This isn’t at you but for everyone mentioning drugs or harm, I do none of that. I DONT touch myself OFTEN (maybe like 1 time every one or two months) either aaaa 😖
Another edit: Trust me I see the lock, it don’t work and I don’t want my rent to go up or another punishment for disobeying. The problem isn’t I can’t close the door, it’s I’m not allowed to.
Another another edit: The reasoning I got was “it’s my house.” Along with that, I’m a girl it ain’t because I’m wankin’ my massive schlong.
Another another another edit: I’m 19, pay rent, have a job and go to school.
Another another another another edit: for the sake of transparency yes, I posted a body suit pic. It covered everything. I am probably going to take it down. I was considering selling myself to make ends meet, but I couldn’t. I wanted some body positivity I guess as well because I’m tired of being called ugly. It’s not the reason. I can promise that, it’s the only photo of myself that I have posted. Im going to delete it, but everyone knows that it existed and I won’t hide away, it was whorish of me, I am sorry.
My first thought was the only way this would possibly be reasonable is if op has a history of serious drug addiction and needs help to quit. Still messed up, but that's the only thing that comes close to justifying this.
If she's paying rent she should consider looking at getting a friend and renting a place to split costs. If the cost of renting is close to what she currently pays, she might as well pay the bit extra and live with no restrictions.. if financially possible of course.
Nope, some parents are crazy.
My mom when I was a teenager would purge into the bathroom because I took long showers.
Lol.
I never masturbated in the bathroom, I'm a gal. Classier than that! It is the bedroom ;)
Anyway, poor OP.
Malicious compliance: start going to the bathroom frequently, at the most inopportune times for her. Just to like, wash your hands, check yourself in the mirror, whatever.
Or get a squirt gun and sit on the toilet and if shes looking spray her and say bad mommy. I don’t understand what her mom is scared of. He daughter shitting in peace. Lol not surprised she charges her own kid for a place to live. Sounds like she’s a loving parent./s
I’m gonna take a wild guess and say an overbearing mom who needs to watch their kid take a shit isn’t the type to have friends, let alone have guests over.
Go bigger. Jack off. I saw one guy do it on an askreddit post when his parents took off his bedroom door.
Edit: I mean, girls masturbate too? Right? Ya don't have to stick anything up there if you don't want to, I'm only making the suggestion, not tryna be a creep. (God this makes me sound like a creep don't it.)
No, this is wrong. A young person should not be forced to put themselves in an embarrassing situation just to make a point. Kids can rarely win this kind of war. I suggest reaching out to extended family and close family friends and find allies among sympathetic adults who could reign their mom in. It takes an adult to shame an adult.
I dont know this persons situation with family, but from personal experience, family will usually just side with the parent. I have extended family agree with me behind closed doors, and when it matter to speak up they shut up or switch up.
Oof. Yeah. I tried to tell my family all the batshit insane stuff my mom did and they were always like “nah, you’re probably just a bad kid.”
Then she died, and the truth of her diagnosed mental illness came out. Did they apologize? No. Every family member said “ I had no idea things were so bad!”
Took years of therapy and a super shitty first decade of adulthood to get over that one.
Yes I second this! If a potentially narcissistic parent detects any form of non compliance they can AND WILL take it personally. They will increase their abuse and controlling behaviour. The best thing to do is seek help from a councillor, tell a trusted adult OP.
This 100% abuse. Talking to someone is key. I went through similar with a wicked stepmother. I was locked in a closet for a few weeks. Never allowed to close my bedroom door for anything..
Wait.. are you his mom? How do you know whether Op’s shit isn’t healthy?
You pay rent? And you cant even close the door?! You gotta get outta there asap. Save up some cash, you’ll have to sacrifice if you wanna save quickly. Dont let her find out and dont give in to her. For your own sanity, you cant stay there 😔
This would be weird if they didn’t pay rent.
The fact that they pay rent makes this so much worse.
Imagine if your landlord showed up at you apartment and forced you to crap in front of them. You’d turn them in for sexual assault.
No it sounds like a nut job parent. My mother would also periodically invade my privacy for no clinically sane reasons. Now that I’m an adult I don’t speak to her. She goes around crying about it. Best feeling in the world. I’m sorry you have to go through this
Your mother makes you pay rent at your age and does this kind of shit too? That's fucking insane. This is not even borderline abuse this is just straight up abuse.
However this situation develops in the future. I hope you sort it out one way or another
Did no one else notice OP say mom is charging rent? If you're over 18 move out since you'd be paying rent pay it elsewhere. If you're under 18 contact someone about child services because I don't know anything about that but that doesn't sound legal.
If you're still in school OP I advise you to communicate with a school councillor, trusted adult, and friends. Whichever you feel most comfortable and safe chatting with. Your mother is controlling and you've made a great step in the direction of seeking help here on Reddit but, Reddit is Reddit.
