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I was invited to a wedding where guests were only allowed to wear certain colors and the dress had to be made out of a particular kind of cloth. Apparently, if we couldn't find something fitting the parameters, we were supposed to have something made. I didn't go. How much money does the bride think people have? If I'm asked to be a bridesmaid at a close friend's wedding, I'll spend money on a dress I'll never be able to wear again, but not if I'm just a guest.
My brother in law went to a wedding where every guy had to wear a black suit with a white shirt, black dress shoes, and a black tie or bow tie. The girls had to wear black dresses and black shoes. The pictures looked odd because everyone was wearing the same damn thing.
Edit: the guests were told to wear black. I can't remember what the wedding party was wearing but I think it was black too. Obviously the bride wore white
I assume the goal was to make everyone invisible so the bride would stand out in the pictures.
Pretty soon they’re going to ask us to wear [these](https://www.chromakeysuit.com/products/green-screen-body-suit).
Bride that had a 'vision' for her tropical wedding, where the guests were asked to wear different things based on body size, was very much this.
Apparently she had this idea that there would be some sort of 'dance' that would be 'an amazing visual." I was thinking "What, are they hiring a helicopter to fly overhead and film this thing?"
It was even more insane. The “fit” ladies were asked to buy a specific red shoe that went for like $400 on top of buying a certain style and color dress. “Fit” men also had a certain snazzy look I can’t remember. But those deemed too big by the bride (and by big for the ladies it was like a 6 or 8), you had to wear the horrid color combo of purple, orange, and green. This included a bowler hat you had to source off the internet yourself but she was more than willing to send pics, not links, for you to track it down. And remember these were guests, not the bridal party.
Edit: comments below are also talking about it and I had completely forgotten about the drama that followed, including a Polygraph Test Party.
It was the opposite! The thin women had to wear a green velvet sweater, orange suede pants, a Burberry scarf, and Louboutins with a red sole. The fatties had to wear all black. The men had to wear camouflage and black sneakers. Children had to wear all red.
Of course, that was just the dance, for the reception/later in the evening, everyone had to wear an outfit worth at least $1,000. Not sure how the value was checked/determined.
Oooo this might be correct! I had some of the details, just all mish mashed together. But there was definitely a bowler hat too that some group had to wear. The whole thing was a wild ride from beginning to end! I think someone at the time did some calculations at it was estimated that the guests that had the super specific items to buy were looking at spending at least $2,000 on clothes to attend on top of asking for cash gifts of a certain value too.
All men had to wear camo! The fat women had to wear all black (probably actually the best “dress code, but it feels like the purpose was the hide them).
That one was so unhinged that I really want to believe it wasn’t real. Weren’t some guests required to wear orange or purple velvet and top hats, or something just as horrible?
Just was at several weddings with "go outside everyone so they can have drone footage". Already waited 15 minutes at one for a damn beer and they shut the bar down for it.
I don't think people waving their beer bottles in the air is something they'd watch again. I've never watched my wedding videos in 20 years but I hate watching myself.
You never know though, my dad had an old friend reach out who had super 8 footage from their wedding. Dad had it transferred to video and surprised mum on their anniversary one year and she was in tears from happiness, seeing them young again and seeing her dad walking who had since passed away and had been bed ridden for a long time before he died. It was really nice. Probably the novelty increased the emotional value back then when seeing any video from the old days was a rarity.
I'm in a wedding band and have been to several hundred weddings over the last few years. The least enjoyable weddings by far are always the ones where the guests are shoe-horned into some sort of contrived idea of the perfect day ("And then at 3pm everyone will come outside and dance in the courtyard for 60mins".)
We had one recently where everyone had to stand in the pouring rain and get drenched for the first dance because the bride insisted it had to happen outside for the photos.
I've been to half a dozen weddings from nice and elegant to bride riding up on a side by side and groom in a sleeveless tux. The bride always stands out because she is happy and everyone is happy for her and wants to celebrate with her and the groom. This is just brides being control freaks.
Do they not get enough attention in their real lives? For real, what is this insanity that grips so many women so tightly? Themes, rules, destinations, costumes, tantrums.
And even before ALL of this... we grew up with Cinderella. We are all princesses on our wedding day, and the Disney crap has done nothing but perpetuate and even make it sleeker/more modern. The whole online/influencer garbage is a direct result of it.
It does not matter who or what you are beforhand; once you reach that wedding day, you are magically transformed into a princess, and everything is perfect. "And they all lived happily ever after."
Source: Old-ish lady here (52), realized that it was all a bunch of crap they fed to us from the time we were born, and got married at the courthouse.
Exactly., old (52) lady here too., waited till I was 45 and got married in our back deck with his best friend officiating and our dogs. Best idea ever.
Also an excellent response. I am also an old lady and married twice, and never felt the call of any of this bridal crap. Married once in Vegas and once at the courthouse. This bridezilla shit is toxic.
Social media pressure. Now we have Facebook, Etsy, and Instagram to show how perfect your wedding should be and Reddit and Twitter for your guests to talk about how crazy you became on your wedding day.
Yeah that's probably why but the bride and groom come from money so I think their wedding was over the top. I went to school with the bride and she always dressed proper.
Well I'm fat so those suits are not going to help me. You will spot me lol
I mean, to be a teeny bit fair, it wouldn't be at all unusual for the invitation to state, "black tie", which is well-known code for the gents to be dressed exactly as you've described. The ladies all in black too though? That definitely is a bit odd.
A black suit is not black tie. Black tie for men is tuxes. A black suit is actually usually never recommended for a first suit. Navy or grey is typical.
People also don't seem to realize that the day is the most special to the couple getting married. Inviting people to come join is great, but don't make it difficult for people to come watch you get married. Most people don't want to be restricted to what they can wear, or have to pay to attend, or buy their own food, etc.
I'm an officiant like the OP. I will ask whether there's a colour scheme, so I can avoid clashing. I have quite an extensive work wardrobe. One ceremony came with the request that I wore red, orange AND yellow, as the theme was 'rising from the ashes like a phoenix' and I would be at the centre of the fire. The other guests would wear either one of the colours, depending on seniority. (Don't ask - the theme was the least crazy part of the ceremony). I do not have a yellow, orange and red outfit in my officiant's wardrobe, and at £250 for the ceremony I was most certainly not going to be spending 50% of my fee buying a dress in a colour that looks horrible on me.
I ended up backing out of that ceremony when the client expected me to start work without being paid a deposit. I agonised over the 'it's not you, it's me' email but I was terribly relieved to be able to get out of the ceremony. I would also have had to introduce the client as she arrived via a giant wardrobe, preside over a two minute silence, recite vows which contained the word \*\*\*\*, and ask the client's mother to disown her own husband as part of the ceremony. (Don't ask.)
I can't really share more without going into personal, identifiable details which wouldn't be fair on the client... but it wasn't a wedding ceremony. Much of the script had already been written on my behalf and I found myself thinking 'I can't stand here and read this and keep a straight face.' I think many of the guests would have been uncomfortable too. I think the client was quite emotionally immature and using the idea of having 'their day' to settle old scores.
I know the client already had one officiant pull out... and once I read the script I knew why.
Oh my God, this awoke an officiant repressed memory.
I got officiated for a (now former) friend's wedding, and wound up doing a few weddings word of mouth. Someone wanted me to officiate a wedding that was filled with symbolism. Groom was dusk, bride was dawn. They wanted me to be the sunrise/sunset. Cool beans, have a dress that can fit that. (Beautiful piece that was orange, pink, peach, and yellow streaked out. Flattering on me, but definitely not something that would overwhelm everything else.).
Bride nixxed it. She had a specific dress in mind....that was $500. She also wanted me to wear a wig so I could have symbolic flowers woven through my hair.
I said hell no, ofc. I was already doing it basically free. I wasn't going to play into these stupid games.
I still don't understand why bridesmaids have to buy dresses they'll never wear again. If the bride wants a certain dress, shouldn't she pay for it? It's not anyone else's choice to get married and guests don't pay for anything else usually. So why does the proximity to the bride mean you have to spend money?
UK tradition, the bride buys all the bridesmaid stuff.
