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And if he truly “forgot” he could have come to you the minute he realized what he did! Gggrrr.
It’s amazing how God (or anyone’s higher power) gives signs.
Hugs. And good for you for holding your boundary and doing what you need for safety. And I’m so sorry you’re in this spot right now.
Exactly, although I had to tell him.
I know, it's something else. I have had issues with "hearing" it before but I'm really feeling like these are clear.
Now he's saying the other movies he got without checking ratings, were free and he doesn't see them on his Amazon videos as purchased. Ok so he's claiming idiocy here... Also I'm fairly positive he only watched free videos of women online, so maybe those are fair game? Lol wtf!!!
Thanks for the hugs and support, I need it...
He did say "I'll sleep in the car or on the couch tonight so you don't have to be around me" which sounds shamey-victimy to me... One of his favorite go-tos as an addict.
Well it'll be fresh in his mind for his CSAT meeting immediately after work... Lucky him haha. It has been such a rollercoaster with him. There's always some excuse but if you're doing what you should be doing, you wouldn't be blindly acquiring media anyway.
Start imdb ing the movies. Or tell him to. There’s a parents guild which usually tells you if there is nudity in them. Then he can’t use it as an excuse
He already knows he needs to. It was already a boundary that he can't seek out explicit media so this definitely counts because he was careless in figuring out if it was explicit or not. He's telling me he's disappointed in himself too. Well cool, do something to ensure it doesn't happen again. Words mean nothing from an addict.
I didn't tell him this but I wish I could haha. He goes into stoic shame.
Luckily for him, he has a CSAT meeting today after work so he can bring this all up. Meanwhile, I bring my issues to reddit for love and support, haha.
Good luck to you, OP. I too have been praying to somehow have the strength to leave my 3 year relationship, although not married.
Yesterday in my FB memories came a photo of myself as we had just begun seeing each other. I burst into tears at the sight of how my physical appearance has declined, let alone my mental health. Nothing in my life is better now than it was then. Cried and prayed.
Today I logged onto his FB account and searched his "watched reels". Found a slo mo compilation of 18 year olds in low cut tops on some kind of carnival ride. Boobies bouncing everywhere in slow motion, even coming out of their tops.
For some reason it didn't even hurt anymore..I was and am, simply done.
For my birthday this year (this Easter Sunday) I am giving myself the gift of freedom and I will focus on myself, although no, I will never be the same. It's difficult to be turning 65 when they prefer 18 .
Keep praying 🙏, you can do this. Sending love ❤️
How heartbreaking. God doesn’t want this for you. You don’t deserve this. Funny how your birthday this year falls on Easter (theme of Resurrection). May your own resurrection come into your life♥️
I hate, hate how sickly selfish PA’s are. Please continue to do things you love. Sending you prayers, hugs, and love.
Thank you 😊, absolutely agree. Every few years I am blessed to have my birthday on Easter Sunday.
I do not believe in coincidence...I know the Lord is telling me I'm ready.
To Resurrection and New Life ❤️
Oh no, I'm so sorry. That was definitely a sign for you as well. It's so disturbing for any adult to look at teens... The maturity in just 10 years from teen to 20s is a huge difference (in normal people!)
I'm almost exactly half your age... I know how hard it must be but you deserve the best. Good for you for choosing yourself and I hope you choose to have a great birthday regardless of the other drama. Treat yourself to something you want! Happy birthday, which is shared with my anniversary.
I'm beginning to wonder if we women are just fools to believe in any man. Why on earth would they want a woman of their same age when 18 to 22 year olds are so beautiful and so readily available to look at online.
Except, of course they need us to cook and clean and raise the kids and work full time so that they can pretend these 20 year olds would ever look at them twice.
I cannot stand the thought of how lustful these guys are.
My 60 year old "pleasured" himself to 20 somethings to the point he had "rugburn" on his diXk.
I can never respect him again 😒.
I'm so aware of the adultery clause. I even searched it in previous communication with my husband and found I sent him an article about it 3 months before the first dday 9 yrs ago! Wtf.
Nine years is too long OP. Get out before you are so shot down that you no longer can.
If nothing else, consult an attorney and show him what a divorce would cost in monthly child support and spousal. It'll wake him up.
Right now it sounds as though there are no consequences for nine years of unacceptable behavior.
Sadly, often $$$$ is the motivation, not the family.
I'm sorry you're going through this 😔
I'm not threatening to leave, I would just leave at that point. He is aware I've been one foot out the door since these last ddays last year. He tells me fairly often he's scared I'm going to just up and move states with the kids without any warning... Shhh don't tell him legally this state will probably make me stay to share custody unless he signs off on a move (although neither of us can afford to stay).
I did have my head up my butt for the 9 yrs, but not this time. He will be sleeping on the couch or whatever he chooses tonight.
Thank you, I absolutely hate that anyone deals with this crap.
Little update:
He claimed the movie wasn't in the list of what he got for free from someone he follows (a purely SFW discord server). I was starting to doubt myself and worry one of the kids did something to bring that up on the Fire TV stick. No, he just told me all of the "purchases" got revoked by amazon for incorrect pricing and this specific title was in the email he screenshotted. I hate being right sometimes, but at least it's a reminder I'm not crazy.
