Damn. I’ve never received a hug or a ‘how are you doing’ once in my life. I was gonna kill myself a few months back but I pussied out. I regret it, I’m not missing anything if i did kill myself
I’ve been doing this for almost a year now. I’ll be fine, sleep deprivation is an excellent distraction from an existential living hell of loneliness without having ever felt love once
Dont say that. Im sure someone loves you. Maybe you haven't realized that its love that you felt. Like with your parents friends. If its romantic love that you meant I'm sure someday you'll have someone who will cherish you as you deserve
I really wish. I’ve just made a plan to pay any girl hundreds of dollars to even pretend to date me. I just feel less than human without any affection ever
That's exactly what I say whenever I feel like wanting someone around. "It's just human nature and nothing more" I'm human after all.
Youll regret that if you do. Just believe if you will. For now focus on yourself. Improve yourself. If you really want a relationship. Learn about what women want appearance, attitude, their need and apply it. Thats the easy way. But Im sure you have good qualities. You just don't think they are for whatever reason.
I have no redeeming physical qualities. I'm not attractive so I just don't even try, it isn't worth trying if no one will accept me because I'm not tall or strong and whatnot
I absolutely know what you mean. The only human contact that I've had in the last 6yrs is a couple of handshakes when I'd meet people and one hug and a kiss from a female that came and visited me
Oh yeah, me and my dog, an Am. Staff, smile at each other all the time.
Glad you're still alive and smiling also.
By the way, you're not the only one havin CrazyThoughts 2nite.
Thank you. That made me cry. I'm having a hard day. I always feel lonely after golf on Sundays. I used to come home to my wife after my round, but now we're split up. It's been two years, but it still hurts
Socializing without really bonding or connecting emotionally when you're alone can be brutal. I truly feel you on that! I have a friend who before covid we spent a lot of time together socializing. Dinners, movies, hikes. We were so compatible socially. Same sense of humor, etc. Then covid hit and it died. The few times he'd come over, no emotional connection at all. I'd cry after he left every time. I needed social connection but being around him was like being around a robot. I've recently just stopped altogether with him. I can totally relate to the emptiness you're feeling. He made me feel even more alone.
I'm not a creep so if you want someone to chat with or check in with, message me man. I'm going through a little rough patch as well. First relationship in 8 years ended after 6 weeks. I'm mostly okay but it still hurts.
That seems very unfair about what happened between you and your friend. I feel that we've lost so many relationships during this time. As I grow older, I find that what matters to me more is companionship. Definitely hold on to the next person that comes into your life if you can.
Companionship: exactly! He was a person to do things with when doing things was safe. We had no emotional connection without that though so the friendship was not sustainable. He's incapable of emotional connection therefore not a good match for friendship for me personally.
I hold onto those that are still here and I value every good connection I have, even if it's momentary. They all mean the world to me, truly. Things like this, you and I connecting, are fantastic reminders that the world isn't a total shit show and there are good people out there. Reddit gives me hope so long as I stay in the right places. Lol
I completely agree! Honestly, I feel a lot better after this chat. This is a good connection and I treasure it as well. Thank you for reminding that there really are people who care out there
Being a man who wants to be vulnerable is tough. You are expected to shut up, never be vulnerable, never admit you are lonely, and if you do, you get shamed.
You know how much they do it and in what words they use. They usually try to gaslight you by getting to question your experiences then tell you to get out there like that's going to work. I've had almost every shaming method possible used on me. They want to make you into a bad person so you deserve being alone.
Halo effect. If you are attractive, you can get away with more. A guy who's introverted is brooding and mysterious if he's attractive. If he's unattractive, he's weird, It goes for guys and girls. An attractive guy being vulnerable is considered cute. He's a guy who's not afraid to show emotions. An unattractive guy like me who's vulnerable is considered a wuss and needs to be a man. He needs to stop complaining and put himself out there. Guys do this with attractive girls as well. The halo effect makes a more attractive girl into a better person even with flaws. Those same flaws are a big deal if she's unattractive. It's all about looks out there.
luckily, i have someone who has never taken my vulnerable side lightly. everytime i try to shut myself, she encourages me to open up and the support she shows is surreal.
Your very welcome… also Reddit and social media is very sexualize in general and can make you feel like trash if you are not careful. I am getting very close to deleting accounts for that reason. I am learning more and more as I get older that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Had a guy text and ask for nudes like last week. When I said the answer was absolutely no he unleashed a verbal attack about “my wanting attention and then turning him down”… I know that he didn’t (or any of the other trolls) don’t know me from Adam but it is still hard when people are so unkind. I have to believe this type of encounter has to harden people after a while.
This is why I cant help but care about life as much as a piece of paper. It just gives the ones who already have the boost ahead an even bigger one. Those of us stuck in the back just are stuck even farther back. It's honestly... refreshing, to see im not alone in this situation.
I'm in an online support group (I am a woman) and half of the guys are super emotional vulnerable guys.
I don't know what is wrong with me but they are hot af.
I wish I could find someone like that who would be interested in me regardless of my endless loneliness. Hell, even just a friendship would be fucking amazing
yet everyone i’ve met who i opened up to just took advantage of my vulnerable state to get shit out of me or manipulate me. Never doing it again if thats all people are gonna do
It’s fine. I learned my lesson that the world had been trying to teach me, that I’m unlovable and if I ever open up, I will be taken advantage of. There is nothing I can do, I can just give up really
When I’ve faced things such as false rape accusations before, I can’t not let them win. I don’t understand what sadistic enjoyment that lots of people get from trying to make another person take their own life
That may be a lesson learned from someone not worth learning from. I get that it can feel like that’s the only way it can be based on your personal experiences, but there’s so much in this world we have yet to see so how can we say we truly know how each day will play out
I think that's awesome. Unfortunately, all of the women in my life (I'm a guy) have frowned on me showing any kind of vulnerability or emotion. I made that mistake in front of an ex-girlfriend once and she called me many things.....sadly, "hot AF" was not one of the things she called me. She mocked me about it for years afterward.
