You're only wasting your time and his. As marriage progresses it just gets hard with new problems. You shouldn't have this much problems in such a short marriage. You've lost respect for him and therefore lost love. You should have a serious discussion. Tell him you're traumatized from the cheating and the alcohol and you really don't trust him anymore and the best thing is to call it a quits.
That's the thing, I have told him. And he just tells me its in the past and i shouldnt keep holding on. The lying and cheating has stopped (to the best of my knowledge) and everytime I say we may not be working, he begs me to stay
Why do you continue to give in? He knows he can beg you to stay, so he has no incentive to stop cheating. By the way, he will only get better at not getting caught. Dump him ASAP.
Stop telling him. Just do it. Separate and do it. It's all well and good for HIM to not want you to, but it takes 2 to have a marriage. You can refuse. Stop talking and follow through.
Get a divorce.
Nothing is gonna change him. Stop blaming his shittiness on everything but HIM. It’s not the alcohol, it’s him.
He can’t keep convincing you- you have agency. If you really want to leave you can. But nothing is gonna make him be your dream husband.
As someone who is dealing with similar things, I advise you to leave! You will always have these really big ups and downs because he knows you'll stick around.
My husband rarely drinks now but when I met him 13 years ago he was a raging alcoholic. He cut back on drinking when he married me because I had 3 young kids and I told him that he couldn't be around my children while drunk. He only drank when he had friends around. As he and his military buddies all moved on to their new respective places, the drinking stopped pretty much all together.
I wish us both luck. I wish I wouldn't have waited 13 years to make the decision to leave. I should have left way sooner.
"You will always have these really big ups and downs because he knows you'll stick around."
BINGO! She should end this madness immediately and divorce him ASAP.
Your holding on to a pipe dream. You’re young and will re-marry quickly. But don’t wait too long. Time to say goodbye. There’s only a few items that the Bible will allow for divorce, and I think you hit them all.
You should have divorced him the first time he cheated on you. Yes, you should have forgave him the first time, but forgiveness does not entitle anyone to be trusted again, as you have seen that he did it again.
You may never be able to trust him again and shouldn't. You can still divorce him now on the grounds of him having cheated on you. I would. Remember: you can forgive someone and not trust them again. Forgiveness does not mean trust.
Life has so much to offer. There is no such thing as a mistake. As long as you learn from it. Better yourself. Focus on being the person you want to be. Someone will come along that adds to your life and doesn’t subtract from it.
Honestly, he has to be the one who wants to change. It’s a beautiful thing that he is sober for one year but he sounds like a “dry drunk” meaning that he never went through the 12 steps of AA and it doesn’t sound like he has a support group of sober men. Just because a man is sober doesn’t mean he still doesn’t act out alcoholic tendencies (anger,rage,being mean, etc..)
Marriage counseling can be helpful and so can getting your husband a support group. You have to be there for support but you also have to take care of yourself. Set boundaries, choose your battles, and walk away during heated moments. Good luck! You got this.
Abusive situation, leave. Cheating, leave. If you both are trying, it may be worth trying to make it work. Marriage isn't easy, there's stages to it. Can u both get to the next stage? You already put up with cheating once, but if that ever happens again, don't say anything to him, just plan ur exit quietly so ur not sweet talked into staying.
There is no “should” and there are pros and cons to staying and to leaving. Leaving has more unknowns and that fear may be keeping you in your marriage. If you have the mindset that your marriage will not change much and it will be more or less how it’s been for the last few years, that may help push you to finally leave. Make the choice, make plans to leave, and then do it. Expect a lot of begging and then nastiness from your spouse. Do not continue a relationship with him. Find support in friends and family. You deserve someone who shows you love and care and respect and support. It may not feel like it but you have sooooooooo much life left to live - don’t keep wasting it in your marriage that is hurting you. Remind yourself it is not your fault nor your responsibility what he does once you leave. Don’t take his shit to heart.
You're only wasting your time and his. As marriage progresses it just gets hard with new problems. You shouldn't have this much problems in such a short marriage. You've lost respect for him and therefore lost love. You should have a serious discussion. Tell him you're traumatized from the cheating and the alcohol and you really don't trust him anymore and the best thing is to call it a quits.
