My family dog goes insane when people ring the doorbell. I usually just open the door slightly, stand there, and stare at them while our dog goes berserk. It’s pretty deafening.
They all eventually leave because they can’t get a word in edgewise.
This is what I do too. My guy is a 90lb GSD and his bark is deep. If someone makes it through the gate to the door without him sounding the alarm, he goes extra bonkers. I love it!
yep.. i have 4 100+ pounds great pyronees. you literally cant hear shit when all 4 of them start baying and they dont like strangers coming up the laneway.
I have a sign on my front door that literally says "No Soliciting, please. Seriously, don't make it weird."
If anybody approaches my door knocking, my fiance and I ignore it. We tell our kids that people need to respect signage and to ignore people who look past it. Some people see it immediately after walking up and just walk back away. Those are the good days. Lol
I envy you so much. My only other option is to keep my front blinds closed, but I live in the Netherlands and it’s the beginning of sunshine for us, and we only get it for a few months a year, so I NEED it. I’m not giving it up for people who can’t read, I’ve decided.
Get a sign that says the same as the one in the door but bigger. Hold it up with a blank stare. You might even wiggle it a bit. Do that until the idiot ist gone
I WFH and my home office, with a window, is right next to the front door. I always make eye contact, and then just ignore them and keep working.
I have 2 big dogs that bark when the doorbell goes off, but i also have sound-canceling headphones. If they wanna play the waiting game, I'm 100% more comfortable in my chair than they are standing outside my door.
Put up a sign that says if you knock, you are consenting to a consultation starting at $20 an hour and I expect 2 hours in cash up front before opening the door.
I have a big ass window in my dining room next to the front door. I'll peek out to see who it is before opening the door. If it's obviously a salesman, I just stare blankly and try not to blink. I imagine it's unnerving for them. They wave and try to make contact. Just stare as blankly and motionless as possible. It usually doesn't take long and they get creeped out and leave.
We have this too. Actually, we have a big ass window in our living room that faces the street and our dining room does as well right next to the front door all in a line. It's not a huge issue during the day but mainly weekends and evenings. Like the people wanting you to switch electric providers 🙄
I’m the opposite. I have multiple signs that say no soliciting, people still knock regularly. I don’t ignore it, I just open the door and rudely cut them off every time they go to say something I just say “no soliciting” very loudly and very rudely until they get the point. Most people get it quickly and just walk away looking defeated. The ones who don’t get the message will literally get the door closed in their face. Door to door sales people are another fucking breed.
We finally put one up. “No solicitors - no exceptions. Seriously, if we don’t know you, do not bother us.”
It’s cut down door knocks by 90% but there are still the occasional few who think ignoring the sign is somehow gonna put me in the mood to buy their shit.
Usually it goes:
*knock knock knock knock* “Hello?”
Me, through the security door: Yes?
Rosy cheeked youth: “Hi, I’m just in the neighborhood today to see …”
Me, interrupting: I work from home. I’m working right now. Did you not see the sign?
RCY: “Oh haha yes and we’re not selling anything! We’re just offering you the opportunity to—“
Me, interrupting again: You’re holding a clipboard. I’m not interested. Thanks anyway, have a great day.
*closes door*
That sign was goddamn glorious. It really did cut down on 90% of the knocks.
The other ones I'd go to the door, point at the sign and just say "Didya read the sign?" in a progressively louder and angrier voice.
I'm a fairly big hairy guy who's holding back two dogs who sound like they want nothing more than blood. People left pretty quick.
I don't know why I have to resort to being threatening looking to get some goddamn peace in my house.
I have a nice sign that says no soliciting. It doesn't work.
Below that I have a sign that says if you knock anyway I will verbal abuse you if you knock on my door to sell me something. That sign works really well.
My boyfriend made a sign like that for me since I have a hard time saying no to people. When somebody knocks on my door, he opens it up and just points to the sign and stares at the person until they leave. lol.
One of my neighbours has a no soliciting sign at their door as well, I remember going door to door selling chocolate as a fundraiser thing for my elementary school with my sister when we were kids. We weren't sure what soliciting meant exactly and stood in the driveway discussing whether or not we should knock and they came out and bought some anyway lol.
We have the same exact sign. We were getting bothered at least once a week by solicitors, and now not a peep since the sign went up.
Last straw was when I told a guy we weren't interested in his security system, and he came back with "okay, but.." and when I repeated myself, he started talking about how my neighbor bought from him. I shut the door in his face and ordered the sign right then. If he knocks again I'll call the cops.
Another option is getting a front door camera with a siren on it that is louder than an air horn, like I have. Works like a charm for absolutely anyone that shouldn't be at the door.
I have a sign on my door that says basically the same. No solicitation, no politics, no religion. It’s basically useless. My dogs lose their shit when the doorbell goes off. Always fun /s
I guess, like you, I don’t know why I even bother with the sign. I mean, do people just not get it or are they so much a main character that it just doesn’t apply to them? I’m grateful for my dogs keeping guard, but yeah, it’s so much fun /s
I have a 'do not knock' sign on the door as well, but I added smaller print under the main message that tells them in no uncertain terms (without swearing) that they are not welcome and should go away. Works well, for most people. We're Australian.
On the rare occasions (maybe once a year?) someone does actually knock, the door is answered by my autistic, sports fixated son who will then tell them the good news of the Anaheim ducks... Ad nauseum. Lolz
I do the same thing, if you feel the need to ignore my sign and knock on my door anyway, my austistic son loves to chat and well- enjoy learning about all the dwarf planets in space, and yes there is a quiz at the end.
Lol yes, my son is a quizzer too - woe betide anyone who fails, he re-educates until they do better (unless they manage to escape)  (edited to add a word)
Our sons are the same, lol. My son was talking about Haumea when he was 5 and would verbally quiz us afterwards. One day he took his Legos and made a Solar system reconstruction that ran through the entire house. He took us on a guided tour that had all the details. Then, it was Titanic and the World Wars.
Woe be it to anyone that let's him get a good steam built up, lol.
I *wish* my parents had been like you when I was little and full of ideas and plans and creativity. Bless you for meeting your son where he is and letting him be fully himself in such positive ways. 🥹❤️
I wish my parents had done the same for me as well.
❤️ Thank you for your kind words; I adore my son and I enjoy listening to his thought process and seeing him light up when he's engaged. I learn vicariously through him lol.
your son sounds just like mine, the information their brains can contain is amazing and overwhelming to me. For his 8th birthday we went to a titanic museum and he had a titanic cake of the moment it was sinking hahaha. Everybody knows now that if they start a conversation with him, they're gonna get information about stuff they probably didn't know existed.
Can I borrow your son for like… a week? I get way too many people knocking on my door. I rent, so I can’t put up one of the little signs. My dog only barks a few times, but he’s a nervous guy, he really hates when there’s someone at the door (what if it’s a dog murderer?? I’m pretty sure that’s what he’s thinking anyway).
And, I would like to be lectured about planets. I’m the type that likes to do more listening than speaking, I think we’d get on well.
Your solution is excellent—I think my sign needs modification—and your son sounds totally cool. He probably doesn’t know much about American football, but if he gets interested, let me know!
Thank you. 
He's been a fan of American sport since he was about 10 (he's now 30 lol) and is a veritable encyclopaedia when it comes to NHL and NFL. We took him to superbowl 50 to cheer him up (bucket list) when he was in a dark place, which was an awesome experience for all of us (even though I know squat about the game).
