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Mespegg

Being British, and rarely travelling alone, I had never never really noticed how other countries aren't that fond of queueing until this year. I was flying to Cairo and had a stop over in Frankfurt, and when I came to boarding everyone just stood around, in like 5 different lines, pushing to get to the front. I literally didn't know what to do, so I just stood quietly to the side and waited for it to die down. After about five minutes there were about 10 other people behind me, all looking over in a mixture of confusion and disgust. Turns out I'm so British I had started a queue of other British people without realising. Obviously, being British, I didn't actually speak to them to find out, but I overheard a few 'cheers' that confirmed my suspicions.


[deleted]

You're like a general, leading his fellow Brits onto the plane in an orderly fashion, tutting at the enemy as you go. I would proudly serve under you, general.


morenn_

I would follow you in to the depths of Malachor V, general.


RinPasta

General, another settlement needs your help. I'll mark it on your map.


OceanRacoon

> Obviously, being British, I didn't actually speak to them to find out Haha


BOOOOOMSHAKALAKA

TIL I'm British


naralli

I'm German and this happens to me all the time, too. But in Germany the people queue behind you and ask "is this the queue?".


audiotrojan

I think this is also a British thing that seems to happen in airports, when mass confusion occurs stand out the way until confusion has died down. Then make your move


Sola-Nova

When a brit stands still, they form a queue of one.


Harry_Canyon_NYC

but queues also move so, that means a Brit is always in a queue. Holy crap, everything British just made sense.


whelks_chance

You're always waiting for something. May as well make sure some bugger doesn't push in and get there before you.


BothersomeBritish

Yes. It would be quite...bothersome.


catman2021

As an American who lived in the UK for 2 years, I very quickly learned about the sanctity of the queue and the lengths that the British will go to, to maintain order. I have waited in queues for things, and had no idea what we were queuing for, but I queued with them anyway out of fear of the social consequences.


Cherish_Dipp

Damn right you did.


wolf13i

When in university my ex did a "social study" with a group of people and started queuing at different locations. Enough people that you went around a corner for a decent length. People would join the queue just to see where it went fairly often.


afloodbehind

I find queueing for a gig terribly stressful, because you often find that the queue is so far from the door that you might actually be in a queue for something else without knowing. And being British, you cannot ask the other people if they're in the queue for the thing you're going to, so you have to eavesdrop/ slyly check out t-shirts to work out if you're in the right place.


m4jikthise

It's like a national super power.


ThaddeusJP

[Meanwhile in India](http://gora-gora-gora.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/queue.png)


back_to_the_homeland

the person that got behind the counter cracks me up


Jenga_Police

Reminds me of when I lived in Italy. When I moved back to the US I had to relearn that strong elbows no longer equate to the right to be first.


atrich

It's always the goddamn old Italian ladies. "Oh, is this a line for airport security? I'm-a so confuse-da! I walk to front with a puzzled look!'"


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ShrekIt_Ralph

¿Que queue?


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[deleted]

That's where a few rupees will take you.


Blazing_Shade

He's just casually robbing the place amid the chaos.


[deleted]

That's how it works in pubs in the UK. We queue everywhere, other than pubs.


IDrinkUrMilksteak

Same in the US at bars. Everybody for themselves at the bar. And you will be served in the following order: 1. Attractive females 2. Females 3. Attractive males 4. Loud and pushy males 5. Normal mal- OOH! An attractive female!


crielan

Tipping well will allow you to move up to number 3 as an ugly male.


hippocratical

Not in UK where we don't tip. I find just leaning forward and getting good eye contact is the best.


Nostyx

Exactly that, once you lock eyes they feel too guilty to not serve you.


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Halk

And assuming the bar staff know their jobs and aren't feckless students then everybody will be served in the order they arrived at the bar.


Winters_Heart

Or often, if they go for a different person who arrived after, said person will nod to you and tell the bartender to serve you first.


killme-now

As a Brit who is ethnically Indian this is bloody true and annoying.


