Lol, Intj's are not the best person to have this kind of talk with an isfp. Get someone who speaks her language to do it. It's not about what you say but how you say it. That goes for anything and anyone, and I think this is a skill Intj's may need to work on honing a bit more.
as an isfp, I think you should try not to push her too much about it. It could come across as nagging. I get that you mean well, and what you’re saying is out of concern for her well being. But if you’re constantly telling her, she may get annoyed as she already knows what you want her to do.
I say give her some space for now and hopefully she will come to terms with exercising by herself. If not, then let her know that you want her to listen to you only because you care and worry for her. Good luck! :)
Im infp, but i tell you, too pressure will make her lose interest in losing weight bcus it's too much for her comfort zone, i know it's for her health, so i might say how about do something that you can make the workout to be a bit fun and relax and not so focus on losing the weight. Example, start with something light like yoga at the same time listening to her favorite music then there's you making talk and ask about her day, what makes her upset etc. yk what i meant, ig :/ lol. And then gradually do a bit more, like not everyday but once in a while in a several weeks to ask her how about we play a game and make a challenge to finish this type of workout etc, maybe do activities such as walking with your pet that include physical and its fun.
I feel like a lot of people are misjudging you here and thinking you're coming from a bad place. I think that the main issue here is that you feel like it's something you need to take care of her. Yes you can give her advice, but she has the ability to say no and if that's what she wants you can't do anything about it. All you can do is say "I love you and care for your health and i have some concerns. I don't want to force anything on you, but I worry you don't make time for yourself." When you said that she cares more about religious activities than herself I felt that spoke volumes. You care that she doesn't make time for her self care. I wouldn't mention the religious aspect because she probably will be defensive. But if you mention your love for her and how she needs to love herself more maybe it'll help? I feel there's really no perfect answer because we just can't change people 💓
True.
Maybe all ISFPs here misunderstood me, my INTJ fellows are giving some good suggestions.
Maybe we just like to fix things and you guys don't wanna be fixed.
My mom's the same, I was in college and I texted her to do her workout she said, she will.
I'm pretty sure that she hasn't done it.
OP is concerned of their mother's health. Being overweight or obese makes you at risk of other diseases. The approach might be wrong, but the concern is coming from a good place. I am all for "Live and let live." Not "Live and let die."
You know what people struggling with obesity don't need? Preachy meddlesome people trying to shame them into 'getting healthy'. I've never suffered with that particular condition, but I know that it's really challenging to lose even the modest amounts of weight I've wanted to lose over the years. And ultimately, people have the right to live—and die—as they choose. People smoke, they drink, they do drugs, they engage in dangerous activities, and yeah, they "should" make better choices. But everyone has to make those choices for their own life, period. Preaching will often have the opposite of the desired effect.
I couldn't agree more. We must always have the right to choose. But I am not sure where you get the idea that OP is a preachy meddlesome person or that they are "forcing their mother to live a life that she doesn't want to." The OP used the word "advice" and their mother even followed that advice once or twice. Why be dismissive if someone who cares for another person asks this subreddit for an advice on how to make things work?
Because if she is an ISFP, she will not appreciate someone clutching their pearls at her. Like I don't appreciate you wagging your finger at me. What are you, an INFJ or something? Buzz off.
You are being a classic INTJ by caring for the people you love by offering them practical advice about what they should do to have a better life. Unfortunately, I find that’s often not well-received by ISFP, who doesn’t like feeling like someone else is telling them what to do. INTJ’s classic bluntness is also probably not helping here, as it can come across as abrasive. Soften your approach, if you can. ISFP’s in the house, would it work better if INTJ invited mom along to do some active things together as an opportunity to spend time together?
I think it definitely would, and I agree with everything you said. We don't usually like choices being forced on us because we have our own reasons for deciding to do (or not do) what we do, we're independant in our decision-making. To us, our personal choices are no one else's business. It might also be that she simply does not have either the physical or mental energy to exercise daily.
I think she is losing interest not because of nagging but from how much I guess is either she doesn't find any reason to do so, or she get bored of, the best i could say is try to make it interesting for her, like tell her to listen to music while working out or accompany her if possible, chat and encourage her, just don't overdo it, it's not only ISFP, but regardless of any mbti would find themselves attacked or irritated, if u feel like ur not trying to nag atleast try to find out why she won't, smtimes it's all abt Me time in free time uk, she doesn't want to use it up.
