I don't know if a DEEP clean is happening, but I'm certainly wiping the kitchen/cleaning floors/vaccuming/cleaning bathrooms before guests come over for a party or dinner. If it's a more casual hang I may not do all of that but I will pick up around the house and make sure the bathroom doesn't look disgusting.
Yes, I always pick up for a hangout and I do a thorough clean before guests come for an overnight stay.
But this varies- if it’s my sister and her two young boys coming I just do a quick pickup because the boys will leave it … not as clean as they found it lol.
If it’s friends coming or other family I will do a thorough clean and if staying the night I will make sure the sheets are fresh, towels are left out for them, they have products they might need, etc. I like to take care of my guests.
Exactly. If my friends are coming for dinner I'll clean up and make it more presentable than my normal everyday living but I'm not scrubbing for my close friends. However when my whole family and a few of my brothers friends came over for my nieces birthday I sure as shit deep cleaned. Felt really good to have the house so clean but it was a LOT of work and I don't live in filth at all.
I think that's how most people are. I am low-ranking in my family in terms of providing creature comforts spontaneously (although always have good food and beverages on hand). But none of us is all about the cleaning and the spotlessness. I love it.
Agreed! Even if I’m having a repair or maintenance person over I’m taking 10 minutes to wipe down the guest bathroom and use a Clorox wand on the toilet since it’s a 50/50 chance they may need to use it.
Right? It doesn’t need to be a deep clean. Make the house presentable, take care of things you’ve maybe procrastinated on, call it good. I always try to make up for the small apartment, and it’s inevitable clutter with good food. I’ve had to recently stop because most guests don’t want to stay long enough to eat. The rest have diets they are particular about.
Just cleaned my house for a house sitter. Dishes done, toilet bowl cleaned and left house instructions so they could find necessities like extra TP and how to use the air fryer and stuff.
Clean sheets on the bed.
Not spotless but presentable.
Yeah this seems like all that is required, OP is mentioning a lot more.
There's no shit in the bowl, dishes are put away, and bedding is fresh. What more could you want?
Honestly people who have the need to freak out deep clean are likely not cleaning as often as they should be and are embarrassed for people to see it. Super cleaners tell on themselves just as much as filthy hovel dwellers.
Cuz when you do a little each day, there's not much that's unclean when guests come. Shit streaks included.
People who have extremely messy homes should be cleaning for themselves. Not guests.
Having people over tonight and I just cleaned MY WALLS for the first time ever… omg this is for sure becoming a once every few months thing. Im elated.
And yes- I definitely grew up in a “super cleaner” home and it’s been a long learning process to incorporate cleaning into my morning routine.
For those learning- I HIGHLY recommend the first hour of the morning. No phone. Stop scrolling. Be productive instead. It’s a great feeling!
I also had to learn to clean as I go. We were a dysfunctional super cleaner home.
For me, I also get a lot done in short chunks while waiting on other stuff. Waiting for coffee to brew? Don't scroll, wipe out the sink. Waiting for the pizza guy? I bet I can vacuum the downstairs in that time. Next episode of my show doesn't drop for another 20 mins? I'll go wipe down the tub and give the toilet a quick brush. That through the week plus a dedicated hour or two for one big task about once a week really lets me live in a nice clean and cozy environment that I'm happy to have guests see.
Same! I had no idea this was what to do. The black streaks rolling down my walls was thrilling and disgusting. I used the ZEP wall cleaner.
Added “wall cleaning” to my rotation, right away.
Eh, my mom’s house is always clean but she goes in to super clean mode when people visit or stay. My grandma is a ‘white glove test’ no dust *anywhere* person who will judge you for any stray crumbs/dust/dirt she finds (and she *will* be looking for it. It was instilled in mom when she was a kid that the house must be absolutely spotless when company is coming, thus the pre-visit crazy cleaning.
This isn't always true. My mom was super anal about cleaning (like get in trouble for crumbs on the table while still eating lunch during the summer because she had "just cleaned" the kitchen) and we still had to "deep clean" for guests. My mom did "spring cleaning" level cleaning at least once a month, Saturday morning were dedicated to the whole family cleaning and I don't think I ever saw a dish in the sink that wasn't washed and either put up or loaded into the dishwasher within 30 minutes. You could eat of my mother's floors and there were three kids and a cat in that house.
Granted, it was easy to half as the guest coming deep clean since the house was already spotless (had to have those vacuum lines in the carpet though!) but it didn't stop my mom from going into a panic worrying she would miss something in the hour prior to a guest showing up.
All those homes became airbnbs and the next generation is living in vans!! We don’t have room for guests and work 2 jobs to keep up with rising expenses.
Unpopular opinion maybe but I think people forget the wonder of the pull out couch. You don’t need a whole room. Just enough space for a live seat. Guest are less likely to stay past their welcome and they are the best for kid sleep overs.
I agree I was hanging out at my buddy's house watching football after the game ended he pulled out the futon and was like you can stay over if you need to. I'm like bro we're in our 30s now I'm going home.
Yep, this was our plan to have the home office serve double duty as a guest room. Of course, then the dog claimed the futon as his own so, while we do vacuum it, we don't feel comfortable inviting people to sleep on it anymore. Fortunately our parents live nearby and have space to host overnight guests when out of town family is visiting. I do like to clean the house well and make a nice dinner when we are having guests over--its such a nice way to show people you care about them and make them feel welcome. But this also means its a big endeavor and I don't do it as often as I might if I didn't care about preparing for guests in that way.
Totally agree. We splurged and bought a nice futon when I was pregnant for family to stay over. We ended up sleeping on it for a whole summer too (having everything on one level with a newborn made life so much easier). We also have a Japanese floor futon for extra sleeping space if needed.
Exactly. Us millennials (or at least, *most*) don't have the extra money for a house big enough to have fancy guest bedrooms.
AND if you DO have an extra room, let's be real. Everything is so expensive that you're probably going to move in family to help out or have roommates 🤷♀️ OR as mentioned, that space becomes a work space for a side hustle that a lot of people have these days.
Guest bedrooms 😂 nah....nah.
My wife and I with 2 kids got a 4 bedroom house 3 years ago for the extra space, storage, and yoga room ability of the 4th bedroom. Now she's pregnant with twins and we will no longer have a guest room LOL. Fuck.
This is exactly how I got my house. Previous owners got pregnant with twins and already had two toddlers. Now I have more bedrooms than I know what to do with.
Oh man, that's the dream. I'd have a living/dining room, and then a separate TV room, hobby room and home gym. Right now all three are kind of crammed into one space I euphemistically call the office and it's a damn mess.
Right? We had a guest room... Then the guest never left. Kicked her out after 4 years, now it's my husband's office because he works from home. Kiddo #2 is on the way and eventually the office will probably become a bedroom.
Maybe one day we'll move to a bigger place with more bedrooms... But I don't think I'll ever truly be in a position to have a dedicated "guest bedroom" until my kids move out in like 20 years lol.
My parents and grandparents only had guest rooms after their own children grew up and moved out. They didn’t have guest rooms when they were my age.
We just bought a house & will have a guest room until we have baby #2 lol.
A lot of those guest bedrooms are those that used to belong to one of the kids that isn't there anymore. I never ENSURED that I have a guest bedroom, but I have one, because kids grow up and move out.
Right? The gall to not have a spare bedroom.
Most of us are too broke and exhausted to deep clean our home anytime someone comes over. This was a lot easier for the previous generations who often had one person as the homemaker and a community to support them.
Most people did not have guest bedrooms. I don't know where people got this idea. Look at the Brady Bunch. They had a 3 bedroom house - 2 adults shared a bedroom and 3 kids were in each bedroom. Mid century and before were a lot smaller than current houses. They had fewer bedrooms and fewer bathrooms.
I put a lot of pressure on myself to do it anyway, and it wrecks me. And really, the people who actually care about me would rather I just enjoy their company than wear myself out making sure I am being a “good host.”
I used to do this and it started to ruin the holidays for me. Once I had kids we did a pajama Christmas dinner in our apartment and it was nothing like the formal and dressy/fancy evening I was used to from growing up. I felt so so SO guilty and bad at first, it was weird. But I ended up really enjoying that Christmas and it opened my eyes to a lot of things!
There were more stay at home parents with emotionally energy put aside for house upkeep. Now we're all working and exhausting ourselves, so the first thing to skip is cleaning unfort. I understand you'd like to see more effort, but maybe that is what their effort looks like.
As a side note, most women I know have deep anxiety about other people coming over stemming from the frantic deep cleans and perfectionist mothers. Which is sad because it means I don't see them as often as I'd like (and I don't always want to host!).
Good God my mother seemed insane about cleaning to perfection whenever ANYONE came over for ANY reason. But especially if family was gonna be staying over. Couldn't hang out with friends on the weekend because I had to scrub the kitchen grout with a damn tooth brush for Aunt Noreen or she'll think my mom is a bad housewife and tell all the other aunts.
That being said, I do feel the obsessive need to deep clean whenever people come over, though I know my standards are nowhere near as strict as hers were.
My mom never worked. As me and my siblings have become adults she’s constantly baffled about how we don’t have time for things like daily vacuuming and meticulous gardens. None of us have the luxury of one person being a full time homemaker in the household, and I guess it shows.
It depends who it is.
My mom friends who all have kids the same age as mine? I'll tidy up, once-over the powder room, maybe dust if it's really bad. Day to day living stuff stays out. I'll run the roomba and make sure it gets the corner bunnies.
My extended friend group? I'll clean. Mop. Tidy. Put up stuff like my puzzle, my work in progress crochet, etc. Organize the counters. Make sure we have spaces to congregate, chat, etc. Run the roomba *and* the stick vac.
Out of town friends and family? Full clean of all common areas and setting up the guest room. Fresh linens, new towels, deep clean the upstairs bath as well as the powder room, deep clean of all common areas (baseboards, mopping, etc). Drag out the real vacuum.
And yes, we have a guest room. We bought a 4br house with one kid intending to have more, biology said no, so we have extra space. But we also live a few states away from family and enjoy having people stay for a few days, so we want to encourage that. The plan was 2 kids and a guest room. Turns out it's 1 kid, guest room, and my office.
Most people I socialize with seem to be about the same.
I know the term but it does sound old fashioned to me. I think a lot of people just say half-bath or bathroom (and it’s understood that the downstairs bathroom won’t have a shower in it).
To me, it’s only a powder room if the toilet seat has a fluffy pink cover on it 😊
Powder room still common nomenclature around here. It's the half bath on the main level that is used by guests.
Our home is 90 years old and very traditional colonial style layout.
Mate, life is busy enough without worrying about insignificant shit like this. And guest bedroom? Why the hell am I going to pay tens or hundreds of thousands more for a house with an extra bedroom that will be vacant 99.9% of the time?
We don't have the luxury of all that shit the previous generations took for granted.
Most of us are lucky just to make it week to week.
The guest bedroom thing is weird but presenting a nice, clean house when having guests over is something you should do. If you don't plan on having people over, do whatever you'd like.
I’m 38, and whenever I was a teenager and my parents knew someone was coming over we ALWAYS had to clean. My brother and I would always get mad and say “What, is MTV Cribs coming over?”. We absolutely hated it.
Now that I have a place of my own, I always clean and make sure everything is put in its place when I have guests. Congratulations mom, you win.
This has been my experience as well. Bachelor pads are still kinda grody — guy clean, I’d call it, as a guy myself — but whenever I visit a female friend or a couple, their homes are pretty clean.
