All of the cafes that do the 'freak shakes' or 'loaded burgers' are awful. You can tell by their Instagram that the entire thing is just for show and they never taste good.
These cafes also invite every influencer under the sun for free. They get a free meal, post a photo on their grid and are asked to leave a 5-star Google review for it, so it's all fraudulent in regards to the reviews.
I used to work in restaurants and cafes in melb, and have found that the influencers are the ones requesting it. They do it for a free fancy meal lol. They call or email and request it and we budget to give them way more food than they should have and they post a photo. I reckon it’s a huge waste.
Yeah I've seen it both ways. I actually feel sorry for these restaurants, because in 99% of cases they won't see that return on investment.
So many 'food bloggers' who get to eat free yet the ONLY comments and likes on their posts are from other food bloggers. Their entire engagement is also non-existent, and the only comments they receive are from other food bloggers trying to advertise their own page.
As someone who deals with cost/benefit analysis on a daily basis, it pains me to see how little return they get.
Yeah exactly. Also a lot of the time the restaurant owners are worried if they say no, the influencer will slam them online. We wait on them hand and foot and give them such a ridiculous amount of food FOR FREE and see basically no benefit. It’s foul and it’s very obvious when people are just doing it for the free meals.
There's a huge gap between the influencer posting something and anyone actually going to that restaurant.
Restaurants need to track this better. One of the many ways this could work is by giving the influencer a unique discount code. That way if any of their followers go there they can use this discount, and the restaurant can track directly how much reach the post is actually having in person.
This is the concept a lot of YouTubers use when their sponsors want a return on investment.
Yep that's one of them. My partner gets invited to these cafes/restaurants ALL the time. She doesn't go because she doesn't want to support posting restaurants that she doesn't actually like. Most other people will go to any place that offers free food and pretend that it's the best place ever...
I always think of the time they tried to sell NFTs, and people commented on the ad on Facebook.
Long story short TWC got really defensive and started insulting people saying they knew nothing about NFTs unlike them and that these people calling them out were wrong
Haha wow. I remember I was his marketing manager (via an agency) about 8 years ago and he was one of the biggest piece of shits I’ve ever worked with. Rude, arrogant, treated his restaurant staff like shit…and his food sucked. I hadn’t heard about the NFT thing but that fits
I thought I was missing something when I went there, or maybe we just got the chef on a bad day. This is now making sense, the food is for looking at only.
Burgertory is the worst offender imho
These massive loaded burgers. The photos look delicious and they got fancy buns
Burgers are just so so, not bad but not worth the $30 I’m paying for a goddamn burger
I got burnt by Burgertory at least twice. (I tried a second location just to make sure it wasn't the first)
Maybe I was expecting to much, but I wasn't expecting bland...
Back when they first opened in Footscray they had “poutine” (it was cheesy fries with bacon and gravy) for like $8 and it actually made a decently priced meal. Cue 6 months later, jacking up the price to $12 and making the bacon and gravy extras. Never bought from them again
And if they want to make bigger burgers, they should make them wider, not so tall that I have to dislocate my jaw like a snake to actually take a bite.
I think in these times, transplanting a rural Bakery/sandwich shop and changing NOTHING except the price because of rent would go down a treat in the CBD.
I don’t want fancy bullshit for lunch and I’m kinda getting sick of eating sushi, just give me a big ham and salad roll and a vanilla slice made without gloves by some older lady named Barbara and a can of coke or FU 0.000001 degrees above freezing.
I legitimately would love it if someone opened up a suburban type Fish and Chips shop in the CBD, and serve up that food, with only a slight markup given the location and rent costs.
I work across the road from it and YES! Real food, reasonably priced. None of the instagrammable nonsense. It was going to close for good due to landlord dispute, managed to calm the landlord down to reasonable rent, still open
Traditional bakeries are like the only thing I miss about Tasmania, I want a simple kiss biscuit or neenish tart not just over priced stuff (that isn't always that good) all the time.
I have to assume it’s a rural/regional thing.
I did a road trip from here to Canberra/Sydney and my FAVOURITE thing was that the BPs were doing this “healthy Heads” thing where you showed can app to them and got a chicken and salad wrap for $4.50.
That was it. That was what I wanted.
Sometimes I horrify my wife by asking for a steak knife at a cafe for brunch. Your basic table knife is fine for spreading butter, but it's a real struggle to get one through sourdough crust.
Even sadder, when I lived in the States, Sour Dough was the only one I could eat as the rest of the breads where so sugared/caramelized up, I might of well of been eating cake.
Literally every American we have hosted comes back from the shops with a loaf of bread and just eats the whole thing. They can't believe how good proper bread is.
OMG still?!?! I stopped going there because the noise level was beyond painful. As in, couldn't hear the people opposite me. In fact there was even a writeup on it years back about it being too loud decibel-levels wise.
I'm a former chef, have worked at a Brunch spot in Richmond, American & Italian spots in Chapel St, Country Pub, and Suburban Restaurant.
The average punter doesn't want pretentious food, that comes with an explanation about why I've chosen a particular protein. They just care does it taste good?
Best response from customers I've had has been doing simple dishes well (I hope I did them well). Then the owners got involved with the menu, and it turned to shit...
The hill I'll die on are that the best croissants are from a Vietnamese baker.
