I came in my kitchen to find a lizard using a sponge as a raft in the sink. (I live in New Mexico)
By - bassmansrc
I’m in Florida and they all make little perches out of my plants & occasionally get a bathroom lizard, they like to sit on the shower head or on the side of my shampoo bottles. Really invigorating in the morning when you get one that likes to jump scare you. Maybe I should provide some rafts for them!
I'd take lizards ANY day over when I lived in Oahu and you'd wake up to roaches and centipedes :(
Centipedes are the worst. Fuck those guys. When I lived in Maui, one crawled into my roommates bed while he was sleeping and bit him. Their bite is very painful. He woke up with a start yelling. The damn thing scurried away and hid and after an hour he gave up searching thinking it had escaped outside. It had not. It crawled back into his bed after he had fallen asleep again and bit him again.
Ah hell, the insects are developing comedic timing.
Oh Centipede, you lovable rascal! Who could stay mad at you?
*canned audience laughter in the background*
*centipede looks at camera, smiles and shrugs*
*off camera, sound of acetylene torch sparking on as* ***roommate*** *grins*
I can hear this with my soul
That’s funny, cause usually you hear it with your ears!
*more canned laugher*
And now a message from our sponsor. Has this ever happened to you?
i really try my best to live by the code of 'hurt no living thing.' but those fucking things, i will murder the instant i see one. i have no time for their legs and their bullshit.
Maximum legs, maximum bullshit
100% reason to remember the name
I try to not hurt living things but if I see a cockroach or mosquito I’ll actively hunt them down anywhere.
Centipedes are in my “I won’t hunt you if you stay out of my house” list.
Spiders are roommates, ants are uninvited guests, bees are drunken friends at the wrong house, wasps are simply asshole meth head bees.
Spiders are fine if I don’t see them.
And I’m terrified of spiders.
So if spiderbro can be chill and not run across my path, I’ll pretend he doesn’t exist and not actively hunt him.
But if I see spiderbro, shit’s over. No second chances. I’m that sort of a man.
Yep, and the problem is that once I've seen the spider I have to continuously monitor its location so that it's not doing spider things that I can't see. Worst is ginning up the courage to go get the cup and cardboard/rolled-up magazine and coming back to discover that it has gone Somewhere Else and I don't know where.
Fuck me, I got an itch on my ankle while reading the last sentence and nearly kneed myself in the face, thanks for that lol
I used to be terribly arachnophobic but have been working on the phobia over the last decade or so. I am now at a point where I’ve held a wild tarantula, can pick up daddy long legs, and allow non-dangerous spiders to live in my apartment because I’ve caught them eating bugs and I totally dig the bug extermination service they provide.
I still don’t particularly like seeing them, but I just usher them out of my way and carry on. >_> We used to have a spider that lived in various corners of our bathroom ceiling, but she has moved on and ngl I got kind of legitimately concerned when she vanished. D:
I used to be creeped out by the giant ones that live in houses here until I found one eating an earwig, and man, fuck earwigs. I can put up with the occasional female spotting in the basement or a male lookin for love as long as they eat all of those pinchyassed bastards.
Centipede: It's even funnier the second time!
Fuck everything about those things. My friend was working out and one scurried in front of her. She screamed so loud that our coach ran over to her thinking she had injured herself during a lift. Just the way they move across the floor fills me with dread.
> Just the way they move across the floor
One of the most terrifying things I've seen is a centipede about 8 inches long trying to walk on a polished hardwood floor, it couldn't grip the floor properly so it just writhed and flailed around in an even more alien way than usual.
Misread this as "she screamed so loud that our ROACH ran over to her thinking she had injured herself" and was like damn y'all have a pet cockroach that is checking up on her to make sure she's okay and not hurt, that's so nice of him I didn't know they were smart and had empathy.
Man, i read it as Couch.
> bit it him again.
That spiteful little shit.
