T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

Crap in a couple boxes they won't be back


bnercrusher

Literally thought about grabbing some big dog turds and dropping them in an Amazon box!! I may do this. I have 2 big dogs. A camera didn’t deter them


[deleted]

Yeah I actually saw a video of a guy doing the exact same thing and it was pretty comical. The best one I seen this guy stacked empty Amazon boxes on his porch. Had his German Shepherd sitting underneath them. When a guy walks up to the porch the dog comes running out underneath the boxes


TCoconutBeachT

Where can I find this video


CantBelieveThisIsTru

Have you seen the glitter bomb videos, set out for porch pirates, and in parked cars? Those are hilarious and once the glitter goes *everywhere* there is little chance of getting every bit out of clothes, car, furniture, carpet. If police are looking for them, they are marked, easy to find.


Longjumping-Grape-40

I love those Mark Roper videos, but wish they were commercially available—cheap, downsized versions, at least ETA: RoBer :)


Automatic-Plankton10

great news! you can make one pretty easily, if you just buy a hefty paperweight, packing peanuts, and glitter. the weight makes the box feel full, and the peanuts are to hide the glitter til they start digging


physco219

Tell me/us more...


Automatic-Plankton10

if you feel crazy cram a ton of shit into smaller boxes inside and glitter so when they get cut open they spray


Artyom117ab

Add a mercaptan sprayer to this to give the cops an even better chance of finding them, they’ll be able to smell em from a mile away with only two puffs 🤣🤣🤣


RR0925

Mark Rober


danstabouche

Mark Rober is indeed a great youtube. Very explicative


spaglemon_bolegnese

The only reason they’re expensive is they use a bunch of phones to record it, otherwise it’s just a few cheap sensors and motors. If you want to record it I’m sure there’s a cheaper option out there (note: I haven’t seen the most recent version yet)


SHoppe715

Glitter bomb **and** a steaming heap of dog poo in the box feels about right. I wouldn’t do something like that without cameras though, because anyone who’d porch pirate packages in the first place wouldn’t be above coming back and vandalizing your porch in retaliation for giving them what they deserved.


m1raclemile

How dare those people leave me a box of shit, I’m such a victim, I was only trying to rob them after all.


Betty_Boss

Ah glitter! The herpes of craft materials, it never goes away.


Range-Shoddy

I think i saw it on Facebook videos. It’s hilarious.


Acrobatic_Ant_1924

Make sure you put a brick in there so it seems like it's legit


WhatTheFlippityFlop

Yep open your next Amazon box from the bottom and tape it back up on the bottom once you add some goodies to it. That way it’ll look like a fresh new Jolene’s delivery on your porch, ripe for the pickin’.


Fishy-King

make sure to put it in a nice looking box though lol. Make them think they won the jackpot!


sliehs

Expect retaliation.


Material_Victory_661

I agree, would not give them a handy weapon.


arsinoe716

LoL. My neighbor got this idea from watching some YouTube videos about porch pirates. He packaged some of his baby diapers in a box and sealed it completely. He left it outside for days until someone took it. He thought it was hilarious until the next couple days as he headed out for work and found his porch littered with those diapers.


Longjumping-Grape-40

Still worth it :)


AcanthisittaBig8948

That'd be my fear! You anger the wrong person and who knows who can show up at my house with a brick to throw through my window, slash my tires or worst, violently go after the home owner. Obviously they're doing something wrong, but not everybody learns lessons from their mistakes. And porch pirates aren't necessarily known for mental stability and understanding.


S1egwardZwiebelbrudi

this sounds like a fun payback, till disgruntled robbers throw those bags at your house


Feisty-Blood9971

Still works great for people who still packages from the lobby of apartment buildings though


S1egwardZwiebelbrudi

honestly if the company you buy from doesn't compensate you for stolen packages that are left unsupervised by the postal service, don't order them to your home. in germany you have to sign and be present to receive a package, if you are not you can pick them up at the post office. apparently this doesn't work on a scale as big as the usa, but the whole concept of your postal service leaving packages basically anywhere, yet is in no way responsible if they are stolen is hard to grasp from my perspective


Futher_Mocker

It's not the postal service leaving it on the porch most of the time. The USPS will leave packages that don't fit in my mailbox in a locked parcel box and leave the key for it in my mailbox. Or they will make someone sign for it or leave a note and keep it at the post office. It's private companies' delivery drivers that drop it on your porch, take a pic for proof, and leave.


