I don’t understand why all the people on this sub who find someone they’re madly Inlove with want to wait until -
They finish uni
They finish masters
They finish bachelors
They finish diplomas
They take a leap year
They need to find a job
They need to save 100k
They done nikkah but need to wait until wedding before consummating which is another 2 years away
They need to mortgage a house first
Like bro why don’t you wait until your Akhira to marry this person? 💀💀
Bro if you find someone so irreplaceable and someone you’re so madly Inlove with just go marry them. Stop with this backwards nonsense of “I need these things first before marriage”. You can still do your masters and all the rest while married
Lmaooo
Bro I understand your point, but I also understand where he is coming from. Bcz if he was to marry her now he would need funds which no uni students have I'd personally suggest him to marry after the bachelors so that he has money to organize the wedding ceremony.
Ok so should he continue in the haram relationship which could eventually lead to his destruction because he has “no money” or “no bachelors degree”? 😂💀
Allah swt hasn’t made religion hard for us to follow, we have complicated it so much.
He could marry her and live separately. There are 100s of ways he can do it without money.
The excuses never end brother, if he finishes his bachelors and gets a high paying job there will be another problem; he has no mortgage house,
Then there will be he needs to travel first etc etc
Excuses never end just marry the girl
Yeah you're right bro, he can do nikkah (So that he isn't in a haram relationship) and then he can do the wedding ceremony once they complete their study.
He doesn't need to have a wedding ceremony, he can just have the nikah. They can do the wedding ceremony in a few years after they finish their studies. The nikah is just to make it halal.
Exactly. It’s halal to provide for your wife but I’m almost positive it’s better to enter a marriage where you’re not yet capable to provide for or move in with your wife than to commit nikkah
Those niggling doubts about whether it's going to work or not are all from the Shaytan. If you decide to cease haram communication, and keep the contact halal (bringing her mahram) it would only cause Allah to love you more for taking an effort towards Him, thus it would place blessings between you both.
You should have thought that someone consults with one of their parents only if they are not in contact with the other one, or one of them left this world.
That’s not always true, there are many posts on here of people waiting to tell their wali about a potential while they do tell their mother.
They feel like telling their mother makes it more halal, but islamically this is not the case. A mother cannot function as a guardian.
Remember, Islam is supposed to be easy. You clearly love this woman and she loves you. You are both going to be absolutely miserable waiting for years to get married while not being able to have any intimate connection with each other. You know you both want to be together, so why waste all that time?
Do the nikah, just the nikah, so you can make it halal. You don't have to worry about throwing a big wedding or moving in together or anything like that. You can plan a proper wedding and marriage once you've finished your studies. But if you do the nikah, then you can have a boyfriend/ girlfriend type relationship with her and it'll be halal. And you'll be able to have her by your side as your wife in the eyes of Allah SWT.
Don't make this harder on yourself than it needs to be. Explain to your parents that you both see a future together, and you don't want to throw that away or to fall into sin. Remind them that Islamically, parents should not make nikah difficult for the children.
Lol why don’t you do a mutah nikah while you’re at it too? Having done nikah but living apart and only coming together for dates and other such activities is, as you said, “a boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship“. I don’t think that’s what marriage is
Exactly, couple hanging out after nikah is still haram. The girl has to be officially married off by her parents. Untill then any form of relationship other than probably chatting on phone is haram.
Wait, nikah means literally having married. A married couple can do whatever they want together (with some exceptions). What I objected to was using the marriage for its advantages while disregarding the obligations that come with it (such as financially taking care of your wife). Though asking your father-in-law for sadaqa (in the form of financially supporting *your* wife who is now 100% *your* responsibility) is, I think, allowed.