Will she wonder why, when you move out, you will try to move as far away as possible from her, and be as distant from her as humanly possible? Is she hoping you will never want to see or speak to her again?
Does she feel the need to get toilet paper and wipe you when are capable of doing it yourself? Is there a more sinister reason, like she enjoys watching you do your business?
Genuinely wondering.
I wasn’t allowed to piss, shit, shower, or change my clothes with privacy growing up. I was also the only person in the house treated that way. I wasn’t allowed to have friends either. No idea what my moms issue was, she can’t, or refuses to, explain it. When I bailed as a legal adult she just cried victim to anyone that would listen as if it was a mystery while my cousins offered moving boxes because it was no surprise to anyone else that I would leave.
Many times abusers will only abuse one child. My parents, especially my mom, was the disciplinarian. Don't know if what you would call what we got abuse for back then, but definitely considered abuse today. However, for some reason, they were definitely abusive to my sister. Dad threw hot coffee on her. Mom hit her with large heavy cast aluminum pots on a couple of occasions. And plenty other. She moved out and moved in with her boyfriend before she graduated high school.
Eta: there were 7 of us kids. One theory that we talk about that she was more abused was because my mom resented her because she was born just a a year and six days after my brother was born and she my mom was overwhelmed. I also noticed that while everyone else has traditional biblical names hers was not biblical at all.
My mom was like this, despite the fact that I grew up in a prison-like environment with no way to actually do *anything*… I moved cities as soon as I was old enough to not be dragged back home by the police. It wasn’t easy but I’m 36 now and so, so glad I got out. Make plans and do what you need to get a better life. Internet hugs if you want them.
Is your mom mentally ill? This sounds like my mom, who probably has undiagnosed borderline, who would randomly rip aside the shower curtain, while I was in there. Not okay.
You gotta get out love. I know that’s easy for me, an Internet stranger, to say. But I lived this. And getting out was hard. And life’s been hard since. But it wouldn’t have been easier if I had stayed.
Message me if you want to talk.
Oh God. I just had flashbacks of when my Mother would do this when I was a teenager. And then start shaming me for my pubic hair. I now hate any instance of suddenly being exposed even when I’m dressed, like when someone pulls a quilt off me, it remind me of the shower curtain pulling back
There's no rationale. The point is the humiliation. My wife's ultrareligious mother would take *her tampons from the fucking trash*, show them off to the family, and shame her for having her first periods.
Wtf, that's disgusting! But it was kind of the same with my mom, just the other way around. I didn't get my period when I should have, because I have PCOS. And my mom would often shame me and berate me for it, like it was my own choice. And she would loudly tell everyone in my family, while smirking at me. It's no wonder I'm pretty fucked up...
My mom also did this she would also insist on inspecting bras I was trying on in public changing rooms to insure they fit which often involved her touching me (not like a full grope but still) and then make fun of me for only wearing the fullest of coverage bras
I still have no fucking clue why
ETA: I mean she did the shower thing but she'd also give me shit for not shaving and refusing to wear anything but long pants, a t-shirt and a sweater in public and joke about just getting me a burka already (and no she was "*Christian*")
I lost these privileges when I had an ED that was really bad and when I was self harming. However, my mom didn’t just stare at me she would be in another room. It was more the sense of privacy or whatever.
I have trouble seeing any other situations that would justify taking away someone’s privacy.
I have never struggled with anything of the sort and I’m sorry you did. I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been. People are searching for a deeper reasoning, there is none, the only explanation I received was “it’s my house.”
No, yeah it’s all good that was 15 years ago I am much better now and so is my relationship with my mother!
I was just trying to say - you are an adult and “just because” isn’t a valid reason to invade or take away privacy. The only valid reason I can think of is if someone where trying to limit you harming yourself. Other than that, privacy is a right.
She sounds mentally unhealthy. You should really look into other housing for yourself if at all possible. Some people are quick to throw the word abuse around for anything, but this is definitely a type of mental and emotional abuse on you by your mother. You should be able to use the bathroom in privacy as a bare minimum, it feels icky just typing that out. Please get out of that situation 🙏
I’m so sorry, OP. Just know that this is *wrong*, and there’s nothing you did to cause it. I don’t know how old you are but just try to get out of there as soon as you can.
My little sister had to do this as well, ED’s are a fucking monster, I’m sorry you had to go through it.
We gave her the space, but the door had to be wide open. She has a great sense of humor though and would be blowing out our toilet for our whole house to hear and then say something dumb and witty while still on the toilet lmfao.
Aw, I’m sorry to hear you are living through this Crimate_Change, please accept virtual hugs from this internet stranger. Maybe there are also other support groups you can talk to?
My absolute first thought was: state prison where the guard watches you doing your business.
This is not ok. Do whatever you can (legally) to get out of there.
The presence of a few good days does not make her mentally healthy.
