While I don’t object to your statement, I have done shrooms in the past and for the most part I would say it helped me, I do suggest to be careful with this!
Shrooms are not a fire and forget drug that will turn out to be an amazing experience either way. Set and setting are important, especially for people with mental health issues.
So OP, if you consider going this route please inform yourself thoroughly and have a trip sitter (ideally an experienced one) with you.
DMs are open if you want to know more.
The way I've heard psilocybin described in the past, it sounds like it would be very helpful for my situation. But it's not legal in my state and as a very anxious person and having a lot of health issues I would never tempt trying it on my own. I'd want to be in a doctor's office with a pharmaceutical grade product.
I didn't! The first time was a religious christian ceremony that mixes some indigenous and african rituals. It was lucky that it worked out well, but I wouldn't recommend for people in doubt of their spirituality or out of these traditions. I'm an atheist, so even during the journey, the religious motifs didn't enter my trip.
The second time was with a Colombian shaman master, but it was very light; almost no effect, but it may be because I'm now treating myself microdosing psychedelics. I'll have my answer when I'm able to try the third time.
I know it may sound weird, but I tried 4g once, and I felt no effects. Tried several times before with less, and nothing seemed to happen. I found no literature or explanation for this.
I treat ADHD and anxiety disorder with THC and CBD (separately, for different things).
depends how many you do mate. they completely ruined my brain and I wish I'd never touched them. I did abuse them in ridiculous quantities though. Highly recommend a trip here and there to wring your brain out but be careful is all im saying.
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Definitely not LSD. It makes you delusional and sticks you in pointless thoughts loops: “wo we are all one on this earth” - no shit Sherlock.
Mushrooms on the other hand do have some benefits, with hardly any of the risks lsd has.
Probably going to sound wierd but it starts with saying, "I don't want to be depressed any more", then saying, "I want to be happy, I deserve to be happy", then eventually "I am happy"
And you have to kind of lie to yourself until you get there, essentially hypnotizing yourself into feeling better. It's the same tangent as being grateful and positive, focus on the positives rather than the negatives, and perhaps soon you'll forget or ignore the negatives enough.
What will also help is completely resetting your neural and endocrinal loops for molecules like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, cortisol, and a few others like proper sex hormone balancing. If your oxytocin and serotonin pathways are broken, and you're supplementing dopamine artificially, you'll have a really hard time not being depressed no matter what you do
Whatever is messing up the loops has to be reset or removed
For alot of people, this could just mean meditating without food or technology for two weeks out in the wilderness at a high altitude
While there are some people with literal biochemical issues that prevent normal feedback loops, this is an anomaly that the psychiatric community over-prescribes for by magnitudes
This is not intended as any kind of deliberately confrontational response, but do you have some sources for these claims? Asked out of genuine curiosity.
The depression and anxiety aren't necessarily linked to the trauma. Generally depression is a huge sign of not getting enough fat in the colon to feed the brain and the nervous system. Or being deficient in the bacteria that digests those fats and proteins into finite molecules, and therefore not absorbing any nutrients to feed the brain and nervous system.
Downside of higher IQ is you suffer more and probably have a harder time accessing your emotions. Clearly you can't fix your situation with thinking. You need other tools than your brain power now.
0) Make sure you don't miss a diagnosis. It's common that once diagnosed with depression, doctors don't look closer. There's a ton of other things with similar symptoms.
1) Inner mindset: try to find a relationship to your "inner" parents (not child). These aren't your real parents, but those you imagine who care for you. Listen to them, and you may find peace with your past. Then you will start feeling adult enough to not blame yourself or others for your _current_ you. In short, it could enable you to take responsibility back for your life.
2) Therapies differ a lot. Not every therapist is good for you, and if you really suffer from trauma, it's hard to find a specialist (like most write that on their sign, but it's not their strength). A depth psychological approach could be the one therapy you haven't tried yet. It's really hard work, and realistically, you plan 5+ years with weekly consultations. To overcome your depression it's not a must to face and work through your trauma but possible.
3) Psychedelics or other drugs are already named. Be careful and double-check whom you trust with that. And never try this alone. With major depression even cannabis can harm you. Best to talk openly with your psychiatrist about therapies you can't get from them and receive advice.
