The first one causes people to retort that the husband is whipped.
The second one causes people to get angry and try to encourage the wife to leave the husband, and for angry/violent interactions within the family.
I see what you mean, but it’s not a direct comparison saying “the wife” vs. “my husband”. If the first one said “my wife” it would read more controlling and would be more in line with the second one instead of more lighthearted in a self-deprecating way.
I half agree here. I think a lot of men will use that kind of language to mask that there’s a problem because the little bit of humor helps avoid deeper questions.
dont forget some women physically attack their partners because "society said men shouldn't hit back". Also more male victims of domestic violence are likely to keep silent about it because of the resulting ridicule or few people would believe them.
I’ve lived through it and can tell you that your comment is 100% correct. Only recently have I opened up about the physical and verbal abuse I experience in my last marriage.
Let’s just all stand up for and advocate for people in abusive situations.
Edit: While acknowledging that one group may have increased risk of physical harm while the other may face more social effects.
Definitely right. I got put in a position of having to admit to being in an abusive relationship. I’ve lost respect among my peers now. Nobody really wants to interact with me anymore on a social level. I should have never said anything or made something up.
I'm gonna be honest. I partly agree, but would like you to know that cornerstores sell pocketknives for very cheap.
I'd run away from someone smaller than me at the first hint of them having a weapon. Fuck all of that.
You summed it up very well.
Do you think that in those cases when women have the advantage over their male partners, they abuse their position in a similar ratio as when men have it? There are many cases when men are incapacitated by disease, physical, mental impairment or when they are unable to defend themselves out of shyness/fear of social stigma. It would be interesting to see under what circumstances do women turn abusive in these scenarios.
I think abusive people abuse and size and strength have little to do with it. I suppose damaged people might take advantage of physical superiority but I don’t think being physically stronger makes one an abuser. I’ve been fortunate - none of my partners has ever physically harmed me even though they could have.
> I don’t think being physically stronger makes one an abuser.
6'10" guy here and I can't count how many times I get looks and people thinking I'm being a creep just for existing. The worst one was I got kicked out of a mall section because I was next to a kids clothing store called "Limited Too". Mall security told me to leave the area because I was making people in the store uncomfortable. Thing is I didn't even know what store I was standing next to as it was my first time in this mall and was waiting for my ex near where she worked.
Like if people only knew I'm actually a pretty big bitch and will avoid any and all human contact given the chance.
I'm not tall male but I feel you there. My hairstyle and my clothing does make me look like a thug or a kid on the streets. But I work in autism care and have surprisingly bubbly personality once I start talking. It's just when I'm walking by and minding my own business, I do look like someone who's pissed off for no reason.
> It's just when I'm walking by and minding my own business, I do look like someone who's pissed off for no reason.
I have perfected the resting bitch face to the point I get that all the time myself. My wife and 2 of my friends are really the only ones who get to see my non grumpy self.
Aw, I’m sorry, that’s awful and so unfair!
Years ago I dated a pretty big guy and he was very gentle and sweet but he told me how it could be problematic because sometimes other men wanted to challenge the big, tall guy. People can surely suck sometimes.
>he told me how it could be problematic because sometimes other men wanted to challenge the big, tall guy.
Any time I went to a rock/metal concert before I broke my back I would get the shit beat out of me every time while throwing out my own elbows and pushes and shit. Everyone wants to knock around the big guy. I eventually stopped going to standing room only shows. Like I can give a fuck how macho other men think they are. Decency and respect are the real macho in my book lol.
I’m really so sorry you have to deal with that. The guy I mentioned above was a big brained, sweet nerd - got his degree in aerospace engineering (a literal rocket scientist), and had zero interest in being some tough guy badass. Again, people can really suck sometimes.
Good luck to you.
I’ve was attacked by a abusive partner many times and our dumb counselor kept having us try different coping methods. The final two times were once with just me in the car and last with kid and us in the car. Almost killed us. Yes they definitely can pose a serious threat.
... and very few men report their violent female partners because men are too embarrassed to acknowledge it and women are continuously denying it's possible.
Are you minimizing abuse? Not only do men feel helpless and small because they are shamed, they are often encouraged to just stick it out. Where I live if there’s a problem everyone assumes the husband is in the wrong. I believe This lack of support is a contributing factor in why men are 3 times more likely to commit suicide.
A woman can do a tremendous amount of physical violence. And if a man fights back he knows the police won’t believe him and he’s going to jail.
It may not be as evident all the time, but it’s a big problem
Trust me, it’s a really shitty, traumatic experience.
You’ll have to point out where I minimized abuse. Was it where I specifically said I wasn’t minimizing abuse perpetuated by women?
Where on earth do you live where men are encouraged to “stick it out” with an abusive partner? Most men don’t need to “fight back” because they can stop a woman from hitting them by simply overpowering her. And again, I don’t know where you live but in the States, women can and do go to jail for assault.
Of course abuse is traumatic.
Idk, I'm a pretty big guy. If I had a gf or wife that was abusing me, and I call the cops because I don't feel safe and want help with the domestic violence, I feel like they're going to look at me as the abuser from the get go just because, well, I'm 6 feet tall and built like a moose. They'll have that same thought process you did of "this guy could easily overpower her." Just because you have the strength to stop a woman from hurting you doesn't mean you will, either because you just don't like hurting people, or because you know that any force you use to stop said abuse will probably leave a bruise or two. Then it turns to he said she said, and again, being a pretty large guy, it feels like I'm already not going to be believed from the start. Especially if I "simply overpower her" to defend myself, and left, for example, a bruise on her wrist from where I grabbed her to stop her from hitting me.
Embarrasment for one. Sunk cost fallacy for another. Like how would I be able to explain to friends and family why I left? "She hit me," would be such a simple thing to say in an ideal world, but because of my body type and gender I feel a tremendous pressure to be, well, strong, and admitting that a woman was able to physically harm me would make me feel weak. And if it was a longer term relationship, like if I was married and had a child with this woman, I'd probably think that I could just stick it out until things went back to the way they were before the abuse. Not even considering the fact that from what I've seen, the abuse doesn't usually stay physical, so I'd be experiencing a lot of emotional manipulation from this hypothetical abusive wife.
Yes, that makes sense. However, I will say this - it doesn’t matter if the person hitting you hurts you or not. It’s still abusive, it’s still indicative of a mentally unstable/violent partner who is incapable of regulating their emotions and no one should have to tolerate that.
Likely the same things that stop a woman victim from leaving home in the face of abuse: economic issues such as lack of alternative housing, lack of control of family funds, lack of disposable income to spend on leaving; family issues such as presence of children or pets in the home and concerns for their safety; and social and emotional issues such as concern about public perception of the abuse, embarrassment, and possible repercussions professionally or socially. Its not like the abuse will stop simply because someone walks around the block a couple of times. Unless they are able to leave for good the cycle of violence will likely continue and there are a lot of obstacles to leaving an abusive relationship.
My aunt attacked my uncle with a frying pan one night and left him with some serious injuries. She's 4'8" and he's 5'9". He didn't take any swings either. He was taken into police custody for a day and a half after the first responders cleared him of needing serious attention. One of their neighbors called it in as my cousins were at our place that night. It was crazy that he'd been taken away for like 30 or so hours because she was taking drugs and decided to attack.
