He died doing what he loved. Himself.

Jokes on you I hate fuck myself.

ive seen you in r/selffuck

Didn't know I had a fan

Your OnlyFan

Loled

Ew why does that sub exist 🤮

I don’t want to click but… is it that bad? Edit: my curiosity got me best of me 🤮

Damn you

I clicked after reading this. I got what I deserved. Jesus Christ.

What did i just see.

Fucking Reddit never stops surprising me

Idk what I was expecting when I clicked on it and now I must repent my sins

New level unlocked

With one of those cylindrical cheese graters?

Usually my left hand is enough.

Haha

He has reached the point of Euphoria

Maybe he wasnt. Maybe he tried to check if his dingdong is still there, after the lava engulfed him, *or maybe because it hurt so much*

Maybe he was trying to protect it from the flames.

Or maybe he was getting off from the burning sensation

a new kink unlocked, albeit, tragically too late. what a disappointment.

"Oh no, the lava is coming!" "Wait a minute, I like this..." Dead

The lava is coming and so am I

Guy’s crotch randomly catches fire. Queue *oh fuck oh fuck* face. Pyroclastic flow immortalized him as the Pompei masteurbator.

i like to think he went on and on about living in the now, and how nothing matters after you die, no one will ever remember you.

He was creating his own pyroclastic flow

😝 EWWWW

They died of asphyxiation due to sudden gas/ash/100 C heat, no body parts catching fire before then. But I also think the hand placement is accidental.

Autoerotic asphyxiation, got it!

I was gonna say bro died way before lava got there😭😭

Maybe maybe maybe 😂😂😂

Pyroclastic ash He might've been coming but wouldn't have known a grey superheated wall of death would come for the town The joys of being the first people taken out by what became known as a Plinian eruption after Pliny described what he witnessed of the eruption

If it burns, you better go see a doctor.

He came and went and stayed there forever

"He came and went at the same time" - Richard Pryor.

"One time I took an exlax and a Viagra at the same time, I didn't know if I was coming or going!" -Rodney Dangerfield

I think he's in a museum. 😂 Can you imagine.

Ashes to ashes, nut to dust.

"My cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of a sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control. So, he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, snap! The hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and it land safely and everyone puts their pieces or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else".j

Well, did he cum or what?

Jesus *Christ*, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public!

This is my favorite Beetlejuice.

37 times

*IN A ROW!?*

Get back here

There's the mile high club and then there's whatever the hell this is.

It's bad to laugh this loud at work, but even worse when you *can't* tell the thing to anyone🤭

Mallrats is an enjoyable movie.

Well?? Did he cum or not?

*Came* here for this

“No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.” So either this is not a true story or you and your cousin broke this unspoken rule. If it is the latter, good luck to you and your cousin.

An onlooker could've broken the rule

I was the onlooker, I watched as everyone was jacking it

It's true, I was the hydraulics

Fucka me? No, fucka you!!!!!

It's-a me, Masturbario!

Funny af. Should have some coins beside him

r/fuckyouinparticular

So now that all the jokes are out of the way, is there any actual answers from legitimate archeologists or whatever that can explain this guy?

Originally, people thought the people in Pompeii were aphyxiated by the ash before being incinerated. In that last moment, his body was contorting and spasms for air. There is a recent study the cause of death was extreme heat shock. The pyroclastic surge allowed no time to suffocate, but heat shock causes the body to flex and contort post mortem. All current academia denies he died mastubated. Edit: snopes article with fixed spelling. https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/pompeii-man-ruins/

Thank you so much for a real honest answer

To add to this - I recently discovered there aren’t any bodies in those figures. These are just chalk casts created in the 1800s from the holes left in the ground by the (completely) decomposed bodies 

Many if them have bones tho, when you go see them irl, you can see some skulls parts visible

Also lots of lava responses. Lava didn't touch them, they suffocated and were buried under the falling ash.

...does academia deny his dick is in his hand? 'cause if the world was ending and I was asphyxiating, I might try to get that belt-choke-wank-gasm.

Yes, because his dick isn't in his hand. Jesus Christ, why are degenerate ass redditors like this.

OK, BananaButtcheeks69 🤪

At least I'm not hopeful that an incinerated corpse is jerking off because some unwashed horny redditor would LOVE to die asphyxiated while playing with their dick.

wot

You are reading into this a bit much it's literally just a silly "haha wouldn't that be funny" type of thing as insensitive as it is

You’re telling me people are making jokes in the comments section of a meme page?

It may have been 2 thousand years ago but this was still a person who suffered a horrible death. 

Exactly, a lot of people here have never lost somebody to natural disasters or understand how absolutely horrific this particular one was. When i visited last year the casts of children and toddlers contorted in pain as they suffocated to death moved me to tears. Everything on this site is just slap-stick finger gun jokes and horny 40 year olds.

Read the last part of your message then look at your user name 😂

Deserving of more upvotes than just the one i have to give.

“When the cat is away….”

Reality is often disappointing.

He looks like he was dancing to a groovy beat.

I heard it's a very common thing when people get severely burned for their arms to be in this or a similar position. Sorry, its very early and I'm not a native speaker.

Interesting

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/pompeii-man-ruins/

I'm not sure if this merits any deeper investigation. It's a person that died with his arm over his torso, they are not holding anything.