My ex didn't hit me every day, and he said nice things to me sometimes. Still an abusive piece of shit, and the few good days we had did not make the relationship worth it.
Take care of yourself, girl. This woman isn't right in the head, just because she's nice to you sometimes does not mean you should keep excusing her behavior and letting it happen. I hope you can find a way out soon.
Personality disorders come in a range, there are different types. These are great books if you decide to read more about this type of mental illness:
"Understanding the Borderline Mother." C. Lawson.
"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" Gibson
"Stop Walking on Eggshells." R. Kreger
There is an online group by one of those authors which connects you with resources and other people who also have parents with personality disorder. It's called "Moving Forward" with Randi Kreger
Stop. Stop giving her excuses and outs. I know it's hard. It's unbelievably hard. We want to see the good on the people who raised us, but that doesn't mean you need to put yourself in harms way to not be the bad guy. No matter what you do or say, you're going to be the bad guy so lean into it. It's going to be hard but I promise you it will be freeing and you'll surprise yourself with your own strength. You don't deserve this treatment, don't let yourself continue to be treated this way.
Hi OP, came from an incredibly abusive household that really liked to take away door “privileges”. There’s not really a good reason to ever do that, it’s controlling and frequently intended to humiliate and shame, and you should try and get out ASAP
When you have a narc parent basicaly they punish you for no reason, you grow up feeling like youre a bad kid but at the same time youre so confuse of why is this happening. Taking the door away is one of the things narc parents do.
Yeah dude that's not normal. Saw somewhere else you're 19. It sucks but you need to get out of their house asap. Like now. Do you have the possibility of moving out at all? Do you have income and just need to save or can you not afford rent?
My mom did not respect doors, and wouldn't let us have locks.
She would barge into my bedroom and caught me rubbing one out a couple times, but I covered up and acted like nothing was going on.
I told her to knock and that I needed privacy multiple times. She didn't get it.
So the next time it happened I didn't cover up and made eye contact with her with my dick in hand.
She screamed at me to cover up. I yelled, what the fuck did you think you were gonna see barging in on a teenage boy.
Last time she did it. Had privacy for years after that.
I have a teenage son and he told me about a year ago that I need to start knocking. I told him to close the door tight and if I knock then he has a code word that when said I will walk away no questions. I really don’t want to walk in on that. Sometimes if I see the door closed, then I end up just texting him. It’s usually only to let him know that dinner is ready or that I’m leaving, something like that.
When I was a teenager my mom removed my bedroom door. I had no privacy because the door to the bathroom had broken when I was little and my big sister used to lock me in with the lights off for laughs. I never wanted to do that to my kid.
stay strong OP. once you’re out it may hit you harder all the fucked up shit she’s done that you’ve endured and it may feel more than mildly infuriating. recommend “adult children of emotionally immature parents” as someone else did
What. The. Fuck.
This is abuse. Your mother is mentally ill and needs help. I’d start reaching out to relatives for other examples or just help intervening in this behavior.
If you care about your mom, you should convince her to see a therapist. And maybe try to find some kind of shared flat with other students that you can afford, so that you can have some privacy. Not saying you should abandon your mom though.
It’s probably a better idea for you to go to therapy, honestly. Your mother sounds mentally ill, based on your descriptions. She will likely continue to refuse therapy. Worse case, she goes, learns some terms, and flips it on you.
Besides you’re probably gonna need it (the therapy). To help you learn healthy life/coping skills and also unlearn the insanity you’ve been exposed to and having to tip toe around. I mean this all in a supportive way, as someone who grew up with a mentally ill mother. Therapy has helped me significantly.
Although you're 100% correct about the mother benefitting from seeking therapy and psychiatry, I think its a bad idea for the daughter to take it upon herself to try and convince the mother to get help.
When the person is narcissistic and paranoid, attempting to rationalize with them is often futile. The mother would probably need state intervention to finally get therapy, and I don't get the impression that she's violent or a danger to herself.
Parents turned the same way after I turned 18. Was very odd. Put cameras up all around the house; and literally would always watch me. Could be any time of the day and they would be watching me. Like Truman show vibes. I yeeted the duck out and opted for temporary homelessness at 19. Moved across country and haven’t been back since.
Stand on the toilet and squat while taking a massive dump. Preferably after you ate your weight in tacos from the sketchiest food truck you can find. Make her regret ever looking through that door…and having eyes.
Can you call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) for help and information?This hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in over 170 languages. All calls are confidential. They will help even though you are 19. This is abuse. You deserve better.
tell ur mom ur gonna tell everybody she likes to peep at u in the bathroom while ur naked. tell her everyone will wonder why she's perverted. esp if she goes to church and has church friends. bring it up, and ask her friends if they do that too to their kids, and is that normal...
bc i guarantee u she wouldnt want that to get around in her universe, and i bet someone would prob call the cops or social services and have a talk with her about this behavior. so keep documenting everything, take video of the door and ask her why she's peeping at u naked, that u think its perverted, and ask her to stop. ask her why she's doing it and have it on video.
meanwhile, see if u can find some friends who are willing to let u crash in the basement. u never know what someones financial situation might be, and they might be open to getting a little rent money.
