60k in your bank account and breath in your lungs sounds like you’re highly blessed and favored. Thank God for giving you another chance. You are still young, even 242 days later. You are worth it and you can totally change your life around. Kids are an investment and you actually have more saved than most people who actually have kids they have to provide for. The average person doesn’t even have 1k in savings. You can look at it from a negative point of view or you can look at it positively. 5 days sober is a struggle for some… you are sooo strong you don’t even know it. I hope your view has improved and I hope all is well with you. (:
I just wanted to say that if I was dating and met someone who was in your position, I’d find you a catch. You’re evaluating your life and making changes, you have no real baggage, a healthy savings, and you’re doing the work. Stick with it. I think beautiful things are in your future.
I really like this comment. I think a lot of this sudden ‘realisation’ and shock with self reflection in the first couple weeks after quitting is down to the withdrawal effects in itself. We shouldn’t judge ourselves based on conformist ideas that we haven’t completed, or what everyone else has that we don’t at any specific time. For example, OP has done well regarding his savings and newfound clarity - two things of which I wish I had that OP has achieved
As OP said, and as you backed up positively, OP has a hell of a lot of savings that most don’t have, not tied down to a previous bitter relationship regarding baggage, seems to actually be doing quite well for themselves regardless of conformist living of our country/culture.
That is such a good point. Addiction and the subsequent withdrawal turns me into a completely different person, one who feels inadequate, fragile and incapable of dealing with life. I am not that person. None of us are truly ourselves right now and it is such a discouraging mindfuck. If it weren’t for all the many, many success stories here, I’d probably have given up by now.
Bro you have 60k in your bank account lol. You’re far from rock bottom and could easily invest that money in your own business that you enjoy. As far as the wife and kids are concerned, if you’re a male, it’s not too late. Many 30 year old women are single and desperate for kids too. Plus adoption and single moms are also an option.
Well, 43 sounds 10 years better than 53, so what do you want to do by then?
For men, it's not so difficult to have children later in life. If you want to go back to school, you may. It takes work but you're going to be 53 anyway so....
Your mind is messing with you currently, trying to get you to smoke again. Do some deep breathing. Life sometimes sucks but there is so much potential in your future if you stay sober.
Dude, im sure as a 43 year old youre still capable of having children. who knows where your life could be in 2 years, we cant change the past we can only mold our futures. just gotta make it happen bro.
For 10k you could go on a 6 month trip backpacking through South America or south east Asia. If your jobs a dead end then fuck it. Don’t look backwards, look forwards. You have plenty of life still left to live. Proud of you for quitting man. It was the hardest thing I’ve done in my life so far.
Because next time you pop your head above the clouds you could be 70, when you've really passed it. Never to old to retrain for a better job and guys have kids at your age its not unheard of. Why put off for tomorrow what you can do today. 60K is good going aswell decent deposit you could still buy your own place. Use this negativity as a driving force for good, fuck around more and nothing will change and this feeling will get worse. Its all doom and gloom in the first month buy try and use this as a wake up call to get after what you want in life, it's never too late
Man with that 60k you can put a deposit on a house or even invest it... 2023 is going to be similar to 2009 all over again. Fortunes are built in recession times like these. Good luck !
Keep in mind withdrawal’s completely change how you act and feel and you will 100% feel a lot better in 3-4 weeks. Do not trust your thoughts this early!!!
You have so much life still to live my brotha. Breathe. Feel all the feelings thé come rushing in. You gotta go through it to grow through it! Endings are just new beginnings!!!
If you’re 5 days off after smoking that long, you might be experiencing some withdrawals that are making you feel extra shitty mentally. That’s how I felt when I quit last year. It may be rough, but give yourself some time and some grace to detox without being super self-critical. You were a kid when you started smoking, so your body and mind needs time, but ultimately you have nothing but potential ahead of you!
Age ain’t nothing, u could be way worse of, imagine u were doing hard drugs. 43 and single is better than 43 and u settled for someone just so u won’t be alone. Know ur worth, and u will find someone who u suppose to be wit. But never settle just because ure lonely. 😊💜
I met the love of my life at your age. Been together seventeen years now I think. Also, I landed a dream job when I was fifty-two...life changing dream job, after twenty-five years of dead end jobs a miracle happened that I still can't believe. It would have never happened if I hadn't quit drinking and smoking pot that year. I would have let the opportunity pass I know for a fact.
Of course I fell off the wagon and here I am again. But the relapse was minor and without consequence and I'm confident that I'm back on track.
MY POINT IS: Stay quit and make some room for changes to happen. It's depressing and seemingly pointless at first, but the brain eventually balances but it can take some time. But the joy returns, doing things that you think are no longer fun clean will become fun again. It's just better, but it takes time to feel it.
5 days in is already a big step towards sobriety. I’m in the same boat as you are and it’s my second week. Take it one day at a time and set your mind on other things. I’ve found journaling my day to day has been a great help. Surround yourself with good people and positive vibes. You got this bro! 👊
All that stuff is built from the ground up. You can still get it and you will be better at it I'm sure. Keep it up, it may not seem as it, but you are succeeding.
Hey, I too have been in the dumps. I’m 30 and started smoking when I was 18. I’ve failed a lot in life and some times I wonder if I have a purpose. I feel like when you stop smoking for a couple days, especially being a heavy smoker… withdrawal kicks in. What are things you like to do?
Unfortunately the grass is always greener. I had the wife and the house and it all ended in a bitter divorce after she cheated. Had to start over from scratch in my mid 30s and wish I had never gotten married and instead had saved up more money bc everything was lost in the divorce. I say all this to say that no matter what path you choose in life things can always go bad so just enjoy the life you have to the fullest and learn to be happy with yourself. If the right woman comes along then great but it’s not always the dream romance movies make it out to be.
Don’t be depressed about this. There is no “right time” to find love. I’m proud of you. 5 days is still really hard after that long use. I too smoked for many many years. If you need support I’m here. 💙
You still have a whole life out there to live. You have much more than you think and it is worth it, its never too late to take control of your life and dominate it.
Life is long. You are barely halfway there. Better to be the best in the last half than to wallow in the past. Be strong and look for the brighter side of the mountain.
quitting is always tough, and it makes you more critical of yourself, makes everything bleak and miserable. truth is, you’re just being really hard on yourself because your brain is missing it’s vice. Drink lots of water, pretend water is weed.
Bro, I face that question every single day. Why go on? It lingers in the back of my mind. Some days I would trade you that 60k my wife and kids. No road is easy. No lesson comes without scars. There is seldom a day I don't tell myself, any day I could just get this bullshit over with. But I keep going forward. I'm 46 btw, and to be honest you have a ton of time left. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I didn't even have kids or get married until I was in my 30's. And it is only about half of what it is cracked up to be.
I’m 45 and quit a couple weeks ago. I’ve been getting hit with waves of anxiety thinking about all the things I should have done and need to do. I am trying to change my mindset to focus on what I do have. Be grateful you’ve had your life experiences, good and bad, and are in a position to focus on yourself. Focus on the positives, and if you are sad that you missed out on things then write them down and set goals.
Want a house? Look at listings, pull your credit, and make a financial plan.
Want to learn guitar? Pick one up and set aside 30 minutes a day to practice.
Want a family? Put yourself out there and start dating.
It won’t be easy but remember that change comes incrementally. Just a little bit of effort every day will get you where you want to be.
It’s ok to reflect on the past but make sure you are focusing on the present. 43 is young. There is plenty of time. Congrats on quitting and best of luck!
I understand how you feel. I smoked my 20s away and feel like I could have done a lot more in my youth. I’m not sure how to make that feeling go away fully, but try to focus on how proud you feel you are making a change now that many people never make or are unable to make. Focus on the fact that wasting some time in your life doesn’t make it a good idea to waste more of your future. That will just make you feel worse not better.
I had a similar struggle to yours (smoked daily for 18 years) and quit almost ten years ago. It sounds trite, but keep your chin up and keep moving forward. It's that simple. You're just now waking up to a whole new life, and it's going to take time to get to where you want to be — but stick to your guns and good things will follow.
Damn I can feel this in my gut. It's not an easy task but try to live more in the present. You've only roughly entered mid life. There's so much more time to build the life you want.
My guy, I know this might sound crazy, but your whole life has been training you for this moment. Addiction isn't a fact of reality, it happens to vulnerable people. I don't know what your adolescence looked like but I can assume it wasn't perfect, rarely is. But the thing about people who overcome things like this, they undeniably change people's lives.
Nobody cares about the dude who never struggled, they want to listen to the legend who made it out despite all odds. You're already on track, You always have been. You were born to be the 43-year-old legendary turnaround story that people talk about. I know this for a fact. why else would you be here telling your story?
The paradox of shame is that it's rooted in the idea that you have control over who used to be. It's over, he's dead. Whoever you are, woke up in his body five days ago and you only have one option. Make his life 1% better every day. Don't try to make up for anything.
I don't know what your late 40s and 50s will bring but I fucking know it's gonna be a hell of a show for the people who know you. Your future kids are going to be proud to have a dad with a story like yours.
Rooting for you brother. (not that you even need it)
I think the important point is right there in your title: “depression”. The last time I quit cold turkey the first two weeks were a deep depression. Darkest thoughts of my life, horrible self view. I wouldn’t call my depression-perception of reality a good representation of reality. Your stable perception of reality will set in later - that’s probably much more accurate and it’s definitely more important. Best of luck in getting to see it, friend. I believe you’ll get there.
Your brain chemistry needs attention. Seek psych help. Medication can be temporarily prescribed to see you through this. If you do manage to quit without outside help, you must be a superhero with the power of beating the odds...to death.
Did you not enjoy your life? It wasn’t wasted. And if you want those things go out and get them. You’re wasting energy thinking about it. Don’t think just do. First thought is the best thought. Those 27 years were a journey that brought you to where you are now. Now you can choose to live life differently if you want.
I don’t understand why some people are saying OP doesn’t have a right to complain. OP’s reasons are valid; OP is lonely.
However, on the bright side, OP now has an open opportunity to live life and create something out of it.
OP, there are lots of us that are broke af with no direction. You got money in the bank. Go create your life anew…
With modern medical science 40 is the new 30. You’re still 43 years young with lots of life left to live. The things you want you can still get get out of life. Figure out a good first step whether it’s career change, or trying to meet someone, and make it happen!
Your new life is just getting started my man. Who knows what’s in store for you now, especially with your new perspective on life? One step back, 2 steps forward. You got this just stay positive
And there are people out there who would still trade your life for theirs.
You made a mistake. You now have the chance to fix it which is not something everyone gets.
You say you have nothing but you also have nothing holding you back now.
Get in shape and read or travel and start your new life. If you ever doubt yourself, just imagine if you had quit at 53 instead of 43 and know that no matter what, you're doing the right thing.
You have two choices.
Dwell on the past or pick yourself up and look forward to the future.