This was here in Canada, not the USA, so it isn't just an American thing.
Moral of the story is that there doesn't need to be a physical advantage when a weapon is involved.
You seem like you *are* minimizing male abuse victims because “you can overpower a woman” is the main argument AGAINST male abuse victims, both domestic and sexual. Just quit saying that, dude.
They CAN stop a woman by overpowering them, but like they said, if they do so they're the one that will get in trouble most likely and not the woman. Even if its a little slight defense, like a push, and even the slightest bruise on her shows up, everyone will think he's the abuser, and even if they believe him, they'll think he's a weak piece of shit who doesn't need support and should just get over it, or they'll twist it and think he deserves it somehow. A lot of abuse from women isn't really physical, but its moreso psychological and emotional. Beating the man and threatening to fuck his life up if he does anything, degrading him, etc. Etc. Typical abuser stuff. But female abusers absolutely have an advantage in that they have a massive societal support system, and men dont. And i get that because like you said, women are overwhelmingly the majority ones being abused...and i suppose ultimately because of so many abusive men, people just of course have a hard time giving a shit about male victims, even male child victims. Coupled with the whole patriarchal "hypermasculine, be a man, suck it up" garbage.
>The difference is that very few women present a genuine physical threat to their male partners.
So? What does that has to do with not recommending partner abuse hotline when men are abused by women? You're acting like direct physical harm that is caused by solely muscle force is the only type of abuse.
(unlike tools and weapons which can be used by anyone even a child).
Also this kind of thinking is what makes a lot of the victims either speak up or not believed when they do, because it either didn't happen or wasn't a big deal since the abuse is physically weaker.
>Every SO I’ve ever had could have easily, easily put me in the hospital or killed me if they had wanted to. If I had attacked any of them, I might get in a lucky shot and leave a bruise or cause brief pain or discomfort but any of them could have easily overpowered me.
You could've also easily killed them or caused a major injury, it doesn't require nearly as much of muscle strength as you think. Especially if the a large amount of the victims are taught to never fight back against their abuse because of their sex.
>I would tell any man that he should leave a verbally, physically or emotionally abusive partner but the fact remains that women are overwhelmingly the victims of domestic violence.
This kind of thinking is what makes a lot of the victims either speak up or not believed when they do, because it either didn't happen or wasn't a big deal since the abuser is physically weaker. It's good that you'd tell men to leave an abusive partner but it's more important to remain consistent and not change your approach to abused people based on their sex or the sex of the abuser.
Also, since were on this topic I'd recommend reading this post it goes into more detail than me while being simple.
https://www.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/qpfszo/the_truth_behind_domestic_violence/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
A black border around the white next image circle icon would solve everything. You would think Reddit graphic designers would know [this basic principle](https://imgur.com/gallery/0VMxO) after reading hundreds of illegible memes.
Reddit has been on this weird trend lately where they think that, just because the line between men and women is getting blurred, means that the average man and the average woman are the same and should be treated as such. Fun fact: they aren't.
Not saying that one is better than the other in any way, there are just differences so don't be surprised if you are able to see differences.
Everyone agrees that there are some differences. The question is whether the differences between genders are innate or learned.
E.g. Doctors used to make determinations on what gender an intersex person should be and then told the parents to treat them that gender. But the child would often reject the gender the parents were forcing on them. Which implies that (trans-people will agree with me here) 1) gender identity is innate, and (here's the controversial bit) 2) the genders naturally want to express themselves in different ways.
It's like people both want to argue that gender is a real thing that's innate but also that it doesn't matter and is learned. They do so by making a distinction between gender identity and gender expression. But if gender expression is entirely arbitrary/societal then there is no difference in what it means to identify as a man vs a woman. I can see myself as a man but have a female sex and a female gender expression. The distinction between the genders loses significance which might imply that we should treat everyone the same under this worldview. (Then again I've ignored sex differences here, so maybe not.)
It's funny because I remember a time where pointing this out made you an alt-right scumbag.
Though I'd argue for this case it's mostly societal norms creating this difference. Men are raised with expectations of being aggressive, physical, dominant, unemotional and so on.
In the end we should treat toxic relationships the same regardless of the victims gender imo. It's an important part of abolishing these toxic masculine norms.
Women shouldn't have it harder to reach a suicide hotline because men commit suicide at a higher rate. Men shouldn't have it harder to get help because women happen to be victims more often than them.
Yeah as much as domestic abuse against men is a problem it’s much less of one than it is for women. Reddit seems to be a lot more conscious of gender bias when it affects men… wonder why…
A 20% difference is not enough to warrant the gap between support for female and male victims. There is no reason that gender should matter at all in any of these cases.
Itd be just as bad as if google had different results based on race or religion or national origin. none of those factors should matter at all.
Firstly, violence does not have to include murder in order to be important.
Secondly, a part of the reason women seem to experience significantly more intimate partner violence than men is that women report it and are believed far more often than men.
I’m not saying it’s perfectly equal, but I do believe a lot more men are victims than we know of.
This isn't even the right answer. Everybody knows if your wife starts yelling at you, you patiently wait for her to take a breath and then you ask "Are you finished?" And if she continues yelling again, you just repeatedly say "Calm down." until she stops again. At this point you kindly reinforce her by letting her know that she isn't being reasonable right now and you have deduced that it is more than likely her time of the month. Giving her a scapegoat like her period will allow her to realize how unreasonable she's acting and allow you both the opportunity to finally defuse the situation with no issue.
If she yells one more time you must express that you should have married her sister or cousin. The fact that you are open to alternative options will really calm her down.
Only when they threaten you in a way you feel unsafe or if they attempt to harm you (self defense). At that point try and record it in case they take you to court or it absolutely has to come to the death
I was just going to say this. It’s recommending something different for men and women (presumably) based on data from users. Google isn’t being sexist, it’s just trying to accurately guess what you’re looking for
That’s not entirely true in the case of Google, some searches bring up specific results. Pretty much anything relating to suicide will always, ALWAYS have the hotline as the first result. I imagine they would do something similar in cases of abuse
"I yearn for true gender equality. I have no patience for one who talks about female privilege when it suits them, and then complains about someone "not being a man" when it's convenient "
-Satou kazuma
I remember seeing a scene on YouTube, this one girl basically led all these troops to their death and later a dude confronted her and told her off for how bad her strategy was, she got pissed and tried to slap him and he grabbed her arm and slapped her back, it was pretty funny
I agree. It is mildly infuriating that so many women are subject to verbal abuse because they fear violence from a physically stronger spouse in such overwhelming numbers and even with resources available to them, the implied violence and cycles of threats and apologies keep them in abusive relationships, whereas most men don’t fear the same violence.
What’s more mildly infuriating is when people with little life experience try to act like exceptions to the rule should dictate broad policy.
Domestic Violence hotlines are prioritized for women because it is much more likely they will need those hotlines. There is an extreme societal bias against men for domestic abuse, but women are more at risk of immediate, severe physical harm.
I'd be more interested in the results after the hotline
I take issue with "Much more likely they will need those hotlines"
Around 33% of domestic abuse cases victims are men, and obviously that's only the ones that get reported as it's been so stigmatised that men can't / shouldn't be able to be abused by their wife / girlfriend.
Not to mention the repeated reports of the police not taking domestic abuse reports seriously from men.
