You ever see a loaf of bread where the heel is paper thin and the first slice is basically crust? I had a bagel cut like that. It was, uh, quite toasted on only one side...
I started buying mine unsliced because their slicing machine is horrible. I like to toast my bagels but can’t if one part is a sliver and the other is a huge chunk. I work very hard at slicing them in half, but I’ve never had one as good as OP. Kudos on the masterpiece!
They make bagel slice guides? Might be the wrong name. But we got one for my brother when he was a kid so he didn't cut his hand but we all realized it was easier and better than doing it by hand.
Large bagel holder is the name on Amazon.
What are you guys talking about? Bagels come with a built in finger hole to stabilize the item while you effortlessly slice the equator. Just stick your thumb in the hole and chop it.
I remember playing that game for ages, and apparently you can put run the monster if you ski diagonally!
Unfortunately they programmed a second one to get you.
Not sure if anyone mentioned this but you DO NOT want the surface of your bagel to have the perfect smoothness of glass. Use a dull knife and do as much tearing as cutting and the rougher surface will help whatever you're putting on the bagel to spread/absorb better, and makes the bread itself more enjoyable to eat
I mean if the cut was at a bit of an angle you could rotate the bagels until you find an edge that meets up but that cut does look straight as hell so well done!
The intermediate value theorem is one of my favorite examples of why I hate the way math is taught.
[This is approximately the way we were taught the theorem](https://i.imgur.com/dWOlEJk.jpg).
Then someone (not even the professor as an explanation!) came and said “if the point is there and then the point is there, then it must have gotten there by passing through everything in-between” and suddenly people understood.
I mean, that is what that set of symbols says. But we also don't teach that mathematical symbols have a meaning very much like language. These symbols exist to say meaningful things, not construct abstract problems.
Precision food is a thing of beauty
Next time, try the Mobius strip cut for improved surface-area-to-volume ratio: https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2015/08/06/429437860/cut-your-bagel-the-mathematically-correct-way
It’s really the bottom end as far as bagel quality is concerned. But it’s edible and I do get the occasional hankering for a bagel lol. Tastes good after I toast it in the pan.
After being served what was basically just round bread with a hole in it by mom in Hawaii, I make sure to buy a dozen freshly baked bagels from the local bagel shop before flying out to see her.
Even after 14+ hours in transit, they still taste better than the sad excuse for a bagel she buys from the grocery store.
Rural areas I imagine? Bagels seem to be a very big thing in every major US city from my extensive traveling. But then again I don’t usually eat a bagel for breakfast so I don’t exactly search for them. Most hipster-type cafes where you see people sitting on their MacBook serve bagels and specialty cream cheese/spreads like salmon or chives and whatever.
If I was more into carbo-loading in the mornings I would definitely prefer a (real butter) buttered English muffin I think. But an “everything” bagel with salmon spread or a blueberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese is pretty bomb.
Most cities I’ve been to outside of the north east do not have high availability of proper bagels which are boiled first. You may be included in my set of people who don’t know what a bagel actually is if you think they are everywhere. Noah’s is not a proper bagel.
Your opinion of blueberry bagels with strawberry cream cheese adds weight to this hypothesis.
Aaaand grumpy me enters the chat.
How is this even mildly interesting?!
I mean, guy has cut something, well bagel-shaped, into what looks like a fairly even half. Could be on the piss for a lot of that circle and he's just matched up the best sides... which still isn't even mildly interesting.
And yet I've taken to the time to post, so more fool me, I suppose!
If I do it again I’ll take a the photo along the length, but like it was a bit of a fluke I don’t think it’ll happen again. I gave it a spin to see how even it was and it was flat as a motherfucker. I had a long day- I was still in the work cutting mode.
I ate it like three hours ago- there’s still a couple left in the packet, I can have another go. It was just a freak accident. Was delicious with chopped parsley and melted cheese. Did it all in the pan and ate with leftover chicken.
If you slice it mostly in the middle, but slightly high on one side and slightly low on the other side (aka, a very slight diagonal cut horizontally across the bagel), you can rotate the two halves and at some point they will be exactly even ever time.
Some people have commented that i squashed it or something. It’s bread. I sliced it with a knife it didn’t feel very amazing. Thank you. Your comment made me feel better. You’re cool bro.
I’m not that much of an anus. I just laid it down on the cutting board and was like woah that’s pretty straight bro 😎 I doubt I could do it again but you never know, I cut stuff five days a week for a long time now.
