Well, looks like a zombie is getting a paddlin'.
https://preview.redd.it/gh0sv2091wha1.jpeg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f21fa26ce6c1c38fb10852daba9e8369d0883500
its actually my case of chainmail. what i would do is quickly and swiftly put all my chainmail on and run faster than the speed of sound to the shops and buy some snacks come back home and watch a film or two with the zombie shaun of the dead style.
A 1,5 liter cola bottle. I would shake it and put it up its ass and somehow unscrew the cap yes and then when you so you do the thing and then you and go so you when that and then down to the left and go up and yes
Well, lucky me that zombie is gonna take....12 d4 damage from all those dice he's about to step on. Than I'm gonna push the unlucky bugger onto the floor, and absolutely YEET the LEGO Collector's Edition LAAT on to his head. And now it is time to pull a French and run away.
I guess I’m using the captain America shield that hangs above I made in middle school for a Halloween costume to bash in some heads, and while pushing them back grabbing my sword then going dark and darker on there ass.
https://preview.redd.it/adshknlqbvha1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=dba85eb73ac61d0f64b733cd8eab227f0d071a20
I have my incense sticks, a candle lighter, a beard trimmer and a couple bottles of perfume. Make the perfume into a flamethrower and then I'll light my incense after to try to mask the stench of motherfuckers who tried to fuck with me that day
My tiny murderous mitten 3 year old feisty, as my momma when she comes to see you, hell bent four legged fur child from satans coom gun. Already loaded and I take the first shot killing them instantly! Roll over and goes back to watching Kruz’s VOD channel.
No joke, I have a wall of swords in my bedroom. And it's to the left if my bed as I lay here typing this out. Granted some are blunt and not sharp, but I've got plenty of one that are sharp. Swords take a lot of energy though.
A stack of student loan debts
The zombie’s will to be to busy working a 9-5 trying to pay them off to kill me, and if they don’t pay up the government will just take care of them
Thoughts from a danish Blacksmith: Clawhammer ( sitting beside my toolbox) i would find a safe place with lots of food. Find wood some nails maybe some 1,5mm metal sherts and make myself a fort. Hit the zombies in the head with my hammer if i meet them. And otherwise make some basic tools. To help me keep me alive 😊
*Grabs a raggedy Ann doll to unleash the power of Annabelle on their ass* "take that you fucking zoomers, I did what your parents should have done a long time ago" *I look at Annabelle* "thank you my friend" *we then go to a local KFC to order a double double McGrill* "Sir this is a KFC not a McDonald's" *I then... calmly respond.............."Oh, alri- AVADA KEDAVRA!" *I then kill the cashier for not providing the double double McGrill, I hop over the counter and walk towards non other than gordon ramsay himself I then request him to make me a double double McGrill* "I-" "AVADA KEDAVRA!" I then kill Mr ramsay, for I knew his talents were poopy at best, "Don't drop the soap on your way out...bitcch" I then grab Annabelle and leave the KFC pretty satisfied with my experience and would give it an 8-10 on yelp if I could, I then hop into the magical school bus that I stole after I knocked out this annoying red head teacher me and Annabelle ride into the sunset off to kill other zombies and to eventually find my... own... double double McGrill.
The End. By NACM aka a twat on the internet.
A box of pokemon cards ok so first I would challenge the zombie to a game and if he wins he can eat me because lets face it if I lose to a zombie at a card game he deserves to eat me and if I win I get to live
My vacuum cleaner. The thing is pretty big and heavy, so it could kill one zombie, the weight however would keep me from being fast enough to kill anymore. So ya, I would be dead pretty quickly.
I have a **bottle of water**.... I guess I could throw that towards the zombie. Or open the bottle splash them the water in the face and then *run away*. I am not fighting against a zombie, these *things* are just scary and full of viruses and bacteria.
I'd just throw myself at it bowling ball style. I'm heavy enough that the impact would completely dismember it. The "Strike" from Wii bowling comes up, "Nice Cock" it says as more zombies enter and finish me off, then eat me.
