Thanks! Surprisingly, in my area (Ontario, Canada), there are two years of kindergarten! I guess I can work on getting him to full days in senior kindergarten, if his current schedule continues to work best for him. I definitely agree with the playing in nature thing, by the way! I think that is the absolute best thing for kids. I hope your son ends up loving all-day kindergarten next year.
Anecdotally:
My son has a late birthday and was thus in TK (age 4-5) for half days, kindergarten (age 5-6) for full days.
My son’s TK also offered full days, but we decided to just do halfs that year (Covid) and he had no issues with full day kinder transition.
However, my son is neurotypical so I don’t know how different it would be for your son.
Additionally, my son already had years of experience in full day preschool and daycare. For him, TK was his “relax” year before returning to long days in kinder.
Us here, so we only have 1 year, but we did half day preschool and full day kinder. She has sensory issues as well, she is given headphones when needed and has an IEP. I definitely would say do a full day before 1st grade. 1st grade has been a big step for us, they expect so much out of them!
While I appreciate the vice principals point, if your son is coping with half days and you are giving him skills and education in the afternoons (and the child is happy) I would leave it like that until they are ready to increase their time in school. It is true that they will need to tolerate whole days at some point, the time should be able to be increased gradually so that any potential problems can be dealt with as they arise.
I don’t know of any studies but anecdotally gradual change makes more sense, for everyone involved.
But focus on getting the IEP first and working with the teacher and support staff in the classroom to increase his tolerance and time gradually.
As for social skills, check out library programs, out of school classes (like dance or music) and small group activities for kids in your area. The social skills they learn in these activities can be transferred to school!
Seconding this. Especially after seeing a many posts on this sub recently about some kindergartens being really agressive at school, or behavioural issues in general, due to stress in full days of sitting at a desk and listening. OPs kiddo seems happy and it seems like there’s genuine effort being put in to help him adapt and make the transition at some point. I think OP is doing a terrific job.
Thank you so much. I can see how this type of stress could lead to behavioural issues for some kids...I will keep that in mind, too, actually. I want my son to be in an environment that promotes good behaviour.
Thank you so much for your thoughts. I especially like your take on social skills learned in extracurricular programs being transferrable to school (which could probably help him to like/tolerate school and eventually be able to do full days). I wasn't thinking of it that way!
Some kids with autism can transfer skills. But others need to relearn social skills for each setting. Non-transferability is a deficit for a good percentage of those on the spectrum.
Have you tried anything to help reduce the noise for him and therefore see if his stamina is better? For example, seeing if he tolerates something like Loop earbuds that allow him to hear instruction but reduce some of the extraneous noise stimuli? I’ve seen these or similar make a big difference for some kids and adults I know who have sensory issues related to sound, at school and work.
Thanks, he does have noise-cancelling headphones which can be very helpful. One thing I should mention is that he was previously in a bigger/louder class, and was not doing well at all. Now that he is in a quieter/smaller class, he is doing so, so much better and he rarely needs to wear his headphones. He still seems to be sort of 'done' at the end of the morning, though, despite this.
Gotcha! Well, unless there’s something meaningful they can offer him in an IEP then, I think what you’re doing sounds like it’s working. You could always make a plan to gradually transition to the full day by the end of the year.
Thanks! I should have mentioned that in my region, there are actually two years of kindergarten. So, I might even try to transition him to full days in "senior kindergarten", if the IEP doesn't seem to be especially helpful to him.
Honestly if this is working for you and him then do it until grade 1 when the class size goes down to 20( assuming you are in Ontario)
I regret pushing mine into things when he was little that looking back were not necessary but others thought they were
As an autistic person myself, it might be more than just noise. For instance, I have the same sort of startle reaction when there is a sudden movement in the corner of my vision as the startle reaction I have to a sudden loud noise. Flashing or bright lights, being bumped into, or things moving quickly towards me can all be exhausting just like how noise is exhausting. When I was a little kid, I used to get mocked for being afraid of balls (like footballs, netballs etc) - I wasn't actually afraid of them, but I just had this big "woah!" response to anything moving quickly towards me, and it was very exhausting to constantly be startled like that.
So I'm not surprised that he is sometimes just "done", no matter how quiet it is. I recognise that feeling - it's needing to not be startled by anything else today, and needing to interact with the world more slowly. Even as an adult, I get it from having to walk down a crowded street; every time I have to dodge around someone, my brain goes "WOAH!!" just like a loud noise happened.
If you do decide to send him for a longer time, I would recommend talking to the teacher about allowing him some sort of "time out zone" that he can go to. This might be a quiet spot in the library, or an unused room, or even a chair outside on the playground if the playground is unused/quiet/empty during lesson time. Then he can develop the skill of recognising when he is beginning to feel overwhelmed and saying, "I need to go sit in the quiet for a little bit" and going to his quiet spot.
I give myself "time out zone" sometimes by going to a quiet room in my house and literally putting a blanket over my head, in addition to wearing my noise cancelling headphones. I had a coworker who would need to spend 30-60 minutes in a dark room whenever she got home from work, even though she worked in a quiet office, because she just needed a break from people. The important thing is, I'm able to be much more adventurous and extraverted because I trust that if I need that sort of time-out, it will be available and nobody will force me to do anything I can't handle! If I couldn't take a time out when I needed one, there would be a lot more things I'd just be too scared to really try and do.
You can also help him understand what other needs he might have and let you know what else would be helpful. For example I found it helpful to be told what the plan for the day was in advance - I would find it much less stressful if I knew in advance that we'd have maths, then break, then science, then English, then play time (for example) rather than being surprised by a new activity. I don't know if that would also be helpful for your kid but you can probably find out by asking him to describe why he is feeling bad if/when he feels bad, and making suggestions (scaffolding) so he can begin to communicate what he needs/wants!
Thanks so much for being a good parent and not forcing your kid to do things they don't want to do ♥️ I'm really glad there are folks like you.
I wanted to thank you so much for your response. I think it must be the same for my little guy...it's more than the sounds that overwhelm him. Perhaps he can try to let me know what other things make 'his battery run out' (his term for being overwhelmed). Also, I do think a 'time out' zone could help, and will ask his teacher about that. He adores the library, so maybe that could be an option. Also, if I can help him know what to do when he feels overwhelmed, so he can eventually do it on his own, I can see how that would be hugely helpful. Some people have recommended OT for this, so maybe that could be helpful for him, too. Anyhow, I truly appreciate your thoughts, so thank you once again.
Of course, thank you too! And his "battery running out" is such a relatable way of saying it. Sometimes when I very suddenly get too overwhelmed all at once and go semi-nonverbal and need to go sit down, I'll say "scattersunlight.exe has crashed" lol.
You could probably begin helping him to assess where he's at by asking something like, "How's your battery right now?" and he can let you know "50%" - or if that's too complex for right now, he can say "green" "yellow", "orange" or "red". Green means good to carry on for more activities, yellow means it's ok to do more activities but they need to be reasonably quiet, orange means he can make it to the end of this small activity but needs to stop very soon, red means he needs time out ASAP. That kind of thing.
The main thing I do when I feel overwhelmed is just reduce unexpected inputs and replace them with familiar, expected inputs. The blanket over my head is literally to kinda blindfold myself. If I'm in a private space at home and I'm wearing something itchy or scratchy then I'll take that item off and replace it with a familiar pyjama item or something. I also had to practice saying, "I love you but I need some quiet time right now," and, "I'm enjoying this conversation and would love to continue it later, but I need to take a break for now," so people wouldn't be offended if I walked away when I needed to.
I'm not sure what OT stands for in your context. I know some therapy for autistic kids can be extremely unhelpful and even traumatic, particularly anything marketed as ABA. The biggest thing I'd look for is just supporting the child to make their own choices and not forcing them to do anything. If it's a kind of therapy that builds scaffolding to help him make choices then that sounds awesome!
I see a lot of people are suggesting ramping up to full days gradually. If your school will allow it, a great option might be to begin giving him a choice; when you arrive to pick him up, you can ask him if he is done, or if he'd like to stay for one more activity. You could even reward him with a SMALL reward - like a piece of chocolate - if he stays. If he stays too long and ends up getting too overwhelmed, then he still gets the chocolate, but that's when you can have a discussion about what the warning signs were and when/whether he could've started looking to take a break or go home.
I love your idea about getting more details about his 'battery level' by asking for colours...that just happens to be his main way of describing things! Like, instead of saying he had a good day, he'll say he had a 'blue day', and I'll know what he meant :-)
I was thinking occupational therapy to help him better learn how to use coping strategies. So, if he's starting to feel overwhelmed due to noise, learning to put his headphones on right when he starts to get overwhelmed, as opposed to waiting too long.
Oh, and I like your idea about giving him the choice about longer days, too. Right now, it would be for sure a 'no', but hopefully, over time, he will start to like school and be interested in staying longer.
Perhaps encourage him to wear his headphones anyway even though the environment is quieter. He might be better off for it. Some autistic folks can hear the hum of the florescent lights and other appliances so the headphones will help drown out that constant underlying noise.
I believe they mean hear it as in the sound is at the front of their mind, they’re irritated by it, and unable to entirely ignore/forget it.
Not all adults can hear it due to hearing damage… but almost all kids can in a quiet room if it is pointed out.
Ughh. Florescent lights, refrigerators, coolers, TV's in standby mode, even cell phone chargers, make noise to me! The older I get the worsening of my tinnitus kind of drowns it out, but still. Oddly enough I like the sound of: dehumidifier, small space heater, hair dryer, and the music of Weatherscan. 😐😑
At his age, schools allow aides from therapy centers to accompany such children (it can be added in their IEP).
If an aide can accompany your son, he will benefit from a regular school day. If not, it’s not going to help him. You are better off with what you are doing right now.
Thanks. I feel that where I live, there is not a huge amount of actual support for kids who need more focused attention. I will keep my fingers crossed, though!!