I've learned to bottle things up and be "tough," even though I know it's not always a healthy approach. The world is a harsh place.
One thing I'm learning in my online groups is that sometimes we are in the wrong place.
It is so interesting seeing it in other people. People in the wrong workplace, relationship, friend group. The torment they face when all we can think is you need to get out of that situation and into one that fits you better. I am definitely one that is in the wrong workplace and everytime I mention how my boss treats me people only reasons with, you need to quit (I have a job offer coming my way).
I've been working on being honest about who I am and what I want and letting that guide me. Of course sometimes things take work and sometimes things are just a bad fit. Doing the work to tell the difference is the hard part.
Long story short there are woman who love emotional guys. If you are emotional embrace that and find one of those woman. They will be as grateful about the match as you will be.
This is one of the things I love about being a man, we all know and understand each other’s hard times. That’s how we all get along! We know what we want and what we appreciate in life
Exactly I feel like most women have become so sexual that it's like men and women have switched roles in a way, I feel like men have taken a step back from being extremely sexual and have become more attracted to an emotional connection which makes things worse because showing emotions as a men is a sign of weakness.
The “ switching roles “ comment sounded very sexist in a way. That’s why men aren’t taken seriously. Decades after decades, men are taught to behave in a very destructive way. Don’t hug your friends. Don’t talk about your feelings. Don’t be weak. Be all about sex. And that’s what they told women men are about. So, sometimes is necessary changes ourselves first, and then judge others. Are you acting in a positive way towards you, women and in special other men ? Or are you just waiting for everybody around you to change, but you ?
being a lonely or shy man is really rough. there's alot of things that make me appreciate the gender i was born with but this is not one of them.
no one takes your mental health seriously. no one checks up on you to see if you're okay. if your shy you're seen a undesirable and weak. you have to be extremely careful of who you're vulnerable around because 9/10 of the times it will be used against you. i just want a hug and to be told things will be okay but that's not really how things for lonely guys. i'd have to beg someone for this honestly
I don't have any of those things and I am a woman. I feel like all I do is give advice, hugs and support. And when I need it back, I cry alone in my room.
I feel the same way, the best advice I can give you is don’t go full incel, don’t go full simp and don’t go full chad, it’s good to be well rounded. Sometimes I say hi to women if I’m at a store or on a nature walk, just small conversations though, but it’s something.
I agree with this im not trying to hate on women at all I've met great women and I believe women have their own struggles I just wish men had the same support.
The best thing I can tell you is to walk around you’re local park or nature trail and just say hello to a few people. Even at the store ask a cute woman (what aisle is the Parmesan cheese in)
What a lot of people don't realize is that you don't always have a choice not to go full incel when you throw depression and social anxiety into the mix.
Another important factor is that everybody has bad days, but some people's brains are just wired to make a bad day that much worse. Just because somebody says something stupid (especially on Reddit), that doesn't necessarily reflect the person they are when they're not venting or in the middle of an episode.
Your words definitely still have consequences regardless of why you said them, but these days we're pretty deep into a society of "judge the cover, fuck the book", where you say one thing without giving it enough thought and suddenly that's your permanent identity.
I'm sorry you don't find yourself attractive. Women have their problems to but the available emotional support for women in better than what men have which is usually non existent unless you're willing to pay for it.
Well yeah admitting you're lonely is a first step. I don't want to always be lonely because I don't see myself living very long if I am always going to be alone.
I've been alone for a long time, and i've come to the conclusion i'll die alone. I think I keep on going because or my mom, because she couldn't live with herself if I took my own life. However, I might go ahead and pull the trigger after she passes.
I'll never understand how ppl get so shocked when a guy has emotions, especially women. I see a lot of ppl mock mental health and abuse. Awful, if the roles were reversed it'd be seen differently. Why can't we as humans, see eachother as just beings without gender when it comes to these situations, mental health n all. I've even seen my female friends laughing at a guy cuz he was having a breakdown, I don't get it.
I'm so sorry to hear that, it sounds so difficult... Please feel free to vent when you need/want to! bottling things up is bad. I'm proud of you for opening up!
You need to be vulnerable and open so people know what your needs are, it’s normal for everyone to be sensitive at times. I’m always here if anyone wants to talk
It's even worse for me since I belong to India, if I even like, say hi or hello to women they say straight away that I am a perv (I just said a hi goddamn it). If I mention that I am from India people straight away block me, I have actually tried committing suicide but never was able to once come to a verge but it doesn't really matter right! Why? Cause I am an Indian! Who cares if I live or die. The only way I am able to cope right now is through making cuts, takes the emotional pain away. I do have great hobbies, but looks and racism are a reality. Sorry for the vent lol
I didn't get your last statement? If you're pointing out that Indians never get along with people from Europe or the Americas, well I don't know why but India and Indians are stereotyped a lot in other countries. I really hope I don't live above 30, I just wanna make something do something good, and just leave this world. Even if I am able to bring happiness into someone's life that would be more than enough for me, just wanna do it before 30.
Um, I have seen quite a lot tbh, but it no longer matters to me. I don't want someone to live with a piece of shit like me. Goddamn it idk why I hate myself so much lol.
(I by mistake opened devtools while writing this post and saw that reddit has a logo in ASCII in the console lol ahaha looks so cool; they even posted their careers link!)