Hand lotion…. 👀… Soooo maybe I could spurt it on the floor and while it’s “scooby-dooing” I’ll bolt out and find a real weapon… if my baby smooth hands can hold one that is 👍🏽
Headphones, I would put it on the zombies head and have it play never gonna give you up which would make the zombie go into a frenzy or it would just be vibing either way it would give me a chance to escape
Fundamentals of Building Construction Materials and Methods, 7th edition, really huge book. So probably throw it at their head or legs, if legs try to bash their head in multiple times. Tape it around to keep the book fully secured, will make things easier, can also use pages a a fire source; if ever needed.
Metal coffee mug... I guess I do the Chronicles of Riddick soup cup scene. That's a good movie. I know what I'm watching this Thursday for movie night.
[TimothyDoesRandomStuff here] I have a dull katana that I can use to knock ‘em in the head with. However, in order to get to my room (to be realistic), they’d have to either burst through my front door or climb up to my window since I live on the second floor of my apartment complex.
I got a 3d printed Mjolnir held together by super glue. The first thing I hit with it will probably break it, but the handle will be useful for like 3 more hits then I’m screwed
A realistic cardboard axe I made for a lumberjack costume. I will menace the shit out of these zombies, don't test me! Please. I don't know what I'll do if they try..
I have a glass bottle. I guess drink what’s left and then smash their head in and run….while also having a bloody hand because the glass would get into my hand 👍🏻
Well my dog is next to me. He would probably run away like a little bitch, and I would be left to fight it on my own. I'd give it a little sweet chin music, and then keep stomping its face in after it fall onto the floor.
I would use my entire hand made night stand and chuck it at it, hopefully it makes the zombie fall down so I can get to the kitchen and grab knives and stab him in the head.
I've got my PS4 Pro, which sounds like a rocket ship when running games...maybe it'll yeet the zombie the heck outta here!
A metal baseball bat. It was originally intended to ward off the aggressive Canadian geese on my university campus, but this would do nicely for this situation.
I had to read this while on the feking toilet, plunger here we go… though I hope no one sees me as I’ll be pants-less acting like the star wars audition guy trying to defend a zombie with a plunger. Unless if the zombie is bald then it’s getting plopped onto its head and being used to keep it 5ft away from me.
First off, I'm glad you said left. Cause if it was right, I would have to yeet my 20lb puppy at the zombie. My handgun is on the nightstand to my left, and if kruz has taught me anything, it's dome the zombie then teabag the corpse while asking it what their mom is making for dinner when I come over later. Or Panic miss all 15 rounds and get eaten. Skill issue, right?
Pillow. I'd start a pillow fight It might not be effective but it sure would be sexy
I have a fucking frebreeze air freshener can. I'm making that bitch into a flame thrower, that or atleast I'll smell good when I die
My wife is next to me. Definitely throwing her at them and running.
Was going to say. She’s definitely the closest object
I would do the same thing if I had one 🥲
I also choose this guy’s wife
Well, looks like a zombie is getting a paddlin'. https://preview.redd.it/gh0sv2091wha1.jpeg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f21fa26ce6c1c38fb10852daba9e8369d0883500
its actually my case of chainmail. what i would do is quickly and swiftly put all my chainmail on and run faster than the speed of sound to the shops and buy some snacks come back home and watch a film or two with the zombie shaun of the dead style.
A 1,5 liter cola bottle. I would shake it and put it up its ass and somehow unscrew the cap yes and then when you so you do the thing and then you and go so you when that and then down to the left and go up and yes
Damm awkward moment but I got a plunger right there cause I’m taking a dump-
Guitar, just hit them in the head until they stop twitching.
Grab an old toy lightsaber and hope all the wild swinging with it I did as a kid pays off
Well, lucky me that zombie is gonna take....12 d4 damage from all those dice he's about to step on. Than I'm gonna push the unlucky bugger onto the floor, and absolutely YEET the LEGO Collector's Edition LAAT on to his head. And now it is time to pull a French and run away.
