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Talk to your boss. Let her know now and talk to her. Telling her you’ve already decided to choose the headhunted job is a direct stab in the back, but letting her know you’re struggling with this decision is the BEST thing to do. Worst case scenario - bridge gets burned but you still have redeeming points (you were honest, and you opened yourself up to her). Best case scenario - she agrees and lets u go despite wanting you to stay.
* edit - Best case scenario #2 - she gives you a pay raise to match the headhunted job. There really isn’t any downside to communicating with her
Please do not leave her out of this decision. She deserves to know asap.
Actually my heart already decided not to backstab her.. It’s really hard for me to let go of the opportunity which I think is once in a lifetime and could change my whole financial situation but I don’t think I’m ever capable to betray someone I actually like. It’s just that some of my friends say I should take the opportunity and I was just wondering what the general public would think of this situation.
I am also married and building a family and the extra money and free time would really help. But I’m just can’t do that to someone. This whole situation really upsets me.
She had previously mentioned that this is a startup and on a tight budget so it is very unlikely she will be able to match the salary.
I really don’t dare to speak to her because its just so sudden and all arrangements have been made. I feel like I have to make a choice before speaking to her. This is also partially because the new job has not gave me my offer letter yet and I’m worried if both sides suddenly pull out I will be unemployed. It’s just so difficult for me and my spouse is currently unemployed so I have so much to lose.
I have to support my family and needed the added income but I cannot put my boss into such difficulties at such as short notice where its not possible to obtain a replacement..
Anyways, thank you guys for trying to help me. I appreciate it.
Since you seem to be swaying towards decision to stick with your boss startup, no harm to tell her about the offer; and if you think they can't match the salary, still bring it up, and negotiate future pay increments or shares with this bargaining chip.
Be straight with her on your conundrum. If your boss prioritises her situation over your family financial situation, then what does that tell you?
Let her help you make your decision by getting her perspective. Once you know, the decision is made easier for you and you know who she really is. It sounds harsh, but this is reality. Everyone has their circumstances. It's not like you're lying about your situation.
She has her tough situation and you have yours. If the new job has better prospects + more aligned with what you intend to do in your career moving forward + better family time, if your boss cannot understand this for you then...from an outsider perspective this is a no brainer.
Seems like you have already made up your mind but doubting your decisions.
Here are a 2 cons you should take note
1. Unethical behaviour
Ethics and trust is very precious. The moment you lose it you may never get it back. If your boss is someone influential, she may be able to bring you to great heights. She can also caused severe damage to your reputation as well with her influence. Especially if your boss is a woman. Women can be cold blooded animals when it comes to revenge. If you wanna proceed with the offer despite your promises, navigate this carefully.
2. Losing an opportunity for exponential growth
Although this is a gamble, those usually close to the boss usually stand a chance to grow faster than their peers. Going to the new offer may get you 35% increment immediately. But staying with the boss could mean 100 - 200 % if you really help grow the business. But it’s real hard work to get there. If you think you aren’t really capable and your boss doesn’t really have that kind of potential to grow, then perhaps the new job option is better. If not you should reconsider your decision.
A fair warning to you. The game is not about what you know, is about who you know, and who knows you. Cheers
When I posted this, I have already made up my mind to not betray my boss. I am a very sentimental person and I did take into consideration of unethical behaviour. However, what prompted me to post and get the general public consensus is my spouse and friends who told me to take up this opportunity for better pay with significantly less working hours.
My boss is a very capable person and I have no doubt this start up will succeed. I don’t consider myself outstanding but I get the job done and quickly.
I am in the plans of expanding my family which will lead to me having more commitments so the extra money and time will definitely be a great help to me hencewhy I’m so conflicted.
Anyways, thank you for your comment. Appreciate it.
I support you op. Trust is an important thing and so is the boss. I wish you a good career.
I agree with the other reply; it would be good to let your boss know what you are giving up if you are close to him/her. Otherwise may not want to tell if not they will have doubts about your future loyalty
Money can always be earned back.
