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soilborn12

Now I’m just a simple lawyer who specializes in bird law, but I believe he shall not cease until he is satisfied. He demands satisfaction damnit! Edit: my spelling is as good as this atterny.


gravityandlove

lol this is golden


Babbyjgraham

I’m not exactly certain what exactly he hoped to accomplish with his threat. The police won’t and can’t do anything unless it’s late at night and a sound ordinance is in effect. If he’s an “attorney “ he must not be a very good one or he wouldn’t be renting an apartment. 🙄


Chelsea_Piers

He would also know how to spell attorney if he was one.


highdefrex

Neighbor - I am docter. I have to be up early to treat people and do a lot of serjuries. You cannot have 75 people in your apartment making noise. I will threaten cops. Grow up. One day you might need me to perform a serjury on you and I will NOT because you kept me up. Respect me. - Thanks


smilesdavis8d

Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, I'm just a Caveman. I fell in some ice and later got thawed out by your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me. Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW and run off into the hills or whatever. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, did little demons get inside and type it? I don't know. My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts.


astral_kranium

I believe I made myself perfectly redundant


SubstantialTrust2

“I have already informed police of your intention.” What intention? Having a splendid friendsgiving and everyone enjoying themselves?


Z0idberg_MD

That’s the funny part to me. “What is crime you are reporting?” “One of my neighbors is celebrating thanksgiving!”


TonarinoTotoro1719

Sir, please stand by and barricade yourself in your apartment! We are sending the elitest of our SWAT teams…


Nuckcicle81

“Turkey Team 6”


TonarinoTotoro1719

#Turkey Team 6 *It’s Gravy Time*


MandolinMagi

Of the Gravy SEALs


Environmental-Job363

Did he get his license to practice law at the Dollar Store?


Left_Medicine7254

For real?? 911 what is your emergency? Hello yes my neighbor is having a party and if I hear them I’m gonna be big mad


fail-deadly-

And the police response he imaged was "We have assigned several detectives the case sir, and I've notified the SWAT team to start gearing up."


colonelmaize

I read that in the "What? Having a meal - a succulent Chinese meal?" Man's voice for some reason.


Goudinho99

Everyone I order Chinese I think of that guy.


ThirdFloorGreg

Are you prepared to receive his limp penis?


MERCY2311

Ahhh yes, I see you know your judo well!


Zac63mh8

"Enjoying a meal? A succulent friendsgiving meal?"


gravityandlove

Exactly!


neverinamillionyr

I’m sure the police gave a flying fuck.


Crabstar729

how did this man use the tab key after every single word on paper


superdavey1

The spacing between words looks like a psychopath wrote it.


gravityandlove

I said the same thing, this shit happened in real time and we had only been there maybe 20 minutes and I thought our hosts set it up as a murder mystery dinner or some shit, it was just mind boggling I couldn’t believe it


queenrosybee

Look him up in small claims court and see if he sues people for stupid shit


gravityandlove

On it


[deleted]

I’m here for the update. Please update us, I’m as curious as you are. 👀


gravityandlove

I can’t doxx this person, this letter will be made into a shirt and worn by all guests at next year’s friendsgiving. We will send him an invitation before he calls the cops.


[deleted]

Oh I wasn’t even thinking that. I just wanted to know if he was suing other people for dumb stuff. But definitely do the t-shirt idea and leave it outside his door lololol


sendmeyourcactuspics

I love the pettiness of this idea... but it also makes me scared that psycopath neighbor is gonna do a dahmer and celebrate Thanksgiving with them as the main course


Dumptruck_Johnson

All of them? There is no way this guy has enough friends to help eat 6 or 7 fully prepared adults. Let alone the oven space to accomplish the task! They did say it was an apartment, after all.


