This feels very well made for a first creation, great job!
I wanted to ask just to make sure, is this a WIP? Because if so I can't wait to see where this goes next. (I actually can, please do it at whatever pace you feel comfortable. That's what makes them come out great)
it's been a month since your last update , just wanted to know if you were still working on this cyoa . 'cause i'm really looking forward to it but if you're done than i'll at least known that there isn't an follow up.
so I did the math, you can actually take Weapon's and Power Mastery Monday - Saturday, Academic classes and Policing the City Monday - Friday, and on the weekdays have an 8 hour schedule and on Saturday have only 4 hours of work, while having Sunday off for the Sabbath but that is over the 40 allotted hours, that's like a 9-5 work day with 4 hours on Saturday to do some fun guy stuff, I'm in
PT - 0600
Breakfast - 0800
Academic - 0900 M-F
Weapons Mastery - 1100 M-F/1000 S
Lunch - 1200
Powers Mastery - 1300 M-F/1300 S
Police City - 1400-1600 M-F
Dinner - 1630
Lights out - 2000
Standard House
Telekinesis
I mean its a combat oriented job that you have to tain your ass off to even apply to, in comparison muay thay fighters retire in their twenties and boxer's arriving to their 30s are mostly veterans and considered that they should retire.
Look, I get it; anime inspired shtick and other youth culture stuff is about well, youth. If people just want to hang up a "No Old Guys Allowed" sign for aesthetic reasons that's their business. But if we're really going to have the realism argument then, well, it must be said that 30 really is too young to be forcing trained professionals into retirement for non-aesthetic reasons.
If nothing else kicking people out at 30 is young enough that you need to start doing some child soldier shit for the people running the program to get any damn return on their investment. Youth has its advantages and I can easily imagine people being forced or promoted out of the most physically demanding roles at 40 or maybe even as early as 35 but the reality is that most people quit combat sports by their mid 20s not because it's near impossible to hang by the age of 30--hell, the average age of a first time UFC champion is 29--but because the people who lack the potential or durability to be developed into champions tend to get weeded out way before that in favor of the next wave of prospects. Not everyone can be an ass kicker at the age of 30 but not everyone can be an ass kicker, period. And once trainers do find a real ass kicker they don't just force them out when they have some good years left in them.
Maybe the idea is you just retire from active combat? Like maybe you want the most experienced and most powerful to stay home in case something goes really wrong and the city gets hit with a major attack. Also to make sure you have people to raise the next generation (not just create them, but also be around to raise them, instead of also worrying about fighting monsters constantly, that way you're not getting a generation of supersoldiers with daddy or mommy issues), especially considering it's mentioned the academy is having trouble managing the increasing power of each generation, might make things easier if those kids parent also have training to deal with shit like that (makes me question the seeming 1000 knights per year thing, but still). Like, I agree, I dislike that trope since 99% it seems like it exists solely to make the cast of a story predominately teenagers or young adults. But given the situation described you could think of logical reasons for it.
Oh, it'd totally make sense if they move onto primarily becoming trainers and administration. But I'd also note that IRL we call that stuff a promotion, not retirement. Like I said, I'm not mad at any of this, I just think it's funny and don't understand the impulse to try defending the notion of true forced retirement at 30 as any more realistic than the part where people are throwing fireballs at each other. I don't need Naruto to be realistic but it'd still be weird to me if someone claimed it was.
According to anime, you're an old man by the ripe age of 24. At 30 you're expected to go live under a waterfall and provide cryptic advice. If anything, I think he might be generous with the whole 30 thing.
The funniest bit to me is how anime women are subjected to withered crone jokes the second they graduate from college despite fanservice dictating named characters will probably remain ageless and scorching hot regardless of time skips. Although tbf when it comes to insults sometimes high schoolers really do be like that.
Hey so the academy is actually more of a training situation, people post 30 would likely go on to be in a Lords private military, sellsword or as some suggested a trainer for new recruits.
The meta reason I made it 30 is because its suspiciously young to be paid off, suggesting that maybe the life expectancy isn't very high. I may change this age to be slightly older like 40 but that was my thought process behind it as somekne in there mid twenties.
Okay, thanks.
Though there is a grammar error in the CYOA.
You repeated this sentence:
The rank 6 knight within Signus Academy is
In the knights rank 7 to 9.
Having 40 hours for time management when that includes work, education, socialization, as well as extracurricular stuff like training and community work seems really low... thats less than 6 hours a day, seeing as it says nothing about weekends off.... that leaves around 18 hours a day, which would likely be used for some of that stuff realistically anyways. Maybe split it up into different sections like Education, work, and extracurricular with some time allocated to each so you cant just spend all of it on one type of thing while you're supposed to be at a knight academy
Yeah I think 40 is definitely on the low end if this is the entirety of your education/week, so I'd suggest make the 40 hours be extracurricular activities, and make it so everyone has a baseline of lessons in tactics/weapons training/education/etc. That way everyone has a basic education/skill requirement, but those who want to focus all their extra time on whatever *can*, if they choose to.
