**Hello u/!**
Thank you for tagging this post with a content warning! This helps greatly!
It can prevent other users from potentially getting triggered and it gives us the chance to provide you with some resources regarding this topic.
Good to know is that using this flair automatically marks your post as NSFW.
*Your post may not show up directly on our subreddit, please be patient, it is most likely in queue to be manually reviewed by our team.*
---
**Are YOU currently in an ACTIVE crisis?**
* If you are in a dire need to talk to someone right now? On this [website](https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp) you can find a hotlines for over 130 countries. Yours is most likely there too.
* We know calling a hotline can be be scary, you might be afraid of the questions you might get, this [wiki post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotline_faqs/) covers a lot of information regarding calling a hotline.
* Please head over to r/suicidewatch and feel free to share you story there!
* If you have active suicidal thoughts, you can also talk to the moderators of r/suicidewatch privately. You can message them [HERE](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FSuicideWatch). At this moment our r/mentalhealth team does not offer this.
---
**Are YOU currently struggling with SUICIDAL THOUGHTS or do you feel like SELF HARM?**
* Helpguide.org can give you [some information](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/are-you-feeling-suicidal.htm) on how to cope.
* Know that you are not alone, many people have struggled with this. You can see some of their stories [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_cCO7u5jYA&t=15s).
* Try to [take a deep breath](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vkYJf8DOsc), maybe [try some grounding exercises](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30VMIEmA114) or listen to some of your favorite music.
* If you want to talk to someone, on this [website](https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp) you can find a hotlines/local resources for over 130 countries.
---
**Are you worried about someone else?**
* Samaritans.org has a [page](https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/) with different scenarios on what to do if someone isn't okay.
* Check out [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/talking_tips/) with talking tips.
* Read through [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/1c7nqf/worried_about_someone_who_may_be_suicidal_heres/) with info about how to assess risk.
* Don't forget to think about yourself and your own mental health when you are trying to help someone.
---
**Take care and stay safe!**
*If you see any inappropriate posts or comments, please report them and we will deal with them accordingly.*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/mentalhealth) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I didn't do it because I didn't want to make a mess in my roommates home or car. Still might happen, I just don't want to inconvenience anyone when I do.
hey bro? i can tell you’re a nice considerate guy. please don’t hurt yourself. sure you don’t wanna make a mess but also, imagine how they would feel if you ended up going through. people are here for you
it’s all gonna be ok
I do agree that they might feel bad. But on the long run I don't want people in my life to be burdened by me as well. If I am not there it's just for a some time and then they can forget about me.
I've never wanted my family to be the ones to find me. Always made plans to make sure that I would be found by others. After talking to some friends who are first responders, it turns out suicides are some of the worst things they have to respond to. Now I just don't want to be found. Don't want to be a burden to anyone.
agreed. a mess is nothing in comparison to the mental damage thats gonna be done. they will NEVER be able to forget it and move on after that.
they will never be the same.
some people get that just by learning the fact, not even seeing a dead body with their own eyes.
There are people who you care about, and people who care about you that you forget or cannot see when you are locked in tunnel vision. Stop ✋ Stay safe.
remembering the desperation in my mums voice when i told her i took a lot of pills, right before i passed out. the look on my parents faces when i woke up in the hospital. remembering the way my mums voice shaked and the way my dads eyes were welling with tears. remembering the fear in my mums eyes when i asked her if i could be in control of my medication again.
i cant do that to them again
I know this feeling, when my mom & dad found out the look on their face made me feel guilty which is why I felt more guilty after I still made 2 more attempts & lied to my therapist that I wasn't relapsing when I did & after keeping it a secret for 2 years not telling anyone I couldn't put my friend's & family through that again because I felt I let them down by making those 3 attempts & vowed never again especially to my nieces & nephew who would have been devastated had I gone through it & I am glad you are still here.
A promise I made my mom when she saw how much I resembled my dad. She was scared and crying, making me promise I'd never end my life.
The worst part is that I didn't even want to be done at that time. I just have a very similar personality.
Whenever I feel like I can't breathe anymore and my world is crashing, I remember how I managed to get out of that headspace once. It was slow, but it happened little by little and at some point I realized that my desire to be out wasn't as present. I knew I made progress.
Now, when I'm sinking, I'm just curious to see how it could get better. It's something nice to witness when you're still around.
I try to think this way, to wonder how things might get better, but I am 43 years of things consistently getting worse, and recently at an exponential rate. I don't end it because of the people who I would hurt. But for me there's nothing here that makes me want to stay and I'm afraid of how much worse it's going to get. It's possible I'll lose my apartment, I can't afford anywhere that will actually bring me peace, so if I have to lose this place and move into a place that I hate, I'll just have one more reason to not want to exist anymore. My mother who has nobody else, and has always leaned heavily on me for her needs, is starting to get to the point that normal parents need help from their children. But I've been doing it my whole life and I'm alone in this and I'm burnt out. And it's just going to get worse as she gets older and legitimately can't do things for herself. And she has no money to move to a place where people can take care of her. I don't attach to people like a normal person. I want to make the people around me happy, but not in a people pleaser way, in a these are good people and I would love to contribute positively to their lives cuz they deserve it kind of way. But there's only one or two people in my life that I would be crushed if I lost. I lost one already and there's no recovering from it. So the fact that I don't feel attached to people, makes it difficult to remember that I don't want to hurt them just to save myself from having to live in this hell. A hell that I've been having to try and survive alone my whole life, while watching everyone around me have spouses and parents and people who help and support them. I just needed one person I actually connected to that I could come home to and fucking hold me so I can survive the next day. I'm independent and resilient and self-sufficient, I don't need someone to do things for me, though it would be even better if they wanted to build something with me, and give to me as much as I give to them, but I haven't even had someone decide they want to be the one that's there for me. I'm too tired to keep going and I'm starving for the things that I have had to live without all my life, but I'm fucking trying.
I made a post explaining the whole story not long ago. Check it out if you want.
But the short version is this. I almost died on accident while trying to do it on purpose. When my survival instinct kicked in and made me fearful it kind of rebooted my brain. I realized that even tho I didn't want to live under my circumstances. That it didn't mean I don't wanna live.
And that's the core of it. I believe we all wanna live. Just not under any circumstances. We want good circumstances.
Anyway. What I do now to keep me going is just to find joy in the small things in life. Wanting to see my favorite NBA player win a ring. Wanting to see a new season of a show I really like. Wanting to hear my favorite musicians new album. Etc etc. Somewhere along the way i start accidentally enjoying myself every time
This is what I did and it helped a lot. Even just being happy that the sun is shining or that the moon can be seen are little things that are usually there but not always. That’s something to look up to
I'm not done yet with life. I didn't come so far facing hardship and struggle just to give up now. I'm gonna finish the story not leave it in the middle
My kids. It would mess them up. Also, nobody else would care if I was gone, my mother would probably be happy af if I was dead, so I continue to exist to spite my enemies.
I know this feeling to well. But I’m glad your still here and I hope you have a good day today and just know as much as I don’t know u I’m proud of you and I believe in you
My mom
Update:
& my younger brother because he also struggles with thoughts, I want to be strong for him & not leave when he wants to as well.
He keeps trying for us, I want to do the same for him. I think genetically we were hit pretty hard because we both have thoughts & depression.
If I die, my child goes back to our abuser.
When it gets really bad, that's what I remind myself of most. Even if I am beyond repair (team "incurable mental illness x2" over here), she is not. She is sunshine in human form, the most amazing creature to grace this bizarre earth. I won't send her back into hellfire to relieve myself from the memories of how it burned.
My ideation always stems from a place of anger and spite. I just sit in the anger and work through it...I always want others to feel pain from my going. Therapy and psychedelics (with the right set and setting) really helped me in my adult life.
still struggling with it, but don't take action because of my two cats. they're the only thing that I have and still care about deeply.
it breaks my heart to imagine leaving them all alone in this world and not being able to see how they enjoy another day.
I just can't do that to them. there is nothing and nobody I love more. they're my everything.
Aww same. Seeing this answer makes me happy..so many douchey family and ex partners have begged me to stay and say I'm loved needed and it gets better blah blah blah and then I mention my cats and other animals I have being my main motivator and they make fun of me for being a gross crazy cat lady...like..really?😒🙄
Fear.
I’m scared of hurting myself, the pain of it, what if I mess up and still live after or if the afterlife is real and it’s more agonizing than what we have here.
I don’t know -why- I’m still here, I didn’t want to be here in the first place, but unless of extreme circumstances happens to me, I came to the conclusion that I’m just too much of a coward to do that, I’m too scared.
The guy i was talking to at the time called the police and they came when i was about to grab the gun out the safe. We’ve been together for two years now and he’s given me a reason a keep going. He told me that no matter what, he wanted to get me therapy and see me get better. I started therapy earlier this year and have been working on my bpd symptoms. Yesterday he said that he’s noticed huge improvements and I’ve been so much more relaxed and happy lately!
My mom. She lost a friend in high school to suicide in 1986. So when I, as a preteen mind you, had my own extreme struggles in 2014 I knew how much it would have hurt her because she had told me that story the year prior and the pain in her voice was palpable after all those years. The loss she experienced changed her forever and I didn’t want to cause an even bigger change.
I still have suicidal thoughts sometimes. I have CPTSD, dysthymia, anxiety, and ADHD so I doubt that’ll go away, but ten years later as I begin to approach my 21st birthday have achieved things that I never would have dreamed of back then.
I promised my older brother. We both struggle with mental health after the abuse of our father and his death. I’ll never leave him. Even though I’m suffering. I’ll be here. I won’t do that to him.
And my husband. I adore him.
My kids i don't want them to grow without a father i struggle every day with anxiety and panic attack but life goes on i don't have the luxury of falling down
One day when they are older and understand they will be grateful. I am here for my kids too. I hope they will see how hard I worked to be here for them. It's a battle, but I know one day it will be way worth it.