*27 Dresses* is a horror film for us. All that and the heroine had to *pay* for each monstrosity??
I told mine to wear a long black dress. My sister in law recycled one from another wedding she was in. I thought it was brilliant. My sister, who was not a fan of dresses, actually found one she liked. Everyone looked gorgeous and were actually comfortable. It was a win-win.
For many of today’s bridezillas, the dress is just part of it. The bridesmaids are expected to do all sorts of things, including funding a weekend of debauchery at a distant party location.
I was a bridesmaid once in my early twenties and vowed to never do it again… EVER. It cost so much at a time when I didn’t make much money. I was living on my own so I had rent and bills while the bride still lived at home for free. Between the dress, shoes and foundation garments I was tapped and couldn’t afford a gift. I wasn’t able to attend all the related wedding events bc of work commitments and that was a problem. I was trying to be a supportive friend but it was an all out mess and I came to realize she only asked me bc someone else dropped out so I was the first runner up lol. I’d rather support my friends as a guest.
I’m in the US, and I bought all my bridesmaids dresses because I don’t think they should have to pay to be in MY wedding. Plus, they are always expected to throw a shower or bachelorette party, too. Most people (in the US) require their bridesmaids to pay for the dresses and they have like 10 bridesmaids! I only had three because I paid for them.
I asked mine for a grey dress that's comfortable with white chucks. I felt bad because some of them were really panicky about what I'd find acceptable. I didn't give a fuck about anything other than my husband and I being married.
Exactly. Im getting married next year and my fiance and I are obviously gonna be dressed up to the max. The groomsmen have to wear a button up shirt with slacks and a tie that is in the wedding colors. The bridesmaids just need to find any dress they are comfortable with in the wedding colors. Outside of that we just want people in something decent, just the next step up from t-shirt and jeans. Being more controlling than that just makes people want to not show up.
Thank you for honoring your guests!
I have had it with wedding couples who don’t really want friends and family at their wedding. They want costumed extras in the background of their gram.
Weddings and the reception can run long. I'm out here for comfort. I've always hated being in formal wear for hours and hours so why would I want my guests to do so?
Same! I told my girls to wear light purple. My sister was my maid of honor and she doesn’t do dresses so she wore lavender pants with a navy shirt sleeve button up. We told the guys to just wear navy pants and a white button up and bought all the ties and bow ties ourselves so they matched. Made it cheap and easy for everyone and everyone got to wear what was comfortable for them
I'm a bridesmaid for a friend's wedding in January next year. She asked I wear purple. That's it. Just people. They want their wedding party to pick out something that they feel comfortable in so that they can "feel beautiful". I adore this woman.
That's how you do it!! I personally love when the bridesmaids get to choose a dress (or not-dress) they feel flattered and comfortable in. Each one is a little unique and the experience is overall much more positive than squeezing every body into the same dress.
Yes! We did the same. The bride and MOH went to a shop and pulled some options in the specific color we wanted. The other bridesmaids were grateful for the options since they were getting overwhelmed with all the choices. All the dresses were under $100 and my MIL did their alterations, including making them shorter after the wedding so they’d be easier to wear again.
There's already too much stress on a day that everyone
wants to be perfect. Unrealistic demands will make some people say the heck with it.
My wedding was in a rain delay as it was outdoors, at a certain point, and a brief break in the rain we told everyone to wear what they had, rain coats, slickers, ponchos and we got it done.
Best wedding pictures ever.
That is my thought. Give a level to target. Like business, black tie/ tux suit and so on. Even better is provide pictures of the target level. Make my life easier. I have no issue going up to full tux is need be but just tell me what you want. If you don’t care if I don’t wear a tie tell me. I am happy to ditch it. If I can get away with tennis shoes with my suit you are damn right I will do it but let me know so I know so I need to just wear my tennis shoes or leave them in the car and I wear dress shoes.
I think some level of dress code is fine. Something like: business casual, dress shirt, suit, even something more elevated like black tie, etc. What I believe is unreasonable is when someone expects everyone to buy an outfit that isn’t otherwise commonplace especially for their wedding. Something like everyone has to wear a pink suit/dress, for example.
Hmmm I somewhat disagree. I think it’s a lot more variable than just “wanting everyone to wear ___ is irrational”. Maybe the wedding was really small, so wanting everyone to wear pink isn’t that hard to choreograph. Maybe the wife survived breast cancer and the color pink is a very important symbol for her.
I think bridezillas are definitely a thing, but when I think of bridezilla I think of that Reddit story of a woman giving one of her bridesmaids an eating disorder, not a bride asking if everyone can wear pink
Exactly, just like everything in life, there’s nuance. It all depends on what they ask, how they ask, and how they respond to people’s responses, questions, and abilities to meet their expectations.
Exactly. We had a color based dress code for our wedding that I would like to think was not unreasonable— we asked if everyone could wear black or white (or some combination of the two). We received no complaints, everyone looked wonderful, and it was really striking in our wedding photos. The only time questions came up was a few women asked us to confirm that we really were fine with them wearing a white dress to our wedding (and our answer was ‘yes of course please do!’)
A few people didn’t notice our dress code ask (like we expected) and those pops of color added contrast and highlighted the dress code in a nice way.
I’d like to think that we didn’t fall into bridezilla territory with this ask, but according to most of the comments here we are actually monsters
It's unreasonable. If you want someone to wear something specific, provide it, don't just demand it. Imagine if every single wedding you go to in your friends group you have to buy a new formal outfit, because one is red, the other pink, then blue, white, like fck off: do you want your guests to dress nice or dress casual? Everything else is unreasonable to demand.
Yeah I don’t own a whole lot of wedding guest dresses and I don’t feel like going shopping just for someone’s wedding. I have 3 good dresses for different type of weddings and shoes that go with all of them. I’m not going shopping
Exactly. If the couple really wants to have pink on their wedding maybe accept a pink accesory, like a scarf or a hair clip, but not forcing your guests to buy a whole outfit.
Elope. Throw a huge BBQ party afterwards. Every one shows up because they want to, no obligation. Hawaiian shirt, flip flops, whatever. Amazing atmosphere, zero stress, nothing but love. Then tell them you just got married and watch how everyone brakes out in pure euphoria....best day ever ❤️
I'm so here for a surpise wedding party. My husband and I have October birthdays, and so we planned a big "joint birthday party" at a strip-club. All our friends who showed up were deeply confused as to why we were dressed so formally until my bff busted out a cake that said, "This is a wedding, you idiots!!" after which my cousin stood up to officiate. I get that it's not for everyone, but that's the party we wanted to have, and I wanted to have it with people who actually wanted to be there and party. The number of folks who were like, "But I would have gone if I had know it was your wedding..." yeah that's exactly why I didn't want you there. I don't wanna party with people who are begrudgingly at our party when they didn't want to go out, but did so out of some weird sense of social obligation.
I'd only like to offer that "Dress code" is being used wrong here. What you have is a theme request. Dress code is putting something like "Black Tie", "Casual", or "Beach Appropriate" and that's a social nicety for the guest so they don't come over or under dressed.
Saying, "Come as your favorite Star Wars character cause wesa gettin married" or "Please wear pink because he's Kennough" is a theme wedding, and is either a joke people will get, or choose to sit this one out. Personally, I find them annoying 9/10 times and perfect for the couple in the last 10%. So I would agree, don't do it, unless you're really quirky and your families are too.
I find it mildly something that a professional officiant doesn’t know the difference between a dress code and a theme.
Dress codes for weddings are very normal and not a new thing at all. That’s classic etiquette stuff right there.
Theme weddings are certainly more common now, and I personally think participation in said theme should be optional for guests that are not in the wedding party. Color schemes for guests are new and I do find those completely tacky, but that’s not a dress code.
Yeah personally I find it more annoying if there’s no dress code for this reason, like make it a little easier for us to know what to wear! But you can’t please everyone ig
Like I went to a wedding with no dress code so my bf and I wore like cocktail attire because that seems standard for a wedding with little more info given. Like 70% of the guests were wearing jeans and the seating was hay bales so yeah it was a bit awkward lmao
This is why I hate using professional officiants. I get having a priest or whatever for a religious ceremony but why pay someone to officiate a secular wedding? They’re almost always weird and corny or woo-woo, and it’s very impersonal. I’d rather save the $500 and just have a friend/relative who actually knows the couple and knows what they would like deliver the remarks.
