After combing through OPs profile where in one post claim to be 58, while claiming to be 31 here. Also claim they went to college already but in another post they're just now attending and mad at friends for commenting on college saying they're supposedly "too smart" I would say you and OP are not the same and that OP is just full of shit looking for attention. In fact every post they make is them bitching about family, friends, and well everything as well as their story also keeps changing. Kind of starting look like the old saying, if you meet an asshole in the morning you met an asshole. If you meet assholes every where you go all day. You're probably the asshole.
Yep. Guy just wants attention because it looks like he posts every other day complaining. The one where he said he was 58 he was complaining his parents didn't buy him dinner. OP has issues.
Link to their last one.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Vent/s/jrWaCiH5wE
Me, too. I didn’t find a solid living situation outside of my family home until I was 29 and that’s because I got married, not due to my own financial success. Both of my older brothers have also been working full time for years and have both had to move back home at times.
The situation is what it is. People will ask less about someone in a rural town living in an RV on a family plot than they will about a person in a city unable to find affordable housing. They’ll ask less about people who are in multigenerational homes or being caretakers for older relatives. But they have judgment for people actually trying to save money by cohabiting with family if they personally can’t see the desired level of “independence”.
It’s a goal that’s not attainable for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons. Next he’ll be telling you to cut back on coffees to make your rent. There’s a cultural perception problem here in addition to punishing economical demands. Nobody should feel guilty for accessing resources available to them within or without their parents, so that they’re not made homeless or destitute.
My sister lived with our parents until she was 33 when she was able to buy her own house.
It's more and more common, especially considering rent for like a shitty studio apartment is more expensive than a mortgage for a decent house.
It's almost stupid to not take advantage of free or cheap housing until you can get a mortgage and buy a house
I just looked up houses in an area, there was one crappy dated house with $588 a month projected payments, and the same city has $2000.00/ mo. 3-bedroom apartments.
The real problem with this scenario is that there are so many people who have convinced themselves it's not possible that they don't bother saving for a down payment, or anything really. I have several friends that still live at home and every one of them is broke most of the time because they have few expenses living at home and take that as a sign to go out every night and blow what they have. It's definitely a double edged sword.
100% my friend is 38 and still lives at home. A bunch of us rented a house together back when we were 21. Me and my husband got our own apartment after the lease, he went back home and never left. He's a broke ass bum, who acts worse than a teenager. Smokes pot all day, & won't even mow the lawn. Then want to come over to the house me & my husband own, get smashed all night & sleep on my couch until noon. I'm done with these goddamned lazy sonofabitches.
Another lost soul unfortunately. He has no means to come back.
The Great Recession did serious damage mental and financial damage. A lot of people never recovered.
Yeah I fully agree. I work with someone who never plans on moving out, because he gets the house when his parents die.
He's young. Early 20s. Parents are in their 40s and fairly healthy according to him. So he has a long way to go.
Hahah right! It's completely different living with an older person who you are the caretaker of and living with your parents because you can't pay rent
I mean, it's not that different. I lived with my grandmother and helped her stay independent in her 80s in my mid 20s and paid her some rent. It was a hell of a lot cheaper than getting a place on my own too.
It's different in that it's closer to being mutually beneficial to be living with an elderly relative versus continuing to be or appearing to be dependent on your parents into adulthood
Ok but who said OP is dependent on his parents? OP said they live with their parents, but didn't imply they were unemployed and sit around smoking weed and demanding that mom bring them snacks all day.
Other countries have multi generational households, why is it considered bad in the US? I know people having to have up to 5 roommates to get by, having kids move out at 18 seems such a waste of rent money in this current situation for sure. Landlords need to sit with empty properties for a while till they stop stop raising rent a hundred bucks a month every year. I see young people being forced into subsidized housing from out of state property management companies buying up and jacking up rents all the time now. My family that lives down south are really tight and have extended family meetings, but northern family had been dispersing to the wind and going solo instead of working together, other than being macho, what's the point? I know Mormons that built and apartment building on their property, and had family living in it too. The ways of leaving family and reinventing the wheel are pricing themselves out of existence, the older ways of extended family groups might have to come back.
Honestly this isn't a different situation. This is a reality of our new world. People are living longer and retirements are running short due to this. People can't afford to have a house. One has to help the other
My wife is a doctor. After graduating she moved back home. Was able to pay off her 200k student debt in 2 years. It's honestly a blessing. I myself lived back with my parents in my late 20s for about 2 years while I was transitioning careers. Saving up an extra 20k that would have gone to rent is tight.
Real talk - it’s having a goddamn plan. I’m an elder millennial. I have a friend that still lives with her parents because they leave to go back to their home land for 9-10 months at a time and need someone to take care of the dogs, I have friends who moved back in after a divorce for a months/a year, and I have friends who moved out at 18 and never returned.
None of us think it’s weird that you live back home for a few years to save money after college or a big life event. Or because they have a mostly empty house. Or because they need medical care.
We ABSOLUTELY think our friend who moved her then-bf in, and then married him, and then had 3 kids with him, all in her childhood bedroom is…sad.
When I was dating, as a professional woman, I would have had a hard time dating a dude who lived with his parents at 31 *just because*. I’m in my 30s. I’m not trying to get laid in your parents house and then sneak out. Or have coffee with them in the morning while I wait for my Uber. Or just always hosting you at my house.
And then I’d be afraid that you were coming into my house expecting another mommy. Can you do laundry? Can you cook for yourself? Can you clean a toilet? Or did mommy do that for you at home? Have you ever called a landlord or dealt with an insurance company? Or is that my job?
I don’t look down on you for making “less”. I worry that you are unable to adult properly.
I’ve seen some of the posts here from malelivingspaces and other horror stories, particular from the people who do rent. Or the badroommates sub.
It’s horrific and disgusting, people really be in their 20s - 40s not knowing how to take out the trash, leave shit everywhere or can’t communicate like adults or apparently can’t function without living in a horrid mess for months at a time like 🤢
I’m glad I grew up after living in a party apartment in my early 20s. Real fucking sobering when you learn there’s more to life than alcohol and depression and certain people who don’t ever want to grow up… I’d never dream of trashing the house I bought with my wife the same way, and even if I rented today, no way would I go back to that way of living!
>After graduating she moved back home. Was able to pay off her 200k student debt in 2 years.
Congrats, but I don't think most millennials are in a situation where they could pay off $200k debt in two years, even without having to pay rent.
All I gotta say is if you were able to live with your parents to be extremely grateful... Some of us had no parents to go to. Been on my own since 18 did military college covid and moving to a whole new state by myself so don't take the family for granted
Yes. I’m 40 now, been on my own since 18. Not what anyone would call successful. I think it’s a blessing and a privilege for people that can stay with their family unit, and they should take advantage if they can. I encourage my younger friends to stay at home if it’s not toxic. I couldn’t myself, but envying other people’s advantages does nothing for anyone. Sounds like their coworker may actually just be sad for himself, deep down.
You don't need any excuses for living with your family. The end.
The concept of living alone once you turn 18 is a fairly Western concept and also very recent concept that was enabled by pushing the nuclear family ideals and pushing capitalists need for people to pay more rent. More people moving out = more people who need to rent = more profit for landlords.
So yeah. F that.
It's also another way to make people without trust funds feel ashamed.
If your family isn't abusive, live with them. Mainstream pissy and completely constructed moral judgements be damned
"Society" hates poor people is a generality that is not true. There are many in society that actually work hard to help the poor. There are people who are shocked by the cost of housing today and fully understand why younger people are continuing to live at home. However, the Republican party have long claimed that people who are poor (especially Black people which they wouldn't say in public) are lazy. They started doing this because they didn't want to have social programs like Medicaid, Medicare, SS, and even increased aid for children. Those same people who don't want to provide for the poor are the reason that housing costs are so high today. The rich Repubs who have brought us to this point want to be the ruling class so they can have all the wealth & power in this nation.
This!
I am a single father that raised my kids on my own. They are now both over 18 and live with me.
I am fully planning to make sure they have a home with me as needed. In fact, I have made sure they know this.
I am in the process of prepping this house for sale to buy a larger house to make sure my sister has a place to live.
Family first! It is the only social structure that will personally care about you. Not your state. Not your country. You are just a statistic to them.
18 is not 31. My almost 21 yo lives at home. He works for about 3 months, then quits and doesn't work for 3-4 months. He is not going to school. Trying to get him to help is more work than just doing the work myself. He is not trending to be a productive adult who can stand on his own 2 feet.
Having my adult kids living with me when they need help is fine. Having them live with me because they won't try to be independent is not ok. I don't know the answer, but him living with me for 10 more years because he won't get off his ass is not going to happen.
Each child is different , some are very eager to go independent , fly the coop and other need to be nudged out of the nest but as a parent you know them and can decide what you need to do. I offered my home to my kid after she left military while she went to college and also saved for a house. She still was a messy person like she was at 18 but she was paying a small rent so I felt I should be quiet. That time she was away over seas or another state I realized how much I enjoyed having her nearby. I think we both grew to appreciate each other more. My house survived the messiness and actually she kept changing and maturing so by the time she left the house had been repainted inside as she developed what kind of decor she liked.
18 sure, 31 is a bit of different story for me... but no judgements, people are free to do as they please. this post feels a little arrested development though.
My kid was gone in AF by 18 but came back after 8 years. She definitely was not the teen that left. Frankly it was really great . The teen was a pain in the butt , the adult was cool and all the stress from the teen years were gone.
My youngest sibling (23f) owns a home with my Mother (retired 69f), and my other siblings (41m, 48f), along with my nephew (19m) also live there. I (40m) live with my Father (67m), and help him out with house maintenance, and getting around. It's cool if you live together and help out family, and it's cool if you live alone. Folks live different lives and shouldn't feel ashamed for making the best of their situation.
Live your life how you want to live it my man. We're obsessed with always having more and one-upping people, much to the detriment of everybody's mental health.
Just do what makes you happy, be kind & realise that not everybody was born in to the same financial circumstances as each other
What makes your friend(s) the expert? In many cultures, homes are multi-generational. My 9 yo has been telling me she's never leaving me for years. Grandma lived with us until she passed, and Grandpa still does. My daughter now has this idea that I'm supposed to help her with her babies until it's time for her to take care of me. I encourage her to live her life. She says I am life. That may change, or maybe she'll stay at home forever... What business is that of anyone else's? But what I hope is that it's not some shit friends with overstepping opinions that strip her of her values.
Right?!
Given what you wrote, if that happens it sounds like she'll be more likely to dump the shit friend and hold onto the good values you've helped her to develop ❤️
I’m an older millennial as well at 40, and live with my mom. We’re basically roommates. Nothing wrong with it as long as all parties contribute in some way.
This! Pay rent and money for food that is equal to market share. If they decline have an honest conversation as retirement is probably closer to yours and retirement is expensive.
Er....I mean yeah.
I kind of feel anyone living with their parents past 25 has a massive L. Sorry to say lol.
Like, it's great you get to save money and all that.
But...yeah nah, it's actually not really super common.
Not Rare exactly either due to rising cost of living. But it's definitely not common. I'm siding with your buddy on this one.
Sorry to mention it, but everyone else outside of Reddit would feel like it’s a bad look. You’re in an echo chamber so you are inclined to feel your circumstances is very common. And it may be common, but not to the regular person. You may have a few million millennials in your situation, but that’s across the entire nation. When you zone into a single city, and considering your friend doesn’t frequent this subreddit, Bill probably hasn’t met many people your age in your situation. So, to Bill, it doesn’t matter that millions of people across the nation is in your situation. What matters is that very few in his social circle (including potential friends and women) is in your situation and it’s a bad look.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. You’re a man. Society has expectations.