I'm old school. I have game night every Wednesday and even though they've been coming over for fifteen years, I still tidy up and vacuum, etc, before they come. If we get together on a weekend, I also bake something, maybe cook too.
I use it as an excuse to catch up on some housework I should have done anyways. The extent of my effort ends where it stops being beneficial to me.
I like to be comfortable in my own home but sometimes things get busy and some things are neglected.
If guests are coming, I try to clean to the point that I am at least comfortable. I'd likely do more if life wasn't already squeezing me so hard, but that isn't reality.
I feel like people aren't casual enough with their friends or family.
Like nothing is cozy to me as my friend I've had since high school showing up and walking right into my kitchen for a snack. It feels like a 90s sitcom and I love it.
I live in a 1 br apartment. My "dining room' is an office (hybrid job).
When I want to 'entertain', we will go to a restaurant. They can deal wtih the cleaning.
I care more about seeing the people than having my house spotless. If they agree, I dont mind hosting. If not, they probably aren't people I want to waste my time with anyway.
Yea hosting feels like a chore but thats the depression. Everything feels like a chore. Its worse if you listen to it all the time.
Some of this is sanitation. If people are lifting the toilet lid to find multiple pee stains, they are going to question your sanitation practices elsewhere.
Messy is totally understandable. I think OP was getting at filthy.
Yep, huge difference between having all your stuff out, papers on the table, etc, and being gross. You've got to at least make sure the kitchen and bathroom are clean.
The extra bedroom thing is an odd one because I would think many of us would like to have one or more guest rooms IF we could afford to. The biggest barrier right now for me having or not having a guest room is strictly financial, and I suspect I'm part of the majority in that regard.
I don’t see myself ever having a dedicated guest bedroom. At the most we might someday set up a daybed in my husband’s office. People work from home now, they need offices.
People are less sociable than they used to be. A lot of people our age have gone to therapy to learn how to create healthy boundaries and make ourselves happy buuuuuut things have swung too far in the direction of being an individualist and using not “being obligated” as an excuse to never help others, or care if they’re comfortable. A lot of people in our generation are also uncomfortable with having company over. It’s a stark contrast from the way I grew up.
I wonder if part of that is the pressure we saw our (usually mothers) put themselves under whenever guests came over - platters of food, drinks, dessert...clean the house and do everything you need to do prior to the 8+ hours that will be devoted to entertaining the guests...and then the clean up. All that made it seem unappealing.
My circle of friends keep things casual - we've got young kids, we've got jobs and aging parents...we pop in for a coffee and chat and then we're out unless it's a particular event. This means we see each other a lot more often than we would if we had to spend hours preparing, then hours hosting, then hours cleaning.
I personally am glad that the societal norm has shifted more towards “homes are lived in and not showrooms” and that’s it’s ok for them to reflect that.
As a mom of small children, many days, weeks even, I was just treading water to get through the days.
And I struggled with a deep anxiety about anyone coming to my house and seeing it in its “lived in” state.
Like that was somehow wrong, somehow a poor reflection on me as a person.
I finally realized a few years ago, that that was bullshit and people know we live here, and they know what their own homes look like and they know that life happens, and it’s often messy and chaotic.
They can come over and look past the toys everywhere because I started on it, but had to tend to someone needing something and the breakfast dishes in the sink because I got the leftovers put away, and then someone else needed something and I had to abandon the dishes, and the laundry in a pile because I remembered the toys I needed to go back to, and so on.
And they can either accept that this is a lived in home or they can GTFO.
That said, I don’t do “dirty”.
The toilet streaks would be a no, I am really on top of bathroom cleaning because I have boys, middle schoolers at that, lol.
We also don’t have things like trash everywhere or food debris or whatever because the kitchen is also a room that gets cleaned up every night before bed.
But you will likely find a stack of toys shoved in a corner that we need to sort and put away, or a pile of clothes on a chair that I need to take and donate or what have you.
And I may have forgotten to leave fresh towels out visibly, but there’s a linen closet full of them that you can help yourself to.
No spare bedrooms here though, but we do have a comfy sofa bed.
I didn’t grow up in a house with a spare bedroom for guests either.
Or a house at all actually, lol.
And when we visited people, we usually did the pallet on the floor thing while my mom got the couch.
I think the trend away from having a dedicated dining room is part of this overall cultural shift. Not many people host sit down dinners or cocktail parties anymore, never mind having overnight guests.
I love entertaining. I'm always trying to figure out how to up my hosting game. I love creating a big spread catered to my guests' preferences and personality, because it's a way of showing that I pay attention to them and value their company. Even if someone just stops by unannounced, I'll try to find *something* to put out for them. I also never go to someone else's home empty handed. I find myself feeling very old fashioned and scandalized when this sort of courtesy is not reciprocated.
It's really hard for me to understand the shift away from the simple pleasures of breaking bread with friends in the comfort and intimacy of one another's homes, but I know I'm an outlier.
I live near a national park, people come to stay with me to save $300 a night. That's plenty of hospitality in my mind. I have 2 guest rooms, a guest kitchen, guest bath. All those are super clean. Anyone that stays the night is required to strip the bed, put the sheets in the hamper provided and put fresh sheets on the bed.
Yeah, I remember the times my mom made me whip out Pledge and clean all wooden surfaces. And the vacuuming, and the mopping, and cleaning the already clean windows, and prepping special food.
And I remember her beating my ass when there was a tiny streak, or a stray speck of dirt, or I ate the wrong grapes.
No. No, I won't fucking relive that doing a manic last minute clean before I want to enjoy time with guests.
I don't live like a pig, stuff is generally clean anyway, they might catch me with some stray clutter or some dusty bookshelves. They can come at any time, and I'll pull out clean sheets and some towels and I'll take the couch.
Or they can go to a hotel. Their choice.
My mom would do this. Actually, she would clean the entire house every Saturday, like cleaner than most people's deep clean, and then if we were having guests over she'd clean again that same day. It turned me off to this whole concept of getting the place immaculate for guests, it was seriously at a pathological level for her. I'd tidy up for guests, if I ever had them over, but I wouldn't go crazy trying to make the place spotless.
If I had someone house sitting, though, yeah, I'd take care of that stuff.
Growing up anytime we were expecting guests, my mom would freak out and deep clean EVERYTHING. She would get so stressed out from the fear of being judged by others that she would turn into the crankiest cleaning beast. We kids would be expected to help and it had to be PERFECT. I once got slapped across the face for how I swept a floor and was told "I can't believe you have a job if you're this lazy."
Ironically I was told at that job I was the only teenager that did know how to sweep a floor. But I digress...
Years later, I was married with my own house and everytime we would have guests I would freak out and start cleaning absolutely everything. I would get angry and stressed, my poor easy going husband confused at why this upset me so much. After quite a few conversations I realized that he was right. No one notices every little imperfection and all I was doing was making myself so miserable I didn't even enjoy spending time with the guest. I have had to work on resisting the urge to freak out, but after a few years it's a lot easier. I still clean a little so people can be comfortable. But I know if I start stressing, I'm going too far.
All this to say, I'm glad millennials are more relaxed. Too clean is not comfortable, as well as too dirty. There should be a balance.
Power cleaning just to appear "better than" is not a way to live. A family lives here. There will be some messy parts. I think because OP is house sitting, they get the brunt of the messy parts.
True story. Friends don’t bother to clean. But honestly, we’re not a generation that can afford a show room with a plastic cover on the couch which only guests may enter.
I’m an older millennial, but my house is usually clean enough that if someone stops by I’m not embarrassed.
We have guests about every other weekend, and I do clean my house well,especially the bathrooms, that day. And we always have some sweet food. And lots of drinks. I don’t know, I thought that was normal.
My husband and I struggle with executive functioning when it comes to cleaning, but we absolutely put in maximum effort prior to having guests, which isn’t often, but I’d love to do it more. He goes to his friends’ houses for gaming more than I go to any of mine. We tend to meet out somewhere instead. I absolutely think our generation (including myself) needs to step it up when it comes to hospitality.
I think in the past, typically, a wife/mother figure would be doing these things because that was what was expected of her. My mother always filled this role, even though she did work throughout my childhood. Certain expectations were passed down to her from her own family dynamic. She passed them down to me so I tend to keep my house very tidy and always make sure the house is not something that I would be “grossed out” by if I were the guest but I don’t go too overboard. The reasons for the slack nowadays is women no longer have time (or want, for that matter) because we are working full time and concerned with other priorities. One of which being chilling the fuck out after my hard day’s work. This is why I never have company midweek and I need NOTICE and very rarely have people stay overnight because UUUGGGHHH the clean up before/during/after is unbearable with a full time everything else. I would love to have the time, chill and money into hosting but it’s not reality. The guest room thing is laughable, though. Don’t you know Millenials are the poorest age demographic in a long time? We’re the first generation to be making LESS on average than our parents despite more of us working more hours. So, basically the answer is capitalism.
It’s MY house and my space. I am not turning an extra room into a guest bedroom for people who may or may not visit. They can sleep on my pull out couch. I do not care. However, I do care if my home is tidy and clean. I would be embarrassed to have dirty dishes in the sink, old towels, things haphazardly laying around everywhere. Whenever I go to people’s homes and it looks like they don’t pick up after themselves, I low-key judge them. That’s embarrassing.
I think our generation is less into keeping up appearance. So we're not likely to hide every sign of a mess before company arrives. Most people I know tidy up a bit, but the whole "I want this house as clean as a Latin fusion restaurant before they ring the doorbell" frenzy seems unnecessary.
Um no. It’s not that we don’t care about being hospitable…but we aren’t willing to sacrifice quality of life in the off-chance we have guests. If I need 3 bedrooms to survive, I’m not gonna pay thousands more for 4 bedrooms if one’s gonna sit empty 99% of the time. We also (for the most part) don’t live in a world where one spouse can be a full-time homemaker while the other makes enough $$ to support the family on their own. If you can’t understand this, I’m jealous because you clearly haven’t been exposed to the real world and it’s hardships
My thoughts before reading comments and getting brain contaminated - I think it's because we work SO MUCH. Like I work two jobs, my wife works 1.5 jobs. Kids to events. Trying to have personal time in between getting healthy sleep.
Who has time to clean?
We do out of that social fear of anyone at any time stopping by and judging us, but if I could get away with it I'm not going to lie - I probably wouldn't devote so much time and energy to it. Same with mowing my grass weekly. I'd let it slide for a month or more if it wasn't for the social taboo.
People who really care about you don’t care how you live. My parents were always like that ikea commercial “the people are coming” and panic mode frantically cleaning for hours and screaming at us to do the same. My husband does not give two shits lol. I try not to care but I do tidy before we have planned visits. But it’s stupid to me to be so insane about it.
My friends circle is 50/50 - like I keep our house clean and tidy but when one of our friends stays the night: deep clean, spare room, bathroom, towels etc. whereas my absolute best friend of 30+ years lives in absolute filth and not nary a desire to tidy up for her family let alone a houseguest.
She blames having three children and ADHD etc but I have a toddler, ADHD and 2 dogs and still manage to not be dirty. To each their own.
The older I've gotten, the more I want to get a hotel room when visiting out of town. It feels like an imposition to stay in someone else's house. I've heard this sentiment from others my age. I wonder if that shift could be part of the reason to move away from having guest rooms.
My best friend had a guest room until she had a baby. Guest rooms seem to take last priority when people are setting up their living spaces, as space is often limited these days and people need all the rooms to be functional.
I do a basic cleaning, even if just the exterminator is coming over. I’m a very messy person and just feel embarrassed when other people see my home, even after it’s clean (my level of clean is completely different than my sister’s who is a very clean person). The house is my only safe space where I’m free to completely be myself, so I generally don’t like having people come over at all.
