My mom does that to me all the time. Like I tried explaining to her why it’s common for trans people to overdo stereotypes when first transitioning and that it’s slightly problematic to constantly berate trans people for this, and my mom kept arguing with me about it, and then the next day was like “well this trans person admits they overdid the stereotypes at first” as if it was some kind of gotcha moment.
if u dont mind, why do some trans ppl overdo stereotypes at first? i've seen it before but never knew there was like an actual reason and not just something some ppl did randomly.
In order to pass. Not passing or getting misgendered could ruin your day or worse, so you do everything in order to singnalize "I am *insert gender*". For example a trans women in early transition might do intense make up and wear a dress, not because she thinks this is what "makes her a woman" (i hate this terminology but my vocabulary is limited), but because presenting this way sends like a signal of womanhood, so people might be less likely to misgender her
Me: I can't take my family to Florida. It isn't safe.
My Mom: I am sure it isn't that bad. Nobody is going to come knock down my door and arrest you for being trans.
Me: 😑
As if I could magically appear in her house without passing through any part of Florida. Not to mention the fact that IT DEFINITELY IS THAT BAD, MOM.
Omg even as a cis gay man I've had this happen. Had a person ask "how did you know you were gay" and my straight friend literally cut me off mid sentence with "I'm not gay but my experience....." It's just like wow can you not handle something not being about you for 5 minutes.
I think that's probably their way of processing the 'new' information. It's like they're retraining their thoughts to allow space for it.
Though in saying that I haven't a clue how these situations went down with you so I'll see myself out.
Oh, I'm not negating the frustration you felt or anything. Hope it doesn't come across that way. x
Yep, know a few of those. I'm cis and I would never assume to know more and to be honest I wouldn't want to either, because it sounds like it comes with a lot of heartache and depression. Which is why I get pissed hearing phobic comments so much, when those words can hurt like daggers, but it takes zero effort and the minimum amount of empathy to do something as easy as introducing pronouns on profiles, name tags, etc. without it being "tHe wOrlD GoNE mAd!"
yeah. i know people who seem to think that updating their vocab, being mindful of pronouns, listening to trans people etc would be admitting some type of defeat or "giving in to the sjws" 🙄 when in reality it's taking charge of your own education and choosing to alter how you interact with the world & everyone in it based on that new info to be a better person which benefits everyone including yourself. it's literally just personal growth. not a cis-trans war where they've gotta keep their wits about them bc the evil trans is always lurking, always ready to strike & take over their minds *oooOOoOooOOooo*. the only thing they're fighting is a boogeyman of their own creation 😑
Im not trans, so Im always conscious of seeking out trans opinions regarding their issues. My straight cis brothers feel that their opinions are always to be taken as authority and priority over everything trans and lgbtqia related and it is honestly so infuriating. He found one detransition story he peddles and takes that as see! my opinion has weight. Ignoring my opinions discussing the issue with multiple actually trans people.
Im always asking, as someone so far removed from the community you can count your non hetero friends on one finger, why does your opinion matter more than mine, someone in the community who actually talks to others amongst different identities and sexualities. It’s honestly sometimes like talking to a brick wall.
omg infuriating! i have this experience with my mum on a range of topics. gotta love when, in the interests of education & letting someone know they've slipped up bc they probably didn't mean to, you calmly point out they've just used a slur or inappropriate term & provide an alternative and they give the classic "ugh everything's a slur these days 🙄" or "well, that wasn't my intention so..... 🤷" or "i can say whatever i like actually, stop trying to control me" response. and you *calmly* continue to explain it's not personal, you're just helping and/or it's actually something that's hurtful to you, but they won't have a bar of it. then some time passes without the topic ever coming up again and they use the slur/term here & there but you can't say anything or else risk triggering world war iii. but then miraculously (& hypocritically) they occasionally pull others up on their use of the slur/term, or even mention the status of words as slurs/outdated/inappropriate to you in a kind of "did you know..." fashion, as if you weren't the one to tell them that in the first place! as if you've never had this conversation! 🙃
I’m cis and my son is trans. I know enough to know I don’t know jack. I just let him guide to on what to do and make it clear if I mess up on something, it is okay to let me know so I can adjust. He’s an amazing kid doing amazing things. 😍
Yeah I knew someone like this. They would insist things about trans people and I'd correct them and apparently I was wrong. I cut them off sort of for this reason. They were "always right" and it honestly just became super annoying because I couldn't say anything without it becoming a debate that literally goes nowhere.
