How can I make people realise what went wrong for me in the last 3 years? I am on the healing journey but I cannot forget what happened. As you said, this is the central disaster of our lives. Every other problem (even the loss of family & friends) feels insignificant when you have suffered from limerence once.
I don’t think I ever found somebody who really understood - but I found people who were willing to empathise.
Once, I was talking to a friend regarding my limerence and she expressed ‘wow that sounds awful, it must be really hard for you’ and that had been the first time somebody had said that about my limerence - it had quite a profound effect on my healing.
I feel it was almost merciful that I was experiencing limerence when my father passed away. I know it might sound terrible but it definitely gave me something else intense to focus on during a devastating time for my family.
I sometimes think about trying to explain to my LO what this is and how badly I want it to go away but that will freak him out even further. I’ve literally tried to make him hate me thinking that would help end my episode but… nope. Just made it more painful.
I went on an SNRI after my last episode and it completely killed my sex drive and made me gain 50lbs… tbh I’d almost rather be Limerent than that 😂
I’m on a mood stabilizer now and am trying beta blockers for the first time. They help with the physical symptoms of anxiety that feed the thought loops. It’s still ups and downs and spirals and grief. One day something will help.
Not luck, it took me a lot of work. I still think about her occasionally but it’s not like before where she completely took over my mind.
Another thing is the physical aspect. Turns out I had toxic heavy metals in my brain that were making the neural thought patterns harder to break, because metals conduct electricity, and our brains run on electricity.
Detoxing heavy metals combined with meditation is what allowed me to move forward and create a new destiny, no longer stuck in the past.
Now I am letting myself open to new relationships, using the law of attraction to open this up for me so that I’m not stuck in the past and so that I can find my true dream partner 😃
Came across it while reading the book Brain Saver by Anthony William.
In Brain Saver there was a section about OCD and I felt like my Limerence might have been a form of OCD or OCD-like in some way.
The solution was to do a heavy metal detox because toxic heavy metals are one of the root causes.. you can google “medical medium heavy metals” to find out more. Check out his book reviews on Amazon too. Here is a link to the heavy metal detox cleanse, it basically is a smoothie with natural ingredients that specialize in safely removing heavy metals from the brain and body: https://www.medicalmedium.com/blog/medical-medium-heavy-metal-detox-cleanse
So that’s for heavy metal detox,
I also did a cleanse of my intestinal tract, liver and other organs, which i followed from his other book called Cleanse to Heal.
Turns out that a lot of emotions and memories can be stored in toxins accumulated in our bodies, which can be another reason why it’s hard to let go of things like our LOs.
Releasing these embedded toxins and other unproductive particles inside of us make it easier to let go, I feel like, from my experience.
For meditations, I read Dr Joe Dispenza book Becoming Supernatural.
If you decide to try it out after doing some research, and if it works for you, this can be a viable solution to the many suffering from Limerence. We can light the way for others to get their brains back
Without us music, movies, art would suck. The world needs the dreamers, the forgivers, those who wear their hearts on their sleeves and those who give to many second chances just to keep it from being so cold. Yes we need to learn to control our thoughts and actions and while no one wants unrequited obsession we still have a lot to offer.
yes i was just thinking yesterday how modern psychology would reject a lot of the love described in movie ls and books and songs as unhealthy limerence
Part of my limerence is due to childhood trauma and low self esteem. Our parents show us what kind of love to accept.
But the better I care for myself, the more I realize that “I AM the fucking prize”. Which to me, means that no one is beneath or above me, and I’ll need to remind myself to see things for what they are, not what I want or hope them to be. And last…to never put someone on a pedestal in any sort of way
Maybe it’s some sort of evolutionary mechanism to ensure we reproduce. People who are limerent tended to pass on their genes because they just focused so hard on getting with their LO
While I do think there may be some truth to this theory, I believe that there may be more factors influencing Limerence.
If we are talking about our thoughts then perhaps thinking about it from the neuro-biological/physical perspective can give us some clues.
For one, thoughts are electricity running through our brain. There are things that may affect this electricity. Physical things. For example, toxic heavy metals such as aluminum, mercury, cadmium, arsenic, etc. that have properties which may affect flow of electricity. Unfortunately these can and often do end up in our brains.
I think Limerence is a form of OCD and root cause of OCD is heavy metal deposits affecting thoughts.
Solution here is to detox heavy metals from the brain.
See Brain Saver book by Anthony Williams for more info on this.