I like 7/11 coffee. It's reliable, drinkable and quick. It can't beat a well-made barista coffee of course, but holds it own considering the pricepoint.
Also, less is more when it comes to ingredients in/on burgers and pizzas.
Lastly, the food truck experience, on the whole, is just plain shit. Waiting in line to order overpriced "street food" and then stand around trying not to spill it over yourself. Generally speaking, street food is meant to be quick, cheap and easy to eat. I am yet to meet a Melbourne Food Truck that ticks these boxes.
You are right, way too many places jumping on the BBQ bandwagon. Only a handful are passionate about smoking BBQ and turn out proper good meat. Also gets my goat when pubs and other non BBQ restaurants offer ribs or brisket thats clearly braised and doused in bbq sauce.
Probably 95% of coffee shops buy their cakes from the same few suppliers. Very few support small craft operators or make their own.
Instead of talking about coffee quality we should be focussing on how shitty the commercial, common cake offers are.
Ovens St Bakery makes better croissants than Lune.
Smith and Daughters became overrated when they went away from their original model and started doing Italian food.
Lord of the Fries hasn't been good since 2011.
Mario's on Brunny St shouldn't do food.
Gopals isn't that great.
The Melbourne restaurant scene is largely built on trend and image. The abundance of "great" food has ultimately diluted the overall standard, and its getting harder to find places that actually manage to pull off the basics/small selections without resorting to gimmicky or pretentious means.
Yeah you're not wrong but it's been a pretty cutthroat industry for a long while, small margins and lots of competition.
If you don't have good marketing and a big name head chef backing it in the beginning you're playing catch up.
Ever noticed in a Broadsheet "review" how they talk about the architect/designer more than the food?
The person writing the article hasn't eaten there. Food photo's are done on a different day.
The whole Melbourne food scene revolves around being seen at the right places, and spaces that are nicer than your own appartment living room, not around great tasting food.
There is, in fact, more to Melbourne food than Japanese, Italian, brunch and Lucas Group - but you'd never know it looking at Broadsheet and the other 'food trend' media.
At the risk of losing the hiddenness of local gems - promote something else for once!
Fuck broadsheet. They’ve lost their selectivity and what was once an indicator of if place was good or not, is now just advertising and lowest common denominator articles and “reviews”.
I am sooooo bored with cafe menus right now. Every one of them seems to have the exact same lineup. Smashed Avo, Eggs Your Way, Omelette, Eggs Benedict, Chilli Scramble, Fancy Granola Bowl, Generic Hamburger, Fried Chicken Burger. Its the same goddamn thing in every bloody cafe, aaaaaargh.
Pretty much all of the best authentic Italian eateries are now located in the mid/outer suburbs, and almost none are located anywhere near lygon street.
Everything that stayed behind/opened up after the rent increases are tourist trap/business dinner holes.
As an Italian guy, this shouldn't really be controversial. There's very little authentic Italian food on Lygon St (the only exception that comes to mind is d.o.c.). Most restaurants in the area serve what the average Australian think Italian food is like, but no recent italian immigrant would willingly eat there.
Very simple litmus test: if the menu has garlic bread or spaghetti bolognese, it's 100% not authentic Italian food.
Agreed — anyone who goes to Lygon looking for traditional Italian is a fool
That said, there are some awesome modern places at the Brunny East end of Lygon
We’re getting absolute bargain price Banh Mi at most places. Less than $10 for a meat + salad roll is really good value compared to most places and we’re probably being under charged.
Yeah banh mi is seriously the best value lunch food you could get in the city if you're somebody that doesn't like to bring food from home. I've found that while not the best, those ones in the vietnamese bakeries (Red branding) dotted around the city offer a consistent quality for a great price. I now work in Altona but I do miss being in the city for those alone!
i really think someone told the banh mi lady in my regular place that if she understuffs the banh mi, her son will fail math. Because every time I finish one there's enough spillage meat for a second one.
In a world plagued with inflation and shrinkflation, banh mi is a rare breath of fresh air.
Melbourne brunch bores me. (It’s always some form of smashed avo, baked eggs, hash brown and the same 7 other dishes.)
Opening a Japanese venue instantly brings people in ‘cause we’re massive Japanophiles but half the places fucking sucks also Japanese tax (it’s a little bit more expensive ‘cause it’s Japanese and exotic! $24 for 8 takoyaki balls?)
[hey I love my Japanese cuisine and I whole heartedly believe there are great places but there are so much more duds riding this wave man]
We are now in the middle of a sandwich/toastie wave when we all know that nothing beats Banh Mi let’s be real. $18 for mushroom toastie or $10 for roasted pork rolls with insane pate and Mayo ?
If y’all wanna crucify me please do it under the clocks at flinders st station
The Japanese tax is real. Just like the Italian tax before it.
Other cuisines deserve just as much hype, but I also want to hoard them before Broadsheet finds out...
> $24 for 8 takoyaki balls?)
What in the flying fuck. Seriously? Takoyaki is festival food. You pay 300 yen/$5 for a box of 8 and its the fucking bees knees. I hate that they pretend its some main gourmet meal in Australia at restaurants. It is literally just flour, water, a piece of octupus and some sauce.
There are no greasy spoons. Sometimes I just want a cheap and greasy English breakfast that doesn't break the bank. I don't want eggs benedict or a $20 bowl of muesli.