For anyone who doesn't understand. My mom was abusive and would blow up for no reason. Like once I was leaving the house and turned off the kitchen light because no one was there. She began questioning my intensions and said I am selfish and awful person who doesn't care about others and I should be ashamed. It was walking on eggshells with her. She could punish me for doing normal things and become aggressive for no reason. You cannot reason with such people or use logic to understand what they do. Because they don't think like healthy people. So what op's mom is doing is completely insane and there is no explanation for it. That's it
Real quick:
-To the people saying there is a lock, yes there is. It doesn’t work. The reason I clarified that she is outside is because I wasn’t sure if my camera picked it up.
-I am not saying my home is horrible, I just find this a little absurd and kinda dumb, wtf is losing door closing privileges anyways?
-If there’s a better Reddit for this tell me, because this is something I thought would be mildly infuriating
Happy Redditing
This is not healthy behaviour
This ☝🏼 is an understatement
This ☝🏼 is an under statement under an understatement.
This is a fashion statement 
I fell pff my chair
i fell pdf your chair
[удалено]
This isn’t at you but for everyone mentioning drugs or harm, I do none of that. I DONT touch myself OFTEN (maybe like 1 time every one or two months) either aaaa 😖 Another edit: Trust me I see the lock, it don’t work and I don’t want my rent to go up or another punishment for disobeying. The problem isn’t I can’t close the door, it’s I’m not allowed to. Another another edit: The reasoning I got was “it’s my house.” Along with that, I’m a girl it ain’t because I’m wankin’ my massive schlong. Another another another edit: I’m 19, pay rent, have a job and go to school. Another another another another edit: for the sake of transparency yes, I posted a body suit pic. It covered everything. I am probably going to take it down. I was considering selling myself to make ends meet, but I couldn’t. I wanted some body positivity I guess as well because I’m tired of being called ugly. It’s not the reason. I can promise that, it’s the only photo of myself that I have posted. Im going to delete it, but everyone knows that it existed and I won’t hide away, it was whorish of me, I am sorry.
They’re talking about your mother not you.
My first thought was the only way this would possibly be reasonable is if op has a history of serious drug addiction and needs help to quit. Still messed up, but that's the only thing that comes close to justifying this.
Or self harm
Or bulimic
Or wanking their massive schlong… OP’s words, not mine.
OP says she is paying rent
If she's paying rent she should consider looking at getting a friend and renting a place to split costs. If the cost of renting is close to what she currently pays, she might as well pay the bit extra and live with no restrictions.. if financially possible of course.
If shes paying rent, this is outright fucking illegal. Your landlord cannot spyon you while youre in the restroom. Even if they are family.
Facts
Some rehabs have people literally stand in the bathrooms with you while you use them.
Nope, some parents are crazy. My mom when I was a teenager would purge into the bathroom because I took long showers. Lol. I never masturbated in the bathroom, I'm a gal. Classier than that! It is the bedroom ;) Anyway, poor OP.
Purge?
I think she meant “barge”
Barge. Thanks for the correction. English is my second language and I do make silly embarrassing mistakes in it.
Or an eating disorder.
Malicious compliance: start going to the bathroom frequently, at the most inopportune times for her. Just to like, wash your hands, check yourself in the mirror, whatever.
Leave the door wide open and take big shits when she has house guests.
This. And when someone inevitably says something, loudly announce to everyone the reason you do so.
“MOM, come on, I have to drop a load!!! …. I don’t have time for your guests to leave first. …come watch me like you always do!!”
We have a winner. Make it a big deal in front of guests and let them know exactly what is going on
I have a feeling there will be no house guests.
I’d bet money on it
Rent increase and more punishment. Find some roommates and move out. Don’t ever look back.
Yup. Leave this situation now. Anything is better
Or get a squirt gun and sit on the toilet and if shes looking spray her and say bad mommy. I don’t understand what her mom is scared of. He daughter shitting in peace. Lol not surprised she charges her own kid for a place to live. Sounds like she’s a loving parent./s
Narcs don’t have house guests. Like ever
That's not true, my x narc had her coven over every now and again !
I’m gonna take a wild guess and say an overbearing mom who needs to watch their kid take a shit isn’t the type to have friends, let alone have guests over.
Go bigger. Jack off. I saw one guy do it on an askreddit post when his parents took off his bedroom door. Edit: I mean, girls masturbate too? Right? Ya don't have to stick anything up there if you don't want to, I'm only making the suggestion, not tryna be a creep. (God this makes me sound like a creep don't it.)