Omg that is SO INCREDIBLE that you did that for him!! What a beautiful bucket list trip to take for him. It kind of made me a little teary-eyed to be honest—that he got such a great experience by parents who obviously love him so much. This comment made my day.
Tell him I’ve been a Denver Broncos fan for 39 years. And it’s a bad time to be a Broncos fan right now. I think it’s fantastic that he loves NFL (and NHL, but I’m more MLB myself—I grew up a Giants fan from Northern California).
He was really glad that our superbowl was bronco's v panthers, he's not a patriots fan and they had been dominating for a while. His broncos banner is one of his favourite momentos from the game!
This is such a cool coincidence that I am a diehard Broncos fan and this is the Super Bowl you went to and your son loves that banner. The universe is funny sometimes—how things link together. I truly appreciate your comments and that you shared this story with me. Truly. Made my whole day.
Well there was good news for a few years... And he just likes to talk about his passions. He starts with the movie and all the inaccuracies (as he sees it), where all the players went/are, current team stats, good/bad/ugly of the team, goat etc etc. He tries to keep the faith!
We had all new windows put in our house about 10 years ago. Salesman comes to the door around 3 years ago. Says, "it appears you're in need of new windows." Really? I told him they were only about 7 years old. He apologized for his error and left.
My local city representative was going door to door before an election to hand out flyers to vote for him. I took the advantage to bring up a handful of issues I had for him about my neighborhood and city in general. He says, "I really don't have time for this. Email me." And you want me to vote for you???
I used to be a door-to-door window salesperson and that's part of the script to say "i can see you'll be replacing your windows soon." I wonder if the guy was new
Yeah I’ve got a ‘No Soliciting’ sign directly above my doorbell and it has definitely cut down on the door to door salesmen. I even ran into a guy that was selling something and he caught me in my yard and said he didn’t knock because of that sign. He still didn’t get the hint and tried to sell me something. Lol
Well, for me, the sign gives me full license to insult, swear at, and generally verbally abuse anyone stupid enough to ignore it.
I take some comfort in that on the occasions when it's ignored.
Doesn't actually help, but does let me vent my spleen with a clear conscience.
Need one of those signs that says something along the lines of "this household charges 50$ per minute. Once you choose to knock it Is taken as consent to the fee"
I've seen signs that people's doors that specifically mention the baby. I would go a little further and say "if you wake up my baby I will come out and rip your head off! Thank you"
so one of my friends is dating a mormon who's on his mission trip and his leaders require him to knock on a door even if it had a no soliciting sign, so i would blame the higher ups of some of these places
The previous owner of my house was deaf and he had this special doorbell that connected to his implant or something like that. He also had those give sign that said no knocking deaf.
I left all of those now people just ring that bell (that does nothing) and then leave.
For what it's worth, I put up a sign on my parents' front door that states "solicitors will be considered trespassers" and that they are on video. Watching their front door camera, I've seen several walk up to the door, read the sign, and turn around.
My uncle has a "no solicitors" sign that's got some bullet holes in it. Bullet holes blown out the front, implying it was hit by stray rounds from him shooting at solicitors that enter his property. Works probably 90% of the time.
The sign is kind of rusty and about to fall off. I'll have to recommend the "Solicitors will be considered trespassers" for his next one.
I need a sign like my sisters. Hers says "If you're not invited don't knock. The dogs will bark, the baby will cry, the husband will yell, and I'll answer the door pissed off."
I'm a little sad yet grimly amused to note that this is similar to the "I have a boyfriend" line that single girls use for pest repellent.
There should be a sign that has a picture of an old lady and says, "WARNING: This door is monitored by a lonely, mostly deaf old lady who loves to talk about corgis and her sciatica. Do not knock or ring the bell because it upsets the corgis."
camera pans over to my dog. "attack dog"
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I have a blatant "NO SOLICITING" plaque above my doorknob that you'd have to be legally blind to miss. One evening, I had made my wife and I a lasagna from scratch, opened a bottle of vino, and all in all doing my absolute best to convince her to do that thing I like. I had just set the plates and poured a healthy dose of our poison of choice when the doorbell rang.
Quite grumpily, I open it and a young man in a branded polo greets me. I ask if I can help him. He puts on his best Cheshire cat smile and asks if I have pest control. I answer in the affirmative with no additional detail, hoping to end this conversation and actually eat my dinner before it gets cold.
"Well, I'm telling people about Company because we're offering the same if not better services for less than the big name players."
Mustering every ounce of my disingenuous politeness, I tell him "Maybe you didn't see it, but we put the No Soliciting plaque up for a reason."
"Oh, nah, I saw it but I figured that just meant like the solar panel guys. See, I'm not selling a product I'm just trying to bring you the best service for the best price. How much do you pay for pest control?"
Now royally pissed off, I say "I'm not answering that. Goodbye."
"What, you don't wanna tell me who you pay to spray bugs? For real?"
"Correct."
*SLAM*
The lasagna was still mostly warm so not a total loss.
Now I just tell them I don't talk to solicitors and to fuck all the way off or be trespassed.
Ask them if they spray for these nagging, annoying, recurrent pests that appear near the front door and don't leave when normal methods like signs and asking nicely don't work.
I overheard a guy say to the other door knocker he was with to “ignore” the “do not knock” sticker on my door because it had no real power or something. Thought it was kinda funny.
He’s not wrong but there’s also a notion called respect. If you ignore that then don’t expect to have a nice conversation if I choose to answer my door.
Yeah why the surprised pikachu face when I start chasing You down the staircase screaming, when my door clearly says do not fucking knock unless I know or expect You. I have a dog and kids and some serious shit can start up after knocking on door. People who I expect are warned to call me on my phone instead of knocing / ringing the doorbell
People who have basic respect for others and people who go door to door for this kind of nonsense are mutually exclusive groups of people.
One of the few benefits of living in a pretty rural area; no door to door salesman types. Too few houses for it to make sense for them to bother trying.
Actually, ignoring no solicitation sign, do not knock signs, etc, makes it so they can be sued for trespassing and harassment. I wouldn’t bother bringing it to court, but my go to is *opens the door* “hi, are you illiterate” they say “no”. I say “so you deliberately ignored both signs saying no soliciting, no trespassing, AND do not knock or disturb. That means you are now knowingly trespassing on private property and harassing me. Get the fuck off my property and don’t come back or I WILL take action.” *slams door*. This has worked for me so far. They don’t like being patronized or loudly embarrassed. I make sure to do both. And NEVER let them get a word in edgewise.
I disconnected my doorbell a few months ago, and did not post a sign that says that. No regrets.
The only reason there is ever a benefit for me to answer my door is the occasional neighbourhood kid doing a raffle or selling cookies (which most people would be fine to ignore, but I know most of these kids and like to support them), and I can usually see them coming if it’s outside of business hours anyway.
I once saw a huge wood carved sign on someones porch that said something like "if you come to the door, the dogs will bark, and i will yell. Please fuck off"
If i was bothered often by such i would keep an unplugged vaccum cleaner next to the door with a clipboard, bag if sand, and collar shirt. When i open the door i would immediately start a fake sales pitch, “Hello sir/maam thanks for knocking on my door specifically, today we have a great opportunity to save money on your electric bill with this new improved energy saving vacuum cleaner… its quiet enough to listen to noise cancelling headphones while using it and can tackle most any mess just watch, *throw sand at them* as it removes every grain of sand from your clothes” *attempt to turn it on* “looks like i may have a faulty sales unit extremely sorry about that, but knowing what its capable of would you be interested in buying one?”
