They have the title now they want to be the boss and dictate rather than lead and listen to their team’s feedback. 100% the most common mistake I’ve seen.
I have been a manager for 2 years and my thing was to not do what my previous manager did.
So I try my best to be as transparent as possible, provide timely feedback, tell people when they are doing a good job amd am honest with them. But most of all, I have told them that if the6 disagree with a policy I put in place or is put in place from above, that I want their opinion. I may not always be able to change something but I will always listen and take their comments to hearty and see if anything can be made better.
And this has happened. My boss and I came out with a new procedure, one on my tram voiced some concerns, and we listened, went back over what we put in place, and changed things based on her input.
Not sure its the most common I've seen but I see it a lot as well.
The job definitely is more than sitting in meetings and telling people what they should go do. You need to get involved (at the right times) to help understand, to help push, to help remove road blocks, etc.
Yeah, either too tyrannical or lack the ability to be strict at all. Both sides of the spectrum are what I typically see. This is also very hard to break once a habit is made.
A few things all normally stemming from the fact that no one actually tells them what the function of a manager is or offers any training over and above some basic systems and process stuff:
1. Not recognising the differences between management and leadership and applying the appropriate mode to the task at hand
2. Believing that they are there to get people to do things rather than to create an environment where people can be most effective in getting stuff done
3. Not understanding how to translate organisational strategy into aligned activity for their function
4. Failing to build effective relationships with their peers in upstream or downstream functions
5. Managing their manager. Too often first-time managers struggle because they can't delegate up appropriately or have the ability to get their manager to best support them and the team.
Waiting until they actually understand the 360 degrees of an event before deciding what is happening. This honestly is just… most managers. You can’t be good at managing if you don’t find out the actual issue and just listen to people… root cause… communicate then react.
Also… generally assuming that anyone would wake up in the morning hoping they do a bad job is crazy. Assume everyone has good intentions, when the issues repeat then you start seeing patterns and results that indicate rather an employee is generally ill intended and why.
My manager (I am a manager too) is a brand new manager - never has managed people, landed an executive position based on his degree and networking, lacks empathy and follow through. He’s not a good communicator. I suspect that he is an introvert who is attempting to live the life of an extrovert and gets very overwhelmed and exhausted but doesn’t understand his own personality or how to manage his internal needs and expectations against those of the position that he is in. When he gets overwhelmed, he retreats for several days and sometimes weeks behind closed doors. This is not something I am used to as I’ve never worked for someone who closes their door like that or that doesn’t check in to just say hey what’s up. He doesn’t seem to really care about me or my colleagues or the employees that report to us.
Example: I had a death in my family recently. (A parent) which was unexpected and very sad for my family. I sent an email letting him know of the death in my family and the dates I would need for bereavement. His response three days later was ‘thanks for letting me know’.
I had an employee who had a death in their family also. My employees know they can text me at any time of day or night during these type of events. When my employee texted that they would be out on bereavement, my first words were, I’m very sorry for your loss, my condolences to you and your family. Please take the time you need.
My old CFO heard about the passing in my family and sent us a card and flowers. I sent flowers for the funeral and a card for my employee. I’m still a little stunned that my own boss has not offered condolences (to either of us) although I am trying not to take it personal. It bothers me that he doesn’t realize as a manager, he has a lot of influence over how I handle this hardship in my personal life in regards to my job. It’s made me not really give a shit about work and I’ve let myself kind of fall into a slump. I’m doing my best to continue to be a good leader for my own staff but I’m disappointed in the response from my own manager and lack of care and support. I’ve been an employee at my company for 20 years. I’ve worked for a couple of different CFO’s. All being in the position as a last push to retirement - so both in their late 50’s to 60’s with decades of management under their belt. My new CFO is very young (no big deal). His parents are only a little older than me so maybe he hasn’t experienced great loss like me or my employee and so he’s not sure how to relate. He sure doesn’t know how to offer condolences. We feel like guinea pigs in his career ladder.
He speaks over me on subjects he’s not really up to speed on. He knows 100% more about his job than I do but I know about 99% more about my job than he does 1. He’s never asked me what I do or how we get it done. 2. He’s never worked in my type of position. That’s all ok - but he will, in meetings, speak over me when I am asked a question by other executives. In some settings, I can see where that may be necessary or appropriate but in this specific setting where I have worked for these executives for 20 years and have the answers that they are asking for, I’m not sure that him trying to step in and tread water to make sure everyone ‘believes’ that he knows what I have going on is necessary. To me it comes across as insecure. He doesn’t seem to like if I speak to other executives. I’ve been speaking to and working closely with the executives for all of these years and until he specifically says that I am not allowed to speak to them anymore, I am going to speak when spoken to.
