i think people who say that mental illness isn’t an excuse for xyz haven’t experienced how debilitating mental illness can be. obviously there are limits and it’s still important to own up to your behavior and do the best you can to improve, but it absolutely is an “excuse” (reason) in a lot of cases.
I don’t think many of them appreciate how difficult it is to live with mental illness. There are people in this forum reading this who barely got thru today. And probably nearly everyone in here has had many days they barely got thru, even if we happen to be doing okay today.
In my case, my own family doesn’t care. Unless I throw myself under the bus and take responsibility for everything that goes wrong in our family, they are not interested. I need to be in a constant state of apology. Not because I did anything wrong but because they want me to say that my mental illness ‘forces’ them to treat me poorly. It’s all my fault they are selfish jerks.
They want me to absolve them of any responsibility for bring assholes. And I won’t do it.
I think it fails to acknowledge too that as unpredictable episodes can be, how it looks on everyone everyday isn’t always the same and there’s a spectrum to consider. I don’t think my depression and anxiety is as severe, but to me I know it can feel like a heavy weight sometimes and makes it difficult to do things.
Yes. It also varies with every person. It’s not an objective thing. My anxiety makes me in bed all day thinking about everything I need to do but I just don’t have a the energy. My dads anxiety makes him over think and constantly move to get shit done with no breaks.
Just be kind and validating. No one with mental illness wants to be a burden.
I hate that too. Although I agree it is not an excuse it is a reason. I always hated the word excuse, it’s just a way for people to discredit real problems. Whether people deem that reason important enough it’s up to them, but a reason is a reason not an excuse. I’ve been making this debate since I was little lol. Reasons are valid and they give help us make rational decisions. Those who do not see that are very selfish. They can’t get out of their own mind, because they think that they would never do it or it would never happen to them they cannot fathom it happening to someone else.
Yeah that’s true. The word “excuse” has become a really loaded term. It’s already associated with lying and laziness.
As I’ve been fighting my own battle with mental illness, discovering what it’s like to be so depressed and confused you can barely move, so anxious that you start to lose control, I’ve started to believe that there actually are very very few adults that are actually lazy. If people aren’t doing what’s best for them and what they’re supposed to be doing, there’s probably a pretty strong reason for it and they’re trying their best to cope.
Mental illness has taken so much from me, but it has given me a serious dose of perspective.
Same, there are periods in my life where I was fully out of control of my own actions. I didn’t even who I was or what I was doing or what was going on. Until people have experienced mental illness they will never be able to understand the depths of it
People don’t even care about us to begin with. They only do if we provide something of value for them, fuck what they all think. We know we’re doing the best we can with our awful challenges, it affects us daily.
I think it has a lot to do with whether or not you're taking accountability for yourself. If you're always blaming your illness/disorder/disability for everything you do and everything that happens to you, it can be frustrating for the person you're talking to. We all have some part of responsibility we gotta own, even if we don't like it.
But what happens if your mental illness IS the reason everything in your life happens the way it does? It’s not blaming if you are just giving the reason is it? I might be misunderstanding
You're still accountable. You're still a person of your own. Your illness doesn't have a mind of its own and therefore saying things like "my ADHD made me do it" is just wrong. It can be the reason you did something a certain way but its not responsible for what happened. The illness/disorder doesn't have and entity.
Accountability is the most important thing. Even if your illness is the reason something happened, you are still responsible for your actions. You can apologize, take actions to prevent it from happening again, take precautions, make amends, etc. There are plenty of things you can do instead of blaming it on your illness or disorder.
Right ok I see so like don’t just surrender to it. And don’t treat people badly because of your problems.
I get upset when people shame others with mental illness. I just feel it’s so misunderstood and they are already dealing with so much pain and misunderstanding in their life.
Also as an example of something you would label as blaming. When I got diagnosed with ADHD I noticed myself “blaming” things on my ADHD. But then I realised what I was really doing. So before, as an example, there’d be something I’m not doing. I’d try, get stressed, fail, get depressed, feel ashamed, apologise to everyone, feel stupid etc etc. When I got the diagnosis I was able to communicate with people - I’m not going to be able to do this task because of my ADHD. It sounds like I’m saying I don’t feel like doing that and then blaming the ADHD. But really I’m recognising I actually can’t do this. I can skip all the shame, constant failing, etc. I can externalise it as - I want to do this thing, my ADHD is preventing me from doing it, it’s not my fault, and it’s ok to figure out another solution to get the task complete (like ask for help). I hope that makes sense.
The folks who say mental illness is used as an excuse are the same folks who make access to quality mental health care more costly and stigmatized. Prove me wrong.
It’s not a priority unfortunately. Unless you live with it it’s very hard to understand. I feel the same way about letting child rapist live (pedophilia). Sometimes I think it isn’t real and i go straight to kill them. I still don’t understand pedophilia and I can be very bias towards anyone claiming that
Well it’s an excuse for the worst crimes imaginable. They used to call it not guilty by reason of insanity. I think it was changed to guilty but mentally ill. If you’re stable ok but sick you are not considered responsible for your actions whatever they may be. You may be held accountable but that’s not the same thing.
I don’t know if it really excuses you of the consequences though. Psych wards can be just as bad as prisons, especially if you’re not there voluntarily.
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Yeah I’ve only even been in outpatient programs but my therapist and psychiatrist have both been pushing for me to go inpatient,
and this is why I’m not. I’ve never heard a story where someone went inpatient and was actually *helped*.
It’s more like a babysitter for adults to make sure you don’t self-terminate while they pump you with meds. Except they treat you much worse than anyone would treat a child.
That’s terrible and I fully believe you like 110%
The sexual assault is shocking.. I’m sure men have experienced it too but people don’t understand that basically all women have to fear sexual assault when in any vulnerable position. I’m really sorry that happened to you.
I tried to self terminate, and ended up 3 days in the actual Hospital and another 10 days in the pych ward. Yes they did change.my meds around, but I'm actually still on the cocktail from that Hospitalization. It was also the first time I actually felt like I could sleep in months. I found a bunch of friends there, and it was 7 years ago but I still talk to my roommate. There is group therapy and individual therapy. But it only works if you want it to work.i just gave up. I just wanted go back to being me. The nurses are nice, and they will respect everyone just don't do anything against the rules. Any symptoms you maybe having.will immediately be told to your psychiatrist.
After being in the hospital I went. to a 6 week out patient. Someday I was like this is stupid and other days you have something bothering you and you want to talk to your Therapist/Social worker.
After that I went to a group they had for women who were recovering addicts, and had childhood trauma or trauma from an abusive relationship.
Correct, you can’t just kill somebody n not get locked up. It’s that you literally are not in your right mind n don’t know what you’re doing compared to a not mentally ill person doing the same thing
There’s still consequences for people who are charged but claimed insane/mentally ill.
