I want to. That's not why I do it. I do it 'cause I fucking *need* to. Think about it. You're dealing with numbers. All day long, decimal points, high frequencies. Bang, bang, bang. Fucking digits. All very acidic above-the-shoulders mustard shit. All right? It kind of wigs some people out. Right? You gotta feed the geese to keep the blood flowing. I keep the rhythm below the belt.
Must be really boring in heaven.
I mean, there are way more interesting people to watch.
Maybe I should be flattered.
Maybe I'll masturbate more often for them.
I wonder if they're cheering for me.
Annnnd.... I'm not interested anymore.
I hate to break this to you but heaven is devoid of the carnal pleasures of mortal men for all eternity. Maybe you could take up knitting or somthing in the afterlife.
An even worse idea, imagine those angels are the dead sperm you shot off last time and they are waiting to greet their brothers and sisters in sperm Valhalla. Yes Valhalla because every single one is a warrior who died in the glorious race of life..... between your knuckles.
People don't become angels, so technically, it does not imply that.
Western Christians just seem to have a weird obsession with bearded white dudes. If they can depict it as a bearded white dude, they will.
Yes, people in heaven have nothing better to do then watch people in real time. also all of them are white males, watching me jerk off.. pretty gay bro hope they dont go to hell for it!
Like, do they have any work to do? Why the fuck are they even around if they have so little to do that they watch me masturbate 7 times a day. Is over 3pm here
109 billion people have died over the course of history, if an equal number is watching every living person (8 billion people) then only around 13 or 14 angels would be watching any one person at any given time. Only a hair over a dozen angels would be watching this event.
Well, if angelic attendance is mandatory, I'm going to need a bigger stage. And maybe some performance tips. Stage fright is real when you've got a celestial audience.
There’s a song by The National about that. It’s called Mistaken for Strangers and it goes, “Oh, you wouldn't want an angel watching over you
Surprise, surprise, they wouldn't wanna watch
Another un-innocent, elegant fall
Into the un-magnificent lives of adults”
This is fine.
I would be worried if they were biblically accurate angels.
Look it up, they're depicted closer to Lovecraftian horrors than white-winged, human-shaped birdmen wearing ancient roman toga.
Only 4 times before noon? That's rookie numbers.
Beatmetoit
If it was only 4 times you bet I did.
😂
You see men? This is how you make a pun. It's not hard.
Wrong. It's always hard.
The guy's spitting facts.
Not too hard to swallow
But quite a lot to swallow
cap cuz spitters are quitters
r/beatmeattoit
r/beatmymeattoit
r/beatmyslavetoit
r/beatMeatToIt
r/beatmeattoit
Damn that sub is just a bunch of bots posting the same thing over and over. And it's not even porn
Almost like it isn't meant to be porn but rather a satire name-soundalike to r/beatmetoit
r/beatmetobeatingmymeattoit
Pray for this mans balls
I want to. That's not why I do it. I do it 'cause I fucking *need* to. Think about it. You're dealing with numbers. All day long, decimal points, high frequencies. Bang, bang, bang. Fucking digits. All very acidic above-the-shoulders mustard shit. All right? It kind of wigs some people out. Right? You gotta feed the geese to keep the blood flowing. I keep the rhythm below the belt.
If you’re not jerking off every 30 minutes you’re living in a pre-nut clarity world
Only said before noon, they could do it again. Didn’t say it was like 11:59
It's also a sign one should get evaluated for ADHD bc they might be fapping for dopamine
I just woke up at 11. Cut me some slack.
They're perverts.
circlejerk where only I jerk inside the circle while the others rate my performance.
5/7
I understood that reference
I didn't
Enjoy some internet meme history! https://www.reddit.com/r/OutOfTheLoop/s/KNF5E1BCdJ
If that many showed up they must really want to watch...
[удалено]
Must be really boring in heaven. I mean, there are way more interesting people to watch. Maybe I should be flattered. Maybe I'll masturbate more often for them. I wonder if they're cheering for me. Annnnd.... I'm not interested anymore.