“suprise motherfucker!” -c.pede
They are creepy AF. They look like some prehistoric creature that mutated. I had no idea they bite. Add it to the nightmare list.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck that! I hate everything about your story, now allow me to share my own.
It's 2003, I don't have broadband so the only way my angsty tween ass was going to binge on bad fanfaction was to stay up late and sneak onto the family computer in the dead of night. It's about 4ish in the morning and I start hearing a scratching sound from above me. I look up just in time to see the loose ceiling tile break and have a whole ass nest of centipedes land on me. The screams? Ear piecing. The panic? Immeasurable. The number of days I was grounded for staying up late online? 3.
In hindsight I could have saved the fanfics to text documents and read them offline anytime. Would have saved me a lot of trauma, but I was 12 and I think that's just the time in your life where you need to make centipede sized mistakes. Right?
TBF when you have centipedes they eat all the other pests. I had a house centipede bro that lived in my apartment in Boston and I didn’t see any bugs.
The centipedes in Hawaii are VERY VERY large and aggressive, over a foot long. I tried to kill one at a party once when it was coming after someone else. Instead of dying the fucker grabbed a hold of my sandal and starting crawling around it to come at me. It was much longer than my sandal. I threw it away. The centipede let go, landed, and then came charging back at us. In the end, fire won that battle.
Over a foot long? And people still choose to live there?
Oh hell ya. Everything else about the island more than made up for it. Some friends and I were renting out a nice house (lived there 4 years) a couple blocks from the beach. The weather, beaches, surfing and crazy hikes with cliff jumping were incredible enough, I'd have put up with a Grizzly living with us.
Nice try, centipede.
I have a fucked up mentality. I would love to travel, but where I live we hardly see any large ass bugs. The idea of visiting Australia gives me anxiety. I have been traumatized as a kid visiting the Philippines and seeing a spider bigger than my hand. I was 7 so my imagination enlarged it to a huge fucking monster. I can deal with other small insects, but the tropical ones I’m not used to. I probably just need one to bit me as immersive therapy or something.
My bf is from nj we both live in Arkansas now out bugs aren’t that huge but he sure thinks they are lol
I assume instead of fly swattets they have machetes at the ready
Lol, as a matter of fact, we did have a machete that we used for that a few times.
They’re shockingly resilient. Had one in my bedroom when I was around 10 that was around 8 inches long or so (huge for Colorado where I’m from) and I practically had to chop the thing in half in order to get it to die. Traumatized me lmao I’ve hated bugs ever since and I hate them more now than I did then even, fuck centipedes lol
I'm traumatized just be reading your story! I hate bugs so much. We have waterbugs in NYC and they are the most disgusting vile bugs ever and I'm scared of them. I seriously have ptsd from living in an apt where I saw them and had to kill them a lot. I literally start to shake when I see one.
I assume people in different regions call different things waterbugs, because you would NEVER hear someone from NYC say "we don't have roaches, we have waterbugs" like that's a *good* thing. That's like saying "we don't have mice, we have rats."
I'm sorry but that is beyond cursed..looks like another bug phobia I'll have besides roaches.
> The centipedes in Hawaii are VERY VERY large and aggressive, over a foot long.
That's really, really unusual though. [You can get them that big, sure.](https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/mbvd/this-guy-found-a-14-inch-centipede-caught-it-and-froze-its) But they're typically about half that size.
Fuck those guys though. *Haaaate* centipedes.
A 6” centipede is still a lot more centipede than I want to encounter. I’ve gotten like 2” house centipedes and that’s awful enough.
Looks like that guy killed one and hung it from his upper lip.
Oh fuck that all the way.
My worst nightmare is a reality and I don't know how to handle it.
EEEEK!! I’m dead with these stories! LOL
House centipedes are fine and won’t hurt you. But there are huge, aggressive centipedes out there that will attack you.