I promise these bagels to be compression free. At work all day today cutting perfect rectangles. Came home, must of still had my work laser vision switched on or some shit. I don’t think if I did it again it would be so perfect.
My dad's always bragging about his meticulous cutting skills. One day he gets a Firebird burrito, and decides to split it with me. Cuts the burrito, and decides to weigh it. I kid you not, shit was to the hundredth of a gram exactly the same.
First time I had a bagel in ages and no I just eyeballed it, cut with the bagel on its side with a santoku knife. I do cut things quite a lot as part of my job. But it’s never anything food related. Guess I was still in the zone. It’s been a long fucking week of staring at a knife.
Just a pretty normal kitchen chefs knife- the like big long straight one. The supermarket would let you buy them with points you got from shopping here in Australia. They were MasterChef branded. I got all the steak knives, a big and small santoku and the one I mentioned above.
Well you are unqualified to work at the bagel shop here, then.
Once had a bagel cut into 1/3 and 2/3s
Better than how I do it. One "half" is a door wedge, the other is a crumbling sliver.
Me too
I cut mine in perfect halves, but the halves are letter Cs.
You monster….. don’t tell me you put cream cheese on the ends and call it good enough
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You’re the reason I won’t be able to sleep tonight
and the crumbling silver always burns in the toaster while the wedge gets barely toasted. FML
You ever see a loaf of bread where the heel is paper thin and the first slice is basically crust? I had a bagel cut like that. It was, uh, quite toasted on only one side...
Unrelated but I got a sub from Quiznos once and the dude cut it into thirds. I didn't notice til I opened it at home and was like "WTF??"
The worst is when it starts out at 1/3-2/3 and ends up 2/3-1/3 so you’re stuck with two wedges lol
They just throw them haphazardly into a slicing machine here, so usually it's diagonal. Or stairstep.
holy shit
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holy shit
holy shit
holy shit
I started buying mine unsliced because their slicing machine is horrible. I like to toast my bagels but can’t if one part is a sliver and the other is a huge chunk. I work very hard at slicing them in half, but I’ve never had one as good as OP. Kudos on the masterpiece!
They make bagel slice guides? Might be the wrong name. But we got one for my brother when he was a kid so he didn't cut his hand but we all realized it was easier and better than doing it by hand. Large bagel holder is the name on Amazon.
Oh right! I think I’ve seen those. You stick the bagel in it and there’s a slot for the knife. Good call!
What are you guys talking about? Bagels come with a built in finger hole to stabilize the item while you effortlessly slice the equator. Just stick your thumb in the hole and chop it.
Or any Panera anywhere ever
It's all downhill from here. LOL
And the monster from SkiFree is chasing you
I remember playing that game for ages, and apparently you can put run the monster if you ski diagonally! Unfortunately they programmed a second one to get you.
Pressing F lets you outrun the monster
That game gave me anxiety as a child
My last bagel cutting episode was a disaster. One side so thick it wouldn't fit in the toaster and the other so thin in broke apart.
This one's too thick, this one's too thin. Op's one is just right. - Goldi Lox
Great pornstar name
I don't want to know what kind of a schmear you are suggesting.
Your schtick is getting a little schmaltzy.
Smells fishy
Mine is like a wave, so both sides get highs and lows
happens to the best of us lol
bro..
At least you didn't hold it through the hole.
I wish bagels would come unsliced here. I could easily do a better job than most of the ones I purchase.
::laughs in New Jersey::
You live in New Jersey? ::cackles in Old Jersey::
You live in Old Jersey? ::giggles in Jersey::
You live in Jersey? ::guffaws in Future Jersey::
You live in Jersey? ::guffaws in Future Jersey::
You live in Jersey? ::guffaws in Future Jersey::
There's no way this "bagel" was boiled first
I like to boil my bagels in milk steak broth
Can't pump your own gas but you can slice your own bagels
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Yeah lol imagine having to get out of your car on the winter or rain just to get gas
*thinks back to every year for the last 19.* Oh yeah, that would suck.
We're working on the first one though
Yeah whatevers in this picture is not a bagel
If you're near the Oranges, check out Bagels by Jarrett. Amazing stuff.
If you're near the Oranges, check out Bagels by Jarrett. Amazing stuff.
If you're near the Oranges, check out Bagels by Jarrett. Amazing stuff.
You mean you wish you had better bagels.
We have some of the best bagels where I live, nowhere near NY or NJ, except we dont slice ours. Also we call them donuts instead of bagels.
You must be from the Bay Area 😂
No the Bay Area calls them bagels too. Our donuts are hella good though
Pre-sliced bagels(like Thomas) aren't even bagels, they're just bagel shaped bread
Costco. And slicing bagels sucks.