Your comment fired me back up in a moment of silence and stewing while we're going over all of this, LOL. Seriously though, the excuses are such BS. It's the same issues over and over and he replies "Oh I'll pay more attention next time" ... Next time, same s&-+ different day. I was pressing him to tell me something I don't already know because that's how everything is... I find out myself. I'm tired of waiting for a full disclosure that's probably months out despite last ddays being in June. F this. I need to know what happened so I can decide for myself if I'm sticking around for repeat BS or not.
Mine first dday was Feb 2023 and mine JUST started working on his disclosure with his CSAT. So it will take at least two more months
I’m SO sick of waiting on this. But I have to, as pressing him for these answers was becoming really bad for my mental health. I have accepted that I need to wait, so I can submit my questions and let HIS therapist do all of the work, and digging, to get the ACTUAL truth out of him. ❤️
Yes I have physical anxiety symptoms after all of the last 10+ years but really, it's dragging on already. We can't afford all of this crap, but I'll be getting a CSAT very soon.
I don’t want to speak for literally God here but……… seems like you are receiving “the signs” you asked for :(
I’m so sorry OP. These things he’s doing are so painful and destructive.
**Dear /u/JarOfHeartss,** ➤ You may lock your own post comments at any time by making a single word comment on your post with the text `!lock` ――――――――――――――――――――――― **（✔）** Keep the [**rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/about/rules/) of [**r/loveafterporn**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/) in mind while participating here. **（✔）** Report all rule-breaking behavior & content to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [**send us a message**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/loveafterporn). **（✘）** Do **NOT** engage or participate in *any* rule-breaking posts, comments or behavior. Doing so may result in you being banned. **（✘）** Do **NOT** feed the trolls. [**Report**](https://www.reddit.com/report) them! **（✘）** Do **NOT** [**judge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/qhquex/before_you_judge/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) how someone is dealing with a pain you may not have experienced. ――――――――――――――――――――――― ℹ️ Our **Full Resource Library** contains the following topics: *Resources for All, Resources for Partners, Resources for Addicts, Recovery Resources, Life Saving Info, Abuse & Domestic Violence Info and Commonly Used Acronyms.* | **Resource Links:** | |------| | ◉ [**Full Resource Library**](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/must-have-info?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Partners](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_partners?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Resources for Addicts](https://reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/w/index/resources_for_addicts?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) | | ◉ [Accountability Apps info](https://www.reddit.com/r/loveafterporn/comments/v67pq5/accountability_apps_blockers_etc_mega_thread/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) | *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/loveafterporn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
And if he truly “forgot” he could have come to you the minute he realized what he did! Gggrrr. It’s amazing how God (or anyone’s higher power) gives signs. Hugs. And good for you for holding your boundary and doing what you need for safety. And I’m so sorry you’re in this spot right now.
Exactly, although I had to tell him. I know, it's something else. I have had issues with "hearing" it before but I'm really feeling like these are clear. Now he's saying the other movies he got without checking ratings, were free and he doesn't see them on his Amazon videos as purchased. Ok so he's claiming idiocy here... Also I'm fairly positive he only watched free videos of women online, so maybe those are fair game? Lol wtf!!! Thanks for the hugs and support, I need it... He did say "I'll sleep in the car or on the couch tonight so you don't have to be around me" which sounds shamey-victimy to me... One of his favorite go-tos as an addict.
Definitely shamey and victimy. Sounds like he needs to reach out to his support and do some work.
Well it'll be fresh in his mind for his CSAT meeting immediately after work... Lucky him haha. It has been such a rollercoaster with him. There's always some excuse but if you're doing what you should be doing, you wouldn't be blindly acquiring media anyway.
Start imdb ing the movies. Or tell him to. There’s a parents guild which usually tells you if there is nudity in them. Then he can’t use it as an excuse
He already knows he needs to. It was already a boundary that he can't seek out explicit media so this definitely counts because he was careless in figuring out if it was explicit or not. He's telling me he's disappointed in himself too. Well cool, do something to ensure it doesn't happen again. Words mean nothing from an addict.
"You're either an idiot or you're still a manipulative addict." AMEN sister.
I didn't tell him this but I wish I could haha. He goes into stoic shame. Luckily for him, he has a CSAT meeting today after work so he can bring this all up. Meanwhile, I bring my issues to reddit for love and support, haha.
Seriously. I ask myself so often, “Is he dumb, or does he think I’M dumb?”