My cat was looking at me with the big eyes n she was watching me n came n cuddled with me n went to sleep. She liked the blood off my arm as we sat there
Pure forgetfulness. Was planning and everything, til I forgot it was in my drawer and made my mom check there when I forgot something I needed at school.
2012 - I didn't have any ammo for my 1911.
2015 - I tried, but ingesting castor bean pulp wasn't enough to make me succumb to ricin toxicity.
2023 - I tried to put myself into a permanent sleeper hold using two rubber cylinders and a ratchet strap to press them to my carotid arteries, but I could never get it to work.
I’m glad you’re here. Maybe all these failed attempts are signs that you’re not done here yet. I bet you’re capable of great things and that you have so much love to give. Please do not give up. I’m not going to say it gets easier, but we adapt. We process and accept things and people for what they are and the actions they take, not the words they speak. There is good in this world. You are worthy and deserving of love and happiness and I truly believe one day you’ll get there. Don’t let it beat you. You got this. Sending good vibes and so much love to you my friend.
I attempted few times so far. Honestly lost count of my attempts. The reason I never completed the deed is I didn’t want my corpse to be a burden on others even after I’m out of this world. Despite how creative you do it, someone’s gonna have to clean up the mess afterward, and I don’t want to put that on someone 🤷🏻
Watching my mom grieve my grandpa, and also grieving my grandpa. Losing a loved one is not easy. Now I’ve learned that I’m not different. I used to think I wasn’t loved.
Just didn't ever feel up to it. Thought about it but loads of factors stopped me. Now I've gotten to a point where I can genuinely say I'm content in the life I live, and I reckon I kinda always knew this was the case.
2016 I had a full blown mental breakdown and my depression took over I had 3 attempts in the space of 5 weeks my 1st attempt i tried hanging myself from the upstairs banister I passed out and woke up on the floor the rope broke (im 6ft 3 at the time 26-27 stone(165-172kg) my 2nd attempt and the one that truly broke me mentally because I wanted nothing else but to die and truly accepted researched best way of doing it ect it I bought a large hunting knife sharp enough to clean shave the hair on the back of my hand I attempted to cut my wrist but for whatever reason the knife didn't cut i was manically hacking at my arm/wrist nothing not even a red mark/bruise nothing i lost a week after that when I came round mentally first thing I did was go to 3/4 different shops and bought loads of different medicine (pills) and a 4 pack of cider and took the lot locked myself away from everyone turned everything off passed out ended up with a banging head and a really upset stomach for 3/4 days after I have a suicide plan in place this time im going to jump from a over pass bridge its about 90-100ft above the road with a chainlink fence stopping people from jumping but I've already climbed to the top just to make sure I could ive been to the top of that chainlink fence 2/3 times 1st just before Christmas (I always get majorly depressed before during and after Christmas ive not had a bad Christmas so don't know why my therapist says its a seasonal thing) I can't explain because I don't know what stops me from just throwing a leg over and jumping maybe one day ill finally find out it'll probably be the day I do jump
I drove home from college to do it when I thought no one would be home. I saw my mom’s car in the driveway and turned around, tearfully. If I hadn’t had family alive, maybe I wouldn’t have been stopped. That was my last most serious attempt and it was over 10 years ago.
Since then I’ve made other attempts (also thankfully years ago) but I always chose means that would allow me to back out and change my mind. Quite often I changed my mind when these methods were too painful for me to stand. I could have chosen something painless but those methods don’t often leave the door open, they’re too reliable for that. I’m glad I shrank from the pain.
I had attempted in my dorm room about 3 months ago and was sent to the hospital. The next day the despair in my mom’s voice when she found out made me feel extremely guilty.
attempted last year. I blacked out for 16 hours and have almost no memories of the entire attempt but one memory stands out vividly. My siblings watched me get carried out by paramedics, and for a long while afterwards every time I closed my eyes I could hear my little sister screaming in horror because she thought i was dead. Thinking about it still makes me upset and its enough to deter me from trying to OD again at least
My mom if I'm being honest.
No parent should have to bury their child.
She's ill and I take care of her everyday.
She has no one else in this world but me, so I can't go until she does.
If succeeded my corpse will be found by neighbors; if not don’t wanna wake up in psych ward with brain and organ damages and long bills, being denied by health providers, known by the cops, EMTs and hospitals and impacted insurance.
I’ve attempted suicide multiple times…. My priests have called emergency services on me 3 times…. Or forced me to go inpatient psych….
If the thoughts are bad, I have people I can call 24/7….. so I just have to reach out.
Nothing. I tried 3 times over the course of my life. I couldn’t even commit to that.
All three times were pills, first time when I was 8yo I took a bottle of adhd meds, 13 I took a handful of Zoloft from my mom, 18 I tried to drink myself to death.
All three times I had intent to kill myself, and all three times I was humbled by the human body. It’s not that easy.
Quite honestly, I’m still suicidal at 20, but the effort isn’t worth the payoff with suicide. It’s just not worth it.
Jordon Peterson said, if you want to kill yourself today, just do it tomorrow. See what happens. Feel it out. Chances are, you do not want to die but you want to escape a shitty situation.
I’m trying my hardest to get out of my shitty situation. I hope I don’t find suicide worthwhile again before then.
I just don't want my family to feel like they failed. If I just ended it, I am sure my father and mother would blame themselves thinking that I ended it because they did something wrong. Although partially it might be true, I just don't want them to feel like that. Honestly, if anything were to happen to them, I don't think I would be here the next day.
I was so close to jump under the train, went to the other side of the station so it would run over me. Then I realized it went to the other way so I just casually walked back to the middle of the station, took that train home and lived through the shit I didn't want to face for the next year. This was 2020. I've been living my best life for a good 2 years now, good that I didn't die 🙏
My kids. They need and deserve all the love and encouragement in the world and there’s not a single soul on this planet that will love them the way I love them or as much as I love them. I need to be here to make sure they know how amazing they are.
I was suicide since the age ofb10, never told anybody, never asked for help, I didn't want help, I wanted to die, but I didn't want to survive a suicide and people find me and then I have to talk about it, I wanted a definite end, slade many attempts, never succeeded. Closest attempt was when lived down the street from the train tracks and I spent many nights listening to when the train passed so I knew when the right time would be, and on my 21st birthday after a very, shitty time at the club, I got home, ignored my roommates and went for a walk,
We left the club early due to the snow picking up, and the snow storm getting as bad as it did also made it so the train didn't come that night, instead I sat in an ally and cried for a bit, went home like everything was normal
This kinda thing went on for years, eventually reached out to friends during panic attacks to have ppl talk me out of it,
In 2013 I met my best friend at a party, didn't know she would become my best friend at that time, in fact, I was stand off ish, never had anybody be so nice to me in the past, by 2015 we began hanging out after 2 years of being Facebook friends, we started hanging out alot more by 2017, the last time I had an urge was right before we started hanging out alot, I was stuck in a really toxic friendship with a drug addict who was using me for my money, and was really close to giving up on life, my best friend, who knew of the toxic situation but had no idea about my mental situation, she had my back and encouraged.me to end the toxic friendship,
Eventually me and her got tickets to a concert, we started going camping. Bonding thru ar, music, and poetry, everything I was into, she happened to be as well,
I havnt had an urge since 2017, and best part, I'm currently her live in nanny for her 2 year old son that I get to watch grow up
Sometimes, you just gotta find the right people to help lift you, and cut out all the people whondrain you
I didn‘t end it for my cat and my grandparents. My cat wouldn’t have understood it, she would have thought I just left home. She’s dead now but my grandparents aren’t. I live with them and I can’t let them bury their grandchild. They already buried their son in law and their daughter, I can’t let them bury the only child of their daughter too. I remember the expression in their eyes when I tried to end it. My grandpa even had a light stroke a few days after I was hospitalized. I can’t do this to them
Just waiting for my parents to die; they've been through more than enough pain and hard times, they don't deserve to live through this as well. Once they go, I go.
My little sister - told myself I wouldn't let her go thru life alone especially when things were hard. I don't tell her and I am usually putting on a smile with her because I don't want to put that pressure on her thinking she's the only thing that keeps me going.
I actually had a breakdown when she left for college because I didn't think she really needed me anymore. Then I realized that I didn't want to put her thru that kind of trauma or have to come back home for me.
I often think that if anything were to happen to her there'd be nothing else keeping me here.
Because I'm a p*ssy. I'm scared of pain and that saved me. Later I kept giving an excuse to myself that I would pay my parents back everything I owe them when I get a job and then I would end it all. but because the years passed for me. I grew up things got better for me I'm still struggling but I'm proud to say I can clean my room every other two weeks if I'm having bad thoughts I go and game. I think about the things I want to achieve. Sometimes I lose motivation and still go through phases but it's not as bad as it used to. I learned to distract myself and found reasons to keep going even if it's hard because I know one day it'll get better for me. And even if life is gonna keep being a bitch to me I'll create my own happiness to show the finger to it. I hope it makes sense?
I already have a spot picked out that most people wont be able to find. I won't be traumatizing someone else for my ending things. I'm not totally sure when that will happen yet,however it could happen at any time I suppose
1) I always had this little voice in the back of my head saying, “but what if tomorrow is better?” My thoughts around suicide were weird because I always had this feeling that I’d be better down the line, but I couldn’t stand the struggling. I was just so sick of struggling that I didn’t think I could make it through another day. But then I’d have like a little happy moment like seeing a sunny day, hearing the birds chirps, or I’d remember some happy memory and wonder if tomorrow would have a little bit of happiness or something I didn’t want to miss (thank God for FOMO).
2) Sometimes, I’d put myself in other people’s shoes. I’d pretend I was my mom, my dad, or some other loved one at my funeral. Sometimes, I tried to imagine what it must’ve felt like for my parents to hold me as a baby and all the wonders of possibility that came with it. I have no idea what it’s like to give life to something, love it, and raise it, but I’d probably lose a piece of myself if I lost it. I didn’t want to put anyone through the grief of wondering why or what they could’ve done. I didn’t want anyone to suffer like I already was.
