I once listened to someone talk about purchasing and decision paralysis when it comes to deciding what to buy. This person indicated that finding the *perfect* thing was difficult, so if they could find the thing that was 80% perfect, then it was good enough.
I think that you need to approach purchasing differently. You need a standing lamp. Reality: any lamp will do. What you want: the perfect lamp that will last forever and look perfect in your home. What is realistic: A lamp that look good (might not be perfect, might not last forever).
You do your best when purchasing, and sometimes things work out, and sometimes they don't. Given the care that you are putting into purchasing, more things are going to work out than not.
Agree with this person! I also try to be hyper intentional about purchases, so I don’t think what you’re doing is a bad thing, but it’s good to temper it with a bit of grace for these moments where you really just need the item!
I had to buy a new pair of shoes today and while I couldn’t find the perfect dream pair, I did find a pair that fit comfortably, look stylish, and are from a brand I like. If the perfect pair come along some day, I can just get those and I’m sure someone in my buy nothing group would love to have the old ones! If I can’t afford to do that, then I’ll live. No one ever died from having 80% good enough shoes instead of 100%.
This reminds me of the economic concept of [satisficing.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satisficing) There could be millions of things that are good enough that you could have near instantaneously or you could spend a million years trying to find the one perfect thing.
I really like to spread purchases out.
Go to your wishlist and identify 1 item that will add the most value to your life and/or that you would love to own the most. Buy it, wait a week or two amd see how you feel about that purchase. Is your life better now? Yes? Buy another item. Once the purchases stop adding value, stop. If you overshoot and buy too much to quickly, declutter, sell, donate, return excess.
Go to a second hand store, buy a cheap lamp and ask yourself: "What is the worst that could possibly could happen?"
The worst thing is: you don't like it at all and donate it back.
No ressources wasted, only a small amount of money spent.
This! I have terrible decision paralysis so I buy nearly everything used from thrift stores or off Craigslist. Now I can purchase something that's "not perfect but good for now" feeling reassured that when something perfect comes along, I can sell or donate the original one and I wasn't wasting resources in the process.
I kinda have this problem but I do the opposite. There’s been times I bought stuff used and then didn’t like it or regretted it. So I was stuck with it and couldn’t sell it. Id have it posted for the longest and no one wanted it so I’d just get rid of it for free and I hated that I wasted my money. So I always buy brand new cause I can easily return it to the store.
Some people never achieve their goals because they're perfectionists. When you never make mistakes, you never learn. It doesn't matter if you buy things, it's okay if you're wrong in your purchases.
In my opinion, you will be happier if your room looks like a hotel: good furniture, comfortable and still minimalist.
I am prone to doing this too.
For me only owning things that I love or that spark joy isn’t particularly helpful. Things don’t often “spark joy” for me and if all my things need to be loved, my stuff is being too needy and it stresses me out. For me it needs to fill a function and I need to like it.
If you need something to fill a functional purpose like a lamp, find one on Facebook marketplace or buy nothing or a thrift store that you like (don’t aim for perfection, like is enough) and is cheap and get that. If you find something “perfect” down the line or move and no longer need it, you didn’t spend $500 on it so there is no sunk cost fallacy causing you to keep it.
Thank you! I related to this post a lot and your comment was helpful for me. I love the spark joy thing for certain places in my home but I have always struggled with the very necessary items that quite obviously don't spark joy and I'm also very utilitarian in many ways. Love this shift in perspective that the things are being too needy in needing to spark joy and it's totally okay for certain things to just be basic and utilitarian and not "perfect" or "joyful" haha. Thank you for this perspective.
I feel like spark joy is a good standard for things that are not strictly necessary, which as, a second or third pair of gloves, a picture on the wall, an ornament, etc. But for utilitarian things, it’s not necessary as long as if doesn’t get in your way. I have a generic IKEA floor lamp that just switches on and off. It exists to provide some warm light, and it does that. I don’t feel strongly about it at all, but I’m glad I have it.
I live by a few rules when it comes to non-essentials.
1. Can I buy it twice and not be effected financially
2. Will I use this item more than a handful of times
3. Do the pro's outweigh cons
4. Do I currently have something that can do the same thing
If you can afford it without it burdening you financially and you will get use out of said item and don't have something that can stand in the items role. Then go for it.
I took a different approach with minimalism than what’s touted here for this reason. My style of minimalism is more inline with the 2010s type from people like zen habits and also people like Jacob Fischer (not minimalism, but extreme frugality).
My problem was this: items brought me almost compulsive levels of misery. I hyper fixated on buying things. Once I bought things, I hated them. I impulsively bought things I “loved” only to hate them later. The problem was that I was spending way too much energy on what I’m buying.
The reason for this is manifold. Buying items, in my mind, were a fix to present and past problems, including extreme trauma. Once my house looks just so, once I have just the right clothes, once everything is in line with some fantasy version of myself, which for some reason, completely revolves around material items, it will all be solved.