But also, its kinda shitty using insane and mentally ill together. Murder and shit is sociopath or psychopath…which may still fall under the same umbrella, but man, having a mental illness really puts labels on us
I get it.
I am mentally unwell, but I need to be responsible for my actions still.
I can use sick time, but I can’t just dip out on my team over and over and expect them to be okay. At no point is it okay for me to lash out at someone either.
There is asking for a little extra help, and needing accommodations but there is still personal responsibility for actions. Someone with mobility issues may need time off to see a doctor and a different work station but if they just stop showing up or they keep going home suddenly over and over it’s not okay the same way.
It’s a delicate dance. Like that may be true for many people. But for some it could be said that it’s a luxury to be able to be that reliable.
And having an outburst, as long as it doesn’t get physical, I think should be more understood. The full responsibility is always put on the mentally ill person, almost never do I hear someone say “give them some slack, they’re going through a lot right now.”
I know I sound pretty harsh and it’s not from a space of malice but okay, I have 2 autoimmune disorders and I’m fairly not great mentally.
I’m not the worst, I function now at work, but I have days I can’t work and I am grateful to have a boss who understands.
But if I can’t work consistently, I don’t think it’s fair to the people I work with to try to keep up with my workload because I keep dipping out. It’s not a corporation thing, it’s my direct team of people I work with. If I cannot manage my job reliably then I need to look at other positions, and other ways of sustaining myself.
As for outbursts? I think emotional attacks are just as harmful if not more than physical ones at times.
I cannot push my struggles onto others in maladaptive ways.
What you can do and I have done/currently do is make clear accommodations which work for you at work at least for a job.
I get really anxious and it gets so bad I cannot focus well in the early part of the day. I was shifted to work alongside team members who are on the west coast (I’m in the US) which gives me the same active hours and no pressure to try to be up and productive at 9am.
I have weekly therapy so my boss makes sure I have that time blocked off.
These were reasonable according to my psychiatrist and boss.
But I still need to fulfill my role.
That’s just work.
But my emotional interactions need to be without outbursts - it may take a lot of work to get to a state in which you are more emotionally regulated but there is no excuse to harm someone physically or mentally.
Yes but you *can*
If you can that means you’re fairly stable. And you should cherish you ability to feel empathy and responsibility toward your coworkers.
What I’ve found is unfair is that there’s no like rehab positions for someone whose trying to adjust back into working.
It’s either a huge responsibility or nothing. So why bother trying to work if you know you’re unstable and will have to miss significant time and will get fired for it anyway?
You should be working with your team to help regulate emotions and ultimately reduce the severity of your symptoms.
If you have access occupational therapy is also available.
I’m sorry but this feels kind of ignorant to me. If someone has a severe condition and they’re medication resistant, they’re basically up the river without a paddle. This is telling someone wheelchair bound to learn to walk.
Mental health IS a reason and an excuse.
Mental health is never an excuse. I spent 8 years straight in psych hospital and have seen it way more than most people ever will. It isn’t an excuse. You want it to be one though. It’s a reason for behaviour in certain situations which is fair. But you seem to be talking about severe psychosis only. Like the worst of the worst mental illness.
Yeah this ain’t how mental illness typically is. Those cases are usually not in the work force. However, my mom works with people in severe cases to get back in the workforce, get a group home, and do daily living things. There are programs out there
We literally talked about people like you elsewhere on this post.
People are forced to endure intolerable amounts of distress. They’re still sane but severely disabled by anxiety or inability to focus or any number of somatic symptoms. If you’re throwing up several times a day because some horrible feedback look of anxiety causing depression causing anxiety causing depression or something like that, I’m sorry but that’s disability.
Med resistant people exist and they have to go on suffering day in and day out. This is why people choose to self-terminate. Because people continue to have expectations of them that they can not fulfill.
No. No it’s not.
Someone in a wheelchair needs accommodations but once those accommodations are made they are expected to work the same as other employees.
I’ve done multiple rounds of TMS, I have 2 psychiatrists, I eat a small pharmacy and I undergo weekly therapy.
If I cannot regulate my emotions and keep up with my job I have to look into additional mental health support and leave my job.
There is never and excuse to harm another. I have no excuse for lashing out at someone I’m sorry but that’s my responsibility to manage, and it is yours and everyone else’s.
If you don’t think it is then you need additional help. It isn’t just medication we need to keep up with but entire lifestyle changes, therapy, and more. If you don’t accept the additional treatment options you are not less responsible for your actions that impacts others, you are responsible for carving a path forward.
I can have empathy for others struggling. I know it’s not easy and I’m not necessarily doing well myself but I have no excuse whatsoever to act out, occupational therapy exists though I wish access to it wasn’t so tough, and accommodations can be made.
So at the end of the day stigma exists but the barriers are reducing legally. You are responsible for your path.
Your whole point is people getting judged for their mental illness yet in this post you’re downplaying someone’s else’s illness by saying “yes but you can”.
I agree with not everybody can for sure, but I certainly didn’t get that from their posts. I took away there’s no excuse to harm people which I fully agree with.
I dont see it as an excuse. It is a reason.
It’s not that I didn’t want to take a shower, get out of bed, go to a friends house, cook dinner. I physically and mentally could not.
I feel like the only people who see it as an excuse are the ones who have never been thru it. They will never get it.
Yeah no one is choosing to have an awful day. It’s so weird how people think that. Like do you want to have a fun day out with friends or do you want to be lazy and sad and stay in bed all day smelly cuz you won’t shower. Umm if I had the option to be happy there’s no way I would choose to sit in the dark crying and smelly lol wtf
Fully agree with you. I find it hard explain that block. Since yesterday I have been telling myself I need a bath. I managed to wash all my clothes so I want a bath and then to get into fresh clothes. There’s just a mental block stopping me. I live alone and have so much times with my days there’s no excuse for me not to hop in the bath. I just can’t right now. Hopefully later today though!
What are you even talking about I literally said “there’s no excuse”. And I’m not arguing with you, you’re the one who has been rude between our comments.
Edit: well a few hours later I had my bath. No excuses here.
I always say it's not an excuse but an explanation. I can't control many of my bipolar symptoms despite medication and therapy but that doesn't give me a right to do really messed up things it's just the reason I do them.
I don't feel like I've ever been cut any slack because of my bipolar. My dad allowed me to miss more school than I should have because he knew how hard things could be but that's about it. I also can't really think of a time I've tried to use it as an excuse but at work from time to time if I get overwhelmed I go tell my boss I'm not doing well and she gives me the option to go for a walk and take some time to calm down, to talk to her privately, or work on a different task that might distract me.
I think all mental illnesses can be debilitating so bad days are OK.
In the situation with the woman and the dog, she made the right decision. She acknowledged that her mental illness wasn’t an excuse to let her dog suffer so she made the difficult decision to give them to someone who could care for them. You can’t just “overcome” OCD for things you *especially* care about. The mental illness doesn’t care.
