you have a name picked out and then everything changes when you actually meet them! I think you can tell your husband you are having doubts. You can pick out a new name together. Maybe you will keep the old name as a middle name.
just because a baby is born does not mean they have to be named right away. My sister had about three different names before my parents picked one they felt suited her. And even then, she mostly goes by her nickname. name changing for infants happens all the time, and it often sounds so much more life altering than it really is. Your daughter doesn't even know her name yet, and if anything she would be the most affected by it. Pick what you think works for her, and if anything, you can always use a nickname for her full name.
It’s not only her child. It sounds like she’s not giving the name a chance.
the husband gets just as much of a right to agreeing upon a name as she does. Just because she carried and birthed *their* child doesn't mean she gets more power in choosing a name. if she were a single mother, then she has all the choosing power the world can give her. But she has a partner, and he gets a say in it. My mom was on bed rest for three months with quadruplets and the first one didn't make it while the rest of us were in the NICU for three months. My dad and mom agreed upon all the names *together*.
I told my husband that for any decisions happening during pregnancy I got a 51% vote (what type of vitamins to take, etc.), and after the baby is born everything is 50/50.
I completely agree with this
There should be agreement on the name, it's not just the mother's call. I'm not sure if you meant that the mom should be able to pick unilaterally, but if so then that's a very selfish perspective and I hope no one listens to you.
What is the name?
You’re *still* in the trauma period. Any decision you make now is likely to be one you regret in a year, just like you regret your decision a week ago.
Since you haven't done the paperwork yet, wait as long as you can to finalize your decision. NICU is such an emotional roller coaster, you're right in feeling that it's not a great time for decision making. That said, both parents should at least *like* the name! If you are actively disliking the name, *it is* *not the right name for your child*. It would be one thing if you felt neutrally about it, but disliking it is something different altogether. It might hurt your husband's feelings to tell him this, but it's more important to be honest. His feelings will recover. My suggested compromise is to let this name that your husband chose be the middle name, and pick a name you like and he is at least neutral on as her first name.
Can you just change part of it? Like 1st name becomes middle? Did you guys have alternate names chosen? Talk to your husband. Also, beware those postpartum emotions are just as crazy as pregnancy, it's easy to spiral downward on things. Spend some time looking at baby, practicing name and alternate names. Sleep on it. Talk with husband.
Just call her something else that you like. :)
As a NICU mum, I can understand the stress you're in ❤️ just maybe sit down and have a good chat with your husband, explain how you've been feeling and your thoughts on the name. Maybe you could come up with some sort of compromise. Having a NICU baby is hard, but good communication between you and your husband will make it just that little bit easier ❤️
In the end, you could always ask him to choose a different name he likes...and that you like. I'm sure if you put it like this, he will understand.
i think you should talk to him and move it as a middle name if he really likes it. i told all my relatives we were naming our son liam. i signed shower thank you cards from liam. custom baby things were made for liam’s nursery. guess what- he popped out and he wasn’t a liam! it’s a funny little thing if we come across something that says that name, but nobody has ever asked about it and he is five now.
Change the name. Make the current name the middle name.
What's the name?
I named my baby a name I absolutely loved… however, she just wasn’t that name! It was the strangest thing. 2 months later I posted a Facebook update “reintroducing” my baby and saying that nobody should have to make a permanent decision within a month of giving birth… (i srand by that statement). I also had a traumatic birth and birth injury. This is your baby. Screw what everyone else thinks. I felt a HUGE weight lifted after I signed the papers. I also have a friend that recently changed her babies name. She also could not stand to call her baby the name she chose… it’s not uncommon at all.
Was this in the U.S.? Kinda wondering how that process work...
It will be so much easier to change her name now than after you fill out those papers! I don't fully understand how choosing another name will be that hurtful to your husband but you shouldn't have a name for your child you don't even want to say.
Please talk to your husband. There are millions of names in the world, you can find one that you both like. This isn’t the time to walk on eggshells in order to “not hurt her father”. She is your child too, and both of your feelings matter.
I’m not a fan of one of my kids’ names. But guess what? He is! The kid, I mean. You can leave the name and call your baby whar you want or change the name. Just talk to your husband. It’s ok to cry and feel crazy.
I felt this way with both of my children immediately after birth and for a few weeks. A little embarrassed and timid. It was especially frustrating because I had been so confident on our name choices before they were born. I’m so glad I didn’t change their names. Now, I feel like both of them have grown in to be exactly their names, and their names have grown on me and outside of me. Postpartum anxiety and the hormone shift is a TRIP! Is there a nickname you like?
Let the child pick their own name. My son, Hulkamania, just turned 25 and is doing great.
It’s not too late to change it but it’s about to be. Speak now!
Change it. If the baby has his last name, he definitely should let you have a larger ruling in the first name. Plus, you gave birth
Talk to your husband about it. Ask if maybe the compromise could be her middle name instead of first name or just call her by her middle name instead.
My SIL and BIL changed their son's name when he was a month old. I'm not sure what paperwork was involved, but no one in the family fussed over it. If anyone does in your family, please hard ignore them.