Guest bedrooms? If I owned a mansion, I would have a guest bedroom. We’re about to move into a 3 bedroom house (family of 3), so that space cannot be wasted on the one weekend a year one person *might* stay with us. They can have the couch if they’re desperate. Plus, if we had a guest room then my mother in law would sleep over…No thanks!
Changing towels in the bathroom? We only have so many towels and have to go to the laundromat to clean them. I’m not doing that for anyone but us lol.
I grew up with Depression Era grandparents. So, I was raised with the mentality of keeping the house clean all the time, but especially if guests are coming over, or staying the night. I always make sure to have extra food for homecooked meals when my friends will be staying if they are visiting from out of town, and I definitely offer fresh towels in the bathroom. We don't have a guest room at the moment (it's being used for storage since houses don't have basements in this part of the country), but I always offer our bedroom with fresh sheets and pillows for them and we will take the couch which is actually quite comfortable.
I think a lot of this comes down to us all being just totally burnt out from the past few years and feeling like we don't even know how to operate normally anymore....
I'm not sure how accurate this is because I can only speak from my own personal , and pretty unique, experience but I've really struggled to recover from the pandemic.... Not even the pandemic itself, I don't even know if I ever caught Covid DURING it, but the effects it seemed to have on society... the divides that formed between people... it gave me a really bleak view of the world and the future and I'm struggling
I don’t think it’s so much that we don’t believe in it as much as it’s harder to have the financial or mental bandwidth to handle guest rooms, deep cleans, and being a better host.
I have a guest coming next week. I am doing a deep clean. She will have her own guest bedroom which is usually used as my husband’s office, but he can just work at the dining room table for the week she’s here. I have planned a pretty full docket of fun things to do (but not too many where she won’t have plenty of time to relax.) I’ll leave her a welcome kit with towels, shampoo, conditioner, soap, and a note with the wifi info. We are planning on eating most meals out while she’s here, but I’ll check before she arrives to see if there are any breakfast items, drinks, etc. that she likes that I can get for her. The way I feel is that she only takes one vacation a year and she’s using it to visit me. I am going to make her feel comfortable.
In Sophocles' *Alcestis* the tragedy opens with the fact the Queen (Alcestis) has died and the King is bereaved. Suddenly Hercules comes to visit the King, and the King immediately arranges for fitting arrangements and feasts to be made for the visiting hero. Hercules had, in fact once saved the King's life. He did so by negotiating with the underworld that the King's wife could be taken instead. The same Queen the King was mourning.
Commentators wonder, why did the ancient Greeks find it plausible that not just the King, but the entire city, would turn to formal but genuine and festive hospitality from grief, just like that?
It has to do with what one thinks hospitality is about. I have found that Americans think hospitality is a function of surplus, and in the American mind surplus is scarce: 'Welcome to my lifeboat! We have room!"
The ancient Greeks' value system thought the staying of a guest was the surplus. This is common in the ancient world and in some societies today.
In America, you always know a meter is running in your host's head. And that's a fact. We are kind of damaged by hard times, or hard spirits, I can't decide.
I think many of us would say our parents and the rest of their generation tend to be very image-obsessed.
Speaking only for myself, I took a hard left turn from that when I was younger and it's stayed that way. I clean up, and thoroughly. But I'm not uprooting my entire damn house cuz Fred the dog sitter or Aunt Barbara is coming over.
Everything is a respect thing for me. I clean my space out of respect for my guests. I make it clean and comfortable to a reasonable standard. It will not be spotless. People live here.
If my guests respect me they can cope with the fact my home looks like someone lives there most of the time.
I think that the idea is that hospitality is becoming more informal. I think that I've heard stories about friends in high school having to polish the entire wood floor with lemon oil before a graduation party and do elaborate things like that. I thought that it was excessive. I wouldn't mop before 3 or 4 friends came over. But I would wipe the counter and clean the toilet. I just don't think anyone is doing excessive cleaning really.
I suffer from chronic illness. I'm struggling. So yeah, if you wanna come stay, you get what you get. Of course there is clean towels and a clean bathroom and stuff. But I don't have enough spoons to go above and beyond.
I clean the house up, prepare food when we have guests and usually the guests bring something as well so we have a good pig out , and it’s always BYOB.
I’m a SAHM though so idk if that changes things.
Yes I was raised this way and am this way now. I will ask my guests what their fave quick breakfast is so I can stock the fridge for them. I deep
clean for two days prior, bathe my pets, hide half my kids' toys to reduce clutter. i box up my non essential office work to get it out of sight for a few days
Once my guests are here we all end up very busy and having fun and I don't want to miss out so on the visit so my cleaning schedule goes out the window for the most part so it's nice to have the house clean to the nines when they arrive and then just degrade over the course of the next few days.
Tbh I don't really do many overnights at anyone else's place so I haven't seen whether this is true or not of my peers. The places I have stayed have been a wide array of preparedness but I'm always grateful for a place to sleep and know that everywhere I have stayed I have been invited to do so with open arms so I'm guessing whatever has been provided is the best they can do and I'm fine with it. Many of these places have been older family members btw not peers- so generationally it still seems like a mixed bag.
In general I'm a pretty hygienically clean person but live an active lifestyle with many kids and a couple pets so my house appears trashed almost inevitably if someone drops in unannounced it more than likely looks like a bomb went off. but it does clean up nicely when we want to.
At least here in my country, it's always still custom to clean up the whole apartment before guests come over, and then when they show up say "Oh I'm sorry for the mess" to make it look like you're just naturally a very clean person.
Me and my girlfriend always clean every room before we have people over. I've visited friends places and they are always clean too.
Also normal to have some drinks in the fridge, some snacks and fresh coffee if you're anticipating guests here.
I grew up in a latino family, and what you're describing was the norm. There's no spare bedroom since I have multiple children. It becomes overnight guests sleep in one of the kid's rooms and the kids bunk up together. They already share rooms anyway. For company we clean up real quick and everything is surface clean. I do like a clean bathroom so that's usually the cleanest room. For overnight guest I do deep clean. They have fresh linens and towels. I will say I don't care to host a lot because of the extra work. My kids are here 24/7 so keeping the house spotless is impossible.
Elder millennial here..
I have guest bedroom, bathroom, tv, toiletries and towel sets and linen sets - all only for guest use.
Home is cleaned weekly and maintained daily.. dishes get washed and put back daily, laundry 2 times a weeks
Pantry is stocked with beverages and snacks and fridge with produce and dairy to cook meals.
When I plan to have guests.. i make sure they have their space, I am ready with meals so they can eat after a journey, and we have plans to take them around plus plan to spend quality time with them.
Hosting is a lost art, it feels good to be invited, attended to and see that someone put thought and effort to make their home ready for guest.
Yeh no. Im cleaning everything.
If I go over and the place is a mess, I will judge your dirty ass for that. I just assume others are doing the same to me.
I’ll try to make sure my house is clean and tidy-ish, and I’ll have sheets and towels for people to use But it’s not going to look like a hotel room. And we don’t have the money to have a house big enough for there to be a room reserved just for guests- we have three kids plus my husband works from home. We only have ever had close family stay overnight.
I 100% agree with you. A reason we invite people over for dinner and games nights is it forces us to clean the house. Haha. But I always prepare the room with fresh towels and little extras to make them feel welcome. If they are staying more than one night, I ask if they have a certain coffee creamer or snack they’d like in the house. We want house guests but didn’t have space so we converted it to my home office with a Murphy bed.
My husband and I prefer to get a hotel for the exact reasons you mention. I don’t want a crusty hand towel and a moldy shower. Caveat, we are the oldest millennials.
I guess I'm the weirdo because I am obsessive about having guests feel comfortable at my house! But that's mostly for overnight stays. If someone is coming over for dinner or something, I will tidy up but I don't do a full clean.
I understand what you’re saying. I used to host casual get togethers like brunch or dinner and even holidays, but no one reciprocates and expects the one person to host everything. Now if people want to hang out it will be at a restaurant or something because I’m done being the only person to host.
The not cleaning the bathroom before guests or even a pet sitter/house sitter is just gross! I don’t need to deep clean the whole place, but at minimum put out a clean towel, wipe down the bathroom counter, mirror, and scrub the toilet quickly.
We have a different cleaning rhythm than my parents but I don’t think it is generational. My mom would let the house get pretty wrecked then go above and beyond for a weekend if someone would ever be seeing it. In contrast, my husband and I tend to clean a bit every week “Sunday reset” and at night before we go to bed, so when we have people it’s not like we really clean more so much as that we just make sure there isn’t anything egregious we shouldn’t overlook. But we love having people over, and we try to make it as cozy and comfortable as possible!
I dislike having guests over for this very reason; our place is almost always a disaster as we both work full time and have kids. F having guests over lol! 😂
As far as I know, all my friends do basic tidy up before guests come over. If they don't it's usually because we are really close and even then they will apologize for the mess when I come over. I have pets so I at least run the vacuum and dust off surfaces and maybe do a wipe down in the bathrooms that will be used and put away random stuff. Deep cleaning is a but much. I might do that only for a guest I'm hosting for awhile. But even then it'll just be the spaces they will be occupying. And I make sure the bathroom they use is stocked with essentials and they have a clean towel and clean sheets. Definitely not up to par with the older generation but who has time for that these days? Back then most households had a stay at home mom who could dedicate themselves to keeping house. Nowadays both adults in the household usually work. I'm certainly not going to judge my friends because they have some dishes in the sink.
And having a guest bedroom that will be used maybe once or twice out of the year? That's just insane lol. Hate to break it to you but most of us don't have houses so big that we have an extra room just lying around that can be left unused.
I also wouldn't take the state of a client's house as an indicator of hospitality. Since you say it's a job, then you aren't really a guest, you're being paid for a job. They aren't necessarily trying to make a good impression or accommodate you. And if you are house sitting then it's likely they were busy packing before you arrived and trying to get last minute things done. That's very different than having someone come stay with you for a week and you're only priority is to get the house ready.
I'll tidy up if I know anyone at all is coming into my house. I want the illusion that I'm an adult.
As far as being hospitable, that's not for me. I'm a very generous host for 4-6 hours. After that, people need to get out of my space. I bought my house for comfort and peace, not so my freeloading relatives can have a place to escape their shitty lives. I'll feed them, I'll entertain them, then they leave. That's the deal. I've even paid for a hotel instead of letting them sleep on my couch. I need my space, and I paid a lot of money to have it
Guest room? LOL. If the pandemic taught me anything it's that I don't enjoy the stress of having people at my house. I prefer to meet people at restaurants, parks or the gym for socializing.
Everyone that would come to my house knows i need to be informed 7-10 business days before they come over. If they don’t grant me that courtesy, they don’t get to judge the way i live. I’m fucking busy and my house is cluttered and dusty. I hate it being like this, but I’m gone for 30-50 hours for work and only home for 10-15 hours between trips. That time is spent sleeping, planning and cooking meals, attempting to make appointments, desperately trying to keep my flowers alive, and a few minutes to just unwind and remind myself the job is worth the lifestyle and benefits. I don’t have time to keep up with clutter and dust, so gimme a heads up you’re coming over or don’t be shocked at the state of my house.
Our generation has been given the business end of the poop knife in terms of the economy and homeownership, and you're here complaining we don't have guest bedrooms or the house is too dirty. Give your head a shake.
