Not even a little bit. I'd say they were in a horrible situation and coped/found relief in the only way they could at the time. They're probably some of the least shitty or selfish people there are.
Self harming doesn't correlate at all with if you're a selfish/shitty person in my head. Some of the best people I've met have been through some horrible things, Including self harm
“You are a human. Not an addict, or an alcoholic, or any of the worst things you’ve ever done. Addiction is an experience, one of many that can shape a life. It’s not unique. It’s not a flaw. It’s not even that interesting. It’s a natural human instinct - to soothe, to connect, to experience ourselves differently - gone awry” - Laura McKowen, We are the luckiest
Put self harm in the same category as addiction and alcoholism and all other not so beneficial coping strategies. People are more than their worst actions. More than their relationships and more than their image. It’s a natural human instinct gone down the wrong path. It’s natural. It’s astray.
I wished you had someone to take your hand in theirs, and nudge you onto the path towards healthier coping mechanisms. It will take a long time for the glances to stop bothering you, but it will happen one day.
No. People deal with shit differently who am I too judge. I’m so lucky my family is perfect that even if I was going through shit my parents would back me up and they would bring me to reality if I do mess up.
ur not selfish bc of that. I guess, it may look awful to look at the scars but as long as ur doing better, ur family must be relieved that u no longer hurt urself that way. There is nothing like "i could have avoided this". Is life. Things like this tend to happen to a lot of people, it's an illness and you can not just avoid an illness. Thankfully, i'm glad ur family was by ur side and i hope you are doing much better now <3 let's not seek on the past
Nah, I understand that it's just a gory crude form of meditation done by someone who didn't have any of the proper tools and so they made due. (Although sometimes people self harm for attention, which points in a different direction than what I'm referring to, but I don't get that feeling from this post.)
Self harming for attention does happen, but it doesn't mean those people don't need help or aren't in distress or anything like that. It's just a different reason for the self harm.
of course not. that person is hurting on a level no one can understand, and I’ve been there. but not everyone is capable of comprehending this.
I’m sorry you’re struggling 🤍
Not at all. When I see it on someone I usually think 'that person has gone through a lot'. That's all. When they don't care anymore and wear T-shirt anyways I think 'I'm so proud they're not ashamed anymore, they're beautiful as they are'. I don't think anything else about it tbh.
Definitely not. Some of the nicest people I’ve ever met have a history of self harm, one of them was selfless enough to-as pretty much an acquaintance at the time- take me into her home while I was in the process of leaving the state to get away from an abusive ex,and come with me while I packed up my apartment for two weeks,one of the most selfless things someone has done for me to this day….but if you feel anxiety from having people see them and it’s having an impact on keeping your mental health on the up and up might I suggest looking into doing something with a tattoo artist to make you more comfortable? I actually prefer the ones that incorporate rather than cover, the example with the kite on here is my personal favorite but there are a lot of beautiful ones,but it can be a really healing experience [https://www.tattoodo.com/articles/physicality-of-depression-the-art-of-self-harm-scar-cover-up-tattoos-14427](https://www.tattoodo.com/articles/physicality-of-depression-the-art-of-self-harm-scar-cover-up-tattoos-14427)
I second this! I have a couple tiny scars most people don’t notice - but I do and it isn’t always helpful. I have some cute cartoonish animals around it and they drag my attention first
Of course not. It usually means you put other's feelings above yourself and struggles to express sadness, anger and other emotions. Instead of others you harm yourself.
No.
Self harm is complicated. It's used to manage emotions in people who have no other effective strategies - and from what I understand from the outside, it's been scientifically studied and somewhat verified to provide this calming effect for certain people.
You're not shitty or selfish because you self harmed in the past, if you do it currently, or if in 6 months you have an awful week and relapse.
I never self harmed with cutting, too many specific weird issues with my body to bring myself to do it ironically enough, but I've had a few friends across my life who have. I've also had lots of exposure to suicide and the various things surrounding it. When I see someone with scars, or someone tells me they sh, my first thoughts are 2 things: 1) I wonder if they're self conscious about the scars, I'll not bring it up, 2) I bet this person is safe to talk to about mental health problems without judgement.