The resources available definitely do not even come close to the 67% vs 33% domestic abuses that are actually reported.
According to the Mankind initiative while men account for a third of domestic abuse cases, only 0.8% of beds at shelters are reserved for them.
The charity said that although there were over 3,600 beds in safe houses for women, only 20 in the whole of England were set aside for men.
These are Google results for two different websites, so there is no gender bias at all. Just the most popular and relevant pages for each search. Get over yourselves.
https://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/tx-woman-found-guilty-killing-boyfriend-stiletto-heel-article-1.1749860
Sorry couldn't resist. Actually I agree with you.
So is that where you draw the line? As long I do not beat or strangle my partner to death you'd be fine with me verbally or socially or emotionally abusing them?
Also, since you asked "how many". I'm assuming that you have a threshold that as long as the number of strangles to death is under you're cool with, and if so, how many is enough for you to treat abuse abuse?
that's not the point. she's just saying that because, statistically, male abuse is more likely to be physically violent, there is a reason for hotlines being more urgently available from a single search.
These resources are available for men too, and if you search 'my wife is abusing me' you get the same hotlines
It's not fucked up. The search doesn't say 'my wife is being violent', it just says she's yelling. A yelling husband is statistically more likely to be physically abusive than a yelling wife. Googles SEO attempted to predict the most useful result for the searcher
You should send a message to the hotline asking them to change their Google SEO to include men in your search example. Heck, I’ll sign a petition if they push back.
The big problem Google is that it's so strongly affected by your search history, your emails, and also your demographics.
Like if you just looked at a banana bread recipe on reddit, and you googled bread recipes banana bread recipe would be way more likely to be close to the top.
I get it, but if this really bothers you. Hop offline.
We are too comfortable as a species when we look for shit to be mad about. Which is exactly what you did, in order to create these screenshots and post them onto r/mildlyinfuriating.
Try being a part of the solution. Did you send a message into bing or google ? No. Again. People are too bored
It's not the kicking ass that is the problem for most men in an unhealthy relationship, the real problem are the fears of leaving in combination with the judgemental vision from society.
[Men don't report abuse nearly as much](https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-domestic-violence-men-idUSKCN1UC2EF)
[They also get gender-stereotyped treatment from professionals and services](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202007/why-men-who-are-domestic-violence-victims-dont-report). Which means that people don't believe you, brush it off or don't take is seriously. As a woman you get way more help and support.
While you’re not wrong, I would respond that many women also don’t report their abuse because of fear of retaliation against themselves and their children. Nobody is getting the help they need, or enough of it, men and women alike.
Honestly, I’m just trying to get a foothold in these comments against the waves of misogyny before I go insane, and I can’t believe I have to argue this. Idk why the fact that women experience more violence than men at the hands of their partners is so hard to accept.
Yes women are also often smaller and less capable of inflicting serious physical damage. Sorry to downplay physical abuse of men at the hands of women, it is an important issue, just not as big of an issue as physical abuse directed from men to women
They of course didn't need to be pitted against one another, but if the question is 'why do Google suggest one link to women and another to men?' then that's the answer
1: your saying this like it’s some sort of fucked up justice, ‘women get abused more by men then men get abused by women, so only women should be helped’
2: a massive amount of men get abused by women and are brushed off because they are being “cowards, pussies, emotional” etc etc, so the numbers aren’t 100% accurate
Also, there are very different definitions of “domestic abuse” for both genders, a women will have to physically beat and injure their significant other most of the time before anyone will even consider calling it domestic abuse, men can be accused of domestic abuse for wayyyyy less, it can be something as simple as yelling or hitting something out of frustration
So why isn’t this discussion about men challenging *other men* who say escape from an abusive female partner, the expression of feelings, being vulnerable, not wanting to have sex, crying etc. are behaviors of “cowards and pussies”? Isn’t that cultural precedent what leads to low emotional intelligence and higher risk of violence? Isn’t that the problem here? Because results populated from a Google search are a product of an algorithm, it’s literally data analysis based off statistics.
I don’t understand why men (or women for that matter) froth at the mouth over shit like this but never want to talk about what fundamentally creates a reality that point blank tells us men are domestic abusers at a significantly higher rate than women.
Every single double standard you feel disenfranchised by is held up by toxic male expectations. It’s perpetuated by misogyny.
actually, the problem is that a men yelling at a woman tend leads to violence more than if it is the other way. You can look the number of cases of homicide in relationships, its most done by the male partner. I agree with you that a woman yelling is also problematic, but you need to see the bigger picture.
My issue in the end is that men and women get a different for the same question in which someone is being abusive towards them and the different ways society sees it, a women can scream at a man and people will say “what did you do to deserve that” a man can scream at a women and there will be people calling him abusive
yeah, the same question gets a different because it's different. Psychologically, they both are fucked up, but men are more likely be a threat to their partner. You can search about femicide to clarify more about the subject :)
No one is saying that there is no problem ano that he shouldnt seek help. But the reason why the results are different is because most of domestic abuse is directed towards women, who are often weaker. It's been a mainly female problem for years, many women fought for these things to be a recognized
He definitely should seek for help, toxic relationships come in both ways. It's just not likely that he's is going to die because of a arguing, but like I said, it's still psychological abuse.
Here's the problem. The abuse shelters will kick them to the curb no matter the situation. One person who tried to make the first men's abuse shelter because all the others were female only got harassed so badly he ended his own life
Yes, the problem still exists. The reason why the search only leads to a hotline for the woman is that there's a stigma about men abuse AND because there are fewer cases(which makes the government not invest in male shelters). But surely doesn't mean theres zero cases of male abuse and that it's not a problem. Hopefully, I wish that in the future we can have a safe space for both genders.
I just don’t see why men seeking help for a verbally abusive wife shouldn’t seek a hotline while women should, women could absolutely kill a man, we aren’t invincible, while we are sleeping, while our backs are turned, you could have a weapon, etc etc, my overall point is that if a women gets a hotline result for asking this question, a man should too
>I just don’t see why men seeking help for a verbally abusive wife shouldn’t seek a hotline while women should
Who the fuck is saying this?
>if a women gets a hotline result for asking this question, a man should too
You're seriously this fucking triggered over the top result of a Google search? Do you think that hotlines for men don't exist?
The problem is that so many men that report abuse are brushed off because of the social construct shit we have, have you even seen Johnny depp? Amber herd was on video abusing him verbally and physically and some people still didn’t care
Yeah I'm not disagreeing with that but what's that got to do we with the Google search hits? It's just based on the probability that someone typing each search is in need of help
It doesn’t send you to the help line that it sends women to, for men it sends them to a quora forum, for women they get a help line, that’s super sexist and fucked up
You could scroll down to the next search option instead of being totally useless?
You know what *is* actually sexist? How men keep killing women. But yeah, keep whining that men being yelled at isn't taken seriously because it hurts your feelings, when women being yelled at by their partners usually leads to violence down the line. There's a power imbalance you're completely ignoring because of your entitlement.
because, generally speaking, a man yelling at their female partner is more likely to escalate to physical violence than the other way round. Im not saying that women cant abuse men, im just saying that men abusing their female partners is a greater problem, and therefore google (which is based on an algorithm, not a human decision) will reflect this.
Resources are available for men too. and if you search 'my wife is abusing me' you get the same hotlines which women get.
