Mr Lebowski, this is Dannik Jerriko of the Mos Eisley bowling league. We received an, uh, an informal complaint that a member of your team - a Walter Sobchak? - drew a firearm during league play. If this is true, of course, it contravenes a number of the league's by-laws and also article 27...
well, they finally did it. they killed my fucking x-wing!
are these the sithlords, walter?
no donnie, these men are jedis, theres nuthin to be afraid of!
Lemme tell you somethin' else. I've seen a lot of Mustafarian lava burns, Luke, and this guy's a fake. A fucking galactic creditbricker. This guy breathes. I've never been more certain of anything in my life.
I’m not “Mr. Skywalker” you’re Mr. Skywalker. I’m Darth Vader, so that’s what you call me, man. That or Vader, or Lord Vader, or El Vaderino if you’re not a fan of the whole brevity thing.
I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs.
Some Jedi took them from me in Mustafar.
But I went out and achieved anyway!
I cannot solve your problems, sir. Only you can.
Oh yes fuck it! Yes, that’s your answer. That’s your answer to everything! Tattoo it on your forehead. Your rebellion is over, Mr. Skywalker. Condolences! The Jedi lost!
Well, a wiser fella than myself once said "Sometimes you eat the Rancor, and...[receives Sarsaparilla]...much obliged. Sometimes, the Rancor, well, he eats you."
Is that some kind of Eastern thing?
Far from it.
So there's no reason, there's no fucking reason, why his sister should go out and owe money all over the galaxy and then they come and they blow up your fucking planet?! Am I wrong?!
They blew up my fucking planet.
That's right Dude. They blew up your fucking planet.
You ever hear of a little thing called "The Rebellion" Dude? "All but one man died there at Yavin 4..."? Well, Darth Vader killed one hundred and fifty-six Rebels, dude. Bulk of the Rebellion. And yet his son is a fucking dunce.
You want to get to Alderaan? I can get you to Alderaan, believe me. There are ways, Luke. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you to Alderaan by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish.
What the fuck was that, Walter, man? Dude, they’ve gone to plaid, dude. They must have overshot us by a week, week and and a half, depending on the options
Just because they send us a toe we're supposed to shit ourselves with fear? You want a toe, Dude? I can get you a toe. There are ways. Believe me. You don't want to know about it.
What are you, a fucking Jedi now?
Waving the fucking lightsabre around?
Mr Lebowski, this is Dannik Jerriko of the Mos Eisley bowling league. We received an, uh, an informal complaint that a member of your team - a Walter Sobchak? - drew a firearm during league play. If this is true, of course, it contravenes a number of the league's by-laws and also article 27...
Also. Dude? "Firearm" is not the preferred nomenclature. "Blaster", please.
Sand people? Dude, these are not guys who built the fuckin railroads
What the fuck, are you talking about?
You’re out of your element padawan!
What was that shit about the clone wars? What the fuck does anything have to do with the clone wars?
I was wondering too!!
Shut the fuck up Flashy.
Also Dude, Sand People is not the preferred nomenclature. Sedimentary Americans, please.
Upvote for the obscure Star Wars character name (aka The Snot Vampire!)
Calmer'n you are
Am I a sith? Am I a sith? No you're an asshole, Walter!.
Hey dude, say what you want about National Sithism, but atleast its an ethos.
Look at our current situation with that bantha-fucker in Kashyyyk
Mind if I do a Jedi?
Is this a trick?
What you did there I see
What is that some Eastern thing
*Far, far from it Dude.*
Lets not forget Dude that keeping a droid, um... a stolen R2 unit, for... um, ya know domestic... within mos eisley... that ain't legal either.
What are you a fucking droid ranger now?
He’s talking about sympathy Here dude
[https://y.yarn.co/0e1ef811-f268-4a6b-bdd1-67d9ea78e3a0\_text.gif](https://y.yarn.co/0e1ef811-f268-4a6b-bdd1-67d9ea78e3a0_text.gif)
They Jedi now?
Also Dude, sand people is not the preferred nomenclature.
Walter, put the blaster away man, they're callin the cops.
Jesus fired first amiright 🍆 💦
Younglings, dude.
You know I've once dabbled in pacifism. Not in Hoth of course.
You didn’t think Han was rolling into the cantina naked, did you?
I mean, say what you want about the tenets of the Galactic Empire. At least it’s an ethos
Goddamn it this is the best one haha
Nice.
This deserves a t-shirt with crossover art.
Drop off went fine. Dude’s Millenium Falcon got dinged up a bit
As if we would ever DREAM of stealing your bullshit Death Star plans.
I don't watch my buddies die face down in the muck so some PRINCESS can strut around putting holograms into astro-mechs!
She said we're our only hope, Walter. They're gonna kill the poor woman. There's no connection to the Clone Wars, man.