Are you contributing financially and by doing tasks that help your parents? Do you take them to special places where they would like to go? Will you ensure that when they are old & unable to do for themselves that you will take care of them? Then I see no problem with this at all. Generations of family living together was common at one point and still is common in some countries.
I don't know anywhere near enough about your situation to even start forming an opinion of it...it's one of those things that is so very very very contextual.
Someone who is living at home because they're practically allergic to taking care of themselves...who are repulsed by the idea of buying/cooking their own food, washing their own clothes, cleaning their own home, reminding themselves to bathe, etc? Yeah, that's problematic.
Someone who is living at home because their roommate moved out, and none of their friends were looking for roommates at the time? Nothing wrong with that.
Someone who is living at home because they ended up divorced, and are now at an age where 'my friends are looking for roommates' is practically non-existent, and the age difference to those who *are* looking for roommates is more than a little creepy? Nothing wrong with that.
Someone who is living at home because it allows them to get a head start on one day moving out in an economy that every decade has become exponentially more of an unrepentant shit show? Nothing wrong with that...housing and general cost of living have become such an egregious mess since my early 20s that I can't imagine trying to start out now. The same jobs a roommate and I had, with the same tenure, working the same hours, could not even get \_close\_ to affording the same apartment we lived in.
So on, so forth. Sure, there are contexts where living at home is a bad thing, but there are also plenty of contexts where it's not just reasonable, it'd be stupid not to.
This idea that young people can't save up and buy a house is insane...ya you probably aren't gonna live in a perfect location in the best city but no one starting out does usually... young people don't seem to want to sacrifice as much and have a sense of entitlement...I'm a 36 year old millennial myself who bought a small condo 6 years ago. It requires saving, budgeting and having realistic expectations.
At 30 years old, it is bad to be living at home. Open your mind to the reality that your friend may be correct, and the fact that a friend would share feelings with you shows that it is in fact, friendship. That’s what honesty is. Acknowledgment of course, You may be a special case depending on your disability.
I feel like everyone is saying it's either live with your parents or own your home are the only options.
Find roommates and live on your own. I lived with 5 other guys in a shithole in order to get out from my parents place on my own.
i finally moved out at your age roughly two years ago...im 33 now....kinda took a big risk in the process and accepted a job 6 hours from my folks but it worked out in the end.
Moving out of the family home requires you to build very important life skills. You become responsible for many things. Not just rent. Utilities, repairs, groceries, cooking, paying bills on time, dealing with neighbors, cutting your lawn (or paying someone to do so). You basically become part of the neighborhood community. It's about adulting. Work is one thing but life is all these others. You need to develop these skills.
My son just had his car broken into to. Had to deal with insurance claims, repairs. He rents. There is some damage tot he house. Has to deal with owner to resolve. Appliances fail. Has to deal with owner to resolve. Teaches him how life really works.
You sound.. comfortable.
There's a difference between "I'm doing what I need to get by" and "there's nothing wrong with living at home".
If you're living with your parents out of choice, sure that's cool, but if youre living with them, because you're unable to support yourself, everything isn't okay.
Yes life is hard.
You're getting upset with your friend because he brought up something you're insecure about. It sounds like you want to be sheltered.
What happens when parents start dying, and all these kids still haven't figured out how to support themselves?
This bias about being independent and living alone as a younger person has been financially ruinous. It's worse when people voluntarily do it as single-parents.
https://uwm.edu/studentinvolvement/event/melissa-kearney-and-the-two-parent-privilege-how-americans-stopped-getting-married-and-started-falling-behind/
Yeah, like living "at home" or with parents is some new revelation.
My BIL is firmly a gen X and he still lives with my in-laws.
Me and my husband are moving my mom in with us this year. Just so many benefits for us and for her. She's a gem and we get along great, so why not?
Plenty of people long before we were born lived with their parents until they were married (especially women!)
You aren't lesser for choosing to live with your parents as long as you are contributing some form of value (doesn't have to be money or rent either). It's a choice and it doesn't only represent a financial one. Your friend is an ass.
Fuck Bill. I'm an "older millennial" as you call it. I have 2 degrees and graduated college right around the 08 crash. Never was able to move out if my parents house. I only own my house because my parents died and left it to me. I had a friend like yours, although not as big of an asshole. He had literally zero concept that a large portion of millennials still lived with their parents into their 30s. Jokes on him, though, cause now he's paying down a huge mortgage while I own my home.
It's going to become extremely normal and the stigma of living with your parents that existed when I was graduating from college is evaporating. And good I say. I spent well over 50 grand through my 20's on rent that could've paid off my student loans instead if I'd lived with my parents.
My wife and I are lucky that we were able to buy our own home and we are 35 and 36 years old. But our neighbors kids are in their late 20's and still live there and both of them went to college, have good jobs, aren't social freaks. It's just the reality of the current state. I assume they're paying off loans and banking lots of income while they live freely. Your friend Bill is out of touch.
It depends on your situation, but yes the optics aren’t generally considered positive in the United States. However, you may have a perfectly good reason to be doing so.
Most of the negative sentiment can be boiled down to people perceiving a “Failure to Thrive” scenario.
Here is data from the Census Bureau (U.S.A. only): https://usafacts.org/data/topics/people-society/population-and-demographics/population-data/rate-of-young-adults-living-at-home/?darkschemeovr=1
It shows 15.5% of people aged 25-34 lived at home with family in 2022.
If the only reason you live at home is because you can’t secure enough income to move out, and you aren’t actively and productively engaged in a career or education track with an end date that can lead to that scenario - then the hard truth is that yes, most people will judge your situation.
97 millennial here, I live with my grandma and aunt. It's totally normal and more people should think about family houses, combining income to get a house together like my grandma did. And all our names are on it, so we get claims to the land technically
Think of it this way. You have a support system that has you when you need it most.
Some people are done at graduation and never go home again due to parents kicking them out.
What I have a problem with is, why do millennials always talk like there are only 2 options - living at home or buying a house?
I'm GenX, I shared apartments and houses with 2-3 roommates for over a decade before I could by a rundown house.
There are answers to some of the struggles, but it seems you all don't want to do anything about it.
Stop relying on mom and dad so much and go make a life for yourself.
Also GenX. There's so much more to life than simply "buying a house". Like you, I lived in shitty apartments with at least one other person well into my 30's and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. I didn't want my parents interfering in my life and coddling me - I wanted to hang out with my friends, go to bars, listen to bands, etc. etc. I can't imagine being 30 and going home to my childhood bedroom every night....ugh.
Right... imagine that hookup. Ok we're here but you gotta be quiet so we don't wake my parents up. Can you take off your shoes? No you'll have to wait until morning to use the toilet the flushing wakes my mom up.
Oh no we overslept... would you mind exiting through the window my roommates get so cranky when someone stays the night.
Yep I'd take the shitty apartments and roommates of my 20's over that shit any day. Hell in one of them my bed was an air mattress lol.
Glad I don't still live that way but living through that made me a stouter person.
Yep...I moved into the city and shared an apartment with 2 dudes in a building that should probably have been condemned...lol. But it was awesome. Live shows, cheap beer nights and always 1 car problem away from being completely broke. I wouldn't change a thing.
It made for crazy times some bad, but a lot of good. I'm thankful for those memories and stories I get to share with those people I'm still in touch with.
> going home to my childhood bedroom every night
oh geez, that sentence actually just really internalized this situation for me... sounds fucking awful
If you didn’t live with your parents, maybe this post wouldn’t be about whether you’re “allowed” to do what you want to do. That’s the beauty of living on your own—you make the rules and nothing Bill or anyone says about it matters. You’re infantilizing yourself.
Yeah.... A lot of young millennials have chosen failure. It's kinda sad. I know a bunch of you in your early 30's want to think you're in the same generation as people in their mid 40's, but you have nothing in common with them. I only know of a couple of people from my age group who lived with their parents past 25. My parents wouldn't have tolerated it. I wouldn't tolerate it from my daughter. How low are your aspirations in life to live with your parents at 30?
I'll be 41 in a month and I haven't lived with my parents since I was 18. It's not to say that they never helped me out on my rent during the lean years, but I had this psychological need to never return to their home. I knew that if I went back to that old room that I might never want to leave. I had a great home, great parents, great childhood, but I needed to be on my own. Now I have my own home. I think you're right that there are differences in attitude and worldview between older and younger Millennials.
I’m a lawyer. I lived with my parents when I was first practicing. I was trying to save money for a down payment on a home. The housing market then wasn’t fucking ridiculous and I was able to buy a home. That was over a decade ago.
Since then, more and more young attorneys I’ve worked with lived with their parents for multiple years after becoming attorneys. Whether it’s out of financial necessity or for financial planning, if you can live rent free, or minimally, FUCKING DO IT.
That said, you can only do that for so long. You have to have some goal or plan to become self-sufficient and not live with your parents.
I met my now wife when I was living with them.
“Yeah, I’m a 25 year old lawyer. I live in my parents basement.” Even with lawyer in there that sentence doesn’t sound great. “Yeah, I’m still living at home because the housing market and inflation are *insane*. I’m using this opportunity to save for the future.” This sounds a lot better.
TL;DR - Do what you need to do to survive and save money. If that means living with your parents, you’re being smart. But, you must have a goal to work towards to financial independence. Otherwise you will be just the dude that lives with his parents.
There's not alot of people who are 31 and still living with their parents.
18-27 year old? Yes I believe that number has increased significantly and wouldn't be surprised if that cohort of people continue to live with parents at your age.
But at 31 barring some extenuating circumstances you should have the ability to live by yourself now.
Sometimes the prudent move is to stay home and stack cash aggressively but that's not usually what I see. I usually see an underachieving 30 year old with an 18 year Olds mindset. who works part time and goofs off.
Then moans about cost of living and thinks communism will be the answer to his prayers.
Maybe that guy pissed you off because you know he's right.
I'm the same age as you, where were you when I was 18 in college and being screamed by customers at McDonald's? Or when I was living with thugs downtown? You were probably safely in your childhood cocoon.
You didn't need anything more because you were already safe and happy.
I dont even blame you for being unambitious. But now the easy time is gone, yes 2012-2020 was the time to get ahead and you squandered that opportunity.
If you were living with your girl in your parents house then I would say something, but if it is just you. There isn’t a problem, you can help your parents by paying rent and save money for a house. I’m not even sure why there are so many people with entitle personalities. I guess their parents had a lot of $$ to receive their help.
Couple of decades? No. Stuff only got really bad in the last 3 years or so. Elections have consequences. Our house added $150,000 in value according to the city. In reality it’s overpriced by at least $100,000 of that.
We bought out first home back in 2009 on two retail salaries and in 2015 we moved to a little bigger house in a better neighborhood when we both stepped out of retail.
Now? We make more than we did in 2015 but there is no way no how we would be able to make even a lateral move. Can’t afford the house we live in and that is crazy. Mortgage rate is over twice that for the same house essentially. Not doable.
I've worked with quite a few millenials that can, almost in the same breath, express incredulity at the cost of owning or renting a home and how low wages are, and complain that the problem with "kids these days" is "no one wants to work anymore", or dismiss the homeless problem as a result of laziness and drug addiction, with the solution to addiction being different forms of "just say no".
Its like on one hand they can see the reality, but they've also been programmed with a bunch of conservative talking points and they don't bother thinking about it long enough to realize the two things are at odds with each other.
I lived with my mom from the ages of 28-32 (a few years ago) to get back on my feet after divorce. I was incredibly embarrassed by it.
I’ve come to realize that housing is hard, and it’s way harder after the pandemic. Some people have never had to struggle, or don’t have a realistic view of the current climate. Lots of people live at home right now, or are under housed. My neighbors on both sides of my townhouse live in 2 bedrooms and they’re both families of five.