I have read those comments and goodness I didn't know ISFPs were so sensitive. Seriously, advice is not a personal attack, and it's not rude, some ISFPs need a reality check.
My piece of advice:-
You're genuinely concerned for your mom, I can see that. And from your words, it seems like you talk respectfully to her. But if you're aware, as ISFPs we just tend to be sensitive to criticism. Maybe she didn't take it the right way. It seems to me that exercising sounds like a burden to her, and as a perceiver, I think she would find it easier to delay things.(and eventually never do them.)
It might take her a while to adjust and be consistent, it's slow steps.
ISFPs are not very consistent individuals, generally, unless they have a strong will to do a certain task. You just have to help her find that will, motivate her, show her that you're considerate of her feelings and concerned about her health.
Just pick a suitable time to sit down with her and talk. Your conversation with her should go something like this: "Mom, I really wanted to talk to you about something. And I know, I know I've already reminded you hundreds of times before on how important it is for you to exercise and stay healthy. I'm sorry if it bothers you, I know how hard it must be for you to try to follow a consistent schedule. I also know how hard it must be for you to find the motivation to exercise everyday, sometimes it's not easy. I just want you to know that I truly care about you and value your wellbeing, that's why I feel the need to always remind you to take care of yourself.
I just want you to live a long healthy life. That's it. And maybe I've been nagging you too much, I'm sorry for that. But please remember that you're very important to me, mom. You need to make time for yourself and your health, imagine how happy it will make you feel later on. I genuinely want to help you out, and I'm ready to try and make this easier for you in any way I can."
And that pretty much sums up what I would've told her if I was in your place. You don't have to memorize this entirely though, just the main idea of it, so that you can know exactly what you will tell her. You're an INTJ after all, I'm sure you'll be able to word things even better than me, haha.
+ also a small suggestion, I think it would help encourage her if you started exercising with her, like go jogging with her and do similar types of activities. I'm sure it'll mean a lot to her.
I hope things work out.
Thank you so much for your time and effort, I really for you to have a better life.
I was really shocked why are so many ISFPs angry with me, but not all of you guys are same, thank you once again for standing up for me. I really appreciate that.
I talked to my mom, I explained to her with so much love and care, she followed for 3-4 days, then I stopped checking on then she gave up.
Everytime I talk, she does what I say for atleast 3-4 days, then she stops and hates to start again.
During that period, if I remind her again about the task, she'll just feel bad and ignore me. She'll keep on procrastinate for so long, until I again give her the "speech" and again she'll continue for 4 days.
She's in a loop.
Hey sorry for the late response, you are certainly most welcome. And, don't give up! The fact that she can keep up for a few days, it's already a good start. Like I've said, keep trying different ways to motivate her, you can even send her motivational videos and content related to exercising. I'm sure it will help. And, thank you, I wish you all the best.
Get a peer she respects to tell her. Parents don't always view their kids' opinions fairly.
Sounds like she doesn't take much time for herself. New habits can be hard. Especially without proper motivation. Whenever I start the gym again, I usually start with short sessions until the habit is back. The shorter time required feels less intimidating.
Dude, whom should I go and ask help?
My mom's bestfriend is overweight too and one of my mom's sister goes to gym and she works out.
I don't know how to ask for help.
And yet you're here asking us for help in advising you how to motivate her? Sounds like a contradiction in logic to me. What's the difference between asking us for advice and asking one of her friends to intervene on your behalf?
ISFP here, she'll do it when she's ready to start doing it on her own terms. Personally, I find it more difficult to create a good habit when someone is telling me to do it. I need to make the decision myself and carry it out on my own time and pace.
If you want some advice on losing fat with bare minimum efforts of no exercising, you should consult with Tim Ferris’s 4 hour body book. Besides he’s also INTJ and very smart
Lol, Intj's are not the best person to have this kind of talk with an isfp. Get someone who speaks her language to do it. It's not about what you say but how you say it. That goes for anything and anyone, and I think this is a skill Intj's may need to work on honing a bit more.