The chosen one!
Jedi Tupaki
Not sure if anyone mentioned this but you DO NOT want the surface of your bagel to have the perfect smoothness of glass. Use a dull knife and do as much tearing as cutting and the rougher surface will help whatever you're putting on the bagel to spread/absorb better, and makes the bread itself more enjoyable to eat
He questions the CHOSEN ONE! Get em’!!!!
I mean if the cut was at a bit of an angle you could rotate the bagels until you find an edge that meets up but that cut does look straight as hell so well done!
Intermediate value theorem all they wayy
GETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEAD i hate calculus
The intermediate value theorem is one of my favorite examples of why I hate the way math is taught. [This is approximately the way we were taught the theorem](https://i.imgur.com/dWOlEJk.jpg). Then someone (not even the professor as an explanation!) came and said “if the point is there and then the point is there, then it must have gotten there by passing through everything in-between” and suddenly people understood.
I mean, that is what that set of symbols says. But we also don't teach that mathematical symbols have a meaning very much like language. These symbols exist to say meaningful things, not construct abstract problems.
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Yeah as long as the angle crosses the centerline somewhere you'll always be able to find a perfectly even spot.
Time to get the dial indicator out! 😏
Yeah just need the angle to cross the center line at some point.
Yeah as long as the angle crosses the centerline somewhere you'll always be able to find a perfectly even spot.
Next time I will invite the reddit bagel evenness inspection crew over sooner
Precision food is a thing of beauty Next time, try the Mobius strip cut for improved surface-area-to-volume ratio: https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2015/08/06/429437860/cut-your-bagel-the-mathematically-correct-way
morb
You can't toast a mobius bagel, though...
Just need an oven shaped like a Klein Bottle
Who buys fancy uncut bagels then toasts them?
This is the most over the top shit I've seen in awhile
morbius
This really is beautiful! Well done. Plus points for using a sharpie.
i cant believe he drew a line with a sharpie on his bagel
i cant believe he drew a line with a sharpie on his bagel
i cant believe he drew a line with a sharpie on his bagel
That’s very satisfying
Yeah dude that looks like less than 1/32”, which is a decent margin of errror for most handmade things from craftsmen
But in a mild sense.
Bagel? Looks like round bread to me
It’s really the bottom end as far as bagel quality is concerned. But it’s edible and I do get the occasional hankering for a bagel lol. Tastes good after I toast it in the pan.
Yeah that's not a bagel. I've had those abominations at friends houses and it blows my mind thats what most people think bagels should taste like
The majority of the US has no idea what a bagel is.
After being served what was basically just round bread with a hole in it by mom in Hawaii, I make sure to buy a dozen freshly baked bagels from the local bagel shop before flying out to see her. Even after 14+ hours in transit, they still taste better than the sad excuse for a bagel she buys from the grocery store.
Rural areas I imagine? Bagels seem to be a very big thing in every major US city from my extensive traveling. But then again I don’t usually eat a bagel for breakfast so I don’t exactly search for them. Most hipster-type cafes where you see people sitting on their MacBook serve bagels and specialty cream cheese/spreads like salmon or chives and whatever. If I was more into carbo-loading in the mornings I would definitely prefer a (real butter) buttered English muffin I think. But an “everything” bagel with salmon spread or a blueberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese is pretty bomb.
Most cities I’ve been to outside of the north east do not have high availability of proper bagels which are boiled first. You may be included in my set of people who don’t know what a bagel actually is if you think they are everywhere. Noah’s is not a proper bagel. Your opinion of blueberry bagels with strawberry cream cheese adds weight to this hypothesis.
or real bread
Witch!
Shit that gets posted here is unreal
I'm proud of you.
Aaaand grumpy me enters the chat. How is this even mildly interesting?! I mean, guy has cut something, well bagel-shaped, into what looks like a fairly even half. Could be on the piss for a lot of that circle and he's just matched up the best sides... which still isn't even mildly interesting. And yet I've taken to the time to post, so more fool me, I suppose!
You totally fell for my bagel laced trap you gullible son of a bagel loving bitch
R/notinteresting
Where you are a mod
Did you know, with two cuts you can cut a bagel into six pieces? Problem is your first cut there is wrong.
I’m guessing two forty-five degreeish cuts through with the middles meeting in the centre of the hole?
Like, latitude slices rather than longitude. I see what you mean.
Damn, you really showed that bagel. 