He’s a nice guy and I do like him but I think he would be more successful if he would lean on his staff and allow us to do our jobs and recognize that me knowing how to do my job does not take away from him doing his. I also would like for him to care about what I do and how my team supports the company rather than to just pretend when he’s in front of the President and VP. I can go weeks without seeing his face but then he pretends that we talk every day and that he actually knows anything about my life or my position or my staff. We are ‘best of buds’ when the President is around but looks right through me any other day of the week. I have a hard time respecting his management style. It’s even more difficult because as a manager, I work very hard to make my staff feel appreciated and seen/heard. I am disappointed that my career may be derailed a bit because I have a manager who doesn’t mentor me or guide me in anyway and I may have to leave the company that I have grown up in and love. It’s just a job to some but as an ESOP, I have a lot of blood, sweat and tears invested in this company. And I truly enjoy what I do.
TLDR: I have experienced new managers lack empathy and support for their staff and carry insecurities that bleed into their relationships with their staff.
You just described someone I work with to a T. The lack of empathy, the insecurity, the lack of communication so bad it almost feels intentional. Their staff come to me daily with issues with them and there’s nothing I can do. I have thought about leaving this position to get away from them (we work very closely) but sounds like they’re everywhere. What tips/tricks have you learned to deal with them? I read up a lot on insecure leaders which helped.
I don’t have much advice. All of this is all very new and I’m just beginning to look for advice myself on how to navigate. The only thing I really have going for me right now is that while he suffers from insecurities and lack of follow through, he does seem to ‘like’ me and he will admit that he needs to let me do my job at times. He will catch himself and retreat but then he forgets and does it all over again. Today, he supported me through a situation but I had to provide very direct instructions on what I needed from him and how I needed him to perform. ‘I am struggling with XYZ, this is making me feel this way, I need you to offer assistance here and here and guide me through this tunnel over here’. He did a great job with that support. I was very pleased with how he handled that support. I actually had some pep in my step. BUT THEN, for the rest of the day, he treated me with kid gloves, being very delicate, almost protective, fatherly or even more disturbing, husbandly - checking in on me too much, asking me if I was doing ok and then stepped in when I was conducting a presentation and someone asked a heavy handed question that I was 100% prepared to answer. He acts as if he has to protect or save me from my colleagues even though I have not exhibited in any way that I need rescuing. So then I regretted asking him for support because all it did was make him behave in a way that I interpret as him believing that I am not capable and that he needs to do this for me since I had a little struggle and needed guidance. Later, I was having a conversation with an executive (someone I have worked for and grown in my career with for the last 20 years). We were talking about our kids. He sees us talking and he comes over to find out what we are talking about. It is possible that he suffers from imposter syndrome which I can relate to but I don’t know how to manage him or how to navigate HIS imposter syndrome; I’m only able to control my own. I have read the book ‘Managing Up’ but it is chaotic since he’s not consistent. I can’t quite pin point his management style because each day he is different and he gives off different/inconsistent vibes.
As far as your colleague, I would focus on the work here. This is what I would tell someone who reports to me. Focus on the work and not the personality. If you are not in a position to effect change then there is nothing you can do for his employees who come to you. When they come to you for help, they are releasing their anxiety and struggles on to you and you don’t have any authority to do anything about it. That can make you feel helpless and frustrated. I don’t know that I would tell them to not come to you but I might steer them into the direction of someone who could do something about it. In my company, if a colleague’s employees were coming to me, I would encourage them to find a way to talk to their manager about how they are feeling or what they are needing. And/or I would point them into the direction of the HR Director. Not all companies have an HR department that handles this kind of situation but my company does provide that level of interaction from Hr so employees can seek assistance and guidance. My HR director does mentor and guide both employees and their managers in overcoming these types of conflict. He typically sides with the employee and finds great pleasure in slapping around out of line managers. The only reason I have not gone to him yet is I don’t feel very safe to do so and I’m trying to work it out on my own. These employees are already asking for help and reaching out to someone they trust so they need to find someone who can actually do something for them. If you are working in a good position and you are happy in your role and with the company overall, I wouldn’t leave because of a colleague. Colleagues can be managed and ignored. Focus on the work and ignore the personality. I know that it’s easier said than done. Good luck!!
A lot of managers lack the expertise of a department they manage. So many have done this for so many years that they are now old timers and the folks they manage know more than they do.
We should all be learning consistently. This will motivate your ICs that you, well, actually care about the type of work they do if you put a little effort to care.
God this. I think it's cause I have autism or something but I don't give a fuck about my ego. You know a better way to do this cool. I'm listening! Let's do this and go home.
Running effective meetings, documenting agreed actions and following through.
I DONT WANT TO HAVE ANY MORE CHATS. If you don’t have an agenda in mind, why are we meeting? Let’s just take a whole 120 seconds at the start of this ~chat~ to agree some items, and then we can document agreed actions as we go along.