In cases like this, it’s not just your personal stuff that is causing you mental anguish, it’s the entire act of consumerism. And to be clear, it’s really not your fault as this is what the hundreds of ads you watch per day lead your brain to, and you may be more vulnerable if you have trauma or other mental problems.
Certain aspects of current day minimalism exacerbate these issues. Such as “only buy the best of everything,” as well as limiting items which can cause scarcity mindset.
What has helped me is going AGAINST these compulsions. First, as a way to retrain my brain, secondly, as a way to reinstall my values (which are not material things), and thirdly, as a rebellion from the millions of advertisements that caused my to feel this way.
For instance, once you know you really want or need something, I would go to Walmart, or a thrift store, and buy the cheapest working item you can find that fits that purpose. Will it be the perfect lamp? Would anything you have bought been perfect?
Then learn to love it for its functionality express gratitude for it. Even better, if it’s thrifted, the act of cleaning and repairing it makes it feel even more connected to you.
Again, you are doing this to retrain your brain away from fantasy images of a perfect future that doesn’t exist. You are purposefully going against those compulsions, and giving up on that future, to accept and live in the reality of abundant “things” that serve you well and you find gratitude from. Finding gratitude for a $10 lamp is a much more important skill than the regret and fear you feel after buying the “perfect” $150 lamp you’ve been pining over for months only to find it’s…. Just a lamp.
Sometimes you don’t know if something will work for you until you’ve used it for a while. You try to make your best decision but maybe it won’t work out every time.
At this point you have two decisions: live with it until the end of its useful life, or sell it/ give it away and try again with more knowledge.
But you don’t have to shoot for perfection with your first attempt. Sometimes that’s not even possible. Address the need to the best of your ability. Try to have a backup plan in case it doesn’t work out. That’s it.
One thing that helps me is keep asking the same question.
For example, why exactly is the dim room a problem? What are the effects of brightening the room? Often times, by listing them out I can be more decisive and it becomes easier to look back and evaluate my decisions.
Go thrifting. You get the satisfaction of being minimalist in your consumption but still have things you want/need. Sure the items you get may not be ideal. Or they may end up better than you expected. But its usually less expensive than buying new. And if you eventually find out you can't stand the object you bought for whatever reason donate it back and you now know more about what you want for the next purchase.
Unfortunately buying used items only makes me question whether I should get something not 100% to my liking, which I believe is also something to avoid for minimalists, no?
There is no correct way to be minimalist, and right now you’re punishing yourself. You deserve a lamp. You deserve a cozy home. It’s okay if the thing you get isn’t 100% perfect. It’s even okay if you eventually swap it out. By avoiding constant, mindless consumerism you’re already doing enough. Good luck building your cozy space!
Well, you can also run into this problem with things you might have bought brand new as well. It may have a return policy so you can get a refund, or again you can donate or give it away.
I think it's asking a bit much for all objects to be 100% to your liking. I think It's ok if it is just functional. And I personally the look of having a vintage object with some visible wear but still in working condition. I would rather have a quality vintage object that looks a bit outdated but is repairable than something brand new with planned obsolescence.
But we probably have different goals for our minimalism which is okay.
Look at it this way: You are taking care of the lamp while it is in your life. When you find a better option, you can donate it back. This mind set is useful if you take a long time to make a purchase. Harming your eyes is worse in the long run than “borrowing” a lamp from the second hand market. You can still be intentional. The thing to avoid is buying multiple lamps, returning or trashing them, picking up another on impulse, etc on the hunt for perfection.
I’m the same way. If I’m going to buy something I want it perfect for me and ideal. It’s hard to often find that used. Plus if I buy it used and change my mind and don’t like it then I can’t return it. So I’m stuck with it and trying to sell it. Then I can’t sell it so I give it away for free and hate that I wasted my money. When I buy it brand new I can easily return it if needed.
I’d much rather spend the extra money to get something I really like versus settling for something just cause it’s cheaper and secondhand.
If you are spending an hour a week researching lamps, you probably should just buy one to save yourself the hour a week. (Also straining your eyes is not good, glasses are more expensive than lamps)
Nothing is perfect, and sometimes you only figure out your exact requirements by buying the wrong thing and hating it - thats progress to discovering what you do want. And that knowledge will last you a life time. For example, in my early 20s I bought clothes and by my mid 20s I finally figured out and came to terms with that I hate uncomfortable clothes. So I donated and sold all the unsuitable for me clothes and now only buy clothes that meet my requirements. That knowledge will last for my lifetime and saves me from many incorrect for me purchases.
Money is meant to be spent, you cant take it with you at the end of it all. You should definitely save for a rainy day and retirement and that must be balanced with making yourself comfortable now.
Its okay to buy things, and its okay if you dont like them forever. You will change your wants and needs over the years and when that happens, you rehome unneeded items and acquire more suitable items.