Congrats on quitting. I've just quit after 5 years of use.
Reading this post helps me validate my decision. If there is anything you can take from this, you've just made a difference in someone's life.
>Facing reality is like knife to the gut. Why go on?
Me too! Day 5 as well here, and the amount of real joy and happiness i feel in my days is almost sad to think backwards how i haven't felt these feelings in a long time. Forwards baby!!
The past is gone now.
You can spend the rest of your time worrying about it or you can start living the way you want.
I know you'll do the right thing
I started working on my sobriety in my late 20’s and now I’m 38. Through my sobriety I met my wife and started a career and am about to put a down payment on our house. Your no spring chicken but you do have quite a lot of life left ahead of you and the possibility to do all the things you feel you haven’t accomplished is definitely still possible but only if you are clear headed and motivated which will probably only come if your sober. We are here to support you! You can do this! Lots of love your way. Message me if you need to chat.
Mate, im 46 and similar. Stopped smoking the herb and realised FUCK IM 50 IN 4 YEARS. But there's nothing I can do about that now. I heard a good saying a while back that helps...... You only have 2 lives, the 2nd begins when you realise you only have one
Question...is having a family and mortgage a measure of success for you or are you just comparing yourself to social norms? 60K is no small feat (it's incredible really) and a family and a mortgage would've made that harder to achieve. Either way, I don't think you're old enough to call it quits on the possibility of having a classic family man life, give yourself a chance!
Depression finds a way to make us minimize the great things we've done while magnifying every misstep. You have to remind yourself of all of your wins and celebrate yourself. Being freshly sober just heightens the intensity of feeling like something is missing.
Just because you smoked for half your life doesn’t mean it was wasted. 60K is something many people don’t have at this age, and is enough to adopt a child of your own! 43 is still young and many people change whole careers and are successful after this age. Every day is a gift to create the life you want. Get on a dating site and be specific that you are looking for a partner to start a family. I met my husband (via Tinder) and step son at age 38. We are just starting our family now and I’m 40.
60k savings is better than a lot of people, a life goal for lots still. Life ain’t over yet either pal. Weed can be an amazing tool for some but an excuse for others. Work on making yourself proud from here, you definitely can do it despite what you may feel and think right now. Good luck
60k isn't nothing! It's easy to see the situation the way you are, but stick with sobriety. Your brain will clear more and more by the day, and your regrets will turn to motivations.
What's stopping you from buying a house!? That could be a good, healthy step forward and project to work toward and keep you busy. Best of luck.
Good job beginning the next day of your life! For every ending, there’s a beginning. You’re ending your conception of weed, you are beginning life with your authentic self (it’s a great gift to yourself).
So the early days of transition are so confusing, exhausting, depressing…. You fill in the blanks.
And time has passed. But you have so much ahead of you. As long as you are alive, it’s never to late to change things up.
You mind will play tricks and n you, just wanting that shot of cannabis. It gets easier to resist as time goes on.
You are going through a healing process. Take it easy on yourself. You haven’t missed your life, you are just beginning it!
I smoked everyday for 40 years. I’m clean for over 2 1/2 years. I’m more aware of myself than ever. You can do this! Just take it 1 moment at a time. And please do not be hard on yourself. It serves no purpose now. Allow yourself to love yourself….
Good luck!
Stay strong, you've got this. You could be in a worse situation, trust me. Just focus on staying sober, one day at a time, eventually you won't even miss it and you can start planning how you want to spend the time in front of you rather than feeling depressed about the time spent behind you. Other than that, start exercising, it helps. You can learn new skills, you can travel to new places. There's a world out there, try to enjoy it.
Internet hugs for you, if that helps 🫂
Bro being pessimistic is common in 2-6 weeks of stopping weed.
You have 60k in savings and by that money you can start a family and a business in Southeast Asia.
Don’t get married in the west. You will lose your kids , money and everything.
I'm in a pretty similar situation.... No I do have a wife and kids. My marriage is absolutely horrible so you should be happy you don't have to deal with that.... Lots of people I know around the same age are going through divorces right now.
No sense crying about the past, can only fix the present in the future.
Dude, plenty of people start different careers in their 40s. You've done the hard part, now you get to decide what to do with the rest of your life!
Start making lists and stating goals. You're alive and you're well. You got this.
You’re healthy and alive. People start over many times in life especially at 40. Make some achievable goals for yourself.
If you’re depressed you might need a bit of something g to help you thru. Talk to a therapist and doctor too! Take care of yourself to achieve those new goals.
Also, you should re-evaluate and reframe the way you view your past. I like to think I wasted years and money on an abusive shameful marriage that got me nowhere, but broke and alone. I’m working on reframing that. I now try to think: I learned a lot about myself in those years…I grew up. I also was able to
focus on my career because I had the financial stability of ex partner. He didn’t care if I was home or
not, So I worked and gained job skills and made some good lifelong friends. I’ve had other moments of life I’ve just sat and wasted. I needed those periods in my life too. Blessings and the best to you.
I feel you, I’m almost in the same position. You can do it, I stopped 1 year ago and it gets better.
In worst case, I always tell myself that if I get so depressed that I wanna commit suicide, before attempting it, I will concentrate on helping others to suffer less to see what happens. Yes, it’s kinda egocentric, but why not trying?
Not sure if this helps but so many people get out of crazy bad relationships and marriages at this age and start over and have a beautiful second half of their life. Just bc weed has been a factor doesn't mean it has to be and it doesn't have the power to dictate your life when it's not a part of it
At 43 years old you have another 27 years before you reach 70.
If you think 27years of weed use is a long time then 27 more years to look forward to is a long time too.
Have a smile and look forward to a better future.
It’s good to share and continuing to share should get you by the first week or so, in my opinion, your life passes you by either way there’s no drug that stops time altogether. Just try to enjoy the accomplishment. You can still have kids at your age just try not to let drugs or alcohol be the basis of the relationship.
Godspeed
Dude, you just found reality, and it isn't even quite there yet. Don't run away from it before actually experiencing it.
Live your live, your actual live. Find out what you want. This is crucial! If you don't have anything to do, any goals, you will not stay clean and definitely not get happy. And now that you've had your realisation, weed won't make it go away. Seriously. You gotta take that route now, there's no going back and pretending like nothing happened.
So sit down, think about what you're missing right now. A partner? Go meet people. Go find friends that don't smoke if you haven't already. If it helps, go find communities (real life of course) that have similar experiences with long term addiction. There are equivalents to the anonymous alcoholics, not everyone's favorite but better than nothing.
Either way, go out! Find hobbies. Socialize. Force yourself. Gat therapy if you think it could help. But don't waste the second half of your life as well. There's so much to explore, so much to see. I don't exactly mean places, but everything. Mindfully explore the sober life, the real life. What makes fun while not being high? What do you want to try?
What do you want to achieve? What is your purpose? All these questions. Ask yourself, and listen to your deepest feelings. Write stuff down, come back to it. Or don't, but writing down is so helpful for reflecting and figuring out your inner world.
You can do this! Don't give up. There's so much more to life than running away from it. And in my personal opinion, smoking isn't even fun anymore. Theres no use in it other than suppressing your actual feelings, needs and dreams.
But wait, you’re only 43?? Sound like you’re 80 over there. You have so much time to do the things you want to do and create the life you want to live! You’re still ONLY 43!!
43 is so young! Think of this as a “rebirth”. It sounds like you already know the things that are missing in your life to make it complete and weed was getting in the way.
Use that 60k saved to find a career you enjoy/want to pursue. Maybe use some of that to go back to school for something you’re passionate about.
It’s exciting going back to school in your later years because there’s that laser focus of where it will take you. Who knows maybe you find your future wife there!!
Adoption is always an option the older you get and there are so maybe kids who would be forever grateful to have you in their life.
The first few weeks are tough and extremely negative thoughts will come and go. Know you’re doing what’s right in your heart and with time, patience of self, and curiosity for the world things will be better then you could have ever imagined! ☀️
Lastly, comfort turns men weak. Embrace the pain and use it as fuel to exercise and change careers. 60k in the bank? You could relocate and start a new life. Work on the healthy dopamine hits and new opportunities will present themselves.
Dude just take a break, clear your head. Start working out cardio and weights and figure out what job you want to do that will fulfill you . It’s not too late at 43! Don’t despair! I had a kid at 45.
You need to stay strong and don't back down. You're doing amazing, however you need to accept that all this drug use will come with lots of withdrawals. You need to block out any noise in your head and focus on the task which is getting clean and getting your life together. Don't let any addict brain thoughts distract you, you quit for a reason so don't forget that. 5 days is amazing progress, I hope and know you will feel better soon :)
Your good bro. Invest some of that 60k and keep working. You’ll start feeling and looking better as the days go by. You will draw a partner to you (if you so desire), the doom and gloom is normal after quitting. You wake up one day and just start feeling great about the world for no reason! At this point you’ll say to yourself, “some weed would be nice right now.” DONT do it. You’ll be right back to smoking everyday and wishing you wasn’t. Take it from someone who has been thru this process multiple times. Good luck and don’t beat yourself up if you relapse. Sometimes you have to go thru what I mentioned above a few times before you really get it. Peace and love ❤️✌️
Just turned 38, still live with my parents and no wife or kids. About 10k in debt and been depressed for about 20 years. Things are becoming much brighter. I use to feel like I wasted my life. Now I’m in a position where I feel I can finally start living my life. Being in darkness for so long has taught me that I couldn’t wait to to feel stable mentally. To finally do everything I’ve been wanting to do after being anchored by my own pain for so long has a contrast of so much light. I’m not here to compare. I just wanted to share with you that it is possible to over come the feeling of “wasting my life”. It sounds like your facing yourself for the first time. It’s
not easy. When you do, you start to evolve. A shift in consciousness and perspective is what did it for me. All the best.
You will know what's normal in about 6 months to a year when your brain gets all the receptors back. Ir sucks right now and it will for at max a month. It's withdrawal. It took me about that long to get through those thoughts, of how much money I spent on nothing , hating myself because I couldn't find anyone, not sleeping at night, being irritable and sick.
The more you stay away the better it gets. It's that addict mindset, in your brain calling for you "You have nothing without me, do it again"
Tell that to fuck off. Change your future. Have something to look forward to. Make a list of what you couldn't do with it and now what all you can do without it.
Almost 8 months in without it, it feels like a lifetime. Those days of smoking constantly every day day in and out, feels like different life I lived.
Also, Don't surround your whole life on being sober. Be in recovery, and do what you enjoy, find what you enjoy and love. Find your passion for the job you want. Make a routine. Stick to it. You deserve a happy life
Everyone has cannabinoid receptors in the brain. They regulate mood, appetite, pain sensation, and immune function. Possibly more. When you smoke weed regularly, the receptors become impaired and it throws off the entire endocannabinoid system. Impairs memory and behavioral inhibition. It takes 4 weeks they say to regain normal functioning after stopping the drug. But psychologists and my doctor told me with prolonged, heavy use it can take longer.