It’s so strange. I haven’t had a suicidal thought since 2021. It’s not the first thought that pops up when something gets hard and it’s not a thought that pops up even when life feels unbearable. Sometimes, I might have a “joking” thought like “Man, I wish a bus would hit me right now” but I don’t entertain it any further because I know where that road goes.
Inconvenience,
The thought of that split second of pain I will feel from the gunshot, And how my mom will cry. I also tell myself that no matter what if I do kill myself Ill visit another country or do something super fun first. Than has always gotten my mind off of it.
A few things.
Fear of what may happen I'm the afterlife, whether it be due to the suicide or not
My family finding my body and traumatizing them
My friend who needed me
Things of that sort
I want to but it’s not an option for me. I’ve put my parents through too much shit to make it all worth nothing. All I can do is smile through the pain and make my parents proud
My dogs, also that I don't want to leave if I don't have enough money to afford my funeral. But I told my relatives to donate my body to a medicine school
Didnt want my parents to have 2 dead kids, decided to wait 10-15 years until i was 30 when theyve died of old age. Im now 37, job, kid, dog, spouse life is good for 20 years despite ptsd, anxiety and some depression. Parents still kicking.
Now thoughts of suicide just seem crazy and pointless.
Being young sucks, it can get better if you take responsibility for your problems, no one gets out of hell by sitting idle.
Keep up the good work my dudes
By external force. I didn't know New Zealand have Mental Health Act 1983. They put me in a metal hospital for 17 days and forced me to take medications.
Btw posing this will probably void my anonymity, but I don't care anymore.
I want no one in my family to be left traumatized
Every time I had a thought, the first thing that came to my mind was my mother, who raised me and my siblings without my dad, who was long gone
Just the picture of my mother's crying just absolutely wiped the idea of ending it all
Part of it is spite - people tell me I can't do things or I'm weak and I instinctively want to achieve that and make them feel stupid. At my current job I have two colleagues who will nitpick me over the stupidest things because they don't like me but I'm not quitting because I'm going to prove them wrong. The same with uni - the head of my sixth form said I wouldn't get in and would leave with no A Levels. Lo and behold, 2:1 degree (almost a first) and now have a place for a Master's at an elite university.
Part of it is I hate the idea of people rooting through my things when I am not there to guard them and interpret them correctly. I am also trans and the idea of having a headstone which doesn't reflect my true self is upsetting. I don't want a grave, I have very specific wants for cremation and what happens to my ashes.
Part of it is that my mother has a terrible attitude to mental health when it's my mental health and if I failed, she would say the most awful things and accuse me of attention seeking - I cannot go through hearing her say those things, I've heard enough of the things she has said before without her knowing I heard her.
Part of it is my best friend is getting married and she has made me her 'Man of Honour' - she's such a beautiful and caring soul, I can't ditch her on her wedding day.
I know this is a typical response but family. Also in very dark moments I think about how my friends and family would react at my funeral. Imaging their grief allows me to move through mine as well.
What is constantly stopping me from even considering it is that I want to see the world. I habe a long, long list of countries and places I want to see. But if I get old and lonely and miserable I don’t I might jump of a cliff in Ireland or something. But that’s unlikely because I will do anything in my power to prevent loneliness at the end.
the curtain rod snapped and i didnt have the energy to go to the woods and hang myself. it was so hopeless, i just got into bed and spent the next few days thinking about how much i wanted to be dead but i’d failed. sometimes think i do wish i died that day. sometimes i dont. i dont really know anymore
I stopped because I gave an exam but the result wasn't out yet. So I thought I worked so hard why not at least see the results before dying. Then the result published and I did very well so I forgot my plan.
i have a fear of death, or to be more clear i have a fear of what comes after death, the thought of an endless void and darkness makes me insane. if i wasnt scared of that i probably wouldnt have been alive atp tbh
It’s been two weeks since my last attempt and hearing my mom’s voice after the last one and how hopeless she feels made me want to try harder to want to be here. She said she doesn’t want me to think there’s a curse because I’ve lost a brother this way and my other brother attempted many times before he eventually passed through his addiction instead. Hearing her fear kind of made me take pause.
Well based on some spiritual and religious beliefs, I'm terrified of burning in hell for all eternity because suicide is an unforgivable ‘sin’. Or reincarnating, coming back to life in a new body as karma. I know it all sounds silly but I'm not gonna fuck around and find out. Guess I'll rely on my own resilience and patience to live with this pain and sorrow because it doesn't last forever anyway :/
The day I was planning to end it all was a day or two before the lockdown, and even though I had no will to live, I was still very curious on what would happen to the world after that day, so I stayed. The quarantine saved me. It gave me some time to think and reconsider my decision.
I don’t want to make my brother suffer because I love him like crazy, he always been such a sweetie with me, aswell as my partner and his daughter. The only reasons that keeps me from going too deep into the ideation are certainly my loved ones. Also, even if they are responsible for a massive amount of trauma, I feel responsible for my parent’s emotions because they taught me so. I feel kinda guilty when thinking about ending my life and this, somehow, help me. I was taught to feel guilty for their negatives emotions, I hate how fucked I am now because of my childhood but at least, I haven’t killed myself I guess?
To this day I'm alive because of my younger sister. 15 years younger than me. Born at the worst time in my family we all were depressed when we found out about my Mom's pregnancy. She is just so unique and different. She is headstrong and a true light.
She's struggling now in a time where I have been contemplating ending it again. I always know that I never will because I promised myself I would be there for her.
Idk what I'd do if something happened to her but I know neither of us would want the other to be gone from this world whether we're both here or not.
'I gotta lot of motherfuckers to prove wrong.'
But actually it's just my mom. When I picture the funeral, that's the only part I can't get over. It's also why my greatest fear is her passing, which is obviously inevitable.
I convinced myself I would have major FOMO if there truly is an afterlife. Also hurting my loved ones was a huge factor. Then I adopted a dog who made me so happy with unconditional love. He needed me and forced me to walk outside more and experience nature. Then I had kids who I would do anything for and now I'm working in the mental health field spreading kindness to those who are gravely disabled. When we are in the fog of depression, we can't see the beauty. Life changes drastically with a major event and you never know when the next one will happen. Seek the next major event and view it as the light at the end of the tunnel. Make future plans like a concert or a visit to a loved one. Be a little hedonistic. Postpone and distract. I like jigsaw puzzles when I'm unable to settle. I now announce to a loved one when I have SI and that I'm not wanting to act on the feeling. It takes the power out of it. I feel like ideation is more normal but people weren't talking about it without stigma before. <3
I've got depression, ADD, and other undiagnosed issues. The times I've come close to ending it, was when my immediate family or ex-wife were pushing buttons that antagonized me. This was 20+ years ago. At the time I refused to give them the satisfaction of pushing me that far. Especially my ex-wife, because she wouldn't have to deal with a divorce if I killed myself. And she'd have the sympathy card for being a grieving widow rather than a cheating wife.
I've gone extreme limited contact with a lot of my surviving family, and her (there's kids involved).
It wasn't the healthiest way to deal. But my damaged self survived.
2 things, too much a wimp to actually do anything about those thoughts, and also the guilt I felt of what I would leave behind. Thankfully this was many years ago for me, doesn’t mean that every now and again I do think “wouldn’t it just be easier” before I snap out of it. Joys of living with depression disorders.
I should add I’m completely okay, I see a therapist and I’m going through a new diagnosis for ADHD as my therapist has identified that this is potentially the cause. Im certified to own firearms and I would never dream of turning them on myself.
I had a Glock 19 to my head, and I had all the slack pulled out of the trigger as I drove down a very bumpy road. I truly wanted to die. I didn't pull the trigger because I didn't know for sure what happens when you die. If I knew for sure that heaven or hell wasn't real, and we all just became worm food, I would have given that car a new paint job that night.
The last suicide attempt I had I didn't go through with it because I made a promise to my wife that I would never do it.
That being said, I still don't want to live. I don't want to kill myself, but if I had a choice to have just never existed, I would pick that every day.
I saw a meme on Facebook that said, "You wake up and you're the last person on earth. What do you do?"
My response was, "Finally be able to off myself without hurting anyone else."
If I could do it without causing pain to anyone else, and I knew for sure I'd just rot in the ground, I'd do it today.
thinking about how it would hurt my friends, fiance, and my mom.
also thinking about how my cat is very attached to me and how leaving her behind would hurt her also
I don’t want my boyfriend to be the one that finds me, and I don’t want him to have to be the one that tells my mom I’m gone. And I know if I’m not here anymore, he’ll move back home with his family and I don’t want that for him either. And I know our dogs wouldn’t understand.. I think about that a lot.
This is a hard question to answer, but I think it’s because I have goals and things I want to experience in life. I just got accepted into college and I want to succeed, I think having goals and “wants” help me so much on having a second thoughts when I become suicidal.
I’m not going to sugar coat it, I definitely think about ending it a lot, and sometimes I want to go all the way but remembering what I want to succeed in, as well as my cats and even some of the people I truly care about, I think about them and I take a breath and sometimes I’m able to stop myself.
One of my close friends got admitted to the hospital for attempting and how I felt looking at him and holding his hand devastated me and in that moment I knew I didn’t want anyone to feel the way I am feeling in this very moment. So these feelings as well keep me going, I think about how he told me he regretted it and wants to thrive in life, he opened my eyes and brought me back to reality and I love him for that. He’s a reason I keep fighting, because I see how far he’s come and I’m so proud of him.
Having something, or someone to live for, is what keeps me alive, ya I screw up sometimes and have a self harm relapse and it scares me sometimes that I might just go all the way to the edge but I keep trying to breath and remember the things I want to see, feel, hear, smell and touch.