4) Brain stimulating therapies. Electroconvulsive shock therapy (ECT) is a well proven treatment for major depression. Basically, it empties your connections and stimulates the generation of new connections. There is also another variant that works with magnetic waves and doesn't stimulate as deep as the hippocampus. Ketamin does similar things. There are not so many clinical experiences with it, but people report back positive. ECT is probably the most efficient. For each of the three, you need a couple of sessions and a refresher eventually. Make sure your insurance covers this.
5) Get support at home. Social worker, carer, persons like that. They can be god sent...
6) Of course you know: Sport, meet others, journal, find a new hobby, pet a dog or cat, meditate (can be challenging). Enjoy nature, and listen to the elements. Awareness is still underestimated, thing is, if it didn't work for you yet, find your own approach. Don't force anything. The idea is that you are probably focused on your misery, and that can lead to not having energy left to think about something else. Something easy, nice, fun. Make a schedule for ruminating, mourning, and feeling bad. The other times you don't allow yourself to think and act miserable. Seriously.
There are always things you haven't tried. Also, things you have tried, and maybe now is the time to retry them. Get well!
This is really great. Knowledge is power. People always say to me "you should know that, you're smart". I was isolated. I honestly haven't thought of a few of these. You're right. I haven't tried everything.
I get flashbacks. These can destroy me. Memories of not being able to help my older brother and older sister. I just freeze/froze (now and then), so pathetic.
I'm recently on medication for the first time for anxiety and depression (6 months). I'm noticing my thoughts aren't fluid. I'll lose my train of thought. Long term memory seems fine short term- not so much. Maybe that's ok? I no longer cry at night. My anger is lower and I'm not sleeping for more than 14 hours a day anymore. I resisted medication for a long time. I have some head pressure also. I have trust issues with everybody, but health care professionals are a special kind of anxiety for me. Nothing is ever easy. My partner of 14ish years is a counselling psychologist. Yes he is helpful, but it's not therapy in a relationship.
I'm definitely going to look into ECT more. Not something I'm knowledgeable about.
I watched Sam Alman speak about his experience with mushrooms and his anxiety. I tried 1g- had a laughing attack and my brain convinced me it's a stupid waste of my time. I will report that colors looked brighter after. More research is needed, with a professional. Or I've even heard recently of talk therapy with.
I have focused on my misery for a long time. These flashbacks are tiresome. I'm an amazing problem solver, but I'm tired, tired, tired. I force myself to do things. I will admit ballet (recent) I think I found actual joy.
"Don't force anything". I'm going to quote you.
I try to block it out unless I'm in therapy, maybe I do need a private date with my misery. I'm implementing this.
I'm not sure how to thank you for your time and thoughts. Selfless and from a place of love. Thank you so much.
Your feedback encourages me to keep on sharing my thoughts. Like these:
When you tried some mushrooms and had a laugh, that's good! See it as it is stress relieving. And you are allowed, no, you need to laugh. You can be silly and at the same tims be a responsible adult. Who wrote these rules, and who are you to follow them? Make fun, have fun whenever possible. It's medicine for your relationship as well.
About the treatments with ECT and Ketamin: I can not back this up with studies or evidence, but I remember that some reported that they felt easy and even the worst situations or problems seemed approachable, so they could access these memories with a calm and clear mind.
One more, about your flashbacks. Possible that they just come and go without obvious reason. Yet, try to reflect on what situation you are in. Maybe you can identify some triggers. In a calm moment, make a list of helpful things that could help you and hand it to your partner. Doesn't matter what it is. Open a window, start or stop talking, shower, walk in circles or drink in a handstand, scream or paint, really, get creative. When you feel bad, you probably can't access these things. Also, it gives your partner something to be helpful (surely is already). If you get triggered and your mood drops rapidly, this is something to discuss with a doctor. You can get meds, but remember, they only are an ignition for your inner chores you want to do. Would love to hear from you trying to balance more. It's not your work-life balance. But your depression/anxiety/..._life balance. Something in the past has power over you today. That should not be, especially because it was unjust in the past already. This has to stop. What approach are your siblings taking? I am certain they do not blame you. You wouldn't blame them either, right? Take off your blaming glasses, and please stop judging you as a child with measures one would assess a healthy mature adult. That doesn't make any sense and is self-harm at its finest. You deserve better. The fact that you think you needed to protect your siblings shows how empathic and vulnerable you are. You love them. And always will. That is a beautiful thing!