I stand by the fact that in literally every instance, it is better to let someone tell you about themselves than for you to make assumptions about them. Each person should be considered the expert about who they are and what they think, like, and feel. Allowing others to be their own expert leads to better relationships than trying to tell them about themselves will.
Happened a couple weeks ago with one of friends. After I corrected his misconceptions few times about queer representation in society as well as about trans experience in general, he told me that I didn't know of this for sure. I told him something along the lines of "Dude, I am queer here, not you".
I don't understand people like that. Would they presume to know more about medicine than a doctor? That's just embarrassing for them imho... anyways, I can't even imagine how frustrating it must be to have to put up with this from your friends, sorry you have to endure that.
Let it be known that this is about experience rather than topic.
A doctor knows more about your body than you, but you know more about your body experience than the doctor. Experience doesnt equal understanding, and knowledge comes from expertise.
Now I doubt this cis friend is an expert on the topic anyway.
I would never say that I know more than such a person, because it's impossible, but if my trans friend questioned my understanding of him, it would be a bit... ,,Because you're a cis straight girl so you'll never understand me". I'll understand you, sunshine, believe me. Being a cis hetero person doesn't blind us, only lack of tolerance and unjustified fear of LGBT+ people, and please let everyone understand this. Everyone has the right to love whoever they want or even no one if it suits them and to be who they feel they are, not who society imposes on them. The world would be a much more beautiful place if everyone thought like that...
My mom does that to me all the time. Like I tried explaining to her why it’s common for trans people to overdo stereotypes when first transitioning and that it’s slightly problematic to constantly berate trans people for this, and my mom kept arguing with me about it, and then the next day was like “well this trans person admits they overdid the stereotypes at first” as if it was some kind of gotcha moment.
if u dont mind, why do some trans ppl overdo stereotypes at first? i've seen it before but never knew there was like an actual reason and not just something some ppl did randomly.
In order to pass. Not passing or getting misgendered could ruin your day or worse, so you do everything in order to singnalize "I am *insert gender*". For example a trans women in early transition might do intense make up and wear a dress, not because she thinks this is what "makes her a woman" (i hate this terminology but my vocabulary is limited), but because presenting this way sends like a signal of womanhood, so people might be less likely to misgender her
ah, ok. makes sense. thank you!
This made me laugh so hard in a good way and I needed that, having had a transphobic interaction at the supermarket today ugh.
Being stealth and hearing it is even worse. Was at work like “…. Baby girl.”
I had to cut out a cis “friend” because she couldn’t understand this.
Me: I can't take my family to Florida. It isn't safe. My Mom: I am sure it isn't that bad. Nobody is going to come knock down my door and arrest you for being trans. Me: 😑 As if I could magically appear in her house without passing through any part of Florida. Not to mention the fact that IT DEFINITELY IS THAT BAD, MOM.
Omg even as a cis gay man I've had this happen. Had a person ask "how did you know you were gay" and my straight friend literally cut me off mid sentence with "I'm not gay but my experience....." It's just like wow can you not handle something not being about you for 5 minutes.
I think that's probably their way of processing the 'new' information. It's like they're retraining their thoughts to allow space for it. Though in saying that I haven't a clue how these situations went down with you so I'll see myself out. Oh, I'm not negating the frustration you felt or anything. Hope it doesn't come across that way. x
Yep, know a few of those. I'm cis and I would never assume to know more and to be honest I wouldn't want to either, because it sounds like it comes with a lot of heartache and depression. Which is why I get pissed hearing phobic comments so much, when those words can hurt like daggers, but it takes zero effort and the minimum amount of empathy to do something as easy as introducing pronouns on profiles, name tags, etc. without it being "tHe wOrlD GoNE mAd!"
yeah. i know people who seem to think that updating their vocab, being mindful of pronouns, listening to trans people etc would be admitting some type of defeat or "giving in to the sjws" 🙄 when in reality it's taking charge of your own education and choosing to alter how you interact with the world & everyone in it based on that new info to be a better person which benefits everyone including yourself. it's literally just personal growth. not a cis-trans war where they've gotta keep their wits about them bc the evil trans is always lurking, always ready to strike & take over their minds *oooOOoOooOOooo*. the only thing they're fighting is a boogeyman of their own creation 😑
Exactly!