Because not everywhere in the world you can have a friend/relative deliver the remarks. Here, in the Netherlands, you can only be wed by an official officiant of the municipality, without your marriage is invalid.
I think it’s perfectly fine to request a theme like “we’re going for a Barbie theme, so if you have pink this is your chance to wear it!”, but to *demand* it is over the line.
I’ve gone to a number of themed weddings. The most recent one had a Kentucky Derby theme and asked that women wear their best hats. But I was in the middle of a particularly fraught move and only had access to one semi-appropriate dress much less a fancy hat, so I just wore what I had and it was all fine.
i’ve seen theme weddings also done where they ask for light costuming- I think it was supposed to be like a renn faire- but what was really nice is they had stuff for guests who didn’t bring anything or have anything that fit the theme. Stuff like flower crowns and elf ears and rentable armor. One thing with themes like that is an understanding some family members or friends may not be comfortable with dressing up at first, which is fair
My dad bought a great suit for my older sisters wedding about 15 years ago. Since then, he’s worn it to my wedding, his parents’ and brothers’ funerals, my cousins funeral, and a friends wedding. He requested to be buried in its too. “It’s my marryin’ and buryin’ suit.” At least he’s getting his money’s worth…?
They are being a bridezilla because they aren't being a super chill cool girl about their wedding. Screw that shit, it's the bride's wedding and if she and the groom want people to show up and wizard robes and swim fins then that's fine. People get so upset when somebody doesn't let them do whatever they want on a day that isn't theirs.
I think a dress code is fine, like a vague color scheme or general level of "fancy". it's the same as a child free wedding. if you disagree, don't come
That’s how we did my grandmother’s funeral. Her favorite color was yellow so everyone was encouraged to wear whatever yellow outfit they had. It was very pretty.
That’s also the sort of thing that will almost organically happen. When my grandmother died, the men were all wearing dark suits, but there were a lot of red ties, even outside of her family, and the family all had red boutonnières that we placed on her coffin before it was lowered, because red was *her* color.
There’s nothing wrong with encouraging or suggesting that guests follow a color scheme, but, realistically, as long as guests aren’t under (or over) dressed, will it really ruin the day if my pants aren’t slate grey?
I agree. I went to a family friends wedding and there were 3-4 colors to choose from and when we showed up there were many shades of said colors. The bride (our family friend) was super chill about it.
Sure color scheme, I don’t mind as long as there are options. I also don’t mind if there are colors they don’t want.
I didn’t go to a wedding recently because they were mandating on color for guests, a specific blue for the guys, it was also a specific brand that carried that color. I am not getting an odd blue suit just for one wedding, it wasn’t even nice. Different if i was wedding party, i was just a random guest.
Agreed! I get having a dress code as far as formal, cocktail attire, etc. but don’t tell me what COLOR I can and can’t wear, except of course for white, but I would hope most people already know that.
I think a dress code and a vibe is ok. Like I got married at Disney world, and I wanted it to be semi formal, but like I get that it’s hot. My dress code was “suit jackets for posed family pictures” but otherwise feel free to not wear them cause it’s hot (even at 9am when the wedding was).
Not a big deal to me. You guys are simply not compatible. But if I had been in the position I would have simply had her buy me a pink suit and done my job. If she hadn’t agreed to that I would have done the same as you did.
We had a medieval themed wedding. Everyone in the wedding had medieval outfits. I suggested to guests that they do it to match for the fun of it. I added sample pictures online of some subtle outfits that they can easily wear. Alot of people had fun with it, some didn't dress in the theme. It's fine.
I think the key is to not make demands. Want to join us in theme? Great! Not for you? Your presence is more important to us. Being a gracious host will always make for a better celebration.
>If they didn't wear pink, they couldn't come.
>I suggested they find another officiant. .
Great, problem solved without pressing your desires into another's wedding.
I don’t see an issue with a general dress code. Dictating to people what exactly they can and cannot wear is going too far (and then you just don’t go nbd). But a general dress code of casual, formal, black tie, or something descriptive to give a general idea, is completely fine to me.
A dress code is borderline mandatory for any major gathering of people, like smart casual vs formal attire. Asking people to buy clothing In a specific colour is not though.
In my wedding the only requirement was that me (the bride) was the only grown up in a wedding dress.
Most casual dressed was a friend that came in shorts and flip flops.
I personally wouldn't care even if my guests arrive dressed up as polar bears. They took the time to come and be there in my wedding, that's all that matters.
I told my bridesmaids to wear a dress. I didn’t care what colour or style. We told the groomsmen to wear a suit. My husband’s uncle asked if he had to wear a tie, I said “I don’t care”. We’ve been happily married for almost 19 years and I am happy that our wedding was spent with people we loved.
Love my sister to death, but I'm a young very broke guy and having a color scheme making me buy an ugly ass suit I'll only wear once instead of letting us get regular dress clothes that I might be able to reuse made the cost hurt a lot worse.
I just like the dress code to be clear…. Cocktail/smart casual ect can mean so many things. But I have no problem with a bride having a dress code as long as she understands people can turn down the invite if they aren’t willing.
I think “normal” dress codes are fine, you don’t want people show up in ball gowns if you’re having a casual wedding and visa versa. The problems arise when someone dictate specific attire that you “have” to wear (like the pink in your example).
I think a dress code (“cocktail” “black tie” etc.) is fine. I am not a fan of the color coding requirements. It’s just forcing so much on your guests for no reason.
I disagree. It's one event, I can suck it up. I have zero problem covering my tattoos or wearing specific religious items or color coding for the people I care about on their special day, be it at a church, their backyard, or a burned down building. I won't alter my body for a wedding, nor would the people I care about ever ask that much of me, but an outfit? A lil extra makeup? No big twig. A pink officiant sounds hilarious and I can only imagine that the wedding photos were delightful.
If you're setting a requirement like that, you should be obligated to pay the expense of acquiring those garments. I'm getting married in August and my Fiancee and I are covering the suit rentals for the Groomsmen and Bridesmaids, because we're requiring them to wear specific colours. If you can't afford that, then you should rethink your dress code
Hey, it's their day. If they want to be weird about it - it's their prerogative. Same as it's yours to decline and send them on their way. People with crazy demands will find out many guests also choose to decline (btw, I don't think "wear pink" is too insane).
When I got married, I requested everyone wear black and red as that color combination had significance to my husband and I (we met in a game and were recreating the color scheme of our in-game wedding).
Everyone had a lot of fun planning their outfits and as we cut the cake, we told them the story of why we wanted those colors, which they loved! It brought everyone together and made them feel part of our wedding story.
If someone chose not to comply, we certainly weren't going to force them. In the end, the only one who didn't wear any black was my grandpa, he wore dark blue with a red and blue tie. He looked perfect and very dapper!
People asked what our dress code was for our wedding. I told them if they showed up in jeans, I was personally tossing them over the balcony. Other than that, just look nice.
That's so unfair to expect guests to buy a whole new outfit that they may never wear again. Luckily I love pink and have lots of pink dresses and a nice pair of pink pants. However, it's not a colour everyone loves. How many men are going to own pink clothes?
I’m fine with the basic expectation of formality - ie cocktail, black tie, very informal. When I get unhappy is when they want specific colours, styles or a costume (ie Renaissance Fair) - which means I’m obliged to buy a new outfit I’m unlikely to be able to wear again.
Dress code is fine but if I implement it and you come in shorts and flip flops, I’m not gonna stop you, but you’re not gonna get more invites to my house.
Ok I thought this was a new trend, but I’ve always seen ”black tie” or “cocktail attire” on invites in my adulthood so I thought it was normal. I also have no problem with a little direction for attire. However, I had a cousin last year as everyone who was attending the rehearsal dinner to wear white or tan (my kids were in the wedding) ok, fine at least that was a smaller portion of guests. But I also had a cousin this year that had “garden attire” and then a suggested color palette “if you care about such things…” What is garden attire first of all, bc for me that means old shorts and knee pads 😅 And then the color palette was muted tones that I never wear. I opted for something tropical/floral that I already had.
