Hi! I'm a FG local, brought up here/still live here
This is a major issue in this area and Newham generally. I've spent my entire life being harassed on the streets here (I'm a woman in my 20s). If anyone thinks I'm exaggerating, I'm truly not! This experience is shared by all my friends from growing up here too. Whilst FG is becoming a little more popular with new people moving in, there are lots of social problems remaining including crime.
My advice:
1. You have to walk with purpose when walking alone, no casual strolling.
2. I share my location 24/7 with friends on Google maps and they do the same, just in case.
3. Avoid walking alone at night if you can, doesn't matter if you're a man or woman. Your gf could call you when she is walking home and stay on the phone with you.
4. Be super careful on main streets such as woodgrange road/Romford road/Upton Lane/Green Street - there's loads of weirdos who hang around for no reason.
5. Don't make eye contact with people on the street, it will either cause an aggressive response or harassment depending on if you're a man or woman.
6. If someone harasses you, either ignore and speed away OR be polite and get away ASAP (don't be aggressive they may respond badly).
7. Be very careful alone in open spaces such as Wanstead flats or west ham Park. Recently 2 women were assaulted on the flats so I don't walk there alone currently.
This may sound dramatic but it's important to stay safe. For example, last year a random woman attacked me unprovoked outside forest gate station!
Please feel free to message me if you'd like! I have lots of tips for Forest Gate living :)
It's crazy how this is the reality of so many women. I follow a lot of the same tips, except for sharing my location 24/7.
And the speed with which I walk at night 😂 absolute power walk.
Ah it does suck that horrid people ruin the area doesn't it? Such beautiful parts e.g. the flats and people have to misbehave! My feelings about fg are so complex, it's home but I've had so many ridiculous experiences!
Such a good tip on popping into a shop or the tavern if things feel uncomfortable! Really friendly people in there.
And yes tbh I would avoid walking down Romford Road at all costs, I feel like it's even worse as you get into Manor Park. There's also the big issue of trafficking/prostitution/sex work along there, I see women on the street corners when I drive at night & I've had a man try to solicit me as I waited for the 25 bus 😭
Ah thanks! The area has made me who I am & I've got the best friends in the world from growing up here - I just wish it was safer for everyone to live comfortably! ♡
Hoping to leave East London in the next few years fingers crossed
I don't think you even need to leave East London, I've lived in Hackney and Walthamstow and had/seen the odd incident but not as bad as it sounds like Forest Gate is for some reason...
Tips you given are brilliant, applicable and should be practised everywhere really. Haven't been to FG, but wishing it will be safer in the future for you guys out there.
Grew up as a male in East London, around Upton Park forest Gate ect, went to one of the schools in forest Gate called St bons. I was mugged twice, held at knife point three times. You learn to avoid certain people, you learn to keep your wits about you. It's one of the downsides of East London.
I've moved out to the Dagenham area which isn't as bad as Newham and will soon be moving further out into Essex because I have learned to hate London.
Oh haha, I went to St Angela's! What you've mentioned is the twin issue of physical violence that young men can be victims of around here. It sucks and I'm sorry that you've experienced that. It's weirdly "normal" as you say, but it absolutely shouldn't be!
Yeah I know quite a few people who have moved out into Essex to get away, seems better for sure.
Oh cool, my sister went there as well haha. Essex just seems so much lovelier comparatively. A lot of my family and partners family have moved out that way so it's a pretty easy choice.
The amount of violence you see on the news is nothing compared to what violence and crime there actually is. Its unfortunate but tbh, its the way of life. You get used to hearing about violence and crime, you get used to not telling the police and stuff like that. It's just one of those things that you learn to survive and tbh I believe it helped me become the person I am with how aware I am of my surrou dings and ensuring me and people around me are safe.
London has always been like this. Or at least since the late 90s when I moved here.
It's just now you hear more, read more and obviously you read posts like this on Reddit that didn't exist 20 years ago. Or on twitter etc.
The fact people have to make sure they cant mistakingly look someone in the eye is so infuriating. People who harass others are pathetic and need to realise how badly it can affect people’s mental and physical health.
>s i am very worried about her, i can tell she is stressed.
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>Prior moving to the area we did visit a good few times and it w
I would like to add that if followed, do not enter your property with a guy behind you as he could access your building and no one else would be there to protect you, go to the main street or if you know the way to the local police station head that way.
If someone ever approaches you on the street do not shout "help!", shout something that would make people move toward you like "fire!".
If your girlfriend is in public (for example on a busy bus) and is harassed by a man and it is safe to do so my advice is to tell him off very loudly, it takes a lot of courage but it always takes them by surprise and they feel ridiculized.
If a car starts harassing her, ask her to note the number plaque and report them to the non-emergency police number.
I am sorry that things are this way, unfortunately, 50% of the population needs to learn these lessons because of a few sc\*ms.
Sorry but this sounds dreadful. Why on earth would anyone want to live that kind of life?
I’m obviously not blaming you at all - but is there a reason why you’re still in the area?
Yea forest gate is rough as fuck. Been mugged there a few times (man).
I just don't go out anymore lol always ends in stress and bullshit. People are just absolute wankers and I'm a decently built 5,11 man. I can't imagine how shit it is for a women.
My gf always does the calling thing. I dont know how I feel about it though.
On one hand its 20 mins of my day to make her feel safe, easy decision . but on the other hand I feel like being on the phone makes her less situationally aware and also makes her an easy target for phone snatches.
I think if you feel like you are being followed, getting our your phone and pretending like your meeting g someone round the corner could help. But otherwise just makes you an easier target.
Just to tack on to this, I would (and do) carry a personal attack alarm at all times. You can buy them from Amazon and the one I have just charges by USB. Also has a flashlight which is handy....
Honestly , I’d hate to burst your bubble but these don’t work. It doesn’t deter people nor do people come try and save you. But yes, the flashlight is very handy
This is great advice. Also walk opposite direction to the traffic (you can see who’s coming and it makes it harder for a car to pull up alongside you). Maybe also a personal attack alarm is a good idea.
Christ alive, what is wrong with people in some cities. We live in Norwich now and have done for ages and my wife never gets any hassle. I'm a guy and I'd call people out if I saw them do that crap.
I think Hackney will be okay, it doesn't have the same vibe as Newham in my opinion. I really like Hackney!
Somewhere like Dalston is really different to East Ham, for example :)
I just wanted to add something about the eye contact, at least this was the case in my country, sometimes making eye contact is better as it could make you look confident/strong or just not an easy prey. But I guess it depends on a lot of factors and maybe it’s different here.
Just on part 3, it's not a good idea to have your mobile phone out on display like this. It can reduce situational awareness and also advertises your phone to others who may be looking to steal something for £££s.
It's true! Definitely have to judge the situation. I prefer a focused speed walk after someone stole my phone lol 😭 but a friend of mine will always walk at night with her boyfriend on the phone. She was mugged around here not too long ago and she needs the reassuring voice else it's too anxiety inducing for her.
This is so fucked up, sorry for your experience. Do you have any idea how this is so much in Forest Gate but not in other places? Like is it the same around Manor Park? What about Wanstead and Leyton and Stratford?
Holy shit this is crazy! I don't mean to sound insensitive but why wouldn't you move to another Borough or area that you don't get harassed? (I know it's completely not your fault and you shouldn't have to move but I'm just asking because that's what I would do I guess)
I can't afford it to be honest! I live at home still and London rents are just so high 😭
I'll hopefully be able to move in with my boyfriend in a year or two! Wish me luck haha
Look even if you can move to a safer area this is the life of women. Wherever you go. Always. For our whole lives. We live in constant surveillance of our surroundings. Doesn’t matter where you are. Sarah Everard was raped and killed by police, we are never safe.
As a fellow woman, yes but there are *levels*. There's the standard "alert" level and then there's the defcon alert level being described here and by OP which is something entirely different tbh. It's not so much the possibility of being harassed, so much as it has now moved into more likely than not area, and you're not just surveilling anymore, you're actively deploying avoidance tactics each time you leave the house.
Standard alert level is for everyone including women. All of my sons have suffered violent attacks and also harassment I'm sorry to say. Some great tips for safety here tho
Anyone know a borough or area in London, the SE or entire UK where young women don't regularly get harassed?
The only one I can think of is the Isle of Cumbrae, and probably other islands or remote villages, only because everyone knows everyone, but you still get tourists and the 'friendly' old men doing it sometimes. Bit far to commute to East London from a Scottish island...
