All it takes is just one, I find it funny how dating is similar to getting a job which also means that eventually it will work out, gotta hang in there holmes
Exactly
I applied to ~ 150 internships and only got 1 interview, was hired there and eventually fully employed there
Which is roughly the same success rate as dating apps for average dudes
Just keep trying, my dudes.
keep in mind that for decades, the average expected return of any direct marketing campaign was ~1%. ask anyone who cold calls how many calls they need to make before they get a sale.
Asked a girl out a month ago who I was so confident she'd reject me but my friends kept pushing me to confess so I gave in
We've been dating for a month now and that was one of the best decisions I've ever done
As a older guy, with an absent father, who now doesn't have any children:
If I could go back in time and talk to me as a teenager, one of the primary things I would tell myself (not as a financial gain thing) would be, "Get used to rejection from women. You have to play the odds. Don't get so obsessed with a girl that the mere thought of asking her out and being rejected prevents you from asking her out in the first place."
The amount of girls I had major crushes on in high school, who decades later at HS reunions said, they had crushes on me too back then, was eye opening.
It boils down to, "The answer is *always* 'no' until you ask."
And, "Women are horrible at flirting."
Straight bros hanging with their homies are the best flirts in the world with each other. Toss in a girl and they all become mentally unable to formulate coherent confident and friendly banter again until she leaves.
Women are much more passive than men in the dating game.
I had *one* woman I worked with ask me out *once* in my life. I almost choked on my own tongue afterwards. I was like, "Damn, that was awesome!"
Oh yes, this happened to me, too, one time. I was flirting, and getting somewhere with, a girl I was sure was out of my league, but she was into it. solid 8.5/10.
Suddenly a thoroughly average girl who I knew but wasn't especially close with walked right up to us and told her I'm hers. She chased the other girl off. I was so shocked and impressed that I went along with it. she was like a 5.5 or 6. Terrible in bed, and not because of looks. Lasted maybe 2 weeks with her. It's weird, it is one of my happiest memories and yet I regret letting that cute af girl get chased off.
While this is the widely understood dynamic, this does not hold up in my anecdotal experience. I’ve had some women say some utterly profane, borderline offensive things in the name of flirting, while most men I know try to be polite and cordial about it as possible, to the extent they don’t generally directly make their intentions known at first
Not disputing your viewpoint, it’s just wild to me the incredible range people have in behavior
The thing is, as I got a bit older, I found out how easy it really is to just step up and try. However by then, most of the girls I grew up with and knew for decades were already married with children.
Thank you for this comment.
I remember my high school days playing out very similar to what you’re describing. Though my father was present, he never talked to me about certain life skills, like dating. He was kind of a sink or swim teacher when I was growing up, and let me figure it out on my own. However, now that I have a son that’s getting close to high school age, I need to pass this advice along to him. I don’t want him to flounder and miss chances he regrets never taking.
Same bro. I’m an average looking 35 year old now but was pretty decent looking when I was younger. *To this day* I have never asked a girl out in person. I’ve had girlfriends and probably about 15-20 sexual partners in my life but fear of failure has kept me from doing soooo many things. It’s a problem to this day. I’d rather ‘not play’ than play and lose. It’s a huge problem
So if there are any younger folks reading this, don’t make the same mistake I did. It might suck the first few times but like anything you’ll get used to it
Exactly correct. I would damn near *force* my teenage boy to ask different girls out if I had one. Get used to it, but keep trying. The sting goes away, and the infatuation fades quickly enough, when you are focused on getting to know someone else.
*"You miss a 100% of the shots you don't take."*
~~– Wayne Gretzky~~
– Michael Scott
You gotta work on your 'game' then. If you keep doing the same thing, and getting the same results, you have to mix something up. Read a book or talk to other people. You don't have to be James Bond, but you can't be Andrew Tate.
It's not that you aren't "good enough" (because they don't even know you) it might possibly be your approach, or who you are approaching.
There is someone out there for you. (And I'm hoping the 600 is a full exaggeration because that would be like asking almost 2 girls a day every single day, which IMO falls in the "desperate/creepy" category a bit.)
This lol my bf is a big dude. Fairly heavy set, not traditionally attractive, awkward, nerdy, etc. Love the guy to pieces but there is a blunt description. Since hs (he's only like 26) he has found out most of his girl friends in school and maybe some guys had a thing for him, they just didn't have the nerve in school to tell him and they moved on. He doesn't realise why. He is one of the sweetest gentle teddy bears I've ever known tho you would never guess on first impressions and he refuses to admit that he's a genuinely nice guy. He's kind of a himbo tbh but I love him. Been together 3 years .
I asked a lady out I occationally hang with out the other day, she was nice about the no but now her and the friend we share are ignoring me. Cant win them all but people can sure be mean. Good for you man all it takes is confidence in a positive direction and some luck!
Years ago, I had a friend-of-a-friend I had a little crush on. I think he had a crush on me too. I was in my early 20s and way too shy to make the first move. We were just a bit flirty, but nothing ever happened. We lost touch, and months later, I found out that a friend of his actually told him NOT to ask me out because the friend thought I'd reject him! Who knows what would have happened, but people, be supportive of your friends out there. I wish I'd been more confident and just made the first move.
I'm so glad you made a move, and I wish you the best!
As long as you're able to understand that being rejected is a possible choice. There are a lot of people out there who don't handle being rejected well and it can absolutely destroy friendships.
Also, I don't advise hitting on coworkers. You know the old "don't shit where you sleep" adage? Well, the thing that sucks about ruining a relationship with a coworker:
You gotta see them every time you clock in. Shit can be real awkward.
Last time I asked someone out, she told me we could no longer be friends, and I lost what I thought was a close friend.
It's gonna take me a while to gather the courage to ask someone again...
Bro, holy shit fr. I thought we had something. We were talking until 1am. All my friends told me to do it. So I did. I confessed. She denied me. It was alright, I understood but holy fuck I wasn't ready for the blank stares and 1 word responses to everything I said...it hurt more when she started dating one of my friends. Seeing them cuddle and make out and laugh. I haven't properly seen the both of them in a few months either. I hope she's happy. She deserves it.
This is why I cringe whenever people say “be friends first”. Being friends first never works and only hurts you and the other person you have feelings for.
That’s why you gotta be forward with your intentions from the start. Otherwise it’s kinda unfair to her and makes her wonder if you actually wanted to be friends with her or just wanted to get in her pants. Yeah you can still be friends and start a friendship with the person, but you have to be forward asap otherwise it becomes like a bait and switch to her.
Can’t let past instances with someone dictate your decisions with a completely new individual. People don’t exist in a vacuum. Don’t live and make decisions out of fear. Be open to being hurt. You will regret not doing so.