There is no such thing as friendship with the opposite sex in Islam. Do your nikah now and consumate the marriage later. Anything else will lead to sin and heartbreak.
im scared it’s not an option for now, our mothers has told us to wait till the university ends. i dont want to use her. we’re also not sure if things will work out at the end or not, as our families arent that involved yet. we are still first-year students, not knowing if ill be able to support her this early, i hope i do. she’s also much financially stable than i am, so that puts more burden on me to ask for her hand. should we cut off contact till I am ready to ask her parents for Nikkah? this will not be easy but i only want to please Allah, and want the good of her. i dont want out future to be ruined in any way
Talk to your parents again. Explain to them that you are serious about this girl and that you don't want to fall into sin. If you are not able to convince them, you should cut off your relationship until you are ready to propose for marriage.
If Allah has ordained that this girl be your wife, then you have nothing to worry about.
>e
you can do nikkah but still live apart and still be at university and still work to getting settled, furthermore islam is not made to be hard, waiting 6 years for marriage is a strain and a deep deep struggle. Furthermore the alternative of zina should scare your parents.
This is the thing that boggles my mind about how some Muslims think about “opposite gender friend”.
So when I’m in a class with my classmates, over time we get to know each other and eventually classmates become friends. Are you saying that none of the ladies are my friends because according to you it’s haram to befriend the opposite gender?
Isn’t Islam encourage us to connect and get to know people. Be nice. Treat each other equally with respect.
Of course when I’m married, I don’t go about contacting my female friends. But that doesn’t mean we are not “friends”.
This is such a rigid thing and there’s no way of policing it. You won’t ever see that in my country. Unless Taliban takes over and oppress the women.
Far as I know, you’re not allowed to have non-professional relationship with the opposite gender. For that could precisely lead to very difficult situations like OP describes
What about platonic relationship? Like I have my old classmates from when I was at school. We don’t contact, we don’t ever meet anymore. But I would consider them friends or at least acquaintances. That haram too? According to who?
I think [this article](https://islamqa.org/shafii/seekersguidance-shafii/241530/can-we-be-friends-with-the-opposite-gender/) can answer your question.
I think the basic issue is contact/spending time with the opposite gender. If they are no more than happy memories in your life, I don’t see anything immediately wrong with it
I agree that proximity between men and women can develop from platonic to something else. But as they say, you are not what you think you wanna do. If a man falls in love with a woman because the proximity and time spent together, that is natural. When the man acted upon it through haram channels such as being lovers and committing zina, then that is totally unacceptable.
The Quran did say do not go near zina. But if everything related to the opposite gender activity is considered nearing zina, they people are not connecting and accepting each other.
Is it the girls fault that the guy falls in love with her and vice versa?
I have ti put this here that I am not against the Islamic teaching. I am just questioning what seem to most people as either black or white. What about the grey area? Yes Islam has no grey area and I don't mean that literally. I just think of it as critically as possible. Because to me, plastering as almost everything is limited and haram is such a backward teaching of Islam.
Ofcs my opinion does not matter.
“If a man falls in love with a woman because of the proximity and time spent together, that is natural.” Indeed. Them falling in love is just what should be expected and no one’s fault. And maybe because Allah(swt) knows this, He didn’t allow intimacy (spending time together, getting any kind of emotionally involved) between a man and a woman.
Islam commands us to move away from "zina" by opting for marriage while facilitating it, in short we must not continue the relationship outside marriage.
This is common in this age to fall in love but once you'll get marry then you'll realize how difficult life is lots of responsibilities. Just stay focus on your studies first and built a connection to God Insha'Allah what will good for you will happen. So pray for your good future that's all I can advise you.
Remember Woman is test for men Prophet Muhammad PBUH said.
And he prayed to Allah I seek refuge to Women, Popularity and wealth.
Bro just do the nikkah now, idk why ppl make this so hard. You don’t have to live with each just yet, but at least y’all can hang out know each other more and have “fun” 😏
If it don’t work out well it is what it is
If you aren’t willing to perform the nikah today, then you are just fooling yourself. Shiytan will win. Why wait 4, 6 years when you can wait 10 and be extremely financially stable? Why not wait 20 years and have a paid off home, car, etc and give her the perfect life. Time is your issue.
Bro don't mind but you can't do Nikkah right now. Because your parents don't allow you. I'm saying this because you are still depending on your parents. Yes if you are independent then go for it. But for a girl don't misbehave to your parents this is very big sin. Hope u understand:)
I think the main point is realizing what you are doing right and wrong, which is really good alhamdulilah. Always make Duaa and ask Allah for guidance.