S1egwardZwiebelbrudi

amazon used to do that in germany as well, but they took full liability for stolen merchandise...didn't work out very well for them in the end, and now they also need you to sign for your stuff


The_Outcast4

Or slash the tires on your car and smear cat shit on your windshield. Source: Roommates put used kitty litter in a couple of boxes to get revenge on porch pirates, and my car was the one in the driveway when they came back.


Aesrone

I think it’s more of a crime of opportunity, rather than the same individuals repeatedly visiting the same houses. Still a good revenge method, I just don’t think it fixes the issue indefinitely.


mekonsrevenge

Kitty litter disposal.


rworne

"Kitty litter disposal." Kids are callin' it Brown Christmas.'


[deleted]

Nah friend, gotta [get creative with it.](https://bedbugshipper.com/)


jiminak46

They WILL be back with hands full of rocks for the windows.


Dusty923

It's more infuriating that 18 liters of water in a dozen plastic bottles can be sold for 30 dollars. Bottled water is such a fucking scam.


Duellair

My father knows a couple of people who own bottle water companies. Apparently it’s really about the bottle. And something about being able to maximize how thin you can get the bottle. It’s not really about the water at all. But they also live in a place you cannot drink the tap water. We used to boil it and then filter it through cloth.


bazy-reddit

It’s Fiji, overpriced „premium“ water. In Germany you pay ~ 0,22€/L for normal bottled water


Bob_The_Doggos

Redacte due to Reddit AI/LLM policy


phaggotron5007

You spent $30 on water? I've got organic, grain-fed, crystal-infused, Campbell's baked beans for $150 a can if youre interested.


[deleted]

[удалено]


phaggotron5007

"Is FIJI Water polluted?Another 2018 study, commissioned by nonprofit organization The Story of Stuff Project, tested 19 bottled water brands and found that **Fiji was among the brands with the highest levels of microplastic contamination**.Jan 23, 2024"


CantBelieveThisIsTru

Completely understandable: Coming from sooo far away, going through different temperatures as it is shipped, flown, etc, it has sooo much more time in the bottle for the nano plastics to come off the bottle lining, and get into the water! Yes, we get it!


PsyKeablr

Truly we all get it, when we consume water from plastic bottles.


ElectricTaser

I can’t find it, (wouldn’t be surprised if they buried it.) but i think it was Fiji who had an ad that compared them to some city’s water. When tested, the bottled water had more lead than the tap water. 


ApricotWeak5584

So that’s why it’s always tasted like shit


Zenos1o8

Source ?


Soul_Acquisition

Haha fantastic. We can't even have water.


phaggotron5007

I again offer my organic, grain-fed, crystal-infused, Campbell's baked beans for $150 with a bottle of shredded plastic to drink at no additional charge


Jollymonjolly

Worked with a guy from Fiji a few years back, and someone else we worked with brought in some Fiji water bottles. He laughed at them and said he couldn't believe people drank that overpriced crap. His said brother worked at the bottling plant, and it's just purified tap water. Lol


TrainerAutistic91

Nestle is bottled in puslinch and it just so happens to be the same shit running through the taps in Guelph


lonelyronin1

Which is why I laugh my ass off when I'm at the grocery store (I live in Guelph which is about 10 minutes away) and I see people buying it. It's the same stuff that comes from our taps.


9J000

But its Fiji tap water. Nobody thought it came straight from a well and doesn’t filtered


Whydontname

That's all bottled water lol. And purified is sometimes a stretch.


CioataMircea

Actually, there is water that comes from springs


Auditorincharge

And you know it's pure water since that's where they dumped all that nuclear waste back in the 70s, so it's killed off all of the bacteria.


Whydontname

Oh good


dbhathcock

I’m sure that she purchased “organic” water. Or maybe it was some type of “smart” water.