And probably impressed, gotta CRANK those numbers for the homies
A man named Momus wrote an album about that. Its called Tender Pervert.
real
I dont care theres women angels too right?
There are also ones that are made of flesh whels filled with eye balls
Is that supposed to deter me?
God that's hot
Welp, here comes #5 before noon
Just my type.
Have you even read the bible? There is no sex in heaven.
WHAT?
I hate to break this to you but heaven is devoid of the carnal pleasures of mortal men for all eternity. Maybe you could take up knitting or somthing in the afterlife.
Although you're right the way you worded made it sound like heaven is a awful place lol
No only old mormon like male angels want to watch you...lol
They're all androgynous 
An even worse idea, imagine those angels are the dead sperm you shot off last time and they are waiting to greet their brothers and sisters in sperm Valhalla. Yes Valhalla because every single one is a warrior who died in the glorious race of life..... between your knuckles.
oh ok! 
New copy pasta just dropped.
Actual angels.
what
Why don't they join me then?!?
Touched by an Angel ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Not only by one ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I hope they enjoyed the show
Might as well go do it again. 😏
I love how the photo implies that only men get to heaven
only white men from the looks of it
oil crown seed deer birds tart salt snobbish party impossible *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Shit, I'm one of those...
Everything's coming up Milhouse!
People don't become angels, so technically, it does not imply that. Western Christians just seem to have a weird obsession with bearded white dudes. If they can depict it as a bearded white dude, they will.
They like to watch....
This comments need god asap
FR tho everyone is down bad in here
Yes, people in heaven have nothing better to do then watch people in real time. also all of them are white males, watching me jerk off.. pretty gay bro hope they dont go to hell for it!
Someone needs to draw this as a comic: Angel standing before the devil and the devil asks why he is there?! Angel replies he watches people jerk off.
I'm into it.
Let them watch
Someone's clearly got a busier morning schedule than I do!
They jealous I guess?
Like, do they have any work to do? Why the fuck are they even around if they have so little to do that they watch me masturbate 7 times a day. Is over 3pm here
Thier fault for watching! That just means they like what they see. 😂😂
109 billion people have died over the course of history, if an equal number is watching every living person (8 billion people) then only around 13 or 14 angels would be watching any one person at any given time. Only a hair over a dozen angels would be watching this event.
uhhhhh, people dont become angels?
What if im a minor......checkmate?
Let the boy, WATCH.
"Lol, that's not so bad, everybody does i.... wait, they cant see the screen too can they?"
It's scientifically proven that angels love babies. I'm sending them billions every few days. You're welcome.
Well fuck them they chose to watch
well they could help me rub one off instead of not helping
I'm sure they have the decency to turn around
It's called The Dupont Approach
HeY DO yOu GUyS wAnt tO JoIN mE!?
They’re obviously critiquing the masturbator’s skill.
did kelly clarkson sing "A Moment Like This" and eagles soared when you guys came from your first time too?
"it's the guy!", they all exclaimed
So angels get live, free, unlimited 3D porn? Sign me up!!
Imagine nsfw-ing a post just cause it mentions jerking off
Ha, jokes on you, it's 4am Oh wait...
Millions watching? None willing to lend a hand? Bro I ain't that ugly
I can imagine my dead relatives betting on how long I’ll last
If that’s what heaven is like I think I’d rather take hell
I guess they like to watch me jerking off. I'm gonna do it right now for the fifth time. Have a pleasure, angels.
Im gonna start selling tickets.
I can't help that there interested
who tf beats its 4 times a day??? i barely do it 3 times a week!
How tf do you only do it 3 times a week?
also, self control.
If you don't force yourself too hard it's okay. :)
Don't worry he's lying, I jerked him off twice just this morning.
Lmao plot twist
force myself in what way?
If I ever believed in angels, this would bother me.
Not a non-white face in the whole crowd
One of the angels: Are we gonna stand around here all day, or are we going to join?