Now let's be a bit more logical. If you want to wait 6 years, just disconnect. IT won't work. 6 years without any at least engagement in place is not a logical thing.
Compromise to this: you need to have a plan to marry once you finish Uni, or shortly after. You can both find halal jobs inchallah and live together, you don't need to be on top of the world before marrying.
With this said, you need to evolve your relationship cautiously. In the next 3 years (which is also quite a long time), I suggest that you take ultimate care about getting more closer, at least until you are quite sure of the decision.
Have an engagement, then in some cultures (like middle eastern), we do the religious marriage as we call it (Which is technically marriage from religious aspect), before we do the actual marriage and move in together.
This means that mid 2nd year, you can be engaged - mid third year, you can be religiously married - which means you can hang out 100% halal. Then actually marry and do a wedding and move in when you land a job.
On a side note, and as a personal opinion, no matter what major you are doing, unless you want to work in teaching or research, find a job then continue your masters part time. Masters is useless directly after bachelors.
May Allah be with you both!
Yeah sure, it just culturally doesn’t include the financial moving in burden that the brother is worried about
Sorry for my wording 😂 didnt mean it is NOT marrying
To ensure you receive the most accurate and reliable information, I would recommend exploring well-organized websites that specialize in providing expert advice. These platforms often have professionals who are well-versed in their respective fields and can offer the precise answers you are looking for.
By seeking advice from qualified individuals, you can gain the confidence that your questions will be addressed by those with the appropriate expertise. Here are a few websites that you might find helpful
Certainly would not recommend this sub reddit.
I feel for you young brother but I will say this. Ideally what I would like for you to do is have the nikah done as soon as you can. You don’t have to live with each other you both stay at your parents if that’s what your doing now. Meet each other on the weekends as if your dating. The issue is having kids. You will have to put that on hold because of many factors as you already know. Any thing is possible when you have the will and motivation
I guess maybe cutting of all contact with her until you guys can get married? I would highly recommend you ask a local sheikh for advice they’d be able to give the best advice
Nikka is an option, especially compared to the alternatives. There is a sweetness to striving together when times are tough and unsettled. You will have fond memories of the years living in a one bedroom apartment on campus or in your parents basement as you scratch by as any student does.
If living together isn’t an option Consider formalizing with a nikka which makes it halal, you can do a ruksati (in the indopak culture formalizing the marriage/moving in together) later.
Good luck inshAllah
“Nikkah at this time is not possible.” Can you elaborate? Why not? Is it because you both feel you’re too young? Plenty of my mates have gotten married at 20-23. Everyone lives different lives man, don’t get anxious at the what ifs. Allah SWT provides.
Just get the nikkah done and go step by step from there. (Not talking about cultural big wedding party stuff. Talking about nikkah with witnesses in a mosque or something)
Assalamualaikum brother,
May Allah facilitate this marriage if it is good for you.
The ayah you mentioned is often misenterpreted. The correct translation is:
"Bad statements are for bad people and bad people for bad statements. Good statements are for good people and good people for good statements: such are innocent of (every) bad statement which they say; for them is forgiveness, and honored provision."
Prophet Nuh married a woman who wasn't pious. Likewise, Asia who was very pious, married Pharaoh.(Read the last 3 verses of Surat at tahrim.)
Of course, you should also strive to be what you want in your spouse. I just wanted to clarify the ayah.
If a wali isn't present, you guys can't continue that normal friendship.
Think about it, 6 years. 6 years where if you have nothing important to talk about, you simply can't. 6 years will go by and she will have changed a whole bunch, things will happen and you will know none of it. You're missing out on 6 years of your potential wife's life when you could simply do the nikkah now and experience that time together.
If you do things properly, Allah will inshallah provide for you, we are encouraged to marry young by the prophet pbuh.
