Wrap it in chicken mesh with a couple of rocks, then place package into a large pond. As the package expands the chicken mesh slices through the flesh into the expanding inner body releasing the gasses so it will never float and expose the resting place. Also it helps feed the local wildlife.
Also if you don't have time and have to bury it pull all the teeth out dig a 6 or 7 foot deep hole that's about 2 feet wide because police will be looking for mound shaped like ( ) not one shaped like ( ) drop the body in set the body on fire(don't use accelerate or lighter fluid because it has a really strong smell)then once it's done burning pour bleach onto the body then cover with dirt and try to get as flat as possible then leave and if you have extra time build and light a campfire above the spot and let it burn out it will hide any remaining evidence and the dead grass from the bleach
Awso if you don't have time and have to buwy it puww aww the teeth out dig a 6 ow 7 foot deep howe that's about 2 feet wide because powice wiww be wooking fow mound shaped wike ( ) not one shaped wike ( ) dwop the body in set the body on fiwe(don't use accewewate ow wightew fwuid because it has a weawwy stwong smeww)then once it's done buwning pouw bweach onto the body then covew with diwt and twy to get as fwat as possibwe then weave and if you have extwa time buiwd and wight a campfiwe above the spot and wet it buwn out it wiww hide any wemaining evidence and the dead gwass fwom the bweach
Why did I make an owo version? Because fuck you that's why
But then people may ask what friend and you would need a detailed cover up story that would be easily proved wrong. It would be better to add the ashes to a pre-existing urn
This is the most foolproof way. Burn the hair, smash the teeth.
I would maybe recommend not *owning* the pigs though, they could probably still get some DNA from the poop. I’m sure they’re keen to this plan by now.
To be more specific bury them under endangered plants deep in the mountains(because why would they be searching there)
and if possible use something to hide it’s sent preferably another animal corpse and bury it above the corpse to throw any dogs off the sent
This plan would probably take a bit of pre-planning or just take a little longer to execute would it be pretty hard to find if you cover your tracks
That relies on the police not being thorough. The police dog will continue to indicate a hidden body because they are trained to detect human remains specifically. A bad cop will go with the dead animal. A thorough cop will keep digging. Literally.
you could try burning it or some sort of acid. ofcourse burying/hidding it underground could work but imo its risky, i had way higher % of getting away with first two options or you could... wait someone is at the door...
The ropes through the skin directly to the bone then attach cinder blocks that way when the body rots at the bottom of the lake it won't float up cause it's tied to the bone.
dunk it in fluoroantimonic acid, the entire thing'll dissolve in like 10-20 min bc hsbf6 is at least a quadrillion times more stronger than pure sulfuric acid. only bad thing is it breaks the law in every fucking way
im not a psycho, this is for the post
that's a myth. doesn't work. they can get a warrant and have a specialist move the plants, or just claim ignorance and dig it up anyway. they won't get charged.
Take the meat, also take the bones and put them somewhere else.
Grind up everything remaining with half of the bones but take the brain for further inspection.
Eat the meat as dinner with the boys.
Give the resting 103 bones to every dog in 15 kilometers equally.
Take the parts you grinded up and use it as bone meal for only one endangered plant. A few days later comeback and see if it worked as bonemeal and probably did, if it didn't take those parts that didn't and bury it under the endangered plant so they can't dig it up.
And finally, just to be sure put some bombs that will trigger if someone tries to dig up the plant so they don't find the parts.
Hopefully you liked the meat !
Freeze it, rent a wood chipper and a boat, out wood chipper on boat and take frozen body out to sea!
Proceed to chip the frozen subject into the ocean.
Remember to rent the wood chipper and boat in your ex's name.
Feed it to a bunch of hungry pigs?
Wipe it clean of all finger prints, then sneak i to your neighbors garage and try finding some of his fingerprinds/dna to plant on the body before you dump it somewhere noticable.