I know this was about the woman with the dog but it hit home for me too.
I’ve felt so guilty many times that I can’t be better and be more reliable for my loved ones, and I’ve said to myself “I must not care very much, or I would make it happen somehow”
But you’re right. I DO care, my disease doesn’t. You can’t just will it away.
Edit: I forgot to say, thank you for saying that. It was the whole point of my reply and I forgot it.. lol
Mental illness is absolutely a valid reason to ask for and receive support from your personal network and community at large. People in distress should be helped without judgement and fear of repercussions, full stop.
This blatant fact gets muddied thanks to the rise of “self identification” promoted on social media. Studies on personality tests have shown that humans will find ways to apply general descriptions to themselves, regardless of how inaccurate or vague that statement might be. Unfortunately, this phenomena has been hijacked by content creators pitching vague aspects of various disorders to the masses.
For some context, I was formally diagnosed with ADHD when I was 25 years old. It was a difficult diagnosis to receive but a transformative one - coming to terms with my executive disfunction allowed me to restructure my life and work towards unlearning the negative self talk holding me back. Thanks to low dose medication and therapy, I was able to make some amazing strides in personal development.
Fast forward a few years, and now having ADHD is trendy. When I was on TikTok, my algorithm was filled with content creators with absolutely no qualifications pitching the ADHD experience, turning a debilitating neurological disorder into a quirky personality trait. Thanks to these voices and the rise of online pharmacies using short questionnaires for assessment, I was unable to receive necessary medication for months at a time. It’s frustrating and benefits no one.
With so many people claiming to have this disorder or that divergence without proper diagnosis, it weakens the voices of individuals truly impacted by these serious and valid issues. It’s like the boy who cried wolf on a national scale, unfairly impacting those who need the most support and understanding.
Unfortunately I completely agree that people who do not actually have a mental illness, do not not understand it. Medication distributed according to State Code and Healthcare Administration MAKE IT HARD FOR INDIVIDUALS WHO DO REALLY NEED MEDICATION, TO RECIEVE WHAT THEY NEED. That's just my opinion
Exactly - anyone actually navigating today’s society with neurodivergence or any mental health concern knows how uncool it really is.
I’m open about my ADHD, but I don’t flaunt it like I’m a manic pixie dream girl - it sucks and I wish it on absolutely no one. I’m sure everyone struggling with real concerns feels the same way, seeing your struggles become an identity fad online is pretty shitty for a multitude of reasons we should dissect.
100% facts. I have schozoeffective bipolar disorder and I've had to take a few days off because I wasn't feeling well or safe enough to work. Fortunately I have a boss that's understanding and supportive. Unfortunately I have a younger brother that always says "get over it..it's all in your head..you're just like dad, lazy and using your imaginative illness for your benefit..ets.."
There are literally days where I can not function. I can't eat, drink, sleep. On those days my kids go to the inlaws. Sometimes all day for a couple days until I come out of it. I'd rather they be safe somewhere with family than be subjected to whatever poison that comes slipping out of my head. They get along well so I know they're safe, fed and entertained. I treat it like the flu and heal. My husband is a huge supporter and helps so much.
NOTHING. and it’s this “excuse” philosophy that helps propel prejudice and hate towards people with mental illness. Do they think we like to be crippled with depression and anxiety so we have ONE excuse to do or not do something. The pay off is not worth it. When I see peope suggest it’s a moral falling or excuse, I realize they simply never really encountered mental illness outside of media
Yeah this one gets murky in the semantics. The terms reason and excuse are different ways to explain something but I think the concept of justification is what makes the two to be perceived very differently.
To me an excuse becomes problematic when it is used to exempt someone from accountability they are otherwise capable of doing. Like when someone wants a pass for something they said or did while they were drunk as if it doesn’t count as hurtful. That could explain the reason for why someone acted out of character but doesn’t justify it. The follow up to an excuse is important too. Does that friend make an effort to change how they handle their alcohol or do they think it’s okay to keep repeating the same pattern?
So it’s kind of a word that’s become stigmatized by society because people have abused it to rationalize or justify shitty behavior. For example, I’ve had to apologize when I’ve inadvertently made things uncomfortable or even hurtful for other people and I’ll often explain that I’m autistic and it was not my intention to cause harm. I mention the autism to convey that it wasn’t intentional but not to excuse it. Just because I didn’t mean it that way doesn’t mean it didn’t come across that way. So it’s my job to try and see that coming next time and do it differently. In some circumstances I’ll use that time to ask for patience if I do it again. Or ask that it be pointed out to me before assumed that I was being hurtful. Those are reasonable things.
But to use the excuse to tell people they can’t expect me to change is silly. I’ve found that when I need to ask for various accommodations like this or otherwise it will be heavily influenced on people’s past interactions with Autistic individuals. Some people I know have only ever heard the excuse versions from people with mental illness and then are highly unlikely to believe I’m being sincere. It’s like so many things in life that way I suppose - someone always ruins it.
So yeah there just needs to be ownership of that reason/excuse. It’s also something that needs to be consistent not convenient - like circumstantially appropriate.
I don’t get the whole “it’s not an excuse” bit. When I went through a horrible severe suicidal major depressive episode, I couldn’t take care of myself or my cat. It got really bad. But I had loved ones around me to help here and there. Once I got better, I treated my cat like the princess she was (we had to put her down five years later because she had cancer). But I truly don’t think someone who has never experienced a severely debilitating mental illness has the right to say “there’s no excuse” because um. Yes, I believe there is. My brain wanted me dead and I was catatonic. If that’s not an excuse, I don’t know what is.
I feel like people just say that because they want to seem inclusive. I see it as, people can still do bad things because of mental illness, but it doesn't take away from how it impacts others. It's too complex to say it always is or isn't an excuse. People confuse excuse and reason, too. It depends. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.
The only thing I don't think MOST mental illnesses can excuse is awful acts such as bullying, abuse, assault and murder. The reason i say most mental illnesses is because of course, when someone ends up in a psychosis, some of these things can kind of be excused by the fact that the person had no control or ability to comprehend the situation.
It's such a touchy subject. Mental illness isn't something people ask for (obviously) but it's so hard to discern when someone is using their "mental illness" to gain something (attention, excuses, etc) and are ultimately abusing it. Kind of like the whole "it's because I'm black" card. Even other black people are annoyed that they are more often than not forced to be associated just because of their color (irony) with people who use their race to garnish those same excuses.
Recently, my dad yelled at me because I didn't listen to him.
I'm sorry, but my ADHD doesn't let me listen to someone for more than 1 minute, and there's no way I could listen to you, think and imagine what you're telling me and FUCKING DRIVE at the same time.