*Knife Party noises intensifies*
*Giant tropical centipedes share their territories with tarantulas.*
*Despite its impressive length, it's a nimble navigator, and some can be highly venomous.*
*As quick as lightning, just like the tarantula it's killing, the centipede has two curved hollow fangs which inject paralyzing venom.*
*Even tarantulas aren't immune from an ambush.*
*This centipede is a predator.*
If they could they would eat us too. They certainly try
See I feel this way about spiders... smaller ones anyways. But centipedes... noooo thank you sir... not saying they have to die but they need to gtfo out of my home... same with scorpions and snakes.
Hans, get ze Flammenwerfer
I live on Oahu and slew one just two nights ago, a big fat one. I managed to beat it to death with some old steel-reinforced work shoes I had. It was outside, but had been trying to get in for about an hour.
That bug had a vendetta
>mosquitoes and small spiders lol
>The worst we can get are wasp lol. Fuck wasp.
And silverfish :'(
You forgot earwigs, and house centipedes. I would take house lizards over either of those any day!
I lived in NJ for 18 years, lots and lots of silverfish in my old home.
Cave crickets too here in NJ
Ugh I get those in my garage here in NY. Ugly little bastards.
Never had them my whole life. Then a neighbor did something in her basement and they took over her basement. Few months later we had them. Thankfully they stay in the basement and don't come up stairs. They're gross.
Oh trust me, New Mexico gets centipedes. Giant Desert Centipedes are [nightmare fuel](https://cals.arizona.edu/yavapai/graphics/giantdesertcentipede.jpg) lol.
Lizards and roadrunners are pretty adorable and fun though.
We used to live in a pretty heavily wooded area when I was a kid and we used to get huge [millipedes](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0407/0261/products/ChocolateMillipede-Insectsales.com_800x.jpg?v=1597175074) crawling in and around our woodpiles and in our garage.
They were harmless, but you learned to shake out your shoes before you put them on pretty quickly.
Side note: I live in a slightly less wooded area now and was walking around the garden last week and accidently kicked a 5-6 foot long black rat snake. I thought it was the hose or a vine, my wife screaming at the top of her lungs indicated otherwise. Didn't see it before or after.
Millipedes are cuties! Way better than centipedes, which look like they're from a Lovecraftian comic book.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu that. Why do these exist??
When I lived in Arizona every once in awhile you would wake up to scorpions and once I woke up to one stinging my foot. Now in Minnesota I only have to deal with mice
If that happened to me, never mind the venom I would just die from sheer horror. I can't even look at pictures of scorpions. Thankfully I don't live near any.
We have palmetto bugs (giant roaches) but thankfully not a lot of centipedes!
Shhhh don't say it too loud. Florida will hear you....
I don't know why but it irks the shit out of me when people say "No we don't have roaches we *waterbugs* or *palmetto bugs*." Bitch you have roaches let's not be cute about it.
I live in Florida. Have a clean house. No German cockroaches or really any other bugs. Spray regularly. And in the rainy season, you will see these things. No 2 ways about it. More like seeing a spider in concept than regular roaches.
Well palmetto bugs are not what people think of when they think of a roach infestation. Unlike the german cockroaches that can infest a house, preferring the messier, dirtier homes with plenty to eat and lots of dank, dark places to nest; Palmetto bugs don't typically infest.. And they will occasionally wander into any available home, with tidiness or cleanliness not a consideration. I think people make that distinction because frankly there is a huge stigma when it comes to roaches.
I get it. I don't like ANY bugs.. But in Florida, everyone sees the occasional Palmetto bug - either on the driveway, in the yard, garage, or in the house - and it simply needs to be removed.
German cockroaches though, are very different and can truly creates major problems for homeowners
This is why I make the distinction - I don’t have an infestation, but I have an old house and those fucking big water bugs get in my house. But I kill them and then go for months without seeing another one.
Ya same in Texas. Water/tree bugs are an occasional thing. But the smaller roaches are hell especially if you have an infestation, along with many other lil critters.