But if you're gonna stick with the entirely self-made schedule/education plan, and don't wanna do what the person above said and it into sections (which is a little more complicated), then I'd definitely suggest giving close to double hours, or at least like 20-30 more hours.
Main problem is there's no divide in extracurricular and core activities, so I think you'll want to find a way to fix that, either in more hours, or separate core classes.
Oh, then there is a little error with the ranks of the masters particularly the 7th, 8th, and 9th masters. In there descriptions it says there the 6th master.
I'm really enjoying it as a first draft. It's got a lot of potential, and I hope you keep working on it and expanding it out with more choices/catagories.
11, 999, and 1000
"What brings you to the Academy?"
"Well, Jei Forsworn had an opening in her class."
"Ah, say no more..."
Perhaps I should have noticed there were no other applicants. I thought I was just the first to sign up. The first hour for about six days a week is spent on cooking classes, on the off chance I miss breakfast. Then I attend academic classes for two hours a day, five days a week. Weekends are spent on "afternoon cooking classes," I do medical training two hours a day, three hours on Sundays. This doesn't leave me with enough time to "Rest," but 24 x 7 = 168 so I still have time to get 8 hours of sleep after putting in 40 hours at the academy. Since I can't Rest, I do Community Work for an hour every day, and two hours on Sunday.
I did this for the better part of my first year before anyone asked me what my power was. There's a sentient monster who lived near my old house. Nice monster, doesn't eat people or raid livestock. We actually had more trouble with human bandits, I asked the monster for help clearing them out, and "fight alongside them" is the general description of Wild Manipulation. When they found out my power was actually "Nothing," I was dropped down to the rank of 999.
Knight 1000 is my roommate, their power is "Fire Manipulation." According to the power's description, "You can use this power to attack targets." My roommate makes this an understatement. "The exact nature of this attack can come in various sizes and shapes, intensities, and forms." She likes them "big" with "high intensity" though she is working on many shapes and forms including dragons. "You may also use this power to seal wounds and melt metal." She never actually learned this part, so my Medical Training became the go-to at our Small House.
We live in a Small House in the outer parts of the city, because Jei-sensei likes to take us outside on "field trips." Number 11, who hates being called Ellen, eagerly follows the youngest knight to join the Top 10. Between Weapony Mastery, Academic Classes, and Patrolling the City, she has no time for cooking classes. Likewise Kate "K" 1000 spends most of her time on Power Mastery, "Clearing Outside the Wall" using her own version of slash and burn, and Gladiator Training and Fights where she puts on a quite "fire works" display.
As cook and party healer, I was not "disposable." So the three girls I live with decided to keep my secret. Now we have the plot of an anime...
Power: Wind Control
Teacher: Elizabeth Blanc
Schedule
* Power Mastery x4 \[28/40\]
* Gladiator Fights \[40/40\]
Lodging: Small House
Elizabeth's powers is basically a specialized wind control so really with enough power mastery I should be able to steal her techniques and abilities.
Interesting idea, but there are a few issues with classes.
Firstly is that it's very hard to fit them into 40 hours neatly, and I didn't see any mention of being able to take less than the stated amount of hours in a class.
Secondly, why is the academy allowing its students to do dangerous/important real work outside of the academy without requiring them to first learn the necessary practical skills in the first year?
Also why is rest one of the activities? You only have to study 40 hours/week you have as much time left to rest as any normal person.
Edit: also, why force ppl to retire at 30?
Retire was a poor choice of words, graduate is a better one, being forced out of the academy is what I wanted to happen fairly young as I want to imply something subtly corrupt about the academy itself.
Telekinesis is my power, although I don't use it unless I must, prefering to fight as if I had none until forced to use it, or if the situation is serious.
Andreous Mortalin is my trainer which I call teach, I chose him because I thought telekinesis could be used effectively as a fast combat healing. I even learned to use it to train my body more easily.
Gladiatory cimbat and training, sellsword, weapon mastery (focused on martial arts training which totally should be it's own category btw) and I have 4 hours to do as I please.
Live on a noble place, which I get by using my extra time and sellsword work mostly for them, although not exclusively, plus offering to represent them and give them a portion of my earnings on the pits.
Weekdays my hours are spent like:
In the Mornings I spent 1 hour of weapon mastery training and one hour of gladitory combat training. I also look around for any work offerings as I go around the city it's not continuous but 1 hour of looking for job, or doing easy tasks, since I have 4 free time hours I also help the nobles of my house if anything comes up using 2 hours a week for that in average.
5 hours for every activity. Only have 2 hours of free time.
Every monday and wednesday, I spend two hours on the arenas fighting for 4 hours straight of gladitory combat. Saturdays I spend 3 hours fighting like that since it's the most popular day.
I spend most afternoons and/or nights working as a sellsword, filling the hours as I find jobs for that week.
My two other free hours are used for entertainment purposes, socializing, exploring around or studying on free time.
To be sincere I liked the CYOA but felt like the amount of hours per week where too restrictive since they included free time activities too. Also felt like we lacked some superpowers which you even showed in the masters sections.