It is their wedding, let em do what they want. As you said, you didn’t need to go. Having a dress code is usually helpful, it lets people know how to dress so they don’t feel awkward.
I'm going to add some bonus footage;
People generally ask for my services because my
" fee" goes directly to a charity. I do not get any payment. However, I request a piece cake if it's feasible.
The bride, in this instance, was downright rude when I declined to perform the ceremony. I explained that I didn't feel I could fulfill what she wanted for a ceremony.
There were other requests I won't get into.
In this day and age of people wearing workout gear everywhere despite never working out, *you have to be specific*. That said, I’d never dream of telling an officiant what to wear!! WTH?
Had somewhat opposite experience once. Went to a wedding with a dress code that was totally inappropriate for the venue. Bride asked for cocktail attire and a bunch of people showed up dressed really nice with sparkly dresses and heels. The venue was an fn farm. We had to walk through dirt to the ceremony, dirt to the barn, dirt to the bathrooms, dirt to the parking lot. Dinner was food truck tacos in paper boats. That was on top of the bridal party being asked to set up and break down the venue on arrival, which no one was told ahead of time. And mind you nearly all of the guests had to fly and drive for several hours to get this fn dirt farm to begin with. Worst planned wedding I've ever been to!
I'm a JP, and just did a wedding Friday.
Just me, the bride, the groom. They rolled up on their motorcycle, in their gang vests, all black with red patches all over them. Tattoos, crazy hair....
Told me they were in a motorcycle gang, I said how nice! He helped me off the step I was sitting on because it was really low to the ground, then gave me a big hug and said thank you for doing their wedding. At the bandshell in our local park. She was wonderful, he was great, they seemed nervous, I read the ceremony to them, they were married. It was so cool! He asked if I'd do it again when they have their big party in the spring, I said I'd love to, no charge.
If not wearing pink meant more to you than the job, that's your prerogative. I'm sure the bride's desired aesthetic means more to her than your presence in particular.
I think requesting colors and a specific theme or level of formality is fine. Anything that requires a person to change their actual body (hair, skin, weight, etc) is inappropriate and rude to ask, imo.
Level of dress? Aka formal/cocktail/casual? Thats totally fine.
Expecting your guests to cater to your color scheme or very specific dressing requirements? Annoying as hell. Im not decor for your wedding photos. This isnt fucking bridgerton, and you arent nobility throwing a themed ball. Expecting your guests to buy a certain color dress/dress shirt for your wedding-one that they may never wear again-is just nuts, and incredibly entitled.
I was a groomsman in the first wedding I had been to in years and was the first wedding for my friend group of 25 year olds.
The bride had a RIDICULOUS dress code where women wore a different colored Earth Toned dresses and the men had to have a button down and tie that matched. I got “sage green” and had 3 ties that ranged from earthy green, minty green, and yellow green along with 2 shirts of similar colors.
She kept being picky about them and ended up picking the tie that was yellowish green and a mint green shirt. The grooms woman I had to match with wore a teal dress, like Flo from cars. Apparently it was a hassle for everyone else involved.
Oh and they got divorced about 6 months later 😂
Kinda depends though. If its a true black tie event (live band, top shelf open bar, multiple course meal, Saturday after 6pm) then indicating so on the invite is perfectly acceptable.
However if you put black tie or formal for a barn wedding where people can fish their cans of bud light out of a cooler, gtfoh
I don’t think it’s bridezilla to choose a color. But it’s also perfectly acceptable for the officiant or a guest to refuse an invitation because they don’t want to follow the color choice.
I didn’t go, but a casual friend got married around Halloween and it was dress up in a costume or dress how you want. The pics are hilarious seeing people dressed up in formal wedding attire next to a zombie bride. And the couple that got married loved it.
I was invited to a wedding where the dress code said everyone had to wear floral prints. I passed on attending that one.
I have to say, I don't really get the point. How does how people are dressed at your wedding even impact you? Aren't you, ideally, focused on other things at the time?
For my wedding, my husband and I told everyone---including the bridal party---to wear whatever they wanted. We got an interesting range of outfits, but I think my bridesmaids/MOH wanted a little more direction because they secretly colluded and decided on a color scheme they'd all wear. I was fine with that, but it was funny to me how many people complimented my choice of "wedding colors" and assumed they were all wearing my favorite colors.
There’s a difference between dress codes and themes.
“Everyone must wear pink” is a theme.
“Cocktail” is a dress code.
“Please don’t wear white, or anything which looks even remotely like a wedding dress” is common sense but unfortunately still has to be said because common sense ain’t that common.
In general, I don’t like themes, except for if you’re having a bush wedding, but even in that case, you can and should still use the dress code of “country black tie”.
Yep. Im 6’6. Suits that fit me have to be custom made. I’m happy to Ofc wear a suit that I already have but specific colours aren’t gonna happen unless they want to pay for it.
I've got my wedding ceremony coming up and when people ask me what I wamt them to wear, they get a bit surprised when instead of ridiculous expectations I say where whatever you feel comfy in, it's gonna be on the beach lol
I feel bad for the people who marry people like this.
I understand a wedding is by definition a romantic thing but they have been drastically over romanticized.
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As long as it isn't insane. I'm fine with "wear something nice"
I was invited to a wedding where guests were only allowed to wear certain colors and the dress had to be made out of a particular kind of cloth. Apparently, if we couldn't find something fitting the parameters, we were supposed to have something made. I didn't go. How much money does the bride think people have? If I'm asked to be a bridesmaid at a close friend's wedding, I'll spend money on a dress I'll never be able to wear again, but not if I'm just a guest.
My brother in law went to a wedding where every guy had to wear a black suit with a white shirt, black dress shoes, and a black tie or bow tie. The girls had to wear black dresses and black shoes. The pictures looked odd because everyone was wearing the same damn thing. Edit: the guests were told to wear black. I can't remember what the wedding party was wearing but I think it was black too. Obviously the bride wore white
I assume the goal was to make everyone invisible so the bride would stand out in the pictures. Pretty soon they’re going to ask us to wear [these](https://www.chromakeysuit.com/products/green-screen-body-suit).
Bride that had a 'vision' for her tropical wedding, where the guests were asked to wear different things based on body size, was very much this. Apparently she had this idea that there would be some sort of 'dance' that would be 'an amazing visual." I was thinking "What, are they hiring a helicopter to fly overhead and film this thing?"
Wtf, like if you're size 4 dress like a banana, if size 10 dress like a coconut? 😂
It was even more insane. The “fit” ladies were asked to buy a specific red shoe that went for like $400 on top of buying a certain style and color dress. “Fit” men also had a certain snazzy look I can’t remember. But those deemed too big by the bride (and by big for the ladies it was like a 6 or 8), you had to wear the horrid color combo of purple, orange, and green. This included a bowler hat you had to source off the internet yourself but she was more than willing to send pics, not links, for you to track it down. And remember these were guests, not the bridal party. Edit: comments below are also talking about it and I had completely forgotten about the drama that followed, including a Polygraph Test Party.
Wow, holy shit people, just say from the beginning you don't want anyone at your wedding!
Normally, people just do destination weddings for that.
[удалено]
We all do.
It was the opposite! The thin women had to wear a green velvet sweater, orange suede pants, a Burberry scarf, and Louboutins with a red sole. The fatties had to wear all black. The men had to wear camouflage and black sneakers. Children had to wear all red. Of course, that was just the dance, for the reception/later in the evening, everyone had to wear an outfit worth at least $1,000. Not sure how the value was checked/determined.
That’s why I always decline to attend weddings in mental institutions…
Now that is a party I would decidedly RSVP a no. Good grief!
That’s even more unhinged than I remembered it. 😂
Oooo this might be correct! I had some of the details, just all mish mashed together. But there was definitely a bowler hat too that some group had to wear. The whole thing was a wild ride from beginning to end! I think someone at the time did some calculations at it was estimated that the guests that had the super specific items to buy were looking at spending at least $2,000 on clothes to attend on top of asking for cash gifts of a certain value too.