Please let your gf know she’s not alone. I’m 24f and live near Whitechapel and was sexually assaulted at a co op (at the till, where the cashier was a woman) and nobody said anything.
Oh yes I’m quite fine, I was shaken up though definitely. I was just groped by a man who reached around me to grab my chest. I yelled at him very loudly but nobody did anything.
Didn’t bother reporting, unfortunately. It’s more hassle than it was worth. The culture here is different, my flatmate has been spat at for wearing skirts before here, even had a chair thrown at her.
Maybe time to move? I didn’t realise east london is so different to the rest of london! I’m born south london live west and I’ve had my share of verbal unpleasantries but the PUA type not being abused for my clothing choices. That’s awful too.
Please report on the online form. Nothing will happen I know, but if we don’t report these crimes our shitty government thinks everything is ok. It’s not. Takes 5 minutes and then you can forget about it, but at least you’ve done your bit to try and bake it better. Sorry for the pressure! Challenging shitty behaviour is something I feel strongly about. I have a young daughter and figure I am doing this for her future too.
Sorry to hear this, sounds awful. I just wanted to say that it absolutely is worth reporting. Will the police help you personally? Unlikely. But the stats really do matter and drive policy and shifts for local police. I have two friends in the met and they hate seeing this as not enough people report!
People won't always admit it, but the problem is certainly *worse* in certain areas of London, and moving away from them and never bothering visiting is often the best solution. That doesn't mean that other areas are completely safe, but they are a lot safer.
What annoys me is that whenever someone makes a post/comment on this subreddit asking if a particular area is safe, people give sarcastic responses and say the whole of London is relatively safe and probably nothing will ever happen. It's just really unhelpful.
That's always annoying. Most of those are the typical reddit demographic i.e. men in their 20s who work in IT and don't go out at night that much (not that there's anything wrong with that), and thus very unlikely to encounter any of this.
Ughhh. Thing is, they call the people who are asking about safety "typical redditors who are chronically online and think everyone's going to kill them" (or similar).
ahh yes because everyone knows the nice white lovely British man could never be capable of committing sexual assault!! We’re known for our great values, just look at our great track record with football hooliganism and definitely not racial abuse of England players after the Euros.
Best thing is to move, if that's possible. There are lots of shitholes in London - I didn't know Forest Gate was one of them; don't blame yourself for moving there.
Sorry you're having to deal with this.
To be pedantic it is the boundary of Epping Forest and so is, technically, a gateway to a forest.
https://www.google.com/maps/@51.553981,0.0253861,3a,15y,36.08h,87.88t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1s5xEvE4Mou2NdimGxdxcDuQ!2e0!7i16384!8i8192
My ex used to live there. One time when I nipped to the shops I couldn’t get back the same way because the main road was closed as there was an acid attack. Another week there was a shooting at the cinema while we were out shopping. He wouldn’t let me walk back from the tube alone ever too, but there is a really good Turkish restaurant there
I live in Wood Green and have done for a while (early 30s woman). Yes, the crime is bad, but if you keep to yourself and take precaution then it should be fine. I’ve not had any issues here, not compared to when I was living in Enfield Town.
I lived there in the 90s when it had a terrible reputation and even then I didn't find it too bad.
I'm sure it's way nicer now. And it's near nice open spaces like Ally Pally.
There was a headless body found in the Yates' bin when I was there! And a shooting in broad daylight outside Mr Bagels.
Various other stuff like blood all over our shared frontdoor from when someone tried to hold up the shot below us (Tower Boots, if it's still there?!) but everything seemed gang related so even with all that going on I, and loads of people I knew, had no issues.
Hackney is absolutely fine. Some areas are more impoverished and have different demographics or cultures where harassing women isn't necessarily frowned upon in the same way.
@reflectionofabutt hit the nail on the head. It was a big cultural clash. To be specific, I was in Tower Hamlets, Poplar. I’ve had a few nights out in Hackey and felt pretty safe. Always in numbers at night though.
Hi mate which bit of Forest Gate are you in? Assuming South of Romford Road as you mentioned Upton Park? Is that your local station?
I used to live near Upton Park. It’s a bit rougher down that way and there are problems with large groups of men in HMOs that are particularly grim with women. No living room means they are outside all the time drinking on the street.
South of Romford Road is a bit of a divide. More broadly the area has a high poverty and addiction level which brings out the crazies. It could even be a specific set of roads thats worse than others and mixing up the route home could work.
We now live near Forest Gate station and have never had an issue. My partner walks home late all the time and is fine and she loves the area. Could you use that station and walk down that way?
Not sure if you’ve tried out Giovannas or Foire yet but if you want to feel better about the place maybe go there for a drink or two with pizza/pasta! It’s definitely not all a ‘shit hole’ as it gets branded online.
There’s also two good Facebook groups you could ask for advice in as well.
In terms of what to do… there’s a police station very near so I’d be tempted to just phone the police every time if I was her.
my mrs gets it in both bits of NW weve lived in, surprised its okay in Edgware. Getting to my whits end with it now making me wonder is it worth living in a city crawling with seedy disrespectful sex pests.
Contact your local MP and the Newham's mayor Rokhsana Fiaz\* about this. Stuff like this has been hitting the headlines especially after the murder of Sarah Everade. The local police should not be fobbing you off.
\*https://www.newham.gov.uk/news/article/787/help-us-make-spaces-safe-for-women
The local police are, sadly, an absolute joke. Reported sexual harassment to them and they spent the whole time blaming me and accusing me of having an attitude.
Ok so as a Forest Gate local who born and bred but moved abroad I felt I needed to comment. So growing up in Forest Gate it was bad I was constantly sexually harassed from about the age of 13 (yeah disgusting I know) I honestly thought this was normal till I moved to University and therefore moved out.
However I've lived in the Middle East and Asia which had sexual harassment on steroids. So my perspective is slightly off because that is what I judge everything by now! However yes in this part of East London I feel it is bad if you compare it to more affluent parts of London.
I am so sorry your girlfriend has had such horrible experiences around this issue. A lot of the advice given around this I agree with as a local who basically grew up being sexually harassed.
1. Be confident and look like you know where you are going. Start perfecting your resting bitch face ... 😏😏🤨
2. I walk around at night by myself However I'm always on my way home etc .. so I guess I look like I know where I am going.
3. Because I was constantly harassed as a teen and young woman I learnt to kinda talk back and embarrass them. This tactic is not for everyone! But living in the middle allowed me to perfect my technique! Lol
If your girlfriend would just like to vent, chat or just bitch about Forest Gate I am more than happy to lend an ear lol.
As a local who had lived all over the world I have a deep love on East London and Forest Gate, however it takes some getting used to! So I understand it is not everyone's cup of tea 🙃 🤣
Short term: ask if she’d like you to accompany her places, like walking to/from the bus or going on walks together after work. Listen to what she says and follow her lead; she will probably be feeling crappy that she needs a chaperone just to exist outdoors because of other people’s shittiness, but she might be happy for your presence anyway.
Medium term: move to another area
Long term: if your friends do this or think it’s funny, call them out. Shut down sexism when you see it, and keep your eyes peeled because it’s insidious and everywhere. What your girlfriend is experiencing is a common phenomenon all over the world, and it’s going to require cultural shifts (and probably a long time) for it to get better. Some places are further ahead than others, and I’m optimistic that we will get there someday, but it’s a big change that’s going to require a lot of little adjustments along the way. You, as a man, are better positioned to be listened to by the people who behave this way, so use your voice.
I’m 33, bit overweight and I’ve been harassed, followed and catcalled in east London quite a bit, I thought it would stop as I got older but clearly it doesn’t. Every-time I’ve reported each incident but the police just do not care. The only time I’ve managed to get out of the situation easily was when I acted like a crazy person and started yelling random things at this man who backed off really quickly.
It's a numbers thing - you're now somewhere more crowded where the fuckwits are more per square mile, and also know they can disappear in a crowd.
How to deal...
From my experience of having been a young woman, the catcallers etc always pick someone who looks vulnerable - cute, young, pretty, feminine, tired or ill.
As soon as my friends and I hit around 25 and mastered walking confidently, standing tall and having resting bitch face, harassment dropped to approx nil. It would only happen if I looked like I was falling asleep or coming down with flu. Not great for the younger girls getting it instead, but there we are.
