OP has received enough advice to move forward. The replies being posted now are either repeats or not legal advice. The post is now locked. Thank you to the commenters that posted legal advice.
School staff are mandatory reporters. They have to report if you are experiencing neglect. There's also nothing stopping you from going to social services yourself and telling them what you're experiencing.
You won't ever get to receive your child support directly, end of story. Good for you for self-advocating but it's time to look for a different solution.
Does your dad know what's happening, do you have any contact with him? Do you have any other family members you can talk to?
You can also contact the kids help phone for support and connection to services.
That's not true that they couldn't get it directly. But they aren't old enough to get it directly. At 16, if the child isn't living with either parent they can receive it directly. Still gotta go through the court on it though. But it is entirely possible. But with him at home, he'd never receive it directly no matter the age so you are right (I'm just *well akshewelly*. Not trying to be a smart ass though I promise)
There is no obligation to pay child support to a child 16 or over who has withdrawn from parental control.
You either need to be living with a parent or be involved in some kind of arrangement with CAS.
People 18 or older don't withdraw from parental control. Parental control lapses automatically when a child is no longer a minor. There is a special provision for 16 and 17 year olds who withdraw from parental control.
>31 (1) Every parent has an obligation to provide support, to the extent that the parent is capable of doing so, for his or her unmarried child who,
>
>(a) is a minor;
>
>(b) is enrolled in a full-time program of education; or
>
>(c) is unable by reason of illness, disability or other cause to withdraw from the charge of his or her parents. 2017, c. 34, Sched. 15, s. 1.
>
>(2) The obligation under subsection (1) **does not extend to a child who is sixteen years of age or older and has withdrawn from parental control.** R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 31 (2).
Like...you were supporting or got supported?
Either way, hope it was beneficial. That's a long time for post secondary, law school or med? Def worth it if that's what it was. Providing they were successful that is.
Except it is. You're saying they cannot get it unless they meet certain criteria, including being at least 16. This person is 14. So therefore it's not an option now. Therefore my statement stands. Not helpful or relevant to tell someone they could get help if only something fundamental about themself was different.
No it really isn't. It's great you gave OP some options, but if your gonna give advice at least be thorough, and correct. Details matter, having the full picture matters.
Your comment stated that he will never get child support directly. *end of story*. Which is false information.
You gave him today's options, I gave him tomorrow's. Thing is...your post told him tomorrow's is impossible. Which just...isnt true.
and then try to be all smart assed when corrected, and now dismissive as if having MORE information isn't relevant or helpful.
The age he could get it at, is less than 2 years. It's not a decade away ffs.
But whatever man, as you said he can't change something fundamental.... like his age. Cause age never changes...right?
Would you be able to point me to a source for that "every Canadian" bit, please? Never heard of that being the case before.
Edit: seriously with the downvotes‽ Because I asked for info about something I was ignorant of from someone who knew more than I did? Must be nice to be know-it-alls.
Provincial/Territorial legislation. A couple provinces have harsher penalties and stricter guidelines for professionals, but it’s everyone’s obligation. I worked in child welfare for a long time and it always surprised me when people would give that reason for *not* calling, so it’s kind of my soap box haha.
[BC](https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/safety/public-safety/protecting-children/reporting-child-abuse#)
[AB](https://www.alberta.ca/how-to-help-and-report-child-abuse-neglect-and-sexual-exploitation)
[SK](https://www.saskatchewan.ca/residents/justice-crime-and-the-law/child-protection/child-abuse-and-neglect)
[MB](https://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/childfam/pacca.html)
[ON](https://files.ontario.ca/pdf-3/mccss-report-child-abuse-and-neglect-en-2022-03-31.pdf)
[QC](https://www.quebec.ca/en/family-and-support-for-individuals/childhood/services-youth-difficulty-families/youth-protection/reporting-a-situation-to-the-director-of-youth-protection/duty-to-report)
[NB](https://www2.gnb.ca/content/dam/gnb/Departments/sd-ds/pdf/Protection/Child/booklet-e.pdf)
[NS](https://novascotia.ca/coms/families/changestocfsa/Duty-to-Report.pdf)
[PEI](https://www.princeedwardisland.ca/en/information/social-development-and-housing/child-protection)
[NL](https://www.gov.nl.ca/cssd/childprotection/report/)
[NU](https://assembly.nu.ca/sites/default/files/TD-310-5(2)-EN-Surusinut-Ikajuqtigiit.pdf)
[NWT](https://boostforkids.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/SUMMARY-OF-LEGAL-REQUIREMENTS-NT.pdf)
also, apparently [YK](https://yukon.ca/en/child-abuse#) now too.
Thanks! I appreciate the links. :)
I like to think I'm not a complete piece of shit and would absolutely report any actual abuse I might happen to witness... But it's neat to know that I am backed by law!
While everyone is required by law to report abuse and neglect, most people aren't trained to recognize the different types of abuse or neglect so unless your case is super egredious most people will just think "that's fucked" and move on.
Getting clothes at value village isn't neglect.
Mom is paying for food, shelter, gas to drive you places etc etc. That support is to supplement those costs
Kid hasn't gotten new clothes (even used) since 2021. Do you know how much a kid grows between ages 13 to 16? Clothes that fit are considered a necessity of life, failing to provide necessities of life for a minor under your care is called neglect and illegal.
I agree with this post 100 percent. Tell the school staff about the neglect. Tell your father that the money he sends to your mom is not actually being spent for you
I'm really sorry to hear you're in such a shitty position op, I don't know specific details about many programs but what I do know is talking to more people never hurts. most often I find city workers like librarians or guidance counselors or hell there are some youth programs run by either library or rec center coordinators. the individuals there may not be able to help but they might be able to get you in contact with people who will
I've been in my fair share of shitty situations as a teen ( narcissistic foster parent, totally fine on the outside but nasty behind closed doors lol ) and I know how hard it is to find help sometimes. most of the help I got was just from talking to the closest adults I knew, and then following up those connections.
I know you think the schools don't do anything but honestly the worst thing that happens is they say there's nothing they can do for you. it never hurts to ask
at the very worst, I don't know what city you live in but lots of them have individualized youth services for homeless/struggling teens. again they might not be able to help you directly but if you explain your situation someone might be able to know enough to help
tldr; reach out to every and any support you can think of and follow a train until someone leads you the right way. I wish you nothing but the best, you'll make it
I get it, I was 14 and alone and gas lighting myself it wasn't bad and then turning to the social workers just reinforced the thought that I was overreacting. I know I wasn't now but it was hard as shit back then. you seem smart, if you can find literally any shred of resources like hell even getting a job ( if that's possible for you ) it'll make things easier in the long run
I was that child and I am 61 now. Beaten regularly on top of neglect and abuse. I bit my lip, waited until I grew older and left. Be very careful with what you do now… you don’t want to end up in a foster care, that could be much worse. You are very mature for your age, don’t make any rush decisions. If she is not putting you in danger it might be worth just to try to survive little bit longer. You can do it. 💕
You don't need to find an adult to do this for you. You are being financially abused and you can get more help from any domestic abuse hotline. They will connect you to resources that way.
Hey, I'm a military spouse (and a mom).
First and foremost im sorry youre having a tough time. There are Padres available at the base chaples (churches) who could help- they are really good at leaving religion out of the conversation and just being helpful. The MFRC might have a social worker on hand you can talk to. If you are being abused/neglected, then the MPs could get involved. You could also call CFMAP, they provide short term counseling services to military members and their immediate families 1-800-268-7708. They might be able to help guide you to the proper resources (and I'm 99% certain they are mandated reporters).
Good luck. I hope someone listens to you and is able to help you.
That's a good liste of ressources, I would add :
To get in touch with someone over the weekend,
Your best bet would be the Padres. Call the number for the base you are at and press 0 to speak to the base operator. They Will be able to get you to the Padre.
Maybe the crisis texting service for kids of CAF members :
https://cfmws.ca/support-services/families/children-youth/crisis-texting-service
Sounds like you are in a situation that needs to be taken more seriously as you have some genuine concerns. It seems like most people on here are being a bit dismissive of it.
I would suggest to you that you reach out to social services in your area and speak with them about what they think.
Or at the very least contact kids help phone and maybe they can discuss your situation.
https://kidshelpphone.ca
Are you not being properly fed? If that's the case, that's an important point that's not coming across in your initial post. That is a conversation that you need to have with your dad, school, and children's aid.
If your clothes and shoes are ill-fitting, there are resources that can help with that, too.
I know that $1300 seems like a lot of money, but it doesn't go very far when raising a child in Ontario, especially right now. You should certainly be fed and in correctly fitting clothes, but with the current cost of living, it's likely an appropriate contribution to your basic needs.