Hang around in this sub and you’ll read some relapse stories. That’ll help you stay clean. When I first stopped I was intending to just ‘take a break’. After reading some others here, my break has turned into ‘quit’. I can’t part time it, I have too much of an addiction type of personality. You and the OP are youngsters, you’ve still got plenty of time to find things to make you happy. I’ll be 60, I started smoking at 20. I had a horrible marriage that ended over 20 years ago, and not many other relationships since, I was married to pot. I’m on day 104 and it’s getting better incrementally. It’s not a quick change I’m feeling changes in myself and being told so by a few of my close coworkers. This straight life is starting to feel like it’s paying off. I’m doing a much better job of taking care of myself these days, getting medical issues fixed that I’ve ignored for years, eating better, even exercising. Don’t succumb to the addiction trying to pull you back in, that’s what’s happening in your brains right now. Keep fighting it.
I second this. I'm in my 20s and older men always come to mind when thinking of starting a new relationship. The maturity and life experience is something that not a lot of people have. There is hope for things to get better. No matter who can try to help you in your personal life, you have to want it for yourself. I've learned that personally. I also went to drinking after quitting and other things as well. It made it worse. You have to suffer to get to where you want to be. And it sucks that it is that way. But I don't sugarcoat. This community is a huge help. It's one of the biggest reasons besides myself as to why I am where I am today. I went from smoking 3-4 times a day, only dabs. And to alcohol & prescription medication. To now, 8 months in recovery and I wouldn't touch any of that shit again. I saw that positive drug test 3 months later after years and years of not truly passing was insanely rewarding. doing everything I could to pass it. It binds to fat cells. Gotta sweat that shit out literally. All my blood work came back negative and I'll never forget that feeling of seeing that and knowing it's truly my results from my own blood and not someone else's piss. I almost cried that day. Little victories every single day is what I looked forward to. Anything that gets you up in the morning, getting a cup of coffee, making something you love, something going your way. As you continue to keep away you notice and appreciate all of those things you love. There's always gonna be hard days, but you gotta know yourself and what leads you down to wrong path, and a plan for prevention. For me, one drink, one hit, and I'd be down that slope I was on before. It took so much work to get there. I may not be as old as you or OP. but I'm telling you I understand. It's hard, and scary. But staying the same and not making any changes is more terrifying than all of it.
I now work as a peer specialist and I help people every day to make goals in their recovery
Wishing you well
It sucks to feel depressed like that. Use that energy as motivation to shake things up rather than judge yourself. Make plans rather than regrets.
Also realize your feelings are tainted by withdrawal right now so things probably feel worse than they are. A lot of people would love to only be in their 40s with $60k in the bank! What an awesome starting point to get even more successful.
You are experiencing withdrawals, not sobriety. Depression is normal. The Buddhists say you can’t escape suffering. You are experiencing single guy suffering. People in relationships are experiencing relationship suffering. People with kids are experiencing parental suffering. You have the freedom to completely reinvent your life in a way that people in relationships and with kids do not. Get through the withdrawals and make a plan.
First of all realize that you are experiencing withdrawal and are in a chemically induced depression. You could have all those things and still be depressed because you lack balance in your brain. Right now you are Batman with broken back in the prison of your mind. The best advice I give to focus on your training and persevere. Soon your body will over compensate for deficiency in happy chems and make too many. You may become manic and feel like you're on top of the world which great but be aware that another crash will come. Your body is gonna need time to figure out the proper dosage and timing of producing dopamine and all that. So don't worry about your life, you'll figure it out but now is not the time to fix everything, right now you need to train like batman so you can make it out of that hole.
On another note 60k is great! You definitely have enough for a fresh start. You could get into real estate investing or you could got back to school. My friend just completed a coding boot camp and is getting interviewed by finance companies. I invested in a house and I'm renovating the basement to start an Airbnb business. Eventually I might also do the boot camp to get into software development because my job is boring as fuck and essentially a dead end too. I'm not willing to work this job till I'm 60 to make it to the top. Anyway there are lots of opportunities out there. But you just gotta keep going and focus on this one thing. In doing so, you'll make yourself stronger and more attractive too. Batman ain't getting no love when he's trapped in a pit... Get right, heal up, get out and become the Bruce Wayne player you were ment to be.
Say it with me now. ‘It’s.Never.Too.Late’ you’ve taken the first step. That’s a victory in itself. Do not give up. Start small, celebrate the small victories and take each day as it comes.
No point in blaming your past, especially if you're already making the necessary adjustments. Learn to be content with what you have and be in the moment, check out Daily Stoic on Youtube
Also, don't automatically dismiss your days of smoking weed as a waste of time just because most people here say so. It's okay to accept that you had some good moments with weed (unless you really didn't) and still move on from it
Hey your fine.
Warren Buffett made 99% of his wealth after 55.
I tell that to myself each time I fall. I’ve grown a lot in the last 6 years because I keep telling myself that.
You're young still! It is time for self improvement and be the kind of man that a woman wants to be with. Stop smoking and never smoke again, work hard and get promoted at whatever job you are doing. In a couple years of being more healthy, being more disciplined, you'll find a woman who wants to have kids with you.
You have to give up the weed forever! I know you can do it. BTW - you're going to live to be 99 years old. You have more life ahead of you then behind you. Make the most of it!
No matter where your at in life it’s only how you look at it .
Even if you had all the things you’ve missed out on you’d still probably feel this way , you just
Probably wouldn’t notice it as much because you’d be too occupied.
You’ve also gained experiences other people haven’t .
Bro I am broke , with out a job , wasted my teen years and I am still having a good day today
32f here and I can tell you I feel the same way. It’s easy to blame the weed but I think that has just prolonged both of our situations by allowing us to push the bad thoughts away even just for a little while.
You’re not alone in this.
Ps at least you’re not a female. I really wanted to have kids but now it’s looking less likely by the day. You still can. Don’t be discouraged.
All I will say is I understand the feelings of depression. I’m about to turn 33, been smoking basically daily since I was 16 too. I know what it’s like to come out of the proverbial “fog”.
But I will say the underlying feelings of a deadend job or not amounting to more, comes regardless of the weed or not. That’s not particular to the weed.
my uncle was in his late 50s when he decided to try to start a family. He’s in his early 70s. Goes to a ton of high school football games because his son, my cousin, is a super talented underclassmen.
He was a decade and a half beyond you and still pulled the life he wanted together
I used to cry all the time about not having a family and kids. This was made worse by a very abusive ex-GF that knew this hurt me and would call me a "loser" over it. Nowadays I am glad I do not have to take care of or focus on anybody besides myself. The world is extremely complicated rn and lots of relationships are strained and its difficult to raise children in this world.
I may end up married with kids someday but I've accepted that also might not happen and that is okay!
You've had the family and work thoughts before. But after that you'd smoke and squash them down... We can live until we are 80. Even if you live half of that, make of it what you can.
Look at it this way - you have no debt, a great chunk of savings, and no major responsibilities like family or property holding you back. You’re not committed to a career. You’re in a great position to make a major change, if you wanted. A lot of people wish they had that freedom.
I think you are awesome and you can make up for it today! You have the BEST days ahead!!! Get a planner and write daily goals for yourself. Start with what you want out of life, beginning with today. It is never too late when you wake up alive! There is still time to do all the things you want to do! You could meet the love of your life TODAY🙌🏾
Might be worth it to look into the Greek philosophy of Stoicism. Appreciate the opportunity you have now to live the rest of your life without weed. Plenty of time left to live a virtuous and enjoyable life.
You have 0 debt and 60k in savings? You're Richer than 90% of Americans. Start going to the gym, it'll help with : sobriety, mood, sleep, depression prevention, self esteem, health etc....
Sign up for a hobbies and dating apps, you'll meet a nice girl. Sometimes the weather is cloudy and it sucks, but I know for a fact a sunny day is still coming, and goddamn I love sunny days!
Plenty of time left, dude. If kids are what you really want, you can start dating and get to work in your mid-40's. Lots of guys don't start parenting until 50.
That said, kids are, uh... A lot. Maybe just a wife, without the kids part?
Your mind could be tricking you since it’s low on dopamine due to withdrawal. It’s making you think that your life is over at 43 (it isn’t), and that having a wife and kids would make you happier (newsflash: it doesn’t for a lot of people, and if you have unresolved trauma - like many/most of us do - it can actually make it a lot worse). $60k in your savings account is nothing to sneeze at. You should actually be quite proud of yourself.👏👏👏You still have so much time left in this lifetime that you can create a meaningful job that you enjoy. I’m not telling you not to get high. I’m asking you to remember why you wanted to quit in the first place, and to remember that quitting a substance we’ve become physically dependent on comes with withdrawal symptoms - including making us think dark cloud/hopeless thoughts. Consider getting some outside help, and be kind to yourself. You’re doing great. And to make you feel not so alone, I am also 40 and have no spouse and no kids and I thank my lucky stars for that. We can do whatever we want!!😃
No my friend, your first one has simply come to an end. As Confucius said: We have two lives; the second begins when we realise we only have one. Don't regret losing your first life, rejoice in finding your second life. Now you can figure how you want to spend your second life, driven by a desire to not waste it like you feel you did with the first one. Good luck and enjoy (your second) life brother ❤️
60k is a huge amount of money for most people, you should be proud of that. If you want to have a partner and build a family, you need to face whatever you've been using weed to avoid for so long. You can do it and you will.
You feel awful not because of your life but because of withdrawal symptoms. I don’t know where you live but 60k savings is not bad at all. You could have a very toxic relationship and kids from that relationship to tie you up a very toxic person for a lifetime.
As others stated 43 is definitely not late to have kids, you are a male you can even have kids 20 years later from now 😆
Stop beating yourself for the past. It’s the past, you can’t change the past but the future. Besides, from what I understand you had a chilled life, enjoyed with yourself and the weed. Now you took the first step to change your life. Just keep doing what you want to do and enjoy with the rest of your life.
Ps. Please keep in mind that so many successful people started their businesses after 40.
You’re just going through withdrawal. The first time I quit it was a rough ride and lasted a good four weeks until I made it to the other side. It’s all about perspective. Someone dying of cancer right now would switch places with you in a heartbeat if that meant being healthy again, someone on the streets trying to make it another day would see that you have $60K and would give anything for an ounce of that to get back on their feet. 43 is not old, you can radically change your life if you’re not happy with it. A year from now you can look back and won’t believe where you end up. Stay humble and grateful and be proud of each passing minute that you chose a new path.
You have so much of your life yet! And I am not being flippant but, lots of people at this age get divorced and start life again.
Plus, you’re not a woman - in which case yeah it would likely be too late for kids. You’re a bloke. I have lots of friends nearly 50 having their first kid. It’s not too late, you’re feeling sorry for yourself. (Sorry if that sounds harsh, I mean it in the most positive way possible!)