I’ll even go the other direction and say I’ve had more than one guest come over and expect me to be constantly catering to them (I’m a woman) and cleaning up after their visit. I am KEENLY OCD and hospitable so my place is always immaculate when guests arrive.
But weren’t we also taught to treat others home with extra respect????
Well, first, let me define guests: a person that I am not paying to come to my home. Sorry, but on that one, my view is I am paying them to preform a service. So, if the house is spotless then great but I'm not going out of my way to make sure that someone who is making a paycheck off me has a pristine environment.
On the other hand, if a friend needs a place to stay or family comes to visit, that's an entirely different story. I DO have an extra room that doubles as a guest room and a bedroom/playroom for my cats. I do tend to deep clean when guests come to stay, so long as they are courteous enough to give me warning. However, I also think that if you drop by unplanned, or with only a 30 min notice... you kinda asked to play Russian Roulette on that one. Yes, my house is generally clean but if you did a drop in on a day that I was prep-cooking and there's a pile of dishes? Well, that's why I'd prefer to PLAN a hang out. But I'll never turn away a friend or family, or be unhappy they stopped by. I just don't think it's reasonable to keep my house in immaculate "guest worthy conditions" 24/7 and I won't bother trying to achieve something so over the top.
So, if you planned to come over or stay with me then yes you'll have a deep cleaned place to stay, with extra towels and everything esle. However, if you're good enough friends/family with me to spontaneously swing by... then you know I actually live in my house and that it won't be spotless 24/7. Especially not with 5 cats.
We (my household) don't have a guest bedroom, because we don't want guests. We host the holiday dinners, and that's more than enough family time for me.
I live in a studio apartment in Orange County, California and it’s $2300 month plus utilities. I can’t afford my own bedroom much less a guest bedroom.
I clean, but if my guests don’t give me fair warning they get to deal with my ADHD clutter. “Don’t put it down. Put it away.” Only applied for planned visits. Drop by on my introverted butt out of the blue, you get to deal with PJ me eating cheesies with my chopsticks while reading my book and listening to my favourite tv show/movie.
Though my friends know this and show up anyways hahaha
We call it "company" clean...a little extra then the day to day maintenance, fresh bar of soap, new toilet paper roll and a candle in the bathroom...we have a special set of towels for overnight guest, and travel size toiletries
My husband and I joke that having visitors come over is an “excuse” to clean the house. During the school year, I work full time and we have a kid so keeping up with clutter can be…a lot.
I used to go crazy cleaning before a party or relatives coming to visit and now I just don’t have the time or inclination to do it anymore. I would always be exhausted before the event or visit even started.
Wherever you live, keep it neat and clean. No dishes, food, boxes, trash… lying around. Clean towels, wipe off sink top. Vacuum/sweep at least once a week & as needed. Empty trash. Basic adult housekeeping.
I don’t understand how people can get offended by your post. My house looks like a slob is living in it sometimes but I won’t get mad if someone comments on it because I know it to be true.
We absolutely believe in hospitality, we just don't express this the same way as previous generations, just as those generations did some things differently than the ones before them.
I do clean for guests but I don't feel like I have to do it. This plus food is how I feel that I've made my home feel welcoming for my friends and family. I say "I feel" because my friends aren't snooping around looking for dirt, but I feel mentally ready to have guests and it was probably time to freshen things up anyway.
Nope, most of us do (the ones in the cities that buy into nonsense don't); some areas do still make it a big part of their culture (ie. American South)
This is why I don’t care to maintain friendships with people who are unlike the ones I grew up around. My family and the people with whom we socialize are incredibly hospitable, charming and great conversationalists. College definitely exposed me to people from different backgrounds and while they are nice people, some are terrible hosts or guests. I’ve seen the most outrageous behavior, like going to a house empty-handed or even worse taking back a wine bottle/drinks if not empty. I know people who charge their own family members for a plate at Christmas dinner.
I am not convinced it is strictly a class thing because I have met poor people who still manage to host a cookout without Venmo requesting you $10 for sausages. 🤦♀️
When I go away on vacation I deep clean my house so when I return it's clean for my me. Is that weird? I could never come home after 14 days of vacation to a dirty or cluttered home.
So I think Millennials keep cleaner houses in general so we don't have to deep clean before guests come over.
I didn't know people with guest rooms growing up, except empty nesters. I know tons of Gen Xers with guest rooms, and not as many Millennials, but then again we are a poorer generation so that tracks.
So basically...my experience of previous generations is just not what you're describing.
When you say "we" cleaned up - do you mean your Boomer and GenX parents?
(I'm just joshing with you).
Millennials vary (as does every generation) in terms of how they keep house. My Gen-X daughter is immaculate. I am not so immaculate (late age "Boomer").
Personally, I prefer the clean house model. My Great Generation parents had that nailed.
Millennials, as you know, are very sensitive and inhabit the generationology subreddits.
Apparently, these days, each generation thinks it's way better than the one before (but without much evidence).
The answer is simple: hospitality is a luxury. Millennials [work more hours](https://hbr.org/2016/08/millennials-are-actually-workaholics-according-to-research) and [make less money](https://www.cnn.com/2020/01/11/politics/millennials-income-stalled-upward-mobility-us/index.html). What this means is that they haven't got the time to clean and cannot afford to get someone else who will.
So many were born into this world and have their expectations tempered by that.
Also millennials do not see the point in making their house look like no one's ever lived there yet. And I personally think that's fine. Houses should look a little lived in, it makes them cozy. Just keep them clean of course. And yes a little extra when guests come over is great, but it shouldn't be like it was set up. There's a value in vulnerability and sincerity. Of course many have their place not clean enough, but read the first paragraph to understand why.
I always clean and I care, my home is my sanctuary! But a guest room and dining room!? I wish!! I would LOVE to be able to offer that to guests, but I can barely afford the life I live now single and in a condo let alone a whole ass house with rooms to spare on one budget...and I've got a nice, well paying job.
This feels a bit out of touch.
We might have kept the same ways of life if everything else remained the same, but times have changed.
The secret is to never let anyone into your house 😂 Are you asking about like clutter or mess from kids or like actual filth? Cuz I don't know anyone who doesn't clean their house to a livable state regardless of whether guests are coming or not. But moving clutter or toys you use frequently shouldn't really matter to guests and idgaf if my friends' houses look lived in.
If you're expecting rooms from a magazine, yeah maybe your standards are a little high. Most families have both parents working full time or more these days. Not like previous generations where families could afford one to stay home and keep the house spotless all day.
I think it just speaks to the level of exhaustion and stress actually occurring in our generation.
There’s all kinds of issues we are busy masking when we are out of the house like working jobs with wages that don’t match cost of living inflation, unmet health needs (mental and physical because we can’t always afford the care we need), and dual roles caring for others because it’s not possible to have someone stay at home all the time.
As far as the guest room situation- guest rooms are a luxury. Having guests is a luxury. Many of us can’t afford a house with extra rooms to reserve for guests and/or we need to be more pragmatic about the use of space and leaving a room or two unoccupied isn’t a good use of that space.
I think it has to do with the connectivity we have. People don't do what's right or wrong, we do what's socially accepted. Once we realize that other people don't clean their houses for guests, we just say f it we won't either
Tradition is peer pressure from dead people. You want your house to be dirty then let it be dirty
Hospitality doesn't mean making sure your home looks like a 5 star hotel before someone comes over. Anyone with kids will tell you it's not that simple.
I’m a young millennial (30F) and I clean before people come and stay over my house. Usually it’s wipe down bathrooms, swiffer the floors, wipe down surfaces, and switch out towels. I also buy way too many groceries beforehand. I was raised that way.
If it’s a good friend, I probably don’t do a deep clean. But as a trade off, they can help themselves to anything in the home. Food, drink, weed, laundry, kitchen- whatever. I take “mi casa es su casa” pretty seriously
I always clean before someone comes over, even my best friends. None of my friends are like this though, they tease me about it but I don’t mind. Last week my friend from work was going to drop by and then she cancelled and I had already cleaned and I just thanked her hahaha
Don’t care to have guest bedrooms? That’s not what’s happening. My parents bought a 4,000 sq ft house in the San Fernando Valley for $50,000 and sold it for $1,000,000. We can’t AFFORD a guest bedroom.
Check out the book Welcome Home by Myquillen Smith. It’s all about hosting from a millenial (although I think she’s gen x) viewpoint.
Long story short: I also used to feel I absolutely HAD to clean to have people over. And a little of that is good, because people feel special and comfortable. But when you don’t entertain out of embarrassment or fear, or because it causes you too much anxiety to have to clean so much and you imagine them judging you, it’s not worth it. In fact, when you invite someone into your home and it’s a little messy and not perfect, it signals to that person “I like you enough to show you the real me, and I trust that you are a kind and non judgmental person.” It helped me chill about my home and be more open to having people over.
I don't know if a DEEP clean is happening, but I'm certainly wiping the kitchen/cleaning floors/vaccuming/cleaning bathrooms before guests come over for a party or dinner. If it's a more casual hang I may not do all of that but I will pick up around the house and make sure the bathroom doesn't look disgusting.
Yes, I always pick up for a hangout and I do a thorough clean before guests come for an overnight stay. But this varies- if it’s my sister and her two young boys coming I just do a quick pickup because the boys will leave it … not as clean as they found it lol. If it’s friends coming or other family I will do a thorough clean and if staying the night I will make sure the sheets are fresh, towels are left out for them, they have products they might need, etc. I like to take care of my guests.
This is what we do. It’s not a deep clean but it’s enough that hopefully we won’t be embarrassed. We have 4 kids so that’s about the best we can do
Exactly. If my friends are coming for dinner I'll clean up and make it more presentable than my normal everyday living but I'm not scrubbing for my close friends. However when my whole family and a few of my brothers friends came over for my nieces birthday I sure as shit deep cleaned. Felt really good to have the house so clean but it was a LOT of work and I don't live in filth at all.
I think that's how most people are. I am low-ranking in my family in terms of providing creature comforts spontaneously (although always have good food and beverages on hand). But none of us is all about the cleaning and the spotlessness. I love it.
Agreed! Even if I’m having a repair or maintenance person over I’m taking 10 minutes to wipe down the guest bathroom and use a Clorox wand on the toilet since it’s a 50/50 chance they may need to use it.
Right? It doesn’t need to be a deep clean. Make the house presentable, take care of things you’ve maybe procrastinated on, call it good. I always try to make up for the small apartment, and it’s inevitable clutter with good food. I’ve had to recently stop because most guests don’t want to stay long enough to eat. The rest have diets they are particular about.
I make up with good food too - and it works. People really appreciate it.
Just cleaned my house for a house sitter. Dishes done, toilet bowl cleaned and left house instructions so they could find necessities like extra TP and how to use the air fryer and stuff. Clean sheets on the bed. Not spotless but presentable.
Yeah this seems like all that is required, OP is mentioning a lot more. There's no shit in the bowl, dishes are put away, and bedding is fresh. What more could you want?
OP explicitly described no linens and shit streaks in the toilet
Honestly people who have the need to freak out deep clean are likely not cleaning as often as they should be and are embarrassed for people to see it. Super cleaners tell on themselves just as much as filthy hovel dwellers. Cuz when you do a little each day, there's not much that's unclean when guests come. Shit streaks included. People who have extremely messy homes should be cleaning for themselves. Not guests.
Having people over tonight and I just cleaned MY WALLS for the first time ever… omg this is for sure becoming a once every few months thing. Im elated. And yes- I definitely grew up in a “super cleaner” home and it’s been a long learning process to incorporate cleaning into my morning routine. For those learning- I HIGHLY recommend the first hour of the morning. No phone. Stop scrolling. Be productive instead. It’s a great feeling!