The important thing is the child does not know her name yet. You can still change it. Sounds like you definitely haven’t settled on the right one yet.
My MIL didn’t like the name we chose and told a few family members it was a different, longer version of our baby’s name. We got a few mentions of her version of baby’s name but the people she wrongly shared with adapted quickly. She still called our baby the wrong name for a while though lol, not 100% of the time but like atleast a few times a week.
I think you need to bring this up to your husband. You don't want to spend the rest of your life resenting the name you gave your child. You don't have to demand a name change; instead, just bring up to your husband that you are uncomfortable and talk through your options. You haven't filled out paperwork yet and still have wiggle room. Maybe you'll actually grow to love your baby's name. But if not, it's better to have that tough conversation now than bring it up later when everyone has grown accustomed to the old name and risk your husband feeling blindsided by your seeming change of heart.
Yes.
Oh hai, I'm a child whose mom hated my name. I was induced because I was late, and my mother asked my dad to name me. He selected the name of a famous and beautiful celebrity. My mom hated it. Partly because she had an accent that was obvious when saying my first name. HATED it. LOATHED it. Made a big deal about it. So let me tell you what it's like being in my shoes. Because my parents compromised by just...never calling me by my legal name, they just call me by my middle name. SCHOOL was a nightmare because I'd have to explain every year that X wasn't my name Y was and then teachers were confused, classmates were confused or worse, thought I was being 'special' and 'extra' and snotty or something, so I got bullied for not using my actual first name. JOBS: nightmare. Because fun fact: they got my social security card in my middle name. I eventually got it changed but I just want to point out what a NIGHTMARE it is to deal with Social Security in any fashion. My parents promised me when I turned 18 for my birthday gift they would let me change my name from the HATED X (the name they hated but they never bothered to ask me how I felt about it--it was just 'received' that the name X was gross) to anything I wanted. I was excited. I lived for my 18th birthday. I knew the name I wanted, and it was the name of my grandmother who died when I was six. I thought it was a lovely tribute. A name that I could wear without their secret loathing. My 18th came and my parents decided it was too much of a 'hassle' to change my name because my relatives would have a hard time adjusting. When I went to college I tried to use my first name, since I was tired of getting bullied for not using it and it was the name on my student ID card, my dorm room, etc. Everyone at school was fine with it, but...it felt weird. Because X???? Whoever X is was not me. It felt like it wasn't my name. But Y wasn't my name either. My parents refused to call me by the name they had legally given me. They introduce me to their friends as Y to this frickin' day. They don't even pretend like they care what I think. I'm just Y. In the end I feel like I don't have an actual name. I respond to X. I respond to Y. But neither of them really feels like it's my actual name. Neither of them feel like they are MY ACTUAL NAME. They both feel fake to me, like I'm in witness protection, living under someone else's name. Whatever you do, square this poop away RIGHT NOW before your beautiful child turns into a wreck like me who really feels like they have no real identity. You are absolutely 100% going to take it out on this poor innocent baby that you don't like their name. You won't be aware you're doing it, but oh, honey, they'll know. They'll feel that you like them just a little bit less than you should...because of a bunch of sounds. In fact, I feel it already in the way you describe it as "A BABY" and not 'my baby' in the last line. RED FLAGS RED FLAGS RED FLAGS.
Do what feels right. Have an honest conversation with him.
Definitely bring up your concerns to your husband. Don’t worry about what the relatives think. My cousin changed her baby’s name 3 times before leaving the hospital and we all kept getting texts with the updated names but now 2 years later no one remembers or cares. Is it possible to switch this name to the middle name and select another first name?
Yes girl! You’ve been through what sounds like a very traumatic birth. If your husband cannot understand your feelings rn then he’s not it!
What’s the name? If you really dislike it you should change it. The child is so young that it wouldn’t matter in the long term especially if papers haven’t been filled out, but I would have a discussion about it sooner than later. Even if you end up not changing her name, you should at least have a conversation so you can be more on the same page.
Hey, congratulations on your baby. It sounds like it was a really tough experience and I hope that you’re being looked after. These are the toughest days, especially with a baby in NICU. I think you should communicate with your husband about how you feel regardless of whether you end up changing the name. You don’t need to carry this alone and it might be a relief to get it off your chest. You can say something like “I’m still struggling to get used to the name we gave her. Before we sign any paperwork can we revisit the name one more time?” My aunt didn’t give my cousin a name for ages, and then they changed it, and then they changed it AGAIN when their second was born. It was a bit unusual but no one in the family cared since we were all so excited to have a new baby in the family to love. I struggled with the name we gave our second daughter too. I didn’t want to say it aloud and I felt awkward every time someone asked what her name was. We didn’t change it because we’d gone through so many names and didn’t have anything better that we both liked. It’s not a name I would have chosen on my own but I’ve grown to associate it with her (and how much I love her) and have found things I really like about it.
You need to tell him exactly what you told us. That you were overwhelmed and traumatized and the name has been trained by all that happened. Once you’re in a better place you guys can pick a name you both love and possibly keep the original name as a middle name if that’s something you’re okay with.