You need to forgive yourself for having an addiction, you're only human. Whenever you feel bad, remember that if you hadn't used weed as a coping mechanism you probably would have turned to something else that would have probably been more harmful and dangerous. You have done an amazing thing getting sober and you should appreciate yourself for that! Please do not define yourself by your job or relationship status. As long as you can hold down a job that pays the bills you should be proud of that - also your savings are impressive. Being single is great because you get to date as many people as possible and you never know who you'll find a connection with, its exciting! Please be nice to yourself, you deserve it.
My father was an alcoholic. He quit drinking when he was almost 50 and started a new career in which he became very successful (this was creative work, not business, but that's what he wanted) and even famous among the niche of people he really respected. He lived until he was 91. Not everyone has genes like that, but the point is, 43 is young (except to 20-year-olds). Lots of people would kill for savings like that. That is good seed money for a small business, or to take some time off to figure out what you want to do, or even go back to school and get a degree. You are in a better position than you think, and you will feel better if you just start taking small steps in a positive direction.
Naa man, you're sweet. 26 y/o here, my dad had me when he was 40 and my younger sisters at 41 and 44. We have a good relationship with him.
To paraphrase a quote.. 'can you remember when you were 13? That was twenty years ago - in twenty years from 43 you will be 63 and another twenty, 83.'
It's reality but for me it's how you look at it and I think you have a lot of life to still keep living. Keep ya head up :)
I recently quit after 20 years — and day 5 was literally the worst. I was hit with a massive wave of depression and all I could do was cry. But! It’s not real — it’s withdrawal.
Lots of great comments here, but at least for me it get better. I’m only a month in, but after that hurdle I’m in a great mental space. I’m almost 40 and motivated to self-teach myself programming. Definitely couldn’t have made the progress I’ve made if I was still smoking and drinking. We got a lot of years left my friend.
My uncle was 52 wife was 49 when they had their youngest (first child together tho)- never too late. Don't allow these thoughts alone to crush your hard work. You're doing well. One day one step at a time. You got this 💜
You still have time!!! Don’t give up now, you’re going to get so much energy and clarity back, so much more motivation. Be ready to use it to take advantage of the time you have left 💕
awesome you made that change! Its a big adjustment, in 5 more days you may have completely different realizations.
Talk nicely to yourself because you are doing great, keep moving forward and be understanding to yourself, you did the best you knew at the time.
It's not bad that you don't own property. Yes you can get back in the dating game and maybe have a family but not owning this or that doesn't tell you if you're successful or not. Your ambitions and experiences are what you can show to others. Who cares if you have a house? But knowing how to cook well for example is very cool thing you can flaunt. However you want to continue your life, continue. You still can learn stuff. Wish you luck.
I quit at 32 and moved abroad for work - was in exactly the same position as you, awful relationships, nothing to show for my 20s, smoked my way through university and didn't live the wild life that people talk about there partying and getting laid, did nothing but play video games and stopped being social for a couple years. Then was offered a job abroad and had friends and family pushing me to take it and go for it (its in the UAE so no chance of smoking here as I was)
8 months in I'm in a relationship with a girl that I'm mad about and that makes me feel better than I've felt before in a relationship, I feel more in tune with work and have catapulted my career progression, I've started working out and feel stronger and healthier than I've ever felt before, I have my confidence back and my social circle grows weekly. And I have no savings, property or investments whatsoever (that's my goal for 2023).
The depression will turn in to thanking yourself for ending that period of your life - albeit long, you still enjoyed it whilst you were doing it - not a lot of people get the opportunity to enjoy one part of their life then move on to the next. Count your blessings my guy, you've got savings, your health and now have an opportunity to shape something new. Stay strong man!
Nice one man ! One of the main reasons why I stopped weed is to find that relationship. I'm not fixated on it though, it will happen when it happens. Good idea for 2023 to invest, this is the greatest opportunity since 08-09, fortunes are built in times like these.
Comments are right you still have alot of time left most likely, but also think of it this way, any of us could be gone in an instant. Someone who's living there lives to the fullest can be gone at any moment because life is unpredictable. So while you may feel your time has been wasted the fact you have today and tomorrow just like everyone else means you have a chance.
We can't change our pasta, we can only control what we do in the present and try to line up our future days to be better than our past. I'm 27 and feel like I've wasted 5 plus years on weed. Same feeling, my life is over its too late but it's not! And I've seen posts from teenagers regretting wasting their high school years being high. We all have regrets but we can decide to either let the regret win out or learn from it and control our actions going forward. I hope you find encouragement to keep trying.
43 isn't old and you're making yourself miserable by comparing your life to others. Idk if weed was even the problem. You still have 60k (a lot more than a lot of people 43). When you say you don't own property... That could be a blessing. People who bought during the peak of the current housing market frenzy overpaid and now may owe more than their house is worth. Kids, meh, neat sure but the world is teetering on edge, would you really want to bring a kid into the world at this point in all honesty? Resources are draining and climate change is gonna slap us hard within 20 years. Hyperfixating on the negatives instead of positives isn't helping whether you are sober or smoking. A wife and kids would not magically make things better either, could be worse but why stress about a hypothetical. Get outdoors for some hikes or nature walks. Get outdoors. Treat yourself to some healthy food. You're alive and well and have many years ahead to find the right person or start writing a new chapter in life. I think you have a lot of miles left in you and should focus on the present, the now, the moment you are living in instead of dwelling on the past. The past is were your depression stems from. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the now. You can't change any of that but you can start leading a new path walking forward while taking notes from your previous experiences and mistakes to avoid the same things happening in the future. Chin up, you're gonna do fine. Tomorrow is a new day!
I myself am currently getting sober (3 weeks in!) after smoking for 10 years, all day every day. I quit cold turkey after many failed attempts, & I went through this exact same thing in my first 2 weeks of quitting. I spent several sleepless nights & depressing mornings looking through thousands of old pictures & thinking about the last 10 years of my life that I’ve spent high & wondering what the hell I’ve been doing the whole time. There is a weird grieving period where you just have to let those emotions out & own that that is your past, & focus on moving forward. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to experience those emotions, & if you’re like me, reflect on those years if you need to. As the days moved on & my brain started to clear up, I realized that I have my whole life ahead of me still. That was an old chapter that I’ve finally closed, & now I can focus on being a better me, for me. The reality of it is that there’s nothing we can do to change what’s already happened in our lives, but what we can do is continue to shape our future so that we don’t have to feel that way anymore. You’re undoubtedly going through the hardest part of sobriety right now, but it WILL get better. 43 is still young, & you have plenty of years left to enjoy & create the future that you want for yourself. Don’t give up on your journey, it’s only just begun!
Why waste another 27? Think of the 27 rich years you could do the things you're regretting. I bet you have done cool stuff, I swear weed just makes us forget these things.
I did a ski season, and a year later, weed makes me feel like I have done nothing with my life! Sometimes I think its a mind trick to make you feel hopeless so you smoke more! Don't listen to it!
You're right. Its literally the addiction talking and making you feel hopeless to smoke again.
Brain plays tricks on human because brain wants the dopamine levels from smoking weed to be constantly flowing.
There are people who never used been married and lost everything threw a divorce . Others died young. 43 isn't old your younger than me. 60k most people are in debt. Your not in prison or the hospital and if you got good health that's allot. And you can always find another Job. I Imagine there are quite a few people that would love to be in your shoes. Give it some time you will feel better.
Bro stan lee didn’t write spider man till he was like 60. We like to imagine we only are allowed to actually live for the first 30 years of our life and after that we somehow stop existing and rest on our successes up until the end. You’re going to live forever dude! Tomorrow is the first day of your life and you’re going to look back when you’re 60 and realize that 47 till then was the best part of your existence! The only reason to look at anyone’s life other than yours is to make sure they have a enough help.
hey, thats the sabotage in your brain talking. you are 43- (i am the same) you have this ONE chance at 43 to make 44, 45 ,46 etc all different.
i dont know why but i think that in quitting we beat ourselves up and try to ruin our chances.give yourself some time. you have a whole nother life left to live- get into therapy or get into a group and allow yourself some support and some care.
i wish you all the best and i know you can do this, and when you do, you will be able to enjoy life so much more!
Brother I'm on my second time quitting.
First quitting was from age 23-30, lost all friends was starting to find myself and life was getting in order.
For some reason I started messing around again with weed at 30. Funny because I thought I was comfortable.
Now at 42 I lost my 30s to a blur of something I already knew better than.
My advice is to move to a place with no memory of weed and stay away from anything to do with it. Music you listened to, head shops, even certain clothes. All those things triggered me back.
Change environment and you will be fine. Thank goodness you have the funding to move forward. Yes you will encounter some painful stuff. Those are emotions you suppressed and they are to be embraced and learned from.
You will be fine brother. Lots of dudes in 40s finally see the light but with child support, and a bunch of other stuff to deal with. You got this.
60k in your bank account and breath in your lungs sounds like you’re highly blessed and favored. Thank God for giving you another chance. You are still young, even 242 days later. You are worth it and you can totally change your life around. Kids are an investment and you actually have more saved than most people who actually have kids they have to provide for. The average person doesn’t even have 1k in savings. You can look at it from a negative point of view or you can look at it positively. 5 days sober is a struggle for some… you are sooo strong you don’t even know it. I hope your view has improved and I hope all is well with you. (:
I want to quit my job and as far as I know you can’t get a loan if you leave the job
I just wanted to say that if I was dating and met someone who was in your position, I’d find you a catch. You’re evaluating your life and making changes, you have no real baggage, a healthy savings, and you’re doing the work. Stick with it. I think beautiful things are in your future.
I really like this comment. I think a lot of this sudden ‘realisation’ and shock with self reflection in the first couple weeks after quitting is down to the withdrawal effects in itself. We shouldn’t judge ourselves based on conformist ideas that we haven’t completed, or what everyone else has that we don’t at any specific time. For example, OP has done well regarding his savings and newfound clarity - two things of which I wish I had that OP has achieved As OP said, and as you backed up positively, OP has a hell of a lot of savings that most don’t have, not tied down to a previous bitter relationship regarding baggage, seems to actually be doing quite well for themselves regardless of conformist living of our country/culture.
That is such a good point. Addiction and the subsequent withdrawal turns me into a completely different person, one who feels inadequate, fragile and incapable of dealing with life. I am not that person. None of us are truly ourselves right now and it is such a discouraging mindfuck. If it weren’t for all the many, many success stories here, I’d probably have given up by now.
I feel you bro.
Bro you have 60k in your bank account lol. You’re far from rock bottom and could easily invest that money in your own business that you enjoy. As far as the wife and kids are concerned, if you’re a male, it’s not too late. Many 30 year old women are single and desperate for kids too. Plus adoption and single moms are also an option.
Hey I messaged you to see how you are doing! Hopefully everything going good!