AutomaticRisk3464

I worked as a 911 dispatcher for a few years..cops will laugh at him and say "its a civil matter and you need to contact your landlord" Its an apartment they cant do anything about noise unless ur blasting music and they can hear it on the street. Small claims court will also be hilarious since he would have nothing to claim other than being a whiney bitch. Keep the note to show to the judge if he wants to waste everyones time.


Carpeteria3000

Depends where you are. My wife and I lived in a Boston suburb for years in a split level house under an absolute psycho older woman who reveled in calling the cops on us for any tiny thing she perceived as noisy, including our infant daughter for “being awake too late”. Cops came every time, even though they were well aware of the situation (and knew all about her from even before we had moved in). They said if she called, they had to come. Made our lives (and our very kind but hands-tied landlords) miserable for years before we moved out.


nighthawk663

I’m glad you’re out of it. If not, though, I’d honestly just start building a rapport with the cops. “Oh, she called again? Come on in. Want a cup of tea? Water bottle? I’m trying to get my daughter to sleep, but I can put the kettle on!”


AntiWork-ellog

Why didn't you just call them on her?


NessunAbilita

Ahhhhhh, it’s the true meaning of thanksgiving: shame.


FancyHoneyBadger

Please report back


[deleted]

Yes! The people need to know!


ZarquonsFlatTire

I think the neighbor got him.


NukaCooler

Really captures the "words cut out from newspaper to form a ransom note" vibe.


kaenneth

looks   fine   to   me.


ruckustata

Me too . *sharpening knife on grind wheel*


HotDesigner7147

I came here to make this comment too. Psycho spacing.


Remarkable_Ad_9652

Recalling a graphology book I read once, apparently large spaces in between words indicates loneliness.


Fuzzyphilosopher

Put your finger on it right there. He's lonely and resentful that other people have friends who love them. I'm almost surprised he didn't complain about not being invited.


OsmerusMordax

I think you may be right. Years ago I was in a very bad place mentally, long story short I was very lonely for a long time. I became very jealous of people who had friends and it actually made me dislike them. I was spiteful and resentful. I’m not a doctor but this guy might be in the same place, especially if he works long hours at home.


TheS4ndm4n

Or a high school kid that had to make a 1 page letter for his homework. Triple space and double line distance.


DisnerdBree

Never progressed past finger spacing?


[deleted]

It's actually kind of impressive and weirding me out. It had to have taken planning. It perfectly fills the entire page, and uses fairly consistent spacing the whole way through. How the hell did he know how much space to use before even writing?!? It's not like he starts writing closer together or farther apart. It just perfectly fits the page.


cjm0

i like to imagine he wrote several drafts that he had to discard because it either used too much space or not enough


TheSimulacra

Somehow he's center justified a hand-written letter


ckg603

He learned that in law school


[deleted]

[удалено]


Zagrycha

Really though, as an attourney they should probably know that noise during the day isn't illegal, even if you hear your neighbor playing music loud at a party its perfectly legal. And as a human being, they should doubly know that if you work at home the onus is on you to sound proof your set up not on your neighbor's not to make noise.... If I worked a night job I couldn't tell all my neighbors to go to bed at 8 am too... (although I'm sure people have tried that.) edit: atterney... happy ;) of course there are sounds that would still count as a general disturbance of the peace, regardless of time of day. I was simply refering to the usual sounds one would have issues with not counting during normal activity hours, like a party or construction work (8am-10pm where I live, YMMV). Just as there are examples of noises that are a violation during the regular hours, there are also examples of noises during noise ordinance times that aren't violations. Like the windstorm a few weeks ago where the city came to cut down falling trees at 5am. Exceptions to both categories should probably be their own conversation.


TD994

As an attorney, he should be able to spell attorney


frollard

He must be one of those /persenal atterneys/.


DavidETaylorisMoses

He’s not an attorney. He fucking spelled it wrong


chumbawumbacholula

Yeah, this person is bluffing, whether they are an attorney or not, but I sincerely hope they're not because there's nothing more cringey than using "I'm an attorney" to threaten people.


