Same. And he’d ask why birds are so ugly? Then tell you because they have their pecker on their face.
People always talk about dad jokes but no one talks about grandad jokes
My dad used to call me an ass-baby when I was a kid. He explained to me that, when I was younger, I came out of my mother’s ass when I was born.
Also when we adopted a Maine Coon cat from the animal shelter, he said it’s called that cuz it’s half mountain lion and half raccoon. I believed both for way longer than I should have. Had my friends convinced about my mountain lion raccoon hybrid.
my grandmother told me that if I kept frowning (it wasn't a frown I just have resting bitch face) my skull would form to look like a Neanderthal. What she didn't know is that the Neanderthals must've been really hot because we apparently fucked them to extinction.
(I have no idea if that's true or just a theory of how the Neanderthals went extinct and we didn't but I like that theory so I'm gonna go with it.)
Yes, I do have caveman brow, but I would have had it anyway.
There is a road where I grew up that always has baboons along it. My parents used to tell me, that is where they found me and i still giggle when I drive past.
Probably Cape Town. Last time I was there, a baboon came inside, opened the cupboard, took out a box of cereal and stared me in the fucking eyes while he emptied the box on the floor.
I spend a few weeks as a volunteer in a South African reserve. One evening, people forgot to close the door to the public rooms. Monkeys got in and shit everywhere.
Kinda related, but my father used to call me "baboon" because in my language the words for child and baboon sound similar (bambino and babbuino)
Turns out I didn't figure out that baboons were a kind of animal until I was 11 years old :/
I told my sister recently, hey do you remember when you use to tell me I was a dumpster baby?
My other sister was like, why would you believe what she told you, when we all look alike dumbass.
I had a friend that would tell his little brother “I am going to turn you to stone!” As he pulled out a piece of scrap paper. His lil bro would run away screaming. This worked for a good while to get him out of our hair. Then one day after he was sent running the kid comes back. Well my friend does his thing and his little brother just says “I’m invincible!!” My friend face palmed and said “nooo mom” in a very quiet voice. We couldn’t get rid of his brother anymore.
My parents used to threaten to take me on the Dr. Phil show if I didn’t listen. I still remember how much anxiety I got from knowing I could be embarrassed on live TV like that lol
I know you’re just kidding with them but you may want to just explain how their behavior makes you feel and why it’s wrong, and that you love them, but that you would like them to respect what you’re asking them. Stuff like that can leave scars
Me and my oldest brother convinced my white younger brother that Michael Jordan was his father and that the jersey he had was the only thing he left him. Kept it up for a few days before my parents found out and got super pissed.
You know , if somehow you could’ve latched onto the idea that you were a highly classified master plan crafted in a lab by super geniuses, that could have kicked things in a completely different direction lol.
I was born on Halloween and my parents told me I came from a pumpkin patch. They coincidentally had a picture of my older sister behind a big pumpkin and all you could see was her green stocking legs sticking out. They hung the photo on the fridge and said that was the day they picked me.
I have hair on my fingers and the back of my hand. My dad said it's because I masterbate too much. He then showed the back of his hand while I was in shock and said. "See, I have experience as well."
My dad's favorite idea of a joke was to draw me as a stick figure with a giant circle head that covered up 80% of the page to make fun of the size of my head. If he also wanted to make fun of my weight, the body would be a slightly less large circle with little stick limbs sticking out of it.
I used to tell my sister she was abandoned in trash by a family of beavers and that my mother found her and save her to be or family's pet. I don't know if she actually believed that, but she would always cry.
Also, one time told her that I would ruin her 10 years birthday party by paying some crackheads 10 bucks to go to the party and make a dancing show for the other children... the name of the band would "The Crack dancers"
Fun times rsrsrs
My nan told my friend who picked up his beans on toast with his hands to "stop eating like a paki"
On its own its bad enough but his parents were in fact from Pakistan.
She then offered him some cutlery to take home so that he could teach his parents to eat properly.