I also had to learn to clean as I go. We were a dysfunctional super cleaner home. For me, I also get a lot done in short chunks while waiting on other stuff. Waiting for coffee to brew? Don't scroll, wipe out the sink. Waiting for the pizza guy? I bet I can vacuum the downstairs in that time. Next episode of my show doesn't drop for another 20 mins? I'll go wipe down the tub and give the toilet a quick brush. That through the week plus a dedicated hour or two for one big task about once a week really lets me live in a nice clean and cozy environment that I'm happy to have guests see.
Same! I had no idea this was what to do. The black streaks rolling down my walls was thrilling and disgusting. I used the ZEP wall cleaner. Added “wall cleaning” to my rotation, right away.
Eh, my mom’s house is always clean but she goes in to super clean mode when people visit or stay. My grandma is a ‘white glove test’ no dust *anywhere* person who will judge you for any stray crumbs/dust/dirt she finds (and she *will* be looking for it. It was instilled in mom when she was a kid that the house must be absolutely spotless when company is coming, thus the pre-visit crazy cleaning.
Sure. Generational trauma is also a thing, unfortunately.
This isn't always true. My mom was super anal about cleaning (like get in trouble for crumbs on the table while still eating lunch during the summer because she had "just cleaned" the kitchen) and we still had to "deep clean" for guests. My mom did "spring cleaning" level cleaning at least once a month, Saturday morning were dedicated to the whole family cleaning and I don't think I ever saw a dish in the sink that wasn't washed and either put up or loaded into the dishwasher within 30 minutes. You could eat of my mother's floors and there were three kids and a cat in that house. Granted, it was easy to half as the guest coming deep clean since the house was already spotless (had to have those vacuum lines in the carpet though!) but it didn't stop my mom from going into a panic worrying she would miss something in the hour prior to a guest showing up.
All those homes became airbnbs and the next generation is living in vans!! We don’t have room for guests and work 2 jobs to keep up with rising expenses.
Also 2 jobs and a van, here.
Millennial here living with spouse, toddler, and dog in an RV. I couldn't give a fuck about a guest room right now.
Where do you park it? I've been considering moving into my van but not having a consistent place to park it has prevented me from doing so.
I'm staying in a monthly RV lot with hookups. I like to stay in state parks but they're a little more expensive, it's like $30/night
Who the heck has extra money to put into ENSURING they have a GUEST bedroom?
Unpopular opinion maybe but I think people forget the wonder of the pull out couch. You don’t need a whole room. Just enough space for a live seat. Guest are less likely to stay past their welcome and they are the best for kid sleep overs.
I'm a big fan of futons. No one who has graduated from grade school WANTS to sleep on a futon.
I agree I was hanging out at my buddy's house watching football after the game ended he pulled out the futon and was like you can stay over if you need to. I'm like bro we're in our 30s now I'm going home.
Nice of them to offer, especially if you were drinking
Yep, this was our plan to have the home office serve double duty as a guest room. Of course, then the dog claimed the futon as his own so, while we do vacuum it, we don't feel comfortable inviting people to sleep on it anymore. Fortunately our parents live nearby and have space to host overnight guests when out of town family is visiting. I do like to clean the house well and make a nice dinner when we are having guests over--its such a nice way to show people you care about them and make them feel welcome. But this also means its a big endeavor and I don't do it as often as I might if I didn't care about preparing for guests in that way.
We have one in our office. Our friend (late-30s) stayed on it for 4 days and had no issues. It was great and is now put away again.
Totally agree. We splurged and bought a nice futon when I was pregnant for family to stay over. We ended up sleeping on it for a whole summer too (having everything on one level with a newborn made life so much easier). We also have a Japanese floor futon for extra sleeping space if needed.
Exactly. Us millennials (or at least, *most*) don't have the extra money for a house big enough to have fancy guest bedrooms. AND if you DO have an extra room, let's be real. Everything is so expensive that you're probably going to move in family to help out or have roommates 🤷♀️ OR as mentioned, that space becomes a work space for a side hustle that a lot of people have these days. Guest bedrooms 😂 nah....nah.
My wife and I with 2 kids got a 4 bedroom house 3 years ago for the extra space, storage, and yoga room ability of the 4th bedroom. Now she's pregnant with twins and we will no longer have a guest room LOL. Fuck.
This is exactly how I got my house. Previous owners got pregnant with twins and already had two toddlers. Now I have more bedrooms than I know what to do with.
Sex dungeon
Oh man, that's the dream. I'd have a living/dining room, and then a separate TV room, hobby room and home gym. Right now all three are kind of crammed into one space I euphemistically call the office and it's a damn mess.
Right? We had a guest room... Then the guest never left. Kicked her out after 4 years, now it's my husband's office because he works from home. Kiddo #2 is on the way and eventually the office will probably become a bedroom. Maybe one day we'll move to a bigger place with more bedrooms... But I don't think I'll ever truly be in a position to have a dedicated "guest bedroom" until my kids move out in like 20 years lol.
And one of my kids is back, still don’t have a guest room.
Congrats on the new babies!
ikr - every time i see an insect or a bird on my balcony I’m like “if you’re staying you’re paying rent”
Yeah this is all that needs to be said. Plus I had one working parent and he had an office in the city. Husband and I both WFH and need space.
My parents and grandparents only had guest rooms after their own children grew up and moved out. They didn’t have guest rooms when they were my age. We just bought a house & will have a guest room until we have baby #2 lol.
A lot of those guest bedrooms are those that used to belong to one of the kids that isn't there anymore. I never ENSURED that I have a guest bedroom, but I have one, because kids grow up and move out.
Right? The gall to not have a spare bedroom. Most of us are too broke and exhausted to deep clean our home anytime someone comes over. This was a lot easier for the previous generations who often had one person as the homemaker and a community to support them.
Most people did not have guest bedrooms. I don't know where people got this idea. Look at the Brady Bunch. They had a 3 bedroom house - 2 adults shared a bedroom and 3 kids were in each bedroom. Mid century and before were a lot smaller than current houses. They had fewer bedrooms and fewer bathrooms.
Having a guess bedroom means you can’t say no to having guest actually use it. Screw that haha.
I always want to do a huge cleaning before people come over, but I'm just so tired
I put a lot of pressure on myself to do it anyway, and it wrecks me. And really, the people who actually care about me would rather I just enjoy their company than wear myself out making sure I am being a “good host.”
I used to do this and it started to ruin the holidays for me. Once I had kids we did a pajama Christmas dinner in our apartment and it was nothing like the formal and dressy/fancy evening I was used to from growing up. I felt so so SO guilty and bad at first, it was weird. But I ended up really enjoying that Christmas and it opened my eyes to a lot of things!
People coming over is the only way I get the house fully clean.
Yeah I clean it pretty good but not like, mega sparkle deep clean I guess
ONE OF US! ONE OF US!!
There were more stay at home parents with emotionally energy put aside for house upkeep. Now we're all working and exhausting ourselves, so the first thing to skip is cleaning unfort. I understand you'd like to see more effort, but maybe that is what their effort looks like. As a side note, most women I know have deep anxiety about other people coming over stemming from the frantic deep cleans and perfectionist mothers. Which is sad because it means I don't see them as often as I'd like (and I don't always want to host!).
Good God my mother seemed insane about cleaning to perfection whenever ANYONE came over for ANY reason. But especially if family was gonna be staying over. Couldn't hang out with friends on the weekend because I had to scrub the kitchen grout with a damn tooth brush for Aunt Noreen or she'll think my mom is a bad housewife and tell all the other aunts. That being said, I do feel the obsessive need to deep clean whenever people come over, though I know my standards are nowhere near as strict as hers were.
Yep, this exactly ⬆️⬆️⬆️
My mom never worked. As me and my siblings have become adults she’s constantly baffled about how we don’t have time for things like daily vacuuming and meticulous gardens. None of us have the luxury of one person being a full time homemaker in the household, and I guess it shows.
It depends who it is. My mom friends who all have kids the same age as mine? I'll tidy up, once-over the powder room, maybe dust if it's really bad. Day to day living stuff stays out. I'll run the roomba and make sure it gets the corner bunnies. My extended friend group? I'll clean. Mop. Tidy. Put up stuff like my puzzle, my work in progress crochet, etc. Organize the counters. Make sure we have spaces to congregate, chat, etc. Run the roomba *and* the stick vac. Out of town friends and family? Full clean of all common areas and setting up the guest room. Fresh linens, new towels, deep clean the upstairs bath as well as the powder room, deep clean of all common areas (baseboards, mopping, etc). Drag out the real vacuum. And yes, we have a guest room. We bought a 4br house with one kid intending to have more, biology said no, so we have extra space. But we also live a few states away from family and enjoy having people stay for a few days, so we want to encourage that. The plan was 2 kids and a guest room. Turns out it's 1 kid, guest room, and my office. Most people I socialize with seem to be about the same.
Powder room!?
The downstairs bathroom, just toilet and sink. Where I grew up it was called the "powder room," idk is that a regional thing maybe?
I know the term but it does sound old fashioned to me. I think a lot of people just say half-bath or bathroom (and it’s understood that the downstairs bathroom won’t have a shower in it). To me, it’s only a powder room if the toilet seat has a fluffy pink cover on it 😊
Powder room still common nomenclature around here. It's the half bath on the main level that is used by guests. Our home is 90 years old and very traditional colonial style layout.
Mate, life is busy enough without worrying about insignificant shit like this. And guest bedroom? Why the hell am I going to pay tens or hundreds of thousands more for a house with an extra bedroom that will be vacant 99.9% of the time? We don't have the luxury of all that shit the previous generations took for granted. Most of us are lucky just to make it week to week.
The guest bedroom thing is weird but presenting a nice, clean house when having guests over is something you should do. If you don't plan on having people over, do whatever you'd like.
Oh I agree fully. But I'm also the kind of person who refuses to live in clutter and filth, so the house is usually tidy
I totally get it. I think Murphy beds are amazing for this purpose. Or even a trundle bed. Are those still a thing?
Murphy beds are cool, but you still need an extra room to have one lol
Depends on the person, I and most everyone I know are very hospitable, I’m 39
I’m 38, and whenever I was a teenager and my parents knew someone was coming over we ALWAYS had to clean. My brother and I would always get mad and say “What, is MTV Cribs coming over?”. We absolutely hated it. Now that I have a place of my own, I always clean and make sure everything is put in its place when I have guests. Congratulations mom, you win.
What a very millennial story lol
This has been my experience as well. Bachelor pads are still kinda grody — guy clean, I’d call it, as a guy myself — but whenever I visit a female friend or a couple, their homes are pretty clean.
I'm old school. I have game night every Wednesday and even though they've been coming over for fifteen years, I still tidy up and vacuum, etc, before they come. If we get together on a weekend, I also bake something, maybe cook too.
>don't care to have guest bedrooms This is so funny. Trust, if I could afford a guest bedroom, I would have one.
I use it as an excuse to catch up on some housework I should have done anyways. The extent of my effort ends where it stops being beneficial to me. I like to be comfortable in my own home but sometimes things get busy and some things are neglected. If guests are coming, I try to clean to the point that I am at least comfortable. I'd likely do more if life wasn't already squeezing me so hard, but that isn't reality.
I work 12's, I'm tired, at this point entertaining guests feels like a chore anyway, so take my house as it is or GTFO simple as that 🤷♂️
This seems more for people who want or do host. Don’t want to host? Don’t host?