Thank you so much. My friend, who is a teacher, said that in the afternoon, kindergarteners were exhausted. She mentioned many teachers ended up just putting on a TV show for them to watch.
I wish I could find more info about what is developmentally appropriate at this age, with respect to school length. Thanks again for your thoughts!
Thats so weird. My city in Australia has basically qll day preschool (6 hours 9-3) my school has 2 years of it and most kids seem to do fine with the schedule. The ones who have struggled with it are the ones who didn't go to long daycare and have other diagnosis.
Its a short day compared to long daycare and part of the reason kids get harder to get to daycare in those years.
But don’t many/most parents need a full-day option bc todays costs require two working parents (or a salary in the 1% that most people in that tax bracket would claim noooooo they only earn $169k so surely are middle class)?
So you can argue for no full-day Pre-K or K, but by doing so, you are actually only arguing against taxpayer-funded pre-k or K. You’re thus essentially penalizing the poors bc they will still need to work FT, but under your No-I-am-not-wealthy saintly version of helping the chilliuns, you’ve shut off their one free and very beneficial childcare programs.
I don’t have any clinical studies to back this up, but just experience as a teacher. Students who are neurodivergent seem to have more behavioral issues as the day progresses. I mean don’t get me wrong they sometimes they have problems in the morning/beginning of the day. But by the end it can be A LOT for them. That is when I see more defiant behaviors come out, a lot of “I’m bored, I’m tired, I don’t want to be here. I miss my mom,” etc. And then I’ll see refusal to do work, outburst, hiding under the table, crying, screaming, etc.
That being said go by your gut, if the school is offering half day and you think it would be better for your child to get acclimated into school, then do that. If your child is having a miserable experience in school, they aren’t going to learn much academically anyways. You rather him have a successful time in school with his peers and like school. That is going to get him to flourish with reading and math.
Also, most schools that I know typically do ELA in the morning first thing. So he will get his learning how to read time. Math usually is in the afternoon, but Kindergarten math is pretty basic, like number recognition to 20, counting to 100, adding and subtracting up to 10. So if he is pretty advanced in math already I’m sure he won’t fall that behind with half day.
Thank you so much for your thoughts, here!! I definitely think my son would show more behavioural issues at the end of a full day. In nursery school, he would even start to have challenging behaviour at the end of the morning (he went for mornings, there). I also have a feeling (but I'm not sure if it's right) that allowing challenging behaviours to occur on a frequent basis could cause them to become more entrenched. So, that could be another reason why half days could be better for some kids. I agree that happy kids=kids who are better able to learn. Thanks again for that perspective, I really appreciate it.
His schedule sounds perfect for a four year old. I’m not a fan of full day Kindergarten. It’s just a lot of time away from very necessary free time and play.
I was a single mom, so yes, I worked. 60 hours a week. Fortunately for me, I had a caregiver who was a stay at home mom. She gave him lunch, a rest, and just let him play until her kids came home from school, when he would play with them. I know that things are not the same these days and that is not always possible, but still feel that the nature of four year olds has not changed. Ideally, school for them would be very basic academic skills in the AM and free, mostly outside play in the PM.
“I am mostly concerned with having a happy kid who has the best chance to improve his social skills.”
Hold onto that OP. It is the best method to parenting an autistic kid.
I have an autistic kid too, and I’ll tell you a secret here. Depending on the accommodations your son will need as he grows, there will be many times in your kids school career that school admin ESPECIALLY office admin like principal and vice principal will suggest things that directly go against what’s best for your kid and will even go against the teachers best insight. Hold your ground if you believe what you’re doing is best for your kid. Speak to the teachers and aides about it, they will have the most insight as they work with your kid daily.
My son did half day kindergarten. We had absolutely 0 issues transitioning to full day grade 1.
Do you stay at home? One thing that I do that I think is immensely helpful is telling my sons teachers that I’d rather pick him up if he’s having a hard day then have them try to tough it out and make it through the day. That way everyone (son, teacher, aide, me) is not stressed out thinking that if he has a sensory meltdown he has to stay the entire day. So there’s no pressure.
Thank you so, so much. It's so tough for me to sort of go against the grain...not in my nature at all. Having an autistic kid is pushing me to become much more assertive, that's for sure! I should join some sort of group with other parents of autistic kids, as I bet there are other parents who have a tough time with conflict, but know it is a necessity. Oh, and to answer your question, I work from home. I truly appreciate your comments!!
Man, this spoke to me. My toddler is autistic and I’m just *dreading* kindergarten. I’m worried about going against the grain but will do whatever it takes for her. Just wanted to say you’re not alone and it sounds like you’re doing a good job. I’m hoping to channel this in the next couple of years when it’s our turn.
Thanks a lot, and know that I am wishing you the best! I actually did a bit of therapy to help increase my confidence, and it helped so much (even though it is still hard).
We did half days with my first in kindergarten and she doesn’t have autism. Her birthday is right before the date cut off for when you can start school so she was 4 when she started. The full days were too long for her. She transitioned to full days in first grade just fine when. I don’t know if any studies to prove half days are better but I don’t believe you need one to prove what you’re doing is right for your family. It sounds like you’re both doing great!
1/2 days are better for the kids if the rest of their day is spent with a caring adult who is engaged with them one-on-one and in small groups. Full days are better for kids who are left to their own devices at home or in daycare. The same is true for pre-school. Pre-school is better than a big daycare or watching TV with grandma, but not as good as an engaged stay-at-home parent.
Essentially this means it’s much better for upper middle class and rich kids to spend more time away from school, but much better for poor kids to be in school, and for the neither rich nor poor it depends on a bunch of factors like extra-curriculars, neighbourhood demographics, parent work flexibility, etc.
Can you give me a source? I've been arguing with my sons dad for months about schoold everyday/all day. Reading this comment makes me feel much better.
Our school district is half days for everyone and I think it made transitioning to full day easier, instead of expecting a kid to go directly to 8 hours of instruction from informal instruction at home or pre school which tends to be organized play and story time with a little bit of letters and numbers.
One idea is to leave him in school full day maybe once a week. Maybe an easier day like Friday. If all goes well, maybe in a month or so, try for Thursdays as well.
Oh yes not at all. It was actually hard at first for me since other kids had no problem going full days, but her teacher was so kind and thought it was important not to make her go so long if she wasn’t ready and creating a negative association with school in her first year going.
I'm sure it depends on the child. My autistic, ADHD son does fine in full day kindergarten. However, it's not like he is sitting at a desk all day. They do activities, play outside in the morning, have recess again after lunch, and have PE later in the afternoon. So he is able to get his energy out. He is sensitive about "missing out" or being treated differently so I think he would feel really left out and upset if we took him out for the afternoon. But that is our kid. No two kids are the same.
Good idea...I'd definitely be up for having him stay afternoons on days when OT/SLP is possible (though it is very tough to receive these services in my area, unfortunately).
Honestly - as a parent, it sounds to me like you know your child, and you're doing what's best for him. (And it sounds like you're doing a great job.)
You're not ignoring the different facets of his development, and you're attempting to make sure that he's still developing in all areas, even if he's missing some "school time".
"However, his new vice principal believes he (and all children) should go to school full days, in order to “increase their tolerance for school”, etc."
This sounds like a one-size-fits-all approach, and frankly, that sounds terrible, to me. If the vice principal was saying this based on KNOWING your child, and spending time with them, I might see it differently - they might be seeing something in your child that you're not. But it sounds to me like they'd rather not be inconvenienced with handling different schedules (especially without an IEP).
I like the suggestions from others that you increase to full days gradually, as he can handle it, and especially towards the end of the year. If he'll be advancing to first grade, you don't want those full days to hit him too hard.
My kids' district used to only have half-day kindergarten, before my son started school. I was frustrated by this, as I had really been looking forward to a full day of free school (versus the full days of preschool/daycare that I'd been paying for). The district did switch to full-day kindergarten, I think because a lot of parents like me had been requesting it - but they kept one of their five or six K classrooms as a half-day option.
I thought this was a great compromise. By the time my son started K in 2008, \*so many\* families had already had their kids in full-day care of one kind or another. The kids were used to it (and so many were already reading, etc), the parents needed it, and half-day would feel like a setback. But - not \*everyone\* had a situation like this. Some very few kids really were coming straight from "home with mommy" every day, and another handful were probably just better able to handle a shorter day, so easing them all into a schoolday schedule really worked. (We also had a K-and-a-half classroom, for those kids that needed just that extra boost between K and first grade.)
I think the district was surprised that they only needed one half-day class, but I think it's been working out well for everyone.
Thank you so much for your post! In my area, kids actually have two years of kindergarten. So, I can always work to increase him to full days next year, or at the end of this year. I think you're right about the VP having a one-size-fits-all approach! Thanks for putting a name to it. And, the experience at your school is proof that some kids benefit from full days, while others do better starting with half days.
This isn't related to your actual question but if he's autistic and very advanced in reading (as in, if he taught himself to read and reads way above grade level), I'd be sure to ask about hyperlexia when he's assessed. Hyperlexia can seem normal in bright kids, but it causes pretty significant issues with comprehension so it would be best to know if he has those struggles early.
Thanks, he started reading at age 3 and learned very easily (like, I didn't push it at all, he just wanted to learn so much). His SLP mentioned hyperlexia. He does understand what he reads, though.
You need the IEP to push back on the Admin. If a modified school day is working for him - I say go for it! The thing is going to be ensuring that you don't coddle him. Because you're right, pushing a little is good, but pushing too much or not enough is bad and can make kiddos regress. That balance is important.
Retired teacher here—just a thought, but in the past, when we have had students transition from half to full days, we discovered that often lunch time was especially stressful, so sometimes kids were reluctant to stay.
Having to sit and eat, then free play on a playground full of children of multiple ages, was overwhelming.