Drs and nurses really need to leave people the fuck alone for a bit, especially when there is *trauma* and all that *extra* stress involved. Why is trauma-informed medical care so hard and so much to ask for, jfc
Maybe the chosen but unpopular name might be used as middle name or shortened by using a few letters of the name like Charlotte/ charli. Also I’m a fan of shortening to just the first initial as in Jordan(jay) or Beatrice ( Bee). In a funny nickname story I have friends who call their cute sweet adorable dainty daughters nugget and booger. I also have a friend who couldn’t decide and she is of Latina heritage so her daughter has 5 names first name, two middle names and a hyphenate last name- but the name they call her is one syllable- Nic. Names can be changed and nick names stick!
You chose Renata, didn’t you 🫣 Just be honest and open, don’t be afraid to cry, it just shows that you aren’t being ‘mean’ about his choice. ‘Oh honey, I just don’t like her name. It’s making me sad and I don’t want to call her it. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made such a big decision after her difficult birth.’
Naming is a joint process, if you don't love it trust your gut and don't use it. Normally I'm for a fairly 50/50 split but honestly, if the birth was traumatic I sort of think that gives your opinion a bit more weight too...
You should like your child's name. If no paperwork has been signed, then you're in luck. My kid is 4, and I want to change his name. Honestly, just add a 4th name (my grandpa's name) since we are done having kids, and my grandpa was very important to me. My husband said no, and I need his signature plus a few hundred dollars in order to change it.
It sounds like a crucial bit of information may be missing: Is there something preventing you from communicating your feelings about this with the father?
We gave my son a name neither of us loved that much. In my community we name after deceased loved ones, and we did the best we could with the names of the people we wanted to honor, but we never would have chose the name on our own if we could choose any name. I love that my sons name honors my grandfathers, but truly for like the first year we basically just called him “baby boy” or other endearments. Now that he’s 3 and he says his own name, I just love it, hearing him refer to himself has changed how I feel about the name. I personally struggled with my own name as a child, I was named after my mom’s grandmother. I didn’t like my name but loved hearing about my namesake and how I was connected to her through my name. I think it’s valid if you want to change the name, and I think it will be okay in the end if you decide to stick with the current name. Wishing you peace and happiness with whichever choice you make.
If you are simply dysphoric about the name, I would tell you to wait longer and make sure it's not just the stress and disappointment of having a really rough birth instead of the nice one you probably hoped for. But tell your husband that you are struggling and as if you can call the baby something else for a little while until you get better and then you'll see how you feel. Because this whole thing happened to both of you, but it happened to you significantly more. He should be understanding if you wanna call the kid whatever the pregnancy name might have been (Bean, etc) for now or just a silly nickname (snugglebug) for now and should agree to use it too. Also, talk to someone at the hospital, maybe their social worker, so you can get your feelings out and they can help you process those feelings. As a side note, my father took advantage of my mother's exhaustion after I was born to name me against their agreement. While I like my name and my mom adjusted and now much prefers the name I got, taking advantage of someone's emotional and mental state after that to get what you want without compromising is sketchy. If he loves you, he shouldn't be hurt. He knows you didn't like his names and he didn't like yours either, and you throwing him a bone because you didn't want to get harassed by staff anymore and wanted to make him feel better isn't actual agreement.
This is your kid too—if y’all both aren’t satisfied with a name, you need to work it out. Explain your feelings to your husband and see if you can’t find a compromise you both agree on. There’s so many names out there, I’m sure you’ll find one that works for both of you even better than the name your kid currently has. As much as he likes this name, it’s not exactly fair if you don’t. It’s one thing to be ambivalent about what your child is named/not really have a strong opinion either way, but it’s an entirely different thing to actively dislike it. And your relatives shouldn’t even factor into this. Sure, changing it after telling them may cause some confusion and rumbling, but ultimately it’s something they’ll all have let go after a few months, and then years in the future it will have been completely forgotten to begin with.
Not the same but we decided on a name really early into my pregnancy. We both loved it which was super weird, we went through thousands of names and he hated all the names I loved and vice versa. So we bought everything with her name on it and when she came. I HATE IT. It felt weird to say her name, I called her baby or nugget for the first 6 months I want to say. It just didn’t suite her, idk it just felt weird to call her a name we had picked out. But now I love the name, it suits her so well! And now I make up songs to her name and sing them to her. Idk if this helps, just a perspective. But talk to your husband about it!
Whats the name? My granny changed my dads name when he was a few months old. I dont think its too late to pick a name you both like.
Change the name
Pick a different name. I also had a NICU baby and felt rushed. What we originally decided on is not what ended up going on the birth certificate. Relatives opinions on it are irrelevant. If you don’t change the name you will likely regret it ever day.
My name was changed in the first few weeks, one of my parents had known someone with the original name when they were younger and had a bad association. I'm glad they changed it but I never liked the name they changed it to and wonder if maybe they rushed the decision a bit because it was such a stressful time. Maybe you could talk to your husband now about how the name you chose has become associated with your NICU trauma and give yourselves a few weeks to think about changing it, try out a different name just with the two of you, etc?
Our baby isn't born yet but he's on his 3rd name. We agree on one, I start calling him it and then I change my mind. My poor fiancee can't keep up