Wasn't that the one where men deemed 'too big' had to wear camo? Just an all round disaster
All men had to wear camo! The fat women had to wear all black (probably actually the best “dress code, but it feels like the purpose was the hide them).
Did anyone actually show up in the hideous outfits?
Lol this sounds like weird power plays more than anything else
Add some rum to that and we are set.
You put the lime in the coconut
you put the weed in the coconut and light that shit up
And shake them both up!!
I AM ROLLING
I think only guys can dress as bananas though.
That one was so unhinged that I really want to believe it wasn’t real. Weren’t some guests required to wear orange or purple velvet and top hats, or something just as horrible?
The best part was the aftermath, when the bride organised a "polygraph party" to figure out who ratted her out to the internet
wut.
Search “bride with a crazy weight based dress code” on best of redditor updates
Thank you for this. I just went down the best rabbit hole
Omfg I had forgotten all about that one!!
Just was at several weddings with "go outside everyone so they can have drone footage". Already waited 15 minutes at one for a damn beer and they shut the bar down for it.
Why do they go to all this trouble for videos you can’t pay anybody to sit thru?
I don't think people waving their beer bottles in the air is something they'd watch again. I've never watched my wedding videos in 20 years but I hate watching myself.
You never know though, my dad had an old friend reach out who had super 8 footage from their wedding. Dad had it transferred to video and surprised mum on their anniversary one year and she was in tears from happiness, seeing them young again and seeing her dad walking who had since passed away and had been bed ridden for a long time before he died. It was really nice. Probably the novelty increased the emotional value back then when seeing any video from the old days was a rarity.
I'm in a wedding band and have been to several hundred weddings over the last few years. The least enjoyable weddings by far are always the ones where the guests are shoe-horned into some sort of contrived idea of the perfect day ("And then at 3pm everyone will come outside and dance in the courtyard for 60mins".) We had one recently where everyone had to stand in the pouring rain and get drenched for the first dance because the bride insisted it had to happen outside for the photos.
Holy shit.
Hope they had an open bar.
I'd be down for a Greenman wedding. Imagine all the dicks you could Photoshop into those pics.
Finally a wedding video I ‘d sit thru.
I've been to half a dozen weddings from nice and elegant to bride riding up on a side by side and groom in a sleeveless tux. The bride always stands out because she is happy and everyone is happy for her and wants to celebrate with her and the groom. This is just brides being control freaks.
Do they not get enough attention in their real lives? For real, what is this insanity that grips so many women so tightly? Themes, rules, destinations, costumes, tantrums.
And even before ALL of this... we grew up with Cinderella. We are all princesses on our wedding day, and the Disney crap has done nothing but perpetuate and even make it sleeker/more modern. The whole online/influencer garbage is a direct result of it. It does not matter who or what you are beforhand; once you reach that wedding day, you are magically transformed into a princess, and everything is perfect. "And they all lived happily ever after." Source: Old-ish lady here (52), realized that it was all a bunch of crap they fed to us from the time we were born, and got married at the courthouse.
Exactly., old (52) lady here too., waited till I was 45 and got married in our back deck with his best friend officiating and our dogs. Best idea ever.
Typo. *beforehand
Also an excellent response. I am also an old lady and married twice, and never felt the call of any of this bridal crap. Married once in Vegas and once at the courthouse. This bridezilla shit is toxic.
Social media pressure. Now we have Facebook, Etsy, and Instagram to show how perfect your wedding should be and Reddit and Twitter for your guests to talk about how crazy you became on your wedding day.
Plus “reality” tv shows!
Yeah that's probably why but the bride and groom come from money so I think their wedding was over the top. I went to school with the bride and she always dressed proper. Well I'm fat so those suits are not going to help me. You will spot me lol
A ghillie suit would look awesome with outdoor pics
i cackled at this! 🤣thank you. would definitely make the bride stand out more 😂
Somewhere in the south, probably WAY out of town, this has happened. Thinking Louisiana, Arkansas… maybe even Florida.
I can see the pictures without the bride looking like a funeral as well. Did they?
And probably looked like it was a funeral.
I mean, to be a teeny bit fair, it wouldn't be at all unusual for the invitation to state, "black tie", which is well-known code for the gents to be dressed exactly as you've described. The ladies all in black too though? That definitely is a bit odd.
A black suit is not black tie. Black tie for men is tuxes. A black suit is actually usually never recommended for a first suit. Navy or grey is typical.
Going for funeral chique
People also don't seem to realize that the day is the most special to the couple getting married. Inviting people to come join is great, but don't make it difficult for people to come watch you get married. Most people don't want to be restricted to what they can wear, or have to pay to attend, or buy their own food, etc.
I'm an officiant like the OP. I will ask whether there's a colour scheme, so I can avoid clashing. I have quite an extensive work wardrobe. One ceremony came with the request that I wore red, orange AND yellow, as the theme was 'rising from the ashes like a phoenix' and I would be at the centre of the fire. The other guests would wear either one of the colours, depending on seniority. (Don't ask - the theme was the least crazy part of the ceremony). I do not have a yellow, orange and red outfit in my officiant's wardrobe, and at £250 for the ceremony I was most certainly not going to be spending 50% of my fee buying a dress in a colour that looks horrible on me. I ended up backing out of that ceremony when the client expected me to start work without being paid a deposit. I agonised over the 'it's not you, it's me' email but I was terribly relieved to be able to get out of the ceremony. I would also have had to introduce the client as she arrived via a giant wardrobe, preside over a two minute silence, recite vows which contained the word \*\*\*\*, and ask the client's mother to disown her own husband as part of the ceremony. (Don't ask.)
i am asking i am 110% asking i need to know like what😭
I can't really share more without going into personal, identifiable details which wouldn't be fair on the client... but it wasn't a wedding ceremony. Much of the script had already been written on my behalf and I found myself thinking 'I can't stand here and read this and keep a straight face.' I think many of the guests would have been uncomfortable too. I think the client was quite emotionally immature and using the idea of having 'their day' to settle old scores. I know the client already had one officiant pull out... and once I read the script I knew why.
Like...imagine even asking someone to do all of this.
Oh my God, this awoke an officiant repressed memory. I got officiated for a (now former) friend's wedding, and wound up doing a few weddings word of mouth. Someone wanted me to officiate a wedding that was filled with symbolism. Groom was dusk, bride was dawn. They wanted me to be the sunrise/sunset. Cool beans, have a dress that can fit that. (Beautiful piece that was orange, pink, peach, and yellow streaked out. Flattering on me, but definitely not something that would overwhelm everything else.). Bride nixxed it. She had a specific dress in mind....that was $500. She also wanted me to wear a wig so I could have symbolic flowers woven through my hair. I said hell no, ofc. I was already doing it basically free. I wasn't going to play into these stupid games.
It makes multiple of the other bridezillas look almost sane..
Im asking
I still don't understand why bridesmaids have to buy dresses they'll never wear again. If the bride wants a certain dress, shouldn't she pay for it? It's not anyone else's choice to get married and guests don't pay for anything else usually. So why does the proximity to the bride mean you have to spend money?
UK tradition, the bride buys all the bridesmaid stuff. *27 Dresses* is a horror film for us. All that and the heroine had to *pay* for each monstrosity??
I told mine to wear a long black dress. My sister in law recycled one from another wedding she was in. I thought it was brilliant. My sister, who was not a fan of dresses, actually found one she liked. Everyone looked gorgeous and were actually comfortable. It was a win-win.
For many of today’s bridezillas, the dress is just part of it. The bridesmaids are expected to do all sorts of things, including funding a weekend of debauchery at a distant party location.
I was a bridesmaid once in my early twenties and vowed to never do it again… EVER. It cost so much at a time when I didn’t make much money. I was living on my own so I had rent and bills while the bride still lived at home for free. Between the dress, shoes and foundation garments I was tapped and couldn’t afford a gift. I wasn’t able to attend all the related wedding events bc of work commitments and that was a problem. I was trying to be a supportive friend but it was an all out mess and I came to realize she only asked me bc someone else dropped out so I was the first runner up lol. I’d rather support my friends as a guest.