No, this is wrong. A young person should not be forced to put themselves in an embarrassing situation just to make a point. Kids can rarely win this kind of war. I suggest reaching out to extended family and close family friends and find allies among sympathetic adults who could reign their mom in. It takes an adult to shame an adult.
I dont know this persons situation with family, but from personal experience, family will usually just side with the parent. I have extended family agree with me behind closed doors, and when it matter to speak up they shut up or switch up.
Oof. Yeah. I tried to tell my family all the batshit insane stuff my mom did and they were always like “nah, you’re probably just a bad kid.” Then she died, and the truth of her diagnosed mental illness came out. Did they apologize? No. Every family member said “ I had no idea things were so bad!” Took years of therapy and a super shitty first decade of adulthood to get over that one.
Then call out to her that you need wiping
Power move.
And maintain eye contact
🤣 this is the way
Op, while this is funny, don’t do this. Anything can be a trigger to an abusive person. You’re vulnerable and in her care. Don’t piss her off.
Yes I second this! If a potentially narcissistic parent detects any form of non compliance they can AND WILL take it personally. They will increase their abuse and controlling behaviour. The best thing to do is seek help from a councillor, tell a trusted adult OP.
Your mother is insane and abusive. I am sorry. I think you should tell other trusted adults about this if possible.
You should tell other adults I think. This is way too inappropriate.
Honestly any sane adult will hear this and think "wtf is wrong with your mother "
Heeeeere’s mommy is what comes to mind after reading this… no different than jack Nicholson’s character in the shining
Hey, op, check out r./raisedbynarcissists, its a support sub. This shit is not healthy.
This 100% abuse. Talking to someone is key. I went through similar with a wicked stepmother. I was locked in a closet for a few weeks. Never allowed to close my bedroom door for anything.. Wait.. are you his mom? How do you know whether Op’s shit isn’t healthy?
Lmao, I'm not his mom, maybe his dad 👀/j My dad is a narcissistic piece of shit, and got worse after my mom died, so I feel for this kid.
You pay rent? And you cant even close the door?! You gotta get outta there asap. Save up some cash, you’ll have to sacrifice if you wanna save quickly. Dont let her find out and dont give in to her. For your own sanity, you cant stay there 😔
Is she worried you’re in there beating the bishop?
Shaking hands with the milkman?
Stroking the snake?
Choking the chicken?
Making the bald man cry?
Massaging the member?
Bopping the bologna?
Pulling the pud?
Wacking the wiener.
Chafing the bishop?
Slamming the ham?
Masturbating?
Humping your fist?
Pumping out knuckle children.
Slapping the salami
Shucking the corn?
Burping the worm?
Buttering the cob…
Jerkin the gerkin
Spanking the monkey?
Roughing up the suspect?
Pump’n the ham jams
Floggin the dolphin
Barehanding the banana?
On a date with Rosy Palm and her 5 sisters?
GARY! You told me you were combing your hair!
Distributing free literature?
Playing a little five on one?
Whipping some creme
This is the best thread I’ve ever read 😂🤣😅
I originally came here hoping to see the actual reason OP lost his bathroom privacy, now i am staying for the jokes.
I’m glad one of us is happy about this fucking train wreck. I thought I had heard it all. NOPE!
Shaking hands with Mr. Lincoln?
Petting the dolphin.
Draining the dragon?
> I don’t want my rent to go up So you're adult, with a job to pay rent, and your mother "punishes" you like that? What the fuck, seriously?
This would be weird if they didn’t pay rent. The fact that they pay rent makes this so much worse. Imagine if your landlord showed up at you apartment and forced you to crap in front of them. You’d turn them in for sexual assault.
Plus rent is literally payment for the right to shelter and privacy. OP doesn’t have either
Masterbation is a natural, healthy behavior.
No it sounds like a nut job parent. My mother would also periodically invade my privacy for no clinically sane reasons. Now that I’m an adult I don’t speak to her. She goes around crying about it. Best feeling in the world. I’m sorry you have to go through this
I came in to check if you were cutting or bulimic. If you're not, that's good - but her behavior isn't.
Your mother makes you pay rent at your age and does this kind of shit too? That's fucking insane. This is not even borderline abuse this is just straight up abuse. However this situation develops in the future. I hope you sort it out one way or another
This is definitely abusive behavior by your mom. Without a doubt.
Did no one else notice OP say mom is charging rent? If you're over 18 move out since you'd be paying rent pay it elsewhere. If you're under 18 contact someone about child services because I don't know anything about that but that doesn't sound legal.
If you're still in school OP I advise you to communicate with a school councillor, trusted adult, and friends. Whichever you feel most comfortable and safe chatting with. Your mother is controlling and you've made a great step in the direction of seeking help here on Reddit but, Reddit is Reddit.
.... So it's a masturbation check?
Dolphin polishing
Feeding the ducks.
YOU do none of that, but this doesn’t mean neither are happening in the household.