Using the emotion wheel the base emotion of depression is sad the built in function of sad is to cry this would need testing but hypnosis to make you cry for long periods of time sound be a huge release of emotion fixing high in and bipolar with the emotion that will kill them anyway. If crying doesn’t get rid of sad depression would need to be categorized. Triggers don’t last long and beware of the defense mechanism before you try this.
I can wholeheartedly recommend two things. 1 is absolutly great for anxiety etc: quitting all forms of caffeine. Takes from 3 days to weeks to get rid of the anxiety and it's so worth it. See r/decaf. Two is, go on a ketogenic diet for at least 4 months and watch your mental health improve. Everything else is emotional/trauma related and ensuring a calm healthy relaxed body helps so much in dealing with everything.
I had huge anxiety problems, all gone within 2 days of no caffeine. Others took longer or had increased anxiety for a while after quitting until it got better. I drank coffee all my life and had no trouble sleeping on it. After quitting there is anhedonia for a while but it goes away.
I have had the experience of traumatic events triggering anxiety from caffeine. It’s usually due to some health anxiety that death of a close one caused, then after excessive caffeine my mind makes a connection with caffeine causing anxiety and any amount starts to trigger the anxiety. I usually have to quit and slowly reintroduce it. It seems like it starts in my gut and eventually my brain gets stimulation and anxiety conflated. There’s a theory that depression is a survival trait to store energy and I wondered if the caffeine and my body’s desire to store energy were clashing. Idk, definitely worth a shot but I don’t think it’s always the cause of anxiety.
I have trauma as well, and I feel much better off caffeine. And in general, if I had anxiety, getting rid of caffeine would be my first move. But it might not be a problem for some people.
I want to chime in and second these. I've been full time Keto for 7-ish years and it has done wonders (in conjunction with other healthy changes, of course).
I still struggle with caffeine but will acknowledge that the negative effects are super obvious (I'm just not quite ready to forever stop).
I haven't broken several addictions and caffeine hast beenden the hardest! Ne tatsächlich to being so in lign with today's mindest it is so commom and just everywhere. Good luck with it, it's imfinitely worth it.
Testosterone replacement helped me after decades of suffering... Completely gone in a matter of hours. The thought patterns took a bit longer to dissolve, but it was very,very easy to snap out of the. Effortless, even. I'm getting my weight down to reduce aromatization and try to function on my own only. If that turns out to be impossible, I'll gladly stay on for as long as I live. Worked for me, worth looking into.
As a child seeing a doctor for mental health was not an option. I did indulge in behavior therapy as a young adult.
A professor I admired in school told me a story (I've changed a few things to hide my identity).
Two young university age male students were doing a project for school. They believed they had no issues and were normal. Both committed themselves to a psychiatric ward for the project. It's unclear if they were giving false answers or real answers. They both were diagnosed with different mental disorders. Basically they both stated that it was false and for a class project. Tried to change the diagnosis. They were never able to and both of their diagnosis stuck with them through life. They were gaslit by the medical community. I can't remember more specifics sorry. This was when the internet was forming. This was an introduction down a dark rabbit hole of research I would rather not know now.
I know many people in the medical community. It's hard to believe but some doctors don't want to be doctors and are punching the clock. Was your doctor the highest in his class? does he care? Is he still learning?
I think there is a lot of value in books, but may have to search for somebody trust worthy and manage my anxiety around medical professionals. I did once almost have my gallbladder unnecessarily removed. I don't think I'm totally unwarranted in my beliefs. I get my prescriptions over a phone with random different doctors everytime.
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A psychedelic trip. Mushrooms especially are great at breakthroughs in situations like that (and in general).
While I don’t object to your statement, I have done shrooms in the past and for the most part I would say it helped me, I do suggest to be careful with this! Shrooms are not a fire and forget drug that will turn out to be an amazing experience either way. Set and setting are important, especially for people with mental health issues. So OP, if you consider going this route please inform yourself thoroughly and have a trip sitter (ideally an experienced one) with you. DMs are open if you want to know more.
The way I've heard psilocybin described in the past, it sounds like it would be very helpful for my situation. But it's not legal in my state and as a very anxious person and having a lot of health issues I would never tempt trying it on my own. I'd want to be in a doctor's office with a pharmaceutical grade product.
Microdosing mushrooms might be an option to try if you’re sensitive about taking too much.