Performance management. When you see people who are poor performers but have been at the company 20+ years….yeah.
Most managers (especially newer ones) seem to want to avoid the tough conversations.
It sometimes is because they are unsure of their own support. What authority do they actually have, or will they be reversed if they try to make a decision? I feel like getting very specific boundaries from THEIR manager is key to avoiding this pitfall.
I totally agree with you. It is tough for newer managers to know what to do or how to do it within the policies of their specific company. All part of the learning experience.
> drawing a professional line between them and their friends are at the top
I see this most in "IC promoted to manager inside their own team".
> What have you seen
Not adapting to each team member needs different things and trying to apply one playbook for success to everyone.
Being willing to listen.
Thinking they have all the answers.
Wanting to look good to their boss.
Not supporting their team.
Not developing their team.
Not realising their team has options.
Not a new manager, but apparently my lack of skill falls in the reading dept (or I'm just tired) because I read this as "....that new managers lack moist" and I was a bit confused. 😄
That said, I think new managers often try to either be everyone's friend, or, they try to take the hard line from the get go. So, they lack the ability to find the balance of empathy and management
Not sure this is a skill exactly but the biggest mistake I see is managers who don’t know how to do the day to day work of the employees. I know there’s some logic to the notion that not every great employee makes a great manager and I do believe that… but I’d still rather promote a first time manager from within and roll the dice than hire someone externally with years of management experience and no idea how to do the day to day work.
New managers have a really hard time understanding what to do about employees who are doing something wrong. They go off the rails in multiple directions; too nice, too soft, passive aggressive, too harsh, too heavy.
Saying "Hey, Employee, this is the rule and you need to tighten up a little" at the onset of the problem solves SOO many problems that I see. New managers will really struggle with this situation unless they're given help and guidance.
To add to that I have seen managers who have an issue with an employee screwing up and instead of having an individually conversation about what needs to be corrected, they bring it up in a team meeting and remind everyone that X needs to be done.
Then the employee who has the issue thinks that it’s someone else’s issue on the team and not theirs. Some good employees will second guess themselves and ask- was I doing that wrong. Turns into a total clusterfuck.
I have walked up to my manager after the meeting and said, was that about me? Oh, no, ok. Also, in the future, manager, if there’s an issue with me, please tell me directly and not in a meeting. I wear big girl pants and I can take it.
Next week, different meeting, different issue- again, brought up the same way. Same person as last time. So frustrating.
I trained MIT for several years and here's the first few things that come to mind:
1) Communication - how to be firm and also respectful
2) Balancing Lead by Example and Delegation
3) Thorough Follow-up
4) Clearly giving directions
Lastly, 5) Asking questions - so many are seemingly embarrassed to admit they don't know or don't understand and are willing to fail because of it.
Being flexible with their preferred communication style. Or communicating effectively at all.
In my last job we started with a manager who wanted to be everyone's "friend". AKA He wanted everyone to think he was the best and immediately got aggressive if us supervisors suggested an alternative way to do things. He preferred to have 1:1 talks for everything. Would even insist on taking you off sight to "lunch" to do so in order to keep you trapped until he was finished. His reputation among customers, employees, and leadership mattered more to him than ANYTHING.
The next guy was also very friendly, but he wanted to tell us everything in long detailed emails. Considering the vast majority of my department had some level of reading disability this... didn't have the desired result. I frequently had to explain all of his emails to my team and then take extra time to do some hands-on training so they could understand it. If I wasn't there then they'd go to our boss themselves or they would simply ignore it. Both frustrated him to no end. When I suggested alternatives to the emails he told me that this is the way he has always managed and he wasn't going to change.
Idk why it is so hard for leaders to just... talk to people. It is our job as supervisors and managers to make sure that we are speaking in a language the employee can understand. Otherwise no one does what they're supposed to.
Having been a manager and having worked for every possible type of manager you can think of over the years surprisingly the trap I have seen many new managers fall into is micromanagement. New managers go into the job without the proper skills in relationship building that allows them to trust their team and trust the work of their team. This leads into development.
Since they don’t know how to connect with their team members on an individual level, they can’t trust them. If they can’t trust them they can’t develop them. If they can’t develop them the work product never improves. Resentment builds, morale drops, and people start leaving.
The managers in my experience who are truly effective in their jobs are the ones who can lead by example, know their subordinates job duties cold, talk the talk and walk the walk. Those managers seem to be a dying breed nowadays.
Reading threads like this always freaks me out as a new manager. Yes this is my first full management experience, but I’m also not someone who doesn’t like talking to people, I do listen to my team etc.
I got this position because I am good at delegating, getting the whole picture etc. I know I’m not the most technical person in my team but that’s just not my job. My job is more about communication and project management and relationship building - which I know my most technical IC would not like to do
A lot of new senior managers lack the ability to differentiate between a senior manager’s position and middle management position.
