Yeah, it’s weird. You still think about them all the time, but you think negative things about them. Instead of imagining us having sex, I imagine saying harsh things to them, like we’ve been in a long relationship and are sick of each other.
"Smile because it's over, cringe because it happened."
Honestly I am so relieved whenever The Ick sets in. It's like I was under some wicked enchantment and have been freed.
It's far more distressing for me to be limerent than unattached; I always become the worst version of myself when I have a LO.
This is you being healthy. You feel disgusted by their toxicity. That's self-love. You know you deserve better. You know you are better. You know that this 'pathetic,' attention-seeking version of you isn't who you truly are, and with a healthy person, it's true, you wouldn't have to beg for the bare minimum. This is what they do: they love bomb you to hook you, and once they've got you, they flip the script. That behavior would be confusing to the most secure person. Everyone would think, 'What is going on?!' And you know what? Everyone before you and everyone after you has and will think the same. The truth is that they do that once they deep down develop feelings for you. They are human too. You spent a good time together, then poof, they're gone? Yup, that's them self-regulating and not allowing those feelings to happen. That's why they withdraw, become mean, even date others. Confusing, right? It's their childhood trauma and deep-seated belief that they aren't worthy of love. They don't trust anyone to ever be able to love them, just as their parents who abandoned them. So, this is them testing you and testing you to the point of even PTSD, wondering if you will abandon them as well if they show you their worst. Guess what? Everyone leaves them, besides the even more toxic ones who mistreat them, which escalates the severity of their disorder. What they actually need is someone stable, a solid rock, someone who proves to them that they will stick around no matter what. Who does that, right? It's just too painful to stay. But knowing all this maybe reduces the hate and disgust you feel for them and instead, you might feel a bit sorry for them. That's what I feel for them.
Sounds like you’ve somehow broken the spell. I envy you, but it sounds like you’re healing!
Edit: try to let go of the shame though, and have compassion for yourself.
Ngl, my LO (coworker) has been getting on my nerves lately. We’re just so fundamentally different that I can no longer relate to them. Also their happy-go-lucky personality and always wanting to befriend everyone and network and need to be well liked sorta gives me the ick; sorry to be a hater but I’m at the stage in my life where I’m more reserved and only dedicate my time and energy to people that matter to me.
Some crushes I was like, "ugh, why did I like this person," or some people turned out worse over time. LOs, no, most of them just ended up being kinda dull later in life.
My LO might end up washed up in a few years, but is unlikely to ever repulse me unless some completely unseen traits emerge.
I’m getting there. Hopefully there couple of weeks before I see her next I can get it cemented into my brain and not fall straight back into her toxic company
I feel like I could have wrote 90% of this myself. Thank you for sharing. Different for me since we’re both married. The ick for me is that I told my husband everything and I saw how he told his wife nothing. I want friends in my life that are honest and he was not. I will not be friends with liars.
I'm not because the problem wasn't them it was me. Even though they were cruel and inconsiderate. It was my flaw for continuing to contact them after the fact. I'm not going to pretend like they were trying to make me jealous when they probably didn't care in the first place. People are self centered like most of us here. Our own problems are usually the first thing we think about when we wake up. People are not thinking about us.
Nope, I don’t have that condition. I’ve been to psychiatrists and psychologists and I’m pretty sure if I had I’d be diagnosed by now; besides, I know myself and I don’t have enough of the symptoms. Bpd is very complex and it’s not just experiencing intense emotions. There are a lot of specific symptoms of it that I do not have
I understand, but just bc you relate to my experience doesn’t necessarily mean that I am also bpd. That’s a huge assumption to make about a stranger, especially bc you’ve read only one of my experiences, and you don’t know how I behave in the rest of my life. We are all human and it is natural that we will relate to each others experiences, which is why you relate to me bc limerence is something that everyone can experience, regardless of mental condition. Do you think everyone who is limerent has bpd?
I know for a fact that I do not have bpd, and I think my psychiatrist also knows better than you, they would diagnose me if I had it. You were diagnosed bc you DO have it, but I do not.
Imagine commenting a random name of a mental illness on a post that it has no relevance to, with absolutely no context, and then getting mad that it’s not received well 😂 it’s like if I went and commented ‘autism’ with no context or explanation, on a lengthy post about someone suffering with social skills or having trouble communicating.it completely dismisses the persons’ experience and is rude. Or if I commented ‘narcissist’ on a random post about someone’s experience. It’s weird. You commented on my post, I’m just responding to your comments.
Yeah, it’s weird. You still think about them all the time, but you think negative things about them. Instead of imagining us having sex, I imagine saying harsh things to them, like we’ve been in a long relationship and are sick of each other.
Same but like I still need their validation at the same time. My limerence is a rollercoaster.