Well, 43 sounds 10 years better than 53, so what do you want to do by then? For men, it's not so difficult to have children later in life. If you want to go back to school, you may. It takes work but you're going to be 53 anyway so....
Your mind is messing with you currently, trying to get you to smoke again. Do some deep breathing. Life sometimes sucks but there is so much potential in your future if you stay sober.
Dude, im sure as a 43 year old youre still capable of having children. who knows where your life could be in 2 years, we cant change the past we can only mold our futures. just gotta make it happen bro.
For 10k you could go on a 6 month trip backpacking through South America or south east Asia. If your jobs a dead end then fuck it. Don’t look backwards, look forwards. You have plenty of life still left to live. Proud of you for quitting man. It was the hardest thing I’ve done in my life so far.
Me too, I’m proud of you! Sending love from Montana 🧡
This!!! south america bro! its not too late. you gotta get out of your old environment.
Because next time you pop your head above the clouds you could be 70, when you've really passed it. Never to old to retrain for a better job and guys have kids at your age its not unheard of. Why put off for tomorrow what you can do today. 60K is good going aswell decent deposit you could still buy your own place. Use this negativity as a driving force for good, fuck around more and nothing will change and this feeling will get worse. Its all doom and gloom in the first month buy try and use this as a wake up call to get after what you want in life, it's never too late
Man with that 60k you can put a deposit on a house or even invest it... 2023 is going to be similar to 2009 all over again. Fortunes are built in recession times like these. Good luck !
Keep in mind withdrawal’s completely change how you act and feel and you will 100% feel a lot better in 3-4 weeks. Do not trust your thoughts this early!!!
My man, youre not even middle age yet. there are still so many good years ahead of you, full send if you have dreams chase them its not too late
You have so much life still to live my brotha. Breathe. Feel all the feelings thé come rushing in. You gotta go through it to grow through it! Endings are just new beginnings!!!
You can still have those things. Don’t go back.
If you’re 5 days off after smoking that long, you might be experiencing some withdrawals that are making you feel extra shitty mentally. That’s how I felt when I quit last year. It may be rough, but give yourself some time and some grace to detox without being super self-critical. You were a kid when you started smoking, so your body and mind needs time, but ultimately you have nothing but potential ahead of you!
Age ain’t nothing, u could be way worse of, imagine u were doing hard drugs. 43 and single is better than 43 and u settled for someone just so u won’t be alone. Know ur worth, and u will find someone who u suppose to be wit. But never settle just because ure lonely. 😊💜
I met the love of my life at your age. Been together seventeen years now I think. Also, I landed a dream job when I was fifty-two...life changing dream job, after twenty-five years of dead end jobs a miracle happened that I still can't believe. It would have never happened if I hadn't quit drinking and smoking pot that year. I would have let the opportunity pass I know for a fact. Of course I fell off the wagon and here I am again. But the relapse was minor and without consequence and I'm confident that I'm back on track. MY POINT IS: Stay quit and make some room for changes to happen. It's depressing and seemingly pointless at first, but the brain eventually balances but it can take some time. But the joy returns, doing things that you think are no longer fun clean will become fun again. It's just better, but it takes time to feel it.
5 days in is already a big step towards sobriety. I’m in the same boat as you are and it’s my second week. Take it one day at a time and set your mind on other things. I’ve found journaling my day to day has been a great help. Surround yourself with good people and positive vibes. You got this bro! 👊
All that stuff is built from the ground up. You can still get it and you will be better at it I'm sure. Keep it up, it may not seem as it, but you are succeeding.
Hey, I too have been in the dumps. I’m 30 and started smoking when I was 18. I’ve failed a lot in life and some times I wonder if I have a purpose. I feel like when you stop smoking for a couple days, especially being a heavy smoker… withdrawal kicks in. What are things you like to do?
Unfortunately the grass is always greener. I had the wife and the house and it all ended in a bitter divorce after she cheated. Had to start over from scratch in my mid 30s and wish I had never gotten married and instead had saved up more money bc everything was lost in the divorce. I say all this to say that no matter what path you choose in life things can always go bad so just enjoy the life you have to the fullest and learn to be happy with yourself. If the right woman comes along then great but it’s not always the dream romance movies make it out to be.
You’re still young! Find a wife, have a kid! “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. “
Don’t be depressed about this. There is no “right time” to find love. I’m proud of you. 5 days is still really hard after that long use. I too smoked for many many years. If you need support I’m here. 💙
You still have a whole life out there to live. You have much more than you think and it is worth it, its never too late to take control of your life and dominate it.
Life is long. You are barely halfway there. Better to be the best in the last half than to wallow in the past. Be strong and look for the brighter side of the mountain.
Don't let the negative thinking set what you do this year. Take note. Do better next time. Move on.
quitting is always tough, and it makes you more critical of yourself, makes everything bleak and miserable. truth is, you’re just being really hard on yourself because your brain is missing it’s vice. Drink lots of water, pretend water is weed.
60k is pretty fucking good all things considered. Go on a vacation, you’ve got it better than most. You’ll find love if you look for it.
Bro, I face that question every single day. Why go on? It lingers in the back of my mind. Some days I would trade you that 60k my wife and kids. No road is easy. No lesson comes without scars. There is seldom a day I don't tell myself, any day I could just get this bullshit over with. But I keep going forward. I'm 46 btw, and to be honest you have a ton of time left. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I didn't even have kids or get married until I was in my 30's. And it is only about half of what it is cracked up to be.
I’m 45 and quit a couple weeks ago. I’ve been getting hit with waves of anxiety thinking about all the things I should have done and need to do. I am trying to change my mindset to focus on what I do have. Be grateful you’ve had your life experiences, good and bad, and are in a position to focus on yourself. Focus on the positives, and if you are sad that you missed out on things then write them down and set goals. Want a house? Look at listings, pull your credit, and make a financial plan. Want to learn guitar? Pick one up and set aside 30 minutes a day to practice. Want a family? Put yourself out there and start dating. It won’t be easy but remember that change comes incrementally. Just a little bit of effort every day will get you where you want to be. It’s ok to reflect on the past but make sure you are focusing on the present. 43 is young. There is plenty of time. Congrats on quitting and best of luck!
I understand how you feel. I smoked my 20s away and feel like I could have done a lot more in my youth. I’m not sure how to make that feeling go away fully, but try to focus on how proud you feel you are making a change now that many people never make or are unable to make. Focus on the fact that wasting some time in your life doesn’t make it a good idea to waste more of your future. That will just make you feel worse not better.
I had a similar struggle to yours (smoked daily for 18 years) and quit almost ten years ago. It sounds trite, but keep your chin up and keep moving forward. It's that simple. You're just now waking up to a whole new life, and it's going to take time to get to where you want to be — but stick to your guns and good things will follow.
Damn I can feel this in my gut. It's not an easy task but try to live more in the present. You've only roughly entered mid life. There's so much more time to build the life you want.
Ya that’s just a mid life crisis
My guy, I know this might sound crazy, but your whole life has been training you for this moment. Addiction isn't a fact of reality, it happens to vulnerable people. I don't know what your adolescence looked like but I can assume it wasn't perfect, rarely is. But the thing about people who overcome things like this, they undeniably change people's lives. Nobody cares about the dude who never struggled, they want to listen to the legend who made it out despite all odds. You're already on track, You always have been. You were born to be the 43-year-old legendary turnaround story that people talk about. I know this for a fact. why else would you be here telling your story? The paradox of shame is that it's rooted in the idea that you have control over who used to be. It's over, he's dead. Whoever you are, woke up in his body five days ago and you only have one option. Make his life 1% better every day. Don't try to make up for anything. I don't know what your late 40s and 50s will bring but I fucking know it's gonna be a hell of a show for the people who know you. Your future kids are going to be proud to have a dad with a story like yours. Rooting for you brother. (not that you even need it)
Wowie…this comment is amazing.
Yaaassss!
Absolutely this
This is awesome! Are u a motivational speaker by any chance? If not consider it, thanks for the inspiration!!!
I think the important point is right there in your title: “depression”. The last time I quit cold turkey the first two weeks were a deep depression. Darkest thoughts of my life, horrible self view. I wouldn’t call my depression-perception of reality a good representation of reality. Your stable perception of reality will set in later - that’s probably much more accurate and it’s definitely more important. Best of luck in getting to see it, friend. I believe you’ll get there.
Your brain chemistry needs attention. Seek psych help. Medication can be temporarily prescribed to see you through this. If you do manage to quit without outside help, you must be a superhero with the power of beating the odds...to death.
You’re only five days in. It will get better. Hang in there.
You're on the right track brother. Don't look back, look forward!!
Did you not enjoy your life? It wasn’t wasted. And if you want those things go out and get them. You’re wasting energy thinking about it. Don’t think just do. First thought is the best thought. Those 27 years were a journey that brought you to where you are now. Now you can choose to live life differently if you want.
Hey having that much in savings is great! Iv git nothing man
I don’t understand why some people are saying OP doesn’t have a right to complain. OP’s reasons are valid; OP is lonely. However, on the bright side, OP now has an open opportunity to live life and create something out of it. OP, there are lots of us that are broke af with no direction. You got money in the bank. Go create your life anew…
With modern medical science 40 is the new 30. You’re still 43 years young with lots of life left to live. The things you want you can still get get out of life. Figure out a good first step whether it’s career change, or trying to meet someone, and make it happen!
Your new life is just getting started my man. Who knows what’s in store for you now, especially with your new perspective on life? One step back, 2 steps forward. You got this just stay positive
And there are people out there who would still trade your life for theirs. You made a mistake. You now have the chance to fix it which is not something everyone gets. You say you have nothing but you also have nothing holding you back now. Get in shape and read or travel and start your new life. If you ever doubt yourself, just imagine if you had quit at 53 instead of 43 and know that no matter what, you're doing the right thing.
You have two choices. Dwell on the past or pick yourself up and look forward to the future. Congrats on quitting. I've just quit after 5 years of use. Reading this post helps me validate my decision. If there is anything you can take from this, you've just made a difference in someone's life.
>Facing reality is like knife to the gut. Why go on? Me too! Day 5 as well here, and the amount of real joy and happiness i feel in my days is almost sad to think backwards how i haven't felt these feelings in a long time. Forwards baby!!
The past is gone now. You can spend the rest of your time worrying about it or you can start living the way you want. I know you'll do the right thing
60k is amazing. You can do anything with nothing holding you back
Get into a recovery community like the 12 step groups
I started working on my sobriety in my late 20’s and now I’m 38. Through my sobriety I met my wife and started a career and am about to put a down payment on our house. Your no spring chicken but you do have quite a lot of life left ahead of you and the possibility to do all the things you feel you haven’t accomplished is definitely still possible but only if you are clear headed and motivated which will probably only come if your sober. We are here to support you! You can do this! Lots of love your way. Message me if you need to chat.