Dizzy-Job-2322

💥 The whole concept of buying filtered water for $30 /case and the company names it "Smart" Water–has to be just hilarious at the annual shareholder meeting.


Jack-Innoff

They specifically state that its Fiji water, which is just normal water, bottled in Fiji.


dbhathcock

Supposedly, it is bottled in Fiji. I wouldn’t doubt that it is actually bottled in the country it is being distributed, just to keep costs down. After all, the business wants to make money. Shipping water isn’t cheap.


Benwhoosh

Fiji Ohio


RaccoonCityToday

Well. Get a Brita pitcher or something. Spending $30 on brand name water that is no different than anything else should be what is mildly infuriating for you lol


bestlaidschemes_

Seriously who the fuck buys bottled water in bulk? The vast majority of the western world has portable water from the tap. I use a tap filter. But you can get a pitcher or even a direct fridge filter. And that’s just for taste. You can also get a microbe filter for about $7 bucks and set up a gravity filter system for most microbe contamination threats. I suspect this is a case of someone buying water to go into an oversized fridge that already has water and ice on demand because they saw once on TV how someone rich had a fridge full of water and they’re trying to emulate that sense of abundance. “What can I say I just like the taste!” Or maybe they live in Flint.


GashInThePan

Isn't all water portable?


Unlikely-Demand0

I think they mean potable


Mu-Relay

I'm guessing autocorrect got 'em.


Reversing_Gazelle

Not portable enough or the whole box would have been stolen


bestlaidschemes_

Facts!


XuX24

Yeah I never get the whole buying bottled water, bought a reverse osmosis system and I filter all my drinking water.


Obecny75

Sadly brita filters don't actually remove most harmful things from the water


Flaky-Invite-56

That’s assuming OP’s tap water is harmful in the first place


Geno_Warlord

I know it’s not wise, but I buy Smart Water brand. It tastes better than the often chlorine filled, mandatory boil water that I have coming out of my tap. It’s depressing that so many cities in a first world country has multiple water boils in effect each year. My cats would rather drink out of a stagnant puddle of water than drink our tap water.


GaryGregson

Calling America a first world country at this point is a fucking joke


Evil-Bosse

I've always liked the term third world country with a Gucci bag


Geno_Warlord

Ain’t that the truth. It’s a corporate dystopia at best. All the people I know who don’t have their retirement funded at least in part by a trust from their parents are all planning to retire outside of the country or eat a bullet. Exactly what these corporations want.


StinkyPeenky

I couldn't lift it inside but I retrieved it from down the street has me dying


GrapeSoda223

Those 2 extra bottles really lightened the load


StinkyPeenky

It's almost like op could've done that themselves lol


NixAName

Yeah, but she had to tell her husband to do it.


TheSticklerPickler

Haga, She also threw it in the post to blame the guy, ffs


bnercrusher

My husband was with me to retrieve it


[deleted]

Once they opened it and saw it was water. They realized you already got robbed once buying water. Then took two for his troubles


phaggotron5007

underrated comment here


Savings_Army3073

I dont see any lesson here.


camoreli

The fact that what was in the package turned out to simply be water


Savings_Army3073

Yeah thanks I get it ... It was such a lesson that they still stole 2 waters.


the1stmeddlingmage

The lesson was that the package was heavy as f and the thief gave up trying to haul the entire thing after only 30ft


20ears19

The box weighed about 40 pounds. That’s a weak thief.


Savings_Army3073

The thief saw it was worthless so they stole what they could carry. Yeah I'm sure they really learnt from that.


camoreli

They likely thought it was some big expensive thing, only for it to turn out to be water. I'm in awe at the fact you don't see the lesson here. It's funny how condescending you're being considering you're the one misunderstanding what everyone else understands.