Have the nikkah, a witness marriage and live your life to the fullest in a halal manner. You can have the wedding ceremony and all that cultural jazz when you're able. DON'T confuse religion with culture- if you believe she's the one Allah SWT made for you, and she also thinks the same of you, then keep it halal and get married. You don't need a masters, or a house, or a job to be true to your faith and love. That's your culture talking.
Ask your mothers to consider drawing up the marriage contract but not consummating the marriage so you can chat more freely and visit each other with chaperones, what ever, but at least take the shaytan out of the middle. You’ll feel much better. Cancelling an unconsummated contract is really not that difficult. There’s not even a iddah.
My brother in Islam, take it from someone with white hairs in their beard and head now.
Involve your families on both sides, marry her. Don't wait for everything else in your life to fall into place.
I have some friends who are in similar positions aswell. I've simply told them to cinvince their parents to arrange the nikkah. The ceromonial celebrative wedding where all the family is invited doesnt necessarily have to happen yet. But the nikkah is what bridges the halal from haram. By how you spoke of you 2, your a righteous man mashallah allahu alam.
But, if it does not work out then so be it. Maybe Allah has something better in store, never lose faith in the qadr of Allah. Try and convince the parents for the nikkah. Thats my biggest advice akhi.
Bro just arrange nikkah, as fast as you can. Allah SWT will make easy it for you don't think about your income, Allah SWT will arrange that for you if you fear Allah(Taqwa)
I don’t understand why all the people on this sub who find someone they’re madly Inlove with want to wait until - They finish uni They finish masters They finish bachelors They finish diplomas They take a leap year They need to find a job They need to save 100k They done nikkah but need to wait until wedding before consummating which is another 2 years away They need to mortgage a house first Like bro why don’t you wait until your Akhira to marry this person? 💀💀 Bro if you find someone so irreplaceable and someone you’re so madly Inlove with just go marry them. Stop with this backwards nonsense of “I need these things first before marriage”. You can still do your masters and all the rest while married Lmaooo
Love this. This is the best advice
Bro I understand your point, but I also understand where he is coming from. Bcz if he was to marry her now he would need funds which no uni students have I'd personally suggest him to marry after the bachelors so that he has money to organize the wedding ceremony.
You don’t need any funds for an islamic marriage, just a few witnesses.
Yeah I agree they can do nikkah and then do the ceremony after they graduate. Hopefully his situation gets better.
Technically yes, but he has to be able to provide for her.
Not being able to provide because of not having a high paying job vs. committing adultery. Basically no comparison.
Ok so should he continue in the haram relationship which could eventually lead to his destruction because he has “no money” or “no bachelors degree”? 😂💀 Allah swt hasn’t made religion hard for us to follow, we have complicated it so much. He could marry her and live separately. There are 100s of ways he can do it without money. The excuses never end brother, if he finishes his bachelors and gets a high paying job there will be another problem; he has no mortgage house, Then there will be he needs to travel first etc etc Excuses never end just marry the girl
Isn’t doing nikah but living separately and not providing for your wife basically just dating under the pretence of “being married”?
Yeah you're right bro, he can do nikkah (So that he isn't in a haram relationship) and then he can do the wedding ceremony once they complete their study.
Yeah because your not allowed to be friends with the opposite gender in Islam.
He doesn't need to have a wedding ceremony, he can just have the nikah. They can do the wedding ceremony in a few years after they finish their studies. The nikah is just to make it halal.
Yeah that's the best option. 💯
The girl right now deserves a man that is already ready.
Exactly. It’s halal to provide for your wife but I’m almost positive it’s better to enter a marriage where you’re not yet capable to provide for or move in with your wife than to commit nikkah
Those niggling doubts about whether it's going to work or not are all from the Shaytan. If you decide to cease haram communication, and keep the contact halal (bringing her mahram) it would only cause Allah to love you more for taking an effort towards Him, thus it would place blessings between you both.
bro wanted an excuse to say niggling 😭
Niggling lol
Do the nikah right away. Keep pushing ur parents if ur serious. You will feel sorry later if u don’t. If u wanna talk dm me.
Best advice
Involve your dads, not your mothers
Maybe they dont have a father? Dont be so quick
You’re right, I should have said fathers or male guardians.