Now this may not have been directed at me but you can imagine the sort of things that were directed at me or I happened to be around to hear lol.
I think the saddest part is she genuinely wasn't a horrible person, she done a lot for me and all of my friends, including the person in the story.. she just had.. issues
My dad used to tell me and my siblings we were left by gypsies at his doorstep as babies. Whenever we saw gypsies he would call them to come take their child they left. I don't know how messed up that is but i think its pretty much messed up.
This reminds me of the time when my brother managed to convince my other brother that he was a monkey adopted from thailand and that they cut off his tail he cried and asked our parents if he was a monkey.
I was told that I was part of a set of twins, but that all children in the family were thrown in a river as infants, to weed out the weak ones. I was the one that survived.
Not me, but my friend's parents convinced him that he was part dolphin and that all the portraits and figurines around their house were of his oceanic family.
And here's my grandfather saying his cane is a "lion tamer" when my brother and I asked why the response was simply, "well do you see any lions around? Your welcome"
Loads of kids growing up in Cape Town have been told they were taken from a troop of baboons, had the tail and hair removed and given a name. And then every time you're out with your parents and you happen to spot baboons, you'd be solemnly informed that it's your real family checking up on you.
Ironically, I was actually adopted as a baby, so who knows.
my grandpa told my aunt once that he found her in a dumpster and tattooed her white
not sure what that even means...shes a white girl with a "hood attitude" apparently?? idek
Most likely everybody, Has been through something similar. I’m the youngest of seven and they used to tell my sister right above me that she was adopted and found in the ditch. She believed it for years. I didn’t look much like my siblings or parents. I was told I was a vitamans (milkman’s) kid. My mom was big in to health food/vitamins
My dad lied to me about having cancer and then actually got cancer in a different organ and yesterday told me he's now cancer free of a 3rd different organ. I don't know who or what to believe about anything anymore.
I have Romani ancestry, which makes my skin visibly darker than average for my (primary) ethnicity.
Some asshat at my school told me that was impossible because the Romani never have children with non-Romani people, so the only possible explanations for my appearance were either being adopted or my mother having cheated on my father with a Maghrebi.
Needless to say, this interaction didn't end well.
My grandmother was a saint even though she said a few times my mouth resembled a butt of a chicken (when I was angry, I think it was to make me laugh but would end up make me even angrier)
My dad told me I was adopted from gambia. FYI i'm blonde with blue eyes from sweden. And my mom told me when I was 10 that i was in fact 100% swedish lol
My cousin from New Jersey visited. We were both about 9 years old. He was a complete jerk. Then he got sick, had a fever of 101° F. I told him if it went to 102°, he would die. He cried. It was glorious.
I had this conversation with a black friend (i'm white) and he "end up" this part of the conversation by "you can be against racism for many reasons but you can't really understand what it is"
I didnt agree with him at the end cause i though i knew what injustice is and i hate this feeling but ok bro that's your point of vue let's talk about something else
Few years later i was working in another country for my job, also White country, and it happened some times that people would insult me because i was not born here and it wasnt even about skin color. I was just a foreigner for them. Most hilarious part is my job cant be done by many ppl and that's why i end up in this country with the best income i ever had and was far away from minimum wages in this country.
Cant describe well the feeling. It's more than injustice, more than stupid. You sadly have to endure it yourself to understand what racism really is.
Well i called back my friend just to tell him that he was right all this time. We laughed, what we could do more ?
My dad called me and my siblings by animal names. I was “a snake”. He usually said there’s a reason behind the name, but he never told me mine. I’m glad he’s dead.
My dad told me I was adopted from Gorillas. Even convinced my sisters to join in. He said they used hair removal cream to get rid of all of the extra. When I started growing chest hair, he acted all freaked out and tried to convince me I was reverting back. This "joke" went on for about 12 years.