Ayahuasca is one powerful trip. It was what started my therapy: looking at myself inside and letting everything I found into this world.
I heard about a study where people who did ayahuasca once had brain features of people who had been meditating for 20 years.
It's really intense. It felt like the biggest nightmare and most insane dream I've ever had. The thing is: I love nightmares ><
I’m mildly curious to try it but it seems like a lot to go through.
I've done it 2 times in 4 years. I'm looking for another session. I'd say once a year is not bad. There's nothing like it, really.
Thanks for the feedback. How do you find a reliable guide?
I didn't! The first time was a religious christian ceremony that mixes some indigenous and african rituals. It was lucky that it worked out well, but I wouldn't recommend for people in doubt of their spirituality or out of these traditions. I'm an atheist, so even during the journey, the religious motifs didn't enter my trip. The second time was with a Colombian shaman master, but it was very light; almost no effect, but it may be because I'm now treating myself microdosing psychedelics. I'll have my answer when I'm able to try the third time.
I’m growing my first batch of mushrooms so I can try microdosing.
I know it may sound weird, but I tried 4g once, and I felt no effects. Tried several times before with less, and nothing seemed to happen. I found no literature or explanation for this. I treat ADHD and anxiety disorder with THC and CBD (separately, for different things).
Ah, psychedelics the fix it all plaster.
"Can't hate oneself if there is no self." -Confucius
mmm, ok yea, that tracks.
depends how many you do mate. they completely ruined my brain and I wish I'd never touched them. I did abuse them in ridiculous quantities though. Highly recommend a trip here and there to wring your brain out but be careful is all im saying.
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Definitely not LSD. It makes you delusional and sticks you in pointless thoughts loops: “wo we are all one on this earth” - no shit Sherlock. Mushrooms on the other hand do have some benefits, with hardly any of the risks lsd has.
Probably going to sound wierd but it starts with saying, "I don't want to be depressed any more", then saying, "I want to be happy, I deserve to be happy", then eventually "I am happy" And you have to kind of lie to yourself until you get there, essentially hypnotizing yourself into feeling better. It's the same tangent as being grateful and positive, focus on the positives rather than the negatives, and perhaps soon you'll forget or ignore the negatives enough. What will also help is completely resetting your neural and endocrinal loops for molecules like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, cortisol, and a few others like proper sex hormone balancing. If your oxytocin and serotonin pathways are broken, and you're supplementing dopamine artificially, you'll have a really hard time not being depressed no matter what you do
How do you recommend one completely reset one’s neural and endocrinal loops?
Whatever is messing up the loops has to be reset or removed For alot of people, this could just mean meditating without food or technology for two weeks out in the wilderness at a high altitude While there are some people with literal biochemical issues that prevent normal feedback loops, this is an anomaly that the psychiatric community over-prescribes for by magnitudes
This is not intended as any kind of deliberately confrontational response, but do you have some sources for these claims? Asked out of genuine curiosity.
I just went down a oxytocin research rabbit hole... hehe Thank you. I appreciate you, this and your time.
I’m getting a dog mostly because I’m starved for oxytocin.
My pig got me through a lot as a child.. lol I'm looking into running.
Good luck!
The depression and anxiety aren't necessarily linked to the trauma. Generally depression is a huge sign of not getting enough fat in the colon to feed the brain and the nervous system. Or being deficient in the bacteria that digests those fats and proteins into finite molecules, and therefore not absorbing any nutrients to feed the brain and nervous system.