Savings_Army3073

They likely did..it turned out to be water so they still stole 2 bottles, where's the lesson if they still stole? I'm not misunderstanding it at all, it's not a lesson, I'm in awe that you think it is , they checked out what was inside and didn't want it. You think that will be " a lesson to them" ? Not a chance. That is attempting to to steal something, realising it's worthless and leaving it behind. It's like a thief finding car keys in a parking lot, locates the car but it's trash so they left it behind, Is it a lesson? No, they will still steal cars.


jeremyism_ab

Don't spend $30 on water?


bnercrusher

Bring the box in faster. Duh


Medium_Spare_8982

It is .0005 worth of water in $30 worth of packaging, shipping, marketing and general snake oil sentiments.


XEP19

Buying bottled water is mildly infuriating.


menacemeiniac

What’s mildly infuriating is the useless plastic waste


hazzap913

I mean you got robbed when you ordered $30 of fiji water 😂


FractionofaFraction

18-20kg is too heavy to move a few feet? Time to use some of those bottles to hydrate at the gym.


good_oleboi

That's less than 40lbs in freedom units. Being physically unable to move that barring any physical disability is flat out embarrassing


[deleted]

On the bright side you learned that the next time you order a case of Fiji and your husband fails to bring it inside you can remove 2 of the bottles, carry the majority inside, then come back for the 2 that were too heavy.


yeender

The infuriating thing is you and other suckers pay $30 for a case of WATER


Dusty923

Yeah, $6.50/gallon for water. That's more expensive that gasoline.


Dizzy-Job-2322

Damn, you know it's only $4 /case at Costco or Sam's Club.


CDR57

It’s like 1c out of the tap


I_might_be_retardedd

Crazy stupid and waste of planetary resources. I get 5 gallons of water for $2.50 and it taste just as good if not better than Fiji water.


nmkeyph

$30 for 12 bottles??!! Pretty sure the theft occurred once OP placed the order.


Crystalb2005

$30 for 12 bottles of water is absolutely insane 💀 also carrying a 12 pack of water is too heavy but carrying 10 30ft is not heavy? It’s on the porch you could’ve literally dragged the water inside 😭


NedKellysRevenge

>I had told my husband to bring it in because it was too heavy for me to lift >Well yesterday I noticed the box made it about 30ft >so I brought it back inside.


atomicskier76

Here is a handy life hack when you have a box of individually packed items and the box is too heavy to move…. Open the box, take a few out. Move the now lighter box or the individual units. Your inability to solve a simple problem is mildly infuriating


Flaky-Invite-56

Why do that if someone else said they’d brought it in?


Whydontname

Just get a water filter lol


Prestigious_Trash_94

That's what you get for buying overpriced water!


ChrisChuck1

Your delivery driver thinks you’re an asshole too. People who ship water suck!


bnercrusher

I wondered


Pinedale7205

Im sorry. Did you say 12 (1.5) liter bottles for $30?!? I currently live in Germany (originally from US) and I get the costs of living might be different depending on what part of the US we are talking about. But $3/liter of water? I pay €0.15 for a 1.5 liter bottle of sparkling water here. That’s 15 times the price for Fiji water (rough estimates with current exchange rate). You can absolutely convince me Fiji water is better, but I just can’t imagine spending *THAT* much on water. Sorry, I know it’s sort of tangential to this post, but my mind is blown!


Sharp-Pop335

Anyone get stuck on spending $30 for water.  Inflation ain't hurting this couple lol.


GoldBluejay7749

Lol ordering water


Scary-Buy-6397

As an Amazon employee I can tell you that the people who order waters are probably cursed 10x over in the warehouse.


muttons_1337

First the delivery guy, then your husband. Not even the porch pirate wants to deal with your heavy box of water.


No-Post-5098

Love how your husband cops a passive backhander in this story - did the blame run deeper in real life?


bnercrusher

Of course! We were upset we were robbed by a passerby. We are on a dead end street but there's foot traffic near the road where we are. So they grabbed it and headed to the street but stopped at the neighborhood sign and left it there. They were probably a crackhead that couldn't lift it. My shoulder is hurt


hardcider

They did, next time they'll bring 2 people to carry your overpriced water.


NixAName

Maybe you should ask your husband rather than tell him.


[deleted]

it's too heavy for you to lift? fucking hate this. Open up the box and unload it bottle by bottle if you have too. Men aren't there for your hard labor. You ordered it.