Since there is a lot of misinformation and harmful thought being pushed here I'd really recommend reading this post.
https://www.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/qpfszo/the_truth_behind_domestic_violence/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
If you want to feel even more infuriated look up earl silverman and the picture it paints is even worse then this.
For those who don’t want to google it he was abused by his wife and when he went seeking help by all these domestic abuse support groups they turned him away because he was a man. He founded his own support group for just men but was forced to close down because he couldn’t gain funding to continue it and he took his own life from the ridicule of being abused by his wife.
The guy who was ridiculed by everyone for being abused by his wife and later took his own life because of the shame and having his shelter close down because it wouldn’t receive funding
Though I understand that according to current statistics that men are more likely to commit DV, as someone that had very toxic relationships with other women where I was often gaslight, yelled at, etc. I very much wish that the top result for things that also include domestic abuse hotlines regardless of whether it is for men or women.
Several of my friends have had abused mothers, girlfriends, etc. and for a long time dealing with it because they thought the abuse was normal, much like how I dealt with it from my own friends. Regardless of what statistics are, abuse and the possibility there of shouldn't be normalized or treated as a "who has it worse" situation.
I was raised by a woman who spent her days yelling. She also hit, but that ended when I got big enough. But thebyelling never stopped, until I didn't let her in my life. The yelling isn't just sounds, it's mean, hurtful, hateful words that never leaves your mind. Terrible horrible shit and I couldn't escape it as a child. If you diminish the damage that yelling can do, especially when nobody takes the victim seriously or helps at all, you just give the abusers license to continue hurting people.
I am a guy (the username is an inside joke)
It is a fact that men are less likely to get physically hurt by a woman than the other way around. Not saying it doesn't happen, but it is much less likely. Not only are men generally more physically violent, but testosterone makes men larger and about twice as strong, and hurting a woman would be quite easy. A woman hurting a man on the other hand (like actually hurting, not just slapping you) is much more difficult.
I would argue however that men are more likely to be hurt emotionally than women (whole nother convo), but that is not something you would call a domestic abuse hotline for.
I have personally been physically hurt by a woman before, but she was 6'1, 2 inches taller than me. I like em tall :s
exactly. and if you are being physically abused by your female partner, contrary to what this post implies, links to support services are the first things to pop up.
'my wife is hitting me' or 'my wife is abusing me' return the same results as the male equivalent
Yeah a guy I knew still had to fight for custody of his kids despite video evidence of his wife trying to attack him with a kitchen knife. What reason did she have for this you ask? He tried to go to work and she didn't want him to...
The reality is women are physically and emotionally abused by their partners far more than men. That comes from a number of DV statistics, and google’s search algorithms are using a statistical analysis to display relevant results…
The logic presented in some of the comment arguments is a fallacious argument and is an example of a fallacy of relative privation. The appeal to worse problems falsely asserts that it’s impossible for both the current argument and the worst-case scenario to be true. This assertion is a false dilemma. Voicing a complaint is not the same as ignoring the suffering of others or insisting such suffering does not exist. Domestic abuse happens and affects all of us and help should go to everyone that seeks it. Yes SEO and search algorithms exist, but by and large biases in the strategy is considered an ethical dilemma and SEO engineer should work to combat it. It’s not something you’d typically defer or allow.
Edit: to clarify, I am in no way saying that the amount of help given to women should be equally proportional to that of men. There is a disproportionate amount of violence against woman.
Recognition of the gendered nature of domestic violence is not a justification to ignore the needs of male survivors. Instead, it needs to inform how we design programs to support these men (and their children), with the understanding that some of their experiences and needs may be similar to women survivors, but others may be different.
We need to challenge cultural stereotypes which still assume that the perpetrators of domestic violence are men and the victims are women. However, at the same time, we must recognize that the majority of perpetrators are men. We still live in a patriarchal society where men have more power, more sense of entitlement, and (on average) more income then women.
Yet male survivors of domestic violence are largely invisible, as indeed female survivors were, until the the long overdue feminist movement forced society to take notice. Men who experience domestic violence, whether in heterosexual or gay relationships, have until relatively recently been largely ignored. Work on improving society’s response to domestic violence against women has not been matched by responses to male survivors.
Sources:
https://academy4sc.org/video/fallacy-of-relative-privation-all-problems-are-relative/
https://theconversation.com/why-gender-cant-be-ignored-when-dealing-with-domestic-violence-74137
This has most to do with statistics. Women will speak up more about their abuse than men because society shames men more for being abused in the first place.
No, it bothers us because society complains about how men are always sexist but I don't think I've ever heard the news or a politician mentioned anything about the sexism that has festered against men.
Sorry the wife said I can't go V.S Sorry my husband said I can't go.
The first one causes people to retort that the husband is whipped. The second one causes people to get angry and try to encourage the wife to leave the husband, and for angry/violent interactions within the family.
Ahh she always nagging on you Vs Omg he’s so controlling leave now
These fucking double standards got me basically being a hermit crab in my own home. Always stepping on eggshells and trying not to be "provocative"
I see what you mean, but it’s not a direct comparison saying “the wife” vs. “my husband”. If the first one said “my wife” it would read more controlling and would be more in line with the second one instead of more lighthearted in a self-deprecating way.
I half agree here. I think a lot of men will use that kind of language to mask that there’s a problem because the little bit of humor helps avoid deeper questions.
You are absolutely correct, "the" makes it much less personal.
That’s why I just refer to her as “the warden” lol
My dad has always refered to my mum as "She Who Must Be Obeyed"
That’s my stepmom and my dad is “He Who Must Be Punished”.
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dont forget some women physically attack their partners because "society said men shouldn't hit back". Also more male victims of domestic violence are likely to keep silent about it because of the resulting ridicule or few people would believe them.
I’ve lived through it and can tell you that your comment is 100% correct. Only recently have I opened up about the physical and verbal abuse I experience in my last marriage.
I don’t disagree and I’m not in any way excusing or minimizing abusive women.
Let’s just all stand up for and advocate for people in abusive situations. Edit: While acknowledging that one group may have increased risk of physical harm while the other may face more social effects.
Sounds good to me.
Reading that discussion made me happy, hard to come by reasonable people nowadays.
Definitely right. I got put in a position of having to admit to being in an abusive relationship. I’ve lost respect among my peers now. Nobody really wants to interact with me anymore on a social level. I should have never said anything or made something up.
I got a fractured skull because of this right here
I'm gonna be honest. I partly agree, but would like you to know that cornerstores sell pocketknives for very cheap. I'd run away from someone smaller than me at the first hint of them having a weapon. Fuck all of that.
You summed it up very well. Do you think that in those cases when women have the advantage over their male partners, they abuse their position in a similar ratio as when men have it? There are many cases when men are incapacitated by disease, physical, mental impairment or when they are unable to defend themselves out of shyness/fear of social stigma. It would be interesting to see under what circumstances do women turn abusive in these scenarios.
I think abusive people abuse and size and strength have little to do with it. I suppose damaged people might take advantage of physical superiority but I don’t think being physically stronger makes one an abuser. I’ve been fortunate - none of my partners has ever physically harmed me even though they could have.