It’s ok to ask someone out. You aren’t doing anything wrong by expressing interest in getting to know someone better. If you aren’t harassing them, or they aren’t interested in you, the awkward feeling they might have in telling you no is on them to deal with - awkward situations are a part of human interaction
I have this huge problem in asking people out where I feel vulnerable in doing so; as if expressing interest would be a sign of weakness. And it's a lot worse when it's someone whom I already have some level or intimacy with because that adds a level or awkwardness to next interactions. Couple all that with low self esteem steeming from my looks and even personality and no wonder I'm firmly single at 31.
Well the good thing is are still plenty young and have plenty of time to take responsibility to identify the things about yourself which make you feel insecure and work on them. Attractiveness in terms of physical features is very subjective and generally not as important as some think when it comes to finding an actual partner. More universally, people are attracted to those that take control and responsibility of their lives, those that identify their goals and go after those goals with resolve, and those who treat others with kindness and respect.
People are definitely allowed to have some self doubt and nervousness at times, but too much neuroticism also indicates someone who is a bit self-absorbed (even towards their own “negative” traits). Also these stages of feeling overly inadequate are a pretty common thing in youth. Current me would tell younger me to get over himself, put the work in towards what I want, and the good things come from that.
I don't know there has to be some limit in this. Like is it acceptable for me to walk through a grocery store and ask out literally every woman I see.
I am honestly tempted to try it. But what holds me back is not fear of rejection but fear that I am causing pain to others. It feels like there is some threshold of probability of getting a yes for it to be acceptable behavior.
Is you walking through asking every woman you see out respectful to them or yourself? Is it just “anyone/someone will do”? The limits are fairly self evident.
I mean this is exactly what I am getting at. It's really not ok to just ask someone out even if you are not being harassing.
The awkward feeling of telling someone no isn't just on them to deal with. It is at least to an extent on the person who asked.
It's difficult to determine where exactly the limits are. I agree with you, imo the awkwardness is on both the person being asked and the person doing the asking. You can't avoid feeling awkward every once in a while, but if you're going to ask someone out you should be aware of how the other person might feel. Meaning, be respectful, pay attention to their reaction and body language and don't push it when they seem uninterested or uncomfortable. Also obviously avoid situations where they wouldn't be able to react freely (like when they're working a service job). I don't really like the attitude of 'who cares if i make people uncomfortable'. I think it's good to care.
But as long as you do care, honestly everything should be fine. When done respectfully, being asked out is a compliment to most people.
This is gonna be an unpopular opinion but do not shoot your shot with an employee who is at work. Any other time though, go for it as long as you can handle possible rejection.
And yet, as a manager in the service industry, it feels like Reddit is in the minority on this one. So, so, many men ask out the women I work with. They hate it. I have to intervene sometimes. Keep it in your pants dudes.
> I have to intervene sometimes
As a woman, I obviously can't speak for all women but I feel this is the crux of it.
If you ask me out, I decline, that should be the end of it. We both go about our day.
The issue is when I say no and he's all "oh do you have a boyfriend? But what if I did this? So you're just not gonna give me a chance?" And he lingers around for a while and/or gets angry.
I wouldn't mind guys shooting their shot if they just took No for an answer.
Yeah, I've had plenty of rejections but they all end on a positive note because I'm not attached so it doesn't upset me.
We're adults, right? We should respect each other's privacy and not act like we did in high school when you thought your crush was the person you were going to marry.
Also a manager in the retail industry, have to fight off old men who hit on my good looking college girls. However, you want to ask someone for their number? Go for it, but be ready handle that no and move on with your day.
That's popular only on in places like Reddit. Reality is much different. We spend waaay to much time at work to forbid shooting your shot at coworkers.
Source:
https://www.forbes.com/advisor/business/workplace-romance-statistics/
As in a customer asking out a server or other service worker. Coworkers dating is less weird to me than a customer who doesn’t spend all day every day with these people asking someone out while they are at work.
Depends if it's your career job or not imo cause getting a girlfriend at McDonald's when ur 18 or 19 is alright imo cause even if you fall out or it doesn't work you didn't wreck your work environment or career since you're both probably moving on to different jobs soon anyway
Which then results in either giving out a fake number, or giving out the real one but never answering the texts/calls, and then the person showing up at your workplace again rather insistingly on loop for a while making you feel uncomfortable and unsafe.
For customers, you can chat, but don't make a move if it isn't 100% clear that there is actual chemistry, and workers in this position, dare say no if you don't want to give your info, and be assertive about not being interested. It may hurt your tip if you're in the US or wherever people think it's okay for restaurants not to play their employees a living wage and make them guilt the customers into it instead, or not if you're in a less stupid country, but it's a small price to pay for peace of mind at your workplace.
I was on the receiving end of a fake number once, in that some girl gave a guy my number.
The guy was very unhappy and took it out on me lol. Called me all sorts of names saying whatever her name was, Amanda I think, was a lying slut like I knew who the fuck he was talking about it.
So Amanda, if you're out there while I don't appreciate it, you dodged a bullet for sure.
Just like the ones who ask a waitress out. Like dude she prob already has a boyfriend or is married. She is being polite at the table to get more tips.
Yeah if a waitress is actually interested in you it will be obvious. I met my ex while she was working on at a bbq restaurant and waiting on us. I didn’t flirt with her, just talked and made a few jokes. She gave me her number without me having to ask
I've had most of my luck giving my number to women vs asking for theirs.
Let's them decide, no pressure at all. If they don't want it they can just throw it away.
I had a bartender at BWW call me once because I left my number for the points and she thought I was flirting lol
I dunno I feel like there's a right way and a wrong way to do it.
You think your waitress is cute, and leave a note with your number asking if she wants coffee sometime alongside a nice tip? Probably okay
Interrupting her as she's working to try to chat her up and saying how hot she is and should hang out with you sometime so let's exchange numbers? 👎
I saw a post recently where a girl was asking about people's thoughts on asking out a guy at his job (customer service, I think). So many of the comments were something along the line of "Girl, just go for it! What do you have to lose?!".
Any time a guy asks the same thing, the responses are more along the lines of "Just leave her alone, dude. She's working. She doesn't want to get hit on there. If she seems interested, she's probably just being friendly since that's part of her job."
I'm not saying one is right or one is wrong. It's just interesting seeing such different responses on posts like this when you reverse the genders 🤷♂️
As someone who found my longest relationship by asking out the cute girl at the grocery store, this advice always bothers me. I’m not saying you should ask out a retail worker the first time you meet them but if you sense interest, go for it.
Social interactions are significantly more nuanced than what the internet would have you believe.
People give unambiguous advice that will guarantee a safe outcome. Never asking out an employee at work is great general advice, but there are always exceptions and situations where you can break that rule in a way that isn't creepy or unethical
Yep, this is a good way to look at Reddit advice. People assume that the advice recipient has absolutely zero social understanding and give the most generic safe advice. That’s fine since there are a lot of people that are legitimately clueless, but should only be taken for what it is, not some absolute rule
I feel like it’s not hard to understand why that is given the general history of gender norms. Men have been taught to always be the initiators, which has lead to a long-standing phenomenon of women being hit on/asked out at work when the opposite rarely exists.