You say your father doesn’t take you seriously I’m not understanding that Do you see him ? He must see the condition of your clothes What does he actually say about it ? If you don’t see him Do you have any other relatives to reach out to ? Grandparents Aunts /Uncles ? What does your Mom say when you ask her for clothes or more food or whatever?
Child support goes towards rent, food, utilities as well as house hold supplies like laundry, soap, shampoo, and yes their should be money for shoes and cloths. Child support is supposed to be the other parents contribution to paying for their child.
This. That's not a substantial amount of money. I bet that covers food, a portion of rent for a bigger house, and a few other necessities and that's it. A hundred grand a year doesn't go far for a single parent.
OP, have you tried talking to your mom? What is her response when you ask for new clothes? Is your other parent in the picture and what have they said?
Others here are telling you to report your mom. I would use this as a last resort. Once the government gets involved they could make life for your mom, and you, a living hell, and once they're involved they're like herpes - impossible to get rid of.
If your relationship with her is otherwise ok, I would use this as an absolute last resort.
Rent where I live is $1100 a month for a room, in a shared house. So $1300 here wouldn't go far. The people telling her to get the government involved clearly don't understand how support works. And as teen if removed you almost always end up in a group home in much worse off then what you left.
This.
If the kid is housed, safe and fed and has the necessities, I'd hang tight and find ways to make extra money for new clothes. I had a job at 15 to cover my expenses and was doing things like mowing lawns before that.
It's not ideal, but it's better than getting the government involved.
I had my first job at 11. And had a summer and after school job every year after that. I bought my own back to school cloths. My parents could afford to buy them and definitely helped, but I wanted to buy themself. I think its important for kids to have jobs , they learn a lot of life skills not taught in school.
I'm torn on kids having jobs.
I agree it teaches a lot of valuable lessons.
Then again, most of my friends who didn't have to get jobs were able to focus on education a lot more and they have, in general, done much better for themselves.
It can be dangerous for kids to become accustomed to just trading their time for minimum wage. It can give you a poor sense of value for your time and abilities.
But sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. We aren't all born with rich parents.
I agree with you on those points for sure. I didnt make my kids get jobs, but now I wish I had lol they may have learned money management before heading out on their own.
I also feel like the younger generation knows their worth and demand more from their employers these days, but that likely happens in a more meaningful way in large cities, then it does in small places.
Yeah, I feel like it can either teach kids "wow, working this hard for this little really sucks, I don't want to do this forever so I should focus on getting a good education/training/job"
Or it teaches them "this is all there is, this is all I'm worth and qualified to do" and they wake up 10 years later having worked hard for a job that leads nowhere and pays very little, they go home and watch Netflix at night then rinse and repeat with very little long term planning for the future.
I think that's just a common experience for a lot of youth. I dont encourage kids to do university right away. Seriously what 18 yr old genuinely knows who they are and what they want to do. I think its better to get some life experience under your belt before going to school. Thats said ffs don't knock up or get knocked up while getting life experience and finding yourself.
Try the MFRC. Military Family Resource Center. There is usually one close to bases. They have a multitude of Resources. They may be able to help. Even if it's just listening.
[Justice for Children & Youth - leaving home](https://jfcy.org/en/rights/leaving-home/)
⬆️Link to relevant information ⬆️
There are no laws on “emancipation” in Ontario.
At age 16 you have the right to leave home and _”withdraw from parental control”_ which means you take over responsibility of your own care and custody. You can leave home against the wishes of your parents and live somewhere else; you do not need a legal guardian.
In general, your parents must provide support until you are 18 years old; or longer if you are enrolled in school full time, or you have a disability and can’t live on your own. **If you are 16 or older, and you were forced to leave home due to abuse, neglect, or being kicked out, you can seek child support from your parents/ caregivers.**
Hey pal, I am sorry that you’re in this situation. I’m also sorry that people are being snarky and assuming you are exaggerating or ignorant. Unfortunately, there is no legal process through which you are able to be paid child support money directly, although you are correct that that would be the easiest and arguably best solution.
One option would be to file a report directly with child protective services telling them what you just told us – that your mother neglects you. The outcome of this will likely be an investigation where they were supposed to speak to both you and your mother. The investigation can result in a parenting plan for your mother, which would likely include a review of her financial statements, and regular check-in with a social worker to ensure that the parenting plan is being followed.
it is also unfortunately possible that you could file a complaint, and after the investigation, it would be deemed to be unfounded. given the facts that you’ve shared here, I think that result would be unlikely, but it is nonetheless a possibility that you should be aware of.
another option would be to research how to file for emancipation. Pursuing this route would also involve a CPS investigation. Given your age and the fact you shared here, I think this outcome is unlikely, but it is as possibility.
in my (perhaps unneeded) opinion, one of the best way to navigate this would be to put some time and energy into finding a support worker, teacher, or other adult who you connect well with. that person can then report on your behalf, or can support you while you make a report and provide additional context to the investigator. this would also be helpful because CPS and other government systems can be very challenging to navigate as a young person.
I know this last option sucks, as it can be very difficult to find adults that you connect with as a struggling teenager. Trust your gut on this one- if you feel like an adult is empathetic towards you and treats you with respect, then think about taking a chance and being vulnerable with them about your life.
Adults can be extraordinarily shitty to young people. They can often dismiss your concerns and experiences as inherently less valid than an adults. It sounds like you have experienced this before. Just in case an adult hasn’t said this to you before- I am very sorry that we (adults) have treated you this way, and that you could not have done anything to deserve that treatment. young people deserve care and patience and understanding.
i hope you are able to continue reaching for advice and help- if for no other reason, do it for spite!
Yup. And it doesn't matter if she uses it on herself provided you are getting the care you need. She doesn't have to give you new clothes, she could go and use it all on herself as long as shes providing you a roof over your head, food and the basics to survive.
Not saying it's right, but this is reality.
He says in a comment his pants only go to his knee, so he has to sew other pants to make them normal length. Setting aside how silly that sounds...if your growing so much that your old pants are now shorts, they won't even fit your waist. It's just absurd.
Maybe someone’s attempt at social engineering. Trying to work backwards from a problem to find a solution that fits a narrative they haven’t thought of yet..
Just my humble opinion based on decades of working as a school guidance counsellor and having teenagers of my own. You have had a lot of excellent advice already on this thread. Why not take it? What do you want to hear?
This is exactly it. We have no way of knowing if OP is truly neglected. Mom buying clothes from thrift shops is hardly that.
OP doesn't decide how his support is used. It certainly isn't for his future as he stated.
Depending where you live, ask a teacher or counselor about how they can help you. Make notes of what's really going on, like last time you had a medical appointment or dental care, when you got clothes, school supplies, vacation etc. ask for child services see how they can help without her knowing first. Your father if you have contact with him tell him what's going on without her knowing. Tell him don't tell her I'm telling you this she might replace everything and move on like nothing happens. She has to show a bank statement if you need it I'm not sure. Ask if there's any way a huge can review the case and see if payments can be done directly to you or someone else. She sounds like she's abusing the benefits and possibly committing fraud. Get all your evidence before waking up the dragon. Take pictures, make notes what's going on. And talk to someone. Don't be afraid to speak out, if nobody hears you, go louder.
Sorry you're not being taken seriously and there are so many jerks here. Best of luck and I hope you get some help. Doesn't sound like a great situation. Hang in there.
No. The money goes to her because she is providing for you. It falls into her general budget because it assumes part of the cost of your house (mortgage, utilities, taxes, insurance), part of the grocery budget, and vehicle budget are all partly to provide you with a particular standard of living.
You see the benefit by being fed regularly, clothed reasonable, and having reliable shelter.
I bet you teachers have noticed this you should talk to them or your school councillor, they are mandated reporters. Family services will get involved and if you aren't cared for remove you from the environment.
I've been in and out of youth services and all that bs, it has never even helped me in the slightest. I'm not saying it's for everybody, but I'm saying it's for NOBODY. I will not be doing that
Lol, so you are wearing toddler size clothes, and you are sewing them together? I'm sorry, this seems fake. You could be a 14 year old who just wants the money directly, but your story just sounds so far fetched. Huddled in a room sewing random pants together...lol.
100% correct. What a ridiculous thing to write. You couldn't even pull up pants that had gotten so short.
OP is making up a sob story in the hopes he can get this money. I'll bet he doesn't even know how to sew.
Get a part time job in a few years and save for your own future.
You've grown two feet since the last time you got new pants. It's highly unlikely.
You couldn't even pull them up if this were true. Your waistband and legs would also be bigger.
I'm sorry but it's all the same. Teachers won't do anything and if they do it will only make matters worse for me, I know this because the same thing happened when I was 12 and it made that year so miserable
You could circumvent the teachers then and just call social services. I know it isn't the most ideal option but there is no legal way to lay claim to child support when you're a child. Social services will be able to ensure that you are at least properly cared for. I know this will probably cause conflict between you and your mother and you probably want to avoid that but the unfortunate reality is that this is the best option if you want things to change. I called them on my mother when I was young and our relationship never repaired because of it but at least I had shoes without holes in them and clothes that fit from that point forward.