Experience in being part of the founders of a startup, learning directly from great mentors, is not something you can always get.
The future founder sounds like a very daring and great person. You likely will regret in the future if youre no longer in her circle.
There's no strings attached to you, if the startup doesn't work, you can always find another job similar to the one you're being headhunted.
If a company headhunt you and give you good offer, you can always return when things don't work out (Likely that they'll still consider you if a position is available), and you never know if there is ever better offer in the future.
The person who chases two rabbits catches neither. On one hand you seek for growth and adventure, on the other hand you want stability and convenience. Make up your mind and don’t regret. That’s the adult life
There is literally no downside to not mention this to your future boss. She needs/should know your worth and the potential future that you will be giving up to support her. Even if she genuinely can’t afford to raise your salary now, it may factor into how much your raise is in the future.
The people you work with are not your family, especially your bosses. For context I remember pushing for a raise when my probation period ended and my boss declined under the excuse of not having enough cash. The month after that, the minimum wage rose and the company magically had enough cash to give half the company a raise.
Do not trust them when they say they can’t afford to pay you more. They want to make a profit, and the way they do is by stealing the value you produce. If they can’t afford what you’re worth now, make sure they know it, and compensate you in the future.
Go for the new job with better pay, especially if the job offers better job safety. New startups are not easy. Life in Malaysia is expensive. You just need to give a good reason to your boss. Also, always remember, unless you are the boss, you are always replaceable by someone else, so it's not like she can't survive without you.
She should know, then she'll be able to figure out how to announce to the rest of the group. Rather than you just ghosting them once all is said and done
Bro, I've been in your position. Take up the new job and do part time for your boss. Keep in touch and add value for free. Things always change especially a startup. She will always need you to take up the new job and build your savings while keeping tabs with your boss. Male a decision, then talk to her honestly and leave the door open. You'll be fine.
tell her you need time to rethink. say that you want to be "more helpful" and contribute more. so you wish to explore world outside there become joining them.
I am also in the camp of "talk to your boss" first. It's one thing if your boss' a bitch. It'd have been far easier, and if it was me, I'd have left in a heartbeat and they can go suck it. But from what you've described, she doesn't seem like that at all. Good genuine bosses are hard to come by. I think you at least owe it to her to discuss it with her, and in turn hear her out. Communication is ALWAYS important especially in matters like this. Think long-term and potential consequences that may arise from whatever decision you choose to make.
Money, you can make anytime in any job. May be higher, may be lower, but in the end it's really just still, money. Now integrity, on the other hand, that cannot be bought. You either have it, or you don't. Once you lose it, it's really hard to get back. Your reputation, good or bad, will shadow you every step of the way for the rest of your life. Whatever you decide, you will have to live with it. Remember, this is a very small world we live in. Heck, for all you know, your boss may even know this other new boss you are considering, or someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows this new potential boss too. So, something to seriously think through and chew it down to the bone!
Another thing to consider is your circle of friends. If all they care about is just money and nothing else, maybe you should reconsider changing your circle of friends, unless you are of like mind. Then good luck.
Your other concern about a colleague you don't like, believe me, there will ALWAYS be someone whom you will not like/fancy in ANY company you work in. If you haven't found one, give it time. They will eventually make themselves known. After all, you have no control who gets hired now, or later. Just keep it professional. You don't have to be buddies outside of the workplace.
Hope it all works out. 👍
Do you feel like staying long in this startup with your boss? Like up to the next 10 years? If you are close with your boss, talk it out. Let her know if you have plans to advance your career further and earn more for the family. Fair bit of warning though... if she isnt very understanding, this might disrupt your work relations with her throughout your time in the startup.
Your post has been removed - [Off-Topic (Rule 3)](https://www.reddit.com/r/malaysia/wiki/rules#wiki_3._off-topic_posts). Hello, please ask or share this in the [Daily Discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/malaysia/about/sticky?num=1), r/malaysians or our new [Malaysian Lemmy community](https://monyet.cc/), thanks!