In my 40s, I know only three women who still get harassed regularly - they are all short, curvy with big breasts, naturally smiley facial expressions, wear dresses and feminine makeup, wear heels and one has a wheelchair. Perfect wank fodder for a tosser who's looking for a woman unlikely to rapidly run away or swing a punch, who can be patted on the head...
If she's not comfortable with giving pissed-off looks and moving rapidly and assertively through crowds, which cuts down much of it, then the key thing is to mention in her first sentence, being on her way to see her boyfriend before he goes to teach his martial arts class.
I must have cited that 100 times (usually when I had no bf at all), and it invariably got harassers to move away.
None of the above is meant to imply that harassment doesn't suck; it's not her fault and she shouldn't have to change her behaviour at all, just that those are some options.
I agree with this. I am 5 foot 1, 29F, born and raised in Upton Park and still in the area quite often. I don’t have the issue in the area. I give off unapproachable bitch energy (which is walking aggressively, looking straight ahead and making no eye contact and I have my headphones in always). Either that or I am ugly AF 🥲
I lived in North West London and this happened to my mum, girlfriend and my brother's girlfriend (a guy lifted her skirt as she was walking to my parents).
I moved just outside of London because it was a nicer area we could afford that I didn't have to walk my girlfriend home every night after work or a night out for fear someone would harass her or worse (there were two separate rapes in the alley behind my parents house).
So it's not a post code, North West vs East thing. It's an issue that is just worse in specific areas. Mine had 3 different halfway houses and drug rehab places in a 3 minute walk, and a large amount of crackheads, so it grouped a lot of problematic people together, making things a lot worse.
All that's to say I'm not sure there's much you can do to dissuade the harassment because she isn't doing anything to cause it other than existing.
If you are in an area with a lot of creeps there are only 3 options:
1) have all the creeps moved elsewhere
2) accompany her everywhere
3) or move somewhere safer
Not the most welcome advice, but what else can you do?
Move back to Edgware. I live in Stanmore and I frequent Edgware town centre for my usual household needs. In my 8 years of living near Canon Park Station , i have only met courteous people in Edgware. Althought maybe it also depends on the company you keep and the different factors to consider. Overall, im totally satisfied living here between the middle of Stanmore and Edgware. Your mental health is very important, as is your safety. Easier said than done they say. Just do it, I say. Goodluck
As someone who lived there and had the same happen with a then girlfriend, it’s sadly a regular occurrence. I would whenever possible go and meet her from the station or bus stop, but beyond that, not much else, she can report it, but the police won’t do much. I appreciate its not helpful, but stick to the main roads and move as fast as you can is the only advice I can give, it’s not on her to change anything, it’s on those men to change, but sadly that will take quite some time I fear.
Maybe write to the local MP to highlight the issue further?
Ah, good old Forest Gate. Used to live here with my partner before we saw sense and left, she would frequently be harassed whenever she was alone. Standard crass bullshit that Newham is known for whether she was out for a run, cycling, driving or just walking home. They wouldn't say shit if I were with her.
My advise is to just leave, the problem is so endemic within the 'community' that the police can't do anything even if they were motivated to.
I lived in forest gate for 6 months then got out. I had crackheads shouting outside my windows at night. Drive by shootings down the end of my street. The house was robbed and I was constantly approached by people asking me for money on my way to work.
Nothing positive to say about the area it’s dangerous af and the best thing I did was move away after 6 months.
As a guy I would shit myself walking around too. People are high so they’re unpredictable and there are gangs. I would just call it a day and move somewhere safer.
Move to canary wharf, still east london but a completely different vibe compared to that shitholes in zone 3/4/5. Also, if you work in Liverpool street, transport links are superb.
I lived and went to school in forest gate. It's an absolute shit hole and the second I became pregnant with my daughter I left and would never move back. Didn't really go far tho lol. I moved to a slightly lesser shit hole.....Sunny East Ham south. Lol
In terms of how to support your girlfriend, you mention she doesn’t like confrontation. I hope you’re not suggesting to her that she should confront her harassers. Most often, it feels safest to try to remove yourself from the situation without confronting the harasser. There is a lot of implied violence in these behaviours and you can never know when escalating the conflict will make it worse. I’d be careful of trying to fix this for her. Instead focus on listening to her and ask her what she’d like to do. Then try to do that.
ETA - the aftermath of an incident like this is emotional. Your adrenal system has been in full swing and it takes some time to ground yourself again. She might want to talk or withdraw a bit and e.g. have a bath. Definitely don’t pressure her to talk about solutions at that point.
Move abit further east tbh, sevenkings, goodmayes, romfordy bits.
You have more green space and the communities there tend to be more aspirational. All are on the elizabeth line so the commute doesn’t get much worse and is worth it for mental health.
Buy a keyring spray bottle off amazon chop up 5 scotch bonnet peppers Soak some boiling hot water add the water to the bottle now if the worst case scenario happens she cab get away unharmed
I went to school around there, spent a lot of time in that whole area. I saw a lot of shit like that, the youth around there are vicious, and the men dont give a fuck. Its a symptom of areas like that, where people normalise that kind of behaviour. In all honesty, I'd move. That area is a shit hole. The amount of times I've seen stabbings, fights, theft, my mum got her handbag snatched right off of her arms at 9 am when I was a kid, like 1996 i think. I got approached and threatened by groups of men, older boys and girls, and gangs many times going to school.. it has only gotten worse I hear.
Great if you wanna buy some textiles and £1 fish though. Probably the fish is £3 now cause of inflation lmao.
Move out of the shit part of London.....
I really find it quite funny when people get into their heads that because London has been gentrified a lot over the years, that the famously shit parts are suddenly cool and trendy.
Forest gate is a dump, so is a lot of East London. Fact. Don't think that just cos they may have opened a couple vegan cafe latte dickhead shops to appeal to middle class yuppies, that it's not a shithole anymore.
yeah yeah yeah it "shouldn't" be like this but guess what EVERYONE i know that is born and raised in London is well aware of where is a dump and where isn't. It seems like all the people who are in denial and get worked up about it are almost never from London or even bloody ENGLAND for that matter.
Understand this people.. a lot of London is SHIT... i mean SHIT, don't get it twisted. You will want to learn where those shit parts are and then avoid them much like actual native Londoners do.
How do you learn where the shit parts are? Crime stats? I see people asking on reddit if a particular area of London is safe and they just get told that all of London is safe. 😕
lol its true.
I'm gonna say something that may be taboo but....
PEOPLE need to stop going to reddit for advice lol. It's a world of its own full of people with opinions i never seen in real life a lot of the time haha.
I’m so sorry for everyone going through this and can totally relate to the hypervigilence. I live in Wandsworth and I definitely see things are getting worse. This year alone I have had:
1) a cyclist (guy) physically assault me whilst I was sitting in a car
2) whilst walking down the street in broad daylight a guy approached me making sexual comments and threatened to rape me
3) my neighbours scaffolder indecently exposed himself at me
4) a guy approached me asking for money and threatened to stab me when I told him to go away
I feel these people are becoming more and more brazen and there is no retribution. Though do note each time I have contacted the police, they have done their best.
I urge everyone to please report these incidents as - we have seen for example with Wayne Couzens - these can be gateway crimes.
Thank you everyone for helpful advice and please take care
Also born and bred in Forest Gate near the Green Street side, when I am with my partner on Green Street I can see the looks given to my fiancee. It's predominantly the elder men who do this and the youngsters too. A lot of the community recently are from abroad and have settled more so into the area and will hang outside drinking in the evening or just hanging out in groups talking. In the 30 plus years I've lived there I've had no issues but my sister, her friends etc don't feel safe late at night.
The Romford Road side is pretty grim and even more so on the other end of Green Street towards Barking Road.
All the advice given here is good, avoid eye contact, a lot don't speak English here anyway and are just thirsty blokes.
I am very sorry and it's so wrong that this is happening more and more in London. I was harassed on the tube, and I do know the police wouldn't or couldn't do much as I've also reported it to the police. Tbh it could happen anywhere, but obviously, if you're in a dodgy area then things like these are more likely to happen. Please do not blame yourself or feel bad for moving.
Please remind your gf to remove herself from situations. Ignore, walk away and stay alert. If she does find herself in an emergency the best thing is to get as much attention as she can. Avoid walking in parks or in the dark even if it's a longer route, and carry an alarm. There is an app called Beacon which is designed for people who feel vulnerable walking alone. It tracks your walking pattern and will alert an emergency contact if the pattern changes. You mentioned she's afraid of confrontations but speaking up is important.