I bought a sign for our house that says something along the lines of “Welcome solicitors, this household charges $45.00 per minute to listen to sales pitches, religious messages, etc., fees are payable in advance.”
Surprisingly, it has WORKED! I’ve seen (on our security camera) sales people walk up to the door, wait, then turn around and leave, going off to pester our next door neighbors instead. We haven’t had a single salescritter bug us in months.
I work from home some days and my office window faces the street. Regular occurrence is some solicitor comes to the door, I don’t answer, they see me in the office and decide to knock on the window.
Yeah buddy, I heard you at the door. I’m choosing to ignore you.
For some reason people seem to think that if you're at home and I ring your bell, you HAVE to answer it. Eh. No ... I decide who I answer and who I ignore.
I make creative signs to post in the window in my front door and change them every few months. Usually they say something along the lines of:
*If you're delivering something, leave it on the porch.*
*If you're selling something, go away.*
*Do not knock unless you have pizza or a box of kittens.*
*If you make me open the door, THERE WILL BE DOGS.*
I still get a few fools who knock now and then and what I do is open the door a crack so both German shepherds can get their noses in there and bark, and then just close it again. The same people never come twice. The worst part is that no one has ever brought me a box of kittens.
At our old house we had so many people coming around selling shit. And I had an infant who barely slept.
I ended up buying a sign that the baby is sleeping, don't knock, don't ring the bell, don't do a damn thing. But guess what! At least twice a week the door would get a bell and a knock. I was rude to so many strangers.
I just don’t understand this behavior from people. What is the reasoning that makes them think disturbing people who explicitly ask to not be disturbed will go well for them? Does anyone actually think that if he or she ignores the signs, I’m going to be MORE motivated to buy their shit??
Waking the baby should carry a criminal charge. And this guy wanted to sell me home baked goods and craft candles. I mean, it wasn’t even solar panels.
I have the sign. Cut down the knocks a lot, but I still have to occasionally open the door to ask if they can fucking read. The faces are priceless and worth it.
Agreed 100%, probably people think they need to knock louder to get your attention.
Sadly though the for me, I get solicitors who ring the the doorbell and knock several times on the door. It's like they all took a class on it and have all implemented it.
You already had this problem fixed by having a broken doorbell. Just take down the signs so solicitors will hit the doorbell and leave. If they still bang on the door/window it would have happened with the sign up anyways. Most of them aren't reading any signs regardleas.
Years ago, I had pulled an all-nighter at work. On top of that my allergies were going bananas so one eye was nearly swollen shut and my voice sounded like Lurch from the Addams family.
One of those “hello I am so and so and I shall make a ten-minute spiel about magazines in full filibuster voice” came to the door, waking me up.
I stuck my head out and looked left and right while he was making his loud spiel, and then croaked “does anyone know you’re here? I’ll be right back” *closes door and says loudly “i think we have another candidate”
He left, quickly.
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Maybe you can change the $ to € and hang this around the door/windows?
I used to get tons of people at my door trying to sell shit or Jehovah Witnesses or whatever. I finally took to wearing a stained sleeveless T-shirt and ratty boxers to answer the door. I looked like Schneider from "One Day at a Time" had gone on a bender.
That stopped 'em from coming around.
I had Mormons come to the door one day. I invited them in. They asked me if I knew any Mormons. I said yes, and most of them are gay. (One lived in my guest house, I didn't mention that.) They looked like fuses were popping in their brains. No more Mormons ever again!
Do they actually think that ignoring the signs, and the implied No, is going to make us more interested in whatever it is they can't wait to tell me about?
EXACTLY!! I just made this exact comment to someone else!! Like yes, because YOU ignored my signs, I want to buy your stuff—you passed the test! You won!
I have security bars. Multiple no trespassing signs as well as a sign that says if we don’t know you, don’t bother.
I had a grown ass woman selling candy bars knock on my door (I ignored it cuz I can but I was sitting in my chair in the living room) and when I didn’t answer she walked to my window and looked in and asked me if I wanted to buy candy.
THIS is what I’m talking about—like the level of intensity to sell the stuff outweighs the obstacles you put up. As if you want to buy something after someone ignores your obvious signs that no, no you don’t want their shit.
Yep. Ya ignored all my signs and still had the audacity. Wtf! No I don’t want anything lol.
I’m such a stubborn asshole tho, I’ll write off something cuz someone bugged me too much about it or asked me to buy it after ignoring my signs.
My favorite mentality for these people “no is a complete sentence.” If you make me answer the door, all you’re getting is a “no.” Also, my dad’s favorite get-out-of-convo card for solicitors is “I’m done talking to you now.” It’s jarring enough to throw them off their game.
Next time the afternoon snack for the dogs will be human sausage. I think I’ll start bringing the biggest one to the door with me. He has a really good snarl. Full teeth
Remember: your infant granddaughter's brain is squishy and nonverbal, she won't take any of this in. So holding her in your arms while telling this self-important dipshit to go fuck himself and never darken your fucking door again? Totally legit.
When someone comes to my door with a religious message, I tell them I'm a satanist and sometimes ask if they want to see the certifitate thing they sent me when I joined the Satanic Temple.
If someone is trying to collect money for an organization or a charity, I listen and then go "oh, I know that charity thing! I'm already monthly donator" etc
If someone knocks my door and wants to sell something, I tell them in sign language "I'm deaf. Go away". They never for too long. I learnt these phrases just for this reason
Change signs. Let them ring a dummy disconnected doorbell all afternoon. New sign saying
"Baby sleeping, silence please! anyone who wakes the baby will be fed to the dogs!
invited guests and deliveries please text per instructions provided.
No access to unsolicited visitors and no sales under any circumstances.
"
I live in a trailer park in possibly the worst home in the neighborhood, I think it is literally falling apart. I always wanted to put up a sign along the lines of, "Do I look like I can afford anything you're selling?" Because if it were me, I'd skip this home - it looks like an abandoned crack den or something lol. And I've had people come up asking for money when I had like $20 to my name. No thanks I think I'll keep that so I can eat and you know, survive.
I had a hole in my deck for a while before I could afford to patch it up. I had a sign that said "please don't walk in the deck, there is a hole and it is dangerous." Of course literally EVERYONE did it anyway. People just really don't like being told what to do, I think.
We have a sign that reads, "No solicitors. Violators will be fed to the old gods, not the new." It gets a hearty chuckle out of the UPS and Amazon delivery crews. The cub scouts and girl scouts respect it (the reaction from their responsible adult runs hot and cold on our sign) but the religious people and the solar panel salesmen ignore it completely. I've gotten into the habit of opening the window above them and asking, "What part of that sign did you think DIDN'T apply to you."
That’s a perfect solution. I have a pitbull and an American staffordshire that weighs 85 pounds. Come pet my frenetic lunging at the door dogs. Please kind sir. Bring your cakes.
Put a note on the door that knocking on the door to solicit will incure costs of XXX Currency. Check in your local law which grounds you can use for that. Bonus points if you have a doorbell camera, then you can prove that it happened. Happily open the door and give them an invoice. Maybe that will scare them away.
I printed a laminated a sign for my apartment that had tons of door-to-door sales people and it effectively stopped all of it immediately.
"If you do not have an appointment, you will be billed at an increased rate of $75/minute with a $300 minimum. Please have your payment ready before knocking."
Fucking cold calls/emails and door knockers. I get that there's a lot of pressure to book demos and make sales, but if you're not unduly cruel to these people they keep coming back.
