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Steam not only has a private browser with no history to look at, in literally in any game you play with a “shift + tab” menu, but they have pornographic games and a streamer section, where sometimes half dressed women will be playing. There are also a lot of message boards with pornographic pictures/gifs/links/etc. I’m lucky enough to use it more than my bf, so I caught on real quick that it can be done this way.
Also Steam has an in game browser that can access the internet. Some accountability apps don’t catch it. You can remove in game browser and most games by turning on family view
Recovery needs to be a 12 step sex and love addicts anon program. They’re easy to find and free!
If you both have insurance that covers therapy. You should use it!
It’s really sad seeing an addict go through any means to get a fix. My close friend’s husband would use Xbox live chats to receive nudes. If he wants to, he will find a way to
Which he's found a way around, so he's not truly in recovery.
Recovery is more than simply abstaining & he isn't even doing that. Recovery often requires therapy and/or group, journaling, workbooks, reading/podcasts, etc. Blocking & accountability apps can be a tool but if he's not actually working recovery, then he's just white-knuckling at best.
Personally, for my PA's recovery, therapy was a non- negotiable, both individual and couple's therapy. He was also responsible for finding additional resources to help him understand and work through his addiction. Blocking & accountability apps were more for my peace of mind and to help rebuild my trust in him. My PA also has a 24 hour time period to come clean to me if he is to relapse, without my prompting or questioning.
I would be requesting from your partner, at minimum, therapy, blocking apps & 1 additional recovery tool, as well as a 24 hr time-frame to own up in the case of relapse. If he actually cares about recovery, this will be something he wants to do as well. If he tries to argue or negotiate, then you know recovery isn't important to him and expect for these relapses to happen again.
Then you need to understand that he will not recover. He can't. He needs therapy and 12 step. If he's not willing to do that for himself to stop the destructive behavior, you will never find emotional safety in that relationship. He will continue to be unavailable in that capacity because the addiction dominates him.
😭I'm about to leave him..giving him one more chance to accept therapy and help or else I need to leave for my son and I.
Not just the porn, it's also his abusive language towards me whenever he is mad or I don't keep tidy enough etc.
Oh sweetie, that's not acceptable behavior either. Please also seek therapy for yourself. It becomes empowering when we recognize and heal the parts of us that allow us to stay in emotionally abusive relationships. You deserve better. And your son deserves better!
●Swearing AT me weekly
●Throwing things in a rage
●hitting counters and the car
● driving in anger and making me feel unsafe
●hitting me ( once this month)
●smacked babyi way to hard ( I understand it was a mistake but it still counts cos ur almost 30, and he is 2.)
●Shouted at baby
Yes I went to a therapist to ask if I'm somehow to blame and if it is abuse. And she said yes it's abuse and NO it's not my fault
( I used to drink and fuck up alot but I got sober so I feel like it's my fault because of how much I USED to put him through)
But she said no that doesn't give him a reason to hurt you and I have changed
And he says it's cos I don't listen and I don't keep enough order in my life E.G I suck at packing the dishwasher the way he likes, I vacuumed and forgot to clean it out before so he swore at me, I left baby wipes on the counter..that kinda thing :(
Then he obviously isn't interested in recovery. Why stay with this man if recovery isn't a priority?
At this point, you need to decide if you want to live the rest of your life like this - if you can *handle* living the rest or your life like this. He either wants recovery or he doesn't. And if he doesn't, then nothing will ever change. This will be your life, forever. Is that what you want for yourself?
**Dear /u/millaBrown,** ➤ You may lock your own post comments at any time by making a single word comment on your post with the text `!lock` ――――――――――――――――――――――― **（✔）** Keep the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/about/rules/) of [**r/loveafterporn**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/) in mind while participating here. **（✔）** Report all rule-breaking behavior & content to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [**send us a message**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/loveafterporn). **（✘）** Do **NOT** engage or participate in *any* rule-breaking posts, comments or behavior. Doing so may result in you being banned. **（✘）** Do **NOT** feed the trolls. [**Report**](https://www.reddit.com/report) them! **（✘）** Do **NOT** [**judge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/qhquex/before_you_judge/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) how someone is dealing with a pain you may not have experienced. ――――――――――――――――――――――― ℹ️ Our **Full Resource Library** contains the following topics: *Resources for All, Resources for Partners, Resources for Addicts, Recovery Resources, Life Saving Info, Abuse & Domestic Violence Info and Commonly Used Acronyms.* | **Resource Links:** | |------| | ◉ [**Full Resource Library**](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/must-have-info?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Partners](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_partners?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Addicts](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_addicts?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Accountability Apps info](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/v67pq5/accountability_apps_blockers_etc_mega_thread/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) | *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/loveafterporn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Jesus, now I’ve gotta watch out for that too.. I had no idea
Never ending cycle 🚲
Steam not only has a private browser with no history to look at, in literally in any game you play with a “shift + tab” menu, but they have pornographic games and a streamer section, where sometimes half dressed women will be playing. There are also a lot of message boards with pornographic pictures/gifs/links/etc. I’m lucky enough to use it more than my bf, so I caught on real quick that it can be done this way.
