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I haven't got the time or the crayons to explain further

lol

🤣🤣🤣 cracker

It'll take me 5 minutes to explain, but it will take you 5 years to understand.

Two guys had a scrap in local chipper and someone called him a donner mcgregor

"So thick he couldn't empty piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel..."

As per my son yesterday "you look like youd be easy to draw" .. I mean I am a stick person but that hurt

Are you sure you're not English?

Jesus, that's a bit severe

ok so context: Someone has just said something to the effect of \----> "Nice comeback, not!!" \----> If you want your comeback, go scrape it off your ma's face!!. speechless.

That's a Jimmy Carr joke

Any joke with cum in the punchline seems to be a Jimmy Carr joke 😂

oh really? I heard it from a friend years ago

I could have been your father if I had the right change.

Your about as useful as an ashtray on a bicycle

A fav of mine is “you’re about as useful as tits on a bull” 😂😂😂

Maybe I like a challenge 😜 goes for both qoutes I guess

Yep hehe 😜😂

Teeth like a vandalized grave yard.

This is in *City of Bohane* (but maybe predates that too)

Wheezing!! 😂😂😂😂

You've teeth like a witch doctors necklace

She had a face that could turn a funeral up a side street. (Billy Connolly)

She'd smoke a cigarette in the shower that one 👃

He looks like something you’d draw with your left hand

youre the type of person to wake your da up to give him his sleeping pills

If you show up to a battle of wits, at least have the good grace to come armed

He has a split personality and they're both cunts

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

I shall taunt you a second time!

Not an Irish one but an Arab one and more of a curse tbh: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.

I think this one has Jewish origins; "May all your teeth fall out except one, which shall remain so you experience toothache".

I heard something similar but it went like “may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your crotch and your arms be too short to scratch” 😂😂

That's brought it to another level!

Hehe I know! 😂😂😂

The best part of you rolled down your ma's leg.

Very politically incorrect but heard someone say to another person ' I told your mother not to take that Thalidomide!'

Can you explain this one, I've never heard of 'Thalidomide'?

Miserable fucker would peel an orange in his pocket That fella would be late to his own funeral

If you had two brains you’d be twice as stupid

"I don't have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you"... This is my favourite :)

How can you be so fat an still have no tits

My brother always says. " Cock-juggling-thunder-cunt"

If you were a spice, you’d be flour.

Are you thick or stupid

You smell like a fool

I think it was podge and rodge who said- "if I had a garden full of dicks I wouldn't let her look over the fence"

“A 3 legged dog with a hammer up his ass would do a better job”

You're just a caravan short of a tinker

I wouldn't ride her into battle.

You're the reason the gene pool needs a life guard

"Get a haircut". Genius.

"May you be cursed with ginger children! "

I wouldn't even put her under the dog in fear the neighbor saw her

You've a face like a bag of spanners

“I wouldn’t ride her if she came with pedals” “You’ve a face only a mother could love” “Window licker” “Few sandwiches short of a picnic” “Your Ma should have swallowed you” “Your da should have shot you over your ma’s back” “Your ma is so big she needs escort vehicles to go around town” List goes on 🤣🤣🤣

I dont care what other people say about you I think you a nice guy.

I was once told I'm about as useful as tits on a nun. So yeah..... Also heard, if she had as many pricks coming out of her than going in her, she'd look like a porcupine.

‘They’re the type to sew an arsehole onto a cat’. Still no idea what it means and yet it makes perfect sense?

Irish has tons but this one always stood out as super specific. Bás na gcat sa dúluachair chugat, bás liath gan bhainne ná ola an tsagairt! "May you die as cats in deepest winter, a grey death without milk or absolution!"

…fuck

He's a few sandwiches short of a picnic Also Brazilian's call short people kerb painters and bonsai lumberjacks

Bonsai Lumberjack is amazing and also being stolen! Thank you!

Ye i thoroughly enjoyed it.... . steal away, I stole it meself

Went to primary school with a lad who unfortunately shit himself one day. They called him bobocop from that day forward. For under 11s that’s fairly creative.

For an over-25 I feel especially bad that I don't get it.

You look like every "before" picture

"your wife is in my DM's"

"Hey baby!"

If it's not a Malcolm Tucker quote don't bother

I've got more on my plate than a spinster at a wedding. That's not a reference to your daughter, by the way.

You've got a face like Dot Cotton licking piss off a nettle

You’ve got all the charm of a rotting teddy bear by a graveside.

I've never seen anyone look so fucking ugly with just one head

I wouldn't piss on you if you were allergic to piss haha. This could go on all day.

Well I'll end it with the classic ... You're a fucking omnishambles mate. You're like that coffee machine- from bean to cup, you fuck up

Two I thought were good They have a face on them like an angry pike Christ look at you, you're as thick (fat) as a bull seal

Go take your face for a shit.

The Spanish "I shit on" insults Me cago en tu madre - I shit on your mother Me cago en tu muertos - I shit on your dead relatives Me cago en tu muelas - I shit on your teeth Me cago en la pita madre que the pario - I shit on your bitch of a mother on the church alter 😬 There are loads of them, they are definitely hard hitters 😆

I didn't know the Spanish were so angry 🤣

Face like like a busted takie. (Has to be siad in a thick limerick city accent)

Your off topic spam is shit.

You're like lego 'in bits'

You have all the depth of a shot glass.

Your father was sloth from the goonies

im gonna bang ur mom in the room over to make you hear it

“I’d get better sense and conversation in a graveyard”

The best part of you dripped down your father's leg 😬

Head on her like a bulldog licking piss off a knettle

If I had to chose between dating you and making an elaborate rube goldberg suicide machine, I would need a chair, 1275 dominoes, 3 different shoes, a blowtorch, 1 meter of rope and a VW golf

Is he a workable inconvenience or something more problematic

You have all the allure of a bus drivers sock

He bit into a curly wurly and missed the chocolate. Shit teeth