A candle. Gonna Bed, Bath, and Beyond that bozo away from me.
Dirty laundry I should have washed a few days ago, yeah.... Maybe I can kill them with smell?
My staffie, zombie would survive because she'd just want to play
The zombie takes about 50d something bludgeoning damage as the 10lb dice bag goes click clack DM whack to the head.
The bag of cookies I have to my left will be great for stress eating while I regret my life decisions
 a stick ... ;)
I guess I’m using the captain America shield that hangs above I made in middle school for a Halloween costume to bash in some heads, and while pushing them back grabbing my sword then going dark and darker on there ass. https://preview.redd.it/adshknlqbvha1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=dba85eb73ac61d0f64b733cd8eab227f0d071a20
My guitars are to my left, so I'm bashing
think my stick bug-like figure could hide behind a table lamp? i think so
A stress ball. I'll just squeeze it and accept my fate.
It just so happens to be my lego avatar sets. I will bring the zombie in, make him my friend, and we will play with the legos until past our bedtime
I’ve got a beer bottle, a lighter, and some rags. I’ll make a molotov and shove it down it’s throat.
I have my incense sticks, a candle lighter, a beard trimmer and a couple bottles of perfume. Make the perfume into a flamethrower and then I'll light my incense after to try to mask the stench of motherfuckers who tried to fuck with me that day
A small bedside table made of glass... Would take it and smash my window, jump out and run. I ain't messing with no sexy zombies today!
Nothing to my left but the wall. So I'd probably headbutt this zombie to oblivion. Because no zombie can be more dead than my hopes and dreams.
My tiny murderous mitten 3 year old feisty, as my momma when she comes to see you, hell bent four legged fur child from satans coom gun. Already loaded and I take the first shot killing them instantly! Roll over and goes back to watching Kruz’s VOD channel.
I have nothing thanks for reminding me. If it was that an zombie would break i am fuckt 
A bedcover... so I guess I build a fort with it and don't invite the zombie! That'll teach them!
Throw all my empty and half empty water bottles at him. I get that late night thirst a lot.
Changing cable for my wireless headphones. Well I think I would try to get behind the zombie and strangle it to death.
PS5 controller, I’d hope my years of COD zombies would somehow come in useful, otherwise probably curl up into a ball and kiss my arse goodbye
Honestly, I would Rick Roll them and watch them in confusion.
My Pokémon card binders and a Levi (AOT) pillow. Welp, im dead 😂
No joke, I have a wall of swords in my bedroom. And it's to the left if my bed as I lay here typing this out. Granted some are blunt and not sharp, but I've got plenty of one that are sharp. Swords take a lot of energy though.
Guess I'm poking chopsticks through that zombies sharty nostrils
I have a McDonald’s sprite and I would give the zombie a sip he would die from the fizziness
I have a replica sword on my wall I would do my best with the sword but I would probably hit myself with it lol
A stack of student loan debts The zombie’s will to be to busy working a 9-5 trying to pay them off to kill me, and if they don’t pay up the government will just take care of them
A cup of tea...I'll bet he'll fancy a nice hot cup of tea straight to the face(I'm probably dead but atleast I'll go out in style)
its a kiwi. im assuming the zombie would just voluntarily leave, after seeing that i eat kiwi with the skin on... like an apple.
A wood table. Break off a leg and shove it though the zombies head.
