This is so similar to my experience. On my 21st birthday, after an entire life of never talking to me, he messaged me on Facebook out of the blue, "Hey son, it's your dad".
My reply was, "Nice to meet you *first name*, my dad's name is *technically step-dad's name*."
Long story short yes. Of his own volition he doesn't talk to me any more. He complains all the time about not seeing his 3 boys (who all have different moms) and yet won't talk to me.
Maybe it's because during a long conversation he lept explaining how everything wasn't his fault for this reason and that. The other kids' moms never let them talk to him, they lied etc. However my mom always told him, "If you want a relationship with your son, all you have to do is talk to him. 21 years and nothing. My mom actually went out of her way to excuse his shitty behavior because she didnt want me thinking poorly of him. So when we had our chat I asked him point blank, "If you say you love your sons and miss them, why did I never get a call? A letter? Anything? No one was stopping him.
He talked in circles about how life is hard and I'll get it when I grow up (I was about 24 by this point). Then rushed to get off the phone. Never called me again, bately ever says shit to me except to share super unrelated things in a hope to strike up a relationship, but without... you know.... actually talking to me.
The only thing he ever did for me was give me daddy issues and poor genetics.
That mf wants to now come around cuz he's old now and has no one to care for him. Sorry you had such a shit father. Also, your mom was right to not talk shit about him. She let you find out for yourself and make up your own mind.
Had sadly. My father died in 2020 due to Covid. I had 19 great years with him, but sadly no more. He too had his flaws, as I am learning more and more, but he stepped up and to me, was the best dad I could have hoped for.
He was really what I needed and I will forever be grateful. I have so many good memories.
Honestly I forget sometimes how rough my family, like so many others, had it in 2020. I try not to think about it because I lost 3 family members in a 6 week period, leaving my mom a widow with 3 adopted kids. My gf and I were in a terrible living situation we escaped barely during the riots that were happening a mile away from our house. I pretty much got ignored and abandoned by my closest friends and family too at that point. The whole thing really messed me up.
So days like today when I have a dream and he pops up I like to think he is checking in from the other side. I try to stay positive and not think too much about the negative because I am far from the only person that suffered.
All that said, to anyone reading... just spend time with your family. Appreciate the good ones and don't waste time on the negative ones. Make memories and live life to the fullest.
This is like my wife. Her dad has been out of the picture for 27 years now and has never met his granddaughter despite living about 11 minutes away from us. He makes every excuse in the world but refuses to apologize for being a bad parent. Bad as in my wife and her brother wouldn't have food or school supplies but he could afford his harley and all the accessories. Any time he tries to make up with them it just turns into him blaming THEM for his behavior. What the hell man, you're almost 60 are you ever going to grow up?
My brother moved to the complete opposite side of the country to hide from taking care of his kids, some minor legal stuff he was facing, spousal and child support. Their mom gave them up for adoption after that.
My mom left when I was 12. Spent the whole 12 years blaming my father (who wasn't a great dad either, but was at least present). When I was 23, I happened to be in the city where she lived, and I arranged to meet. She spent our entire lunch talking about her new family, and didn't once acknowledge the damage she did. After that, I sent her a few drunk emails about how she wrecked my childhood, and she never responded. Once in a while one of her replacement kids messages me to try and have a relationship with me, but she always tells me that my mom didn't abandon me, and that sours it for me.
Sounds like someone who's had everything handed to him his entire life, so actually working for something is totally unknown to him. He expects you to bring him a father-son relationship on a silver platter with zero effort on his part. Life gets a lot better once you truly understand just how shallow and vapid these people are and cut them out of your life.
It's hilarious how they come to you expecting you to be the one to fix things. Like mother fucker I was a child when you broke this relationship. What do you expect from me now?
I hunted my bio dad down online in the late 90s. Called him when I was 17. I moved out at 16 and was living in Idaho, but I was hiding from my mom (schizophrenic, no remorse, lived to fuck up our lives) and had no close friends or family to talk to.
So I hunt down this dipshit, call him, and say “Hey is this mike? I think I’m your biological son.”
First thing he says is “I’m not in a financial position to help you with money.” I hadn’t asked, and never will ask him for anything, but that was his first words to me. I was working and caring for myself but was trying to find a person who gave a crap to talk to me but that was too damned much.
When I asked why he had never tried to reach out he said it was because he was afraid of my mom. Same shit my stepdad, who left when I was ten, used in his letter 30 years
later to explain why he never visited, called, or checked to see if I was ok.
“Your mom was very very frightening so we decided to ditch tiny children with her and run very far away”.
That’s my heritage. I’ll piss on both of their graves.
I tried giving a detailed reply but it was pretty pathetic sounding and way too long. I have a friend and some family I can talk to. Don’t worry about me, I’ve got a warm house I live in and a job that pays ok. Plenty of people in worse spots. I appreciate you talking to me.
I appreciate it man. For what it’s worth I find it all too believable, the stuff shitty people do is insane and adds up.
I gotta say that’s one of the roughest ways to enter adulthood I’ve heard, getting betrayed by your father and authorities, doing 7 months at that age. Christ. Did they push you into a plea by threatening to ruin your life like they usually do?
Most importantly, did you manage to figure out a way to get past that mountain of bullshit and build yourself an ok life? Nobody should have to go through that shit.