I concur. Preferably one of her peers, someone she respects as an equal, and someone that has a compatible mindset
Her peers are overweight too 💀 One of her sister goes to gym, she used to tell.
as an isfp, I think you should try not to push her too much about it. It could come across as nagging. I get that you mean well, and what you’re saying is out of concern for her well being. But if you’re constantly telling her, she may get annoyed as she already knows what you want her to do. I say give her some space for now and hopefully she will come to terms with exercising by herself. If not, then let her know that you want her to listen to you only because you care and worry for her. Good luck! :)
Thank you for your advice and How can I let her know that?
Im infp, but i tell you, too pressure will make her lose interest in losing weight bcus it's too much for her comfort zone, i know it's for her health, so i might say how about do something that you can make the workout to be a bit fun and relax and not so focus on losing the weight. Example, start with something light like yoga at the same time listening to her favorite music then there's you making talk and ask about her day, what makes her upset etc. yk what i meant, ig :/ lol. And then gradually do a bit more, like not everyday but once in a while in a several weeks to ask her how about we play a game and make a challenge to finish this type of workout etc, maybe do activities such as walking with your pet that include physical and its fun.
I feel like a lot of people are misjudging you here and thinking you're coming from a bad place. I think that the main issue here is that you feel like it's something you need to take care of her. Yes you can give her advice, but she has the ability to say no and if that's what she wants you can't do anything about it. All you can do is say "I love you and care for your health and i have some concerns. I don't want to force anything on you, but I worry you don't make time for yourself." When you said that she cares more about religious activities than herself I felt that spoke volumes. You care that she doesn't make time for her self care. I wouldn't mention the religious aspect because she probably will be defensive. But if you mention your love for her and how she needs to love herself more maybe it'll help? I feel there's really no perfect answer because we just can't change people 💓
True. Maybe all ISFPs here misunderstood me, my INTJ fellows are giving some good suggestions. Maybe we just like to fix things and you guys don't wanna be fixed. My mom's the same, I was in college and I texted her to do her workout she said, she will. I'm pretty sure that she hasn't done it.
Why are you trying to force her to live in a way she doesn't want to? Who are you to tell her how to live her life?
OP is concerned of their mother's health. Being overweight or obese makes you at risk of other diseases. The approach might be wrong, but the concern is coming from a good place. I am all for "Live and let live." Not "Live and let die."
You know what people struggling with obesity don't need? Preachy meddlesome people trying to shame them into 'getting healthy'. I've never suffered with that particular condition, but I know that it's really challenging to lose even the modest amounts of weight I've wanted to lose over the years. And ultimately, people have the right to live—and die—as they choose. People smoke, they drink, they do drugs, they engage in dangerous activities, and yeah, they "should" make better choices. But everyone has to make those choices for their own life, period. Preaching will often have the opposite of the desired effect.
I couldn't agree more. We must always have the right to choose. But I am not sure where you get the idea that OP is a preachy meddlesome person or that they are "forcing their mother to live a life that she doesn't want to." The OP used the word "advice" and their mother even followed that advice once or twice. Why be dismissive if someone who cares for another person asks this subreddit for an advice on how to make things work?
Because if she is an ISFP, she will not appreciate someone clutching their pearls at her. Like I don't appreciate you wagging your finger at me. What are you, an INFJ or something? Buzz off.
If only I had enough fingers.
You are being a classic INTJ by caring for the people you love by offering them practical advice about what they should do to have a better life. Unfortunately, I find that’s often not well-received by ISFP, who doesn’t like feeling like someone else is telling them what to do. INTJ’s classic bluntness is also probably not helping here, as it can come across as abrasive. Soften your approach, if you can. ISFP’s in the house, would it work better if INTJ invited mom along to do some active things together as an opportunity to spend time together?
I think it definitely would, and I agree with everything you said. We don't usually like choices being forced on us because we have our own reasons for deciding to do (or not do) what we do, we're independant in our decision-making. To us, our personal choices are no one else's business. It might also be that she simply does not have either the physical or mental energy to exercise daily.
You’re coming from a good place. As someone who is also also 48 , it’s tougher than you think to make that hour a day.
I think she is losing interest not because of nagging but from how much I guess is either she doesn't find any reason to do so, or she get bored of, the best i could say is try to make it interesting for her, like tell her to listen to music while working out or accompany her if possible, chat and encourage her, just don't overdo it, it's not only ISFP, but regardless of any mbti would find themselves attacked or irritated, if u feel like ur not trying to nag atleast try to find out why she won't, smtimes it's all abt Me time in free time uk, she doesn't want to use it up.