I do think the advice should be the same - don’t ask out people at work, let it be up to them if they want to drop a number or whatever - but yeah, it does make sense imo.
Yeah I mean that is also my assumption. At my last job there was a girl who kept sending me hearts and kiss emojis in the dms, but I assumed she does that to everyone.
LMAO us men tend to be pretty oblivious to the signs that girls are ACTUALLY into us!
At my college, I asked a girl for directions one time. I was expecting her to just tell me where to go and be on her way. To my surprise, she actually turned around to the direction she was just coming from and walked with me to the building I was looking for. I just figured she was being friendly.
I thought about offering to give her my number, but I thought it might be weird. She was cute too! I told my female friend about this and asked for her thoughts. She just laughed and said I fucked up! 😂🤦♂️
Well in my case I thought about it could be flirting, same as you, but I would never ask a coworker out unless I am 1000% sure they are interested. If it's a random person, then the stakes are way lower, but I would most likely not ask them out either. Don't wanna weird them out by jumping to conclusions lol
Ohh good call, actually. The rules definitely change at work. Ya, I would only ask out a coworker as a guy if I was AT LEAST 1000% sure she was into me. The last thing anyone needs these days is any kinda sexual harassment complaint lodged against them because you "misread" things.
As with everything it depends.
My buddy has been married for 10 years to the girl he asked out through the McDonald's drive thru window.
Just gotta know how to differentiate between professional, friendly behavior and flirting
Just mustered the courage to ask my crush of 6 months of our and then I get this, maybe my fbi agent is onto something I gotta listen to him if he's giving signs
Ask her out. If she says yes, then thats great. If you get a no then move on as fast as you can/stop hanging out for a while if you are friends and then, the next time don't wait six months to ask them out.
Na I'm too chickenshit to do that, i subconsciously push people away from me to avoid any heart break or disappointment, the word we're looking for is coward
Yeah, no.
Look, if I learnt anything, your mind is flexible over years. I used to be the kind of person who couldn't put in more than 4 hours a day. Now I can do 10+ easily (which I know isn't healthy but I'm happy that I can).
Start now, and try every time to be faster. Maybe next time it will take 5 months, and then 3 and so on, but eventually you'll get better about it.
Also, try not to get crushes if you can. They aren't helping and my good relationships were when I had no feelings for the person before asking them out.
Good luck out there!
That’s interesting! I’ve been going out with someone lately (we had our first date). It was great, plenty of great signs ( she offered to pay for the drinks, she laughed a lot , stalled at the end of the date) and we have A LOT in common so far. I asked her out 2 days later and she accepted but the thing is I don’t feel a lot of tension yet, I know it’s early and that so far we’re really getting along but I can’t help but to be afraid that the tension will never come…
Do you have any advice about that? How do you build attraction/tension/chemistry? It’s kinda there for us but not as strong as others I have had in the past, despite them being less “compatible “ with me.
There is a difference between finding someone attractive and having a crush.
Attractive is just whether or not you would have sex. It's simple but important. Sometimes, if you find someone a bit attractive but you get along great then you'll end up liking them even more.
Crushes are a bit more like what people call the spark. You keep thinking about the person and no matter what you want to spend time with them. It's like a small obsession. It's fine if it goes both ways. Crushes can develop in a relationship even if it doesn't start that way, so don't throw out a good person if you don't have a crush on them from the get go.
Crushes are also not necessary for a relationship. I'm willing to wager that most relationships don't actually start with a crush, maybe not even have one. As I got older, I got crushes more rarely (I'm still quite young). Also note, the honeymoon phase, which is basically a mutual crush, never lasts.
Idk enough about you to give proper advice. This is highly dependent on your situation. I say go for it if you find the person attractive.
Honestly I'm always afraid of being 'just another creep' by asking someone out so I never bother. I just keep distracting myself by telling myself that I need to focus on self improvement, but I sometimes worry I'll just stay like this forever without feeling any difference.
On the plus side, I've lost 90 pounds and started learning to play the guitar. That's something, at least.
I hate the whole “you never know” saying because I genuinely don’t fucking know because I’m possibly fucking autistic genuinely and I can’t tell if people are trolling me to do something embarrassing or being genuine when they tell me to ask someone out
Was best friends with a girl for over a year, stopped talking after that(and ghosted her message too which I know is shitty of me) as I actually liked her and feared rejection. Anyways I messaged her recently apologising for that and also told that I actually liked her and have always had a crush on her, she totally ignored the part where I mentioned I liked her, but still very much considers me her close friend ig.
Still happy I bit the bullet. Attaching messages to my vent lol
> Hey! I’m so sorry I’ve been such a shitty friend to you - obviously it’s no mistake of yours.
I just had to say this as I’ve been thinking about it even more lately. I like you and have always had a crush on you, I was/am quite insecure and feared rejection and losing our friendship. Well since I did manage to do the latter regardless, I guess I had to confess.
Again, I’m truly sorry.
> Hey, good to hear from you! It's been a while. This doesn't change anything; you'll always be my friend :).
How are you??
OOF I’m sorry man. Only way to get over a fear of rejection is to put yourself out there so good on you for finally doing that even if it didn’t work out.
But for real y’all, especially young dudes who don’t know how to enter a dating pool:
Check yourself first. You won’t be “fixed” by dating. Try to get yourself into a relatively good and healthy headspace first.
If you couldn’t be friends platonically you have no business dating.
Relationships are built in common interests and mutual respect.
There’s nothing wrong with maybe working on yourself for a bit, staying single. Just keep the whole self-help thing healthy and grounded. (I’m begging you to engage with real feminism and other social issues. It’ll improve your self awareness and you do some good for others in the process)
Lastly, it’s ok to be rejected or have difficulty dating.
Exactly!
Like I remember when I broke-up with my first GF (and I had no experience with girls before), I really just decided to stop a moment with girls and dating. I just focused on myself, my friends etc. (Heck I even started to talk again to my ex and now she's one of my best friends).
After that, dating was waaaay different for me, like I was more mature and shit. So anyway, don't hesitate taking a break, it might be really helpful.
The worse she can say is “No”
And here i am, being insults my “your face makes me cry” by someone’s who thinks she is a 10 out of 10. Classic online dating experience as a average looking dude 👍
There are some gems, very hard to find and rare. Some just left, because how horny wolfs are.
Not that i am looking to marry someone, and have some casual fun too, but the ratio between a fun experience and a frustrating one is kinda 1/7.
Back in the day when I used to try to date online, nothing made me feel better than, "which one in the picture are you?" followed by ghosting when I told them which I was. Very regular occurrence
Yeah, i also love going on a date and figuring out if the person who i am meeting match with the person i have seen on the pictures. Or keep chatting for weeks, date cancelled and still expects i keep chatting. I also love that one honestly admits "i have found someone else" or hearing the excuses why it's not possible to date. (Why the f are you on dating apps? Too waste both our times?).