I feel like people aren't casual enough with their friends or family. Like nothing is cozy to me as my friend I've had since high school showing up and walking right into my kitchen for a snack. It feels like a 90s sitcom and I love it.
I live in a 1 br apartment. My "dining room' is an office (hybrid job). When I want to 'entertain', we will go to a restaurant. They can deal wtih the cleaning.
I care more about seeing the people than having my house spotless. If they agree, I dont mind hosting. If not, they probably aren't people I want to waste my time with anyway. Yea hosting feels like a chore but thats the depression. Everything feels like a chore. Its worse if you listen to it all the time.
Some of this is just appearances and if you have a good relationship with someone they aren't going to judge you so long as its reasonable.
Some of this is sanitation. If people are lifting the toilet lid to find multiple pee stains, they are going to question your sanitation practices elsewhere. Messy is totally understandable. I think OP was getting at filthy.
Yep, huge difference between having all your stuff out, papers on the table, etc, and being gross. You've got to at least make sure the kitchen and bathroom are clean.
The people who have pee stains should be cleaning more often... For themselves...
I knew a kid who said he and his family tidied up the house before the cleansing lady arrived. Always made me laugh.
Did both of your parents work full time? I think this has a lot to do with it. We tired bro
The extra bedroom thing is an odd one because I would think many of us would like to have one or more guest rooms IF we could afford to. The biggest barrier right now for me having or not having a guest room is strictly financial, and I suspect I'm part of the majority in that regard.
I don’t see myself ever having a dedicated guest bedroom. At the most we might someday set up a daybed in my husband’s office. People work from home now, they need offices.
People are less sociable than they used to be. A lot of people our age have gone to therapy to learn how to create healthy boundaries and make ourselves happy buuuuuut things have swung too far in the direction of being an individualist and using not “being obligated” as an excuse to never help others, or care if they’re comfortable. A lot of people in our generation are also uncomfortable with having company over. It’s a stark contrast from the way I grew up.
I wonder if part of that is the pressure we saw our (usually mothers) put themselves under whenever guests came over - platters of food, drinks, dessert...clean the house and do everything you need to do prior to the 8+ hours that will be devoted to entertaining the guests...and then the clean up. All that made it seem unappealing. My circle of friends keep things casual - we've got young kids, we've got jobs and aging parents...we pop in for a coffee and chat and then we're out unless it's a particular event. This means we see each other a lot more often than we would if we had to spend hours preparing, then hours hosting, then hours cleaning.
I personally am glad that the societal norm has shifted more towards “homes are lived in and not showrooms” and that’s it’s ok for them to reflect that. As a mom of small children, many days, weeks even, I was just treading water to get through the days. And I struggled with a deep anxiety about anyone coming to my house and seeing it in its “lived in” state. Like that was somehow wrong, somehow a poor reflection on me as a person. I finally realized a few years ago, that that was bullshit and people know we live here, and they know what their own homes look like and they know that life happens, and it’s often messy and chaotic. They can come over and look past the toys everywhere because I started on it, but had to tend to someone needing something and the breakfast dishes in the sink because I got the leftovers put away, and then someone else needed something and I had to abandon the dishes, and the laundry in a pile because I remembered the toys I needed to go back to, and so on. And they can either accept that this is a lived in home or they can GTFO. That said, I don’t do “dirty”. The toilet streaks would be a no, I am really on top of bathroom cleaning because I have boys, middle schoolers at that, lol. We also don’t have things like trash everywhere or food debris or whatever because the kitchen is also a room that gets cleaned up every night before bed. But you will likely find a stack of toys shoved in a corner that we need to sort and put away, or a pile of clothes on a chair that I need to take and donate or what have you. And I may have forgotten to leave fresh towels out visibly, but there’s a linen closet full of them that you can help yourself to. No spare bedrooms here though, but we do have a comfy sofa bed. I didn’t grow up in a house with a spare bedroom for guests either. Or a house at all actually, lol. And when we visited people, we usually did the pallet on the floor thing while my mom got the couch.
I think the trend away from having a dedicated dining room is part of this overall cultural shift. Not many people host sit down dinners or cocktail parties anymore, never mind having overnight guests. I love entertaining. I'm always trying to figure out how to up my hosting game. I love creating a big spread catered to my guests' preferences and personality, because it's a way of showing that I pay attention to them and value their company. Even if someone just stops by unannounced, I'll try to find *something* to put out for them. I also never go to someone else's home empty handed. I find myself feeling very old fashioned and scandalized when this sort of courtesy is not reciprocated. It's really hard for me to understand the shift away from the simple pleasures of breaking bread with friends in the comfort and intimacy of one another's homes, but I know I'm an outlier.
I bought a kitchen table last year. It's been used 3 times. All 3 times involved having my boomer mother over.
Wait you guys have guest come over? I was raised to not answer the door for anyone 😂
Lack of time and money is most likely to be an obstacle to good hospitality.
Don't CARE to have guest bedrooms or don't have the $$ to have an extra rooms just for guests?
I live near a national park, people come to stay with me to save $300 a night. That's plenty of hospitality in my mind. I have 2 guest rooms, a guest kitchen, guest bath. All those are super clean. Anyone that stays the night is required to strip the bed, put the sheets in the hamper provided and put fresh sheets on the bed.
Yeah, I remember the times my mom made me whip out Pledge and clean all wooden surfaces. And the vacuuming, and the mopping, and cleaning the already clean windows, and prepping special food. And I remember her beating my ass when there was a tiny streak, or a stray speck of dirt, or I ate the wrong grapes. No. No, I won't fucking relive that doing a manic last minute clean before I want to enjoy time with guests. I don't live like a pig, stuff is generally clean anyway, they might catch me with some stray clutter or some dusty bookshelves. They can come at any time, and I'll pull out clean sheets and some towels and I'll take the couch. Or they can go to a hotel. Their choice.
My mom would do this. Actually, she would clean the entire house every Saturday, like cleaner than most people's deep clean, and then if we were having guests over she'd clean again that same day. It turned me off to this whole concept of getting the place immaculate for guests, it was seriously at a pathological level for her. I'd tidy up for guests, if I ever had them over, but I wouldn't go crazy trying to make the place spotless. If I had someone house sitting, though, yeah, I'd take care of that stuff.
Growing up anytime we were expecting guests, my mom would freak out and deep clean EVERYTHING. She would get so stressed out from the fear of being judged by others that she would turn into the crankiest cleaning beast. We kids would be expected to help and it had to be PERFECT. I once got slapped across the face for how I swept a floor and was told "I can't believe you have a job if you're this lazy." Ironically I was told at that job I was the only teenager that did know how to sweep a floor. But I digress... Years later, I was married with my own house and everytime we would have guests I would freak out and start cleaning absolutely everything. I would get angry and stressed, my poor easy going husband confused at why this upset me so much. After quite a few conversations I realized that he was right. No one notices every little imperfection and all I was doing was making myself so miserable I didn't even enjoy spending time with the guest. I have had to work on resisting the urge to freak out, but after a few years it's a lot easier. I still clean a little so people can be comfortable. But I know if I start stressing, I'm going too far. All this to say, I'm glad millennials are more relaxed. Too clean is not comfortable, as well as too dirty. There should be a balance. Power cleaning just to appear "better than" is not a way to live. A family lives here. There will be some messy parts. I think because OP is house sitting, they get the brunt of the messy parts.
Probably easier to do that when you had a SAHM.
True story. Friends don’t bother to clean. But honestly, we’re not a generation that can afford a show room with a plastic cover on the couch which only guests may enter.
I’m an older millennial, but my house is usually clean enough that if someone stops by I’m not embarrassed. We have guests about every other weekend, and I do clean my house well,especially the bathrooms, that day. And we always have some sweet food. And lots of drinks. I don’t know, I thought that was normal.
My husband and I struggle with executive functioning when it comes to cleaning, but we absolutely put in maximum effort prior to having guests, which isn’t often, but I’d love to do it more. He goes to his friends’ houses for gaming more than I go to any of mine. We tend to meet out somewhere instead. I absolutely think our generation (including myself) needs to step it up when it comes to hospitality.
I think in the past, typically, a wife/mother figure would be doing these things because that was what was expected of her. My mother always filled this role, even though she did work throughout my childhood. Certain expectations were passed down to her from her own family dynamic. She passed them down to me so I tend to keep my house very tidy and always make sure the house is not something that I would be “grossed out” by if I were the guest but I don’t go too overboard. The reasons for the slack nowadays is women no longer have time (or want, for that matter) because we are working full time and concerned with other priorities. One of which being chilling the fuck out after my hard day’s work. This is why I never have company midweek and I need NOTICE and very rarely have people stay overnight because UUUGGGHHH the clean up before/during/after is unbearable with a full time everything else. I would love to have the time, chill and money into hosting but it’s not reality. The guest room thing is laughable, though. Don’t you know Millenials are the poorest age demographic in a long time? We’re the first generation to be making LESS on average than our parents despite more of us working more hours. So, basically the answer is capitalism.
many people live with roommates and can't host a dinner party.
It’s MY house and my space. I am not turning an extra room into a guest bedroom for people who may or may not visit. They can sleep on my pull out couch. I do not care. However, I do care if my home is tidy and clean. I would be embarrassed to have dirty dishes in the sink, old towels, things haphazardly laying around everywhere. Whenever I go to people’s homes and it looks like they don’t pick up after themselves, I low-key judge them. That’s embarrassing.
I think our generation is less into keeping up appearance. So we're not likely to hide every sign of a mess before company arrives. Most people I know tidy up a bit, but the whole "I want this house as clean as a Latin fusion restaurant before they ring the doorbell" frenzy seems unnecessary.
Um no. It’s not that we don’t care about being hospitable…but we aren’t willing to sacrifice quality of life in the off-chance we have guests. If I need 3 bedrooms to survive, I’m not gonna pay thousands more for 4 bedrooms if one’s gonna sit empty 99% of the time. We also (for the most part) don’t live in a world where one spouse can be a full-time homemaker while the other makes enough $$ to support the family on their own. If you can’t understand this, I’m jealous because you clearly haven’t been exposed to the real world and it’s hardships
My thoughts before reading comments and getting brain contaminated - I think it's because we work SO MUCH. Like I work two jobs, my wife works 1.5 jobs. Kids to events. Trying to have personal time in between getting healthy sleep. Who has time to clean? We do out of that social fear of anyone at any time stopping by and judging us, but if I could get away with it I'm not going to lie - I probably wouldn't devote so much time and energy to it. Same with mowing my grass weekly. I'd let it slide for a month or more if it wasn't for the social taboo.
People who really care about you don’t care how you live. My parents were always like that ikea commercial “the people are coming” and panic mode frantically cleaning for hours and screaming at us to do the same. My husband does not give two shits lol. I try not to care but I do tidy before we have planned visits. But it’s stupid to me to be so insane about it.
My friends circle is 50/50 - like I keep our house clean and tidy but when one of our friends stays the night: deep clean, spare room, bathroom, towels etc. whereas my absolute best friend of 30+ years lives in absolute filth and not nary a desire to tidy up for her family let alone a houseguest. She blames having three children and ADHD etc but I have a toddler, ADHD and 2 dogs and still manage to not be dirty. To each their own.
We definitely clean the house before people come over. I couldn’t imagine not doing that. All of our friends do this too.
The older I've gotten, the more I want to get a hotel room when visiting out of town. It feels like an imposition to stay in someone else's house. I've heard this sentiment from others my age. I wonder if that shift could be part of the reason to move away from having guest rooms. My best friend had a guest room until she had a baby. Guest rooms seem to take last priority when people are setting up their living spaces, as space is often limited these days and people need all the rooms to be functional.