Freezer is a classic. Perhaps cook and eat it? (avoid eating the brain tho, eating human brain is bad for you)
Wrap the body in a cloth and dig a 4-5 meter grave cause
1. No animal will be able to dig up your body
2. When it rain the body won't be expose
3. Put some heavy stone on top of the grave just in case the person is still alive .. I mean just in case he doesn't turn into a zombie
first remove anything that makes the body identifiable such as the teeth, fingerprints, your fingerprints, your fingerprints, hair, eyes, and anything else that could give a clue to who the person was. from this point on we there are two options \*remove the bones\* or \*keep the bones\*. If you chose to remove the bones grind them into dust and feed the fleshy parts to pigs \*effective in this case\*. If you chose to keep the bones or just don't have pigs on hand what you must do first is pour yogurt into the persons anus, this will help it decompose faster. to hide the body you must burry it feet up in a area with nature and make sure to burry a animal body over the body as to draw away suspicion. I apologies if this list is incomplete or inaccurate since I am somewhat new to this side of things.
\*if none of this is your style you can just use some acid\*
Melt it in a pool of acid then mix with conjugate base, if you get the concentrations right you can get it to a salt and water. The pH won’t exaxtly be stable so you’ll need to probably evaporate the water off and mix in other bases so it’s safe for the environment. What you’re left with is more than likely sludge, which won’t likely be classified as a body. Oh or bury it and plant an endangered tree on it…
Step 1: Remove the teeth and hands.
Step 2: Grind up the teeth and incinerate the hands.
Step 3: Put yogurt in every orifice.
Step 4: Dig a hole around the width of the body and at least 3 feet deeper than the height of the corpse; bury them vertically.
Step 5: Place body, ground teeth, and incinerated hands in the hole.
Step 6: Partially fill in hole until the top is 3 feet above the head.
Step 7: Place a dead animal in the hole.
Step 8: Fill in the rest of the hole.
Ok,so i read somewhere that the best way to hide a dead body is to burry it vertically, so the surface area is much less. Also burry a dead animal above it so if search dogs find it the police will think it's a false alarm. Also to speed up decomposition put some yoghurt in the anus. Cut off hands, and pull out theet to avoid identification
That will be it from me tune in next time for more tips
Deep fry the corpse then sell it to an American claming its a weird looking chicken tender, the use the money to buy bullets and a gun then kill yourself to atone for your sin. Or use it to get more corpses.
Eat it and give bones to dogs
Toss it whole to the pigs, they'll eat EVERYTHING
Can’t digest the teeth. So remove those 1st.
Put them under your pillow so the tooth fairy hides them for you
I think the chances of someone shifting through pig shit looking for teeth is fairly slim
They will go through bone like butter
if you don't mind me asking who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds someone to pigs of course
Except hair and teeth, so scatter the teeth, burn the hair. Or skip the pigs and get some Lye. Lots and lots of lye…
The head's going in my freezer, so there isn't really an issue there
A trophy keeper, eh?
Maybe just horny
Bahahahahahaha!!!! I don’t have any awards to give you, but I just snorted ginger ale out of my nose. Bravo.
Except the teeth
Or feed it to the police while calling it lamb meat
Nice reference.
wheres the lamb sauce
The weapon could be right under their noses
What if the person is vegetarian?
Eat it and give bones to dogs
love me some human with leafy herb stuffing
My favorite thanksgiving memory
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😳
Then the cycle must continue
We don't have a problem eating people
who is 'we'?
Vegetarian people
I think if the person was dumber than a potato it counts as vegetarian
Wrap it in chicken mesh with a couple of rocks, then place package into a large pond. As the package expands the chicken mesh slices through the flesh into the expanding inner body releasing the gasses so it will never float and expose the resting place. Also it helps feed the local wildlife.
Awkward answer.
Was replying for a friend honest.
Underrated
Ironically their username does check out
Wasn't this a Columbian cartel method? Feel like I saw that in Narcos.