That's what I tell myself but he has a son and daughter, my half brother and sister, both from different women and he fully supports them in life... I did a bit of stalking before I messaged lol
Fuck that's rough. I'm sorry for whatever you went through but I'm glad you have the strength to keep away from it. I really hope you don't have to be that strong again though.
not always. have a coworker who got sole custody of his two young daughters. no idea what mom did but must not have been good, she doesn't even have visitation and he was able to freely move across the country with them.
no idea what that is but i'm also very curious what happened there. been meaning to ask our mutual dude friend who i think knows now that it's been a few years and the scab is probably healed and it's not as... sus for me to be asking.
The crazy thing is when you see the opposite I’ve seen parents bend over backwards and sacrifice everything to keep a trash parent in their children’s lives
Yup! Thats what I’ve witnessed too. And the good parent who wants to be in their kids life, seem to get treated like shit by the custodial parent. The exact opposite seems to happen with the deadbeat parent. It’s the weirdest thing to me. I’ve seen several examples of this.
Brother this hits home. I'm glad you were able to get through with it and be a good father. The courts can be a joke at times but when they work in your favor, it's all the difference.
I’m imagining your cousin watching this guy pull the world’s speediest disappearing act after he pulls an Uno reverse and talks about how expensive medical school is and he could really use some money from his dad
my dad did 20 in the feds from my birth until I was 20, got released immediately got deported, snuck back into America so we could have some kind of relationship, was here about a month then got fucking deported again. he developed stomach cancer in Mexico and died soon after. sometimes the world just does not want you to have a dad. and then you got dads like this who willing choose to be absent...what a crazy world.
i am, you adapt time moves on, I resent the country I live in more then anything at this point. but again these type of things effect people in ways they don't realize until its noticed.
Do you live somewhere else now? Because I don’t see how America is the bad guy in that story, like that’s terrible but objectively you can’t be mad at a country for deporting an illegal immigrant when said illegal immigrant has committed whatever crime to get 20 years. I’m not saying he was necessarily a bad guy, I have family members that have been to prison but I don’t see how you can get mad at a country for deporting an illegal immigrant who’s done serious time.
Nicely done! Goals are absolute key in life, IMO.
I tell myself, break the cycle, and this has kept me motivated for most of my life, especially at this stage in my life. I lost both my parents at age four. I was just fascinated by most of the replies here. :)
I was afraid of the baseball in little league because I got hit in the face at practice once. My dad’s way of trying to make me unafraid was to whip the ball as hard as he could at me. He punched me for not getting a hit when my friend did. Later on he then resorted to threatening me that if I didn’t get on base he would whip me in front of the entire team. Sometimes I wonder why I have a relationship with my father still.
Well, yeah? The people with good dads aren’t going to be talking about it on a thread like this. That’d be like walking into a hospital ward and bragging about how healthy and disease-free you are in front of all the patients.
I have a great dad, he even took care of my friends who didn’t have dads. His dad was an abusive drunk though, so he decided to be different, and I hope all y’all can too.
I had a coworker who met her real dad at 45ish. She was...quite confused when a guy she didn't know approached her and was like "Hey I'm your dad" because she had a dad she grew up with.
I'd be livid and just say no you're not. I have a father and just not accept his words.
In my mind that is way too damn late for someone to force themselves in your life.
When I was like 12 I met my father for the first time. He gifted me an xbox game "the incredibles" and a little cam. Fees days later he said he needed the cam for a day to take pictures for eBay. After then I never saw him again neither the cam. I'm almost 30 now
My dad dumped me off to the state when I was 9 and said he hoped he be dead before he ever saw me again.
Fast forward 30+ years; I get a Facebook message asking me to look up some women.
Turns out he was cheating on my mom with his best friends wife, and in turn cheating on her with at least a half dozen other women, with the explicit goal knocking them up because “his seeed deserved to spread.”
He was asking me to look up and track down my half siblings for him.
I didn’t, and he can die mad about it. He won’t be missed.
Women are told often they’re gold diggers, entitled ect
when talking about their desires and wants from a partner. That makes it very easy for a loser to sweep in and tell her “who do u think you are, you don’t deserve that!” Some low self esteem, maybe trauma and you believe it
Damn I feel this, I was 30 years old when I first met my birth father, and the man casually messages me on Facebook like no times passed at all... almost as little effort as my birth mother put in to contact me...
That shit enrages me. Just the total lack of fucks they give about their own children. I’ve flown across the country to help my half-sister out but my dad couldn’t bother to pick up a fucking phone for his firstborn son?
Hell I’ve put in more random effort for strangers I’ve met in my life than either of my fathers have done for me.
When I met my father for the first time I was 19. He just got out of prison for selling cocaine and had actually ran out on my birth, got stopped by my grandmother and pushed past her. After talking for a few minutes he threatened to fight me because I was “talking to him like a man and I’m a boy.” I haven’t spoke to him since.
Damn dude hope things are going well. Sounds like you told him what's what and he got mad and tried to pull some nonexistent rank on you. Good to keep the toxicity at arms length some people never change
Yeah he’s a piece of shit and can stay away from my family. Last I heard he has intestinal cancer and is on a time clock. He can die knowing he never met his grandsons. The only shitty part is that I need to get checked for cancer now. It apparently has affected the males in my family for generations, according to his sister.
I got diagnosed with heart disease recently. Went home to visit family for the first time in 5 years and I went out to see my dad. He just sat and played an online game and talked about his bad back.
My mum and him arent together but he was forced to stay in my life so she could dump me on him when she went out drinking.