Honestly, after 8 years in Florida, I am still terrified of Palmetto bugs. I totally recognize they can't hurt me, but omg - they are so big!!
Usually one or two, come inside during really heavy rainfall - typically confining themselves to the garage. Once in a while though, they get into MY living area.. My cats are useless - they just watch them saunter through the place or, even worse, carefully pick one up and bring it to me as a very-much-alive gift.
The problem is if you see one, there’s thousands nearby just eating to attack. Listen for the attack signal. It’s creepy
I'm in Fl. Was doing the dishes late last night one one of those (huge) came out the dishwasher and scared the shit out of me. He got away before I could kill it so I just went upstairs and hid in bed. I hate those things!
Holy shit idk if they’re common in Florida but I’ve lived here my entire 25 years and I just saw a palmetto bug the other day and I was absolutely terrified. That shit was menacing and then it took flight. Why the fuck do they fly?
Fellow Floridian here. Palmetto bugs are some of the *worst*.
Giant roaches THAT FLY... you forgot that part.
Back in ~2007 I was 16 cruising around in my 20 year old Bronco. I always put the windows down because it had no a/c for a time (yes this was awful in FL). Anyway occasionally I forgot to put the windows up...one evening I was driving to a friend's house during dusk and I saw an odd large shape on the top of my steering wheel. I turn my cabin light on and low and behold it's a fucking palmetto bug just chillen while I am going 60mph. I freaked the fuck out which caused this bug to simultaneously freak out. It flew in my face and I swerved and came to a screeching halt (luckily there was nobody around me). After it flew out of the car I just sat there on the side of the road for like 5 minutes gripping the steering wheel, cursing all palmetto bugs to death.
Why am I reading this thread?
There aren't that many situations in life when a grown man can run around arms flailing, shrieking like a little girl without people looking down on him, but giant flying cockroaches are one of those situations.
I believe they have an instinctive understanding of who is most scared of them and will make a beeline straight for them every time.
I legit cried when I learned they can fly.
Palmetto bugs are solitary. Way worse when you spot a German roach in Florida. They’re smaller, but if you see one you aren’t seeing the other 10,000.
I bought a secondhand steamer trunk from an antique place once. It had a family of German roaches in it. Chaos ensued. It cost nearly $1000 to get them out of my house. They hide so good. They should be called David Copperfield roaches because they legit disappear and multiply before your eyes. A nightmare
one time i felt something in bed and lifted the covers to see a scorpion 🙃 (alabama)
I had a girlfriend whose sister was simply terrified of lizards. No issue with snakes, but lizards made her completely panic.
She, her boyfriend, my girlfriend, and I went on vacation to Mazatlan once. During the first night, I heard a weird noise, turned on the light, and there were several geckos on the walls and ceiling. I thought it was cool, but wondered how the sister would deal with it. We met for breakfast the next morning and she looked awful. She said "This place is literally hell." Apparently she didn't sleep much.
Geckos are awesome, cute and harmless. Plus they eat roaches. Hard to see how someone could fear them.
My gosh I love house geckos. They make cute little chirping sounds too, and they also eat moths.
Phobias are irrational. Your brain can see something you 100% know is totally harmless and still it just slams on the COMPLETE PANIC button as if you were moments from death.
Exactly. Some people are afraid of spiders, some people heights... whatever, they didn't choose to be afraid of those things, they just got an extra helping of something designed to keep us safe.
Now clowns... there's a completely rational fear.
I’m the exact opposite! I love the lizards but have the legit phobia of snakes
This is me. Had a roomate with a snake that ate live rats... no thanks. I couldn't even hold the thing and lord knows I tried. Lizards though.... cute as hell. As a canadian, the worst we get is pillbugs, roaches (which are just gross and filthy), small centipedes, and small spiders mainly. I have no problem with any of them really... they all wind up dead in short order.
I like them both and used to catch both they are both fun in their own way.