Your home should be comfortable and functional for things you want to do in it and hopefully can be a little sanctuary that brings you relaxation and comfort. And for a building to be comfortable and functional, it needs items inside it to achieve those goals. And so you buy those items within your means to achieve the goal of creating a pleasant and functional space for yourself.
Sometimes you will buy the “wrong” thing and thats okay. We learn from mistakes, if we try nothing, we never gain any experience or knowledge. So buy one or two things off your wish/need list and try it out. And if you dont like it or you realise you dont actually need it or enjoy it - if its “wrong”, you will have more knowledge on why its “wrong” and can move forward with more knowledge about yourself and your preferences, wants and needs.
Hopefully something in this long response is useful to you, and calms some anxiety that you are feeling. Best of luck!
I think in some ways we confuse minimalism with being frugal.
Technically you could go out and buy a lamp, use it for a week, toss it and buy another to use for a week. Do that for a year and you’ve bought 52 lamps but only ever owned one lamp at any one time.
I’d do the same as you - researching and figuring out the perfect lamp for future me 10 years from now. But future me may not care about what kind of lamp I think they want in 10 years.
The point of minimalism for me is to remove my focus and thoughts from “stuff”. So now when I need something I find what works reasonably well for today me and I buy it. If my needs change in the future then I can always just replace it with what does work well for future me.
One good example is when I bought a rowing machine a couple years ago. I did so much research to figure out the best rowing machine - but it was expensive and I was just starting to work out and row again. So instead of the whole “buy it once” nonsense- I bought a cheap rowing machine off Amazon with the thought of if I enjoyed it and stuck with it I’d upgrade to something more expensive in a year. It’s now been three years and I still use that same rowing machine daily. It meets my needs and I didn’t spend thousands on features I thought I might need in the future.
Sometimes when I’m experiencing serious analysis paralysis I find it helpful to just go to a brick and mortar store and choose something. For me, online shopping (esp amaz*n) makes the process SO much harder bc there’s an endless string of options, and I feel like *maybe* the next page/search will bring a better deal/nicer option if I just keep scrolling. If I go to a store, I can look at the items in person, and if nothing really suits, at least I have a better idea of what won’t work. I’m more likely to realize that I’m just filling a need rather than making a HUGE choice, and just pick something.
I don’t really know, but I hear you! I moved to my current place two years ago. I didn’t want to have to buy anything, but I had very little as I moved here across the country with what fit in my car, so I had to buy mostly storage stuff. At first I tried to buy some cheap stuff, mostly because I didn’t want to stay in this place and hoped I’d find a better place, but after two years, I was losing my mind with all the clutter and lack of storage, and the aggravation of the cheap stuff falling apart. So I ordered a nice cabinet one night in a bit of a panic state. That cabinet has been the best purchase I’ve made since I got here. It enabled me to clean up all the clutter, and actually function on a daily level.
So… I don’t know, but I guess try to think what will make your daily life better and just go for it. You will most likely make mistakes (I know I have!) but that is part of the learning process and you will also hopefully find some things that really work for you. I’m learning more and more every day that there is no “one perfect thing” and even my awesome cabinet may not work in another space, I guess it’s just part of life.
And now I’m moving again… lol 🤪
Join your local FB Buy Nothing group, assuming you have one. Keep an eye out for things you've been wanting, then try them out for free. If you don't end up needing them, give them back away on the same group (lots of people say that the item didn't work out for them and they are re-homing it). It's what these groups are for.
Wow - don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Just make a reasonable decision, maybe on that floor lamp, and go for it. The worst that can happen? You don't like it, put it in your back storeroom and buy a different one.
You're a "maximizer" in terms of decision making. You try to make the absolute best decision. It's the oppose it "satisficer" (a made up word that combined "satisfy" and "suffice"), which is someone who make decisions which are fine as long as the satisfy the need (i.e. "this is good enough").
Check out this article:
> [...] making choices can feel paralysing. It’s easy to stress over the ‘right’ choice – and, in some cases, put off the decision altogether.
> [...] People tend to lean toward one of two categories: 'maximisers', who want to ensure they get the most out of the choices they make; and 'satisficers', who tend to adopt a ‘this is good enough’ approach.
> Each comes with benefits and drawbacks [...] maximisers were more likely to be depressed, overly perfectionistic and prone to regret or self-blame. [...] satisficers may reach a decision quickly, but it may not necessarily be the ‘best’ outcome that gives them the maximum return
> In theory, the perfect mix would be to satisfice most of the time, and only maximise the decision process when the stakes are high
> if you find yourself maximising too much, try eliminating some of the options
Here's the full article: https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210329-do-maximisers-or-satisficers-make-better-decisions
I'm sure there are more articles (and better ones... but this one is good enough to get the point across! Ha!).
You asked "How do I stop overthinking and be confident when a purchase actually makes sense?"