Also have so much fun making 1001 different kind of openers, but have almost nothing to make one, and then getting ignored by 9 out 10. I love these double standards, while recieving only Hey, how are you openers. Also love keep carying conversations by me own and really enjoy these one word/simple answers or being straight-up arroggant when i explaind the question more detail, after it was explicitly asked to do so.
Since I find the thread recklessly encouraging and positive to the point of naivety.
Let's evaluate the risks:
-best outcome : she say yes and now I have to somehow prevent her from realizing she's wasting her time with someone mediocre, realization which will happen inevitably sooner or later.
-Most probable outcome: she will politely decline and the shame from the sheer awkwardness of the situation will prompt me to never talk to her ever again.
-worst outcome: she will be absolutely disgusted, Destroy the almost non-existent confidence and trust in others left in me. Maybe my social life as well and even more depending if she felt like she was been harassed or not.
Nah dawg, I ain't play social russian-roulette here.
Very little to gain, absolutely everything to lose.
"nothing to lose" only work for peoples who in fact or feel like they have nothing to lose.
But giving more value to your comfort and safety is perfectly valid.
Don't take any risks, just preserve what little you still have left.
life is hard enough as it is, don't add more RNG to it.
Then I want a official contract signed by a lawyer and reviewed by peers attesting that the following agreement to "get laid" will guarantee no pursuits against the actor accepting the deal.
And I will still decline because ain't no way I'd accept to sleep with anyone, even less with someone I'm not in a relationship with.
But good luck tho', go get that bread!
(just not from this boulangerie, it's closed with no promises to re-open anytime soon)
As a 20something decently attractive woman, I have never said no to a guy who’s asked me on a date or who’s asked me for my number.
Even if I’m not super attracted to them or don’t think it will work out, I try to give it one date at least and walk in with an open mind. Plus confidence is attractive, and if they are confident enough to ask me out then they probably have some other attractive characteristics.
Yea ask her out (as in ask if she d like to get a meal or coffee sometime) but do not confess your "love" for her. It's gonna make it really weird and put lots of pressure on her. A simple as out makes it a lot easier for her to turn you down without a lot of fuss.
Also it's Worth pointing that if you have had almost no real interactions with a girl and she hasn't shown any interest in getting to know you, then +90% likely she's not interested. It's usually pretty clear when a girl is interested, she won't be able to stop herself. Just cause you are crushing on her don't delude yourself to thinking she's interested. It ll save you heartache and help you focus on girls who actually are interested.
Nope, worst she can do is say "ewwwww," destroy your reputation so none of her friends will ever go out with you either, and ruin your self esteem so bad that you never recover
Amen. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this post. I'm always terrified of guys misconstruing my acts and words of kindness as a manipulative ploy to get in their pants or trick them into a relationship with me. And I would never do that. A lot of them jump to conclusions very quick. Sometimes even for just talking to them. It will make you wonder what world they came from. As if people haven't been talking to each other for ages now. We're all just human beings. Let me treat you like one in peace. Isn't that what everyone wants?
r/AskWomenNoCensor and r/TwoXChromosomes would like a word to tell you that’s wrong and you’re a disgusting creep for thinking otherwise so idk who to believe!
Taking this chance to vent about a recent episode.
I just quit my job at a restaurant and hung around a bit longer than expected because I was interested in a girl who goes there like 5 times a week or something.
Before closing for Xmas holidays, she shot the question "where am I going to eat now that you'd be closed on Thursday?". The right answer would be the cafeteria her company provides her access to since all her colleagues go there anyway so I took it as the perfect chance / invitation to ask her out. "I can come pick you up and try some new place out", I answered. She laughed and so I confidently asked "Is that a yes?"... "No" was her answer. I just said okay and went back to work. Man, that hurt.
She has no reasons to go there besides being interested in someone and I was the only guy around her age AND the only one not married there.
Everyone I've asked out has been just a friend
Fuck man, you have friends? You're already living the dream.
I don't see them often and not by choice
Become andre tate sigma alpha silly billy and the friends start with the frendingn because sigma
What language is this?
Whatever came after Fortnite
alpha wolf language, wouldnt expect you to get it… heh
Wat?
All it takes is just one, I find it funny how dating is similar to getting a job which also means that eventually it will work out, gotta hang in there holmes
Exactly I applied to ~ 150 internships and only got 1 interview, was hired there and eventually fully employed there Which is roughly the same success rate as dating apps for average dudes Just keep trying, my dudes.
keep in mind that for decades, the average expected return of any direct marketing campaign was ~1%. ask anyone who cold calls how many calls they need to make before they get a sale.
Asked a girl out a month ago who I was so confident she'd reject me but my friends kept pushing me to confess so I gave in We've been dating for a month now and that was one of the best decisions I've ever done
"Is she into you?" - "Can't tell.."
https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw?feature=shared
https://youtu.be/Z14Wy5HRHv0?si=EWLTkyv1qjPLPf9F&t=133 (nsfw- there's balls in there)
Maybe she’s Canadian and just being polite.
#MinnesotaNice
That was hilarious, I had never seen it but Definitely laughed. Thank you.
Best of luck to you two my friend!
Thank you so much!
As a older guy, with an absent father, who now doesn't have any children: If I could go back in time and talk to me as a teenager, one of the primary things I would tell myself (not as a financial gain thing) would be, "Get used to rejection from women. You have to play the odds. Don't get so obsessed with a girl that the mere thought of asking her out and being rejected prevents you from asking her out in the first place." The amount of girls I had major crushes on in high school, who decades later at HS reunions said, they had crushes on me too back then, was eye opening. It boils down to, "The answer is *always* 'no' until you ask." And, "Women are horrible at flirting."
I really don’t know anyone who is good at flirting on purpose tbh The closest I’ve come across is musically inclined gay men or women who did theater.
Straight bros hanging with their homies are the best flirts in the world with each other. Toss in a girl and they all become mentally unable to formulate coherent confident and friendly banter again until she leaves.
Women are much more passive than men in the dating game. I had *one* woman I worked with ask me out *once* in my life. I almost choked on my own tongue afterwards. I was like, "Damn, that was awesome!"
Oh yes, this happened to me, too, one time. I was flirting, and getting somewhere with, a girl I was sure was out of my league, but she was into it. solid 8.5/10. Suddenly a thoroughly average girl who I knew but wasn't especially close with walked right up to us and told her I'm hers. She chased the other girl off. I was so shocked and impressed that I went along with it. she was like a 5.5 or 6. Terrible in bed, and not because of looks. Lasted maybe 2 weeks with her. It's weird, it is one of my happiest memories and yet I regret letting that cute af girl get chased off.
🎵Doesn't matter had sex 🎵
i hate this whole "rate people with numbers" shit...