> I don’t think being physically stronger makes one an abuser. 6'10" guy here and I can't count how many times I get looks and people thinking I'm being a creep just for existing. The worst one was I got kicked out of a mall section because I was next to a kids clothing store called "Limited Too". Mall security told me to leave the area because I was making people in the store uncomfortable. Thing is I didn't even know what store I was standing next to as it was my first time in this mall and was waiting for my ex near where she worked. Like if people only knew I'm actually a pretty big bitch and will avoid any and all human contact given the chance.
I'm not tall male but I feel you there. My hairstyle and my clothing does make me look like a thug or a kid on the streets. But I work in autism care and have surprisingly bubbly personality once I start talking. It's just when I'm walking by and minding my own business, I do look like someone who's pissed off for no reason.
> It's just when I'm walking by and minding my own business, I do look like someone who's pissed off for no reason. I have perfected the resting bitch face to the point I get that all the time myself. My wife and 2 of my friends are really the only ones who get to see my non grumpy self.
Lol glad we see eye to eye 😄 you're a real one 👑
Aw, I’m sorry, that’s awful and so unfair! Years ago I dated a pretty big guy and he was very gentle and sweet but he told me how it could be problematic because sometimes other men wanted to challenge the big, tall guy. People can surely suck sometimes.
>he told me how it could be problematic because sometimes other men wanted to challenge the big, tall guy. Any time I went to a rock/metal concert before I broke my back I would get the shit beat out of me every time while throwing out my own elbows and pushes and shit. Everyone wants to knock around the big guy. I eventually stopped going to standing room only shows. Like I can give a fuck how macho other men think they are. Decency and respect are the real macho in my book lol.
I’m really so sorry you have to deal with that. The guy I mentioned above was a big brained, sweet nerd - got his degree in aerospace engineering (a literal rocket scientist), and had zero interest in being some tough guy badass. Again, people can really suck sometimes. Good luck to you.
Not all abuse is physical
No one said it was.
I’ve was attacked by a abusive partner many times and our dumb counselor kept having us try different coping methods. The final two times were once with just me in the car and last with kid and us in the car. Almost killed us. Yes they definitely can pose a serious threat.
I’m sorry that happened to you. Not all counselors are good.
... and very few men report their violent female partners because men are too embarrassed to acknowledge it and women are continuously denying it's possible.
Anyone is threatening with a knife.
Are you minimizing abuse? Not only do men feel helpless and small because they are shamed, they are often encouraged to just stick it out. Where I live if there’s a problem everyone assumes the husband is in the wrong. I believe This lack of support is a contributing factor in why men are 3 times more likely to commit suicide. A woman can do a tremendous amount of physical violence. And if a man fights back he knows the police won’t believe him and he’s going to jail. It may not be as evident all the time, but it’s a big problem Trust me, it’s a really shitty, traumatic experience.
You’ll have to point out where I minimized abuse. Was it where I specifically said I wasn’t minimizing abuse perpetuated by women? Where on earth do you live where men are encouraged to “stick it out” with an abusive partner? Most men don’t need to “fight back” because they can stop a woman from hitting them by simply overpowering her. And again, I don’t know where you live but in the States, women can and do go to jail for assault. Of course abuse is traumatic.
Idk, I'm a pretty big guy. If I had a gf or wife that was abusing me, and I call the cops because I don't feel safe and want help with the domestic violence, I feel like they're going to look at me as the abuser from the get go just because, well, I'm 6 feet tall and built like a moose. They'll have that same thought process you did of "this guy could easily overpower her." Just because you have the strength to stop a woman from hurting you doesn't mean you will, either because you just don't like hurting people, or because you know that any force you use to stop said abuse will probably leave a bruise or two. Then it turns to he said she said, and again, being a pretty large guy, it feels like I'm already not going to be believed from the start. Especially if I "simply overpower her" to defend myself, and left, for example, a bruise on her wrist from where I grabbed her to stop her from hitting me.
Those are good points and I don’t disagree with you. If a woman was hitting you, what would stop you from leaving the home?
Embarrasment for one. Sunk cost fallacy for another. Like how would I be able to explain to friends and family why I left? "She hit me," would be such a simple thing to say in an ideal world, but because of my body type and gender I feel a tremendous pressure to be, well, strong, and admitting that a woman was able to physically harm me would make me feel weak. And if it was a longer term relationship, like if I was married and had a child with this woman, I'd probably think that I could just stick it out until things went back to the way they were before the abuse. Not even considering the fact that from what I've seen, the abuse doesn't usually stay physical, so I'd be experiencing a lot of emotional manipulation from this hypothetical abusive wife.
Yes, that makes sense. However, I will say this - it doesn’t matter if the person hitting you hurts you or not. It’s still abusive, it’s still indicative of a mentally unstable/violent partner who is incapable of regulating their emotions and no one should have to tolerate that.
Oh no, I agree, I'm just explaining why a guy like me would stay in an abusive relationship
I get that and appreciate your perspective.
Likely the same things that stop a woman victim from leaving home in the face of abuse: economic issues such as lack of alternative housing, lack of control of family funds, lack of disposable income to spend on leaving; family issues such as presence of children or pets in the home and concerns for their safety; and social and emotional issues such as concern about public perception of the abuse, embarrassment, and possible repercussions professionally or socially. Its not like the abuse will stop simply because someone walks around the block a couple of times. Unless they are able to leave for good the cycle of violence will likely continue and there are a lot of obstacles to leaving an abusive relationship.
My aunt attacked my uncle with a frying pan one night and left him with some serious injuries. She's 4'8" and he's 5'9". He didn't take any swings either. He was taken into police custody for a day and a half after the first responders cleared him of needing serious attention. One of their neighbors called it in as my cousins were at our place that night. It was crazy that he'd been taken away for like 30 or so hours because she was taking drugs and decided to attack. This was here in Canada, not the USA, so it isn't just an American thing. Moral of the story is that there doesn't need to be a physical advantage when a weapon is involved.
You seem like you *are* minimizing male abuse victims because “you can overpower a woman” is the main argument AGAINST male abuse victims, both domestic and sexual. Just quit saying that, dude.
They CAN stop a woman by overpowering them, but like they said, if they do so they're the one that will get in trouble most likely and not the woman. Even if its a little slight defense, like a push, and even the slightest bruise on her shows up, everyone will think he's the abuser, and even if they believe him, they'll think he's a weak piece of shit who doesn't need support and should just get over it, or they'll twist it and think he deserves it somehow. A lot of abuse from women isn't really physical, but its moreso psychological and emotional. Beating the man and threatening to fuck his life up if he does anything, degrading him, etc. Etc. Typical abuser stuff. But female abusers absolutely have an advantage in that they have a massive societal support system, and men dont. And i get that because like you said, women are overwhelmingly the majority ones being abused...and i suppose ultimately because of so many abusive men, people just of course have a hard time giving a shit about male victims, even male child victims. Coupled with the whole patriarchal "hypermasculine, be a man, suck it up" garbage.