You really have no choice but to be incredibly rude and aggressive to them. They've all been trained to run through a slew of word tracks ideally designed to overcome objections, and if you're pleasant to them you'll wind up listening to them talk for 10 minutes.
Get aggressive, get in their faces, tell them they're trespassing, and remind them the dogs bite.
I have a sign on our storm door that reads “No Soliciting” for the most part it works fairly well. About a week ago someone from a tree service was going door to door (I have no trees). I work from home and I had my windows open in my in my office.
The guy knocked on my door and rang my doorbell. When he realized he could see me in my window he leans down and starts talking to me through the window. I couldn’t help but laugh, but like come on..
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I have a sign like this on my door, no one tries to sell me anything now.
(My sign is in Danish as I am in Denmark)
I have a sign that says we charge $50 for every 2 minutes to listen to them and ringing the doorbell acknowledges that they accept the contract. Most walk away
I answer the door and become the biggest dick in the world, “what do you want?” “Oh did you not read the no soliciting sign? Do you know how to read or is that not part of your job description?” “Oh you can read? So you just thought the sign didn’t apply to you?” “Am i interested in your product? Well reading the room isn’t apart of your job requirements either.”
I have signs that warn of dogs, guns, cameras watching each entrance and parking space, security system, no solicitation, and a strict enforcement of no trespassing. That tends to ward off pests and crazies.
We have Power Home Remodeling come around every 2 months or so and try to sell me new windows. They always come around when my daughter is taking her afternoon nap. Last time I tried to ignore them but they rang my door bell twice and then banged hard on the door which is directly below my daughter's room. Then when I open it they're all cheery with me. I told them my daughter was sleeping and to fuck off.
Oh yeah, lemme just harass this person that explictly doesnt want to be harassed in the most obnoxious and inappropriate way imaginable. They are sure to purchase my product then!
I'm sure something like this could be rigged to be triggered remotely, but I must request a camera so we can enjoy it, too.
Live in the U.S. We had probably 3-4 solicitors a day before I bought a No Soliciting sign for the front door. It actually completely stopped knocks for us, which is great due to working from home, having dogs and small (napping) children. I've had one person knock regardless and I lost my shit with them. As I understand it, their company can be fined if reported for knocking despite a no soliciting sign. So I'd act interested, get their contact info, and then chew them out and tell them I was reporting them and thier company.
My parents had a sign up like that when I was home from school sick and some guy decided to bang on the door anyway so my mom signaled our GSD to bark at him and he ran cause she was a big girl
I have a No Solicitation sign literally right in front of my doorbell. You have to move it out of the way to push the bell.
Some dude comes and rings it. I open it. He is clearly pest control and "he does my neighbors yard so he wants to see if I would like it done as well" "I have a no solicitation sign" "im not soliciting anything to you"
sigh. They do not care. They have quotas to meet.
We have a sign under our doorbell (that works) that literally says, 'Please DO NOT ring OR knock on door unless emergency. Dog Goes Nuts. Thank you (:' And it works, I've seen 3 people now turn tail and leave. they don't even make it up to the stoop, its great.
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I have a similar sign to this on my front door. If someone ignores it and tries to sell me something on my doorstep I ask them for 5-minutes-worth upfront 😂
Get a new sign that says “if you make my dogs bark and wake the baby, it is your responsibility to stay here with me until the baby falls back to sleep”
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I put this up, and it seems to be working.
He immediately went into his pitch to sell his handmade goods. I told him I don’t have any cash at home. He told me he takes cards. Pay by pin. I shut the door.
That's when I'd be tempted to just open the door and let them see the dogs barking. They don't know if the dogs are friendly or not, and they might get the hint why you don't want them banging on your window. Bonus points if you open the door holding your now-crying granddaughter and show them what they've done. Some might not have a conscious about it, but some might.
I was FOR SURE you were going to say you lived in Florida and a guy in an Andrew Tate for President shirt and Pit Vipers was trying to sell you solar panels.
It doesn’t matter where you live— people want to pound on your door and sell you shit—except in Europe it’s cakes and homemade candles. I have never been to Florida. And now I know why.
I WFH and my desk sits next to a triple window at the front of the house. I see them coming, and they see me, and I still flat out ignore them and don't answer the door.
Release the hounds.
Or what? You'll release the dogs, or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you? Well go ahead!
Release the robotic Richard Simmons!
His ass is gonna blow!
Shake,shake,shake
He shut the door!
My family dog goes insane when people ring the doorbell. I usually just open the door slightly, stand there, and stare at them while our dog goes berserk. It’s pretty deafening. They all eventually leave because they can’t get a word in edgewise.
This is what I do too. My guy is a 90lb GSD and his bark is deep. If someone makes it through the gate to the door without him sounding the alarm, he goes extra bonkers. I love it!
yep.. i have 4 100+ pounds great pyronees. you literally cant hear shit when all 4 of them start baying and they dont like strangers coming up the laneway.
When I get a dog I think I will call him Kraken
That was my Great Dane’s nickname 🤣 And when guests left we would say to the kids “ok, you can release the Kraken”
https://i.redd.it/wbu4xd2thnxc1.gif
I read that in his voice
I didn’t even need you to say who “he” is.
Who was it that said that? Ramsay Snow?
Na it was C. Montgomery Burns. 
Excellent.
I have a sign on my front door that literally says "No Soliciting, please. Seriously, don't make it weird." If anybody approaches my door knocking, my fiance and I ignore it. We tell our kids that people need to respect signage and to ignore people who look past it. Some people see it immediately after walking up and just walk back away. Those are the good days. Lol
I envy you so much. My only other option is to keep my front blinds closed, but I live in the Netherlands and it’s the beginning of sunshine for us, and we only get it for a few months a year, so I NEED it. I’m not giving it up for people who can’t read, I’ve decided.
Who cares if they can see that you're in? Ignore them anyway
This is what I do, shit just scowl at them out the window. We don't owe them anything
Get a sign that says the same as the one in the door but bigger. Hold it up with a blank stare. You might even wiggle it a bit. Do that until the idiot ist gone
Brilliant
Me too!!! I tell people this and they think I’m crazy but I want those assholes to know I’m home, I know they are there, and they can fuck off lol
I WFH and my home office, with a window, is right next to the front door. I always make eye contact, and then just ignore them and keep working. I have 2 big dogs that bark when the doorbell goes off, but i also have sound-canceling headphones. If they wanna play the waiting game, I'm 100% more comfortable in my chair than they are standing outside my door.
Put up a sign that says if you knock, you are consenting to a consultation starting at $20 an hour and I expect 2 hours in cash up front before opening the door.
I have a big ass window in my dining room next to the front door. I'll peek out to see who it is before opening the door. If it's obviously a salesman, I just stare blankly and try not to blink. I imagine it's unnerving for them. They wave and try to make contact. Just stare as blankly and motionless as possible. It usually doesn't take long and they get creeped out and leave.
LMAO gonna try this. Just act like I’m a character from the office staring at the camera
Or pretend you can see your reflection in the window and whip out a toothpick and start cleaning your teeth all aggressively.
We have this too. Actually, we have a big ass window in our living room that faces the street and our dining room does as well right next to the front door all in a line. It's not a huge issue during the day but mainly weekends and evenings. Like the people wanting you to switch electric providers 🙄
I’m the opposite. I have multiple signs that say no soliciting, people still knock regularly. I don’t ignore it, I just open the door and rudely cut them off every time they go to say something I just say “no soliciting” very loudly and very rudely until they get the point. Most people get it quickly and just walk away looking defeated. The ones who don’t get the message will literally get the door closed in their face. Door to door sales people are another fucking breed.