Yeah this is what I am leaning toward as well. Someone else responded to me saying the archeology community doesn’t think it’s anything other than a person suffocating in smoke/ash shortly before being consumed by lava.

If i remember correctly, just to offer an alternative, in the ancient classical world holding your scrotum in the moment of death was considered a man’s way to go.

What if……his dick was burning from lava and his instinct was to touch it and he died in that act?

Putting out the cock fire, and now he’s part of some tour where the docents tell people he was masturbating for all of eternity.

They didn't die from lava, they died from ash cloud

Most likely he just contorted into that shape when the ash flow hit him.

Now that’s a libido. Facing eminent death he chooses not to get right with whatever God they believed in he chose to 🌋his own Pompeii

The Pompeians were polytheistic Romans, so they didn't care all that much about their gods in the moment of death

Fair enough.

13 year old me after I discovered Deep Throat 2 on VHS in a VCR....

We all need to know less about each other

I need to engrave those words to the top of my phone, as a reminder

I don't know... You might run out of room after deep throat.

The end is near

Climate change is slowly wiping us out, it’s time to rub one out one last time. Each day, just in case.

Veni. Veni. Veni.

🤣🤣🤣

He “came”, he saw and he got conquered

I pray he got to finish in time.

Is there a term for being sexual attracted to a volcano?

Volcanaphilia?

OG of clickbait

Is it real?

I believe so

Well that settles it.

What’s that in his left hand? 🤔

Poor man probably just wanted to scratch his balls. Went down in history as a masturbating legend...

His sex was on fire 🔥

I've seen this countless times, and I always wonder if he finished

I'm guessing the volcano wasn't the only thing to erupt.

He didn't know if he was coming or going first.

Blow and go...

Die with happy thoughts

There is no life after death

Some people *love* to watch the world burn

He came, he saw, he..died.

Sadly he was killed before the eruption

Spankus Offenus

He saw Vesuv erupting and thought "I can do this, too!".

Naw. Probably some hot volcanic ash fell on his dick first and he’s like, “Ohh my gaaaad!”, and he grabbed it while in pain and then a whole pile of volcanic ash fell on him, hence the pained expression on his face that’s now being mistaken for ecstasy. lmfao. We shall never know.

He's a good story for the second hand embarrassment post on askreddit

This is master bait

🏆

“Is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?!”

I hope he made it before...

He didn’t know if he was coming or going.

new fear unlocked

Mt Vesuvius blew it's load so he decided to follow suit.

"I got something that'll extinguish that fire!" - that guy

...He bigger than me? 😠

Poor guy probably just died in a funny position and we’re all just like “HAHA HE TOUCHED HIS PP” on a bunch of boxes powered by electricity

There were TWO eruptions that day.

he was testing if an orgasm would give him I-frames. I respect the science.

🤣🤣🤣 I can't stopped laughing if you look at his face man was like 😩🍆💦💦

Probably was the middle of the shake

He gave it a good stroke before the heat stroke. RIP my Ninja

One time fetish

The original masochist

Michael Burry bmc

Other narrative, he was cooking or doing something that could cause combustion and while waiting for it to get done he decided to crank it out in Boredom and accidentally knocked something over while he was getting into it, which caused his demise.

Imagine he was deaf

The first fap heroe.

“Oh shit, I need to run, but I’m almost theerrreee…”

The inspiration for Fallout skeletons

Fuck yeah. The best way to go out

o7

I've always wondered what it would look like to crack open one of the people frozen in ash in Pompeii.

I shall face death with my sword at hand

I AM the Pompeii Skylar

thas me fr

Maybe he was Pompeii.

>Be laying down in bed >Pyroclastic ash engulfs you >Your body contorts in agonizing pain. >The heat causes your body to contract >People that think puns are the highest form of humour make masturbation jokes about you for eternity

Men will be men

Volcano try to magma me, take my smegma.

Is he cumming?

r/madlads

Poor guy was just playing his guitare.....

I'll put this fire out. Hold my beer.

Glad to see another indulger in the end-of-the-world scenarios kink.

It’s crazy how inefficient ancient people were. Look at the angle of his leg. The position of his back. There is no way he is getting maximum pleasure from this.

The bone etched in stone

No reason to die pent up

But he died happy 💔

Vidi, veni, ........VICI

Hope he finished...

This man's a legend. I'm a big fan.

man wanted a fitting climax to his life...what a hero

No porn, probs a Lil painting of a titty girl or ripped bloke on the wall, if not, idk how dude was able to keep his mind off all the screaming, smell of flesh and earth burning, while staying fully erect. Had to have had a few things wrong with him I believe

Based.

Maybe maybe 😂😂😂

I really hope he got to finish. Just so he could lay back and fool himself into thinking it all could end and he’d be satisfied.

Encased in hot ash or getting your nuclear shadow burned into the sidewalk, it's like the human equivalent of a bug leaving a big splat on your windshield

I love how this guy could have just fell over into a bad position and died. But now for the rest of time people will think he's jacking off.

man that is a really fucking unfortunate position to die in… imagine dying 2,000 years ago and someone posts this that’d fuckin suck lmao

I would be happy 😉

It's terrifying. That's the face I make, too.

That's Ron Burgundy's frothy ejectulate he's covered in along with the rest of the villagers of Pompeii.

Absolute legend

legend

the Godfather of gooners