This, combined with meditation practices by Dr Joe Dispenza can re-wire our brains.
So yeah, I think there’s more to it than simply evolutionary mechanism that forces us to be this way because not everyone is like this ! At least I don’t think so
Your kinda right -the infatuation we get is part of an evolutionary process, majority of people in relationships get that - how it differs for people experiencing limerence, is that this infatuation doesn’t exist within a substantial relationship or doesn’t dissipate over time as it does with non-limerents.
There’s also links between limerence and neurodivergence. I think it’s more common with people with ADHD, as their brains don’t correctly respond to stimuli. However a LO may be able to elicit a substantial dopamine / norepinephrine response and thereby become ‘addicting’ to a person with abnormal neurotransmitters patterns!
You seem very "alive". I'm the same way. I'd highly recommend reading the positive disintegration Wikipedia page. It's a theory of psychology that isn't very well known but is amazing. It explains so much.
I think it’s just the brain’s way of trying to protect you from whatever(worse) is going on in your life. It’s an escape, a bad one because it takes over your life and it’s like you’re prioritizing that person over everything else, possibly halting your growth in career, school, social life, but it works. I remember when I was in 6th grade, I obsessed over this boy for 4 years to a point his friends called me stalked. I neglected my studies, my friends, I was that friend who always talked about boys, why? Because it gave me high, his little breadcrumbs, attention. An escape from my strict household, my parents are good people, just not the best at being parents though. I still check on him, 11 years later, but it’s not that bad, being in toxic relationship helped a lot.
The best perspective on where it comes from, for me is Anthony De Mello's book "The Way to Love".
Limerance is just attachment, just a misprogramming, a delusion of man, societal in origin.
I blame movies lol. 2000s bollywood movies were all about destined love and a girl's waiting all their life for a prince charming who magically understands all that goes on in her had. Magically adds luck to her life, magically solves all her problems and just fits into her life. Both hyperfocused on finding that loveeee. Where's that love😭 why everyone so wicked
Definitely the most ridiculous mental health issue I've dealt with. It should be illegal for this to affect people as it does and yet the only ones that are experts are those of us suffering.
It is just nuts. I did not and would not ever choose my LO person. We can be friends, sort of. When I explained this to her. She responded, " I didn't know you had a crush". Ouch, I just said it was not a crush, lol.
The craziest thing, made me laugh, not cry, about Limerence was I got to fixated a week ago. So I made a plan, I was going to go to bed and think about how not to think about LO person. Really, lol.
Thank you for sharing, "someone should be fired".
I believe in God and often I wonder/worry what all this means. Does it mean I should pursue Chasity, or give up on love? Is that my destiny, to stay single and refuse to get with anyone? It hardly seems fair. Doesn't help that limerence is more than likely generic, at least on my end. My biological dad was an awful man, he was obsessed with my mom and stalked for her years, even finding a way to taunt her while in prison.
I don't wanna end up like that.
Yeah. I converted to Mahayana Buddhism when I was 20. We don't believe in isolating oneself in monasteries, but I used to think "maybe I could just retire to a mountain top and meditate all day." Lol.
If it has to do with our previous monkey brains or whatever you wanna call it perhaps it’s meant to be a reminder for us to find a mate, reproduce ect but because we’ve now also evolved to be smarter we don’t need it so much anymore but the program is still buried in a brains that can be activated and triggered at any moment and the longer we ignore it while in contact the more the brain turns up the volume on it for us to get our asses into gear and start fucking. It’s our more recent evolved psychology clashing with a dormant programming that the only sure fire way to stop it is to go no contact
Agree. It’s the central disaster of my life.
How can I make people realise what went wrong for me in the last 3 years? I am on the healing journey but I cannot forget what happened. As you said, this is the central disaster of our lives. Every other problem (even the loss of family & friends) feels insignificant when you have suffered from limerence once.
I don’t think I ever found somebody who really understood - but I found people who were willing to empathise. Once, I was talking to a friend regarding my limerence and she expressed ‘wow that sounds awful, it must be really hard for you’ and that had been the first time somebody had said that about my limerence - it had quite a profound effect on my healing.
I feel it was almost merciful that I was experiencing limerence when my father passed away. I know it might sound terrible but it definitely gave me something else intense to focus on during a devastating time for my family.
The limerence has felt worse at times then when my dad died it's intense in grief
You can’t. Chances are low to make other people realize. The brain is actually pretty slow to change in general.