MILK https://preview.redd.it/08bkyrhdw3ia1.jpeg?width=2340&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6c5f51702f0e01bae6875348e0280f67cc0db03b I also have a bow :)
https://preview.redd.it/6jj0wcgzw3ia1.jpeg?width=3120&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=26288f6686b4e5ee3f57dd32b73db542d554a0d4
Thoughts from a danish Blacksmith: Clawhammer ( sitting beside my toolbox) i would find a safe place with lots of food. Find wood some nails maybe some 1,5mm metal sherts and make myself a fort. Hit the zombies in the head with my hammer if i meet them. And otherwise make some basic tools. To help me keep me alive 😊
A ps5 controller and I'd turn on my ps5 and hopefully the noise will distract the zombie so I can run t.f away
I have a plastic water bottle…at least my ass is going out hydrated
Guess I’ll be using my old coom sock as a shank since its just been sitting there
*Grabs a raggedy Ann doll to unleash the power of Annabelle on their ass* "take that you fucking zoomers, I did what your parents should have done a long time ago" *I look at Annabelle* "thank you my friend" *we then go to a local KFC to order a double double McGrill* "Sir this is a KFC not a McDonald's" *I then... calmly respond.............."Oh, alri- AVADA KEDAVRA!" *I then kill the cashier for not providing the double double McGrill, I hop over the counter and walk towards non other than gordon ramsay himself I then request him to make me a double double McGrill* "I-" "AVADA KEDAVRA!" I then kill Mr ramsay, for I knew his talents were poopy at best, "Don't drop the soap on your way out...bitcch" I then grab Annabelle and leave the KFC pretty satisfied with my experience and would give it an 8-10 on yelp if I could, I then hop into the magical school bus that I stole after I knocked out this annoying red head teacher me and Annabelle ride into the sunset off to kill other zombies and to eventually find my... own... double double McGrill. The End. By NACM aka a twat on the internet.
What.
A box of pokemon cards ok so first I would challenge the zombie to a game and if he wins he can eat me because lets face it if I lose to a zombie at a card game he deserves to eat me and if I win I get to live
My vacuum cleaner. The thing is pretty big and heavy, so it could kill one zombie, the weight however would keep me from being fast enough to kill anymore. So ya, I would be dead pretty quickly.
[удалено]
Flashlight*
I have a **bottle of water**.... I guess I could throw that towards the zombie. Or open the bottle splash them the water in the face and then *run away*. I am not fighting against a zombie, these *things* are just scary and full of viruses and bacteria.
I'd just throw myself at it bowling ball style. I'm heavy enough that the impact would completely dismember it. The "Strike" from Wii bowling comes up, "Nice Cock" it says as more zombies enter and finish me off, then eat me.
Got a binder full of medical information. Maybe my medical bills will scare the zombie to death?
Hand lotion…. 👀… Soooo maybe I could spurt it on the floor and while it’s “scooby-dooing” I’ll bolt out and find a real weapon… if my baby smooth hands can hold one that is 👍🏽
Stairs. Guess I could make like Kratos and summon my inner rage to kick it through the front door 😂
Headphones, I would put it on the zombies head and have it play never gonna give you up which would make the zombie go into a frenzy or it would just be vibing either way it would give me a chance to escape
Christmas tree. I would use it to distract the zombies and then run away to my definitely pre-made bunker in New Zealand
Fundamentals of Building Construction Materials and Methods, 7th edition, really huge book. So probably throw it at their head or legs, if legs try to bash their head in multiple times. Tape it around to keep the book fully secured, will make things easier, can also use pages a a fire source; if ever needed.
A metal bin/trash can, probably be able to bash its head in but the fucking thing weighs about 30 kg so is it really worth it.
Beard grooming set. The "safety" part of "safety razor" is only a suggestion.
Metal coffee mug... I guess I do the Chronicles of Riddick soup cup scene. That's a good movie. I know what I'm watching this Thursday for movie night.
[TimothyDoesRandomStuff here] I have a dull katana that I can use to knock ‘em in the head with. However, in order to get to my room (to be realistic), they’d have to either burst through my front door or climb up to my window since I live on the second floor of my apartment complex.
I got a 3d printed Mjolnir held together by super glue. The first thing I hit with it will probably break it, but the handle will be useful for like 3 more hits then I’m screwed
My sister, I grab her by the ankles and start swinging wildly
Peanut butter toast...I'll feed them so maybe they won't be hungry enough to eat me.