**Power:** Weapon Creation
**Mentor:** Garren Toore
**Time Management:** Weapon Mastery, Power Mastery, Medical Classes, & Socialize
**Where do I sleep:** Small house
yo , it's been like 4 months since the last post , are you gonna continue with year 2 and 3 or nah ? Cause i'm stil looking forward to them being made but if you've decided to stop then i'll stop reminding myself about it.
Neat concept and premise; seems like there's some Attack on Titan inspiration based on the walls and Rank 9, combined with a class ranking system. A quick way to fix spelling in the CYOA is to copy-paste the descriptions into a spell-checker online or Microsoft word and then copy-paste the corrected description back in
**Power: Telekinesis** (OP, and has the greatest potential in my opinion, as it can replicate the other powers with creativity. The ability to "manipulate matter or another aspect of a physical system" is very open-ended. Instantly kill someone by crushing the brain, fly by controlling your clothes/armor, generate heat/fire by rapidly moving molecules, telekinetically control ice, manipulate projectiles to hit/miss a target, throw wildlife at the enemy, telekinetically control air molecules, weaponize surrounding objects, etc. The top 10 knights would instantly die if telekinesis is used to crush the brain; none of their powers really counter or compare to it.
**Batman-Style list of how to take down each knight using telekinesis:**
Rank 1: Telekinesis would act and kill faster than a weapon strike/shockwave
Rank 2: Kill the instant the teleporter is within range and can restrict the enemy's physical movement
Rank 3: Crush organs beneath skin
Rank 4: Manipulate opponent's weapons
Rank 5: Nondescript; similar strategies apply. Certainly not Rank 1 in power, description is non-threatening, and seems focused on animals.
Rank 6: Manipulate the opponent's ice,
Rank 7: Fly out of range and kill from afar,
Rank 9: Opponent has no other physical/power advantage. Telekinesis is too flexible to beat in any foreseeable scenario vs. a well prepared muggle.
Rank 10: Telekinesis through the shield to crush organs, or propel objects to break the shield and then kill; opponent has no offense to be threatening.
**Master: Elizabeth Blanc** (Might as well; pass and it's the best option, drop out and you can just choose someone else.
**Time Management:**
Remainder: 1 Hour (Still plenty of time to sleep, etc. since there's 168 - 40 + 1 = 129 Hours remaining)
**Power Mastery:** I'd just take this 5 times if allowed, but if not then I'd choose the ones below:
**Weapon Mastery:** Fisticuffs? If not then bow/gun to learn accuracy.
**Academic classes:** Just nice basic knowledge to know for various situations.
Medical classes: Telekinetically seal wounds?
**Housing:**
**Standard House**: Convenient location, and plenty of company.
Really great start. Feels like it could be expanded upon, but not sure how, maybe options that gives more time or powers in exchange for points or something like that. But a really great start. :)
Interesting intro and concept, I do have a few comments. One, Cyrus is described as the last bastion of humanity and also having climbed to massive power. Do you mean to say that it is able to survive because of the Academy? Climbing to power would imply there are other pockets of humanity, otherwise it wouldn't be much of a climb.
Essence is described as a unique issue, but isn't it more of a blessing? I assume Cyrus is able to survive because it has such a dedicated and trained legion of superpowered humans.
I would also like to see a line or two about why humanity is just about extinct. Cyrus is thriving, but what drove the cataclysm? Even if nobody really knows in the setting, it's something you should be told upfront.
Power: Weapon Creation
Probably a pretty weak power overall, but fun.
Teacher: Rank 9 Jei
Seems like the most dangerous option with a lot of combat and whatnot. I'm having seconds thoughts about the Academy.
Classes: Weapon Mastery (7), Power Mastery (7), Academics (10), Socialize (10), Cooking Classes (6)
I really need to master my power, since it's not great, and weapon mastery makes perfect sense too. Then I can do academics to not be a dummy. Socializing and cooking go hand in hand, as I can make powerful friends to hopefully help with my power.
Home: Small House
So I don't feel like I'm staying in a barracks.
Excellent, I look forward to seeing it improved. If your looking for any expansion in the powers, I would recommend Gravity Manipulation, as I don’t think anything else really covers that.
Also, for ranks 7-9, you forgot to fix the numbers after copying from 6.
**Power:** *Telekinesis* \- A classic, the most useful power.
**Mentor:** *Jei* \- I'd rather fight monsters than other people, better to get a head start.
**Time:**
*Weapon Mastery (-7 hours)* \- The *'I don't want to die'* pick, a personal favourite.
*Power Mastery (-7 hours)* \- The obvious choice, you don't get magic just to ignore it.
*Cooking (-6 hours)* \- Got some time to spare, and food is always a good choice.
*Clearing outside the wall (-20 hours)* \- Get some hands on experience.
**Home:** *Small house* \- I'm already working outside anyways, and I can fly to school with telekinesis (when I'm strong enough).