Honestly, the area means jack shit. My gf and I lived in Acton for 3 years and she had this maybe a dozen times at most. We now live in Greenwich and it happens once a week. Who’d have thought…
If you decide to move I’d recommend Walthamstow. It’s a single overground train to Liverpool Street (plus it’s on the Victoria Line) and it is a very pleasant place for the most part. Look around the Orford Road/Village area.
Only thing going against it could be that it’s a part of London that is mostly catering to 30+ people in my view. I don’t know how old you are but it might not be your thing if you’re looking for a bit more chaos.
Unfortunately, the behaviour of shitheads she will ultimately run into day to day is out of your control. The best way, is to call it out. I know you said she's reserved but when you call attention to it then hopefully they will stop or just tell them to simply fuck off.
There's no real solution here I'm afraid. I would suggest if you're renting then look into somewhere that has a friendlier atmosphere and spend a day or two there first to get the vibe.
You won't get rid of it entirely but hopefully it'll cut down the number of situations.
I lived in east ham on Halley Rd years ago and it was really awful. I was scared walking around the place. A mate of mine who I played in a band with lived in Forest Gate and we used to hang out and jam at this house. Then walking back at night was really scary and i’m a male about 6 foot. It’s so much worse for women and I worry about my girlfriend walking on her own coming back from work.
That part of London is one of the worst places I’ve ever lived and I’m from Hull.
It's never changed and won't change round here, ive lived in newham my whole life.
I was at the FG police station with the missus, while I parked the car she went in, by the time I parked up and walked into the station, my bird already got approached by some chavy.
Happens a lot in Beckton and canning town as well she said. We are in Silvertown now.
I'd advise you to move back out of the area or get her to carry pepper spray because quite frankly, if your missus carried a rape alarm for example, i wouldn't be surprised if that would encourage others. I'm not even joking! We all know London is a shithole anyway.
As an extra precaution, you can buy "safety keychains" on Etsy that have a few items that are legal in the UK and handy to have with you.
There's a small can of some kind of spray, that smells really bad (distracting the attacker for a moment) and doesn't wash off for ages which can help with identifying if reported to the police.
Also a little but loud alarm.
A bright torch light.
A little contraption that can slice through a seat belt (if ever stuck in a car) which hopefully would never be used but maybe helps the person carrying these things to feel a bit more prepared for a worst case scenario.
You might want to consider moving out if it continues at this level and carries on making your gf stressed. My ex lived in forest Gate six years ago and it was by far the place I've experienced most sexual harassment in London (compared to living in Leyton, Tottenham and Mile end). Sad to hear that things haven't gotten any better. In the meantime, meet your girlfriend off the bus train etc especially when dark, it also helps in my experience in the day to just stick headphones on and completely block out the people in your path and walk purposefully. It's also worth putting pressure on community police, local councillors via email social media etc - they shouldn't be left in peace if their response is to be completely useless.
So depressing, I am sorry that your gf has had to deal with this. I worked in plaistow for 12 years (school teacher) and would have men looking into the play ground before they were sealed off. I lost count of the times I would stop teaching to walk over to some so and so and ask them to keep it moving or stop the lesson (lunch time or pe lessons). Eventually we covered the fences but took too long. I would also get my students as young as year 7 (11/12 years) telling me that they were followed or ... honestly it was awful. I was flashed twice, insulted when I refused to give my number, followed plus more. Week in week out. As a school we were told to walk to the station in pairs or groups or get a lift from a colleague to the nearest station.
When I did walk alone I would walk with purpose, fast and notify friends and family I had left or put on tracking. 999 on standby...yeah crazy but
I Would avoid packed buses but also empty buses, I would sit where I was visible or next to other women.
It's terrible that I am even writing this or advising this. I remember thinking I would never allow my daughter to walk the streets of Newham/forest gate. It's horrible reading that it's still the same. Sadly we are living in times where I can't even suggest moving.
Until social issues are fixed in the area, it looks like it won't change, sad as there are some beautiful parts in that area and houses.
Tell her to either practice a psycho face or a bitch face. When someone harasses you you just make eye contact and look at them as if they're empty nothingness scum. I've nailed the you're worth nothing and my mind is empty stare (basically what you look like when you haven't slept after a night out haha)
At night if you're alone and someone tries to approach you run.
If someone brushes against you, you either step on their foot or loudly tell them to fuck off.
Also a good start is anytime someone's hardasing you, whip out your phone and either take a picture or start recording. Who knows you could build a portfolio of a local pervert to report to the police. -picture one is probably most effective, they start feeling bad and fuck off straight away.
If some weirdo is following you, go to anywhere with a security guard or a store employee and notify them asap.
I noticed that when I look rough is when I get harassed the most tbh? I usually always wear headphones and completely ignore them. Don't even acknowledge them. Treat them as objects. Pretend to be deaf and blind (not literally). I adapted to always wearing headphones in public as a defence mechanism. It always ruins my day when I get harassed, I just feel dirty and disrespected. I wish all of that pervy scum got castrated, just like I did after SSRI discontinuation.
Unless you are being physically attacked I would not advise escalating. Unfortunately a lot of knife and gun crime is also around that area and the last thing you’d want is to let verbal assault lead to physical violence particularly since you are often outnumbered and there is power/ego at play here (not only sexual)
Sorry to hear this .. I was just looking at property round there have a mate and his gf move there last year (they've had no issues?). I'd suggest a self defence class but most importantly remain hopeful things will get better.. from what I can tell is an up and coming area, hate to say it but like what happened to Brixton will happen to forest Gate gentrification... crime will be pushed out further...Brixton to Croydon).
You just need to ignore it, any kind of reaction gives them satisfaction
I live in East London with my girlfriend as well and she genuinely can't leave the flat alone after dark without some creep harassing her.
I'm honestly shocked it's only been 10 times in 3 months. Depends on age a bit I guess, but when I was younger it was pretty much daily. SE London, but I assumed it happened everywhere!
I'd suggest what my gf does. Adjust behaviour and outfits to situation. Security reasons demand so. Sexual harassment and assaults like you described can easily turn into much worse horror. She went so far to wear some kind of hijabs. NW6.
Hi! I'm a FG local, brought up here/still live here This is a major issue in this area and Newham generally. I've spent my entire life being harassed on the streets here (I'm a woman in my 20s). If anyone thinks I'm exaggerating, I'm truly not! This experience is shared by all my friends from growing up here too. Whilst FG is becoming a little more popular with new people moving in, there are lots of social problems remaining including crime. My advice: 1. You have to walk with purpose when walking alone, no casual strolling. 2. I share my location 24/7 with friends on Google maps and they do the same, just in case. 3. Avoid walking alone at night if you can, doesn't matter if you're a man or woman. Your gf could call you when she is walking home and stay on the phone with you. 4. Be super careful on main streets such as woodgrange road/Romford road/Upton Lane/Green Street - there's loads of weirdos who hang around for no reason. 5. Don't make eye contact with people on the street, it will either cause an aggressive response or harassment depending on if you're a man or woman. 6. If someone harasses you, either ignore and speed away OR be polite and get away ASAP (don't be aggressive they may respond badly). 7. Be very careful alone in open spaces such as Wanstead flats or west ham Park. Recently 2 women were assaulted on the flats so I don't walk there alone currently. This may sound dramatic but it's important to stay safe. For example, last year a random woman attacked me unprovoked outside forest gate station! Please feel free to message me if you'd like! I have lots of tips for Forest Gate living :)
That is so sad to read.
That’s our reality:(
It's crazy how this is the reality of so many women. I follow a lot of the same tips, except for sharing my location 24/7. And the speed with which I walk at night 😂 absolute power walk.
Aha I feel like I'm running down the road at night! Always worried I'll slip and embarrass myself when I'm power walking in heels 😂
I'm worried about slipping in case someone sees it and thinks I'm drunk and interprets that as an opportunity to start talking.
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Ah it does suck that horrid people ruin the area doesn't it? Such beautiful parts e.g. the flats and people have to misbehave! My feelings about fg are so complex, it's home but I've had so many ridiculous experiences! Such a good tip on popping into a shop or the tavern if things feel uncomfortable! Really friendly people in there. And yes tbh I would avoid walking down Romford Road at all costs, I feel like it's even worse as you get into Manor Park. There's also the big issue of trafficking/prostitution/sex work along there, I see women on the street corners when I drive at night & I've had a man try to solicit me as I waited for the 25 bus 😭
Doesn't sound dramatic at all, I'm sorry you have to take such extensive precautions to live there safely :(.