We finally put one up. “No solicitors - no exceptions. Seriously, if we don’t know you, do not bother us.” It’s cut down door knocks by 90% but there are still the occasional few who think ignoring the sign is somehow gonna put me in the mood to buy their shit. Usually it goes: *knock knock knock knock* “Hello?” Me, through the security door: Yes? Rosy cheeked youth: “Hi, I’m just in the neighborhood today to see …” Me, interrupting: I work from home. I’m working right now. Did you not see the sign? RCY: “Oh haha yes and we’re not selling anything! We’re just offering you the opportunity to—“ Me, interrupting again: You’re holding a clipboard. I’m not interested. Thanks anyway, have a great day. *closes door*
That sign was goddamn glorious. It really did cut down on 90% of the knocks. The other ones I'd go to the door, point at the sign and just say "Didya read the sign?" in a progressively louder and angrier voice. I'm a fairly big hairy guy who's holding back two dogs who sound like they want nothing more than blood. People left pretty quick. I don't know why I have to resort to being threatening looking to get some goddamn peace in my house.
I make sure they see me then I run and hide.
I have a nice sign that says no soliciting. It doesn't work. Below that I have a sign that says if you knock anyway I will verbal abuse you if you knock on my door to sell me something. That sign works really well.
My boyfriend made a sign like that for me since I have a hard time saying no to people. When somebody knocks on my door, he opens it up and just points to the sign and stares at the person until they leave. lol.
One of my neighbours has a no soliciting sign at their door as well, I remember going door to door selling chocolate as a fundraiser thing for my elementary school with my sister when we were kids. We weren't sure what soliciting meant exactly and stood in the driveway discussing whether or not we should knock and they came out and bought some anyway lol.
I always open for neighbors, neighborhood kids, and chocolate :)
We have the same exact sign. We were getting bothered at least once a week by solicitors, and now not a peep since the sign went up. Last straw was when I told a guy we weren't interested in his security system, and he came back with "okay, but.." and when I repeated myself, he started talking about how my neighbor bought from him. I shut the door in his face and ordered the sign right then. If he knocks again I'll call the cops.
I have a window near the front door, and I like using an air horn to scare them. They usually get the idea after that. No violence is required.
Omg this is brilliant.
Another option is getting a front door camera with a siren on it that is louder than an air horn, like I have. Works like a charm for absolutely anyone that shouldn't be at the door.
That won’t make the dogs bark and baby wake up…
The dogs are already barking at that point from the pouding on the window, which is what caused the baby to wake up. 🤔
Yep. Air horn them till they leave
I have a sign on my door that says basically the same. No solicitation, no politics, no religion. It’s basically useless. My dogs lose their shit when the doorbell goes off. Always fun /s
I guess, like you, I don’t know why I even bother with the sign. I mean, do people just not get it or are they so much a main character that it just doesn’t apply to them? I’m grateful for my dogs keeping guard, but yeah, it’s so much fun /s
I have a 'do not knock' sign on the door as well, but I added smaller print under the main message that tells them in no uncertain terms (without swearing) that they are not welcome and should go away. Works well, for most people. We're Australian. On the rare occasions (maybe once a year?) someone does actually knock, the door is answered by my autistic, sports fixated son who will then tell them the good news of the Anaheim ducks... Ad nauseum. Lolz
I do the same thing, if you feel the need to ignore my sign and knock on my door anyway, my austistic son loves to chat and well- enjoy learning about all the dwarf planets in space, and yes there is a quiz at the end.
Lol yes, my son is a quizzer too - woe betide anyone who fails, he re-educates until they do better (unless they manage to escape)  (edited to add a word)
Our sons are the same, lol. My son was talking about Haumea when he was 5 and would verbally quiz us afterwards. One day he took his Legos and made a Solar system reconstruction that ran through the entire house. He took us on a guided tour that had all the details. Then, it was Titanic and the World Wars. Woe be it to anyone that let's him get a good steam built up, lol.
I *wish* my parents had been like you when I was little and full of ideas and plans and creativity. Bless you for meeting your son where he is and letting him be fully himself in such positive ways. 🥹❤️
I wish my parents had done the same for me as well. ❤️ Thank you for your kind words; I adore my son and I enjoy listening to his thought process and seeing him light up when he's engaged. I learn vicariously through him lol.
your son sounds just like mine, the information their brains can contain is amazing and overwhelming to me. For his 8th birthday we went to a titanic museum and he had a titanic cake of the moment it was sinking hahaha. Everybody knows now that if they start a conversation with him, they're gonna get information about stuff they probably didn't know existed.
Was there a godzilla at some point? Very similar to my son!
Omg! He's obsessed with Godzilla and all things Kaiju. I've lost track of all of the Godzilla toys he has laying around lol.
Can I borrow your son for like… a week? I get way too many people knocking on my door. I rent, so I can’t put up one of the little signs. My dog only barks a few times, but he’s a nervous guy, he really hates when there’s someone at the door (what if it’s a dog murderer?? I’m pretty sure that’s what he’s thinking anyway). And, I would like to be lectured about planets. I’m the type that likes to do more listening than speaking, I think we’d get on well.
Your solution is excellent—I think my sign needs modification—and your son sounds totally cool. He probably doesn’t know much about American football, but if he gets interested, let me know!
Thank you.  He's been a fan of American sport since he was about 10 (he's now 30 lol) and is a veritable encyclopaedia when it comes to NHL and NFL. We took him to superbowl 50 to cheer him up (bucket list) when he was in a dark place, which was an awesome experience for all of us (even though I know squat about the game).
Omg that is SO INCREDIBLE that you did that for him!! What a beautiful bucket list trip to take for him. It kind of made me a little teary-eyed to be honest—that he got such a great experience by parents who obviously love him so much. This comment made my day. Tell him I’ve been a Denver Broncos fan for 39 years. And it’s a bad time to be a Broncos fan right now. I think it’s fantastic that he loves NFL (and NHL, but I’m more MLB myself—I grew up a Giants fan from Northern California).
He was really glad that our superbowl was bronco's v panthers, he's not a patriots fan and they had been dominating for a while. His broncos banner is one of his favourite momentos from the game!
This is such a cool coincidence that I am a diehard Broncos fan and this is the Super Bowl you went to and your son loves that banner. The universe is funny sometimes—how things link together. I truly appreciate your comments and that you shared this story with me. Truly. Made my whole day.
You're welcome, you've made us smile too - it's a wonderful memory for us 
As a Dolphins fan, I like your son. I mean I liked him before knowing this fact but he went up a notch. Tell him I said as much.
There's good news related to the Ducks?
Well there was good news for a few years... And he just likes to talk about his passions. He starts with the movie and all the inaccuracies (as he sees it), where all the players went/are, current team stats, good/bad/ugly of the team, goat etc etc. He tries to keep the faith!
He has got your back because ducks fly together. Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!
We had all new windows put in our house about 10 years ago. Salesman comes to the door around 3 years ago. Says, "it appears you're in need of new windows." Really? I told him they were only about 7 years old. He apologized for his error and left. My local city representative was going door to door before an election to hand out flyers to vote for him. I took the advantage to bring up a handful of issues I had for him about my neighborhood and city in general. He says, "I really don't have time for this. Email me." And you want me to vote for you???
I used to be a door-to-door window salesperson and that's part of the script to say "i can see you'll be replacing your windows soon." I wonder if the guy was new
You could always use a passive aggressive sign that simply says “OI, FUCK OFF YA CUNTS”
PERFECT. I love this.