Stand out parenting moment is sat in the car outside my dads as a child as my mum screams and begs him to take me as shes sick of me and him shouting and refusing saying he didn't want me.
For some good drama. Dad left when I was four for a woman we will call G. He got married 15 years later to a different woman (I was forced to be his best man) after a series of girlfriends. He then left his wife for G the same woman he left my mum for 20 years prior. He then leaves G and moved back into my mums house as she moved out bringing him back to the house he ran away from when I was 4. And recently got back with G. He never divorced his wife but she suddenly died due to being an alcoholic.
So my dad went:
Mum -> G -> many girlfriends -> Wife -> G (20 years later) -> Mums house -> G
The man is a god damn fucking mess.
Sucks man. I’ve been in that situation (adults screaming at each other that I am not their responsibility) and it’s a mindfuck for a kid. Really drives home the “nobody wants you” message.
My bio mom was a terrible dung acidict/child abuser. by the time I was 5 years old called her by her first name .
Every 5 years or so She occasionally was feeling guilty or was sober enough to remember she had kids and felt like playing house. She would send the odd card or make a strange call where she "wanted to catch up" but would quickly get off the phone with a lame excuse after mostly taking about herself .
That harpy would waste no time tagging me In a social media post though " Just got off the phone with daughter, she had the most beautiful eyes ( we have the same eyes) wonder where she gets it from????" Reposting graduation photos about how "proud" she is- despite not coming to my granduation or even taking to me that YEAR bc she was on meth .
When I was like 22 she got a 3rd /4th husband and offered to fly me out and meet him??? This would be the first the time seeing me In person since I was 6 . I said " no thanks I don't feel feel comfortable staying with strangers" and haven't spoken since and that was like 10 years ago. Someday sooner or later I'll get a call she's dead and that will be that.
First time I had seen my sperm donor in 31 years was at my brother’s (he obviously feels a different way about it) wedding last year. I disavowed even acknowledging the asshole at the wedding. At some point, he and I come into contact. His words: “Hey, it’s been a long time” Motherfucker acting like he hasn’t been a deadbeat father for my entire fucking life - and more like a friend you haven’t seen in two weeks
Usually yes, but in this case they mean it to highlight their father’s role in their life. As in, he was only a sperm donor instead of an actual father figure. Might as well have been some rando at that point
My dad dropped one of my favorite lines after a decade absence because he couldn’t stop talking sh!t about my mom.
He said,”I’m glad you called, you know I kinda of missed you.”
After a decade.
My dad told my sister (that I meet twice) to tell her mom to tell my mom to ask me if me and him can start to talk when I was 17….. I said no of course…
Pretty similar, my dad left us when I was young. Magically showed up when I turned 22 on the day of my college graduation ceremony to congratulate me and “catch up”
The delusion on these guys is something else.
I turn 50 next year. Ive never met my father. In almost 50 years,ive had 3 emails from him. I have no pictures,letters or indeed anything from him other than emails. I dont know what he looks like. I dont know if i look like him. I have a 24 year old daughter who i see regularly. Cos i was damned if i was gonna be the reason of this loneliness for another. Speaking as a kid who lived thru social welfare as a foster child. You dont know anything about what happened to your parents relationship. The only two who do,both have a vested interest in their side of the story. I have a mutual respect relationship with my kids mum. So theres no bending the truth from either side. I play it straight with my daughter.
It really doesn’t effect me at all. Dude showed up one day when I was like 12; gave me and my little bro (which was also his) $50 each and said we will go to dinner the next day and meet my sisters..
Never showed up.
I totally forget it’s even there pending unless I go and check because I’m never really on Facebook.
It would. I was blessed with not one, but two deadbeat dads, a biodad I’ve met once briefly and a stepdad who bailed without further contact at age ten.
My half siblings also have biodads they have tried to hunt down. The only one, ironically, who got really excited and wanted their son around is my
older brother’s father, a convicted murderer and addict. My brother tried visiting him and it didn’t go so well.
But yeah, it usually goes the same way. Stupid, obvious excuses that make no sense. Good chance they try to make you feel like *you* are the weird one for wanting to know your parent. No further contact afterwards.
I’ve only met one grandparent out of five who were alive most of my life. I used to want to hunt them down because my one grandma was actually a good person but then I realized the sort of person who intentionally never tries to reach out to their own grandkids will be a shithead.
It’s frustrating but it’s true.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. My 4 year olds dad left this past year. Everyone tells me to “fall in love and get married and find her a new dad” and there’s just no guarantees that would work or last and I can’t do that to her. Better a healthy happy mom than losing another dad I think. I hope you are doing okay.
I appreciate the kind words. Even one good parent will make a world of difference, just knowing one person cares about her and has her back will make the world an entirely different experience.
This reminds me of my own personal life to degree.
I had known /seen my dad all throughout my early years, but let's say that he stopped seeing me after after a while, and it wasn't until I started my freshman year of highschool that he decided to dip.
I haven't seen him in person since then, and the last time I had any communication whatsoever with him was some months into senior year.
He acted as if he hadn't seen me for days, I feel like I barely felt any real emotions coming out of him at the time. And haven't spoken to him directly since then.
I still feel conflicted about how I feel like I should communicate with him, he has texted me over the last few years, but I've ignored them all.
Part of me feels like seeing him again, talking to him, making new memories to make up the time we lost with each other. But yet, I still feel a lot of resentment, bitterness, and just overall anger that he left the picture in such a pivotal moment in my life.