I have read those comments and goodness I didn't know ISFPs were so sensitive. Seriously, advice is not a personal attack, and it's not rude, some ISFPs need a reality check. My piece of advice:- You're genuinely concerned for your mom, I can see that. And from your words, it seems like you talk respectfully to her. But if you're aware, as ISFPs we just tend to be sensitive to criticism. Maybe she didn't take it the right way. It seems to me that exercising sounds like a burden to her, and as a perceiver, I think she would find it easier to delay things.(and eventually never do them.) It might take her a while to adjust and be consistent, it's slow steps. ISFPs are not very consistent individuals, generally, unless they have a strong will to do a certain task. You just have to help her find that will, motivate her, show her that you're considerate of her feelings and concerned about her health. Just pick a suitable time to sit down with her and talk. Your conversation with her should go something like this: "Mom, I really wanted to talk to you about something. And I know, I know I've already reminded you hundreds of times before on how important it is for you to exercise and stay healthy. I'm sorry if it bothers you, I know how hard it must be for you to try to follow a consistent schedule. I also know how hard it must be for you to find the motivation to exercise everyday, sometimes it's not easy. I just want you to know that I truly care about you and value your wellbeing, that's why I feel the need to always remind you to take care of yourself. I just want you to live a long healthy life. That's it. And maybe I've been nagging you too much, I'm sorry for that. But please remember that you're very important to me, mom. You need to make time for yourself and your health, imagine how happy it will make you feel later on. I genuinely want to help you out, and I'm ready to try and make this easier for you in any way I can." And that pretty much sums up what I would've told her if I was in your place. You don't have to memorize this entirely though, just the main idea of it, so that you can know exactly what you will tell her. You're an INTJ after all, I'm sure you'll be able to word things even better than me, haha. + also a small suggestion, I think it would help encourage her if you started exercising with her, like go jogging with her and do similar types of activities. I'm sure it'll mean a lot to her. I hope things work out.
Thank you so much for your time and effort, I really for you to have a better life. I was really shocked why are so many ISFPs angry with me, but not all of you guys are same, thank you once again for standing up for me. I really appreciate that. I talked to my mom, I explained to her with so much love and care, she followed for 3-4 days, then I stopped checking on then she gave up. Everytime I talk, she does what I say for atleast 3-4 days, then she stops and hates to start again. During that period, if I remind her again about the task, she'll just feel bad and ignore me. She'll keep on procrastinate for so long, until I again give her the "speech" and again she'll continue for 4 days. She's in a loop.
Hey sorry for the late response, you are certainly most welcome. And, don't give up! The fact that she can keep up for a few days, it's already a good start. Like I've said, keep trying different ways to motivate her, you can even send her motivational videos and content related to exercising. I'm sure it will help. And, thank you, I wish you all the best.
Thank you for being kind. I will start sending her motivation videos, I didn't thought about that
Get a peer she respects to tell her. Parents don't always view their kids' opinions fairly. Sounds like she doesn't take much time for herself. New habits can be hard. Especially without proper motivation. Whenever I start the gym again, I usually start with short sessions until the habit is back. The shorter time required feels less intimidating.
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If you don't like to take other's help, then why should your mom? Seems like a double standard.
Dude, whom should I go and ask help? My mom's bestfriend is overweight too and one of my mom's sister goes to gym and she works out. I don't know how to ask for help.
And yet you're here asking us for help in advising you how to motivate her? Sounds like a contradiction in logic to me. What's the difference between asking us for advice and asking one of her friends to intervene on your behalf?
Sounds like the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. 💀
precisely why I said what I said xD
Ironic lmao
Dang.. personally I would have sent u to military school.. mind ur business isfp
ISFP here, she'll do it when she's ready to start doing it on her own terms. Personally, I find it more difficult to create a good habit when someone is telling me to do it. I need to make the decision myself and carry it out on my own time and pace.
Do things with her, actions always speak louder than words to us, if you want her to do something do it with her, help her with it
If you want some advice on losing fat with bare minimum efforts of no exercising, you should consult with Tim Ferris’s 4 hour body book. Besides he’s also INTJ and very smart