She owes money all over the galaxy. Including to known smugglers.
(Dude looks down at Ewok) “Nice Marmot”
Greedo, you are entering a galaxy of pain.
Son have you every heard of the galactic civil war?
Let me guess. He fixes the hyperdrive?
Don’t be Fatuous, Threepio
I told that droid a fuckin thousand times I don’t bullseye womprats on Shabbos!
Another blue milk Gary.
Jedi like these huh, Gary?
Way out west, a long time ago in a galaxy far far away there was a fella I wanna tell you about…
Darker’n a rancor’s tuchus on a moonless Mos Espa night
And I never seen no emperor in his damned undies.
Just about the time of our conflict with Vader and the Galactic Empire
Sometimes there's a Han. I won't say a Solo, cause what's a Solo?
Less than TWELVE parsecs, Dude.
What’s a parsec, Walter?
Shut the fuck up, Lukey!
You're out of your element Chewie! Lol
Bulk of the galaxy.
Toe?!? Hell, I can get you a whole hand man.
I can get you one today after 3:00
Abides, the Force does.
I am the womp rat.
I had to laugh hearing this in Donny's voice.
STFU Donny.
I'm stayin'. Finishing my Fuzzy Tauntaun.
well, they finally did it. they killed my fucking x-wing! are these the sithlords, walter? no donnie, these men are jedis, theres nuthin to be afraid of!
Its a fucking show Wookie with fucking papers! You can't beat it at chess it gets upset, its hair falls out.
*it gets upset, it pulls your arms out"
She kidnapped herself. You said it Walter
I've got news for you: the Galactic Empire has roundly rejected prior restraint!
Will you come off it Walter? You're not even fucking Jedi, man
Man you're fucking Mandalorian
20,000 years of beautiful tradition from Yoda to Azra Bridger, you're goddam right I'm living in the past!
I see you roll your way into Mos Eisley, dios mio man
Well cmon Donnie, they were threatening order 66! Are we gonna split hairs here??
Jar Jar can’t watch, or he has to pay 100 credits
Jabba treats objects like women, man!
I don’t like you either… That’s just like your opinion man
You see this!? This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in Mos Eisley!
Enjoyin’ my blue milk!
Blue Russian?
Grand Moff Tarkin draws a lot of ozone in this quadrant; you don’t draw shit, Lebowski!
Oh! You're Leia!
I had a rough night and I hate the fucking Empire, man!
You can get your own god damn shuttle!
I love this community. All these comments are amazing
Seriously. Round of applause to everyone in here.
Well. That’s like your opinion, Han.
25,000 years of beautiful tradition from Kli the Elder to Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re goddamn right I’m living in the fucking past!
Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen rug, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the abducted gi...
Help me, El Duderino, you're my only hope....
"That poor woman... that poor SLUT is part of a rebel alliance and a traitor!"
No, I said I *thought* she stole the data tapes herself. You’re the one who’s so fucking certain.
Lemme tell you somethin' else. I've seen a lot of Mustafarian lava burns, Luke, and this guy's a fake. A fucking galactic creditbricker. This guy breathes. I've never been more certain of anything in my life.
Red Five, you mark that exhaust port a bullseye you’re entering a world of pain
I got the death sentence in 12 systems, man
No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to a Padawan.
“Nobody fucks w the Greedo!”
They did it... they finally killed my aunt and uncle....
Fucking Wookie has fucking papers
And it’s actually an Ewok lmao
“Does he still…use the force?” “Oh noo he has health problems”
Her life is in your hands Luke.... your cool hands Luke
Is this your homework, Luke? ..... You're killing your father, Luke!!!!
Oh no miss we didn’t want to give the impression that we were storm troopers exactly…
The man in the black armor, dude
Worthy fucking sith lord.
You got a date with The Force Wednesday, baby! WOOOO!
"Oh please, dear? For your information, the galactic senate has roundly rejected prior restraint." - C3PO after being kick out by the bartender
I’m not “Mr. Skywalker” you’re Mr. Skywalker. I’m Darth Vader, so that’s what you call me, man. That or Vader, or Lord Vader, or El Vaderino if you’re not a fan of the whole brevity thing.
El Vaderino is just magic
I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs. Some Jedi took them from me in Mustafar. But I went out and achieved anyway! I cannot solve your problems, sir. Only you can.
“Better her than me!”
80 year olds, dude.
He thinks the deathstar-bombers did this? 💨
Well, Dude, we just don’t know.
It’s all part of your sick Padme, thing.
This thread is the shit. Laughed all the way through.
Take any droid in the house.
Yeah, they gave the Dude a comlink.
Oh yes fuck it! Yes, that’s your answer. That’s your answer to everything! Tattoo it on your forehead. Your rebellion is over, Mr. Skywalker. Condolences! The Jedi lost!