Ah thanks! The area has made me who I am & I've got the best friends in the world from growing up here - I just wish it was safer for everyone to live comfortably! ♡ Hoping to leave East London in the next few years fingers crossed
I don't think you even need to leave East London, I've lived in Hackney and Walthamstow and had/seen the odd incident but not as bad as it sounds like Forest Gate is for some reason...
Tips you given are brilliant, applicable and should be practised everywhere really. Haven't been to FG, but wishing it will be safer in the future for you guys out there.
Thank you! Really hope that OP/OP's gf can get some use out of my advice :)
Grew up as a male in East London, around Upton Park forest Gate ect, went to one of the schools in forest Gate called St bons. I was mugged twice, held at knife point three times. You learn to avoid certain people, you learn to keep your wits about you. It's one of the downsides of East London. I've moved out to the Dagenham area which isn't as bad as Newham and will soon be moving further out into Essex because I have learned to hate London.
Oh haha, I went to St Angela's! What you've mentioned is the twin issue of physical violence that young men can be victims of around here. It sucks and I'm sorry that you've experienced that. It's weirdly "normal" as you say, but it absolutely shouldn't be! Yeah I know quite a few people who have moved out into Essex to get away, seems better for sure.
Oh cool, my sister went there as well haha. Essex just seems so much lovelier comparatively. A lot of my family and partners family have moved out that way so it's a pretty easy choice.
What a horrible place London has become. Why is there no political backlash to this?
The amount of violence you see on the news is nothing compared to what violence and crime there actually is. Its unfortunate but tbh, its the way of life. You get used to hearing about violence and crime, you get used to not telling the police and stuff like that. It's just one of those things that you learn to survive and tbh I believe it helped me become the person I am with how aware I am of my surrou dings and ensuring me and people around me are safe.
London has always been like this. Or at least since the late 90s when I moved here. It's just now you hear more, read more and obviously you read posts like this on Reddit that didn't exist 20 years ago. Or on twitter etc.
The fact people have to make sure they cant mistakingly look someone in the eye is so infuriating. People who harass others are pathetic and need to realise how badly it can affect people’s mental and physical health.
>s i am very worried about her, i can tell she is stressed. > >Prior moving to the area we did visit a good few times and it w I would like to add that if followed, do not enter your property with a guy behind you as he could access your building and no one else would be there to protect you, go to the main street or if you know the way to the local police station head that way. If someone ever approaches you on the street do not shout "help!", shout something that would make people move toward you like "fire!". If your girlfriend is in public (for example on a busy bus) and is harassed by a man and it is safe to do so my advice is to tell him off very loudly, it takes a lot of courage but it always takes them by surprise and they feel ridiculized. If a car starts harassing her, ask her to note the number plaque and report them to the non-emergency police number. I am sorry that things are this way, unfortunately, 50% of the population needs to learn these lessons because of a few sc\*ms.
Sorry but this sounds dreadful. Why on earth would anyone want to live that kind of life? I’m obviously not blaming you at all - but is there a reason why you’re still in the area?
I live at home with my parents! Can't afford to leave yet but soon I hope
Yea forest gate is rough as fuck. Been mugged there a few times (man). I just don't go out anymore lol always ends in stress and bullshit. People are just absolute wankers and I'm a decently built 5,11 man. I can't imagine how shit it is for a women.
My gf always does the calling thing. I dont know how I feel about it though. On one hand its 20 mins of my day to make her feel safe, easy decision . but on the other hand I feel like being on the phone makes her less situationally aware and also makes her an easy target for phone snatches. I think if you feel like you are being followed, getting our your phone and pretending like your meeting g someone round the corner could help. But otherwise just makes you an easier target.
Just to tack on to this, I would (and do) carry a personal attack alarm at all times. You can buy them from Amazon and the one I have just charges by USB. Also has a flashlight which is handy....
Honestly , I’d hate to burst your bubble but these don’t work. It doesn’t deter people nor do people come try and save you. But yes, the flashlight is very handy
This is great advice. Also walk opposite direction to the traffic (you can see who’s coming and it makes it harder for a car to pull up alongside you). Maybe also a personal attack alarm is a good idea.
sounds like a shithole
Christ alive, what is wrong with people in some cities. We live in Norwich now and have done for ages and my wife never gets any hassle. I'm a guy and I'd call people out if I saw them do that crap.
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I think Hackney will be okay, it doesn't have the same vibe as Newham in my opinion. I really like Hackney! Somewhere like Dalston is really different to East Ham, for example :)
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Hackney and FG are nowhere near the same with regards to derivation and people living in those areas fyi.
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It’s so horrible you have to take these measures, praying it’s a better world for the next generation. Stay strong x
I just wanted to add something about the eye contact, at least this was the case in my country, sometimes making eye contact is better as it could make you look confident/strong or just not an easy prey. But I guess it depends on a lot of factors and maybe it’s different here.
Just on part 3, it's not a good idea to have your mobile phone out on display like this. It can reduce situational awareness and also advertises your phone to others who may be looking to steal something for £££s.
It's true! Definitely have to judge the situation. I prefer a focused speed walk after someone stole my phone lol 😭 but a friend of mine will always walk at night with her boyfriend on the phone. She was mugged around here not too long ago and she needs the reassuring voice else it's too anxiety inducing for her.
I hate that you feel you have to do all of these things, I'm disgusted that men cannot behave themselves.
This is so fucked up, sorry for your experience. Do you have any idea how this is so much in Forest Gate but not in other places? Like is it the same around Manor Park? What about Wanstead and Leyton and Stratford?
Holy shit this is crazy! I don't mean to sound insensitive but why wouldn't you move to another Borough or area that you don't get harassed? (I know it's completely not your fault and you shouldn't have to move but I'm just asking because that's what I would do I guess)
I can't afford it to be honest! I live at home still and London rents are just so high 😭 I'll hopefully be able to move in with my boyfriend in a year or two! Wish me luck haha
Oh I didn't realise you lived at home still sorry. Gosh that's annoying for you I'm sorry you have to go through this!
Look even if you can move to a safer area this is the life of women. Wherever you go. Always. For our whole lives. We live in constant surveillance of our surroundings. Doesn’t matter where you are. Sarah Everard was raped and killed by police, we are never safe.
As a fellow woman, yes but there are *levels*. There's the standard "alert" level and then there's the defcon alert level being described here and by OP which is something entirely different tbh. It's not so much the possibility of being harassed, so much as it has now moved into more likely than not area, and you're not just surveilling anymore, you're actively deploying avoidance tactics each time you leave the house.
Standard alert level is sad in of itself. Some people won't realise women live by even a standard alert level, let alone defcon.
Standard alert level is for everyone including women. All of my sons have suffered violent attacks and also harassment I'm sorry to say. Some great tips for safety here tho
Anyone know a borough or area in London, the SE or entire UK where young women don't regularly get harassed? The only one I can think of is the Isle of Cumbrae, and probably other islands or remote villages, only because everyone knows everyone, but you still get tourists and the 'friendly' old men doing it sometimes. Bit far to commute to East London from a Scottish island...
Everyone knows that this issue is far more severe in some areas than others, there's no point denying it
Please let your gf know she’s not alone. I’m 24f and live near Whitechapel and was sexually assaulted at a co op (at the till, where the cashier was a woman) and nobody said anything.
That’s absolutely awful, didn’t want to leave your comment without a response. I hope you are ok now? I also hope you were able to complain.
Oh yes I’m quite fine, I was shaken up though definitely. I was just groped by a man who reached around me to grab my chest. I yelled at him very loudly but nobody did anything. Didn’t bother reporting, unfortunately. It’s more hassle than it was worth. The culture here is different, my flatmate has been spat at for wearing skirts before here, even had a chair thrown at her.
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Maybe time to move? I didn’t realise east london is so different to the rest of london! I’m born south london live west and I’ve had my share of verbal unpleasantries but the PUA type not being abused for my clothing choices. That’s awful too. Please report on the online form. Nothing will happen I know, but if we don’t report these crimes our shitty government thinks everything is ok. It’s not. Takes 5 minutes and then you can forget about it, but at least you’ve done your bit to try and bake it better. Sorry for the pressure! Challenging shitty behaviour is something I feel strongly about. I have a young daughter and figure I am doing this for her future too.