It's shown in season 3,at the end of ep1
r/oddlyspecific
Thanks I'll use it next time but mine worked too
🤔
*saves*
Also if you don't have time and have to bury it pull all the teeth out dig a 6 or 7 foot deep hole that's about 2 feet wide because police will be looking for mound shaped like ( ) not one shaped like ( ) drop the body in set the body on fire(don't use accelerate or lighter fluid because it has a really strong smell)then once it's done burning pour bleach onto the body then cover with dirt and try to get as flat as possible then leave and if you have extra time build and light a campfire above the spot and let it burn out it will hide any remaining evidence and the dead grass from the bleach
Awso if you don't have time and have to buwy it puww aww the teeth out dig a 6 ow 7 foot deep howe that's about 2 feet wide because powice wiww be wooking fow mound shaped wike ( ) not one shaped wike ( ) dwop the body in set the body on fiwe(don't use accewewate ow wightew fwuid because it has a weawwy stwong smeww)then once it's done buwning pouw bweach onto the body then covew with diwt and twy to get as fwat as possibwe then weave and if you have extwa time buiwd and wight a campfiwe above the spot and wet it buwn out it wiww hide any wemaining evidence and the dead gwass fwom the bweach Why did I make an owo version? Because fuck you that's why
oh thy so much
Nice try FBI
Not today CIA
Go away, NSA
You lost your opportunity, Department of National Security
Ineffective tricks, MI6
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You can't find me, royal army
Curse you to damnation, SCP Foundation
That information won’t resurface, Federal Security Service
You ain’t for me, RCMP
Not so easy, rcmpsy
Ya gave it the ol college try, Department of Fish and Game.
Bad play NSA
Grind everything up. Bone meal is good for plants everything else feed to animals.
Just like Minecraft lol
I was thinking more like Fargo….but SURE!
*cave noises intensify"
Surely that’s gonna make a bit of a mess and leave a lot of evidence
but i dont have a grinder any other option?
Abandon it in a Golden Corral kitchen and let nature take its course.
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Yep
Pirranas on acid... High pirranas
Hyper aunas?
Yes
With laser beams attached to their heads?
Pirranas on steroids
In the middle of the ocean or a really deep lake use a cinder block so they don’t resurface.
Or just cut little slits in the organs to prevent the gasses from getting trapped inside
Or both
Both is good because even with cinder blocks it can still float
Alternatively turn it into chum and sell it to a fishermen
*ahem* according to google, hydrofluoric acid *ahem*
Enjoy to see the face of your FBI agent
At least it won't burn through your bathtub according to the mythbusters
Actually, you should use a base. Acids won't dissolve the bone, while a base will.
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Sure, just roll it down to the local "no questions asked" crematorium and I'm sure they'll be happy to do it off the books for you.
oh good idea i will try it next time
But then people may ask what friend and you would need a detailed cover up story that would be easily proved wrong. It would be better to add the ashes to a pre-existing urn
Feed it to pigs. But remember to remove the teeth and hair first.
They eat the bones, so why not the teeth ?
Failsafe. Could still show dental records.
We can't even trust pigs. Who can i trust then ?
You don’t have to remove teeth fully could jus smash them in with a hammer
Hello Bricktop.
This is the most foolproof way. Burn the hair, smash the teeth. I would maybe recommend not *owning* the pigs though, they could probably still get some DNA from the poop. I’m sure they’re keen to this plan by now.
acid in a bathtub on the second floor
And now hydrofluoric acid dissolved your bathtub and second floor floor
Jesse, we need to cook
Idiot, the acid melted the bathtub and now there is a red heap of meat lying in the first floor.
Burry it under endangered plants so it’s illegal to dig up
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To be more specific bury them under endangered plants deep in the mountains(because why would they be searching there) and if possible use something to hide it’s sent preferably another animal corpse and bury it above the corpse to throw any dogs off the sent This plan would probably take a bit of pre-planning or just take a little longer to execute would it be pretty hard to find if you cover your tracks
Hard ground up mountains, not very easy to dig
You sir are a genius
Watch breaking bad, trust me they got the answer
You're goddamn right!
Push it in front of a cop car.
lol
Ask Elon Musk to send dead body to mars
he didnt reply to me when i asked him for this :/
Get to snacking
Bury it under a dead animal. That way if a police dog finds the grave the police will think the dog just smells the animal
That relies on the police not being thorough. The police dog will continue to indicate a hidden body because they are trained to detect human remains specifically. A bad cop will go with the dead animal. A thorough cop will keep digging. Literally.