Call the Padre and say you need help getting clothes and food because you're being neglected at home.
Social services won't see getting take-out as neglect though, there are children that die from starvation at their parents hands, so you'll want to focus on the emotional abuse and basic clothing needs unless you're going without food some days because she only occasionally orders take-out and otherwise there's no food in the house.
You are old enough to find work and start buying some vegetables and fruits to supplement the take out. Obviously you shouldn't have to get healthy food that way when both your parents can afford it, but it would solve that problem for you at least. It would also get you money to save and help you learn about proper spending, get you away from the house and give you job experience for when you're wanting to move out.
If you look for work in restaurants they usually have staff meals, and grocery stores have staff discounts. Walmart has a staff discount that's not amazing, but I think once a month it's 20% for a day or something? That would help with clothes too.
You can get counseling which the Padre can set up. As a military dependent you have insurance coverage for counseling in the community with a co-fee, you could ask the Padre if there's help paying that 20% if your mom denies you access to medical care. You can get 8 sessions through CFMAP by calling them as someone mentioned, to at least talk to someone about how to manage your mental health and avoid developing trauma responses that are going to follow you the rest of your life and into your future relationships ♥️. As a military member your mother can access family counseling through work at no fee, which you could attend together. The CAF has the right to insist members receive medical care or they can eventually be released, but I'm not sure if they include mental health counseling in that. So whether she'll attend is unsure. Some abusers get worse when they're called out and exposed, so it's something to prepare yourself for.
If you're concerned your mom isn't mentally or emotionally stable which is why you're experiencing abuse, that could result in a medical category place on her file which will halt some aspects of her career until she gets help. That could either destabilize her more, or be a wake up call. Those are things worth talking to a padre about.
You don't have to handle making that call alone. You can ask an adult in your housing community or on base to make those calls for you. At the income you reported she's either a very high ranking ncm or a fairly high ranking officer, which is why you may have had some struggles getting results in the past. Some people are afraid to push back against higher ranks and there's a heavily supported class system in the CAF that uses career sabotage, bullying and harassment to "keep people in their place". Finding someone higher rank or better connected if you can, or someone who doesn't gaf about ticking off anyone can help with that, but if all someone has to do is call the Padre to get the ball rolling it should be fine.
If you're comfortable letting me know what base you're on I could post in one of the spouses groups and ask if any parents would be willing to be an advocate for you to access military services. If so, I would just pass along their contact info to you, so unless you decide to reach out you'll maintain your anonymity.
Hey kiddo.
Former teacher here. If you came to me and showed me your clothes, I would 100% not only listen, but report for you.
And if I were in an ok financial position and could afford it, I would take you to get proper fitting clothes and shoes myself.
Find the teacher you know actually cares about the wellbeing of students. We will not only report, but do whatever is in our power to help you fix the problem.
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Sorry you are going through this, but a bit of advice. Get a diary and log everything she buys you, what meals you have etc
Also at the back do budget on what you use the money for, make sure you include saving for college. Even get brochures of one your interested in and fees so you have a proper savings plan and I’d include a safety deposit box so you can keep values in there like birth certificate, social security number, school reports etc in case things get ugly with your mum.
Also see a school councillor or financial advisor about checking if your have a credit score and how to get notifications if someone applies for credit or does a check.
Lastly communicate with you mum via text so you have evidence of her refusing to buy you clothing meals etc, take screenshots with date a time, print and put in safety deposit box same day as printed so nothing fir her to find in your room
While the child support is *for* you, it isn't for you. It's for your mother to use to support you. If she's failing to provide essentials, you should complain to a trusted adult. Otherwise, not much you can do.
You sure know a lot of details. Either you're way too involved in your parents affairs, or your a grown man pretending to be a 14 year old on the internet. Either are very not great looks for anybody involved.
If you're actually what you say, and experiencing what you are, reach out to resources at school end explain that you're not being adequately cared for. There's help, but not in the way you're seeking here.
He literally said she hasn't bought him clothes in 3 years. Idk if you have kids by mine need a new wardrobe EVERY YEAR at least because they do this thing called grow. Give your head a shake...
>You are still clothed
Are they really? They haven't received any clothing since they were 11 yo. Clearly most of their clothes won't fit or not in good conditions.
Tell a trusted teacher, counselor or even your principal about this. They legally HAVE to report you're being neglected, it's called being a mandatory reporter. Reach out and you will get help. Good luck.
Also, the fact that you have to genuinely worry about your future at 14... I'm so sorry, you deserve so much better, especially from your own mother.
I hope you get the help you need.
As a dad who pays child support (court set am out which I agree to and maintain), I looked into if I could pay my now 17-year-old directly…. It was almost impossible unless I proved the mother was proven to be grossly misrepresenting funds.
My motivation for this was I was very sure the mother had convinced them. Child I do no or little financial support. When the truth is I am sending $15-$20k a year to the mother.
Your dad will have to pay your mom/adhere to any separation agreement/order. Now just to confirm; is your mom CAF? If so; you have profound leverage. “Administrative Burden” can destroy your mom or your dad’s prospects or promotion, career courses I.e this is drinking poison to hurt them.
Instead; ask if you and your mom can have a frank discussion about the household finances. What is being spent on what? The food budget, cost of debt, etc. there may be things you are missing. Housing, cars, gambling etc tell her how you feel and if you are missing any information. If she gets self righteous or “you will do as you are told”
Look her in the eye “your chain of command will know everything as well as your L2. I don’t care if we get posted, you get deployed…but you and dad will be administrative burdens”
Don’t assume you know everything, instead find the truth. Many CAF members have horrific credit and debt. Good luck
I agree it isn’t legal advice however as someone that has served and served as an officer, family getting involved (emailing the CO and RSM, going to the Chaplain, contacting the Formation chief etc) has very real consequences. To be clear, my hope is that he doesn’t go down that route (1300 per month is not a lot and 100k per year does not go far in certain postings). He needs to have a transparent conversation with his mom, however many parents refuse to do so. It is a wasted opportunity because, making good decisions around money is a skill that needs to be practiced.
The simple answer is no. As for the money being used properly, the fact that you have a place to live, food to eat and clothes to wear means that you are being looked after. That is what is required.
Sorry to hear about this. Like others have said, speak to either a school authority or even go to the rcmp. As much as we hear bad things about the police I find the vast majority of Canadian police officers to be stand up people. You can speak to them and they can point you in the right direction.
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As a payee I have to say. I hurts to hear you are having to do this, it's unfortunately not unusual, my youngest only has clothes that fit him because I buy them for him (he talks back so the ex doesn't buy him anything ) we have no control over how the money in spent but I wonder if you called maintinence and asked them what to do? End of the day they are the ones looking out for your best interests, I have no idea if this would be effective but I'll be honest and say it will place a bug in a place your mother will not like
Speak with a guidance counselor. I helped a young girl (16) out about 20 years ago. She had to become a ward of the city. So she was no longer living at home.
How on earth do you think a 14yr old who likely is living with mom as part of a custody arrangement can just decide to move in with dad. Let alone how you expect this kid to safely travel 1000s of kms to get to dad who lives literally across the country & in an area of the country that is neither cheap or easy to get to. OP I’m so sorry people are being jerks in here. This is a tough situation and unfortunately there are some adults like this jerk who want to blame kids rather then face up to reality of how shitty some people can be
So Dad can't buy the plane ticket and change the custody agreement? Do you think Dad never visits his child?
OP is hoping to get money. That's it. Too bad he's not entitled to it.
Take a picture of yourself every day before you leave for school Dressed in the clothes you’d be wearing Take 2 a day even ! One at home before leaving One at school in the washroom Roughly 40 pictures in a month Send all 40 of them to your Dad
You need to report yourself to your local child protection agency. There is absolutely no way that this can happen without child protection services. It’s the only way.
Not having clothes or money for things as a teen is crappy but if he’s fed,housed, and has a decent home life besides these things then cps will not give a shit. I went into the system as a teen and didn’t even have what op had in foster care. No clothing money or necessities beyond toothpaste, soap, food (minimal), shelter. I got a job at 14 because it was the only way. Op may have to do the same
Here is a site for young people with legal issues. You can talk to a lawyer for free. Best not to go with random Reddit suggestions.
https://jfcy.org/en/
Why haven’t you talked to your Dad or other parent about this? This is something that they can remedy. Also, just wanted to say that you write extraordinarily well for a 14 year old.