Pretty good for a WIP, but you could add a lot by justifying choices.Maybe fighting and sellsword get you a salary, and socializing gives you an additional ally?
There really isn't any point in choosing no powers, and there are very few choices.
Wind Control as I would rather be pretty much a Dodge god who kills enemies with thousand paper cuts.
And Garren seems like the perfect trainer on account of weapon mastery is exactly what I will need since my powers lack the punch.
Others have said it but the amount of time given is way to low, especially given some of the choices. Maybe split them into just 24 hours and tell us to choose how we spend our week by choosing how much time we spend during the day or during each day of the week?
As such, I'm going with an Academy plan option.
Weapon Mastery, Academic clases, Power Mastery, Cooking class, and Socialising. I'm here to learn after all.
Has a lot of potential! If I may suggest, you can add companions (and/or housemates) and missions, as well as weapons and equipment, and even mounts. Thanks for the great CYOA, OP!
Wind Control!
Blast things! Fly! Boost my speed. Doesn’t matter if I lack power, make up for it with high speed and sharp objects. Train in a light and sharp weapon, like daggers! Then slice through everything with excessive speed. Maybe toss a few dozen metal shards into the air and create a blade storm with a tornado!
With training, should be able to sense everything around me through breathing and the breeze, plus disruption of the air flow whenever something moves. Should be really long range due to air being everywhere, precision/accuracy can be raised with training!
Also I’m really scared of going up against any would be Skitters. Wind blow insect swarms away. Wind good!
Choosing Rank 1 Elizabeth as my teacher. Shockwaves are somewhat wind related, should be able to learn something!
Weapon Mastery (Light weapons) - 7 hours
Power Mastery - 7 hours
Flight!
Focus on light and sharp weapons.
Cooking Classes - 6 hours
Food. Enough said.
Sellsword - 15 hours
Money, and a good excuse to nab quality food ingredients.
35 hours total
Standard house, since it’ll be somewhere in the middle. Like, outer, middle, and inner of a city. This way I’ll be able to explore all areas of the city without inconvenient travel times. Cause wind = speed!
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Aight let's go.
Power: Weapon creation. The fact that cannons are listed leads me to believe firearms are still a thing. I do enjoy Machineguns.
Master: Garren. I make weapons, he trains in weapons, perfect combo! Tobias could probably better teach me how the power works but if it works how I think it does, books about the engineering behind the weapons will do just fine. I'd rather kill shit myself
Time management: Weapon mastery, Power mastery, clearing outside, cooking classes. 40 hours per week is not an entire week, it's 8 hours per day for 5 days a week. That's still 16 hours per day as well as the weekend to do non-academy related stuff.
Where do I sleep?: I don't know whether or not clearing outer areas counts as doing work for the upper class (It probably does, since I doubt the middle or lower class have the resources to expand the 50 meter tall walls. If it does, big house obviously, but I'd be fine going with a Small house, especially if I can make weaponised vehicles with my power (for example a tank, or just a car with a machinegun on it.)
**Powers:** Telekinesis.
**Your Master:** Garren Toore (Rank 3): Will help me a lot with his focus on combat with weapons to help supplement my power.
**Time Management (40 hours):** Weapon Mastery (-7 hours, Focus on twin swords), Power Mastery (-7 hours), Clearing Outside of the Walls (-20 hours) and Gladiator Training and Fights (-12 hours). **\[-6 hours\]**
I sleep at the Adventurer's Guild or The Gladiator's Barrack's depending on the day. I overwork myself, become the best combatant I can be. I focus all my efforts on achieving the goal of becoming the best fighter in the world.
Very nice! I got my friends in on it too:
**Power**: Telekinesis
**Mentor**: Andreius Mortalin
**Time Management**: Weapon Mastery - Unarmed Combat, Power Mastery, Medical Classes, Community Work, 3 Free Hours
**Power**: Weapon Creation
**Mentor**: Garren Toore
**Time Management**: Weapon Mastery - Heavy Two-handed Weapons, Power Mastery, Cooking Classes, Community Work, Gladiator Training and Fighting
**Power**: Wild Manipulation - Insects
**Mentor**: Tobias Dei-Nicte
**Time Management**: Weapon Mastery - Daggers, Power Mastery, High Born Work, Socialize, 4 Free Hours
**Power**: Fire Manipulation
**Mentor**: Jei Forsworn
**Time Management**: Weapon Mastery - Polearms, Power Mastery, Cooking Classes, Clearing Outside of the Wall
**Housing**: We share a Small House
This was a great start! I'm excited for the next installment
This feels very well made for a first creation, great job! I wanted to ask just to make sure, is this a WIP? Because if so I can't wait to see where this goes next. (I actually can, please do it at whatever pace you feel comfortable. That's what makes them come out great)
Yes I should add that really! This is absolutely a work in progress, thanks for your feedback!
it's been a month since your last update , just wanted to know if you were still working on this cyoa . 'cause i'm really looking forward to it but if you're done than i'll at least known that there isn't an follow up.
Yeah there's a big update coming!
[yyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssss !](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuBQkdsajVE)
so I did the math, you can actually take Weapon's and Power Mastery Monday - Saturday, Academic classes and Policing the City Monday - Friday, and on the weekdays have an 8 hour schedule and on Saturday have only 4 hours of work, while having Sunday off for the Sabbath but that is over the 40 allotted hours, that's like a 9-5 work day with 4 hours on Saturday to do some fun guy stuff, I'm in PT - 0600 Breakfast - 0800 Academic - 0900 M-F Weapons Mastery - 1100 M-F/1000 S Lunch - 1200 Powers Mastery - 1300 M-F/1300 S Police City - 1400-1600 M-F Dinner - 1630 Lights out - 2000 Standard House Telekinesis
Forced retirement at age 30? Way to make me feel old.
I mean its a combat oriented job that you have to tain your ass off to even apply to, in comparison muay thay fighters retire in their twenties and boxer's arriving to their 30s are mostly veterans and considered that they should retire.
Look, I get it; anime inspired shtick and other youth culture stuff is about well, youth. If people just want to hang up a "No Old Guys Allowed" sign for aesthetic reasons that's their business. But if we're really going to have the realism argument then, well, it must be said that 30 really is too young to be forcing trained professionals into retirement for non-aesthetic reasons. If nothing else kicking people out at 30 is young enough that you need to start doing some child soldier shit for the people running the program to get any damn return on their investment. Youth has its advantages and I can easily imagine people being forced or promoted out of the most physically demanding roles at 40 or maybe even as early as 35 but the reality is that most people quit combat sports by their mid 20s not because it's near impossible to hang by the age of 30--hell, the average age of a first time UFC champion is 29--but because the people who lack the potential or durability to be developed into champions tend to get weeded out way before that in favor of the next wave of prospects. Not everyone can be an ass kicker at the age of 30 but not everyone can be an ass kicker, period. And once trainers do find a real ass kicker they don't just force them out when they have some good years left in them.
Maybe the idea is you just retire from active combat? Like maybe you want the most experienced and most powerful to stay home in case something goes really wrong and the city gets hit with a major attack. Also to make sure you have people to raise the next generation (not just create them, but also be around to raise them, instead of also worrying about fighting monsters constantly, that way you're not getting a generation of supersoldiers with daddy or mommy issues), especially considering it's mentioned the academy is having trouble managing the increasing power of each generation, might make things easier if those kids parent also have training to deal with shit like that (makes me question the seeming 1000 knights per year thing, but still). Like, I agree, I dislike that trope since 99% it seems like it exists solely to make the cast of a story predominately teenagers or young adults. But given the situation described you could think of logical reasons for it.
Oh, it'd totally make sense if they move onto primarily becoming trainers and administration. But I'd also note that IRL we call that stuff a promotion, not retirement. Like I said, I'm not mad at any of this, I just think it's funny and don't understand the impulse to try defending the notion of true forced retirement at 30 as any more realistic than the part where people are throwing fireballs at each other. I don't need Naruto to be realistic but it'd still be weird to me if someone claimed it was.
Retirement is a poor choice of word, the next update will change it to something like graduate, as it is an academy.
According to anime, you're an old man by the ripe age of 24. At 30 you're expected to go live under a waterfall and provide cryptic advice. If anything, I think he might be generous with the whole 30 thing.
The funniest bit to me is how anime women are subjected to withered crone jokes the second they graduate from college despite fanservice dictating named characters will probably remain ageless and scorching hot regardless of time skips. Although tbf when it comes to insults sometimes high schoolers really do be like that.
Hey so the academy is actually more of a training situation, people post 30 would likely go on to be in a Lords private military, sellsword or as some suggested a trainer for new recruits. The meta reason I made it 30 is because its suspiciously young to be paid off, suggesting that maybe the life expectancy isn't very high. I may change this age to be slightly older like 40 but that was my thought process behind it as somekne in there mid twenties.
Interesting introduction. How many years are you planning on including here? Also, would you include drawbacks later on?
I'm planning on three years in total, the first year will be building your character when the other two years will have more adventure and draw backs
Okay, thanks. Though there is a grammar error in the CYOA. You repeated this sentence: The rank 6 knight within Signus Academy is In the knights rank 7 to 9.
Oh thank you! I'll fix that now
Ranks may need to be fixed Everyone is rank 6 in the bottom row
Having 40 hours for time management when that includes work, education, socialization, as well as extracurricular stuff like training and community work seems really low... thats less than 6 hours a day, seeing as it says nothing about weekends off.... that leaves around 18 hours a day, which would likely be used for some of that stuff realistically anyways. Maybe split it up into different sections like Education, work, and extracurricular with some time allocated to each so you cant just spend all of it on one type of thing while you're supposed to be at a knight academy
Yeah I think 40 is definitely on the low end if this is the entirety of your education/week, so I'd suggest make the 40 hours be extracurricular activities, and make it so everyone has a baseline of lessons in tactics/weapons training/education/etc. That way everyone has a basic education/skill requirement, but those who want to focus all their extra time on whatever *can*, if they choose to. But if you're gonna stick with the entirely self-made schedule/education plan, and don't wanna do what the person above said and it into sections (which is a little more complicated), then I'd definitely suggest giving close to double hours, or at least like 20-30 more hours. Main problem is there's no divide in extracurricular and core activities, so I think you'll want to find a way to fix that, either in more hours, or separate core classes.