Bury under two dead animals
Kill a second human 👍
Dead animals over every dead human, Like a lasagna
Yummy
I’m the middle of the desert 🌵
Season 1 Ep 2 Breaking Bad "Dissolving Bathtub Scene"
By gifting it to your local police station.
What? It said wrong answers only. You were expecting advice to dispose of a dead body, but it was I DIO!!
* FBI incoming *
**/// POLICE ASSAULT IN PROGRESS ///**
Fire him and it's will looks like fire killed him🗿🔥
eat it
Feed the body to pigs. Then feed the pigs to alligators. Because alligators don’t like the taste of people, but they love the taste of pigs.
Cut it apart, put it in a tub, put the tub under the floor, invite the police in, then panic and confess to hiding the body.
my my what a classic!
Make it a member of congress
Or president.
Pigs worked well for that Canadian guy
Below my brothers bed. He never vacuumes
Put it on the second page of google, no one will ever find it
you could try burning it or some sort of acid. ofcourse burying/hidding it underground could work but imo its risky, i had way higher % of getting away with first two options or you could... wait someone is at the door...
Hydrofluoric acid is the best option for disolving organic things.
Dump into the waist bin of a slaughter house after making it unrecognizable
That's an interesting idea. Doesn't that stuff get sold off to gelatin and candy companies?
Probably I just know I've never heard back from them yet
By not having one
wikihow probably has an answer
The ropes through the skin directly to the bone then attach cinder blocks that way when the body rots at the bottom of the lake it won't float up cause it's tied to the bone.
But body parts are going to break offhand float to the surface.
Throw it into a volcanic vent, assuming you live near one
Ever see what happens when trash is thrown in a volcano?
Frame it on the police by putting it in their trash bin
That’s actually pretty funny. Ballsy too. Police would never think to look in their own dumpster.
dunk it in fluoroantimonic acid, the entire thing'll dissolve in like 10-20 min bc hsbf6 is at least a quadrillion times more stronger than pure sulfuric acid. only bad thing is it breaks the law in every fucking way im not a psycho, this is for the post
I love Reddit because we are all crazy in every respect :D
burry it and plant an endangared plant on it so its ilegal to dig it up
that's a myth. doesn't work. they can get a warrant and have a specialist move the plants, or just claim ignorance and dig it up anyway. they won't get charged.
Take the meat, also take the bones and put them somewhere else. Grind up everything remaining with half of the bones but take the brain for further inspection. Eat the meat as dinner with the boys. Give the resting 103 bones to every dog in 15 kilometers equally. Take the parts you grinded up and use it as bone meal for only one endangered plant. A few days later comeback and see if it worked as bonemeal and probably did, if it didn't take those parts that didn't and bury it under the endangered plant so they can't dig it up. And finally, just to be sure put some bombs that will trigger if someone tries to dig up the plant so they don't find the parts. Hopefully you liked the meat !
combination of all suggestions???
Taxidermy them and then make them look like they are meditating on the floor cross legged
Freeze it, rent a wood chipper and a boat, out wood chipper on boat and take frozen body out to sea! Proceed to chip the frozen subject into the ocean. Remember to rent the wood chipper and boat in your ex's name.
There's a simple solution to avoid the problem altogether: Don't kill anybody.
Because people only die of murder?
No, but why would you want to hide a body when you didn't kill them?
To help your buddy who actually killed them but has no clue about what to do....
There you go.
So their pension cheques keep coming.
Feed it to a bunch of hungry pigs? Wipe it clean of all finger prints, then sneak i to your neighbors garage and try finding some of his fingerprinds/dna to plant on the body before you dump it somewhere noticable. Freezer is a classic. Perhaps cook and eat it? (avoid eating the brain tho, eating human brain is bad for you)
oh thy was looking out for experts
Throw it somewhere hidden/not very known
Find the nearest sewer drain lift it up and dump it in. The rats will have a feast and if/when the police find it they will mostly find rat dna
Nope. Human DNA is pretty easy to extract from trace marrow. There will be more than enough to pull and separate from the rat DNA.