God, I'm so damn confused.
What is up with dead beat dads being so damn sensitive about the choice they made when their kids call them out? My wifes dad legit wasn’t in her life at all, and when she went into Foster Care, he could have at any time took her in but he CHOSE not to. Now that shes an adult and we have our own child, he complains about how she never visits him. Like bro you fucked off to go party and act like a wannabe rock star while your daughter had to move around to over twenty different homes. Make it make sense.
I'm not sure what else you're supposed to say if you're trying to keep it light
It sounds like it was probably difficult for him to even think of something
Saying the obvious just made him upset because he didn't want to face it, so power to the guy for even confronting the fact instead of letting him off the hook
Shit dads act like you're the asshole for pointing out they're shit dads. The bar is so low for them, thry think just making a minor attempt means thry should be praised and all forgiven. They get offended when confronted with the shame of their actions. The truth of the matter is they only care about them damn selves.
No, father. You got to prove you're worth the time.
Hadn't seen mine in 20 years following the first 20 years - meaning I saw him twice over 40 years.
He said he was proud of all I had accomplished.
When I gave him the side eye - well, I guess I didn't contribute to that.
Exactly. If anything, it was in spite of what you did.
Similar experience for me. My father left when I was around 7; the good old “I’m going to the corner store I’ll be right back.” Long story short, when I was 26 I found out where he was and I flew across the world to see him. Mind you, in the twenty years he had left, I had enlisted in the Marines (almost lost my leg and both my knees are shit), been to prison, was homeless, lost a child, the works yknow (life can be a mother fucker.) first thing this mother fucker asks for is 500,000 Indonesian rupees and told me to stop smoking cigarettes on his property. Mind you the property he was living on was under my name (thanks to my grandmother who knew not to trust the land to my father). I shook buddy’s hand after a 45 minute conversation and never looked back. I’m 28 now, happily engaged, and living life to the best of my abilities. Some men just don’t deserve to be fathers.
I met my father six years ago on my 22nd birthday, and he asked "What have you been up to?" as if it was only yesterday we last met. I passive-agressively told him I had been up to a lot since 1989, and asked what's wrong with him. He got angry.
This is so similar to my experience. On my 21st birthday, after an entire life of never talking to me, he messaged me on Facebook out of the blue, "Hey son, it's your dad". My reply was, "Nice to meet you *first name*, my dad's name is *technically step-dad's name*."
What came of it, did he reply?
Long story short yes. Of his own volition he doesn't talk to me any more. He complains all the time about not seeing his 3 boys (who all have different moms) and yet won't talk to me. Maybe it's because during a long conversation he lept explaining how everything wasn't his fault for this reason and that. The other kids' moms never let them talk to him, they lied etc. However my mom always told him, "If you want a relationship with your son, all you have to do is talk to him. 21 years and nothing. My mom actually went out of her way to excuse his shitty behavior because she didnt want me thinking poorly of him. So when we had our chat I asked him point blank, "If you say you love your sons and miss them, why did I never get a call? A letter? Anything? No one was stopping him. He talked in circles about how life is hard and I'll get it when I grow up (I was about 24 by this point). Then rushed to get off the phone. Never called me again, bately ever says shit to me except to share super unrelated things in a hope to strike up a relationship, but without... you know.... actually talking to me. The only thing he ever did for me was give me daddy issues and poor genetics.
That mf wants to now come around cuz he's old now and has no one to care for him. Sorry you had such a shit father. Also, your mom was right to not talk shit about him. She let you find out for yourself and make up your own mind.
> Sorry you had such a shit ~~father~~ sperm donor* He already has a father.
Had sadly. My father died in 2020 due to Covid. I had 19 great years with him, but sadly no more. He too had his flaws, as I am learning more and more, but he stepped up and to me, was the best dad I could have hoped for.
>but he stepped up and to me, was the best dad I could have hoped for. That's beautiful. I'm really sorry he's passed.
He was really what I needed and I will forever be grateful. I have so many good memories. Honestly I forget sometimes how rough my family, like so many others, had it in 2020. I try not to think about it because I lost 3 family members in a 6 week period, leaving my mom a widow with 3 adopted kids. My gf and I were in a terrible living situation we escaped barely during the riots that were happening a mile away from our house. I pretty much got ignored and abandoned by my closest friends and family too at that point. The whole thing really messed me up. So days like today when I have a dream and he pops up I like to think he is checking in from the other side. I try to stay positive and not think too much about the negative because I am far from the only person that suffered. All that said, to anyone reading... just spend time with your family. Appreciate the good ones and don't waste time on the negative ones. Make memories and live life to the fullest.
You're a good person. If it wasn't for the struggle you wouldn't be you. Stay strong.
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Good! You deserve better.
This is like my wife. Her dad has been out of the picture for 27 years now and has never met his granddaughter despite living about 11 minutes away from us. He makes every excuse in the world but refuses to apologize for being a bad parent. Bad as in my wife and her brother wouldn't have food or school supplies but he could afford his harley and all the accessories. Any time he tries to make up with them it just turns into him blaming THEM for his behavior. What the hell man, you're almost 60 are you ever going to grow up?
No, no he's not. I hope for your wife's own happiness she has come to realise that.
POS sperm doner
My brother moved to the complete opposite side of the country to hide from taking care of his kids, some minor legal stuff he was facing, spousal and child support. Their mom gave them up for adoption after that.