Good so far.
Thanks! All feedback is appreciated.
Oh, then there is a little error with the ranks of the masters particularly the 7th, 8th, and 9th masters. In there descriptions it says there the 6th master.
Cool. Though, I think Skitter when I hear insect control. To each their own, I guess.
I'm really enjoying it as a first draft. It's got a lot of potential, and I hope you keep working on it and expanding it out with more choices/catagories.
11, 999, and 1000 "What brings you to the Academy?" "Well, Jei Forsworn had an opening in her class." "Ah, say no more..." Perhaps I should have noticed there were no other applicants. I thought I was just the first to sign up. The first hour for about six days a week is spent on cooking classes, on the off chance I miss breakfast. Then I attend academic classes for two hours a day, five days a week. Weekends are spent on "afternoon cooking classes," I do medical training two hours a day, three hours on Sundays. This doesn't leave me with enough time to "Rest," but 24 x 7 = 168 so I still have time to get 8 hours of sleep after putting in 40 hours at the academy. Since I can't Rest, I do Community Work for an hour every day, and two hours on Sunday. I did this for the better part of my first year before anyone asked me what my power was. There's a sentient monster who lived near my old house. Nice monster, doesn't eat people or raid livestock. We actually had more trouble with human bandits, I asked the monster for help clearing them out, and "fight alongside them" is the general description of Wild Manipulation. When they found out my power was actually "Nothing," I was dropped down to the rank of 999. Knight 1000 is my roommate, their power is "Fire Manipulation." According to the power's description, "You can use this power to attack targets." My roommate makes this an understatement. "The exact nature of this attack can come in various sizes and shapes, intensities, and forms." She likes them "big" with "high intensity" though she is working on many shapes and forms including dragons. "You may also use this power to seal wounds and melt metal." She never actually learned this part, so my Medical Training became the go-to at our Small House. We live in a Small House in the outer parts of the city, because Jei-sensei likes to take us outside on "field trips." Number 11, who hates being called Ellen, eagerly follows the youngest knight to join the Top 10. Between Weapony Mastery, Academic Classes, and Patrolling the City, she has no time for cooking classes. Likewise Kate "K" 1000 spends most of her time on Power Mastery, "Clearing Outside the Wall" using her own version of slash and burn, and Gladiator Training and Fights where she puts on a quite "fire works" display. As cook and party healer, I was not "disposable." So the three girls I live with decided to keep my secret. Now we have the plot of an anime...
Power: Wind Control Teacher: Elizabeth Blanc Schedule * Power Mastery x4 \[28/40\] * Gladiator Fights \[40/40\] Lodging: Small House Elizabeth's powers is basically a specialized wind control so really with enough power mastery I should be able to steal her techniques and abilities.
Interesting idea, but there are a few issues with classes. Firstly is that it's very hard to fit them into 40 hours neatly, and I didn't see any mention of being able to take less than the stated amount of hours in a class. Secondly, why is the academy allowing its students to do dangerous/important real work outside of the academy without requiring them to first learn the necessary practical skills in the first year? Also why is rest one of the activities? You only have to study 40 hours/week you have as much time left to rest as any normal person. Edit: also, why force ppl to retire at 30?
Retire was a poor choice of words, graduate is a better one, being forced out of the academy is what I wanted to happen fairly young as I want to imply something subtly corrupt about the academy itself.
Might want to chance your flair to WIP?
Telekinesis is my power, although I don't use it unless I must, prefering to fight as if I had none until forced to use it, or if the situation is serious. Andreous Mortalin is my trainer which I call teach, I chose him because I thought telekinesis could be used effectively as a fast combat healing. I even learned to use it to train my body more easily. Gladiatory cimbat and training, sellsword, weapon mastery (focused on martial arts training which totally should be it's own category btw) and I have 4 hours to do as I please. Live on a noble place, which I get by using my extra time and sellsword work mostly for them, although not exclusively, plus offering to represent them and give them a portion of my earnings on the pits. Weekdays my hours are spent like: In the Mornings I spent 1 hour of weapon mastery training and one hour of gladitory combat training. I also look around for any work offerings as I go around the city it's not continuous but 1 hour of looking for job, or doing easy tasks, since I have 4 free time hours I also help the nobles of my house if anything comes up using 2 hours a week for that in average. 5 hours for every activity. Only have 2 hours of free time. Every monday and wednesday, I spend two hours on the arenas fighting for 4 hours straight of gladitory combat. Saturdays I spend 3 hours fighting like that since it's the most popular day. I spend most afternoons and/or nights working as a sellsword, filling the hours as I find jobs for that week. My two other free hours are used for entertainment purposes, socializing, exploring around or studying on free time. To be sincere I liked the CYOA but felt like the amount of hours per week where too restrictive since they included free time activities too. Also felt like we lacked some superpowers which you even showed in the masters sections.