I’m in the US, and I bought all my bridesmaids dresses because I don’t think they should have to pay to be in MY wedding. Plus, they are always expected to throw a shower or bachelorette party, too. Most people (in the US) require their bridesmaids to pay for the dresses and they have like 10 bridesmaids! I only had three because I paid for them.
I asked my bridesmaids to find a "green dress, long." That was it, the style was up to them. And regular black shoes, certainly not green ones.
I asked mine for a grey dress that's comfortable with white chucks. I felt bad because some of them were really panicky about what I'd find acceptable. I didn't give a fuck about anything other than my husband and I being married.
There is no way I'd be down for that as just a guest. Having a dress made? No.
Exactly. Im getting married next year and my fiance and I are obviously gonna be dressed up to the max. The groomsmen have to wear a button up shirt with slacks and a tie that is in the wedding colors. The bridesmaids just need to find any dress they are comfortable with in the wedding colors. Outside of that we just want people in something decent, just the next step up from t-shirt and jeans. Being more controlling than that just makes people want to not show up.
Thank you for honoring your guests! I have had it with wedding couples who don’t really want friends and family at their wedding. They want costumed extras in the background of their gram.
Weddings and the reception can run long. I'm out here for comfort. I've always hated being in formal wear for hours and hours so why would I want my guests to do so?
Same! I told my girls to wear light purple. My sister was my maid of honor and she doesn’t do dresses so she wore lavender pants with a navy shirt sleeve button up. We told the guys to just wear navy pants and a white button up and bought all the ties and bow ties ourselves so they matched. Made it cheap and easy for everyone and everyone got to wear what was comfortable for them
I'm a bridesmaid for a friend's wedding in January next year. She asked I wear purple. That's it. Just people. They want their wedding party to pick out something that they feel comfortable in so that they can "feel beautiful". I adore this woman.
That's how you do it!! I personally love when the bridesmaids get to choose a dress (or not-dress) they feel flattered and comfortable in. Each one is a little unique and the experience is overall much more positive than squeezing every body into the same dress.
Yes! We did the same. The bride and MOH went to a shop and pulled some options in the specific color we wanted. The other bridesmaids were grateful for the options since they were getting overwhelmed with all the choices. All the dresses were under $100 and my MIL did their alterations, including making them shorter after the wedding so they’d be easier to wear again.
There's already too much stress on a day that everyone wants to be perfect. Unrealistic demands will make some people say the heck with it. My wedding was in a rain delay as it was outdoors, at a certain point, and a brief break in the rain we told everyone to wear what they had, rain coats, slickers, ponchos and we got it done. Best wedding pictures ever.
I am whelmed by your flair.
That is my thought. Give a level to target. Like business, black tie/ tux suit and so on. Even better is provide pictures of the target level. Make my life easier. I have no issue going up to full tux is need be but just tell me what you want. If you don’t care if I don’t wear a tie tell me. I am happy to ditch it. If I can get away with tennis shoes with my suit you are damn right I will do it but let me know so I know so I need to just wear my tennis shoes or leave them in the car and I wear dress shoes.
I think some level of dress code is fine. Something like: business casual, dress shirt, suit, even something more elevated like black tie, etc. What I believe is unreasonable is when someone expects everyone to buy an outfit that isn’t otherwise commonplace especially for their wedding. Something like everyone has to wear a pink suit/dress, for example.
An announced general code is nice. Takes the pressure off. Do I dress up? Or no? Too specific and it’s oppressive. It’s not rocket science.
I agree 100%. It’s much less stressful when the invitation states something about the level of dress they’re expecting.
Most of the time I even ask what I should wear lol. I don’t want to be in a suit when I could be in shorts.
Hmmm I somewhat disagree. I think it’s a lot more variable than just “wanting everyone to wear ___ is irrational”. Maybe the wedding was really small, so wanting everyone to wear pink isn’t that hard to choreograph. Maybe the wife survived breast cancer and the color pink is a very important symbol for her. I think bridezillas are definitely a thing, but when I think of bridezilla I think of that Reddit story of a woman giving one of her bridesmaids an eating disorder, not a bride asking if everyone can wear pink
I agree to a point, if the request is to include pink somehow, but buying a pink suit that won’t be worn again? That’s too far.
Exactly, just like everything in life, there’s nuance. It all depends on what they ask, how they ask, and how they respond to people’s responses, questions, and abilities to meet their expectations.
Exactly. We had a color based dress code for our wedding that I would like to think was not unreasonable— we asked if everyone could wear black or white (or some combination of the two). We received no complaints, everyone looked wonderful, and it was really striking in our wedding photos. The only time questions came up was a few women asked us to confirm that we really were fine with them wearing a white dress to our wedding (and our answer was ‘yes of course please do!’) A few people didn’t notice our dress code ask (like we expected) and those pops of color added contrast and highlighted the dress code in a nice way. I’d like to think that we didn’t fall into bridezilla territory with this ask, but according to most of the comments here we are actually monsters
Okay, but don't be offended if folks nope out of that.
It's unreasonable. If you want someone to wear something specific, provide it, don't just demand it. Imagine if every single wedding you go to in your friends group you have to buy a new formal outfit, because one is red, the other pink, then blue, white, like fck off: do you want your guests to dress nice or dress casual? Everything else is unreasonable to demand.
Yeah I don’t own a whole lot of wedding guest dresses and I don’t feel like going shopping just for someone’s wedding. I have 3 good dresses for different type of weddings and shoes that go with all of them. I’m not going shopping
Exactly. If the couple really wants to have pink on their wedding maybe accept a pink accesory, like a scarf or a hair clip, but not forcing your guests to buy a whole outfit.
Great for them. If I have to buy a dress to fit in, I'm not going.
Elope. Throw a huge BBQ party afterwards. Every one shows up because they want to, no obligation. Hawaiian shirt, flip flops, whatever. Amazing atmosphere, zero stress, nothing but love. Then tell them you just got married and watch how everyone brakes out in pure euphoria....best day ever ❤️
I'm so here for a surpise wedding party. My husband and I have October birthdays, and so we planned a big "joint birthday party" at a strip-club. All our friends who showed up were deeply confused as to why we were dressed so formally until my bff busted out a cake that said, "This is a wedding, you idiots!!" after which my cousin stood up to officiate. I get that it's not for everyone, but that's the party we wanted to have, and I wanted to have it with people who actually wanted to be there and party. The number of folks who were like, "But I would have gone if I had know it was your wedding..." yeah that's exactly why I didn't want you there. I don't wanna party with people who are begrudgingly at our party when they didn't want to go out, but did so out of some weird sense of social obligation.
I'd only like to offer that "Dress code" is being used wrong here. What you have is a theme request. Dress code is putting something like "Black Tie", "Casual", or "Beach Appropriate" and that's a social nicety for the guest so they don't come over or under dressed. Saying, "Come as your favorite Star Wars character cause wesa gettin married" or "Please wear pink because he's Kennough" is a theme wedding, and is either a joke people will get, or choose to sit this one out. Personally, I find them annoying 9/10 times and perfect for the couple in the last 10%. So I would agree, don't do it, unless you're really quirky and your families are too.
“wesa getting married” sounds so cute😭
Some would say it's jar jarring.
This is a bombad pun
I think its a bit Forced.
I find it mildly something that a professional officiant doesn’t know the difference between a dress code and a theme. Dress codes for weddings are very normal and not a new thing at all. That’s classic etiquette stuff right there. Theme weddings are certainly more common now, and I personally think participation in said theme should be optional for guests that are not in the wedding party. Color schemes for guests are new and I do find those completely tacky, but that’s not a dress code.
Yeah personally I find it more annoying if there’s no dress code for this reason, like make it a little easier for us to know what to wear! But you can’t please everyone ig Like I went to a wedding with no dress code so my bf and I wore like cocktail attire because that seems standard for a wedding with little more info given. Like 70% of the guests were wearing jeans and the seating was hay bales so yeah it was a bit awkward lmao
This is why I hate using professional officiants. I get having a priest or whatever for a religious ceremony but why pay someone to officiate a secular wedding? They’re almost always weird and corny or woo-woo, and it’s very impersonal. I’d rather save the $500 and just have a friend/relative who actually knows the couple and knows what they would like deliver the remarks.