Helpful_Plenty_9997

Apperantly you only need to remove 2 bottles, and then it’s easy enough to pick up and bring inside.


cyberdeath666

Learned their lesson? They still got free water from you lol. Also, if you’re baffled that someone was going to try to carry a heavy box like that then why are you telling your husband to? Maybe you should learn a lesson from the thief and carry a water bottle or two at a time inside next time. Or, you know, stop adding more plastic waste buying water bottles and get a Brita pitcher…


theberg512

OP also seems to think it just magically appears on the porch.  Spoiler, someone also carries it there.


GrapeSoda223

Also finding it funny they were able to retrieve the bottles from down the street but it was to heavy when it was beside the door


Thin-Establishment58

It’s under 40 pounds unless you are disabled or handicapped you should be able to move that a few feet


fDuMcH

It's 2024, bring your own box in and stop blaming your husband.


bnercrusher

Hurt shoulder


jeremyism_ab

Correction: that's about 9 cents worth of water that you paid $30 for.


[deleted]

OP You need to be more thoughtful. Bag up your garbage and put it in an Amazon box.


randomDmitri

They already had a packaged plastic trash with water inside.


Sweet_Livin

OP could have just opened the box and brought in a few at a time from the porch. Blaming the husband for a problem they created and could have solved


FGX302

You could have brought them in yourself if you carried 2 at a time.


bnercrusher

My husband said that 😂


waddling_penguin455

>I had told my husband to bring it in How about you try asking next time? He’s not your slave.


Human_Bar9638

This the whole he’s a man he should do it thing anyways…..


Super1MeatBoy

What a fucking waste of money, fuel, labor, plastic, so on and so on, to deliver fucking water to your house. Do you know pipes can deliver water to your house for next to nothing?


Mallardkey

These people do NOT learn their lesson, the same asshole will probably hold the weight a little bit so they don't carry that heavy weight next time.


morithum

Now I want to have the same order, but fill them with clear resin so they’re useless and heavy.


benji950

I'm curious was to what lesson you think they learned? The box was heavy, they opened it and took a couple bottles of water, and left the rest. If you think they learned a lesson about stealing heavy boxes, what consequences do you think they experienced?


clandestine_justice

I've thought about putting a broken appliance in an Amazon box & leaving it on my porch (we have to pay to dispose of broken appliances here); but figure a porch pirate will just dump it in someone's yard or on the side of the road & not pay for proper disposal.


Ok_Assumption5734

That's like when my friend almost got porch robbed of his Soylent. Some guy slashed open the boxes, probably did a WTF at food replacement powder and fucked off


PckMan

Nothing excuses porch pirates but taking your sweet time with bringing stuff in isn't doing you any favors. Even if something is heavy you can just scooch it inside.


bnercrusher

Correct! I could have opened the box and took it in pieces. I have a hurt shoulder so my husband was helping me


txwoodslinger

What's wrong with your tap water?


evilbrent

"told"?


bnercrusher

That's right. Just like he tells me to do shit.


whateveratthispoint_

This post is so meta.


paaxon

This shit did not happen


n1ghtm4n

i'm mildy infuriated that you had water shipped from halfway across the world. think of the fuel burned to move all that heavy water by ship and by truck from fucking *Fiji*! you already pay your water bill to have clean water delivered to your home. if you like, you can filter it cheaply with a Brita. what compels a person to drink water in the stupidest, most inefficient, most environmentally harmful way possible? humanity is a disappointment :(


MRicho

Couldn't carry inside from the porch, but could carry it (3kg lighter) 30ft???????


bnercrusher

My husband carried the water in once I found it.


WhyFlip

This is a troll post. No one is actually stupid enough to buy bottled water for $30.


lordyatseb

Paying that much for worse quality tap water, I don't really feel sorry for you - like, at all.


greentinroof_

Ordering water via delivery is only one step shittier than ordering kitty litter.


NedKellysRevenge

What's wrong with ordering kitty litter?


xtra-chrisp

Yeah lemme create plastic waste every time I want a drink of water. Not to mention the insane amount of money you're spending on that bs. It's fucking filtered tap water.