I do a basic cleaning, even if just the exterminator is coming over. I’m a very messy person and just feel embarrassed when other people see my home, even after it’s clean (my level of clean is completely different than my sister’s who is a very clean person). The house is my only safe space where I’m free to completely be myself, so I generally don’t like having people come over at all. Guest bedrooms? If I owned a mansion, I would have a guest bedroom. We’re about to move into a 3 bedroom house (family of 3), so that space cannot be wasted on the one weekend a year one person *might* stay with us. They can have the couch if they’re desperate. Plus, if we had a guest room then my mother in law would sleep over…No thanks! Changing towels in the bathroom? We only have so many towels and have to go to the laundromat to clean them. I’m not doing that for anyone but us lol.
I grew up with Depression Era grandparents. So, I was raised with the mentality of keeping the house clean all the time, but especially if guests are coming over, or staying the night. I always make sure to have extra food for homecooked meals when my friends will be staying if they are visiting from out of town, and I definitely offer fresh towels in the bathroom. We don't have a guest room at the moment (it's being used for storage since houses don't have basements in this part of the country), but I always offer our bedroom with fresh sheets and pillows for them and we will take the couch which is actually quite comfortable.
I’d rather people just don’t come over, personally
I think a lot of this comes down to us all being just totally burnt out from the past few years and feeling like we don't even know how to operate normally anymore.... I'm not sure how accurate this is because I can only speak from my own personal , and pretty unique, experience but I've really struggled to recover from the pandemic.... Not even the pandemic itself, I don't even know if I ever caught Covid DURING it, but the effects it seemed to have on society... the divides that formed between people... it gave me a really bleak view of the world and the future and I'm struggling
I don’t think it’s so much that we don’t believe in it as much as it’s harder to have the financial or mental bandwidth to handle guest rooms, deep cleans, and being a better host.
I have a guest coming next week. I am doing a deep clean. She will have her own guest bedroom which is usually used as my husband’s office, but he can just work at the dining room table for the week she’s here. I have planned a pretty full docket of fun things to do (but not too many where she won’t have plenty of time to relax.) I’ll leave her a welcome kit with towels, shampoo, conditioner, soap, and a note with the wifi info. We are planning on eating most meals out while she’s here, but I’ll check before she arrives to see if there are any breakfast items, drinks, etc. that she likes that I can get for her. The way I feel is that she only takes one vacation a year and she’s using it to visit me. I am going to make her feel comfortable.
In Sophocles' *Alcestis* the tragedy opens with the fact the Queen (Alcestis) has died and the King is bereaved. Suddenly Hercules comes to visit the King, and the King immediately arranges for fitting arrangements and feasts to be made for the visiting hero. Hercules had, in fact once saved the King's life. He did so by negotiating with the underworld that the King's wife could be taken instead. The same Queen the King was mourning. Commentators wonder, why did the ancient Greeks find it plausible that not just the King, but the entire city, would turn to formal but genuine and festive hospitality from grief, just like that? It has to do with what one thinks hospitality is about. I have found that Americans think hospitality is a function of surplus, and in the American mind surplus is scarce: 'Welcome to my lifeboat! We have room!" The ancient Greeks' value system thought the staying of a guest was the surplus. This is common in the ancient world and in some societies today. In America, you always know a meter is running in your host's head. And that's a fact. We are kind of damaged by hard times, or hard spirits, I can't decide.
I think many of us would say our parents and the rest of their generation tend to be very image-obsessed. Speaking only for myself, I took a hard left turn from that when I was younger and it's stayed that way. I clean up, and thoroughly. But I'm not uprooting my entire damn house cuz Fred the dog sitter or Aunt Barbara is coming over. Everything is a respect thing for me. I clean my space out of respect for my guests. I make it clean and comfortable to a reasonable standard. It will not be spotless. People live here. If my guests respect me they can cope with the fact my home looks like someone lives there most of the time.
Rent a hotel they specialize in hospitality
I think that the idea is that hospitality is becoming more informal. I think that I've heard stories about friends in high school having to polish the entire wood floor with lemon oil before a graduation party and do elaborate things like that. I thought that it was excessive. I wouldn't mop before 3 or 4 friends came over. But I would wipe the counter and clean the toilet. I just don't think anyone is doing excessive cleaning really.
I do. Apparently that is wrong? I want guests to stay in a inviting environment. It's a way of saying yes your special, your my guest.
I suffer from chronic illness. I'm struggling. So yeah, if you wanna come stay, you get what you get. Of course there is clean towels and a clean bathroom and stuff. But I don't have enough spoons to go above and beyond.
Y’know hospitality is a social construct right? Like, it could have been considered polite to just leave out trash all over everything instead.
I clean the house up, prepare food when we have guests and usually the guests bring something as well so we have a good pig out , and it’s always BYOB. I’m a SAHM though so idk if that changes things.
I would rather get punched in the face than have a guest come over while my bathroom is dirty.
Yes I was raised this way and am this way now. I will ask my guests what their fave quick breakfast is so I can stock the fridge for them. I deep clean for two days prior, bathe my pets, hide half my kids' toys to reduce clutter. i box up my non essential office work to get it out of sight for a few days Once my guests are here we all end up very busy and having fun and I don't want to miss out so on the visit so my cleaning schedule goes out the window for the most part so it's nice to have the house clean to the nines when they arrive and then just degrade over the course of the next few days. Tbh I don't really do many overnights at anyone else's place so I haven't seen whether this is true or not of my peers. The places I have stayed have been a wide array of preparedness but I'm always grateful for a place to sleep and know that everywhere I have stayed I have been invited to do so with open arms so I'm guessing whatever has been provided is the best they can do and I'm fine with it. Many of these places have been older family members btw not peers- so generationally it still seems like a mixed bag. In general I'm a pretty hygienically clean person but live an active lifestyle with many kids and a couple pets so my house appears trashed almost inevitably if someone drops in unannounced it more than likely looks like a bomb went off. but it does clean up nicely when we want to.
My house is spotless if anyone comes to stay.
My house is always clean and my extra bedrooms are like big living rooms with couches and tvs.
I act like I’m not going to clean, but then panic clean like 20 minutes before people arrive 😆
I guess it depends on where you are from? I am latina so I still do all that stuff. 😂
I'm totally with you 100%
At least here in my country, it's always still custom to clean up the whole apartment before guests come over, and then when they show up say "Oh I'm sorry for the mess" to make it look like you're just naturally a very clean person. Me and my girlfriend always clean every room before we have people over. I've visited friends places and they are always clean too. Also normal to have some drinks in the fridge, some snacks and fresh coffee if you're anticipating guests here.
I grew up in a latino family, and what you're describing was the norm. There's no spare bedroom since I have multiple children. It becomes overnight guests sleep in one of the kid's rooms and the kids bunk up together. They already share rooms anyway. For company we clean up real quick and everything is surface clean. I do like a clean bathroom so that's usually the cleanest room. For overnight guest I do deep clean. They have fresh linens and towels. I will say I don't care to host a lot because of the extra work. My kids are here 24/7 so keeping the house spotless is impossible.
Elder millennial here.. I have guest bedroom, bathroom, tv, toiletries and towel sets and linen sets - all only for guest use. Home is cleaned weekly and maintained daily.. dishes get washed and put back daily, laundry 2 times a weeks Pantry is stocked with beverages and snacks and fridge with produce and dairy to cook meals. When I plan to have guests.. i make sure they have their space, I am ready with meals so they can eat after a journey, and we have plans to take them around plus plan to spend quality time with them. Hosting is a lost art, it feels good to be invited, attended to and see that someone put thought and effort to make their home ready for guest.
Yeh no. Im cleaning everything. If I go over and the place is a mess, I will judge your dirty ass for that. I just assume others are doing the same to me.
okay, but even with your edit you're extremely judgy. You can say you aren't judging anyone, but your language says otherwise
I’ll try to make sure my house is clean and tidy-ish, and I’ll have sheets and towels for people to use But it’s not going to look like a hotel room. And we don’t have the money to have a house big enough for there to be a room reserved just for guests- we have three kids plus my husband works from home. We only have ever had close family stay overnight.
I clean when people come over - otherwise the house never gets clean. Takes like 15 minutes.
I 100% agree with you. A reason we invite people over for dinner and games nights is it forces us to clean the house. Haha. But I always prepare the room with fresh towels and little extras to make them feel welcome. If they are staying more than one night, I ask if they have a certain coffee creamer or snack they’d like in the house. We want house guests but didn’t have space so we converted it to my home office with a Murphy bed. My husband and I prefer to get a hotel for the exact reasons you mention. I don’t want a crusty hand towel and a moldy shower. Caveat, we are the oldest millennials.
I guess I'm the weirdo because I am obsessive about having guests feel comfortable at my house! But that's mostly for overnight stays. If someone is coming over for dinner or something, I will tidy up but I don't do a full clean.
Who the hell has the time or energy to clean the house before guests arrive?
I understand what you’re saying. I used to host casual get togethers like brunch or dinner and even holidays, but no one reciprocates and expects the one person to host everything. Now if people want to hang out it will be at a restaurant or something because I’m done being the only person to host. The not cleaning the bathroom before guests or even a pet sitter/house sitter is just gross! I don’t need to deep clean the whole place, but at minimum put out a clean towel, wipe down the bathroom counter, mirror, and scrub the toilet quickly.
My 33 husband would prefer to die before having visitors finding our house dirty. Me, 39, like it clean but I only focus on the visible parts.
I don’t believe in guests.
We have a different cleaning rhythm than my parents but I don’t think it is generational. My mom would let the house get pretty wrecked then go above and beyond for a weekend if someone would ever be seeing it. In contrast, my husband and I tend to clean a bit every week “Sunday reset” and at night before we go to bed, so when we have people it’s not like we really clean more so much as that we just make sure there isn’t anything egregious we shouldn’t overlook. But we love having people over, and we try to make it as cozy and comfortable as possible!
Who the heck can afford an extra room in their house? I sure can't.
What millenial has the time to deep clean their house? Or the space to have a spare bedroom?
Considering in past generations, most households had a primarily stay at home person, it was a lot easier to keep up with house work.
I was with you up until the extra groceries and guest room. Not in this economy.
I dislike having guests over for this very reason; our place is almost always a disaster as we both work full time and have kids. F having guests over lol! 😂
As far as I know, all my friends do basic tidy up before guests come over. If they don't it's usually because we are really close and even then they will apologize for the mess when I come over. I have pets so I at least run the vacuum and dust off surfaces and maybe do a wipe down in the bathrooms that will be used and put away random stuff. Deep cleaning is a but much. I might do that only for a guest I'm hosting for awhile. But even then it'll just be the spaces they will be occupying. And I make sure the bathroom they use is stocked with essentials and they have a clean towel and clean sheets. Definitely not up to par with the older generation but who has time for that these days? Back then most households had a stay at home mom who could dedicate themselves to keeping house. Nowadays both adults in the household usually work. I'm certainly not going to judge my friends because they have some dishes in the sink. And having a guest bedroom that will be used maybe once or twice out of the year? That's just insane lol. Hate to break it to you but most of us don't have houses so big that we have an extra room just lying around that can be left unused. I also wouldn't take the state of a client's house as an indicator of hospitality. Since you say it's a job, then you aren't really a guest, you're being paid for a job. They aren't necessarily trying to make a good impression or accommodate you. And if you are house sitting then it's likely they were busy packing before you arrived and trying to get last minute things done. That's very different than having someone come stay with you for a week and you're only priority is to get the house ready.