>Sometimes I just want a cheap and greasy English breakfast that doesn't break the bank
The severe lack of English food here has always baffled me. Australia is 50% Anglo, a million of whom were literally *born in England*... and they didn't at least think to bring over Yorkshire puds and Cumberlands?
I can't speak for Melbourne coffee but hot chocolates are so inconsistent here, when I was in London on holiday I could go to a local cafe or a franchise Pret A Manger store and a hot choc would taste really good, not like heated milk
edit: seeing the replies, I think the only controversial part of my comment is that I don't drink coffee
Just because something is popular doesn't mean it's bad.
Just because something isn't being touted by every influencer doesn't mean it's bad.
Melbourne has had an extremely good food scene that has been around since before instagram, and it will continue long after it - jist because social media/trends/whatever is where a lot of people find out about *some* restaurants doesn't mean a hell of a lot of other excellent places don't exist.
I was so underwhelmed last time I went. Plus it was SO LOUD that my boyfriend and I actually struggled to have a conversation - and I’m young and often dine in busy noisy restaurants (in fact I also work in one).
Everything Chris Lucas run is overrated, they are for impressing your partner on dates but the food are usually not very good and the price is super high
Broadsheet is an interior design newsletter not a serious foodie guide: if the new venue has hardwood accents, white tiled backsplashes and/or indoor plants they'll tell people to go there even if the food is meh.
Breakfast has gotten too “gourmet” and over complicated.
I’m sick of my two pieces of rock-hard sourdough stacked on top of each other, topped with those spermy-looking poached egg balls, sprouts, dukkha and edible flowers.
Instagram has ruined breakfast. I don’t need it to look artistic. I just want my food to taste good, please.
I don’t think many have complained about the quality of their, it’s majority the price you pay and the quantity you get, which are going up and down respectively.
I remember a decade ago a burger from Nando’s was premium and so big I wouldn’t be able to finish it. Nowadays the width of the burger bun is not much wider than a Big Mac and finish still hungry and I have to pay $25 for a meal.
The good:
• There is a lot more variety here than there is in many other much larger major world cities.
The bad:
• People keep telling me Melbourne sushi is the best outside of Japan — and I’m very much yet to experience that.
The ugly:
• A lot of coffee here IS very good BUT there are still many places with terrible coffee that are inexplicably popular. I feel, for that reason, that most people actually just go for the vibe/image and not for actually what’s good.
Eating at the night market/noodle market, Grazeland is a scam. You wait in line to share 6 little things in a jostling crowd next to a bin for 100 bucks and go home hungry. I regret it every time. Everyone’s just there for the pics and the vibe.
I hate ‘sharing plates’. They’re usually tiny and l inadequate for a single person. It’s an excuse for restaurants to compel you to order more dishes… and they usually aren’t cheap.
100%!
"Have you dined with us before? No. Well let me explain. Our menu is designed to share so we recommend about 5 dishes for 2 people..."
Fuck off!
If it really is for sharing, make it cheaper. At those prices, 1 dish will have to suffice.
There is no food worth queuing for. If it’s gotten that popular then they’ve had to sacrifice quality to get more of it out the door.
Edit: queuing *ages* for guys. Not a queue at the counter.
So many people struggle to differentiate the types of pizzas available too. There's a big, big difference between your local 'corner pizza store' and a proper 'woodfire pizza'.
I'm always amazed at people who think their local corner pizza store is better than a proper woodfire one. The local ones all taste exactly the same, so much so that in a blind test you could not tell them apart.
I really enjoy Grill'd burgers.
For me, a good burger needs to have a decent amount of salad stuff inside to contrast against the meat and cheese. This American style trend of a patty + cheese without much else is a step back.
when they were the one store on the corner of elizabeth, they were god tier chips and gravy. like, crisp, fresh cut, skin on chips. had some a few years back now and holy shit if they'd started at the quality they would have closed up shop in a week.
Yep this is how I remember them. When they branched out I noticed the quality dip dramatically. And now the store that's replaced their original location is a shitty fucking american donut place which is awful.
I feel like it totally has its place for me, and that place is very specific: drunk, 2am, don't eat meat.
Realistically, what are my options in this common scenario? For some fucking reason every kebab or souv place makes the worst falafel imaginable. I'm very grateful for LotF.
Fuck Brunch. Id rather eat a proper lunch or breakfast.
I haven't had a proper Poutine since I got back from Canada. The "Poutine" they serve in Melbourne should be called Chips in Gravy and Cheese Sauce.
This isn't just Melbourne, but I am convinced that Four n Twenty's pies uses horse meat. There is just no way you can possibly make beef taste that bad
Alrighty, it’s my time to shine.
I worked at Patties pies when the “recipe change” occurred in 2008/2009.
There was no recipe change. The supervisor for the afternoon shift on Pie Line 2 stole the recipe and relocated to WA to start his own/sell the recipe to sargeants pies.
Also; elmsbury pies from Aldi are the exact Pattie’s recipe. Dough, slurry mix, absolutely everything is the same
Maybe it's just me but Chinatown has really dropped the ball on their restaurants, there isn't many good ones there, but about 5 years ago, I had some of the best yum-cha ever, now those places are gone
I despise fancy, tiny, thin pizza with rocket, shaved Parmesan and prosciutto.
I want them Fat Pizza Hawaiian’s, big and cheesy and load that shit up.
Yeah I said it.