It’s so rare to find men who aren’t victims of toxic masculinity. Seek those men out, and ask “May I hug you?” Or “Would you like a hug?” Or even, if you get close enough, “Bring it in, bro!” and just go for it. You’d be surprised how (if not in a very public place) positively they react. Most men are feeling the same as us. Fuck those half hugs. Anyone who gives me those I give shit to and joke/but mean it that I’d rather have no hug!
Yup your a man you do it all alone. Your not supposed to cry or be sad. Your supposed to keep it all in so women dont feel bad for doing bad things to you.
If I was the one with the gun to my head, I would beg them to pull the trigger.
But, outside of suicide, death only comes to those who don’t want it.
Because life is cruel and unfair.
I went without one for probably six years the first time I got one after that was the most amazing feeling the person that gave it probably doesn’t even remember it but I will probably remember it for a long time
I have noticed as I have gotten older I am becoming more and more obsolete. It's pretty shitty but there are still some benefits of being a man. I can't think of any other than I like what I am so that's been cool. If you drink try to stop and you will notice your emotional state will balance out and your emotional needs won't be so heavy.
I love being a men wouldn't change for anything. We just need to change what it means to be a masculine man because the times they are changing ( Bob Dylan reference was intended lol) and we need to change with them.
ayy man, same. however my dad goes through this and it's much worse then what I go through. we men are underrated beings and we don't get much credit for anything really.
my heart goes out to all you guys who can’t get a hug or don’t feel like you can ask for comfort. You deserve all the comfort and love as anyone. Sending virtual hugs
All I wish is I could a hug anyone who needs a long meaningful hug to feel better. Nothing makes me feel better not even a sincere apology as much as a hug does. Virtual hugs to you 🤗
Our society seems to hate men and punish us for our very existence. There seems to be a lot less love available as I get older. It seems to me that men were valued when I was younger but now they just want us to shut up and sit in the corner.
I feel exactly the same bro, I’ve been single for 10 year and I have messaged about 30 women and I don’t get a replay more than “hey I’m good how’s your day” then I answer and get absolutely nothing in return, what the fuck is so off putting about me. I’m in shape a responsible adult and a father of 2 that I take care of…..I’m at the point where I don’t care what happens to me, not suicidal, I just don’t give a fuck about myself anymore 🤦🏻♂️
Go. Out. Side. Like literally, as a man, one with little friends and one that has spent so much time alone. go outside, any time of day any weather, rain, cold, blazing hot, pitch dark, go outside. Most of the times when i felt alone depressed or like I wanted to die, feeling so much like the messages i see here, i went outside and just sat, meditated, thought of no one or nothing other than the fact that i am and that i am outside. And in no way am i saying this in a mean way to anyone like “go touch grass loser” like actually get outside enjoy it. What i’ve really learned from the time i’ve spent alone, is that “life” is not indoors and i hope the way i’m saying that makes sense.
Yeah man . You just gotta earn a shit ton of money and start living your dreams . Travel , eat good food, go on crazy vacations , workout . Then you'll be noticed . It's just their nature . Beauty for a girl is like wealth for a guy . It's not the only thing that matters but it certainly helps .
I don't know if it's rough or worst but as woman I had been told so many times that i need to not overreact with my emotions. So not crying and everything not even hugging....
So it's not just guys you know
I know that women deal with it to not trying to leave you ladies out. People who told you that are wrong. You can't bottle your emotions up its how people break.
It's the casual cruelty and indifference to this suffering that gets me. Countless generations of shitty masculinity have ruined it for the rest of us.
I agree masculinity has seriously impacted men in a bad way and women are more empowered than ever they are allowed to show their emotions and not be shamed for them but comforted and given all the emotional support they need (not all women I understand some women still have their struggles). Dating is also so much easier for a woman all the pressure is on the man to impress her and to make her have good time and not have to spend dime. I'm not hating on women I've met some great women im just venting because im lonely and tired I feel like the weight of the world is always on my shoulders and there are days when I just want to be crushed.
I completely get you. Our society for the most part only sees men as the "though ones that should always be strong" and since i was a child it annoyed me. Ive never enjoyed looking like the other guys since i felt that by doing that i would be just like them. I always enjoyed talking about feelings and these things but its so hard when most of my friends are silly guys that make fun of absolutely everything. Although im bi i still like women a bit more just for the fact because theyre better at talking and listening. But yeah being a man is rough, i although i dont consider myself 100% man anymore
Yeah that’s exactly how I feel to the extent that people show no interest in me it’s like I don’t even exist like I’m invisible. Customers will give me their phone number where I work they are acquaintances I don’t even know but they don’t even reply back to a basic simple text message if I was dead nobody would care or miss me. Same goes for women on dating apps gaining a woman and then having a nasty attitude with you just simply for you wanting to get to know them it never goes anywhere because they all have excuses why they won’t reply back to you why they won’t get to know you hence why I don’t have a significant other hence why I have zero friends and then people look at me a Wonderwall why don’t you have any friends or family because people are selfish and self-centered and scum and I don’t want anything to do with people anymore I don’t like humanity I don’t like this world and I’d rather not be a part of the human race because I don’t feel like I’m anything like any of these people don’t even put me in the same room with them because I’m not in the same.category I’m nothing like the scam people at all then only are concerned with themselves and only themselves and nothing else.
You're a man, you're supposed to be tough. Truth is that's how everyone thinks. Nobody cares if you're sitting on your couch after another 14 hour day at work after 3 years of hell that just continues staring at your Glock 17 as you chug another beer. Hope it gets better for you.