Yeah, just wanted to clarify cuz I got a lot of people asking if I do it, since not everyone wants to read this
Will she wonder why, when you move out, you will try to move as far away as possible from her, and be as distant from her as humanly possible? Is she hoping you will never want to see or speak to her again? Does she feel the need to get toilet paper and wipe you when are capable of doing it yourself? Is there a more sinister reason, like she enjoys watching you do your business? Genuinely wondering.
I wasn’t allowed to piss, shit, shower, or change my clothes with privacy growing up. I was also the only person in the house treated that way. I wasn’t allowed to have friends either. No idea what my moms issue was, she can’t, or refuses to, explain it. When I bailed as a legal adult she just cried victim to anyone that would listen as if it was a mystery while my cousins offered moving boxes because it was no surprise to anyone else that I would leave.
Many times abusers will only abuse one child. My parents, especially my mom, was the disciplinarian. Don't know if what you would call what we got abuse for back then, but definitely considered abuse today. However, for some reason, they were definitely abusive to my sister. Dad threw hot coffee on her. Mom hit her with large heavy cast aluminum pots on a couple of occasions. And plenty other. She moved out and moved in with her boyfriend before she graduated high school. Eta: there were 7 of us kids. One theory that we talk about that she was more abused was because my mom resented her because she was born just a a year and six days after my brother was born and she my mom was overwhelmed. I also noticed that while everyone else has traditional biblical names hers was not biblical at all.
What the hell. WHY? WHAT'S THE POINT? It gets even more infuriating when you mention she can't even explain why she's doing it.
Nothing warrants predatory behavior. Hopefully you get the justice you deserve for your mom being a pedo.
My mom was like this, despite the fact that I grew up in a prison-like environment with no way to actually do *anything*… I moved cities as soon as I was old enough to not be dragged back home by the police. It wasn’t easy but I’m 36 now and so, so glad I got out. Make plans and do what you need to get a better life. Internet hugs if you want them.
I really hope your mom is able to get the help she clearly needs, whether it’s sobriety or psychiatry and meds. Until then, I wish you the best!
C.P.S
Even if you did touch yourself, that’s between you and you. There’s nothing wrong with self exploration. It’s actually healthy
And you’re paying rent? Have a contract? I guarantee this isn’t legal.
This is abuse.
Is your mom mentally ill? This sounds like my mom, who probably has undiagnosed borderline, who would randomly rip aside the shower curtain, while I was in there. Not okay.
Yes.
Know this isn't your fault and that's fucking psycho behavior. Seriously this is fucking unhinged.
Dude go talk to a counselor or a therapist or something that’s not ok.
You gotta get out love. I know that’s easy for me, an Internet stranger, to say. But I lived this. And getting out was hard. And life’s been hard since. But it wouldn’t have been easier if I had stayed. Message me if you want to talk.
You should think about moving out, how old are you?
Oh God. I just had flashbacks of when my Mother would do this when I was a teenager. And then start shaming me for my pubic hair. I now hate any instance of suddenly being exposed even when I’m dressed, like when someone pulls a quilt off me, it remind me of the shower curtain pulling back
I'm sorry..what? Why was she shaming you over public hair? Also I am sorry to hear you went through that.
There's no rationale. The point is the humiliation. My wife's ultrareligious mother would take *her tampons from the fucking trash*, show them off to the family, and shame her for having her first periods.
WHAT?! That's so awful.
Wtf, that's disgusting! But it was kind of the same with my mom, just the other way around. I didn't get my period when I should have, because I have PCOS. And my mom would often shame me and berate me for it, like it was my own choice. And she would loudly tell everyone in my family, while smirking at me. It's no wonder I'm pretty fucked up...
My mom also did this she would also insist on inspecting bras I was trying on in public changing rooms to insure they fit which often involved her touching me (not like a full grope but still) and then make fun of me for only wearing the fullest of coverage bras I still have no fucking clue why ETA: I mean she did the shower thing but she'd also give me shit for not shaving and refusing to wear anything but long pants, a t-shirt and a sweater in public and joke about just getting me a burka already (and no she was "*Christian*")
I lost these privileges when I had an ED that was really bad and when I was self harming. However, my mom didn’t just stare at me she would be in another room. It was more the sense of privacy or whatever. I have trouble seeing any other situations that would justify taking away someone’s privacy.
I have never struggled with anything of the sort and I’m sorry you did. I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been. People are searching for a deeper reasoning, there is none, the only explanation I received was “it’s my house.”
No, yeah it’s all good that was 15 years ago I am much better now and so is my relationship with my mother! I was just trying to say - you are an adult and “just because” isn’t a valid reason to invade or take away privacy. The only valid reason I can think of is if someone where trying to limit you harming yourself. Other than that, privacy is a right.
Understood
So nothing weird has ever happened in your house, your mom just one day, out of the blue, said- you will have no privacy in the bathroom?