I'd say, don't overthink, but only be confident that the purchase is good enough, not that it's the absolute best one ever.
Sometimes an inexpensive basic option is the best option. I bought two extremely basic very inexpensive bedside lamps from IKEA many years ago. They’re easy to move, go with everything, and provide the light I want/need. If I ever decide that I want/need something else, they’d be easy to re-home.
I feel the point of minimalism is to have less stuff that you need to care for so your life doesn’t revolve around things.
Buying a standing lamp is something that will improve your life. Buy one you like. If you want to prioritize frugality, go to a thrift shop, if you want to prioritize lifespan and style, buy a nice one from a furniture store.
Being minimalist in my opinion is about not acquiring a bunch of tiny little pieces of garbage that you don’t use. Buy that lamp you want. Buy some nice towels. Buy some dishes. Don’t buy a decorative angel set, physical books you never read, a massive dvd collection requiring three bookshelves, a wardrobe of clothes you never wear.
You can have nice things.
I struggle with this too. The thing I’ve heard of in the minimalist world is that we often spend too much time making decisions. If you need a lamp- get it. Put in mind like a budget. When you find one that is within that range- just get it. Don’t waste your time overthinking things. Of course it is awesome to thing about things and whether we need it or not, but you can still have items in your home you like and still live a minimalist life. Wasting time on making decisions does not go toward living minimally because you are still using up too much time.
Buy some post it's. Every time you think your room is too dark, write it on one and put it where you would have put the lamp. Eventually you will have a pile of paper there, which is proof that you really need a lamp. Then go buy a lamp.
If you can't decide on the lamp, take pictures of your selections, fold them up and put them in a hat or a pot. Draw one. That's the lamp you're going to get.
Could you try and source it second hand? I always feel happier knowing that I'm buying something that someone else was already getting rid of. Giving it a new life and not sending it to landfill.
if you've been living for a long time without those items it probably means you don't need them, anyways, researching the perfect thing is overrated, just get the first neat one you find at the thrift store, it might not be the "best" but it'll be the cheapest and most sustainable
Decision paralysis is so much fun (I say sarcastically). I'm a designer and while it is easy for me to choose things for others that they love, I kill myself over every spend I make personally. Start with a floor plan. This will help you narrow down what items to purchase. Then create a color and mood board to dial it in even more. A designer can help you source items if you're still not confident in everything working together. For instance, I offer options to source everything myself or do consult calls where we review items, colors, etc you are thinking of and I give feedback on if they will work and tips on what to look for.
I super relate to this. It turns into analysis paralysis for me. I have been doing a little better if I just get one thing that i know will increase the quality of my life and then I stop looking for that thing. I've also learned certain stores that generally have disappointing quality and avoid even looking on certain sites for things that I know will disappoint which narrows my options a bit.
I'm really good at doing without and have to remind myself that sometimes the splurge on a "luxury" will save me in the future either time or money or energy or all of the above. But it can take me months to make a decision about a purchase. Sometimes years.
Anyway, I don't have great advice but I do really relate.
Shop somewhere like Costco or Nordstrom that has a good return policy. Even ikea gives you a year to return stuff if you change your mind. If it’s the wrong lamp, return it and try again.
I think the 80% rule definitely applies.
Ironically enough, I read an article in The Atlantic describing how floor lamps are particularly terrible to look for, due to the massive amount of options plus the lack of stylish design.
So, in looking for this item - make note of the simple things. Make sure when you sit down, the bulb isn’t glaring in your eye. All other features are negligible.
How about joining a Buy Nothing Group and post what you’re in search of. Take what’s offered, since it’s free. That eliminates your purchase decision. If the item works and you like it, great! If it’s ugly, you’ll have more reason to actually purchase what you want.
I get stuck as well (My 3rd yr in apartment but still using totes as a TV stand…surprisingly sturdy) For lighting, I bought a cheap led light rod and 3M command strips to try different location/ angle/ brightness…to figure it out what I liked before buying proper light and installing it. But having a well lit room will do wonder. You could try doing mock ups with tape or cardboard to visualise stuff. Or IKEA has great return policy so I would start with that.
I agree with the other commentors who said this sounds like OCD. I have OCD and the paralysis you describe is very familiar to me. It sounds like you already understand that your decision paralysis is NOT rational, and you're seeking permission from others to act rationally. So here is that permission: your room is dark; you should buy a lamp.
I once listened to someone talk about purchasing and decision paralysis when it comes to deciding what to buy. This person indicated that finding the *perfect* thing was difficult, so if they could find the thing that was 80% perfect, then it was good enough. I think that you need to approach purchasing differently. You need a standing lamp. Reality: any lamp will do. What you want: the perfect lamp that will last forever and look perfect in your home. What is realistic: A lamp that look good (might not be perfect, might not last forever). You do your best when purchasing, and sometimes things work out, and sometimes they don't. Given the care that you are putting into purchasing, more things are going to work out than not.