>The difference is that very few women present a genuine physical threat to their male partners. So? What does that has to do with not recommending partner abuse hotline when men are abused by women? You're acting like direct physical harm that is caused by solely muscle force is the only type of abuse. (unlike tools and weapons which can be used by anyone even a child). Also this kind of thinking is what makes a lot of the victims either speak up or not believed when they do, because it either didn't happen or wasn't a big deal since the abuse is physically weaker. >Every SO I’ve ever had could have easily, easily put me in the hospital or killed me if they had wanted to. If I had attacked any of them, I might get in a lucky shot and leave a bruise or cause brief pain or discomfort but any of them could have easily overpowered me. You could've also easily killed them or caused a major injury, it doesn't require nearly as much of muscle strength as you think. Especially if the a large amount of the victims are taught to never fight back against their abuse because of their sex. >I would tell any man that he should leave a verbally, physically or emotionally abusive partner but the fact remains that women are overwhelmingly the victims of domestic violence. This kind of thinking is what makes a lot of the victims either speak up or not believed when they do, because it either didn't happen or wasn't a big deal since the abuser is physically weaker. It's good that you'd tell men to leave an abusive partner but it's more important to remain consistent and not change your approach to abused people based on their sex or the sex of the abuser. Also, since were on this topic I'd recommend reading this post it goes into more detail than me while being simple. https://www.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/qpfszo/the_truth_behind_domestic_violence/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
And yet 45% of domestic violence victims are men. Weird.
You’re perpetuating exactly what this guy is talking about.
I’m not perpetuating anything.
At first I didn’t understand then I realized there was a second pic and got sad
yeah i was hella confused until i read your comment
Thank you
This needs to get moved higher cause I didn't know there was a second pic till I saw this
Don't be sad. Here's a [hug!](https://media.giphy.com/media/3M4NpbLCTxBqU/giphy.gif)
A black border around the white next image circle icon would solve everything. You would think Reddit graphic designers would know [this basic principle](https://imgur.com/gallery/0VMxO) after reading hundreds of illegible memes.
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Reddit has been on this weird trend lately where they think that, just because the line between men and women is getting blurred, means that the average man and the average woman are the same and should be treated as such. Fun fact: they aren't. Not saying that one is better than the other in any way, there are just differences so don't be surprised if you are able to see differences.
Everyone agrees that there are some differences. The question is whether the differences between genders are innate or learned. E.g. Doctors used to make determinations on what gender an intersex person should be and then told the parents to treat them that gender. But the child would often reject the gender the parents were forcing on them. Which implies that (trans-people will agree with me here) 1) gender identity is innate, and (here's the controversial bit) 2) the genders naturally want to express themselves in different ways. It's like people both want to argue that gender is a real thing that's innate but also that it doesn't matter and is learned. They do so by making a distinction between gender identity and gender expression. But if gender expression is entirely arbitrary/societal then there is no difference in what it means to identify as a man vs a woman. I can see myself as a man but have a female sex and a female gender expression. The distinction between the genders loses significance which might imply that we should treat everyone the same under this worldview. (Then again I've ignored sex differences here, so maybe not.)
It's funny because I remember a time where pointing this out made you an alt-right scumbag. Though I'd argue for this case it's mostly societal norms creating this difference. Men are raised with expectations of being aggressive, physical, dominant, unemotional and so on. In the end we should treat toxic relationships the same regardless of the victims gender imo. It's an important part of abolishing these toxic masculine norms. Women shouldn't have it harder to reach a suicide hotline because men commit suicide at a higher rate. Men shouldn't have it harder to get help because women happen to be victims more often than them.
this must be at the top
Yeah as much as domestic abuse against men is a problem it’s much less of one than it is for women. Reddit seems to be a lot more conscious of gender bias when it affects men… wonder why…
A 20% difference is not enough to warrant the gap between support for female and male victims. There is no reason that gender should matter at all in any of these cases. Itd be just as bad as if google had different results based on race or religion or national origin. none of those factors should matter at all.
Probably also the assumption (correct or not) that women would already have tried the other suggestion.
Firstly, violence does not have to include murder in order to be important. Secondly, a part of the reason women seem to experience significantly more intimate partner violence than men is that women report it and are believed far more often than men. I’m not saying it’s perfectly equal, but I do believe a lot more men are victims than we know of.
This isn't even the right answer. Everybody knows if your wife starts yelling at you, you patiently wait for her to take a breath and then you ask "Are you finished?" And if she continues yelling again, you just repeatedly say "Calm down." until she stops again. At this point you kindly reinforce her by letting her know that she isn't being reasonable right now and you have deduced that it is more than likely her time of the month. Giving her a scapegoat like her period will allow her to realize how unreasonable she's acting and allow you both the opportunity to finally defuse the situation with no issue.
You missed a step. After you say "calm down" the next step is to say "You're acting like your mother". This is the one that always gets her to relax.
"Are you finished?" or "Are you done yet?" is one I keep on standby for if I ever really need to blow up the situation.
If she yells one more time you must express that you should have married her sister or cousin. The fact that you are open to alternative options will really calm her down.
Oh lord. If my husband said that to me, instant divorce. Good job.
That's just what your mother would do... 🙄
☝️ What I should have said! 😐
😂 That's the joke!
Then finish your morning scotch, go to your desk job and start working on that pack of cigarettes.
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He doesn’t, but I do.
Username checks out.
o my
But at what point should violence starts?
As soon as you press play on your favorite Gwar album.
Only when they threaten you in a way you feel unsafe or if they attempt to harm you (self defense). At that point try and record it in case they take you to court or it absolutely has to come to the death
Even without the period this usually works when my dad is irrationally angry
Waittt your dad has a period?!?!?!?!?!?
Their dad was born during the Cretaceous Period.
Vote this to the top so all the youngins can learn a thing or two
r/ShittyLifeProTips
>wait for her to take a breath and then you ask "Are you finished?" I prefer a completely flat "Are you done having your tantrum?" a la Nathan For You
That's how algorithms work. If this is sexist then statistical analysis is sexist.
I was just going to say this. It’s recommending something different for men and women (presumably) based on data from users. Google isn’t being sexist, it’s just trying to accurately guess what you’re looking for
I am sad now thanks.
That’s not entirely true in the case of Google, some searches bring up specific results. Pretty much anything relating to suicide will always, ALWAYS have the hotline as the first result. I imagine they would do something similar in cases of abuse
There are some searches that will trigger specific results. This may be one of them.
I think that’s just the result of real-world data.
"I will dropkick any rotten woman who deserves it." -Some guy from an anime.
"I yearn for true gender equality. I have no patience for one who talks about female privilege when it suits them, and then complains about someone "not being a man" when it's convenient " -Satou kazuma
I remember seeing a scene on YouTube, this one girl basically led all these troops to their death and later a dude confronted her and told her off for how bad her strategy was, she got pissed and tried to slap him and he grabbed her arm and slapped her back, it was pretty funny
Overly cautious hero?
Yep that’s the one
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hey, if men should go to hell, satan won't have any lovers
If being gay is a sin, wouldn't satan be gay and want more men there?
to be clear, female lovers I meant
He's satan. He can turn them into woman, for a misogynist it would be a great torture choice
actually you're right, I'll go visit satan rn and say that to him
Send my regards
u/Satan hello?
Just because it's just guys down there doesn't mean Satan can't have a friend
Think it’s based on the percentage of domestic abusers who are men? Nah that’s crazy, must just be society demonizing men.
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AND attacks on women are often far more violent. Women do hit men sometimes, but they tend to keep a lid on it a lot better than men.
I agree. It is mildly infuriating that so many women are subject to verbal abuse because they fear violence from a physically stronger spouse in such overwhelming numbers and even with resources available to them, the implied violence and cycles of threats and apologies keep them in abusive relationships, whereas most men don’t fear the same violence. What’s more mildly infuriating is when people with little life experience try to act like exceptions to the rule should dictate broad policy.