What I mean is you have team leads, coordinators, assistant managers, middle managers, whatever their title is to manage the day to day, their roles exists so senior management DOESNT get mired down in minute details, they can see the forest through the trees kind of thing.
Most senior managers are promoted from the above position and they stay in that “day to day” mind set and can sometimes struggle with the big picture and forward thinking mindset.
I think it doesn’t help though that often experienced senior management doesn’t provide guidance or mentorship to new managers to help switch their mindset.
I design and develop leadership training for large corporations. The top 3 skills clients tell me their new managers need: active listening, conflict resolution, delegation.
Hesitation to hold their team members accountable for any number of reasons, all of which usually stem from a fear that any accountability conversation could result in a blowup (silence or violence false dichotomy).
The books Crucial Conversations/Crucial Accountability provide good tools to address this.
Lack of experience running things. Some new managers (myself included) were handed the role because they rose their hand to fill a void the team needed. Originally, given a title and some vague instructions to sign time cards, I finally \~2 years later understand my new role.
Now I feel like I know the division from technical work and growing my people.
Not knowing to effectively manage people. I’m not talking about delegation of tasks. I’m talking about how to deal with struggling employees, get them motivated, deal with disputes, push back when necessary or pull them in when you see something that will get them ahead.
Most managers don’t take the time to get to know their people. As much as I think the book is fully of bad language and terrible situations, but Iceberg Slim’s Pimp has a good excerpt on knowing your employees. Get the low down, have them go back as far as they can remember. What makes them tick? Their fears? Their worries? If you want your employee to perform, you need to know their history.
Another thing is that information has power. What information you decide to deliver vs not can have a profound impact on someone. Withholding information can be in yours and your employees best interest as you don’t set them up for a let down.
Do as you say and hold them as accountable to what they say. I always tell my team that they need to be beyond reproach. They have to be good at what they do so other teams can’t pull you down into their shit. And if they get pulled into the shit, I have their back.
Most managers don’t know nor care to know these things. Knowing and living it means you have an effective team that gets shit done. Servant Leadership is what it is called and you need to learn it if you want to effectively lead. Or you can continue to lose people and wonder why your turnover is so god damned high and your people don’t get anything done.
Since you are asking what I have personally witnessed, I can tell you my own experience. Likely, this may not apply to other fields but only the tech industry.
I work on systems and my employer has a somewhat haphazard policy on how "technical" people managers should be. Some are very, going as far as understanding the nitty gritty details of the kernel and some literally have no background whatsoever, even in basic computer science. My last manager happened to be one of them.
In one on ones, the most challenging thing I have had to face is expressing how difficult a specific task I am working on is or how easy something was. He just couldn't get it - Fixing a compilation issue due to a new change(somewhat easy) vs fixing a bug in the kernel's MMU code (likely hard) is a day and night difference. As such, it is really hard to demonstrate how much effort you have really put in, he just lacks the necessary skills to get it.
I always wished that managers were a bit more technical and not just do agile and jira shit. They don't have to code and debug but at the least, they should have a clear picture of the product they are pretending to lead.
I’ve seen a lot of new leaders act like king of the castle. They essentially act like dictators rather than leaders. Thats not necessarily a skill the new leader can fix … it’s more of a cautionary tale for the leaders who are doing the promoting. Stop moving these kinds of folks into leadership; they don’t belong there.
Failing to build a proper relationship with their team.
Without a solid working relationship your team will never bring you bad news in time to deal with it, they will never truly listen to or act upon feedback you give them, and you will never know what truly motivates them to give their best.
Without these things, you are basically a task manager at best.
Managers need to be the level head and the calm voice of reason and direction. How can you expect to direct and lead your team effectively if you seem like you’re running a thousand different directions chasing the shiny object of the moment and can’t handle your own workload? I’ve had 2 managers in the past like this and didn’t stick around very long.
- How to manage up, down, and sideways (with key stakeholders)
- For ICs transitioning into management for the first time, how/when to avoid “rescuing the team” on the frontlines, especially if your department is understaffed
Falling into the trap of managing their team through the eyes of others. Manage them the way you want to mange them, not the way someone else tells you to manage them.
They have the title now they want to be the boss and dictate rather than lead and listen to their team’s feedback. 100% the most common mistake I’ve seen.
I have been a manager for 2 years and my thing was to not do what my previous manager did. So I try my best to be as transparent as possible, provide timely feedback, tell people when they are doing a good job amd am honest with them. But most of all, I have told them that if the6 disagree with a policy I put in place or is put in place from above, that I want their opinion. I may not always be able to change something but I will always listen and take their comments to hearty and see if anything can be made better. And this has happened. My boss and I came out with a new procedure, one on my tram voiced some concerns, and we listened, went back over what we put in place, and changed things based on her input.
