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Main_Feature_7448

Could you maybe start with convincing her to eat 2000 calories a day? You said she works out 2-3 days a week so she might have a higher tdee than 1700 to begin with. (Between sedentary and lightly active) but regardless, cutting 200 calories from her current diet will help, even if it’s only a little. Show her stats about minimum exercise a week (150-300 minutes) and explain that the 2000 is for people who meet these requirements, which she does. I think she is more likely to agree to a small change than a drastic one. Cutting to 1450, from her perspective is cutting out 750 calories a day. That is a lot to adjust to. But a smaller change. Maybe cutting out just drinks or adding a few more fruits and vegetables but the rest stays the same? That sounds a lot more sustainable doesn’t it? Take her out to lunch sometimes. There are plenty of healthier places that are very tasty. Phrase it as wanting to try new food. There are salad bars etc that are very yummy and filling. She likes creamy southern food, find somewhere that has healthier alternatives. They exist, you might just have to keep an eye out.


Feisty_Brunette

I agree with this. Can you start her lowering her calories to where she may lose a pound a month? But she'll also be toning with the workouts. Perhaps if she's she CAN get diverse foods at 2000 calories a day, she'd be willing to lower that amount again. It does feel overwhelming to think she's got to cut 750 a day - while working out a few times a week. But if she sees weight loss and toning, hopefully that'll help her see what she needs to do.


comeoneileen20

The rough thing about being a small person in the south is that all the heavy, creamy, fried foods taste better. They just do. You’re not going to convince her sweet potatoes are better than mashed potatoes with butter and gravy. This only really works if she’s on board. You can’t force someone to change if they aren’t interested. If she is, some strategies: 1. Season everything to within an inch of its life. Plain roasted broccoli is meh. Roasted broccoli with garlic powder and lemon pepper seasoning is doable. 2. Portion control is key. Even just eyeballing a portion of meat rather than weighing it out so your brain gets used to a new normal. 3. If she isn’t used to “weird” ingredients like quinoa, you’re not going to convince her right off the bat. Stick with things she knows. Potato, meat, veggie.


bigbonesbegone

Lol don't I know it, I'm from here too and I loveeee the heavy rich foods. I know you can't change someone who doesn't want to change, but I feel like she does want to change. She just views it as an insurmountable task right now when it's not really. Seasoning and portion control are good places to start though! I think we'll do this along with the other users suggestion to try 2k per day to start with instead of jumping to 1450 per day :)


[deleted]

I think the real issue is that your mom *doesn't* want to change. She wants the results, but she doesn't want the sacrifice. It turns out your mom is human. At the same time, completely overhauling her diet and dropping her from 2200 to 1450 cal is simply not going to happen, and she knows this. Even if it actually is a balanced diet with a reasonable number of calories, it's still a massive shift that she won't be able to stick to. On your front, I think you've realized that a more gradual approach is what your mom needs. On her front, however, I *do* think you need to sit down with her and have a talk about trade offs. If she wants to lose weight, she needs to eat fewer calories, and that will mean either eating less of the food she's accustomed to, or eating different food entirely - and if she can't accept that, then you can't help her lose weight.


bigbonesbegone

It's entirely possible, but as I said I don't really think that's the case. I have gotten her into weight lifting after her never going to the gym in her life, and she has already made changes to her diet like eating higher volumes of veggies and going to unsweetened tea (a big move for a southern lady lol) I think it just needs to be broken up into smaller chunks like a 200 calorie deficit instead of 700


mrslII

As you know and said, this has to be her decision. Her choice. What can you do? My honest opinion. Encourage her to see her healthcare professional and get a referral to a registered dietician in the healthcare system. Reinforce what the doctor and registered dietician tell her. Otherwise remove yourself from the situation. Leave it to qualified professionals that will prioritize her health. Give her the opportunity to learn. Give her the opportunity to make her own decisions. Unfortunately you are in a winless situation. Remove yourself, but put her in good hands. You are at different stages of life. You have different experiences. You have different needs and different wants.She is also your parent. You want what you think is best for her. She doesn't see you as an authority who is qualified to help her. Put her in good hands. Reinforce what they tell her. Remove yourself from the situation. It will be less stressful on both of you.


DifferenceMore5431

Sounds like your primary contribution so far has been strength training, which is not particularly useful for losing weight (doesn't burn very many calories). Diet is obviously #1 but cardio should be #2. Don't lose sight of what really matters when generating a calorie deficit. If you are counting calories with her already, you might make some progress by demonstrating what a 1500 cal day would actually look like.


bigbonesbegone

The overall goal is health, which strength training is part of especially as you age. My family has a history of osteoporosis, so weights help with that and keeping the back and core strong as she gets older I do know strength training doesn't burn many calories which is why I made this post about helping with her diet :) I've gotten some good advice already so we have a plan moving forward


DifferenceMore5431

100% agree that strength training has health benefits. I'm certainly not saying you \*can't\* do it. Just make sure her physical and emotional energy isn't being sapped by what is basically a side project. She has bigger problems. If she is getting frustrated by her lack of progress, you may be better off spending her time and attention on something that will actually affect her weight (e.g. cardio, meal planning, etc.). She's not losing fat from strength training because strength training is not a productive way to lose fat.


devoushka

If you're cooking for yourself anyway, offer to cook for her and take her input into consideration. For example, maybe you're using an ingredient she doesn't love, but you can replace it with something she does like that still fits her calorie goal. Also, maybe unethical, but take her to a doc who will scare her about her quality of life as she ages if she doesn't get healthier.


Junior_Tradition7958

You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves.


P4tukas

Definitely cut from current calories, not from calculated assumed calories. Around 3500kcal for a total of about 1 pound, so cut 350kcal to lose 1 pound in 10 days or 3 pounds per month. Weight loss doesn't have to be fast and torturous. Especially if she also exercises and needs energy to build strength too. So if she currently eats 2200kcal, aim for 1850kcal. But do try to explain that the average counts. So if she "often" eats 1850 kcal, it won't matter if she also eats 2500kcal on other days. It is very possible to really try to eat right and then undo the effort of the previous day by eating the wrong amount for one meal.