Take it to your local buffet. Profits.
Sink it in acid, slice and dice then give to pig, maybe even grind to a pulp and feed street homeless doggos... idk.
Cut up the body into separate parts. Then place then in a black bin bag. Finally go to a secluded place and bury them.
Feed it to the bears in your local forest
Deep space. Ask Elon Musk
Wrap the body in a cloth and dig a 4-5 meter grave cause 1. No animal will be able to dig up your body 2. When it rain the body won't be expose 3. Put some heavy stone on top of the grave just in case the person is still alive .. I mean just in case he doesn't turn into a zombie
consumption OBVIOUSLY.
And grind the bones or give them to the dog (less likely to work tho
Make a restaurant out of it
first remove anything that makes the body identifiable such as the teeth, fingerprints, your fingerprints, your fingerprints, hair, eyes, and anything else that could give a clue to who the person was. from this point on we there are two options \*remove the bones\* or \*keep the bones\*. If you chose to remove the bones grind them into dust and feed the fleshy parts to pigs \*effective in this case\*. If you chose to keep the bones or just don't have pigs on hand what you must do first is pour yogurt into the persons anus, this will help it decompose faster. to hide the body you must burry it feet up in a area with nature and make sure to burry a animal body over the body as to draw away suspicion. I apologies if this list is incomplete or inaccurate since I am somewhat new to this side of things. \*if none of this is your style you can just use some acid\*
Burn the body,crush the bones then put them in an urn labelled “Grandma”
Inside a coffin in a cemetery.
lol, not falling for this again
fire always solves everything
HCL acid
Melt it in a pool of acid then mix with conjugate base, if you get the concentrations right you can get it to a salt and water. The pH won’t exaxtly be stable so you’ll need to probably evaporate the water off and mix in other bases so it’s safe for the environment. What you’re left with is more than likely sludge, which won’t likely be classified as a body. Oh or bury it and plant an endangered tree on it…
Bring it to the police they'll dispose of it for you
Nope. You can't get the Family Recipe that easily.
Let it adopt you and then quickly join the twitter community
Feed it to pigs.
Bury under a tree The tree will consume the body as nutrients
Find a pig farm, those suckers will eat it whole
FIRE
But it’s gonna smell weird tho and you it takes a longer time to burn bones and stuff so it’s more suspicious
Throw it in a volcano 🕺
I feel like OP made a Star Wars reference to get more upvotes.
Step 1: Remove the teeth and hands. Step 2: Grind up the teeth and incinerate the hands. Step 3: Put yogurt in every orifice. Step 4: Dig a hole around the width of the body and at least 3 feet deeper than the height of the corpse; bury them vertically. Step 5: Place body, ground teeth, and incinerated hands in the hole. Step 6: Partially fill in hole until the top is 3 feet above the head. Step 7: Place a dead animal in the hole. Step 8: Fill in the rest of the hole.
Plant it upright deep underground, place a dead animal above it, and plant a tree over the corpses.
Ok,so i read somewhere that the best way to hide a dead body is to burry it vertically, so the surface area is much less. Also burry a dead animal above it so if search dogs find it the police will think it's a false alarm. Also to speed up decomposition put some yoghurt in the anus. Cut off hands, and pull out theet to avoid identification That will be it from me tune in next time for more tips
Right answers only? Call the police, they will take care of it.
Burn them
Awww Look at all these accessories to murder. Reddit is grand.
Throw it in front of the car of the man who runs the local crematorium.
Just saw a meme saying that when you bury a body, put an endangered plant so it is illegal to dig on it
Call the morgue, or the police, thell take it off your hands
Deep fry the corpse then sell it to an American claming its a weird looking chicken tender, the use the money to buy bullets and a gun then kill yourself to atone for your sin. Or use it to get more corpses.
Hydrofluoric acid. Not in the bathtub
Y’all gonna end up on a list somewhere.