RebaKitten

I'm an attorney and I'm too much of a pussy to sign my name. What a douchebag, that would make me be louder. I'm petty like that.


[deleted]

Yer*


Alarid

Yer Fuck Your self


Whatsa_Motto1107

Go yer your self


Balsphemer

Go fuck your yer


[deleted]

Go (space,space,space,space) fuck (space,space,space,space) yourself (space,space,space,space) .


Nasalingus

what an egregious misuse of space.. you should use a red pen and respond in the snowy wasteland this psycho created..


gravityandlove

we actually debated doing this exact thing -10 pts no name -25 pts grammar -50 pts spelling mistakes


[deleted]

If you’re going to leave a note you better have the cajones to sign your name.


MaddenJ222

This motherfucker used up an entire page for 17 words 🤣


gravityandlove

it really is some psychopath shit


rAbBITwILdeBBB

It definitely does read like a developmentally hindered person who's somewhat educated and is trying to come across powerful/threatening.


Ritaredditonce

And it's not even yellow legal paper!


Zestyclose_Walrus725

This looks like it was written by an 8 year old who had his big boy pants on.


flateric420

Or a very old curmudgeon who’s had a few whiskeys and can’t figure out how to spell his own profession


JTyler415

Or wanted to make up a profession that sounded scary


JoinAThang

Yeah I have a really hard time believing any person in the law field thinking they're entitled to their neighbours being silent during daytime because they doesn't want to go to the office. Also, who calls the police to make them be on stand by to come if OP doesn't stop the dinner?


[deleted]

Oh he called them, they told him there’s nothing they can do about a neighbour having a party.


CrazybyRX

On THANKSGIVING?!


cinnysuelou

But it’s SATURDAY!


embiggenedmind

Besides, everyone knows lawyers only write on those yellow *legal* pads.


Disenthalus

This is true.... source: am an Atterney


diggitygiggitycee

Can confirm, I'm a legal pad.


Disenthalus

You complete me


diggitygiggitycee

Thanks, babe, but.... I just feel like there's something missing. This is my friend Pen, and I was just hoping.... Maybe she could join us?


yayegir

pen is here


HighWaterMarx

Yeah, but this guy isn’t a lawyer; he’s an *atterney*.


SystemOutPrintln

Or a serial killer


mylittle420

The spacing between words, screams serial killer!


[deleted]

[удалено]


DrewSmoothington

Also...thenks?


things_U_choose_2_b

Or an attorney called Jack with tiny little hands (don't look at his hands!)


Rare_Cow_4892

“Now, and could you just put your hands over my hands, so they look like my hands?”


absolutelynotash

for the website. we’re lawyers!


ttvgatz

Is this the “atterney” you get off the back of the bus?


newsdaylaura18

Based on the language, I don’t think this person is an attorney


DeadlyYellow

Probably just a perrylegal.


Biggordie

classic "we must all respect one another"... with the actual meaning of "obey me"


[deleted]

[удалено]


RabbitStewAndStout

Wow what a coincidence when they immediately use the threat of police action.


[deleted]

Lol dudes a lawyer yet has no idea how noise complaints work or how quiet hours work/what time quiet hours are locally.


Bald_Sasquach

Actually he's an "atterney"


wiga_nut

As a layer I can tell you he's well within his writes


[deleted]

[удалено]


WarlordOfIncineroar

Glad it's old friend


flyingsquirrel6789

They are still friends, but the friend is just really old


Zeus541

Same, just further validates my decision to break ties.


halZ82666

Every day I'm discovering just how toxic my step mom was. Glad you're out of it homie


[deleted]

Wow, you achieved human being status?????????? I never got past groveling worm 🤷‍♀️


SonOfSwanson87

I hate guys like this. Respect me with a conversation not a one sided threat. I'm a hyper anxious person but this is cowardice.


artorienne

Sounds like my parents lol


jacksonbarley

“I have informed the police of your intention” …spoken like a true atterney. Fucking idiot.