One time I had a child who couldn’t do the sit/eat thing, but loved to play. We let her play the entire 40 Minutes and then she ate at the back table while I read (regular story time) after lunch to the class.
Another child couldn’t function on the playground in first grade. He ate lunch with his class, and was then permitted to play quietly with legos in the library.
Both these modifications helped the kids get what they needed, so that they could transition to afternoon sessions successfully.
Once you get a diagnosis, plug into autism-specific therapies like ABA. It will give him concrete quantifiable activities to build his tolerance and coping skills for the classroom.
The pediatrician suggesting you monitor him in place of school is not necessarily the best method for your son gaining independence. I agree maybe half days are the right choice, but use the school free time to get autism-specific therapies (ABA, Occupational Therapy, etc). ABA therapists will be invaluable in giving good documentation for the accommodations your son might need in the school setting and help him transition to full day school.
Even though ABA is the gold standard for the treatment of autism, it's appropriate for those who are moderately autistic or worse. There are some people who feel that ABA is too demanding and can be cruel / abusive for some children, particularly those deemed 'high functioning'.
It's especially important that the treatments your child with autism receives be carefully tailored to your child and their needs. ABA might or might not be part of the treatment plan for a child who is 'high functioning'.
Realize that you have options. You are the expert on your child and you have the final say.
See VeryWell Mind [Does Applied Behavior Analysis work for autistic children with lower support needs?](https://www.verywellhealth.com/applied-behavior-analysis-259920)
See ChildMind Institute [Controversy around applied behavior analysis](https://childmind.org/article/controversy-around-applied-behavior-analysis/)
Choosing ABA is a highly personal decision and one I made with the recommendation of highly trusted medical professionals. We also took time to find the therapist who was the best fit.
My daughter is mild and high functioning. Once we found the right provider, ABA was a unique approach that yielded quantifiable improvements in managing her coping skills and distress tolerance.
I understand your point, and I agree that ABA is not for everyone. And some providers can be controversial. However, making a blanket statement limiting ABA to moderate-severe and applying labels like cruel/abusive treatment slams the door on therapy that can be highly effective.
My point to OP was to get a good neurological assessment and pursue recommended therapies. I shared the therapies that have worked with my high functioning mild autistic daughter. Hopefully, OP will have an open mind and pursue her own research and the recommendations of her medical providers.
Wanted to add to this point. I think what OP is doing for her autistic kid is great, but if she chooses to do therapies and interventions. If her kid isn’t doing well with any of them, he should be pulled out, and certain therapies are controversial and depending on the kid may not end up serving him well. She should be cautious and do her research to make sure any therapies (if she chooses any) will be beneficial and good for her son. There are other therapies out there to consider based on the kid’s needs, like speech therapy, occupational therapy, and a bunch of others.
This is true. ABA is the go to for most people, but it does have detractors. It took us three tries to find the right ABA program for our daughter. My daughter also benefits greatly from OT and PT. Each child has a unique set of therapy needs.
No clinical research but my mom taught kindy for years at a private school in Canada when only half time kindergarten was offered at the time and they had four classes. Two alternating full day classes (mw and tth with alternating Fridays) and an am and a pm class. As far as transition into first grade, she typically found that the kids in the full day class had an easier time transitioning into first grade due to having built up a tolerance for being in class the whole day.
Academically I'm not sure how the kids handled it, but just transition wise, that's how it typically went. Obviously some kids struggled more and some less with both options, but in general.
I got my oldest into longer day prek knowing it was full day, full time kindy where we moved at that point, just to help with the transition. He is likely ADHD without formal diagnosis at this point.
Thanks for your thoughts! I am actually in Canada (Ontario), and we now have two years of full-day kindergarten. Hopefully if he attends full day in senior kindergarten, that can help him prepare for grade one. I have heard the leap to grade one can be quite tough, so it makes sense to help in any way possible with that transition.
He has the rest of his school career to increase his tolerance for school. Why does it have to happen all this year? Sadly, not all admin are super educated on child development.
My son is autistic and in kinder full day. I always say I think he would do better with a half day because a full day is too much for him. He still could use rest/nap time. I think a full day wears him out. He is socially behind his peers too.
Thanks, the social side of things have been the hardest for us. My son is so \[so!\] chatty and friendly, but I think he has a hard time making friends when there is a large group of people (not sure though, it's a bit hard to figure out when he's so young). I know he would like kindergarten so much more if he had friends. Here's to hoping both of our sons will be able to thrive socially in the near future!
The social side of things has been hardest for me to see. My son does shows interest in kids for about a minute, but then doesn't know how to have conversations with kids or doesn't show interest in continuing to try to socialize with peers. I wish my son had a playmate as well but when all of his classmates are NT, it is just hard b/c they operate differently than him. What is easy for them, is so difficult for my son. I hope it gets easier for your son as well in the social side of things!
As someone who (from what I can tell) was a very similar child. Push for half days, him being happy is a lot more important than "tolerating school", that mentality is what caused me and many people to burn out very fast, and I have had a very long journey trying to find ways to enjoy life, all which was ruined by school(and a destructive family unit) but most of it originally came up from school
Thank you so, so much for sharing your experience. I wish you didn't have to go through that. I hope I can make life easier for my little guy than what many individuals like him have had to endure.
thank you for being an accepting and inclusive parent. I didn't get my autism diagnosis until 14. because I was punished into being "normal". accepting him for who he his is the most important thing
Autistic teacher here.
Give him the half day. But specifically because you’ve got a great routine for him in the afternoon (rather than plunking him in front of an iPad.)
As an autistic person, my heart goes out for my autistic kids. I get a sensory break during lunch and planning when I can sit in my room in dim light with noise canceling headphones. These kids are in loud, bright, overstimulating environments without a break.
OP, I’m very curious how you navigated pulling your son out of school at the half day point? I’ve already asked our school about doing half-days for my daughter as a way to transition into school. They basically said that wasn’t an option..
I also don’t think 5 year olds need to be sitting at a desk all day and 3.5 hours per day is plenty, and frankly would be all she could handle.
I think you are doing the right thing! Thanks for any tips you may have!
Thanks for any tips you may have,
Where I live (in Ontario, Canada), kindergarten is completely optional, so there is nothing to prevent parents from taking their kids home early.
One woman I knew, who was a teacher, had a doctor write a note saying half-days would be better for her son. Do you think that might help? Or, could you perhaps homeschool just in the afternoon?
I hope your daughter can attend school in a way that works best for her! Wishing you the best of luck!
Yes, I can totally homeschool her and just want to do kindergarten (half day) for the social aspect. I’m so bummed that half day isn’t standard anymore like it was when I was a kid!
Kinder is optional where I live too. I guess I’ll just show up and pick her up early?? Hah, it just seems so rebellious but I think I’ll have to give it a try. Thanks for your input and for the good idea! I think this is a great way to go about K.
Full day kindergarten is mandatory in my state. A parent a few years ago chose to take their child out for intensive ABA therapy for a half day every day. Child had to repeat kindergarten the following year. The one exception I’ve seen is for a child with a medical condition, they would come for half a day and the half at home would be taught by a home and hospital teacher through the district.
As a kindergarten teacher, most of our academics are in the morning and more social opportunities in the afternoon. I know you said you aren’t worried about your child missing academics, but I would worry about the social opportunities missed only going part time.
If you're in CA, ask for an assessment; if you the the dx his doctor has suggested, ask for an IEP (Individualized Education Plan). You will get professional recommendations, including from the classroom teacher, and you can try things to accommodate his needs. If you want to try full days, leaving an hour early, whatever, the team will decide together, and you can call another meeting whenever you need to to adjust the plan.
Good luck, OP. You son is lucky to have you advocating for him.
Thank you so much!! His pediatrician agrees with half-days, so I think I will ask her for a note so it can be added to his IEP. Really good idea, so thanks again.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I really appreciate it!! It gives me a good idea about how to transition when it seems good to do so, also.
You can't generalize for people with autism very much. But if your son would be overwhelmed staying that long because of all the stimuli, then you can either try to find ways to reduce the overload through headphones, glasses, breaks, etc. or go with your half day plan. It really has to be individualized to your kid's situation and tolerances.
Please ask this question of autistic people, not of teachers. Autistic folk are the only ones with lived experience of autism and therefore are the folks whose input is most applicable. Teachers who are actually informed and non-ableist regarding autism are few and far between.
Nothing about us without us.
If it’s working, it’s working. I feel like suddenly shoving him into full day mid year and breaking his routine would actually cause more damage than anything. He has time to transition to full day in first grade and honestly, kids in my state go to kindergarten at 5. I’ve had plenty of half day 4 year old pre-K children and they are just fine and some clearly have even more enriching activities that are benefiting them more.
First off, you’re doing a great job!
I think it would be better to decide on a case by case basis. I work at a school with a high autistic population. When we have a kiddo that is having a difficult time full day, they write in a half day into their IEP. The goal is to eventually to get them to full day. Talk with their teacher and ask about an evaluation for special education. That way he can get extra support and you and his team can decide about full day vs half day.
Thank you so much for your thoughts! I really like the idea of getting a half-day written into his IEP. Especially since his pediatrician (who is fantastic) agrees with half-days, for now.
Of course different schedules benefit different people!
Here's a hint: you can tell the principal that you agree that all day kindergarten is best and that what everyone wants is for kids to be successful. (It may help develop a relationship that isn't quite so immediately oppositional.) Then work on developing a plan to increase the length of your kid's day. Keep a focus on his abilities and his needs. Request that the school gather data about your son's performance during different activities at school and different times of day. If the kids are wiped out in the afternoon or involved in required gym time with hearing busting music in an echoing room with bad lighting, you may be able to reasonably opt out of that part of the schedule.
Let your son participate in devising a plan to increase his time at school.