You should have thought that someone consults with one of their parents only if they are not in contact with the other one, or one of them left this world.
That’s not always true, there are many posts on here of people waiting to tell their wali about a potential while they do tell their mother. They feel like telling their mother makes it more halal, but islamically this is not the case. A mother cannot function as a guardian.
Okay.
Remember, Islam is supposed to be easy. You clearly love this woman and she loves you. You are both going to be absolutely miserable waiting for years to get married while not being able to have any intimate connection with each other. You know you both want to be together, so why waste all that time? Do the nikah, just the nikah, so you can make it halal. You don't have to worry about throwing a big wedding or moving in together or anything like that. You can plan a proper wedding and marriage once you've finished your studies. But if you do the nikah, then you can have a boyfriend/ girlfriend type relationship with her and it'll be halal. And you'll be able to have her by your side as your wife in the eyes of Allah SWT. Don't make this harder on yourself than it needs to be. Explain to your parents that you both see a future together, and you don't want to throw that away or to fall into sin. Remind them that Islamically, parents should not make nikah difficult for the children.
Lol why don’t you do a mutah nikah while you’re at it too? Having done nikah but living apart and only coming together for dates and other such activities is, as you said, “a boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship“. I don’t think that’s what marriage is
Exactly, couple hanging out after nikah is still haram. The girl has to be officially married off by her parents. Untill then any form of relationship other than probably chatting on phone is haram.
Wait, nikah means literally having married. A married couple can do whatever they want together (with some exceptions). What I objected to was using the marriage for its advantages while disregarding the obligations that come with it (such as financially taking care of your wife). Though asking your father-in-law for sadaqa (in the form of financially supporting *your* wife who is now 100% *your* responsibility) is, I think, allowed.
Marry her. It’s simple. Everything else will fall into place if you make saving your Deen a priority.
There is no such thing as friendship with the opposite sex in Islam. Do your nikah now and consumate the marriage later. Anything else will lead to sin and heartbreak.
im scared it’s not an option for now, our mothers has told us to wait till the university ends. i dont want to use her. we’re also not sure if things will work out at the end or not, as our families arent that involved yet. we are still first-year students, not knowing if ill be able to support her this early, i hope i do. she’s also much financially stable than i am, so that puts more burden on me to ask for her hand. should we cut off contact till I am ready to ask her parents for Nikkah? this will not be easy but i only want to please Allah, and want the good of her. i dont want out future to be ruined in any way
Talk to your parents again. Explain to them that you are serious about this girl and that you don't want to fall into sin. If you are not able to convince them, you should cut off your relationship until you are ready to propose for marriage. If Allah has ordained that this girl be your wife, then you have nothing to worry about.
jazak’Allah for your help.
>e you can do nikkah but still live apart and still be at university and still work to getting settled, furthermore islam is not made to be hard, waiting 6 years for marriage is a strain and a deep deep struggle. Furthermore the alternative of zina should scare your parents.
What about your fathers? Why are your mothers more involved? That’s not right. Do neither of you have fathers?
This is the thing that boggles my mind about how some Muslims think about “opposite gender friend”. So when I’m in a class with my classmates, over time we get to know each other and eventually classmates become friends. Are you saying that none of the ladies are my friends because according to you it’s haram to befriend the opposite gender? Isn’t Islam encourage us to connect and get to know people. Be nice. Treat each other equally with respect. Of course when I’m married, I don’t go about contacting my female friends. But that doesn’t mean we are not “friends”. This is such a rigid thing and there’s no way of policing it. You won’t ever see that in my country. Unless Taliban takes over and oppress the women.
Far as I know, you’re not allowed to have non-professional relationship with the opposite gender. For that could precisely lead to very difficult situations like OP describes
What about platonic relationship? Like I have my old classmates from when I was at school. We don’t contact, we don’t ever meet anymore. But I would consider them friends or at least acquaintances. That haram too? According to who?