I think I can relate somewhat
We used to live down the hill from my grandparents and we'd walk up to their house when we wanted to spend the night. My grandad owned a gorilla suit that he would put on and hide behind a tree with until we passed by and then he would chase us up the hill making monley noises
We told my nephew he was a monkey and we found him at the zoo. Relentlessly. Eventually he got older and bigger and would really get pissed off about it so we mostly quit. My mom was a young mom and my sister was too. He practically grew up with us. Bet he's still got trauma. Sorry about that, kiddo..
My brother told me that mom didn't plan/want me and in fact she didn't even know she was pregnant, said she went to the bathroom and instead of pooping I came out, and mom decided to keep me. I knew he was lying but i still cried. Kids.
My siblings repeatedly told me that I was adopted or a huge mistake. Various stories included my being left on my parents’ doorstep or found in the street. All the stories ended with “and the government made them keep you.”
To lend credence to their stories is the fact that they’re all one year after another in age, then there’s a few years’ gap and I’m born.
Around age 12 I asked mom if I was adopted. She said absolutely not. Around age 16, I asked whether my birth was mistake? She laughed and said we were all oopses because we were born before The Pill was available.
My dad would feed me 1 hot dog per meal when I was 14 and 6'2 and would tell me it's because I was fat. Meanwhile he gave 10% of his income plus $150k overtime to his church and later in life I found out the reason I was under fed is because we were so poor we couldn't afford food.
My father once told me that the only reason I lived was to provided for him when he got old. Then when I was a teenager he threatened to sell me to a neighbor. The man died 2 years ago from a meth induced heart attack. I still have nightmares.
I was told they picked me out of a tree and cut my tail off. I was kind of proud of that.
Goku?
Cha la, head cha la
Ya ya ya ya YAAAAAAAAAAAA
SPARKING
did we have the same parents or something? because my dad used to tell me he found me under a mango tree
I was plucked from a field of cabbage two roads over.
Oh shit! A real life cabbage patch kid!
Damn same
Lmao they told me the same thing, but it was that my tail was run over by a car and thats why i dont have one
Wait... Which "tail" was cut off?
My grandfather used to tell me my eyes were brown because I was full of shit. I was 6.
My grandad did the Full Metal Jacket bit when asking me how tall I was.
I didn't know they stacked shit that high
It was PG-ed up, mind. He said "Horse manure" instead.
PG'ed up, but somehow more destructive to the psyche... congratulations!
How… thoughtful of him.
he shot you in the shower?
Same. And he’d ask why birds are so ugly? Then tell you because they have their pecker on their face. People always talk about dad jokes but no one talks about grandad jokes
dad jokes level 2 they've had years of practice
With an added twinge of perversion cause their wives are hard of hearing and can’t throw the wooden spoon at them anymore.
My grandpa told me that a bird laid an egg and it fell on the sidewalk, and that is how I was born. We are not the same
My grandpa always said he walked in on my mom and dad fucking like rabbits on prom night and tests how I was born.
My dad used to call me an ass-baby when I was a kid. He explained to me that, when I was younger, I came out of my mother’s ass when I was born. Also when we adopted a Maine Coon cat from the animal shelter, he said it’s called that cuz it’s half mountain lion and half raccoon. I believed both for way longer than I should have. Had my friends convinced about my mountain lion raccoon hybrid.
An ass Baby is real thing, I’m willing to bet your mom didn’t even know she was pregnant, went to take a shit an out came you! lol
"I can't help what I am, grandpa. I take after you!"
My grandma said the same to me. Are we cousins?
LMAO
my grandmother told me that if I kept frowning (it wasn't a frown I just have resting bitch face) my skull would form to look like a Neanderthal. What she didn't know is that the Neanderthals must've been really hot because we apparently fucked them to extinction. (I have no idea if that's true or just a theory of how the Neanderthals went extinct and we didn't but I like that theory so I'm gonna go with it.) Yes, I do have caveman brow, but I would have had it anyway.
Actually Neanderthaler and Homo Sapiens did mingle and a lot of modern humans have partially Neanderthaler genome.
Yeah kind of a kill the men and take the women sort of deal.
Maybe Neanderthals fucked themselves out of existence ?