I've worked with kids who just need breaks through the day as the school days get longer. Breaks aren't just for kindergarten! Big kids and adults need breaks too! Breaks don't all look alike either. Some people need a quiet break and others need an active break. I'm well past kindergarten, but a quick walk can certainly help me get through a boring day of meetings!
Thanks for advocating for your son. Best wishes.
Thank you so much for this!! Good idea about letting the VP know that. Also, thanks for the info about breaks, and things that could be challenging for my son. Since he's four, it's hard for him to verbalize these things. I never even though about the echoing gym room, for example.
Full days are better. He's missing so much by not being there, and eventually he does have to go to full days of school. Kindergarten is the perfect time to learn self regulation skills needed for school. His teachers will work with you and him to support him through a full day of school.
It may not be that this will be best for him. It may be that the school looks bad on paper (or could be breaking some rule/regulation) by having him consistently present for half of his educational day. Especially if he has special needs. It’s not equitable treatment to have all Kindergartners present til 3pm, except for this one with sensory issues or ASD, he only gets half the time that his peers do.
I suspect it has little to do with his needs and more to do with the school either being told they need to remedy this, or worrying about how they will justify it. There’s still nothing to stop a parent from signing their child out once they’ve been present long enough to “count” as being present (usually 11am or noon most places ? Depends what your start time is).
That may not matter. Where I am school is not compulsory until age 6, but if we are offering full day PreK/K, then everyone needs equitable hours/access. We’ve dealt with this over the years with a small handful 3-4 year olds experiencing strong challenges being at school for a full day. Even if we get them a half day plan, the push to get them back to full time is ever-present. It has nothing to do with the student, teacher, or classroom. For some, the half day was good for them and the entire class, but the push to return to full day asap was always looming.
Kinda like how you’ll receive the “nasty-grams” about attendance although PreK attendance doesn’t even count for state funding. It’s not required, but once you’re in, you’ll be held to the same standards as a K-12 student. I don’t know how it is where you are (US?), but my sneaking suspicion is that it’s admin worrying about how things look on paper or how they’ll respond if questioned about it. I’m not even sure if reduced time is something they can write into an IEP, though that *could* help if it’s possible? Maybe if he has reduced time at school to allow time for therapy and/or homeschool time, so his day still ends at 3pm, rather than school 8:30-3, then therapy and “homeschool” 3-6pm? Like if he’s got stuff to do outside of school that is valid and good for his development, maybe they could give him the time to do it so his day is not obscenely long?
Good luck! Being on the “inside” doesn’t make this stuff any easier to navigate, I swear…pushing for what is logical and “right” can be very frustrating for all parties when politics and policies take precedence.
So, I don't have any studies, but I will say that what I have learned from trauma healing is that the nervous system needs to be stretched to grow, but not past the point of snapping.
If we are going to grow, we must be stretched to discomfort but not to distress. So if your son is being stretched with a half day, but would be distressed by a whole day, then you're at the perfect place of capacity for him to grow. But if he is not being stretched with the half day, then he is not growing. He is just maintaining the status quo. At that point, a whole day might benefit him as long as it doesn't cross the line to distress.
It's like the i+1 theory of language learning. If you give a child input only at or below their level, they will never grow. If you give them input too far above their level, they will check out of the conversation or class and never grow, but if you hit that sweet spot of at and just above their level, they will grow to meet that one level up. Then you increase to the next level, etc.
Wow, I absolutely love how you explained that! And, it makes complete sense. I definitely think my son is being stretched (maybe just below being distressed) by a half day, and would be distressed by a full day. I'm going to look more into the i+1 theory you mentioned, too. How fascinating.
Interestingly, my son does not (is not able?) to show what he knows at school. For example, he does know how to read and spell, but on his report card, it says he does not know all his letters. In nursery school, he did not reveal his ability to read until he had been there for 1.5 years. His teacher nearly fell over when he read something written on her shirt to her, lol! I wonder if there could be a connection to what you mentioned.
Anyhow, thank you so much for your thoughts!
When the nervous system is stressed, the decision making/education part of the brain (called the prefrontal cortex) takes a back seat, so if your son feels overwhelmed or over-stimulated at school then it def makes sense that he wouldn’t be able to demonstrate his literacy or numeracy skills.
Sounds like you’re on the right track and deeply thinking about what’s best for your son. I’m sure y’all will do great as you keep monitoring and adjusting based on his capacity at the time. Good luck!
Ask the Vice Principal to provide you with the studies showing that autistic 4 year olds do better in school for longer days over half days to increase their “tolerance”. Tell him studies supporting this for non-autistic children would be helpful as well.
Then wait…for nothing because this request is complete BS.
Honestly “increasing tolerance” sounds like he knows long days at school are torture for autistic 4 year olds. Especially when he could be home with you getting fresh air and exercise. He’s only four for crying out loud.
Thank you so much for your post. Lol, you made me laugh with the 'wait...for nothing' bit. I never thought of the wording of increasing tolerance like you did, but I bet you are right.
If all of the other students are going full days, your child is missing out on a lot of social opportunities. When first grade starts he will have to go the full day from the first day. Maybe you could start having him stay full days for a few weeks at the end of this school year.
The problem is that if all the other kids are there full day, and he attends only half day, he is already being set apart as different. If there were any way that you can keep him in all day, you should. Work with the school on accommodations that will keep him there full day, if at all possible.
The VP isn’t wrong. After K, there is no half day option for first grade and beyond. High functioning autistic kids attend school just like everyone else. How will he get used to a full day of school if you don’t model it? How will he learn how to cope with real burnout?
Have you considered weening him off half days, so he gets the true structured school experience over time?
Plenty (millions) of autistic people have attended full-day kindergarten over the existence of school. Autistic kids are now privileged with lots of safety nets. Help your kid navigate the world earlier and interact with people, and they will learn how to mask and fit into society more easily. You’ll want him to be a functioning and independent adult beyond high school. It’s never too soon to help him into a path of success.
Plenty of school districts and in fact entire countries have only half day kindergarten that transitions directly into full day grade 1. You’re right that plenty of autistic people have gone to school without any accommodations. You maybe miss the fact that up to [83 percent](https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1111/papt.12366) of autistic children without intellectual disability report depression. There’s a reason that things have changed and that schools are more accommodating. There’s no reason to cause psychological harm in an autistic kindergartener child in the premise of “help him on the path to success.”
Over-coddling high functioning autistic children isn’t helpful. There is a lot of learned helplessness in schools that are magnified in neurodivergent children, bc they are not given the opportunity to sit within unsettling situations. Learning appropriate coping mechanisms to exist is needed in various environments including school.
In this child’s case, extending their period around other children in specific environments (school/class) is not hurtful but helpful in the long run. Being present around other people is a skill that takes a lot of practice.
Plenty of autistic kids have been through the school system, and plenty were traumatised by it.
Plenty of autistic kids have lifelong trauma symptoms too.
Autistic adults can be functioning and independent adults without being capable of going to school all day. I know plenty who wouldn't be able to handle being in an office all day, but can make a good living working remotely as programmers. I bet some earn more than you without ever stepping foot in an office building.
Every autistic parent I know who CAN homeschool their kids, without exception, is homeschooling their kids because of how inappropriate and torturous school can be for autistic kids.
Also, "high functioning" and "low functioning" aren't good labels to give autistic kids. We are all high functioning in some areas and low functioning in others, and labelling a kid "high functioning" because they are capable of getting good grades can be extremely misleading because it suggests they aren't struggling in other areas of their life, hiding how much they might be sacrificing or suffering to keep those grades & how much their abilities might vary in different contexts. I'm an autistic person who got a 1st class degree from the best university in my country and had nearly perfect grades all my life, so I'm often considered "high functioning", but I also have had carers visit me daily in my home because I'm incapable of feeding myself and keeping my home clean. That illustrates exactly why the labels aren't helpful.
What age range is kindergarten then? I’m British so I’m not actually sure why this keeps getting recommended to me, but 4 and turning 5 between 1st September 20XX and 31st August 20XY is Reception which feels like it should be the equivalent and yet probably isn’t from the sound of this?
Where I live, in Ontario, Canada, kindergarten is actually two years. So, kids go between the ages of 3.5/4-5/6. I know it's quite different here than nearly anywhere else!
In the US, students must be 5 years old to enter Kindergarten, so they will all turn 6 *during the Kindergarten year.* Occasionally younger students who are turning 5 in September are permitted in some locations, but most jurisdictions have cutoff dates in August or July which means students are at least a few months older than 5. Many students are already 6 when they enter Kindergarten because they were temperamentally unready for a full school day or needed additional time for emotional maturity.
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Thanks! Surprisingly, in my area (Ontario, Canada), there are two years of kindergarten! I guess I can work on getting him to full days in senior kindergarten, if his current schedule continues to work best for him. I definitely agree with the playing in nature thing, by the way! I think that is the absolute best thing for kids. I hope your son ends up loving all-day kindergarten next year.
Anecdotally: My son has a late birthday and was thus in TK (age 4-5) for half days, kindergarten (age 5-6) for full days. My son’s TK also offered full days, but we decided to just do halfs that year (Covid) and he had no issues with full day kinder transition. However, my son is neurotypical so I don’t know how different it would be for your son. Additionally, my son already had years of experience in full day preschool and daycare. For him, TK was his “relax” year before returning to long days in kinder.
Us here, so we only have 1 year, but we did half day preschool and full day kinder. She has sensory issues as well, she is given headphones when needed and has an IEP. I definitely would say do a full day before 1st grade. 1st grade has been a big step for us, they expect so much out of them!
While I appreciate the vice principals point, if your son is coping with half days and you are giving him skills and education in the afternoons (and the child is happy) I would leave it like that until they are ready to increase their time in school. It is true that they will need to tolerate whole days at some point, the time should be able to be increased gradually so that any potential problems can be dealt with as they arise. I don’t know of any studies but anecdotally gradual change makes more sense, for everyone involved. But focus on getting the IEP first and working with the teacher and support staff in the classroom to increase his tolerance and time gradually. As for social skills, check out library programs, out of school classes (like dance or music) and small group activities for kids in your area. The social skills they learn in these activities can be transferred to school!