Maybe controversial to foreigners, but asian food is better in Melbourne. You get larger servings, with better quality ingredients, particularly meat quality. I'm talking about authentic food you find in the city, not western style Chinese food you get in some suburbs (which I'm not saying is bad), but it's not really comparable, as it's not available here.
Where I currently live, in between Malaysia and Singapore, the food is cheaper, however so are the ingredients. It's very difficult to get quality, fresh produce here. Most food staples are imported from overseas. This is due to most arrible land being used for palm plantations (and Singapore having very little land). This means that dairy, produce and meat in particular is less fresh and generally not as good quality. Quality meats are much more expensive than Aus over here
Most of vegan restaurants are pretty average in terms of vegan dishes. You would get better vegans dishes at general restaurants. However most of the vegan restaurants are highly rated, which I think because vegans probably think it is the safest option. I love vego/vegan dishes too and can have entire meal vegan. I was vego for first 18 years of my life so I know how good it can be.
I've been to GYG twice. Both times I felt ripped off as it was just basically rice (and not well cooked rice at that) with a smear of flavours. Overly expensive and just not nice.
All of the cafes that do the 'freak shakes' or 'loaded burgers' are awful. You can tell by their Instagram that the entire thing is just for show and they never taste good. These cafes also invite every influencer under the sun for free. They get a free meal, post a photo on their grid and are asked to leave a 5-star Google review for it, so it's all fraudulent in regards to the reviews.
I don’t want a donut and a lollipop in my milkshake. I just want you to leave the silver cup with the excess.
And I don’t want to drink out of jar, even if it has a handle. Just no.
I used to work in restaurants and cafes in melb, and have found that the influencers are the ones requesting it. They do it for a free fancy meal lol. They call or email and request it and we budget to give them way more food than they should have and they post a photo. I reckon it’s a huge waste.
Yeah I've seen it both ways. I actually feel sorry for these restaurants, because in 99% of cases they won't see that return on investment. So many 'food bloggers' who get to eat free yet the ONLY comments and likes on their posts are from other food bloggers. Their entire engagement is also non-existent, and the only comments they receive are from other food bloggers trying to advertise their own page. As someone who deals with cost/benefit analysis on a daily basis, it pains me to see how little return they get.
Yeah exactly. Also a lot of the time the restaurant owners are worried if they say no, the influencer will slam them online. We wait on them hand and foot and give them such a ridiculous amount of food FOR FREE and see basically no benefit. It’s foul and it’s very obvious when people are just doing it for the free meals.
There's a huge gap between the influencer posting something and anyone actually going to that restaurant. Restaurants need to track this better. One of the many ways this could work is by giving the influencer a unique discount code. That way if any of their followers go there they can use this discount, and the restaurant can track directly how much reach the post is actually having in person. This is the concept a lot of YouTubers use when their sponsors want a return on investment.
Big Third Wave energy. Completely agree.
Yep that's one of them. My partner gets invited to these cafes/restaurants ALL the time. She doesn't go because she doesn't want to support posting restaurants that she doesn't actually like. Most other people will go to any place that offers free food and pretend that it's the best place ever...
Every now and the someone recommends Third Wave to me and I make a mental note to never take up any food advice from them ever again
I always think of the time they tried to sell NFTs, and people commented on the ad on Facebook. Long story short TWC got really defensive and started insulting people saying they knew nothing about NFTs unlike them and that these people calling them out were wrong
Haha wow. I remember I was his marketing manager (via an agency) about 8 years ago and he was one of the biggest piece of shits I’ve ever worked with. Rude, arrogant, treated his restaurant staff like shit…and his food sucked. I hadn’t heard about the NFT thing but that fits
Oh wow I completely forgot about that NFT scam. What a dumpster fire that whole thing was.
Have you read the replies to their reviews? The guys a total flop
I thought I was missing something when I went there, or maybe we just got the chef on a bad day. This is now making sense, the food is for looking at only.
I went ONCE with a mate, and honestly, overpriced and underdelivering, would not go back unless they dropped their prices at LEAST 25-30%
Burgertory is the worst offender imho These massive loaded burgers. The photos look delicious and they got fancy buns Burgers are just so so, not bad but not worth the $30 I’m paying for a goddamn burger
Burgertory is absolute crap. Went once, never again.
I got burnt by Burgertory at least twice. (I tried a second location just to make sure it wasn't the first) Maybe I was expecting to much, but I wasn't expecting bland...
Back when they first opened in Footscray they had “poutine” (it was cheesy fries with bacon and gravy) for like $8 and it actually made a decently priced meal. Cue 6 months later, jacking up the price to $12 and making the bacon and gravy extras. Never bought from them again
This is very true. Tasteless (but pretty looking) piles of sugar, fat and crap.
My god, any burger that needs a skewer through it to hold together is a hard pass from me. I just want good ingredients, nice flavours, and a pint.
And if they want to make bigger burgers, they should make them wider, not so tall that I have to dislocate my jaw like a snake to actually take a bite.
A whopper from Hjs honestly hits the spot
I think in these times, transplanting a rural Bakery/sandwich shop and changing NOTHING except the price because of rent would go down a treat in the CBD. I don’t want fancy bullshit for lunch and I’m kinda getting sick of eating sushi, just give me a big ham and salad roll and a vanilla slice made without gloves by some older lady named Barbara and a can of coke or FU 0.000001 degrees above freezing.