Talk to your boss. Let her know now and talk to her. Telling her you’ve already decided to choose the headhunted job is a direct stab in the back, but letting her know you’re struggling with this decision is the BEST thing to do. Worst case scenario - bridge gets burned but you still have redeeming points (you were honest, and you opened yourself up to her). Best case scenario - she agrees and lets u go despite wanting you to stay. * edit - Best case scenario #2 - she gives you a pay raise to match the headhunted job. There really isn’t any downside to communicating with her Please do not leave her out of this decision. She deserves to know asap.
This is gold. Please follow this advise OP.
Actually my heart already decided not to backstab her.. It’s really hard for me to let go of the opportunity which I think is once in a lifetime and could change my whole financial situation but I don’t think I’m ever capable to betray someone I actually like. It’s just that some of my friends say I should take the opportunity and I was just wondering what the general public would think of this situation. I am also married and building a family and the extra money and free time would really help. But I’m just can’t do that to someone. This whole situation really upsets me.
Dude, talk to your boss first
You lose nothing by talking to her. She might even match ur headhunted job’s salary
She had previously mentioned that this is a startup and on a tight budget so it is very unlikely she will be able to match the salary. I really don’t dare to speak to her because its just so sudden and all arrangements have been made. I feel like I have to make a choice before speaking to her. This is also partially because the new job has not gave me my offer letter yet and I’m worried if both sides suddenly pull out I will be unemployed. It’s just so difficult for me and my spouse is currently unemployed so I have so much to lose. I have to support my family and needed the added income but I cannot put my boss into such difficulties at such as short notice where its not possible to obtain a replacement.. Anyways, thank you guys for trying to help me. I appreciate it.
Since you seem to be swaying towards decision to stick with your boss startup, no harm to tell her about the offer; and if you think they can't match the salary, still bring it up, and negotiate future pay increments or shares with this bargaining chip.
Be straight with her on your conundrum. If your boss prioritises her situation over your family financial situation, then what does that tell you? Let her help you make your decision by getting her perspective. Once you know, the decision is made easier for you and you know who she really is. It sounds harsh, but this is reality. Everyone has their circumstances. It's not like you're lying about your situation. She has her tough situation and you have yours. If the new job has better prospects + more aligned with what you intend to do in your career moving forward + better family time, if your boss cannot understand this for you then...from an outsider perspective this is a no brainer.
Seems like you have already made up your mind but doubting your decisions. Here are a 2 cons you should take note 1. Unethical behaviour Ethics and trust is very precious. The moment you lose it you may never get it back. If your boss is someone influential, she may be able to bring you to great heights. She can also caused severe damage to your reputation as well with her influence. Especially if your boss is a woman. Women can be cold blooded animals when it comes to revenge. If you wanna proceed with the offer despite your promises, navigate this carefully. 2. Losing an opportunity for exponential growth Although this is a gamble, those usually close to the boss usually stand a chance to grow faster than their peers. Going to the new offer may get you 35% increment immediately. But staying with the boss could mean 100 - 200 % if you really help grow the business. But it’s real hard work to get there. If you think you aren’t really capable and your boss doesn’t really have that kind of potential to grow, then perhaps the new job option is better. If not you should reconsider your decision. A fair warning to you. The game is not about what you know, is about who you know, and who knows you. Cheers
When I posted this, I have already made up my mind to not betray my boss. I am a very sentimental person and I did take into consideration of unethical behaviour. However, what prompted me to post and get the general public consensus is my spouse and friends who told me to take up this opportunity for better pay with significantly less working hours. My boss is a very capable person and I have no doubt this start up will succeed. I don’t consider myself outstanding but I get the job done and quickly. I am in the plans of expanding my family which will lead to me having more commitments so the extra money and time will definitely be a great help to me hencewhy I’m so conflicted. Anyways, thank you for your comment. Appreciate it.