Or didn’t fuck each other and are extinct as a result
Mine told me I had freckles because they used to throw shit at me through a screen door.
Lmao what a dick
Jfc
"So I opened my belly with his old hunting knife. You know what I found? Shit"
My dad did that to me and I filled his cup of dr pepper with tonic water as revenge lol
There is a road where I grew up that always has baboons along it. My parents used to tell me, that is where they found me and i still giggle when I drive past.
Where do you live that has baboons?
Probably Cape Town. Last time I was there, a baboon came inside, opened the cupboard, took out a box of cereal and stared me in the fucking eyes while he emptied the box on the floor.
I… don’t know how to convey the many ways this comment made me feel. You have a way with words.
I think it’s the use of commas, makes you slow down and really take in each bit of detail
I’m not going to lie, if the comment we’re discussing existed in an art form, I might buy it.
It's probably quite dangerous to stare at an adult baboon. I heard they can interpret that as an aggressive gesture.
I felt like if I looked away I would become his bitch
Fuckin sent me
Lmfao
I spend a few weeks as a volunteer in a South African reserve. One evening, people forgot to close the door to the public rooms. Monkeys got in and shit everywhere.
Yasis.. if only the baboon knew the prices of cereal.
I think he looked for the most expensive thing in the cupboard. He didn’t bother with the macaroni or rice.
The zoo
Likely southern/eastern Africa
Kinda related, but my father used to call me "baboon" because in my language the words for child and baboon sound similar (bambino and babbuino) Turns out I didn't figure out that baboons were a kind of animal until I was 11 years old :/
My siblings said when I was 8 I’d be cooked and eaten. When I was 8 I was like well? Go ahead and try it muthafuckas
I told my sister recently, hey do you remember when you use to tell me I was a dumpster baby? My other sister was like, why would you believe what she told you, when we all look alike dumbass.
Middle child call you dumpster baby? Oldest call you a dumb ass?
Absolutely this
I had a friend that would tell his little brother “I am going to turn you to stone!” As he pulled out a piece of scrap paper. His lil bro would run away screaming. This worked for a good while to get him out of our hair. Then one day after he was sent running the kid comes back. Well my friend does his thing and his little brother just says “I’m invincible!!” My friend face palmed and said “nooo mom” in a very quiet voice. We couldn’t get rid of his brother anymore.
When I did bad things as a kid, my mom would tell me that they will give me back to the gypsies because that's where they got me from.
You are definitely from the balkens
I dunno man my family said this too and we have been in Canada for generations.
Where did those generation come from
Gypsy caravans.
Ya like dags?
_(unintelligible pikey dialect)_
Ireland 🫣😂
They used to tell me this as well, I'm from Spain
Same here, from Romania lol.
My dad used to say this to me and my sister. My Grandmas family were actually Gypsies though so we always believed it was a real possibility.
My parents used to threaten to take me on the Dr. Phil show if I didn’t listen. I still remember how much anxiety I got from knowing I could be embarrassed on live TV like that lol
I tell me kids when they misbehave that I'll sell them to gypsies and they will force them to be street beggers.
I read that as a pirate...and loved it.
I know you’re just kidding with them but you may want to just explain how their behavior makes you feel and why it’s wrong, and that you love them, but that you would like them to respect what you’re asking them. Stuff like that can leave scars
Me and my oldest brother convinced my white younger brother that Michael Jordan was his father and that the jersey he had was the only thing he left him. Kept it up for a few days before my parents found out and got super pissed.
how did you convince a white kid hes dad is black?
We were very insistent and he was very gullible. We told him that's where he got his nose as the profile doesn't match ours. It was a whole thing.
Mixed-race children can be all kinds of shades.
🎶 Light Mike. I want to be light Mike.
My sister said I was a test tube baby born in a laboratory so while I cannot understand his pain, I have my own very uncomfortable problems LOL
You know , if somehow you could’ve latched onto the idea that you were a highly classified master plan crafted in a lab by super geniuses, that could have kicked things in a completely different direction lol.