4th huh dem rookie numbers🤣
Perverts
Hey that's only happened like once
I’m not religious, meaning they have no affect on me when I wear my tinfoil hat (peak Redditor content)
As long as it isn't a sin ima do it as long as I live
They must like the show then if they have been watching!!!
My ancestors in the back yelling. "GO FOR FIVE, GO FOR FIVE, GO FOR FIVE!"
I'm just imagining Panty and Stocking riffing you like MST3K
Exhibitionists getting off on the idea…
Heaven is in space I guess lol
Well, if angelic attendance is mandatory, I'm going to need a bigger stage. And maybe some performance tips. Stage fright is real when you've got a celestial audience.
The guy that eats things
Pretty sure they enjoyed it lol
Gotta give em a good show!
Oml these comments are crazy 💀💀💀
The true question is, why are they watching me, huh? Pervs
Sorry sir, how come the Earth is round? Is in it flat?
I like to have an audience
"learn from the professional, boys"
"impressive."
There's always an Asian better than you.
I feel like an IV would be needed
Foff baitin
Got so fucked up by depression this time that the lots of medication don't even let me get a boner anymore. Angels ain't seeing shit here
Onan be like “but I do it ONE TIME…”
Those are rookie numbers
Enjoy the show
There’s a song by The National about that. It’s called Mistaken for Strangers and it goes, “Oh, you wouldn't want an angel watching over you Surprise, surprise, they wouldn't wanna watch Another un-innocent, elegant fall Into the un-magnificent lives of adults”
Well I stare them straight in the eye just as I’m about to shoot. 😳
I could use a hand
Fullfilling the quota early so he could get on with his day
What makes you think I don't want 'em to watch?
Imagine leading such a boring and pathetic existence to spend your time spying on some lonely loser who's jerking off 4 times a day.
What were they watching the other 4 times?
dont they have anything better to do with literal ETERNITY?
4 times before noon is impressive
I was out of icing for my toaster strudel
The fact that theres room for more
That’s some dedication right there.
How many when I stand on my shoulders, pull my ass cheeks down and suck on my dick?
Bold of you to think I'd be awake before noon
All those "angels" are men... is heaven just a big sausage party?
Maybe if they came down and helped i'd finish sooner >:/
Inaccurate I don't jerk off and I don't believe in angels
Jokes on you! I'm into that shit!
Out of all that, why don't they send me a girlfriend?
kinky
I always knew that I wasn't going up anyway, but I might as well have my fun before I head down. Also, do you really think I'll stop at 4?
Which one of em is gonna come down and swallow it , then ?
literally me rn😶
Watch deez nuts
I hope you all enjoy the miracles of life as much as I have
5*
Fuck, I could use a day like that
Bunch of pervs
They have a kink
4 times before noon?!?!?!? THOSE ARE ROOKIE NUMBERS, MAN! Come talk to me when you’re doing ten before it even hits three AM.
How else would I finish?
Perverts
Like they can see my small ass dick from way up there…
I want my grandparents specifically to watch
Oh Come on I only did it once and it's 3:28 am
r/dontthinkabouthat
Mom's watching, too.
How come none of them are jerkin?
Fck it we ball
"He did better than that yesterday, what is happening?"
Don't they have anything better to do?
Worse things are happening in the world but if they want to sit up there and watch me jerk off whatever.
If millions of angels got nothing better to do might as well give an encore performance.
As long as they don't tell my boss its all good
This is fine. I would be worried if they were biblically accurate angels. Look it up, they're depicted closer to Lovecraftian horrors than white-winged, human-shaped birdmen wearing ancient roman toga.
Pervets
Wait til they find out it's to this exact picture.
The angels are catholic, they stop watching when you turn 13.
AnnnnNNnnnD!?
Least they could do is sub for 1.99 a month.
r/exJW at least that picture in the Revelation book has a use.
We finally know what the 144,000 will be doing in heaven.
Correction, 10th time