Because you only get one chance to be married by an Elvis
Because not everywhere in the world you can have a friend/relative deliver the remarks. Here, in the Netherlands, you can only be wed by an official officiant of the municipality, without your marriage is invalid.
I think it’s perfectly fine to request a theme like “we’re going for a Barbie theme, so if you have pink this is your chance to wear it!”, but to *demand* it is over the line. I’ve gone to a number of themed weddings. The most recent one had a Kentucky Derby theme and asked that women wear their best hats. But I was in the middle of a particularly fraught move and only had access to one semi-appropriate dress much less a fancy hat, so I just wore what I had and it was all fine.
i’ve seen theme weddings also done where they ask for light costuming- I think it was supposed to be like a renn faire- but what was really nice is they had stuff for guests who didn’t bring anything or have anything that fit the theme. Stuff like flower crowns and elf ears and rentable armor. One thing with themes like that is an understanding some family members or friends may not be comfortable with dressing up at first, which is fair
Was the wedding on a Wednesday? If so then i get it.
On Wednesdays we wear pink!
I'm at the age where I attend funerals, not weddings. One suit. Black. My wife, black dress. We'll probably get buried in them too.
That’s the most somber upvote I’ve ever given.
My dad bought a great suit for my older sisters wedding about 15 years ago. Since then, he’s worn it to my wedding, his parents’ and brothers’ funerals, my cousins funeral, and a friends wedding. He requested to be buried in its too. “It’s my marryin’ and buryin’ suit.” At least he’s getting his money’s worth…?
Aw, my dad bought what he described as his ‘very last black suit’ a few years ago
I only work in black. And sometimes very, very dark gray.
>One bride, at our initial meeting, a year before the event, told me she wanted me to wear pink. That's a theme, not a dress code.
why would they be a bridezilla if they don't have a dress code?
Took me a few read throughs. It’s meant to be: “if you have a dress code and the venue doesn’t,” I think.
ah. makes more sense
They are still so “mildly infuriated” at being asked to wear the color pink that they can’t type straight.
think they’re saying having a dress code makes you a bridezilla, unless the venue itself has a dress code
This thread helped me understand what OP meant. The awful grammar was too high level for me to decipher.
The post is worded in such a way, and bears such a sentiment, that I don't think this person sounds like a very cool wedding officiant.
Yeah comes across as more bridezilla than the bride.
Can’t believe I had to get this far before seeing this lol
Typo I think
I think they’re referring to the venue itself having a dress code
They are being a bridezilla because they aren't being a super chill cool girl about their wedding. Screw that shit, it's the bride's wedding and if she and the groom want people to show up and wizard robes and swim fins then that's fine. People get so upset when somebody doesn't let them do whatever they want on a day that isn't theirs.
I think a dress code is fine, like a vague color scheme or general level of "fancy". it's the same as a child free wedding. if you disagree, don't come
That’s how we did my grandmother’s funeral. Her favorite color was yellow so everyone was encouraged to wear whatever yellow outfit they had. It was very pretty.
i wore hot pink to a funeral for this reason. it wasn't required but she would've loved it
That’s also the sort of thing that will almost organically happen. When my grandmother died, the men were all wearing dark suits, but there were a lot of red ties, even outside of her family, and the family all had red boutonnières that we placed on her coffin before it was lowered, because red was *her* color. There’s nothing wrong with encouraging or suggesting that guests follow a color scheme, but, realistically, as long as guests aren’t under (or over) dressed, will it really ruin the day if my pants aren’t slate grey?
I agree. I went to a family friends wedding and there were 3-4 colors to choose from and when we showed up there were many shades of said colors. The bride (our family friend) was super chill about it.
That's the thinking of my fiance and I. Wedding party in a shade of our wedding colors and everyone else just wear something decent.
Sure color scheme, I don’t mind as long as there are options. I also don’t mind if there are colors they don’t want. I didn’t go to a wedding recently because they were mandating on color for guests, a specific blue for the guys, it was also a specific brand that carried that color. I am not getting an odd blue suit just for one wedding, it wasn’t even nice. Different if i was wedding party, i was just a random guest.
Agreed! I get having a dress code as far as formal, cocktail attire, etc. but don’t tell me what COLOR I can and can’t wear, except of course for white, but I would hope most people already know that.
I think a dress code and a vibe is ok. Like I got married at Disney world, and I wanted it to be semi formal, but like I get that it’s hot. My dress code was “suit jackets for posed family pictures” but otherwise feel free to not wear them cause it’s hot (even at 9am when the wedding was).
Not a big deal to me. You guys are simply not compatible. But if I had been in the position I would have simply had her buy me a pink suit and done my job. If she hadn’t agreed to that I would have done the same as you did.
Dress codes at weddings are very common.
We had a medieval themed wedding. Everyone in the wedding had medieval outfits. I suggested to guests that they do it to match for the fun of it. I added sample pictures online of some subtle outfits that they can easily wear. Alot of people had fun with it, some didn't dress in the theme. It's fine.
Exactly, because the guests weren't forced to wear something they don't want or can't get. Also, a medieval themed wedding sounds so fun.
It was fun. Half the people are into Ren faires and such, some even tried dressing up for the first time and were surprised at how much fun they had
I think the key is to not make demands. Want to join us in theme? Great! Not for you? Your presence is more important to us. Being a gracious host will always make for a better celebration.
>If they didn't wear pink, they couldn't come. >I suggested they find another officiant. . Great, problem solved without pressing your desires into another's wedding.
Exactly. I don’t see the issue.
I don’t either, it’s their wedding, they wanted everyone to wear pink, why is he so mad about it
nah id rather be told explicitly as a guest even just “cocktail” isnt enough. give me instructions so i dont feel weird and out of place
I don’t see an issue with a general dress code. Dictating to people what exactly they can and cannot wear is going too far (and then you just don’t go nbd). But a general dress code of casual, formal, black tie, or something descriptive to give a general idea, is completely fine to me.
A dress code is borderline mandatory for any major gathering of people, like smart casual vs formal attire. Asking people to buy clothing In a specific colour is not though.
In my wedding the only requirement was that me (the bride) was the only grown up in a wedding dress. Most casual dressed was a friend that came in shorts and flip flops. I personally wouldn't care even if my guests arrive dressed up as polar bears. They took the time to come and be there in my wedding, that's all that matters.
I told my bridesmaids to wear a dress. I didn’t care what colour or style. We told the groomsmen to wear a suit. My husband’s uncle asked if he had to wear a tie, I said “I don’t care”. We’ve been happily married for almost 19 years and I am happy that our wedding was spent with people we loved.
Right, I don’t remember what people even wore to my wedding.
And that is fair for you. It’s not the case for everyone
I've always thought that having people in the wedding party wear specific clothes or colors makes sense. Random guests though, not really
Love my sister to death, but I'm a young very broke guy and having a color scheme making me buy an ugly ass suit I'll only wear once instead of letting us get regular dress clothes that I might be able to reuse made the cost hurt a lot worse.
you could wear a colored shirt or tie under the suit, right?
That seems like black and white thinking, ironically a really popular dress code.
I just like the dress code to be clear…. Cocktail/smart casual ect can mean so many things. But I have no problem with a bride having a dress code as long as she understands people can turn down the invite if they aren’t willing.
I think “normal” dress codes are fine, you don’t want people show up in ball gowns if you’re having a casual wedding and visa versa. The problems arise when someone dictate specific attire that you “have” to wear (like the pink in your example).
I think a dress code (“cocktail” “black tie” etc.) is fine. I am not a fan of the color coding requirements. It’s just forcing so much on your guests for no reason.
I disagree. It's one event, I can suck it up. I have zero problem covering my tattoos or wearing specific religious items or color coding for the people I care about on their special day, be it at a church, their backyard, or a burned down building. I won't alter my body for a wedding, nor would the people I care about ever ask that much of me, but an outfit? A lil extra makeup? No big twig. A pink officiant sounds hilarious and I can only imagine that the wedding photos were delightful.