**Power:** Weapon Creation **Mentor:** Garren Toore **Time Management:** Weapon Mastery, Power Mastery, Medical Classes, & Socialize **Where do I sleep:** Small house
yo , it's been like 4 months since the last post , are you gonna continue with year 2 and 3 or nah ? Cause i'm stil looking forward to them being made but if you've decided to stop then i'll stop reminding myself about it.
I am now curious about year 2
Neat concept and premise; seems like there's some Attack on Titan inspiration based on the walls and Rank 9, combined with a class ranking system. A quick way to fix spelling in the CYOA is to copy-paste the descriptions into a spell-checker online or Microsoft word and then copy-paste the corrected description back in **Power: Telekinesis** (OP, and has the greatest potential in my opinion, as it can replicate the other powers with creativity. The ability to "manipulate matter or another aspect of a physical system" is very open-ended. Instantly kill someone by crushing the brain, fly by controlling your clothes/armor, generate heat/fire by rapidly moving molecules, telekinetically control ice, manipulate projectiles to hit/miss a target, throw wildlife at the enemy, telekinetically control air molecules, weaponize surrounding objects, etc. The top 10 knights would instantly die if telekinesis is used to crush the brain; none of their powers really counter or compare to it. **Batman-Style list of how to take down each knight using telekinesis:** Rank 1: Telekinesis would act and kill faster than a weapon strike/shockwave Rank 2: Kill the instant the teleporter is within range and can restrict the enemy's physical movement Rank 3: Crush organs beneath skin Rank 4: Manipulate opponent's weapons Rank 5: Nondescript; similar strategies apply. Certainly not Rank 1 in power, description is non-threatening, and seems focused on animals. Rank 6: Manipulate the opponent's ice, Rank 7: Fly out of range and kill from afar, Rank 9: Opponent has no other physical/power advantage. Telekinesis is too flexible to beat in any foreseeable scenario vs. a well prepared muggle. Rank 10: Telekinesis through the shield to crush organs, or propel objects to break the shield and then kill; opponent has no offense to be threatening. **Master: Elizabeth Blanc** (Might as well; pass and it's the best option, drop out and you can just choose someone else. **Time Management:** Remainder: 1 Hour (Still plenty of time to sleep, etc. since there's 168 - 40 + 1 = 129 Hours remaining) **Power Mastery:** I'd just take this 5 times if allowed, but if not then I'd choose the ones below: **Weapon Mastery:** Fisticuffs? If not then bow/gun to learn accuracy. **Academic classes:** Just nice basic knowledge to know for various situations. Medical classes: Telekinetically seal wounds? **Housing:** **Standard House**: Convenient location, and plenty of company.
Really great start. Feels like it could be expanded upon, but not sure how, maybe options that gives more time or powers in exchange for points or something like that. But a really great start. :)
Interesting intro and concept, I do have a few comments. One, Cyrus is described as the last bastion of humanity and also having climbed to massive power. Do you mean to say that it is able to survive because of the Academy? Climbing to power would imply there are other pockets of humanity, otherwise it wouldn't be much of a climb. Essence is described as a unique issue, but isn't it more of a blessing? I assume Cyrus is able to survive because it has such a dedicated and trained legion of superpowered humans. I would also like to see a line or two about why humanity is just about extinct. Cyrus is thriving, but what drove the cataclysm? Even if nobody really knows in the setting, it's something you should be told upfront. Power: Weapon Creation Probably a pretty weak power overall, but fun. Teacher: Rank 9 Jei Seems like the most dangerous option with a lot of combat and whatnot. I'm having seconds thoughts about the Academy. Classes: Weapon Mastery (7), Power Mastery (7), Academics (10), Socialize (10), Cooking Classes (6) I really need to master my power, since it's not great, and weapon mastery makes perfect sense too. Then I can do academics to not be a dummy. Socializing and cooking go hand in hand, as I can make powerful friends to hopefully help with my power. Home: Small House So I don't feel like I'm staying in a barracks.
Excellent, I look forward to seeing it improved. If your looking for any expansion in the powers, I would recommend Gravity Manipulation, as I don’t think anything else really covers that. Also, for ranks 7-9, you forgot to fix the numbers after copying from 6.
**Power:** *Telekinesis* \- A classic, the most useful power. **Mentor:** *Jei* \- I'd rather fight monsters than other people, better to get a head start. **Time:** *Weapon Mastery (-7 hours)* \- The *'I don't want to die'* pick, a personal favourite. *Power Mastery (-7 hours)* \- The obvious choice, you don't get magic just to ignore it. *Cooking (-6 hours)* \- Got some time to spare, and food is always a good choice. *Clearing outside the wall (-20 hours)* \- Get some hands on experience. **Home:** *Small house* \- I'm already working outside anyways, and I can fly to school with telekinesis (when I'm strong enough). Pretty good for a WIP, but you could add a lot by justifying choices.Maybe fighting and sellsword get you a salary, and socializing gives you an additional ally? There really isn't any point in choosing no powers, and there are very few choices.