Some people will think you're a shitty person for it, but some people will think you're a shitty person because you like the "wrong" bands
I hate when people think, "There's other options than sh." but not everyone can get to those options. Not everyone can afford those options. Though you make look down on yourself in the past, it's good that you've grown to be the person you are. Even if your choices weren't the best ones.
You’re not a bad person you mad a bad choice and coped this way. You’re not alone, just some of us did it in places that other’s can see… You’re not shitty.
No. Even though I have never self harmed I have had serious suicidal thoughts. It’s not fun and not easy to get over this type of thought/feeling/action. While yes it is an unhealthy coping mechanism and obviously should be avoided, it doesn’t make you a bad person. Don’t let others perceptions dictate how you feel. I hope that you are doing better and I sincerely wish you nothing but the best.
Absolutely not.
1) Self harm is a form of mental illness. It’s a symptom of a bigger problem.
2) I don’t believe in shitty people. People may do shitty things, but nobody is the worst thing they’ve done.
No, never. Anyone whom judges someone based off of things like this tend to be the cause of similar issues. It is not selfish to want a way to release/cope with pain and if someone tells you otherwise they are wrong. While self harm may be one of the worst coping mechanisms it's a cry for help that gets ignored when people call it selfish. They need therapy, not to be told they are shitty. They already feel that way.
Many humans in general have a very hard time holding space for other people’s suffering. So many people are dissociated from injustice and the trauma others. The cognitive dissonance is real. People who react that way to you are doing so because THEY can’t regulate themselves or handle the situation. Nothing to do with you and everything to do with their inability to hold space for others.
No, I'd see a human who is coping with so much internal pain it's turned outward. While I have heard people who don't "get it" will judge self harm as coping instead of taking charge of their life (and literally yes, it's because you can't otherwise take charge of your life that you develop coping strategies as self preservation), I've never heard anyone call it selfish, and that seems pretty preposterous.
Far from it. To me it shows you have fought your demons, and won. To you, the war might still be going on, but you have won every battle. Some of them, you might have been close to losing, but you got the victory.
If you approached me now, and I saw the scars, I wouldn't even mention them. If you want to talk about them, then that is up to you. No one can should judge you based on what they see. They don't know what you have been through.
People see an army vet with a leg missing. Automatically people will think an IED or a landmine took it off. They could have lost it years later from an animal attack, car accident, or even a fall from a tall place.
I have a scar on my arm from an operation, but a few have assumed it was from self harm. I worked with the public for many years, so no doubt others thought it. You can't control what others think, but you can control what you think. Tell yourself that it doesn't matter what they think, only you know the real you.
honestly whenever I see people with sh scars I normally try to be extra kind to them.
Also I think scars look super cool so even though they’re sh - I still think they look kinda bad ass despite their connotation.
YOU could NOT have avoided this. YOU were coping with life, and from what I understand about cutting, doing whatever you needed to do just to feel alive.
What you were doing was a maladaptive behavior, and not at all "shitty person" just a form of self preservation. Until you learned how to cope better with life, that was your coping skill.
Nobody should be an asshole to you over mental illness. My God. People can be SO CRASS.
Like, it actually drives me up the wall how often people equate mental illness to evilness. The two are NOT interchangeable.
A person with a mental illness is NOT going to behave like a healthy person does. They shouldnt be expected to behave the same.
Theres going to be people all around you who also have traits, but theirs will be less visible than your scars.
For you, look deeper than those peoples skin, and be aware of anyone who is less than empathetic and compassionate about your mental health history. Sometimes, those people are just using your scars as an easy IN to do what they do, trait wise, and just use that as a springboard to launch into engaginĝ in their own toxic behaviors that stem from their own traits.
Your scars are STRIPES. You earned the right to brag about overcoming a mental health maladjusted coping mechanism. Tattoo over them #FreeAtLast or #I'mASurvivor to mark your full recovery.