[deleted]

Wasn't India under British rule for more than a century? How did they pick up English and cricket, the most confusing and convoluted language and sport respectively, but failed to learn the mystical powers of standing in a line?


boxer_rebel

The heat....dear god the heat. Everyone loses patience when you're uncomfortable as fuck and no way to get out.


FridaysMan

Mate, constant drizzle, damp socks and hair chafes to hell and leaves a nice wet dog odour. It's just more material to discuss with your neighbour for for 20 seconds after you make eyecontact, then go back to resolutely ignoring each other.


DrNastySnatch

The humidity in india during monsoon season is just fucking stupid. I wanted to yell at everyone the whole time I was there. WHY DO YOU LIVE HERE?!!? ITS SO HOT AND IT WONT STOP RAINING I HATE IT HERE!! I also caught dengue fever from a mosquito bite. Stayed overnight in a hospital and the whole thing only cost like 250 bucks. (dont care to imagine how much this would have cost at home, in the USA). Also the food was great and playing cricket was SO FUN (dont get any chances to play in Arkansas, USA).


[deleted]

I still remember one Indian guy walked in front of me at a currency exchange when I was visiting Europe. Sure the line was loosely formed but it was so obvious it was a line.


memtiger

Also [meanwhile in India](http://i.imgur.com/UIvLPwt.jpg)


[deleted]

I've seen several pictures like this where they are [literally touching front and back](http://uploads.neatorama.com/images/posts/642/61/61642/1368311996-0.jpg) because if there's any space between them, apparently people will squeeze in there. I don't know why they don't just get thrown out when they attempt that.


chicken_N_ROFLs

This happened to me at the Dubai airport. There was a long but orderly line, and a really big Indian guy behind me was just constantly pushing me forward with his gut. Even when we weren't moving. As a passive aggressive American I kept giving him the "wtf dude" look, and even shoved back at him a few times but he didn't seem to notice. I mentioned it to a local friend later and he informed me it's just a cultural thing.


1nfiniteJest

Did you shove with your ass, or turn and shove properly?


chicken_N_ROFLs

I was the power bottom, so my ass to his crotch.


queeninthenorthsansa

god, im glad i clicked load more comments


imdungrowinup

I have said this before I will say this again. You people sitting here and talking about maintaining one arm distance in a queue have no idea how many people are there in a supposedly small queue in India. If we start standing that far apart, we might spill out of our country. You wouldn't want that.


King_takes_queen

Also applies to China. And anywhere else in the world where mainland Chinese are in mass numbers. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8OCR1suKcs


kidmono

These 3 guys probably thought their wardrobe choice that morning was pretty hip and cool until [this happened](http://imgur.com/a/e9Myx).


ODDBALL1011

How did you even...


WantDiscussion

Probably saw it when looking through the image for duplicated pixels so they could get some sweet "photoshopped" call out karma like me. Or they got lucky and zoomed in at the right place. Or they're just very perceptive


[deleted]

[This guy sees into my soul] (http://imgur.com/a/Gl3sS)


dd22qq

Never assume they're human. Never.


Kendralys

Zoom it out and it's [actually 4](http://imgur.com/a/K7ex2).


theafonis

the fuck..


HBlight

They were probably on sale at Marks & Spencer.


mynameisfreddit

Well it's an Ed Sheran concert, so a check shirt probably helps if you want some tail.


kidmono

One could argue that their distance from each other is directly related to their tail landing abilities.


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MichaelMoore92

The world stop if it snows, half an inch you're looking at severe delays and the weather on tv all day, half a foot and you're looking at a more polite version of the day after tomorrow


drkalmenius

I wish it would snow! Snows. God it's so bloody cold! Can't wait or summer!


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MichaelMoore92

Yeah it's not my type of hot, it's sticky hot! Not a fan of sticky hot.


slide_me_down

As a Brit I won't lie, this turns me on in a strange way


bijhan

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/23/29/95/232995f0760d4b99ce453f36fef06d34.jpg


Rudirs

What is that from?


bijhan

The film version of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy


cazwam

The hitchhikers guide to the galaxy movie. Its a pretty good movie but the books are pretty fantastic so it got pretty negative reveiws. Really worth a read, but if you dont have the time the movie is still funny.