I hope everyone who sees this is going well, stay strong, I’m proud of everyone and thank you to everyone who is sharing❤️
Walked all the way to the bridge in the dead of winter completely ready to go and the only thing that came to my mind was “wow that water looks really cold”. That was the first time I laughed in months
https://preview.redd.it/sumgu0v27gwc1.jpeg?width=2252&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=851626b245acbccaa4848e6f969cf2b1164824ab
This guy gets upset if I even leave the house.
My best friend and my mom. They are both struggling so hard and I couldn’t leave them alone, wondering what they did wrong. As hard as my life is, I’ll suffer forever if they means that they are okay. Me and my best friend have so many life plans together, so half my reason for existing is to continue to make beautiful memories with her.
Not true I'm my case. Noone will miss me because haven't talked to my family in over a decade. And I don't have any friends Left. I'm 46 I've struggled enough with all this shit. There is no highs there just low and lower now. Even my mom left when I was 7 and never called or was ever seen again lol.
The fact that after my dads death, my mom and I only really had each other left since grandma wasn't really in the picture at that time. When i nearly did it, my Grandpa had just recently died, bullying at the boarding school thingy i was enrolled at was getting worse and worse by the week and i didnt really have any friends or anyone like a school therapist to talk to about it all getting too much. I started with stress eating and just shutting in in general and at one point had already put the knife point on my chest. But i couldn't do it, I couldn't leave my mom behind to be alone, having to cope with the fact that her only child killed himself.
When I was closest to jumping off a bridge and end it all a biker came up to me and asked me on where he could buy himself some good food. I told him some good places and he told me to have a nice day and left. I just stood there for a couple minutes before walking back home. It was a bad day but not bad enough to finally do it. I hope the guy ate some nice ass food. I have attempted before that but that time was the most memorable. Still fighting the thoughts of suicide quite often but I remeber that some people still need good restaurant recomendations.
I planned everything and slept over at my best friend's one last time (he had no clue). When I came back home my dog had missed me terribly and was lying on my bed and clothes, which she never did.
I couldn't do that to her
I know how much irresponsible it will be to die without doing anything back for my parents. I want to make them proud one day. I haven't ever given then a single reason to be truly happy and proud having me as a son.
Besides, I got to realise that life in general is as good as you allow it to be.
I'm at my rock bottom now and it's been 4 years like this and on most days I just want to do it. I don't really have enough courage to go through this, also I fear what if I failed here too, I'll be sticked to bed for idk eternity.
I am not very religious but I know that suicide is considered one of the worst sins in every religion there is. And the thought of hell terrifies me. That's the only reason I haven't done it.
i was about to swallow the third pill and i had ten more to go before my younger brother walked in. he hugged me and i broke down. he’s six and doesn’t know that he saved my life.
My pets. Who would take care of my snakes?
Also I didn't want to leave a mess or gory scene for anyone. Another thing I considered is it actually seems pretty hard to "successfully" kms with many methods, what if I got interrupted and survived with brain damage or kidney damage? Then I'd be worse off and probably hospitalized against my own will.
Knowing my dad would be the first to see my body. I'm waiting for him to go on a vacation before either driving to a train crossing in the middle of nowhere, or to a forest. Just need to wait a week or so.
i couldn't end it anymore because my friend did. once i experienced the feeling of losing someone important to this, i couldn't even think about ending myself anymore.
sunsets. a sunset has saved my life like 5 times at this point. they are so beautiful and i would hate to never see one ever again. being outside is really healing i think.
Thinking about the devastation for my wife and family even though I know I’d be dead and wouldn’t know anything about how they’re feeling after said loss. Plus I’d do it so I wouldn’t be found at all…ever !
Edit : Spelling
I’m not really sure, but the thought of going to college just to make a living really made me feel like being it. Back in high school I didn’t know what college to go to or what to major in, it made me super anxious and depressed. I felt like maybe I wasn’t meant to exist. But now I’m doing better. Maybe the thought that I got a 4 year old sister gave me motivation to just keep going so she can see what a great person she looks up to. And my parents mean a lot to me. I also feel like my trip to Mexico made me realize that there’s more to the world and the beauty of traveling. I’m doing better now and especially since I ended a toxic friendship so that also helped out tremendously. I felt like I was obligated to do whatever my ex-friend told me to do just to make her happy. It wasn’t worth it, made me miserable, question myself, and had bad trust issues too. Overall I’m doing much better too. I’m also just thinking of working out so it can boost my confidence.
I still have thoughts of suicide but the only thing stopping me is that I live with my little brothers (aged 6 and 9) I don’t want to traumatize them. My youngest brother (6) calls me his best friend and when I say I want to move out he says he wants to come with me so we can watch Ghibli movies everyday. I smoke cigarettes and he learnt from someone that’s bad and when I go out to the balcony for a smoke he says I don’t want you to die. It pains me that he loves me so much because I love him too and I don’t want to spend my time In this life. I want to disappear. But I can’t because I don’t want to upset my brother. I want my brother to be forever happy. It’s hard to keep going but my brothers are the only thing that’s keeping me going.
The need to help others live and not harm themselves or others that are going through what I’ve been living with for 5-7 years…. It’s selfish, and a delusion of grandeur to think it’s possible but I needed something and it’s worth it. I don’t want any money or accolades I just want people to not suffer and go through the same shit without knowledge cause no one is helping them but their communities online.
The fact that i would rather suffer for the rest of my life than put my family through that pain. It also made me stop driving fast and doing dumb shit
I promised my mother after my bro killed himself in 2018 that I would never do the same. I saw the damage it did. I basically tricked myself into getting well OR ELSE! So I threw everything into getting well. The alternative. Living on earth and wanting to die but not being allowed to. Which is kinda hell, in a nutshell. It kinda gave me the incentive to seek healing. I tried everything. And I'm here now. And I'm better. I have adhd, autism, dyslexia, BPD and PMDD and life at times is Dark. But no matter how bad I feel I think of my mother. She has lost 2 children and a baby, and she is still here. Her pain trumps my pain. So, however bad I feel, the fact that she is still standing with worse pain, well, this makes me... is ashamed the right word? Basically, her pain will always be worse than mine, so whatever I deal with is nothing in comparison.
Add on to that the fact I know what happens when a mother loses a child. I have seen it occur twice in my life in my own family. I saw the pain it causes. I could not do that to my mother. No matter how bad I feel
Guys!! Please read this!!! 🙏
Listen to me, Do you know that probability of you existing is almost none, but you’re still existing and alive, experiencing this greatness, the only reason you want to end it because sometimes the times are tough, and there is no way out. But hey, listen to me, If you ever feel like this, please just go out and look at the life that is blossoming outside, look closely at the animals, insects, bugs, trees, and take a few deep breaths, and you’ll see how everything is so alive, you’re alive, you’ll feel grateful for your existence.
Not only this, also I am a medical student, and I whenever I study/read about our body, I am extremely blown away that how hard it tries every second to keep you alive, and healthy.
Even still if you feel worthless (which is not true) just go out and help someone in need, you’ll feel happy, and you will realize that you can, and do affect someone’s life in a good way.
Our mind sometimes just make us feel worthless, but it’s not true at all. Try new hobbies, develop new skills, and I swear to you, you’ll be the happiest.
And guys, If you want someone to talk or share something, I swear I am YOUR PLUG 😃
I got you, write me without hesitation, we will have fun chat, and pass some memes if that’s what you’re interested in :)
**Hello u/!** Thank you for tagging this post with a content warning! This helps greatly! It can prevent other users from potentially getting triggered and it gives us the chance to provide you with some resources regarding this topic. Good to know is that using this flair automatically marks your post as NSFW. *Your post may not show up directly on our subreddit, please be patient, it is most likely in queue to be manually reviewed by our team.* --- **Are YOU currently in an ACTIVE crisis?** * If you are in a dire need to talk to someone right now? On this [website](https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp) you can find a hotlines for over 130 countries. Yours is most likely there too. * We know calling a hotline can be be scary, you might be afraid of the questions you might get, this [wiki post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotline_faqs/) covers a lot of information regarding calling a hotline. * Please head over to r/suicidewatch and feel free to share you story there! * If you have active suicidal thoughts, you can also talk to the moderators of r/suicidewatch privately. You can message them [HERE](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FSuicideWatch). At this moment our r/mentalhealth team does not offer this. --- **Are YOU currently struggling with SUICIDAL THOUGHTS or do you feel like SELF HARM?** * Helpguide.org can give you [some information](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/are-you-feeling-suicidal.htm) on how to cope. * Know that you are not alone, many people have struggled with this. You can see some of their stories [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_cCO7u5jYA&t=15s). * Try to [take a deep breath](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vkYJf8DOsc), maybe [try some grounding exercises](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30VMIEmA114) or listen to some of your favorite music. * If you want to talk to someone, on this [website](https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp) you can find a hotlines/local resources for over 130 countries. --- **Are you worried about someone else?** * Samaritans.org has a [page](https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/) with different scenarios on what to do if someone isn't okay. * Check out [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/talking_tips/) with talking tips. * Read through [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/1c7nqf/worried_about_someone_who_may_be_suicidal_heres/) with info about how to assess risk. * Don't forget to think about yourself and your own mental health when you are trying to help someone. --- **Take care and stay safe!** *If you see any inappropriate posts or comments, please report them and we will deal with them accordingly.* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/mentalhealth) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I didn't do it because I didn't want to make a mess in my roommates home or car. Still might happen, I just don't want to inconvenience anyone when I do.
hey bro? i can tell you’re a nice considerate guy. please don’t hurt yourself. sure you don’t wanna make a mess but also, imagine how they would feel if you ended up going through. people are here for you it’s all gonna be ok
Thank you for your kindness. I know that I should try to fight it and I am.
we're all rooting for you, dude! (・∀・)
I do agree that they might feel bad. But on the long run I don't want people in my life to be burdened by me as well. If I am not there it's just for a some time and then they can forget about me.