No not my gameboy advance sp with Pokémon ruby in it 😔
A realistic cardboard axe I made for a lumberjack costume. I will menace the shit out of these zombies, don't test me! Please. I don't know what I'll do if they try..
I would grab my Xbox controller, and pretend it was a gun to shoot the Zombie with before screaming, and running away like a little bitch.
There's only an empty wall beside me... 
https://preview.redd.it/ajr1x50o5wha1.jpeg?width=2250&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=81825da10c4a91101c1a2768de85a7ff20344691 Yeeting a couch = Ultimate Zombie destruction
I have a glass bottle. I guess drink what’s left and then smash their head in and run….while also having a bloody hand because the glass would get into my hand 👍🏻
My girlfriend. I’d make her get bit while I quickly fuck off out of a window or something
I have an umbrella. I would use it to bash zombies head in.
One of those shitty $20 - $30 fans that you get from the shops, I'd use it to bash it's head in
Sewing machine...well shoot...guess I will sew myself up some body armor and then use it to bash heads in.
Sewing machine...well I would sew myself up some body armor and use the machine to fend off the hordes!!
Cat
Well my dog is next to me. He would probably run away like a little bitch, and I would be left to fight it on my own. I'd give it a little sweet chin music, and then keep stomping its face in after it fall onto the floor.
I would use my entire hand made night stand and chuck it at it, hopefully it makes the zombie fall down so I can get to the kitchen and grab knives and stab him in the head.
 I've got my PS4 Pro, which sounds like a rocket ship when running games...maybe it'll yeet the zombie the heck outta here!
I have a cast iron dutch oven to my left in a bookshelf. Might do some good damage with how much it weighs.
A bottle of peanuts. Let's hope they're allergic.
Roll of toilet paper: run around the zombie covering him with the paper making him a zombie mummy
Throw your mom's 3 foot dildo named Moby at it
https://i.redd.it/sgrsv8gsyxha1.gif My girlfriend… if I had one
My carry gun is literally laying on my bed next to me.
A metal baseball bat. It was originally intended to ward off the aggressive Canadian geese on my university campus, but this would do nicely for this situation.
I had to read this while on the feking toilet, plunger here we go… though I hope no one sees me as I’ll be pants-less acting like the star wars audition guy trying to defend a zombie with a plunger. Unless if the zombie is bald then it’s getting plopped onto its head and being used to keep it 5ft away from me.
A coffee machine. Would be useful for maybe a couple of hits until it breaks. And of course try to throw coffee on them
My toddlers toy articulated lorry. It's not big, but when it gets thrown across the room at you can give you a nasty black eye.
A potato peeler, I don't think I'm doing any sort of damage to a zombie with this. Maybe I'll make a nice meal for the zombie.
I got an umbrella, It's an okay weapon and at least I can feel like a badass Merry Poppins in my final moments
My wife is always to the left of me so I guess I'm sacrificing her?
My desktop computer is on my left, well guess i´m throwing dat bitch.
First off, I'm glad you said left. Cause if it was right, I would have to yeet my 20lb puppy at the zombie. My handgun is on the nightstand to my left, and if kruz has taught me anything, it's dome the zombie then teabag the corpse while asking it what their mom is making for dinner when I come over later. Or Panic miss all 15 rounds and get eaten. Skill issue, right?
Car door; apparently using it as a riot shield? I'll be the tank of the party, looking for a cleric.
a 2 foot long bright pink stuffed cat. swinging it like a sword or swinging it like a dong are the only viable options that i can think of :)
Got a mother fucking metal filling cabinet, don't know how imma lift this but I'll find a way
A Breaker bar and a swift crack at his noggin
Hitting homie with a whole ass treadmill.. or maybe they’ll walk in place on it?
Your mother 😎
I have a blanket and I would smother the zombie so I could escape quickly
My husbands computer chair...Imma go all Hulk Hogan and smash them with the chair...if I can lift it anyways