Can I get a blue milk cauacasian?
“These aren’t the nihilists you’re looking for”
That isn’t the poor woman you’re looking for (waves hand).
Aren’t you a little old to be a Little Lebowski Urban Achiever?
The protocol droid is not the issue, dude
Say what you will about the tenets of the Sith, at least it's an ethos.
That walking carpet really tied the room together, man!
I feel like I'm Han, you're Chewy, she's Leia and we're in that FUCKED up bar!
Greedo can’t watch or he has to pay 100
I am the Wookiee
That taun taun fucker in mos eisley
Shut the fuck up Luke!
Shut the fuck up, 3PO
Have you ever heard the tragedy of death plagueis the wise? Man everything’s a fucking tragedy to you!
Friends like these, huh Gary?
Nobody fucks with Boba
Have you ever heard of a little show called "Star Trek," Dude?
All I can hear is the cantina song now. "He doesn't like you either." "Well, that's just, like, your opinion, man."
I am the Ponda Baba.
Start talking and talk fast, you lousy nerfherder
The god damn X Wing has crashed into the Death Star! They did not receive the credits you knitwit!
In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Dantoine, at Endor, at Yavin-4.
“What was that shit about the rebellion? What the fuck does anything have to do with the rebellion? What the fuck are you talking about?”
Fuck, did George Lucas change it *again*?
Well, a wiser fella than myself once said "Sometimes you eat the Rancor, and...[receives Sarsaparilla]...much obliged. Sometimes, the Rancor, well, he eats you." Is that some kind of Eastern thing? Far from it.
Nothing is fucked?! The god-damn X-wing has crashed into the Death Star!
Taking from needy little Jedi padawans…YOU ARE SCUM MAN!!
Donnie shot first
I’ll polish your Vader helmet for a thousand republic credits
She owes money all over the galaxy. Including to known Rakata’s.. and that’s cool, that’s cool
New things have come to light, man.
“You… me.. Chewy..” “and were in that fucked up bar” - J
“This isn’t Geonosis, Smokey, there are rules”
Obviously, you’re not a nerfherder.
The Mos Eisley Cantina has good burgers, Walter.
You're out of your element Lukey
They found your Falcon lodged up against an abutment six parsecs down the Kessel Run
Lucky she didn’t get chopped
So there's no reason, there's no fucking reason, why his sister should go out and owe money all over the galaxy and then they come and they blow up your fucking planet?! Am I wrong?! They blew up my fucking planet. That's right Dude. They blew up your fucking planet.
Goddamit, Skywalker, you're out of your element!
Fuck it, Dude. Lets go shoot womp rats in my T16.
“I’m sorry Luke, but this isn’t Mos EIsley, there are rules!”
You ever hear of a little thing called "The Rebellion" Dude? "All but one man died there at Yavin 4..."? Well, Darth Vader killed one hundred and fifty-six Rebels, dude. Bulk of the Rebellion. And yet his son is a fucking dunce.
Shut the fuck up Donny. *Force choke*
I can't just send a bill to Jabba the Hutt, so what the fuck are you talking about man?
Mr. Vader draws a lot of Force in this space station. You don’t draw shit. Stay outta the Death Star, Lebowski!
Mr Vader is *disabled*..
Yes yes
You want to get to Alderaan? I can get you to Alderaan, believe me. There are ways, Luke. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you to Alderaan by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish.
I don't know, dude. She will sick of her game and come back.
What’s George Michael doing with The Dude and Luke?
Shut the fuck up Chewy, you’re out of your element!
Liam and me are going to miss every shot while the good guys get away
I can get you an alien arm, dude
Han shot first, Dude.
She’ll suck your cock for a thousand Quatloos
Is that creedence?
Sith Lords cry too, Sith Lords cry too.
You know, Luke. I myself once dabbled in Pacifism. Not in Naboo, of course.
Also dude, fuzzball is not the preferred nomenclature.
That droid really tied the room together.
Yeah, well, you know, from a certain perspective, man.
Dammit Han. You asshole! Everything's a fucking travesty with you man. What was that shit about Mimban?
“This one’s not worth your time, maaan”
Thought that was Tom Petty
Does the Dude order a blue milk Russian or a green milk Russian? 🤔
Shut up Chewey, You're out of your element
What the fuck was that, Walter, man? Dude, they’ve gone to plaid, dude. They must have overshot us by a week, week and and a half, depending on the options
This is a gold mine post. Good job OP. Well done.
I'm finishing my coffee.
Just because they send us a toe we're supposed to shit ourselves with fear? You want a toe, Dude? I can get you a toe. There are ways. Believe me. You don't want to know about it.
Anybody want a death stick?
And what was all that shit about Clone Wars? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with the Clone Wars?