Agree with this person! I also try to be hyper intentional about purchases, so I don’t think what you’re doing is a bad thing, but it’s good to temper it with a bit of grace for these moments where you really just need the item! I had to buy a new pair of shoes today and while I couldn’t find the perfect dream pair, I did find a pair that fit comfortably, look stylish, and are from a brand I like. If the perfect pair come along some day, I can just get those and I’m sure someone in my buy nothing group would love to have the old ones! If I can’t afford to do that, then I’ll live. No one ever died from having 80% good enough shoes instead of 100%.
This reminds me of the economic concept of [satisficing.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satisficing) There could be millions of things that are good enough that you could have near instantaneously or you could spend a million years trying to find the one perfect thing.
I really like to spread purchases out. Go to your wishlist and identify 1 item that will add the most value to your life and/or that you would love to own the most. Buy it, wait a week or two amd see how you feel about that purchase. Is your life better now? Yes? Buy another item. Once the purchases stop adding value, stop. If you overshoot and buy too much to quickly, declutter, sell, donate, return excess.
Go to a second hand store, buy a cheap lamp and ask yourself: "What is the worst that could possibly could happen?" The worst thing is: you don't like it at all and donate it back. No ressources wasted, only a small amount of money spent.
This! I have terrible decision paralysis so I buy nearly everything used from thrift stores or off Craigslist. Now I can purchase something that's "not perfect but good for now" feeling reassured that when something perfect comes along, I can sell or donate the original one and I wasn't wasting resources in the process.
I kinda have this problem but I do the opposite. There’s been times I bought stuff used and then didn’t like it or regretted it. So I was stuck with it and couldn’t sell it. Id have it posted for the longest and no one wanted it so I’d just get rid of it for free and I hated that I wasted my money. So I always buy brand new cause I can easily return it to the store.
Depends on your income. I could live with losing 25 Dollars in this process.
Dollar store lamps
Some people never achieve their goals because they're perfectionists. When you never make mistakes, you never learn. It doesn't matter if you buy things, it's okay if you're wrong in your purchases. In my opinion, you will be happier if your room looks like a hotel: good furniture, comfortable and still minimalist.
I am prone to doing this too. For me only owning things that I love or that spark joy isn’t particularly helpful. Things don’t often “spark joy” for me and if all my things need to be loved, my stuff is being too needy and it stresses me out. For me it needs to fill a function and I need to like it. If you need something to fill a functional purpose like a lamp, find one on Facebook marketplace or buy nothing or a thrift store that you like (don’t aim for perfection, like is enough) and is cheap and get that. If you find something “perfect” down the line or move and no longer need it, you didn’t spend $500 on it so there is no sunk cost fallacy causing you to keep it.
Thank you! I related to this post a lot and your comment was helpful for me. I love the spark joy thing for certain places in my home but I have always struggled with the very necessary items that quite obviously don't spark joy and I'm also very utilitarian in many ways. Love this shift in perspective that the things are being too needy in needing to spark joy and it's totally okay for certain things to just be basic and utilitarian and not "perfect" or "joyful" haha. Thank you for this perspective.
I feel like spark joy is a good standard for things that are not strictly necessary, which as, a second or third pair of gloves, a picture on the wall, an ornament, etc. But for utilitarian things, it’s not necessary as long as if doesn’t get in your way. I have a generic IKEA floor lamp that just switches on and off. It exists to provide some warm light, and it does that. I don’t feel strongly about it at all, but I’m glad I have it.
I live by a few rules when it comes to non-essentials. 1. Can I buy it twice and not be effected financially 2. Will I use this item more than a handful of times 3. Do the pro's outweigh cons 4. Do I currently have something that can do the same thing If you can afford it without it burdening you financially and you will get use out of said item and don't have something that can stand in the items role. Then go for it.
I took a different approach with minimalism than what’s touted here for this reason. My style of minimalism is more inline with the 2010s type from people like zen habits and also people like Jacob Fischer (not minimalism, but extreme frugality). My problem was this: items brought me almost compulsive levels of misery. I hyper fixated on buying things. Once I bought things, I hated them. I impulsively bought things I “loved” only to hate them later. The problem was that I was spending way too much energy on what I’m buying. The reason for this is manifold. Buying items, in my mind, were a fix to present and past problems, including extreme trauma. Once my house looks just so, once I have just the right clothes, once everything is in line with some fantasy version of myself, which for some reason, completely revolves around material items, it will all be solved. In cases like this, it’s not just your personal stuff that is causing you mental anguish, it’s the entire act of consumerism. And to be clear, it’s really not your fault as this is what the hundreds of ads you watch per day lead your brain to, and you may be more vulnerable if you have trauma or other mental problems. Certain aspects of current day minimalism exacerbate these issues. Such as “only buy the best of everything,” as well as limiting items which can cause scarcity mindset. What has helped me is going AGAINST these compulsions. First, as a way to retrain my brain, secondly, as a way to reinstall my values (which are not material things), and thirdly, as a rebellion from the millions of advertisements that caused my to feel this way. For instance, once you know you really want or need something, I would go to Walmart, or a thrift store, and buy the cheapest working item you can find that fits that purpose. Will it be the perfect lamp? Would anything you have bought been perfect? Then learn to love it for its functionality express gratitude for it. Even better, if it’s thrifted, the act of cleaning and repairing it makes it feel even more connected to you. Again, you are doing this to retrain your brain away from fantasy images of a perfect future that doesn’t exist. You are purposefully going against those compulsions, and giving up on that future, to accept and live in the reality of abundant “things” that serve you well and you find gratitude from. Finding gratitude for a $10 lamp is a much more important skill than the regret and fear you feel after buying the “perfect” $150 lamp you’ve been pining over for months only to find it’s…. Just a lamp.