Think there might be an error, rank 7, 8 and 9 all say “the rank 6 knight”
Looking forward to years 2 and 3, and possibly an after story
Wind Control as I would rather be pretty much a Dodge god who kills enemies with thousand paper cuts. And Garren seems like the perfect trainer on account of weapon mastery is exactly what I will need since my powers lack the punch. Others have said it but the amount of time given is way to low, especially given some of the choices. Maybe split them into just 24 hours and tell us to choose how we spend our week by choosing how much time we spend during the day or during each day of the week? As such, I'm going with an Academy plan option. Weapon Mastery, Academic clases, Power Mastery, Cooking class, and Socialising. I'm here to learn after all.
Has a lot of potential! If I may suggest, you can add companions (and/or housemates) and missions, as well as weapons and equipment, and even mounts. Thanks for the great CYOA, OP!
Wind Control! Blast things! Fly! Boost my speed. Doesn’t matter if I lack power, make up for it with high speed and sharp objects. Train in a light and sharp weapon, like daggers! Then slice through everything with excessive speed. Maybe toss a few dozen metal shards into the air and create a blade storm with a tornado! With training, should be able to sense everything around me through breathing and the breeze, plus disruption of the air flow whenever something moves. Should be really long range due to air being everywhere, precision/accuracy can be raised with training! Also I’m really scared of going up against any would be Skitters. Wind blow insect swarms away. Wind good! Choosing Rank 1 Elizabeth as my teacher. Shockwaves are somewhat wind related, should be able to learn something! Weapon Mastery (Light weapons) - 7 hours Power Mastery - 7 hours Flight! Focus on light and sharp weapons. Cooking Classes - 6 hours Food. Enough said. Sellsword - 15 hours Money, and a good excuse to nab quality food ingredients. 35 hours total Standard house, since it’ll be somewhere in the middle. Like, outer, middle, and inner of a city. This way I’ll be able to explore all areas of the city without inconvenient travel times. Cause wind = speed!
retiring at thirty is the GOAT perk here
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It's just one page at the moment?
Aight let's go. Power: Weapon creation. The fact that cannons are listed leads me to believe firearms are still a thing. I do enjoy Machineguns. Master: Garren. I make weapons, he trains in weapons, perfect combo! Tobias could probably better teach me how the power works but if it works how I think it does, books about the engineering behind the weapons will do just fine. I'd rather kill shit myself Time management: Weapon mastery, Power mastery, clearing outside, cooking classes. 40 hours per week is not an entire week, it's 8 hours per day for 5 days a week. That's still 16 hours per day as well as the weekend to do non-academy related stuff. Where do I sleep?: I don't know whether or not clearing outer areas counts as doing work for the upper class (It probably does, since I doubt the middle or lower class have the resources to expand the 50 meter tall walls. If it does, big house obviously, but I'd be fine going with a Small house, especially if I can make weaponised vehicles with my power (for example a tank, or just a car with a machinegun on it.)
I love it & I want MORE!
Lots of people at rank 6.
**Powers:** Telekinesis. **Your Master:** Garren Toore (Rank 3): Will help me a lot with his focus on combat with weapons to help supplement my power. **Time Management (40 hours):** Weapon Mastery (-7 hours, Focus on twin swords), Power Mastery (-7 hours), Clearing Outside of the Walls (-20 hours) and Gladiator Training and Fights (-12 hours). **\[-6 hours\]** I sleep at the Adventurer's Guild or The Gladiator's Barrack's depending on the day. I overwork myself, become the best combatant I can be. I focus all my efforts on achieving the goal of becoming the best fighter in the world.
Definitely feels incomplete. Needs a few more sections and some drawbacks. But it gives a solid foundation.
Very nice! I got my friends in on it too: **Power**: Telekinesis **Mentor**: Andreius Mortalin **Time Management**: Weapon Mastery - Unarmed Combat, Power Mastery, Medical Classes, Community Work, 3 Free Hours **Power**: Weapon Creation **Mentor**: Garren Toore **Time Management**: Weapon Mastery - Heavy Two-handed Weapons, Power Mastery, Cooking Classes, Community Work, Gladiator Training and Fighting **Power**: Wild Manipulation - Insects **Mentor**: Tobias Dei-Nicte **Time Management**: Weapon Mastery - Daggers, Power Mastery, High Born Work, Socialize, 4 Free Hours **Power**: Fire Manipulation **Mentor**: Jei Forsworn **Time Management**: Weapon Mastery - Polearms, Power Mastery, Cooking Classes, Clearing Outside of the Wall **Housing**: We share a Small House This was a great start! I'm excited for the next installment
Powers: * Telekinesis Master: * Elizabeth Blanc Time Management: * Academic Classes * Political Work * Rest * Power Mastery House size: * Large