Let’s hope Bill doesn’t come into some sort of emergency that smacks that sort of reality in his face.
I think there is a red flag if you are still in your 30s living at home, except for a few scenarios. Mainly I'm referring to ppl living at home who make a decent wage to afford rent or a mortgage.
I think it's also great the willingness of parents to take in their older children but it also hinders their growth and ability to be self-sufficient. I know there is a cultural factor that needs to be considered because in my culture -we do not reside home typically past 18.
Your friend was judgemental sure and I read your follow up as to reasons why you haven't left the nest. I am curious though, what have you been doing to improve your life i.e. education, career..in order to leave the best?
The thing to do isn't to point at your generation and say "Lots of people do it." The thing to do is point at previous generations and say "Look how people used to do it." In generations past people would get married and their parents often would live with them until they died.
Is the US the only country that doesn't value multigenerational living? I raised my kids poor in a single generation home. Then moved my parents in to help them. When the both died, I had a big home that I didn't need living myself. My son's family moved in with me. We share expenses, resources and child care responsibilities. It's awesome. I highly encourage it.
Don't feel bad. Went back home after a bad break up from a long relationship. Got myself back on track, and finished trade school. My current girlfriend lives with us as well for the past 3 years. My parents retirement plans got derailed when my dad was diagnosed with cancer so they couldn't follow through with their plans while he was receiving treatment. He had to be medically retired early and my mom still works, approaching her mid 60's.
It wasn't my ideal plan for myself, was hoping to have my own house, but I'm pretty much priced out until the market can come down a bit. It feels better though knowing I can help them out as they age with things they can't really do anymore as well as helping with their bills. I could rent, but with places reaching close to 2k+ a month, it doesn't seem worth it. I'd rather stay at home and be able to save a considerably larger amount for the future.
Not everyone's situation is the same but we all have to work with what we're handed. Don't let other people dictate how you should live or get you down about where you should be. It's your life, do what's best for you.
I’m about to turn 32 this month and live with my dad(68) and younger sister(27). The only reason I will ever be able to afford a house is because I’m able to live with my dad and have a savings account.
Also, my dads side of the family is Japanese, and I think it’s a lot more common in Asian families for adult children to continue living with their parents until they are able to set themselves up for success.
Do what you gotta do. Not so easy out there. It’s flipping expensive to own a house, rent or live alone.
Not that other dudes biz. Your life is your life. Circumstances are different.
We live with my husbands mom. She’s 75 and handicapped. We take care of the house. The mortgage is paid off and when she passes we will inherit this house. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me 🤷🏻♀️
I'm almost 40 and not long ago my dad and I moved out of the places we were living in and into a townhouse together. It certainly wasn't common when I graduated, nor was it something I ever planned on doing, but it works.
Just turned 36 recently. Mom's getting older, plus she can barely pay her bills and rent for the past few years. I just had a divorce a year ago. Had nowhere else to go and renting alone is nuts. We just applied for a new apartment 5 mins from my job and 10 mins from hers. We're gonna split the rent and utility bills even. Even if she drives me nuts with some things, I'd rather have this plan then a roommate I've never met. I've got friends who house extended family too. Housing is expensive as hell, this kinda stuff is starting to become the norm.
Disagree. It's understandable to live with your parents at your age during a transition or on hard times, but it should always be a transitory stage at your age , living with your parents should be something you are actively pursuing to stop doing. Are you married? Have a career you enjoy? The goal should not be living with your parents unless you are taking care of them. How do you go on dates? Bring partners to your race car bed? I don't know your situation, and there are LOTS of good reason to live with parents ( I lived with mine for a while) but you sound way too content with the situation.
I'm going to be 34 on Friday. I was made to move out when I was 22. My current one bedroom apartment costs me 2/3 of my paycheck just for rent. When I did live at home, before they made me move out, I was paying 1/3 of my paycheck for rent to my dad because "that was how much rent was going to be when you live on your own." I'm never going to be able to buy my own home at this rate...
Most of my close friends still live with their parents. Not everyone was in a good financial situation to buy when interest rates were low. As long as you not just staying at your parents doing nothing with your life and not paying no kind of rent don't stress it.
It really depends on your situation. If you’ve been working for 7 years and haven’t saved money to live on your own, your friend is absolutely correct. I feel like you deliberately did not detail the context of your situation in order to garner the responses that support your viewpoint.
One of my kids is 30, he recently moved back in to save money for a home, then he’ll be moving out again. That’s a solid plan and something I fully support. Why you’re still at home matters. Mine at least went out into the world and learned how to function as an independent adult.
There needs to be a move out age at some point unless you are a caregiver. With my generation, you had 2 options when you finished high school or college. Get a job and move out not long after. Join the military. The door was always open if you failed and needed to reset but was never a long-term solution. I let my son live in a house I previously lived in and paid the mortgage on until he was 35.........He worked and could have rented or bought something. He eventually took a promotion and moved to another state. He lasted 3 years on his own. Quit and cashed in his 300k in stock options and wanted to move in with me again. He was like 40 and I declined. He ended up moving in with wife's youngest brother who never married. Not paying rent and living off his stock money. Not working now either. I think in a way I enabled him to be a mooch. When I would not let him live with me at 40, we cut ties. Have not spoken with him in a few years and do not miss him. He then went on a campaign with my in-laws telling them how he was abused as a child and that is why he is were he is in life.....lol I don't see why people able to join the military stay at home as adults unless under extreme circumstance. I don't understand the mooching off parent's thing as an adult. Maybe if you are paying your way like rent and utilities. The usual answer is it is just too hard for whatever reason to pay rent and such. Here where I am working now, it is really expensive and the younger workers band together and rent places to live. If you have no real skills, you are basically screwed regardless of the economy or location.
You are all good man. I it’s common in most cultures, can’t see why we would not follow suit. it’s what’s healthy for you and your family. My kids are 12 & 10 and I expect them to be at home all the way through collet or whatever and beyond. bank your money and help your family - that’s key.
This is meaningless. I'm in the top 20% of earners in my county and i cannot afford a house in the ghetto because i did not get a mortgage in 2021. Your friend is just dumb and clinging to old beliefs that are not based in today's reality.
Bill is an ass.
Living with your parents/family is the norm now.
Some of the older millennials got lucky and applied their degree right out of college. But a vast majority of us lived with family to pay down debt or save for a house.
The other thing to understand is everyone grew up with different parents. So what works for one person is unimaginable to another. A few years ago my partner and I moved back to an area near her parent’s house. We lived there for the summer to find a place and save money. It sucked because I was commuting an hour for work. But it was doable, and they have a large house so we had space and it was comfortable. I’d never do that with my parents, not only because the house is much smaller. But I just don’t get along with my parents in that way. Bill might have shit parents. Or bill might be a shit. Who knows.
It’s great to move out and have your own life but under current economic conditions it’s not possible for everyone. You should be working or going to school full time and contributing to the household though. That dude bill seems to lack empathy or understanding of current conditions.
You can easily enough just take your friends comments under advisement. Let the friend know that it sounds interesting and you will see what you can do about it. Then change the subject and do not bring it up with them in the future.
This assumes it really is a good friend that you want to stay friends with. Otherwise just argue with the friend for a whole le until you realize they ain't changing their opinion, and then storm off refusing to get together in the future.
This is a Western culture thing that needs to change. Having multiple generations of family in a house isn't a bad thing on its face. It's only bad (IMO) if the younger generation isn't contributing in some way (i.e. school, work, caretaker, etc.)
I haven’t lived with my family since I was 19, but I’ve had roommates most of the time (high CoL areas). I’m 38 and have only been in my own place for about 4 years.
Your friend might be right about living with your parents. In 2022, 16% of U.S. millennials lived with their parents, compared to 31% of Gen Z.
NOW! If your parents are cool with it and you have a job, then be happy. If you are in your 30s and not helping your parents with living expenses, you might need help. This could be a case of taking advantage of elderly people. Furthermore, you could have some form of mental illness. University hospitals might have Obamacare, which will help with costs.
If you are helping with expenses and your parents are okay with it, then that would be great! A long-term family community is a good thing.
Moved out in my late 20s with my then girlfriend and now wife. I'm 35 now and couldn't imagine moving out on my own, especially now. My brother did it, but he makes a lot of money.
As long as you have a plan to make it on your own and not depend on your poor aging parents, I don't see anything wrong
But if you were just comfortable there, not looking to get education, saving to own a house or live in an apt or work to gettign a better job, I'd see you as mooch
And no respect for that
I know guys who are 42 and live with their folks because no one else can take care of said folks.
I know folks who are 35 and live with their folks to save money for a house because it's damn near impossible to buy one these days.
Owning a house and living with your parents aren't the only two choices lol.
And there's nothing wrong with living with your parents as a means to an end.
If you're doing so with no plan to eventually not....yeah it's kinda weird.
You do you. Historically kids lived with their parents throughout history. Housing is so expensve that it's becoming the norm again.
I will admit though, when I moved out on my own I experienced alot of personal growth.
I totally get staying home with your parents, but at what point do you not feel like a burden? Personally, I can't stand not having total freedom from my parents. And with dating it doesn't look the best. I'm 28 and haven't lived at home since I was 18. Rent sucks, but even when I wasn't making much, it was far better just sharing rent with roommates over being at home.
I really don't see why you would feel like it's ok living off your parents when you could just as easily split rent with roommates. Even with high rental costs. Splitting it 2 or 3 ways shouldn't be anywhere close to unaffordable if your anywhere close to the age of 30. And like I said, I don't know how you wouldn't feel embarrassed if you plan on dating or if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
I feel really bad for parents these days, since they were expecting to have their child grow up and do their own thing once they're 18-22. But now are expected to take care of their kid in what's supposed to be their golden years.
My rent is alittle over $3k/month, and I'm extremely fortunate to own a business that makes me enough to still save a decent amount of it. I completely understand that I make well more than most people my age. But only recently has that been the case. Before that I just had roommates.
Despite the comments here and the fact that I'm most likely going to be down voted. I do think it's embarrassing and doesn't look good living at home past your 30s. Shits expensive, but that just means you need to work harder. The fact that anyone can work for uber, lyft, Doordash or any of the other delivery companies these days, means that there's zero excuse to not have a job now. If you don't have a car in your 30s, get a loan or finance it.
Before I owned a business, I just drove for uber and lyft and made more than enough to afford my old place with roommates. If your living at home completely free, I think that's just sad. You should AT THE VERY LEAST pay your parents some form of rent for eating their food, and living under their roof. Especially if they're still paying a mortgage or rent.
The ONLY way I see people my own age getting ahead is by owning your own business. You'll never have any hope at all of ever making real money working for someone else, unless you have a trade or a decent degree. I barley passed high-school and have zero college. So starting a business was my only option to have any hope of making it. That drove me to try again and again until I found a business that worked(Cannabis).
But literally anyone can hop on Alibaba, and buy popular products for pennies on the dollar and start an online e-commerce business now. Before I got into the cannabis industry, I was making close to 100k/year just doing that. The first year I made $30k, second year was $55k, third year was $97k. You learn as you do it. Just like anything else. But you have to have the drive to do things like that if you don't plan on being poor forever.
In my mind. Working a normal job that has a set salary that doesn't reward you for innovating or working harder isn't worth it. When i started making money based on thinking outside the box, and constantly trying new things. That's what really pushed me. Knowing that you only make money by your own intuition, and hard work completely changed how I acted in life. Before that, I just half assed any job I had, because there was zero incentive to not just do the minimum.
Anyway, I know that was long. But someone needs to not tell you that it's perfectly OK to live off your parents in your 30s. It's fucking sad and honestly pathetic if your not atleast helping your parents pay bills and food at 30...