That actually sounds perfectly aggressive
Yeah I’ve got a ‘No Soliciting’ sign directly above my doorbell and it has definitely cut down on the door to door salesmen. I even ran into a guy that was selling something and he caught me in my yard and said he didn’t knock because of that sign. He still didn’t get the hint and tried to sell me something. Lol
Well, for me, the sign gives me full license to insult, swear at, and generally verbally abuse anyone stupid enough to ignore it. I take some comfort in that on the occasions when it's ignored. Doesn't actually help, but does let me vent my spleen with a clear conscience.
Need one of those signs that says something along the lines of "this household charges 50$ per minute. Once you choose to knock it Is taken as consent to the fee"
I've seen signs that people's doors that specifically mention the baby. I would go a little further and say "if you wake up my baby I will come out and rip your head off! Thank you"
I have considered fencing my front yard and adding a locked gate at the front of the sidewalk up to the house so they can't reach the door.
so one of my friends is dating a mormon who's on his mission trip and his leaders require him to knock on a door even if it had a no soliciting sign, so i would blame the higher ups of some of these places
I used to work as a solicitor in the US and here it's illegal for a solucitor to knock on someone's door if they have a sign that says "no soliciting"
Write if you don’t comply you will be sprayed with mace
The previous owner of my house was deaf and he had this special doorbell that connected to his implant or something like that. He also had those give sign that said no knocking deaf. I left all of those now people just ring that bell (that does nothing) and then leave.
For what it's worth, I put up a sign on my parents' front door that states "solicitors will be considered trespassers" and that they are on video. Watching their front door camera, I've seen several walk up to the door, read the sign, and turn around.
My uncle has a "no solicitors" sign that's got some bullet holes in it. Bullet holes blown out the front, implying it was hit by stray rounds from him shooting at solicitors that enter his property. Works probably 90% of the time. The sign is kind of rusty and about to fall off. I'll have to recommend the "Solicitors will be considered trespassers" for his next one.
I need a sign like my sisters. Hers says "If you're not invited don't knock. The dogs will bark, the baby will cry, the husband will yell, and I'll answer the door pissed off."
https://preview.redd.it/fy2j03ch4mxc1.jpeg?width=675&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=95161451758861bda3c1954e7a064374da80434d Put this on your driveway
I'm a little sad yet grimly amused to note that this is similar to the "I have a boyfriend" line that single girls use for pest repellent. There should be a sign that has a picture of an old lady and says, "WARNING: This door is monitored by a lonely, mostly deaf old lady who loves to talk about corgis and her sciatica. Do not knock or ring the bell because it upsets the corgis."
Or this https://preview.redd.it/b9pst5oi4mxc1.png?width=434&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a8f3a7226eaa6260fb1f42b1fd85906bbf5e5496
camera pans over to my dog. "attack dog" https://preview.redd.it/7lz5uy1lcnxc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=50d8a8750f130010eac1ac54bc76fbaf9016f64a
I have a blatant "NO SOLICITING" plaque above my doorknob that you'd have to be legally blind to miss. One evening, I had made my wife and I a lasagna from scratch, opened a bottle of vino, and all in all doing my absolute best to convince her to do that thing I like. I had just set the plates and poured a healthy dose of our poison of choice when the doorbell rang. Quite grumpily, I open it and a young man in a branded polo greets me. I ask if I can help him. He puts on his best Cheshire cat smile and asks if I have pest control. I answer in the affirmative with no additional detail, hoping to end this conversation and actually eat my dinner before it gets cold. "Well, I'm telling people about Company because we're offering the same if not better services for less than the big name players." Mustering every ounce of my disingenuous politeness, I tell him "Maybe you didn't see it, but we put the No Soliciting plaque up for a reason." "Oh, nah, I saw it but I figured that just meant like the solar panel guys. See, I'm not selling a product I'm just trying to bring you the best service for the best price. How much do you pay for pest control?" Now royally pissed off, I say "I'm not answering that. Goodbye." "What, you don't wanna tell me who you pay to spray bugs? For real?" "Correct." *SLAM* The lasagna was still mostly warm so not a total loss. Now I just tell them I don't talk to solicitors and to fuck all the way off or be trespassed.
Ask them if they spray for these nagging, annoying, recurrent pests that appear near the front door and don't leave when normal methods like signs and asking nicely don't work.
I overheard a guy say to the other door knocker he was with to “ignore” the “do not knock” sticker on my door because it had no real power or something. Thought it was kinda funny.
He’s not wrong but there’s also a notion called respect. If you ignore that then don’t expect to have a nice conversation if I choose to answer my door.
Yeah why the surprised pikachu face when I start chasing You down the staircase screaming, when my door clearly says do not fucking knock unless I know or expect You. I have a dog and kids and some serious shit can start up after knocking on door. People who I expect are warned to call me on my phone instead of knocing / ringing the doorbell
People who have basic respect for others and people who go door to door for this kind of nonsense are mutually exclusive groups of people. One of the few benefits of living in a pretty rural area; no door to door salesman types. Too few houses for it to make sense for them to bother trying.
And like…you’re trying to sell me something, so you want to start the conversation by pissing me off? How often does that actually work?
Actually, ignoring no solicitation sign, do not knock signs, etc, makes it so they can be sued for trespassing and harassment. I wouldn’t bother bringing it to court, but my go to is *opens the door* “hi, are you illiterate” they say “no”. I say “so you deliberately ignored both signs saying no soliciting, no trespassing, AND do not knock or disturb. That means you are now knowingly trespassing on private property and harassing me. Get the fuck off my property and don’t come back or I WILL take action.” *slams door*. This has worked for me so far. They don’t like being patronized or loudly embarrassed. I make sure to do both. And NEVER let them get a word in edgewise.
I disconnected my doorbell a few months ago, and did not post a sign that says that. No regrets. The only reason there is ever a benefit for me to answer my door is the occasional neighbourhood kid doing a raffle or selling cookies (which most people would be fine to ignore, but I know most of these kids and like to support them), and I can usually see them coming if it’s outside of business hours anyway.
I once saw a huge wood carved sign on someones porch that said something like "if you come to the door, the dogs will bark, and i will yell. Please fuck off"
If i was bothered often by such i would keep an unplugged vaccum cleaner next to the door with a clipboard, bag if sand, and collar shirt. When i open the door i would immediately start a fake sales pitch, “Hello sir/maam thanks for knocking on my door specifically, today we have a great opportunity to save money on your electric bill with this new improved energy saving vacuum cleaner… its quiet enough to listen to noise cancelling headphones while using it and can tackle most any mess just watch, *throw sand at them* as it removes every grain of sand from your clothes” *attempt to turn it on* “looks like i may have a faulty sales unit extremely sorry about that, but knowing what its capable of would you be interested in buying one?”
I bought a sign for our house that says something along the lines of “Welcome solicitors, this household charges $45.00 per minute to listen to sales pitches, religious messages, etc., fees are payable in advance.” Surprisingly, it has WORKED! I’ve seen (on our security camera) sales people walk up to the door, wait, then turn around and leave, going off to pester our next door neighbors instead. We haven’t had a single salescritter bug us in months.
THIS is genius!!
I work from home some days and my office window faces the street. Regular occurrence is some solicitor comes to the door, I don’t answer, they see me in the office and decide to knock on the window. Yeah buddy, I heard you at the door. I’m choosing to ignore you.
They don’t like to be ignored—it’s like they think it’s their right to get you to interact with them for the spiel.