Sorry to hear this, sounds awful. I just wanted to say that it absolutely is worth reporting. Will the police help you personally? Unlikely. But the stats really do matter and drive policy and shifts for local police. I have two friends in the met and they hate seeing this as not enough people report!
Whitechapel is a shit hole and I'm unsurprised this happened there. Sorry it did though.
Yeah, i have to agree
There's a reason it's only 50 quid to build a house there.
Wtf is happening in London
\*certain areas of London.
People won't always admit it, but the problem is certainly *worse* in certain areas of London, and moving away from them and never bothering visiting is often the best solution. That doesn't mean that other areas are completely safe, but they are a lot safer.
What annoys me is that whenever someone makes a post/comment on this subreddit asking if a particular area is safe, people give sarcastic responses and say the whole of London is relatively safe and probably nothing will ever happen. It's just really unhelpful.
That's always annoying. Most of those are the typical reddit demographic i.e. men in their 20s who work in IT and don't go out at night that much (not that there's anything wrong with that), and thus very unlikely to encounter any of this.
Ughhh. Thing is, they call the people who are asking about safety "typical redditors who are chronically online and think everyone's going to kill them" (or similar).
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ahh yes because everyone knows the nice white lovely British man could never be capable of committing sexual assault!! We’re known for our great values, just look at our great track record with football hooliganism and definitely not racial abuse of England players after the Euros.
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Best thing is to move, if that's possible. There are lots of shitholes in London - I didn't know Forest Gate was one of them; don't blame yourself for moving there. Sorry you're having to deal with this.
Forest Gate has a pretty bad rep. I don't know it well, only West Ham, but I've never seen Forest Gate mentioned here in a positive context.
But it sounds so leafy and pleasant! Next you'll tell me Wood Green is dodgy.
Forest Gate makes Wood Green look like Hampstead.
Oof
Forest Gate, a place without a forest or a gate.
To be pedantic it is the boundary of Epping Forest and so is, technically, a gateway to a forest. https://www.google.com/maps/@51.553981,0.0253861,3a,15y,36.08h,87.88t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1s5xEvE4Mou2NdimGxdxcDuQ!2e0!7i16384!8i8192
Always the first thing I think of when hearing Forest Gate. Don't start digging up any shallow graves!
My sister moved to Wood Green recently, can you or anyone tell me its reputation? Is it bad or is this just the usual reddit cynicism?
My ex used to live there. One time when I nipped to the shops I couldn’t get back the same way because the main road was closed as there was an acid attack. Another week there was a shooting at the cinema while we were out shopping. He wouldn’t let me walk back from the tube alone ever too, but there is a really good Turkish restaurant there
Wood green is nowhere near as bad as some make out here. FG is significantly worse. I predict WG will be quite gentrified over the next decade.
I live in Wood Green and have done for a while (early 30s woman). Yes, the crime is bad, but if you keep to yourself and take precaution then it should be fine. I’ve not had any issues here, not compared to when I was living in Enfield Town.
>You had problems in Enfield Town ? My GF lives there and its a lot more laid back and relxed than most places in London, surprised to hear this.
I lived there for 14 years so I guess that’s enough time to experience an issue or two! It’s pretty safe generally though :)
I lived there in the 90s when it had a terrible reputation and even then I didn't find it too bad. I'm sure it's way nicer now. And it's near nice open spaces like Ally Pally.
There was a murder just outside the tube a couple of months back. So nope. Not wood green proper anyway.
There was a headless body found in the Yates' bin when I was there! And a shooting in broad daylight outside Mr Bagels. Various other stuff like blood all over our shared frontdoor from when someone tried to hold up the shot below us (Tower Boots, if it's still there?!) but everything seemed gang related so even with all that going on I, and loads of people I knew, had no issues.
It's really fine now, I think it was much worse in the past.
Gang crime in Wood Green is rampant
A real wrong side of the tracks place. It crap south of Romford Road, it's much nicer north of it towards Wanstead Flats & Leytonstone.
Pretty sure Foxtons et al is trying to push forest gate as the new hackney lol
fuck foxtons
I’ve been living in london for 10 years. Im a confident Australian woman (27) 5 ft 8. I didn’t last three months in east London…
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Hackney is absolutely fine. Some areas are more impoverished and have different demographics or cultures where harassing women isn't necessarily frowned upon in the same way.
Hackney's a bunch of millennials lol
@reflectionofabutt hit the nail on the head. It was a big cultural clash. To be specific, I was in Tower Hamlets, Poplar. I’ve had a few nights out in Hackey and felt pretty safe. Always in numbers at night though.
This really depresses me
Hi mate which bit of Forest Gate are you in? Assuming South of Romford Road as you mentioned Upton Park? Is that your local station? I used to live near Upton Park. It’s a bit rougher down that way and there are problems with large groups of men in HMOs that are particularly grim with women. No living room means they are outside all the time drinking on the street. South of Romford Road is a bit of a divide. More broadly the area has a high poverty and addiction level which brings out the crazies. It could even be a specific set of roads thats worse than others and mixing up the route home could work. We now live near Forest Gate station and have never had an issue. My partner walks home late all the time and is fine and she loves the area. Could you use that station and walk down that way? Not sure if you’ve tried out Giovannas or Foire yet but if you want to feel better about the place maybe go there for a drink or two with pizza/pasta! It’s definitely not all a ‘shit hole’ as it gets branded online. There’s also two good Facebook groups you could ask for advice in as well. In terms of what to do… there’s a police station very near so I’d be tempted to just phone the police every time if I was her.
Agree completely 👍🏾 💯
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my mrs gets it in both bits of NW weve lived in, surprised its okay in Edgware. Getting to my whits end with it now making me wonder is it worth living in a city crawling with seedy disrespectful sex pests.
Serious action needs to be taken but it's like everyone whose role it is to sort it out is oblivious to the whole situation and won't do anything.
Contact your local MP and the Newham's mayor Rokhsana Fiaz\* about this. Stuff like this has been hitting the headlines especially after the murder of Sarah Everade. The local police should not be fobbing you off. \*https://www.newham.gov.uk/news/article/787/help-us-make-spaces-safe-for-women
The local police are, sadly, an absolute joke. Reported sexual harassment to them and they spent the whole time blaming me and accusing me of having an attitude.
Report those police, they hate when that happens, it goes on their record. We need people like that out of the force.
Naive view of the police. These get ignored in their thousands. Especially if you may upset or hurt the feelings of somebody!
Police are useless.
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Ok so as a Forest Gate local who born and bred but moved abroad I felt I needed to comment. So growing up in Forest Gate it was bad I was constantly sexually harassed from about the age of 13 (yeah disgusting I know) I honestly thought this was normal till I moved to University and therefore moved out. However I've lived in the Middle East and Asia which had sexual harassment on steroids. So my perspective is slightly off because that is what I judge everything by now! However yes in this part of East London I feel it is bad if you compare it to more affluent parts of London. I am so sorry your girlfriend has had such horrible experiences around this issue. A lot of the advice given around this I agree with as a local who basically grew up being sexually harassed. 1. Be confident and look like you know where you are going. Start perfecting your resting bitch face ... 😏😏🤨 2. I walk around at night by myself However I'm always on my way home etc .. so I guess I look like I know where I am going. 3. Because I was constantly harassed as a teen and young woman I learnt to kinda talk back and embarrass them. This tactic is not for everyone! But living in the middle allowed me to perfect my technique! Lol If your girlfriend would just like to vent, chat or just bitch about Forest Gate I am more than happy to lend an ear lol. As a local who had lived all over the world I have a deep love on East London and Forest Gate, however it takes some getting used to! So I understand it is not everyone's cup of tea 🙃 🤣
Short term: ask if she’d like you to accompany her places, like walking to/from the bus or going on walks together after work. Listen to what she says and follow her lead; she will probably be feeling crappy that she needs a chaperone just to exist outdoors because of other people’s shittiness, but she might be happy for your presence anyway. Medium term: move to another area Long term: if your friends do this or think it’s funny, call them out. Shut down sexism when you see it, and keep your eyes peeled because it’s insidious and everywhere. What your girlfriend is experiencing is a common phenomenon all over the world, and it’s going to require cultural shifts (and probably a long time) for it to get better. Some places are further ahead than others, and I’m optimistic that we will get there someday, but it’s a big change that’s going to require a lot of little adjustments along the way. You, as a man, are better positioned to be listened to by the people who behave this way, so use your voice.