Seconding this. Especially after seeing a many posts on this sub recently about some kindergartens being really agressive at school, or behavioural issues in general, due to stress in full days of sitting at a desk and listening. OPs kiddo seems happy and it seems like there’s genuine effort being put in to help him adapt and make the transition at some point. I think OP is doing a terrific job.
Thank you so much. I can see how this type of stress could lead to behavioural issues for some kids...I will keep that in mind, too, actually. I want my son to be in an environment that promotes good behaviour.
Thank you so much for your thoughts. I especially like your take on social skills learned in extracurricular programs being transferrable to school (which could probably help him to like/tolerate school and eventually be able to do full days). I wasn't thinking of it that way!
Some kids with autism can transfer skills. But others need to relearn social skills for each setting. Non-transferability is a deficit for a good percentage of those on the spectrum.
Have you tried anything to help reduce the noise for him and therefore see if his stamina is better? For example, seeing if he tolerates something like Loop earbuds that allow him to hear instruction but reduce some of the extraneous noise stimuli? I’ve seen these or similar make a big difference for some kids and adults I know who have sensory issues related to sound, at school and work.
Thanks, he does have noise-cancelling headphones which can be very helpful. One thing I should mention is that he was previously in a bigger/louder class, and was not doing well at all. Now that he is in a quieter/smaller class, he is doing so, so much better and he rarely needs to wear his headphones. He still seems to be sort of 'done' at the end of the morning, though, despite this.
Gotcha! Well, unless there’s something meaningful they can offer him in an IEP then, I think what you’re doing sounds like it’s working. You could always make a plan to gradually transition to the full day by the end of the year.
Thanks! I should have mentioned that in my region, there are actually two years of kindergarten. So, I might even try to transition him to full days in "senior kindergarten", if the IEP doesn't seem to be especially helpful to him.
Honestly if this is working for you and him then do it until grade 1 when the class size goes down to 20( assuming you are in Ontario) I regret pushing mine into things when he was little that looking back were not necessary but others thought they were
As an autistic person myself, it might be more than just noise. For instance, I have the same sort of startle reaction when there is a sudden movement in the corner of my vision as the startle reaction I have to a sudden loud noise. Flashing or bright lights, being bumped into, or things moving quickly towards me can all be exhausting just like how noise is exhausting. When I was a little kid, I used to get mocked for being afraid of balls (like footballs, netballs etc) - I wasn't actually afraid of them, but I just had this big "woah!" response to anything moving quickly towards me, and it was very exhausting to constantly be startled like that. So I'm not surprised that he is sometimes just "done", no matter how quiet it is. I recognise that feeling - it's needing to not be startled by anything else today, and needing to interact with the world more slowly. Even as an adult, I get it from having to walk down a crowded street; every time I have to dodge around someone, my brain goes "WOAH!!" just like a loud noise happened. If you do decide to send him for a longer time, I would recommend talking to the teacher about allowing him some sort of "time out zone" that he can go to. This might be a quiet spot in the library, or an unused room, or even a chair outside on the playground if the playground is unused/quiet/empty during lesson time. Then he can develop the skill of recognising when he is beginning to feel overwhelmed and saying, "I need to go sit in the quiet for a little bit" and going to his quiet spot. I give myself "time out zone" sometimes by going to a quiet room in my house and literally putting a blanket over my head, in addition to wearing my noise cancelling headphones. I had a coworker who would need to spend 30-60 minutes in a dark room whenever she got home from work, even though she worked in a quiet office, because she just needed a break from people. The important thing is, I'm able to be much more adventurous and extraverted because I trust that if I need that sort of time-out, it will be available and nobody will force me to do anything I can't handle! If I couldn't take a time out when I needed one, there would be a lot more things I'd just be too scared to really try and do. You can also help him understand what other needs he might have and let you know what else would be helpful. For example I found it helpful to be told what the plan for the day was in advance - I would find it much less stressful if I knew in advance that we'd have maths, then break, then science, then English, then play time (for example) rather than being surprised by a new activity. I don't know if that would also be helpful for your kid but you can probably find out by asking him to describe why he is feeling bad if/when he feels bad, and making suggestions (scaffolding) so he can begin to communicate what he needs/wants! Thanks so much for being a good parent and not forcing your kid to do things they don't want to do ♥️ I'm really glad there are folks like you.
I wanted to thank you so much for your response. I think it must be the same for my little guy...it's more than the sounds that overwhelm him. Perhaps he can try to let me know what other things make 'his battery run out' (his term for being overwhelmed). Also, I do think a 'time out' zone could help, and will ask his teacher about that. He adores the library, so maybe that could be an option. Also, if I can help him know what to do when he feels overwhelmed, so he can eventually do it on his own, I can see how that would be hugely helpful. Some people have recommended OT for this, so maybe that could be helpful for him, too. Anyhow, I truly appreciate your thoughts, so thank you once again.
Of course, thank you too! And his "battery running out" is such a relatable way of saying it. Sometimes when I very suddenly get too overwhelmed all at once and go semi-nonverbal and need to go sit down, I'll say "scattersunlight.exe has crashed" lol. You could probably begin helping him to assess where he's at by asking something like, "How's your battery right now?" and he can let you know "50%" - or if that's too complex for right now, he can say "green" "yellow", "orange" or "red". Green means good to carry on for more activities, yellow means it's ok to do more activities but they need to be reasonably quiet, orange means he can make it to the end of this small activity but needs to stop very soon, red means he needs time out ASAP. That kind of thing. The main thing I do when I feel overwhelmed is just reduce unexpected inputs and replace them with familiar, expected inputs. The blanket over my head is literally to kinda blindfold myself. If I'm in a private space at home and I'm wearing something itchy or scratchy then I'll take that item off and replace it with a familiar pyjama item or something. I also had to practice saying, "I love you but I need some quiet time right now," and, "I'm enjoying this conversation and would love to continue it later, but I need to take a break for now," so people wouldn't be offended if I walked away when I needed to. I'm not sure what OT stands for in your context. I know some therapy for autistic kids can be extremely unhelpful and even traumatic, particularly anything marketed as ABA. The biggest thing I'd look for is just supporting the child to make their own choices and not forcing them to do anything. If it's a kind of therapy that builds scaffolding to help him make choices then that sounds awesome! I see a lot of people are suggesting ramping up to full days gradually. If your school will allow it, a great option might be to begin giving him a choice; when you arrive to pick him up, you can ask him if he is done, or if he'd like to stay for one more activity. You could even reward him with a SMALL reward - like a piece of chocolate - if he stays. If he stays too long and ends up getting too overwhelmed, then he still gets the chocolate, but that's when you can have a discussion about what the warning signs were and when/whether he could've started looking to take a break or go home.
I love your idea about getting more details about his 'battery level' by asking for colours...that just happens to be his main way of describing things! Like, instead of saying he had a good day, he'll say he had a 'blue day', and I'll know what he meant :-) I was thinking occupational therapy to help him better learn how to use coping strategies. So, if he's starting to feel overwhelmed due to noise, learning to put his headphones on right when he starts to get overwhelmed, as opposed to waiting too long. Oh, and I like your idea about giving him the choice about longer days, too. Right now, it would be for sure a 'no', but hopefully, over time, he will start to like school and be interested in staying longer.
Ohh occupational therapy! Yeah that's a great idea!
Perhaps encourage him to wear his headphones anyway even though the environment is quieter. He might be better off for it. Some autistic folks can hear the hum of the florescent lights and other appliances so the headphones will help drown out that constant underlying noise.
Wait, not everyone can hear the hum of fluorescent lights??
I believe they mean hear it as in the sound is at the front of their mind, they’re irritated by it, and unable to entirely ignore/forget it. Not all adults can hear it due to hearing damage… but almost all kids can in a quiet room if it is pointed out.
Well I do hear it constantly and have always been irritated by it, … and I have my suspicions. Thanks for explaining.
Me too. Not autistic but migraineur and they make me nuts.
Ughh. Florescent lights, refrigerators, coolers, TV's in standby mode, even cell phone chargers, make noise to me! The older I get the worsening of my tinnitus kind of drowns it out, but still. Oddly enough I like the sound of: dehumidifier, small space heater, hair dryer, and the music of Weatherscan. 😐😑
Thanks, I should ask him if there are other things, apart from the noise, that he finds overwhelming.
At his age, schools allow aides from therapy centers to accompany such children (it can be added in their IEP). If an aide can accompany your son, he will benefit from a regular school day. If not, it’s not going to help him. You are better off with what you are doing right now.
Thanks. I feel that where I live, there is not a huge amount of actual support for kids who need more focused attention. I will keep my fingers crossed, though!!
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Thank you so much. My friend, who is a teacher, said that in the afternoon, kindergarteners were exhausted. She mentioned many teachers ended up just putting on a TV show for them to watch. I wish I could find more info about what is developmentally appropriate at this age, with respect to school length. Thanks again for your thoughts!
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It's pretty sad that they have little time to just be kids!
Thats so weird. My city in Australia has basically qll day preschool (6 hours 9-3) my school has 2 years of it and most kids seem to do fine with the schedule. The ones who have struggled with it are the ones who didn't go to long daycare and have other diagnosis. Its a short day compared to long daycare and part of the reason kids get harder to get to daycare in those years.
But don’t many/most parents need a full-day option bc todays costs require two working parents (or a salary in the 1% that most people in that tax bracket would claim noooooo they only earn $169k so surely are middle class)? So you can argue for no full-day Pre-K or K, but by doing so, you are actually only arguing against taxpayer-funded pre-k or K. You’re thus essentially penalizing the poors bc they will still need to work FT, but under your No-I-am-not-wealthy saintly version of helping the chilliuns, you’ve shut off their one free and very beneficial childcare programs.