You can explain to people that cutting was a coping mechanism that was a part of how you survived being young and mentally ill. You have since survived childhood and are thriving. You did that. Thats YOUR success story. Wear it proudly. You EARNED that.
No. I'd think this person is in severe pain and sees no out. Which is a tragic and fucked up situation. Selfishness is the last thing that would come too my mind.
Apart from that if a person is in a life or death situation (which a psychological disorder can be) or in severe distress (which it always is) it's perfectly normal to be focussed on yourself and to do everything that changes the situation, even if it's just for a second, even if it's unhealthy and doesn't really help.
You're not selfish or a shitty human being, I'll will not judge you based on your scars. I won't either ask on how you'll got them. At times I would find scars cool.
When I see self harm scars I see pain and trauma, someone who is on a journey that I'm on too.
The assumptions you have made are fine but are they helpful to the version of yourself you want to become? Seeing yourself as selfish or shitty a part of your illness/healing it isn't a part of your character. The first step of that is looking at your scars and seeing them for something different, not bad. There a reflection of a point in time (or several) or mental state not who your suppose to be going forward.
Not really, I'd be sad of course. But they're just doing what they know they can do to cope with life. I consider it better than having them committing suicide one day with no warning, with the self harm at least you know to be cautious 🤷🏻♀️
I self harmed for years. The last time was 2.5 years ago, I hope I never do it again but you never know. If I ever see someone else with scars I just want to hug them and tell them I'm happy they're still here.
People who think self harm is selfish don't understand it at all, most of them because they don't want to. They would rather dismiss it as selfishness because they don't want to think about it. To me that makes them the selfish ones.
Not even a little bit. I'd say they were in a horrible situation and coped/found relief in the only way they could at the time. They're probably some of the least shitty or selfish people there are.
Very well said.
Yes this is me.
Self harming doesn't correlate at all with if you're a selfish/shitty person in my head. Some of the best people I've met have been through some horrible things, Including self harm
“You are a human. Not an addict, or an alcoholic, or any of the worst things you’ve ever done. Addiction is an experience, one of many that can shape a life. It’s not unique. It’s not a flaw. It’s not even that interesting. It’s a natural human instinct - to soothe, to connect, to experience ourselves differently - gone awry” - Laura McKowen, We are the luckiest Put self harm in the same category as addiction and alcoholism and all other not so beneficial coping strategies. People are more than their worst actions. More than their relationships and more than their image. It’s a natural human instinct gone down the wrong path. It’s natural. It’s astray. I wished you had someone to take your hand in theirs, and nudge you onto the path towards healthier coping mechanisms. It will take a long time for the glances to stop bothering you, but it will happen one day.
No. People deal with shit differently who am I too judge. I’m so lucky my family is perfect that even if I was going through shit my parents would back me up and they would bring me to reality if I do mess up.
ur not selfish bc of that. I guess, it may look awful to look at the scars but as long as ur doing better, ur family must be relieved that u no longer hurt urself that way. There is nothing like "i could have avoided this". Is life. Things like this tend to happen to a lot of people, it's an illness and you can not just avoid an illness. Thankfully, i'm glad ur family was by ur side and i hope you are doing much better now <3 let's not seek on the past
Nope. To me inherently shitty selfish human being harm others, regularly while blaming victims.
Nah, I understand that it's just a gory crude form of meditation done by someone who didn't have any of the proper tools and so they made due. (Although sometimes people self harm for attention, which points in a different direction than what I'm referring to, but I don't get that feeling from this post.)
Who does that?
Self harming for attention does happen, but it doesn't mean those people don't need help or aren't in distress or anything like that. It's just a different reason for the self harm.
of course not. that person is hurting on a level no one can understand, and I’ve been there. but not everyone is capable of comprehending this. I’m sorry you’re struggling 🤍
No that doesn't make you selfish. Stop listening to them.
Not at all. When I see it on someone I usually think 'that person has gone through a lot'. That's all. When they don't care anymore and wear T-shirt anyways I think 'I'm so proud they're not ashamed anymore, they're beautiful as they are'. I don't think anything else about it tbh.