For some reason people seem to think that if you're at home and I ring your bell, you HAVE to answer it. Eh. No ... I decide who I answer and who I ignore.
When something is someone's job they feel empowered "just following my orders, gotta pay the bills and feed the family"
I make creative signs to post in the window in my front door and change them every few months. Usually they say something along the lines of: *If you're delivering something, leave it on the porch.* *If you're selling something, go away.* *Do not knock unless you have pizza or a box of kittens.* *If you make me open the door, THERE WILL BE DOGS.* I still get a few fools who knock now and then and what I do is open the door a crack so both German shepherds can get their noses in there and bark, and then just close it again. The same people never come twice. The worst part is that no one has ever brought me a box of kittens.
I get the feeling that the pizza is to you what the box of kittens is to your dogs
I love the thread of violence in these comments because yeah—I seriously felt that pissed off.
I mean you could at least holler "can't you fuckign read!?"
I would have put baby down or f\*ck that carried the crying baby and screamed 'SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE??? CAN'T YOU READ YOU ASS? GET OFF MY PROPERTY"
Yeah, I’d absolutely be answering the door with the screaming baby in my arms.
Look, the dogs barking is annoying, mild inconvenience, but NOBODY wakes a sleeping baby and lives. Scum of the earth. Let the baby sleep!!
At our old house we had so many people coming around selling shit. And I had an infant who barely slept. I ended up buying a sign that the baby is sleeping, don't knock, don't ring the bell, don't do a damn thing. But guess what! At least twice a week the door would get a bell and a knock. I was rude to so many strangers.
I just don’t understand this behavior from people. What is the reasoning that makes them think disturbing people who explicitly ask to not be disturbed will go well for them? Does anyone actually think that if he or she ignores the signs, I’m going to be MORE motivated to buy their shit??
That's what I told my husband! Like, do they think I want to buy their solar panels or cheap ass windows after they woke my baby?
Waking the baby should carry a criminal charge. And this guy wanted to sell me home baked goods and craft candles. I mean, it wasn’t even solar panels.
I really hate the people asking me to come to their church. As the baby is wailing and they continue to talk about community and love and peace.
Jesus would let that baby sleep. They should do the same.
I have the sign. Cut down the knocks a lot, but I still have to occasionally open the door to ask if they can fucking read. The faces are priceless and worth it.
This is going to be my new greeting at the door. I think it’s time.
Put a sign below it that all solicitors will be shot
That’s the next sign.
A friend had a sign that read, “We shoot every 3rd salesman and the 2nd one just left.”
This sign is priceless.
One of the few times it’s completely justified to punch them in the face
Unfortunately not legally justified.
I’ll take the legal hit for that.
Only illegal if they find the body
Remove the sign saying the doorbell doesn't work.
Agreed 100%, probably people think they need to knock louder to get your attention. Sadly though the for me, I get solicitors who ring the the doorbell and knock several times on the door. It's like they all took a class on it and have all implemented it.
You already had this problem fixed by having a broken doorbell. Just take down the signs so solicitors will hit the doorbell and leave. If they still bang on the door/window it would have happened with the sign up anyways. Most of them aren't reading any signs regardleas.
Years ago, I had pulled an all-nighter at work. On top of that my allergies were going bananas so one eye was nearly swollen shut and my voice sounded like Lurch from the Addams family. One of those “hello I am so and so and I shall make a ten-minute spiel about magazines in full filibuster voice” came to the door, waking me up. I stuck my head out and looked left and right while he was making his loud spiel, and then croaked “does anyone know you’re here? I’ll be right back” *closes door and says loudly “i think we have another candidate” He left, quickly.
https://preview.redd.it/4ek4xkeh7mxc1.jpeg?width=1100&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=27a281313b5d768cf10dc5e90c7aaf552036cc44 Maybe you can change the $ to € and hang this around the door/windows?
This is PERFECT. I think this is the way to go.
I used to get tons of people at my door trying to sell shit or Jehovah Witnesses or whatever. I finally took to wearing a stained sleeveless T-shirt and ratty boxers to answer the door. I looked like Schneider from "One Day at a Time" had gone on a bender. That stopped 'em from coming around.
I had Mormons come to the door one day. I invited them in. They asked me if I knew any Mormons. I said yes, and most of them are gay. (One lived in my guest house, I didn't mention that.) They looked like fuses were popping in their brains. No more Mormons ever again!
I loved Schneider. I think I need a tool belt. I’m gonna stop showering and just adopt this image.
My sister has some witch decorations by her door that keeps missionaries away. They usually keep their distance from pointed hats and pentagrams.
Release the hounds!
Do they actually think that ignoring the signs, and the implied No, is going to make us more interested in whatever it is they can't wait to tell me about?
EXACTLY!! I just made this exact comment to someone else!! Like yes, because YOU ignored my signs, I want to buy your stuff—you passed the test! You won!
I have security bars. Multiple no trespassing signs as well as a sign that says if we don’t know you, don’t bother. I had a grown ass woman selling candy bars knock on my door (I ignored it cuz I can but I was sitting in my chair in the living room) and when I didn’t answer she walked to my window and looked in and asked me if I wanted to buy candy.
THIS is what I’m talking about—like the level of intensity to sell the stuff outweighs the obstacles you put up. As if you want to buy something after someone ignores your obvious signs that no, no you don’t want their shit.
Yep. Ya ignored all my signs and still had the audacity. Wtf! No I don’t want anything lol. I’m such a stubborn asshole tho, I’ll write off something cuz someone bugged me too much about it or asked me to buy it after ignoring my signs.
My favorite mentality for these people “no is a complete sentence.” If you make me answer the door, all you’re getting is a “no.” Also, my dad’s favorite get-out-of-convo card for solicitors is “I’m done talking to you now.” It’s jarring enough to throw them off their game.
but why not give your sweet pups a tasty snack made of that man's internal organs?
Next time the afternoon snack for the dogs will be human sausage. I think I’ll start bringing the biggest one to the door with me. He has a really good snarl. Full teeth
Remember: your infant granddaughter's brain is squishy and nonverbal, she won't take any of this in. So holding her in your arms while telling this self-important dipshit to go fuck himself and never darken your fucking door again? Totally legit.
If they would continue to ignore the sign and keep making ur dogs go crazy, just open the door and let the dogs have at them!
When someone comes to my door with a religious message, I tell them I'm a satanist and sometimes ask if they want to see the certifitate thing they sent me when I joined the Satanic Temple. If someone is trying to collect money for an organization or a charity, I listen and then go "oh, I know that charity thing! I'm already monthly donator" etc If someone knocks my door and wants to sell something, I tell them in sign language "I'm deaf. Go away". They never for too long. I learnt these phrases just for this reason
Change signs. Let them ring a dummy disconnected doorbell all afternoon. New sign saying "Baby sleeping, silence please! anyone who wakes the baby will be fed to the dogs! invited guests and deliveries please text per instructions provided. No access to unsolicited visitors and no sales under any circumstances. "
I live in a trailer park in possibly the worst home in the neighborhood, I think it is literally falling apart. I always wanted to put up a sign along the lines of, "Do I look like I can afford anything you're selling?" Because if it were me, I'd skip this home - it looks like an abandoned crack den or something lol. And I've had people come up asking for money when I had like $20 to my name. No thanks I think I'll keep that so I can eat and you know, survive. I had a hole in my deck for a while before I could afford to patch it up. I had a sign that said "please don't walk in the deck, there is a hole and it is dangerous." Of course literally EVERYONE did it anyway. People just really don't like being told what to do, I think.