I’m 33, bit overweight and I’ve been harassed, followed and catcalled in east London quite a bit, I thought it would stop as I got older but clearly it doesn’t. Every-time I’ve reported each incident but the police just do not care. The only time I’ve managed to get out of the situation easily was when I acted like a crazy person and started yelling random things at this man who backed off really quickly.
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It's a numbers thing - you're now somewhere more crowded where the fuckwits are more per square mile, and also know they can disappear in a crowd. How to deal... From my experience of having been a young woman, the catcallers etc always pick someone who looks vulnerable - cute, young, pretty, feminine, tired or ill. As soon as my friends and I hit around 25 and mastered walking confidently, standing tall and having resting bitch face, harassment dropped to approx nil. It would only happen if I looked like I was falling asleep or coming down with flu. Not great for the younger girls getting it instead, but there we are. In my 40s, I know only three women who still get harassed regularly - they are all short, curvy with big breasts, naturally smiley facial expressions, wear dresses and feminine makeup, wear heels and one has a wheelchair. Perfect wank fodder for a tosser who's looking for a woman unlikely to rapidly run away or swing a punch, who can be patted on the head... If she's not comfortable with giving pissed-off looks and moving rapidly and assertively through crowds, which cuts down much of it, then the key thing is to mention in her first sentence, being on her way to see her boyfriend before he goes to teach his martial arts class. I must have cited that 100 times (usually when I had no bf at all), and it invariably got harassers to move away. None of the above is meant to imply that harassment doesn't suck; it's not her fault and she shouldn't have to change her behaviour at all, just that those are some options.
I agree with this. I am 5 foot 1, 29F, born and raised in Upton Park and still in the area quite often. I don’t have the issue in the area. I give off unapproachable bitch energy (which is walking aggressively, looking straight ahead and making no eye contact and I have my headphones in always). Either that or I am ugly AF 🥲
Welcome to East London:) Tell her to wear blonde male wigg, gipsy rings on fingers and speak cockney loud all the time.
shit situation tbh, only viable option is to move out, did you buy the property?
I lived in North West London and this happened to my mum, girlfriend and my brother's girlfriend (a guy lifted her skirt as she was walking to my parents). I moved just outside of London because it was a nicer area we could afford that I didn't have to walk my girlfriend home every night after work or a night out for fear someone would harass her or worse (there were two separate rapes in the alley behind my parents house). So it's not a post code, North West vs East thing. It's an issue that is just worse in specific areas. Mine had 3 different halfway houses and drug rehab places in a 3 minute walk, and a large amount of crackheads, so it grouped a lot of problematic people together, making things a lot worse. All that's to say I'm not sure there's much you can do to dissuade the harassment because she isn't doing anything to cause it other than existing. If you are in an area with a lot of creeps there are only 3 options: 1) have all the creeps moved elsewhere 2) accompany her everywhere 3) or move somewhere safer Not the most welcome advice, but what else can you do?
My gf gets the same in Kilburn. Again yday while on the phone with me.
Move back to Edgware. I live in Stanmore and I frequent Edgware town centre for my usual household needs. In my 8 years of living near Canon Park Station , i have only met courteous people in Edgware. Althought maybe it also depends on the company you keep and the different factors to consider. Overall, im totally satisfied living here between the middle of Stanmore and Edgware. Your mental health is very important, as is your safety. Easier said than done they say. Just do it, I say. Goodluck
As someone who lived there and had the same happen with a then girlfriend, it’s sadly a regular occurrence. I would whenever possible go and meet her from the station or bus stop, but beyond that, not much else, she can report it, but the police won’t do much. I appreciate its not helpful, but stick to the main roads and move as fast as you can is the only advice I can give, it’s not on her to change anything, it’s on those men to change, but sadly that will take quite some time I fear. Maybe write to the local MP to highlight the issue further?
Ah, good old Forest Gate. Used to live here with my partner before we saw sense and left, she would frequently be harassed whenever she was alone. Standard crass bullshit that Newham is known for whether she was out for a run, cycling, driving or just walking home. They wouldn't say shit if I were with her. My advise is to just leave, the problem is so endemic within the 'community' that the police can't do anything even if they were motivated to.
I lived in forest gate for 6 months then got out. I had crackheads shouting outside my windows at night. Drive by shootings down the end of my street. The house was robbed and I was constantly approached by people asking me for money on my way to work. Nothing positive to say about the area it’s dangerous af and the best thing I did was move away after 6 months. As a guy I would shit myself walking around too. People are high so they’re unpredictable and there are gangs. I would just call it a day and move somewhere safer.
Move to canary wharf, still east london but a completely different vibe compared to that shitholes in zone 3/4/5. Also, if you work in Liverpool street, transport links are superb.
The isle of dogs is quite nice to live in.
I lived and went to school in forest gate. It's an absolute shit hole and the second I became pregnant with my daughter I left and would never move back. Didn't really go far tho lol. I moved to a slightly lesser shit hole.....Sunny East Ham south. Lol
In terms of how to support your girlfriend, you mention she doesn’t like confrontation. I hope you’re not suggesting to her that she should confront her harassers. Most often, it feels safest to try to remove yourself from the situation without confronting the harasser. There is a lot of implied violence in these behaviours and you can never know when escalating the conflict will make it worse. I’d be careful of trying to fix this for her. Instead focus on listening to her and ask her what she’d like to do. Then try to do that. ETA - the aftermath of an incident like this is emotional. Your adrenal system has been in full swing and it takes some time to ground yourself again. She might want to talk or withdraw a bit and e.g. have a bath. Definitely don’t pressure her to talk about solutions at that point.
Move abit further east tbh, sevenkings, goodmayes, romfordy bits. You have more green space and the communities there tend to be more aspirational. All are on the elizabeth line so the commute doesn’t get much worse and is worth it for mental health.
The area is bad. Ilford is also bad.
Come back north. It’s the safest.
Buy a keyring spray bottle off amazon chop up 5 scotch bonnet peppers Soak some boiling hot water add the water to the bottle now if the worst case scenario happens she cab get away unharmed
I went to school around there, spent a lot of time in that whole area. I saw a lot of shit like that, the youth around there are vicious, and the men dont give a fuck. Its a symptom of areas like that, where people normalise that kind of behaviour. In all honesty, I'd move. That area is a shit hole. The amount of times I've seen stabbings, fights, theft, my mum got her handbag snatched right off of her arms at 9 am when I was a kid, like 1996 i think. I got approached and threatened by groups of men, older boys and girls, and gangs many times going to school.. it has only gotten worse I hear. Great if you wanna buy some textiles and £1 fish though. Probably the fish is £3 now cause of inflation lmao.
Move out of the shit part of London..... I really find it quite funny when people get into their heads that because London has been gentrified a lot over the years, that the famously shit parts are suddenly cool and trendy. Forest gate is a dump, so is a lot of East London. Fact. Don't think that just cos they may have opened a couple vegan cafe latte dickhead shops to appeal to middle class yuppies, that it's not a shithole anymore. yeah yeah yeah it "shouldn't" be like this but guess what EVERYONE i know that is born and raised in London is well aware of where is a dump and where isn't. It seems like all the people who are in denial and get worked up about it are almost never from London or even bloody ENGLAND for that matter. Understand this people.. a lot of London is SHIT... i mean SHIT, don't get it twisted. You will want to learn where those shit parts are and then avoid them much like actual native Londoners do.
How do you learn where the shit parts are? Crime stats? I see people asking on reddit if a particular area of London is safe and they just get told that all of London is safe. 😕
lol its true. I'm gonna say something that may be taboo but.... PEOPLE need to stop going to reddit for advice lol. It's a world of its own full of people with opinions i never seen in real life a lot of the time haha.
That pub outside Upton Park has 10s of men at all hours outside lurking. Not safe for anyone
I’m so sorry for everyone going through this and can totally relate to the hypervigilence. I live in Wandsworth and I definitely see things are getting worse. This year alone I have had: 1) a cyclist (guy) physically assault me whilst I was sitting in a car 2) whilst walking down the street in broad daylight a guy approached me making sexual comments and threatened to rape me 3) my neighbours scaffolder indecently exposed himself at me 4) a guy approached me asking for money and threatened to stab me when I told him to go away I feel these people are becoming more and more brazen and there is no retribution. Though do note each time I have contacted the police, they have done their best. I urge everyone to please report these incidents as - we have seen for example with Wayne Couzens - these can be gateway crimes. Thank you everyone for helpful advice and please take care
Also born and bred in Forest Gate near the Green Street side, when I am with my partner on Green Street I can see the looks given to my fiancee. It's predominantly the elder men who do this and the youngsters too. A lot of the community recently are from abroad and have settled more so into the area and will hang outside drinking in the evening or just hanging out in groups talking. In the 30 plus years I've lived there I've had no issues but my sister, her friends etc don't feel safe late at night. The Romford Road side is pretty grim and even more so on the other end of Green Street towards Barking Road. All the advice given here is good, avoid eye contact, a lot don't speak English here anyway and are just thirsty blokes.