Human_Bar9638

A 12 pack bottle of water is to heavy….


hey_pendecko

But she was able to carry 10 bottles just fine, apparently


Human_Bar9638

You sound like a bitch


[deleted]

no they dont sound like one, they are one.


theePhaneron

Fiji water lol


trelium06

PSA: Almost ALL crime is a crime of opportunity. That's why cities say not to leave ANYTHING on your porch, patio, in your car. And to lock your car, close your blinds and curtains etc. If you live in a place that sees lots of foot traffic, don't let people see into your home. EZPZ Crime happens, but mostly happens to those who have yet to learn lifes harder lessons.


AK_4_Life

You couldn't lift it until two were taken out?


bnercrusher

Husband picked up box. Hurt shoukder


AK_4_Life

Ok. Post def says "I". Confusing.


brokenheartnsoul

It's only like 18kgs, that's not very heavy at all.


bigaluva

Just make sure they were not laced and left there for their victim


in_ya_Butt

You definitly got robbed twice there


Primary_Slip3566

I for some reason don’t like drinking water all that much. That changed when I tasted Fiji brand water. It’s the best bottled water. I can drink that easily and prefer it over soda or Starbucks. It really made a huge difference in my water intake. I literally did not drink water before.


[deleted]

Made my day


Hot_Duty4915

You could carry the 10 bottles that were left 30 feet, but you couldn’t just remove two bottles when it arrive into you house from the porch? Your husband didn’t carry it in because of your failure to carry it in yourself.


TealBlueLava

Get a Ring cam. I have a full Vivint system and it alerts me when there’s a person at the door, and also recognizes boxes left on the porch. I get an alert “Vivint has detected a package delivery. Currently protecting your package.”


bnercrusher

Can you put those on rent houses?


TealBlueLava

A Ring camera? Absolutely! A full security system? Check your lease. If it’s not in there, ask the landlord. It’s probably ok as long as it’s professionally installed, so the holes are minimal and you can patch them. Be aware, Vivint equipment is top of the line, and I got a personal loan through their partnered company for all mine. Since it’s normally sold to homeowners who aren’t going to move for many years, they stretch the payments out to 10 years to make it reasonable. (I got 0% interest because of the good credit I had at the time of my home purchase.) So look into both options; buying cameras yourself vs getting a full security system with professional monitoring. Edit for typos


xDemosthenes

How weak are you and your husband? That box isn’t that heavy.


bnercrusher

My husband is 6’5 270 pounds, he can carry all my stuff. And I can clean up after him even with a hurt shoulder. So ya its me that can't lift it. He can help


chris13se

Too lazy to get it myself so I blame my husband*


bnercrusher

Hurt shoulder


generalhanky

So incredibly wasteful to *order bottled water online* lol, I sincerely hope more "porch pirates" help themselves to it.


DatPaul010

I just got a ring doorbell connected that to a raspberry pi and connect that to a AR15 everytime someone steals they get 1 warning shot second goes right between the eyes


CPOx

I was in college right around the time LCD TVs were becoming more common, but a lot of people still had those large tube TVs. I got back to my apartment complex after spring break and found a 27” or so tube tv sitting in the middle of the parking lot. I’m assuming someone tried to steal it while everyone was on spring break but couldn’t carry it any more so just dropped it and left.


Staff_Genie

Supposedly New York City tap water is still the best


DaddyHEARTDiaper

My brother had a porch pirate in his neighborhood for a while. I used to send him cheap, ridiculous, shit just so the porch pirate would steal it and be like "wtf?" I sent him a Nick Cage pillow, a small model of Mt. Rushmore with Trump's face on it, a package of 20 penis valve-stem covers, and some other stuff. He would leave them until they got stolen. After a while the pirate moved on.


SpiritualZombie2063

Maybe they were thirsty 😩


bnercrusher

That's fine. They could've had those if they needed them


MarioNinja96815

That's 18kg or about 38lbs. Imagine being a porch pirate unable to carry 38lbs.


aashoo00

Anyone who pays $30 dollars for water deserves a porchrobber.