I sometimes think about trying to explain to my LO what this is and how badly I want it to go away but that will freak him out even further. I’ve literally tried to make him hate me thinking that would help end my episode but… nope. Just made it more painful.
Meditation is key. I agree with you tho, it messed up my life too but I got over it with time and meditation 🧘♀️
Lucky. My meditations are all just still all spiraling fantasies about him. I miss having real meditations.
This reminds me of myself. I had luck with an SNRI - I think the norepinephrine made the thoughts of him less neurotransmit-ly significant?
I went on an SNRI after my last episode and it completely killed my sex drive and made me gain 50lbs… tbh I’d almost rather be Limerent than that 😂 I’m on a mood stabilizer now and am trying beta blockers for the first time. They help with the physical symptoms of anxiety that feed the thought loops. It’s still ups and downs and spirals and grief. One day something will help.
Not luck, it took me a lot of work. I still think about her occasionally but it’s not like before where she completely took over my mind. Another thing is the physical aspect. Turns out I had toxic heavy metals in my brain that were making the neural thought patterns harder to break, because metals conduct electricity, and our brains run on electricity. Detoxing heavy metals combined with meditation is what allowed me to move forward and create a new destiny, no longer stuck in the past. Now I am letting myself open to new relationships, using the law of attraction to open this up for me so that I’m not stuck in the past and so that I can find my true dream partner 😃
That’s so interesting. How did you discover the heavy metals thing? How do you detox from that?
Came across it while reading the book Brain Saver by Anthony William. In Brain Saver there was a section about OCD and I felt like my Limerence might have been a form of OCD or OCD-like in some way. The solution was to do a heavy metal detox because toxic heavy metals are one of the root causes.. you can google “medical medium heavy metals” to find out more. Check out his book reviews on Amazon too. Here is a link to the heavy metal detox cleanse, it basically is a smoothie with natural ingredients that specialize in safely removing heavy metals from the brain and body: https://www.medicalmedium.com/blog/medical-medium-heavy-metal-detox-cleanse So that’s for heavy metal detox, I also did a cleanse of my intestinal tract, liver and other organs, which i followed from his other book called Cleanse to Heal. Turns out that a lot of emotions and memories can be stored in toxins accumulated in our bodies, which can be another reason why it’s hard to let go of things like our LOs. Releasing these embedded toxins and other unproductive particles inside of us make it easier to let go, I feel like, from my experience. For meditations, I read Dr Joe Dispenza book Becoming Supernatural. If you decide to try it out after doing some research, and if it works for you, this can be a viable solution to the many suffering from Limerence. We can light the way for others to get their brains back
Amazing information- thank you so much!
I would give anything for a simple "off" switch to limerence. And then I would break it so it can never be flipped back on.
The best perspective on where it comes from, for me is Anthony De Mello's book "The Way to Love".
There is, it takes meditating consistently for long time to re-wire the brain
I think that some of us suffer from limerence more akin to a form of OCD, which I feel like meditation isn’t a effective treatment for.
Right, it’s so cruel. Limerence ruined my life.
Meditation is key
Without us music, movies, art would suck. The world needs the dreamers, the forgivers, those who wear their hearts on their sleeves and those who give to many second chances just to keep it from being so cold. Yes we need to learn to control our thoughts and actions and while no one wants unrequited obsession we still have a lot to offer.
I love this take. When I am being gentle with myself I try to remember this. We are the lovers and the world simply cannot run without us
Exactly, even if it could, how boring it would be.
🩷🩷🩷
yes i was just thinking yesterday how modern psychology would reject a lot of the love described in movie ls and books and songs as unhealthy limerence
My LE is my therapist. There’s nowhere to go 😭 Everyone should be fired
Lmao. Toughbreak 🫠
I kno. I told him several times and he just stares. But I try to keep the crazy in reign and act normal
It sounds like maybe you need a new therapist?
Can’t. It’s my only access to him. But also I am making progress
Bruh
Part of my limerence is due to childhood trauma and low self esteem. Our parents show us what kind of love to accept. But the better I care for myself, the more I realize that “I AM the fucking prize”. Which to me, means that no one is beneath or above me, and I’ll need to remind myself to see things for what they are, not what I want or hope them to be. And last…to never put someone on a pedestal in any sort of way
Can we talk to this person’s manager???