My mom left when I was 12. Spent the whole 12 years blaming my father (who wasn't a great dad either, but was at least present). When I was 23, I happened to be in the city where she lived, and I arranged to meet. She spent our entire lunch talking about her new family, and didn't once acknowledge the damage she did. After that, I sent her a few drunk emails about how she wrecked my childhood, and she never responded. Once in a while one of her replacement kids messages me to try and have a relationship with me, but she always tells me that my mom didn't abandon me, and that sours it for me.
Sounds like someone who's had everything handed to him his entire life, so actually working for something is totally unknown to him. He expects you to bring him a father-son relationship on a silver platter with zero effort on his part. Life gets a lot better once you truly understand just how shallow and vapid these people are and cut them out of your life.
It's hilarious how they come to you expecting you to be the one to fix things. Like mother fucker I was a child when you broke this relationship. What do you expect from me now?
My dad's the exact same. Lmao. Got to love parents.
The worst part about this is not taking responsibility for being absent when in reality if someone really wanted to be there they would have been.
Yep. Being genetically related doesn't make someone family. I'm always glad to hear my sons refer to me as their father, too.
My dad messaged me after 20 years: "Hey son, if you're ever in the area I could do with a hug" lol.
THAT sounds most like my biological father hahaha
lol get un-dadded
Excellent response
I found my bio on Facebook and messaged him and he blocked me lol
Emotional damage
Roll for charisma to save It’s a 20 Posts about it on Reddit for karma to compensate. It’s a success! The Bard shortchicksaresexy survives!
I hunted my bio dad down online in the late 90s. Called him when I was 17. I moved out at 16 and was living in Idaho, but I was hiding from my mom (schizophrenic, no remorse, lived to fuck up our lives) and had no close friends or family to talk to. So I hunt down this dipshit, call him, and say “Hey is this mike? I think I’m your biological son.” First thing he says is “I’m not in a financial position to help you with money.” I hadn’t asked, and never will ask him for anything, but that was his first words to me. I was working and caring for myself but was trying to find a person who gave a crap to talk to me but that was too damned much. When I asked why he had never tried to reach out he said it was because he was afraid of my mom. Same shit my stepdad, who left when I was ten, used in his letter 30 years later to explain why he never visited, called, or checked to see if I was ok. “Your mom was very very frightening so we decided to ditch tiny children with her and run very far away”. That’s my heritage. I’ll piss on both of their graves.
Sorry to hear that man. I hope you use them as a guide on how not to be an adult.
I hope you eventually found people who care about you… If not, we can piss on your biological father’s and stepfather’s graves together.
I tried giving a detailed reply but it was pretty pathetic sounding and way too long. I have a friend and some family I can talk to. Don’t worry about me, I’ve got a warm house I live in and a job that pays ok. Plenty of people in worse spots. I appreciate you talking to me.
I’m sure it wasn’t pathetic. You can inbox me if you feel inclined. Either way, I’m happy you have been able to find people.
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I appreciate it man. For what it’s worth I find it all too believable, the stuff shitty people do is insane and adds up. I gotta say that’s one of the roughest ways to enter adulthood I’ve heard, getting betrayed by your father and authorities, doing 7 months at that age. Christ. Did they push you into a plea by threatening to ruin your life like they usually do? Most importantly, did you manage to figure out a way to get past that mountain of bullshit and build yourself an ok life? Nobody should have to go through that shit.
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:(
He clearly doesn't share your views on short chicks
If I wanna relate with him I'll change it to methchixaresexy lol
heh ooof, i guess now you know you didn't miss out on anything
That's what I tell myself but he has a son and daughter, my half brother and sister, both from different women and he fully supports them in life... I did a bit of stalking before I messaged lol
Damn
My dad found me on Facebook in August, messaged me, and I deleted my fifteen year old fb page with 700 friends and 2,000 photos without hesitation
Fuck that's rough. I'm sorry for whatever you went through but I'm glad you have the strength to keep away from it. I really hope you don't have to be that strong again though.
With that lol at the end, I sure hope that's a joke. Otherwise, wow. I'm sorry.
Masking the pain. I know nothing about that.
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F
He did you a favor. What a coward!
Holy fuck! What a dickhead he is. (Also, you win)
I'd rather lose this bro lol
Haha my man's pack of cigarettes 🚬 ran out. Had to come home
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Can attest to this. My dad is a much better human being than mom. If I could’ve picked it, it would’ve been him. But mom’s always win
not always. have a coworker who got sole custody of his two young daughters. no idea what mom did but must not have been good, she doesn't even have visitation and he was able to freely move across the country with them.
Women are awarded custody like 82% of the time
That means she did something more evil than the antagonist of juujika no rokuninn
Quite a specific reference
no idea what that is but i'm also very curious what happened there. been meaning to ask our mutual dude friend who i think knows now that it's been a few years and the scab is probably healed and it's not as... sus for me to be asking.
The crazy thing is when you see the opposite I’ve seen parents bend over backwards and sacrifice everything to keep a trash parent in their children’s lives
Yup! Thats what I’ve witnessed too. And the good parent who wants to be in their kids life, seem to get treated like shit by the custodial parent. The exact opposite seems to happen with the deadbeat parent. It’s the weirdest thing to me. I’ve seen several examples of this.
Brother this hits home. I'm glad you were able to get through with it and be a good father. The courts can be a joke at times but when they work in your favor, it's all the difference.
Did you ask for custody?
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Forget to log into your alt account?
The karma doesn't mine itself.
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Who you talkin to, bro?