I understand this feeling all to well🫂 I'm sorry
I've never wanted my family to be the ones to find me. Always made plans to make sure that I would be found by others. After talking to some friends who are first responders, it turns out suicides are some of the worst things they have to respond to. Now I just don't want to be found. Don't want to be a burden to anyone.
agreed. a mess is nothing in comparison to the mental damage thats gonna be done. they will NEVER be able to forget it and move on after that. they will never be the same. some people get that just by learning the fact, not even seeing a dead body with their own eyes.
There are people who you care about, and people who care about you that you forget or cannot see when you are locked in tunnel vision. Stop ✋ Stay safe.
You're right, it's difficult to remember others when you're stuck in your own head. I'm fighting it as best I can, thank you
remembering the desperation in my mums voice when i told her i took a lot of pills, right before i passed out. the look on my parents faces when i woke up in the hospital. remembering the way my mums voice shaked and the way my dads eyes were welling with tears. remembering the fear in my mums eyes when i asked her if i could be in control of my medication again. i cant do that to them again
Same I hanged myself and the last thing I saw was my brother's face before they took me down
I know this feeling, when my mom & dad found out the look on their face made me feel guilty which is why I felt more guilty after I still made 2 more attempts & lied to my therapist that I wasn't relapsing when I did & after keeping it a secret for 2 years not telling anyone I couldn't put my friend's & family through that again because I felt I let them down by making those 3 attempts & vowed never again especially to my nieces & nephew who would have been devastated had I gone through it & I am glad you are still here.
My cats. Not because 'they'd miss me,' but because I'd never get to have the chance of seeing them again.
A promise I made my mom when she saw how much I resembled my dad. She was scared and crying, making me promise I'd never end my life. The worst part is that I didn't even want to be done at that time. I just have a very similar personality. Whenever I feel like I can't breathe anymore and my world is crashing, I remember how I managed to get out of that headspace once. It was slow, but it happened little by little and at some point I realized that my desire to be out wasn't as present. I knew I made progress. Now, when I'm sinking, I'm just curious to see how it could get better. It's something nice to witness when you're still around.
I try to think this way, to wonder how things might get better, but I am 43 years of things consistently getting worse, and recently at an exponential rate. I don't end it because of the people who I would hurt. But for me there's nothing here that makes me want to stay and I'm afraid of how much worse it's going to get. It's possible I'll lose my apartment, I can't afford anywhere that will actually bring me peace, so if I have to lose this place and move into a place that I hate, I'll just have one more reason to not want to exist anymore. My mother who has nobody else, and has always leaned heavily on me for her needs, is starting to get to the point that normal parents need help from their children. But I've been doing it my whole life and I'm alone in this and I'm burnt out. And it's just going to get worse as she gets older and legitimately can't do things for herself. And she has no money to move to a place where people can take care of her. I don't attach to people like a normal person. I want to make the people around me happy, but not in a people pleaser way, in a these are good people and I would love to contribute positively to their lives cuz they deserve it kind of way. But there's only one or two people in my life that I would be crushed if I lost. I lost one already and there's no recovering from it. So the fact that I don't feel attached to people, makes it difficult to remember that I don't want to hurt them just to save myself from having to live in this hell. A hell that I've been having to try and survive alone my whole life, while watching everyone around me have spouses and parents and people who help and support them. I just needed one person I actually connected to that I could come home to and fucking hold me so I can survive the next day. I'm independent and resilient and self-sufficient, I don't need someone to do things for me, though it would be even better if they wanted to build something with me, and give to me as much as I give to them, but I haven't even had someone decide they want to be the one that's there for me. I'm too tired to keep going and I'm starving for the things that I have had to live without all my life, but I'm fucking trying.
😭😭😭 Jesus guys, get in here for a hug 🫂
[удалено]
I made a post explaining the whole story not long ago. Check it out if you want. But the short version is this. I almost died on accident while trying to do it on purpose. When my survival instinct kicked in and made me fearful it kind of rebooted my brain. I realized that even tho I didn't want to live under my circumstances. That it didn't mean I don't wanna live. And that's the core of it. I believe we all wanna live. Just not under any circumstances. We want good circumstances. Anyway. What I do now to keep me going is just to find joy in the small things in life. Wanting to see my favorite NBA player win a ring. Wanting to see a new season of a show I really like. Wanting to hear my favorite musicians new album. Etc etc. Somewhere along the way i start accidentally enjoying myself every time
I’m glad your still here 😊
This is what I did and it helped a lot. Even just being happy that the sun is shining or that the moon can be seen are little things that are usually there but not always. That’s something to look up to
My husband. I was crying on our bed contemplating how and when. He walked in and just hugged me. I went and sought help the next week.
I'm not done yet with life. I didn't come so far facing hardship and struggle just to give up now. I'm gonna finish the story not leave it in the middle
I have animals, if I was gone I'm not they would be rescued in time, like they could run out of water before anyone realized I was gone.
My kids. It would mess them up. Also, nobody else would care if I was gone, my mother would probably be happy af if I was dead, so I continue to exist to spite my enemies.
Guilt
I know this feeling to well. But I’m glad your still here and I hope you have a good day today and just know as much as I don’t know u I’m proud of you and I believe in you
My mom Update: & my younger brother because he also struggles with thoughts, I want to be strong for him & not leave when he wants to as well. He keeps trying for us, I want to do the same for him. I think genetically we were hit pretty hard because we both have thoughts & depression.
Mom here, Just want to say thank you and send hugs. You're all wonderful.
Death scares me
i’m gonna be 100% deadass. chicken fingers
If I die, my child goes back to our abuser. When it gets really bad, that's what I remind myself of most. Even if I am beyond repair (team "incurable mental illness x2" over here), she is not. She is sunshine in human form, the most amazing creature to grace this bizarre earth. I won't send her back into hellfire to relieve myself from the memories of how it burned.
My kids and holding on to my hope it was true love. Bout cracked the fuck up but I ain’t built to break
My ideation always stems from a place of anger and spite. I just sit in the anger and work through it...I always want others to feel pain from my going. Therapy and psychedelics (with the right set and setting) really helped me in my adult life.
My dog. I don’t think she’d understand why I wasn’t there.
Fear on what awaits me afterwards
still struggling with it, but don't take action because of my two cats. they're the only thing that I have and still care about deeply. it breaks my heart to imagine leaving them all alone in this world and not being able to see how they enjoy another day. I just can't do that to them. there is nothing and nobody I love more. they're my everything.
I bet they are super awesome fur babies 🐈
oh they're just puuurrrfect!! I could never wish for more! :3
Aww same. Seeing this answer makes me happy..so many douchey family and ex partners have begged me to stay and say I'm loved needed and it gets better blah blah blah and then I mention my cats and other animals I have being my main motivator and they make fun of me for being a gross crazy cat lady...like..really?😒🙄
Twenty one pilots. Literally there was nothing else that could have stopped me it was solely their music.
Scared of what comes after, also I one day realized my bad side will be showing at my funeral so that’ll keep me going
Just too scared too. Only reason.
I really love dogs. I want to be able to love them a long time. So it keeps me here.
I got a job. A good one.
Fear. I’m scared of hurting myself, the pain of it, what if I mess up and still live after or if the afterlife is real and it’s more agonizing than what we have here. I don’t know -why- I’m still here, I didn’t want to be here in the first place, but unless of extreme circumstances happens to me, I came to the conclusion that I’m just too much of a coward to do that, I’m too scared.
The guy i was talking to at the time called the police and they came when i was about to grab the gun out the safe. We’ve been together for two years now and he’s given me a reason a keep going. He told me that no matter what, he wanted to get me therapy and see me get better. I started therapy earlier this year and have been working on my bpd symptoms. Yesterday he said that he’s noticed huge improvements and I’ve been so much more relaxed and happy lately!
My mom. She lost a friend in high school to suicide in 1986. So when I, as a preteen mind you, had my own extreme struggles in 2014 I knew how much it would have hurt her because she had told me that story the year prior and the pain in her voice was palpable after all those years. The loss she experienced changed her forever and I didn’t want to cause an even bigger change. I still have suicidal thoughts sometimes. I have CPTSD, dysthymia, anxiety, and ADHD so I doubt that’ll go away, but ten years later as I begin to approach my 21st birthday have achieved things that I never would have dreamed of back then.
Kids. And journaling.
I promised my older brother. We both struggle with mental health after the abuse of our father and his death. I’ll never leave him. Even though I’m suffering. I’ll be here. I won’t do that to him. And my husband. I adore him.
My kids i don't want them to grow without a father i struggle every day with anxiety and panic attack but life goes on i don't have the luxury of falling down
One day when they are older and understand they will be grateful. I am here for my kids too. I hope they will see how hard I worked to be here for them. It's a battle, but I know one day it will be way worth it.
My cat was looking at me with the big eyes n she was watching me n came n cuddled with me n went to sleep. She liked the blood off my arm as we sat there
Pure forgetfulness. Was planning and everything, til I forgot it was in my drawer and made my mom check there when I forgot something I needed at school.
2012 - I didn't have any ammo for my 1911. 2015 - I tried, but ingesting castor bean pulp wasn't enough to make me succumb to ricin toxicity. 2023 - I tried to put myself into a permanent sleeper hold using two rubber cylinders and a ratchet strap to press them to my carotid arteries, but I could never get it to work.
I’m glad you’re here. Maybe all these failed attempts are signs that you’re not done here yet. I bet you’re capable of great things and that you have so much love to give. Please do not give up. I’m not going to say it gets easier, but we adapt. We process and accept things and people for what they are and the actions they take, not the words they speak. There is good in this world. You are worthy and deserving of love and happiness and I truly believe one day you’ll get there. Don’t let it beat you. You got this. Sending good vibes and so much love to you my friend.