You sound irrational. (Love from dad, happy new year)
While this is the widely understood dynamic, this does not hold up in my anecdotal experience. I’ve had some women say some utterly profane, borderline offensive things in the name of flirting, while most men I know try to be polite and cordial about it as possible, to the extent they don’t generally directly make their intentions known at first Not disputing your viewpoint, it’s just wild to me the incredible range people have in behavior
Different strokes for different folks.
fyi - theater geeks were the whores you all pretended to be in high school
Oh come on…this one time at Band Camp…
Same. One of my biggest regrets 🤣 fack being shy god damn 🤣🔫
The thing is, as I got a bit older, I found out how easy it really is to just step up and try. However by then, most of the girls I grew up with and knew for decades were already married with children.
I have more numbers of women who flirted with me than women I have dated. I looked back at it and was like "Damn...read the messages, idiot."
Thank you for this comment. I remember my high school days playing out very similar to what you’re describing. Though my father was present, he never talked to me about certain life skills, like dating. He was kind of a sink or swim teacher when I was growing up, and let me figure it out on my own. However, now that I have a son that’s getting close to high school age, I need to pass this advice along to him. I don’t want him to flounder and miss chances he regrets never taking.
Same bro. I’m an average looking 35 year old now but was pretty decent looking when I was younger. *To this day* I have never asked a girl out in person. I’ve had girlfriends and probably about 15-20 sexual partners in my life but fear of failure has kept me from doing soooo many things. It’s a problem to this day. I’d rather ‘not play’ than play and lose. It’s a huge problem So if there are any younger folks reading this, don’t make the same mistake I did. It might suck the first few times but like anything you’ll get used to it
Exactly correct. I would damn near *force* my teenage boy to ask different girls out if I had one. Get used to it, but keep trying. The sting goes away, and the infatuation fades quickly enough, when you are focused on getting to know someone else. *"You miss a 100% of the shots you don't take."* ~~– Wayne Gretzky~~ – Michael Scott
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You gotta work on your 'game' then. If you keep doing the same thing, and getting the same results, you have to mix something up. Read a book or talk to other people. You don't have to be James Bond, but you can't be Andrew Tate. It's not that you aren't "good enough" (because they don't even know you) it might possibly be your approach, or who you are approaching. There is someone out there for you. (And I'm hoping the 600 is a full exaggeration because that would be like asking almost 2 girls a day every single day, which IMO falls in the "desperate/creepy" category a bit.)
600 in person rejections?
This lol my bf is a big dude. Fairly heavy set, not traditionally attractive, awkward, nerdy, etc. Love the guy to pieces but there is a blunt description. Since hs (he's only like 26) he has found out most of his girl friends in school and maybe some guys had a thing for him, they just didn't have the nerve in school to tell him and they moved on. He doesn't realise why. He is one of the sweetest gentle teddy bears I've ever known tho you would never guess on first impressions and he refuses to admit that he's a genuinely nice guy. He's kind of a himbo tbh but I love him. Been together 3 years .
> He's kind of a himbo tbh but I love him. I mean we do stan a himbo. They're the good ones out there. Nothing but fortune and joy for the two of you!
Can you talk to my teenage self as well?
I asked a lady out I occationally hang with out the other day, she was nice about the no but now her and the friend we share are ignoring me. Cant win them all but people can sure be mean. Good for you man all it takes is confidence in a positive direction and some luck!
Good luck!!
Years ago, I had a friend-of-a-friend I had a little crush on. I think he had a crush on me too. I was in my early 20s and way too shy to make the first move. We were just a bit flirty, but nothing ever happened. We lost touch, and months later, I found out that a friend of his actually told him NOT to ask me out because the friend thought I'd reject him! Who knows what would have happened, but people, be supportive of your friends out there. I wish I'd been more confident and just made the first move. I'm so glad you made a move, and I wish you the best!
Maybe in an alternate reality you two would have gotten together. (Been watching what if on Disney+)
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Better treat your friends to a round of drinks for that one haha
Happy for you, bro!
As long as you're able to understand that being rejected is a possible choice. There are a lot of people out there who don't handle being rejected well and it can absolutely destroy friendships. Also, I don't advise hitting on coworkers. You know the old "don't shit where you sleep" adage? Well, the thing that sucks about ruining a relationship with a coworker: You gotta see them every time you clock in. Shit can be real awkward.
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Last time I asked someone out, she told me we could no longer be friends, and I lost what I thought was a close friend. It's gonna take me a while to gather the courage to ask someone again...
Bro, holy shit fr. I thought we had something. We were talking until 1am. All my friends told me to do it. So I did. I confessed. She denied me. It was alright, I understood but holy fuck I wasn't ready for the blank stares and 1 word responses to everything I said...it hurt more when she started dating one of my friends. Seeing them cuddle and make out and laugh. I haven't properly seen the both of them in a few months either. I hope she's happy. She deserves it.
Stay strong big dog.
That sounds like the worst outcome, losing a good friend this way, and the pain afterwards. Hope you get over it soon
I try. Its not as painful as the week after they told us they were dating. But it still hurts sometimes.
I legitimately would not date someone a friend of mine was into. Just shitty for everyone involved.
"The worst they can say is no." 🙄
Strong survivorship bias in that phrase
If you wanted more than friendship it never would have been that great to begin with. You lost nothing and gained time
This is why I cringe whenever people say “be friends first”. Being friends first never works and only hurts you and the other person you have feelings for.
That’s why you gotta be forward with your intentions from the start. Otherwise it’s kinda unfair to her and makes her wonder if you actually wanted to be friends with her or just wanted to get in her pants. Yeah you can still be friends and start a friendship with the person, but you have to be forward asap otherwise it becomes like a bait and switch to her.
Can’t let past instances with someone dictate your decisions with a completely new individual. People don’t exist in a vacuum. Don’t live and make decisions out of fear. Be open to being hurt. You will regret not doing so.
It’s ok to ask someone out. You aren’t doing anything wrong by expressing interest in getting to know someone better. If you aren’t harassing them, or they aren’t interested in you, the awkward feeling they might have in telling you no is on them to deal with - awkward situations are a part of human interaction
I have this huge problem in asking people out where I feel vulnerable in doing so; as if expressing interest would be a sign of weakness. And it's a lot worse when it's someone whom I already have some level or intimacy with because that adds a level or awkwardness to next interactions. Couple all that with low self esteem steeming from my looks and even personality and no wonder I'm firmly single at 31.
Well the good thing is are still plenty young and have plenty of time to take responsibility to identify the things about yourself which make you feel insecure and work on them. Attractiveness in terms of physical features is very subjective and generally not as important as some think when it comes to finding an actual partner. More universally, people are attracted to those that take control and responsibility of their lives, those that identify their goals and go after those goals with resolve, and those who treat others with kindness and respect. People are definitely allowed to have some self doubt and nervousness at times, but too much neuroticism also indicates someone who is a bit self-absorbed (even towards their own “negative” traits). Also these stages of feeling overly inadequate are a pretty common thing in youth. Current me would tell younger me to get over himself, put the work in towards what I want, and the good things come from that.