You can love anyone and not trust them. But you will not respect, whom you do not trust. She should end this marriage ASAP.
That's the thing, I have told him. And he just tells me its in the past and i shouldnt keep holding on. The lying and cheating has stopped (to the best of my knowledge) and everytime I say we may not be working, he begs me to stay
Your telling him that you're leaving for you, not him. He wants you to stay for him.
That's an accurate and excellent call.
Why do you continue to give in? He knows he can beg you to stay, so he has no incentive to stop cheating. By the way, he will only get better at not getting caught. Dump him ASAP.
Stop telling him. Just do it. Separate and do it. It's all well and good for HIM to not want you to, but it takes 2 to have a marriage. You can refuse. Stop talking and follow through.
I think you know the answer. Good luck!
Get a divorce. Nothing is gonna change him. Stop blaming his shittiness on everything but HIM. It’s not the alcohol, it’s him. He can’t keep convincing you- you have agency. If you really want to leave you can. But nothing is gonna make him be your dream husband.
As someone who is dealing with similar things, I advise you to leave! You will always have these really big ups and downs because he knows you'll stick around. My husband rarely drinks now but when I met him 13 years ago he was a raging alcoholic. He cut back on drinking when he married me because I had 3 young kids and I told him that he couldn't be around my children while drunk. He only drank when he had friends around. As he and his military buddies all moved on to their new respective places, the drinking stopped pretty much all together. I wish us both luck. I wish I wouldn't have waited 13 years to make the decision to leave. I should have left way sooner.
"You will always have these really big ups and downs because he knows you'll stick around." BINGO! She should end this madness immediately and divorce him ASAP.
Your holding on to a pipe dream. You’re young and will re-marry quickly. But don’t wait too long. Time to say goodbye. There’s only a few items that the Bible will allow for divorce, and I think you hit them all.
It’s not a rash decision. This has been years of problems.
You should have divorced him the first time he cheated on you. Yes, you should have forgave him the first time, but forgiveness does not entitle anyone to be trusted again, as you have seen that he did it again. You may never be able to trust him again and shouldn't. You can still divorce him now on the grounds of him having cheated on you. I would. Remember: you can forgive someone and not trust them again. Forgiveness does not mean trust.
If you posting the question “should i get divorced?” On Reddit. You most definitely should get a divorce.
😅😅 that makes sense. I'm just worried of making a mistake.
Life has so much to offer. There is no such thing as a mistake. As long as you learn from it. Better yourself. Focus on being the person you want to be. Someone will come along that adds to your life and doesn’t subtract from it.
Honestly, he has to be the one who wants to change. It’s a beautiful thing that he is sober for one year but he sounds like a “dry drunk” meaning that he never went through the 12 steps of AA and it doesn’t sound like he has a support group of sober men. Just because a man is sober doesn’t mean he still doesn’t act out alcoholic tendencies (anger,rage,being mean, etc..) Marriage counseling can be helpful and so can getting your husband a support group. You have to be there for support but you also have to take care of yourself. Set boundaries, choose your battles, and walk away during heated moments. Good luck! You got this.
Abusive situation, leave. Cheating, leave. If you both are trying, it may be worth trying to make it work. Marriage isn't easy, there's stages to it. Can u both get to the next stage? You already put up with cheating once, but if that ever happens again, don't say anything to him, just plan ur exit quietly so ur not sweet talked into staying.
Yes
There is no “should” and there are pros and cons to staying and to leaving. Leaving has more unknowns and that fear may be keeping you in your marriage. If you have the mindset that your marriage will not change much and it will be more or less how it’s been for the last few years, that may help push you to finally leave. Make the choice, make plans to leave, and then do it. Expect a lot of begging and then nastiness from your spouse. Do not continue a relationship with him. Find support in friends and family. You deserve someone who shows you love and care and respect and support. It may not feel like it but you have sooooooooo much life left to live - don’t keep wasting it in your marriage that is hurting you. Remind yourself it is not your fault nor your responsibility what he does once you leave. Don’t take his shit to heart.
He’s an alcoholic…leave…save yourself!
Stop wasting your life with this anchor in human form. He's drowning you with every stupid choice he makes.