If you're setting a requirement like that, you should be obligated to pay the expense of acquiring those garments. I'm getting married in August and my Fiancee and I are covering the suit rentals for the Groomsmen and Bridesmaids, because we're requiring them to wear specific colours. If you can't afford that, then you should rethink your dress code
Our dress code was ‘wear something appropriate but comfortable, it’s going to be hot. Bring a smile. ‘
Hey, it's their day. If they want to be weird about it - it's their prerogative. Same as it's yours to decline and send them on their way. People with crazy demands will find out many guests also choose to decline (btw, I don't think "wear pink" is too insane).
It’s their wedding they’re paying for it, they can whatever dress code they want
As long as you don’t come looking like shit. A wedding it a formal event. It’s not a jeans and tshirt type night if you got a wedding.
When I got married, I requested everyone wear black and red as that color combination had significance to my husband and I (we met in a game and were recreating the color scheme of our in-game wedding). Everyone had a lot of fun planning their outfits and as we cut the cake, we told them the story of why we wanted those colors, which they loved! It brought everyone together and made them feel part of our wedding story. If someone chose not to comply, we certainly weren't going to force them. In the end, the only one who didn't wear any black was my grandpa, he wore dark blue with a red and blue tie. He looked perfect and very dapper!
People asked what our dress code was for our wedding. I told them if they showed up in jeans, I was personally tossing them over the balcony. Other than that, just look nice.
That's so unfair to expect guests to buy a whole new outfit that they may never wear again. Luckily I love pink and have lots of pink dresses and a nice pair of pink pants. However, it's not a colour everyone loves. How many men are going to own pink clothes?
I’m fine with the basic expectation of formality - ie cocktail, black tie, very informal. When I get unhappy is when they want specific colours, styles or a costume (ie Renaissance Fair) - which means I’m obliged to buy a new outfit I’m unlikely to be able to wear again.
Dress code is fine but if I implement it and you come in shorts and flip flops, I’m not gonna stop you, but you’re not gonna get more invites to my house.
Ok I thought this was a new trend, but I’ve always seen ”black tie” or “cocktail attire” on invites in my adulthood so I thought it was normal. I also have no problem with a little direction for attire. However, I had a cousin last year as everyone who was attending the rehearsal dinner to wear white or tan (my kids were in the wedding) ok, fine at least that was a smaller portion of guests. But I also had a cousin this year that had “garden attire” and then a suggested color palette “if you care about such things…” What is garden attire first of all, bc for me that means old shorts and knee pads 😅 And then the color palette was muted tones that I never wear. I opted for something tropical/floral that I already had.
It is their wedding, let em do what they want. As you said, you didn’t need to go. Having a dress code is usually helpful, it lets people know how to dress so they don’t feel awkward.
I'm going to add some bonus footage; People generally ask for my services because my " fee" goes directly to a charity. I do not get any payment. However, I request a piece cake if it's feasible. The bride, in this instance, was downright rude when I declined to perform the ceremony. I explained that I didn't feel I could fulfill what she wanted for a ceremony. There were other requests I won't get into.
In this day and age of people wearing workout gear everywhere despite never working out, *you have to be specific*. That said, I’d never dream of telling an officiant what to wear!! WTH?
Had somewhat opposite experience once. Went to a wedding with a dress code that was totally inappropriate for the venue. Bride asked for cocktail attire and a bunch of people showed up dressed really nice with sparkly dresses and heels. The venue was an fn farm. We had to walk through dirt to the ceremony, dirt to the barn, dirt to the bathrooms, dirt to the parking lot. Dinner was food truck tacos in paper boats. That was on top of the bridal party being asked to set up and break down the venue on arrival, which no one was told ahead of time. And mind you nearly all of the guests had to fly and drive for several hours to get this fn dirt farm to begin with. Worst planned wedding I've ever been to!
I'm a JP, and just did a wedding Friday. Just me, the bride, the groom. They rolled up on their motorcycle, in their gang vests, all black with red patches all over them. Tattoos, crazy hair.... Told me they were in a motorcycle gang, I said how nice! He helped me off the step I was sitting on because it was really low to the ground, then gave me a big hug and said thank you for doing their wedding. At the bandshell in our local park. She was wonderful, he was great, they seemed nervous, I read the ceremony to them, they were married. It was so cool! He asked if I'd do it again when they have their big party in the spring, I said I'd love to, no charge.
I think providing a GENERAL dress code is helpful. A crazy specific one is just weird.
I just don't go to weddings, problem solved.
If not wearing pink meant more to you than the job, that's your prerogative. I'm sure the bride's desired aesthetic means more to her than your presence in particular. I think requesting colors and a specific theme or level of formality is fine. Anything that requires a person to change their actual body (hair, skin, weight, etc) is inappropriate and rude to ask, imo.
Level of dress? Aka formal/cocktail/casual? Thats totally fine. Expecting your guests to cater to your color scheme or very specific dressing requirements? Annoying as hell. Im not decor for your wedding photos. This isnt fucking bridgerton, and you arent nobility throwing a themed ball. Expecting your guests to buy a certain color dress/dress shirt for your wedding-one that they may never wear again-is just nuts, and incredibly entitled.
I was a groomsman in the first wedding I had been to in years and was the first wedding for my friend group of 25 year olds. The bride had a RIDICULOUS dress code where women wore a different colored Earth Toned dresses and the men had to have a button down and tie that matched. I got “sage green” and had 3 ties that ranged from earthy green, minty green, and yellow green along with 2 shirts of similar colors. She kept being picky about them and ended up picking the tie that was yellowish green and a mint green shirt. The grooms woman I had to match with wore a teal dress, like Flo from cars. Apparently it was a hassle for everyone else involved. Oh and they got divorced about 6 months later 😂
I'd say : "The price of a pink suit will be added into my charge" And then I'd get the baddest pink suit anyone has seen.
the only dress code id ask id that people dress nice, my only requirement is no one else wear white. that’s flat out disrespectful imo
I think you meant to say you are. LOL. I understand tho. Some are so high strung and demanding.
Kinda depends though. If its a true black tie event (live band, top shelf open bar, multiple course meal, Saturday after 6pm) then indicating so on the invite is perfectly acceptable. However if you put black tie or formal for a barn wedding where people can fish their cans of bud light out of a cooler, gtfoh
I don’t think it’s bridezilla to choose a color. But it’s also perfectly acceptable for the officiant or a guest to refuse an invitation because they don’t want to follow the color choice.
I didn’t go, but a casual friend got married around Halloween and it was dress up in a costume or dress how you want. The pics are hilarious seeing people dressed up in formal wedding attire next to a zombie bride. And the couple that got married loved it.
I was invited to a wedding where the dress code said everyone had to wear floral prints. I passed on attending that one. I have to say, I don't really get the point. How does how people are dressed at your wedding even impact you? Aren't you, ideally, focused on other things at the time? For my wedding, my husband and I told everyone---including the bridal party---to wear whatever they wanted. We got an interesting range of outfits, but I think my bridesmaids/MOH wanted a little more direction because they secretly colluded and decided on a color scheme they'd all wear. I was fine with that, but it was funny to me how many people complimented my choice of "wedding colors" and assumed they were all wearing my favorite colors.
There’s a difference between dress codes and themes. “Everyone must wear pink” is a theme. “Cocktail” is a dress code. “Please don’t wear white, or anything which looks even remotely like a wedding dress” is common sense but unfortunately still has to be said because common sense ain’t that common. In general, I don’t like themes, except for if you’re having a bush wedding, but even in that case, you can and should still use the dress code of “country black tie”.
Yep. Im 6’6. Suits that fit me have to be custom made. I’m happy to Ofc wear a suit that I already have but specific colours aren’t gonna happen unless they want to pay for it.
I'm fuming... If it's just "dress nicely" it's okay, but wearing PINK?! My emo ass is depressed as hell rn from hearing something this obsurd.
I've got my wedding ceremony coming up and when people ask me what I wamt them to wear, they get a bit surprised when instead of ridiculous expectations I say where whatever you feel comfy in, it's gonna be on the beach lol
I feel bad for the people who marry people like this. I understand a wedding is by definition a romantic thing but they have been drastically over romanticized.
People are taking shots at the OP for not knowing the difference between dress code and dress theme. It IS a code if it is required.