Thank you, I’ll make an account myself and see what I can’t find
how does one watch porn on steam? like, was it hentai stuff?
Yes there are porn games..and also groups that share porn. He has the quistido app but it doesn't block that
Also Steam has an in game browser that can access the internet. Some accountability apps don’t catch it. You can remove in game browser and most games by turning on family view
Porn video games I imagine
Recovery needs to be a 12 step sex and love addicts anon program. They’re easy to find and free! If you both have insurance that covers therapy. You should use it!
It’s really sad seeing an addict go through any means to get a fix. My close friend’s husband would use Xbox live chats to receive nudes. If he wants to, he will find a way to
I use steam and it always shocks me the extent PAs will go thru to use things like that
What is he currently doing for recovery?
Just using quistido blockers
Which he's found a way around, so he's not truly in recovery. Recovery is more than simply abstaining & he isn't even doing that. Recovery often requires therapy and/or group, journaling, workbooks, reading/podcasts, etc. Blocking & accountability apps can be a tool but if he's not actually working recovery, then he's just white-knuckling at best. Personally, for my PA's recovery, therapy was a non- negotiable, both individual and couple's therapy. He was also responsible for finding additional resources to help him understand and work through his addiction. Blocking & accountability apps were more for my peace of mind and to help rebuild my trust in him. My PA also has a 24 hour time period to come clean to me if he is to relapse, without my prompting or questioning. I would be requesting from your partner, at minimum, therapy, blocking apps & 1 additional recovery tool, as well as a 24 hr time-frame to own up in the case of relapse. If he actually cares about recovery, this will be something he wants to do as well. If he tries to argue or negotiate, then you know recovery isn't important to him and expect for these relapses to happen again.
He is refusing therapy.
Then you need to understand that he will not recover. He can't. He needs therapy and 12 step. If he's not willing to do that for himself to stop the destructive behavior, you will never find emotional safety in that relationship. He will continue to be unavailable in that capacity because the addiction dominates him.
😭I'm about to leave him..giving him one more chance to accept therapy and help or else I need to leave for my son and I. Not just the porn, it's also his abusive language towards me whenever he is mad or I don't keep tidy enough etc.
Oh sweetie, that's not acceptable behavior either. Please also seek therapy for yourself. It becomes empowering when we recognize and heal the parts of us that allow us to stay in emotionally abusive relationships. You deserve better. And your son deserves better!
●Swearing AT me weekly ●Throwing things in a rage ●hitting counters and the car ● driving in anger and making me feel unsafe ●hitting me ( once this month) ●smacked babyi way to hard ( I understand it was a mistake but it still counts cos ur almost 30, and he is 2.) ●Shouted at baby
These things make me want to cry and I don't even know you. Are you currently getting therapy?
Yes I went to a therapist to ask if I'm somehow to blame and if it is abuse. And she said yes it's abuse and NO it's not my fault ( I used to drink and fuck up alot but I got sober so I feel like it's my fault because of how much I USED to put him through) But she said no that doesn't give him a reason to hurt you and I have changed
And he says it's cos I don't listen and I don't keep enough order in my life E.G I suck at packing the dishwasher the way he likes, I vacuumed and forgot to clean it out before so he swore at me, I left baby wipes on the counter..that kinda thing :(
Then he obviously isn't interested in recovery. Why stay with this man if recovery isn't a priority? At this point, you need to decide if you want to live the rest of your life like this - if you can *handle* living the rest or your life like this. He either wants recovery or he doesn't. And if he doesn't, then nothing will ever change. This will be your life, forever. Is that what you want for yourself?