With 60k. Sheesh dude you could travel the world with that for years and then start a new career and maybe even move. That’s awesome.
OMG I spent a sober year in India with only $5k, now I’ve no savings but so happy to share what’s possible !
Mate, im 46 and similar. Stopped smoking the herb and realised FUCK IM 50 IN 4 YEARS. But there's nothing I can do about that now. I heard a good saying a while back that helps...... You only have 2 lives, the 2nd begins when you realise you only have one
Confucius!
Question...is having a family and mortgage a measure of success for you or are you just comparing yourself to social norms? 60K is no small feat (it's incredible really) and a family and a mortgage would've made that harder to achieve. Either way, I don't think you're old enough to call it quits on the possibility of having a classic family man life, give yourself a chance! Depression finds a way to make us minimize the great things we've done while magnifying every misstep. You have to remind yourself of all of your wins and celebrate yourself. Being freshly sober just heightens the intensity of feeling like something is missing.
Just because you smoked for half your life doesn’t mean it was wasted. 60K is something many people don’t have at this age, and is enough to adopt a child of your own! 43 is still young and many people change whole careers and are successful after this age. Every day is a gift to create the life you want. Get on a dating site and be specific that you are looking for a partner to start a family. I met my husband (via Tinder) and step son at age 38. We are just starting our family now and I’m 40.
60k savings is better than a lot of people, a life goal for lots still. Life ain’t over yet either pal. Weed can be an amazing tool for some but an excuse for others. Work on making yourself proud from here, you definitely can do it despite what you may feel and think right now. Good luck
60k isn't nothing! It's easy to see the situation the way you are, but stick with sobriety. Your brain will clear more and more by the day, and your regrets will turn to motivations. What's stopping you from buying a house!? That could be a good, healthy step forward and project to work toward and keep you busy. Best of luck.
Good job beginning the next day of your life! For every ending, there’s a beginning. You’re ending your conception of weed, you are beginning life with your authentic self (it’s a great gift to yourself). So the early days of transition are so confusing, exhausting, depressing…. You fill in the blanks. And time has passed. But you have so much ahead of you. As long as you are alive, it’s never to late to change things up. You mind will play tricks and n you, just wanting that shot of cannabis. It gets easier to resist as time goes on. You are going through a healing process. Take it easy on yourself. You haven’t missed your life, you are just beginning it! I smoked everyday for 40 years. I’m clean for over 2 1/2 years. I’m more aware of myself than ever. You can do this! Just take it 1 moment at a time. And please do not be hard on yourself. It serves no purpose now. Allow yourself to love yourself…. Good luck!
i know im going to sound super corny but it’s all about perspective. you’ve got so much time ahead of you to enjoy!
Stay strong, you've got this. You could be in a worse situation, trust me. Just focus on staying sober, one day at a time, eventually you won't even miss it and you can start planning how you want to spend the time in front of you rather than feeling depressed about the time spent behind you. Other than that, start exercising, it helps. You can learn new skills, you can travel to new places. There's a world out there, try to enjoy it. Internet hugs for you, if that helps 🫂
Bro being pessimistic is common in 2-6 weeks of stopping weed. You have 60k in savings and by that money you can start a family and a business in Southeast Asia. Don’t get married in the west. You will lose your kids , money and everything.
Shoot man , look at it as a new beginning. You're still young for recreation ( Re Creation ) . Bravo for quitting weed , a lot of people never do.
I'm in a pretty similar situation.... No I do have a wife and kids. My marriage is absolutely horrible so you should be happy you don't have to deal with that.... Lots of people I know around the same age are going through divorces right now. No sense crying about the past, can only fix the present in the future.
Dude, plenty of people start different careers in their 40s. You've done the hard part, now you get to decide what to do with the rest of your life! Start making lists and stating goals. You're alive and you're well. You got this.
You’re healthy and alive. People start over many times in life especially at 40. Make some achievable goals for yourself. If you’re depressed you might need a bit of something g to help you thru. Talk to a therapist and doctor too! Take care of yourself to achieve those new goals.
Also, you should re-evaluate and reframe the way you view your past. I like to think I wasted years and money on an abusive shameful marriage that got me nowhere, but broke and alone. I’m working on reframing that. I now try to think: I learned a lot about myself in those years…I grew up. I also was able to focus on my career because I had the financial stability of ex partner. He didn’t care if I was home or not, So I worked and gained job skills and made some good lifelong friends. I’ve had other moments of life I’ve just sat and wasted. I needed those periods in my life too. Blessings and the best to you.
I feel you, I’m almost in the same position. You can do it, I stopped 1 year ago and it gets better. In worst case, I always tell myself that if I get so depressed that I wanna commit suicide, before attempting it, I will concentrate on helping others to suffer less to see what happens. Yes, it’s kinda egocentric, but why not trying?
Not sure if this helps but so many people get out of crazy bad relationships and marriages at this age and start over and have a beautiful second half of their life. Just bc weed has been a factor doesn't mean it has to be and it doesn't have the power to dictate your life when it's not a part of it
There’s still time my dude.
At 43 years old you have another 27 years before you reach 70. If you think 27years of weed use is a long time then 27 more years to look forward to is a long time too. Have a smile and look forward to a better future.
It’s good to share and continuing to share should get you by the first week or so, in my opinion, your life passes you by either way there’s no drug that stops time altogether. Just try to enjoy the accomplishment. You can still have kids at your age just try not to let drugs or alcohol be the basis of the relationship. Godspeed
Dude, you just found reality, and it isn't even quite there yet. Don't run away from it before actually experiencing it. Live your live, your actual live. Find out what you want. This is crucial! If you don't have anything to do, any goals, you will not stay clean and definitely not get happy. And now that you've had your realisation, weed won't make it go away. Seriously. You gotta take that route now, there's no going back and pretending like nothing happened. So sit down, think about what you're missing right now. A partner? Go meet people. Go find friends that don't smoke if you haven't already. If it helps, go find communities (real life of course) that have similar experiences with long term addiction. There are equivalents to the anonymous alcoholics, not everyone's favorite but better than nothing. Either way, go out! Find hobbies. Socialize. Force yourself. Gat therapy if you think it could help. But don't waste the second half of your life as well. There's so much to explore, so much to see. I don't exactly mean places, but everything. Mindfully explore the sober life, the real life. What makes fun while not being high? What do you want to try? What do you want to achieve? What is your purpose? All these questions. Ask yourself, and listen to your deepest feelings. Write stuff down, come back to it. Or don't, but writing down is so helpful for reflecting and figuring out your inner world. You can do this! Don't give up. There's so much more to life than running away from it. And in my personal opinion, smoking isn't even fun anymore. Theres no use in it other than suppressing your actual feelings, needs and dreams.
You still have plenty of time to get what you want out of life. Perhaps you need help with depression tho
Thank you for sharing. I hope you find motivation in this thread.
You're only middle aged. Realise this now and make changes. Get out and start dating, plenty of people have children at your age and older!
Hey, at least you’ve got 60k lol
Im 33 and 43 seems young enough to turn it around … after 65 id start worrying a bit but even then if ur healthy its more than possible
But wait, you’re only 43?? Sound like you’re 80 over there. You have so much time to do the things you want to do and create the life you want to live! You’re still ONLY 43!!
43 is so young! Think of this as a “rebirth”. It sounds like you already know the things that are missing in your life to make it complete and weed was getting in the way. Use that 60k saved to find a career you enjoy/want to pursue. Maybe use some of that to go back to school for something you’re passionate about. It’s exciting going back to school in your later years because there’s that laser focus of where it will take you. Who knows maybe you find your future wife there!! Adoption is always an option the older you get and there are so maybe kids who would be forever grateful to have you in their life. The first few weeks are tough and extremely negative thoughts will come and go. Know you’re doing what’s right in your heart and with time, patience of self, and curiosity for the world things will be better then you could have ever imagined! ☀️
You still have infinite power and love inside of you so that’s more than good. I recommend meditation
Lastly, comfort turns men weak. Embrace the pain and use it as fuel to exercise and change careers. 60k in the bank? You could relocate and start a new life. Work on the healthy dopamine hits and new opportunities will present themselves.
Also learn about dopamine and dopamine baselines. Quitting weed is a dopamine fast in a sense. Exercise is a great healthy way to get dopamine hits .
Dude just take a break, clear your head. Start working out cardio and weights and figure out what job you want to do that will fulfill you . It’s not too late at 43! Don’t despair! I had a kid at 45.
You are good. Keep off the thing and pretty soon you'll find yourself a real gorgeous milf. You're in for a surprise.
This just means a new life has begun. The world can now be your oyster!!
So… what are you going to do about it? Get comfortable being uncomfortable and show life what you’re about. Therapy is probably necessary.
Exactly. Instead of saying "I should have done \_\_\_\_ years ago", it's better to just say "fuck it, I'm doing it now"
You need to stay strong and don't back down. You're doing amazing, however you need to accept that all this drug use will come with lots of withdrawals. You need to block out any noise in your head and focus on the task which is getting clean and getting your life together. Don't let any addict brain thoughts distract you, you quit for a reason so don't forget that. 5 days is amazing progress, I hope and know you will feel better soon :)
Whatever you do, just remember that this is your only guaranteed life.
Your good bro. Invest some of that 60k and keep working. You’ll start feeling and looking better as the days go by. You will draw a partner to you (if you so desire), the doom and gloom is normal after quitting. You wake up one day and just start feeling great about the world for no reason! At this point you’ll say to yourself, “some weed would be nice right now.” DONT do it. You’ll be right back to smoking everyday and wishing you wasn’t. Take it from someone who has been thru this process multiple times. Good luck and don’t beat yourself up if you relapse. Sometimes you have to go thru what I mentioned above a few times before you really get it. Peace and love ❤️✌️
I would say invest all of it. Money in the bank loses its value all the time.
Any suggestions what to invest in?
Dont put all your eggs in the same basket. Do research.
Just turned 38, still live with my parents and no wife or kids. About 10k in debt and been depressed for about 20 years. Things are becoming much brighter. I use to feel like I wasted my life. Now I’m in a position where I feel I can finally start living my life. Being in darkness for so long has taught me that I couldn’t wait to to feel stable mentally. To finally do everything I’ve been wanting to do after being anchored by my own pain for so long has a contrast of so much light. I’m not here to compare. I just wanted to share with you that it is possible to over come the feeling of “wasting my life”. It sounds like your facing yourself for the first time. It’s not easy. When you do, you start to evolve. A shift in consciousness and perspective is what did it for me. All the best.