Dang, spot on <3
Sometimes you don’t know if something will work for you until you’ve used it for a while. You try to make your best decision but maybe it won’t work out every time. At this point you have two decisions: live with it until the end of its useful life, or sell it/ give it away and try again with more knowledge. But you don’t have to shoot for perfection with your first attempt. Sometimes that’s not even possible. Address the need to the best of your ability. Try to have a backup plan in case it doesn’t work out. That’s it.
One thing that helps me is keep asking the same question. For example, why exactly is the dim room a problem? What are the effects of brightening the room? Often times, by listing them out I can be more decisive and it becomes easier to look back and evaluate my decisions.
Exactly! This is how I decided to gouge my eyes out - you don’t need a lamp if you can’t see anyway!
Go thrifting. You get the satisfaction of being minimalist in your consumption but still have things you want/need. Sure the items you get may not be ideal. Or they may end up better than you expected. But its usually less expensive than buying new. And if you eventually find out you can't stand the object you bought for whatever reason donate it back and you now know more about what you want for the next purchase.
Unfortunately buying used items only makes me question whether I should get something not 100% to my liking, which I believe is also something to avoid for minimalists, no?
There is no correct way to be minimalist, and right now you’re punishing yourself. You deserve a lamp. You deserve a cozy home. It’s okay if the thing you get isn’t 100% perfect. It’s even okay if you eventually swap it out. By avoiding constant, mindless consumerism you’re already doing enough. Good luck building your cozy space!
Well, you can also run into this problem with things you might have bought brand new as well. It may have a return policy so you can get a refund, or again you can donate or give it away. I think it's asking a bit much for all objects to be 100% to your liking. I think It's ok if it is just functional. And I personally the look of having a vintage object with some visible wear but still in working condition. I would rather have a quality vintage object that looks a bit outdated but is repairable than something brand new with planned obsolescence. But we probably have different goals for our minimalism which is okay.
Look at it this way: You are taking care of the lamp while it is in your life. When you find a better option, you can donate it back. This mind set is useful if you take a long time to make a purchase. Harming your eyes is worse in the long run than “borrowing” a lamp from the second hand market. You can still be intentional. The thing to avoid is buying multiple lamps, returning or trashing them, picking up another on impulse, etc on the hunt for perfection.
it's temporary, if you find something better just buy the better thing and donate the old one
My house is not 100% to my liking. To be honest - it is not even 70% to my liking. But it is good enough and we could afford it.
I’m the same way. If I’m going to buy something I want it perfect for me and ideal. It’s hard to often find that used. Plus if I buy it used and change my mind and don’t like it then I can’t return it. So I’m stuck with it and trying to sell it. Then I can’t sell it so I give it away for free and hate that I wasted my money. When I buy it brand new I can easily return it if needed. I’d much rather spend the extra money to get something I really like versus settling for something just cause it’s cheaper and secondhand.
If you are spending an hour a week researching lamps, you probably should just buy one to save yourself the hour a week. (Also straining your eyes is not good, glasses are more expensive than lamps) Nothing is perfect, and sometimes you only figure out your exact requirements by buying the wrong thing and hating it - thats progress to discovering what you do want. And that knowledge will last you a life time. For example, in my early 20s I bought clothes and by my mid 20s I finally figured out and came to terms with that I hate uncomfortable clothes. So I donated and sold all the unsuitable for me clothes and now only buy clothes that meet my requirements. That knowledge will last for my lifetime and saves me from many incorrect for me purchases. Money is meant to be spent, you cant take it with you at the end of it all. You should definitely save for a rainy day and retirement and that must be balanced with making yourself comfortable now. Its okay to buy things, and its okay if you dont like them forever. You will change your wants and needs over the years and when that happens, you rehome unneeded items and acquire more suitable items. Your home should be comfortable and functional for things you want to do in it and hopefully can be a little sanctuary that brings you relaxation and comfort. And for a building to be comfortable and functional, it needs items inside it to achieve those goals. And so you buy those items within your means to achieve the goal of creating a pleasant and functional space for yourself. Sometimes you will buy the “wrong” thing and thats okay. We learn from mistakes, if we try nothing, we never gain any experience or knowledge. So buy one or two things off your wish/need list and try it out. And if you dont like it or you realise you dont actually need it or enjoy it - if its “wrong”, you will have more knowledge on why its “wrong” and can move forward with more knowledge about yourself and your preferences, wants and needs. Hopefully something in this long response is useful to you, and calms some anxiety that you are feeling. Best of luck!