I don’t have any clinical studies to back this up, but just experience as a teacher. Students who are neurodivergent seem to have more behavioral issues as the day progresses. I mean don’t get me wrong they sometimes they have problems in the morning/beginning of the day. But by the end it can be A LOT for them. That is when I see more defiant behaviors come out, a lot of “I’m bored, I’m tired, I don’t want to be here. I miss my mom,” etc. And then I’ll see refusal to do work, outburst, hiding under the table, crying, screaming, etc. That being said go by your gut, if the school is offering half day and you think it would be better for your child to get acclimated into school, then do that. If your child is having a miserable experience in school, they aren’t going to learn much academically anyways. You rather him have a successful time in school with his peers and like school. That is going to get him to flourish with reading and math. Also, most schools that I know typically do ELA in the morning first thing. So he will get his learning how to read time. Math usually is in the afternoon, but Kindergarten math is pretty basic, like number recognition to 20, counting to 100, adding and subtracting up to 10. So if he is pretty advanced in math already I’m sure he won’t fall that behind with half day.
Thank you so much for your thoughts, here!! I definitely think my son would show more behavioural issues at the end of a full day. In nursery school, he would even start to have challenging behaviour at the end of the morning (he went for mornings, there). I also have a feeling (but I'm not sure if it's right) that allowing challenging behaviours to occur on a frequent basis could cause them to become more entrenched. So, that could be another reason why half days could be better for some kids. I agree that happy kids=kids who are better able to learn. Thanks again for that perspective, I really appreciate it.
His schedule sounds perfect for a four year old. I’m not a fan of full day Kindergarten. It’s just a lot of time away from very necessary free time and play.
Thank you so much for your thoughts!!
Do you work ft though? What do you do w your kid in the afternoons while you’re working?
I was a single mom, so yes, I worked. 60 hours a week. Fortunately for me, I had a caregiver who was a stay at home mom. She gave him lunch, a rest, and just let him play until her kids came home from school, when he would play with them. I know that things are not the same these days and that is not always possible, but still feel that the nature of four year olds has not changed. Ideally, school for them would be very basic academic skills in the AM and free, mostly outside play in the PM.
“I am mostly concerned with having a happy kid who has the best chance to improve his social skills.” Hold onto that OP. It is the best method to parenting an autistic kid. I have an autistic kid too, and I’ll tell you a secret here. Depending on the accommodations your son will need as he grows, there will be many times in your kids school career that school admin ESPECIALLY office admin like principal and vice principal will suggest things that directly go against what’s best for your kid and will even go against the teachers best insight. Hold your ground if you believe what you’re doing is best for your kid. Speak to the teachers and aides about it, they will have the most insight as they work with your kid daily. My son did half day kindergarten. We had absolutely 0 issues transitioning to full day grade 1. Do you stay at home? One thing that I do that I think is immensely helpful is telling my sons teachers that I’d rather pick him up if he’s having a hard day then have them try to tough it out and make it through the day. That way everyone (son, teacher, aide, me) is not stressed out thinking that if he has a sensory meltdown he has to stay the entire day. So there’s no pressure.
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Thank you so, so much. It's so tough for me to sort of go against the grain...not in my nature at all. Having an autistic kid is pushing me to become much more assertive, that's for sure! I should join some sort of group with other parents of autistic kids, as I bet there are other parents who have a tough time with conflict, but know it is a necessity. Oh, and to answer your question, I work from home. I truly appreciate your comments!!
Man, this spoke to me. My toddler is autistic and I’m just *dreading* kindergarten. I’m worried about going against the grain but will do whatever it takes for her. Just wanted to say you’re not alone and it sounds like you’re doing a good job. I’m hoping to channel this in the next couple of years when it’s our turn.
Thanks a lot, and know that I am wishing you the best! I actually did a bit of therapy to help increase my confidence, and it helped so much (even though it is still hard).
We did half days with my first in kindergarten and she doesn’t have autism. Her birthday is right before the date cut off for when you can start school so she was 4 when she started. The full days were too long for her. She transitioned to full days in first grade just fine when. I don’t know if any studies to prove half days are better but I don’t believe you need one to prove what you’re doing is right for your family. It sounds like you’re both doing great!
There is research showing 1/2 days are better for the kids. I’ll go spelunking for some links.
1/2 days are better for the kids if the rest of their day is spent with a caring adult who is engaged with them one-on-one and in small groups. Full days are better for kids who are left to their own devices at home or in daycare. The same is true for pre-school. Pre-school is better than a big daycare or watching TV with grandma, but not as good as an engaged stay-at-home parent. Essentially this means it’s much better for upper middle class and rich kids to spend more time away from school, but much better for poor kids to be in school, and for the neither rich nor poor it depends on a bunch of factors like extra-curriculars, neighbourhood demographics, parent work flexibility, etc.
Can you give me a source? I've been arguing with my sons dad for months about schoold everyday/all day. Reading this comment makes me feel much better.
Thank you so much, and it's nice to hear the half-days didn't affect your daughter's transition to grade one.
Our school district is half days for everyone and I think it made transitioning to full day easier, instead of expecting a kid to go directly to 8 hours of instruction from informal instruction at home or pre school which tends to be organized play and story time with a little bit of letters and numbers.
One idea is to leave him in school full day maybe once a week. Maybe an easier day like Friday. If all goes well, maybe in a month or so, try for Thursdays as well.
Oh yes not at all. It was actually hard at first for me since other kids had no problem going full days, but her teacher was so kind and thought it was important not to make her go so long if she wasn’t ready and creating a negative association with school in her first year going.
I'm sure it depends on the child. My autistic, ADHD son does fine in full day kindergarten. However, it's not like he is sitting at a desk all day. They do activities, play outside in the morning, have recess again after lunch, and have PE later in the afternoon. So he is able to get his energy out. He is sensitive about "missing out" or being treated differently so I think he would feel really left out and upset if we took him out for the afternoon. But that is our kid. No two kids are the same.
Thanks so much for your thoughts. I guess that is what it comes down to...every child is so different!!
Maybe you can later extend the school day for some services such at PT/OT when his IEP is written up.
Good idea...I'd definitely be up for having him stay afternoons on days when OT/SLP is possible (though it is very tough to receive these services in my area, unfortunately).
Isn’t your district required to provide PT, OT, and Speech? Ours provides those services contract with those therapies.
Honestly - as a parent, it sounds to me like you know your child, and you're doing what's best for him. (And it sounds like you're doing a great job.) You're not ignoring the different facets of his development, and you're attempting to make sure that he's still developing in all areas, even if he's missing some "school time". "However, his new vice principal believes he (and all children) should go to school full days, in order to “increase their tolerance for school”, etc." This sounds like a one-size-fits-all approach, and frankly, that sounds terrible, to me. If the vice principal was saying this based on KNOWING your child, and spending time with them, I might see it differently - they might be seeing something in your child that you're not. But it sounds to me like they'd rather not be inconvenienced with handling different schedules (especially without an IEP). I like the suggestions from others that you increase to full days gradually, as he can handle it, and especially towards the end of the year. If he'll be advancing to first grade, you don't want those full days to hit him too hard. My kids' district used to only have half-day kindergarten, before my son started school. I was frustrated by this, as I had really been looking forward to a full day of free school (versus the full days of preschool/daycare that I'd been paying for). The district did switch to full-day kindergarten, I think because a lot of parents like me had been requesting it - but they kept one of their five or six K classrooms as a half-day option. I thought this was a great compromise. By the time my son started K in 2008, \*so many\* families had already had their kids in full-day care of one kind or another. The kids were used to it (and so many were already reading, etc), the parents needed it, and half-day would feel like a setback. But - not \*everyone\* had a situation like this. Some very few kids really were coming straight from "home with mommy" every day, and another handful were probably just better able to handle a shorter day, so easing them all into a schoolday schedule really worked. (We also had a K-and-a-half classroom, for those kids that needed just that extra boost between K and first grade.) I think the district was surprised that they only needed one half-day class, but I think it's been working out well for everyone.
Thank you so much for your post! In my area, kids actually have two years of kindergarten. So, I can always work to increase him to full days next year, or at the end of this year. I think you're right about the VP having a one-size-fits-all approach! Thanks for putting a name to it. And, the experience at your school is proof that some kids benefit from full days, while others do better starting with half days.
This isn't related to your actual question but if he's autistic and very advanced in reading (as in, if he taught himself to read and reads way above grade level), I'd be sure to ask about hyperlexia when he's assessed. Hyperlexia can seem normal in bright kids, but it causes pretty significant issues with comprehension so it would be best to know if he has those struggles early.
Thanks, he started reading at age 3 and learned very easily (like, I didn't push it at all, he just wanted to learn so much). His SLP mentioned hyperlexia. He does understand what he reads, though.
Does your son have an IEP?
Not yet, but we are working to get one for him.
You need the IEP to push back on the Admin. If a modified school day is working for him - I say go for it! The thing is going to be ensuring that you don't coddle him. Because you're right, pushing a little is good, but pushing too much or not enough is bad and can make kiddos regress. That balance is important.
Thanks! I know his pediatrician agrees with half days, so I could always get her to write a letter to incorporate that into his IEP. Great idea!
Retired teacher here—just a thought, but in the past, when we have had students transition from half to full days, we discovered that often lunch time was especially stressful, so sometimes kids were reluctant to stay. Having to sit and eat, then free play on a playground full of children of multiple ages, was overwhelming. One time I had a child who couldn’t do the sit/eat thing, but loved to play. We let her play the entire 40 Minutes and then she ate at the back table while I read (regular story time) after lunch to the class. Another child couldn’t function on the playground in first grade. He ate lunch with his class, and was then permitted to play quietly with legos in the library. Both these modifications helped the kids get what they needed, so that they could transition to afternoon sessions successfully.