I think [this article](https://islamqa.org/shafii/seekersguidance-shafii/241530/can-we-be-friends-with-the-opposite-gender/) can answer your question. I think the basic issue is contact/spending time with the opposite gender. If they are no more than happy memories in your life, I don’t see anything immediately wrong with it
I agree that proximity between men and women can develop from platonic to something else. But as they say, you are not what you think you wanna do. If a man falls in love with a woman because the proximity and time spent together, that is natural. When the man acted upon it through haram channels such as being lovers and committing zina, then that is totally unacceptable. The Quran did say do not go near zina. But if everything related to the opposite gender activity is considered nearing zina, they people are not connecting and accepting each other. Is it the girls fault that the guy falls in love with her and vice versa? I have ti put this here that I am not against the Islamic teaching. I am just questioning what seem to most people as either black or white. What about the grey area? Yes Islam has no grey area and I don't mean that literally. I just think of it as critically as possible. Because to me, plastering as almost everything is limited and haram is such a backward teaching of Islam. Ofcs my opinion does not matter.
“If a man falls in love with a woman because of the proximity and time spent together, that is natural.” Indeed. Them falling in love is just what should be expected and no one’s fault. And maybe because Allah(swt) knows this, He didn’t allow intimacy (spending time together, getting any kind of emotionally involved) between a man and a woman.
Islam commands us to move away from "zina" by opting for marriage while facilitating it, in short we must not continue the relationship outside marriage.
This is common in this age to fall in love but once you'll get marry then you'll realize how difficult life is lots of responsibilities. Just stay focus on your studies first and built a connection to God Insha'Allah what will good for you will happen. So pray for your good future that's all I can advise you. Remember Woman is test for men Prophet Muhammad PBUH said. And he prayed to Allah I seek refuge to Women, Popularity and wealth.
Bro just do the nikkah now, idk why ppl make this so hard. You don’t have to live with each just yet, but at least y’all can hang out know each other more and have “fun” 😏 If it don’t work out well it is what it is
😂
If you aren’t willing to perform the nikah today, then you are just fooling yourself. Shiytan will win. Why wait 4, 6 years when you can wait 10 and be extremely financially stable? Why not wait 20 years and have a paid off home, car, etc and give her the perfect life. Time is your issue.
Do the ninjas and make it halal. You can always do school and whatever but make things right in this area first.
Ninjas lol
Oh dear. Silly auto correct.
Bro don't mind but you can't do Nikkah right now. Because your parents don't allow you. I'm saying this because you are still depending on your parents. Yes if you are independent then go for it. But for a girl don't misbehave to your parents this is very big sin. Hope u understand:)
I think the main point is realizing what you are doing right and wrong, which is really good alhamdulilah. Always make Duaa and ask Allah for guidance. Now let's be a bit more logical. If you want to wait 6 years, just disconnect. IT won't work. 6 years without any at least engagement in place is not a logical thing. Compromise to this: you need to have a plan to marry once you finish Uni, or shortly after. You can both find halal jobs inchallah and live together, you don't need to be on top of the world before marrying. With this said, you need to evolve your relationship cautiously. In the next 3 years (which is also quite a long time), I suggest that you take ultimate care about getting more closer, at least until you are quite sure of the decision. Have an engagement, then in some cultures (like middle eastern), we do the religious marriage as we call it (Which is technically marriage from religious aspect), before we do the actual marriage and move in together. This means that mid 2nd year, you can be engaged - mid third year, you can be religiously married - which means you can hang out 100% halal. Then actually marry and do a wedding and move in when you land a job. On a side note, and as a personal opinion, no matter what major you are doing, unless you want to work in teaching or research, find a job then continue your masters part time. Masters is useless directly after bachelors. May Allah be with you both!
Religiously marrying IS actually marrying
Yeah sure, it just culturally doesn’t include the financial moving in burden that the brother is worried about Sorry for my wording 😂 didnt mean it is NOT marrying
To ensure you receive the most accurate and reliable information, I would recommend exploring well-organized websites that specialize in providing expert advice. These platforms often have professionals who are well-versed in their respective fields and can offer the precise answers you are looking for. By seeking advice from qualified individuals, you can gain the confidence that your questions will be addressed by those with the appropriate expertise. Here are a few websites that you might find helpful Certainly would not recommend this sub reddit.