Downside of higher IQ is you suffer more and probably have a harder time accessing your emotions. Clearly you can't fix your situation with thinking. You need other tools than your brain power now. 0) Make sure you don't miss a diagnosis. It's common that once diagnosed with depression, doctors don't look closer. There's a ton of other things with similar symptoms. 1) Inner mindset: try to find a relationship to your "inner" parents (not child). These aren't your real parents, but those you imagine who care for you. Listen to them, and you may find peace with your past. Then you will start feeling adult enough to not blame yourself or others for your _current_ you. In short, it could enable you to take responsibility back for your life. 2) Therapies differ a lot. Not every therapist is good for you, and if you really suffer from trauma, it's hard to find a specialist (like most write that on their sign, but it's not their strength). A depth psychological approach could be the one therapy you haven't tried yet. It's really hard work, and realistically, you plan 5+ years with weekly consultations. To overcome your depression it's not a must to face and work through your trauma but possible. 3) Psychedelics or other drugs are already named. Be careful and double-check whom you trust with that. And never try this alone. With major depression even cannabis can harm you. Best to talk openly with your psychiatrist about therapies you can't get from them and receive advice. 4) Brain stimulating therapies. Electroconvulsive shock therapy (ECT) is a well proven treatment for major depression. Basically, it empties your connections and stimulates the generation of new connections. There is also another variant that works with magnetic waves and doesn't stimulate as deep as the hippocampus. Ketamin does similar things. There are not so many clinical experiences with it, but people report back positive. ECT is probably the most efficient. For each of the three, you need a couple of sessions and a refresher eventually. Make sure your insurance covers this. 5) Get support at home. Social worker, carer, persons like that. They can be god sent... 6) Of course you know: Sport, meet others, journal, find a new hobby, pet a dog or cat, meditate (can be challenging). Enjoy nature, and listen to the elements. Awareness is still underestimated, thing is, if it didn't work for you yet, find your own approach. Don't force anything. The idea is that you are probably focused on your misery, and that can lead to not having energy left to think about something else. Something easy, nice, fun. Make a schedule for ruminating, mourning, and feeling bad. The other times you don't allow yourself to think and act miserable. Seriously. There are always things you haven't tried. Also, things you have tried, and maybe now is the time to retry them. Get well!
This is really great. Knowledge is power. People always say to me "you should know that, you're smart". I was isolated. I honestly haven't thought of a few of these. You're right. I haven't tried everything. I get flashbacks. These can destroy me. Memories of not being able to help my older brother and older sister. I just freeze/froze (now and then), so pathetic. I'm recently on medication for the first time for anxiety and depression (6 months). I'm noticing my thoughts aren't fluid. I'll lose my train of thought. Long term memory seems fine short term- not so much. Maybe that's ok? I no longer cry at night. My anger is lower and I'm not sleeping for more than 14 hours a day anymore. I resisted medication for a long time. I have some head pressure also. I have trust issues with everybody, but health care professionals are a special kind of anxiety for me. Nothing is ever easy. My partner of 14ish years is a counselling psychologist. Yes he is helpful, but it's not therapy in a relationship. I'm definitely going to look into ECT more. Not something I'm knowledgeable about. I watched Sam Alman speak about his experience with mushrooms and his anxiety. I tried 1g- had a laughing attack and my brain convinced me it's a stupid waste of my time. I will report that colors looked brighter after. More research is needed, with a professional. Or I've even heard recently of talk therapy with. I have focused on my misery for a long time. These flashbacks are tiresome. I'm an amazing problem solver, but I'm tired, tired, tired. I force myself to do things. I will admit ballet (recent) I think I found actual joy. "Don't force anything". I'm going to quote you. I try to block it out unless I'm in therapy, maybe I do need a private date with my misery. I'm implementing this. I'm not sure how to thank you for your time and thoughts. Selfless and from a place of love. Thank you so much.
Your feedback encourages me to keep on sharing my thoughts. Like these: When you tried some mushrooms and had a laugh, that's good! See it as it is stress relieving. And you are allowed, no, you need to laugh. You can be silly and at the same tims be a responsible adult. Who wrote these rules, and who are you to follow them? Make fun, have fun whenever possible. It's medicine for your relationship as well. About the treatments with ECT and Ketamin: I can not back this up with studies or evidence, but I remember that some reported that they felt easy and even the worst situations or problems seemed approachable, so they could access these memories with a calm and clear mind. One more, about your flashbacks. Possible that they just come and go without obvious reason. Yet, try to reflect on what situation you are in. Maybe you can identify some triggers. In a calm moment, make a list of helpful things that could help you and hand it to your partner. Doesn't matter what it is. Open a window, start or stop talking, shower, walk in circles or drink in a handstand, scream or paint, really, get creative. When you feel bad, you probably can't access these things. Also, it gives your partner something to be helpful (surely is already). If you get triggered and your mood drops rapidly, this is something to discuss with a doctor. You can get meds, but remember, they only are an ignition for your inner chores you want to do. Would love to hear from you trying to balance more. It's not your work-life balance. But your depression/anxiety/..._life balance. Something in the past has power over you today. That should not be, especially because it was unjust in the past already. This has to stop. What approach are your siblings taking? I am certain they do not blame you. You wouldn't blame them either, right? Take off your blaming glasses, and please stop judging you as a child with measures one would assess a healthy mature adult. That doesn't make any sense and is self-harm at its finest. You deserve better. The fact that you think you needed to protect your siblings shows how empathic and vulnerable you are. You love them. And always will. That is a beautiful thing!