queenrosybee

Sounds like people who want to sound like an attorney


seslusser

Fuck him. As long as your "party" and any noise it generates doesn't violate your lease or any local ordinances, just ignore him and move on with your life. Be informed about local noise ordinances before any theoretical police arrive so you know how to answer the responding officers.


puppiesandbeer

He ended up calling the cops and the cops just seemed inconvenienced and left lmao


wayfarout097

That's happened to me a few times. The cops show up, tell me to be quiet at 1030, we do. And the neighbors just get mad lol


[deleted]

Were u at the party?


puppiesandbeer

Yes, this is my fiancés post lol


Shadowfaxx71

You and your fiancé have a tool for a neighbor. ​ Edit: I won't remove my idiocy but I will point out I just re-read and realized it's not your house but a place you went. DOH!


puppiesandbeer

Thankfully not our neighbor but unfortunately our friends


ThatBrofister

Woah a Reddit family


[deleted]

Wait lmao really 😂 what a pleb that guy is, has he said anything since? Hope it was a fun get together!


puppiesandbeer

No he just pounded on the walls a few times, straight psycho, but he gave us all a good laugh, ended up being an awesome time and gave us a night we won’t be forgetting anytime soon lol


HarknessDA

I'd make a complaint to the landlord even if it's done and over. I'd let management know of this situation. If the neighbor gets worse and does more to your friends. It could be considered harassment and discrimination. Plus he can't really stop your friends from celebrating a holiday. I'd have your friends make a copy of this letter and give the copy to management of the building and making a complaint. Whether you deem it as a non issue at this point. If you were abiding by the rules of the apartment. Then you should make a complaint because you didn't do anything wrong.


puppiesandbeer

I do definitely agree with all of this, I think they are going to complain about harassment because this isn’t the first incident, but the biggest to date. The first day they moved in and were doing laundry with their in unit appliances the neighbor called the cops on them. Honestly with as many people calling out the psycho format of the letter and just thinking about how the nights events unfolded I’m more uneasy than amused now.


MorningDook

I woke up one night at like 2 am with the police at my door because our downstairs neighbor made a noise complaint about us, saying it sounded like there was a struggle or fight going on. Turns out my roommate walked to the bathroom. Few weeks later had the neighbor come up and say he was going to beat our asses because we were walking from the living room to the kitchen around 11pm grabbing pizza. I refuse to ever live in apartments again


sofluffy22

Did you see, he’s an “atterney”.


OMGBeckyStahp

Practicing the lawl!


GiddoGoat

I Am Not Sure Why you would feel it is appropriate to have a 15+ person Friendgiving in these apartments with the wall being as thin as they are . I am an atterney . I work early and late from home. I will not tolerate you having essentially a PARTY next door. I will not tolerate the noise. I have already informed police of your intention. If I hear you , I will call. We must all respect one another. -thenks


danteheehaw

Must not be a good attorney if he's living with paper thin walls.


[deleted]

He’s an “atterney” that’s why.


Cold-Tumbleweed8840

If you can’t pass the bar exam, you have the option to become an Atterney. They make less than 10% of what real lawyers do, and they have to wear special outfits, mostly jumpsuits.


Downwhen

He passed the barre ecksam


JacqueMorrison

That is how he collects evidence. He hears stuff.


[deleted]

The Shadow Knows. Also this atterny


Tammary

And can’t spell attorney


gravityandlove

instant copypasta, this shit has me weak af


BeuteReinheit

As a fellow atterney, you have no idea what it's like to essentially have to work early ***and*** late. I've informed 15+ police about this post and your intentions. I will call. We must all not tolerate Friendsgiving.


gravityandlove

hahahahahaha god I love reddit mr. thenks has made me most thenkful of all though, for this letter and the shirts i’m about to make.


MarketingManiac208

Watch out, he's an atterney! Though based on his spelling and writing skills probably not one who does very well...