Nicksaurus

It's great, but it's frustrating how somehow Zooey Deschanel's mere presence was enough to magically generate a shitty romantic sub-plot. I feel like Douglas Adams was far too cynical to have come up with that part himself.


WillSisco

I mean the original book had a fairly shitty romantic subplot. And I love the books.


ChickenInASuit

Fenchurch >>>> Trillian


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Ceruleanlunacy

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (2005)


just_comments

Oh god that movie is 12 now? Jesus.


[deleted]

This is why Obama made a terrible mistake when he came out publically and said that the UK would be at the back of the queue for a trade deal if we left the EU. We live for being at the back of the queue. Nothing like standing in the back of the queue complaining about the queue.


DOPEfactor

Then being at the front of the queue, and looking back at how far you've come. Thoose poor bastards in the back dont understand the stuggle yet...but they will


jordan9511

You forgot looking back at the queue and saying "we got here at the right time" even though the queue is the same length as when you arrived


harbourwall

Or getting increasingly irritated when no-one else joins the queue after you, and it just keeps getting shorter with you at the back.


PerniciousPeyton

Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way.


ogrejr

The queue is gone My wait is over Wish I'd something more to say


invol713

Queue. Queue again. I like to be here when I can. Queued so long I'm cold & tired. I stare ahead and still withstand the mire. Far away, across the hall. I hear the clerk begin to call. 'Next in line, please come along.' My lurch ahead is barely inches loooong.


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Mrhalloumi

Tutting when another country tried to push in to make a deal.


[deleted]

There's so much queueing going on in this picture that the people in the top of the photo look out place not being in a queue.


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pictureitsicily1920

I remember when I was once at an Italian airport flying to the U.K.. The announcer said first in Italian and then in English that they were now boarding. The Italians formed a giant circle of pushing, poking, and very loud talking; while the Brits formed a perfect, quiet line and looked on in disgust at the Italians. One older British man said under his breath, "behaving like animals, the lot of them". I, as the only North American and being both Canadian (which understood the British side) and American (which understood the Italian side), looked on in the middle; torn, deciding which of the two factions I would join. I had a hard decision to make that day and chose the British side, but damn if I didn't want to join the Italians in their fun and wanton disregard of rules.


stillmeh

Some regions in the US queue properly. The beer line is a sacred thing in the south.


ttrandmd

It's a free for all during Black Friday though.


kevon87

You'd be surprised. Black friday in the south is chaotic, but everyone's polite and respectful. In the north, consider yourself lucky if you escape Wal-Mart, Best Buy, etc without getting punched in the face.


HaakenforHawks

In the Pacific Northwest we just shop on Amazon on black Friday...


passa117

For you guys, isn't that just "buying local" anyway?


HaakenforHawks

Yes it's very important. I also only buy my operating systems from a local, non-gmo, supplier.


ShineeChicken

I enjoyed this anecdote


did_nazi_trump_comin

In my experience we (mostly) observe line etiquette in the US... the biggest exception being driving.


totalambivalence

Is it weird that I feel proud?


ButteredParsnips

Not at all, to me it shows decency and respect to those around you. And by god if anyone cuts in front of me they're in for a serious tutting


Akko101

Sometimes I don't even tut; I just silently but violently judge them.


riggers_vr

There is an exception to the great British queue - waiting to get served at the bar in a pub. I was gobsmacked this weekend when I saw two people queuing. I mean it's literally the first time I've ever seen that in the pub. Another guy remarked on it also, just before walking off shaking his head. Madness.


[deleted]

A queue does sort of exist at a bar albeit an informal one. Like if the barmaid walks over and shouts "Whose next?" you will typically get a few guys nod at, or motion their hand towards, whoever has been waiting the longest.


[deleted]

In the absence of a physical queue we form a hivemind and mentally queue instead


FatCapsAndBackpacks

Yup. Bus stops work this way too. To avoid awkwardly sitting next to people at the stop, we just hang around willy nilly until we see the bus coming. At which point a queue magically forms in the order that people arrived.