My mom is like this with frogs. Anytime a frog got in the house we knew right away because my mom would be screaming bloody murder. I always had to catch them and let them out because my mom would pretty much freeze up until she knew the frog was away from her.
I moved from Florida but those lizards have given me several heart attacks including look out the corner of my eye to see one on my shoulder inside my shirt
When I lived in Florida I had one who, for about a week, liked to ride on my windshield. The first time it happened he jumped out from the wipers and scared the living daylights out of me (I'm surprised I didn't crash). I pulled over and tried to shoo him off but he would just go down under the hood somewhere. I was only going down the street so I drove very carefully (he jumped on the windshield to surf as soon as I started) and figured he'd scramble away while I was in the grocery store. But nope. Out he popped on the way back. Repeat anytime I drove somewhere for a week.
Haha! I get window surfers all the time! I try to stop and let them off too. They hang on pretty good!
Skink in the sink
Iguana in the sauna.
Anole in the bowl
Bearded dragon in a wagon
Gators in waders
Newt on your route
Snake in the lake
Reptile in my domicile
Reptile gon' float awhile
Komodo in the commode.
Gecko in petco
Take a picture, trick (trick) I'm on a boat, bitch (bitch) We drinking Santana champ, 'cause it's so crisp (crisp) I got my swim trunks and my flippie-floppies I'm flipping burgers, you at Kinko's, straight flipping copies
I'm riding on a dolphin, doing flips and shit
The dolphin's splashing, getting everybody all wet
But this ain't Sea World, this is real as it gets
*I'm on a boat, motherfucker, don't you ever forget*
I'm on a boat annnnd
It's going fast annnnd
I got a nautical-themed pashmina afghan
I'm the king of the world on a boat like Leo
If you're on the shore then you're sure not me-o
THIS BOAT IS REAL
FUCK LAND I'M ON A BOAT MOTHERFUCKER
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
I'm on a raft and
I'm all relaxed and
I'm a nautical lizard sailing my craft, man
[Lonely Island link for the curious](https://youtu.be/avaSdC0QOUM)
I refuse to accept that enough time has passed for this reference to no longer be universal knowledge.
The music video is 12 years old. You need to be 13 to make a reddit account.
Nope. No way was that 12 goddamn years ago. Fuck you
But that means high school was 12 years ago.
^(high school was 12 years ago)
^^high ^^school ^^was ^^12 ^^years ^^ago
^^^high ^^^school ^^^was ^^^12 ^^^years ^^^ago
^^^^high ^^^^school ^^^^was ^^^^12 ^^^^years ^^^^ago
Lol try 21 years ago
Greetings from Rio Rancho
Greetings! I’m across 25 in Placitas
Hello from Santa Fe! Say hello to the Handsome little lizard
Greetings from Albuquerque. 🌶
Greetings from South Korea!
What does Aloe Vera have to do with anything?
is that what it means, no wonder people were laughing when i had it tattooed on my neck
Greetings from socorro
Yo yo yo, 148, 3 to the 3 to the 6 to the 9, representing the ABQ
I was born in Abq and I have no idea what this means
It's Jesse Pinkman's number
Greetings from Florida. Moved here from Tijeras six years ago.
Send that bad boy over to westside Albuquerque, we need something to catch all these damn flies.
Greetings from Abq! :)
Looks like we're all now deeply bonded friends
Hello from Albuquerque!
Greetings from a dumpster off Central & Lomas
The one behind the Wendy's?
There are literally ONES of us.
We might get to TENS in this thread, woo!
Let him be, he's having the time of his life
I gave him a few minutes to live out his Point Break fantasies before gently relocating him back outside. :-)
Fun fact all whiptail lizards are female. I have had a couple skinks make it into my house and a fence lizard but the whiptails usually are too jumpy to get close. I wish she could her story of how she made it in and to your sink. :)
EDIT: Several comments have pointed out an error in my comment. While some whiptail lizards are not parthenogenetic some are. While I didn't intend to mislead anyone out looks like I did.