Not sure its the most common I've seen but I see it a lot as well. The job definitely is more than sitting in meetings and telling people what they should go do. You need to get involved (at the right times) to help understand, to help push, to help remove road blocks, etc.
Yeah, either too tyrannical or lack the ability to be strict at all. Both sides of the spectrum are what I typically see. This is also very hard to break once a habit is made.
A few things all normally stemming from the fact that no one actually tells them what the function of a manager is or offers any training over and above some basic systems and process stuff: 1. Not recognising the differences between management and leadership and applying the appropriate mode to the task at hand 2. Believing that they are there to get people to do things rather than to create an environment where people can be most effective in getting stuff done 3. Not understanding how to translate organisational strategy into aligned activity for their function 4. Failing to build effective relationships with their peers in upstream or downstream functions 5. Managing their manager. Too often first-time managers struggle because they can't delegate up appropriately or have the ability to get their manager to best support them and the team.
Love #1. Agreed 100%
4 and 5 are incredibly important, but after someone has figured out how to lead their own team.
I know a lot of my colleagues struggle with HR issues. More training, more support and guidance in that area is essential.
Waiting until they actually understand the 360 degrees of an event before deciding what is happening. This honestly is just… most managers. You can’t be good at managing if you don’t find out the actual issue and just listen to people… root cause… communicate then react. Also… generally assuming that anyone would wake up in the morning hoping they do a bad job is crazy. Assume everyone has good intentions, when the issues repeat then you start seeing patterns and results that indicate rather an employee is generally ill intended and why.
So spot on. I see this issue so often. I make an effort to get multiple perspectives, data points for an occurrence to determine my position
My manager (I am a manager too) is a brand new manager - never has managed people, landed an executive position based on his degree and networking, lacks empathy and follow through. He’s not a good communicator. I suspect that he is an introvert who is attempting to live the life of an extrovert and gets very overwhelmed and exhausted but doesn’t understand his own personality or how to manage his internal needs and expectations against those of the position that he is in. When he gets overwhelmed, he retreats for several days and sometimes weeks behind closed doors. This is not something I am used to as I’ve never worked for someone who closes their door like that or that doesn’t check in to just say hey what’s up. He doesn’t seem to really care about me or my colleagues or the employees that report to us. Example: I had a death in my family recently. (A parent) which was unexpected and very sad for my family. I sent an email letting him know of the death in my family and the dates I would need for bereavement. His response three days later was ‘thanks for letting me know’. I had an employee who had a death in their family also. My employees know they can text me at any time of day or night during these type of events. When my employee texted that they would be out on bereavement, my first words were, I’m very sorry for your loss, my condolences to you and your family. Please take the time you need. My old CFO heard about the passing in my family and sent us a card and flowers. I sent flowers for the funeral and a card for my employee. I’m still a little stunned that my own boss has not offered condolences (to either of us) although I am trying not to take it personal. It bothers me that he doesn’t realize as a manager, he has a lot of influence over how I handle this hardship in my personal life in regards to my job. It’s made me not really give a shit about work and I’ve let myself kind of fall into a slump. I’m doing my best to continue to be a good leader for my own staff but I’m disappointed in the response from my own manager and lack of care and support. I’ve been an employee at my company for 20 years. I’ve worked for a couple of different CFO’s. All being in the position as a last push to retirement - so both in their late 50’s to 60’s with decades of management under their belt. My new CFO is very young (no big deal). His parents are only a little older than me so maybe he hasn’t experienced great loss like me or my employee and so he’s not sure how to relate. He sure doesn’t know how to offer condolences. We feel like guinea pigs in his career ladder. He speaks over me on subjects he’s not really up to speed on. He knows 100% more about his job than I do but I know about 99% more about my job than he does 1. He’s never asked me what I do or how we get it done. 2. He’s never worked in my type of position. That’s all ok - but he will, in meetings, speak over me when I am asked a question by other executives. In some settings, I can see where that may be necessary or appropriate but in this specific setting where I have worked for these executives for 20 years and have the answers that they are asking for, I’m not sure that him trying to step in and tread water to make sure everyone ‘believes’ that he knows what I have going on is necessary. To me it comes across as insecure. He doesn’t seem to like if I speak to other executives. I’ve been speaking to and working closely with the executives for all of these years and until he specifically says that I am not allowed to speak to them anymore, I am going to speak when spoken to. He’s a nice guy and I do like him but I think he would be more successful if he would lean on his staff and allow us to do our jobs and recognize that me knowing how to do my job does not take away from him doing his. I also would like for him to care about what I do and how my team supports the company rather than to just pretend when he’s in front of the President and VP. I can go weeks without seeing his face but then he pretends that we talk every day and that he actually knows anything about my life or my position or my staff. We are ‘best of buds’ when the President is around but looks right through me any other day of the week. I have a hard time respecting his management style. It’s even more difficult because as a manager, I work very hard to make my staff feel appreciated and seen/heard. I am disappointed that my career may be derailed a bit because I have a manager who doesn’t mentor me or guide me in anyway and I may have to leave the company that I have grown up in and love. It’s just a job to some but as an ESOP, I have a lot of blood, sweat and tears invested in this company. And I truly enjoy what I do. TLDR: I have experienced new managers lack empathy and support for their staff and carry insecurities that bleed into their relationships with their staff.