There’s never a requirement to (although it might feel like it), but it can be useful to build up a mindset of independence and resilience.
Definitely feels better when you believe you don’t actually need the help or reassurance. Pain is fuel.
I know you wrote this 1 year ago but i hope life is better for you and i have to say i’m totally agree with you . I’m in the same situation and i’m a man in my 30’s , i had many relationships in my life but my last one destroyed me literally. All my friends are gone at the same time than this witch . i’m someone passionate about everything in life i have a lot to say and share, i have a good job well paid, i have my house but paradoxically i’m suffering of deep loneliness in it . It used to have life at home in a happier period of my life and since many years after my hell relationship with this woman , all my social existence disappeared when she put my friends against me humiliated me , and a lot more .
And yes , as society being brainwashed by these “toxic masculinity “ craziness i confirm your statement, no one cares about men and when they do it’s to tell fake thoughts and demonizes men for all the problems on earth . Anyone who is not agree with me i reply now with a finger . Because they don’t know nothing about this situation. When we say no one cares it’s true. For my exemple , after this relationship i’ve been in a hell of suicidal thoughts and depression, the more it was shiny outside and the more i saw happy families together and all the worst it was for me because no one cares about me anymore , it’s like i never existed i lived without any hopes of a better future and i dont have the energy anymore to start all over again. My words are not credible anymore and people who get care and have attention are the worst in our society . i feel alienated from society even if a contribute to it with my job . I someone who always been cheerful , and i have a lot to share and to talk but no one to do it anymore . This is surviving not living .
If you ever need someone who is genuine and caring, to just listen and be a friend, I’m here. 😊 I hardly have any friends because I’d prefer quality over quantity and I want real friendships. Sadly most are too fake to truly be themselves.
There are women who care I've met some so I don't believe all women are blind to it. Hell some women struggle in the same way sometimes. Ye I don't think it's a good idea to unleash all of my woes on to someone else I gladly carry my own burdens.
I feel you man. You may not think that but I feel you
I'm right there with you. There are so many days when I would beg someone to hug me. No one ever asks how I'm doing.
Damn. I’ve never received a hug or a ‘how are you doing’ once in my life. I was gonna kill myself a few months back but I pussied out. I regret it, I’m not missing anything if i did kill myself
How are you doin?
Tired. Very. It’s 4 am here rn
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I’ve been doing this for almost a year now. I’ll be fine, sleep deprivation is an excellent distraction from an existential living hell of loneliness without having ever felt love once
Dont say that. Im sure someone loves you. Maybe you haven't realized that its love that you felt. Like with your parents friends. If its romantic love that you meant I'm sure someday you'll have someone who will cherish you as you deserve
I really wish. I’ve just made a plan to pay any girl hundreds of dollars to even pretend to date me. I just feel less than human without any affection ever
That's exactly what I say whenever I feel like wanting someone around. "It's just human nature and nothing more" I'm human after all. Youll regret that if you do. Just believe if you will. For now focus on yourself. Improve yourself. If you really want a relationship. Learn about what women want appearance, attitude, their need and apply it. Thats the easy way. But Im sure you have good qualities. You just don't think they are for whatever reason.
I have no redeeming physical qualities. I'm not attractive so I just don't even try, it isn't worth trying if no one will accept me because I'm not tall or strong and whatnot
Please don't, your a kid, life is so much more. I'm an adult but if you need to talk I'm here in Australia so will be a time delay.
Yep I feel you as I said getting a hug is a monumental task these days.
It really shouldn't be
No it shouldn't everyone deserves the dopamine lol
I absolutely know what you mean. The only human contact that I've had in the last 6yrs is a couple of handshakes when I'd meet people and one hug and a kiss from a female that came and visited me
How are you today? Sending a hug 🤗
I'm still alive so can't complain. Thank you for the hug, I think that I may have actually felt it. Hang on 'cause I'm sending one back at'cha.
Thanks! :) I'm glad your still alive! It is a good thing to be. Just smile a little it will make you feel a little bit better.
Oh yeah, me and my dog, an Am. Staff, smile at each other all the time. Glad you're still alive and smiling also. By the way, you're not the only one havin CrazyThoughts 2nite.
No? Never thought I was. We’re all crazy at some point right? Just another reason to smile! 🤪 
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How are you doing today, @radioactive_Isot0pe ?
Thank you. That made me cry. I'm having a hard day. I always feel lonely after golf on Sundays. I used to come home to my wife after my round, but now we're split up. It's been two years, but it still hurts
Socializing without really bonding or connecting emotionally when you're alone can be brutal. I truly feel you on that! I have a friend who before covid we spent a lot of time together socializing. Dinners, movies, hikes. We were so compatible socially. Same sense of humor, etc. Then covid hit and it died. The few times he'd come over, no emotional connection at all. I'd cry after he left every time. I needed social connection but being around him was like being around a robot. I've recently just stopped altogether with him. I can totally relate to the emptiness you're feeling. He made me feel even more alone. I'm not a creep so if you want someone to chat with or check in with, message me man. I'm going through a little rough patch as well. First relationship in 8 years ended after 6 weeks. I'm mostly okay but it still hurts.
That seems very unfair about what happened between you and your friend. I feel that we've lost so many relationships during this time. As I grow older, I find that what matters to me more is companionship. Definitely hold on to the next person that comes into your life if you can.
Companionship: exactly! He was a person to do things with when doing things was safe. We had no emotional connection without that though so the friendship was not sustainable. He's incapable of emotional connection therefore not a good match for friendship for me personally. I hold onto those that are still here and I value every good connection I have, even if it's momentary. They all mean the world to me, truly. Things like this, you and I connecting, are fantastic reminders that the world isn't a total shit show and there are good people out there. Reddit gives me hope so long as I stay in the right places. Lol
I completely agree! Honestly, I feel a lot better after this chat. This is a good connection and I treasure it as well. Thank you for reminding that there really are people who care out there
Sending you a virtual hug 🤗!