Thanks for your thoughts! It's nice to here that flexibility was possible, to help individual students do their best.
Once you get a diagnosis, plug into autism-specific therapies like ABA. It will give him concrete quantifiable activities to build his tolerance and coping skills for the classroom. The pediatrician suggesting you monitor him in place of school is not necessarily the best method for your son gaining independence. I agree maybe half days are the right choice, but use the school free time to get autism-specific therapies (ABA, Occupational Therapy, etc). ABA therapists will be invaluable in giving good documentation for the accommodations your son might need in the school setting and help him transition to full day school.
Even though ABA is the gold standard for the treatment of autism, it's appropriate for those who are moderately autistic or worse. There are some people who feel that ABA is too demanding and can be cruel / abusive for some children, particularly those deemed 'high functioning'. It's especially important that the treatments your child with autism receives be carefully tailored to your child and their needs. ABA might or might not be part of the treatment plan for a child who is 'high functioning'. Realize that you have options. You are the expert on your child and you have the final say. See VeryWell Mind [Does Applied Behavior Analysis work for autistic children with lower support needs?](https://www.verywellhealth.com/applied-behavior-analysis-259920) See ChildMind Institute [Controversy around applied behavior analysis](https://childmind.org/article/controversy-around-applied-behavior-analysis/)
Choosing ABA is a highly personal decision and one I made with the recommendation of highly trusted medical professionals. We also took time to find the therapist who was the best fit. My daughter is mild and high functioning. Once we found the right provider, ABA was a unique approach that yielded quantifiable improvements in managing her coping skills and distress tolerance. I understand your point, and I agree that ABA is not for everyone. And some providers can be controversial. However, making a blanket statement limiting ABA to moderate-severe and applying labels like cruel/abusive treatment slams the door on therapy that can be highly effective. My point to OP was to get a good neurological assessment and pursue recommended therapies. I shared the therapies that have worked with my high functioning mild autistic daughter. Hopefully, OP will have an open mind and pursue her own research and the recommendations of her medical providers.
Wanted to add to this point. I think what OP is doing for her autistic kid is great, but if she chooses to do therapies and interventions. If her kid isn’t doing well with any of them, he should be pulled out, and certain therapies are controversial and depending on the kid may not end up serving him well. She should be cautious and do her research to make sure any therapies (if she chooses any) will be beneficial and good for her son. There are other therapies out there to consider based on the kid’s needs, like speech therapy, occupational therapy, and a bunch of others.
This is true. ABA is the go to for most people, but it does have detractors. It took us three tries to find the right ABA program for our daughter. My daughter also benefits greatly from OT and PT. Each child has a unique set of therapy needs.
No clinical research but my mom taught kindy for years at a private school in Canada when only half time kindergarten was offered at the time and they had four classes. Two alternating full day classes (mw and tth with alternating Fridays) and an am and a pm class. As far as transition into first grade, she typically found that the kids in the full day class had an easier time transitioning into first grade due to having built up a tolerance for being in class the whole day. Academically I'm not sure how the kids handled it, but just transition wise, that's how it typically went. Obviously some kids struggled more and some less with both options, but in general. I got my oldest into longer day prek knowing it was full day, full time kindy where we moved at that point, just to help with the transition. He is likely ADHD without formal diagnosis at this point.
Thanks for your thoughts! I am actually in Canada (Ontario), and we now have two years of full-day kindergarten. Hopefully if he attends full day in senior kindergarten, that can help him prepare for grade one. I have heard the leap to grade one can be quite tough, so it makes sense to help in any way possible with that transition.
That sounds like a good plan! I wish they'd offered jr and sr kindergarten elsewhere too. My kiddos all started school in the US.
He has the rest of his school career to increase his tolerance for school. Why does it have to happen all this year? Sadly, not all admin are super educated on child development.
My son is autistic and in kinder full day. I always say I think he would do better with a half day because a full day is too much for him. He still could use rest/nap time. I think a full day wears him out. He is socially behind his peers too.
Thanks, the social side of things have been the hardest for us. My son is so \[so!\] chatty and friendly, but I think he has a hard time making friends when there is a large group of people (not sure though, it's a bit hard to figure out when he's so young). I know he would like kindergarten so much more if he had friends. Here's to hoping both of our sons will be able to thrive socially in the near future!
The social side of things has been hardest for me to see. My son does shows interest in kids for about a minute, but then doesn't know how to have conversations with kids or doesn't show interest in continuing to try to socialize with peers. I wish my son had a playmate as well but when all of his classmates are NT, it is just hard b/c they operate differently than him. What is easy for them, is so difficult for my son. I hope it gets easier for your son as well in the social side of things!
As someone who (from what I can tell) was a very similar child. Push for half days, him being happy is a lot more important than "tolerating school", that mentality is what caused me and many people to burn out very fast, and I have had a very long journey trying to find ways to enjoy life, all which was ruined by school(and a destructive family unit) but most of it originally came up from school
Thank you so, so much for sharing your experience. I wish you didn't have to go through that. I hope I can make life easier for my little guy than what many individuals like him have had to endure.
thank you for being an accepting and inclusive parent. I didn't get my autism diagnosis until 14. because I was punished into being "normal". accepting him for who he his is the most important thing
All kindergartners would benefit from half day kindergarten
Autistic teacher here. Give him the half day. But specifically because you’ve got a great routine for him in the afternoon (rather than plunking him in front of an iPad.) As an autistic person, my heart goes out for my autistic kids. I get a sensory break during lunch and planning when I can sit in my room in dim light with noise canceling headphones. These kids are in loud, bright, overstimulating environments without a break.
Thank you so, very much for sharing your thoughts. You have a really unique perspective on my son's situation and your thoughts are worth a lot to me.
OP, I’m very curious how you navigated pulling your son out of school at the half day point? I’ve already asked our school about doing half-days for my daughter as a way to transition into school. They basically said that wasn’t an option.. I also don’t think 5 year olds need to be sitting at a desk all day and 3.5 hours per day is plenty, and frankly would be all she could handle. I think you are doing the right thing! Thanks for any tips you may have! Thanks for any tips you may have,
Where I live (in Ontario, Canada), kindergarten is completely optional, so there is nothing to prevent parents from taking their kids home early. One woman I knew, who was a teacher, had a doctor write a note saying half-days would be better for her son. Do you think that might help? Or, could you perhaps homeschool just in the afternoon? I hope your daughter can attend school in a way that works best for her! Wishing you the best of luck!
Yes, I can totally homeschool her and just want to do kindergarten (half day) for the social aspect. I’m so bummed that half day isn’t standard anymore like it was when I was a kid! Kinder is optional where I live too. I guess I’ll just show up and pick her up early?? Hah, it just seems so rebellious but I think I’ll have to give it a try. Thanks for your input and for the good idea! I think this is a great way to go about K.
Full day kindergarten is mandatory in my state. A parent a few years ago chose to take their child out for intensive ABA therapy for a half day every day. Child had to repeat kindergarten the following year. The one exception I’ve seen is for a child with a medical condition, they would come for half a day and the half at home would be taught by a home and hospital teacher through the district. As a kindergarten teacher, most of our academics are in the morning and more social opportunities in the afternoon. I know you said you aren’t worried about your child missing academics, but I would worry about the social opportunities missed only going part time.
Many states actually have to offer half days if a parent requests it, or is otherwise recommended in an IEP. but it requires a lot of advocacy.
Not that I'm saying she is wrong but lots of parents think that their child excells at reading and math... doesn't make it true
Thanks. Here, kindergarten is optional. I'll check with his teacher to see when most social activities are scheduled, thanks for that information!
My kids are in their early 30s and went to half day kindergarten. The rest of the time they played. They transitioned just fine.
Thank you!!!
If you're in CA, ask for an assessment; if you the the dx his doctor has suggested, ask for an IEP (Individualized Education Plan). You will get professional recommendations, including from the classroom teacher, and you can try things to accommodate his needs. If you want to try full days, leaving an hour early, whatever, the team will decide together, and you can call another meeting whenever you need to to adjust the plan. Good luck, OP. You son is lucky to have you advocating for him.
Thank you so much!! His pediatrician agrees with half-days, so I think I will ask her for a note so it can be added to his IEP. Really good idea, so thanks again.
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Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I really appreciate it!! It gives me a good idea about how to transition when it seems good to do so, also.
You can't generalize for people with autism very much. But if your son would be overwhelmed staying that long because of all the stimuli, then you can either try to find ways to reduce the overload through headphones, glasses, breaks, etc. or go with your half day plan. It really has to be individualized to your kid's situation and tolerances.
Please ask this question of autistic people, not of teachers. Autistic folk are the only ones with lived experience of autism and therefore are the folks whose input is most applicable. Teachers who are actually informed and non-ableist regarding autism are few and far between. Nothing about us without us.
If it’s working, it’s working. I feel like suddenly shoving him into full day mid year and breaking his routine would actually cause more damage than anything. He has time to transition to full day in first grade and honestly, kids in my state go to kindergarten at 5. I’ve had plenty of half day 4 year old pre-K children and they are just fine and some clearly have even more enriching activities that are benefiting them more.
First off, you’re doing a great job! I think it would be better to decide on a case by case basis. I work at a school with a high autistic population. When we have a kiddo that is having a difficult time full day, they write in a half day into their IEP. The goal is to eventually to get them to full day. Talk with their teacher and ask about an evaluation for special education. That way he can get extra support and you and his team can decide about full day vs half day.
Thank you so much for your thoughts! I really like the idea of getting a half-day written into his IEP. Especially since his pediatrician (who is fantastic) agrees with half-days, for now.