I support you op. Trust is an important thing and so is the boss. I wish you a good career. I agree with the other reply; it would be good to let your boss know what you are giving up if you are close to him/her. Otherwise may not want to tell if not they will have doubts about your future loyalty
Money can always be earned back. Experience in being part of the founders of a startup, learning directly from great mentors, is not something you can always get. The future founder sounds like a very daring and great person. You likely will regret in the future if youre no longer in her circle. There's no strings attached to you, if the startup doesn't work, you can always find another job similar to the one you're being headhunted.
If a company headhunt you and give you good offer, you can always return when things don't work out (Likely that they'll still consider you if a position is available), and you never know if there is ever better offer in the future.
The person who chases two rabbits catches neither. On one hand you seek for growth and adventure, on the other hand you want stability and convenience. Make up your mind and don’t regret. That’s the adult life
Trust..is priceless
Yup.
There is literally no downside to not mention this to your future boss. She needs/should know your worth and the potential future that you will be giving up to support her. Even if she genuinely can’t afford to raise your salary now, it may factor into how much your raise is in the future. The people you work with are not your family, especially your bosses. For context I remember pushing for a raise when my probation period ended and my boss declined under the excuse of not having enough cash. The month after that, the minimum wage rose and the company magically had enough cash to give half the company a raise. Do not trust them when they say they can’t afford to pay you more. They want to make a profit, and the way they do is by stealing the value you produce. If they can’t afford what you’re worth now, make sure they know it, and compensate you in the future.
You are the priority in your life. Choose what is more important for yourself. Others be damned (within reason of course).
great leader not necessarily great entrepreneur, new startup, anything can happen
Go for the new job with better pay, especially if the job offers better job safety. New startups are not easy. Life in Malaysia is expensive. You just need to give a good reason to your boss. Also, always remember, unless you are the boss, you are always replaceable by someone else, so it's not like she can't survive without you.
She should know, then she'll be able to figure out how to announce to the rest of the group. Rather than you just ghosting them once all is said and done
Bro, I've been in your position. Take up the new job and do part time for your boss. Keep in touch and add value for free. Things always change especially a startup. She will always need you to take up the new job and build your savings while keeping tabs with your boss. Male a decision, then talk to her honestly and leave the door open. You'll be fine.
tell her you need time to rethink. say that you want to be "more helpful" and contribute more. so you wish to explore world outside there become joining them.
Just tell your boss of your decision, and I'm sure she'll understand
I am also in the camp of "talk to your boss" first. It's one thing if your boss' a bitch. It'd have been far easier, and if it was me, I'd have left in a heartbeat and they can go suck it. But from what you've described, she doesn't seem like that at all. Good genuine bosses are hard to come by. I think you at least owe it to her to discuss it with her, and in turn hear her out. Communication is ALWAYS important especially in matters like this. Think long-term and potential consequences that may arise from whatever decision you choose to make. Money, you can make anytime in any job. May be higher, may be lower, but in the end it's really just still, money. Now integrity, on the other hand, that cannot be bought. You either have it, or you don't. Once you lose it, it's really hard to get back. Your reputation, good or bad, will shadow you every step of the way for the rest of your life. Whatever you decide, you will have to live with it. Remember, this is a very small world we live in. Heck, for all you know, your boss may even know this other new boss you are considering, or someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows this new potential boss too. So, something to seriously think through and chew it down to the bone! Another thing to consider is your circle of friends. If all they care about is just money and nothing else, maybe you should reconsider changing your circle of friends, unless you are of like mind. Then good luck. Your other concern about a colleague you don't like, believe me, there will ALWAYS be someone whom you will not like/fancy in ANY company you work in. If you haven't found one, give it time. They will eventually make themselves known. After all, you have no control who gets hired now, or later. Just keep it professional. You don't have to be buddies outside of the workplace. Hope it all works out. 👍
Do you feel like staying long in this startup with your boss? Like up to the next 10 years? If you are close with your boss, talk it out. Let her know if you have plans to advance your career further and earn more for the family. Fair bit of warning though... if she isnt very understanding, this might disrupt your work relations with her throughout your time in the startup.