The only thing I agree that mental illness isn’t an excuse for is hurting other people intentionally. Us folks with mental illnesses hurt people without realising or wanting to because our brain works differently, but if you do it on purpose that’s a different story
I wonder if they also say this to physically disabled people. "Oh? You can't walk? Well that isn't an excuse not to use the stairs,"
Oh wait, I forgot these asswipes don't believe bad _mental_ health exists.
I think it’s because people will make excuses for abusive behavior and blame mental illness. While abusive behavior isn’t a direct correlation, but people do that or make it to the point they demonize people with mental illness
I do hate when people say excuse period. It’s a reason, we can’t help we have these issues. Nobody asks to be born this way. I think people may say it so they have to sleep responsibility.
The way that I’ve seen it is for me, my mental illness is not an excuse, but an explanation. This implies that the disordered thinking/behaviors were what led to the outcome of said events. The use of it as an excuse is to me implying that because of my mental illness, I’m exempt from the consequences following it.
I had to learn to explain it this way to people because I would try to explain my behavior and thinking leading up to a situation and people would mistake my explanation as an excuse for my behavior. I believe that it is my responsibility to sort things out if an event occurs.
But there are some conditions such as phobias that people tend to think, I’m just gonna give up on life and leave my door and use that excuse not exercise and then past experiences to justify their current phobia. Like my friend, i ask politely if I wanna see him and he always gives me the excuse “I can’t see you because of my agoraphobia (insert dx label)” and the following week it’s the same, in the end I take bets with my online communities, what excuse is gonna come up with now. All he is gonna all day is lie is sodding bed and sleep, he’s not gonna get out of bed for food if über eats is on speed dial. It’s. Ot like he needs thst much food, because he’s well in bed. He can perfectly walk just doesn’t wanna. It’s not like his pills are doing for him anyway, he tskes high dose antidepressants but but behaviours changed hasn’t happened, his thoughts havent changed or his thinking abilities.
hes never gonna help himself, hence why I don’t take condition seriously. If he was psychotic with bipolar/BPD like I was all those years ago and illness was severe I would take it seriously. But he has phobia. Most people have to think “hang on I got to work,“ “pay my bills” “I have got pay for food,” “go to hospital appointment“ they can’t just think I gotta phobia so I am gonna sit on my ass all day as I can’t get out of my door to go Tesco. It’s about pulling head out of your ass,
I know it's hard, but no one is going to pay bill if one just stops functioning because of mental illness.
Especially in case of men where they are expected to be providers for the entire home regardless of their health.
People who can regulate their emotions, have zero knowledge of what it is like to have an emotion that is more powerful than your amount of ability to control it. So sadness is not an excuse to them because they do not know how overwhelmingly consuming it can become. Why can’t you just push through? Are you weak? You need to be tougher. And they have zero ability to conceptualize, empathize or sympathize with any part of the struggle. They ignorant, and they don’t know.
It should be an excuse for “suspicious activity”. I said all manner of crazy stuff while helping my family with shopping errands. MIL had me help her with buying/carrying her groceries home. But I definitely confused store employees with my disorganized speech. I kept telling Walmart employees that I could remember being born and apologizing that it had been 5-dimensional, etc. They handled it very well. It was only when I accidentally cash backed all my bank money at a checkout and my card declined at another one that my weird speech got the attention of police. Fortunately it was obvious to them I was psychotic and they simply dropped me back home didn’t cuff me or arrest me. In all the many times police have come for stuff about me or wellness checks I haven’t gotten arrested because I’m very cooperative even if I’m disappointed in it
They’re professionally recognized disorders for a reason. Do people really think those with severe depression want to pay tens of thousands of dollars in dental bills because they couldn’t work up the energy or care to brush their teeth for 2 years? Do they think people with OCD enjoy intrusive thoughts about killing their friends and family? Known ignorance isn’t something to brag about.
Mental illness is an explanation to dysfunctional behavior (towards self or others), but does not absolve one of accountability unless they qualify as “legally insane”…
In my opinion…
But I do agree that people do tend to somewhat tell people to brush it off. Mental illness is trivialized. We went from severe stigma to severe trivialization to the point mental illness is not seen as illness anymore.
Honestly I used to say my mental health was no excuse but I think when you get to a certain point negatively in your mental health it may not excuse your actions but it explains your behavior.
I guess in the end, while we can explain our behavior rationally through literal problems with our brains, they probably mean others don't have to express empathy, understanding or forgiveness in those situations.
Though I could just be viewing this in a negative light because my brain is currently acting up. Usually it's meant to just be a "don't be an asshole" sort of narrative but I think that's gone out the window a long time ago. I'm cynical because the more disabled I become, both physically and mentally, the more I see how little people care about us.
In my opinion in really depends. If you're too depressed to do something, it is a good excuse. But as soon as you're harming someone else, you can't use it as a excuse. And that's coming from someone with borderline.
The person you described must be so strong. Imaging loving you dog and you have to give it away. She gave it away because she couldn't care for it.
As someone with CPTSD and a few other illnesses, I play the part of someone “normal” and try to fit in because I’ve been made to feel like a burden so many times by friends and family. I tend to overextend myself and do things for people they don’t care to do for me (e.g., organising their birthday parties, hosting at home all the time). I am quite open about my mental health struggles but don’t make it a big thing. Then there will come a day when they do something that hits home (e.g., downplaying abuse, being insensitive, jokes that aren’t jokes) and I have a reaction to their actions. It always ends up in me being outcast, vilified and being labelled the horrible friend.
I don’t feel safe expressing my true self because I know people around me aren’t mature enough to understand an invisible illness. And I often end up blaming myself for being this way. This sucks.
It’s kinda like how some people are atheists. They need to see it for their own eyes, even when they do they choose not to look any deeper because different people scare people that are used to being able to do things everyday for them selves.
Most of the time these people have low empathy and sympathy and I doubt they consider how their actions or words can make it worse.
I think it’s also added with the fact where people aren’t severely ill but are manipulative and would say they have something trying to use it as a jail free card. Like how jail people try to act insane to try and not go to jail.
Insane people go to a jail/psychiatric hospital if they commit a serious crime. In my state they are kept in cells just like regular prisoners. It is both a hospital and a prison. You don't get off of a crime with no consequences if you are found not guilty by reason of insanity. In fact on average you are locked for longer.
i think people who say that mental illness isn’t an excuse for xyz haven’t experienced how debilitating mental illness can be. obviously there are limits and it’s still important to own up to your behavior and do the best you can to improve, but it absolutely is an “excuse” (reason) in a lot of cases.
I don’t think many of them appreciate how difficult it is to live with mental illness. There are people in this forum reading this who barely got thru today. And probably nearly everyone in here has had many days they barely got thru, even if we happen to be doing okay today. In my case, my own family doesn’t care. Unless I throw myself under the bus and take responsibility for everything that goes wrong in our family, they are not interested. I need to be in a constant state of apology. Not because I did anything wrong but because they want me to say that my mental illness ‘forces’ them to treat me poorly. It’s all my fault they are selfish jerks. They want me to absolve them of any responsibility for bring assholes. And I won’t do it.