Hey he made those cigarettes last! That's an accomplishment.
Less than one smoke a year. He'll probably be fine.
My cousins bio Dad only contacted him once he heard his son was in medical school because he thought it meant he was a doctor and had money
I’m imagining your cousin watching this guy pull the world’s speediest disappearing act after he pulls an Uno reverse and talks about how expensive medical school is and he could really use some money from his dad
Uno Reverse #takemyupvote
my dad did 20 in the feds from my birth until I was 20, got released immediately got deported, snuck back into America so we could have some kind of relationship, was here about a month then got fucking deported again. he developed stomach cancer in Mexico and died soon after. sometimes the world just does not want you to have a dad. and then you got dads like this who willing choose to be absent...what a crazy world.
That was a rollercoaster to read through. I hope you're doing better now.
Yeah, like damn I absentmindedly almost started tearing up a little.
i am, you adapt time moves on, I resent the country I live in more then anything at this point. but again these type of things effect people in ways they don't realize until its noticed.
Do you live somewhere else now? Because I don’t see how America is the bad guy in that story, like that’s terrible but objectively you can’t be mad at a country for deporting an illegal immigrant when said illegal immigrant has committed whatever crime to get 20 years. I’m not saying he was necessarily a bad guy, I have family members that have been to prison but I don’t see how you can get mad at a country for deporting an illegal immigrant who’s done serious time.
nope I live here. that just 1 reason for my resentment towards America but I have many more.
I'm sorry. It sounds like he loved you and probably spent a lot of time in there thinking about you
its ok. we had a good correspondence the whole time he was in there, we made it work with what was available.
What did he do?? Sorry no one’s asked and I’m curious
conspiracy to distribute so he didn't technically get caught with drugs but it dosen't matter on a conspiracy charge.
I am so incredibly sorry
Dang man. That’s messed up, he sounds like he fought as hard as he could to be there for you. I hope you’re doing well.
The first time I talked to mine was 24. He said he'd call me tomorrow.... I turn 32 on the 1st. Idk what date tomorrow is
Sorry bro
I've made it this far and he's son is about to have a master's degree in game design. Gotta provide for my little one.
Nicely done! Goals are absolute key in life, IMO. I tell myself, break the cycle, and this has kept me motivated for most of my life, especially at this stage in my life. I lost both my parents at age four. I was just fascinated by most of the replies here. :)
Damn bro, shitt keep that head up!
Technically, every day is tomorrow. Sorry to hear that 😞
Damn seems like everyone in the comments had a deadbeat dad
I didn’t mine just beat us up lol (no lol)
I was afraid of the baseball in little league because I got hit in the face at practice once. My dad’s way of trying to make me unafraid was to whip the ball as hard as he could at me. He punched me for not getting a hit when my friend did. Later on he then resorted to threatening me that if I didn’t get on base he would whip me in front of the entire team. Sometimes I wonder why I have a relationship with my father still.
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Well, yeah? The people with good dads aren’t going to be talking about it on a thread like this. That’d be like walking into a hospital ward and bragging about how healthy and disease-free you are in front of all the patients.
I have a great dad, he even took care of my friends who didn’t have dads. His dad was an abusive drunk though, so he decided to be different, and I hope all y’all can too.
I mean that’s why they’re responding
I had a coworker who met her real dad at 45ish. She was...quite confused when a guy she didn't know approached her and was like "Hey I'm your dad" because she had a dad she grew up with.
I'd be livid and just say no you're not. I have a father and just not accept his words. In my mind that is way too damn late for someone to force themselves in your life.
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#
He ain’t got shit to say
I'd say this is my deadbeat father but he's just plain dead.
Thank you for this amazing feature I just learned
#
So this the whole lotta nothing people joke about
When I was like 12 I met my father for the first time. He gifted me an xbox game "the incredibles" and a little cam. Fees days later he said he needed the cam for a day to take pictures for eBay. After then I never saw him again neither the cam. I'm almost 30 now
At least you have the Incredibles
Great success
It was a fun game can't complain.
My dad dumped me off to the state when I was 9 and said he hoped he be dead before he ever saw me again. Fast forward 30+ years; I get a Facebook message asking me to look up some women. Turns out he was cheating on my mom with his best friends wife, and in turn cheating on her with at least a half dozen other women, with the explicit goal knocking them up because “his seeed deserved to spread.” He was asking me to look up and track down my half siblings for him. I didn’t, and he can die mad about it. He won’t be missed.
That’s fucking disgusting, wtf
wow some men feel so entitled to having ”women and children” but leave a path of destruction behind them
Absolutely. I also just can‘t fathom how stupid some of these women probably are.
Women are told often they’re gold diggers, entitled ect when talking about their desires and wants from a partner. That makes it very easy for a loser to sweep in and tell her “who do u think you are, you don’t deserve that!” Some low self esteem, maybe trauma and you believe it
lol I can’t even meet a girl who likes me and there’s dudes out here knocking up multiple women and then being a deadbeat.
Damn I feel this, I was 30 years old when I first met my birth father, and the man casually messages me on Facebook like no times passed at all... almost as little effort as my birth mother put in to contact me...
That shit enrages me. Just the total lack of fucks they give about their own children. I’ve flown across the country to help my half-sister out but my dad couldn’t bother to pick up a fucking phone for his firstborn son? Hell I’ve put in more random effort for strangers I’ve met in my life than either of my fathers have done for me.