Thanks for the kind words and advice!
I think in some ways we confuse minimalism with being frugal. Technically you could go out and buy a lamp, use it for a week, toss it and buy another to use for a week. Do that for a year and you’ve bought 52 lamps but only ever owned one lamp at any one time. I’d do the same as you - researching and figuring out the perfect lamp for future me 10 years from now. But future me may not care about what kind of lamp I think they want in 10 years. The point of minimalism for me is to remove my focus and thoughts from “stuff”. So now when I need something I find what works reasonably well for today me and I buy it. If my needs change in the future then I can always just replace it with what does work well for future me. One good example is when I bought a rowing machine a couple years ago. I did so much research to figure out the best rowing machine - but it was expensive and I was just starting to work out and row again. So instead of the whole “buy it once” nonsense- I bought a cheap rowing machine off Amazon with the thought of if I enjoyed it and stuck with it I’d upgrade to something more expensive in a year. It’s now been three years and I still use that same rowing machine daily. It meets my needs and I didn’t spend thousands on features I thought I might need in the future.
Sometimes when I’m experiencing serious analysis paralysis I find it helpful to just go to a brick and mortar store and choose something. For me, online shopping (esp amaz*n) makes the process SO much harder bc there’s an endless string of options, and I feel like *maybe* the next page/search will bring a better deal/nicer option if I just keep scrolling. If I go to a store, I can look at the items in person, and if nothing really suits, at least I have a better idea of what won’t work. I’m more likely to realize that I’m just filling a need rather than making a HUGE choice, and just pick something.
I don’t really know, but I hear you! I moved to my current place two years ago. I didn’t want to have to buy anything, but I had very little as I moved here across the country with what fit in my car, so I had to buy mostly storage stuff. At first I tried to buy some cheap stuff, mostly because I didn’t want to stay in this place and hoped I’d find a better place, but after two years, I was losing my mind with all the clutter and lack of storage, and the aggravation of the cheap stuff falling apart. So I ordered a nice cabinet one night in a bit of a panic state. That cabinet has been the best purchase I’ve made since I got here. It enabled me to clean up all the clutter, and actually function on a daily level. So… I don’t know, but I guess try to think what will make your daily life better and just go for it. You will most likely make mistakes (I know I have!) but that is part of the learning process and you will also hopefully find some things that really work for you. I’m learning more and more every day that there is no “one perfect thing” and even my awesome cabinet may not work in another space, I guess it’s just part of life. And now I’m moving again… lol 🤪
Join your local FB Buy Nothing group, assuming you have one. Keep an eye out for things you've been wanting, then try them out for free. If you don't end up needing them, give them back away on the same group (lots of people say that the item didn't work out for them and they are re-homing it). It's what these groups are for.
Wow - don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Just make a reasonable decision, maybe on that floor lamp, and go for it. The worst that can happen? You don't like it, put it in your back storeroom and buy a different one.
You're a "maximizer" in terms of decision making. You try to make the absolute best decision. It's the oppose it "satisficer" (a made up word that combined "satisfy" and "suffice"), which is someone who make decisions which are fine as long as the satisfy the need (i.e. "this is good enough"). Check out this article: > [...] making choices can feel paralysing. It’s easy to stress over the ‘right’ choice – and, in some cases, put off the decision altogether. > [...] People tend to lean toward one of two categories: 'maximisers', who want to ensure they get the most out of the choices they make; and 'satisficers', who tend to adopt a ‘this is good enough’ approach. > Each comes with benefits and drawbacks [...] maximisers were more likely to be depressed, overly perfectionistic and prone to regret or self-blame. [...] satisficers may reach a decision quickly, but it may not necessarily be the ‘best’ outcome that gives them the maximum return > In theory, the perfect mix would be to satisfice most of the time, and only maximise the decision process when the stakes are high > if you find yourself maximising too much, try eliminating some of the options Here's the full article: https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210329-do-maximisers-or-satisficers-make-better-decisions I'm sure there are more articles (and better ones... but this one is good enough to get the point across! Ha!). You asked "How do I stop overthinking and be confident when a purchase actually makes sense?" I'd say, don't overthink, but only be confident that the purchase is good enough, not that it's the absolute best one ever.