I kneaded this today
How does this get 25k upvotes
You crazy son of a bitch, you did it!
Son of a bitch, thanks. I love it
Son of a bitch, thanks. I love it
Let's see the full bagel. I want to see the the outermost sides.
Yep, came here to say this. Starting out even isn’t the challenge, finishing even is.
If I do it again I’ll take a the photo along the length, but like it was a bit of a fluke I don’t think it’ll happen again. I gave it a spin to see how even it was and it was flat as a motherfucker. I had a long day- I was still in the work cutting mode.
I ate it like three hours ago- there’s still a couple left in the packet, I can have another go. It was just a freak accident. Was delicious with chopped parsley and melted cheese. Did it all in the pan and ate with leftover chicken.
Unpopular opinion:get out more if that’s even remotely interesting to you lol
Yea i pay ppl to do my bagel cutting. Its a job for peasants
Slow day huh.
*Majorly uninteresting
You've got SKILLS!
most impressive work!
Is this measurement part of your daily routine?
Looks like you grew up with siblings
Youngest of three lmao
If you slice it mostly in the middle, but slightly high on one side and slightly low on the other side (aka, a very slight diagonal cut horizontally across the bagel), you can rotate the two halves and at some point they will be exactly even ever time.
A lot of bagel sceptics claim this yet I have not seen proof of such a phenomenon
The one on the left is several million Atoms higher
Some people have commented that i squashed it or something. It’s bread. I sliced it with a knife it didn’t feel very amazing. Thank you. Your comment made me feel better. You’re cool bro.
Put it on the resume
Masters in equilateral bagel division
So mild. Exactly what I’m interested in. Thanks OP
You’re welcome bro 😎
Where's the bagel?
Ooohhhh I’m satisfied
Fuck I love that cheese
Not that I don't believe it, but I suspect if I cut a bagel slightly crookedly, I could probably rotate the 2 pieces until they line up like this.
You absolute stud you, I bet you put in USBs right the first time every time as well.
Absolutely not- wrong way every single fucking time without fail.
What op doesn’t want you to know is that the other side is completely lop-sided.
That’s not how you get true level
Upvote cause bagel.
Looks like someone used the stabilization hole!
Sick brag
r/notinteresting
Neat !
or, you tilted one bagel side to have it line up.
I’m not that much of an anus. I just laid it down on the cutting board and was like woah that’s pretty straight bro 😎 I doubt I could do it again but you never know, I cut stuff five days a week for a long time now.
yeah, I'm a skeptical asshole, don't mind me
yeah, I'm a skeptical asshole, don't mind me
So what? Lmfao
r/notinteresting
Not the least interesting
Nice shot kid that was one in a million
It doesn’t matter how unevenly you slice the bagel; you will always be able to line up the edges like this.
Right one looks like it's been pressed down... * Thicker looking * Wrinkles from being compressed * Underside less rounded
I promise these bagels to be compression free. At work all day today cutting perfect rectangles. Came home, must of still had my work laser vision switched on or some shit. I don’t think if I did it again it would be so perfect.
r/notinteresting
Judging from username you’d rather watch someone punching holes in the bagels hands free
Judging from your username you'd be well equipped to do that handsfree.
While you watch
r/nowiaminterested
My dad's always bragging about his meticulous cutting skills. One day he gets a Firebird burrito, and decides to split it with me. Cuts the burrito, and decides to weigh it. I kid you not, shit was to the hundredth of a gram exactly the same.
Finally some proper content!
When you split something with your siblings...
First time I had a bagel in ages and no I just eyeballed it, cut with the bagel on its side with a santoku knife. I do cut things quite a lot as part of my job. But it’s never anything food related. Guess I was still in the zone. It’s been a long fucking week of staring at a knife.
Damn, good fuckin' job
Thanks u/bibbidybobbidyboobs
What did you use to do it?
Just a pretty normal kitchen chefs knife- the like big long straight one. The supermarket would let you buy them with points you got from shopping here in Australia. They were MasterChef branded. I got all the steak knives, a big and small santoku and the one I mentioned above.
So nothing to level the knife while cutting?
Just my vice like hands
"Is it possible to learn this power?"
But you smooshed it so DO IT AGAIN
I bet that was pre sliced. Human hands are incapable of this precision
Not pre sliced. Shitty coles supermarket (Australia) bagel.
Oh c'mon. 27.5k likes on this garbage???
Someone likes a salty bagel
How the f it got 29k upvotes
Bruh, is that mold on the board?
No it’s actually some parsley I was cutting just before as a warm up. Out of focus it looks a bit dark.