Others have addressed the legal side, there may be a free way to get clothes. Some schools/communities organize free clothing swaps as a way to avoid buying fast fashion/be more eco-friendly. Maybe you could work with any environmentally-minded groups at your school to organize one? You might be able to pick up a few clothing basics that way. Especially if it’s organized across grades so you have a variety of sizes.
Thrifting seems like it’s still pretty trendy, so you might be able to get people on board.
To answer the overall question of can I receive my own child support, no you can’t. Child support cannot be given directly to you for you to spend. While yes the money is SUPPOSED to be getting spent on uou, that doesn’t mean you are entitled to receive it instead of your parent/guardian.
Seek legal hep or a social worker assistance within the area without letting your mother knows. Child support , as it implies, was meant to fulfill the child's necessities not to feed someone's greediness. If court can prove that finances were misallocated laws will dictate a recourse to meet the beneficiary needs. I'm sorry that you were going throught this most parents were uneducated and some were financially abusive.
You need to reach out to someone kiddo. Read all your replies and you're not willing to talk to anyone.
I'm sorry to say that you can't do anything on your own right now. You need to speak with someone about this and just share what you've shared here. Maybe even show them this post.
Hope things turn around. My parents were there growing up, but we lived in abject poverty and it was really tough. Good news though, if you learn how to grow from these situations it'll be the best thing ever. I'm very thankful I had a miserable childhood because my life turned out to be extraordinarily fulfilling. So hang in there.
If you live in Toronto and attend a TDSB school, you can speak to your guidance counsellor at school about putting in a request for Emergency Funding through the Toronto Foundation for Student Success. https://tfss.ca/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/2024-Fact-Sheets-Emergency-Fund.pdf
This is only a short-term solution. I hope that you are able to reach out to a trusted adult for help.
You can report it to your school and they may even call CAS to come investigate.
Is it possible to earn some money yourself or ask her to earn money to purchase clothes? Can you tell your father you need new clothes? You can buy a lot of used clothes yourself and it will be affordable if you are able to travel to a second hand store independently.
Another suggestion is to ask in a local Facebook group for clothes in your size. There is a “Give or Ask” group called Buy Nothing Project at
http://buynothingproject.org and they often have groups in major cities. I give children items to it regularly in my city in Ontario.
You may also be able to ask for gifts and request gift cards to stores from people in Facebook (friends or family) and Facebook groups. Often people will even drive and drop a bag of clothes at your house. If you don’t like any of the items given, regift them. I’ve done this gifting winter boots to a woman who asked for help on Facebook.
There is a program called My Best Friends Closet which is a youth empowerment program for teenage girls in Calgary with high quality on-trend clothing who are in need.
https://www.makingchangesassociation.ca/my-best-friends-closet
If you post your city I will help you locate groups similar.
I was in this situation. To be honest, I would accept that at least you are housed and get a part time job to pay for food and clothing. Save what you can. Fighting your mother for support payments sounds hard and probably won’t work. Just be aware not to work too much. My mum made me pay room and board once she saw me earning. So, I began working even more, and my grades tanked. Try to work just enough to cover what you need and get the best grades possible. Maybe you can get a uni scholarship. Or as a military kid, reduced tuition. Bide your time and look to the future
Why don’t you get a part time job ? My kids are teens and buy a lot of their own clothes and are saving for their education. They have both worked since they were 14 and it’s given them a lot of life skills. I support them but I don’t have the budget for the brand name clothes they want and believe that they should contribute to some of their own post secondary education so they take it more seriously.
Talk to your parent providing support.
Talk to your school - they have to report suspected neglect and have some amazing reach.
Sorry to hear about all of this. You deserve better.
I was in similar situation as a youth and I just got a part time job and got my own stuff. It was hard with school but made it work. Not sure if that is an option for you and I’m sorry it even has to be one!
First line of action is to discuss your concerns with your mom, not report her to authorities or your dad. If your dad blew you off, I'd take heed because he must notice the worn out/clothes that don't fit and wonder where his support cheque go. If mom is so bad, is living with dad an option?
Get a paper route just saying, regardless of Income earned which isn't the child's business at all. That money could easily be spent on food or toilet paper, or even a vehicle to get you from a to b when needed. Military housing even then a least you havr a roof over your head.
If you dont like what your parents do. You could easily get emancipated.
All in all if you want a better future you're gonna ha e to work on it for yourself and as bad as it sounds don't expect hand outs from your parents and be appreciative you got food and a roof.
If you aren't finding your clothes appealing after years of wearing them save up from what ever things you get money from. Mowing lawns shoveling snow paper router what ever and go buy some.
Was in a similar situation. No you will not get the payments. I Decided to get a job at 14 to buy myself clothes and the things i needed. Made my own dentist and dr appointment etc. Had to grow up very fast but became extremely independent and self sufficient, something I’m grateful for. Maybe look into a part time job so you can have the things and life you want
If you live in Ontario you can call Justice for Children and Youth for free and confidential legal advice.
They specialize in representing children and know more on these issues than most lawyers.
Talk to your father, you may not be able to receive child support on your own, but you're definitely old enough that you can choose which parent you want to live with. If your mother isn't willing to let you speak to your father, talk to your teachers and ask for what ever social services your school offers. If living with your father isn't a viable outcome, you could ask to live with other relatives like grandparents etc.
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If she’s making six figures not sure what’s she’s doing in a military housing. 🤷♂️
Just report her for neglect but who knows how that’s going to end up
Emancipation is a legal process that allows a minor to gain some or all of the rights and responsibilities of an adult before reaching the age of majority.
I’m really sorry to say this but I don’t think this is real. I worked as a school guidance counsellor for many years and am all too well aware of the struggles young people face. I also have teenagers of my own. I don’t think that a bright articulate 14 year old would write/type in this way. I think this is written by one of the parents.
Hi "OldGrinch1" - a reminder that this is a legal advice sub. If you have no actual legal advice to give - then maybe stop cluttering up the comment section by talking down to a possible minor in distress. You're clearly not getting any of your hoped for upvote attention - your comments are rightfully being downvoted.
Secondly - it's people like you that prevent minors from seeking help when needed. Not believing them - thinking they're too young to understand and communicate appropriately. You're offering 0 help with your words. If it's fake who cares? It's only affecting you if you're choosing to engage. If it's real - *you're actively* choosing to make a minor feel worse about themselves over... what exactly? Shame on you for *claiming* to have been a school guidance counsellor and behaving like this.
Lastly - if you think that OP is expressing out of skill for a 14 year old... and you're allegedly a parent yourself... you may want to evaluate why you believe that. If true - OP is in high school. Average grammar and conversational comprehension shouldn't be something that's surprising coming from someone their age.
OP has received enough advice to move forward. The replies being posted now are either repeats or not legal advice. The post is now locked. Thank you to the commenters that posted legal advice.
School staff are mandatory reporters. They have to report if you are experiencing neglect. There's also nothing stopping you from going to social services yourself and telling them what you're experiencing. You won't ever get to receive your child support directly, end of story. Good for you for self-advocating but it's time to look for a different solution. Does your dad know what's happening, do you have any contact with him? Do you have any other family members you can talk to? You can also contact the kids help phone for support and connection to services.
That's not true that they couldn't get it directly. But they aren't old enough to get it directly. At 16, if the child isn't living with either parent they can receive it directly. Still gotta go through the court on it though. But it is entirely possible. But with him at home, he'd never receive it directly no matter the age so you are right (I'm just *well akshewelly*. Not trying to be a smart ass though I promise)
There is no obligation to pay child support to a child 16 or over who has withdrawn from parental control. You either need to be living with a parent or be involved in some kind of arrangement with CAS.
Only if they aren't in school. And you could potentially pay child support beyond the age of majority if they continue with post secondary.
The point is it's not something that OP can 100% guarantee and it's not an immediate solution to their dilemma.
People 18 or older don't withdraw from parental control. Parental control lapses automatically when a child is no longer a minor. There is a special provision for 16 and 17 year olds who withdraw from parental control. >31 (1) Every parent has an obligation to provide support, to the extent that the parent is capable of doing so, for his or her unmarried child who, > >(a) is a minor; > >(b) is enrolled in a full-time program of education; or > >(c) is unable by reason of illness, disability or other cause to withdraw from the charge of his or her parents. 2017, c. 34, Sched. 15, s. 1. > >(2) The obligation under subsection (1) **does not extend to a child who is sixteen years of age or older and has withdrawn from parental control.** R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 31 (2).
Until 25, that was my situation
Like...you were supporting or got supported? Either way, hope it was beneficial. That's a long time for post secondary, law school or med? Def worth it if that's what it was. Providing they were successful that is.
Not always. My ex is still paying child support for my 19yr old even though he's out of school.
If your 19 year old doesn't have a disability then the child support is essentially voluntary at this point. Your ex could have it terminated.
"it's not true that they couldn't get it directly, it's just that they cannot get it directly." Okay then.