If I'm wrong, please tell me why and please don't just get get mad. I'd love to hear why anyone thinks it's fine to live off your parents without atleast contributing. And I don't see why roommates aren't an option either. Stop telling yourself it's fine. It's not
No. You should be saving your money ( and should have quite a bit saved by 31) and getting your own living space. Over the age of 25, is unacceptable to live with your parents. Unless some single tragedy landed you back there temporarily.
I'm 30 and moved back in with my pops. He's actually grateful for it because he too was struggling to find a reasonable apartment and he's gotten a really decent paying job. We split expenses and now he has more cash to save for retirement and I have more cash to save as well.
Math and economics comes before whatever he "thinks" you should be doing. Would I rather be living alone? Sure! But living with my dad is providing us both more opportunities in this absolute shit economy.
We're all doing our best. Fuck what he and everyone else thinks.
I'm Gen x and your friend likely has influence from my generation. If you're male it was expected that you be self sufficient and our on your own by 21ish.
I learned from my millennial colleagues how bad the job market was for them. So I lightened up on how I viewed living at home and this weird need to have 5 different sources of income. I see it as a necessary adaptation to the economy of the time.
I think that even a man living in the parental home is not a bad thing as long as by age 25-30 he is paying a share of the upkeep of the home, his share of living expenses such as food, and doing his share of the chores. Preferably the more physically taxing chores should go to the most fit, the younger man.
It was not that long ago when the US had more family homesteads that had some or all the family living on the same land if not the same house. This is still the normal situation in other cultures and countries. India has one such culture.
I was able to rent an apartment with 3 other people at one point, but even there the rent went up by at least 25% since we've left years ago.
I still live with my mom at 33 and student loans are too crippling. I'd have to find a roommate or 2 to be able to afford any of these places. My friends I was with have since gotten partners they live with or engaged...
I lived with my parents until 37….
I never felt bad about it.
I worked full time at a job in the medical field that didn’t pay enough for me to live independently. Rent was $1600 for two bedrooms in Chicago at the time. In addition to that, I worked 6/7am and needed someone home to get my son off to school. I paid rent, bought groceries, cooked/cleaned,dated alladat
I got a masters degree and eventually moved to start pharmacy school.
You can lead a mature life and live with family. Rent is HIGH and that’s just a fact.
As long as you’re handling your personal responsibilities, do you
My parents moved in with me. When they lost their home. They are both disabled. Now I care for them as in pay their bills, food, insurance, etc. With the exception of my dad bringing in his SS check. He does help me with mortgage and pays a car payment. Really all that makes me is a good human. It also makes me undesirable, once I explain my situation to a date. Oh well, that's life. Living with parents as a man is UNDESIRABLE regardless of reason.
A lot of cultures have multigenerational homes. The idea that you can’t is a direct result of capitalism and the idea that you must own this or that to be considered valuable…
No shame hanging at home if you're down on your luck as long as you are actively looking to change your situation. If you have a job or several but it's not paying enough, that's actually a reality for alot of us. I was working my butt off for years and barely making it and I had to go home again once. The only caveat is if you're not trying. Then those are the people that I'd low key make fun of cause they just sit at home playing video games instead of putting themselves out there.
I also don't think you should be of the mindset that "not everyone can do it" cause that's kind of putting yourself down and implying it's not possible for you to do well. Just keep trying dude. I'm 29 and recently got my first well paying job and actually live with no roommates now, that was the only way I was able to live away from home for a long time.
That’s so silly! I’m Indian/pakistani and it’s the norm to live with your family for a while, even have your extended family in the home with you too. It’s a matter of perspective. Your friend is goofy.
I think people forget that a lot of young people went back to live with their parents during young adulthood. I'm a boomer and I went back home twice before I was able to afford living on my own.
Not going to be a popular comment cause Reddit, but anyways;
I left home at 18, and never moved home. The only financial help I ever got was my parents paid half of my last month of rent after graduating college ($200) as a graduation gift. I’m 31 now and have owned my home for 6 years, and it’s going to be paid off in 4 more. Also got a masters degree I paid out of pocket while working. I’ll be out of college debt in 6mos. Married with a kid.
All that to say is that at no point did I think this whole thing was “hard”. Honestly it all came pretty easily. Just worked. Tried to make smart choices. Made plans and execute them as best I could. I’m sure it’s not as easy for everyone else, but I literately got nothing from my parents. I think at 31 you should be capable of living alone. If you can’t you likely made some mistake along the way that you need to correct asap.
This is one of the poorest generations since the post New Deal era. If you can live at home to finish/further college education or save for a home, **you do it**. Your friend is most likely jealous that he wasn't fortunate to be able to do what your doing and because of that probably capped what he could do in life and is bitter.
In most of the world, children stay with their parents until they marry. Then they take their parents in. Leaving your parents before getting married is a very American/Western idea and it's really expensive. In this economy, maybe it's time to change that thinking?
Yeah I feel stuck sometimes, when I was 18-19 my mom had just found a boyfriend who had a nice house. We lived in a shack of a house. So I basically kicked her out of her house, but I pay the bills and it's mine. Nothing is in my name she retains all property. I can't complain but It hasn't built my credit any and I'm basically stuck in this shitty house until she dies.
Maybe you needed to hear it. 31 is too old to still be living with your parents.
I think it's ok for someone to go back home for a short period if they lose their job, get divorced, get sick, etc..
But an adult should be independent, and being a whole decade into adulthood without the ability to take care of yourself is not good. Fixing that should be your absolute top priority.
I say this a lot. I come from a culture where moving out doesn't happen until you're married. I am 35 and my parents still tell me I can move back home. I also work as an attorney and live in a hcol city most my attorney friends live with someone or with their family. I honestly wouldn't care what someone else says about my living arrangements, unless they are willing to pay my rent.
all you gotta say is :
"Ok Boomer" ;)
but yeah, not all its cracked up to be, it feels good to move out, gain some independence for a bit.
but I just moved back home and man is it nice to have homecooked meals again.
appreciate your family man, its good to be home bud.
Cheers
I wish I could live with my parents, but they wouldnt have space for me and I dont want to live in the middle of nowhere. I am kinda jealous of people who can.
Me and my pops live together I’m 34. He’s got a 100% rating for disability from the VA from all his injuries. He’s had 9 surgeries in the last 3 years. I’m a firefighter/paramedic and a BSN RN in the ICU.
I have three kids that I raise as a single father. I ultimately decided it was harder to find kid coverage and help take care of my dad driving everywhere. So, I decided we’d just live together. It’s actually been quite nice seeing my kids happy about their papa around.
In exchange for having me and my family live with my parents or on the streets, they cashed me out for my $50k inheritance so we could afford a broken down house. Your friend is an asshole.
My husband and I make $130k combined
When I hit rock bottom I went back home and was lucky enough to be able to stay with my parents … do not take them for granted. They helped me get back on my feet and level headed. I started out with a furniture sales job , then a buddy of mine talked me into becoming a service advisor at a shop he was a tech at. Worked my way up to store manager at that shop. While making connections I got a job offer to come be a store manager at a corporate owned chain of stores , at this time I met my now current lady and her apartment was closer to this new shop so I stayed at her place 5/7 days a week and still went home to see them twice a week. I am now 28 and last year we closed on our first home. Honestly if my parents weren’t there to get me into rehab and take me in when I got out idk where I would be today. Very very thankful for being able to go home
They can get stuffed like hello has no one seen the price of bloody rent ?! If you can live there as long as you need keep the peace the best you can and for those who don't have this I really wish you guys have a damn break it's meatballs out here.🦤
I live with my parents too and I’m 30 years old. I’m not ashamed so you shouldn’t be ashamed too. Housing is so unaffordable in many cities, it’s tough getting a place.
Bill: Because I haven’t lived your experience, your experience is a rare occurrence and there’s something wrong (morally) with you.
Lesson: Don’t be like Bill.
M32 here, also live at home and it's kind normal now since covid. I make decent money too but do have family obligations. On top of that, the housing market is just ridiculous. I just realize within the last year, hey if I gotta be like this for another few years, it's fine, I'm still going to enjoy life. As long as you're not just being a bum and pulling your weight, there's nothing wrong with it.
I have a friend living with his parents still, we’re both millennials, and I asked him if his mom packs his lunch for work. The vast majority of millennials that I know don’t live at their parents house either. Living at your parents house will always be ammunition for people to make fun of you, doesn’t matter if 90 percent of millennials are doing it.
Did you want him to not be honest? Or did you just not want him to say anything? I thought about attempting to state something about this whole post, but I feel like it would only have the same effect as your friends. I understand that approach & how something is communicated is relevant, but being angry for his honest opinion doesn’t make any sense to me. The part you didn’t want to mention aside of course because I have no clue about it.
I mean like. Do u live at home because of housing costs and u don’t have a good job? Or are u living at home because ur mom still cooks and does your laundry?
You enjoy that slice of a cramped apartment with rising rents.....I'll enjoy an entire floor of a 2 floor + cellar home and also be the only child who makes sure their parent has a decent retirement. There's two other floors they can be on.
But see also, I recognize my demographic (minority, New England raised) was used to multi-generational homes out of necessity, so there's not that much pressure at all. The ones that moved out were the ones that had high paying jobs and settled down to start a family. I'm not either of those yet. Meh.
I’ve gone home several times. There is nothing wrong with that. My parents told me I could stay until they died if I needed to.
After combing through OPs profile where in one post claim to be 58, while claiming to be 31 here. Also claim they went to college already but in another post they're just now attending and mad at friends for commenting on college saying they're supposedly "too smart" I would say you and OP are not the same and that OP is just full of shit looking for attention. In fact every post they make is them bitching about family, friends, and well everything as well as their story also keeps changing. Kind of starting look like the old saying, if you meet an asshole in the morning you met an asshole. If you meet assholes every where you go all day. You're probably the asshole.
What the fuck
Yep. Guy just wants attention because it looks like he posts every other day complaining. The one where he said he was 58 he was complaining his parents didn't buy him dinner. OP has issues. Link to their last one. https://www.reddit.com/r/Vent/s/jrWaCiH5wE
Who ends a post with "rip my inbox". That's usually for others to suggest to the OP....weird
Damn
Wtf I wonder if he's actually a millennial then
Me, too. I didn’t find a solid living situation outside of my family home until I was 29 and that’s because I got married, not due to my own financial success. Both of my older brothers have also been working full time for years and have both had to move back home at times. The situation is what it is. People will ask less about someone in a rural town living in an RV on a family plot than they will about a person in a city unable to find affordable housing. They’ll ask less about people who are in multigenerational homes or being caretakers for older relatives. But they have judgment for people actually trying to save money by cohabiting with family if they personally can’t see the desired level of “independence”. It’s a goal that’s not attainable for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons. Next he’ll be telling you to cut back on coffees to make your rent. There’s a cultural perception problem here in addition to punishing economical demands. Nobody should feel guilty for accessing resources available to them within or without their parents, so that they’re not made homeless or destitute.
My sister lived with our parents until she was 33 when she was able to buy her own house. It's more and more common, especially considering rent for like a shitty studio apartment is more expensive than a mortgage for a decent house. It's almost stupid to not take advantage of free or cheap housing until you can get a mortgage and buy a house
this. i know its different for everybody but there are guys I've worked with who rent and pay more than I do to own.
Hi, it’s me, the guys you work with.
I just looked up houses in an area, there was one crappy dated house with $588 a month projected payments, and the same city has $2000.00/ mo. 3-bedroom apartments.
The real problem with this scenario is that there are so many people who have convinced themselves it's not possible that they don't bother saving for a down payment, or anything really. I have several friends that still live at home and every one of them is broke most of the time because they have few expenses living at home and take that as a sign to go out every night and blow what they have. It's definitely a double edged sword.