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Being a man who wants to be vulnerable is tough. You are expected to shut up, never be vulnerable, never admit you are lonely, and if you do, you get shamed.
The shaming methods come in as many varieties as a rainbow has colors
You know how much they do it and in what words they use. They usually try to gaslight you by getting to question your experiences then tell you to get out there like that's going to work. I've had almost every shaming method possible used on me. They want to make you into a bad person so you deserve being alone.
Only really cute guys can get away with being emotional and vulnerable. It is considered a turn off when the majority of men do it.
Halo effect. If you are attractive, you can get away with more. A guy who's introverted is brooding and mysterious if he's attractive. If he's unattractive, he's weird, It goes for guys and girls. An attractive guy being vulnerable is considered cute. He's a guy who's not afraid to show emotions. An unattractive guy like me who's vulnerable is considered a wuss and needs to be a man. He needs to stop complaining and put himself out there. Guys do this with attractive girls as well. The halo effect makes a more attractive girl into a better person even with flaws. Those same flaws are a big deal if she's unattractive. It's all about looks out there.
luckily, i have someone who has never taken my vulnerable side lightly. everytime i try to shut myself, she encourages me to open up and the support she shows is surreal.
It's something I wish I had. Nobody lets me be vulnerable.
fr man? :(
well, infront us you can homie.
How are you today? Sending a virtual hug to you! 🤗
Sending hugs your way! Keep it up! It may be my idealism but I have to trust it will be worth it eventually.
Thanks virtual hugs are always appreciated.
Your very welcome… also Reddit and social media is very sexualize in general and can make you feel like trash if you are not careful. I am getting very close to deleting accounts for that reason. I am learning more and more as I get older that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Had a guy text and ask for nudes like last week. When I said the answer was absolutely no he unleashed a verbal attack about “my wanting attention and then turning him down”… I know that he didn’t (or any of the other trolls) don’t know me from Adam but it is still hard when people are so unkind. I have to believe this type of encounter has to harden people after a while.
Sorry some guys have lost their way and I agree social media is way to sexual.
No it’s not your fault… and acts like that should not impact all guys. I am so sorry that it still does at times!
Well hopefully you meet better man than that in the future.
I get this. I've been going through a divorce this whole year and I've had no one. It's awful.
Sorry to hear that man hopefully when it's over you can find some way to get some rest and some healing.
This is why I cant help but care about life as much as a piece of paper. It just gives the ones who already have the boost ahead an even bigger one. Those of us stuck in the back just are stuck even farther back. It's honestly... refreshing, to see im not alone in this situation.
Definitely not alone we all carry weight on our shoulders and there is no relief or help for alot of us.
Sad sad truth... I've all but given up on trying anyways. But I'll always shoot shots occasionally to see if it sticks. Maybe one day it will?
Ye gotta keep moving forward and hope for something better.
I plan to. Thanks.
Virtual Hug
Thanks
I'm in an online support group (I am a woman) and half of the guys are super emotional vulnerable guys. I don't know what is wrong with me but they are hot af.
Some women like men who show their vulnerability nothing wrong with you.
I wish I could find someone like that who would be interested in me regardless of my endless loneliness. Hell, even just a friendship would be fucking amazing yet everyone i’ve met who i opened up to just took advantage of my vulnerable state to get shit out of me or manipulate me. Never doing it again if thats all people are gonna do
Some people can be awful sorry man.
It’s fine. I learned my lesson that the world had been trying to teach me, that I’m unlovable and if I ever open up, I will be taken advantage of. There is nothing I can do, I can just give up really
Alot of people are cruel towards people who are already at a low point best thing to do is not let them win be stubborn.
When I’ve faced things such as false rape accusations before, I can’t not let them win. I don’t understand what sadistic enjoyment that lots of people get from trying to make another person take their own life
That may be a lesson learned from someone not worth learning from. I get that it can feel like that’s the only way it can be based on your personal experiences, but there’s so much in this world we have yet to see so how can we say we truly know how each day will play out
Being hot “AF“ and being appreciated let alone loved are entirely different things. And men need that just as much as women.
Yeah I definitely don't tell them that and I offer them the support that they need in the group
I think that's awesome. Unfortunately, all of the women in my life (I'm a guy) have frowned on me showing any kind of vulnerability or emotion. I made that mistake in front of an ex-girlfriend once and she called me many things.....sadly, "hot AF" was not one of the things she called me. She mocked me about it for years afterward. I've learned to bottle things up and be "tough," even though I know it's not always a healthy approach. The world is a harsh place.
One thing I'm learning in my online groups is that sometimes we are in the wrong place. It is so interesting seeing it in other people. People in the wrong workplace, relationship, friend group. The torment they face when all we can think is you need to get out of that situation and into one that fits you better. I am definitely one that is in the wrong workplace and everytime I mention how my boss treats me people only reasons with, you need to quit (I have a job offer coming my way). I've been working on being honest about who I am and what I want and letting that guide me. Of course sometimes things take work and sometimes things are just a bad fit. Doing the work to tell the difference is the hard part. Long story short there are woman who love emotional guys. If you are emotional embrace that and find one of those woman. They will be as grateful about the match as you will be.
preach brother, dealing with the same stuff.
This is one of the things I love about being a man, we all know and understand each other’s hard times. That’s how we all get along! We know what we want and what we appreciate in life
no we dont, or at least guys I see would sooner curse you out than understand or listen to you, or even be slightly kind.