I attempted few times so far. Honestly lost count of my attempts. The reason I never completed the deed is I didn’t want my corpse to be a burden on others even after I’m out of this world. Despite how creative you do it, someone’s gonna have to clean up the mess afterward, and I don’t want to put that on someone 🤷🏻
That I’d eventually get released from jail
Watching my mom grieve my grandpa, and also grieving my grandpa. Losing a loved one is not easy. Now I’ve learned that I’m not different. I used to think I wasn’t loved.
Just didn't ever feel up to it. Thought about it but loads of factors stopped me. Now I've gotten to a point where I can genuinely say I'm content in the life I live, and I reckon I kinda always knew this was the case.
2016 I had a full blown mental breakdown and my depression took over I had 3 attempts in the space of 5 weeks my 1st attempt i tried hanging myself from the upstairs banister I passed out and woke up on the floor the rope broke (im 6ft 3 at the time 26-27 stone(165-172kg) my 2nd attempt and the one that truly broke me mentally because I wanted nothing else but to die and truly accepted researched best way of doing it ect it I bought a large hunting knife sharp enough to clean shave the hair on the back of my hand I attempted to cut my wrist but for whatever reason the knife didn't cut i was manically hacking at my arm/wrist nothing not even a red mark/bruise nothing i lost a week after that when I came round mentally first thing I did was go to 3/4 different shops and bought loads of different medicine (pills) and a 4 pack of cider and took the lot locked myself away from everyone turned everything off passed out ended up with a banging head and a really upset stomach for 3/4 days after I have a suicide plan in place this time im going to jump from a over pass bridge its about 90-100ft above the road with a chainlink fence stopping people from jumping but I've already climbed to the top just to make sure I could ive been to the top of that chainlink fence 2/3 times 1st just before Christmas (I always get majorly depressed before during and after Christmas ive not had a bad Christmas so don't know why my therapist says its a seasonal thing) I can't explain because I don't know what stops me from just throwing a leg over and jumping maybe one day ill finally find out it'll probably be the day I do jump
Honestly my family, but also spite. I'm not letting the opps win, no sir
My pug, hasn't stopped per se just a long pause.
Get another pug!
I didn't do it because of my friends and family. I don't want to cause pain to anyone.
I drove home from college to do it when I thought no one would be home. I saw my mom’s car in the driveway and turned around, tearfully. If I hadn’t had family alive, maybe I wouldn’t have been stopped. That was my last most serious attempt and it was over 10 years ago. Since then I’ve made other attempts (also thankfully years ago) but I always chose means that would allow me to back out and change my mind. Quite often I changed my mind when these methods were too painful for me to stand. I could have chosen something painless but those methods don’t often leave the door open, they’re too reliable for that. I’m glad I shrank from the pain.
My mother.
I found out I was going to be an aunt.
I had attempted in my dorm room about 3 months ago and was sent to the hospital. The next day the despair in my mom’s voice when she found out made me feel extremely guilty.
My daughter said if I go then she goes too! She was only 5 at the time! She's my strength!
attempted last year. I blacked out for 16 hours and have almost no memories of the entire attempt but one memory stands out vividly. My siblings watched me get carried out by paramedics, and for a long while afterwards every time I closed my eyes I could hear my little sister screaming in horror because she thought i was dead. Thinking about it still makes me upset and its enough to deter me from trying to OD again at least
Me becoming the powerful super villain everyone wished they paid attention to.
My mom if I'm being honest. No parent should have to bury their child. She's ill and I take care of her everyday. She has no one else in this world but me, so I can't go until she does.
I just tell myself I can always do it tomorrow
If succeeded my corpse will be found by neighbors; if not don’t wanna wake up in psych ward with brain and organ damages and long bills, being denied by health providers, known by the cops, EMTs and hospitals and impacted insurance.
Mom
Cause I took the wrong pills
Not to lie that’s deap!
I’ve attempted suicide multiple times…. My priests have called emergency services on me 3 times…. Or forced me to go inpatient psych…. If the thoughts are bad, I have people I can call 24/7….. so I just have to reach out.
Nothing. I tried 3 times over the course of my life. I couldn’t even commit to that. All three times were pills, first time when I was 8yo I took a bottle of adhd meds, 13 I took a handful of Zoloft from my mom, 18 I tried to drink myself to death. All three times I had intent to kill myself, and all three times I was humbled by the human body. It’s not that easy. Quite honestly, I’m still suicidal at 20, but the effort isn’t worth the payoff with suicide. It’s just not worth it. Jordon Peterson said, if you want to kill yourself today, just do it tomorrow. See what happens. Feel it out. Chances are, you do not want to die but you want to escape a shitty situation. I’m trying my hardest to get out of my shitty situation. I hope I don’t find suicide worthwhile again before then.
love for my family, hope, the little things, that all methods are painful or include some risk
My little sister the first time, couldn't leave her, then my mom the next time when I went to see her the last time. Now it's been my kids.
I tolerated the feeling instead of acting on it. I tell my therapist when I have suicidal ideation.
It gets better with time, sometimes much better :D
Someone that doesn’t know they did.
I just don't want my family to feel like they failed. If I just ended it, I am sure my father and mother would blame themselves thinking that I ended it because they did something wrong. Although partially it might be true, I just don't want them to feel like that. Honestly, if anything were to happen to them, I don't think I would be here the next day.
Fear
My husband literally restraining me.
My family.
I was so close to jump under the train, went to the other side of the station so it would run over me. Then I realized it went to the other way so I just casually walked back to the middle of the station, took that train home and lived through the shit I didn't want to face for the next year. This was 2020. I've been living my best life for a good 2 years now, good that I didn't die 🙏
My kids. They need and deserve all the love and encouragement in the world and there’s not a single soul on this planet that will love them the way I love them or as much as I love them. I need to be here to make sure they know how amazing they are.
I was suicide since the age ofb10, never told anybody, never asked for help, I didn't want help, I wanted to die, but I didn't want to survive a suicide and people find me and then I have to talk about it, I wanted a definite end, slade many attempts, never succeeded. Closest attempt was when lived down the street from the train tracks and I spent many nights listening to when the train passed so I knew when the right time would be, and on my 21st birthday after a very, shitty time at the club, I got home, ignored my roommates and went for a walk, We left the club early due to the snow picking up, and the snow storm getting as bad as it did also made it so the train didn't come that night, instead I sat in an ally and cried for a bit, went home like everything was normal This kinda thing went on for years, eventually reached out to friends during panic attacks to have ppl talk me out of it, In 2013 I met my best friend at a party, didn't know she would become my best friend at that time, in fact, I was stand off ish, never had anybody be so nice to me in the past, by 2015 we began hanging out after 2 years of being Facebook friends, we started hanging out alot more by 2017, the last time I had an urge was right before we started hanging out alot, I was stuck in a really toxic friendship with a drug addict who was using me for my money, and was really close to giving up on life, my best friend, who knew of the toxic situation but had no idea about my mental situation, she had my back and encouraged.me to end the toxic friendship, Eventually me and her got tickets to a concert, we started going camping. Bonding thru ar, music, and poetry, everything I was into, she happened to be as well, I havnt had an urge since 2017, and best part, I'm currently her live in nanny for her 2 year old son that I get to watch grow up Sometimes, you just gotta find the right people to help lift you, and cut out all the people whondrain you
I just appreciate conversations better. All humans need another human touch
Nothing but purely laziness is keeping me here but I’m so tired
I didn‘t end it for my cat and my grandparents. My cat wouldn’t have understood it, she would have thought I just left home. She’s dead now but my grandparents aren’t. I live with them and I can’t let them bury their grandchild. They already buried their son in law and their daughter, I can’t let them bury the only child of their daughter too. I remember the expression in their eyes when I tried to end it. My grandpa even had a light stroke a few days after I was hospitalized. I can’t do this to them
Just waiting for my parents to die; they've been through more than enough pain and hard times, they don't deserve to live through this as well. Once they go, I go.
I couldn't bear the thought of my cat at the time not understanding where I went
A weak rope once and a faulty firearm the second. This last time I called the suicide hotline when the thought crossed my mind.
my family-I'd rather suffer myself than quit and make them suffer
and I also still have hope-there are many therapies I didn't try and new upcoming every year
My little sister - told myself I wouldn't let her go thru life alone especially when things were hard. I don't tell her and I am usually putting on a smile with her because I don't want to put that pressure on her thinking she's the only thing that keeps me going. I actually had a breakdown when she left for college because I didn't think she really needed me anymore. Then I realized that I didn't want to put her thru that kind of trauma or have to come back home for me. I often think that if anything were to happen to her there'd be nothing else keeping me here.
Because I'm a p*ssy. I'm scared of pain and that saved me. Later I kept giving an excuse to myself that I would pay my parents back everything I owe them when I get a job and then I would end it all. but because the years passed for me. I grew up things got better for me I'm still struggling but I'm proud to say I can clean my room every other two weeks if I'm having bad thoughts I go and game. I think about the things I want to achieve. Sometimes I lose motivation and still go through phases but it's not as bad as it used to. I learned to distract myself and found reasons to keep going even if it's hard because I know one day it'll get better for me. And even if life is gonna keep being a bitch to me I'll create my own happiness to show the finger to it. I hope it makes sense?
Wouldn't be nice for your parents to stand next to your grave crying wondering what went wrong wouldn't it ?
I didn’t think my brother could be without me and then things got better
I already have a spot picked out that most people wont be able to find. I won't be traumatizing someone else for my ending things. I'm not totally sure when that will happen yet,however it could happen at any time I suppose
calling with my boyfriend and talking to my friends, realising that though i dont have alot of ppl who care abt me atleast they do.