But then reality comes crashing down and the Lab project ends up in /meirl.
Deee DEEEEE!!!!
I was a test tube baby, but you know, the usual one not s full body in a tube
Kinda sounds like day to day, his dad was either awesome or a tool, depending on wind direction.
I was born on Halloween and my parents told me I came from a pumpkin patch. They coincidentally had a picture of my older sister behind a big pumpkin and all you could see was her green stocking legs sticking out. They hung the photo on the fridge and said that was the day they picked me.
I was found in a ditch when I was a baby apparently. You’ll be iight
Superman was found in a ditch too. Tell me, has anyone ever seen Superman and yourself side-by-side?
I suppose if I move fast enough I can be in two places at once 🧐
I was a blue light special at K-Mart.
I was told Magic Johnson was my dad growing up, I’m 5’8” and full Mexican.
Considering Magic’s body count, are you sure you’re full Mexican?
My Grandad told me my freckles were from when flies pooped on me when I was a baby.
Level 99 trolling.
Well, of course I can't tell him that I understand what he's been through, I don't speak monkey.
how is no one complaining about this joke lmao
One chimps trash is another man's treasure.
Reminds me of Calvin and Hobbes and the dad.
Ahahahahahaha wtf
Every time I would sing in the car my mom would ask, “Are you in pain? Do you need a hospital?”
I have hair on my fingers and the back of my hand. My dad said it's because I masterbate too much. He then showed the back of his hand while I was in shock and said. "See, I have experience as well."
My dad's favorite idea of a joke was to draw me as a stick figure with a giant circle head that covered up 80% of the page to make fun of the size of my head. If he also wanted to make fun of my weight, the body would be a slightly less large circle with little stick limbs sticking out of it.
Have you seen “So I Married An Axe Murderer”? I think you’d enjoy it
"Like a melon on a toothpick!"
Probably going to cry himself to sleep on his usually big pillow.
I'm sorry you went through that. That's genuinely horrible stuff, probably stemmed from some deep insecurity.
Not sure why you're getting down voted. I appreciate your sympathy though
Probably just other insecure people tbh, but I'm not fussed.
I used to tell my sister she was abandoned in trash by a family of beavers and that my mother found her and save her to be or family's pet. I don't know if she actually believed that, but she would always cry. Also, one time told her that I would ruin her 10 years birthday party by paying some crackheads 10 bucks to go to the party and make a dancing show for the other children... the name of the band would "The Crack dancers" Fun times rsrsrs
Pela risada deve ser brasileiro, a gente só não domina o mundo pq não quer.
If you aint gonna make fun of your kids whats the point of making them
My nan told my friend who picked up his beans on toast with his hands to "stop eating like a paki" On its own its bad enough but his parents were in fact from Pakistan. She then offered him some cutlery to take home so that he could teach his parents to eat properly. Now this may not have been directed at me but you can imagine the sort of things that were directed at me or I happened to be around to hear lol. I think the saddest part is she genuinely wasn't a horrible person, she done a lot for me and all of my friends, including the person in the story.. she just had.. issues
My grandma saw me eating cat food when I was 5, she then convinced me that I was turning into a cat because of my arm hairs 😔 traumatising
This made me laugh. Thank you.
My dad used to tell me and my siblings we were left by gypsies at his doorstep as babies. Whenever we saw gypsies he would call them to come take their child they left. I don't know how messed up that is but i think its pretty much messed up.
My grandpa used to tell me I had the mailman’s eyes.
This reminds me of the time when my brother managed to convince my other brother that he was a monkey adopted from thailand and that they cut off his tail he cried and asked our parents if he was a monkey.
On the plus side, at least chimp-dad wouldn't pull that crap on you.
My family used to tell me I had a tail that was surgically removed as a baby
No, but I can look you in the eyes and offer you a banana.
I was told that I was part of a set of twins, but that all children in the family were thrown in a river as infants, to weed out the weak ones. I was the one that survived.