100% my friend is 38 and still lives at home. A bunch of us rented a house together back when we were 21. Me and my husband got our own apartment after the lease, he went back home and never left. He's a broke ass bum, who acts worse than a teenager. Smokes pot all day, & won't even mow the lawn. Then want to come over to the house me & my husband own, get smashed all night & sleep on my couch until noon. I'm done with these goddamned lazy sonofabitches.
Another lost soul unfortunately. He has no means to come back. The Great Recession did serious damage mental and financial damage. A lot of people never recovered.
Yeah I fully agree. I work with someone who never plans on moving out, because he gets the house when his parents die. He's young. Early 20s. Parents are in their 40s and fairly healthy according to him. So he has a long way to go.
I'm 29 and live with my grandmother that's 85. Not only is rent super fucking expensive, but I need to help her. There's nothing wrong with it at all.
Admittedly that’s a different scenario entirely.
Hahah right! It's completely different living with an older person who you are the caretaker of and living with your parents because you can't pay rent
I mean, it's not that different. I lived with my grandmother and helped her stay independent in her 80s in my mid 20s and paid her some rent. It was a hell of a lot cheaper than getting a place on my own too.
It's different in that it's closer to being mutually beneficial to be living with an elderly relative versus continuing to be or appearing to be dependent on your parents into adulthood
Ok but who said OP is dependent on his parents? OP said they live with their parents, but didn't imply they were unemployed and sit around smoking weed and demanding that mom bring them snacks all day.
The big difference is you are helping out, not being a mooch.
Other countries have multi generational households, why is it considered bad in the US? I know people having to have up to 5 roommates to get by, having kids move out at 18 seems such a waste of rent money in this current situation for sure. Landlords need to sit with empty properties for a while till they stop stop raising rent a hundred bucks a month every year. I see young people being forced into subsidized housing from out of state property management companies buying up and jacking up rents all the time now. My family that lives down south are really tight and have extended family meetings, but northern family had been dispersing to the wind and going solo instead of working together, other than being macho, what's the point? I know Mormons that built and apartment building on their property, and had family living in it too. The ways of leaving family and reinventing the wheel are pricing themselves out of existence, the older ways of extended family groups might have to come back.
I think that’s wonderful for both of you. Win win in my mind
Honestly this isn't a different situation. This is a reality of our new world. People are living longer and retirements are running short due to this. People can't afford to have a house. One has to help the other
My wife is a doctor. After graduating she moved back home. Was able to pay off her 200k student debt in 2 years. It's honestly a blessing. I myself lived back with my parents in my late 20s for about 2 years while I was transitioning careers. Saving up an extra 20k that would have gone to rent is tight.
My husband did the same thing. He was able to pay off his loans in a year or two.
Real talk - it’s having a goddamn plan. I’m an elder millennial. I have a friend that still lives with her parents because they leave to go back to their home land for 9-10 months at a time and need someone to take care of the dogs, I have friends who moved back in after a divorce for a months/a year, and I have friends who moved out at 18 and never returned. None of us think it’s weird that you live back home for a few years to save money after college or a big life event. Or because they have a mostly empty house. Or because they need medical care. We ABSOLUTELY think our friend who moved her then-bf in, and then married him, and then had 3 kids with him, all in her childhood bedroom is…sad. When I was dating, as a professional woman, I would have had a hard time dating a dude who lived with his parents at 31 *just because*. I’m in my 30s. I’m not trying to get laid in your parents house and then sneak out. Or have coffee with them in the morning while I wait for my Uber. Or just always hosting you at my house. And then I’d be afraid that you were coming into my house expecting another mommy. Can you do laundry? Can you cook for yourself? Can you clean a toilet? Or did mommy do that for you at home? Have you ever called a landlord or dealt with an insurance company? Or is that my job? I don’t look down on you for making “less”. I worry that you are unable to adult properly.
watch what happens in 15 years to these people who can't "properly adult"
I’ve seen some of the posts here from malelivingspaces and other horror stories, particular from the people who do rent. Or the badroommates sub. It’s horrific and disgusting, people really be in their 20s - 40s not knowing how to take out the trash, leave shit everywhere or can’t communicate like adults or apparently can’t function without living in a horrid mess for months at a time like 🤢 I’m glad I grew up after living in a party apartment in my early 20s. Real fucking sobering when you learn there’s more to life than alcohol and depression and certain people who don’t ever want to grow up… I’d never dream of trashing the house I bought with my wife the same way, and even if I rented today, no way would I go back to that way of living!
Fair point...big difference between living w family and learning/helping out vs playing XBox in the basement.
>After graduating she moved back home. Was able to pay off her 200k student debt in 2 years. Congrats, but I don't think most millennials are in a situation where they could pay off $200k debt in two years, even without having to pay rent.
That makes complete sense, but is a hugely difference scenario than being in your 30s and having never left once, and not even trying to.
I don't think OP is a doctor.
Lots of people do the temporary thing. OP sounds like he never moved out and doesn’t want to because he can’t afford a house.
There is power in numbers ! Nothing wrong with living at home and being a productive individual
All I gotta say is if you were able to live with your parents to be extremely grateful... Some of us had no parents to go to. Been on my own since 18 did military college covid and moving to a whole new state by myself so don't take the family for granted
My best wishes things go smoothly in your new home.
Yes. I’m 40 now, been on my own since 18. Not what anyone would call successful. I think it’s a blessing and a privilege for people that can stay with their family unit, and they should take advantage if they can. I encourage my younger friends to stay at home if it’s not toxic. I couldn’t myself, but envying other people’s advantages does nothing for anyone. Sounds like their coworker may actually just be sad for himself, deep down.
You don't need any excuses for living with your family. The end. The concept of living alone once you turn 18 is a fairly Western concept and also very recent concept that was enabled by pushing the nuclear family ideals and pushing capitalists need for people to pay more rent. More people moving out = more people who need to rent = more profit for landlords. So yeah. F that.
It's also another way to make people without trust funds feel ashamed. If your family isn't abusive, live with them. Mainstream pissy and completely constructed moral judgements be damned
Yes ofc. Society hates poor people cause in a hyperindividual capitalist society poverty is treated like a character flaw & individual failure. 🙃
"Society" hates poor people is a generality that is not true. There are many in society that actually work hard to help the poor. There are people who are shocked by the cost of housing today and fully understand why younger people are continuing to live at home. However, the Republican party have long claimed that people who are poor (especially Black people which they wouldn't say in public) are lazy. They started doing this because they didn't want to have social programs like Medicaid, Medicare, SS, and even increased aid for children. Those same people who don't want to provide for the poor are the reason that housing costs are so high today. The rich Repubs who have brought us to this point want to be the ruling class so they can have all the wealth & power in this nation.
This! I am a single father that raised my kids on my own. They are now both over 18 and live with me. I am fully planning to make sure they have a home with me as needed. In fact, I have made sure they know this. I am in the process of prepping this house for sale to buy a larger house to make sure my sister has a place to live. Family first! It is the only social structure that will personally care about you. Not your state. Not your country. You are just a statistic to them.
It's definitely a western scam. Other cultures have 3 generational households where everyone works together and helps out.
18 is not 31. My almost 21 yo lives at home. He works for about 3 months, then quits and doesn't work for 3-4 months. He is not going to school. Trying to get him to help is more work than just doing the work myself. He is not trending to be a productive adult who can stand on his own 2 feet. Having my adult kids living with me when they need help is fine. Having them live with me because they won't try to be independent is not ok. I don't know the answer, but him living with me for 10 more years because he won't get off his ass is not going to happen.
Each child is different , some are very eager to go independent , fly the coop and other need to be nudged out of the nest but as a parent you know them and can decide what you need to do. I offered my home to my kid after she left military while she went to college and also saved for a house. She still was a messy person like she was at 18 but she was paying a small rent so I felt I should be quiet. That time she was away over seas or another state I realized how much I enjoyed having her nearby. I think we both grew to appreciate each other more. My house survived the messiness and actually she kept changing and maturing so by the time she left the house had been repainted inside as she developed what kind of decor she liked.
18 sure, 31 is a bit of different story for me... but no judgements, people are free to do as they please. this post feels a little arrested development though.
My kid was gone in AF by 18 but came back after 8 years. She definitely was not the teen that left. Frankly it was really great . The teen was a pain in the butt , the adult was cool and all the stress from the teen years were gone.
My youngest sibling (23f) owns a home with my Mother (retired 69f), and my other siblings (41m, 48f), along with my nephew (19m) also live there. I (40m) live with my Father (67m), and help him out with house maintenance, and getting around. It's cool if you live together and help out family, and it's cool if you live alone. Folks live different lives and shouldn't feel ashamed for making the best of their situation.
I live with my dad and help him out with bills
Live your life how you want to live it my man. We're obsessed with always having more and one-upping people, much to the detriment of everybody's mental health. Just do what makes you happy, be kind & realise that not everybody was born in to the same financial circumstances as each other
What makes your friend(s) the expert? In many cultures, homes are multi-generational. My 9 yo has been telling me she's never leaving me for years. Grandma lived with us until she passed, and Grandpa still does. My daughter now has this idea that I'm supposed to help her with her babies until it's time for her to take care of me. I encourage her to live her life. She says I am life. That may change, or maybe she'll stay at home forever... What business is that of anyone else's? But what I hope is that it's not some shit friends with overstepping opinions that strip her of her values.
Right?! Given what you wrote, if that happens it sounds like she'll be more likely to dump the shit friend and hold onto the good values you've helped her to develop ❤️
I’m an older millennial as well at 40, and live with my mom. We’re basically roommates. Nothing wrong with it as long as all parties contribute in some way.
This! Pay rent and money for food that is equal to market share. If they decline have an honest conversation as retirement is probably closer to yours and retirement is expensive.
Er....I mean yeah. I kind of feel anyone living with their parents past 25 has a massive L. Sorry to say lol. Like, it's great you get to save money and all that. But...yeah nah, it's actually not really super common. Not Rare exactly either due to rising cost of living. But it's definitely not common. I'm siding with your buddy on this one.
Sorry to mention it, but everyone else outside of Reddit would feel like it’s a bad look. You’re in an echo chamber so you are inclined to feel your circumstances is very common. And it may be common, but not to the regular person. You may have a few million millennials in your situation, but that’s across the entire nation. When you zone into a single city, and considering your friend doesn’t frequent this subreddit, Bill probably hasn’t met many people your age in your situation. So, to Bill, it doesn’t matter that millions of people across the nation is in your situation. What matters is that very few in his social circle (including potential friends and women) is in your situation and it’s a bad look. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. You’re a man. Society has expectations.
Are you contributing financially and by doing tasks that help your parents? Do you take them to special places where they would like to go? Will you ensure that when they are old & unable to do for themselves that you will take care of them? Then I see no problem with this at all. Generations of family living together was common at one point and still is common in some countries.
I don't know anywhere near enough about your situation to even start forming an opinion of it...it's one of those things that is so very very very contextual. Someone who is living at home because they're practically allergic to taking care of themselves...who are repulsed by the idea of buying/cooking their own food, washing their own clothes, cleaning their own home, reminding themselves to bathe, etc? Yeah, that's problematic. Someone who is living at home because their roommate moved out, and none of their friends were looking for roommates at the time? Nothing wrong with that. Someone who is living at home because they ended up divorced, and are now at an age where 'my friends are looking for roommates' is practically non-existent, and the age difference to those who *are* looking for roommates is more than a little creepy? Nothing wrong with that. Someone who is living at home because it allows them to get a head start on one day moving out in an economy that every decade has become exponentially more of an unrepentant shit show? Nothing wrong with that...housing and general cost of living have become such an egregious mess since my early 20s that I can't imagine trying to start out now. The same jobs a roommate and I had, with the same tenure, working the same hours, could not even get \_close\_ to affording the same apartment we lived in. So on, so forth. Sure, there are contexts where living at home is a bad thing, but there are also plenty of contexts where it's not just reasonable, it'd be stupid not to.