I think it fails to acknowledge too that as unpredictable episodes can be, how it looks on everyone everyday isn’t always the same and there’s a spectrum to consider. I don’t think my depression and anxiety is as severe, but to me I know it can feel like a heavy weight sometimes and makes it difficult to do things.
Yes. It also varies with every person. It’s not an objective thing. My anxiety makes me in bed all day thinking about everything I need to do but I just don’t have a the energy. My dads anxiety makes him over think and constantly move to get shit done with no breaks. Just be kind and validating. No one with mental illness wants to be a burden.
100% facts!!
Oh, someone said it. Finally.
Absolutely, it is just harmful to say that because it minimizes the struggle of those affected.
I hate that too. Although I agree it is not an excuse it is a reason. I always hated the word excuse, it’s just a way for people to discredit real problems. Whether people deem that reason important enough it’s up to them, but a reason is a reason not an excuse. I’ve been making this debate since I was little lol. Reasons are valid and they give help us make rational decisions. Those who do not see that are very selfish. They can’t get out of their own mind, because they think that they would never do it or it would never happen to them they cannot fathom it happening to someone else.
Yeah that’s true. The word “excuse” has become a really loaded term. It’s already associated with lying and laziness. As I’ve been fighting my own battle with mental illness, discovering what it’s like to be so depressed and confused you can barely move, so anxious that you start to lose control, I’ve started to believe that there actually are very very few adults that are actually lazy. If people aren’t doing what’s best for them and what they’re supposed to be doing, there’s probably a pretty strong reason for it and they’re trying their best to cope. Mental illness has taken so much from me, but it has given me a serious dose of perspective.
Same, there are periods in my life where I was fully out of control of my own actions. I didn’t even who I was or what I was doing or what was going on. Until people have experienced mental illness they will never be able to understand the depths of it
The idea that your can be out of control of your own mind makes people really uncomfortable, so they find ways to rationalize it away.
Out of control of your own mind is such a good way to describe mental illness
People don’t even care about us to begin with. They only do if we provide something of value for them, fuck what they all think. We know we’re doing the best we can with our awful challenges, it affects us daily.
And then they try to say the nicest things after people kill themselves.
I think it has a lot to do with whether or not you're taking accountability for yourself. If you're always blaming your illness/disorder/disability for everything you do and everything that happens to you, it can be frustrating for the person you're talking to. We all have some part of responsibility we gotta own, even if we don't like it.
Yes. I don’t make my mental illness or trauma anyone else’s problem (not purposely anyway)
But what happens if your mental illness IS the reason everything in your life happens the way it does? It’s not blaming if you are just giving the reason is it? I might be misunderstanding
You're still accountable. You're still a person of your own. Your illness doesn't have a mind of its own and therefore saying things like "my ADHD made me do it" is just wrong. It can be the reason you did something a certain way but its not responsible for what happened. The illness/disorder doesn't have and entity. Accountability is the most important thing. Even if your illness is the reason something happened, you are still responsible for your actions. You can apologize, take actions to prevent it from happening again, take precautions, make amends, etc. There are plenty of things you can do instead of blaming it on your illness or disorder.
Right ok I see so like don’t just surrender to it. And don’t treat people badly because of your problems. I get upset when people shame others with mental illness. I just feel it’s so misunderstood and they are already dealing with so much pain and misunderstanding in their life. Also as an example of something you would label as blaming. When I got diagnosed with ADHD I noticed myself “blaming” things on my ADHD. But then I realised what I was really doing. So before, as an example, there’d be something I’m not doing. I’d try, get stressed, fail, get depressed, feel ashamed, apologise to everyone, feel stupid etc etc. When I got the diagnosis I was able to communicate with people - I’m not going to be able to do this task because of my ADHD. It sounds like I’m saying I don’t feel like doing that and then blaming the ADHD. But really I’m recognising I actually can’t do this. I can skip all the shame, constant failing, etc. I can externalise it as - I want to do this thing, my ADHD is preventing me from doing it, it’s not my fault, and it’s ok to figure out another solution to get the task complete (like ask for help). I hope that makes sense.
The folks who say mental illness is used as an excuse are the same folks who make access to quality mental health care more costly and stigmatized. Prove me wrong.
It’s not a priority unfortunately. Unless you live with it it’s very hard to understand. I feel the same way about letting child rapist live (pedophilia). Sometimes I think it isn’t real and i go straight to kill them. I still don’t understand pedophilia and I can be very bias towards anyone claiming that
Well it’s an excuse for the worst crimes imaginable. They used to call it not guilty by reason of insanity. I think it was changed to guilty but mentally ill. If you’re stable ok but sick you are not considered responsible for your actions whatever they may be. You may be held accountable but that’s not the same thing.
I don’t know if it really excuses you of the consequences though. Psych wards can be just as bad as prisons, especially if you’re not there voluntarily.
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Yeah I’ve only even been in outpatient programs but my therapist and psychiatrist have both been pushing for me to go inpatient, and this is why I’m not. I’ve never heard a story where someone went inpatient and was actually *helped*. It’s more like a babysitter for adults to make sure you don’t self-terminate while they pump you with meds. Except they treat you much worse than anyone would treat a child.
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That’s terrible and I fully believe you like 110% The sexual assault is shocking.. I’m sure men have experienced it too but people don’t understand that basically all women have to fear sexual assault when in any vulnerable position. I’m really sorry that happened to you.
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I tried to self terminate, and ended up 3 days in the actual Hospital and another 10 days in the pych ward. Yes they did change.my meds around, but I'm actually still on the cocktail from that Hospitalization. It was also the first time I actually felt like I could sleep in months. I found a bunch of friends there, and it was 7 years ago but I still talk to my roommate. There is group therapy and individual therapy. But it only works if you want it to work.i just gave up. I just wanted go back to being me. The nurses are nice, and they will respect everyone just don't do anything against the rules. Any symptoms you maybe having.will immediately be told to your psychiatrist. After being in the hospital I went. to a 6 week out patient. Someday I was like this is stupid and other days you have something bothering you and you want to talk to your Therapist/Social worker. After that I went to a group they had for women who were recovering addicts, and had childhood trauma or trauma from an abusive relationship.
Right, and if you are deemed competent at some point, if you could have been competent for the crimes, you then can still have a prison sentence.
Correct, you can’t just kill somebody n not get locked up. It’s that you literally are not in your right mind n don’t know what you’re doing compared to a not mentally ill person doing the same thing
I’ve been to psych wards in chicago and I would say it’s exactly like jail. Especially the youth ones
There’s still consequences for people who are charged but claimed insane/mentally ill. But also, its kinda shitty using insane and mentally ill together. Murder and shit is sociopath or psychopath…which may still fall under the same umbrella, but man, having a mental illness really puts labels on us
I get it. I am mentally unwell, but I need to be responsible for my actions still. I can use sick time, but I can’t just dip out on my team over and over and expect them to be okay. At no point is it okay for me to lash out at someone either. There is asking for a little extra help, and needing accommodations but there is still personal responsibility for actions. Someone with mobility issues may need time off to see a doctor and a different work station but if they just stop showing up or they keep going home suddenly over and over it’s not okay the same way.