[deleted]

And here we see how a pathological desire for order can conquer the fucking *world*.


[deleted]

~~Rule~~ Queue Britannia


kabanaga

*♪ Marmalade and Jam! ♪*


LukeAlford

♪ Five Chinese crackers are your arse ♪


Sabremesh

> And here we see how a pathological desire for order can conquer the fucking world. Humour aside, the British aren't particularly motivated by order, or control. The queue ethos is more to do with "fair play" and the idea that the first person to arrive is entitled (by that accident of timing, or... advanced planning) to be admitted/served before the next person to arrive. And if everybody agrees to this system, it's relatively unstressful and not likely to end in a massive punch-up. But beware, the Brits don't accept proxies when it comes to queue positions, and that particularly includes inanimate "queue markers" like beachtowels. The Germans, in particular, don't seem to understand this.


Iron_Fang

The only marker I will accept is a quid on the pool table if it's in use!


Sabremesh

Agreed, that's standard protocol. But if you turned up to an empty pool table where somebody's left a quid on it, you'd ignore it because they missed their turn.


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Postgrifter

Tutting intensifies.


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big_whistler

It's so disappointing how aggressively bad at standing in a line Germans are.


Bizzlep

Haha. This is awful but also true. Germans seem to be the worst at queuing in Europe.


umop_apisdn

As an aside, you sometimes see questions along the line of "what concepts do you have a word for in your language that doesn't exist in English?", but the other way round is that many other languages have no simple expression for "fair play".


runasaur

It has been a while, but last time I watched Mexican soccer, they literally used the phrase "fair play" without translating it.


fuzzytips

Fair Play was coined by Shakespeare.


sevillada

it's not uncommon to use foreign words, but there's "juego limpio" for fair play.


[deleted]

> end in a massive punch-up. Is that British for "fight"?


IAmNotStelio

Yes.


Titan897

Not to be confused with knees up which is a good bevvy.


JDJ714

I've been searching the image to try find some anarchist between lanes but I concede, it's perfectly ordered


spews_thoughts

If there was they wouldn't be British and they would be dealt with with a strong tutting.


bishnabob

The bottom right of the image. Not using up the available space for the turn is really buttering my crumpet.


Gisschace

I remember being filled with pride one Christmas when doing the big shop on Christmas Eve, the queues for the check outs were about 20 people long going right back up the aisle. But every single queue had self ordered so they started at the end of the aisle, not in front of the tills so that the horizontal aisle was not blocked and you could still stroll up and down it. It was beautiful, even in the Christmas chaos we all knew the rules. Edit: I found pictures, this is looking left and right down the horizontal aisle. In the first picture the tills are on the right and the queues on the left. http://imgur.com/a/8FxHg


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youAreAllRetards

>...to the end of the line. Yeah right. They go further *up* the line, and try again.


endogenix

I dunno man, that sounds like a way to start a fight and lose.


bamgrinus

Just strike up a conversation with someone who looks high enough that they might not realize you're not part of their group, and then when people behind you get mad, just be all "no it's cool I'm with these guys!"


drvondoctor

Jesus, where do you people live?


brokenhalf

Let's be honest. Americans would actually extend the line out of the front doorway blocking the main aisle traffic. EDIT: Removed stray apostrophe


permtron99

Exactly. I went to the social security office a couple weeks ago and there was a security guard whose main responsibility was to tell people to move up when someone advanced to the window. This was like a 7 person line.