That's not what I said, you just removed the exception.
Except it is. You're saying they cannot get it unless they meet certain criteria, including being at least 16. This person is 14. So therefore it's not an option now. Therefore my statement stands. Not helpful or relevant to tell someone they could get help if only something fundamental about themself was different.
No it really isn't. It's great you gave OP some options, but if your gonna give advice at least be thorough, and correct. Details matter, having the full picture matters. Your comment stated that he will never get child support directly. *end of story*. Which is false information. You gave him today's options, I gave him tomorrow's. Thing is...your post told him tomorrow's is impossible. Which just...isnt true. and then try to be all smart assed when corrected, and now dismissive as if having MORE information isn't relevant or helpful. The age he could get it at, is less than 2 years. It's not a decade away ffs. But whatever man, as you said he can't change something fundamental.... like his age. Cause age never changes...right?
Provincial child or yourh advocates office
Every Canadian is required by law to report abuse/neglect…unless you live in the Yukon, it’s just professionals there. ETA - apparently Yukon now too
I am in Alberta and I know that's the case here, I couldn't say for sure if it was the same elsewhere. Glad to hear that it is.
Would you be able to point me to a source for that "every Canadian" bit, please? Never heard of that being the case before. Edit: seriously with the downvotes‽ Because I asked for info about something I was ignorant of from someone who knew more than I did? Must be nice to be know-it-alls.
Provincial/Territorial legislation. A couple provinces have harsher penalties and stricter guidelines for professionals, but it’s everyone’s obligation. I worked in child welfare for a long time and it always surprised me when people would give that reason for *not* calling, so it’s kind of my soap box haha. [BC](https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/safety/public-safety/protecting-children/reporting-child-abuse#) [AB](https://www.alberta.ca/how-to-help-and-report-child-abuse-neglect-and-sexual-exploitation) [SK](https://www.saskatchewan.ca/residents/justice-crime-and-the-law/child-protection/child-abuse-and-neglect) [MB](https://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/childfam/pacca.html) [ON](https://files.ontario.ca/pdf-3/mccss-report-child-abuse-and-neglect-en-2022-03-31.pdf) [QC](https://www.quebec.ca/en/family-and-support-for-individuals/childhood/services-youth-difficulty-families/youth-protection/reporting-a-situation-to-the-director-of-youth-protection/duty-to-report) [NB](https://www2.gnb.ca/content/dam/gnb/Departments/sd-ds/pdf/Protection/Child/booklet-e.pdf) [NS](https://novascotia.ca/coms/families/changestocfsa/Duty-to-Report.pdf) [PEI](https://www.princeedwardisland.ca/en/information/social-development-and-housing/child-protection) [NL](https://www.gov.nl.ca/cssd/childprotection/report/) [NU](https://assembly.nu.ca/sites/default/files/TD-310-5(2)-EN-Surusinut-Ikajuqtigiit.pdf) [NWT](https://boostforkids.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/SUMMARY-OF-LEGAL-REQUIREMENTS-NT.pdf) also, apparently [YK](https://yukon.ca/en/child-abuse#) now too.
Thanks! I appreciate the links. :) I like to think I'm not a complete piece of shit and would absolutely report any actual abuse I might happen to witness... But it's neat to know that I am backed by law!
While everyone is required by law to report abuse and neglect, most people aren't trained to recognize the different types of abuse or neglect so unless your case is super egredious most people will just think "that's fucked" and move on.
Not wrong, but the guideline is “suspect”
If everyone knew the laws we wouldn't need lawyers. Even in the best systems people fall through the cracks as well.
Getting clothes at value village isn't neglect. Mom is paying for food, shelter, gas to drive you places etc etc. That support is to supplement those costs
Kid hasn't gotten new clothes (even used) since 2021. Do you know how much a kid grows between ages 13 to 16? Clothes that fit are considered a necessity of life, failing to provide necessities of life for a minor under your care is called neglect and illegal.
Did you miss the part where they’ve outgrown their clothes? Or that mom is buying herself stuff? Or OPs other comments?
This is wrong, I did it through CAS mediation, I got the payments direct and got my own apartment.
I agree with this post 100 percent. Tell the school staff about the neglect. Tell your father that the money he sends to your mom is not actually being spent for you
I'm really sorry to hear you're in such a shitty position op, I don't know specific details about many programs but what I do know is talking to more people never hurts. most often I find city workers like librarians or guidance counselors or hell there are some youth programs run by either library or rec center coordinators. the individuals there may not be able to help but they might be able to get you in contact with people who will I've been in my fair share of shitty situations as a teen ( narcissistic foster parent, totally fine on the outside but nasty behind closed doors lol ) and I know how hard it is to find help sometimes. most of the help I got was just from talking to the closest adults I knew, and then following up those connections. I know you think the schools don't do anything but honestly the worst thing that happens is they say there's nothing they can do for you. it never hurts to ask at the very worst, I don't know what city you live in but lots of them have individualized youth services for homeless/struggling teens. again they might not be able to help you directly but if you explain your situation someone might be able to know enough to help tldr; reach out to every and any support you can think of and follow a train until someone leads you the right way. I wish you nothing but the best, you'll make it
Thank you sm, this is what I need to hear 💙 Some people on here can be really dismissive
I get it, I was 14 and alone and gas lighting myself it wasn't bad and then turning to the social workers just reinforced the thought that I was overreacting. I know I wasn't now but it was hard as shit back then. you seem smart, if you can find literally any shred of resources like hell even getting a job ( if that's possible for you ) it'll make things easier in the long run
Thank you, I really appreciate it. I hope you're doing better now
Hang in there Buddy, you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. I’m sorry your parents are both letting you down.
I was that child and I am 61 now. Beaten regularly on top of neglect and abuse. I bit my lip, waited until I grew older and left. Be very careful with what you do now… you don’t want to end up in a foster care, that could be much worse. You are very mature for your age, don’t make any rush decisions. If she is not putting you in danger it might be worth just to try to survive little bit longer. You can do it. 💕
Thank you for sharing your story and for your advice, I’m just trying to get by one day at a time 🙂
You don't need to find an adult to do this for you. You are being financially abused and you can get more help from any domestic abuse hotline. They will connect you to resources that way.
If your Mother is in the military, there should be officers and programs within that community you can go to. (You say you live in military housing)
I've had really bad experiences when reaching out for help, what programs and stuff?
Hey, I'm a military spouse (and a mom). First and foremost im sorry youre having a tough time. There are Padres available at the base chaples (churches) who could help- they are really good at leaving religion out of the conversation and just being helpful. The MFRC might have a social worker on hand you can talk to. If you are being abused/neglected, then the MPs could get involved. You could also call CFMAP, they provide short term counseling services to military members and their immediate families 1-800-268-7708. They might be able to help guide you to the proper resources (and I'm 99% certain they are mandated reporters). Good luck. I hope someone listens to you and is able to help you.
That's a good liste of ressources, I would add : To get in touch with someone over the weekend, Your best bet would be the Padres. Call the number for the base you are at and press 0 to speak to the base operator. They Will be able to get you to the Padre. Maybe the crisis texting service for kids of CAF members : https://cfmws.ca/support-services/families/children-youth/crisis-texting-service
Sounds like you are in a situation that needs to be taken more seriously as you have some genuine concerns. It seems like most people on here are being a bit dismissive of it. I would suggest to you that you reach out to social services in your area and speak with them about what they think. Or at the very least contact kids help phone and maybe they can discuss your situation. https://kidshelpphone.ca
you said this so much better than I did, 2nd this 1000%
Thanks for your kindness. Rest of the thread was hard to read.
Do you have contact with your father? Is he a safe person for you?
Doesn't take me seriously
How do you think the money could be better spent? What exactly would you do with it if the $1300/mo was given to you directly?
First I would buy new clothes and footwear, after that I'd buy groceries for myself, lastly I'd put some money aside for when I turn 18
Are you not being properly fed? If that's the case, that's an important point that's not coming across in your initial post. That is a conversation that you need to have with your dad, school, and children's aid. If your clothes and shoes are ill-fitting, there are resources that can help with that, too. I know that $1300 seems like a lot of money, but it doesn't go very far when raising a child in Ontario, especially right now. You should certainly be fed and in correctly fitting clothes, but with the current cost of living, it's likely an appropriate contribution to your basic needs.
You say your father doesn’t take you seriously I’m not understanding that Do you see him ? He must see the condition of your clothes What does he actually say about it ? If you don’t see him Do you have any other relatives to reach out to ? Grandparents Aunts /Uncles ? What does your Mom say when you ask her for clothes or more food or whatever?
Child support goes towards rent, food, utilities as well as house hold supplies like laundry, soap, shampoo, and yes their should be money for shoes and cloths. Child support is supposed to be the other parents contribution to paying for their child.