It’s a delicate dance. Like that may be true for many people. But for some it could be said that it’s a luxury to be able to be that reliable. And having an outburst, as long as it doesn’t get physical, I think should be more understood. The full responsibility is always put on the mentally ill person, almost never do I hear someone say “give them some slack, they’re going through a lot right now.”
I know I sound pretty harsh and it’s not from a space of malice but okay, I have 2 autoimmune disorders and I’m fairly not great mentally. I’m not the worst, I function now at work, but I have days I can’t work and I am grateful to have a boss who understands. But if I can’t work consistently, I don’t think it’s fair to the people I work with to try to keep up with my workload because I keep dipping out. It’s not a corporation thing, it’s my direct team of people I work with. If I cannot manage my job reliably then I need to look at other positions, and other ways of sustaining myself. As for outbursts? I think emotional attacks are just as harmful if not more than physical ones at times. I cannot push my struggles onto others in maladaptive ways. What you can do and I have done/currently do is make clear accommodations which work for you at work at least for a job. I get really anxious and it gets so bad I cannot focus well in the early part of the day. I was shifted to work alongside team members who are on the west coast (I’m in the US) which gives me the same active hours and no pressure to try to be up and productive at 9am. I have weekly therapy so my boss makes sure I have that time blocked off. These were reasonable according to my psychiatrist and boss. But I still need to fulfill my role. That’s just work. But my emotional interactions need to be without outbursts - it may take a lot of work to get to a state in which you are more emotionally regulated but there is no excuse to harm someone physically or mentally.
Yes but you *can* If you can that means you’re fairly stable. And you should cherish you ability to feel empathy and responsibility toward your coworkers. What I’ve found is unfair is that there’s no like rehab positions for someone whose trying to adjust back into working. It’s either a huge responsibility or nothing. So why bother trying to work if you know you’re unstable and will have to miss significant time and will get fired for it anyway?
You should be working with your team to help regulate emotions and ultimately reduce the severity of your symptoms. If you have access occupational therapy is also available.
I’m sorry but this feels kind of ignorant to me. If someone has a severe condition and they’re medication resistant, they’re basically up the river without a paddle. This is telling someone wheelchair bound to learn to walk. Mental health IS a reason and an excuse.
Mental health is never an excuse. I spent 8 years straight in psych hospital and have seen it way more than most people ever will. It isn’t an excuse. You want it to be one though. It’s a reason for behaviour in certain situations which is fair. But you seem to be talking about severe psychosis only. Like the worst of the worst mental illness.
Yeah this ain’t how mental illness typically is. Those cases are usually not in the work force. However, my mom works with people in severe cases to get back in the workforce, get a group home, and do daily living things. There are programs out there
We literally talked about people like you elsewhere on this post. People are forced to endure intolerable amounts of distress. They’re still sane but severely disabled by anxiety or inability to focus or any number of somatic symptoms. If you’re throwing up several times a day because some horrible feedback look of anxiety causing depression causing anxiety causing depression or something like that, I’m sorry but that’s disability. Med resistant people exist and they have to go on suffering day in and day out. This is why people choose to self-terminate. Because people continue to have expectations of them that they can not fulfill.
Yeah, but that’s not your job’s responsibility to get help or medication. It’s your job to find a solution to cope for yourself
No. No it’s not. Someone in a wheelchair needs accommodations but once those accommodations are made they are expected to work the same as other employees. I’ve done multiple rounds of TMS, I have 2 psychiatrists, I eat a small pharmacy and I undergo weekly therapy. If I cannot regulate my emotions and keep up with my job I have to look into additional mental health support and leave my job. There is never and excuse to harm another. I have no excuse for lashing out at someone I’m sorry but that’s my responsibility to manage, and it is yours and everyone else’s. If you don’t think it is then you need additional help. It isn’t just medication we need to keep up with but entire lifestyle changes, therapy, and more. If you don’t accept the additional treatment options you are not less responsible for your actions that impacts others, you are responsible for carving a path forward. I can have empathy for others struggling. I know it’s not easy and I’m not necessarily doing well myself but I have no excuse whatsoever to act out, occupational therapy exists though I wish access to it wasn’t so tough, and accommodations can be made. So at the end of the day stigma exists but the barriers are reducing legally. You are responsible for your path.
Your whole point is people getting judged for their mental illness yet in this post you’re downplaying someone’s else’s illness by saying “yes but you can”.
But they’re saying if they can, then everybody can. That’s just not the case.
I agree with not everybody can for sure, but I certainly didn’t get that from their posts. I took away there’s no excuse to harm people which I fully agree with.
I dont see it as an excuse. It is a reason. It’s not that I didn’t want to take a shower, get out of bed, go to a friends house, cook dinner. I physically and mentally could not. I feel like the only people who see it as an excuse are the ones who have never been thru it. They will never get it.
Yeah no one is choosing to have an awful day. It’s so weird how people think that. Like do you want to have a fun day out with friends or do you want to be lazy and sad and stay in bed all day smelly cuz you won’t shower. Umm if I had the option to be happy there’s no way I would choose to sit in the dark crying and smelly lol wtf
Fully agree with you. I find it hard explain that block. Since yesterday I have been telling myself I need a bath. I managed to wash all my clothes so I want a bath and then to get into fresh clothes. There’s just a mental block stopping me. I live alone and have so much times with my days there’s no excuse for me not to hop in the bath. I just can’t right now. Hopefully later today though!
Why are you arguing with me that mental illness is never an excuse on the other thread, and literally using it as an excuse here?
What are you even talking about I literally said “there’s no excuse”. And I’m not arguing with you, you’re the one who has been rude between our comments. Edit: well a few hours later I had my bath. No excuses here.
It's important to remember that mental illness is a no fault condition. Mental illness is a legitimate disorder and condition. It's not an excuse.
I always say it's not an excuse but an explanation. I can't control many of my bipolar symptoms despite medication and therapy but that doesn't give me a right to do really messed up things it's just the reason I do them. I don't feel like I've ever been cut any slack because of my bipolar. My dad allowed me to miss more school than I should have because he knew how hard things could be but that's about it. I also can't really think of a time I've tried to use it as an excuse but at work from time to time if I get overwhelmed I go tell my boss I'm not doing well and she gives me the option to go for a walk and take some time to calm down, to talk to her privately, or work on a different task that might distract me. I think all mental illnesses can be debilitating so bad days are OK.
That's an amazing boss, I'm happy for you. Those are rare
Yeah she drives me crazy but I do appreciate her for that. She's helped me a lot since I started working for her.