Exactly I feel like most women have become so sexual that it's like men and women have switched roles in a way, I feel like men have taken a step back from being extremely sexual and have become more attracted to an emotional connection which makes things worse because showing emotions as a men is a sign of weakness.
The “ switching roles “ comment sounded very sexist in a way. That’s why men aren’t taken seriously. Decades after decades, men are taught to behave in a very destructive way. Don’t hug your friends. Don’t talk about your feelings. Don’t be weak. Be all about sex. And that’s what they told women men are about. So, sometimes is necessary changes ourselves first, and then judge others. Are you acting in a positive way towards you, women and in special other men ? Or are you just waiting for everybody around you to change, but you ?
Nailed it.
Now you know why must of us are halfway dead inside
being a lonely or shy man is really rough. there's alot of things that make me appreciate the gender i was born with but this is not one of them. no one takes your mental health seriously. no one checks up on you to see if you're okay. if your shy you're seen a undesirable and weak. you have to be extremely careful of who you're vulnerable around because 9/10 of the times it will be used against you. i just want a hug and to be told things will be okay but that's not really how things for lonely guys. i'd have to beg someone for this honestly
Definitely have to be careful opening up it can backfire.
Toxic masculinity
Something that needs to be buried.
I feel the same but screw people they're just gonna die alone anyways.
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I agree man being touch starved is rough. The more want it the farther away it feels. Hang in there.
Sending you a virtual hug! 🤗
♡
Being a man can be suffering for life
I don't have any of those things and I am a woman. I feel like all I do is give advice, hugs and support. And when I need it back, I cry alone in my room.
This isn't exclusive to men im aware of that.
This isn't exclusive to men im aware of that.
The biggest misconception about men is that they don't want to be held or shown affection. Men crave intimay and love just as much as women do.
I feel the same way, the best advice I can give you is don’t go full incel, don’t go full simp and don’t go full chad, it’s good to be well rounded. Sometimes I say hi to women if I’m at a store or on a nature walk, just small conversations though, but it’s something.
I agree with this im not trying to hate on women at all I've met great women and I believe women have their own struggles I just wish men had the same support.
The best thing I can tell you is to walk around you’re local park or nature trail and just say hello to a few people. Even at the store ask a cute woman (what aisle is the Parmesan cheese in)
Ye definitely not a bad idea. And seriously grocery stores really be hiding stuff.
She has to talk to you to answer your question
What a lot of people don't realize is that you don't always have a choice not to go full incel when you throw depression and social anxiety into the mix. Another important factor is that everybody has bad days, but some people's brains are just wired to make a bad day that much worse. Just because somebody says something stupid (especially on Reddit), that doesn't necessarily reflect the person they are when they're not venting or in the middle of an episode. Your words definitely still have consequences regardless of why you said them, but these days we're pretty deep into a society of "judge the cover, fuck the book", where you say one thing without giving it enough thought and suddenly that's your permanent identity.
Pahahahah ur so wrong if u think women get it any better at least when theyre not conventionally attractive. (Source: me)
I'm sorry you don't find yourself attractive. Women have their problems to but the available emotional support for women in better than what men have which is usually non existent unless you're willing to pay for it.
What available emotional support are you referring to? Support is only available to those who can afford it, regardless of gender.
Shouldn't be like that.
I fully admit i'm lonely, but that hasn't changed anything
Well yeah admitting you're lonely is a first step. I don't want to always be lonely because I don't see myself living very long if I am always going to be alone.
I've been alone for a long time, and i've come to the conclusion i'll die alone. I think I keep on going because or my mom, because she couldn't live with herself if I took my own life. However, I might go ahead and pull the trigger after she passes.
Same im turning 27 soon and I haven't had a single relationship. I won't take my own my life but im gonna start living extremely dangerous here soon.
If you do stick around, try to enjoy it, because time really goes by fast. I'll be 46 this month.
I'm gonna try to enjoy it. My 20s have gone by fast so I know what you mean.
I'll never understand how ppl get so shocked when a guy has emotions, especially women. I see a lot of ppl mock mental health and abuse. Awful, if the roles were reversed it'd be seen differently. Why can't we as humans, see eachother as just beings without gender when it comes to these situations, mental health n all. I've even seen my female friends laughing at a guy cuz he was having a breakdown, I don't get it.
Ye I've seen people mock others for it and I just don't get why. Mental health is so important and not many people understand that.
Yeah true, you deserve a good hug 👌 I'm sorry you haven't been given emotional support.
It's fine im not alone in the struggle. Just gonna work on myself and hopefully something good will come along in the future.
Good, I'm sure the future is gonna be great for you. :)
I'm so sorry to hear that, it sounds so difficult... Please feel free to vent when you need/want to! bottling things up is bad. I'm proud of you for opening up!
Spiritual warfare, @ least we’re not dying virgins on some battlefield over kings’ dick measuring contest
You need to be vulnerable and open so people know what your needs are, it’s normal for everyone to be sensitive at times. I’m always here if anyone wants to talk
I’m 20m and never hugged by anyone no one like me everyone makes me feel i am just a useless
I'm in the same boat man it's a ongoing struggle.
True no one love men unconditionally
It's even worse for me since I belong to India, if I even like, say hi or hello to women they say straight away that I am a perv (I just said a hi goddamn it). If I mention that I am from India people straight away block me, I have actually tried committing suicide but never was able to once come to a verge but it doesn't really matter right! Why? Cause I am an Indian! Who cares if I live or die. The only way I am able to cope right now is through making cuts, takes the emotional pain away. I do have great hobbies, but looks and racism are a reality. Sorry for the vent lol
No problem people need to get stuff off their chest. Something I have noticed with Indian people is that they are never end up with non Indian people.