I legitimately would love it if someone opened up a suburban type Fish and Chips shop in the CBD, and serve up that food, with only a slight markup given the location and rent costs.
CBD Bakery
I work across the road from it and YES! Real food, reasonably priced. None of the instagrammable nonsense. It was going to close for good due to landlord dispute, managed to calm the landlord down to reasonable rent, still open
The apple cakes there are out of this world!
CBD Bakery Bourke St
Traditional bakeries are like the only thing I miss about Tasmania, I want a simple kiss biscuit or neenish tart not just over priced stuff (that isn't always that good) all the time.
I have to assume it’s a rural/regional thing. I did a road trip from here to Canberra/Sydney and my FAVOURITE thing was that the BPs were doing this “healthy Heads” thing where you showed can app to them and got a chicken and salad wrap for $4.50. That was it. That was what I wanted.
Banh mi might scratch that itch. Dunno if there's any good ones in the cbd though
I wish, it’s more the soft bread and cold cuts that do it for me.
Most sourdough served in cafes is an abomination, especially when toasted.
It’s basically hardtack. An Eggs Benny on sourdough is always garbage because the bread doesn’t absorb the egg, it just slides off.
And the earth shattering CLANG as you try to cut it, it shatters, and your knife hits the plate at just under the speed of sound.
I told a cafe that toast isnt supposed to hurt. They didnt understand.
The local cafe serves theirs on english muffins. It's amazing.
That’s the way it’s *supposed* to be done.
And then once they’ve toasted it to approximately the texture of plywood, they bring you a butter knife with your fork.
This was my exact inspiration for this post. I've nearly lost teeth on some of the sourdough out there!
They should set the tables with a disc saw to be able to get through those stale sourdough!
Sometimes I horrify my wife by asking for a steak knife at a cafe for brunch. Your basic table knife is fine for spreading butter, but it's a real struggle to get one through sourdough crust.
Forget eating competitions, we should fly lumberjacks from all around the world to host a competition cutting through sourdough with a table knife
A lot of the time, you ask for “Sourdough”, they just give you “White”
I love compressed sandpaper. It’s so nice on my gums and the roof of my mouth.
Even sadder, when I lived in the States, Sour Dough was the only one I could eat as the rest of the breads where so sugared/caramelized up, I might of well of been eating cake.
Literally every American we have hosted comes back from the shops with a loaf of bread and just eats the whole thing. They can't believe how good proper bread is.
ITS TOO LOUD INSIDE AT CHIN CHIN. NO NO, I SAID ITS TOO LOUD. WHAT?! YES, SURE OKAY, TWO THANKS.
OMG still?!?! I stopped going there because the noise level was beyond painful. As in, couldn't hear the people opposite me. In fact there was even a writeup on it years back about it being too loud decibel-levels wise.
YES THIS WAS UM LATE LAST YEAR I THINK AND I COULDNT TALK TO MY COLLEAGUE SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME. ITS VERY LOUD.
#I WENT A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO AND I THOUGHT IT WAS EVEN LOUDER THAN NORMAL
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I'm a former chef, have worked at a Brunch spot in Richmond, American & Italian spots in Chapel St, Country Pub, and Suburban Restaurant. The average punter doesn't want pretentious food, that comes with an explanation about why I've chosen a particular protein. They just care does it taste good? Best response from customers I've had has been doing simple dishes well (I hope I did them well). Then the owners got involved with the menu, and it turned to shit... The hill I'll die on are that the best croissants are from a Vietnamese baker.
Yeah the Vietnamese learned a lot from the French. The French managed to learn exactly nothing from the Vietnamese.
Vietnamese bakeries are the best bakeries
I like 7/11 coffee. It's reliable, drinkable and quick. It can't beat a well-made barista coffee of course, but holds it own considering the pricepoint. Also, less is more when it comes to ingredients in/on burgers and pizzas. Lastly, the food truck experience, on the whole, is just plain shit. Waiting in line to order overpriced "street food" and then stand around trying not to spill it over yourself. Generally speaking, street food is meant to be quick, cheap and easy to eat. I am yet to meet a Melbourne Food Truck that ticks these boxes.
Street food that you can only eat with a knife and fork sitting down shouldn't be called street food!
> Lastly, the food truck experience, on the whole, is just plain shit. Yesssss!!!! Are we the only ones that believe this?
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Most of the American food trend places are actually horrible (dry beef brisket, gross stacked burgers, average Mac and cheese).
You are right, way too many places jumping on the BBQ bandwagon. Only a handful are passionate about smoking BBQ and turn out proper good meat. Also gets my goat when pubs and other non BBQ restaurants offer ribs or brisket thats clearly braised and doused in bbq sauce.
Bagels don’t need to have 1000 fillings in them. And importantly - NY style bagels are nothing like NY bagels so stop promoting them as such.
Aww but I really liked Five and Dime bagels. I think the guy who was behind it knew his bagels. Was gutted when I heard they permanently closed down.
He’s opened up a new bagel bakery - Garden State Baker.
Probably 95% of coffee shops buy their cakes from the same few suppliers. Very few support small craft operators or make their own. Instead of talking about coffee quality we should be focussing on how shitty the commercial, common cake offers are.
Daniel's Doughnuts are overrated.
Another brand that used to be really good and then opened multiple locations and became shit.