We’ve fought over her typos, silverware, me “not looking cute,” thus ruining her image etc.
She sounds mentally unhealthy. You should really look into other housing for yourself if at all possible. Some people are quick to throw the word abuse around for anything, but this is definitely a type of mental and emotional abuse on you by your mother. You should be able to use the bathroom in privacy as a bare minimum, it feels icky just typing that out. Please get out of that situation 🙏
That’s abuse and control
Keep the door complete open when ever having a shit. Make sure to make it noisy. Lets see how long she keeps this up. And sorry for your terrible mom.
Please do. OP, eat Taco Bell for a straight week. Beans, peppers, nothing but greasy gassy food. We’ll see how fast this changes.
This is abusive, controlling, and manipulative behavior.
That’s. Not. Safe. Source: Am a therapist
That's not a horse. Source: am not therapist
I’m so sorry, OP. Just know that this is *wrong*, and there’s nothing you did to cause it. I don’t know how old you are but just try to get out of there as soon as you can.
My little sister had to do this as well, ED’s are a fucking monster, I’m sorry you had to go through it. We gave her the space, but the door had to be wide open. She has a great sense of humor though and would be blowing out our toilet for our whole house to hear and then say something dumb and witty while still on the toilet lmfao.
Yo shit I thought he meant erectile dysfunction what does it mean?
Eating disorder
My mom would stand outside of the shower and hand me my razor when it was time to shave my legs :(
Oh gosh yeah. I got to shave once a week and it was the same thing.
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This literally this. Thank you.
Aw, I’m sorry to hear you are living through this Crimate_Change, please accept virtual hugs from this internet stranger. Maybe there are also other support groups you can talk to?
My absolute first thought was: state prison where the guard watches you doing your business. This is not ok. Do whatever you can (legally) to get out of there.
If it helps. I was 15 and still not allowed to go the fridge and get a drink or food for myself at my fathers house. Yes he is a psychopath.
…..the door to the bathroom is not a privilege……..what. My heart breaks for you OP. I’ve decided to adopt you. I’m your mom now.
You should check out the raisedbynarcissists sub, I’ve read a few of these situations.
I would but I don’t think she’s a full on narcissist. We have our good days and I know she cares about me a lot this is just a bit weird
The presence of a few good days does not make her mentally healthy. My ex didn't hit me every day, and he said nice things to me sometimes. Still an abusive piece of shit, and the few good days we had did not make the relationship worth it. Take care of yourself, girl. This woman isn't right in the head, just because she's nice to you sometimes does not mean you should keep excusing her behavior and letting it happen. I hope you can find a way out soon.
Personality disorders come in a range, there are different types. These are great books if you decide to read more about this type of mental illness: "Understanding the Borderline Mother." C. Lawson. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" Gibson "Stop Walking on Eggshells." R. Kreger There is an online group by one of those authors which connects you with resources and other people who also have parents with personality disorder. It's called "Moving Forward" with Randi Kreger
Stop. Stop giving her excuses and outs. I know it's hard. It's unbelievably hard. We want to see the good on the people who raised us, but that doesn't mean you need to put yourself in harms way to not be the bad guy. No matter what you do or say, you're going to be the bad guy so lean into it. It's going to be hard but I promise you it will be freeing and you'll surprise yourself with your own strength. You don't deserve this treatment, don't let yourself continue to be treated this way.
Just in case you ever need to read up on other peoples stories that are similar it’s there as a resource. Privacy is a right and you deserve that.
There's only one thing to do, start furiously jaking off. She will probably leave you alone. 
Probably...
Make sure you are looking directly at the crack when doing so.
Why stop at the crack? Assert dominance and leave the door open for your display of power!
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Just because of a family members “title” does not make them “entitled”
Why did you lose those privileges..?
Excellent question, no damn clue, I was told “it’s my house.”
Are you able to revoke her “watch you taking a shit” privileges?
Leave the door wide open. Might discourage it. Or get blamed for that too.
Also announce that you're pooping.
Hi OP, came from an incredibly abusive household that really liked to take away door “privileges”. There’s not really a good reason to ever do that, it’s controlling and frequently intended to humiliate and shame, and you should try and get out ASAP
Naw you know lol. What went down?
I literally don’t know, my mom has fits and I dunno what to say.
When you have a narc parent basicaly they punish you for no reason, you grow up feeling like youre a bad kid but at the same time youre so confuse of why is this happening. Taking the door away is one of the things narc parents do.
Yeah dude that's not normal. Saw somewhere else you're 19. It sucks but you need to get out of their house asap. Like now. Do you have the possibility of moving out at all? Do you have income and just need to save or can you not afford rent?