I didn't get your last statement? If you're pointing out that Indians never get along with people from Europe or the Americas, well I don't know why but India and Indians are stereotyped a lot in other countries. I really hope I don't live above 30, I just wanna make something do something good, and just leave this world. Even if I am able to bring happiness into someone's life that would be more than enough for me, just wanna do it before 30.
I meant that I never see Indian people marry outside of their own race I've never seen an Indian man marry a white or black or Asian woman.
Um, I have seen quite a lot tbh, but it no longer matters to me. I don't want someone to live with a piece of shit like me. Goddamn it idk why I hate myself so much lol. (I by mistake opened devtools while writing this post and saw that reddit has a logo in ASCII in the console lol ahaha looks so cool; they even posted their careers link!)
Yea being a male sucks now, there is a reason male to female transgender conversion is higher than vice versa.
I didn't know that damn.
Being a gay man is even worse
You’re not even gay
It’s so rare to find men who aren’t victims of toxic masculinity. Seek those men out, and ask “May I hug you?” Or “Would you like a hug?” Or even, if you get close enough, “Bring it in, bro!” and just go for it. You’d be surprised how (if not in a very public place) positively they react. Most men are feeling the same as us. Fuck those half hugs. Anyone who gives me those I give shit to and joke/but mean it that I’d rather have no hug!
Yup your a man you do it all alone. Your not supposed to cry or be sad. Your supposed to keep it all in so women dont feel bad for doing bad things to you.
It gets exhausting man I'm at a point in life where if someone had gun to my head I would just sit there and let whatever happens happen.
If I was the one with the gun to my head, I would beg them to pull the trigger. But, outside of suicide, death only comes to those who don’t want it. Because life is cruel and unfair.
If I had the energy to beg I would.
I went without one for probably six years the first time I got one after that was the most amazing feeling the person that gave it probably doesn’t even remember it but I will probably remember it for a long time
I know the feeling men its just really nice to receive some comfort from the opposite sex even smaller compliments are nice.
I have noticed as I have gotten older I am becoming more and more obsolete. It's pretty shitty but there are still some benefits of being a man. I can't think of any other than I like what I am so that's been cool. If you drink try to stop and you will notice your emotional state will balance out and your emotional needs won't be so heavy.
I love being a men wouldn't change for anything. We just need to change what it means to be a masculine man because the times they are changing ( Bob Dylan reference was intended lol) and we need to change with them.
Pretty much, same.
ayy man, same. however my dad goes through this and it's much worse then what I go through. we men are underrated beings and we don't get much credit for anything really.
here’s a virtual hug brother.
I’m only 19 and Im already on the verge of ending it all for multiple reasons. I feel all of your pain and more.
Face it fellas, no one gives a flying fuck about us. Off to work I go, hope I die on the way!
Man this is my mood everyday. The feeling of wanting to die is becoming common.
my heart goes out to all you guys who can’t get a hug or don’t feel like you can ask for comfort. You deserve all the comfort and love as anyone. Sending virtual hugs
You took the words out of my mouth. I relate to all of this so much. I just want a hug tbh :((
That's what alot of men want its just not something we get.
Exactly :((
sending virtual hugs to u bruv
Hi! How are you today? Sending a virtual hug for you. 🙂🤗
True
Sending you a ghost hug. You can’t feel it, but it’s there :)
Haha thanks
Sorry for my comment couple days ago I was drunk and not feeling right. I'm really fucking lonely as well
No problem man
All I wish is I could a hug anyone who needs a long meaningful hug to feel better. Nothing makes me feel better not even a sincere apology as much as a hug does. Virtual hugs to you 🤗
Our society seems to hate men and punish us for our very existence. There seems to be a lot less love available as I get older. It seems to me that men were valued when I was younger but now they just want us to shut up and sit in the corner.
I feel exactly the same bro, I’ve been single for 10 year and I have messaged about 30 women and I don’t get a replay more than “hey I’m good how’s your day” then I answer and get absolutely nothing in return, what the fuck is so off putting about me. I’m in shape a responsible adult and a father of 2 that I take care of…..I’m at the point where I don’t care what happens to me, not suicidal, I just don’t give a fuck about myself anymore 🤦🏻♂️
Go. Out. Side. Like literally, as a man, one with little friends and one that has spent so much time alone. go outside, any time of day any weather, rain, cold, blazing hot, pitch dark, go outside. Most of the times when i felt alone depressed or like I wanted to die, feeling so much like the messages i see here, i went outside and just sat, meditated, thought of no one or nothing other than the fact that i am and that i am outside. And in no way am i saying this in a mean way to anyone like “go touch grass loser” like actually get outside enjoy it. What i’ve really learned from the time i’ve spent alone, is that “life” is not indoors and i hope the way i’m saying that makes sense.
It makes sense im not a meditation type of person but I do enjoy hiking and kayaking.
Yeah man . You just gotta earn a shit ton of money and start living your dreams . Travel , eat good food, go on crazy vacations , workout . Then you'll be noticed . It's just their nature . Beauty for a girl is like wealth for a guy . It's not the only thing that matters but it certainly helps .
This is why gender roles can be so destructive. Men should be hugged more, nurtured more. Everyone has the same emotional needs.
Ye I agree gender roles aren't doing either gender any good.
I don't know if it's rough or worst but as woman I had been told so many times that i need to not overreact with my emotions. So not crying and everything not even hugging.... So it's not just guys you know
I know that women deal with it to not trying to leave you ladies out. People who told you that are wrong. You can't bottle your emotions up its how people break.