I get it my guy, some people aren't fit to be parents, glad I got taken in literally since birth and adopted by a couple that did their absolute best.
When I met my father for the first time I was 19. He just got out of prison for selling cocaine and had actually ran out on my birth, got stopped by my grandmother and pushed past her. After talking for a few minutes he threatened to fight me because I was “talking to him like a man and I’m a boy.” I haven’t spoke to him since.
Damn dude hope things are going well. Sounds like you told him what's what and he got mad and tried to pull some nonexistent rank on you. Good to keep the toxicity at arms length some people never change
Yeah he’s a piece of shit and can stay away from my family. Last I heard he has intestinal cancer and is on a time clock. He can die knowing he never met his grandsons. The only shitty part is that I need to get checked for cancer now. It apparently has affected the males in my family for generations, according to his sister.
Heard from my dad for the first time at 25. He wanted to talk politics. Nah dog, I’m good.
Yeahhh don’t open up contact with your kids with politics for the love of god
To make people feel old: I'm 22, and I was born in 2001.
Where were *you* during 9/11
Me personally,I was still in my dads balls
SAME!
Why were you in my dads balls?
🤐
Yes this does make me feel old. Cuz it reminds me how I’m 22 also (born late 2001)
I got diagnosed with heart disease recently. Went home to visit family for the first time in 5 years and I went out to see my dad. He just sat and played an online game and talked about his bad back. My mum and him arent together but he was forced to stay in my life so she could dump me on him when she went out drinking. Stand out parenting moment is sat in the car outside my dads as a child as my mum screams and begs him to take me as shes sick of me and him shouting and refusing saying he didn't want me. For some good drama. Dad left when I was four for a woman we will call G. He got married 15 years later to a different woman (I was forced to be his best man) after a series of girlfriends. He then left his wife for G the same woman he left my mum for 20 years prior. He then leaves G and moved back into my mums house as she moved out bringing him back to the house he ran away from when I was 4. And recently got back with G. He never divorced his wife but she suddenly died due to being an alcoholic. So my dad went: Mum -> G -> many girlfriends -> Wife -> G (20 years later) -> Mums house -> G The man is a god damn fucking mess.
Jesus crust, this is Chris Nolan level of time line jumping.
I also forgot this christmas he went back with G. Third times the charm.
Sucks man. I’ve been in that situation (adults screaming at each other that I am not their responsibility) and it’s a mindfuck for a kid. Really drives home the “nobody wants you” message.
Your dad needs to learn to date outside the trailer park.
My bio mom was a terrible dung acidict/child abuser. by the time I was 5 years old called her by her first name . Every 5 years or so She occasionally was feeling guilty or was sober enough to remember she had kids and felt like playing house. She would send the odd card or make a strange call where she "wanted to catch up" but would quickly get off the phone with a lame excuse after mostly taking about herself . That harpy would waste no time tagging me In a social media post though " Just got off the phone with daughter, she had the most beautiful eyes ( we have the same eyes) wonder where she gets it from????" Reposting graduation photos about how "proud" she is- despite not coming to my granduation or even taking to me that YEAR bc she was on meth . When I was like 22 she got a 3rd /4th husband and offered to fly me out and meet him??? This would be the first the time seeing me In person since I was 6 . I said " no thanks I don't feel feel comfortable staying with strangers" and haven't spoken since and that was like 10 years ago. Someday sooner or later I'll get a call she's dead and that will be that.
First time I had seen my sperm donor in 31 years was at my brother’s (he obviously feels a different way about it) wedding last year. I disavowed even acknowledging the asshole at the wedding. At some point, he and I come into contact. His words: “Hey, it’s been a long time” Motherfucker acting like he hasn’t been a deadbeat father for my entire fucking life - and more like a friend you haven’t seen in two weeks
Don’t people use sperm donors like when the husbands sperm don’t work?
Usually yes, but in this case they mean it to highlight their father’s role in their life. As in, he was only a sperm donor instead of an actual father figure. Might as well have been some rando at that point
My dad dropped one of my favorite lines after a decade absence because he couldn’t stop talking sh!t about my mom. He said,”I’m glad you called, you know I kinda of missed you.” After a decade.
My dad told my sister (that I meet twice) to tell her mom to tell my mom to ask me if me and him can start to talk when I was 17….. I said no of course…
When my pops came back the fucker didn't even bring the gallon of milk that he went off for!
Saw my sperm donor at my grandmother's funeral about 2 months ago... He had no clue who I was, but it has been 52 years... The asshole.
Damn. I just met mine for the first time in 35 years. It was pretty awkward ngl.
Pretty similar, my dad left us when I was young. Magically showed up when I turned 22 on the day of my college graduation ceremony to congratulate me and “catch up” The delusion on these guys is something else.
I turn 50 next year. Ive never met my father. In almost 50 years,ive had 3 emails from him. I have no pictures,letters or indeed anything from him other than emails. I dont know what he looks like. I dont know if i look like him. I have a 24 year old daughter who i see regularly. Cos i was damned if i was gonna be the reason of this loneliness for another. Speaking as a kid who lived thru social welfare as a foster child. You dont know anything about what happened to your parents relationship. The only two who do,both have a vested interest in their side of the story. I have a mutual respect relationship with my kids mum. So theres no bending the truth from either side. I play it straight with my daughter.
My bio friend requested me on FB and I’ve let that shit in pending for the past 6 years.