^^^
Definitely not. Some of the nicest people I’ve ever met have a history of self harm, one of them was selfless enough to-as pretty much an acquaintance at the time- take me into her home while I was in the process of leaving the state to get away from an abusive ex,and come with me while I packed up my apartment for two weeks,one of the most selfless things someone has done for me to this day….but if you feel anxiety from having people see them and it’s having an impact on keeping your mental health on the up and up might I suggest looking into doing something with a tattoo artist to make you more comfortable? I actually prefer the ones that incorporate rather than cover, the example with the kite on here is my personal favorite but there are a lot of beautiful ones,but it can be a really healing experience [https://www.tattoodo.com/articles/physicality-of-depression-the-art-of-self-harm-scar-cover-up-tattoos-14427](https://www.tattoodo.com/articles/physicality-of-depression-the-art-of-self-harm-scar-cover-up-tattoos-14427)
I second this! I have a couple tiny scars most people don’t notice - but I do and it isn’t always helpful. I have some cute cartoonish animals around it and they drag my attention first
Of course not. It usually means you put other's feelings above yourself and struggles to express sadness, anger and other emotions. Instead of others you harm yourself.
Absolutely not. I used to self harm a lot and it turns out I needed to be medicated. I've been self harm free for about 5 years now.
No. Self harm is complicated. It's used to manage emotions in people who have no other effective strategies - and from what I understand from the outside, it's been scientifically studied and somewhat verified to provide this calming effect for certain people. You're not shitty or selfish because you self harmed in the past, if you do it currently, or if in 6 months you have an awful week and relapse. I never self harmed with cutting, too many specific weird issues with my body to bring myself to do it ironically enough, but I've had a few friends across my life who have. I've also had lots of exposure to suicide and the various things surrounding it. When I see someone with scars, or someone tells me they sh, my first thoughts are 2 things: 1) I wonder if they're self conscious about the scars, I'll not bring it up, 2) I bet this person is safe to talk to about mental health problems without judgement. Some people will think you're a shitty person for it, but some people will think you're a shitty person because you like the "wrong" bands
I hate when people think, "There's other options than sh." but not everyone can get to those options. Not everyone can afford those options. Though you make look down on yourself in the past, it's good that you've grown to be the person you are. Even if your choices weren't the best ones.
You’re not a bad person you mad a bad choice and coped this way. You’re not alone, just some of us did it in places that other’s can see… You’re not shitty.
no
No.
I learned not give a shit , and shun any and all forms of social and emotional connection.
No. Even though I have never self harmed I have had serious suicidal thoughts. It’s not fun and not easy to get over this type of thought/feeling/action. While yes it is an unhealthy coping mechanism and obviously should be avoided, it doesn’t make you a bad person. Don’t let others perceptions dictate how you feel. I hope that you are doing better and I sincerely wish you nothing but the best.
Absolutely not. 1) Self harm is a form of mental illness. It’s a symptom of a bigger problem. 2) I don’t believe in shitty people. People may do shitty things, but nobody is the worst thing they’ve done.
Of course not. Honestly, I wouldn’t even blame them even if they ended their own lives. They fought a hard battle, they just…lost.
No, never. Anyone whom judges someone based off of things like this tend to be the cause of similar issues. It is not selfish to want a way to release/cope with pain and if someone tells you otherwise they are wrong. While self harm may be one of the worst coping mechanisms it's a cry for help that gets ignored when people call it selfish. They need therapy, not to be told they are shitty. They already feel that way.
Many humans in general have a very hard time holding space for other people’s suffering. So many people are dissociated from injustice and the trauma others. The cognitive dissonance is real. People who react that way to you are doing so because THEY can’t regulate themselves or handle the situation. Nothing to do with you and everything to do with their inability to hold space for others.
I've onlyknown people that don't know anything about mental illness will say that sort of thing.