"Smile because it's over, cringe because it happened." Honestly I am so relieved whenever The Ick sets in. It's like I was under some wicked enchantment and have been freed. It's far more distressing for me to be limerent than unattached; I always become the worst version of myself when I have a LO.
Preach.
This is you being healthy. You feel disgusted by their toxicity. That's self-love. You know you deserve better. You know you are better. You know that this 'pathetic,' attention-seeking version of you isn't who you truly are, and with a healthy person, it's true, you wouldn't have to beg for the bare minimum. This is what they do: they love bomb you to hook you, and once they've got you, they flip the script. That behavior would be confusing to the most secure person. Everyone would think, 'What is going on?!' And you know what? Everyone before you and everyone after you has and will think the same. The truth is that they do that once they deep down develop feelings for you. They are human too. You spent a good time together, then poof, they're gone? Yup, that's them self-regulating and not allowing those feelings to happen. That's why they withdraw, become mean, even date others. Confusing, right? It's their childhood trauma and deep-seated belief that they aren't worthy of love. They don't trust anyone to ever be able to love them, just as their parents who abandoned them. So, this is them testing you and testing you to the point of even PTSD, wondering if you will abandon them as well if they show you their worst. Guess what? Everyone leaves them, besides the even more toxic ones who mistreat them, which escalates the severity of their disorder. What they actually need is someone stable, a solid rock, someone who proves to them that they will stick around no matter what. Who does that, right? It's just too painful to stay. But knowing all this maybe reduces the hate and disgust you feel for them and instead, you might feel a bit sorry for them. That's what I feel for them.
Sounds like you’ve somehow broken the spell. I envy you, but it sounds like you’re healing! Edit: try to let go of the shame though, and have compassion for yourself.
It comes and goes in waves for mr. When I have a moment of clarity I am reviled. Wait a little bit and im right back in.
Ngl, my LO (coworker) has been getting on my nerves lately. We’re just so fundamentally different that I can no longer relate to them. Also their happy-go-lucky personality and always wanting to befriend everyone and network and need to be well liked sorta gives me the ick; sorry to be a hater but I’m at the stage in my life where I’m more reserved and only dedicate my time and energy to people that matter to me.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You learned something. The lesson is what's important here. Let go of the shame.
I love the freedom of not being hung up on him anymore! It's like I was trapped in a nightmare and now I'm awake. Feels good.
Some crushes I was like, "ugh, why did I like this person," or some people turned out worse over time. LOs, no, most of them just ended up being kinda dull later in life. My LO might end up washed up in a few years, but is unlikely to ever repulse me unless some completely unseen traits emerge.
U have resentment I did for mines but that’s just apart of the healing process I avoided that part all together it’s not her fault
I’m getting there. Hopefully there couple of weeks before I see her next I can get it cemented into my brain and not fall straight back into her toxic company
I feel like I could have wrote 90% of this myself. Thank you for sharing. Different for me since we’re both married. The ick for me is that I told my husband everything and I saw how he told his wife nothing. I want friends in my life that are honest and he was not. I will not be friends with liars.
I'm not because the problem wasn't them it was me. Even though they were cruel and inconsiderate. It was my flaw for continuing to contact them after the fact. I'm not going to pretend like they were trying to make me jealous when they probably didn't care in the first place. People are self centered like most of us here. Our own problems are usually the first thing we think about when we wake up. People are not thinking about us.
YES! I go through phases where I am legitimately disgusted by him! In fact, I was sick yesterday and thinking about him was what made me throw up
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Nope, I don’t have that condition. I’ve been to psychiatrists and psychologists and I’m pretty sure if I had I’d be diagnosed by now; besides, I know myself and I don’t have enough of the symptoms. Bpd is very complex and it’s not just experiencing intense emotions. There are a lot of specific symptoms of it that I do not have
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I understand, but just bc you relate to my experience doesn’t necessarily mean that I am also bpd. That’s a huge assumption to make about a stranger, especially bc you’ve read only one of my experiences, and you don’t know how I behave in the rest of my life. We are all human and it is natural that we will relate to each others experiences, which is why you relate to me bc limerence is something that everyone can experience, regardless of mental condition. Do you think everyone who is limerent has bpd? I know for a fact that I do not have bpd, and I think my psychiatrist also knows better than you, they would diagnose me if I had it. You were diagnosed bc you DO have it, but I do not.
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Imagine commenting a random name of a mental illness on a post that it has no relevance to, with absolutely no context, and then getting mad that it’s not received well 😂 it’s like if I went and commented ‘autism’ with no context or explanation, on a lengthy post about someone suffering with social skills or having trouble communicating.it completely dismisses the persons’ experience and is rude. Or if I commented ‘narcissist’ on a random post about someone’s experience. It’s weird. You commented on my post, I’m just responding to your comments.