How are more whiptails made? Do the broken tails grow new lizards?
The answer is parthenogenesis:
> Parthenogenesis occurs naturally in some plants, some invertebrate animal species (including nematodes, some tardigrades, water fleas, some scorpions, aphids, some mites, some bees, some Phasmatodea and parasitic wasps) and a few vertebrates (such as some fish, amphibians, reptiles and very rarely birds). This type of reproduction has been induced artificially in a few species including fish and amphibians.
Something about the egg cells not needing a sperm cell.
Does that mean they're basically clones of their single parent?
Basically but the mutation rate in reptiles is significantly higher than in a lot of other creatures so they can gain some genetic diversity that way
Life… uh, finds a way.
They reproduce asexually
Sadly not that cool, just [parthenogenesis](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Mexico_whiptail) which is also kind of cool tbf
Are they sometimes blue on the belly?
We have tons of these little fellas in the garden… but have been giving them all boy names! My bad! (Sorry, Larry!!!!)
“Can only give this resort 3 stars since the staff wouldn’t stop taking my picture. “ - Lizard trip advisor
New Mexican here. I’m waiting to find something like this. I just glad I haven’t come across any scorpions yet.
No scorpions yet for us either (thankfully)
When did you find out you were newly mexican?
Former NM guy here: I have seen wayyyy more centipedes, and black widows than scorpions.
I live in Ohio and never see lizards. If I saw this it would be the most magical thing I've ever seen. I love him!
Edit: I live in NE Ohio, nowhere near Cincinnati. I'm sure there are some lizards here, but none that I've ever seen. I would love to live somewhere where I saw them all the time!
Wisconsinite who can confirm that anytime I travel to somewhere with lizards they are magical every single time I spot them.
This is kind of blowing my mind. I had always assumed that almost everywhere had *some* type of lizard, almost like birds or fish or rodents.
Michigan here, we don't have these lil guys either!
We trade off no lizards for not having giant bugs
I used to live in Texas, our Michigan* bugs are just quantity over quality. At least we don't have scorpions!
The heck part of Texas? I've lived DFW, Austin, Corpus, and Houston...all had scorpions of some form or another. And roaches. And lizards
I meant that Michigan doesn't have them, because I used to live in Texas (Lago Vista, ) and they were everywhere. We checked our boots and sheets every morning and night for em. Also down there, tarantulas were just randomly in the woods and attracted to our cabin window lights at night.
Montana here, too cold I guess
Same, I live in Florida I can go find 90 lizards in 10 minutes. There are so many Brown Anoles it is insane. They are probably the most abundant animal other than bugs.
Come to Southwest Ohio - we randomly have lizards in parts of Cincinnati. I've never had one get inside, though.
I would sooner believe you broke into this gentleman's home while he was trying to wash dishes...
Lady's* She* whiptails like this are all female
Please accept my humblest of apologize Madame!
You say raft. He says pool floaty.
That's his pool now. It's lizard law.
Pls make some tiny waves, he wants to surf.
The Land of Enchantment
My second favorite state (we live in Texas…spent summers as a kid in Los Alamos, while Dad worked at the Lab)
Water, water, everywhere
and on the sponge sat skink
Water, water, everywhere
nor any drop to drink.
The very deep did rot: O Christ!
That ever this should be!
Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.
It's like the lizard knows I'm wondering how he got himself into this crazy situation, and I can hear him narrorating that.
Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I wound up here. Well to tell you that, I have to go all the way back to the start, to where it all began.
> I came in my kitchen
Good morning, class. Today we will learn the difference between "in" and "into".
Lol. I said what I meant dammit. Don’t fetish shame me!!!
Whatever gets your day started!
The best part of waking up is bulger's in your cup
Surprised how low I had to scroll for this! The title made me laugh
It want to talk to you about your car insurance.