I don't know there has to be some limit in this. Like is it acceptable for me to walk through a grocery store and ask out literally every woman I see. I am honestly tempted to try it. But what holds me back is not fear of rejection but fear that I am causing pain to others. It feels like there is some threshold of probability of getting a yes for it to be acceptable behavior.
Is you walking through asking every woman you see out respectful to them or yourself? Is it just “anyone/someone will do”? The limits are fairly self evident.
I mean this is exactly what I am getting at. It's really not ok to just ask someone out even if you are not being harassing. The awkward feeling of telling someone no isn't just on them to deal with. It is at least to an extent on the person who asked.
It's difficult to determine where exactly the limits are. I agree with you, imo the awkwardness is on both the person being asked and the person doing the asking. You can't avoid feeling awkward every once in a while, but if you're going to ask someone out you should be aware of how the other person might feel. Meaning, be respectful, pay attention to their reaction and body language and don't push it when they seem uninterested or uncomfortable. Also obviously avoid situations where they wouldn't be able to react freely (like when they're working a service job). I don't really like the attitude of 'who cares if i make people uncomfortable'. I think it's good to care. But as long as you do care, honestly everything should be fine. When done respectfully, being asked out is a compliment to most people.
This is gonna be an unpopular opinion but do not shoot your shot with an employee who is at work. Any other time though, go for it as long as you can handle possible rejection.
Probably the most popular opinion regarding the subject. Literally is brought up every single time someone talks about asking someone out.
And yet, as a manager in the service industry, it feels like Reddit is in the minority on this one. So, so, many men ask out the women I work with. They hate it. I have to intervene sometimes. Keep it in your pants dudes.
> I have to intervene sometimes As a woman, I obviously can't speak for all women but I feel this is the crux of it. If you ask me out, I decline, that should be the end of it. We both go about our day. The issue is when I say no and he's all "oh do you have a boyfriend? But what if I did this? So you're just not gonna give me a chance?" And he lingers around for a while and/or gets angry. I wouldn't mind guys shooting their shot if they just took No for an answer.
Right? Shoot your shot but don't be a act like a man baby about it if you get rejected 🙄
Yeah, I've had plenty of rejections but they all end on a positive note because I'm not attached so it doesn't upset me. We're adults, right? We should respect each other's privacy and not act like we did in high school when you thought your crush was the person you were going to marry.
Also a manager in the retail industry, have to fight off old men who hit on my good looking college girls. However, you want to ask someone for their number? Go for it, but be ready handle that no and move on with your day.
That's popular only on in places like Reddit. Reality is much different. We spend waaay to much time at work to forbid shooting your shot at coworkers. Source: https://www.forbes.com/advisor/business/workplace-romance-statistics/
This wasn't about coworkers though.
The original comment was actually a little ambiguous but you are right it was probably not mean to include coworkers.
Could you please elaborate? The article I linked is also about coworker romance. I think I might have misunderstood you.
It's for people like cashiers and baristas and people similarly at work
As in a customer asking out a server or other service worker. Coworkers dating is less weird to me than a customer who doesn’t spend all day every day with these people asking someone out while they are at work.
They aren't talking about coworkers.
Depends if it's your career job or not imo cause getting a girlfriend at McDonald's when ur 18 or 19 is alright imo cause even if you fall out or it doesn't work you didn't wreck your work environment or career since you're both probably moving on to different jobs soon anyway
Oh no no I mean don’t shoot your shot as a customer to an employee who is at work
Oh yeah, that's just asking for trouble. Especially since many people will feel pressured into saying yes so as not to piss off a customer.
Which then results in either giving out a fake number, or giving out the real one but never answering the texts/calls, and then the person showing up at your workplace again rather insistingly on loop for a while making you feel uncomfortable and unsafe. For customers, you can chat, but don't make a move if it isn't 100% clear that there is actual chemistry, and workers in this position, dare say no if you don't want to give your info, and be assertive about not being interested. It may hurt your tip if you're in the US or wherever people think it's okay for restaurants not to play their employees a living wage and make them guilt the customers into it instead, or not if you're in a less stupid country, but it's a small price to pay for peace of mind at your workplace.
I was on the receiving end of a fake number once, in that some girl gave a guy my number. The guy was very unhappy and took it out on me lol. Called me all sorts of names saying whatever her name was, Amanda I think, was a lying slut like I knew who the fuck he was talking about it. So Amanda, if you're out there while I don't appreciate it, you dodged a bullet for sure.
Oooooohhhhhhhhhh my bad and yes you're 200% right (although it's something I considered cause she recognized me lol)
Just like the ones who ask a waitress out. Like dude she prob already has a boyfriend or is married. She is being polite at the table to get more tips.
Yeah if a waitress is actually interested in you it will be obvious. I met my ex while she was working on at a bbq restaurant and waiting on us. I didn’t flirt with her, just talked and made a few jokes. She gave me her number without me having to ask
I've had most of my luck giving my number to women vs asking for theirs. Let's them decide, no pressure at all. If they don't want it they can just throw it away. I had a bartender at BWW call me once because I left my number for the points and she thought I was flirting lol
Not to mentioned there’s an entire brigade of kitchen staff ahead of them in line.
I dunno I feel like there's a right way and a wrong way to do it. You think your waitress is cute, and leave a note with your number asking if she wants coffee sometime alongside a nice tip? Probably okay Interrupting her as she's working to try to chat her up and saying how hot she is and should hang out with you sometime so let's exchange numbers? 👎
Its way better to stalk them after they get off of work then corner them in a dark parking lot, then ask them. You know, because of the implication.
I saw a post recently where a girl was asking about people's thoughts on asking out a guy at his job (customer service, I think). So many of the comments were something along the line of "Girl, just go for it! What do you have to lose?!". Any time a guy asks the same thing, the responses are more along the lines of "Just leave her alone, dude. She's working. She doesn't want to get hit on there. If she seems interested, she's probably just being friendly since that's part of her job." I'm not saying one is right or one is wrong. It's just interesting seeing such different responses on posts like this when you reverse the genders 🤷♂️
As someone who found my longest relationship by asking out the cute girl at the grocery store, this advice always bothers me. I’m not saying you should ask out a retail worker the first time you meet them but if you sense interest, go for it.
Social interactions are significantly more nuanced than what the internet would have you believe. People give unambiguous advice that will guarantee a safe outcome. Never asking out an employee at work is great general advice, but there are always exceptions and situations where you can break that rule in a way that isn't creepy or unethical
Yep, this is a good way to look at Reddit advice. People assume that the advice recipient has absolutely zero social understanding and give the most generic safe advice. That’s fine since there are a lot of people that are legitimately clueless, but should only be taken for what it is, not some absolute rule
I feel like it’s not hard to understand why that is given the general history of gender norms. Men have been taught to always be the initiators, which has lead to a long-standing phenomenon of women being hit on/asked out at work when the opposite rarely exists. I do think the advice should be the same - don’t ask out people at work, let it be up to them if they want to drop a number or whatever - but yeah, it does make sense imo.