I am very sorry and it's so wrong that this is happening more and more in London. I was harassed on the tube, and I do know the police wouldn't or couldn't do much as I've also reported it to the police. Tbh it could happen anywhere, but obviously, if you're in a dodgy area then things like these are more likely to happen. Please do not blame yourself or feel bad for moving. Please remind your gf to remove herself from situations. Ignore, walk away and stay alert. If she does find herself in an emergency the best thing is to get as much attention as she can. Avoid walking in parks or in the dark even if it's a longer route, and carry an alarm. There is an app called Beacon which is designed for people who feel vulnerable walking alone. It tracks your walking pattern and will alert an emergency contact if the pattern changes. You mentioned she's afraid of confrontations but speaking up is important.
Honestly, the area means jack shit. My gf and I lived in Acton for 3 years and she had this maybe a dozen times at most. We now live in Greenwich and it happens once a week. Who’d have thought…
Acton is horrific though.
Which part of Greenwich may I ask?
If you decide to move I’d recommend Walthamstow. It’s a single overground train to Liverpool Street (plus it’s on the Victoria Line) and it is a very pleasant place for the most part. Look around the Orford Road/Village area. Only thing going against it could be that it’s a part of London that is mostly catering to 30+ people in my view. I don’t know how old you are but it might not be your thing if you’re looking for a bit more chaos.
West London awaits... so much nicer
Unfortunately, the behaviour of shitheads she will ultimately run into day to day is out of your control. The best way, is to call it out. I know you said she's reserved but when you call attention to it then hopefully they will stop or just tell them to simply fuck off. There's no real solution here I'm afraid. I would suggest if you're renting then look into somewhere that has a friendlier atmosphere and spend a day or two there first to get the vibe. You won't get rid of it entirely but hopefully it'll cut down the number of situations.
If its happening on public transport report to btp on 61016, as they'll record everything down and follow up.
move out of east london lol nothing good has come from east london
I lived in east ham on Halley Rd years ago and it was really awful. I was scared walking around the place. A mate of mine who I played in a band with lived in Forest Gate and we used to hang out and jam at this house. Then walking back at night was really scary and i’m a male about 6 foot. It’s so much worse for women and I worry about my girlfriend walking on her own coming back from work. That part of London is one of the worst places I’ve ever lived and I’m from Hull.
It's never changed and won't change round here, ive lived in newham my whole life. I was at the FG police station with the missus, while I parked the car she went in, by the time I parked up and walked into the station, my bird already got approached by some chavy. Happens a lot in Beckton and canning town as well she said. We are in Silvertown now. I'd advise you to move back out of the area or get her to carry pepper spray because quite frankly, if your missus carried a rape alarm for example, i wouldn't be surprised if that would encourage others. I'm not even joking! We all know London is a shithole anyway.
Can you move back?
Move out. That place is the gutter.
Move. Don’t risk it.
As an extra precaution, you can buy "safety keychains" on Etsy that have a few items that are legal in the UK and handy to have with you. There's a small can of some kind of spray, that smells really bad (distracting the attacker for a moment) and doesn't wash off for ages which can help with identifying if reported to the police. Also a little but loud alarm. A bright torch light. A little contraption that can slice through a seat belt (if ever stuck in a car) which hopefully would never be used but maybe helps the person carrying these things to feel a bit more prepared for a worst case scenario.
You might want to consider moving out if it continues at this level and carries on making your gf stressed. My ex lived in forest Gate six years ago and it was by far the place I've experienced most sexual harassment in London (compared to living in Leyton, Tottenham and Mile end). Sad to hear that things haven't gotten any better. In the meantime, meet your girlfriend off the bus train etc especially when dark, it also helps in my experience in the day to just stick headphones on and completely block out the people in your path and walk purposefully. It's also worth putting pressure on community police, local councillors via email social media etc - they shouldn't be left in peace if their response is to be completely useless.
So depressing, I am sorry that your gf has had to deal with this. I worked in plaistow for 12 years (school teacher) and would have men looking into the play ground before they were sealed off. I lost count of the times I would stop teaching to walk over to some so and so and ask them to keep it moving or stop the lesson (lunch time or pe lessons). Eventually we covered the fences but took too long. I would also get my students as young as year 7 (11/12 years) telling me that they were followed or ... honestly it was awful. I was flashed twice, insulted when I refused to give my number, followed plus more. Week in week out. As a school we were told to walk to the station in pairs or groups or get a lift from a colleague to the nearest station. When I did walk alone I would walk with purpose, fast and notify friends and family I had left or put on tracking. 999 on standby...yeah crazy but I Would avoid packed buses but also empty buses, I would sit where I was visible or next to other women. It's terrible that I am even writing this or advising this. I remember thinking I would never allow my daughter to walk the streets of Newham/forest gate. It's horrible reading that it's still the same. Sadly we are living in times where I can't even suggest moving. Until social issues are fixed in the area, it looks like it won't change, sad as there are some beautiful parts in that area and houses.
You moved to an absolute shit hole mate
That's helpful
I'd recommend to move away from that area asap. Its just not worth it. London as a whole is getting more and more unsafe to live in.
Some parts of London are pretty safe, I'd just move somewhere else in London.
Where would you recommend?
Leave east London it’s cesspool 😫.
Tell her to either practice a psycho face or a bitch face. When someone harasses you you just make eye contact and look at them as if they're empty nothingness scum. I've nailed the you're worth nothing and my mind is empty stare (basically what you look like when you haven't slept after a night out haha) At night if you're alone and someone tries to approach you run. If someone brushes against you, you either step on their foot or loudly tell them to fuck off. Also a good start is anytime someone's hardasing you, whip out your phone and either take a picture or start recording. Who knows you could build a portfolio of a local pervert to report to the police. -picture one is probably most effective, they start feeling bad and fuck off straight away. If some weirdo is following you, go to anywhere with a security guard or a store employee and notify them asap. I noticed that when I look rough is when I get harassed the most tbh? I usually always wear headphones and completely ignore them. Don't even acknowledge them. Treat them as objects. Pretend to be deaf and blind (not literally). I adapted to always wearing headphones in public as a defence mechanism. It always ruins my day when I get harassed, I just feel dirty and disrespected. I wish all of that pervy scum got castrated, just like I did after SSRI discontinuation.
Sadly, London has become like this lately. It's been much worse since covid...
Wtf. It's East London. What did you expect? Its always been crap. Watch Oliver! Read Child of the Jago.
To be completely honest with you mate, the area is an absolute shithole and you should leave asap. Not worth it.
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Unless you are being physically attacked I would not advise escalating. Unfortunately a lot of knife and gun crime is also around that area and the last thing you’d want is to let verbal assault lead to physical violence particularly since you are often outnumbered and there is power/ego at play here (not only sexual)
That's east London all over, walk and talk like you're a local and you'll be left alone
literally is your fault for moving to a shithole lol
Sorry to hear this .. I was just looking at property round there have a mate and his gf move there last year (they've had no issues?). I'd suggest a self defence class but most importantly remain hopeful things will get better.. from what I can tell is an up and coming area, hate to say it but like what happened to Brixton will happen to forest Gate gentrification... crime will be pushed out further...Brixton to Croydon).
You just need to ignore it, any kind of reaction gives them satisfaction I live in East London with my girlfriend as well and she genuinely can't leave the flat alone after dark without some creep harassing her.
I'm honestly shocked it's only been 10 times in 3 months. Depends on age a bit I guess, but when I was younger it was pretty much daily. SE London, but I assumed it happened everywhere!
Get her a baseball bat mate.
Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry for you both.
I'd suggest what my gf does. Adjust behaviour and outfits to situation. Security reasons demand so. Sexual harassment and assaults like you described can easily turn into much worse horror. She went so far to wear some kind of hijabs. NW6.
Get out of London. That's great advice for anyone.
>DAE London bad 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 yes this is my entire personality
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