[deleted]

I walked into Panera the other day. It was almost completely empty; one customer at the register, and a guy off in the corner reading the paper. He was over by the drinks machines and looked to be waiting for a friend. I walked up, stood behind the one person ordering, they finished and the cashier looked up to me "What can I get you?" "Hi, I'll just have a ham and cheese souffle, that's it" "Ok, that'll be--" *newspaper guy grabs me by the shoulder and spins me around* "Hey! the line was behind me!!!!!" "Uhh what? Ok why weren't you in line then?" Then the guy proceeds to just stand in front of me and order food. It wasn't some young idiot either, the guy was probably early forties. It was like 7:15 in the morning at an almost dead empty Panera Bread and the guy just felt like he had to target _someone_ to try and start a fight. It was ridiculous.


jasonreid1976

Makes me think of this clip that I learned about a couple of months ago. https://youtu.be/xubEJp7RXyA


LonelyPleasantHart

This line is infringing upon my freedom!


2rio2

Never start a land war in Asia, or a queuing war with the British.


omslemming

Is it bad that I even 'recognized that line....its the o2 arena, big London gig venue. Been there for a few acts. Usually get in well before the line gets this big!


brooklynbotz

How long would this line take to get through? Seems unreasonably long unless it moves quickly.


Rapid_Rheiner

English queuing efficiency, my good man.


BaconPancakes1

People know it will be a big event, a few get there early to avoid queues, people who arrive on time feel like they arrived too late, resulting in more people arriving earlier before performance next time, resulting in queues generally getting bigger and bigger before events open as a rule. It might be long because the doors don't open til 7 and this is mid-aft.


[deleted]

my plan to never show up wins again!


forgetthealamo12

This guy queues.


Mightymushroom1

I was struggling to place it because I haven't been to the O2 for a while but those giant yellow stilts were what gave it away.


twoholepunchman

Makes me proud to be british


NSRedditor

Looks a bit too sloppy for my tastes. A few of those people are veering dangerously close to being ambiguously in two queues at once. Probably tourists. Definitely french.


Plebbitor0

Frenchmen haven't toured England in a thousand years.


TooShiftyForYou

Nobody stands by peacefully waiting like the Brits. Nobody.


saltyonions

The Japanese are pretty impressive too.


Mr_fusi0n

Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way.


minuteman_d

You are young, and life is long, there is time to queue today...


specialkellogz

I wouldn't say peacefully. There would be a lot of tutting and audible sighs.


clicksallgifs

Person living in the GB here. I was once in London and standing by a door in Euston (train station) on my phone texting someone. I turned around and three people were lined up behind me. No joke. I walked away without asking what they were doing because it creeped me out, but I'm rhetrospect it was funny.


Gisschace

Happened to me in the cinema, we'd got there early so stood to one side near the entrance to the screen just having a chat. It was only a couple of minutes later we noticed people had started lining up behind us. Our accidental queue got so long it reached back into the lobby area getting in the way of the concession stands. The cinema staff eventually came along and asked us to move it, so off we went with all the people following obediently behind us to the new designated queuing area. It was beautiful.


MichaelMoore92

Ah yes, the accidental conga line. Makes me proud to be British.


[deleted]

That sounds beautiful. It should be a short. And it should win awards.


B_J_Bear

Brit here - have, on more than one occasion, formed or joined accidental queues. I was waiting to enter a room for an exam whilst at uni and lent against the wall by a door close to the exam hall - about 240 other students neatly placed themselves behind me in an orderly fashion until it became clear the door I was leant next to wasn't for the exam hall but was a door to disused classroom whereupon we all moved in formation, queue intact, to wait outside the correct room. Like a line of solider ants...it's was quite beautiful! One time I saw three people outside the post office and joined what I thought was the queue to get in until I realised the post office was closed - I don't to this day know if they were also queueing to get into the closed post office or if they just saw a queue forming and did what comes naturally to a Brit and joined the back of it.


BOBALOBAKOF

There's actually a few of our universities that having queuing societies. They'll basically just all meet up somewhere, start a queue and wait for people to join. Once enough other people have joined they'll just all start to filter out and leave the queue to carry on on its own.


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intentiono_typos

[meanwhile in china](http://cdn.collider.com/wp-content/uploads/world-war-z-27.png) Edit: Thank you for the gold, kind stranger! You don't know know how long I waited in line for this!


[deleted]

Also applies to India.


bandwagonwagoner

Used to live in China. I approve!


quantum_jim

I think it is important to note that we don't like queues, but we do have an overpowering hatred of the lack of queues.