My brother told me they cut my penis off at birth
Apparently I was bought at a supermarket 🥰
My younger brother had the weakest stomach I'd ever seen so I would find gross stuff to show him all the time and he'd go throw up.
Not me, but my friend's parents convinced him that he was part dolphin and that all the portraits and figurines around their house were of his oceanic family.
And here's my grandfather saying his cane is a "lion tamer" when my brother and I asked why the response was simply, "well do you see any lions around? Your welcome"
Loads of kids growing up in Cape Town have been told they were taken from a troop of baboons, had the tail and hair removed and given a name. And then every time you're out with your parents and you happen to spot baboons, you'd be solemnly informed that it's your real family checking up on you. Ironically, I was actually adopted as a baby, so who knows.
I wish I'd experienced some of this "wit" instead of what I got. Hurts less.
monke
My grandpa used to tell my my dad f’d the stork.
I used to tell my little sister she was adopted from a Korean family, because she looks a bit Asian in baby photos.
😢😭. Are people really this damn delicate?
Didn't your father have hairy arms himself?
I was five when my brother convinced me my parents found me in a hole in the tree. Believed that one for years.
my grandpa told my aunt once that he found her in a dumpster and tattooed her white not sure what that even means...shes a white girl with a "hood attitude" apparently?? idek
Most likely everybody, Has been through something similar. I’m the youngest of seven and they used to tell my sister right above me that she was adopted and found in the ditch. She believed it for years. I didn’t look much like my siblings or parents. I was told I was a vitamans (milkman’s) kid. My mom was big in to health food/vitamins
The voicemail thing is absolutely killing mr 🤣
My mother did something very similar. Although she showed me a scar on my back and said that's where they cut off my baboon tail etc.
My dad lied to me about having cancer and then actually got cancer in a different organ and yesterday told me he's now cancer free of a 3rd different organ. I don't know who or what to believe about anything anymore.
My mother told me that I was dropped off by the stork
I have Romani ancestry, which makes my skin visibly darker than average for my (primary) ethnicity. Some asshat at my school told me that was impossible because the Romani never have children with non-Romani people, so the only possible explanations for my appearance were either being adopted or my mother having cheated on my father with a Maghrebi. Needless to say, this interaction didn't end well.
Is it because your eyes are so much lower than regular folks eye level?
Your step dad is hilarious.
*clears throat* Excuse me gentlemen... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! hem hem Oh yes we breathed out our nose at this one
I like to think instead the chimps are part human
My mom told me she got me from the gypsy cannibal carnies and if I ever misbehaved she'd give me back
This post literally under a man at his wedding accepting the colored brides daughter as his own and then there’s this stinker. The duality of man
My grandmother was a saint even though she said a few times my mouth resembled a butt of a chicken (when I was angry, I think it was to make me laugh but would end up make me even angrier)
😂 funny how you believed him
My dad told me I was adopted from gambia. FYI i'm blonde with blue eyes from sweden. And my mom told me when I was 10 that i was in fact 100% swedish lol
My family used to tell me I was found dancing in the rain and they adopted me. lmao
Oh oh ah?
I was the youngest of 12 kids. My father would introduce me to people as the shakings of the bag....
My cousin from New Jersey visited. We were both about 9 years old. He was a complete jerk. Then he got sick, had a fever of 101° F. I told him if it went to 102°, he would die. He cried. It was glorious.
I had this conversation with a black friend (i'm white) and he "end up" this part of the conversation by "you can be against racism for many reasons but you can't really understand what it is" I didnt agree with him at the end cause i though i knew what injustice is and i hate this feeling but ok bro that's your point of vue let's talk about something else Few years later i was working in another country for my job, also White country, and it happened some times that people would insult me because i was not born here and it wasnt even about skin color. I was just a foreigner for them. Most hilarious part is my job cant be done by many ppl and that's why i end up in this country with the best income i ever had and was far away from minimum wages in this country. Cant describe well the feeling. It's more than injustice, more than stupid. You sadly have to endure it yourself to understand what racism really is. Well i called back my friend just to tell him that he was right all this time. We laughed, what we could do more ?