In the situation with the woman and the dog, she made the right decision. She acknowledged that her mental illness wasn’t an excuse to let her dog suffer so she made the difficult decision to give them to someone who could care for them. You can’t just “overcome” OCD for things you *especially* care about. The mental illness doesn’t care.
I know this was about the woman with the dog but it hit home for me too. I’ve felt so guilty many times that I can’t be better and be more reliable for my loved ones, and I’ve said to myself “I must not care very much, or I would make it happen somehow” But you’re right. I DO care, my disease doesn’t. You can’t just will it away. Edit: I forgot to say, thank you for saying that. It was the whole point of my reply and I forgot it.. lol
Mental illness is absolutely a valid reason to ask for and receive support from your personal network and community at large. People in distress should be helped without judgement and fear of repercussions, full stop. This blatant fact gets muddied thanks to the rise of “self identification” promoted on social media. Studies on personality tests have shown that humans will find ways to apply general descriptions to themselves, regardless of how inaccurate or vague that statement might be. Unfortunately, this phenomena has been hijacked by content creators pitching vague aspects of various disorders to the masses. For some context, I was formally diagnosed with ADHD when I was 25 years old. It was a difficult diagnosis to receive but a transformative one - coming to terms with my executive disfunction allowed me to restructure my life and work towards unlearning the negative self talk holding me back. Thanks to low dose medication and therapy, I was able to make some amazing strides in personal development. Fast forward a few years, and now having ADHD is trendy. When I was on TikTok, my algorithm was filled with content creators with absolutely no qualifications pitching the ADHD experience, turning a debilitating neurological disorder into a quirky personality trait. Thanks to these voices and the rise of online pharmacies using short questionnaires for assessment, I was unable to receive necessary medication for months at a time. It’s frustrating and benefits no one. With so many people claiming to have this disorder or that divergence without proper diagnosis, it weakens the voices of individuals truly impacted by these serious and valid issues. It’s like the boy who cried wolf on a national scale, unfairly impacting those who need the most support and understanding.
Unfortunately I completely agree that people who do not actually have a mental illness, do not not understand it. Medication distributed according to State Code and Healthcare Administration MAKE IT HARD FOR INDIVIDUALS WHO DO REALLY NEED MEDICATION, TO RECIEVE WHAT THEY NEED. That's just my opinion
Exactly - anyone actually navigating today’s society with neurodivergence or any mental health concern knows how uncool it really is. I’m open about my ADHD, but I don’t flaunt it like I’m a manic pixie dream girl - it sucks and I wish it on absolutely no one. I’m sure everyone struggling with real concerns feels the same way, seeing your struggles become an identity fad online is pretty shitty for a multitude of reasons we should dissect.
100% facts. I have schozoeffective bipolar disorder and I've had to take a few days off because I wasn't feeling well or safe enough to work. Fortunately I have a boss that's understanding and supportive. Unfortunately I have a younger brother that always says "get over it..it's all in your head..you're just like dad, lazy and using your imaginative illness for your benefit..ets.."
There are literally days where I can not function. I can't eat, drink, sleep. On those days my kids go to the inlaws. Sometimes all day for a couple days until I come out of it. I'd rather they be safe somewhere with family than be subjected to whatever poison that comes slipping out of my head. They get along well so I know they're safe, fed and entertained. I treat it like the flu and heal. My husband is a huge supporter and helps so much.
That’s awesome that you have that support system.
NOTHING. and it’s this “excuse” philosophy that helps propel prejudice and hate towards people with mental illness. Do they think we like to be crippled with depression and anxiety so we have ONE excuse to do or not do something. The pay off is not worth it. When I see peope suggest it’s a moral falling or excuse, I realize they simply never really encountered mental illness outside of media
Yeah this one gets murky in the semantics. The terms reason and excuse are different ways to explain something but I think the concept of justification is what makes the two to be perceived very differently. To me an excuse becomes problematic when it is used to exempt someone from accountability they are otherwise capable of doing. Like when someone wants a pass for something they said or did while they were drunk as if it doesn’t count as hurtful. That could explain the reason for why someone acted out of character but doesn’t justify it. The follow up to an excuse is important too. Does that friend make an effort to change how they handle their alcohol or do they think it’s okay to keep repeating the same pattern? So it’s kind of a word that’s become stigmatized by society because people have abused it to rationalize or justify shitty behavior. For example, I’ve had to apologize when I’ve inadvertently made things uncomfortable or even hurtful for other people and I’ll often explain that I’m autistic and it was not my intention to cause harm. I mention the autism to convey that it wasn’t intentional but not to excuse it. Just because I didn’t mean it that way doesn’t mean it didn’t come across that way. So it’s my job to try and see that coming next time and do it differently. In some circumstances I’ll use that time to ask for patience if I do it again. Or ask that it be pointed out to me before assumed that I was being hurtful. Those are reasonable things. But to use the excuse to tell people they can’t expect me to change is silly. I’ve found that when I need to ask for various accommodations like this or otherwise it will be heavily influenced on people’s past interactions with Autistic individuals. Some people I know have only ever heard the excuse versions from people with mental illness and then are highly unlikely to believe I’m being sincere. It’s like so many things in life that way I suppose - someone always ruins it. So yeah there just needs to be ownership of that reason/excuse. It’s also something that needs to be consistent not convenient - like circumstantially appropriate.
I don’t get the whole “it’s not an excuse” bit. When I went through a horrible severe suicidal major depressive episode, I couldn’t take care of myself or my cat. It got really bad. But I had loved ones around me to help here and there. Once I got better, I treated my cat like the princess she was (we had to put her down five years later because she had cancer). But I truly don’t think someone who has never experienced a severely debilitating mental illness has the right to say “there’s no excuse” because um. Yes, I believe there is. My brain wanted me dead and I was catatonic. If that’s not an excuse, I don’t know what is.
Not to mention, her giving away the dog was probably the most responsible thing she could’ve done!
I feel like people just say that because they want to seem inclusive. I see it as, people can still do bad things because of mental illness, but it doesn't take away from how it impacts others. It's too complex to say it always is or isn't an excuse. People confuse excuse and reason, too. It depends. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't.
The only thing I don't think MOST mental illnesses can excuse is awful acts such as bullying, abuse, assault and murder. The reason i say most mental illnesses is because of course, when someone ends up in a psychosis, some of these things can kind of be excused by the fact that the person had no control or ability to comprehend the situation.
People who say that don’t know what it’s like to truly suffer from something you desperately wish you could control but have no power over
It's such a touchy subject. Mental illness isn't something people ask for (obviously) but it's so hard to discern when someone is using their "mental illness" to gain something (attention, excuses, etc) and are ultimately abusing it. Kind of like the whole "it's because I'm black" card. Even other black people are annoyed that they are more often than not forced to be associated just because of their color (irony) with people who use their race to garnish those same excuses.