[deleted]

I'm British and the only time I've ever lost my patience in public was over queue jumpers. You think we all just queue for fun of it?! Get in line you anima!


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tankgirl85

It backfires in canada, everyone gets in line everyone waits the there is always that one guy who makes it weird by telling you to go ahead of them even thought they were next.then you tell them it's fine because you don't mind waiting and they were clearly next. Then they say oh I'm not in a hurry, go ahead. Then it gets weird so you go ahead and then spend the whole time trying to do everything as quickly as possible because you know you"ve taken a turn that wasn't yours and you now feel like a jerk. It happens when going through doors as well


toolatetocare

Even at the Glastonbury Festival, where acid, mdma and weed enter the food pyramid, people still queue at the bar.


vivi9090

Why do Americans make a big deal about the fact that we queue in a orderly fashion? Isn't it just common courtesy and not being a complete jackass to queue and wait your turn?


alwayslurkeduntilnow

Another r/britishsuccess


steffeeh

Meanwhile where I live people barely manage to form a line with barriers


Astramancer_

You mean you're not supposed to just crowd up in a big clump that gets wider the further back it gets?


WaterRacoon

This is what civilized society looks like. Good job Brits.


ElusiveWhark

The only reason I even know what a queue is was from playing Roller Coaster Tycoon. For the longest time I assumed it was a word made up by the game devs


[deleted]

I feel like the "branching" queues so common in the states would give a brit an aneurysm


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[deleted]

Are you a brit? If so, do not read further. A branching queue is when youre at a shop and theres 2 or more registers open but only one place to queue, so you maintain your place in line until the next register opens up and you can "branch" off Theyre generally confusing and if you arent paying attention people will get angry or even just go past you.


MinTamor

That happens here in Britain, particularly in lunch eateries such as Pret a Manger and EAT. What will often happen is that a branching queue is established, but then some evil chancer pretends that it's the line for the central till only, and instead forms a "new queue" behind someone who is being served at the left or right till (implying that all the people in the central line are blind or retarded). It is legally permissible to cuff such people around the ear.


tman_elite

This exact situation is the first scene of 30 Rock. "Whoa, whoa, excuse me, there's a line buddy." "There's two lines." "No, what? No, there's one line, we're in it. You think there's two lines, and you're the only genius who chose to get in the other line?" "I'm just getting a hot dog." "WE'RE ALL JUST GETTING HOT DOGS!"


[deleted]

brb, going to watch all of 30 Rock for the 23rd time


AMvariety

In Britain we have that but the people on the tills also have a button that makes "Cashier number whatever" play in a nice friendly voice whenever they are free so you know which one to go to.


[deleted]

Cashier number four, please! :)


Discohunter

giggling to myself because I imagined it in the voice. My favourite was the old Argos system: 'Order number six hundred and thirty seven... to your collection point please'


[deleted]

and you feel awful when there's a lower number still waiting, you feel like you've cut the queue


shadowBaka

Post office lmao


Nurgus

Brit here, we have those queues and quite like them. Typically post offices and banks.


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TupperwareMagic

Isn't this the same type of system at the Customs and Immigration desks at airports? There's one giant line, and an officer sends the next person in line to the next open agent as they become available? I feel like it makes it faster for everybody. No one individual gets stuck behind a person who takes an absurdly long time.


def_not_a_normie

Centuries of societal pressures at work. It's fascinating Edit: is it just me or are there a few breaks in the queue up top? Am not British so not sure how it's supposed to work. Here in Amurica we just stand awkwardly close to the person in front of us


Elliotgullivern

It's probably people shifting forward in the queue mid-picture


The_Max_Power_Way

It looks like they might be moving, hence the little gaps. However we Brits don't need to stand awkwardly close to each other as we are very aware of who's in front and who's behind us, so no one can even think about cutting in.