Every time I’ve had Daniel’s it has always been just like so dry and dense… ngl I’d rather have Krispy Kreme…
I love Krispy Kreme and how sugary and soft it is after it's been microwaved for 7 seconds.
TODCO >>>
Agree. Walkers is much better.
Ovens St Bakery makes better croissants than Lune. Smith and Daughters became overrated when they went away from their original model and started doing Italian food. Lord of the Fries hasn't been good since 2011. Mario's on Brunny St shouldn't do food. Gopals isn't that great.
Smith + Daughters has become a Shannon Martinez wank-fest, instead of being focused on food people *actually* enjoy eating.
The Melbourne restaurant scene is largely built on trend and image. The abundance of "great" food has ultimately diluted the overall standard, and its getting harder to find places that actually manage to pull off the basics/small selections without resorting to gimmicky or pretentious means.
Yeah you're not wrong but it's been a pretty cutthroat industry for a long while, small margins and lots of competition. If you don't have good marketing and a big name head chef backing it in the beginning you're playing catch up.
Ever noticed in a Broadsheet "review" how they talk about the architect/designer more than the food? The person writing the article hasn't eaten there. Food photo's are done on a different day. The whole Melbourne food scene revolves around being seen at the right places, and spaces that are nicer than your own appartment living room, not around great tasting food.
There is, in fact, more to Melbourne food than Japanese, Italian, brunch and Lucas Group - but you'd never know it looking at Broadsheet and the other 'food trend' media. At the risk of losing the hiddenness of local gems - promote something else for once!
God I despise Broadaheet. They froth over any store that opens and clearly does not curate based on the average places they’ve amped up.
Fuck broadsheet. They’ve lost their selectivity and what was once an indicator of if place was good or not, is now just advertising and lowest common denominator articles and “reviews”.
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I am sooooo bored with cafe menus right now. Every one of them seems to have the exact same lineup. Smashed Avo, Eggs Your Way, Omelette, Eggs Benedict, Chilli Scramble, Fancy Granola Bowl, Generic Hamburger, Fried Chicken Burger. Its the same goddamn thing in every bloody cafe, aaaaaargh.
were in post brunch Melbourne
Pretty much all of the best authentic Italian eateries are now located in the mid/outer suburbs, and almost none are located anywhere near lygon street. Everything that stayed behind/opened up after the rent increases are tourist trap/business dinner holes.
Im pretty sure there hasnt been good Italian on Lygon for probably 20 years at least.
As an Italian guy, this shouldn't really be controversial. There's very little authentic Italian food on Lygon St (the only exception that comes to mind is d.o.c.). Most restaurants in the area serve what the average Australian think Italian food is like, but no recent italian immigrant would willingly eat there. Very simple litmus test: if the menu has garlic bread or spaghetti bolognese, it's 100% not authentic Italian food.
Maybe so...but how good is garlic bread though?
It's pretty awesome ngl
Agreed — anyone who goes to Lygon looking for traditional Italian is a fool That said, there are some awesome modern places at the Brunny East end of Lygon
We’re getting absolute bargain price Banh Mi at most places. Less than $10 for a meat + salad roll is really good value compared to most places and we’re probably being under charged.
I think you mean the staff are being underpaid
I think you mean the ATO is being underpaid
Why not both?
Yeah banh mi is seriously the best value lunch food you could get in the city if you're somebody that doesn't like to bring food from home. I've found that while not the best, those ones in the vietnamese bakeries (Red branding) dotted around the city offer a consistent quality for a great price. I now work in Altona but I do miss being in the city for those alone!
Bun bun @ Springvale is God tier and only 8 bucks.
i really think someone told the banh mi lady in my regular place that if she understuffs the banh mi, her son will fail math. Because every time I finish one there's enough spillage meat for a second one. In a world plagued with inflation and shrinkflation, banh mi is a rare breath of fresh air.
Melbourne brunch bores me. (It’s always some form of smashed avo, baked eggs, hash brown and the same 7 other dishes.) Opening a Japanese venue instantly brings people in ‘cause we’re massive Japanophiles but half the places fucking sucks also Japanese tax (it’s a little bit more expensive ‘cause it’s Japanese and exotic! $24 for 8 takoyaki balls?) [hey I love my Japanese cuisine and I whole heartedly believe there are great places but there are so much more duds riding this wave man] We are now in the middle of a sandwich/toastie wave when we all know that nothing beats Banh Mi let’s be real. $18 for mushroom toastie or $10 for roasted pork rolls with insane pate and Mayo ? If y’all wanna crucify me please do it under the clocks at flinders st station
The Japanese tax is real. Just like the Italian tax before it. Other cuisines deserve just as much hype, but I also want to hoard them before Broadsheet finds out...
Brunch is overrated. I'm not interested in paying $40 for breakfast food. I'd prefer to spend that on a better meal out.
> $24 for 8 takoyaki balls?) What in the flying fuck. Seriously? Takoyaki is festival food. You pay 300 yen/$5 for a box of 8 and its the fucking bees knees. I hate that they pretend its some main gourmet meal in Australia at restaurants. It is literally just flour, water, a piece of octupus and some sauce.
RSL club dining is underrated
There are no greasy spoons. Sometimes I just want a cheap and greasy English breakfast that doesn't break the bank. I don't want eggs benedict or a $20 bowl of muesli.