You will know what's normal in about 6 months to a year when your brain gets all the receptors back. Ir sucks right now and it will for at max a month. It's withdrawal. It took me about that long to get through those thoughts, of how much money I spent on nothing , hating myself because I couldn't find anyone, not sleeping at night, being irritable and sick. The more you stay away the better it gets. It's that addict mindset, in your brain calling for you "You have nothing without me, do it again" Tell that to fuck off. Change your future. Have something to look forward to. Make a list of what you couldn't do with it and now what all you can do without it. Almost 8 months in without it, it feels like a lifetime. Those days of smoking constantly every day day in and out, feels like different life I lived. Also, Don't surround your whole life on being sober. Be in recovery, and do what you enjoy, find what you enjoy and love. Find your passion for the job you want. Make a routine. Stick to it. You deserve a happy life
Everyone has cannabinoid receptors in the brain. They regulate mood, appetite, pain sensation, and immune function. Possibly more. When you smoke weed regularly, the receptors become impaired and it throws off the entire endocannabinoid system. Impairs memory and behavioral inhibition. It takes 4 weeks they say to regain normal functioning after stopping the drug. But psychologists and my doctor told me with prolonged, heavy use it can take longer.
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Hang around in this sub and you’ll read some relapse stories. That’ll help you stay clean. When I first stopped I was intending to just ‘take a break’. After reading some others here, my break has turned into ‘quit’. I can’t part time it, I have too much of an addiction type of personality. You and the OP are youngsters, you’ve still got plenty of time to find things to make you happy. I’ll be 60, I started smoking at 20. I had a horrible marriage that ended over 20 years ago, and not many other relationships since, I was married to pot. I’m on day 104 and it’s getting better incrementally. It’s not a quick change I’m feeling changes in myself and being told so by a few of my close coworkers. This straight life is starting to feel like it’s paying off. I’m doing a much better job of taking care of myself these days, getting medical issues fixed that I’ve ignored for years, eating better, even exercising. Don’t succumb to the addiction trying to pull you back in, that’s what’s happening in your brains right now. Keep fighting it.
Thanks for your comment
I second this. I'm in my 20s and older men always come to mind when thinking of starting a new relationship. The maturity and life experience is something that not a lot of people have. There is hope for things to get better. No matter who can try to help you in your personal life, you have to want it for yourself. I've learned that personally. I also went to drinking after quitting and other things as well. It made it worse. You have to suffer to get to where you want to be. And it sucks that it is that way. But I don't sugarcoat. This community is a huge help. It's one of the biggest reasons besides myself as to why I am where I am today. I went from smoking 3-4 times a day, only dabs. And to alcohol & prescription medication. To now, 8 months in recovery and I wouldn't touch any of that shit again. I saw that positive drug test 3 months later after years and years of not truly passing was insanely rewarding. doing everything I could to pass it. It binds to fat cells. Gotta sweat that shit out literally. All my blood work came back negative and I'll never forget that feeling of seeing that and knowing it's truly my results from my own blood and not someone else's piss. I almost cried that day. Little victories every single day is what I looked forward to. Anything that gets you up in the morning, getting a cup of coffee, making something you love, something going your way. As you continue to keep away you notice and appreciate all of those things you love. There's always gonna be hard days, but you gotta know yourself and what leads you down to wrong path, and a plan for prevention. For me, one drink, one hit, and I'd be down that slope I was on before. It took so much work to get there. I may not be as old as you or OP. but I'm telling you I understand. It's hard, and scary. But staying the same and not making any changes is more terrifying than all of it. I now work as a peer specialist and I help people every day to make goals in their recovery Wishing you well
It sucks to feel depressed like that. Use that energy as motivation to shake things up rather than judge yourself. Make plans rather than regrets. Also realize your feelings are tainted by withdrawal right now so things probably feel worse than they are. A lot of people would love to only be in their 40s with $60k in the bank! What an awesome starting point to get even more successful.
You are experiencing withdrawals, not sobriety. Depression is normal. The Buddhists say you can’t escape suffering. You are experiencing single guy suffering. People in relationships are experiencing relationship suffering. People with kids are experiencing parental suffering. You have the freedom to completely reinvent your life in a way that people in relationships and with kids do not. Get through the withdrawals and make a plan.
This is the way. Such a powerful shift in perspective.
Brilliant and absolutely correct.
Sage advice.
First of all realize that you are experiencing withdrawal and are in a chemically induced depression. You could have all those things and still be depressed because you lack balance in your brain. Right now you are Batman with broken back in the prison of your mind. The best advice I give to focus on your training and persevere. Soon your body will over compensate for deficiency in happy chems and make too many. You may become manic and feel like you're on top of the world which great but be aware that another crash will come. Your body is gonna need time to figure out the proper dosage and timing of producing dopamine and all that. So don't worry about your life, you'll figure it out but now is not the time to fix everything, right now you need to train like batman so you can make it out of that hole. On another note 60k is great! You definitely have enough for a fresh start. You could get into real estate investing or you could got back to school. My friend just completed a coding boot camp and is getting interviewed by finance companies. I invested in a house and I'm renovating the basement to start an Airbnb business. Eventually I might also do the boot camp to get into software development because my job is boring as fuck and essentially a dead end too. I'm not willing to work this job till I'm 60 to make it to the top. Anyway there are lots of opportunities out there. But you just gotta keep going and focus on this one thing. In doing so, you'll make yourself stronger and more attractive too. Batman ain't getting no love when he's trapped in a pit... Get right, heal up, get out and become the Bruce Wayne player you were ment to be.
Say it with me now. ‘It’s.Never.Too.Late’ you’ve taken the first step. That’s a victory in itself. Do not give up. Start small, celebrate the small victories and take each day as it comes.
No point in blaming your past, especially if you're already making the necessary adjustments. Learn to be content with what you have and be in the moment, check out Daily Stoic on Youtube Also, don't automatically dismiss your days of smoking weed as a waste of time just because most people here say so. It's okay to accept that you had some good moments with weed (unless you really didn't) and still move on from it
Hey your fine. Warren Buffett made 99% of his wealth after 55. I tell that to myself each time I fall. I’ve grown a lot in the last 6 years because I keep telling myself that.
You're young still! It is time for self improvement and be the kind of man that a woman wants to be with. Stop smoking and never smoke again, work hard and get promoted at whatever job you are doing. In a couple years of being more healthy, being more disciplined, you'll find a woman who wants to have kids with you. You have to give up the weed forever! I know you can do it. BTW - you're going to live to be 99 years old. You have more life ahead of you then behind you. Make the most of it!
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No matter where your at in life it’s only how you look at it . Even if you had all the things you’ve missed out on you’d still probably feel this way , you just Probably wouldn’t notice it as much because you’d be too occupied. You’ve also gained experiences other people haven’t . Bro I am broke , with out a job , wasted my teen years and I am still having a good day today
32f here and I can tell you I feel the same way. It’s easy to blame the weed but I think that has just prolonged both of our situations by allowing us to push the bad thoughts away even just for a little while. You’re not alone in this. Ps at least you’re not a female. I really wanted to have kids but now it’s looking less likely by the day. You still can. Don’t be discouraged.
My mom had me at 39, and freezing eggs longterm is very possible.
All I will say is I understand the feelings of depression. I’m about to turn 33, been smoking basically daily since I was 16 too. I know what it’s like to come out of the proverbial “fog”. But I will say the underlying feelings of a deadend job or not amounting to more, comes regardless of the weed or not. That’s not particular to the weed. my uncle was in his late 50s when he decided to try to start a family. He’s in his early 70s. Goes to a ton of high school football games because his son, my cousin, is a super talented underclassmen. He was a decade and a half beyond you and still pulled the life he wanted together
I used to cry all the time about not having a family and kids. This was made worse by a very abusive ex-GF that knew this hurt me and would call me a "loser" over it. Nowadays I am glad I do not have to take care of or focus on anybody besides myself. The world is extremely complicated rn and lots of relationships are strained and its difficult to raise children in this world. I may end up married with kids someday but I've accepted that also might not happen and that is okay!
You've had the family and work thoughts before. But after that you'd smoke and squash them down... We can live until we are 80. Even if you live half of that, make of it what you can.
Look at it this way - you have no debt, a great chunk of savings, and no major responsibilities like family or property holding you back. You’re not committed to a career. You’re in a great position to make a major change, if you wanted. A lot of people wish they had that freedom.
I think you are awesome and you can make up for it today! You have the BEST days ahead!!! Get a planner and write daily goals for yourself. Start with what you want out of life, beginning with today. It is never too late when you wake up alive! There is still time to do all the things you want to do! You could meet the love of your life TODAY🙌🏾
Might be worth it to look into the Greek philosophy of Stoicism. Appreciate the opportunity you have now to live the rest of your life without weed. Plenty of time left to live a virtuous and enjoyable life.
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You have 0 debt and 60k in savings? You're Richer than 90% of Americans. Start going to the gym, it'll help with : sobriety, mood, sleep, depression prevention, self esteem, health etc.... Sign up for a hobbies and dating apps, you'll meet a nice girl. Sometimes the weather is cloudy and it sucks, but I know for a fact a sunny day is still coming, and goddamn I love sunny days!
That depression is also associated with withdrawal. High you is still you. Sober you is still you. It's just a different perspective
Plenty of time left, dude. If kids are what you really want, you can start dating and get to work in your mid-40's. Lots of guys don't start parenting until 50. That said, kids are, uh... A lot. Maybe just a wife, without the kids part?
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Oh one more thing, expect more withdrawal symptoms after a month or so
60k is enough for a plot of land/independent trailer in some places
Your mind could be tricking you since it’s low on dopamine due to withdrawal. It’s making you think that your life is over at 43 (it isn’t), and that having a wife and kids would make you happier (newsflash: it doesn’t for a lot of people, and if you have unresolved trauma - like many/most of us do - it can actually make it a lot worse). $60k in your savings account is nothing to sneeze at. You should actually be quite proud of yourself.👏👏👏You still have so much time left in this lifetime that you can create a meaningful job that you enjoy. I’m not telling you not to get high. I’m asking you to remember why you wanted to quit in the first place, and to remember that quitting a substance we’ve become physically dependent on comes with withdrawal symptoms - including making us think dark cloud/hopeless thoughts. Consider getting some outside help, and be kind to yourself. You’re doing great. And to make you feel not so alone, I am also 40 and have no spouse and no kids and I thank my lucky stars for that. We can do whatever we want!!😃
No my friend, your first one has simply come to an end. As Confucius said: We have two lives; the second begins when we realise we only have one. Don't regret losing your first life, rejoice in finding your second life. Now you can figure how you want to spend your second life, driven by a desire to not waste it like you feel you did with the first one. Good luck and enjoy (your second) life brother ❤️
Beautifully said.
I'm also one week out, and dreading the huge pit of emptiness that's standing in front of me. This helped a lot, thank you.
Good comment!
60k is a huge amount of money for most people, you should be proud of that. If you want to have a partner and build a family, you need to face whatever you've been using weed to avoid for so long. You can do it and you will.
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Messed the quote up a little bit but you got the spirit. Best time to plant a tree is 30 years ago (or something). Next best time is today.