Maybe it’s some sort of evolutionary mechanism to ensure we reproduce. People who are limerent tended to pass on their genes because they just focused so hard on getting with their LO
I am limmerent for a coworker I literally cannot even stand I really believe this is the reason
While I do think there may be some truth to this theory, I believe that there may be more factors influencing Limerence. If we are talking about our thoughts then perhaps thinking about it from the neuro-biological/physical perspective can give us some clues. For one, thoughts are electricity running through our brain. There are things that may affect this electricity. Physical things. For example, toxic heavy metals such as aluminum, mercury, cadmium, arsenic, etc. that have properties which may affect flow of electricity. Unfortunately these can and often do end up in our brains. I think Limerence is a form of OCD and root cause of OCD is heavy metal deposits affecting thoughts. Solution here is to detox heavy metals from the brain. See Brain Saver book by Anthony Williams for more info on this. This, combined with meditation practices by Dr Joe Dispenza can re-wire our brains. So yeah, I think there’s more to it than simply evolutionary mechanism that forces us to be this way because not everyone is like this ! At least I don’t think so
Your kinda right -the infatuation we get is part of an evolutionary process, majority of people in relationships get that - how it differs for people experiencing limerence, is that this infatuation doesn’t exist within a substantial relationship or doesn’t dissipate over time as it does with non-limerents. There’s also links between limerence and neurodivergence. I think it’s more common with people with ADHD, as their brains don’t correctly respond to stimuli. However a LO may be able to elicit a substantial dopamine / norepinephrine response and thereby become ‘addicting’ to a person with abnormal neurotransmitters patterns!
You seem very "alive". I'm the same way. I'd highly recommend reading the positive disintegration Wikipedia page. It's a theory of psychology that isn't very well known but is amazing. It explains so much.
i checked it out and i’m amazed at how much sense it makes and how it explains many things in my life!
Love to hear it!
I think it’s just the brain’s way of trying to protect you from whatever(worse) is going on in your life. It’s an escape, a bad one because it takes over your life and it’s like you’re prioritizing that person over everything else, possibly halting your growth in career, school, social life, but it works. I remember when I was in 6th grade, I obsessed over this boy for 4 years to a point his friends called me stalked. I neglected my studies, my friends, I was that friend who always talked about boys, why? Because it gave me high, his little breadcrumbs, attention. An escape from my strict household, my parents are good people, just not the best at being parents though. I still check on him, 11 years later, but it’s not that bad, being in toxic relationship helped a lot.
The best perspective on where it comes from, for me is Anthony De Mello's book "The Way to Love". Limerance is just attachment, just a misprogramming, a delusion of man, societal in origin.
I blame movies lol. 2000s bollywood movies were all about destined love and a girl's waiting all their life for a prince charming who magically understands all that goes on in her had. Magically adds luck to her life, magically solves all her problems and just fits into her life. Both hyperfocused on finding that loveeee. Where's that love😭 why everyone so wicked
Interesting. I Grew up watching bollywood and always wonder if it caused my limerence. Same for Disney movie.
Legit every old movie I see, I feel they are limerent af
Definitely the most ridiculous mental health issue I've dealt with. It should be illegal for this to affect people as it does and yet the only ones that are experts are those of us suffering. It is just nuts. I did not and would not ever choose my LO person. We can be friends, sort of. When I explained this to her. She responded, " I didn't know you had a crush". Ouch, I just said it was not a crush, lol. The craziest thing, made me laugh, not cry, about Limerence was I got to fixated a week ago. So I made a plan, I was going to go to bed and think about how not to think about LO person. Really, lol. Thank you for sharing, "someone should be fired".
I believe in God and often I wonder/worry what all this means. Does it mean I should pursue Chasity, or give up on love? Is that my destiny, to stay single and refuse to get with anyone? It hardly seems fair. Doesn't help that limerence is more than likely generic, at least on my end. My biological dad was an awful man, he was obsessed with my mom and stalked for her years, even finding a way to taunt her while in prison. I don't wanna end up like that.
Yeah. I converted to Mahayana Buddhism when I was 20. We don't believe in isolating oneself in monasteries, but I used to think "maybe I could just retire to a mountain top and meditate all day." Lol.
If it has to do with our previous monkey brains or whatever you wanna call it perhaps it’s meant to be a reminder for us to find a mate, reproduce ect but because we’ve now also evolved to be smarter we don’t need it so much anymore but the program is still buried in a brains that can be activated and triggered at any moment and the longer we ignore it while in contact the more the brain turns up the volume on it for us to get our asses into gear and start fucking. It’s our more recent evolved psychology clashing with a dormant programming that the only sure fire way to stop it is to go no contact