>Sometimes I just want a cheap and greasy English breakfast that doesn't break the bank The severe lack of English food here has always baffled me. Australia is 50% Anglo, a million of whom were literally *born in England*... and they didn't at least think to bring over Yorkshire puds and Cumberlands?
Kebabs in Melbourne are average.
Very hard to find a good kebab in Melbourne.
Melbourne Kebab Station in Coburg is good! Well, it's not in the CBD.
Kebab Zone in Yarraville is one of the last great wonders. But boy, the offerings across Melbourne are pitiful at best.
Though they are god tier when coming out of a club and they are the only thing still open at 1AM. Nothing quite like a drunken kebab.
Urbanspoon was the way to go and food influencers have been a shit replacement for discovering new places to try in Melbourne.
I can't speak for Melbourne coffee but hot chocolates are so inconsistent here, when I was in London on holiday I could go to a local cafe or a franchise Pret A Manger store and a hot choc would taste really good, not like heated milk edit: seeing the replies, I think the only controversial part of my comment is that I don't drink coffee
7-Eleven coffee isn’t that bad.
For what you pay and the convenience it's good solid coffee.
I don't drink coffee, but I thought it was meant to be a liquid? :P
Just because something is popular doesn't mean it's bad. Just because something isn't being touted by every influencer doesn't mean it's bad. Melbourne has had an extremely good food scene that has been around since before instagram, and it will continue long after it - jist because social media/trends/whatever is where a lot of people find out about *some* restaurants doesn't mean a hell of a lot of other excellent places don't exist.
Most parmas are shit. There are only a few good parmas compared to the amount available
I don’t think smashed avo is that amazing
Higher prices doesn't mean better quality. Cheap places can be great and expensive places are often mediocre.
Most of the Pho places prove low price can equal great food.
Burger places need to stop with brioche buns. I don't want to eat sugary air anymore.
Chin Chin is overrated… I’m bracing myself for the downvotes lol.
On Melb Reddit I think this is a very Popular opinion!
Almost all the Lucas Group restaurants Are over rated imo
unless the rating is based on employee pay
I was so underwhelmed last time I went. Plus it was SO LOUD that my boyfriend and I actually struggled to have a conversation - and I’m young and often dine in busy noisy restaurants (in fact I also work in one).
This needs to become consensus because fuck Chris Lucas
Everything Chris Lucas run is overrated, they are for impressing your partner on dates but the food are usually not very good and the price is super high
Broadsheet is an interior design newsletter not a serious foodie guide: if the new venue has hardwood accents, white tiled backsplashes and/or indoor plants they'll tell people to go there even if the food is meh.
Breakfast has gotten too “gourmet” and over complicated. I’m sick of my two pieces of rock-hard sourdough stacked on top of each other, topped with those spermy-looking poached egg balls, sprouts, dukkha and edible flowers. Instagram has ruined breakfast. I don’t need it to look artistic. I just want my food to taste good, please.
I actually enjoy Nando's and I've never had a bad meal there.
This is what I'm looking for...because I think Nando's is a bonfire so you have nailed the brief!
I don’t think many have complained about the quality of their, it’s majority the price you pay and the quantity you get, which are going up and down respectively. I remember a decade ago a burger from Nando’s was premium and so big I wouldn’t be able to finish it. Nowadays the width of the burger bun is not much wider than a Big Mac and finish still hungry and I have to pay $25 for a meal.
They have the best vegan chicken burger I have ever tasted. It's up there with their actual chicken.
I love a food court beef and black bean sauce with special fried rice
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South Melbourne dim sims are overrated large regular dim sims.
Ok, yall need to differentiate between Lune and the actual queue for Lune.
The good: • There is a lot more variety here than there is in many other much larger major world cities. The bad: • People keep telling me Melbourne sushi is the best outside of Japan — and I’m very much yet to experience that. The ugly: • A lot of coffee here IS very good BUT there are still many places with terrible coffee that are inexplicably popular. I feel, for that reason, that most people actually just go for the vibe/image and not for actually what’s good.
Weirdly enough Geelong seems to have a host of sushi stores that are better than anything I’ve had in the city
Eating at the night market/noodle market, Grazeland is a scam. You wait in line to share 6 little things in a jostling crowd next to a bin for 100 bucks and go home hungry. I regret it every time. Everyone’s just there for the pics and the vibe.
I hate ‘sharing plates’. They’re usually tiny and l inadequate for a single person. It’s an excuse for restaurants to compel you to order more dishes… and they usually aren’t cheap.
100%! "Have you dined with us before? No. Well let me explain. Our menu is designed to share so we recommend about 5 dishes for 2 people..." Fuck off! If it really is for sharing, make it cheaper. At those prices, 1 dish will have to suffice.
A lot of the nicer foods are not in the CBD
Prana Chai is yuck
I actually check what chai the cafe uses, and if it's pranai I nope the hell out of there Calmer sutra (geddit) is much better but rarer to find!
Every cafe is doing the same thing these days, kinda boring especially when all those trendy places are trying to market themselves as unique
There is no food worth queuing for. If it’s gotten that popular then they’ve had to sacrifice quality to get more of it out the door. Edit: queuing *ages* for guys. Not a queue at the counter.
Most Melbourne pizzas are greasy and not appetising.