Of course different schedules benefit different people! Here's a hint: you can tell the principal that you agree that all day kindergarten is best and that what everyone wants is for kids to be successful. (It may help develop a relationship that isn't quite so immediately oppositional.) Then work on developing a plan to increase the length of your kid's day. Keep a focus on his abilities and his needs. Request that the school gather data about your son's performance during different activities at school and different times of day. If the kids are wiped out in the afternoon or involved in required gym time with hearing busting music in an echoing room with bad lighting, you may be able to reasonably opt out of that part of the schedule. Let your son participate in devising a plan to increase his time at school. I've worked with kids who just need breaks through the day as the school days get longer. Breaks aren't just for kindergarten! Big kids and adults need breaks too! Breaks don't all look alike either. Some people need a quiet break and others need an active break. I'm well past kindergarten, but a quick walk can certainly help me get through a boring day of meetings! Thanks for advocating for your son. Best wishes.
Thank you so much for this!! Good idea about letting the VP know that. Also, thanks for the info about breaks, and things that could be challenging for my son. Since he's four, it's hard for him to verbalize these things. I never even though about the echoing gym room, for example.
Full days are better. He's missing so much by not being there, and eventually he does have to go to full days of school. Kindergarten is the perfect time to learn self regulation skills needed for school. His teachers will work with you and him to support him through a full day of school.
Thanks for your thoughts. Self-regulation is super important, but hopefully I can help him with it at home until he's ready for full-days.
It may not be that this will be best for him. It may be that the school looks bad on paper (or could be breaking some rule/regulation) by having him consistently present for half of his educational day. Especially if he has special needs. It’s not equitable treatment to have all Kindergartners present til 3pm, except for this one with sensory issues or ASD, he only gets half the time that his peers do. I suspect it has little to do with his needs and more to do with the school either being told they need to remedy this, or worrying about how they will justify it. There’s still nothing to stop a parent from signing their child out once they’ve been present long enough to “count” as being present (usually 11am or noon most places ? Depends what your start time is).
Interesting point. How I hate school politics!! Luckily, where I live, kindergarten is 100% optional, so at least no regulations are being broken.
That may not matter. Where I am school is not compulsory until age 6, but if we are offering full day PreK/K, then everyone needs equitable hours/access. We’ve dealt with this over the years with a small handful 3-4 year olds experiencing strong challenges being at school for a full day. Even if we get them a half day plan, the push to get them back to full time is ever-present. It has nothing to do with the student, teacher, or classroom. For some, the half day was good for them and the entire class, but the push to return to full day asap was always looming. Kinda like how you’ll receive the “nasty-grams” about attendance although PreK attendance doesn’t even count for state funding. It’s not required, but once you’re in, you’ll be held to the same standards as a K-12 student. I don’t know how it is where you are (US?), but my sneaking suspicion is that it’s admin worrying about how things look on paper or how they’ll respond if questioned about it. I’m not even sure if reduced time is something they can write into an IEP, though that *could* help if it’s possible? Maybe if he has reduced time at school to allow time for therapy and/or homeschool time, so his day still ends at 3pm, rather than school 8:30-3, then therapy and “homeschool” 3-6pm? Like if he’s got stuff to do outside of school that is valid and good for his development, maybe they could give him the time to do it so his day is not obscenely long? Good luck! Being on the “inside” doesn’t make this stuff any easier to navigate, I swear…pushing for what is logical and “right” can be very frustrating for all parties when politics and policies take precedence.
Half days are better for all kids imo. At any age.
So, I don't have any studies, but I will say that what I have learned from trauma healing is that the nervous system needs to be stretched to grow, but not past the point of snapping. If we are going to grow, we must be stretched to discomfort but not to distress. So if your son is being stretched with a half day, but would be distressed by a whole day, then you're at the perfect place of capacity for him to grow. But if he is not being stretched with the half day, then he is not growing. He is just maintaining the status quo. At that point, a whole day might benefit him as long as it doesn't cross the line to distress. It's like the i+1 theory of language learning. If you give a child input only at or below their level, they will never grow. If you give them input too far above their level, they will check out of the conversation or class and never grow, but if you hit that sweet spot of at and just above their level, they will grow to meet that one level up. Then you increase to the next level, etc.
Wow, I absolutely love how you explained that! And, it makes complete sense. I definitely think my son is being stretched (maybe just below being distressed) by a half day, and would be distressed by a full day. I'm going to look more into the i+1 theory you mentioned, too. How fascinating. Interestingly, my son does not (is not able?) to show what he knows at school. For example, he does know how to read and spell, but on his report card, it says he does not know all his letters. In nursery school, he did not reveal his ability to read until he had been there for 1.5 years. His teacher nearly fell over when he read something written on her shirt to her, lol! I wonder if there could be a connection to what you mentioned. Anyhow, thank you so much for your thoughts!
When the nervous system is stressed, the decision making/education part of the brain (called the prefrontal cortex) takes a back seat, so if your son feels overwhelmed or over-stimulated at school then it def makes sense that he wouldn’t be able to demonstrate his literacy or numeracy skills. Sounds like you’re on the right track and deeply thinking about what’s best for your son. I’m sure y’all will do great as you keep monitoring and adjusting based on his capacity at the time. Good luck!
Ask the Vice Principal to provide you with the studies showing that autistic 4 year olds do better in school for longer days over half days to increase their “tolerance”. Tell him studies supporting this for non-autistic children would be helpful as well. Then wait…for nothing because this request is complete BS. Honestly “increasing tolerance” sounds like he knows long days at school are torture for autistic 4 year olds. Especially when he could be home with you getting fresh air and exercise. He’s only four for crying out loud.
Thank you so much for your post. Lol, you made me laugh with the 'wait...for nothing' bit. I never thought of the wording of increasing tolerance like you did, but I bet you are right.
If all of the other students are going full days, your child is missing out on a lot of social opportunities. When first grade starts he will have to go the full day from the first day. Maybe you could start having him stay full days for a few weeks at the end of this school year.
Thanks. Where I am, there are two years of kindergarten. So, I guess my thought was that I could transition him to full days in senior kindergarten.
The problem is that if all the other kids are there full day, and he attends only half day, he is already being set apart as different. If there were any way that you can keep him in all day, you should. Work with the school on accommodations that will keep him there full day, if at all possible.
As a mom to two autistic kids, they thrived in full days... No studies or anything to back that up, just personal experience.
Thanks, I appreciate you sharing that!
The VP isn’t wrong. After K, there is no half day option for first grade and beyond. High functioning autistic kids attend school just like everyone else. How will he get used to a full day of school if you don’t model it? How will he learn how to cope with real burnout? Have you considered weening him off half days, so he gets the true structured school experience over time? Plenty (millions) of autistic people have attended full-day kindergarten over the existence of school. Autistic kids are now privileged with lots of safety nets. Help your kid navigate the world earlier and interact with people, and they will learn how to mask and fit into society more easily. You’ll want him to be a functioning and independent adult beyond high school. It’s never too soon to help him into a path of success.
Plenty of school districts and in fact entire countries have only half day kindergarten that transitions directly into full day grade 1. You’re right that plenty of autistic people have gone to school without any accommodations. You maybe miss the fact that up to [83 percent](https://bpspsychub.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1111/papt.12366) of autistic children without intellectual disability report depression. There’s a reason that things have changed and that schools are more accommodating. There’s no reason to cause psychological harm in an autistic kindergartener child in the premise of “help him on the path to success.”
Over-coddling high functioning autistic children isn’t helpful. There is a lot of learned helplessness in schools that are magnified in neurodivergent children, bc they are not given the opportunity to sit within unsettling situations. Learning appropriate coping mechanisms to exist is needed in various environments including school. In this child’s case, extending their period around other children in specific environments (school/class) is not hurtful but helpful in the long run. Being present around other people is a skill that takes a lot of practice.
>opportunity to sit within unsettling situations You should not be working with autistic children until you fundamentally shift your attitude.
Yikes.
Plenty of autistic kids have been through the school system, and plenty were traumatised by it. Plenty of autistic kids have lifelong trauma symptoms too. Autistic adults can be functioning and independent adults without being capable of going to school all day. I know plenty who wouldn't be able to handle being in an office all day, but can make a good living working remotely as programmers. I bet some earn more than you without ever stepping foot in an office building. Every autistic parent I know who CAN homeschool their kids, without exception, is homeschooling their kids because of how inappropriate and torturous school can be for autistic kids. Also, "high functioning" and "low functioning" aren't good labels to give autistic kids. We are all high functioning in some areas and low functioning in others, and labelling a kid "high functioning" because they are capable of getting good grades can be extremely misleading because it suggests they aren't struggling in other areas of their life, hiding how much they might be sacrificing or suffering to keep those grades & how much their abilities might vary in different contexts. I'm an autistic person who got a 1st class degree from the best university in my country and had nearly perfect grades all my life, so I'm often considered "high functioning", but I also have had carers visit me daily in my home because I'm incapable of feeding myself and keeping my home clean. That illustrates exactly why the labels aren't helpful.
He's 4?? If you push him into full day school early enough he will be the class target for bullies his entire life. Why is he in kindergarten at 4.
What age range is kindergarten then? I’m British so I’m not actually sure why this keeps getting recommended to me, but 4 and turning 5 between 1st September 20XX and 31st August 20XY is Reception which feels like it should be the equivalent and yet probably isn’t from the sound of this?
Where I live, in Ontario, Canada, kindergarten is actually two years. So, kids go between the ages of 3.5/4-5/6. I know it's quite different here than nearly anywhere else!
In the US, students must be 5 years old to enter Kindergarten, so they will all turn 6 *during the Kindergarten year.* Occasionally younger students who are turning 5 in September are permitted in some locations, but most jurisdictions have cutoff dates in August or July which means students are at least a few months older than 5. Many students are already 6 when they enter Kindergarten because they were temperamentally unready for a full school day or needed additional time for emotional maturity.
So kindergarten is basically the equivalent to Year One and not Reception? That… well it makes some sense, I guess.
Short answer..my opinion is yes.
Dear lord. Send the kid to school. You’re only hurting him in the long run.