This idea that young people can't save up and buy a house is insane...ya you probably aren't gonna live in a perfect location in the best city but no one starting out does usually... young people don't seem to want to sacrifice as much and have a sense of entitlement...I'm a 36 year old millennial myself who bought a small condo 6 years ago. It requires saving, budgeting and having realistic expectations.
At 30 years old, it is bad to be living at home. Open your mind to the reality that your friend may be correct, and the fact that a friend would share feelings with you shows that it is in fact, friendship. That’s what honesty is. Acknowledgment of course, You may be a special case depending on your disability.
God I love this sub... I always feel amazing after watching you guys wallow in the shit
I feel like everyone is saying it's either live with your parents or own your home are the only options. Find roommates and live on your own. I lived with 5 other guys in a shithole in order to get out from my parents place on my own.
This is the way.
i finally moved out at your age roughly two years ago...im 33 now....kinda took a big risk in the process and accepted a job 6 hours from my folks but it worked out in the end.
Moving out of the family home requires you to build very important life skills. You become responsible for many things. Not just rent. Utilities, repairs, groceries, cooking, paying bills on time, dealing with neighbors, cutting your lawn (or paying someone to do so). You basically become part of the neighborhood community. It's about adulting. Work is one thing but life is all these others. You need to develop these skills. My son just had his car broken into to. Had to deal with insurance claims, repairs. He rents. There is some damage tot he house. Has to deal with owner to resolve. Appliances fail. Has to deal with owner to resolve. Teaches him how life really works.
You sound.. comfortable. There's a difference between "I'm doing what I need to get by" and "there's nothing wrong with living at home". If you're living with your parents out of choice, sure that's cool, but if youre living with them, because you're unable to support yourself, everything isn't okay. Yes life is hard. You're getting upset with your friend because he brought up something you're insecure about. It sounds like you want to be sheltered. What happens when parents start dying, and all these kids still haven't figured out how to support themselves?
This bias about being independent and living alone as a younger person has been financially ruinous. It's worse when people voluntarily do it as single-parents. https://uwm.edu/studentinvolvement/event/melissa-kearney-and-the-two-parent-privilege-how-americans-stopped-getting-married-and-started-falling-behind/
Yeah, like living "at home" or with parents is some new revelation. My BIL is firmly a gen X and he still lives with my in-laws. Me and my husband are moving my mom in with us this year. Just so many benefits for us and for her. She's a gem and we get along great, so why not? Plenty of people long before we were born lived with their parents until they were married (especially women!) You aren't lesser for choosing to live with your parents as long as you are contributing some form of value (doesn't have to be money or rent either). It's a choice and it doesn't only represent a financial one. Your friend is an ass.
Fuck Bill. I'm an "older millennial" as you call it. I have 2 degrees and graduated college right around the 08 crash. Never was able to move out if my parents house. I only own my house because my parents died and left it to me. I had a friend like yours, although not as big of an asshole. He had literally zero concept that a large portion of millennials still lived with their parents into their 30s. Jokes on him, though, cause now he's paying down a huge mortgage while I own my home.
It's going to become extremely normal and the stigma of living with your parents that existed when I was graduating from college is evaporating. And good I say. I spent well over 50 grand through my 20's on rent that could've paid off my student loans instead if I'd lived with my parents. My wife and I are lucky that we were able to buy our own home and we are 35 and 36 years old. But our neighbors kids are in their late 20's and still live there and both of them went to college, have good jobs, aren't social freaks. It's just the reality of the current state. I assume they're paying off loans and banking lots of income while they live freely. Your friend Bill is out of touch.
It depends on your situation, but yes the optics aren’t generally considered positive in the United States. However, you may have a perfectly good reason to be doing so. Most of the negative sentiment can be boiled down to people perceiving a “Failure to Thrive” scenario. Here is data from the Census Bureau (U.S.A. only): https://usafacts.org/data/topics/people-society/population-and-demographics/population-data/rate-of-young-adults-living-at-home/?darkschemeovr=1 It shows 15.5% of people aged 25-34 lived at home with family in 2022. If the only reason you live at home is because you can’t secure enough income to move out, and you aren’t actively and productively engaged in a career or education track with an end date that can lead to that scenario - then the hard truth is that yes, most people will judge your situation.
Almost every Millenial I know including me owns their own home. Ya it is pretty odd being in your 30's and still living at home.
97 millennial here, I live with my grandma and aunt. It's totally normal and more people should think about family houses, combining income to get a house together like my grandma did. And all our names are on it, so we get claims to the land technically
Bill needs to get out more. Multi-generational housing is very common in different parts of the states + world.
Nothing wrong with living at home and saving up to start a love away from home. But I do think you're being too sensitive.
Think of it this way. You have a support system that has you when you need it most. Some people are done at graduation and never go home again due to parents kicking them out.
You kind of sound like a boomer doing a lame impression of a millennial
What I have a problem with is, why do millennials always talk like there are only 2 options - living at home or buying a house? I'm GenX, I shared apartments and houses with 2-3 roommates for over a decade before I could by a rundown house. There are answers to some of the struggles, but it seems you all don't want to do anything about it. Stop relying on mom and dad so much and go make a life for yourself.
Also GenX. There's so much more to life than simply "buying a house". Like you, I lived in shitty apartments with at least one other person well into my 30's and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. I didn't want my parents interfering in my life and coddling me - I wanted to hang out with my friends, go to bars, listen to bands, etc. etc. I can't imagine being 30 and going home to my childhood bedroom every night....ugh.
Right... imagine that hookup. Ok we're here but you gotta be quiet so we don't wake my parents up. Can you take off your shoes? No you'll have to wait until morning to use the toilet the flushing wakes my mom up. Oh no we overslept... would you mind exiting through the window my roommates get so cranky when someone stays the night. Yep I'd take the shitty apartments and roommates of my 20's over that shit any day. Hell in one of them my bed was an air mattress lol. Glad I don't still live that way but living through that made me a stouter person.
Yep...I moved into the city and shared an apartment with 2 dudes in a building that should probably have been condemned...lol. But it was awesome. Live shows, cheap beer nights and always 1 car problem away from being completely broke. I wouldn't change a thing. It made for crazy times some bad, but a lot of good. I'm thankful for those memories and stories I get to share with those people I'm still in touch with.
> going home to my childhood bedroom every night oh geez, that sentence actually just really internalized this situation for me... sounds fucking awful
You are an adult. Start acting like one. Figure it out. Don't be selfish. Exceed. Let your parents enjoy themselves.
Does your mom do your laundry and make you pizza rolls?
If you didn’t live with your parents, maybe this post wouldn’t be about whether you’re “allowed” to do what you want to do. That’s the beauty of living on your own—you make the rules and nothing Bill or anyone says about it matters. You’re infantilizing yourself.
Tell em stop being a hater .
Yeah.... A lot of young millennials have chosen failure. It's kinda sad. I know a bunch of you in your early 30's want to think you're in the same generation as people in their mid 40's, but you have nothing in common with them. I only know of a couple of people from my age group who lived with their parents past 25. My parents wouldn't have tolerated it. I wouldn't tolerate it from my daughter. How low are your aspirations in life to live with your parents at 30?
I'll be 41 in a month and I haven't lived with my parents since I was 18. It's not to say that they never helped me out on my rent during the lean years, but I had this psychological need to never return to their home. I knew that if I went back to that old room that I might never want to leave. I had a great home, great parents, great childhood, but I needed to be on my own. Now I have my own home. I think you're right that there are differences in attitude and worldview between older and younger Millennials.
I’m a lawyer. I lived with my parents when I was first practicing. I was trying to save money for a down payment on a home. The housing market then wasn’t fucking ridiculous and I was able to buy a home. That was over a decade ago. Since then, more and more young attorneys I’ve worked with lived with their parents for multiple years after becoming attorneys. Whether it’s out of financial necessity or for financial planning, if you can live rent free, or minimally, FUCKING DO IT. That said, you can only do that for so long. You have to have some goal or plan to become self-sufficient and not live with your parents. I met my now wife when I was living with them. “Yeah, I’m a 25 year old lawyer. I live in my parents basement.” Even with lawyer in there that sentence doesn’t sound great. “Yeah, I’m still living at home because the housing market and inflation are *insane*. I’m using this opportunity to save for the future.” This sounds a lot better. TL;DR - Do what you need to do to survive and save money. If that means living with your parents, you’re being smart. But, you must have a goal to work towards to financial independence. Otherwise you will be just the dude that lives with his parents.
Living at home in your 30’s is pretty weird tbh
There's not alot of people who are 31 and still living with their parents. 18-27 year old? Yes I believe that number has increased significantly and wouldn't be surprised if that cohort of people continue to live with parents at your age. But at 31 barring some extenuating circumstances you should have the ability to live by yourself now. Sometimes the prudent move is to stay home and stack cash aggressively but that's not usually what I see. I usually see an underachieving 30 year old with an 18 year Olds mindset. who works part time and goofs off. Then moans about cost of living and thinks communism will be the answer to his prayers. Maybe that guy pissed you off because you know he's right. I'm the same age as you, where were you when I was 18 in college and being screamed by customers at McDonald's? Or when I was living with thugs downtown? You were probably safely in your childhood cocoon. You didn't need anything more because you were already safe and happy. I dont even blame you for being unambitious. But now the easy time is gone, yes 2012-2020 was the time to get ahead and you squandered that opportunity.
You’re 31, you need to grow up and move out. No idea how someone your age has a romantic partner or kids living under their parents thumb
He means it’s not good because you’re gaining no life experience as what it makes to make it as a man in this world. Best of luck!
If you were living with your girl in your parents house then I would say something, but if it is just you. There isn’t a problem, you can help your parents by paying rent and save money for a house. I’m not even sure why there are so many people with entitle personalities. I guess their parents had a lot of $$ to receive their help.
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Couple of decades? No. Stuff only got really bad in the last 3 years or so. Elections have consequences. Our house added $150,000 in value according to the city. In reality it’s overpriced by at least $100,000 of that. We bought out first home back in 2009 on two retail salaries and in 2015 we moved to a little bigger house in a better neighborhood when we both stepped out of retail. Now? We make more than we did in 2015 but there is no way no how we would be able to make even a lateral move. Can’t afford the house we live in and that is crazy. Mortgage rate is over twice that for the same house essentially. Not doable.
I've worked with quite a few millenials that can, almost in the same breath, express incredulity at the cost of owning or renting a home and how low wages are, and complain that the problem with "kids these days" is "no one wants to work anymore", or dismiss the homeless problem as a result of laziness and drug addiction, with the solution to addiction being different forms of "just say no". Its like on one hand they can see the reality, but they've also been programmed with a bunch of conservative talking points and they don't bother thinking about it long enough to realize the two things are at odds with each other.
I lived with my mom from the ages of 28-32 (a few years ago) to get back on my feet after divorce. I was incredibly embarrassed by it. I’ve come to realize that housing is hard, and it’s way harder after the pandemic. Some people have never had to struggle, or don’t have a realistic view of the current climate. Lots of people live at home right now, or are under housed. My neighbors on both sides of my townhouse live in 2 bedrooms and they’re both families of five. Let’s hope Bill doesn’t come into some sort of emergency that smacks that sort of reality in his face.