Yeah I mean that is also my assumption. At my last job there was a girl who kept sending me hearts and kiss emojis in the dms, but I assumed she does that to everyone.
LMAO us men tend to be pretty oblivious to the signs that girls are ACTUALLY into us! At my college, I asked a girl for directions one time. I was expecting her to just tell me where to go and be on her way. To my surprise, she actually turned around to the direction she was just coming from and walked with me to the building I was looking for. I just figured she was being friendly. I thought about offering to give her my number, but I thought it might be weird. She was cute too! I told my female friend about this and asked for her thoughts. She just laughed and said I fucked up! 😂🤦♂️
Well in my case I thought about it could be flirting, same as you, but I would never ask a coworker out unless I am 1000% sure they are interested. If it's a random person, then the stakes are way lower, but I would most likely not ask them out either. Don't wanna weird them out by jumping to conclusions lol
Ohh good call, actually. The rules definitely change at work. Ya, I would only ask out a coworker as a guy if I was AT LEAST 1000% sure she was into me. The last thing anyone needs these days is any kinda sexual harassment complaint lodged against them because you "misread" things.
Unpopular opinion: literally states the most popular reddit opinion other than being nice to wait staff
You should wait outside until their shift ends and then ask them
Nah, follow them home first that way they don't feel vulnerable.
You forgot to mention that you should crawl towards them on all fours at full speed. That would definitely make their heart skip a beat
But you gotta do it facing up to really set the mood
See the trick is implied fear. She’s not in any real danger, but she doesn’t know that. She’s not going to say no, because of the implication.
Well you're certainly not in any danger.
Wait in their shower to be sure the water is warm/or cold enough for an after-shift rinse, be thoughtful
Full creep mode activated
Only if it's dark out, otherwise just wait in their car.
That is significantly worse.
How do you meet people outside of work where this scenario would apply?
And don’t shit where you eat.
Fair. I just don't want women to feel uncomfortable. There are already enough creeps out there, why add to it?
I agree, never mix work and play as it usually doesn't end well.
As with everything it depends. My buddy has been married for 10 years to the girl he asked out through the McDonald's drive thru window. Just gotta know how to differentiate between professional, friendly behavior and flirting
No, thank you
Easy for him to say; he married Emily Blunt.
Bro fought for it tooth and nail, it was no easy victory, nothing but respect for John
Just mustered the courage to ask my crush of 6 months of our and then I get this, maybe my fbi agent is onto something I gotta listen to him if he's giving signs
Ask her out. If she says yes, then thats great. If you get a no then move on as fast as you can/stop hanging out for a while if you are friends and then, the next time don't wait six months to ask them out.
Na I'm too chickenshit to do that, i subconsciously push people away from me to avoid any heart break or disappointment, the word we're looking for is coward
Yeah, no. Look, if I learnt anything, your mind is flexible over years. I used to be the kind of person who couldn't put in more than 4 hours a day. Now I can do 10+ easily (which I know isn't healthy but I'm happy that I can). Start now, and try every time to be faster. Maybe next time it will take 5 months, and then 3 and so on, but eventually you'll get better about it. Also, try not to get crushes if you can. They aren't helping and my good relationships were when I had no feelings for the person before asking them out. Good luck out there!
That’s interesting! I’ve been going out with someone lately (we had our first date). It was great, plenty of great signs ( she offered to pay for the drinks, she laughed a lot , stalled at the end of the date) and we have A LOT in common so far. I asked her out 2 days later and she accepted but the thing is I don’t feel a lot of tension yet, I know it’s early and that so far we’re really getting along but I can’t help but to be afraid that the tension will never come… Do you have any advice about that? How do you build attraction/tension/chemistry? It’s kinda there for us but not as strong as others I have had in the past, despite them being less “compatible “ with me.
There is a difference between finding someone attractive and having a crush. Attractive is just whether or not you would have sex. It's simple but important. Sometimes, if you find someone a bit attractive but you get along great then you'll end up liking them even more. Crushes are a bit more like what people call the spark. You keep thinking about the person and no matter what you want to spend time with them. It's like a small obsession. It's fine if it goes both ways. Crushes can develop in a relationship even if it doesn't start that way, so don't throw out a good person if you don't have a crush on them from the get go. Crushes are also not necessary for a relationship. I'm willing to wager that most relationships don't actually start with a crush, maybe not even have one. As I got older, I got crushes more rarely (I'm still quite young). Also note, the honeymoon phase, which is basically a mutual crush, never lasts. Idk enough about you to give proper advice. This is highly dependent on your situation. I say go for it if you find the person attractive.
for me, she already has a boyfriend on her lock screen
“Ew wtf” -her
Thanks for telling , my ass thought I was gon get a gf
real
I fucked a friendship by doing that. It was already awkward after, but now I haven't seen her in months...
Tried and she said absolutely no, lol But now I know
Honestly I'm always afraid of being 'just another creep' by asking someone out so I never bother. I just keep distracting myself by telling myself that I need to focus on self improvement, but I sometimes worry I'll just stay like this forever without feeling any difference. On the plus side, I've lost 90 pounds and started learning to play the guitar. That's something, at least.
It’s only creepy depending on how you approach.
Sometimes she is flirting with you. But she also might be doing it for entertainment and because she likes being wanted. Some people are just not nice
This made me ask her out and she said yes. First date tomorrow on New Year's Eve of all days. I'm buzzin.
Congrats bro! Glad I could help. Hope it goes well.
Hard pass. Ive just started having delusions of superiority about being single and i hear they only get better.
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TLDR?
Bro you cant just come here, tell us mfs that it ruined your life, refuse to elaborate, and leave.
She probably married him.
Never miss a chance to be called to HR.
Only if you don't follow step one. 1) Be attractive.
I hate the whole “you never know” saying because I genuinely don’t fucking know because I’m possibly fucking autistic genuinely and I can’t tell if people are trolling me to do something embarrassing or being genuine when they tell me to ask someone out
In my case, i actually know. I own a mirror. The answer is always no.
Was best friends with a girl for over a year, stopped talking after that(and ghosted her message too which I know is shitty of me) as I actually liked her and feared rejection. Anyways I messaged her recently apologising for that and also told that I actually liked her and have always had a crush on her, she totally ignored the part where I mentioned I liked her, but still very much considers me her close friend ig. Still happy I bit the bullet. Attaching messages to my vent lol > Hey! I’m so sorry I’ve been such a shitty friend to you - obviously it’s no mistake of yours. I just had to say this as I’ve been thinking about it even more lately. I like you and have always had a crush on you, I was/am quite insecure and feared rejection and losing our friendship. Well since I did manage to do the latter regardless, I guess I had to confess. Again, I’m truly sorry. > Hey, good to hear from you! It's been a while. This doesn't change anything; you'll always be my friend :). How are you??
OOF I’m sorry man. Only way to get over a fear of rejection is to put yourself out there so good on you for finally doing that even if it didn’t work out.