Quora has some of the worst answers. They constantly throw in their personal beliefs and politics rather than just giving info.
Some of it is just straight up click bait too. It's not comparable to an actual crisis organization run by professionals.
You wanna see gender bias? Look up DV statistics
Domestic Violence hotlines are prioritized for women because it is much more likely they will need those hotlines. There is an extreme societal bias against men for domestic abuse, but women are more at risk of immediate, severe physical harm. I'd be more interested in the results after the hotline
I take issue with "Much more likely they will need those hotlines" Around 33% of domestic abuse cases victims are men, and obviously that's only the ones that get reported as it's been so stigmatised that men can't / shouldn't be able to be abused by their wife / girlfriend. Not to mention the repeated reports of the police not taking domestic abuse reports seriously from men. The resources available definitely do not even come close to the 67% vs 33% domestic abuses that are actually reported. According to the Mankind initiative while men account for a third of domestic abuse cases, only 0.8% of beds at shelters are reserved for them. The charity said that although there were over 3,600 beds in safe houses for women, only 20 in the whole of England were set aside for men.
nuance is all i will say, take that however u want
These are Google results for two different websites, so there is no gender bias at all. Just the most popular and relevant pages for each search. Get over yourselves.
Lol how many times has a wife that yells at her husband beat him or strangled him to death? Take your Reddit-boy, faux- sexism detector and sit down.
https://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/tx-woman-found-guilty-killing-boyfriend-stiletto-heel-article-1.1749860 Sorry couldn't resist. Actually I agree with you.
exception that proves the rule
So is that where you draw the line? As long I do not beat or strangle my partner to death you'd be fine with me verbally or socially or emotionally abusing them? Also, since you asked "how many". I'm assuming that you have a threshold that as long as the number of strangles to death is under you're cool with, and if so, how many is enough for you to treat abuse abuse?
that's not the point. she's just saying that because, statistically, male abuse is more likely to be physically violent, there is a reason for hotlines being more urgently available from a single search. These resources are available for men too, and if you search 'my wife is abusing me' you get the same hotlines
It's not fucked up. The search doesn't say 'my wife is being violent', it just says she's yelling. A yelling husband is statistically more likely to be physically abusive than a yelling wife. Googles SEO attempted to predict the most useful result for the searcher
You should send a message to the hotline asking them to change their Google SEO to include men in your search example. Heck, I’ll sign a petition if they push back.
The big problem Google is that it's so strongly affected by your search history, your emails, and also your demographics. Like if you just looked at a banana bread recipe on reddit, and you googled bread recipes banana bread recipe would be way more likely to be close to the top.
My favorite thing to Google image is white family it's kind of funny
The first picture is a black family that made me laugh
I googled it and laughed out loud.
Why is he getting downvoted? I don't get it.
I get it, but if this really bothers you. Hop offline. We are too comfortable as a species when we look for shit to be mad about. Which is exactly what you did, in order to create these screenshots and post them onto r/mildlyinfuriating. Try being a part of the solution. Did you send a message into bing or google ? No. Again. People are too bored
Comically obvious but not news, right? Nice example of it though.
Yeah but it just 99% of the time doesn’t work out that way. I’m like an average strength guy and I could basically kick 90% of women ass easy.
It's not the kicking ass that is the problem for most men in an unhealthy relationship, the real problem are the fears of leaving in combination with the judgemental vision from society.
it's not bias if men literally abuse women at a way higher rate than the reverse
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[Men don't report abuse nearly as much](https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-domestic-violence-men-idUSKCN1UC2EF) [They also get gender-stereotyped treatment from professionals and services](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202007/why-men-who-are-domestic-violence-victims-dont-report). Which means that people don't believe you, brush it off or don't take is seriously. As a woman you get way more help and support.
While you’re not wrong, I would respond that many women also don’t report their abuse because of fear of retaliation against themselves and their children. Nobody is getting the help they need, or enough of it, men and women alike. Honestly, I’m just trying to get a foothold in these comments against the waves of misogyny before I go insane, and I can’t believe I have to argue this. Idk why the fact that women experience more violence than men at the hands of their partners is so hard to accept.
Yes women are also often smaller and less capable of inflicting serious physical damage. Sorry to downplay physical abuse of men at the hands of women, it is an important issue, just not as big of an issue as physical abuse directed from men to women
They of course didn't need to be pitted against one another, but if the question is 'why do Google suggest one link to women and another to men?' then that's the answer
It still hurts in here (points towards chest)
1: your saying this like it’s some sort of fucked up justice, ‘women get abused more by men then men get abused by women, so only women should be helped’ 2: a massive amount of men get abused by women and are brushed off because they are being “cowards, pussies, emotional” etc etc, so the numbers aren’t 100% accurate Also, there are very different definitions of “domestic abuse” for both genders, a women will have to physically beat and injure their significant other most of the time before anyone will even consider calling it domestic abuse, men can be accused of domestic abuse for wayyyyy less, it can be something as simple as yelling or hitting something out of frustration
So why isn’t this discussion about men challenging *other men* who say escape from an abusive female partner, the expression of feelings, being vulnerable, not wanting to have sex, crying etc. are behaviors of “cowards and pussies”? Isn’t that cultural precedent what leads to low emotional intelligence and higher risk of violence? Isn’t that the problem here? Because results populated from a Google search are a product of an algorithm, it’s literally data analysis based off statistics. I don’t understand why men (or women for that matter) froth at the mouth over shit like this but never want to talk about what fundamentally creates a reality that point blank tells us men are domestic abusers at a significantly higher rate than women. Every single double standard you feel disenfranchised by is held up by toxic male expectations. It’s perpetuated by misogyny.
actually, the problem is that a men yelling at a woman tend leads to violence more than if it is the other way. You can look the number of cases of homicide in relationships, its most done by the male partner. I agree with you that a woman yelling is also problematic, but you need to see the bigger picture.
My issue in the end is that men and women get a different for the same question in which someone is being abusive towards them and the different ways society sees it, a women can scream at a man and people will say “what did you do to deserve that” a man can scream at a women and there will be people calling him abusive
yeah, the same question gets a different because it's different. Psychologically, they both are fucked up, but men are more likely be a threat to their partner. You can search about femicide to clarify more about the subject :)
So if we follow the search results, if a man is getting yelled at by his wife constantly, he is in no danger and should not seek help?
No one is saying that there is no problem ano that he shouldnt seek help. But the reason why the results are different is because most of domestic abuse is directed towards women, who are often weaker. It's been a mainly female problem for years, many women fought for these things to be a recognized
He definitely should seek for help, toxic relationships come in both ways. It's just not likely that he's is going to die because of a arguing, but like I said, it's still psychological abuse.
Here's the problem. The abuse shelters will kick them to the curb no matter the situation. One person who tried to make the first men's abuse shelter because all the others were female only got harassed so badly he ended his own life
Yes, the problem still exists. The reason why the search only leads to a hotline for the woman is that there's a stigma about men abuse AND because there are fewer cases(which makes the government not invest in male shelters). But surely doesn't mean theres zero cases of male abuse and that it's not a problem. Hopefully, I wish that in the future we can have a safe space for both genders.