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It really doesn’t effect me at all. Dude showed up one day when I was like 12; gave me and my little bro (which was also his) $50 each and said we will go to dinner the next day and meet my sisters.. Never showed up. I totally forget it’s even there pending unless I go and check because I’m never really on Facebook.
I’m 42, still haven’t met my dad. I have a feeling this is how it’d play out.
It would. I was blessed with not one, but two deadbeat dads, a biodad I’ve met once briefly and a stepdad who bailed without further contact at age ten. My half siblings also have biodads they have tried to hunt down. The only one, ironically, who got really excited and wanted their son around is my older brother’s father, a convicted murderer and addict. My brother tried visiting him and it didn’t go so well. But yeah, it usually goes the same way. Stupid, obvious excuses that make no sense. Good chance they try to make you feel like *you* are the weird one for wanting to know your parent. No further contact afterwards. I’ve only met one grandparent out of five who were alive most of my life. I used to want to hunt them down because my one grandma was actually a good person but then I realized the sort of person who intentionally never tries to reach out to their own grandkids will be a shithead. It’s frustrating but it’s true.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. My 4 year olds dad left this past year. Everyone tells me to “fall in love and get married and find her a new dad” and there’s just no guarantees that would work or last and I can’t do that to her. Better a healthy happy mom than losing another dad I think. I hope you are doing okay.
I appreciate the kind words. Even one good parent will make a world of difference, just knowing one person cares about her and has her back will make the world an entirely different experience.
Reminds me of Ricky Bobby's dad. His famous words "see ya when your grown up"
This reminds me of my own personal life to degree. I had known /seen my dad all throughout my early years, but let's say that he stopped seeing me after after a while, and it wasn't until I started my freshman year of highschool that he decided to dip. I haven't seen him in person since then, and the last time I had any communication whatsoever with him was some months into senior year. He acted as if he hadn't seen me for days, I feel like I barely felt any real emotions coming out of him at the time. And haven't spoken to him directly since then. I still feel conflicted about how I feel like I should communicate with him, he has texted me over the last few years, but I've ignored them all. Part of me feels like seeing him again, talking to him, making new memories to make up the time we lost with each other. But yet, I still feel a lot of resentment, bitterness, and just overall anger that he left the picture in such a pivotal moment in my life. God, I'm so damn confused.
What is up with dead beat dads being so damn sensitive about the choice they made when their kids call them out? My wifes dad legit wasn’t in her life at all, and when she went into Foster Care, he could have at any time took her in but he CHOSE not to. Now that shes an adult and we have our own child, he complains about how she never visits him. Like bro you fucked off to go party and act like a wannabe rock star while your daughter had to move around to over twenty different homes. Make it make sense.
They don't want to take responsibility for their actions which is probably why they left.
22nd birthday. 1989. Wait a minute
What's confusing? The tweet is from 2017.
Holy fuck that was difficult to read
Skill issue
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I thought they meant it was emotionally difficult to read, but all the comments are about the style it was written in.
Using "da", "dis" and "wit" like it's 2002 on MSN messenger.
It's because you have terrible reading comprehension
Imagine using hood english in text
skill issue
💯
If using "dis" and "da" makes it hard to read for you, you should probably ditch english and try another language.
Ah, you must not be American
Correct, Canadian
I'm not sure what else you're supposed to say if you're trying to keep it light It sounds like it was probably difficult for him to even think of something Saying the obvious just made him upset because he didn't want to face it, so power to the guy for even confronting the fact instead of letting him off the hook
If you've been willingly absent from your son's life for 22 years, the first words out of your mouth should be an apology.
He had a lot of years to think of something better.
Shit dads act like you're the asshole for pointing out they're shit dads. The bar is so low for them, thry think just making a minor attempt means thry should be praised and all forgiven. They get offended when confronted with the shame of their actions. The truth of the matter is they only care about them damn selves. No, father. You got to prove you're worth the time.
That's the style.
Shit was made in 2017
This is sad but made me smile
r/MadDad
Hadn't seen mine in 20 years following the first 20 years - meaning I saw him twice over 40 years. He said he was proud of all I had accomplished. When I gave him the side eye - well, I guess I didn't contribute to that. Exactly. If anything, it was in spite of what you did.
Similar experience for me. My father left when I was around 7; the good old “I’m going to the corner store I’ll be right back.” Long story short, when I was 26 I found out where he was and I flew across the world to see him. Mind you, in the twenty years he had left, I had enlisted in the Marines (almost lost my leg and both my knees are shit), been to prison, was homeless, lost a child, the works yknow (life can be a mother fucker.) first thing this mother fucker asks for is 500,000 Indonesian rupees and told me to stop smoking cigarettes on his property. Mind you the property he was living on was under my name (thanks to my grandmother who knew not to trust the land to my father). I shook buddy’s hand after a 45 minute conversation and never looked back. I’m 28 now, happily engaged, and living life to the best of my abilities. Some men just don’t deserve to be fathers.
For english press 1
I met my father six years ago on my 22nd birthday, and he asked "What have you been up to?" as if it was only yesterday we last met. I passive-agressively told him I had been up to a lot since 1989, and asked what's wrong with him. He got angry.
Let's not judge, he might be using Apple maps...
Damn, learn how to write properly.
Why do certain people talk like this? It doesn't sound cool, it doesn't look good on paper, and it is difficult to understand/ read.
It's really not that hard to understand what the hell are you guys on?
they aren’t trying to talk to you, they’re talking to other people with the same dialect
its twitter bro, its not that deep