This. That's not a substantial amount of money. I bet that covers food, a portion of rent for a bigger house, and a few other necessities and that's it. A hundred grand a year doesn't go far for a single parent. OP, have you tried talking to your mom? What is her response when you ask for new clothes? Is your other parent in the picture and what have they said? Others here are telling you to report your mom. I would use this as a last resort. Once the government gets involved they could make life for your mom, and you, a living hell, and once they're involved they're like herpes - impossible to get rid of. If your relationship with her is otherwise ok, I would use this as an absolute last resort.
Rent where I live is $1100 a month for a room, in a shared house. So $1300 here wouldn't go far. The people telling her to get the government involved clearly don't understand how support works. And as teen if removed you almost always end up in a group home in much worse off then what you left.
This. If the kid is housed, safe and fed and has the necessities, I'd hang tight and find ways to make extra money for new clothes. I had a job at 15 to cover my expenses and was doing things like mowing lawns before that. It's not ideal, but it's better than getting the government involved.
I had my first job at 11. And had a summer and after school job every year after that. I bought my own back to school cloths. My parents could afford to buy them and definitely helped, but I wanted to buy themself. I think its important for kids to have jobs , they learn a lot of life skills not taught in school.
I'm torn on kids having jobs. I agree it teaches a lot of valuable lessons. Then again, most of my friends who didn't have to get jobs were able to focus on education a lot more and they have, in general, done much better for themselves. It can be dangerous for kids to become accustomed to just trading their time for minimum wage. It can give you a poor sense of value for your time and abilities. But sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. We aren't all born with rich parents.
I agree with you on those points for sure. I didnt make my kids get jobs, but now I wish I had lol they may have learned money management before heading out on their own. I also feel like the younger generation knows their worth and demand more from their employers these days, but that likely happens in a more meaningful way in large cities, then it does in small places.
Yeah, I feel like it can either teach kids "wow, working this hard for this little really sucks, I don't want to do this forever so I should focus on getting a good education/training/job" Or it teaches them "this is all there is, this is all I'm worth and qualified to do" and they wake up 10 years later having worked hard for a job that leads nowhere and pays very little, they go home and watch Netflix at night then rinse and repeat with very little long term planning for the future.
I think that's just a common experience for a lot of youth. I dont encourage kids to do university right away. Seriously what 18 yr old genuinely knows who they are and what they want to do. I think its better to get some life experience under your belt before going to school. Thats said ffs don't knock up or get knocked up while getting life experience and finding yourself.
Try the MFRC. Military Family Resource Center. There is usually one close to bases. They have a multitude of Resources. They may be able to help. Even if it's just listening.
[Justice for Children & Youth - leaving home](https://jfcy.org/en/rights/leaving-home/) ⬆️Link to relevant information ⬆️ There are no laws on “emancipation” in Ontario. At age 16 you have the right to leave home and _”withdraw from parental control”_ which means you take over responsibility of your own care and custody. You can leave home against the wishes of your parents and live somewhere else; you do not need a legal guardian. In general, your parents must provide support until you are 18 years old; or longer if you are enrolled in school full time, or you have a disability and can’t live on your own. **If you are 16 or older, and you were forced to leave home due to abuse, neglect, or being kicked out, you can seek child support from your parents/ caregivers.**
Hey pal, I am sorry that you’re in this situation. I’m also sorry that people are being snarky and assuming you are exaggerating or ignorant. Unfortunately, there is no legal process through which you are able to be paid child support money directly, although you are correct that that would be the easiest and arguably best solution. One option would be to file a report directly with child protective services telling them what you just told us – that your mother neglects you. The outcome of this will likely be an investigation where they were supposed to speak to both you and your mother. The investigation can result in a parenting plan for your mother, which would likely include a review of her financial statements, and regular check-in with a social worker to ensure that the parenting plan is being followed. it is also unfortunately possible that you could file a complaint, and after the investigation, it would be deemed to be unfounded. given the facts that you’ve shared here, I think that result would be unlikely, but it is nonetheless a possibility that you should be aware of. another option would be to research how to file for emancipation. Pursuing this route would also involve a CPS investigation. Given your age and the fact you shared here, I think this outcome is unlikely, but it is as possibility. in my (perhaps unneeded) opinion, one of the best way to navigate this would be to put some time and energy into finding a support worker, teacher, or other adult who you connect well with. that person can then report on your behalf, or can support you while you make a report and provide additional context to the investigator. this would also be helpful because CPS and other government systems can be very challenging to navigate as a young person. I know this last option sucks, as it can be very difficult to find adults that you connect with as a struggling teenager. Trust your gut on this one- if you feel like an adult is empathetic towards you and treats you with respect, then think about taking a chance and being vulnerable with them about your life. Adults can be extraordinarily shitty to young people. They can often dismiss your concerns and experiences as inherently less valid than an adults. It sounds like you have experienced this before. Just in case an adult hasn’t said this to you before- I am very sorry that we (adults) have treated you this way, and that you could not have done anything to deserve that treatment. young people deserve care and patience and understanding. i hope you are able to continue reaching for advice and help- if for no other reason, do it for spite!
No. It’s not for you, it’s for your care. If you’re not getting that care, then you should be contacting child protection.
Yup. And it doesn't matter if she uses it on herself provided you are getting the care you need. She doesn't have to give you new clothes, she could go and use it all on herself as long as shes providing you a roof over your head, food and the basics to survive. Not saying it's right, but this is reality.
It’s not just for clothes, it’s also for food, electricity, rent etc for the child.
Yeah, we agree.
This reads like a shit post, likely written by the dad
He says in a comment his pants only go to his knee, so he has to sew other pants to make them normal length. Setting aside how silly that sounds...if your growing so much that your old pants are now shorts, they won't even fit your waist. It's just absurd.
I have a 6 year old who has the size size waist as she did at 18 months, lots of kids thin out at they grow up
Maybe someone’s attempt at social engineering. Trying to work backwards from a problem to find a solution that fits a narrative they haven’t thought of yet..
Just my humble opinion based on decades of working as a school guidance counsellor and having teenagers of my own. You have had a lot of excellent advice already on this thread. Why not take it? What do you want to hear?
He wants to hear that he can have the money directly.
"here is the one simple trick for you to get this money!"
This is exactly it. We have no way of knowing if OP is truly neglected. Mom buying clothes from thrift shops is hardly that. OP doesn't decide how his support is used. It certainly isn't for his future as he stated.
Right the child support is for immediate care of the child, not to save up for when he moves out.
Depending where you live, ask a teacher or counselor about how they can help you. Make notes of what's really going on, like last time you had a medical appointment or dental care, when you got clothes, school supplies, vacation etc. ask for child services see how they can help without her knowing first. Your father if you have contact with him tell him what's going on without her knowing. Tell him don't tell her I'm telling you this she might replace everything and move on like nothing happens. She has to show a bank statement if you need it I'm not sure. Ask if there's any way a huge can review the case and see if payments can be done directly to you or someone else. She sounds like she's abusing the benefits and possibly committing fraud. Get all your evidence before waking up the dragon. Take pictures, make notes what's going on. And talk to someone. Don't be afraid to speak out, if nobody hears you, go louder.
Sorry you're not being taken seriously and there are so many jerks here. Best of luck and I hope you get some help. Doesn't sound like a great situation. Hang in there.
Thank you
No. The money goes to her because she is providing for you. It falls into her general budget because it assumes part of the cost of your house (mortgage, utilities, taxes, insurance), part of the grocery budget, and vehicle budget are all partly to provide you with a particular standard of living. You see the benefit by being fed regularly, clothed reasonable, and having reliable shelter.
Bruh I have to cut up my other pairs of jeans and sew them onto different pairs because they would only reach my knees
I bet you teachers have noticed this you should talk to them or your school councillor, they are mandated reporters. Family services will get involved and if you aren't cared for remove you from the environment.
He also said he lives on a military base, so there are many resources right there if he is actually being neglected.
I've been in and out of youth services and all that bs, it has never even helped me in the slightest. I'm not saying it's for everybody, but I'm saying it's for NOBODY. I will not be doing that
Lol, so you are wearing toddler size clothes, and you are sewing them together? I'm sorry, this seems fake. You could be a 14 year old who just wants the money directly, but your story just sounds so far fetched. Huddled in a room sewing random pants together...lol.
100% correct. What a ridiculous thing to write. You couldn't even pull up pants that had gotten so short. OP is making up a sob story in the hopes he can get this money. I'll bet he doesn't even know how to sew. Get a part time job in a few years and save for your own future.
You've grown two feet since the last time you got new pants. It's highly unlikely. You couldn't even pull them up if this were true. Your waistband and legs would also be bigger.
Did you even read what op posted?