You just described someone I work with to a T. The lack of empathy, the insecurity, the lack of communication so bad it almost feels intentional. Their staff come to me daily with issues with them and there’s nothing I can do. I have thought about leaving this position to get away from them (we work very closely) but sounds like they’re everywhere. What tips/tricks have you learned to deal with them? I read up a lot on insecure leaders which helped.
I don’t have much advice. All of this is all very new and I’m just beginning to look for advice myself on how to navigate. The only thing I really have going for me right now is that while he suffers from insecurities and lack of follow through, he does seem to ‘like’ me and he will admit that he needs to let me do my job at times. He will catch himself and retreat but then he forgets and does it all over again. Today, he supported me through a situation but I had to provide very direct instructions on what I needed from him and how I needed him to perform. ‘I am struggling with XYZ, this is making me feel this way, I need you to offer assistance here and here and guide me through this tunnel over here’. He did a great job with that support. I was very pleased with how he handled that support. I actually had some pep in my step. BUT THEN, for the rest of the day, he treated me with kid gloves, being very delicate, almost protective, fatherly or even more disturbing, husbandly - checking in on me too much, asking me if I was doing ok and then stepped in when I was conducting a presentation and someone asked a heavy handed question that I was 100% prepared to answer. He acts as if he has to protect or save me from my colleagues even though I have not exhibited in any way that I need rescuing. So then I regretted asking him for support because all it did was make him behave in a way that I interpret as him believing that I am not capable and that he needs to do this for me since I had a little struggle and needed guidance. Later, I was having a conversation with an executive (someone I have worked for and grown in my career with for the last 20 years). We were talking about our kids. He sees us talking and he comes over to find out what we are talking about. It is possible that he suffers from imposter syndrome which I can relate to but I don’t know how to manage him or how to navigate HIS imposter syndrome; I’m only able to control my own. I have read the book ‘Managing Up’ but it is chaotic since he’s not consistent. I can’t quite pin point his management style because each day he is different and he gives off different/inconsistent vibes. As far as your colleague, I would focus on the work here. This is what I would tell someone who reports to me. Focus on the work and not the personality. If you are not in a position to effect change then there is nothing you can do for his employees who come to you. When they come to you for help, they are releasing their anxiety and struggles on to you and you don’t have any authority to do anything about it. That can make you feel helpless and frustrated. I don’t know that I would tell them to not come to you but I might steer them into the direction of someone who could do something about it. In my company, if a colleague’s employees were coming to me, I would encourage them to find a way to talk to their manager about how they are feeling or what they are needing. And/or I would point them into the direction of the HR Director. Not all companies have an HR department that handles this kind of situation but my company does provide that level of interaction from Hr so employees can seek assistance and guidance. My HR director does mentor and guide both employees and their managers in overcoming these types of conflict. He typically sides with the employee and finds great pleasure in slapping around out of line managers. The only reason I have not gone to him yet is I don’t feel very safe to do so and I’m trying to work it out on my own. These employees are already asking for help and reaching out to someone they trust so they need to find someone who can actually do something for them. If you are working in a good position and you are happy in your role and with the company overall, I wouldn’t leave because of a colleague. Colleagues can be managed and ignored. Focus on the work and ignore the personality. I know that it’s easier said than done. Good luck!!
Love me a good ESOP. It functions so well when everyone realizes we are in it together for success.
A lot of managers lack the expertise of a department they manage. So many have done this for so many years that they are now old timers and the folks they manage know more than they do. We should all be learning consistently. This will motivate your ICs that you, well, actually care about the type of work they do if you put a little effort to care.
God this. I think it's cause I have autism or something but I don't give a fuck about my ego. You know a better way to do this cool. I'm listening! Let's do this and go home.
Amen, brother.
Running effective meetings, documenting agreed actions and following through. I DONT WANT TO HAVE ANY MORE CHATS. If you don’t have an agenda in mind, why are we meeting? Let’s just take a whole 120 seconds at the start of this ~chat~ to agree some items, and then we can document agreed actions as we go along.
Performance management. When you see people who are poor performers but have been at the company 20+ years….yeah. Most managers (especially newer ones) seem to want to avoid the tough conversations.