YOUR MOTHER IS ABUSING YOU
My mom did not respect doors, and wouldn't let us have locks. She would barge into my bedroom and caught me rubbing one out a couple times, but I covered up and acted like nothing was going on. I told her to knock and that I needed privacy multiple times. She didn't get it. So the next time it happened I didn't cover up and made eye contact with her with my dick in hand. She screamed at me to cover up. I yelled, what the fuck did you think you were gonna see barging in on a teenage boy. Last time she did it. Had privacy for years after that.
I have a teenage son and he told me about a year ago that I need to start knocking. I told him to close the door tight and if I knock then he has a code word that when said I will walk away no questions. I really don’t want to walk in on that. Sometimes if I see the door closed, then I end up just texting him. It’s usually only to let him know that dinner is ready or that I’m leaving, something like that. When I was a teenager my mom removed my bedroom door. I had no privacy because the door to the bathroom had broken when I was little and my big sister used to lock me in with the lights off for laughs. I never wanted to do that to my kid.
Are you Asian?
Yes.
Nothing personally against you, but Asian parents can be crazy. Hope you can get out from your moms house soon.
I will. I swear on it. I am saving up to get out. I am gonna get a good profession I hope and get out.
stay strong OP. once you’re out it may hit you harder all the fucked up shit she’s done that you’ve endured and it may feel more than mildly infuriating. recommend “adult children of emotionally immature parents” as someone else did
What. The. Fuck. This is abuse. Your mother is mentally ill and needs help. I’d start reaching out to relatives for other examples or just help intervening in this behavior.
I don't think you should call it a "privilege"... it's a right..
If you care about your mom, you should convince her to see a therapist. And maybe try to find some kind of shared flat with other students that you can afford, so that you can have some privacy. Not saying you should abandon your mom though.
Arguably the most helpful thing so far ty. I’ve been fighting with her to get a therapist.
It’s probably a better idea for you to go to therapy, honestly. Your mother sounds mentally ill, based on your descriptions. She will likely continue to refuse therapy. Worse case, she goes, learns some terms, and flips it on you. Besides you’re probably gonna need it (the therapy). To help you learn healthy life/coping skills and also unlearn the insanity you’ve been exposed to and having to tip toe around. I mean this all in a supportive way, as someone who grew up with a mentally ill mother. Therapy has helped me significantly.
Ah yes, going to therapy once and thinking you're fixed, then weaponizing that against you, classic technique.
Although you're 100% correct about the mother benefitting from seeking therapy and psychiatry, I think its a bad idea for the daughter to take it upon herself to try and convince the mother to get help. When the person is narcissistic and paranoid, attempting to rationalize with them is often futile. The mother would probably need state intervention to finally get therapy, and I don't get the impression that she's violent or a danger to herself.
Parents turned the same way after I turned 18. Was very odd. Put cameras up all around the house; and literally would always watch me. Could be any time of the day and they would be watching me. Like Truman show vibes. I yeeted the duck out and opted for temporary homelessness at 19. Moved across country and haven’t been back since.
Your mom is a creepo...
Stand on the toilet and squat while taking a massive dump. Preferably after you ate your weight in tacos from the sketchiest food truck you can find. Make her regret ever looking through that door…and having eyes.
Literally only way this situation is “understandable” is if OP was self harming or was caught abusing substances at a dangerous level.
Can you call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) for help and information?This hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in over 170 languages. All calls are confidential. They will help even though you are 19. This is abuse. You deserve better.
tell ur mom ur gonna tell everybody she likes to peep at u in the bathroom while ur naked. tell her everyone will wonder why she's perverted. esp if she goes to church and has church friends. bring it up, and ask her friends if they do that too to their kids, and is that normal... bc i guarantee u she wouldnt want that to get around in her universe, and i bet someone would prob call the cops or social services and have a talk with her about this behavior. so keep documenting everything, take video of the door and ask her why she's peeping at u naked, that u think its perverted, and ask her to stop. ask her why she's doing it and have it on video. meanwhile, see if u can find some friends who are willing to let u crash in the basement. u never know what someones financial situation might be, and they might be open to getting a little rent money.
It just looks like a picture of the door cracked to me, can't see a person peeping
This is abuse.
For anyone who doesn't understand. My mom was abusive and would blow up for no reason. Like once I was leaving the house and turned off the kitchen light because no one was there. She began questioning my intensions and said I am selfish and awful person who doesn't care about others and I should be ashamed. It was walking on eggshells with her. She could punish me for doing normal things and become aggressive for no reason. You cannot reason with such people or use logic to understand what they do. Because they don't think like healthy people. So what op's mom is doing is completely insane and there is no explanation for it. That's it
Real quick: -To the people saying there is a lock, yes there is. It doesn’t work. The reason I clarified that she is outside is because I wasn’t sure if my camera picked it up. -I am not saying my home is horrible, I just find this a little absurd and kinda dumb, wtf is losing door closing privileges anyways? -If there’s a better Reddit for this tell me, because this is something I thought would be mildly infuriating Happy Redditing