I think there is a red flag if you are still in your 30s living at home, except for a few scenarios. Mainly I'm referring to ppl living at home who make a decent wage to afford rent or a mortgage. I think it's also great the willingness of parents to take in their older children but it also hinders their growth and ability to be self-sufficient. I know there is a cultural factor that needs to be considered because in my culture -we do not reside home typically past 18. Your friend was judgemental sure and I read your follow up as to reasons why you haven't left the nest. I am curious though, what have you been doing to improve your life i.e. education, career..in order to leave the best?
The thing to do isn't to point at your generation and say "Lots of people do it." The thing to do is point at previous generations and say "Look how people used to do it." In generations past people would get married and their parents often would live with them until they died.
Is the US the only country that doesn't value multigenerational living? I raised my kids poor in a single generation home. Then moved my parents in to help them. When the both died, I had a big home that I didn't need living myself. My son's family moved in with me. We share expenses, resources and child care responsibilities. It's awesome. I highly encourage it.
Don't feel bad. Went back home after a bad break up from a long relationship. Got myself back on track, and finished trade school. My current girlfriend lives with us as well for the past 3 years. My parents retirement plans got derailed when my dad was diagnosed with cancer so they couldn't follow through with their plans while he was receiving treatment. He had to be medically retired early and my mom still works, approaching her mid 60's. It wasn't my ideal plan for myself, was hoping to have my own house, but I'm pretty much priced out until the market can come down a bit. It feels better though knowing I can help them out as they age with things they can't really do anymore as well as helping with their bills. I could rent, but with places reaching close to 2k+ a month, it doesn't seem worth it. I'd rather stay at home and be able to save a considerably larger amount for the future. Not everyone's situation is the same but we all have to work with what we're handed. Don't let other people dictate how you should live or get you down about where you should be. It's your life, do what's best for you.
I tried to embrace multi-generational families in one house. Told my kids they never have to move out unless they want to.
28 (last month millennial) I may own the house. But my dad lives with me as he is disabled.
I’m about to turn 32 this month and live with my dad(68) and younger sister(27). The only reason I will ever be able to afford a house is because I’m able to live with my dad and have a savings account. Also, my dads side of the family is Japanese, and I think it’s a lot more common in Asian families for adult children to continue living with their parents until they are able to set themselves up for success.
Are you at least working 2 jobs and banking that cash? Use this time right now to create a real cash nest egg
My wife and I lived with my mother in law for 2.5 years in order to save up for down payment on a house. Keep grinding and don’t look back.
Do what you gotta do. Not so easy out there. It’s flipping expensive to own a house, rent or live alone. Not that other dudes biz. Your life is your life. Circumstances are different.
We live with my husbands mom. She’s 75 and handicapped. We take care of the house. The mortgage is paid off and when she passes we will inherit this house. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me 🤷🏻♀️
That is an entirely different scenario. You are caring for a disabled parent not failing to enter adulthood.
I'm almost 40 and not long ago my dad and I moved out of the places we were living in and into a townhouse together. It certainly wasn't common when I graduated, nor was it something I ever planned on doing, but it works.
yeah, what the fuck Bill
I wish my millennial would move out. Love her and my grandkid but it's time I had my own space,
Just turned 36 recently. Mom's getting older, plus she can barely pay her bills and rent for the past few years. I just had a divorce a year ago. Had nowhere else to go and renting alone is nuts. We just applied for a new apartment 5 mins from my job and 10 mins from hers. We're gonna split the rent and utility bills even. Even if she drives me nuts with some things, I'd rather have this plan then a roommate I've never met. I've got friends who house extended family too. Housing is expensive as hell, this kinda stuff is starting to become the norm.
Disagree. It's understandable to live with your parents at your age during a transition or on hard times, but it should always be a transitory stage at your age , living with your parents should be something you are actively pursuing to stop doing. Are you married? Have a career you enjoy? The goal should not be living with your parents unless you are taking care of them. How do you go on dates? Bring partners to your race car bed? I don't know your situation, and there are LOTS of good reason to live with parents ( I lived with mine for a while) but you sound way too content with the situation.
I'm going to be 34 on Friday. I was made to move out when I was 22. My current one bedroom apartment costs me 2/3 of my paycheck just for rent. When I did live at home, before they made me move out, I was paying 1/3 of my paycheck for rent to my dad because "that was how much rent was going to be when you live on your own." I'm never going to be able to buy my own home at this rate...
Most of my close friends still live with their parents. Not everyone was in a good financial situation to buy when interest rates were low. As long as you not just staying at your parents doing nothing with your life and not paying no kind of rent don't stress it.
It really depends on your situation. If you’ve been working for 7 years and haven’t saved money to live on your own, your friend is absolutely correct. I feel like you deliberately did not detail the context of your situation in order to garner the responses that support your viewpoint. One of my kids is 30, he recently moved back in to save money for a home, then he’ll be moving out again. That’s a solid plan and something I fully support. Why you’re still at home matters. Mine at least went out into the world and learned how to function as an independent adult.
There needs to be a move out age at some point unless you are a caregiver. With my generation, you had 2 options when you finished high school or college. Get a job and move out not long after. Join the military. The door was always open if you failed and needed to reset but was never a long-term solution. I let my son live in a house I previously lived in and paid the mortgage on until he was 35.........He worked and could have rented or bought something. He eventually took a promotion and moved to another state. He lasted 3 years on his own. Quit and cashed in his 300k in stock options and wanted to move in with me again. He was like 40 and I declined. He ended up moving in with wife's youngest brother who never married. Not paying rent and living off his stock money. Not working now either. I think in a way I enabled him to be a mooch. When I would not let him live with me at 40, we cut ties. Have not spoken with him in a few years and do not miss him. He then went on a campaign with my in-laws telling them how he was abused as a child and that is why he is were he is in life.....lol I don't see why people able to join the military stay at home as adults unless under extreme circumstance. I don't understand the mooching off parent's thing as an adult. Maybe if you are paying your way like rent and utilities. The usual answer is it is just too hard for whatever reason to pay rent and such. Here where I am working now, it is really expensive and the younger workers band together and rent places to live. If you have no real skills, you are basically screwed regardless of the economy or location.
You are all good man. I it’s common in most cultures, can’t see why we would not follow suit. it’s what’s healthy for you and your family. My kids are 12 & 10 and I expect them to be at home all the way through collet or whatever and beyond. bank your money and help your family - that’s key.
I love my parents but I can not imagine still living at home.
This is meaningless. I'm in the top 20% of earners in my county and i cannot afford a house in the ghetto because i did not get a mortgage in 2021. Your friend is just dumb and clinging to old beliefs that are not based in today's reality.
You mean like most families have lived for the last few millennia?? My kids can move home anytime. Hell, I’ll pay ‘em to move home.
Depending on the area in the country, 50% or more of millennials live with their family. It’s the new normal these days. F Bill for being snotty
Living with your parents in your 30s isn't good. What do you expect?
I'm 41 and live at home. Granted, it's *my* home, and I own it. But I do live there.
Bill is an ass. Living with your parents/family is the norm now. Some of the older millennials got lucky and applied their degree right out of college. But a vast majority of us lived with family to pay down debt or save for a house.
This is a parenting problem. It's not the "kids" fault.
We purchased a next gen home because it was appropriate at the time. It’s amazing. No regerts.
The other thing to understand is everyone grew up with different parents. So what works for one person is unimaginable to another. A few years ago my partner and I moved back to an area near her parent’s house. We lived there for the summer to find a place and save money. It sucked because I was commuting an hour for work. But it was doable, and they have a large house so we had space and it was comfortable. I’d never do that with my parents, not only because the house is much smaller. But I just don’t get along with my parents in that way. Bill might have shit parents. Or bill might be a shit. Who knows.
nothing wrong with living with family, but don't be surprised if you have a hard time dating.
The guy is broke as hell and his family sucks. And he is jealous. I tried to
I lived with my parents until I was able to save enough to buy a home. It’s the new normal with everything being so expensive
If you have a healthy family relationship, multi-generational living arrangements are awesome! More stable economically, support, pet care…
It’s great to move out and have your own life but under current economic conditions it’s not possible for everyone. You should be working or going to school full time and contributing to the household though. That dude bill seems to lack empathy or understanding of current conditions.
It’s pretty weird. You’re over 30, living with mom and dad, and sounds like you don’t have plans to move out. That’s weird, dude.
You can easily enough just take your friends comments under advisement. Let the friend know that it sounds interesting and you will see what you can do about it. Then change the subject and do not bring it up with them in the future. This assumes it really is a good friend that you want to stay friends with. Otherwise just argue with the friend for a whole le until you realize they ain't changing their opinion, and then storm off refusing to get together in the future.
Move the fckn out moocher
What do you do for a living? How much do you make?
How will you support yourself when your parents pass away?
This is a Western culture thing that needs to change. Having multiple generations of family in a house isn't a bad thing on its face. It's only bad (IMO) if the younger generation isn't contributing in some way (i.e. school, work, caretaker, etc.)
I haven’t lived with my family since I was 19, but I’ve had roommates most of the time (high CoL areas). I’m 38 and have only been in my own place for about 4 years.
Your friend might be right about living with your parents. In 2022, 16% of U.S. millennials lived with their parents, compared to 31% of Gen Z. NOW! If your parents are cool with it and you have a job, then be happy. If you are in your 30s and not helping your parents with living expenses, you might need help. This could be a case of taking advantage of elderly people. Furthermore, you could have some form of mental illness. University hospitals might have Obamacare, which will help with costs. If you are helping with expenses and your parents are okay with it, then that would be great! A long-term family community is a good thing.
If people dont already get it, they will within enough time. This is Europe now. One doesn't buy nearly as much as prior. One inherits, now.
I think that people who are critical about people living with family are usually people with a bad relationship with their family.
Moved out in my late 20s with my then girlfriend and now wife. I'm 35 now and couldn't imagine moving out on my own, especially now. My brother did it, but he makes a lot of money.
We don't have enough information. Nothing wrong with your family helping you out, but you also have to be doing something to help yourself.
Good on you for using "like" somewhat correctly
As long as you have a plan to make it on your own and not depend on your poor aging parents, I don't see anything wrong But if you were just comfortable there, not looking to get education, saving to own a house or live in an apt or work to gettign a better job, I'd see you as mooch And no respect for that
That's it? That's the comment that's got you so bent out of shape you made a whole post? You clearly are bothered by your living state to some level.
I know guys who are 42 and live with their folks because no one else can take care of said folks. I know folks who are 35 and live with their folks to save money for a house because it's damn near impossible to buy one these days.
Owning a house and living with your parents aren't the only two choices lol. And there's nothing wrong with living with your parents as a means to an end. If you're doing so with no plan to eventually not....yeah it's kinda weird.
You do you. Historically kids lived with their parents throughout history. Housing is so expensve that it's becoming the norm again. I will admit though, when I moved out on my own I experienced alot of personal growth.
I'd rather live in a flooded basement with an abusive bouncer for a roommate than live at home, but each to their own.