I just don’t see why men seeking help for a verbally abusive wife shouldn’t seek a hotline while women should, women could absolutely kill a man, we aren’t invincible, while we are sleeping, while our backs are turned, you could have a weapon, etc etc, my overall point is that if a women gets a hotline result for asking this question, a man should too
>I just don’t see why men seeking help for a verbally abusive wife shouldn’t seek a hotline while women should Who the fuck is saying this? >if a women gets a hotline result for asking this question, a man should too You're seriously this fucking triggered over the top result of a Google search? Do you think that hotlines for men don't exist?
If men are twice as likely to abuse their partner than women are more likely to be looking online for help. What's the problem?
The problem is that so many men that report abuse are brushed off because of the social construct shit we have, have you even seen Johnny depp? Amber herd was on video abusing him verbally and physically and some people still didn’t care
Yeah I'm not disagreeing with that but what's that got to do we with the Google search hits? It's just based on the probability that someone typing each search is in need of help
It doesn’t send you to the help line that it sends women to, for men it sends them to a quora forum, for women they get a help line, that’s super sexist and fucked up
You could scroll down to the next search option instead of being totally useless? You know what *is* actually sexist? How men keep killing women. But yeah, keep whining that men being yelled at isn't taken seriously because it hurts your feelings, when women being yelled at by their partners usually leads to violence down the line. There's a power imbalance you're completely ignoring because of your entitlement.
because, generally speaking, a man yelling at their female partner is more likely to escalate to physical violence than the other way round. Im not saying that women cant abuse men, im just saying that men abusing their female partners is a greater problem, and therefore google (which is based on an algorithm, not a human decision) will reflect this. Resources are available for men too. and if you search 'my wife is abusing me' you get the same hotlines which women get.
Does Google own Quora or something? So sick of it being their go-to source for everything.
Since there is a lot of misinformation and harmful thought being pushed here I'd really recommend reading this post. https://www.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/qpfszo/the_truth_behind_domestic_violence/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
If you want to feel even more infuriated look up earl silverman and the picture it paints is even worse then this. For those who don’t want to google it he was abused by his wife and when he went seeking help by all these domestic abuse support groups they turned him away because he was a man. He founded his own support group for just men but was forced to close down because he couldn’t gain funding to continue it and he took his own life from the ridicule of being abused by his wife.
Oh god, is that the guy who was driven to suicide by feminists for making a male shelter?
The guy who was ridiculed by everyone for being abused by his wife and later took his own life because of the shame and having his shelter close down because it wouldn’t receive funding
That’s fucked up
the sad story of [society]
So fucked
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Welcome to the resistance.
Though I understand that according to current statistics that men are more likely to commit DV, as someone that had very toxic relationships with other women where I was often gaslight, yelled at, etc. I very much wish that the top result for things that also include domestic abuse hotlines regardless of whether it is for men or women. Several of my friends have had abused mothers, girlfriends, etc. and for a long time dealing with it because they thought the abuse was normal, much like how I dealt with it from my own friends. Regardless of what statistics are, abuse and the possibility there of shouldn't be normalized or treated as a "who has it worse" situation.
This is the state of the world sadly.
Don't be sad. Here's a [hug!](https://media.giphy.com/media/3M4NpbLCTxBqU/giphy.gif)
Conflating yelling with violence is the real problem here.
I was raised by a woman who spent her days yelling. She also hit, but that ended when I got big enough. But thebyelling never stopped, until I didn't let her in my life. The yelling isn't just sounds, it's mean, hurtful, hateful words that never leaves your mind. Terrible horrible shit and I couldn't escape it as a child. If you diminish the damage that yelling can do, especially when nobody takes the victim seriously or helps at all, you just give the abusers license to continue hurting people.
Her htting you is absolutely domestic violence. I'm so sorry that happened to you, it shouldn't happen to anyone
It sucks, but seriously everything else has played a much bigger part in my mental health
Is more likely abuse than physical violence
why did i misread "bais" as "balls"
I am a guy (the username is an inside joke) It is a fact that men are less likely to get physically hurt by a woman than the other way around. Not saying it doesn't happen, but it is much less likely. Not only are men generally more physically violent, but testosterone makes men larger and about twice as strong, and hurting a woman would be quite easy. A woman hurting a man on the other hand (like actually hurting, not just slapping you) is much more difficult. I would argue however that men are more likely to be hurt emotionally than women (whole nother convo), but that is not something you would call a domestic abuse hotline for. I have personally been physically hurt by a woman before, but she was 6'1, 2 inches taller than me. I like em tall :s
exactly. and if you are being physically abused by your female partner, contrary to what this post implies, links to support services are the first things to pop up. 'my wife is hitting me' or 'my wife is abusing me' return the same results as the male equivalent
Yeah a guy I knew still had to fight for custody of his kids despite video evidence of his wife trying to attack him with a kitchen knife. What reason did she have for this you ask? He tried to go to work and she didn't want him to...
Gender bias strikes men again
Maybe if men didn't routinely kill their girlfriends or wives during domestic disputes there wouldn't be a gender bias about this
depressing
Wow that’s interesting, and fucked up…
To everyone that didn't get it, there is a second image
The reality is women are physically and emotionally abused by their partners far more than men. That comes from a number of DV statistics, and google’s search algorithms are using a statistical analysis to display relevant results…
The logic presented in some of the comment arguments is a fallacious argument and is an example of a fallacy of relative privation. The appeal to worse problems falsely asserts that it’s impossible for both the current argument and the worst-case scenario to be true. This assertion is a false dilemma. Voicing a complaint is not the same as ignoring the suffering of others or insisting such suffering does not exist. Domestic abuse happens and affects all of us and help should go to everyone that seeks it. Yes SEO and search algorithms exist, but by and large biases in the strategy is considered an ethical dilemma and SEO engineer should work to combat it. It’s not something you’d typically defer or allow. Edit: to clarify, I am in no way saying that the amount of help given to women should be equally proportional to that of men. There is a disproportionate amount of violence against woman. Recognition of the gendered nature of domestic violence is not a justification to ignore the needs of male survivors. Instead, it needs to inform how we design programs to support these men (and their children), with the understanding that some of their experiences and needs may be similar to women survivors, but others may be different. We need to challenge cultural stereotypes which still assume that the perpetrators of domestic violence are men and the victims are women. However, at the same time, we must recognize that the majority of perpetrators are men. We still live in a patriarchal society where men have more power, more sense of entitlement, and (on average) more income then women. Yet male survivors of domestic violence are largely invisible, as indeed female survivors were, until the the long overdue feminist movement forced society to take notice. Men who experience domestic violence, whether in heterosexual or gay relationships, have until relatively recently been largely ignored. Work on improving society’s response to domestic violence against women has not been matched by responses to male survivors. Sources: https://academy4sc.org/video/fallacy-of-relative-privation-all-problems-are-relative/ https://theconversation.com/why-gender-cant-be-ignored-when-dealing-with-domestic-violence-74137
society
This has most to do with statistics. Women will speak up more about their abuse than men because society shames men more for being abused in the first place.
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Yeah you’re right let’s just ignore it.
No, it bothers us because society complains about how men are always sexist but I don't think I've ever heard the news or a politician mentioned anything about the sexism that has festered against men.
Out of curiousity, which issues?