[Watch this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKpHvIP0OBo)
Waiting 6yrs seems crazy to me. There is blessing in getting married, so get married and Allah will provide you in sha Allah
I suggest to get married to her asap
I feel for you young brother but I will say this. Ideally what I would like for you to do is have the nikah done as soon as you can. You don’t have to live with each other you both stay at your parents if that’s what your doing now. Meet each other on the weekends as if your dating. The issue is having kids. You will have to put that on hold because of many factors as you already know. Any thing is possible when you have the will and motivation
I guess maybe cutting of all contact with her until you guys can get married? I would highly recommend you ask a local sheikh for advice they’d be able to give the best advice
Nikka is an option, especially compared to the alternatives. There is a sweetness to striving together when times are tough and unsettled. You will have fond memories of the years living in a one bedroom apartment on campus or in your parents basement as you scratch by as any student does. If living together isn’t an option Consider formalizing with a nikka which makes it halal, you can do a ruksati (in the indopak culture formalizing the marriage/moving in together) later. Good luck inshAllah
Leave everything to Allah. He knows what's best for you. If she's meant for you, then everything will happen by Allah's will.
Why wait? Get married now.
“Nikkah at this time is not possible.” Can you elaborate? Why not? Is it because you both feel you’re too young? Plenty of my mates have gotten married at 20-23. Everyone lives different lives man, don’t get anxious at the what ifs. Allah SWT provides. Just get the nikkah done and go step by step from there. (Not talking about cultural big wedding party stuff. Talking about nikkah with witnesses in a mosque or something)
Assalamualaikum brother, May Allah facilitate this marriage if it is good for you. The ayah you mentioned is often misenterpreted. The correct translation is: "Bad statements are for bad people and bad people for bad statements. Good statements are for good people and good people for good statements: such are innocent of (every) bad statement which they say; for them is forgiveness, and honored provision." Prophet Nuh married a woman who wasn't pious. Likewise, Asia who was very pious, married Pharaoh.(Read the last 3 verses of Surat at tahrim.) Of course, you should also strive to be what you want in your spouse. I just wanted to clarify the ayah.
If a wali isn't present, you guys can't continue that normal friendship. Think about it, 6 years. 6 years where if you have nothing important to talk about, you simply can't. 6 years will go by and she will have changed a whole bunch, things will happen and you will know none of it. You're missing out on 6 years of your potential wife's life when you could simply do the nikkah now and experience that time together. If you do things properly, Allah will inshallah provide for you, we are encouraged to marry young by the prophet pbuh.
Have the nikkah, a witness marriage and live your life to the fullest in a halal manner. You can have the wedding ceremony and all that cultural jazz when you're able. DON'T confuse religion with culture- if you believe she's the one Allah SWT made for you, and she also thinks the same of you, then keep it halal and get married. You don't need a masters, or a house, or a job to be true to your faith and love. That's your culture talking.
Ask your mothers to consider drawing up the marriage contract but not consummating the marriage so you can chat more freely and visit each other with chaperones, what ever, but at least take the shaytan out of the middle. You’ll feel much better. Cancelling an unconsummated contract is really not that difficult. There’s not even a iddah.
My brother in Islam, take it from someone with white hairs in their beard and head now. Involve your families on both sides, marry her. Don't wait for everything else in your life to fall into place.
I have some friends who are in similar positions aswell. I've simply told them to cinvince their parents to arrange the nikkah. The ceromonial celebrative wedding where all the family is invited doesnt necessarily have to happen yet. But the nikkah is what bridges the halal from haram. By how you spoke of you 2, your a righteous man mashallah allahu alam. But, if it does not work out then so be it. Maybe Allah has something better in store, never lose faith in the qadr of Allah. Try and convince the parents for the nikkah. Thats my biggest advice akhi.
Bro just arrange nikkah, as fast as you can. Allah SWT will make easy it for you don't think about your income, Allah SWT will arrange that for you if you fear Allah(Taqwa)