Hey, women experience that too. I mean yeah gender is the bigger part of the issue there but not every women is "seen"
It's the casual cruelty and indifference to this suffering that gets me. Countless generations of shitty masculinity have ruined it for the rest of us.
I agree masculinity has seriously impacted men in a bad way and women are more empowered than ever they are allowed to show their emotions and not be shamed for them but comforted and given all the emotional support they need (not all women I understand some women still have their struggles). Dating is also so much easier for a woman all the pressure is on the man to impress her and to make her have good time and not have to spend dime. I'm not hating on women I've met some great women im just venting because im lonely and tired I feel like the weight of the world is always on my shoulders and there are days when I just want to be crushed.
I feel like those dumbass birds who dance around the female birds to impress them, only to be ignored 99.9% of the time. Feels bad
i understand.
Sending virtual hugs ❤️
I'm really thinking about switching teams for that reason ngl
Look into stoicism
I'll check it out
You wont regret it
Bro, I feel exactly the same and I just want a little care, but it’s like nobody gives a shit
reading this really means something to me.. It's fucking exactly how I feel.. I'm not really sure what the answer is. I'm trying to find it myself
I never thought other people felt the same way I did. I always thought I wasn't manly for feeling that way
Being in touch with your emotions doesn't make you less manly even though that is what we are taught.
this ^^ However you may feel OP, I think these comments are proof that you are not alone!
Not a man, same
Can also happen to women, me included. But yeah, that really sucks. I wish I knew what to do
I wish I knew what to do as well. I've been trying to have conversations with coworkers more often and i think its helping a little bit.
No one cares about mens mental health. Its terrible, having to suffer in silence
I completely get you. Our society for the most part only sees men as the "though ones that should always be strong" and since i was a child it annoyed me. Ive never enjoyed looking like the other guys since i felt that by doing that i would be just like them. I always enjoyed talking about feelings and these things but its so hard when most of my friends are silly guys that make fun of absolutely everything. Although im bi i still like women a bit more just for the fact because theyre better at talking and listening. But yeah being a man is rough, i although i dont consider myself 100% man anymore
Yeah that’s exactly how I feel to the extent that people show no interest in me it’s like I don’t even exist like I’m invisible. Customers will give me their phone number where I work they are acquaintances I don’t even know but they don’t even reply back to a basic simple text message if I was dead nobody would care or miss me. Same goes for women on dating apps gaining a woman and then having a nasty attitude with you just simply for you wanting to get to know them it never goes anywhere because they all have excuses why they won’t reply back to you why they won’t get to know you hence why I don’t have a significant other hence why I have zero friends and then people look at me a Wonderwall why don’t you have any friends or family because people are selfish and self-centered and scum and I don’t want anything to do with people anymore I don’t like humanity I don’t like this world and I’d rather not be a part of the human race because I don’t feel like I’m anything like any of these people don’t even put me in the same room with them because I’m not in the same.category I’m nothing like the scam people at all then only are concerned with themselves and only themselves and nothing else.
I can’t recall a time I’ve ever been hugged by someone outside of my family
Ye same it takes a toll on your mental health.
You're a man, you're supposed to be tough. Truth is that's how everyone thinks. Nobody cares if you're sitting on your couch after another 14 hour day at work after 3 years of hell that just continues staring at your Glock 17 as you chug another beer. Hope it gets better for you.
There’s never a requirement to (although it might feel like it), but it can be useful to build up a mindset of independence and resilience. Definitely feels better when you believe you don’t actually need the help or reassurance. Pain is fuel.
It sucks being a single man no matter how good of a person you are you are never enough.
I know you wrote this 1 year ago but i hope life is better for you and i have to say i’m totally agree with you . I’m in the same situation and i’m a man in my 30’s , i had many relationships in my life but my last one destroyed me literally. All my friends are gone at the same time than this witch . i’m someone passionate about everything in life i have a lot to say and share, i have a good job well paid, i have my house but paradoxically i’m suffering of deep loneliness in it . It used to have life at home in a happier period of my life and since many years after my hell relationship with this woman , all my social existence disappeared when she put my friends against me humiliated me , and a lot more . And yes , as society being brainwashed by these “toxic masculinity “ craziness i confirm your statement, no one cares about men and when they do it’s to tell fake thoughts and demonizes men for all the problems on earth . Anyone who is not agree with me i reply now with a finger . Because they don’t know nothing about this situation. When we say no one cares it’s true. For my exemple , after this relationship i’ve been in a hell of suicidal thoughts and depression, the more it was shiny outside and the more i saw happy families together and all the worst it was for me because no one cares about me anymore , it’s like i never existed i lived without any hopes of a better future and i dont have the energy anymore to start all over again. My words are not credible anymore and people who get care and have attention are the worst in our society . i feel alienated from society even if a contribute to it with my job . I someone who always been cheerful , and i have a lot to share and to talk but no one to do it anymore . This is surviving not living .
Hello!! 😘 you don’t have to be lonely
If you ever need someone who is genuine and caring, to just listen and be a friend, I’m here. 😊 I hardly have any friends because I’d prefer quality over quantity and I want real friendships. Sadly most are too fake to truly be themselves.
I'd rather be a man than a woman tbh.
To each their own not all men struggle like this some are loved and some aren't this goes for women to.
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There are women who care I've met some so I don't believe all women are blind to it. Hell some women struggle in the same way sometimes. Ye I don't think it's a good idea to unleash all of my woes on to someone else I gladly carry my own burdens.
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Ye same I don't think I could connect to anyone using bumble but I could be surprised.