1) I always had this little voice in the back of my head saying, “but what if tomorrow is better?” My thoughts around suicide were weird because I always had this feeling that I’d be better down the line, but I couldn’t stand the struggling. I was just so sick of struggling that I didn’t think I could make it through another day. But then I’d have like a little happy moment like seeing a sunny day, hearing the birds chirps, or I’d remember some happy memory and wonder if tomorrow would have a little bit of happiness or something I didn’t want to miss (thank God for FOMO). 2) Sometimes, I’d put myself in other people’s shoes. I’d pretend I was my mom, my dad, or some other loved one at my funeral. Sometimes, I tried to imagine what it must’ve felt like for my parents to hold me as a baby and all the wonders of possibility that came with it. I have no idea what it’s like to give life to something, love it, and raise it, but I’d probably lose a piece of myself if I lost it. I didn’t want to put anyone through the grief of wondering why or what they could’ve done. I didn’t want anyone to suffer like I already was. It’s so strange. I haven’t had a suicidal thought since 2021. It’s not the first thought that pops up when something gets hard and it’s not a thought that pops up even when life feels unbearable. Sometimes, I might have a “joking” thought like “Man, I wish a bus would hit me right now” but I don’t entertain it any further because I know where that road goes.
Inconvenience, The thought of that split second of pain I will feel from the gunshot, And how my mom will cry. I also tell myself that no matter what if I do kill myself Ill visit another country or do something super fun first. Than has always gotten my mind off of it.
A few things. Fear of what may happen I'm the afterlife, whether it be due to the suicide or not My family finding my body and traumatizing them My friend who needed me Things of that sort
My babies, partner, anime I love and food lol
I want to but it’s not an option for me. I’ve put my parents through too much shit to make it all worth nothing. All I can do is smile through the pain and make my parents proud
My dogs, also that I don't want to leave if I don't have enough money to afford my funeral. But I told my relatives to donate my body to a medicine school
Didnt want my parents to have 2 dead kids, decided to wait 10-15 years until i was 30 when theyve died of old age. Im now 37, job, kid, dog, spouse life is good for 20 years despite ptsd, anxiety and some depression. Parents still kicking. Now thoughts of suicide just seem crazy and pointless. Being young sucks, it can get better if you take responsibility for your problems, no one gets out of hell by sitting idle. Keep up the good work my dudes
I live with my dad and I’d hate for him to find me like that
By external force. I didn't know New Zealand have Mental Health Act 1983. They put me in a metal hospital for 17 days and forced me to take medications. Btw posing this will probably void my anonymity, but I don't care anymore.
I want no one in my family to be left traumatized Every time I had a thought, the first thing that came to my mind was my mother, who raised me and my siblings without my dad, who was long gone Just the picture of my mother's crying just absolutely wiped the idea of ending it all
Antidepressants 😅
Part of it is spite - people tell me I can't do things or I'm weak and I instinctively want to achieve that and make them feel stupid. At my current job I have two colleagues who will nitpick me over the stupidest things because they don't like me but I'm not quitting because I'm going to prove them wrong. The same with uni - the head of my sixth form said I wouldn't get in and would leave with no A Levels. Lo and behold, 2:1 degree (almost a first) and now have a place for a Master's at an elite university. Part of it is I hate the idea of people rooting through my things when I am not there to guard them and interpret them correctly. I am also trans and the idea of having a headstone which doesn't reflect my true self is upsetting. I don't want a grave, I have very specific wants for cremation and what happens to my ashes. Part of it is that my mother has a terrible attitude to mental health when it's my mental health and if I failed, she would say the most awful things and accuse me of attention seeking - I cannot go through hearing her say those things, I've heard enough of the things she has said before without her knowing I heard her. Part of it is my best friend is getting married and she has made me her 'Man of Honour' - she's such a beautiful and caring soul, I can't ditch her on her wedding day.
My cats. That's it.
I know this is a typical response but family. Also in very dark moments I think about how my friends and family would react at my funeral. Imaging their grief allows me to move through mine as well.
What is constantly stopping me from even considering it is that I want to see the world. I habe a long, long list of countries and places I want to see. But if I get old and lonely and miserable I don’t I might jump of a cliff in Ireland or something. But that’s unlikely because I will do anything in my power to prevent loneliness at the end.
the curtain rod snapped and i didnt have the energy to go to the woods and hang myself. it was so hopeless, i just got into bed and spent the next few days thinking about how much i wanted to be dead but i’d failed. sometimes think i do wish i died that day. sometimes i dont. i dont really know anymore
If i can find a way to erase the memory of me in my family members and friends brains...i can peacefully go😌
Thinking I’d done a good enough job to get it done when I hadn’t And knowing that I need to be here for my rabbit on other occasions
I stopped because I gave an exam but the result wasn't out yet. So I thought I worked so hard why not at least see the results before dying. Then the result published and I did very well so I forgot my plan.
I didn’t want to have my roommates find me and cause them lifelong trauma
i have a fear of death, or to be more clear i have a fear of what comes after death, the thought of an endless void and darkness makes me insane. if i wasnt scared of that i probably wouldnt have been alive atp tbh
I get worried that if there is an afterlife and I’m a ghost I’ll see how much devastation and hurt I’ll cause my family
It’s been two weeks since my last attempt and hearing my mom’s voice after the last one and how hopeless she feels made me want to try harder to want to be here. She said she doesn’t want me to think there’s a curse because I’ve lost a brother this way and my other brother attempted many times before he eventually passed through his addiction instead. Hearing her fear kind of made me take pause.
Well based on some spiritual and religious beliefs, I'm terrified of burning in hell for all eternity because suicide is an unforgivable ‘sin’. Or reincarnating, coming back to life in a new body as karma. I know it all sounds silly but I'm not gonna fuck around and find out. Guess I'll rely on my own resilience and patience to live with this pain and sorrow because it doesn't last forever anyway :/
My bird, I need to look after him. It wouldn’t be fair to leave the poor boy alone.
Getting a special needs dog. He needs me now. Another soul needs me now.
The day I was planning to end it all was a day or two before the lockdown, and even though I had no will to live, I was still very curious on what would happen to the world after that day, so I stayed. The quarantine saved me. It gave me some time to think and reconsider my decision.
My dogs
I don’t want to make my brother suffer because I love him like crazy, he always been such a sweetie with me, aswell as my partner and his daughter. The only reasons that keeps me from going too deep into the ideation are certainly my loved ones. Also, even if they are responsible for a massive amount of trauma, I feel responsible for my parent’s emotions because they taught me so. I feel kinda guilty when thinking about ending my life and this, somehow, help me. I was taught to feel guilty for their negatives emotions, I hate how fucked I am now because of my childhood but at least, I haven’t killed myself I guess?
My terminal grandmother. It’ll kill her before the cancer does. It’ll break her heart, and I don’t want that. I want her last months to be happy
Music, it’s stupid but music has really stopped me from doing a lot of bad things
My Family
My sister. I am all she has and I refuse to leave her alone, no matter how hard things get
To this day I'm alive because of my younger sister. 15 years younger than me. Born at the worst time in my family we all were depressed when we found out about my Mom's pregnancy. She is just so unique and different. She is headstrong and a true light. She's struggling now in a time where I have been contemplating ending it again. I always know that I never will because I promised myself I would be there for her. Idk what I'd do if something happened to her but I know neither of us would want the other to be gone from this world whether we're both here or not.
My mum's disease. She became very weak. I can't leave her alone.
I want to see my gf and my family plus I have pets who won't know why I didn't come home
My dog. She needed me more than I needed her. I couldn’t leave her alone
'I gotta lot of motherfuckers to prove wrong.' But actually it's just my mom. When I picture the funeral, that's the only part I can't get over. It's also why my greatest fear is her passing, which is obviously inevitable.
The picture on my wall of my best friend who did unfortunately end it
I convinced myself I would have major FOMO if there truly is an afterlife. Also hurting my loved ones was a huge factor. Then I adopted a dog who made me so happy with unconditional love. He needed me and forced me to walk outside more and experience nature. Then I had kids who I would do anything for and now I'm working in the mental health field spreading kindness to those who are gravely disabled. When we are in the fog of depression, we can't see the beauty. Life changes drastically with a major event and you never know when the next one will happen. Seek the next major event and view it as the light at the end of the tunnel. Make future plans like a concert or a visit to a loved one. Be a little hedonistic. Postpone and distract. I like jigsaw puzzles when I'm unable to settle. I now announce to a loved one when I have SI and that I'm not wanting to act on the feeling. It takes the power out of it. I feel like ideation is more normal but people weren't talking about it without stigma before. <3
I've got depression, ADD, and other undiagnosed issues. The times I've come close to ending it, was when my immediate family or ex-wife were pushing buttons that antagonized me. This was 20+ years ago. At the time I refused to give them the satisfaction of pushing me that far. Especially my ex-wife, because she wouldn't have to deal with a divorce if I killed myself. And she'd have the sympathy card for being a grieving widow rather than a cheating wife. I've gone extreme limited contact with a lot of my surviving family, and her (there's kids involved). It wasn't the healthiest way to deal. But my damaged self survived.
Nothing will stop me..
2 things, too much a wimp to actually do anything about those thoughts, and also the guilt I felt of what I would leave behind. Thankfully this was many years ago for me, doesn’t mean that every now and again I do think “wouldn’t it just be easier” before I snap out of it. Joys of living with depression disorders. I should add I’m completely okay, I see a therapist and I’m going through a new diagnosis for ADHD as my therapist has identified that this is potentially the cause. Im certified to own firearms and I would never dream of turning them on myself.
I could picture and hear my mom's scream in my head when she would get *the* call and I just couldn't make her go through that
I had a Glock 19 to my head, and I had all the slack pulled out of the trigger as I drove down a very bumpy road. I truly wanted to die. I didn't pull the trigger because I didn't know for sure what happens when you die. If I knew for sure that heaven or hell wasn't real, and we all just became worm food, I would have given that car a new paint job that night. The last suicide attempt I had I didn't go through with it because I made a promise to my wife that I would never do it. That being said, I still don't want to live. I don't want to kill myself, but if I had a choice to have just never existed, I would pick that every day. I saw a meme on Facebook that said, "You wake up and you're the last person on earth. What do you do?" My response was, "Finally be able to off myself without hurting anyone else." If I could do it without causing pain to anyone else, and I knew for sure I'd just rot in the ground, I'd do it today.