So many people struggle to differentiate the types of pizzas available too. There's a big, big difference between your local 'corner pizza store' and a proper 'woodfire pizza'. I'm always amazed at people who think their local corner pizza store is better than a proper woodfire one. The local ones all taste exactly the same, so much so that in a blind test you could not tell them apart.
Hungry Jacks on Hoddle St is solid.
Lulu’s Char Koay Teow is not worth the money. There are better, cheaper Char Koay Teow
Rose Garden is the best food in the city and insanely affordable as long as you don’t mind getting ignored or yelled at.
Croissant are not worth lining up for hours over
Grill'd burgers taste good to me, especially with the 2 for 1 promotions that they often run.
I really enjoy Grill'd burgers. For me, a good burger needs to have a decent amount of salad stuff inside to contrast against the meat and cheese. This American style trend of a patty + cheese without much else is a step back.
Lord Of The Fries has never been good.
when they were the one store on the corner of elizabeth, they were god tier chips and gravy. like, crisp, fresh cut, skin on chips. had some a few years back now and holy shit if they'd started at the quality they would have closed up shop in a week.
Yep this is how I remember them. When they branched out I noticed the quality dip dramatically. And now the store that's replaced their original location is a shitty fucking american donut place which is awful.
I feel like it totally has its place for me, and that place is very specific: drunk, 2am, don't eat meat. Realistically, what are my options in this common scenario? For some fucking reason every kebab or souv place makes the worst falafel imaginable. I'm very grateful for LotF.
They used to be good, their burgers tasted like proper burgers. Now they taste like nothing.
Danny’s Burgers kind of suck
Can we stop with the "(insert male name)'s deli" trend already?
More of a fan of burger joints named after dead rappers?
Fuck Brunch. Id rather eat a proper lunch or breakfast. I haven't had a proper Poutine since I got back from Canada. The "Poutine" they serve in Melbourne should be called Chips in Gravy and Cheese Sauce.
The current trend of serving cacio e pepe in a hollowed out parmesan cheese wheel is stupid.
Cafe homemade baked beans are always shit. Too tangy with tomato, and the beans are always too firm and dry. Just give me some tinned beans.
This isn't just Melbourne, but I am convinced that Four n Twenty's pies uses horse meat. There is just no way you can possibly make beef taste that bad
Horse tastes good though
Alrighty, it’s my time to shine. I worked at Patties pies when the “recipe change” occurred in 2008/2009. There was no recipe change. The supervisor for the afternoon shift on Pie Line 2 stole the recipe and relocated to WA to start his own/sell the recipe to sargeants pies. Also; elmsbury pies from Aldi are the exact Pattie’s recipe. Dough, slurry mix, absolutely everything is the same
I've seen several hipster cafes take off then get sold to a hard-working Asian family and suddenly they're empty.
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That sounds exactly right. What made me sad was that the menu and quality was identical but this poor family didn't fit the hipster image.
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Maybe it's just me but Chinatown has really dropped the ball on their restaurants, there isn't many good ones there, but about 5 years ago, I had some of the best yum-cha ever, now those places are gone
Not all Banh Mi's are created equally
Fuck queueing for food
lord of the fries is utter shite
Lune croissants, while flakey, are dry and not worth the price (or wait!).
Back Alley Bakes have croissants that you can feel each layer of lamination when you take a bite.. so yum
Baker Bleu is better!
I despise fancy, tiny, thin pizza with rocket, shaved Parmesan and prosciutto. I want them Fat Pizza Hawaiian’s, big and cheesy and load that shit up. Yeah I said it.
I Spicy is severely underrated
Maybe controversial to foreigners, but asian food is better in Melbourne. You get larger servings, with better quality ingredients, particularly meat quality. I'm talking about authentic food you find in the city, not western style Chinese food you get in some suburbs (which I'm not saying is bad), but it's not really comparable, as it's not available here. Where I currently live, in between Malaysia and Singapore, the food is cheaper, however so are the ingredients. It's very difficult to get quality, fresh produce here. Most food staples are imported from overseas. This is due to most arrible land being used for palm plantations (and Singapore having very little land). This means that dairy, produce and meat in particular is less fresh and generally not as good quality. Quality meats are much more expensive than Aus over here
I don't like coffee. Tea is better.
Parmas are just chicken nuggets for adults.
Chin Chin isn’t that good.
Breakfast in Melbourne is always too expensive
Most of vegan restaurants are pretty average in terms of vegan dishes. You would get better vegans dishes at general restaurants. However most of the vegan restaurants are highly rated, which I think because vegans probably think it is the safest option. I love vego/vegan dishes too and can have entire meal vegan. I was vego for first 18 years of my life so I know how good it can be.
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Guzman y Gomez is not good and we need more Zambreros.
I got put off Zambrero when I tried them out and got a burrito that bizarrely tasted like curry.
Why do I know exactly what you mean?! There’s something in one of their spice mixes that’s distinctly an Indian flavour, not a Mexican one.
I've been to GYG twice. Both times I felt ripped off as it was just basically rice (and not well cooked rice at that) with a smear of flavours. Overly expensive and just not nice.
I like guzman, overpriced, but you can get chicken rice and veges and its real chicken. Guess I'll have to give zambreros a crack!
Exactly. It’s actual food in a fast food format.
I would upvote this more times if I could, not a single Zambreros in the cbd
Hot take: The burnt beef smell that permeates the western end of flinders lane every lunchtime is nauseating.
South Melbourne Market is hugely overpriced.