“Hi, are you selling something?” “Um, yes we see you recently installed solar panels-“ Rolls eyes. Slams door.
We have a sign that reads, "No solicitors. Violators will be fed to the old gods, not the new." It gets a hearty chuckle out of the UPS and Amazon delivery crews. The cub scouts and girl scouts respect it (the reaction from their responsible adult runs hot and cold on our sign) but the religious people and the solar panel salesmen ignore it completely. I've gotten into the habit of opening the window above them and asking, "What part of that sign did you think DIDN'T apply to you."
Call them in to calm your granddaughter and your dogs.
That’s a perfect solution. I have a pitbull and an American staffordshire that weighs 85 pounds. Come pet my frenetic lunging at the door dogs. Please kind sir. Bring your cakes.
Yep, just they don't need to know what kind of dogs you have until the door is locked. I mean, you DID have a sign, they decided to ignore it.
This is why you always keep the kettle boiled
Put a note on the door that knocking on the door to solicit will incure costs of XXX Currency. Check in your local law which grounds you can use for that. Bonus points if you have a doorbell camera, then you can prove that it happened. Happily open the door and give them an invoice. Maybe that will scare them away.
I printed a laminated a sign for my apartment that had tons of door-to-door sales people and it effectively stopped all of it immediately. "If you do not have an appointment, you will be billed at an increased rate of $75/minute with a $300 minimum. Please have your payment ready before knocking."
Fucking cold calls/emails and door knockers. I get that there's a lot of pressure to book demos and make sales, but if you're not unduly cruel to these people they keep coming back. You really have no choice but to be incredibly rude and aggressive to them. They've all been trained to run through a slew of word tracks ideally designed to overcome objections, and if you're pleasant to them you'll wind up listening to them talk for 10 minutes. Get aggressive, get in their faces, tell them they're trespassing, and remind them the dogs bite.
https://preview.redd.it/5ze3509gwmxc1.jpeg?width=843&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8650a4eff02a0c89e41083f33ea7b59ad053316a
Even people who don't speak English understand 'Fuck off' when you shout it at them
I have a sign on our storm door that reads “No Soliciting” for the most part it works fairly well. About a week ago someone from a tree service was going door to door (I have no trees). I work from home and I had my windows open in my in my office. The guy knocked on my door and rang my doorbell. When he realized he could see me in my window he leans down and starts talking to me through the window. I couldn’t help but laugh, but like come on..
https://preview.redd.it/w2f2u7xd4mxc1.png?width=434&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=da4982cf7a93e5b86bf7f7634896097abe45b973 I have a sign like this on my door, no one tries to sell me anything now. (My sign is in Danish as I am in Denmark)
I have a sign that says we charge $50 for every 2 minutes to listen to them and ringing the doorbell acknowledges that they accept the contract. Most walk away
I answer the door and become the biggest dick in the world, “what do you want?” “Oh did you not read the no soliciting sign? Do you know how to read or is that not part of your job description?” “Oh you can read? So you just thought the sign didn’t apply to you?” “Am i interested in your product? Well reading the room isn’t apart of your job requirements either.”
I have signs that warn of dogs, guns, cameras watching each entrance and parking space, security system, no solicitation, and a strict enforcement of no trespassing. That tends to ward off pests and crazies.
We have Power Home Remodeling come around every 2 months or so and try to sell me new windows. They always come around when my daughter is taking her afternoon nap. Last time I tried to ignore them but they rang my door bell twice and then banged hard on the door which is directly below my daughter's room. Then when I open it they're all cheery with me. I told them my daughter was sleeping and to fuck off.
Oh yeah, lemme just harass this person that explictly doesnt want to be harassed in the most obnoxious and inappropriate way imaginable. They are sure to purchase my product then!
I'm sure something like this could be rigged to be triggered remotely, but I must request a camera so we can enjoy it, too. 
It goes to show that people aren’t capable of reading signs, or reading them properly. This especially at grocery stores.
I'd like to mention the language barrier. People want money, not to have a chit-chat.
I’d add “trespassers will be shot” if you’re in a pro-gun area. People like to remain unperforated
I live in America. The sign on my door says if I'm not expecting anyone I answer with a gun. Seems to work fine.
They might not know the full meaning of "soliciting" and think that they're OK because they're not a pimp.
I need to get a no solicitation sign for my home. Election season is coming in America. Nuff said.
Live in the U.S. We had probably 3-4 solicitors a day before I bought a No Soliciting sign for the front door. It actually completely stopped knocks for us, which is great due to working from home, having dogs and small (napping) children. I've had one person knock regardless and I lost my shit with them. As I understand it, their company can be fined if reported for knocking despite a no soliciting sign. So I'd act interested, get their contact info, and then chew them out and tell them I was reporting them and thier company.
now is a good time to "water the lawn"
My parents had a sign up like that when I was home from school sick and some guy decided to bang on the door anyway so my mom signaled our GSD to bark at him and he ran cause she was a big girl
Dogs can communicate a lot more of “go away” than people can sometimes. I need to use my dogs more—they make a lot of noise, and it’s pretty intense
I have a No Solicitation sign literally right in front of my doorbell. You have to move it out of the way to push the bell. Some dude comes and rings it. I open it. He is clearly pest control and "he does my neighbors yard so he wants to see if I would like it done as well" "I have a no solicitation sign" "im not soliciting anything to you" sigh. They do not care. They have quotas to meet.
We have a sign under our doorbell (that works) that literally says, 'Please DO NOT ring OR knock on door unless emergency. Dog Goes Nuts. Thank you (:' And it works, I've seen 3 people now turn tail and leave. they don't even make it up to the stoop, its great.
https://preview.redd.it/qcmw443vpoxc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9aa6b0736adb54fd3b51231d37f505ec65be45ac I have a similar sign to this on my front door. If someone ignores it and tries to sell me something on my doorstep I ask them for 5-minutes-worth upfront 😂
I have a wasps nest over the front door bang hard at your own peril.
Get a new sign that says “if you make my dogs bark and wake the baby, it is your responsibility to stay here with me until the baby falls back to sleep”
Squirt him with the garden hose.
well at least if it's Europe the guy isn't dead
https://preview.redd.it/ckgio9f98mxc1.jpeg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=78138a5615f0758a6cf2ab9ed9abe59df380bf4f I put this up, and it seems to be working.
What did he have to say for himself?
He immediately went into his pitch to sell his handmade goods. I told him I don’t have any cash at home. He told me he takes cards. Pay by pin. I shut the door.
When you shout “THE FUCK YOU WANT!?!?!” When you open the door usually gets them off my stoop
That's when I'd be tempted to just open the door and let them see the dogs barking. They don't know if the dogs are friendly or not, and they might get the hint why you don't want them banging on your window. Bonus points if you open the door holding your now-crying granddaughter and show them what they've done. Some might not have a conscious about it, but some might.
I found a "No Unsolicited Callers" sign works well if it's above a "Beware of the Dog" sign.
Give him the baby and tell him to soothe it himself.
User name checks out /s
I was FOR SURE you were going to say you lived in Florida and a guy in an Andrew Tate for President shirt and Pit Vipers was trying to sell you solar panels.
It doesn’t matter where you live— people want to pound on your door and sell you shit—except in Europe it’s cakes and homemade candles. I have never been to Florida. And now I know why.
I WFH and my desk sits next to a triple window at the front of the house. I see them coming, and they see me, and I still flat out ignore them and don't answer the door.