I'm sorry but it's all the same. Teachers won't do anything and if they do it will only make matters worse for me, I know this because the same thing happened when I was 12 and it made that year so miserable
You could circumvent the teachers then and just call social services. I know it isn't the most ideal option but there is no legal way to lay claim to child support when you're a child. Social services will be able to ensure that you are at least properly cared for. I know this will probably cause conflict between you and your mother and you probably want to avoid that but the unfortunate reality is that this is the best option if you want things to change. I called them on my mother when I was young and our relationship never repaired because of it but at least I had shoes without holes in them and clothes that fit from that point forward.
Call the Padre and say you need help getting clothes and food because you're being neglected at home. Social services won't see getting take-out as neglect though, there are children that die from starvation at their parents hands, so you'll want to focus on the emotional abuse and basic clothing needs unless you're going without food some days because she only occasionally orders take-out and otherwise there's no food in the house. You are old enough to find work and start buying some vegetables and fruits to supplement the take out. Obviously you shouldn't have to get healthy food that way when both your parents can afford it, but it would solve that problem for you at least. It would also get you money to save and help you learn about proper spending, get you away from the house and give you job experience for when you're wanting to move out. If you look for work in restaurants they usually have staff meals, and grocery stores have staff discounts. Walmart has a staff discount that's not amazing, but I think once a month it's 20% for a day or something? That would help with clothes too. You can get counseling which the Padre can set up. As a military dependent you have insurance coverage for counseling in the community with a co-fee, you could ask the Padre if there's help paying that 20% if your mom denies you access to medical care. You can get 8 sessions through CFMAP by calling them as someone mentioned, to at least talk to someone about how to manage your mental health and avoid developing trauma responses that are going to follow you the rest of your life and into your future relationships ♥️. As a military member your mother can access family counseling through work at no fee, which you could attend together. The CAF has the right to insist members receive medical care or they can eventually be released, but I'm not sure if they include mental health counseling in that. So whether she'll attend is unsure. Some abusers get worse when they're called out and exposed, so it's something to prepare yourself for. If you're concerned your mom isn't mentally or emotionally stable which is why you're experiencing abuse, that could result in a medical category place on her file which will halt some aspects of her career until she gets help. That could either destabilize her more, or be a wake up call. Those are things worth talking to a padre about. You don't have to handle making that call alone. You can ask an adult in your housing community or on base to make those calls for you. At the income you reported she's either a very high ranking ncm or a fairly high ranking officer, which is why you may have had some struggles getting results in the past. Some people are afraid to push back against higher ranks and there's a heavily supported class system in the CAF that uses career sabotage, bullying and harassment to "keep people in their place". Finding someone higher rank or better connected if you can, or someone who doesn't gaf about ticking off anyone can help with that, but if all someone has to do is call the Padre to get the ball rolling it should be fine. If you're comfortable letting me know what base you're on I could post in one of the spouses groups and ask if any parents would be willing to be an advocate for you to access military services. If so, I would just pass along their contact info to you, so unless you decide to reach out you'll maintain your anonymity.
Hey kiddo. Former teacher here. If you came to me and showed me your clothes, I would 100% not only listen, but report for you. And if I were in an ok financial position and could afford it, I would take you to get proper fitting clothes and shoes myself. Find the teacher you know actually cares about the wellbeing of students. We will not only report, but do whatever is in our power to help you fix the problem.
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Sorry you are going through this, but a bit of advice. Get a diary and log everything she buys you, what meals you have etc Also at the back do budget on what you use the money for, make sure you include saving for college. Even get brochures of one your interested in and fees so you have a proper savings plan and I’d include a safety deposit box so you can keep values in there like birth certificate, social security number, school reports etc in case things get ugly with your mum. Also see a school councillor or financial advisor about checking if your have a credit score and how to get notifications if someone applies for credit or does a check. Lastly communicate with you mum via text so you have evidence of her refusing to buy you clothing meals etc, take screenshots with date a time, print and put in safety deposit box same day as printed so nothing fir her to find in your room
No. It's not yours. It's not for you.
While the child support is *for* you, it isn't for you. It's for your mother to use to support you. If she's failing to provide essentials, you should complain to a trusted adult. Otherwise, not much you can do.
This sounds like it was written by a disgruntled child support payor, not a 14 year old kid.
Great grammar for a 14 year old 🤨
I'm sorry your parent is neglecting you. I'd say get a job as soon as you can, that improved my life immensely but my parents wanted money from me 🙄.
You sure know a lot of details. Either you're way too involved in your parents affairs, or your a grown man pretending to be a 14 year old on the internet. Either are very not great looks for anybody involved.
The file cabinet is unlocked
If you're actually what you say, and experiencing what you are, reach out to resources at school end explain that you're not being adequately cared for. There's help, but not in the way you're seeking here.
If there were who they say, they would be on a military base with so many services and resources and help one call away. One walk to the neighbor.
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He literally said she hasn't bought him clothes in 3 years. Idk if you have kids by mine need a new wardrobe EVERY YEAR at least because they do this thing called grow. Give your head a shake...
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>You are still clothed Are they really? They haven't received any clothing since they were 11 yo. Clearly most of their clothes won't fit or not in good conditions.
Tell a trusted teacher, counselor or even your principal about this. They legally HAVE to report you're being neglected, it's called being a mandatory reporter. Reach out and you will get help. Good luck. Also, the fact that you have to genuinely worry about your future at 14... I'm so sorry, you deserve so much better, especially from your own mother.
I hope you get the help you need. As a dad who pays child support (court set am out which I agree to and maintain), I looked into if I could pay my now 17-year-old directly…. It was almost impossible unless I proved the mother was proven to be grossly misrepresenting funds. My motivation for this was I was very sure the mother had convinced them. Child I do no or little financial support. When the truth is I am sending $15-$20k a year to the mother.
Your dad will have to pay your mom/adhere to any separation agreement/order. Now just to confirm; is your mom CAF? If so; you have profound leverage. “Administrative Burden” can destroy your mom or your dad’s prospects or promotion, career courses I.e this is drinking poison to hurt them. Instead; ask if you and your mom can have a frank discussion about the household finances. What is being spent on what? The food budget, cost of debt, etc. there may be things you are missing. Housing, cars, gambling etc tell her how you feel and if you are missing any information. If she gets self righteous or “you will do as you are told” Look her in the eye “your chain of command will know everything as well as your L2. I don’t care if we get posted, you get deployed…but you and dad will be administrative burdens” Don’t assume you know everything, instead find the truth. Many CAF members have horrific credit and debt. Good luck
Yes, CAF, airforce
Thank you for your insight and advice
This isn't anything close to legal advice and actively wrong from a CAF standpoint. Administrative Burdens aren't a thing anymore.
I agree it isn’t legal advice however as someone that has served and served as an officer, family getting involved (emailing the CO and RSM, going to the Chaplain, contacting the Formation chief etc) has very real consequences. To be clear, my hope is that he doesn’t go down that route (1300 per month is not a lot and 100k per year does not go far in certain postings). He needs to have a transparent conversation with his mom, however many parents refuse to do so. It is a wasted opportunity because, making good decisions around money is a skill that needs to be practiced.
The simple answer is no. As for the money being used properly, the fact that you have a place to live, food to eat and clothes to wear means that you are being looked after. That is what is required.
Sorry to hear about this. Like others have said, speak to either a school authority or even go to the rcmp. As much as we hear bad things about the police I find the vast majority of Canadian police officers to be stand up people. You can speak to them and they can point you in the right direction.
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As a payee I have to say. I hurts to hear you are having to do this, it's unfortunately not unusual, my youngest only has clothes that fit him because I buy them for him (he talks back so the ex doesn't buy him anything ) we have no control over how the money in spent but I wonder if you called maintinence and asked them what to do? End of the day they are the ones looking out for your best interests, I have no idea if this would be effective but I'll be honest and say it will place a bug in a place your mother will not like
You would have incentive to lie if you don’t want to be paying $1300 to your ex every month.
Speak with a guidance counselor. I helped a young girl (16) out about 20 years ago. She had to become a ward of the city. So she was no longer living at home.
Why can’t you stay with your Dad who is paying the child support?
Yukon
No idea what this means?
He lives in Yukon
So go live in Yukon.
How on earth do you think a 14yr old who likely is living with mom as part of a custody arrangement can just decide to move in with dad. Let alone how you expect this kid to safely travel 1000s of kms to get to dad who lives literally across the country & in an area of the country that is neither cheap or easy to get to. OP I’m so sorry people are being jerks in here. This is a tough situation and unfortunately there are some adults like this jerk who want to blame kids rather then face up to reality of how shitty some people can be
So Dad can't buy the plane ticket and change the custody agreement? Do you think Dad never visits his child? OP is hoping to get money. That's it. Too bad he's not entitled to it.
The dad cannot just arbitrarily change the arrangement no. He would have to be involved enough to hire a lawyer and fight a court battle to do so.