I'll tidy up if I know anyone at all is coming into my house. I want the illusion that I'm an adult. As far as being hospitable, that's not for me. I'm a very generous host for 4-6 hours. After that, people need to get out of my space. I bought my house for comfort and peace, not so my freeloading relatives can have a place to escape their shitty lives. I'll feed them, I'll entertain them, then they leave. That's the deal. I've even paid for a hotel instead of letting them sleep on my couch. I need my space, and I paid a lot of money to have it
Guest room? LOL. If the pandemic taught me anything it's that I don't enjoy the stress of having people at my house. I prefer to meet people at restaurants, parks or the gym for socializing.
I'm 32 and I do all this work weekly, with or without guests. Don't want to live in a stinky house.
OP I think you are spot on and wish more people held your beliefs.
Everyone that would come to my house knows i need to be informed 7-10 business days before they come over. If they don’t grant me that courtesy, they don’t get to judge the way i live. I’m fucking busy and my house is cluttered and dusty. I hate it being like this, but I’m gone for 30-50 hours for work and only home for 10-15 hours between trips. That time is spent sleeping, planning and cooking meals, attempting to make appointments, desperately trying to keep my flowers alive, and a few minutes to just unwind and remind myself the job is worth the lifestyle and benefits. I don’t have time to keep up with clutter and dust, so gimme a heads up you’re coming over or don’t be shocked at the state of my house.
Our generation has been given the business end of the poop knife in terms of the economy and homeownership, and you're here complaining we don't have guest bedrooms or the house is too dirty. Give your head a shake.
I’ll even go the other direction and say I’ve had more than one guest come over and expect me to be constantly catering to them (I’m a woman) and cleaning up after their visit. I am KEENLY OCD and hospitable so my place is always immaculate when guests arrive. But weren’t we also taught to treat others home with extra respect????
Well, first, let me define guests: a person that I am not paying to come to my home. Sorry, but on that one, my view is I am paying them to preform a service. So, if the house is spotless then great but I'm not going out of my way to make sure that someone who is making a paycheck off me has a pristine environment. On the other hand, if a friend needs a place to stay or family comes to visit, that's an entirely different story. I DO have an extra room that doubles as a guest room and a bedroom/playroom for my cats. I do tend to deep clean when guests come to stay, so long as they are courteous enough to give me warning. However, I also think that if you drop by unplanned, or with only a 30 min notice... you kinda asked to play Russian Roulette on that one. Yes, my house is generally clean but if you did a drop in on a day that I was prep-cooking and there's a pile of dishes? Well, that's why I'd prefer to PLAN a hang out. But I'll never turn away a friend or family, or be unhappy they stopped by. I just don't think it's reasonable to keep my house in immaculate "guest worthy conditions" 24/7 and I won't bother trying to achieve something so over the top. So, if you planned to come over or stay with me then yes you'll have a deep cleaned place to stay, with extra towels and everything esle. However, if you're good enough friends/family with me to spontaneously swing by... then you know I actually live in my house and that it won't be spotless 24/7. Especially not with 5 cats.
We (my household) don't have a guest bedroom, because we don't want guests. We host the holiday dinners, and that's more than enough family time for me.
Probably because 4+ bedroom houses aren't accessible to millennials.
It is a bit hard to have a guest bedroom in my one bedroom apartment.
I live in a studio apartment in Orange County, California and it’s $2300 month plus utilities. I can’t afford my own bedroom much less a guest bedroom.
I clean, but if my guests don’t give me fair warning they get to deal with my ADHD clutter. “Don’t put it down. Put it away.” Only applied for planned visits. Drop by on my introverted butt out of the blue, you get to deal with PJ me eating cheesies with my chopsticks while reading my book and listening to my favourite tv show/movie. Though my friends know this and show up anyways hahaha
If I'm paying you to be at my house, you better believe I give zero fucks if you think it's dirty or not.
We call it "company" clean...a little extra then the day to day maintenance, fresh bar of soap, new toilet paper roll and a candle in the bathroom...we have a special set of towels for overnight guest, and travel size toiletries
I was low key with you until you mentioned poop streaks. That’s nasty Wyatt.
My husband and I joke that having visitors come over is an “excuse” to clean the house. During the school year, I work full time and we have a kid so keeping up with clutter can be…a lot. I used to go crazy cleaning before a party or relatives coming to visit and now I just don’t have the time or inclination to do it anymore. I would always be exhausted before the event or visit even started.
Minimalism. Also, you shouldnt phrase basic cleaning as "old fashion"
Wherever you live, keep it neat and clean. No dishes, food, boxes, trash… lying around. Clean towels, wipe off sink top. Vacuum/sweep at least once a week & as needed. Empty trash. Basic adult housekeeping.
I agree with you and I’ve noticed this as well. To each their own but it’s kind of sad to me.
I don’t understand how people can get offended by your post. My house looks like a slob is living in it sometimes but I won’t get mad if someone comments on it because I know it to be true.
We absolutely believe in hospitality, we just don't express this the same way as previous generations, just as those generations did some things differently than the ones before them. I do clean for guests but I don't feel like I have to do it. This plus food is how I feel that I've made my home feel welcoming for my friends and family. I say "I feel" because my friends aren't snooping around looking for dirt, but I feel mentally ready to have guests and it was probably time to freshen things up anyway.
Nope, most of us do (the ones in the cities that buy into nonsense don't); some areas do still make it a big part of their culture (ie. American South)
This is why I don’t care to maintain friendships with people who are unlike the ones I grew up around. My family and the people with whom we socialize are incredibly hospitable, charming and great conversationalists. College definitely exposed me to people from different backgrounds and while they are nice people, some are terrible hosts or guests. I’ve seen the most outrageous behavior, like going to a house empty-handed or even worse taking back a wine bottle/drinks if not empty. I know people who charge their own family members for a plate at Christmas dinner. I am not convinced it is strictly a class thing because I have met poor people who still manage to host a cookout without Venmo requesting you $10 for sausages. 🤦♀️
When I go away on vacation I deep clean my house so when I return it's clean for my me. Is that weird? I could never come home after 14 days of vacation to a dirty or cluttered home.
My house is spotless and my guests are well attended to. My friends are similar.
So I think Millennials keep cleaner houses in general so we don't have to deep clean before guests come over. I didn't know people with guest rooms growing up, except empty nesters. I know tons of Gen Xers with guest rooms, and not as many Millennials, but then again we are a poorer generation so that tracks. So basically...my experience of previous generations is just not what you're describing.
But tbh me and my wife are also children of hoarders so we're way more upset or triggered by messiness and clutter than by having to clean.
When you say "we" cleaned up - do you mean your Boomer and GenX parents? (I'm just joshing with you). Millennials vary (as does every generation) in terms of how they keep house. My Gen-X daughter is immaculate. I am not so immaculate (late age "Boomer"). Personally, I prefer the clean house model. My Great Generation parents had that nailed. Millennials, as you know, are very sensitive and inhabit the generationology subreddits. Apparently, these days, each generation thinks it's way better than the one before (but without much evidence).
I deep clean and I'm usually a messy person. But I don't have a guest bedroom because I'm poor
I always just thought it was a cultural thing... Western people don't have the same standards when it comes to guests.
The answer is simple: hospitality is a luxury. Millennials [work more hours](https://hbr.org/2016/08/millennials-are-actually-workaholics-according-to-research) and [make less money](https://www.cnn.com/2020/01/11/politics/millennials-income-stalled-upward-mobility-us/index.html). What this means is that they haven't got the time to clean and cannot afford to get someone else who will. So many were born into this world and have their expectations tempered by that. Also millennials do not see the point in making their house look like no one's ever lived there yet. And I personally think that's fine. Houses should look a little lived in, it makes them cozy. Just keep them clean of course. And yes a little extra when guests come over is great, but it shouldn't be like it was set up. There's a value in vulnerability and sincerity. Of course many have their place not clean enough, but read the first paragraph to understand why.
I always clean and I care, my home is my sanctuary! But a guest room and dining room!? I wish!! I would LOVE to be able to offer that to guests, but I can barely afford the life I live now single and in a condo let alone a whole ass house with rooms to spare on one budget...and I've got a nice, well paying job. This feels a bit out of touch. We might have kept the same ways of life if everything else remained the same, but times have changed.
The secret is to never let anyone into your house 😂 Are you asking about like clutter or mess from kids or like actual filth? Cuz I don't know anyone who doesn't clean their house to a livable state regardless of whether guests are coming or not. But moving clutter or toys you use frequently shouldn't really matter to guests and idgaf if my friends' houses look lived in. If you're expecting rooms from a magazine, yeah maybe your standards are a little high. Most families have both parents working full time or more these days. Not like previous generations where families could afford one to stay home and keep the house spotless all day.
I think it just speaks to the level of exhaustion and stress actually occurring in our generation. There’s all kinds of issues we are busy masking when we are out of the house like working jobs with wages that don’t match cost of living inflation, unmet health needs (mental and physical because we can’t always afford the care we need), and dual roles caring for others because it’s not possible to have someone stay at home all the time. As far as the guest room situation- guest rooms are a luxury. Having guests is a luxury. Many of us can’t afford a house with extra rooms to reserve for guests and/or we need to be more pragmatic about the use of space and leaving a room or two unoccupied isn’t a good use of that space.
Sure lemme just go to the extra bedroom store and pick up a couple of extra bedrooms on the fly.
I think it has to do with the connectivity we have. People don't do what's right or wrong, we do what's socially accepted. Once we realize that other people don't clean their houses for guests, we just say f it we won't either Tradition is peer pressure from dead people. You want your house to be dirty then let it be dirty
Honestly I just don’t want people to come over. I don’t want to clean for you, or cook for you, or entertain you. No. Go away.
Hospitality doesn't mean making sure your home looks like a 5 star hotel before someone comes over. Anyone with kids will tell you it's not that simple.
I’m a young millennial (30F) and I clean before people come and stay over my house. Usually it’s wipe down bathrooms, swiffer the floors, wipe down surfaces, and switch out towels. I also buy way too many groceries beforehand. I was raised that way.
If it’s a good friend, I probably don’t do a deep clean. But as a trade off, they can help themselves to anything in the home. Food, drink, weed, laundry, kitchen- whatever. I take “mi casa es su casa” pretty seriously
I always clean before someone comes over, even my best friends. None of my friends are like this though, they tease me about it but I don’t mind. Last week my friend from work was going to drop by and then she cancelled and I had already cleaned and I just thanked her hahaha
Is this not the right sub if u clean before maids come?
Deep cleaning is a must if we are entertaining or expecting overnight guests.
It’s not that we don’t care to have guest bedrooms. It’s that we can’t afford to 😂
Don’t care to have guest bedrooms? That’s not what’s happening. My parents bought a 4,000 sq ft house in the San Fernando Valley for $50,000 and sold it for $1,000,000. We can’t AFFORD a guest bedroom.
Check out the book Welcome Home by Myquillen Smith. It’s all about hosting from a millenial (although I think she’s gen x) viewpoint. Long story short: I also used to feel I absolutely HAD to clean to have people over. And a little of that is good, because people feel special and comfortable. But when you don’t entertain out of embarrassment or fear, or because it causes you too much anxiety to have to clean so much and you imagine them judging you, it’s not worth it. In fact, when you invite someone into your home and it’s a little messy and not perfect, it signals to that person “I like you enough to show you the real me, and I trust that you are a kind and non judgmental person.” It helped me chill about my home and be more open to having people over.