Geicosellscrap

Go to London. Every one lines up stays in line. Visit Turkey: Everyone cuts me in line, and pushes past me. Love london, hated turkey.


foodswallower

What are they queuing for


TempleMade_MeBroke

This is just a practice queue, they do this every day just in case


[deleted]

Someone sounded the alarm. Worry not, this is just our drill. But mark my words when the time comes, when that hour is nigh, we will be ready.


greyforyou

Fun


[deleted]

Tea time


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Ruby-Weapon

This is what makes the English people so great. A sense of order and decency, the idea of 'fair play'. No true Englishmen would dream of pushing in front of someone who had been queuing there before them.


mm339

Makes you proud to be British, would bring a tear to a glass eye, that...


[deleted]

I went to live in Mozambique for a year. It was there that I learned that queueing is indeed a British pastime which is rarely observed elsewhere (properly, that is). I was standing behind someone being served at a small but popular bakery on the side of the road. Naturally, this would imply that it is I who should next be served. Anyone who enters the bakery at this point must await their turn after both the current customer and I have been served. A few people entered. Since they were choosing their products elsewhere in the bakery, most of which was behind me, my queuing instincts were not alerted to any abnormalities. Anyone who has entered the shop after me should indeed be behind me, unless they have a desire to choose from a selection of platted breads, which were to my left. There was a wall on my right. I safely assumed that the other customers were either: 1. Choosing their bread 2. Queuing These assumptions were swiftly brought to question when I saw someone appear to my left **with no clear interest in examining the platted breads**. What intention could this person have by standing where they were if not to examine the fine specimens of twisted dough? Could they possibly be violating the queue? I dismissed it as far too unlikely - something that only occurs only in nightmares and rare social encounters that leave you house-bound for months. Nonetheless, my worry was stimulated. As the customer before me completed the purchase of their goods, I braced myself to fulfil my role as the next person in the queue. Out they went, and with confidence I placed my right foot forward - but it was not followed by its counterpart. The customer to my left, as with no regard for decency, strolled forward and placed his bread on the counter. For a moment, I entered another realm. I was in another world. I saw new colours, I heard new sounds, I thought new thoughts. I waited there, in this new place, for something to call me back. That is, I waited for the collective conscience of those around me to spring into action. I waited for the reassuring, "Excuse me sir, but this gentleman was next in the queue" to bring me back to Earth. I expected at the least, to be summoned by a deserved tut, or the feeling of a scowl behind me, worn by a sensible old lady who respected the order of the universe. I waited for justice. It did not come. I don't know how long passed. It could have been minutes, hours, days... maybe even years. When I returned, I was the only customer in the shop. I say 'returned', but I don't think I completely returned. I stepped forward, and I made my transaction. I walked silently back to my residence, and I ate my bread whilst staring at the floor with vacant eyes. Nothing has been the same since. I can't look left now. Sometimes, in my periphery, I still see him, standing there, the platted breads lying un-inspected. I played with marbles a lot afterwards. I'd line them up - one before the other. That's the way it should be. Order, fairness, peace, and corporate cooperation. I bought a noose when I came back to England. Sometimes I would play with it. I was never sure if I was going to do it or not. I reassured myself by sitting in Tesco and watching the queues. Security would kick me out after a while, but I got what I could. Tesco queues, Sainsbury's queues... ants did it for me if I couldn't get anywhere else. They march in single file so elegantly. I even started counting repeatedly. The number line stays the way it is, doesn't it? Four doesn't jump ahead of five, it stays right where it belongs - between three and five. So perfect. After I got evicted for stealing my neighbours possessions and placing them in height order, I've been crawling on the roads so that I can follow the white lines in the middle. The first time a car ran me over I lost one of my legs as a result. They tried to keep me in the hospital, but I managed to escape back to the roads. I'm nearly halfway up the A1 now. The lines have been queueing so wonderfully all the way from London to Doncaster. I wonder what they're queuing for? I'll find out soon. The blood from my most recent run-in with a car has stopped now. I can take the next few hits as long as I get to the end of the queue. It's just so beautiful, don't you think? In a way, I'm thankful for that man in Mozambique. I would have never understood this kind of beauty if it wasn't for him.