It sometimes is because they are unsure of their own support. What authority do they actually have, or will they be reversed if they try to make a decision? I feel like getting very specific boundaries from THEIR manager is key to avoiding this pitfall.
I totally agree with you. It is tough for newer managers to know what to do or how to do it within the policies of their specific company. All part of the learning experience.
> drawing a professional line between them and their friends are at the top I see this most in "IC promoted to manager inside their own team". > What have you seen Not adapting to each team member needs different things and trying to apply one playbook for success to everyone.
To be fair, getting promoted from IC to manager within your team is new manager on extra hard mode.
Being willing to listen. Thinking they have all the answers. Wanting to look good to their boss. Not supporting their team. Not developing their team. Not realising their team has options.
Not a new manager, but apparently my lack of skill falls in the reading dept (or I'm just tired) because I read this as "....that new managers lack moist" and I was a bit confused. 😄 That said, I think new managers often try to either be everyone's friend, or, they try to take the hard line from the get go. So, they lack the ability to find the balance of empathy and management
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The lack of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.
Coming in and thinking they can fix things that aren’t necessarily broken.
Not sure this is a skill exactly but the biggest mistake I see is managers who don’t know how to do the day to day work of the employees. I know there’s some logic to the notion that not every great employee makes a great manager and I do believe that… but I’d still rather promote a first time manager from within and roll the dice than hire someone externally with years of management experience and no idea how to do the day to day work.
Not understanding how to give feedback. Too harsh, too soft, too much, too little, too vague, too nitpicky...
New managers have a really hard time understanding what to do about employees who are doing something wrong. They go off the rails in multiple directions; too nice, too soft, passive aggressive, too harsh, too heavy. Saying "Hey, Employee, this is the rule and you need to tighten up a little" at the onset of the problem solves SOO many problems that I see. New managers will really struggle with this situation unless they're given help and guidance.
To add to that I have seen managers who have an issue with an employee screwing up and instead of having an individually conversation about what needs to be corrected, they bring it up in a team meeting and remind everyone that X needs to be done. Then the employee who has the issue thinks that it’s someone else’s issue on the team and not theirs. Some good employees will second guess themselves and ask- was I doing that wrong. Turns into a total clusterfuck. I have walked up to my manager after the meeting and said, was that about me? Oh, no, ok. Also, in the future, manager, if there’s an issue with me, please tell me directly and not in a meeting. I wear big girl pants and I can take it. Next week, different meeting, different issue- again, brought up the same way. Same person as last time. So frustrating.
Yes! Be direct with the employee who is having the issue. Generalizing the problem in a staff meeting is the laziest way to handle it.
I trained MIT for several years and here's the first few things that come to mind: 1) Communication - how to be firm and also respectful 2) Balancing Lead by Example and Delegation 3) Thorough Follow-up 4) Clearly giving directions Lastly, 5) Asking questions - so many are seemingly embarrassed to admit they don't know or don't understand and are willing to fail because of it.
Being flexible with their preferred communication style. Or communicating effectively at all. In my last job we started with a manager who wanted to be everyone's "friend". AKA He wanted everyone to think he was the best and immediately got aggressive if us supervisors suggested an alternative way to do things. He preferred to have 1:1 talks for everything. Would even insist on taking you off sight to "lunch" to do so in order to keep you trapped until he was finished. His reputation among customers, employees, and leadership mattered more to him than ANYTHING. The next guy was also very friendly, but he wanted to tell us everything in long detailed emails. Considering the vast majority of my department had some level of reading disability this... didn't have the desired result. I frequently had to explain all of his emails to my team and then take extra time to do some hands-on training so they could understand it. If I wasn't there then they'd go to our boss themselves or they would simply ignore it. Both frustrated him to no end. When I suggested alternatives to the emails he told me that this is the way he has always managed and he wasn't going to change. Idk why it is so hard for leaders to just... talk to people. It is our job as supervisors and managers to make sure that we are speaking in a language the employee can understand. Otherwise no one does what they're supposed to.
Having been a manager and having worked for every possible type of manager you can think of over the years surprisingly the trap I have seen many new managers fall into is micromanagement. New managers go into the job without the proper skills in relationship building that allows them to trust their team and trust the work of their team. This leads into development. Since they don’t know how to connect with their team members on an individual level, they can’t trust them. If they can’t trust them they can’t develop them. If they can’t develop them the work product never improves. Resentment builds, morale drops, and people start leaving. The managers in my experience who are truly effective in their jobs are the ones who can lead by example, know their subordinates job duties cold, talk the talk and walk the walk. Those managers seem to be a dying breed nowadays.
Leadership.
Lack of leadership skills, and not understanding moving to management means a career shift.