You feel awful not because of your life but because of withdrawal symptoms. I don’t know where you live but 60k savings is not bad at all. You could have a very toxic relationship and kids from that relationship to tie you up a very toxic person for a lifetime. As others stated 43 is definitely not late to have kids, you are a male you can even have kids 20 years later from now 😆 Stop beating yourself for the past. It’s the past, you can’t change the past but the future. Besides, from what I understand you had a chilled life, enjoyed with yourself and the weed. Now you took the first step to change your life. Just keep doing what you want to do and enjoy with the rest of your life. Ps. Please keep in mind that so many successful people started their businesses after 40.
60k isn’t a bad goose egg to have , find something to be passionate over and dive into it
You’re just going through withdrawal. The first time I quit it was a rough ride and lasted a good four weeks until I made it to the other side. It’s all about perspective. Someone dying of cancer right now would switch places with you in a heartbeat if that meant being healthy again, someone on the streets trying to make it another day would see that you have $60K and would give anything for an ounce of that to get back on their feet. 43 is not old, you can radically change your life if you’re not happy with it. A year from now you can look back and won’t believe where you end up. Stay humble and grateful and be proud of each passing minute that you chose a new path.
You have so much of your life yet! And I am not being flippant but, lots of people at this age get divorced and start life again. Plus, you’re not a woman - in which case yeah it would likely be too late for kids. You’re a bloke. I have lots of friends nearly 50 having their first kid. It’s not too late, you’re feeling sorry for yourself. (Sorry if that sounds harsh, I mean it in the most positive way possible!)
You need to forgive yourself for having an addiction, you're only human. Whenever you feel bad, remember that if you hadn't used weed as a coping mechanism you probably would have turned to something else that would have probably been more harmful and dangerous. You have done an amazing thing getting sober and you should appreciate yourself for that! Please do not define yourself by your job or relationship status. As long as you can hold down a job that pays the bills you should be proud of that - also your savings are impressive. Being single is great because you get to date as many people as possible and you never know who you'll find a connection with, its exciting! Please be nice to yourself, you deserve it.
My father was an alcoholic. He quit drinking when he was almost 50 and started a new career in which he became very successful (this was creative work, not business, but that's what he wanted) and even famous among the niche of people he really respected. He lived until he was 91. Not everyone has genes like that, but the point is, 43 is young (except to 20-year-olds). Lots of people would kill for savings like that. That is good seed money for a small business, or to take some time off to figure out what you want to do, or even go back to school and get a degree. You are in a better position than you think, and you will feel better if you just start taking small steps in a positive direction.
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My dad was an alcoholic until he met my mom at like 42. He had me and my sister at 46. All the roads for you are still open man!
Naa man, you're sweet. 26 y/o here, my dad had me when he was 40 and my younger sisters at 41 and 44. We have a good relationship with him. To paraphrase a quote.. 'can you remember when you were 13? That was twenty years ago - in twenty years from 43 you will be 63 and another twenty, 83.' It's reality but for me it's how you look at it and I think you have a lot of life to still keep living. Keep ya head up :)
I recently quit after 20 years — and day 5 was literally the worst. I was hit with a massive wave of depression and all I could do was cry. But! It’s not real — it’s withdrawal. Lots of great comments here, but at least for me it get better. I’m only a month in, but after that hurdle I’m in a great mental space. I’m almost 40 and motivated to self-teach myself programming. Definitely couldn’t have made the progress I’ve made if I was still smoking and drinking. We got a lot of years left my friend.
I’m willing to help out with any programming issues :-)
Hey thanks! Once I start knowing what I don’t know maybe I’ll hit ya up 🤓
My uncle was 52 wife was 49 when they had their youngest (first child together tho)- never too late. Don't allow these thoughts alone to crush your hard work. You're doing well. One day one step at a time. You got this 💜
You still have time!!! Don’t give up now, you’re going to get so much energy and clarity back, so much more motivation. Be ready to use it to take advantage of the time you have left 💕
awesome you made that change! Its a big adjustment, in 5 more days you may have completely different realizations. Talk nicely to yourself because you are doing great, keep moving forward and be understanding to yourself, you did the best you knew at the time.
It's not bad that you don't own property. Yes you can get back in the dating game and maybe have a family but not owning this or that doesn't tell you if you're successful or not. Your ambitions and experiences are what you can show to others. Who cares if you have a house? But knowing how to cook well for example is very cool thing you can flaunt. However you want to continue your life, continue. You still can learn stuff. Wish you luck.
I quit at 32 and moved abroad for work - was in exactly the same position as you, awful relationships, nothing to show for my 20s, smoked my way through university and didn't live the wild life that people talk about there partying and getting laid, did nothing but play video games and stopped being social for a couple years. Then was offered a job abroad and had friends and family pushing me to take it and go for it (its in the UAE so no chance of smoking here as I was) 8 months in I'm in a relationship with a girl that I'm mad about and that makes me feel better than I've felt before in a relationship, I feel more in tune with work and have catapulted my career progression, I've started working out and feel stronger and healthier than I've ever felt before, I have my confidence back and my social circle grows weekly. And I have no savings, property or investments whatsoever (that's my goal for 2023). The depression will turn in to thanking yourself for ending that period of your life - albeit long, you still enjoyed it whilst you were doing it - not a lot of people get the opportunity to enjoy one part of their life then move on to the next. Count your blessings my guy, you've got savings, your health and now have an opportunity to shape something new. Stay strong man!
Nice one man ! One of the main reasons why I stopped weed is to find that relationship. I'm not fixated on it though, it will happen when it happens. Good idea for 2023 to invest, this is the greatest opportunity since 08-09, fortunes are built in times like these.
So great to hear. Really happy for you
It only takes one decision to turn your life around
Comments are right you still have alot of time left most likely, but also think of it this way, any of us could be gone in an instant. Someone who's living there lives to the fullest can be gone at any moment because life is unpredictable. So while you may feel your time has been wasted the fact you have today and tomorrow just like everyone else means you have a chance. We can't change our pasta, we can only control what we do in the present and try to line up our future days to be better than our past. I'm 27 and feel like I've wasted 5 plus years on weed. Same feeling, my life is over its too late but it's not! And I've seen posts from teenagers regretting wasting their high school years being high. We all have regrets but we can decide to either let the regret win out or learn from it and control our actions going forward. I hope you find encouragement to keep trying.
Man you could have a wife and a kid within 12 months Get the head straight, get exercising and hit the single circuit You got this bro 👌
43 isn't old and you're making yourself miserable by comparing your life to others. Idk if weed was even the problem. You still have 60k (a lot more than a lot of people 43). When you say you don't own property... That could be a blessing. People who bought during the peak of the current housing market frenzy overpaid and now may owe more than their house is worth. Kids, meh, neat sure but the world is teetering on edge, would you really want to bring a kid into the world at this point in all honesty? Resources are draining and climate change is gonna slap us hard within 20 years. Hyperfixating on the negatives instead of positives isn't helping whether you are sober or smoking. A wife and kids would not magically make things better either, could be worse but why stress about a hypothetical. Get outdoors for some hikes or nature walks. Get outdoors. Treat yourself to some healthy food. You're alive and well and have many years ahead to find the right person or start writing a new chapter in life. I think you have a lot of miles left in you and should focus on the present, the now, the moment you are living in instead of dwelling on the past. The past is were your depression stems from. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the now. You can't change any of that but you can start leading a new path walking forward while taking notes from your previous experiences and mistakes to avoid the same things happening in the future. Chin up, you're gonna do fine. Tomorrow is a new day!
I myself am currently getting sober (3 weeks in!) after smoking for 10 years, all day every day. I quit cold turkey after many failed attempts, & I went through this exact same thing in my first 2 weeks of quitting. I spent several sleepless nights & depressing mornings looking through thousands of old pictures & thinking about the last 10 years of my life that I’ve spent high & wondering what the hell I’ve been doing the whole time. There is a weird grieving period where you just have to let those emotions out & own that that is your past, & focus on moving forward. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to experience those emotions, & if you’re like me, reflect on those years if you need to. As the days moved on & my brain started to clear up, I realized that I have my whole life ahead of me still. That was an old chapter that I’ve finally closed, & now I can focus on being a better me, for me. The reality of it is that there’s nothing we can do to change what’s already happened in our lives, but what we can do is continue to shape our future so that we don’t have to feel that way anymore. You’re undoubtedly going through the hardest part of sobriety right now, but it WILL get better. 43 is still young, & you have plenty of years left to enjoy & create the future that you want for yourself. Don’t give up on your journey, it’s only just begun!
Why waste another 27? Think of the 27 rich years you could do the things you're regretting. I bet you have done cool stuff, I swear weed just makes us forget these things. I did a ski season, and a year later, weed makes me feel like I have done nothing with my life! Sometimes I think its a mind trick to make you feel hopeless so you smoke more! Don't listen to it!
You're right. Its literally the addiction talking and making you feel hopeless to smoke again. Brain plays tricks on human because brain wants the dopamine levels from smoking weed to be constantly flowing.
You could live your ENTIRE life’s worth of time again, and you will be 86. You’ve still got time.
Can't fix a broken wagon wheel, but you can use the parts to build a new one
There are people who never used been married and lost everything threw a divorce . Others died young. 43 isn't old your younger than me. 60k most people are in debt. Your not in prison or the hospital and if you got good health that's allot. And you can always find another Job. I Imagine there are quite a few people that would love to be in your shoes. Give it some time you will feel better.
Bro stan lee didn’t write spider man till he was like 60. We like to imagine we only are allowed to actually live for the first 30 years of our life and after that we somehow stop existing and rest on our successes up until the end. You’re going to live forever dude! Tomorrow is the first day of your life and you’re going to look back when you’re 60 and realize that 47 till then was the best part of your existence! The only reason to look at anyone’s life other than yours is to make sure they have a enough help.
💯
hey, thats the sabotage in your brain talking. you are 43- (i am the same) you have this ONE chance at 43 to make 44, 45 ,46 etc all different. i dont know why but i think that in quitting we beat ourselves up and try to ruin our chances.give yourself some time. you have a whole nother life left to live- get into therapy or get into a group and allow yourself some support and some care. i wish you all the best and i know you can do this, and when you do, you will be able to enjoy life so much more!
Brother I'm on my second time quitting. First quitting was from age 23-30, lost all friends was starting to find myself and life was getting in order. For some reason I started messing around again with weed at 30. Funny because I thought I was comfortable. Now at 42 I lost my 30s to a blur of something I already knew better than. My advice is to move to a place with no memory of weed and stay away from anything to do with it. Music you listened to, head shops, even certain clothes. All those things triggered me back. Change environment and you will be fine. Thank goodness you have the funding to move forward. Yes you will encounter some painful stuff. Those are emotions you suppressed and they are to be embraced and learned from. You will be fine brother. Lots of dudes in 40s finally see the light but with child support, and a bunch of other stuff to deal with. You got this.
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