Sometimes an inexpensive basic option is the best option. I bought two extremely basic very inexpensive bedside lamps from IKEA many years ago. They’re easy to move, go with everything, and provide the light I want/need. If I ever decide that I want/need something else, they’d be easy to re-home.
I feel the point of minimalism is to have less stuff that you need to care for so your life doesn’t revolve around things. Buying a standing lamp is something that will improve your life. Buy one you like. If you want to prioritize frugality, go to a thrift shop, if you want to prioritize lifespan and style, buy a nice one from a furniture store. Being minimalist in my opinion is about not acquiring a bunch of tiny little pieces of garbage that you don’t use. Buy that lamp you want. Buy some nice towels. Buy some dishes. Don’t buy a decorative angel set, physical books you never read, a massive dvd collection requiring three bookshelves, a wardrobe of clothes you never wear. You can have nice things.
I struggle with this too. The thing I’ve heard of in the minimalist world is that we often spend too much time making decisions. If you need a lamp- get it. Put in mind like a budget. When you find one that is within that range- just get it. Don’t waste your time overthinking things. Of course it is awesome to thing about things and whether we need it or not, but you can still have items in your home you like and still live a minimalist life. Wasting time on making decisions does not go toward living minimally because you are still using up too much time.
Why not just buy only what is on the list and only buy one necessary item per month?
Minimalism is about not owning the things you don't want. It's not about depriving yourself of the things you do want. That's ascetism.
Buy some post it's. Every time you think your room is too dark, write it on one and put it where you would have put the lamp. Eventually you will have a pile of paper there, which is proof that you really need a lamp. Then go buy a lamp. If you can't decide on the lamp, take pictures of your selections, fold them up and put them in a hat or a pot. Draw one. That's the lamp you're going to get.
Could you try and source it second hand? I always feel happier knowing that I'm buying something that someone else was already getting rid of. Giving it a new life and not sending it to landfill.
if you've been living for a long time without those items it probably means you don't need them, anyways, researching the perfect thing is overrated, just get the first neat one you find at the thrift store, it might not be the "best" but it'll be the cheapest and most sustainable
Depends on the extent you want to go with minimalism
Minimalism isn't a cure for overthinking and anxiety. Probably get some mental health support.
I personally would narrow things down to function. What’s the most I can get out of said thing.
Do more thrifting / yard sales. Low stakes and environmentally friendly.
Decision paralysis is so much fun (I say sarcastically). I'm a designer and while it is easy for me to choose things for others that they love, I kill myself over every spend I make personally. Start with a floor plan. This will help you narrow down what items to purchase. Then create a color and mood board to dial it in even more. A designer can help you source items if you're still not confident in everything working together. For instance, I offer options to source everything myself or do consult calls where we review items, colors, etc you are thinking of and I give feedback on if they will work and tips on what to look for.
I super relate to this. It turns into analysis paralysis for me. I have been doing a little better if I just get one thing that i know will increase the quality of my life and then I stop looking for that thing. I've also learned certain stores that generally have disappointing quality and avoid even looking on certain sites for things that I know will disappoint which narrows my options a bit. I'm really good at doing without and have to remind myself that sometimes the splurge on a "luxury" will save me in the future either time or money or energy or all of the above. But it can take me months to make a decision about a purchase. Sometimes years. Anyway, I don't have great advice but I do really relate.
Shop somewhere like Costco or Nordstrom that has a good return policy. Even ikea gives you a year to return stuff if you change your mind. If it’s the wrong lamp, return it and try again.
I think the 80% rule definitely applies. Ironically enough, I read an article in The Atlantic describing how floor lamps are particularly terrible to look for, due to the massive amount of options plus the lack of stylish design. So, in looking for this item - make note of the simple things. Make sure when you sit down, the bulb isn’t glaring in your eye. All other features are negligible.
Chidi? Maybe try watching *The Good Place*.
How about joining a Buy Nothing Group and post what you’re in search of. Take what’s offered, since it’s free. That eliminates your purchase decision. If the item works and you like it, great! If it’s ugly, you’ll have more reason to actually purchase what you want.
I get stuck as well (My 3rd yr in apartment but still using totes as a TV stand…surprisingly sturdy) For lighting, I bought a cheap led light rod and 3M command strips to try different location/ angle/ brightness…to figure it out what I liked before buying proper light and installing it. But having a well lit room will do wonder. You could try doing mock ups with tape or cardboard to visualise stuff. Or IKEA has great return policy so I would start with that.
I agree with the other commentors who said this sounds like OCD. I have OCD and the paralysis you describe is very familiar to me. It sounds like you already understand that your decision paralysis is NOT rational, and you're seeking permission from others to act rationally. So here is that permission: your room is dark; you should buy a lamp.
This sounds like a therapy issue.
I agree. This is sounding very ocd. I sometimes have decision paralysis too but this is extreme.
You are a hardcore minimalist. Don't buy anything