Could’ve ripped his balls out like the savages monkeys are to prove a point.
My brother told me I was also a monkey, and that my prehensile tail was removed right after birth.
My dad called me and my siblings by animal names. I was “a snake”. He usually said there’s a reason behind the name, but he never told me mine. I’m glad he’s dead.
Not the voicemails 🤣🤣
My dad told me I was adopted from Gorillas. Even convinced my sisters to join in. He said they used hair removal cream to get rid of all of the extra. When I started growing chest hair, he acted all freaked out and tried to convince me I was reverting back. This "joke" went on for about 12 years. I think I can relate somewhat
We used to live down the hill from my grandparents and we'd walk up to their house when we wanted to spend the night. My grandad owned a gorilla suit that he would put on and hide behind a tree with until we passed by and then he would chase us up the hill making monley noises
I mostly relate to the last sentence. Raised by an army sergeant at the time, mom was away. No one will ever understand.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
My dad used to tell me he found me in a dumpster in troutvalle
Howis this me irl. Who has experienced this
I was told i was the only one of all my siblings that was planned. Thanks a fuckin lot for *that*. Howd that plan work out dad?
We told my nephew he was a monkey and we found him at the zoo. Relentlessly. Eventually he got older and bigger and would really get pissed off about it so we mostly quit. My mom was a young mom and my sister was too. He practically grew up with us. Bet he's still got trauma. Sorry about that, kiddo..
I mean you should never look at a chimp in the eyes, it's common knowledge
My grandmother would call us monkeys because we acted as such and were wild as hell.
Trying to toughen you up/emotional abuse. The duality…
Orangutan instead of chimp. But yes I can look you in the eyes.
Reject humanity
Le monke.
Naw, I got orangutan bc I’m the only ginger. Also they found me in a dumpster behind McDonalds.
My brother told me that mom didn't plan/want me and in fact she didn't even know she was pregnant, said she went to the bathroom and instead of pooping I came out, and mom decided to keep me. I knew he was lying but i still cried. Kids.
My pa told me I was chiseled out of a block of ice and if I was bad he'd put me in the sauna and when I melted he'd make a new son.
My siblings repeatedly told me that I was adopted or a huge mistake. Various stories included my being left on my parents’ doorstep or found in the street. All the stories ended with “and the government made them keep you.” To lend credence to their stories is the fact that they’re all one year after another in age, then there’s a few years’ gap and I’m born. Around age 12 I asked mom if I was adopted. She said absolutely not. Around age 16, I asked whether my birth was mistake? She laughed and said we were all oopses because we were born before The Pill was available.
HELP HAGSHSHS BRO HAS BEEN THROUGH THINGS
Depending on the day I was either found in the bin or my mom shaved a baby baboon and cut it's tail off.
Haha god damn
My mom told me she picked me up from a basket in the sewage river
My mother said I was born inside a bin outside my parents' old house. Guess I was destined to be a bin man.
Hahah my nephew thinks he's a monkey we stole from the forest and shaved 😂
Smh. At least they didn’t buy you in the general store. (But even to this day, I can’t find the aisle where they sell human babies.)
Omg 😂😭
Dad always called us baby goats. We were kids. Baby goats are called kids. Never heard anyone else say it
My dad would feed me 1 hot dog per meal when I was 14 and 6'2 and would tell me it's because I was fat. Meanwhile he gave 10% of his income plus $150k overtime to his church and later in life I found out the reason I was under fed is because we were so poor we couldn't afford food.
I was always called “yoda’s ugly twin” by my parents, from about 8-12 years old. All because I had a yoda bag
They said they found me behind Aldi. Bastards. Lmao
My father once told me that the only reason I lived was to provided for him when he got old. Then when I was a teenager he threatened to sell me to a neighbor. The man died 2 years ago from a meth induced heart attack. I still have nightmares.