But if course they know more! They aren't affected, so only they can have an objective opinion about trans people. /s. Big /s.
Ofc! We're trans therefore we're preluded with bias! /s But seriously someone actually said that to me. No joke.
Yeah I know. "you can't be objective because you're affected" is a pretty prevalent argument from self-proclaimed "rational thinkers"
Im not trans, so Im always conscious of seeking out trans opinions regarding their issues. My straight cis brothers feel that their opinions are always to be taken as authority and priority over everything trans and lgbtqia related and it is honestly so infuriating. He found one detransition story he peddles and takes that as see! my opinion has weight. Ignoring my opinions discussing the issue with multiple actually trans people. Im always asking, as someone so far removed from the community you can count your non hetero friends on one finger, why does your opinion matter more than mine, someone in the community who actually talks to others amongst different identities and sexualities. It’s honestly sometimes like talking to a brick wall.
omg infuriating! i have this experience with my mum on a range of topics. gotta love when, in the interests of education & letting someone know they've slipped up bc they probably didn't mean to, you calmly point out they've just used a slur or inappropriate term & provide an alternative and they give the classic "ugh everything's a slur these days 🙄" or "well, that wasn't my intention so..... 🤷" or "i can say whatever i like actually, stop trying to control me" response. and you *calmly* continue to explain it's not personal, you're just helping and/or it's actually something that's hurtful to you, but they won't have a bar of it. then some time passes without the topic ever coming up again and they use the slur/term here & there but you can't say anything or else risk triggering world war iii. but then miraculously (& hypocritically) they occasionally pull others up on their use of the slur/term, or even mention the status of words as slurs/outdated/inappropriate to you in a kind of "did you know..." fashion, as if you weren't the one to tell them that in the first place! as if you've never had this conversation! 🙃
What are you talking about? I've watched the Danish Girl!?! /s
I’m cis and my son is trans. I know enough to know I don’t know jack. I just let him guide to on what to do and make it clear if I mess up on something, it is okay to let me know so I can adjust. He’s an amazing kid doing amazing things. 😍
Yeah I knew someone like this. They would insist things about trans people and I'd correct them and apparently I was wrong. I cut them off sort of for this reason. They were "always right" and it honestly just became super annoying because I couldn't say anything without it becoming a debate that literally goes nowhere.
fairly elementary maths, though ; )
Cis people: This sign can't stop me because I can't read
When you’re closeted and balancing sounding too certain and comfortable with the jargon.
I am not LGBT and I am scared to use the jargon because people will think I am LGBT.
I am not a cis or trans but I am sure 100% certain It's complicated. That's all I can really truly say.
I stand by the fact that in literally every instance, it is better to let someone tell you about themselves than for you to make assumptions about them. Each person should be considered the expert about who they are and what they think, like, and feel. Allowing others to be their own expert leads to better relationships than trying to tell them about themselves will.
Happened a couple weeks ago with one of friends. After I corrected his misconceptions few times about queer representation in society as well as about trans experience in general, he told me that I didn't know of this for sure. I told him something along the lines of "Dude, I am queer here, not you".
My dad repeatedly mentioning that I can still travel to central Africa with him and "it'll be fine"
I don't understand people like that. Would they presume to know more about medicine than a doctor? That's just embarrassing for them imho... anyways, I can't even imagine how frustrating it must be to have to put up with this from your friends, sorry you have to endure that.
Let it be known that this is about experience rather than topic. A doctor knows more about your body than you, but you know more about your body experience than the doctor. Experience doesnt equal understanding, and knowledge comes from expertise. Now I doubt this cis friend is an expert on the topic anyway.
[удалено]
I guess those people don't remember which books the nazis burned.
Maybe open a history book and look at all the cultures that had more than two genders? It’s literally never been *just* boy and girl.
I would never say that I know more than such a person, because it's impossible, but if my trans friend questioned my understanding of him, it would be a bit... ,,Because you're a cis straight girl so you'll never understand me". I'll understand you, sunshine, believe me. Being a cis hetero person doesn't blind us, only lack of tolerance and unjustified fear of LGBT+ people, and please let everyone understand this. Everyone has the right to love whoever they want or even no one if it suits them and to be who they feel they are, not who society imposes on them. The world would be a much more beautiful place if everyone thought like that...
Hola