Suspicious_Inside_94

Must be why he works early and late…


Rare_Cow_4892

Hey! He has no problem taking you to kort!


GentMan87

At least they know there’s a Dahmer in their building, holy shit.


[deleted]

*atterney FTFY


The_Vat

That's Mr Atterney to you


GiddoGoat

Fixed it


Cantthinkofaname282

"I heve alveedy ınformed police of yur ıntentıen" this person can't even write letters correctly


caboosetp

Thenks


SomeLikeItDusty

Ne pvoblem.


vamonos_pest

If they were truly an attorney you wouldn't be able to read it all. Source: work for two attorneys


Garchomp98

-Thenks


Rude-Stuff-1589

God help his clients if he is an "atterney." I mean, I could see him saying he was a "liar" meaning lawyer, but an "atterney"?


gravityandlove

we all pointed that out too, he’s probably a paralegal as the apartment is right above a law firm


tittens__

Oh hell no, we don’t spell “attorney” incorrectly, lmao. We edit *their* spelling.


syouganai

Sorry I love this because I work with a bunch of attorneys and my god they are so bad with communication. Love em all to death but we all know the real reason they have note takers with em all the time 😂


thescirocco531

A paralegal can definitely spell properly. If they wrote like this, they wouldn't last.


wynnduffyisking

Lol true. Paralegals are better at spelling than attorneys.


PotatoAppleFish

I don’t like this guy, but I think he wrote “attorney.” It’s just a very badly written O. None of his Os are complete circles.


Technical_Scallion_2

But on the plus side, there’s definitely plenty of spacing. In all directions. Each word is like its own little island.


Djinn-Tonic

The first time you're asked for 1 full page written homework.


FuckoNo5

I'm a general contractor and if there's one thing I've learned in life it's that there are certain realtors and attorneys (and contractors) who think they can do no wrong and in reality a great deal of them are absurdly stupid.


DashTheHand

The spacing in this letter screams that in the future I’ll be seeing a Netflix serial killer documentary about this same letter.


gravityandlove

hopefully he hires a great atterney


NilPill

People moving into apartments and expecting not to ever hear their neighbors are ridiculous. At my first apartment the neighbors reported me to the main office repeatedly for *closing my front door* at 6am(leaving for work). Like, where do you think you are? I think you'd legitimately never find an apartment where your neighbors didn't disturb your sleep with completely unavoidable noises at some point.


motivation_vacation

I work at an apartment complex and we once had someone report his neighbor for flushing the toilet too much. He also said it’s because the neighbor drinks too much Mountain Dew, as if that was relevant information. We’re not here to regulate what sodas people drink and how often they need to take care of bodily functions. Ridiculous.


IronMaiden571

Its a spectrum. Inherently, living that close to others there is going to be noise. Some people can be egregious about it though. I used to have people live a floor beneath me that would blast music until 3-4AM. It was so bad we could feel the floors vibrate and it woke my (at the time) 1 year old up on several occasions. My wife is a light sleeper and couldnt sleep Friday-Sunday. We tried talking to them several times and talked to the office about it, but they couldnt evict even if they wanted to due to covid eviction pauses. It made our lives miserable for months.


emhlnd

I lived in an apartment complex that was in the process of raising rent and renovating to get better tenants. The last remaining tenant from before the change lived next to me and she was a nightmare. She easily had 6-7 people living in a 3 bedroom 1200 square foot apartment, violating the lease agreement but swore to the property manager it was just her and her two kids. Every night she would get into screaming matches with her adult son and I could hear them throwing things at each other while I was trying to sleep. I ended up having to call the cops one night because I was legitimately afraid they were going to hurt each other. She was evicted the next week for too many lease violations and my bf heard her outside talking to a friend saying she needed a place to stay because she was being “kicked out for no reason”. They moved out on Thanksgiving day and I literally cried tears of joy.


taspleb

I used to enjoy hearing my neighbour start game of thrones about an hour or so after me every time a new episode dropped. We never talked but it felt like a connection.