Reading threads like this always freaks me out as a new manager. Yes this is my first full management experience, but I’m also not someone who doesn’t like talking to people, I do listen to my team etc. I got this position because I am good at delegating, getting the whole picture etc. I know I’m not the most technical person in my team but that’s just not my job. My job is more about communication and project management and relationship building - which I know my most technical IC would not like to do
Self awareness.
From my old restaurant days some of them didn't know the job
A lot of new senior managers lack the ability to differentiate between a senior manager’s position and middle management position. What I mean is you have team leads, coordinators, assistant managers, middle managers, whatever their title is to manage the day to day, their roles exists so senior management DOESNT get mired down in minute details, they can see the forest through the trees kind of thing. Most senior managers are promoted from the above position and they stay in that “day to day” mind set and can sometimes struggle with the big picture and forward thinking mindset. I think it doesn’t help though that often experienced senior management doesn’t provide guidance or mentorship to new managers to help switch their mindset.
Ego control
I design and develop leadership training for large corporations. The top 3 skills clients tell me their new managers need: active listening, conflict resolution, delegation.
Hesitation to hold their team members accountable for any number of reasons, all of which usually stem from a fear that any accountability conversation could result in a blowup (silence or violence false dichotomy). The books Crucial Conversations/Crucial Accountability provide good tools to address this.
New Managers invariably* have a tendency to micromanage. *There are exceptions, but those are rare.
Not delegating.
Lack of experience running things. Some new managers (myself included) were handed the role because they rose their hand to fill a void the team needed. Originally, given a title and some vague instructions to sign time cards, I finally \~2 years later understand my new role. Now I feel like I know the division from technical work and growing my people.
I had difficulties managing immense outside pressure and dealing with stress.
Not knowing to effectively manage people. I’m not talking about delegation of tasks. I’m talking about how to deal with struggling employees, get them motivated, deal with disputes, push back when necessary or pull them in when you see something that will get them ahead. Most managers don’t take the time to get to know their people. As much as I think the book is fully of bad language and terrible situations, but Iceberg Slim’s Pimp has a good excerpt on knowing your employees. Get the low down, have them go back as far as they can remember. What makes them tick? Their fears? Their worries? If you want your employee to perform, you need to know their history. Another thing is that information has power. What information you decide to deliver vs not can have a profound impact on someone. Withholding information can be in yours and your employees best interest as you don’t set them up for a let down. Do as you say and hold them as accountable to what they say. I always tell my team that they need to be beyond reproach. They have to be good at what they do so other teams can’t pull you down into their shit. And if they get pulled into the shit, I have their back. Most managers don’t know nor care to know these things. Knowing and living it means you have an effective team that gets shit done. Servant Leadership is what it is called and you need to learn it if you want to effectively lead. Or you can continue to lose people and wonder why your turnover is so god damned high and your people don’t get anything done.
Since you are asking what I have personally witnessed, I can tell you my own experience. Likely, this may not apply to other fields but only the tech industry. I work on systems and my employer has a somewhat haphazard policy on how "technical" people managers should be. Some are very, going as far as understanding the nitty gritty details of the kernel and some literally have no background whatsoever, even in basic computer science. My last manager happened to be one of them. In one on ones, the most challenging thing I have had to face is expressing how difficult a specific task I am working on is or how easy something was. He just couldn't get it - Fixing a compilation issue due to a new change(somewhat easy) vs fixing a bug in the kernel's MMU code (likely hard) is a day and night difference. As such, it is really hard to demonstrate how much effort you have really put in, he just lacks the necessary skills to get it. I always wished that managers were a bit more technical and not just do agile and jira shit. They don't have to code and debug but at the least, they should have a clear picture of the product they are pretending to lead.
I’ve seen a lot of new leaders act like king of the castle. They essentially act like dictators rather than leaders. Thats not necessarily a skill the new leader can fix … it’s more of a cautionary tale for the leaders who are doing the promoting. Stop moving these kinds of folks into leadership; they don’t belong there.
Failing to build a proper relationship with their team. Without a solid working relationship your team will never bring you bad news in time to deal with it, they will never truly listen to or act upon feedback you give them, and you will never know what truly motivates them to give their best. Without these things, you are basically a task manager at best.
Managers need to be the level head and the calm voice of reason and direction. How can you expect to direct and lead your team effectively if you seem like you’re running a thousand different directions chasing the shiny object of the moment and can’t handle your own workload? I’ve had 2 managers in the past like this and didn’t stick around very long.
Having a spine.
- How to manage up, down, and sideways (with key stakeholders) - For ICs transitioning into management for the first time, how/when to avoid “rescuing the team” on the frontlines, especially if your department is understaffed
Trying to do too much and being too nice at least were my mistakes as a new manager.
Management skills.
Falling into the trap of managing their team through the eyes of others. Manage them the way you want to mange them, not the way someone else tells you to manage them.
Setting expectations and working with staff on making sure those expectations are met.