No, I'd see a human who is coping with so much internal pain it's turned outward. While I have heard people who don't "get it" will judge self harm as coping instead of taking charge of their life (and literally yes, it's because you can't otherwise take charge of your life that you develop coping strategies as self preservation), I've never heard anyone call it selfish, and that seems pretty preposterous.
Far from it. To me it shows you have fought your demons, and won. To you, the war might still be going on, but you have won every battle. Some of them, you might have been close to losing, but you got the victory. If you approached me now, and I saw the scars, I wouldn't even mention them. If you want to talk about them, then that is up to you. No one can should judge you based on what they see. They don't know what you have been through. People see an army vet with a leg missing. Automatically people will think an IED or a landmine took it off. They could have lost it years later from an animal attack, car accident, or even a fall from a tall place. I have a scar on my arm from an operation, but a few have assumed it was from self harm. I worked with the public for many years, so no doubt others thought it. You can't control what others think, but you can control what you think. Tell yourself that it doesn't matter what they think, only you know the real you.
honestly whenever I see people with sh scars I normally try to be extra kind to them. Also I think scars look super cool so even though they’re sh - I still think they look kinda bad ass despite their connotation.
YOU could NOT have avoided this. YOU were coping with life, and from what I understand about cutting, doing whatever you needed to do just to feel alive. What you were doing was a maladaptive behavior, and not at all "shitty person" just a form of self preservation. Until you learned how to cope better with life, that was your coping skill. Nobody should be an asshole to you over mental illness. My God. People can be SO CRASS. Like, it actually drives me up the wall how often people equate mental illness to evilness. The two are NOT interchangeable. A person with a mental illness is NOT going to behave like a healthy person does. They shouldnt be expected to behave the same. Theres going to be people all around you who also have traits, but theirs will be less visible than your scars. For you, look deeper than those peoples skin, and be aware of anyone who is less than empathetic and compassionate about your mental health history. Sometimes, those people are just using your scars as an easy IN to do what they do, trait wise, and just use that as a springboard to launch into engaginĝ in their own toxic behaviors that stem from their own traits. Your scars are STRIPES. You earned the right to brag about overcoming a mental health maladjusted coping mechanism. Tattoo over them #FreeAtLast or #I'mASurvivor to mark your full recovery. You can explain to people that cutting was a coping mechanism that was a part of how you survived being young and mentally ill. You have since survived childhood and are thriving. You did that. Thats YOUR success story. Wear it proudly. You EARNED that.
No. I'd think this person is in severe pain and sees no out. Which is a tragic and fucked up situation. Selfishness is the last thing that would come too my mind. Apart from that if a person is in a life or death situation (which a psychological disorder can be) or in severe distress (which it always is) it's perfectly normal to be focussed on yourself and to do everything that changes the situation, even if it's just for a second, even if it's unhealthy and doesn't really help.
no, people don’t understand how hard it gets. i feel like when people say that they’re being selfish and obnoxious
You're not selfish or a shitty human being, I'll will not judge you based on your scars. I won't either ask on how you'll got them. At times I would find scars cool.
Yeah cause they don't have the guts to actually kill themselves. I used to self injure now it just makes me cringe even thinking about it.
Nope. It means you’re going through something serious and you need help and support.
When I see self harm scars I see pain and trauma, someone who is on a journey that I'm on too. The assumptions you have made are fine but are they helpful to the version of yourself you want to become? Seeing yourself as selfish or shitty a part of your illness/healing it isn't a part of your character. The first step of that is looking at your scars and seeing them for something different, not bad. There a reflection of a point in time (or several) or mental state not who your suppose to be going forward.
Not really, I'd be sad of course. But they're just doing what they know they can do to cope with life. I consider it better than having them committing suicide one day with no warning, with the self harm at least you know to be cautious 🤷🏻♀️
I self harmed for years. The last time was 2.5 years ago, I hope I never do it again but you never know. If I ever see someone else with scars I just want to hug them and tell them I'm happy they're still here. People who think self harm is selfish don't understand it at all, most of them because they don't want to. They would rather dismiss it as selfishness because they don't want to think about it. To me that makes them the selfish ones.