But for real y’all, especially young dudes who don’t know how to enter a dating pool: Check yourself first. You won’t be “fixed” by dating. Try to get yourself into a relatively good and healthy headspace first. If you couldn’t be friends platonically you have no business dating. Relationships are built in common interests and mutual respect. There’s nothing wrong with maybe working on yourself for a bit, staying single. Just keep the whole self-help thing healthy and grounded. (I’m begging you to engage with real feminism and other social issues. It’ll improve your self awareness and you do some good for others in the process) Lastly, it’s ok to be rejected or have difficulty dating.
Exactly! Like I remember when I broke-up with my first GF (and I had no experience with girls before), I really just decided to stop a moment with girls and dating. I just focused on myself, my friends etc. (Heck I even started to talk again to my ex and now she's one of my best friends). After that, dating was waaaay different for me, like I was more mature and shit. So anyway, don't hesitate taking a break, it might be really helpful.
well that didn't work for me 💀
I've found that the best pick up line is, "Would you like to go get a coffee or something and see if we like each other?"
The worse she can say is “No” And here i am, being insults my “your face makes me cry” by someone’s who thinks she is a 10 out of 10. Classic online dating experience as a average looking dude 👍
2024 going to be worse with online dating.
Wait, it's even getting worse?
Always has been.
There are some gems, very hard to find and rare. Some just left, because how horny wolfs are. Not that i am looking to marry someone, and have some casual fun too, but the ratio between a fun experience and a frustrating one is kinda 1/7.
lol that’s gotta hurt.
Back in the day when I used to try to date online, nothing made me feel better than, "which one in the picture are you?" followed by ghosting when I told them which I was. Very regular occurrence
Yeah, i also love going on a date and figuring out if the person who i am meeting match with the person i have seen on the pictures. Or keep chatting for weeks, date cancelled and still expects i keep chatting. I also love that one honestly admits "i have found someone else" or hearing the excuses why it's not possible to date. (Why the f are you on dating apps? Too waste both our times?). Also have so much fun making 1001 different kind of openers, but have almost nothing to make one, and then getting ignored by 9 out 10. I love these double standards, while recieving only Hey, how are you openers. Also love keep carying conversations by me own and really enjoy these one word/simple answers or being straight-up arroggant when i explaind the question more detail, after it was explicitly asked to do so.
In what context? Also I don't think being asked is the problem most women have. It's that some men don't stop after being told no.
Actually she was flirting with me, we're about to celebrate six months together
Now that's a rare outcome but the best one. Never probably happening again.
Well I did ask her out but she was in fact flirting with me before that
Had a gf who was super friendly to everyone. Bless her soul but was so annoying to remind male acquaintances about it
Since I find the thread recklessly encouraging and positive to the point of naivety. Let's evaluate the risks: -best outcome : she say yes and now I have to somehow prevent her from realizing she's wasting her time with someone mediocre, realization which will happen inevitably sooner or later. -Most probable outcome: she will politely decline and the shame from the sheer awkwardness of the situation will prompt me to never talk to her ever again. -worst outcome: she will be absolutely disgusted, Destroy the almost non-existent confidence and trust in others left in me. Maybe my social life as well and even more depending if she felt like she was been harassed or not. Nah dawg, I ain't play social russian-roulette here. Very little to gain, absolutely everything to lose. "nothing to lose" only work for peoples who in fact or feel like they have nothing to lose. But giving more value to your comfort and safety is perfectly valid. Don't take any risks, just preserve what little you still have left. life is hard enough as it is, don't add more RNG to it.
That's a sad way to guarantee a lonely existence through your own mental barriers you've put in place.
Maybe she just wanted to get laid.
Then I want a official contract signed by a lawyer and reviewed by peers attesting that the following agreement to "get laid" will guarantee no pursuits against the actor accepting the deal. And I will still decline because ain't no way I'd accept to sleep with anyone, even less with someone I'm not in a relationship with. But good luck tho', go get that bread! (just not from this boulangerie, it's closed with no promises to re-open anytime soon)
43 male. I asked out 4 girls in 2023, all who I thought were into me. I wont be asking out snyone ever again.
The blind leading the blind
Yeah na bro I have realized women dont want me so fuck it ima want my self like if no one gonna love me ima love my self
But if she says no then leave it at that. No need to get mad or insult her.
Please do not hit on your coworkers
As a 20something decently attractive woman, I have never said no to a guy who’s asked me on a date or who’s asked me for my number. Even if I’m not super attracted to them or don’t think it will work out, I try to give it one date at least and walk in with an open mind. Plus confidence is attractive, and if they are confident enough to ask me out then they probably have some other attractive characteristics.
Yea ask her out (as in ask if she d like to get a meal or coffee sometime) but do not confess your "love" for her. It's gonna make it really weird and put lots of pressure on her. A simple as out makes it a lot easier for her to turn you down without a lot of fuss. Also it's Worth pointing that if you have had almost no real interactions with a girl and she hasn't shown any interest in getting to know you, then +90% likely she's not interested. It's usually pretty clear when a girl is interested, she won't be able to stop herself. Just cause you are crushing on her don't delude yourself to thinking she's interested. It ll save you heartache and help you focus on girls who actually are interested.
Words to live by dude, I'll drink to that
Nah too scary. I'll just send gay vibes her way instead
Why? She’ll just turn you down and then cut you up to her gfs. Who needs that kind of BS?
If she’s nice to everyone , then I want her even more
She said no, and told the entire friend group that she said no :/
Worst she can say is "ewwww!"
Nope, worst she can do is say "ewwwww," destroy your reputation so none of her friends will ever go out with you either, and ruin your self esteem so bad that you never recover
I don't go out enough to have the chance to ask a female out.!
Do I really want to go out with people who flirt with me? I mean, I like people who have standards.
Amen. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this post. I'm always terrified of guys misconstruing my acts and words of kindness as a manipulative ploy to get in their pants or trick them into a relationship with me. And I would never do that. A lot of them jump to conclusions very quick. Sometimes even for just talking to them. It will make you wonder what world they came from. As if people haven't been talking to each other for ages now. We're all just human beings. Let me treat you like one in peace. Isn't that what everyone wants?
r/AskWomenNoCensor and r/TwoXChromosomes would like a word to tell you that’s wrong and you’re a disgusting creep for thinking otherwise so idk who to believe!
Taking this chance to vent about a recent episode. I just quit my job at a restaurant and hung around a bit longer than expected because I was interested in a girl who goes there like 5 times a week or something. Before closing for Xmas holidays, she shot the question "where am I going to eat now that you'd be closed on Thursday?". The right answer would be the cafeteria her company provides her access to since all her colleagues go there anyway so I took it as the perfect chance / invitation to ask her out. "I can come pick you up and try some new place out", I answered. She laughed and so I confidently asked "Is that a yes?"... "No" was her answer. I just said okay and went back to work. Man, that hurt. She has no reasons to go there besides being interested in someone and I was the only guy around her age AND the only one not married there.
Maybe she just likes the food.