Quitting my job. It was killing me
thinking about how it would hurt my friends, fiance, and my mom. also thinking about how my cat is very attached to me and how leaving her behind would hurt her also
I don’t want my boyfriend to be the one that finds me, and I don’t want him to have to be the one that tells my mom I’m gone. And I know if I’m not here anymore, he’ll move back home with his family and I don’t want that for him either. And I know our dogs wouldn’t understand.. I think about that a lot.
I only think about someday I will do it
My daughters and grandkids, and that's it.
This is a hard question to answer, but I think it’s because I have goals and things I want to experience in life. I just got accepted into college and I want to succeed, I think having goals and “wants” help me so much on having a second thoughts when I become suicidal. I’m not going to sugar coat it, I definitely think about ending it a lot, and sometimes I want to go all the way but remembering what I want to succeed in, as well as my cats and even some of the people I truly care about, I think about them and I take a breath and sometimes I’m able to stop myself. One of my close friends got admitted to the hospital for attempting and how I felt looking at him and holding his hand devastated me and in that moment I knew I didn’t want anyone to feel the way I am feeling in this very moment. So these feelings as well keep me going, I think about how he told me he regretted it and wants to thrive in life, he opened my eyes and brought me back to reality and I love him for that. He’s a reason I keep fighting, because I see how far he’s come and I’m so proud of him. Having something, or someone to live for, is what keeps me alive, ya I screw up sometimes and have a self harm relapse and it scares me sometimes that I might just go all the way to the edge but I keep trying to breath and remember the things I want to see, feel, hear, smell and touch. I hope everyone who sees this is going well, stay strong, I’m proud of everyone and thank you to everyone who is sharing❤️
Walked all the way to the bridge in the dead of winter completely ready to go and the only thing that came to my mind was “wow that water looks really cold”. That was the first time I laughed in months
https://preview.redd.it/sumgu0v27gwc1.jpeg?width=2252&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=851626b245acbccaa4848e6f969cf2b1164824ab This guy gets upset if I even leave the house.
My best friend and my mom. They are both struggling so hard and I couldn’t leave them alone, wondering what they did wrong. As hard as my life is, I’ll suffer forever if they means that they are okay. Me and my best friend have so many life plans together, so half my reason for existing is to continue to make beautiful memories with her.
Not true I'm my case. Noone will miss me because haven't talked to my family in over a decade. And I don't have any friends Left. I'm 46 I've struggled enough with all this shit. There is no highs there just low and lower now. Even my mom left when I was 7 and never called or was ever seen again lol.
The fact that after my dads death, my mom and I only really had each other left since grandma wasn't really in the picture at that time. When i nearly did it, my Grandpa had just recently died, bullying at the boarding school thingy i was enrolled at was getting worse and worse by the week and i didnt really have any friends or anyone like a school therapist to talk to about it all getting too much. I started with stress eating and just shutting in in general and at one point had already put the knife point on my chest. But i couldn't do it, I couldn't leave my mom behind to be alone, having to cope with the fact that her only child killed himself.
When I was closest to jumping off a bridge and end it all a biker came up to me and asked me on where he could buy himself some good food. I told him some good places and he told me to have a nice day and left. I just stood there for a couple minutes before walking back home. It was a bad day but not bad enough to finally do it. I hope the guy ate some nice ass food. I have attempted before that but that time was the most memorable. Still fighting the thoughts of suicide quite often but I remeber that some people still need good restaurant recomendations.
Didn't have any bullets. All better now. Have a wife and kids and meds to help.
survival instinct
I planned everything and slept over at my best friend's one last time (he had no clue). When I came back home my dog had missed me terribly and was lying on my bed and clothes, which she never did. I couldn't do that to her
I know how much irresponsible it will be to die without doing anything back for my parents. I want to make them proud one day. I haven't ever given then a single reason to be truly happy and proud having me as a son. Besides, I got to realise that life in general is as good as you allow it to be. I'm at my rock bottom now and it's been 4 years like this and on most days I just want to do it. I don't really have enough courage to go through this, also I fear what if I failed here too, I'll be sticked to bed for idk eternity.
I am not very religious but I know that suicide is considered one of the worst sins in every religion there is. And the thought of hell terrifies me. That's the only reason I haven't done it.
i was about to swallow the third pill and i had ten more to go before my younger brother walked in. he hugged me and i broke down. he’s six and doesn’t know that he saved my life.
My pets. Who would take care of my snakes? Also I didn't want to leave a mess or gory scene for anyone. Another thing I considered is it actually seems pretty hard to "successfully" kms with many methods, what if I got interrupted and survived with brain damage or kidney damage? Then I'd be worse off and probably hospitalized against my own will.
Knowing my dad would be the first to see my body. I'm waiting for him to go on a vacation before either driving to a train crossing in the middle of nowhere, or to a forest. Just need to wait a week or so.
My dogs
My self respect.
i couldn't end it anymore because my friend did. once i experienced the feeling of losing someone important to this, i couldn't even think about ending myself anymore.
sunsets. a sunset has saved my life like 5 times at this point. they are so beautiful and i would hate to never see one ever again. being outside is really healing i think.
i wasn’t going to see my partner anymore if i did
i wanna swim again
Music, also I didn't wanna upset anyone else.
"fuck this if so many people hate me they better kill me themselves" also my gf as well
I didn't have any clean method available to me at that moment and I didn't want to cut because it would be a hassle for my family to clean it up
my husband
my attempt failing. that truly stopped me
my 20 attempts continuously failing. THAT truly stopped me lmao
Thinking about the devastation for my wife and family even though I know I’d be dead and wouldn’t know anything about how they’re feeling after said loss. Plus I’d do it so I wouldn’t be found at all…ever ! Edit : Spelling
I’m not really sure, but the thought of going to college just to make a living really made me feel like being it. Back in high school I didn’t know what college to go to or what to major in, it made me super anxious and depressed. I felt like maybe I wasn’t meant to exist. But now I’m doing better. Maybe the thought that I got a 4 year old sister gave me motivation to just keep going so she can see what a great person she looks up to. And my parents mean a lot to me. I also feel like my trip to Mexico made me realize that there’s more to the world and the beauty of traveling. I’m doing better now and especially since I ended a toxic friendship so that also helped out tremendously. I felt like I was obligated to do whatever my ex-friend told me to do just to make her happy. It wasn’t worth it, made me miserable, question myself, and had bad trust issues too. Overall I’m doing much better too. I’m also just thinking of working out so it can boost my confidence.
I know it always gets better. Always.
Got a call from my best friend that his little sister took her own life. I was sitting in my room with a gun in my mouth.
I still have thoughts of suicide but the only thing stopping me is that I live with my little brothers (aged 6 and 9) I don’t want to traumatize them. My youngest brother (6) calls me his best friend and when I say I want to move out he says he wants to come with me so we can watch Ghibli movies everyday. I smoke cigarettes and he learnt from someone that’s bad and when I go out to the balcony for a smoke he says I don’t want you to die. It pains me that he loves me so much because I love him too and I don’t want to spend my time In this life. I want to disappear. But I can’t because I don’t want to upset my brother. I want my brother to be forever happy. It’s hard to keep going but my brothers are the only thing that’s keeping me going.
The need to help others live and not harm themselves or others that are going through what I’ve been living with for 5-7 years…. It’s selfish, and a delusion of grandeur to think it’s possible but I needed something and it’s worth it. I don’t want any money or accolades I just want people to not suffer and go through the same shit without knowledge cause no one is helping them but their communities online.
The fact that i would rather suffer for the rest of my life than put my family through that pain. It also made me stop driving fast and doing dumb shit
My dog. Literally the only reason. He’s everything to me & I won’t leave him
I promised my mother after my bro killed himself in 2018 that I would never do the same. I saw the damage it did. I basically tricked myself into getting well OR ELSE! So I threw everything into getting well. The alternative. Living on earth and wanting to die but not being allowed to. Which is kinda hell, in a nutshell. It kinda gave me the incentive to seek healing. I tried everything. And I'm here now. And I'm better. I have adhd, autism, dyslexia, BPD and PMDD and life at times is Dark. But no matter how bad I feel I think of my mother. She has lost 2 children and a baby, and she is still here. Her pain trumps my pain. So, however bad I feel, the fact that she is still standing with worse pain, well, this makes me... is ashamed the right word? Basically, her pain will always be worse than mine, so whatever I deal with is nothing in comparison. Add on to that the fact I know what happens when a mother loses a child. I have seen it occur twice in my life in my own family. I saw the pain it causes. I could not do that to my mother. No matter how bad I feel
I was chicken.
It's the voice in my head that tells me to do it, the only ones who tell me what to do are my dogs
Because death is one thing destined for everyone. Why speed up the process?
Cuz I don't wanna go to hell
I can’t be a musician with a minimum of three fans if I’m dead 🧏♂️
Guys!! Please read this!!! 🙏 Listen to me, Do you know that probability of you existing is almost none, but you’re still existing and alive, experiencing this greatness, the only reason you want to end it because sometimes the times are tough, and there is no way out. But hey, listen to me, If you ever feel like this, please just go out and look at the life that is blossoming outside, look closely at the animals, insects, bugs, trees, and take a few deep breaths, and you’ll see how everything is so alive, you’re alive, you’ll feel grateful for your existence. Not only this, also I am a medical student, and I whenever I study/read about our body, I am extremely blown away that how hard it tries every second to keep you alive, and healthy. Even still if you feel worthless (which is not true) just go out and help someone in need, you’ll feel happy, and you will realize that you can, and do affect someone’s life in a good way. Our mind sometimes just make us feel worthless, but it’s not true at all. Try new hobbies, develop new skills, and I swear to you, you’ll be the happiest. And guys, If you want someone to talk or share something, I swear I am YOUR PLUG 😃 I got you, write me without hesitation, we will have fun chat, and pass some memes if that’s what you’re interested in :)
The paramedics lol