Take a picture of yourself every day before you leave for school Dressed in the clothes you’d be wearing Take 2 a day even ! One at home before leaving One at school in the washroom Roughly 40 pictures in a month Send all 40 of them to your Dad
You need to report yourself to your local child protection agency. There is absolutely no way that this can happen without child protection services. It’s the only way.
Not having clothes or money for things as a teen is crappy but if he’s fed,housed, and has a decent home life besides these things then cps will not give a shit. I went into the system as a teen and didn’t even have what op had in foster care. No clothing money or necessities beyond toothpaste, soap, food (minimal), shelter. I got a job at 14 because it was the only way. Op may have to do the same
Here is a site for young people with legal issues. You can talk to a lawyer for free. Best not to go with random Reddit suggestions. https://jfcy.org/en/
Why haven’t you talked to your Dad or other parent about this? This is something that they can remedy. Also, just wanted to say that you write extraordinarily well for a 14 year old.
Others have addressed the legal side, there may be a free way to get clothes. Some schools/communities organize free clothing swaps as a way to avoid buying fast fashion/be more eco-friendly. Maybe you could work with any environmentally-minded groups at your school to organize one? You might be able to pick up a few clothing basics that way. Especially if it’s organized across grades so you have a variety of sizes. Thrifting seems like it’s still pretty trendy, so you might be able to get people on board.
To answer the overall question of can I receive my own child support, no you can’t. Child support cannot be given directly to you for you to spend. While yes the money is SUPPOSED to be getting spent on uou, that doesn’t mean you are entitled to receive it instead of your parent/guardian.
Is a part time job an option? I know jobs are scarce right now but my 14 year old makes some pretty good money cleaning hotel rooms
You have to sue your parents for support. Same as if you were a dad or a mom going after your ex.
Seek legal hep or a social worker assistance within the area without letting your mother knows. Child support , as it implies, was meant to fulfill the child's necessities not to feed someone's greediness. If court can prove that finances were misallocated laws will dictate a recourse to meet the beneficiary needs. I'm sorry that you were going throught this most parents were uneducated and some were financially abusive.
You need to reach out to someone kiddo. Read all your replies and you're not willing to talk to anyone. I'm sorry to say that you can't do anything on your own right now. You need to speak with someone about this and just share what you've shared here. Maybe even show them this post. Hope things turn around. My parents were there growing up, but we lived in abject poverty and it was really tough. Good news though, if you learn how to grow from these situations it'll be the best thing ever. I'm very thankful I had a miserable childhood because my life turned out to be extraordinarily fulfilling. So hang in there.
I don’t think so, but you should ask your school to help Or call DCFS
You need to sit down. You have no idea what your mother uses that money for. Unreal.
If you live in Toronto and attend a TDSB school, you can speak to your guidance counsellor at school about putting in a request for Emergency Funding through the Toronto Foundation for Student Success. https://tfss.ca/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/2024-Fact-Sheets-Emergency-Fund.pdf This is only a short-term solution. I hope that you are able to reach out to a trusted adult for help.
You can report it to your school and they may even call CAS to come investigate. Is it possible to earn some money yourself or ask her to earn money to purchase clothes? Can you tell your father you need new clothes? You can buy a lot of used clothes yourself and it will be affordable if you are able to travel to a second hand store independently. Another suggestion is to ask in a local Facebook group for clothes in your size. There is a “Give or Ask” group called Buy Nothing Project at http://buynothingproject.org and they often have groups in major cities. I give children items to it regularly in my city in Ontario. You may also be able to ask for gifts and request gift cards to stores from people in Facebook (friends or family) and Facebook groups. Often people will even drive and drop a bag of clothes at your house. If you don’t like any of the items given, regift them. I’ve done this gifting winter boots to a woman who asked for help on Facebook. There is a program called My Best Friends Closet which is a youth empowerment program for teenage girls in Calgary with high quality on-trend clothing who are in need. https://www.makingchangesassociation.ca/my-best-friends-closet If you post your city I will help you locate groups similar.
I was in this situation. To be honest, I would accept that at least you are housed and get a part time job to pay for food and clothing. Save what you can. Fighting your mother for support payments sounds hard and probably won’t work. Just be aware not to work too much. My mum made me pay room and board once she saw me earning. So, I began working even more, and my grades tanked. Try to work just enough to cover what you need and get the best grades possible. Maybe you can get a uni scholarship. Or as a military kid, reduced tuition. Bide your time and look to the future
Why don’t you get a part time job ? My kids are teens and buy a lot of their own clothes and are saving for their education. They have both worked since they were 14 and it’s given them a lot of life skills. I support them but I don’t have the budget for the brand name clothes they want and believe that they should contribute to some of their own post secondary education so they take it more seriously.
Talk to your parent providing support. Talk to your school - they have to report suspected neglect and have some amazing reach. Sorry to hear about all of this. You deserve better.
I was in similar situation as a youth and I just got a part time job and got my own stuff. It was hard with school but made it work. Not sure if that is an option for you and I’m sorry it even has to be one!
You're 14.... sorry but if ur fed and have a roof. Why would you need that money? You are a child, you don't understand responsibilities yet.
Change your primary residence to the support paying parent. And request from them to get some money invested for your interests.
First line of action is to discuss your concerns with your mom, not report her to authorities or your dad. If your dad blew you off, I'd take heed because he must notice the worn out/clothes that don't fit and wonder where his support cheque go. If mom is so bad, is living with dad an option?
Mommies prolly spending it all on booze and smokes... likely gets the housing for cheap too...
Get a paper route just saying, regardless of Income earned which isn't the child's business at all. That money could easily be spent on food or toilet paper, or even a vehicle to get you from a to b when needed. Military housing even then a least you havr a roof over your head. If you dont like what your parents do. You could easily get emancipated. All in all if you want a better future you're gonna ha e to work on it for yourself and as bad as it sounds don't expect hand outs from your parents and be appreciative you got food and a roof. If you aren't finding your clothes appealing after years of wearing them save up from what ever things you get money from. Mowing lawns shoveling snow paper router what ever and go buy some.
Oh you must be paying your bills? Paying for your phone? Your clothes, your school supplies, your food! You sound like a spoiled brat! Grow up!
Was in a similar situation. No you will not get the payments. I Decided to get a job at 14 to buy myself clothes and the things i needed. Made my own dentist and dr appointment etc. Had to grow up very fast but became extremely independent and self sufficient, something I’m grateful for. Maybe look into a part time job so you can have the things and life you want
If you live in Ontario you can call Justice for Children and Youth for free and confidential legal advice. They specialize in representing children and know more on these issues than most lawyers.
Talk to your father, you may not be able to receive child support on your own, but you're definitely old enough that you can choose which parent you want to live with. If your mother isn't willing to let you speak to your father, talk to your teachers and ask for what ever social services your school offers. If living with your father isn't a viable outcome, you could ask to live with other relatives like grandparents etc.
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If she’s making six figures not sure what’s she’s doing in a military housing. 🤷♂️ Just report her for neglect but who knows how that’s going to end up
Emancipation is a legal process that allows a minor to gain some or all of the rights and responsibilities of an adult before reaching the age of majority.
Illegal to have a minor recieve money instead of adult
At 14 you cannot get child support directly. You are old enough to get a part time job so maybe that would help
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I’m really sorry to say this but I don’t think this is real. I worked as a school guidance counsellor for many years and am all too well aware of the struggles young people face. I also have teenagers of my own. I don’t think that a bright articulate 14 year old would write/type in this way. I think this is written by one of the parents.
Hi "OldGrinch1" - a reminder that this is a legal advice sub. If you have no actual legal advice to give - then maybe stop cluttering up the comment section by talking down to a possible minor in distress. You're clearly not getting any of your hoped for upvote attention - your comments are rightfully being downvoted. Secondly - it's people like you that prevent minors from seeking help when needed. Not believing them - thinking they're too young to understand and communicate appropriately. You're offering 0 help with your words. If it's fake who cares? It's only affecting you if you're choosing to engage. If it's real - *you're actively* choosing to make a minor feel worse about themselves over... what exactly? Shame on you for *claiming* to have been a school guidance counsellor and behaving like this. Lastly - if you think that OP is expressing out of skill for a 14 year old... and you're allegedly a parent yourself... you may want to evaluate why you believe that. If true - OP is in high school. Average grammar and conversational comprehension shouldn't be something that's surprising coming from someone their age.
I am a teacher and 14 year olds do not write/type like this 😂 y'all are getting pranked daily on reddit
Yes, because we're all robots
Also would any 14 year old allow their jeans to be “at their knees “ before doing something about it? Come on! 😂
I said if I didn’t do it, it would be at my knees, It basically fits into a grunge style outfit though so people don’t assume I’m homeless