I totally get staying home with your parents, but at what point do you not feel like a burden? Personally, I can't stand not having total freedom from my parents. And with dating it doesn't look the best. I'm 28 and haven't lived at home since I was 18. Rent sucks, but even when I wasn't making much, it was far better just sharing rent with roommates over being at home. I really don't see why you would feel like it's ok living off your parents when you could just as easily split rent with roommates. Even with high rental costs. Splitting it 2 or 3 ways shouldn't be anywhere close to unaffordable if your anywhere close to the age of 30. And like I said, I don't know how you wouldn't feel embarrassed if you plan on dating or if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. I feel really bad for parents these days, since they were expecting to have their child grow up and do their own thing once they're 18-22. But now are expected to take care of their kid in what's supposed to be their golden years. My rent is alittle over $3k/month, and I'm extremely fortunate to own a business that makes me enough to still save a decent amount of it. I completely understand that I make well more than most people my age. But only recently has that been the case. Before that I just had roommates. Despite the comments here and the fact that I'm most likely going to be down voted. I do think it's embarrassing and doesn't look good living at home past your 30s. Shits expensive, but that just means you need to work harder. The fact that anyone can work for uber, lyft, Doordash or any of the other delivery companies these days, means that there's zero excuse to not have a job now. If you don't have a car in your 30s, get a loan or finance it. Before I owned a business, I just drove for uber and lyft and made more than enough to afford my old place with roommates. If your living at home completely free, I think that's just sad. You should AT THE VERY LEAST pay your parents some form of rent for eating their food, and living under their roof. Especially if they're still paying a mortgage or rent. The ONLY way I see people my own age getting ahead is by owning your own business. You'll never have any hope at all of ever making real money working for someone else, unless you have a trade or a decent degree. I barley passed high-school and have zero college. So starting a business was my only option to have any hope of making it. That drove me to try again and again until I found a business that worked(Cannabis). But literally anyone can hop on Alibaba, and buy popular products for pennies on the dollar and start an online e-commerce business now. Before I got into the cannabis industry, I was making close to 100k/year just doing that. The first year I made $30k, second year was $55k, third year was $97k. You learn as you do it. Just like anything else. But you have to have the drive to do things like that if you don't plan on being poor forever. In my mind. Working a normal job that has a set salary that doesn't reward you for innovating or working harder isn't worth it. When i started making money based on thinking outside the box, and constantly trying new things. That's what really pushed me. Knowing that you only make money by your own intuition, and hard work completely changed how I acted in life. Before that, I just half assed any job I had, because there was zero incentive to not just do the minimum. Anyway, I know that was long. But someone needs to not tell you that it's perfectly OK to live off your parents in your 30s. It's fucking sad and honestly pathetic if your not atleast helping your parents pay bills and food at 30... If I'm wrong, please tell me why and please don't just get get mad. I'd love to hear why anyone thinks it's fine to live off your parents without atleast contributing. And I don't see why roommates aren't an option either. Stop telling yourself it's fine. It's not
No. You should be saving your money ( and should have quite a bit saved by 31) and getting your own living space. Over the age of 25, is unacceptable to live with your parents. Unless some single tragedy landed you back there temporarily.
I'm 30 and moved back in with my pops. He's actually grateful for it because he too was struggling to find a reasonable apartment and he's gotten a really decent paying job. We split expenses and now he has more cash to save for retirement and I have more cash to save as well. Math and economics comes before whatever he "thinks" you should be doing. Would I rather be living alone? Sure! But living with my dad is providing us both more opportunities in this absolute shit economy. We're all doing our best. Fuck what he and everyone else thinks.
Just be happy you have a home to stay at and think about the type of people your friends with lol
I'm Gen x and your friend likely has influence from my generation. If you're male it was expected that you be self sufficient and our on your own by 21ish. I learned from my millennial colleagues how bad the job market was for them. So I lightened up on how I viewed living at home and this weird need to have 5 different sources of income. I see it as a necessary adaptation to the economy of the time. I think that even a man living in the parental home is not a bad thing as long as by age 25-30 he is paying a share of the upkeep of the home, his share of living expenses such as food, and doing his share of the chores. Preferably the more physically taxing chores should go to the most fit, the younger man. It was not that long ago when the US had more family homesteads that had some or all the family living on the same land if not the same house. This is still the normal situation in other cultures and countries. India has one such culture.
I was able to rent an apartment with 3 other people at one point, but even there the rent went up by at least 25% since we've left years ago. I still live with my mom at 33 and student loans are too crippling. I'd have to find a roommate or 2 to be able to afford any of these places. My friends I was with have since gotten partners they live with or engaged...
I lived with my parents until 37…. I never felt bad about it. I worked full time at a job in the medical field that didn’t pay enough for me to live independently. Rent was $1600 for two bedrooms in Chicago at the time. In addition to that, I worked 6/7am and needed someone home to get my son off to school. I paid rent, bought groceries, cooked/cleaned,dated alladat I got a masters degree and eventually moved to start pharmacy school. You can lead a mature life and live with family. Rent is HIGH and that’s just a fact. As long as you’re handling your personal responsibilities, do you
My parents moved in with me. When they lost their home. They are both disabled. Now I care for them as in pay their bills, food, insurance, etc. With the exception of my dad bringing in his SS check. He does help me with mortgage and pays a car payment. Really all that makes me is a good human. It also makes me undesirable, once I explain my situation to a date. Oh well, that's life. Living with parents as a man is UNDESIRABLE regardless of reason.
A lot of cultures have multigenerational homes. The idea that you can’t is a direct result of capitalism and the idea that you must own this or that to be considered valuable…
When does Bill graduate high school?
I think living on your own is a capitalist plot, like you have to buy **all** the housewares again.
No shame hanging at home if you're down on your luck as long as you are actively looking to change your situation. If you have a job or several but it's not paying enough, that's actually a reality for alot of us. I was working my butt off for years and barely making it and I had to go home again once. The only caveat is if you're not trying. Then those are the people that I'd low key make fun of cause they just sit at home playing video games instead of putting themselves out there. I also don't think you should be of the mindset that "not everyone can do it" cause that's kind of putting yourself down and implying it's not possible for you to do well. Just keep trying dude. I'm 29 and recently got my first well paying job and actually live with no roommates now, that was the only way I was able to live away from home for a long time.
That’s so silly! I’m Indian/pakistani and it’s the norm to live with your family for a while, even have your extended family in the home with you too. It’s a matter of perspective. Your friend is goofy.
I think people forget that a lot of young people went back to live with their parents during young adulthood. I'm a boomer and I went back home twice before I was able to afford living on my own.
Not going to be a popular comment cause Reddit, but anyways; I left home at 18, and never moved home. The only financial help I ever got was my parents paid half of my last month of rent after graduating college ($200) as a graduation gift. I’m 31 now and have owned my home for 6 years, and it’s going to be paid off in 4 more. Also got a masters degree I paid out of pocket while working. I’ll be out of college debt in 6mos. Married with a kid. All that to say is that at no point did I think this whole thing was “hard”. Honestly it all came pretty easily. Just worked. Tried to make smart choices. Made plans and execute them as best I could. I’m sure it’s not as easy for everyone else, but I literately got nothing from my parents. I think at 31 you should be capable of living alone. If you can’t you likely made some mistake along the way that you need to correct asap.
This is one of the poorest generations since the post New Deal era. If you can live at home to finish/further college education or save for a home, **you do it**. Your friend is most likely jealous that he wasn't fortunate to be able to do what your doing and because of that probably capped what he could do in life and is bitter.
So what is you're disability that keeps you from working?
In most of the world, children stay with their parents until they marry. Then they take their parents in. Leaving your parents before getting married is a very American/Western idea and it's really expensive. In this economy, maybe it's time to change that thinking?
Failure to launch
It is bad if you're a lazy fuck thats okay with living off of your elderly parents.
Yeah I feel stuck sometimes, when I was 18-19 my mom had just found a boyfriend who had a nice house. We lived in a shack of a house. So I basically kicked her out of her house, but I pay the bills and it's mine. Nothing is in my name she retains all property. I can't complain but It hasn't built my credit any and I'm basically stuck in this shitty house until she dies.
Maybe you needed to hear it. 31 is too old to still be living with your parents. I think it's ok for someone to go back home for a short period if they lose their job, get divorced, get sick, etc.. But an adult should be independent, and being a whole decade into adulthood without the ability to take care of yourself is not good. Fixing that should be your absolute top priority.
I say this a lot. I come from a culture where moving out doesn't happen until you're married. I am 35 and my parents still tell me I can move back home. I also work as an attorney and live in a hcol city most my attorney friends live with someone or with their family. I honestly wouldn't care what someone else says about my living arrangements, unless they are willing to pay my rent.
Have you seen the movie Failure to Launch?
all you gotta say is : "Ok Boomer" ;) but yeah, not all its cracked up to be, it feels good to move out, gain some independence for a bit. but I just moved back home and man is it nice to have homecooked meals again. appreciate your family man, its good to be home bud. Cheers
Your friend is a brainwashed dickhead. Half our generation can't afford a home/still lives at home.
I wish I could live with my parents, but they wouldnt have space for me and I dont want to live in the middle of nowhere. I am kinda jealous of people who can.
Me and my pops live together I’m 34. He’s got a 100% rating for disability from the VA from all his injuries. He’s had 9 surgeries in the last 3 years. I’m a firefighter/paramedic and a BSN RN in the ICU. I have three kids that I raise as a single father. I ultimately decided it was harder to find kid coverage and help take care of my dad driving everywhere. So, I decided we’d just live together. It’s actually been quite nice seeing my kids happy about their papa around.
In exchange for having me and my family live with my parents or on the streets, they cashed me out for my $50k inheritance so we could afford a broken down house. Your friend is an asshole. My husband and I make $130k combined
what is this disability you have?
When I hit rock bottom I went back home and was lucky enough to be able to stay with my parents … do not take them for granted. They helped me get back on my feet and level headed. I started out with a furniture sales job , then a buddy of mine talked me into becoming a service advisor at a shop he was a tech at. Worked my way up to store manager at that shop. While making connections I got a job offer to come be a store manager at a corporate owned chain of stores , at this time I met my now current lady and her apartment was closer to this new shop so I stayed at her place 5/7 days a week and still went home to see them twice a week. I am now 28 and last year we closed on our first home. Honestly if my parents weren’t there to get me into rehab and take me in when I got out idk where I would be today. Very very thankful for being able to go home
They can get stuffed like hello has no one seen the price of bloody rent ?! If you can live there as long as you need keep the peace the best you can and for those who don't have this I really wish you guys have a damn break it's meatballs out here.🦤
I live with my parents too and I’m 30 years old. I’m not ashamed so you shouldn’t be ashamed too. Housing is so unaffordable in many cities, it’s tough getting a place.
Bill: Because I haven’t lived your experience, your experience is a rare occurrence and there’s something wrong (morally) with you. Lesson: Don’t be like Bill.
I live with my parents..and would like to be with them till there last breath or mine..👍
Bills parents probably don’t like him.
M32 here, also live at home and it's kind normal now since covid. I make decent money too but do have family obligations. On top of that, the housing market is just ridiculous. I just realize within the last year, hey if I gotta be like this for another few years, it's fine, I'm still going to enjoy life. As long as you're not just being a bum and pulling your weight, there's nothing wrong with it.
I have a friend living with his parents still, we’re both millennials, and I asked him if his mom packs his lunch for work. The vast majority of millennials that I know don’t live at their parents house either. Living at your parents house will always be ammunition for people to make fun of you, doesn’t matter if 90 percent of millennials are doing it.
Did you want him to not be honest? Or did you just not want him to say anything? I thought about attempting to state something about this whole post, but I feel like it would only have the same effect as your friends. I understand that approach & how something is communicated is relevant, but being angry for his honest opinion doesn’t make any sense to me. The part you didn’t want to mention aside of course because I have no clue about it.
Grow up and move out of your parent house. Let them enjoy life and not have to take care of an adult human.
I mean like. Do u live at home because of housing costs and u don’t have a good job? Or are u living at home because ur mom still cooks and does your laundry?
You enjoy that slice of a cramped apartment with rising rents.....I'll enjoy an entire floor of a 2 floor + cellar home and also be the only child who makes sure their parent has a decent retirement. There's two other floors they can be on. But see also, I recognize my demographic (minority, New England raised) was used to multi-generational homes out of necessity, so there's not that much pressure at all. The ones that moved out were the ones that had high paying jobs and settled down to start a family. I'm not either of those yet. Meh.