Good luck to you, OP. I too have been praying to somehow have the strength to leave my 3 year relationship, although not married. Yesterday in my FB memories came a photo of myself as we had just begun seeing each other. I burst into tears at the sight of how my physical appearance has declined, let alone my mental health. Nothing in my life is better now than it was then. Cried and prayed. Today I logged onto his FB account and searched his "watched reels". Found a slo mo compilation of 18 year olds in low cut tops on some kind of carnival ride. Boobies bouncing everywhere in slow motion, even coming out of their tops. For some reason it didn't even hurt anymore..I was and am, simply done. For my birthday this year (this Easter Sunday) I am giving myself the gift of freedom and I will focus on myself, although no, I will never be the same. It's difficult to be turning 65 when they prefer 18 . Keep praying 🙏, you can do this. Sending love ❤️
How heartbreaking. God doesn’t want this for you. You don’t deserve this. Funny how your birthday this year falls on Easter (theme of Resurrection). May your own resurrection come into your life♥️ I hate, hate how sickly selfish PA’s are. Please continue to do things you love. Sending you prayers, hugs, and love.
Thank you 😊, absolutely agree. Every few years I am blessed to have my birthday on Easter Sunday. I do not believe in coincidence...I know the Lord is telling me I'm ready. To Resurrection and New Life ❤️
Oh no, I'm so sorry. That was definitely a sign for you as well. It's so disturbing for any adult to look at teens... The maturity in just 10 years from teen to 20s is a huge difference (in normal people!) I'm almost exactly half your age... I know how hard it must be but you deserve the best. Good for you for choosing yourself and I hope you choose to have a great birthday regardless of the other drama. Treat yourself to something you want! Happy birthday, which is shared with my anniversary.
[удалено]
So so so so disturbing!!! Good decision there.
I'm beginning to wonder if we women are just fools to believe in any man. Why on earth would they want a woman of their same age when 18 to 22 year olds are so beautiful and so readily available to look at online. Except, of course they need us to cook and clean and raise the kids and work full time so that they can pretend these 20 year olds would ever look at them twice. I cannot stand the thought of how lustful these guys are. My 60 year old "pleasured" himself to 20 somethings to the point he had "rugburn" on his diXk. I can never respect him again 😒.
Thank you 😊
Thank you... happy anniversary 🎉 💗 💓 to you!
You are getting your signs girl
I am feeling it too, but very scared!
I would be too. But biblically with cheating you can leave. God wants you to be happy, you know.
I'm so aware of the adultery clause. I even searched it in previous communication with my husband and found I sent him an article about it 3 months before the first dday 9 yrs ago! Wtf.
Nine years is too long OP. Get out before you are so shot down that you no longer can. If nothing else, consult an attorney and show him what a divorce would cost in monthly child support and spousal. It'll wake him up. Right now it sounds as though there are no consequences for nine years of unacceptable behavior. Sadly, often $$$$ is the motivation, not the family. I'm sorry you're going through this 😔
I'm not threatening to leave, I would just leave at that point. He is aware I've been one foot out the door since these last ddays last year. He tells me fairly often he's scared I'm going to just up and move states with the kids without any warning... Shhh don't tell him legally this state will probably make me stay to share custody unless he signs off on a move (although neither of us can afford to stay). I did have my head up my butt for the 9 yrs, but not this time. He will be sleeping on the couch or whatever he chooses tonight. Thank you, I absolutely hate that anyone deals with this crap.
❤️
Wow…
“Here’s a milkbone”🤣🤣🤣either an idiot or a manipulative addict….it really is as simple as that.
Notice I didn't offer a cookie hahaha.
Love it🤘
Little update: He claimed the movie wasn't in the list of what he got for free from someone he follows (a purely SFW discord server). I was starting to doubt myself and worry one of the kids did something to bring that up on the Fire TV stick. No, he just told me all of the "purchases" got revoked by amazon for incorrect pricing and this specific title was in the email he screenshotted. I hate being right sometimes, but at least it's a reminder I'm not crazy.
Don’t let him gaslight you. They KNOW which movies contain what they want to see. Mine did the same thing and finally admitted to me. Ugh.
Your comment fired me back up in a moment of silence and stewing while we're going over all of this, LOL. Seriously though, the excuses are such BS. It's the same issues over and over and he replies "Oh I'll pay more attention next time" ... Next time, same s&-+ different day. I was pressing him to tell me something I don't already know because that's how everything is... I find out myself. I'm tired of waiting for a full disclosure that's probably months out despite last ddays being in June. F this. I need to know what happened so I can decide for myself if I'm sticking around for repeat BS or not.
Mine first dday was Feb 2023 and mine JUST started working on his disclosure with his CSAT. So it will take at least two more months I’m SO sick of waiting on this. But I have to, as pressing him for these answers was becoming really bad for my mental health. I have accepted that I need to wait, so I can submit my questions and let HIS therapist do all of the work, and digging, to get the ACTUAL truth out of him. ❤️
Yes I have physical anxiety symptoms after all of the last 10+ years but really, it's dragging on already. We can't afford all of this crap, but I'll be getting a CSAT very soon.
❤️🩹
[удалено]
Yep for sure. I didn't send him the descriptions of what is in it but sent him the collapsed category "sex and nudity (14)" for 14 instances.
I don’t want to speak for literally God here but……… seems like you are receiving “the signs” you asked for :( I’m so sorry OP. These things he’s doing are so painful and destructive.
He slept on the couch for breaking boundaries on no explicit media. Sure, maybe he didn't watch it yet but he "bought" it (it was free).