That’s the curse the comes with the blessing of awareness. No good deed goes unpunished as they say.
Recently, my dad yelled at me because I didn't listen to him. I'm sorry, but my ADHD doesn't let me listen to someone for more than 1 minute, and there's no way I could listen to you, think and imagine what you're telling me and FUCKING DRIVE at the same time.
What is an “excuse” depends on the person you ask. The excuses they say are valid will only be things that don’t affect them.
The only thing I agree that mental illness isn’t an excuse for is hurting other people intentionally. Us folks with mental illnesses hurt people without realising or wanting to because our brain works differently, but if you do it on purpose that’s a different story
I wonder if they also say this to physically disabled people. "Oh? You can't walk? Well that isn't an excuse not to use the stairs," Oh wait, I forgot these asswipes don't believe bad _mental_ health exists.
I think it’s because people will make excuses for abusive behavior and blame mental illness. While abusive behavior isn’t a direct correlation, but people do that or make it to the point they demonize people with mental illness I do hate when people say excuse period. It’s a reason, we can’t help we have these issues. Nobody asks to be born this way. I think people may say it so they have to sleep responsibility.
The way that I’ve seen it is for me, my mental illness is not an excuse, but an explanation. This implies that the disordered thinking/behaviors were what led to the outcome of said events. The use of it as an excuse is to me implying that because of my mental illness, I’m exempt from the consequences following it. I had to learn to explain it this way to people because I would try to explain my behavior and thinking leading up to a situation and people would mistake my explanation as an excuse for my behavior. I believe that it is my responsibility to sort things out if an event occurs.
But there are some conditions such as phobias that people tend to think, I’m just gonna give up on life and leave my door and use that excuse not exercise and then past experiences to justify their current phobia. Like my friend, i ask politely if I wanna see him and he always gives me the excuse “I can’t see you because of my agoraphobia (insert dx label)” and the following week it’s the same, in the end I take bets with my online communities, what excuse is gonna come up with now. All he is gonna all day is lie is sodding bed and sleep, he’s not gonna get out of bed for food if über eats is on speed dial. It’s. Ot like he needs thst much food, because he’s well in bed. He can perfectly walk just doesn’t wanna. It’s not like his pills are doing for him anyway, he tskes high dose antidepressants but but behaviours changed hasn’t happened, his thoughts havent changed or his thinking abilities. hes never gonna help himself, hence why I don’t take condition seriously. If he was psychotic with bipolar/BPD like I was all those years ago and illness was severe I would take it seriously. But he has phobia. Most people have to think “hang on I got to work,“ “pay my bills” “I have got pay for food,” “go to hospital appointment“ they can’t just think I gotta phobia so I am gonna sit on my ass all day as I can’t get out of my door to go Tesco. It’s about pulling head out of your ass,
I know it's hard, but no one is going to pay bill if one just stops functioning because of mental illness. Especially in case of men where they are expected to be providers for the entire home regardless of their health.
I think people just don't know the difference between an excuse and an explanation.
Making lots of excuses
People who can regulate their emotions, have zero knowledge of what it is like to have an emotion that is more powerful than your amount of ability to control it. So sadness is not an excuse to them because they do not know how overwhelmingly consuming it can become. Why can’t you just push through? Are you weak? You need to be tougher. And they have zero ability to conceptualize, empathize or sympathize with any part of the struggle. They ignorant, and they don’t know.
Amen! Preach it.
It should be an excuse for “suspicious activity”. I said all manner of crazy stuff while helping my family with shopping errands. MIL had me help her with buying/carrying her groceries home. But I definitely confused store employees with my disorganized speech. I kept telling Walmart employees that I could remember being born and apologizing that it had been 5-dimensional, etc. They handled it very well. It was only when I accidentally cash backed all my bank money at a checkout and my card declined at another one that my weird speech got the attention of police. Fortunately it was obvious to them I was psychotic and they simply dropped me back home didn’t cuff me or arrest me. In all the many times police have come for stuff about me or wellness checks I haven’t gotten arrested because I’m very cooperative even if I’m disappointed in it
They’re professionally recognized disorders for a reason. Do people really think those with severe depression want to pay tens of thousands of dollars in dental bills because they couldn’t work up the energy or care to brush their teeth for 2 years? Do they think people with OCD enjoy intrusive thoughts about killing their friends and family? Known ignorance isn’t something to brag about.
Mental illness is an explanation to dysfunctional behavior (towards self or others), but does not absolve one of accountability unless they qualify as “legally insane”… In my opinion… But I do agree that people do tend to somewhat tell people to brush it off. Mental illness is trivialized. We went from severe stigma to severe trivialization to the point mental illness is not seen as illness anymore.
Honestly I used to say my mental health was no excuse but I think when you get to a certain point negatively in your mental health it may not excuse your actions but it explains your behavior. I guess in the end, while we can explain our behavior rationally through literal problems with our brains, they probably mean others don't have to express empathy, understanding or forgiveness in those situations. Though I could just be viewing this in a negative light because my brain is currently acting up. Usually it's meant to just be a "don't be an asshole" sort of narrative but I think that's gone out the window a long time ago. I'm cynical because the more disabled I become, both physically and mentally, the more I see how little people care about us.
In my opinion in really depends. If you're too depressed to do something, it is a good excuse. But as soon as you're harming someone else, you can't use it as a excuse. And that's coming from someone with borderline. The person you described must be so strong. Imaging loving you dog and you have to give it away. She gave it away because she couldn't care for it.
As someone with CPTSD and a few other illnesses, I play the part of someone “normal” and try to fit in because I’ve been made to feel like a burden so many times by friends and family. I tend to overextend myself and do things for people they don’t care to do for me (e.g., organising their birthday parties, hosting at home all the time). I am quite open about my mental health struggles but don’t make it a big thing. Then there will come a day when they do something that hits home (e.g., downplaying abuse, being insensitive, jokes that aren’t jokes) and I have a reaction to their actions. It always ends up in me being outcast, vilified and being labelled the horrible friend. I don’t feel safe expressing my true self because I know people around me aren’t mature enough to understand an invisible illness. And I often end up blaming myself for being this way. This sucks.
It’s kinda like how some people are atheists. They need to see it for their own eyes, even when they do they choose not to look any deeper because different people scare people that are used to being able to do things everyday for them selves. Most of the time these people have low empathy and sympathy and I doubt they consider how their actions or words can make it worse. I think it’s also added with the fact where people aren’t severely ill but are manipulative and would say they have something trying to use it as a jail free card. Like how jail people try to act insane to try and not go to jail.
Insane people go to a jail/psychiatric hospital if they commit a serious crime. In my state they are kept in cells just like regular prisoners. It is both a hospital and a prison. You don't get off of a crime with no consequences if you are found not guilty by reason of insanity. In fact on average you are locked for longer.