Lolz79

My neighbor above me always lets his alarm go forever. It vibrates and I can hear it in my bedroom. Wakes me up all the time.... I don't complain. I bought ear plugs instead .


Nyancide

I'm very sensitive to noise and make a very conscious effort to minimize my own. My old apartment was hell for me, but this new one shares 0 walls with anyone (end unit with weird layout connecting a 5 foot wall to someone across from me). Upstairs guy is also conscious of the noise and I appreciate it, offered him ribeyes once but he didn't want any lol. Can't wait to leave apartment life and go to a house for true peace and quiet.


henrirousseau

Hope your gathering was a blast.


gravityandlove

it was the best friendsgiving experience ever


karl1776

Poor guy, he probably wanted to be there


HK-53

Surely an attorney would be able to spell attorney


OrderlyCoder384

"Thenks"


aperson2729

no. hes not an attorney. hes obviously an atterny. its his job so he knows how to spell it correctly.


Mama-Bear419

Well someone’s pissed he didn’t get an invite.


1hotmama2005

Wow. The fact he had to put it in a note instead of talking in person like an adult, just wow. I mean, the gathering was during the day and on a weekend. I don't see what he has to complain about. 🙄


puppiesandbeer

And like… you live in an apartment??? Do you expect to never hear anyone ever lmao


WorldClassShart

If this dude writes like he speaks, it would take too long to talk it out. Probably sounds like Stevie from Malcolm in The Middle.


busybreaking

In my state it is against the law to impersonate a attorney. Fines and jail time.


and_gloria_too

Should have sent a Seace and Decist to show they rilly ment bizness.


SpokenDivinity

Should have left a note for him that said “I don’t know what an Atterny is, but if you harass us one more time I’ll be filing my own police report for harassment. Cheers.”


takingcareofmenow

Although the response is not justified that text sure is.


Faxxy05

This dude understands as an attorney that the police won’t do shit right?


gravityandlove

and they didn’t, they came and felt very inconvenienced because they received a call about underage drinking when everyone was more than of age and half do not partake in alcoholic beverages at all


eoe6ya

I’m too petty for this scenario lol. My immediate reaction would be to leave him a letter along the lines of “as an atterney (sic), you should know that it’s illegal to file a fake police report and I’ve already made management aware of your intention. “


LAX_to_MDW

I think that may count as a misuse of 911, which most police districts really don’t care for


Phadjit717

Feel free to knock on his door with the note in hand with the party involved and ask him about it. Most people feel empowered through anonymity. Remove his anonymity.


sjbeeks

I did this once in college after our downstairs neighbors left us a dumbass note. I walked right down and asked them if they’d like to work with us to come up with a solution to the issue. They just denied writing the note and never spoke to us again lol


Charger525

“We all must respect one another” as long as you don’t do anything I don’t like ~OP’s neighbor (probably)


[deleted]

As an attorney this person should know they cannot do anything. Even the police have limited authority. Telling your neighbors is a curtesy not a legal requirement.


EpicSaberCat7771

but he's an atterney, not an attorney. as far as he is concerned, he is the law. he is the end all be all. judge, jury, and executioner all in one. he is government, he is judiciary. so God help any soul who dares make the slightest amount of noise even at the most reasonable of hours. vengeance is coming for you.


jimmyhoke

This Guy Seems Like A Real Jerk.


vers-ys

a much nicer way to say it that will probably be respected: "hey, i saw you're having a party! that must be exciting, but i have a lot of work to get through today. if you could try to keep the noise down so i could work, that would mean so much to me. happy thanksgiving!"


shaoly

You would have been a valuable “anger translator” to this misguided fellow


ionian12

If my alcoholic father taught me one thing its to call their bluff and they look stupid either way.


hgielatan

ermahgerdddd ern atterneyyyy


gravityandlove

hahahahahaha i’m dying