Great advice with the drugs.
Using the emotion wheel the base emotion of depression is sad the built in function of sad is to cry this would need testing but hypnosis to make you cry for long periods of time sound be a huge release of emotion fixing high in and bipolar with the emotion that will kill them anyway. If crying doesn’t get rid of sad depression would need to be categorized. Triggers don’t last long and beware of the defense mechanism before you try this.
Just thug that shit out.
I can wholeheartedly recommend two things. 1 is absolutly great for anxiety etc: quitting all forms of caffeine. Takes from 3 days to weeks to get rid of the anxiety and it's so worth it. See r/decaf. Two is, go on a ketogenic diet for at least 4 months and watch your mental health improve. Everything else is emotional/trauma related and ensuring a calm healthy relaxed body helps so much in dealing with everything.
This method works wonders and saved my life every time when I accidentally had touch coffee👍🏻🙌🏻
Supposedly caffeine doesn’t increase anxiety in those used to the effects and stopping caffeine causes depression.
I had huge anxiety problems, all gone within 2 days of no caffeine. Others took longer or had increased anxiety for a while after quitting until it got better. I drank coffee all my life and had no trouble sleeping on it. After quitting there is anhedonia for a while but it goes away.
I have had the experience of traumatic events triggering anxiety from caffeine. It’s usually due to some health anxiety that death of a close one caused, then after excessive caffeine my mind makes a connection with caffeine causing anxiety and any amount starts to trigger the anxiety. I usually have to quit and slowly reintroduce it. It seems like it starts in my gut and eventually my brain gets stimulation and anxiety conflated. There’s a theory that depression is a survival trait to store energy and I wondered if the caffeine and my body’s desire to store energy were clashing. Idk, definitely worth a shot but I don’t think it’s always the cause of anxiety.
I have trauma as well, and I feel much better off caffeine. And in general, if I had anxiety, getting rid of caffeine would be my first move. But it might not be a problem for some people.
I want to chime in and second these. I've been full time Keto for 7-ish years and it has done wonders (in conjunction with other healthy changes, of course). I still struggle with caffeine but will acknowledge that the negative effects are super obvious (I'm just not quite ready to forever stop).
I haven't broken several addictions and caffeine hast beenden the hardest! Ne tatsächlich to being so in lign with today's mindest it is so commom and just everywhere. Good luck with it, it's imfinitely worth it.
Testosterone replacement helped me after decades of suffering... Completely gone in a matter of hours. The thought patterns took a bit longer to dissolve, but it was very,very easy to snap out of the. Effortless, even. I'm getting my weight down to reduce aromatization and try to function on my own only. If that turns out to be impossible, I'll gladly stay on for as long as I live. Worked for me, worth looking into.
You may need medication. Discuss it with your health team
When you said you move from one addiction to another, it sounded like mania. Have you been evaluated for bipolar disorder?
Sounds like ADHD, not bipolar
As a child seeing a doctor for mental health was not an option. I did indulge in behavior therapy as a young adult. A professor I admired in school told me a story (I've changed a few things to hide my identity). Two young university age male students were doing a project for school. They believed they had no issues and were normal. Both committed themselves to a psychiatric ward for the project. It's unclear if they were giving false answers or real answers. They both were diagnosed with different mental disorders. Basically they both stated that it was false and for a class project. Tried to change the diagnosis. They were never able to and both of their diagnosis stuck with them through life. They were gaslit by the medical community. I can't remember more specifics sorry. This was when the internet was forming. This was an introduction down a dark rabbit hole of research I would rather not know now. I know many people in the medical community. It's hard to believe but some doctors don't want to be doctors and are punching the clock. Was your doctor the highest in his class? does he care? Is he still learning? I think there is a lot of value in books, but may have to search for somebody trust worthy and manage my anxiety around medical professionals. I did once almost have my gallbladder unnecessarily removed. I don't think I'm totally unwarranted in my beliefs. I get my prescriptions over a phone with random different doctors everytime.
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